Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Dana Gould Part 2 Encore

Episode Date: August 28, 2023

GGACP celebrates the August birthday of comedian, actor and Emmy-winning comedy writer Dana Gould with this ENCORE of the second installment of a 2-part interview from 2021. In this episode, Dana joins the boys for a highly entertaining conversation about hammy actors, '70s cinema fashion, Famous Monsters of Filmland, the graciousness of George Carlin (and Adam West!) and the mysterious death of Dr. Cyclops. Also, Joey Bishop hassles Jack Benny, Chuck Connors fights a triceratops, Dana runs afoul of Bob Hope and Jonathan Harris (angrily) turns down the "Lost in Space" movie. PLUS: Mr. Moto! "Touch of Evil"! The girl who haunted Bela Lugosi! Dana adapts Rod Serling! Batman tangles with Krusty the Clown! And the return of "Price Comparison"! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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covers it all get on the money search on the money with Dynamic Funds and follow today. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and this is Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host, Frank Santopadre. Hey, what's up, loyalists? So if you guys were listening last week, you heard part one of our interview, a very funny interview with comic and actor, producer producer, former Simpsons writer, and a fellow Planet of the Apes fanatic, Dana Gould. We had a wonderful time, and we frankly couldn't make just one episode out of it because it would have required major edits and cutting,

and we felt the content was too strong, and we wanted to share all of it with you guys. So, without further ado here is a part two installment two or beneath the ggacp with dana gould if you like so uh enjoy and i think don adams was one of those people that got into that 70s look of the sideburns yeah and the whole so did peter lawford yes yeah yeah the nehru and the turtlenecks well yeah salt and pepper of the sideburns. Yeah. And the whole 70s. So did Peter Lawford. Yes. Oh, yeah. The Nehru and the Turtlenecks.

Oh, yeah. Well, yeah, Salt-N-Pepa. I mean, the movie Salt-N-Pepa with Peter and Sammy is so flawless. And a movie we talk about a lot on this show, and that's Good Do. Yeah. Oh, yes. Jesus. Drew's favorite.

Of course. Of course. But it's really that. And that's also like the it's to me, it's the it's why I'm glad Mad Men ended when it did. I didn't want to see Don and a big, you know, Richard Nixon, bad polyester jacket. But also it's it's the difference between the Twilight Zone and the Night Gallery like the Twilight Zone has that sort of eternal look because it's the late 50s early 60s the classic suits classic haircuts everybody is it's still with the exception of like people having wet shiny hair they could walk off that movie walk down the street pretty much be unbothered

but the Night Gallery was 69 to 73 They could walk off that movie, walk down the street, pretty much be unbothered. But the night gallery was 69 to 73. And it's all like Bert Convy playing the devil in a velour jumpsuit. It's like everything is wrong. Leonard Nimoy plays a haunted tree. He's had the giant mutton chops and the Seinfeld puffy shirt on ironically, my podcast partner does not dig the night gallery. Yeah. Well, they're very, it's, it's, as we said, the night gallery is, the night gallery is better in theory than in practice. Well, the Vincent price one is good. There's a handful of good ones and Ron Serling

and the terrible, like the Tony Roberts fro he's fro. He's got the Tony Roberts fro from playing against Sam, strangling it down with a brooch. I thought everything that was wrong with 70s television was in the night gallery. I couldn't. I can't argue your point. It's a good point. Leonard Nimoy staring down a tiger that's clearly not in the same shot. And you could see when they were, they would do blackouts like laughing. And Serling hated it.

See, Serling controlled the Tonight Show. I mean, the Tonight Show, the Twilight Zone. It would be great if he controlled the Tonight Show. That'd be great. Watch that. But Serling was in charge of the twilight zone he was just the host of the night gallery he didn't want the headaches and uh the guy that he originally agreed to let run it again he melvin laird uh yeah turned it into that and it's like and certainly still wanted to do quality television and they're like now we got a better idea adam west is gonna play dracula it's gonna be great and when they do those blackouts there must have been at least 10 of them where an actor would be dressed as dracula

and he'd be at the blood bank and he'd'd go, I'd like to make a withdrawal. And then all it needed was da-da-da-da-da-da-da. They should have gotten Stuart Margolin and just done the Love American style blackout. All the jokes were from, and I'm going to bet you had this book, Barnabas Collins in a Funny Vein. It was the Dark Shadows joke book. Wow. I'm looking right at it. Wow.

He's got it in his living room. Look at this. He's gotten out of the chair. He's retrieving the joke book. It really exists. I have an old paperback book. I have an old paperback book display oh there's jonathan frid look at that dark shadows cookbook barnabas collins in a funny vein oh god dark shadows cookbook my girlfriend found the dark shadows cookbook she gave me that for

christmas how's that for a fine that's a lovely lovely gift. Yeah. That's when you know you're with the right person. Gil, what was that magazine you're always talking about on the show that used to do those corny horror jokes? Well, there was Famous Monsters, a film. Yeah, Famous Monsters, Forrest Ackerman was

the punniest man. Was it Famous Monsters? Yeah. Yeah. Horror Wood, Carla Fornia. And I heard him, maybe even saw, Forrest Ackerman wrote a sex letter. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Some girl like a quarter of his age. Yes. This is a true story. And saying things like, and using those horrible puns yes he was a dirty bird he was a very dirty bird like let's keep abreast of the situation do you remember heidi do you remember heidi saha oh my god that was deranged an underage girl that was deranged. An underage girl. That was fucking deranged. We have to talk about Heidi Saha, if you know.

