Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - 67. Adam Goldberg

Episode Date: September 8, 2015

Gilbert and Frank phone up actor and filmmaker Adam Goldberg ("Dazed and Confused," "Friends," "Saving Private Ryan") to talk about a variety of offbeat showbiz topics, ranging from his childhood obsession with Rocky Balboa to a long-forgotten Frankenstein TV movie to the oft-mentioned (on this podcast, anyway) Marlon Brando mega-bomb "The Island of Dr. Moreau." Also, Adam takes a bad flight (or several), tries to cry on command and argues with Steven Spielberg over the F word. PLUS: Paul Sand! Robbie Benson! "The Hebrew Hammer"! Gilbert takes a meeting with Warren Beatty! And Christopher Walken goes to a strip club! If you've got a car and a license, put 'em both to work for you and start earning serious, life-changing money today. Sign up to drive with Uber. Visit http://www.DriveWithUber.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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With Golden Globe and Emmy wins, the show starring Jeremy Allen White, Io Debrey, and Maddie Matheson is ready to heat up screens once again. All new episodes of FX's The Bear are streaming June 27, only on Disney+. Don't forget to follow us on our Facebook page, Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing colossal podcast, on Twitter, at Real Gilbert ACP, and on Instagram, Gilbert Podfried, P-O-D-F-R-I-E-D. You see, it's kind of a pun on the last name. Ah, never mind. Hi, I'm Gilbert Gottfried. This is Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast. I'm here with my co-host, Frank Santopadre.

Our guest this week is an actor, director, producer, and musician who's been working pretty much non-stop since the age of 22 when he played Billy Crystal's young in-law in Mr. Saturday Night. Since then, he's had memorable roles in films such as Dazed and Confused Before Sunrise, Ed TV, Two Days in Paris, A Beautiful Mind, and Saving Private Ryan. TV roles include Chandler Bing's crazy roommate Eddie on Friends and his recent turn as hitman Mr. Numbers on the TV version of Fargo. He can currently be seen in our pal Jim Gaffigan's show entitled The Jim Gaffigan Show. show entitled The Jim Gaffigan Show. Please welcome a man much too young to be a guest on this podcast, the multi-talented Adam Goldberg. Hello, I'm Adam Goldberg doing my radio voice. Oh, good.

Wow. Nice, right? Yeah. I like it. It's, you're practically Arthur Gottfried. Welcome, Adam. Thanks for doing it. Thank you so much. It's a pleasure to be here. Can I make two minor tweaks to that otherwise really impressive introduction? Yeah, hit it. Perhaps the most impressive introduction to myself I've ever been. I, I, this is only because I'm now old and vain, but I believe I was 21, but I think I was 21 when I did this show.

Okay. You shaved a year off. I just shaved. I mean, strictly speaking, I might've been like 21 and a half, but I was still under 22. And then for whatever reason, for many years on IMDb, the Internet Movie Database that so many of us rely on, I have been listed as a character in Before Sun Rises, man sleeping on train. I don't know who, I'm going to guess, Drew was sleeping on that train, but it wasn't me. So I don't know.

You're not in Before Sunrise. I am not in Before Sunrise. It's true that many years later, Julie and I would do a movie called Two Days in Paris together, but I don't know yet. Very early on, for some reason, they listed me as a feature of Extra and Before Sunrise. Anyway, other than that...

Well, we'll swap out Zodiac then. Yeah, exactly. Throw that in there. And with maybe your voice. And Zodiac! Now, Frank told me something that I found very upsetting before we spoke to you, that you're only half Jewish. This is a source of some consternation and I dare say disappointment to some, uh, to some people generally of the Semitic faith. to some people generally of the Semitic faith. I'm half, but as a good friend once told me, it's the half that runs the show.

So, you know. I'm not sure what that means. I think I said something like, but I'm only half Jewish. And he said, but it's the half that runs the show. And so my old friend Bobby Pastorelli told me that. So anyway, yeah, my mom is actually quite not Jewish or like non-Jewish Germans. How do you like that? Oh, jeez.

I don't know if I want you as a guest. But I've done plenty of recon on the subject and there doesn't seem to be any collusion there. And so I think we're safe. The emigration was very early. Irish and French

and Mexican. Actually, more substantially Mexican than I realized until very recently, actually. And how were you raised? At Mexican. Really? Just like a, you know, a young, it's a handsome Mexican young man, I guess. It's a handsome Mexican young man, I guess.

I was – my mother disavowed her Catholicism, by which she was raised pretty early on, I would guess, in her post-adolescent life. And so by the time she had me, I think she was as much interested in me going to a, day school as my ostensibly Jewish father. So I went to like six years of Jewish day school. But by the time that I was like first through sixth grade, but by the time I was done with that, I was sort of I was kind of like kind of a little. And, you know, I went and so, you know, I didn't even get bar mitzvahed actually. I mean, that's, that's, which at the time seemed to me to be like, that kind of, I mean, it wasn't even a stand I was taking. I just didn't want to do the work. It seemed exhausting and redundant given the fact that I had gone through six years of brokereel school, you know, and, uh, but really I felt like it would be hypocritical because,

you know, I, I wasn't going to believe in anything I was saying. And it seemed, you know, I think I had like that. I was being a little holier, so to speak, than now about it. But of course, like some time to like have to, you know, like buy my first car and I cashed out the stocks my grandfather gave me like when I was born. my grandfather gave me like when I was born, then I thought, no, it probably would have been good to have had a bar mitzvah if it were as lucrative as some of my friends. Gilbert, did you have a bar mitzvah? No. Oh, OK. I'm I'm. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm one of those people who always feels like like if the Nazis came back, I'd be – I'm like I don't follow any of the holidays. I don't really follow the Jewish faith, but I consider it like if the Nazis were to come back, I'd be thrown in with all the other Jews. So I'm a Jew, and there's no way around it. I mean, should there be a major renaissance of that particular ideology? So the Hebrew hammer himself is only half Jewish. No, I know. And also, I had a bunch of tattoos, and I was like, ah, it's way too hard to cover these up. I mean, people have complained about that, and we would rationalize it.

Well, you know, an Orthodox Jew also wouldn't do this and that, and he's a badass, and I don't know what kind of other rationalization. And one of your tattoos was a swastika. Yeah, it was a swastika. That one we covered up. We made it look like a, like a, whatever, an Anasazi. Now, look, I think, I'm pretty sure I had on maybe the entire cast of Dazed and Confused on an episode of USA Up All Night. Oh, is that where you think that we met? Yeah, I'm wondering.

Well, he remembers McConaughey. I remember McConaughey. Well, how can you forget McConaughey? He seemed like he didn't want – yeah. You can forget me. I mean, when would this have been? Oh, God. How many years? Well, that was the movie's 93, right?

Yeah. Yeah, I can count on one maybe finger but definitely hand the amount of press that I would have been involved in at that stage in my career. And I think it was like Film Threat Magazine and Interview Magazine did a piece like on the whole movie. So there's a little square, tiny yearbook picture type thing of me in that. And that's it. I mean, I don't – you know what I mean? I had no – I mean, there was no public – I mean, I don't remember doing anything for that. Yeah, I know. And then McConaughey, though, you know, pretty much when that movie was wrapped, was, like, on his way to way to like some version of stardom at that point.

