Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - David Mandel

Episode Date: April 19, 2021

Gilbert and Frank welcome Emmy-winning writer-director David Mandel for a revealing and rewarding conversation about the origin of classic "Seinfeld" gags (man hands, "Bizarro" Jerry), the inner workings of "Curb Your Enthusiasm," the brilliance of Bob Einstein and Jerry Stiller, the ruthless humor of HBO's "Veep" and David's memorabilia-themed podcast "The Stuff Dreams Are Made Of." Also, Orson Welles gaslights studio bosses, Michael McKean sends up Robert Evans, Gilbert runs afoul of Kelsey Grammer and Billy Wilder (almost) directs the Marx Brothers. PLUS: Nerf Crotch Bat! In praise of Phil Hartman! Larry David blows a fuse! "Abbott and Costello Meet Al Pacino"! And "LIVE from New York, it's the Planet of the Apes"! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by FX's The Bear on Disney+. In Season 3, Carmi and his crew are aiming for the ultimate restaurant accolade, a Michelin star. With Golden Globe and Emmy wins, the show starring Jeremy Allen White, Io Debrey, and Maddie Matheson is ready to heat up screens once again. All new episodes of FX's The Bear are streaming June 27, only on Disney+. Planning for a summer road trip? Check. Luggage? Check. Music? Check. Snacks, drinks, and everything we can win in a new game at Circle K? Check!

With Circle K's Summer Road Trip game, you can win over a million delicious instant prizes and a grand prize of $25,000. Play at games.circlek.com or at participating Circle K stores. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and this is Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast. And our guest this week is a director, producer, podcaster, memorabilia collector, an Emmy-winning comedy writer, and a man who has listened to and enjoyed this very podcast. So there goes any respect we might have had for the guy. Right off the bat. You know, his outstanding writing and directing work from so many comedy films and TV shows include

Saturday Night Live, The Simpsons, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Clerks, Clerks the animated series, The Comedians, and movies like Eurotrip and The Dictator, the HBO movie Clear History, and of course Seinfeld, for which he scripted or co-scripted memorable episodes like Bizarro Jerry, The Friars Club, The Buttershave, The Puerto Rican Day. He also served as a showrunner on the multiple Emmy-winning series Veep, writing and directing several episodes, including the critically acclaimed finale. In a career that started way back at the Harvard Lampoon. He's gone to direct and write for and work for dozens

of comedy icons, including Larry David, Al Franken, Bill Hartman, Sacha Baron Cohen, Lorne Michaels, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Martin Mull, and podcast guests Michael McKeon and Bob Einstein, and the biggest star of all, Gilbert Gottfried. of Abbott and Costello and the Marx Brothers, and a genuine horror and sci-fi geek who penned the classic Planet of the Apes sketches on the Charlton Heston episode of Saturday Night Live, as well as the Treehouse of Horror episode 23 Halloween Episode of The Simpsons. He's one of the authors of the two-volume Star Wars art, Ralph McQuarrie, and he's an avid collector of classic movie props and artwork, which he talks all about on his new podcast the stuff that dreams are made of

please welcome to the show an artist with too many talents to list and a man who's enjoyed a vastly different outcome from working with Larry David than I did. David Mandel. That's true. Hi, David. Hi. Welcome. So first, David, before anything else, say what a big fan you are and how many times you see me.

I am a giant, huge fan. i have been dying to do this show i have been inquiring how i might do this show with you guys um i used to i grew up in i grew up in new york city i grew up on 70th and west end my folks are still there and um i was i was always a comedy kid but i used to i schlepped down to that horrible South Street Seaport to the Carolines down there. I saw you down there for the first time. Then I saw you again. I think I saw you twice. I saw once down there and then twice in the Times Square one at two different times.

one at two different times and uh and i and i i used to have i still have actually believe it or not uh the vhs of your special uh the airstream trailer and the flamingos and i know it like i don't want to say backwards and forwards but at least forwards i honestly do uh i just honestly a huge fan i make sure i listen to stern when you're on just this is honestly truly this is i'm beyond thrilled to be here this is fantastic too sweet you're too sweet this is all i want to talk about you know fuck you and your career just tell me that's fine let's just talk about uh the uh humphrey bogart's one word impression in a hospital when he's trying to buy a stuffed animal in the gift shop. Oh, Humphrey Bogart in the post office.

Damn. And Humphrey Bogart buying a cute stuffed animal. Nopey. That's it. That's it. That's it. My life is made. Gil, do you even remember the name of that special

the one with the I think it was called greetings from Gilbert there you go he's got a VHS of it oh and Humphrey Bogart

telling you who his favorite of the little rascals were stymie and hold on Of the little rascals were. Dimey. And hold on. I got one other one I want to ask you about, which is because, again, a huge fan.

There used to be on like Sirius Radio, you know, Sirius XM. There was one of these. We're on there. Okay. So there was some other show that would interview comedians, and they used to play this clip of you getting interviewed where it was always like you being asked who your favorite person to work with was, and your answer was Bud Abbott. Do you remember that answer? And they used to play that as a clip, and I was obsessed with it because I could never find the actual episode. So all I remember was the Bud Abbott answer.

Anyway, so I'm truly dating myself, but anyway, there you go. Do you remember doing that interview? Who else would date you? Do you remember doing that at all, Gilbert,

that interview on Sirius? No, I try to block out everything that I've done right after I say it. Oh, I should tell you what this thing where I say in the intro that you had a vastly different outcome working with Larry David. So what happened is I did a pilot with Larry David called Norman's Corner. And he wrote it. And it was so bad that when they were trying to get seinfeld on the air uh the one of the nbc execs said and who's gonna be writing this show and they said larry david and the exec said wait a minute isn't he that guy that wrote that piece of shit for Gilbert Gottfried.

So I almost, that show was so bad, it almost stopped Jerry Seinfeld's career. It retroactively aborted the Seinfeld show. That's okay, yeah. Well, Arnold Stang's very good in it, Gil. Oh, yes, yes. I asked them to get Arnold Stang, and they got him. He's a standout. I couldn't believe it. I need to ask. I asked them to get Arnold's thing, and they got him. He's a standout. I couldn't believe it. I need to ask.

I'm going to interview you. What was Norman's corner? What was the log line, as they say in the biz? What was it about? Okay. Well, that was their idea. When they originally started the idea, I was Norman, and I had a newsstand. And they originally, their first idea was at the newsstand,

the people who stopped by the newsstand are old comics who are doing their bits, which sounded horrible. And were they doing their bits out of the newspaper, like Mort Saul style? Maybe. Or maybe they just walk over and say, Hi Norm, I want some gum. Hey, what about cab drivers nowadays, huh? And so then Larry rewrote it.