I'll let you take the lead on it. It was a pedophilic dream, that girl. It was Fori Ackerman and Isaac Asimov discovered this 13, 14-year-old, 12-maybe-year-old girl at a convention. And she was the precursor of a cosplayer. She would go to all these famous monsters conventions. And she was a little girl. They had her in sexy outfits. They did a one-shot magazine for her. Oh, this is new on me i didn't i never heard

look it up i mean the magazine is worth so much money on like ebay because i might well it's not it's creepy but it's not like there's nothing shown but it's awful but h uh heidi s-a-h-a and but literally they would even write they would put her picture in Famous Monsters and then put like, what a lucky chair to be sat upon by Heidi Sauer. It was just awful. Wow. They should have all been. I mean, nowadays, the magazine would have closed and they'd all be in jail. Oh, yeah.

It is one of those things where you look back and you go yeah how did how did that how did that happen yeah like perfectly acceptable pedophilia was going on that's such a seldom used term he's exactly right family friendly pedophilia. Do you know Dan Klaus? The cartoonist? Yeah, he was the one. We were talking about Forrest Ackerman and I had completely forgotten about Heidi Saha.

He was the one that reminded me of Heidi Saha. And we both were like, we just started screaming like, ah, how did that happen? And then another one of those time and space wasters in Famous Monsters was, I don't know if the girl's name was also Heidi or something, but she was the girl who haunted Bela Lugosi and she was the girl with the

yellow eyes. Which, you know, Bela Lugosi never fucking talked about. They invented it. And to fill up the article, they'd have pictures of him from one of his movies and go, could he be thinking

of the girl with the yellow eyes do you know why that was in the magazine yeah because you asked for it oh my god there you go that was so that was like uh when uh dear abby i would say by popular demand We're reprinting this letter. Do you have the parodies of famous monsters? There were two. Oh, I'll send them to you. There was monsters to laugh with. No, no, no. There's a guy.

God, I'm blanking on his name, and I'm blanking on the name of the magazine, but I have them, and I'll send them to Frank to show you. Please do. That's what I was referencing, Gilbert. I thought you were talking about monsters to laugh with when you were talking about those bad, those bad puns. This was called, there was a guy that did two, like 10 years ago,

like two pristine perfect parodies of famous monsters. And, and, and it's just stuff like, just like a picture of a weird guy in a fright wig with the perfect font Norman Lerner will not die I remember the monster times this is a parody magazine

I'm going to send it to you that you asked for it was such a fucking bullshit it was the way you'd burn off your Bernard Jukes images yeah they would say like was such a fucking waste of time. It was the way you'd burn off your Bernard Jukes images. Yeah, they would say like, Jim Johnson from Indiana says,

can you print a picture of Boris Karloff as Frankenstein? And they'd have it there. And I think, is there really a Jim Johnson? And is he asking for this? Are you saying they fake the letters like Penthouse 4? Yeah. I never thought I'd be writing this letter. Darlene Feinberg of St. Paul, Minnesota,

wants to see Chuck Connors fighting a triceratops. Well, here you are. I think it's in the original 1 million B.C. A triceratops is attacking a caveman because they live in the same time period. Of course. And triceratops were... Well, the Earth is only 5,000 years old. Some people believe that. Triceratops were

vicious, meat-eating animals. And look, nobody knows what dinosaurs sounded like, but in Wonder Woman NBC, he's barking like a dog.

The Triceratops is attacking him. He's like, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff, ruff. Oh, that's the greatest thing. Hilarious. Hilarious. By the way, do you know who's a fan of the Dr. Goldfoot movies? It's Stephen Van Zandt. Of course he is. Yes, we talked to him about that. Yes, he has a Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine poster inandt. Of course he is. Yes, we talked to him about that.

Yes, he has a Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine poster in his office. Of course he is. Oh, and have you met, I met Price twice. I met him once, but I didn't, so you met him in normal show business, I'm assuming. Yes. I met him as a college freshman in Massachusetts. Wow. him as a college freshman in Massachusetts. Wow. I was a theater major for about two weeks at the University of Massachusetts before I switched majors. But he came and spoke

to our class. And it was a small class. And I went up, met him later. He seemed pretty cool. I remember I was on. I was a regular on Thick of the Night. Sure you were. I remember that. And I was doing some bit where I was doing voices. And afterwards, I sit down on the panel and I feel a big hand on my shoulder. And I turn around. It's Vincent Price.

And he says, I loved your peterlory. How about that? How about that? And then years later, I was at a horror convention. And I went over. I saw Vincent Price there. And I said, you probably don't remember this, but we met on Thick of the Night. And he says, oh, yes, that was a terrible show. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this.