I mean, he was like, and I remember I met the guy. I was like, who's this? You know, he's so sweet. That's just cute. I remember, the guy looks so sweet. This guy's a bartender. And like, you know, he's in the movie. And that's adorable.

And then it's up to like three months later, and he's like, we're visiting him in Malibu, you know, where he's got his first place. And, you know, I don't know how many months later, but it was within that year or something. So, I mean, clearly things were, you know, he was already kind of working up to that next, you know, echelon or whatever. But, yeah, I mean, there's just no version of me forgetting something like that. Yeah, as I remember it, I don't think McConaughey wanted to appear on Up All Night. What was his problem? He was too – I mean, come on.

Yeah, he wasn't going, all right, all right, all right. Yeah, yeah. Well, you remember Joey Lauren Adams and you remember McConaughey. Who yeah well you remember all right you remember joey lauren adams and you remember mcconaughey who else do you remember was nicky cat or um come on you can't tell me nicky was on that and i wasn't yeah it doesn't make sense well he's saying who i should go back and fucking yell at he's saying the whole cast i'm imagining trying to imagine who it was we'll we'll dig it up there's no there's no there's no record of this that's a basic table what's more frightening obviously is the prospect that i've

somehow managed to like eradicate this from my memory and then i should go seek medical attention immediately because like there's just no version of me forgetting anything like because everything was so fucking new to me and like exciting and like there's just there's just no version of me forgetting anything. Like, cause everything was so fucking new to me and like exciting. And like, there's just, there's just not a version of me doing something like that where I wouldn't remember or be like totally titillated by it. So I don't know.

Now, one thing that I want to ask the excitement level, uh, when you found out you were, uh, were going to be doing a Steven Spielberg film. Yes, yes. It's Saving Private Ryan.

What was that like, that experience? It was a multifaceted experience because this is how it goes down. is that first I get a script, and the script is one thing, and it was confusing because there wasn't actually really a role in there for me. The closest to a role was Riven, which was Eddie Byrne's role. But he had already been cast by the time I read that script. So it was totally unclear to me even what I was reading for. And they didn't have us read from the script itself. They had us read from scenes from a midnight clear,

which was a world war two film, a really great one made a few years before with Ethan Hawke. Oh yeah. That film. Yeah. So we were reading from that, and I kind of just picked an attitude, I guess. I mean, it was a weird audition.

I sort of picked a guy, and I made him real New York-y and kind of tough or whatever. I guess kind of with the mind that the Rydman thing hadn't been totally solidified, or maybe Eddie wasn't attached yet. I don't know. And I was on the way there, or I was about to go yet. I don't know. And, um, and I was on the way there and, or I was about to go there.

I was like pulled over on the side of the road or something like that. Cause I'm trying to remember, I certainly didn't have a cell phone. So I don't know how I would have made this call, but, but somehow I had called my agent and, and I said, like, I just don't think that there's a point in going in on this. I'm like, I don't get what I'm doing. Like, I'm, I feel like I'm going to embarrass myself and blah, blah, blah. He wasn't there, by the way.

We were put on tape by Denise King, you know, the great casting director. And he was like, you're an idiot. Just go in. I was like, all right. So, you know, I go in. I do whatever. And I literally forget about it. It wasn't one of these things where I was, oh, fuck, man, you know, and you're like, you know, you're calling and you're waiting on, you know, dated brass and blah, blah, blah.

I mean, I just really had dismissed it pretty much out of hand. And I was at my girlfriend at the time's house sleeping late, which I'm wont to do, and I literally woke up with my manager standing up for me because he couldn't get in touch with me because I guess, I don't know, I had a pager. I don't know what the fuck I had. And he couldn't get in touch with me, and he was standing over me, and he goes, this is my old man from years ago, Alan Summers. He goes, how'd you like to go to England for three months this summer?

I don't know why I'm making him sound like John Wayne. He doesn't sound like John Wayne. That's my best impression for some reason about Alan Summers. It's a better story that way. It's a better story. So. It's a better story. So how'd you like to go to England this summer for three months? And I said, I probably said not really because, like, you know, I don't like traveling. You're a bad flyer.

We should point that out. I'm a horrible flyer, horrible flyer. And I'll tell you, I'll tell you about the trip on the way to St. Bernard. It was fucking one of the worst flights I've ever been on. But so anyway, I'm dragging this out. flyer and i'll tell you i'll tell you about the trip on the way to staten fred ryan it's fucking one of the worst fights i've ever been on but um so so anyway i'm dragging this out basically he he explains to me that i'm in the movie and i got very excited but then i

realized i didn't know what i was doing in the movie um and he goes i don't know i don't know we're gonna find out they're gonna write a part or something like that and so then i was waiting to see what they wrote because I knew I was in it and that they were adding these two characters. And that was mine and Vin Diesel's character. But I just didn't know what that part was going to be. And then I went in to have like a secret whatever. Like, you know, I went back to probably I think it was the Newshamian's office. They put me in a room.

They struck me with a script. I read it. I had to leave it there. And, you know, and I read what the role was. the it was super exciting but it was also this kind of weird

dragged out process where I was like you know it was kind of unclear what I was doing. I mean, honestly, to a certain extent to the day that we shot, because again, initially I was like, uh, I was, I was basically initially the role that you see in the film. Then there was a massive rewrite done and I got these pages while we were like in bootcamp or just prior to going to boot camp so and and and they all suddenly had me being this kind of like uh dullard which was like bizarre but they still had some pages left over from me being a wise ass and and and i i don't know this gets went back and

forth for a while so finally it ended up being the part that i played but it was uh it was uh it was definitely always in flux even the way I get killed in the movie, initially I was supposed to just get shot while I'm running. I think it's helpful. So, yeah. Anyway, yeah, the flight there is horrible. And you went to boot camp to prepare for this. All the actors.

They put us in a boot camp. Keep in mind, you could see if you squinted the production office from where we were. But yeah, we slept in tough tents. We got three hours of sleep or something, whatever, a night. We were up at 5 a.m. doing like a sort of like – what felt like an infinite amount of running. It was like more running than I was like capable of doing. And in training and we would have, you know, simulated, we would do, you know, simulated battles, you know, exercises and things like that.

It was pretty intense. And I mean, it was not like anything I had ever experienced. I mean, you know, I was like at the time not in awful shape. In fact, me and Giovanni Ribisi, who had been friends for years prior to going to England, had taken boxing classes. We were going and getting boxing training. And, you know, because we thought, okay, that's a really rigorous, you know, intense form of athletic training. And, you know, it's a lot of running and it's blah, blah, blah. And we're going to have like, you know, we're going to have our,

our lungs are going to just be like, you know, you know, completely like immune to whatever it is that they, they sort of throw our way. And honestly, the first day, I think he and I were like two of the people, I think Sizemore was down first and then, uh, and then like he and I, like, you know, we're like bending over with our heads between our legs, you know, trying to catch our breaths. And then at a certain point, you know, towards the like last, you know, day or so, we all started to like freak out because we were going to start shooting. We were only given like a day between the bootcamp and shooting. And we were all, we all just thought we were going to get sick and we couldn't

take it anymore. So we went to Hanks and we said, you know, is there any way we can negotiate our way out of this? And we basically struck some sort of, cause Hanks could have done this forever. I mean, he literally, I mean, ran circles around us. Um, and, uh, you know, I think we negotiated down the boot camp from like six days to five days or something ridiculous. But it was still, it was really intense and it totally changed my whole, I mean, it worked. Even that kind of little bit of indoctrination into that sort of mindset and that world and that sense of camaraderie and even a kind of little bit of indoctrination into that sort of mindset and that world and that sense of camaraderie and even a kind of an empathy or, you know, with the military life that I mean, I never had.