And it was not salvageable. What did you say about Larry when we had Susie Essman on the show, Gil? Give David, and I'm sure he's heard this, but give him a little background about seeing Larry on stage, and particularly that heckler story. Yes. Larry, you know, he went on stage angry just walking out. You know, before they even introduced him, he was ready for a fight. So one time, I remember in particular, he was on stage and he got into a big argument with this guy in a big fight back and forth and the guy says oh yeah your mothered this that you thought larry would end up one of two ways yes is that correct he would either be a multi-billionaire or he'd be

sleeping on the subway we know We know the outcome. When, I was just going to say, I've heard different versions, not that, I haven't heard that story, I've heard some of his other fights, but I've also,

I've never seen his full stand-up. I've only heard bits and pieces like, like where he sort of agrees with Hitler

about magicians, he hates magicians, like that was a sec. I know that was like a hunk of his act and a couple other pieces. A Jonas Salk piece? Yes. For a while, and I don't know if he'll ever do it,

he was thinking about maybe getting back up on stage and doing stand-up again. I don't know if he ever will, but he definitely every now and then talks about it as much as I can say. I wonder if he ever will. But I guess now he would have the less of an audience looking to fight with him, I guess, these days. But see, now it would be all over the Internet saying Larry threatened somebody in the audience and they got into a fish fight in a parking lot.

He would insult the audience, wouldn't he? If they weren't smart enough to get the material? Yeah, he hated the audience. He said sometimes he would see them and even before he got out there, he just was like,

they're not going to like this. They're not going to get this. They're not going to understand this and just get angry at them before he got out there. Yeah, that's why Bell has stories like that, too, about watching Larry on stage. I mean, forget about the stage. That's him. I mean, we had the story, and I told this to Frank, but I'll tell you.

Like, we were in New York to do Curb. We did a back end of a season of Curb in New York. And we went to Yankee Stadium. And we go to the yankee game you know yankees are winning middle of the game they put larry up on the on the you know the the diamond vision and they play the curb music you know 50 000 fans just go you know just fucking crazy like like like oh my god larry like it was like the the pope was there they go nuts the game ends we're crossing the street to get to our car.

The car's on the other side of the street. We're crossing the street. Some jackass drives by and like yells like, hey, Larry, you suck. And that's all he can remember from that evening. Not the 50,000 fans and his music playing in Yankee Stadium. It was just that one guy. So, yeah. Fantastic.

I remember walking down the street with Larry David on Lower Broadway and coming in our direction was this black homeless guy and his clothes were all, it looked like he had pee and shit stains from years ago. it looked like he had pee and shit stains from years ago and and uh we you know we both saw him and uh i thought like because i was getting known at the time and i thought oh shit he's gonna come over to me and oh i i love problem child i can't and he he walks past me and throws his arms around Larry David. And he smells horrible. And he throws his arms around him and goes, Larry David from Fridays. That should have shown up in a Curb episode.

Because that was the president of the network who greenlit Fridays. Yeah. Tell Gilbert, we were on the phone, David. I was giving him some heads up about some of these things. Tell the Ken Jeong thing, too, from Curb. Oh, yeah. That's Larry in character. Well, you know, everyone's always like what's larry like what's larry's like you know that's that's always the big thing what's he really like you know you get

i get a lot of that when i when i do stuff whatever and you know what people don't understand is most of the time like tv larry says the things that like real larry thinks of but doesn't actually say in real life but like writes him down as a note and we make a curb episode out of them but then sometimes when we're shooting and he's like in an argument or in a scene he actually does get angry but the other guy in the scene has no idea so a couple years ago we were doing an episode with uh Ken Jeong and it was like one of the first it was before Ken Jeong was known he at that point I think he was still like a doctor but he was dabbling in comedy so this was one of his first jobs and it was this scene where Larry's dry cleaner has like he thinks the dry cleaner has

like stolen his like jersey and then he sees Ken Jeong wearing the jersey and thinks that's his jersey so he goes to get in a fight with him. And the only thing, you know, because it's all kind of ad-libbed, was, you know, to Ken Jeong was fight back. You know, you can fight back, attack me, you know, verbally. And so, of course, the scene starts, but all of a sudden Ken Jeong kind of gets to kind of like an age thing, which is a real, like, that's the one thing you don't do with Larry. And so at one point he calls him like a george washington looking

motherfucker or something like that at which point larry larry gets really pissed but he's in the scene getting but he so he's really angry and we're all sitting there by the monitors going uh-oh he's pissed and like so like so ken thinks it's a scene but larry's fucking furious at him kind of screaming at him like you know what are you saying therefore and it's a scene, but Larry's fucking furious at him, kind of screaming at him. Like, you know, what are you saying? Therefore, it's like, but he wasn't acting. It was just that was Larry. It was just real Larry.

And that'll happen every now and then in a given season, which was just always really, really funny. Yeah. He's a method. Yeah. Method. Method. That's exactly it. Yeah.

It's a method. Yeah, method, method. That's exactly it. Method, yeah. Now, how much of Curb is written and how much is left for everyone to add to it? It's kind of a, it's basically, we have like, the episode usually kind of is like a 12 or 13 page document, like an outline.

And in that outline of each scene, there will be the key pieces of dialogue that need to be said for the story to go so like the bigger pieces of dialogue and then usually from when we're talking about it we've got other things that we've sort of written down but not put in the outline so that we get the we do the scene and as soon as we do it the first time myself and the other writer guys we kind of rush in and sort of start pitching these as the stuff we have written down as ideas so it's a it's a give and take it kind of like we hear the improv then we kind of live rewrite on top of it and then they take what we've sort of

thrown at them and kind of improv off of that and then sometimes a couple of takes in we'll go try something different or honestly i remember one time we were uh we were doing a scene with larry and jeff and i think like jeff accidentally picked up the wrong water and that became the scene because it was like i'm not going to drink that now and then all of a sudden what was a scene off of this like little accident becomes this really funny thing about well now we got to get two new waters you know it became this whole thing about the water um you know and so the whole thing just became this other thing which was just pure improv which is you know that that's sort of what's really interesting about it so you're ready to go with it you're ready to go

with it if it happens it feels like a live rewrite that's it feels like you're ready to go with it. You're ready to go with it if it happens. Like I said, it feels like a live rewrite. It feels like you're doing live TV, only you're not. But yeah. The late, great Bob Einstein was on this show. Yeah. And by the way, he was, I was just going to say, he was another guy who, obviously beyond hilarious, but also occasionally would get Larry, like real life Larry,

annoyed at him when they were doing scenes together. To do it purposely because they had such an adversarial relationship larry and funk house i'm not sure that i'm not sure that bob realized sometimes that he was pissing larry off like whether it was sometimes just the way he like did something in a scene or like you know like i don't just little things that were bothering but the one time and i think i told you this story frank um in this we did the seinfeld reunion episode and um in the episode funk hauser shows up at the table read i guess uninvited and i remember so tv larry is supposed to not be happy but then bob basically wanted to tell jerry a joke in the scene which

real life larry i started to get annoyed that the joke was going on so long and it was that just killer joke about um the ps your cunts in the sink you know that sure yeah yeah okay i mean it's just killer and he goes on and on with the romantic love, whatever, whatever, and it's really long. But, man, Jerry laughed for real because Jerry had no idea it was coming, and Jerry laughs for real, and that's a genuine reaction. And Larry went with it. But if you look at the scene, Larry is genuinely annoyed that it's taken so long. That's, I guess, it just was really funny to see.