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i had just performed at the saturn awards which is the sci-fi fantasy awards and i did my vincent price bit which was my impression of vincent price and he was just pointing out that he has his two voices He's got the smooth voice. I understand that your car broke down outside. I insist that you spend the night here in the house. And then the high-pitched nerve. But don't talk to any of the paintings!

No, that was the joke. Okay, so I'm in Toys R Us and I hear, oh, you're the, you're Dana. You did Vincent Price at the Saturn Awards. And I turn around, and it's Mark Hamill. Wow. And I'm stunned.

Because it's like seeing a deer in your yard. It's like, you're not supposed to be here. You're not supposed to be here you're not supposed to be toys all right and and he goes oh that was really funny and he was he's the nice i don't know if you ever had him on he's no we love we'd love to have him so great he's so normal and approachable and funny and he does amazing impressions does the best harrison ford impression you've ever heard yeah heard it oh yes yeah great it's Yes. Yeah. Great. It's amazing. And so, and so we just started talking and,

uh, and he said, you know, uh, he goes, I love your Vincent price. I know, I know Vincent.

I, the tingler is my, one of my favorite movies. And when, when I met Vincent price, I said, you know, I love the tingler and Vincent price that isn't that a marvelous piece of rubbish?

And then Mark Hamill goes like, you know, when I've done some movies that I'm not crazy proud of, like Corvette Summer, you know, could have been a little better. And when people say they love it, I always go, wasn't that a marvelous piece of rubbish? Because I don't know what else to say. It's a pretty good Mark Hamill impression. I'm trying to remember, but it was very easy. Again, he's one of those people you meet and you're like, uh, it's, I really, I can't really name anybody that was disappointing, but you do meet these people and they like, you know, Mark Hamill,

uh, uh, Adam, Charlton heston adam west that are that are so great when you meet them and i think it's adam was a gem adam was made we had him on the simpsons and it was it was a flashback to her crusty the clown was where he batman was guest starring on crusty theusty the Clown was where he, Batman was starring on Krusty the Clown. Krusty the Clown was playing a villain on Batman and we had done the episode and we were doing his voice and we say to Adam and I didn't need to be in the record

but it was Adam West so I went to the record. Right, of course. We're going to meet Adam West and we say to him alright, we got everything, it's great, you did beautiful thank you so much. We just need some, Krusty has tied you up and we just need you struggling, like some grunts, like you're struggling in vain. Just give us some wild line grunting. And, uh, and he goes, okay. And then he said, we didn't give him this line. He did it. He went struggling in vain. struggling in fame and we just clapped like and i think yeah it's because also like he knew he was adam west yeah but i also think he knew what he meant like he knew who he was and like he i think

he knew that if he was shitty to somebody, it would be devastating to them. And he was a great enough person that he cared. Yeah. Yeah. He was one of those guys that debunks that don't meet your heroes. Great. Really well put. Really well put.

Delightful guy. Really well put. And, you know, another we talked about earlier, Carlin was the same way. Like, Carlin, I'd been with him in several situations where we're talking and somebody just interrupts. Like, I saw you in Minneapolis in 1973. And he was always great. And he would say, like, this moment is not about me. This moment's about them.

Well, he had that Danny Kaye thing haunting him from when he was a child. I know that story. And you're right. Oh, yes. We're by the stage door. Yeah. Bless him. Everybody we've had on this show there.

Well, there are two names that always pop up as people couldn't stand them. One was Danny Kaye and the other was Joey Bishop. Oh, I bet. Yeah. Well, I was just watching an old it's the tonight show's 10th anniversary with carson and it's it's jack benny joey bishop jerry lewis everybody it's on youtube and you can just tell joey look joey bishop is a dick so we're here and he's giving jack ben Benny shit for blowing cigarette smoke in his face.

And it's just like, shut up. That's like, you shouldn't be here. And somebody said they were doing one episode of the Joey Bishop show, and he was playing a dual role in this episode as him and his brother. And Joey Bishop yelled at the director how come my brother is scanning the funny lines that's it yeah bill bersky and denoff yeah yeah that's good that's good stuff that's just maddening shatner shatner is gives people a hard time too there's very few stories like evan williams shatner gives people a hard time, too. There's very few stories like, I met William Shatner.

He was lovely. I hate to say it, but he was nice to Gilbert. Good. I'm glad. I'm glad. So now I can say, well, he was always nice to me. He was always nice. I have that with people.

He's nice to me. Okay, here we go. Ward Whipple, please, please. Ward Whipple is not a real person. Oh, he's nice to me. Yeah. Okay, here we go. Ward Whipple, please, please. Ward Whipple is not a real person. Oh, he might be. That's from Dudley Do-Right. It's a Frank Nelson character. Yeah, Ward Whipple from Green Acres calls and says.

He says, I need to have another price comparison dueling Vincent Prices when Dana's in town. You guys feel like doing this one? Real quick, Gilbert, Darren did the printout for you. Sure. We call this Price Comparison. Price Comparison. And I've got to tell you,

it's like an old British show where Vincent Price and Ryan McDowell end up in a fist fight on a boat. We're going to find it. And I know from our listeners at least one person is going to send that. We'll tweet it. Our listeners are obsessed.