You know, I always think I came out of that situation like change. I mean, yeah, to a certain extent, the film, but really that initial experience. And it was shot, we should point out, Adam, that it wasn't shot in Normandy. It was shot in Ireland and the UK? That's correct. The D-Day sequels were shot in Ireland and the rest of it was shot outside of London. And so tell us a little bit about the bad flight. And if I have my research correct, there was something about you just, you had just finished watching every airport movie?

Oh, no, well, no, that's just, that's a recent flight I took. Oh, okay, I got them mixed up. Yeah, no, I mean, every flight's a bad flight for me. I mean, it's a matter of degrees, right? And it's a matter of the efficacy of, you know, the Ativan come, you know, alcohol content.

I feel you, man. I don't like to fly either. Yeah, so, no, it was just a really, really bumpy flight. It's the kind where people were looking at each other and I can't remember if I grabbed the person next to me or not. It was a really bad... So was the flight to Austin on days and views. I mean, I don't know what the story is here. It's never great flying in Austin, but there was like, I don't know, maybe half the cast roughly or at least a bunch of the LA cast were on the flight I was on to Austin.

And we all were like screaming literally during the descent because the plane was being struck by lightning. Oh, God. screaming literally during the descent because the plane was being like struck by lightning um and i was like is this going to be like i mean it couldn't it couldn't quite be the big bopper richie valens you know because nobody was was that nobody would have given a shit but it would have been like oh remember that that plane that carried the initial cast members of the guys that were first cast in David DeFuse? You know, that they had to replace? It would have been that flight. The guys that weren't Matthew McConaughey? Well, no, Matthew didn't have to go anyway because he was like, hey, man, I'm down the street, man.

Come by after the shoot and we have $3 beers tonight. Now, what do you remember about spielberg did anything in particular his methods of directing you he was like i mean you know there were definitely there was this thing where it was impossible to track from for me anyway what he was doing technically as a filmmaker, which I was interested in because so much of what, and he talked about how he shot that in this very sort of regimented way and how he wanted to shoot this in its entirety from the movie, but he had us improvise an entire scene where all of us in character was transcribed into a scene in the film that we shot and that, again, was later cut out. But he was, like, really reliant upon actor input. I mean, I think part of the rationale behind the casting at the time, which people would describe as, like, indie film casting, I guess, was that, you know, he was using, you

know, using actors in a very collaborative sort of way and very different than he had on some of the other big famous films that he's done. But he was also very like, if he disagreed with you, he'd let you know. And we argued about how much I should curse, because I was cursing a lot, and there was a lot of sort of back and forth about how much and how little these guys back then used the word fuck. I remember that was the one time we like – not that we butted heads. In fact, we had a really terrific relationship, and he was super helpful later on. I had my first movie, Scotch and Milk, that I had written and directed prior to that, and he watched that movie, and he got me involved with dreamworks's post-production to

help me finish the film and all this other stuff but um but yeah we i remember we we we sort of butted heads about how much i should say fuck um but um he was like super he was he was you know he would eat lunch with us he was he was i think it was really important for him to be as integrated into sort of our world um as possible i mean i think he really important for him to be as integrated into sort of our world as possible. I mean, I think he really wanted us all to feel like, you know, kind of a family, which I think we did. Was there a crying scene, Adam, that you had some problem with or difficulty? Oh, right, right, right. So one day, I mean, again, you know, there's so many elements of this film which are so spontaneous or not at least, you know, there was a lot, there's so many elements of this film, which are so spontaneous or, or not, uh, at least, you know, scripted necessarily.

Um, and so, yeah, I'm supposed to find this Shabbat holocaust thing in the beginning of the film, right after the B-Day sequence. And so one day we're at lunch and, uh, I think I'm like going to get like my, like potatoes and like more potatoes. Cause you know, we're in Ireland and, and he says like, OK, you know, when you find this about Holocaust today, cry. I was like, OK. And, you know, you just I just started flashing through every Spielberg movie I'd ever seen. Like I started flashing like, you know, Drew Barrymore's tears, you know, and like E.T. or, you know, Henry Tom. Oh, whatever. Do you know what I mean?

Like all the good Spielberg tears. I was like, I just can't deliver this, you know? I mean, there's just no way I can deliver. I mean, it's like being asked to – I mean, if you had said, okay, so, you know, when you find a spot at Holocaust, get an erection and fuck Sizemore. You know? It would have been the same thing. You know? get an erection and fuck Sizemore.

You know, it would have been the same thing. You know? That would have been acting. Stressful. How does your character come to be named Mellish? Because I know you're a Woody Allen fan, and Woody Allen's character, of course, in Bananas is fielding Mellish. I don't know if you ever put... That was the first thing I said when I read the script.

I was like, is there any way we can change the character's name from Stanley Mellish to Stanley any fucking thing else? I figured that would resonate with you since you're such a Woody fan. Right. No, I said, I go, the world is going to think that it's like a play on Fielding Mellish. I don't understand. And they're like, nobody cares. Nobody's thinking that. But that's impossible.

I mean, it's like I'm playing a Jew named Mellish. How is that not fielding Mellish? I mean, you're picking at a scab here. I don't have to tell you. I mean, you're picking at a scab here, yeah. I mean, I don't have to tell you. It was, yeah. I mean, to this day, I guess it just goes to show you Harvey people, I guess, know Fielding Munch.

But I hardly believe. You have to be a little bit of a movie buff. I guess. Well, in, what was that? Kubrick's. The Full Metal Jacket? Full Metal Jacket. It was Gomer Pyle. Oh, that's right. But that was his nickname.

Yeah. Yeah. Right. Yeah. That was what they were calling him. You mean Vincent D'Onofrio's character was Pyle. Yeah. Yeah, but wasn't... When was that on, though? I mean, wasn't that a play on that? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I think they were mocking him't that a play on that? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I think they were mocking him by calling him that. Right, right, right. Little aside, Adam, you know, in booking the show, Gilbert said to me a couple of weeks ago, and we have a very interesting process of booking guests, and he said to me, hey, you know the woman and the actress, the Vietnamese woman in full metal jacket? I want to get her on this show. The one who said, me so horny. Because I think me so horny, me rub you wrong time is as prominent. It is. It's iconic.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like just as big as this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship or we're not in Kansas anymore. What are we going to talk to her for the rest of the hour about? Oh, we'll talk to her for about a minute if she even speaks English. I don't know if she speaks English. I mean, these are the requests I get. It could be a fascinating story.

What if she, I mean, you never know what you're going to un-art. Maybe she's like, you know, the lead that's incredibly rich, fascinating, like has nothing to do with that film. And, you know, you're making news. I think you've got to find her. Or maybe she really is a hooker now. I mean, it's possible that also she's so horny and you know, and that's sort of a win-win

for everybody. Well, then I definitely want her on the show. It's a challenge. Yeah, that's doing like these boots are made for walking is fine, right? Oh, yes, yes. Now, Tom Hanks' name in Saving Private Ryan

was Rufus T. Firefly. Now, get out of here now. But he managed to get that changed. He had more pull than I did. Now, you're a movie buff, Adam. And I've researched and did a couple of – listened to a couple of interviews with you, and you were talking about other movies. Yeah. And since we're talking about Woody, you know, you grew up –

By Woody, who do you mean? Getting a hard-on. Fucking Tom Sizemore. You're talking about Woody Herman. Yeah, Woody Herman, right a hard-on. Fucking Tom Sizemore. You're talking about Woody Herman. Yeah, Woody Herman, right. Woody Woodbury. I'm sorry, Woody Guthrie. Yes.