We got to go back and watch those, Gil, just to see the real Larry losing his shit. I remember I used to talk to Larry. And our conversation, 99% of our conversation, was exchanging our latest horror stories on us trying to get laid. Well, there's your show. There's your show. Exactly. And I remember one story. I think he was going to meet a girl at Tavern on the Green, and somehow he accidentally sat down on a big pile of dog shit and then went in tavern on the green to sneak into the men's room to clean it off and i think they uh sent security and

i'm surprised that wasn't a Costanza plot. I know. That sounds like, I mean, that's the thing though. I mean, you know, all the great episodes of both, I think, honestly, Curb and Seinfeld were usually either obviously Larry stories of his own, or like you would kind of get hired by pitching your stuff. You know what I mean? Like the, here's shit that happened.

Here are my stories about not getting, you know, with a girl. And that's how you get hired, honestly. Like, you get hired off of your sort of your real life stories to some extent. That was the Carl Reiner method in a way. The old Van Dyke show. He used to encourage the writers. What happened to you this week? When I first got hired

at the show, I moved from New York very suddenly. I didn't drive i was you know taking taxis because you know i was a new yorker and um and i i kind of got there and i was there for a little bit and early on at some point he was kind of like you know why don't you go back to new york you can go get your stuff and whatever and it'll give you a chance to kind of think of stuff and it did it was like i got to go back to new y. I got to kind of like get my stuff and settle some stuff, whatever. But like just even on that trip, you know, like one or two odd things happened.

And I kind of came back and just felt like, okay, here's some stuff that happened that like, you know, like real stuff that was good. Like that would happen all the time. We would kind of take these little New York trips and then stuff that happened during the trips would go into the show yeah you're talking about curb now or seinfeld both uh seinfeld originally but yes curb too yeah right now uh you wrote the now uh i guess it would be the infamous uh puerto rican day well i'm gonna i'm gonna stop there for one second i'm gonna stop you okay this is true. This is all true.

We all shared the credit. It was the second to last episode of Seinfeld, so all the writers, we shared the credit on the whole episode. But what I was going to say is it happened to me. driving back from Boston, Massachusetts with my college roommate and we dropped one guy off in the village and headed up the east side and got stuck on Madison Avenue for four fucking hours because of the Puerto Rican Day Parade. We were trapped. And the difference in the show was people get out of the car, but I couldn't get out of the car. There was nowhere to go. I couldn't leave

the guy I was with. And i was fucking trapped in that stupid puerto rican day parade which of course you know became a whole to do but it really happened to me hilarious thing it really happened yeah hilarious what about man hands people would be interested to know where that came from too which is great um from from bizarro jerry episode She hates this, but I've told it publicly so I can tell it again. My wife, I told you, I grew up in New York and I have the hands, I've never done an honest day's work in my life.

I have the hands of a young baby prince, basically. They're smooth and beautiful. My wife grew up in Maine on a farm, basically, and farmed and has rough, dry hands. And she used to call them her farmy hands. They're normal hands. They're fine hands. But they're rough. She puts cream on them.

And she calls them farmy. And I basically, I took her farmy hands and turned it into man hands and we cast Kristen Bauer as the actress and then literally had one of the grips basically do the hands. So it really was these just meaty paws touching Jerry's face and stuff. And that's where it came from. And that's what I mean by you sort of pull from your own life, change it a little bit, make it a little worse, and that's an episode of Seinfeld, basically. Jillian, hi.

It's very nice to meet you. It's nice to meet you. Hello. She had man hands Man hands? The hands of a man It's like a creature out of Greek mythology I mean, she was like part woman, part horrible beast Would you prefer it if she had no hands at all?

Would she have hooks? Do, uh, do hooks make it more attractive, Jerry? Kind of cool looking. Listen, you're picking me up in White Plains tomorrow, right? Yes, yes. Okay, I got five huge boxes of buttons. Right. Well, if you need an extra set of hands, I know you can call.

Jerry! George the Animal Steel. George the Animal Steel, exactly. What I always think when I watch Seinfeld, according to the script, there's not one Jew on this show. It's such a Jewish show. But the Costanzas, who are the ultimate in a Jewish

family, are of course Italian. Well, I think they may have at one point said half and half. They might have... He was Italian, which he wasn't. And maybe they made her Jewish. I'm not, I can't honestly,

but yeah, so Jewish. Yeah. And, and, uh, Julia Louis-Dreyfus always came across like a Jewish girl. We had,

we had Jason here. We gave him shit about that too. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this. Wish you were a better investor? Then stop wishing and start listening. With Dynamic Funds On The Money podcast series, you'll get timely insights to help you become a savvier investor from retirement planning and investing to the latest market trends the on the money with dynamic funds podcast series covers it all get on the money search on the money with dynamic funds and follow today

any any stories at all about the the late great j Stiller, who we lost last year? Oh, man. The thing about him, and he's a sweet guy. I mean, obviously, just a really sweet guy. Yeah, he's a much beloved guy. Yeah, just such a sweet guy. And I don't think he would care if you said this. Especially in the later seasons, he definitely struggled with his lines. you know he definitely like struggled with his lines but it was sometimes out of those struggles that like crazy shit came out of his his mouth and so there was one time where he was supposed to say

he was talking about the condos that they're living in and he's angry i think at the seinfelds and so he's angry about phase two of the condos at Del Boca Vista. So but in the scene, he's like Del Bica Baca and Del Bista Boca. And honestly, you you you we couldn't get through it. I mean, Julia was on the ground. Jason was on the ground. You're just like Del Bica Bista. And you just and I mean, it's like I can't tell you how funny it was and honestly for most people that were on the show and again none of i i don't pretend to have known him that well i bet you

that that del bica vista is like everybody's favorite memory of that of that period of his life god it's so it sounds like it sounds like jason had genuine affection for the man. He really loved him. It's so funny that Jerry Stiller, late in life, had this whole second career. Yeah, this renaissance. Seinfeld, King of Queens. Yep, he did. He was bigger than ever. He sure did.

Yeah. Talk about Bizarro, Jerry dave which which combines your two passions comedy and superman yeah i mean i'm a huge i've been a you know i've been a i was i was i've been a comic collector you know probably all my life and then when comic collecting didn't wasn't nerdy enough i got into original comic art collecting which are the hand-drawn pages of the actual comic book. So I have a giant collection of that stuff that I love. And the Bizarro episode, which those sort of 60s Superman stories were my favorites, like where Bizarro, or like there was the one where Superman split in half and he became, there was a red Superman and a blue Superman or he'd shrink down and go into the bottle city of Kandor.

Just those real crazy sort of 60 stories. But Bizarro was my absolute favorite. And we I'd been working on this idea of Elaine sort of dating a guy that was actually sort of nice that like basically the original idea came out of the idea of you know that kind of cliche of where someone says like look maybe we should break up but let's be friends and they don't mean it the idea was what if there was a guy that actually meant it they didn't want to date but he legitimately wanted to be her friend and and it at the time it was a little bit of a comment on Friends, the show, dare I say.