My friend Ken Daly who sent it to me who said that the fight should have cat noises underneath it. Two great Batman villains, by the way, speaking of Adam West. And there was a short-lived TV show. I don't know if they were in an antique store owners or what it was,

but I think it was Vincent Price and Peter peter laurie wow some old all right we'll have somebody look that up let's try this vincent price bit gill you start us off this is from the fly you've committed murder just as much as helene did you killed a fly with a human head. She killed a human with a fly head. No, Helene and Andre believed in the sacredness of life. They wouldn't harm anything. Not even a fly. This is from Return of the Fly now, Dana. Here passes from this earth Helene de Lambre, widow of my brother Andre, whom I love deeply and hopelessly. She was destroyed in the end by dreadful memories,

a recollection of horrors that didn't dim as the years went on, but instead grew monstrously and left her mind shocked and unsteady so that death, when it came, was a blessed release. Somewhere in the human mind lies the key to our existence. Our ancestors tried to find it

to open the door that separates us from our creator. If you believe, dear Francesca, you are gullible. Can you look around this world and believe in the goodness of a god who rules it? Famine, war, disease, and death.

They rule the world. This is from House. That was Mask of the Red Death. And this is from House of Wax. Mask of the Red Death torn from today's headlines. There you go. People say they can see my Marie Antoinette breathe,

that her breasts rises and falls. Look at her eyes. They follow you wherever you go. She's very real to me. But they're made of glass. More is the pity the exact size and color of the original. They're inserted into the sockets

from inside by way of the hollow neck before the head is attached of the original. They're inserted into the sockets from inside by way of the hollow neck before the head is attached to the body. Forgive me, my dear, for discussing your intimate secrets. I'm sorry. I lose myself at times. Ladies and gentlemen,

do not panic, but scream. Scream for your lives. The tingler is loose in the theater. We will now resume the showing of the movie. And finally, from the abominable Dr. Fibes. Perhaps your hands will shake and he too will die under your knife. A few remaining minutes are all you have because of the acid reaches him.

He will have a face like mine. Don't cry upon God, Dr. Vesalius. He's on my side. He led me, showed me the way in my quest for vengeance. It's very hard to say quest for vengeance. It's very hard to underplay that role.

Yes, yes. You can't Michael Corleone. I'm on the Quest for Vengeance. It just doesn't play. And what happened to when Al Pacino could underplay Perks? Well, that was the thing. He, Al Pacino, Nicolas Cage, Vincent Price, they all become Vincent Price. They talk very quietly.

And then they yell! It's the same. They just have two speeds. They have two speeds. They get really quiet and then they scream. What's the story of you using Lawrence Talbot as a pseudonym on The Simpsons? Just you goofing with yourself? No, no, no.

Trying to see how many people would pick up on it? Nope. It's a very weird story. I have three daughters, and they're all adopted from China. And we had adopted our first daughter, and we were just preparing to go to China to adopt our second daughter. And the episode that I had written was called Goo Goo Guy Pan. And it was basically the story of the first time I went to China to adopt a baby. And there were some jokes about China in there because it was The Simpsons. And we were afraid that they would see it because we, you know, because they're everywhere. Because they're everywhere.

We were in China in a room and a meeting about just the paperwork for the baby. And we looked and on the computer were our income taxes that we had never sent. So I didn't want to piss off anybody from China. So I didn't want to piss off anybody from China. So I put a fake name on the China adoption Simpsons episode. So when I get there, they didn't give me like a lobster. There's your baby. Take it. No, no, it's a baby.

Take it. So I didn't want to. I didn't want to offend anybody. So I said, well, what's the pseudonym? Well, Lawrence Talbot is the most famous alter ego in movies. And then after it ran a couple of times, they put my name back on it once i was safe with uh safe with that and that baby i'm proud to say is now 16 years old and i think she's still here in the house you gotta respect a man that puts lawrence talbot on his script gilbert absolutely do you want in the in

the time that we have left dana i love it i love now that's what vin when vincent vincent price did the first version of i am legend written by richard matheson called the last man on earth and richard matheson was not happy with how it came out and so he changed his name the this if you have the poster the screenplay is written by logan swanson i like it there was uh i just remember a part in the wolfman where that cheney says you know i don't understand and if it's something i work on with my hands i can understand it and he says oh he asked you believe in a man can turn into a werewolf and claude reines goes well there are certain old beliefs and superstitions and old wives tales but a man actually turning into a wolf no it's madness

it's also two things one the first time he meets gwen conliff in that movie it's so creepy because he fully admits i was looking at you through my telescope i saw your bedroom yes Yes. Yes. Shut up, son. They would not allow that in a movie. No. And also, it's like, how is he Claude Rains' son? Yeah. He's 6'5". He's as American as the rooster on the Corn Flakes

box. Hey, a cop? Nice to see you. And his father's just 5'3". Hello, lady. Well, that's when we had Donnie Donegan on the show. Yes. Nope. No more absurd than Donnie Donegan playing Basil Rathbones. He had like

curly blonde hair and he sounded like Gomer Pyle. Yes, he did sound like Gomer Pyle. And he was Basil Rathbones son. He's from Texas. Dad, dad, a monster's in the house.