I heard you say, and I was telling Gilbert, that you were watching Hannah and her sisters. You had an anxiety attack when the character has his anxiety attack. I had an anxiety attack watching Woody Allen have an anxiety attack. I had an anxiety attack watching Woody Allen have an anxiety attack. I mean, I don't actually know that it concurred with the scene or scenes in The Hand and Her Sisters. Like, I don't know if it was like a total like sort of mirror image that was that was taking place. But but yes, I was about to say I used to have really bad anxiety problems. I mean, I still do. But I had, you know, sort of developed

them acutely when I was like 13, like, well, when I was 13. And so this was my, I guess when I was 15 years old, went to go see Hannah and her sisters. And I, every once in a while would get these kinds of panic attacks in any kind of closed space or pretty, any place that was – that felt like an unleivable situation. Like going to see a play was the worst because you can walk out of a movie and sort of embarrass yourself in front of your friends or whatever. But you walk out of a play, and you get the guys on stage to be – what the fuck? on stage, you know, like to be the fuck, you know. But so, yeah, I just had a I had to leave. Hey, getting back to something we were discussing before. This just came into my head.

Donald Sutherland's name. Can't wait to see where you're going with this. Yes. Donald Sutherland's name in Day of the Locust was Homer Simpson. That's right. Shit, you're right. Of course it is. He's humoring you, Gilbert.

It's a movie worth seeing if you've never seen it, Adam. What's that? Oh, I've seen it and I've read it. Oh, yeah. Homer Simpson, right? No, no, no. I very pretentiously refer to Day of the Locust in my first movie, the one I was just referring to, Scotch and Milk. Oh, really?

She mentioned. Yeah, I'm like a big, like, I mean, that's not a noir per se, but a big, you know, sort of LA of that era. Yeah. John Schlesinger, right? Oh, did John Schlesinger direct that? I think he did. Because I always think it's one of the few instances where, I mean, I'm really not that literate. I own a lot of books. I've read very few of the ones that I own. They impress people. Now they're like in my baby's room so he appears extremely literate

but Dale Lucas is one of those where I actually remember the book better than I do the film but was that John Schlesinger? I believe it was our crack research team comprised of Gilbert's wife is now looking it up

and Alta Vista Burgess Meredith. Who's that? William Atherton. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. He's that guy. Karen Black.

Yeah. Yeah. I always remember the ending well. Hey, everybody. We wanted to take a moment to talk to you about driving with Uber again. Why? Because it's really a great opportunity to make some legitimate money. If you've taken Uber, you know how great the experience is. And it's drivers

who make the experience great. Seriously, every time I talk to someone who drives with Uber, they only have great things to say. Since when do you talk to people? I don't. It's a lie. When people talk to me, I say, please, I'm in show business, and I don't talk to everyone. You know, I love talking to drivers. I don't like talking to you, but't like talking to you but i'm talking to strangers well i wish you'd stop then i used to use a car service i won't mention the name but yeah the drivers you know they would drive very recklessly very fast they'd always send you a 20 year old kid and with a lead foot you couldn't get them to slow down and when i take uber i have an entirely

different experience i talk to them i communicate with. I ask them to slow down. They give me the ride that I want. And I'm not anti-social like you. No, you're anti-Semitic. Yeah, that's your problem. That's a whole other problem. That we'll talk about later. And also, I've heard, you know, like if you drive with Uber, you know, you're your own boss. True. And the money's great. And the way to start, you just need a car and a license. And anyone who needs flexibility in their job, if you're a parent or a student, they can work around your schedule. I could even see you driving with Uber. Yes.

First, I have to get a license. Get you a little chauffeur cab like Bruno Kirby and this is Final Tap. Now is the prime time to cash in driving with Uber. You'll thank me for telling you how to get paid every week. So. Yes. Yes.

What are you waiting for? I'm not. I know. So please leave. I have a So. Yes. Yes. What are you waiting for? I'm not. Yeah, I know. So please leave. I have a car. I have a license. Why am I not driving with Uber? Put them to good use and start earning serious life-changing money today. Sign up to drive with Uber. Visit drivewithuber.com. That's drive with U-B-E-R dot com. Drivewithuber.com. Well, you're a filmmaker yourself. I mean, what kind of films did you watch growing up in L.A.? I mean, you were a latchkey kid. And I saw you.

John Schlesinger. There you go. I feel good about John Schlesinger. There you go. Hey, I feel good about myself. You should. I feel really horrible about myself. You made your guest feel horrible. I mean, he started out feeling horrible. But now he's like, oh, God, he couldn't even get the fucking Schlesinger reference.

Fuck me. Tell Gilbert about acting out scenes from – he found this fascinating, that you acted out scenes from Robbie Benson's movie, One on One, when you were a kid. Can you do a scene from One on One? From One on One? Please. I think that, I don't remember. We do deep research, Adam.

I would watch, I know, you weren't here. I would watch, I would like to watch One on one now just to see the jog anything from my adolescent. But, yeah, I had just seen Rocky like in the theater and then I saw one on one like on the channel. You guys know the channel? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Channel was like this amazing cable station. Right, right, right. Oh, my God. I remember thought of it in years. OK. Now do a scene from Rocky, please. The scene that I did.

Okay. The scene that I did for my father when he came to pick me up one weekend from my mother's house was when we eat the raw egg. I don't even know where the one-on-one thing was. I think it was like, I'm a basketball player, but I'm eating the raw egg. I don't even know where the one-on-one thing was. I think it was like, I'm a basketball player, but I'm eating a raw egg. Like that was like, keep in mind I'm like seven years old here, right? And so I did an orange juice thing instead of the egg,

which I thought was pretty clever. And it was just like me getting ready to go out. And that was the scene. It's what I would later learn, like actually sort of synaptic classic where you like create a moment or some shit you know what i mean um but i don't know what made it have anything to do with that robbie benson film other than the fact that i probably preface it by saying and i'm a basketball player or something um but yeah, I was, you know, then I saw like,

I saw them do Macbeth at the Jewish Community Center. And so I came home that night and made my mother, my mother's boyfriend, and myself reenact some sort of sword fight scene for my father,

which I'm sure, like, I mean, if you just think of the Oedipal implications alone, and then you throw in, you know, just my father having to, like, purchase a ticket in order to watch this, you know, his not very long at that point ex-wife, you know, sword fight with this kind of strapping blonde guy who was her ex or her boyfriend at the time. The whole scene is just

uh it's unsavory well your mother was a therapist i mean we should point out that you had no uh no connection to the business at all no no no she wasn't a therapist at the time oh i see later become a therapist but uh but but no i mean except for the fact that we, in fact, he was like a, her boyfriend at the time was like a, I believe he was like a music agent. But, you know, no, my father was in the wholesale food business. He had a business that he recently finally retired from called Goldberg & Salovey Foods. And my mother kind of did a bunch of things after my parents split up. And then when she was like 40, went back to school or maybe in her late 30s, went back to school. And anyway, now she's been a therapist for 25 years or whatever.