There's a line in there where someone says, who the fuck wants another friend? It was sort of about who the fuck wants a friend? But the idea was this guy wants to be a friend. And from that, I started to land on this idea of, what if he's Jerry's opposite? He's Jerry's bizarro Superman. And when I pitched it like that to Jerry,

because that was the first season without Larry. So it was the season where Jerry was kind of doing it himself with our help, but he was kind of running things. And Jerry was a big, you know, not just a big comic guy, but also a Superman guy. And the second I pitched it, he was just like, oh yeah, run with it. And really, like things like run with it and really like things

like you know even like at the end of the episode where there's a moment where they talk in bizarro speak and say me so happy me want to cry that was jerry going go for it just go for it like and just go for it um and i just it's you know i i for a while i laugh for a while like you know like you know we used to joke like like there'd one day be these Seinfeld conventions where Jerry wouldn't be there and Julia and Jason and Michael wouldn't be there, but it'd be like the guy that played the soup Nazi and me who wrote the Bizarro. That's our claim to fame.

It'd be like the worst convention ever. Larry Thomas, the soup Nazi. Yes, exactly. He's doing gangbusters on Cameo. There you go. There you go. Yeah, he's become a star, that guy. Gilbert, tell David, since he's such a Superman guy,

who you voiced, the character you gave. I know the answer to this. I know the answer to this. He knows. Oh, you know. I know, yeah. Fishy as know the answer to this. He knows. Oh, you know. I know. Yeah. She has big.

Yeah, exactly. Which for whatever reason, when I was a kid, I always pronounce is just mix. But anyway, I'll defer to you. Everybody has a different pronunciation. And and also I appeared on a Superboy at least two Superboy episodes. That was live action. Oh, I remember that show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, as Knickknack.

Oh, that's so funny. But no, however he pronounces it, because I love that version of Superman, the Superman animated show. God, that was really, really good. And you both wrote a comic book, too. Oh, yes, I wrote one comic book. What was your comic book?

It was one Superman comic book. I think it's a Superboy, isn't it, Gil? Yeah. I don't know. No, it's a Superboy was the TV show I appeared on. This was the comic book was Superman. I stand on. This was the comic book was Superman. I stand corrected. I'm going to have to track this down.

Here's something I remember about the Superman comics that I don't remember the actual word, but certain ones would be, you know, they'd call it something like an imaginary. Yes, an imaginary tale where it would be like, what if he married Lois and they had three super babies? It would be like that kind of stuff. Yeah. Yeah. That always struck me as bullshit. It just seemed like they ran out of stories at a certain point.

Yeah. You know, it's just like. I love when, whenever Superman got worked into Seinfeld, like when he races the guy and the girlfriend is named Lois. It's just great. We also had, we got to ask you too we had Pat Cooper here and you wrote the you wrote the Friars Club episode with the jacket uh did did you interact with Pat I interacted a little bit you know I will admit and this is where I I regret it now is the honest answer of like, again, I know, you know, I'm the writer on the episode and all of these things. But like, I just couldn't believe we got Pat Cooper.

And like, I was coyish and coquettishly shy and just didn't take advantage of, you know, talking his ear off. I got to listen when he would tell stories. of talking his ear off. I got to listen when he would tell stories. But I feel like years later, you just go, God damn it, why didn't I make him my best friend in the world and hang with him? You know what I mean? I was stupid.

But God, he told just, you know, every time we took a break, it was just him telling stories. I mean, that was it. It was just like, yeah. When he was on the podcast, our, our biggest job was to try to get a word in. You might've dodged a bullet Dave by not becoming his buddy. I know, I know. But you know, for a minute, for a minute, it would have been nice to have been his buddy. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah. Well, you grew up, you know, you told me you grew up listening to comedy albums.

You grew up here on the west side, upper west side. And your mom introduced you to all these comedy albums. So a guy like Pat Cooper had to be a hero. Yeah. As well as Mort Sahl and Bob Newhart and all these people you grew up listening to. No, exactly. It's like, and, you know, Vaughn Meter, First Family. You know what I mean?

Oh, Vaughn Meter. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah. Like, I got my bag, basically, of my mom's old comedy albums. And there was Tom Lehrer and First Family and Mort Sahl. And by the way, I don't know if this is going to make you feel better or worse, Gilbert. I used to go see Mort Sahl a lot, too, when he kind of had his various...

He would kind of do like every four or eight years, like usually during a presidential year, he'd kind of do like a, every five, every four, eight years, like usually during a presidential year, he'd kind of do like a little mini tour. And he had one joke that he used to update every like four years and tell the same joke, but change the names of the people in the joke, which I loved. It was a joke about, isn't there anyone in the party that isn't, that isn't like John Kennedy, yeah, Ted Kennedy. That was the joke, but he would change who was in it each time. It was always, I don't know, it made me laugh that it was like his one joke that he kind of kept with him over the years.

You know, Mort's still with us, and Tom Lehrer's in his 90s. I think he's 92 or 93. I knew Mort Saul was alive. I didn't realize Tom Lehrer was still alive. He's in his 90s. He's in his 90s. He's in his 90s, yeah. I mean, Vaughn Meter is, we've talked about Vaughn Meter on this show, Gilbert,

a real tragic story. Yeah. But that album, you know, and it even holds up today. Did you have the Alan Sherman records too? I had a couple of the Alan Sherman with like, because my mom loved all the camp stuff, the summer camp. Oh, Hello, My Dad, Hello all the camp stuff. The summer camp.

Oh, hello, Mata. Hello, Fata. That was it. Sorry. Yeah. All that stuff, too. I wouldn't if we jump around, but Gilbert and I were talking about Saturday Night Live last week.

I love to torture Gilbert by bringing up his season of SNL. Yeah. It was pretty. It was bad. Even by bad Saturday Night Live seasons. It was still bad. And they've had a lot of horrible seasons, but I think mine beats them all.

The ultimate test for Dave as a Seinfeld, as a Gottfried fan, is could you endure Gilbert's season of SNL? Here's where I'm going to be. This is going to be sad now. I'm embarrassed. I definitely watched it and yet I'm not sure I can remember a single thing

you were in. So there you go. Does that seem right? I'm very happy about it. Is that spot on? I'm happy for any one of my bits from that season that people have forgotten. I heard you talking about your time on SNL on another podcast, David.

You were saying that you weren't great at the politics. You weren't great at warming up to cast members or getting cast members on your team. Gilbert feels that the writers were actually out to get him. It's very possible, by the way. They wrote to show how much me and the writers hated each other. There was one sketch on the show where it was a funeral sketch

and they wrote me in as the dead body in the coffin. Did you have to stay... Was the camera on you the entire time? Yes, yes, I had to stay motionless. You know, they could have gotten like a department store mannequin, and it would have worked even better. But no, they wanted me dead in a coffin. And also they liked the department store mannequin more.

They thought he was a better cast member. Talk about, we just had Dana Gould on the show, and we did a whole Planet of the Apes thing, and we know you share our love. You must know Dana. Yeah, I know Dana well. He loves all the things you love. Yeah.

I actually, I had an idea, actually, and it's a little bit sort of Jerry-related, but you guys maybe will appreciate it. And I always, and I know Dane has now done his own Planet of the Apes stuff, so I think I've missed the boat. It's wonderful. The talk show's wonderful. I always had this idea for, like, that I wanted to film, but it was always like, how do I do this? How do I do this? And I never did.