It's so true. Shazam. It's fine. Well, you know, it's like we were watching not too long ago, Touch of Evil. It's like,

who should play the Mexican detective? Charlton Heston, obviously. Who else should play the Mexican detective? Charlton Heston, obviously. Who else would play a Mexican detective? Oh, there was a Mr. Moto film. So already you got Peter Lorre as Asian, but he's

questioning a Mexican storekeeper and the Mexican storekeeper is John Carradine. Because who looks and sounds more Mexican than

John Carradine? In the time left, Dana, do you want to talk about Bob Hope? Sure. Do you have a shortened version of that story? I hate to shorten it because it's so wonderful. I can plug plug something i'll fit a plug in please do so uh bobcat goldthwait and i uh who says hello gilbert i was actually just talking

to him before i uh oh tell him i said hi um we did a uh we did a tour in February of 2020, and the future looked great. And we filmed the shows, and we were going to make it a concert piece, and then COVID happened, and we ended up making it a documentary about our friendship and our sort of whatever. And it's sort of whatever. And I talk about when I worked with Bob Hope. And we found the footage of this, which I had, which is I was on the second to last Bob Hope special. And I had to do a commercial with Bob. And the whole point of the commercial was I have my arm around him. And he's just, as I said, felt like a sweater full of light bulbs. I love that line.

Yeah. A tube sock full of dying goldfish. And I'm supposed to say, Hi, I'm Dana Gould. Join me and my new best friend on this comedy special this Thursday on NBC. And Bob turns to me

and goes, Hey, I love this kid. Didn't she used to be my caddy? And I do like a take. And the first take, the first take, I do my line and he goes, and he's not, and Gilbert,

I'm sure you've had situations like this. I'm literally standing next to him. I have my arm around him and he is not acknowledging me. To him. I'm just like a crow. I'm like, no interest in me at all. I don't blame you.

There's 90, 90, 10 at that point. And a skit we spoke about many times. Oh, I sent it to Dana. I sent it to old Jack Frost.

Jack Frost. Yeah, it's wonderful. Unreal. How did they... Well, so in this one, the first take, he took some and he goes, didn't seem to be my cuckoo. He just didn't say caddy. His brain went, I'm not saying

caddy today. I'm saying I'm saying cuckoo. I love this kid. Didn't seem to be my cuckoo. So they go, all right, let's do it again. And he goes, what? We're going to go again, Bob. Why?

And the guy goes, peanuts. Huh? Because he had been eating peanuts before. Because you get some peanuts on your chin, Bob. So they send out, which he didn't, but they needed to do another take. So they send over a guy that has to wipe non-existent peanuts off his chin geez and then the makeup has to touch it up and then we did the second take i don't know how i have this footage but i do oh bless you it's in the doc and just and the whole time

and then and then he says his line. He's like, yeah, this kid needs to be my caddy. And I do a take. I cut. And he goes, he always plays that hurt take. It's like, yeah, I'm just. He says, what, do you get a shit on me? Like the one thing.

The one thing you say. Fuck this guy. The one thing you say, like this guy. And Bob Hope never tried to hide the fact that he was reading the cue cards. Oh, God. No, but this time he had an earpiece and his daughter was reading his lines into his ear. Yeah, Linda. I think that you. You know, that footage is great because the web has mostly been scrubbed of that stuff.

I can't find, aside from Bob, Jack Frost, which is gold. It's very hard to find the latter day specials. Yeah. When he was cadaverous. Yeah. Again, as my friend Ken Daly says, when he had sad monkey eyes. Two socks full of dying goldfish. bad monkey eyes.

Two socks full of dying goldfish. And what's weird is way back by the later Hope Crosby movies, he was already developing that kind of Bob Hope. Slice this. Kind of. Well, it's so funny. It's like in Road Trip when they do the Steve Coogan movie where he does the different versions of Michael Caine. It's the same with Bob Hope. Bob Hope he does the different versions of michael cain it's the same with bob hope again bob hoping there's gonna be reagan once reagan became president

once you're friends with the president how did you guys end up did you just did you say goodbye did you just walk away when you walked away you can see it it's in the foot i just kind of get up and look around and walk away like He didn't say Mr. Hope. This was a pleasure. Didn't, didn't, didn't, didn't dare. Hilarious. Oh, God. Didn't, it was, because it wasn't a pleasure.

Yeah. Yeah, Bob Hope is one of those people. You must have had, you must have done that, Gilbert. You must have worked with him or had some of those where it's like a big burl or somebody that's like, yeah, whatever.

Oh, yeah. You never worked with Hope, though, Gilbert. No. No. Those stinking Jews. They're taking our society apart. These guys love money, huh?

I wish this podcast were visual. I tell these Jews they really like money. They own all the banks and news media. That's wild, isn't it? Frank, was it you that was telling me what he would do in Vietnam on the US and Weinberger told us

yeah Bob Hope I always heard he'd fight out these Raquel Welch and he'd threaten them with if they didn't fuck him he he'd leave them in Vietnam. I believe that. They'd all get on the plane and leave her behind in the jungles of Vietnam.