Now, can you yell out at least, yo, Adrian? I mean, as well as you can. I mean, yo, Adrian. Very good. Yo, Adrian. Yo, Adrian. All right, let me tell you. Yo, Adrian.

Yo, Adrian. I guess, yeah. I don't even know that I bothered. I'm telling you, it began and ended with that riot. But you... And then I wanted to become a boxer. That was the other thing. I wanted to become some sort of weird boxer-actor hybrid. I guess I wanted to be Mickey Rourke before there was Mickey Rourke.

Oh, that's interesting. I mean, you know what I mean. Like, I came out of Rocky. It was that thing where movies were... It was unclear to me, like... I don't know if it was unclear to me, thinking back on it, it seems unclear how much I wanted to emulate what was going on in the films and how much I wanted to actually then become, I think that has a lot to do with, at least why I wanted to be an actor was to, was, was to lose myself in that world.

And the only way to actually do that, because I wasn't ever going to be a boxer or like a skydiver or, you know, whatever the hell else I thought was, you know, um, kind of, you know, exciting or entertaining to me was, was, was to, you know, become an actor. You started taking acting lessons, acting classes. I mean, yeah, I mean, I did like, you know, I did like, um, I made a play school, and I took acting classes from the time I was about 14 on, outside of school. Yeah, I went to acting classes. Now, what do you think was the dumbest and most pretentious shit you ever heard in an acting class? I thought you were going to say, what's the dumbest and most pretentious shit you've ever done? And I was going to be like,

no, we don't have that much time. No, we don't have that much time. I mean, I was just going to try and catalog the pretentious shit I've done and said today alone. The most pretentious thing I ever heard in acting class.

I mean, I don't know. I honestly, a lot of, a lot of that whole period of my life. I mean, I actually stopped going to acting class. I mean, it seems sort of, I don't know, saying it seems sort of snooty or something, but I, I, I stopped going after I got Dazen confused. And I think it was partly because I think I was in that acting class. Basically, I came home from a year of college, got like had, you know, what I like

to refer to as a nervous breakdown. Was it strictly speaking one? I don't know. It sounds much better to just say I had a nervous breakdown at college. I came home. My girlfriend, who was like my first girlfriend, dumped me. I was abjectly miserable. And I said, I'm going to join an acting class. I'm going to get an agent and I'm going to get a girlfriend. And that's basically what I did. Nice recovery. So yeah, I like that. That's my recovery program. So coincidentally, the guy who screened the actors for the class left to become an agent. His name was Stephen Levy.

He was my agent and the agent of many guys you'd know, Mike Rappaport, and started with a bunch of us when we had done nothing. So he began to represent me probably a year or so after that. I mean, again, I had been in kiddie acting classes when I was 14, 15 and 16. But, you know, this was like, you know, whatever, the kind of real deal thing. And then, you know, I think there was, yeah, part of me was doing it in order to try and find a way into the sort of business end of things a little bit as much as I actually wanted to do the work. But I've always had an ambivalent relationship with acting. So, you know, um, I heard you say, I heard you say you feel bizarre when you're acting. I don't know that. I mean, I don't know what that, what that was. I would have to know the context of that statement, but, uh, I don't, I, you'd have to give me a little bit more. Cause I,

I mean, already in this podcast alone, I've said a thousand things I probably won't remember. Can I tell you something? I think every single guest we've had on this show has called us the next morning saying, can you cut out that part? Of course. Sometimes we do it. Yes. It's terrifying because the podcasting on the one hand is amazing, right? I've been doing them.

I listen to them. I enjoy doing them. I enjoy listening to them. But it's terrifying because it's like, you know, first of all, you do like a radio interview, let's say, for years, right? You do the radio. I mean, you still do them, right? You know, 15 minutes, five minutes, whatever. Or you do an interview with something that, you know, somebody that's going to go to print or even a televised interview, whatever. And it's, you know, they're so severely edited. Now, of

course, podcasts are to a degree, but there is this feeling, obviously, of you losing sense of like time and space. And, you know, and it's, yeah, I mean, everything I'm saying right now is being said in a kind of unselfconscious way, which is terrifying. So, yeah, I'm sure I'm going to wake up. Well, now that we're talking about it, I'm insanely self-conscious about it. But, yeah, I'm sure I'm going to wake up tomorrow like I fucked a relative or something. It happens all the time, man. That was my next – that actually was my next question.

I can't answer you that on the record. We could talk offline about it. Could we ask about some of your other roles, just some random questions? Of course. Maybe these will be answers you won't regret. Wait, even more important, you're going out with Julie Delphi? That's what he really wants to talk about yeah delphi what'd you call her delphi with a p but tell me i know but that's that's that's one of my few

that's one of my sound foreign pleasures is when her name is mispronounced. Um, so, um, yeah, I, uh, yeah, we went out for about a year and a half years before we made two days in Paris. And, um, and for whatever reason, she caught me at a very vulnerable moment when, when we, when she asked me if I would participate in this project of hers, because I had just been kicked out of the house by another, uh, uh, young woman living like in a hotel. Uh, and, uh, like it was like the next week or two or whatever. And, you know, I hadn't, I hadn't't talked to I mean, Julie and I would sort of we didn't stay friends exactly. But every once in a while, you know, she called, we talk about it. And so she asked me to do this movie. And at the time, it's like, oh, you know, so much water under the bridge. And, you know, Julie and I as a couple were insane.

I mean, we were crazy. I mean, it was like we were it seemed like we existed for the benefit of entertaining our friends at dinner, basically. And it was just like oil and oil. But it was like American oil and like French grease. And, you know, and so when she asked me to do this film, it seemed like. You know, I bet you it's going to be a lot more fun to just be friends with Julie and work with Julie. And that's probably the relationship we should have had. And in fact, that's even how I know her. I asked her to be in a film that I had written. And then I had cast her in a TV show that we made for ABC that never got picked up at a show called True Love.

So that's actually how I met Julie was under the auspices anyway of hiring her for work and then, of course, making a pass and molesting her as you want to do when you're in a position of power in Hollywood. And so, no, you can never molest Julie. She would fucking kick your ass before you ever got anywhere near her. But anyway, so yeah, then we did movie together and and we basically haven't spoken since two days in paris yeah it was a it was a debacle it's a funny movie oh the movie is good i'm proud of the work of the movie but um when they serve you the rabbit and then they the father's which are the scene was her actual parents right her actual parents, right? Her actual parents, yes. And it was a lot of improvising. One of the two of us, I won't say who, likes to claim that there's very little improvising in the movie.

Hey, those are my dogs. Oh, perfect timing. Adam Goldberg's dogs, ladies and gentlemen. Anything else you want to have delivered during the podcast? The movie's funny. I'm sorry it turned out to be a bad experience for you. movie's funny. I'm sorry it turned out to be a bad experience for you. It is funny.

But I thought Chris Rock played a much better me in Two Days in New York. In the sequel, right. In the sequel, which I had an opportunity to talk to Chris about, and I'm not saying

another word about it. That's it. I'll just say it was a satisfying conversation. That's all I I'll just say it was a satisfying conversation. That's all I'm going to say. And you were in a Frankenstein movie? Well, I don't know. I mean, yeah. I'm not sure.