And it was going to be sort of an observational comic on the planet of the apes. So if you went to an ape stand-up club on the planet of the apes, and it would be a lot of like, why do they call it the Forbidden Zone? Like that kind of a thing. Because if you don't want me to go there, don't call it the Forbidden Zone. It was sort of a Jerry Seinfeld riff on the apes planet. But I never quite figured it out. But yeah, no, Dana, Dana, Dana, Dana drops a,

I mean, you guys together must have been insane because Dana's references are just beyond me. The guy who played, you know, Thug No. 4 in some horror movie, you know, that worked, the mummy's henchman No. 8, and he knows that guy's name. Yeah's one he's obsessive you know what i just thought of as a possible guest if she's alive and if she's worked on anything else in her career uh the uh girl that becomes the girlfriend linda harrison that are you? Was that it? Yeah.

Yeah, who plays Nova. Wasn't she Richard Zanuck's wife? Yeah, she was somebody's girlfriend or wife in real life. Darryl Zanuck's young wife or something like that? Yeah. She's around, Gil. Yeah. Because I want to get her and I want to get

Papillon Susu. She's the Vietnamese girl from Full Metal Jacket. So you know that's going to be a 90-minute show. Maybe that's one show together. Yeah, you want to party Vietnam? You want to party Vietnam? I know. I know who she is.

Tell us about doing the Heston thing. Dana had a good experience of Charlton Heston. And there you are in SNL, a young writer and you have to pitch to the hosts. You know, again,

and I will actually, I give it actually a tremendous amount of credit. I was actually thinking about this the other day that I still actually can't believe that

like Lorne let me do this. I mean, I honestly, I honestly can't because basically I pitched this idea that he falls asleep in his dressing room at the beginning of the show and when he wakes up, it's been however many years,

he's got a full beard like the way he does in the movie. He goes to sleep without the beard and he wakes up full beard and the show is now hosted, not hosted, starring all apes. It's basically a sketch show of apes. And they're doing some of the SNL sketches of the time, like the copy guy. It was great. But it's apes.

And then once they do Live from New York, they throw a net over them, and they go Live from New York, it's Saturday night. Take your stinking paws off me. Live from New York, it's Saturday night. We roll into the credits, and we reshot the entire credit sequence with apes, apes roller skating, apes like looking at the camera, you know, in New York City. And it's like, you know, and it's starring General Urko, Cornelius, Zira and, you know, musical guest singing human Paul Westerberg.

And then for the monologue it keeps going two apes bring out Heston in handcuffs and he is it's an all ape audience asking him questions about how can you speak and I still and and and this was the other cool thing we tracked down this guy who I now know through collecting a little bit a guy named Fuller French who had bought all of the apes costumes at a Western costume auction. And we flew him in with his costumes. And so all the background extras are wearing actual costumes from the movies and TV shows,

which is just, I just insane. Yeah. It's great to watch. Frank was telling me that you have a separate apartment for your collectible items. It's my pre-marriage condo, basically. Where, by the way, right now I have the half statue of the lawgiver, the ape lawgiver. I have a real one of those.

Bless your heart. And an ape guerrilla soldier mounted on a full mannequin. So I have both of those things in my collection. Yeah. I remember somebody sent me, and I guess they were selling these or auctioning them off,

allegedly a piece of Bela Lugosi's cape. Oh, like a little square kind of a thing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you kind of think, when I got that, I thought, well, wouldn't the entire cape be worth a lot more than ripping it into pieces?

So I thought, this has got to be bullshit. Yeah, that's, I mean, again, I, yeah, I'm going to say bullshit too. Cause yeah. Why would you cut that up? But yeah. Yeah. He does. He's not really a collector, David, but he has some nice life masks.

He's got a, he's got a launch any life mask. What else Gil? Yeah. Launch any junior Bale. Let go. See Vincent price and now Pacino and pacino yeah that was that was from the movie heaven and costello tony montana and one time i i used to read famousous Monsters of Film Lime as a kid.

And they said that Lon Chaney Jr. wasn't feeling well. And they gave an address that you could send him. And so I sent him a get well card. And I got back like a postcard sized picture of the Wolfman and it signed Lon Chaney on it. Not bad. There you go. Not bad. That's his only collectible.

Dave started his collecting. Do I have this right? Kind of snatching stuff from the Seinfeld set and bringing it home? Ish. Let's say ish. Ish. Ish.

Yeah, took a couple of things. Took a couple of things, yeah. Gilbert, you didn't take stuff from sets. Just, you know, besides Perrier. Well, I used to every now and then. I think I would, like, ask if I was wearing a suit in the show, and they were all through with me. I'd ask if I could keep the suit.

A couple of times, they if I could keep the suit. A couple of times, they let me keep the suit. But you didn't take props? Not props, no. So you have nothing from Norman's Corner to show? What, like an old magazine from the newsstand? A copy of Look. You don't happen to have the corner, do you? Because I'm looking for the corner.

What was Heston like? Dana had a good experience of him. It was so great. What I honestly remember more than anything was on the first day where the host comes in on Monday, I don't know what was going on. Normally, we don't really get to meet them until like in the meeting and then afterwards but somehow we ended up like sort of surrounding him a little bit a couple of us like outside before the big first meeting

and he told us this great story about the making of Touch of Evil about this trick that Orson Well wells would do and maybe you guys know the story that basically orson wells like on day one would make the studio execs just insane by like not shooting not shooting not shooting not shooting and then you know and i'm not i don't i'm not talking specifically about that opening giant crazy shot of Touch of Evil, but then he would do like some setup that incorporated a whole bunch of setups so that they caught up in like, you know, one or two shots. And then he'd just be like, see, and he would kind of do that on purpose to kind of both make them nervous and then I, to get them to just completely back off and go away. And he said he did that on Touch of Evil.

And we were just standing there like, uh. And I managed that week, I will say, you're talking about autographs of the Wolfman. I brought in a French Planet of the Apes poster I had him sign, a Touch of Evil poster that I bought, and a Three Musketeers where he was Cardinal Richelieu. Yeah, sure, cool. And I had him sign that. A great line from the movie where Richelieu says, I think he says it to Christopher Lee, like, on your knees, little man, or something like that.

And I had him sign that in Charlton Heston. And he was gracious about it, huh? He was so cool about it. I think he sign that Charlton Heston. And he was gracious about it. So cool about it. I think he really, I don't know. That's cool. My sense of it was he seemed to dig that someone at the time I was pretty young.

That was like my, I think that was like maybe my second year on the show. So I was like 22, 23 years old. He seemed to appreciate how much I was into it. So it was, it was, it was pretty cool.

Yeah. When, when you were standing next to Charlton Heston, did you get that feeling like, I'm here with Moses? This is unbelievable. We did him. I didn't write it,

but we did a Moses sketch that week where we made a Ten Commandments and he wore like a version of the costume. And it was insane. You're like just staring at, it's Moses. I mean, there was no question. He looked like, I watched that episode today. He looked like just staring at, it's Moses. I mean, there was no question. He looked like, I watched that episode today.

He looked like he was game for anything. He was totally game for it. Although I do believe what you are seeing now when you watch the rerun or whatever is more of the dress rehearsal. He had a good dress. And when we hit 1130, he was tired. Like, that was when you realized that's an old man. Interesting. And so I think in the fixes that we went to dress a lot.