I hope that story's not apocryphal. Yeah, exactly. It's horrible for all involved, but God, please let it be true. Yes, yes. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast, but first, a word from our sponsor. In the time left, Dana,

I'm going to give you your choice. Oh, gosh. We just talked to Lorraine about the black cat. We love to talk about the black cat. Or would you rather talk about the scandals involving Lionel Atwill and or Albert Decker? Oh, well, let's go to the Lionel. Since Lorraine covered the Black Cat.

And by the way, how awesome is Lorraine Newman? She's the best. Happy birthday today. Is it her birthday today? It is indeed. Oh, my God. I'm going to email her. Her and Willis O'Brien.

That is insane. I did not know that. Yes. And King Kong was first shown on this date in 1933 at Radio City. Really? And who here has held King Kong

in their hands? Just me? Oh, thanks to your friend Bob. Thanks to my friend Bob Burns. Yeah. We don't have to talk about the Black Cat, but we'll talk about that well it was lionel at will you know there are uh there are degree there are people earn titles you know you're a you're you know like a current in the military you're a colonel or if you're a policeman or an officer uh lionel had one of those titles that you used to get in show business, Orgy Master.

He was famous. He was a dirty, dirty bird. And he would throw these orgies. But I just love the title. He was an orgy master. I demand to speak to the orgy master. To be the Karen. To be the Karen at an orgy.

Where is it? Where? I'd like to speak to the orgy master, please. No, I'll wait. I'll wait. Yeah, he got in a lot of trouble, Lionel Atwell, and Albert Decker, too. Dr. Cyclops. Albert Decker, that was the weirdest death of all time. He was hanging in the shower.

He was kneeling in a tub. Kneeling in a tub in a corset, was it? Yeah. With hypodermics in his arms. And there were obscene words and drawings all over his body. And he was bound and gagged.

And the police called it a suicide. Suicide. That's like, ah, fuck it, suicide. Yeah, because back then it was just like, uh-huh. Yeah, it's my, uh. And if you ever watch the old Drag Nets, for the 67 to 70 Drag Nets.

Oh, they're great. I have in that room Jack Webb's whiskey set. I love it. It was my, I'll tell the story really quick. I started dating after my divorce. And then finally you meet somebody else. And I started dating my girlfriend. I hate being a man of my age saying girlfriend

because she's a woman you know she's a fully adult woman and we live together a very responsible relationship your lady friend yeah my partner i guess will be all right see so you turn gay over the years yeah exactly yeah your partner my partner my my she dana um so anyway i show and we both get really we both get really she got really into dragnet loves jack webb and so i was on the road and uh allison martino if you know who that is oh she's great yeah allison martino emails me there's a jack webb estate sale like he lived in this house in toluca. And one day he just moved out of it. He like packed up a briefcase and walked out and left everything. And then like Tito Puente moved in, but he didn't change anything.

He just kept all the Jack stuff. And then it's been sitting door. Somebody was so like, they're selling all this stuff. So my girlfriend goes and there's a long line of people waiting to get in. And she's looking around. She's very tall. She's very attractive. I'm going to date her until she wises up.

And but she sees these two cops just walking right into the house. So she just gets behind them and walks in with them and goes right in. Wow. Went right. She works for a whiskey company. So she went right to the whiskey decanters and got him. So we have Jack Webb's bar set, but she says the attitude of cops in those days, and this is how it ties to Albert Decker. Like, whenever a woman is talking, Joe Friday is just so impatiently suffering whatever they have to say. Like, when a guy is talking,

he's, yes, sir. Yeah, well, we have those problems, sir. Yes, sir. Well, the police officer has to follow the rules. And whenever a woman is talking, she's like, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm. has to follow the rules. And whenever a woman decides to... Why are you making noise with your word holes? It's a suicide.

It's a suicide. Let's go. Let's wrap it up. I would like to go through the Gould collectibles one day. Oh, yeah. Let's tell people about the graphic novel, because we mentioned it in the intro and and our fans will be interested oh well you know as i said i'm a big i'm a big planet of the apes fan and i'm a i'm a i've been paid to write things in my life and one day like

out of the blue i i got a call uh from this graphic novel company and said hey we have the rights to rod serling's first draft of Planet of the Apes, which is very different from the movie that was made eventually. He took the novel, which is a very satirical, it was written by Pierre Boulle, and it was very much like Jonathan Swift. It's a very satirical novel. It doesn't really, it's not the same thing. And he made it up, it was right around the time he wrote Seven Days in May, Rod Serling, and he made it up it was right around the time he wrote seven days in may rod serling and he really broke it down into a political thriller it's very much like seven days in may with apes in it there's a lot of it takes place in a modern day city they have cars they have helicopters

there's a lot of meetings there's a lot of hush hush political skullduggery going on and then that script was rewritten by michael wilson and that became the movie that we saw so it's very different story worth seeing uh and uh so i got a call one day and they said we have the rights to adapt this as a graphic novel and i thought they were going to say would you write the foreword or something and they just said would you like to write it and i was yes how flattering yeah and i was and it wasn't even like like well let's talk about money i'll pay you whatever you want i'll do it um and i had to learn how to write a graphic novel which is a very different form than screenplay it's it's

you know dialogue has to fit into a bubble you get one action per panel you have to decide how many panels per page i mean there's a lot of it's very very work intensive um but i'm a giant rod sterling fan he's the reason i became a writer and what i did not anticipate was the script is really big he was the aaron sorkin of his day he could write speeches and i had to cut a ton of it. And so every day I would get up, sit at my computer and start cutting Rod Serling's words. Fascinating. It was excruciating.