Gilbert's a huge Frankenstein fan. I don't know what that... I don't know what... I can't remember. I mean, yeah, me and Parker Posey played detectives in the Frankenstein thing. It's a Dean Kuhn story. This wasn't House of Frankenstein.

No, it was a Frankenstein movie with Parker Posey and Michael Madsen and Adam. Yeah. And we're just very curious about it because we talk a lot about horror films on the show. We're in Gilbert's. about it because we talk a lot about horror films on the show and you know it was like it was in the early days

of basic cable making original doing original programming like you know so like the 1890s no it was like you know it was like in 2005 or something like that or 2004

so they were like maybe it's a movie maybe it's a movie of the week or is this like in 2005 or something like that or 2004? So they were like, maybe it's a movie. Maybe it's a movie of the week. Maybe it's a pilot. I was like, okay, I don't give a shit. It's work. And it was the guy who just directed the remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, you know, for whatever it's worth, was a very like, you know, kind of,

you know, whatever. He was a cool guy. He had, you know, sort of, you know, very, you know, kind of, you know, whatever. He was a cool guy. He had, you know, sort of, you know, very, you know, very visual, like, you know, technically adept director, blah, blah, blah. And it was me and Parker playing detectives in New Orleans. And I can't remember much else. I just remember there was a lot of running. Well, you've done a lot of films, Adam. Yeah, but I don't remember the whole thrust of the thing.

What was Boris Karloff like to work with? Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Can we ask you about some other randomly selected roles? Yes, please. Knock yourselves out. We're hoping you worked with Martin Landau in the Anna Nicole Smith movie. Yeah, did I actually work with him, though?

Well, he's in it. Maybe you didn't work with him. Did you work with Christopher Walken? No, I mean, I met him, and we definitely, I think we interacted in one scene. Yeah, Walken was the whole thing. I mean, that was my second, I mean, you know, Mr. Saturday Night, okay. I always think of Days and Confuses the first movie really because i went away to do it and it's like you know i was there the whole time but so the prophecy this movie with christopher walk-in was sort of like the very next summer it was the summer days of confused without and i really was like man shit is starting to happen now

cut to me now and and I'm like, you know, I'm just sort of just winded and dead inside. But at the time, I was, like, just fucking beyond excited. And I think it was, like, I think my friend

Rory Cochran was actually offered my part. Rory Cochran from Days Unconfused. Yeah, yeah. He was, like, on fire, right? He couldn't do any wrong. I think was actually offered my part. Rory Cochran from Days Unconfused. Yeah, yeah. He was like on fire, right? He couldn't do any wrong. I think he was offered this part and turned it down or something like that. Anyway, so he was off doing this movie, Love in a 45, which he's incredible in. But anyway, so yeah, Loughlin was fucking amazing.

I mean, it was everything he wanted to be. Yeah, Lawson was a fucking amazing. I mean, it was everything he wanted to be. I mean, and very early on, he was just, I mean, I think the first time I met him, I had just gotten off the plane. And though it was only a two-hour flight or whatever to Arizona, like that, you know, I had to take my pills. So I was like, fuck, I'm going to meet him, like, you know I think we had to read like we were going to do this quick rehearsal or something. So I'll never be able to fully recollect that interaction because I was sort of sedated. But I'll always remember going to the strip joint with him, and it taking forever.

I mean, it wasn't just him. It was a big band of us going out for the night and like, you know, painting, painting, painting Phoenix red. Um, and, uh, him leaning over to me at one point after like 45 minutes in this fucking band ride to go to like some, some strip joint. Um, and then saying, this is a nightmare. Um, and I'm like, I was like, man, that you don't want to tell me that. I mean, that's, that's a little terrifying, you know, coming from you. So, but yeah, no, we got along very well. And he was always snacking.

He always had like little bits, like little peanuts in his pocket and things. That's the secret to his success. What about a movie called Salt and Sea with Val Kilmer and Meatloaf? What do you remember about that one? Meatloaf was in Salt and Sea? Yeah Kilmer and Meatloaf. What do you remember about that one? Meatloaf was in Salt and Sea? Yeah. Oh, shit, that's right. Wow.

Unless IMDb is full of shit, which we discovered tonight they're unreliable. Well, I think you're right. Yeah, I mean, you know, there's a lot of people in that movie we didn't, you know, it's a very sort of fragmented film. I mean, you know, we're all in sort of our own world um but uh yeah all my stuff was like with with peter sarsgaard and and val uh so what was val kilmer like to work with well val and i would

later do deja vu together and then i'd really get to know him and we became pals and we were going to do another movie together and a bunch of other things so i i got to know him and we became pals and we were going to do another movie together and a bunch of other things. So I, I got to know him very well, but in solvency, I didn't know him at all. And, you know, it was like, um, and, you know, and he's playing a, a guy going undercover as a speed freak and I'm playing a speed freak. And, you know, it was just a very kind of weird, you know, context to try and get to know somebody. But, you know, I mean, I ended up becoming, for a while, good pals with him. But I remember on Deja Vu, he was like, the big thing for him was he was like,

yeah, man, this is like the third movie in a row where I'm like super well-behaved, so I've got to keep it together. You know, because he was, you know, whatever, aware of his reputation and blah, blah, blah. But I mean,

I just, I was always in, in awe of, of, of him and, and, and just ended up having great, all these guys that have these kind of like weird reputations or whatever,

like Russell Crowe was like one of the greatest guys I ever worked with. I mean, insanely generous, incredibly like protective of like other actors. And, you know, I don't know. Some director, I read a quote, I wish I could remember his name, but he said, I wouldn't cast Val Kilmer in a movie as Val Kilmer in the Val Kilmer story. I'll bet it was Joel Schumacher. Could have been.

Who said that? Well, his name came up recently, Adam. We were talking with the comedian Paul Scheer, and I know you're a big Brando fan as well. We were talking about Val Kilmer and Brando in the infamous Island of Dr. Moreau. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I can't. Can you even fucking begin to imagine that? You're talking about Val Kilmer and Brando in the infamous Island of Dr. Moreau. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I can't.

Can you even fucking begin to imagine that scene? I mean, my God. I would honestly. I mean, I'm sure it probably would have required some travel, but I would love to have been a witness to that. Well, we loved it. Kilmer asked to be in 60% less of the film. I think that was our favorite. Wait, what happened?

He was so disenchanted with the project that he supposedly asked to be in 60% less of the film. It's so specific. I love that number. Yeah. 61% less, and we know a film is completely lost when there's one scene where Val Kilmer goes into a Marlon Brando imitation. Have you seen the movie, Adam? You know what? I don't think I ever have oh you must I don't think you are to yourself yeah I know I know I don't think I ever could do it even as a yeah it's like

a you know for yeah oh and tell us about your your part on friends oh yeah Eddie Eddie yes well I mean what's to tell I mean it's it's haunted me for 20 years you know I mean passers by shouting

Eddie out of their moving cars more people recognize you for that than Saving Private Ryan no I mean it's a lot I mean there'll be things where it's like,

Oh yeah, it's Eddie from friends. I mean, you know, it doesn't matter. You can work with Spielberg. You can make your own movies. You can, you can, it doesn't matter. You're Eddie from friends. Um, but, um, yeah, uh, you know, it was actually really fun, I guess. And there's not much to tell except that I did try and turn it down. It was like I was being, you know, I was being cocky, I guess. And so when they asked me to do it or my agent asked me, told me that there was a three episode arc on Friends, I was like, no fucking way, man. Because I was, you know, we're all, I mean, I, you know, a bunch of us were just convinced that like at the time tv was the devil you know and all this shit i mean i mean the joke of it is like it's how i've supported myself for for the majority of my career is by doing television i mean i could

never have supported myself by by doing films um solely but um but yeah but then he's like no you're a fucking idiot you're doing friends i was like okay okay. And it was only the second season. I don't even know that I'd seen it. I think I watched the pilot of it. So, yeah, I didn't know what I was getting myself into. It ended up being a lot of fun. It's a credit to your talent that you're able to play such a likable psychopath. Well, I appreciate that. Thank you.