Because his dress was fantastic. That's my memory of it. And again, it didn't hurt anything. He was so into it and so excited about it all. But I do think we did end up using more of the dress for that reason. Yeah, I've heard nothing. You know, it's funny because he's got this reputation as a rifle guy and all that. But people have met him, have nothing but nice things to say about him and you hear stories like i remember reading a story you know he one of his later performances was in that movie uh the tombstone you know the wyatt erp that they did with kurt russell where like you know at that point like his knees were really bad and either he could could get on a horse but had to do the whole scene on a horse or couldn't get on a horse there's some story like that where you kind of go oh my god that sounds like awful but i guess he

was like great about it and was just like put me on the horse i'll do the whole scene on the horse and he just did it and just you know like i don't know just cool guy just it was by the way by the way norm mcdonald's one of those apes in the q a section yes yes the q a segment of the monologue position very funny we had done like 11 of those q a monologues and Norm was always in the crowd. So this was also our own parody of our Q&A monologues. And it was, you know, of course, Norm doing that kind of like, so you can talk, huh? What kind of ape are you?

And it'd be like Heston going, you know, I'm not an ape. I'm a human. Look, you're kind of a mutant. Yeah, I'm not an ape. I'm a human. Look, you're kind of a mutant. Yeah, exactly. We know Conan's infamous story of when George Steinbrenner hosted. Did you have any experiences where you were pitching to a host and it was just either you were shot down in flames or it just wasn't going anywhere that you could talk about? I didn't have anything that was like that miserable. But I will tell you, I sat there when I believe it was Kelsey Grammer hosted. You know, he was big on Frasier at the time.

Sure. And he's got this. Big fan of Gilbert's, by the way. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, really? Yeah, tell him when Kelsey Grammer was on The View. We did a roast when Meredith Vieira left The View and Rosie was coming to replace her.

And we had Gilbert on the dais and Kelsey and Mario and a bunch of other people. And Kelsey walked the minute he found out that Gilbert was going to be on the show. I had to write a whole separate thing for him to tape and roll in. He wouldn't sit on the dais with Gil.

Now I have to ask, was this before or after the 9-11? It was because of Gilbert mocking his wife's maladies on Stern. Well, the fart machine was working overtime on that episode. He's never going to do this show. We can tell you that.

Well, since he's not listening, you may enjoy this story. Yeah, go for it. He's got this fucked up life. I mean, it wasn't just the wife. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. A lot of tragedy.

Someone in his family was like eaten by a shark or something or killed by a shark. Like he's got crazy shit in his past. Yes. And there's a shark involved. And they would always hand out this like, I don't know, like, you know, when the host, here's this week's host. And they would give you like, you know, here's a bunch of magazine articles about him that of course no one ever reads um and so i remember somebody basically pitching a shark attack sketch to kelsey grammar who's like i don't remember brother was eaten by a shark oh god it was oh yeah That's what I remember that which wasn't me.

Thank God. But yeah. Yeah. Go ahead. He's he's had I've read articles about him on a tragedy. He's had nothing but horror stories. Yeah. Like crazy horror stories.

But then also these stories like he'll pop up. Like if you ever read like, you know, Vince Neal from Motley Cruise biography, it's always like he's sitting in moon shadows out in Malibu at midnight, and the only other guy at the bar is Kelsey Grammer. There's a lot of that, too. You know what I mean? I'd like to point out he was very nice to me, Gilbert.

Oh, yeah. He was always nice to me. He was particularly nice to me that day. He was a lovely host. He actually did a very good, although not as good as yours, Gilbert, he did a James Mason impression for a 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea sketch where the sketch was about the fact that 20,000 Leagues is actually a distance measurement and not a depth measurement,

and everyone thinks it's a depth measurement. And he played Nemo and it was, it was pretty good, but not, not your Mason. That's all I'm going to say. Oh, his Mason is.

Oh. And ever since this podcast has been, how many years has there are 26, 26. You and me. It's been on a few years. It's the Zack Snyder cut of podcasts. Seven years.

Just about every episode, and even before just talk shows, just about every episode, I've told the story that Danny Thomas is most famous for. Ah, yep. His proudest story. And so should I tell the story or do you want to? Because you... David took your story. We've got lots of versions of it.

This is going to be exciting. I've got like three versions. So you go first. Yeah. Okay. I heard that Danny Thomas used to, at parties, he'd lie underneath a glass coffee table. One story I heard, he would dress up as a priest. I don't know.

I never heard that. I never heard that variation. I like that. But then women would squat down on the table and take a massive shit on the table as he was, as Danny Thomas was lying underneath looking up. I didn't know it was at parties, Gilbert. You added that. Yeah, I never heard parties either. I never heard parties.

Maybe it was by himself. Maybe he wasn't that big a pervert. He just had it by himself. He has to have some self-respect for God's sake. So I'm going to tell two. This is, Frank, I never told you. This is two things I'm going to add a piece. Go for it, James. So I'm going to tell two. This is, Frank, I never told you. This is two things. I'm going to add a piece.

Go for it, buddy. So there were two writers at Seinfeld. I'll say their names. They were older than me in the Lampoon. Great writers. Gamal and Pross. Oh, they're legends. Oh, you know.

Okay, great. Great, great, great. Tom Gamal and Max Pross. Apparently, early on in their careers when they were out in L.A., they went for a very high-powered meeting with, I think it was Danny Thomas' lawyer. And they had no intention of signing with him, but they felt they had to go because he was Danny Thomas' lawyer. I'm telling their story.

I hope they'll forgive me. And their story is they sit through the meeting, whatever, whatever, whatever, and their story is they they sit through the meeting whatever whatever whatever and finally gets to the end of the meeting and it's like anything else and they kind of go well they got their courage up we have to ask and the guy the guy just stops them he does he goes what can i say? The man built hospitals. And that was what he said. That was apparently the response. Oh, geez. I met Sid Melton.

You know, Sid, the actor. He used to appear. Yeah. I mean, he's one of those. Was he a guest at the parties? No, no. But he was on Green Acres. He was on a million.

He was on Make Room for Daddy, too. Yeah. Yeah. And so because he was, like, regular on Make Room for Daddy as, like, Danny's agent or whatever, I said, yes, Sid, the story with the shitting on the table, is that true? And with a very uncomfortable,

strained face, he nodded yes. Well, so let's throw in the word allegedly as often as we can. Okay, allegedly. Allegedly, women would shit on Danny Thomas. Allegedly.

So we did an episode of Veep where Selena goes to oversee an election in Georgia. So she goes overseas, you know, the way these ex-presidents always go to like you know make sure democracy is existing and of course she's there really because the sort of the dictator who's trying to stay in power wants to bribe her and there's this scene where he basically is sort of you know just offering her you know the world and whatever and we basically we did a danny thomas reference where basically you know and so it was sort of a combination of that story where she basically goes like something like that's his you know am i am i you know that's his you know it's it's sort of a well he i watched it last night he asked her if he asked her if he makes the offer to make the donation to her library and he says am i being

clear and she basically says like it it's not it's it's as clear as Danny Thomas' coffee table before the hookers. Shit on it. And she sells that line. God bless her. Julia just, yeah, hits it out of the park. And then basically it's sort of like she then, and he goes, really? And she's like, well, look, what do you want? The man built hospitals.