And I just had this angry smoking ghost over my shoulder. Why are you cutting that? That's great. What are you doing? That's great. Why are you cutting that? Why are you cutting that? And you met Anne and she's great.

I spoke to her on the phone. I spoke to her on the phone i spoke to her on the phone she's wonderful she could be nice there there was a scene that in one of the twilight zones that he reused in planet of the apes and that was the one it may have had claude akins and also that old German actor, Oscar Hermike or something like that. Oscar Beregi? Beregi. Oscar Beregi. Yeah. Well, we've broken the seal on Oscar Beregi references.

The Oscar Homolka references are still to come. They're there in like kept in a booth to wake up in the future. Yes. And then there's around and like a rock has fallen on one of the cases. And the guy looks like he's 200. Yep, that's right. And he did. He put that.

He did put that in the Planet of the Apes. That's not in the movie. I mean, that's not in the book. He did put and and the surprise ending there's an episode of the twilight zone i think it's called i shot an arrow into the air where a guy uh is in a rocket ship and he's crashed in the desert and the other astronaut thinks that they're never going to survive and there's no water and he ends up killing the astro the other astronaut so he can have his water.

And then he walks over the hill and sees a sign that says, entering Nevada, and that he was on Earth the whole time. Basically, that ending was a Twilight Zone. How many science fiction films have there been? Oh, it's such a strange planet where this goes on that. What is the name of this planet? Earth. It's so many planets with breathable oxygen.

I just saw that one with Roddy McDowell where he's in the zoo. In the zoo, yeah. He's in the alien zoo. It's so good. No, no, there's one that they turn out to be like Adam and Eve, where it's Charles Bronson and Elizabeth Montgomery. Elizabeth Montgomery, right. It's a good one, too. Yeah.

Roddy McDowell is in the pilot of the Night Gallery. Yeah, it's a good one. It's good. It's good. Oh, Potiphar. Oh, Potiphar. Yes. And who is it?

Ozzie Davis, I think. Ozzie Davis. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. The pilot's good. It's better than the show. Steven Spielberg's first job.

And they had like, oh, the Joan Rivers one. Joan Bennett. No, Joan. Joan. Not Joan Rivers. Not Joan. Joan Crawford. The Joan Rivers gallery was really scary.

Edgar, Edgar, I sold my eyes. With Tom Bosley. All right, here's the weird Serling-Joan Rivers connection. Uh-oh. I'm on the right podcast. You are. The panty dropper. Rod Serling was hired in 1964 to write a they were doing specials to raise awareness for the United Nations.

And in 1964, Rod was hired to write the first one. And it was a parody of the Christmas Carol called Carol for Another Christmas. Oh, yeah, I've seen it with our Sterling Hayden. With Sterling Hayden and Robert Shaw. Robert Shaw. The ghost of Christmas future. I've seen it. Robert Sterling Hayden was supposed to play Quentin Jaws.

He turned it down and they gave it to Robert Shaw and they act together. And Peter Sellers is in it. Yes. And it was, and it was, it was Sterling Hayden and Peter Sellers. Ben Gazzara's in it. That's right.

And it was Hayden and Sellers in the same year as Strange Love. Weird. In a TV movie that Rod Serling wrote. It's incredibly dark. It's a real curio with an anti-war message. Yeah, anti-war, but it's's incredibly dark incredibly bleak and the uh when the united nations fund said like we want to take this money and we want to give it and we want to use it to do something on television that will raise awareness for uh the united nations mission

it was edgar joan river's husband was the pr guy they hired that said i have an idea let's go to and let's go to abc or whatever network it was cbs and see if they'll do something and he was the guy that came up with the idea dana gold makes the best connections in the business that's what they call me the segway kid yeah he can he connect Joan Rivers to a Rod Serling Christmas movie. And I just remembered there was also on the Night Gallery TV series. I mean, in the special, I mean. Yeah. There was that one with Richard Kiley as an escaped Nazi.

Yeah, that's a good one. Yes. That's a good one. Yeah. It's basically a remake of Twilight Zone. There's a lot of that. But, yeah, Serling had a terrible, he was in World War II. He was only 5'4", but somehow got into the paratroopers, was stranded, an Island in the South Pacific. They were on starvation rations.