I appreciate that very much. But, yeah, and then I would later go on much to the chagrin of diehard friends to play a completely different role on the show. Joey Malabon spin off. Oh, yes. Right. You were Joey. Yeah, I played his friend. I played Jimmy. I played his brother-in-law, Jimmy. And this just confounded people. Like, it was not acceptable. Because you had a different role in the Friends universe. Because I'm, yeah, right. And it's like, you know, but, you know, Jesus Christ, man. Like, there were two husbands on Bewitched, you know?

Right. Oh, yeah. And two Jan Bradys, weren't there? Yeah, and there were two – Roseanne had two daughters. That's right. Had two daughters. Now, that shit's weirder to me than if the same actor is playing a different part because they're actors. Right.

But when you play – when two different actors play the same part that's fucking weird man that's some like louis boone well shit that they're pulling oh and george burns had two different next door neighbors well there was harry von zell yeah well like i know like fred clark was he the first or second? You got me. Yeah. And Gracie Allen actually totally transgender. Very early. Really? Very early.

I don't want to say adopter, but like. By the way, that's the first time that Louis Bonwell has ever gotten a shout out on this podcast. So congratulations. I'm trying to make up for the John Schlesinger, the lack of the John Schlesinger rep. Hey, I wrote a show that you were on called Eek the Cat. Oh, fuck yeah, man. For Savage Steve Holland.

Get the fuck out of here. How long have you been waiting? You've just been holding that in your back pocket the whole time? Yeah, I buried the lead. I got it sitting here on a card. You buried the lead big time, dude. Yeah. I wrote an episode you weren't in, actually, but you did 18 of them. Okay.

I did one. No, I did. You did a shitload. I did one of those. You did one? I did one. IMDB, again, has you down for 18 episodes. No, then I want some fucking money, man,

because that was certainly one of the impetus is for playing a bird to get paid. Who did you play? I did it 18 times. I played a bird. I can't remember much else. Well, you and Gilbert have that in common. Yes. And then I played a bird.

And I played two dogs. And that's it. And that's it, I think, in terms of my animal farm. My stable. Can we ask you about the Hebrew hammer? You certainly can. You mean my cock? You we ask you about the Hebrew Hammer? You certainly can.

Directed by my... You mean my cock? You want to ask about my dick? Ask away, brother. We deal in euphemisms here. Our friend Jonathan Kesselman made that film, so we're going to give a shout out to Jonathan. Yeah, man. I love that film.

Very funny. How do you describe it? I mean, for people who haven't seen it, it's a spoof of Blaxploitation. Well, we used to say, or John used to say, John aptly coined this term, Jewsploitation film. And, you know, it was a, it took its initial sort of cue from,

you know, like Blaxploitation films like Shaft. So we used to just sort of say, for the sake of brevity, I was basically the Jewish Shaft. I mean, it ends up sort of lampooning other types of films and genres and things like that. But basically, I'm a Jewish badass Shaft guy who, you know, is a private dick. I think, what is the phrase? I can't remember. Circumcised something. Right. Yeah, you're saving Hanukkah from Andy Dick from Santa's son.

Yeah, I save Hanukkah from a nefarious Andy Dick who plays Santa Claus. What I love is that Melvin Van Peebles shows up. Oh, fuck yeah, man. That was so cool. Mario, you know, his son is in it. We play, you know, we're sort of partners in the thing or whatever. You know, I go and pick him up and ask and enlist him to help me. You know, so he and I are going to go off and embark on this adventure together or whatever. But, yeah, his dad shows up for this cameo outside of this.

Yeah. And yeah, that's just bad. That guy is a cool motherfucker, man. Well, Gilbert and I, we were talking about Sweet Sweetback's Badass Song. Yeah. And just the whole history of that and how he couldn't get any studio to make that movie. And I found him. Because I wonder why.

I wonder why. I found in my research that Bill Cosby gave him $60,000 to finish the film. To make the film. There is a lot of fucking in it. I mean... I don't know.

It would actually make a good double feature with Pootie Tang. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they're very similar. Yeah, yeah. No, it's not an easy movie. Like, I was watching everything I could get my hands on at the time for that film. I mean, bizarrely, I did a lot of preparation for the Hebrew Hammer. And, you know, trying to integrate as much of that influence as possible.

But that's like in a different world to me than, you know, I mean, the shafts and all that stuff are like a lot of fun. But that's like a really kind of crazy, nonlinear, you know, trippy art film, you know it's fun well we we got to get some of those people on the show like pam greer or some richard roundtree or some of those people from from that era who did that kind of stuff and there's there's a john tells john tells me there may be a hebrew hammer sequel uh in, yeah. I mean, for a long time there's been this. Yeah. I mean, that's sort of been floating around

out there. He and I worked on a story together for it. And then it sort of has remained to be seen whether it would be made. But yeah, we worked on a story and then John wrote the script. I hope it happens. Yeah. I mean, I'm getting older, though,

so it's like, you know, it might be like the Hebrew ham or it might be like, you know, the tired hammer or I'm not going to have the sword. Find a part for Gilbert in the next one. You're in. That's it. I mean, that's done i mean that's that's you're i mean that's done i mean too bad to cast you in the film that is not getting made um who do you in fact in fact in that case you'll offer me the lead you know what i'm gonna say you're the ibrahima i thought i thought sorry

john you know i thought i knew gilbert and then tonight he told me that he lost uh the mumbles part in the dick tracy movie to dustin hoffman does that blow your mind they they were telling me for the longest time they said i even met with warren baity they said oh you're the only person we want for this. Yeah. You are it. You're it. Yeah.

You're the one. You're the one. Anything you do with this part, we're going to love. It's genius. Yeah. Yeah. That's a no-brainer. And then after months of this, my agent calls and says, oh, they don't want you for mumbles.

And I said, oh, well, who did they get? And they said, Dustin Hoffman. Well, I mean, if you're going to go down, that's a pretty good way of calling it, right? I want to know when me and Dustin Hoffman, like at three o'clock in the morning, they were going, we just can't decide. And hey, listen, that's great. Because I mean, imagine if it was like.

It's I mean, you know, I'm not even going to make the joke. I feel like Carrot Top gets too many. Oh, yes. Never mind. But I think the only time my name and Dustin Hoffman's name can be said in the same sentence is, I've seen Gilbert Gottfried's acting, and he's no Dustin Hoffman. And that you would have made a good ratso. Yes.

And you're appearing with Jim Gaffigan on the Jim Gaffigan show. I was going to tell you my Al Pacino story. Oh, tell us. Oh, tell us. Okay. Oh, I was at the ear, nose, throat doctor today, and he came in. That's my whole story. I couldn't believe it.