We sort of used the line. He built a lot of hospitals. And then he goes, ah, I see, the yin and the yang. And yes, the yin and the yang. That's what kills me about that joke. I did not write the yin and the yang. I don't even remember who wrote the yin and the yang, but I love the yin and the yang.

So this airs. This is on Veep. We air this, at which point i guess we were editing some other shows and julia calls me and she calls me and goes i just got a call from uh the daughter from marlo thomas would they want to talk to us or they want to talk to me and she goes i'm not doing this alone you have to be on the call, too. You're a showrunner. You're going to take the bullet.

Julie and I have a phone call with Marlo Thomas where, oh, God, she sort of is sort of like talking to us all about the fundraising for the St. Jude's Hospital and how about how she doesn't want the fundraising to get hurt. And she's never heard this before. And it was so I wish I could have filmed that as a DVD extra. It was so painful. Just me and Julia just like genuflecting to sort of try and apologize, but not really apologizing at the same time because yeah we would love that joke it's a joke apologies oh we're very sorry that you're shit on we're very sorry that you weren't able to sit at the coffee table at your house that that room was off limits it was just a lot of like oh those hospitals are really great that call sounds cringier than the cringiest Curb Your Enthusiasm.

Full-on Curb. We're very sorry that several of his shirts were ruined. I mean, we've talked about it on this podcast for years, but nobody's listening to this podcast. You put it on national television. Yeah, it's H.K. Balls of

brass, my friend. And I performed at a couple of St. Jude's hospitals. So I can talk about Danny Thomas getting shit on and I free reign. That's the agreement I made

with myself. You're grandfathered in. That's perfect. That's good. I want to with myself. You're grandfathered in. That's perfect. That's good. That's good. Grandfathered in. I want to point out a couple of your other SNL skits that I love. And Nerf Crotch Bat is just, you know, just pure, stupid, brilliant comedy. Just anything you can do to hit anybody in the crotch with a bat. So funny.

And so is Crystal Gravy uh which i love and i told gilbert about philadelphia action figures that that's that's my real favorite and i by the way i kept a couple of the action figures also by the way so for part of my collection yeah the little kid saying see you in court sucker well the funniest part of this thing was if you if you for those anyone who can find it on YouTube or whatever. Yeah, it's great. So, you know, it's these action figures, obviously, for Philadelphia. And it's, of course, these characters that, like, in the movie are these, you know, very serious lawyers and stuff dying of AIDS.

And, of course, they've got, like, laser swords and power nets and, you know, Batmobiles and all this kind of stuff. And the commercial starts with the kid going, you've got AIDS. You're fired. No, you're fired no you're fired ba-boom and the little kid of course then looks up and asks the director jim signorelli who was so good he goes oh he's good why are they why are they firing him and then we go well well because they think he has aids why should someone be fired because they have aids and it was just like and then it was like what is aids and then it was just like okay I I'm sorry I gotta leave the set because I this is you're you're six years old I don't think I can

I don't think this is my place to tell you anyway yeah so yeah the the detail the the commitment to the joke as as we all know is very. That they built a miniature Jason Robards figure that the net and the Tom Hanks character fires a netting that goes... It may have been fired by Miguel, long-time companion. Oh, it's fired by the

what is it? Antonio Banderas. Antonio Banderas' character. So, so, so funny. Tell us about writing for Phil Hartman. You know, we're talking about giving material to actors that hit home runs, and you've written for a lot of people who know how to knock comedy out of the park, like Julia. I mean, with him, it was so incredible.

I mean, you know, obviously he used to go, like, you know, on Letterman, and he always would joke about pick a number, and, you know, Letterman would go, like, 44, and he would pretend like he had 200 different characters and Letterman picked number 44. But it was real. I mean he just, you know, we did him when I got to the show he was our Clinton and so when Clinton got elected Al Franken and I wrote this at the time very big sketch of Phil as Clinton jogging into McDonald's because he was doing that in D.C.

He was kept jogging into different like fast food restaurants and showing up. And it was him explaining the warlords in Mogadishu stealing food as he stole burgers off people's plates and ate them in the McDonald's. And he just would do this devilish, uh, you know, Clinton impression, you know, that kind of like, we're not going to tell Mrs. Clinton about a lot of things, you know, that kind of with just this gleam in his eye. And it was, I remember in that sketch, he's eating all these, like, you know, whatever they were, I guess they were big Macs and stuff. And he literally started actually choking on the live show from shoving these like you know uh and i because i think he was a healthy guy and never ate mcdonald's food either and so he's

eating this mcdonald's food they start choking on it and god bless him rob schneider in the middle of the sketch hands him a soda to drink to get him to wash it down that was not planned but i mean phil was just just just yeah i mean as in yeah what you think he is yeah exactly you've written for the funniest people on the planet i mean i want to add our friend suzy essman to that list i want to add i don't think there's a funnier human alive than jb smooth uh the the i mean when jb i mean you know curb was curb and then we added jb to it and obviously became this other thing. But we, with Susie, and obviously everyone knows, obviously, you know, her cursing and stuff, which is incredible. But we did a scene with her once.

I don't know if you ever saw it. It was where Larry's mechanic, like, doesn't fix the front seat. So when women are sitting in the front seat, the seat's shaking, and it's giving them orgasms. Oh, and she has the orgasm, yeah. And she gets in the front seat, and Larry knows it's happening. And she's moaning, and he's screaming in pain at her orgasming. And it's back and forth and back and forth. And she is a monster in that scene.

She's brilliant. She's brilliant. We've known Susie forever. And since we're talking about Curb, there is a Curb anecdote that you told me that involves my co-host. I hope you will appreciate this. We did an episode of Curb where Larry is in a place and a guy comes up to him and basically says, can you watch my computer a minute? I'm going to go to the bathroom. Oh, yeah. He goes to

the bathroom. And then Larry does it to another guy and it becomes this whole thing. It becomes whatever. But the guy number one who disappears and you don't really see again until the back end of the show was Curtis Armstrong.

From Revenge of the Nerds and stuff whatever and he was he was great he was he was you know super good on the show but if this i hope this means something good to you when we finish the episode as we were walking away from being finished there was a moment where i don't even remember how your name came up and larry just went oh fuck gilbert would have been so good in that part and unfortunately it was in the can I don't even remember how your name came up. And Larry just went, oh, fuck. Gilbert would have been so good in that part. And unfortunately, it was in the can already, but it was like, fuck, Gilbert would have been so great in that part. So I'm sorry we didn't think of it on the A side.

I apologize. Oh, well, thanks for telling me that. Yeah, I know. Now I want to tell you about other things I didn't cast you in also, if that's okay. I've got a lot of other things I didn't cast you in also, if that's okay. I've got a lot of other things I didn't cast. You didn't put him on Veep either. Do you have any, like, gorgeous actresses who say, boy, I wish I had fucked Gilbert. But I fucked Curtis Armstrong.

But yeah, no, exactly. You know what's so funny about that is when Revenge of the Nerds came out, people were coming up to me saying, there's a guy in that movie who looks like you. There you go. Yep. I get that. Well, this leads me to a- Thank you for not casting me, you fucking jerk.