Um, literally like had the thing of the movie where like a Japanese soldier was pointing a gun at him and he heard a shot, thought it was him. And it was his friend killing the Japanese soldier. Yeah. And, and then they get discovered and the supply plane drops supplies,

the parachute breaks and the supplies land on his friend and kill him in front of him. Oh, I know it was the worst luck in the world. Um, but it was, uh, the,

so he really did go through hell. Well, his hate, his hatred for war and violence, you know, informed his work for, for years. And as we were talking about was one of the only

people at the time to appreciate the lunacy of hogan's heroes oh yeah well we discussed that we discussed that with ann but it's true it's like now you look at hogan's heroes and you're like jesus christ yeah what the hell is? But at the time, it's funny. You and I talked about that. It's almost as if they thought, oh, we'll make Stalag 17 into a series. There was something legitimate about the idea to them. Gilbert's been doing that in his act for years. No, I know. It's true.

But you couldn't do it now. But you could do it then. But even Serling at the time was like, this is fucking insane. Yeah, he wasn't wrong. Nazis aren't funny. Prison camps, death camps aren't funny. There was a Twilight, another with Oscar Berejiklis, where he was a Nazi, a high ranking Nazi official. And there's a concentration camp that's still standing. a Nazi, a high-ranking Nazi official,

and there's a concentration camp that's still standing. Yes, this is the one I was thinking of. I think it's called Welcome to Death Head or something. Yes, yes, yes. That sounds right. That sounds right. Dana, we got to get out of here. All right. What else?

We could go on forever. But no, just, yeah, check out Hanging with Dr. Z on YouTube. Hanging with Dr. Z on YouTube. And also, I will tell our listeners that they should stay for the closing credits of every episode. Because Herve Villachez is credited on this week's show, as well as Erwin Allen and Swifty Lazar. Yeah, we we we we rack our brains. We actually had a yeah, we had a Sidney Korshak reference. We did.

We work really hard. There's just a discussion of Joey Heatherton and also Elvis's chimp. It's scattered. There's something for everybody. And Dana Gould dot com and your wonderful podcast, which you're still doing. And you and Bobcat have have the project coming yeah joyride it'll be coming out soon i hope wonderful anything else you know we're too well we're two middle-aged white guys and it's time our voice was heard could you take it can i make you take us out with a little adam west with a little a little more adam west

oh yeah well i'll uh i'll when uh when rob and i worked with rob cohen and i worked with adam west and then about a year later we went to just see him at a celebrity show and we were rehearsing how we would reintroduce ourselves like hi we did we did a thing called super adventure team which was a oh yeah thunderbirds oh yeah very good and we had his voice on it and and so we're like hi you i'm sure you don't remember and he looked up and saw us approaching the table and he went here comes trouble how are you two geniuses? But we were, I mean, like made my life. It's like Adam West looked up and recognized me. I was like, okay, I'm done. Remember meeting Adam at the convention Gilbert in the Valley all those years

ago? Yes. Oh, the creepiest part of that convention was there was a table that had, that's a high bar to the Beverly Garland. You know, yeah, yeah. It had both Snow White and Cruella DeVille and both a thousand. Yeah. Someone says to Snow White, he says, oh, this is you have something in common with this man. They they're introducing me and they say he was in a Walt Disney film called Aladdin. And she grabs my arm in like a death grip, digging her nails into my arm and goes, Someday my prince will come

when I'm over. And I figured, oh, she's just honoring me because we both did a Disney film. And she sings the entire song. And I'm going, she doesn't know who the fuck I am

or what they said about Aladdin. Adriana Castellotti. She's just. Yeah. She's gone now. I was at the same show, saw Jonathan Harris. And it was right when they were getting ready to do the new Lost in Space with Gary Oldman and William Hurt. And I said, so, Mr. Harris, are you in the movie?

Are you in the Lost in Space movie? And he looks up and he goes, they offered me a cameo. A cameo. And then he said, I swear to God, not this chicken sister. No, I'm using that. And then I used to bring my Len Nurmi to those to sign autographs. Yeah, I used to. I was speaking of Igor.

I was her Igor for many years. And one time I sat her down and I would, you know, get her situated. And then I'd go off and make sure she had everything she wanted. We were friends. I helped her out. And one time she was sat next to gary bucey or as i called him at that time gary drug abusey and uh he was out of his mind and myla who did the perfect thing like he was doing something and she like laughed and then turned to me perfectly like get me the hell away from him.

We can relate to that one. Dana, wonderful. So great to see you guys. So great to see you. And we could go on and on forever. Gilbert, let this man get to his collection of Jack Webb tumblers. I've got to go play with my, yeah, I'm going to email Lor, I'm going to email Lorraine right now. It was your happy birthday. Yeah, we will do the same.

Gilbert, we're going to sign off now. All right. This has been Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast with my co-host Frank Santopadre and our friend Dana Gould. Dana, always a pleasure. Oh, so this is so fun. We could go all night. Come back.

We'll do an entire George Zucko episode. I could go all night, and this is the only situation in which I could go all night. Thanks, pal. See you on the thread. Yes, indeed. Say hi to your wife uh gilbert all right bye dana thanks thanks man the two of us no boogeyman is greater than the two of us the people scream about the team of Carp and Price

Although we're as nice as can be My buddy and me There's just the two of us And we'll be always traveling on The two of us There's lots of boring pictures for the two of us He's lots of gory pictures for the two of us He used to shine as Frankenstein and I was the fly They forced us to die every time

To pay for the crime They killed the two of us But we'll be always traveling on.