Oh, that's memorable. I mean, I don't want to make any news here. Everything's fine, I'm sure, whatever. But I just, you know, I'm sure I'm actually breaching some sort of weird confidentiality except that – I mean I have ears and eyes. There's nothing I can do about that. But it was – I was – I'd never met the guy, and I wanted to just lunge out of my little receptacle or my little room they stuck me in and be like, me, actor, also. But I didn't do it. I was at an eye doctor, and I think I saw this character actor, Paul Sand.

Paul Sand. Yeah. Friends and lovers. I mean, not quite on a level with Pacino. Not quite. And also, you think you saw. Yeah, I think I saw. Yeah, that's a good story.

Were your eyes dilated at the time? Will you do me a favor? If I ever start a podcast, will you come on and tell that story? Yes. That's the way I – that's what's kept me in the business is my Paul Sands story. Tell us about the Gaffigan show, Adam. The Gaffigan show. I love to laugh again with Gaffigan.

That's the song I sing to him by his dressing room. I did. I would bring my guitar to work and I would just, I would serenade him by his dressing room and sing Laugh Again with Gaffigan. And then I'd realize that he was actually on set and hadn't met for 15 minutes. But anyway, yeah, what would you like to know? Are you, is it true you're playing a character based on our friend Dave Attell? No, I don't know. Is that what he said? No, that's what we hear.

I think I'm like some hybrid of a bunch of guys. I mean, people have their own theories. I think Dave is one of them. I think there's a little Mark Marin. Eddie Pepitone. Yeah, it's funny. I prefer Eddie Pepitone in one of the episodes.

Yeah, I think it's like a hodgepodge of ethnic New Yorkers that – or East Coasters, but a New Yorker in this case, that he sort of came up with. Whatever the antithesis to his sort of more family-friendly Midwestern brand comedy is or whatever. I mean that's the sort of – the contrast. I'm just spoiled. uh, you know, Midwestern brand comedies or whatever. I mean, that's the sort of, you know, the, the contrast on his foil, you know? Um, but, uh, but yeah, I mean, you know, um, but he had mentioned Dave at one point as, as a point of reference, but yeah, Jim and I just met, we met like, you know, for this thing. I didn't know Jim prior to this. And he, um, um, I think Jeannie, maybe, you know, his wife, I think she may have thought of me for this.

And we, all three of us, talked on the phone while I was in Calgary doing Fargo. Or we Skyped, actually. That's how we met, via Skype. And, you know, the rest is history. I go to New York for three months and live in the world's most expensive shithole of an apartment while I do this television program, which costs him nothing because he's living there already. And it's on TV Land. It is on TV

Land, and then it airs again on Comedy Central. Oh, it does. And then I think it weasels its way into Nickelodeon, and then it finds its way onto ABC at like four in the morning, and then it sneaks on the NBC at around six in the morning, and then they're around. I'm kidding. I think it ends at Comedy Central.

And what else is coming up that you want to talk about or that you want to plug? God, before it goes over? Well, I co-wrote and directed a movie called No Way Jose. Oh, yeah. Tell us about No Way Jose. So that whole period while I was doing um so basically I was doing uh I was doing my film Nelly Jose then I went off and did Fargo and I was editing Nelly Jose while I was in Fargo and then did Jim's pilot during Fargo uh flew from Calgary one week to go to Jim's pilot and then

flew back to Fargo and then they killed me. Oh, spoiler alert. Uh, and, um, and then finished my film. So that's, uh, so the film has sort of been this thread that's been woven through the last year and a half or two years or so. Um, but yeah, and it's, it's a small film that I made, um, uh, starring myself, uh, regrettably. And, um, and, uh, you know, that I wrote for a lot of friends of mine, the kind of non-actor friends as well as people who act, but, uh, but, uh, yeah, you know, that I wrote for a lot of friends of mine, the kind of non-actor friends as well as people who act. But, yeah, I mean, you know, I could go on and on about that, but that's been sort of the thrust of the last couple of years. You work nonstop.

We weren't bullshitting in our intro. Yeah, I mean, and when I'm not, I'm, you know, masturbating. The fun thing is being, I'm always... Well, you and Gilbert have that not, I'm masturbating. So there's something. I'm always. Well, you and Gilbert have that in common as well. Yeah. Always busy. Always stay busy. I always say, if you're an actor, you're an artist, musician, whatever it is,

make sure you have hobbies. Make sure that you keep yourself occupied another way. Now, when you were on Friends, did you ever masturbate about Jennifer Aniston? I don't know that I did, like, there on the set. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's the part you'll be calling to have taken out tomorrow. That's the one. We nailed it.

We got it in under the wire. Anyway, this is Gilbert Gottfried. This is Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast. And myself and my co-host, Frank Santopadre, has been talking to a guy who's revealed on this episode that he fucked one of his relatives. He won't say which one, but he fucked one of his relatives. Yeah, yeah.

One of his relatives and jerked off to Jennifer Aniston. Yes. Fuck one of his relatives and jerked off to Jennifer Aniston. Yes. It's just making a lot of noise. See, the jerking off to Jennifer Aniston, everyone's done that. But you. No one's done it. No one's done it while committing the act of incest. So what you're saying is, while you were fucking one of your relatives to keep your erection going, you were imagining it was Jennifer Aniston.

I was imagining Jennifer Aniston. And I think, honestly, I think that's the kind of relatable stuff that I'm just constantly delivering to the listeners. You were fucking your Uncle Morris. Uncle Morris? Yeah. And thinking about Jennifer Aniston. Yeah, I was fucking my Uncle Mellish. It's a Mellish callback.

Oh, God. Adam, you're a good sport. Anyway, it's Adam Levine. The man. Anyway, it's Adam Levine, the man. Oh, God. That's good. Yeah. Now Adam Levine will never do the show.

But see, the difference is Adam Levine, to the best of our knowledge, never fucked one of his relatives. No, not to the best of our knowledge, never fucked one of his relatives. No, not to the best of our knowledge, but I think it's safe to put it out there in the ether that he probably has. But Adam left you, Goldberg. For a guy named

Goldberg to be half a Jew. I know. It's wrong. It's a conundrum. What about Whoopi Goldberg, not Jewish at all. Adam, thanks so much for putting up with us, buddy. Thank you, guys. A pleasure. When you're in New York, let's do it again.

Let's do it for real in person. And I'll have probably a representative call you guys in the morning to make that. Don't even wait until morning. Come on. I'm going to compile a list when I get in the morning to make that. Don't even wait till morning. I'm going to go compile a list when I get off the phone tonight. Would you like to plug your next family get together? Plug being the operative word. Thanks, Adam. Thank you.

All right, guys. Bye, buddy. Have a good night. Bye, guys. Bye, buddy. Have a good night. Bye. Bye. If you like listening to comedy, try watching it on the internet. The folks behind the Sideshow Network have launched a new YouTube channel called Wait For It. It's got interviews with comedians like Reggie Watts, Todd Glass, Liza Schleichinger. Schleichinger, I've been friends with her for 10 years.

One of the funniest people out there, and I still have a hard time with the last name, Liza. Our very own Owen Benjamin, that's me, takes you on a musical journey down internet rabbit holes and much more. You don't have to wait any longer. Just go to youtube.com slash waitfortcomedy. There's no need to wait for it anymore. Because it's here. And it's funny. And I love you.

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