No, it was my pleasure. It was absolutely my pleasure, honestly. Yeah, you should take that up with Larry the next time he calls, Gil. Josh Abelon, I got a couple of questions from listeners, Dave. Yep. Josh Abelon, how did Gilbert end up on the Clerks animated series as Patrick Swayze? Well, it's a two-parter in a very good way. So, number one, we did the Clerks thing.

I did it with Kevin Smith smith good show by the way oh i appreciate that um and it was a series of things that happened but it was connected to we were doing it at abc which of course ended up being a giant mistake we sold them the show and they were like in like last place and then they had who wants to be a millionaire on so they aired two of our episodes in the summer and never aired the rest but anyway the disney animation people were helping us and whoever the casting guy was at the time i think gilbert knew you because of iago i think that's that was the connection and basically we were having all of this trouble with like legal stuff where they were just like you know if people think this is really patrick swayze like we're gonna get you can't do it you

can't do it and it was like and it was like you fucking assholes like why are you even making this show if we can't do all these things and it was just like I know. Here's how we will make sure they're clear it's not Patrick Swayze. Guess who we're going to cast as the voice of Patrick Swayze? Gilbert Gottfried. And they still fought us. They were like, well, how are people? Thinking Patrick Swayze and me sound identical. But we ended up, we actually double used you because that motherfucker Jerry Seinfeld

backed out at the last second. So you also did Jerry. You did your Jerry impression as Jerry in an episode of Clerks also. I don't know. I think we threw that in at the last second. You did your Jerry, which was great. I remember I did both of those. And the line that makes me laugh in the Patrick Swayze one,

because it's supposed to be he's pretending he works at the pet store. Yeah, the pet store next door. But he takes it very seriously, as I remember it. And he's pretending he's doing it for a part in a movie. Right, but he's not. He's just, no. And at the end, his triumphant line is, well, I have to go now. I have to fly to Hollywood to do a movie. I play an annoyed neighbor in an Adam Sandler film. So you guys got to work together after all.

Yeah, except sadly I don't think I was anywhere near wherever Gilbert recorded that, so yeah. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast, but first a word from our sponsor. David McConnachie says, The Veep finale was incredible i agree could david discuss briefly uh consultations with actors or other writers that led to the brilliance of that finale uh you wrote and directed the finale as we pointed out in our i did our interminable intro um

you know um what was you know i i guess i kind of always knew i was going to do it and obviously you know i sort of the nice thing was it was obviously it's the end of a season it's the end of the show so there are the all of these strands of things that i would i knew were going to go into it and of course people kept throwing more at me to put in which was great too but uh it was just sort of trying to pay off like this idea and And this was this was what was so hard about the back end of Veep. When Veep started and, you know, the idea was like, you know, oh, once in a while, this is like what this is, what politicians are really like behind closed doors and all of this kind of stuff. And then, you know, four years of Trump and there are no closed doors. There's no you know, we did jokes early on about like,

what if the president tweeted? And then we elected a guy obviously that was tweeting all the time. So what Veep was ceased to be in some ways relevant or funny or even make sense. Or in some ways, it was almost sad because it was so much worse. So because the world got worse, we kind of made Selena worse. So it was really this culmination of what was she prepared to do to get power? Do you know what I mean? Yeah.

And it was very, I don't know, I don't want to say it was, you know, I think a lot of times you can always steal good stuff from The Godfather and The Godfather Part 2, but it was very Godfather Part 2, you know, like, I'm going to kill the family to protect the family basically almost right down to the shot well the door closes yes exactly yes which i our dp came up with i give him that credit that's the

shutting the door on k exactly exactly and she kills fredo i, she kills. Yeah, and she kills Fredo. How many kids did Julia Louis-Dreyfus have during the making of Seinfeld? I'll tell you a funny story. She had two. The first one was before me. The second one was during me. And Julia didn't remember this. It came up a couple of years after the fact. But, you know, we were all like, you know, like, I don't know.

We were like, you know, 25. There were a lot of writers at that time that were like 25, 26, 27 years old on the show. And when she was pregnant, we pitched this idea. And I should I'm going to preface this for those of you listening. I am an I am an overweight person. I have dealt with weight my entire life. So just to be very clear, this is a fat person about to tell this story we pitched this idea we pitched this idea that the way we would cover her pregnancy

was we would just have elaine get fat that was the idea and i remember nobody wanted to pitch it to julia no one had like i was just like oh she's gonna hate that and i think jerry actually got up the nerve and did pitch it and she fucking hated it and wouldn't didn't you know just like no but we were told her about it years later and she went i should have done that so to her credit later on she did realize it was funny. Because she's such a brave actor. She was constantly sitting on the couch clutching pillows. Pillows, boxes of cereal behind the kitchen counter. There's a lot of times where she just does the whole scene behind the kitchen counter.

Or the fridge door is open, you know, and she's kind of like her head's out from behind she's always bending into the fridge and then coming coming up and then bending back down yeah just yeah it's a season of that yeah she's a she's a brave actor i think of and i don't think you wrote this episode but you you may have contributed something to it is that the kicks is the terrible the terrible dancing and and and and her commitment to that. And then watching Selena, watching these Veep episodes, it takes a certain actor to make you like them when they are so despicable and so monstrous. And to some extent, every time she was more monstrous

or every time she did more, it only encouraged us to go further. Do you know what I mean? because it's like yeah if she can be likable doing this well now we'll have her say that do you know what i mean yeah it's uncanny that you she never lost her likability and in the show when she's i i just got a flashback uh one the only time i was ever in larry david's apartment when he lived in new york was he had cable okay and and there was some actress both of us had the hots for and she was gonna be on a movie where she did a bunch of nude scenes. And I remember going over to his house

and both of us watched this actress naked. That's a lovely anecdote. Yes. It's heartwarming. You can imagine Art Linkletter telling that one. I got another question here from a listener. Sam Weisberg says, Yeah, you've said a comedy writer has to have a healthy ego.

When you were on season 20 of SNL, that was kind of an infamous season. Yeah. When they brought in the hired guns. They brought in Jeannie Garofalo and, what was it, Mark? It wasn't just the hired guns. Chris Elliott? It was that they brought in all these people and got rid of nobody. So the cast was like 20 people.

It was crazy, yeah. Right. He's saying, what was it like having to deal with the egos in that season? You know, I will say this, actually. To their credit, as hired guns, and maybe it was just where they all were at the time in their various careers, they were all really good people. I mean, in some ways, I think it was just a disservice to everybody

because there just wasn't enough, you know, screen time where you just kind of go, you know, Chris Elliott did nothing this week, or Janine Garofalo was in one sketch this week, or McKeon was like a good week for McKeon was maybe in two sketches. It was a waste of a lot of top talent. That was really it. And they never as much complained as, I guess, when I think back on it,

I know they were unhappy. I mean, I don't want to put words in their mouth, but they were just unhappy and depressed. And Janine ended up leaving like three quarters of the way through the year she just i think had kind of had it you got to do that great robert evans sketch with yeah with michael well i michael mckeon was so i mean i know you guys have had him he's so brilliant he's so good and good on veep by the way oh he was yeah i mean i was so happy he did it. He did us a favor there, actually, because we had cast another actor who could come in and was having memory line issues. I don't want to say his name because he's still active.

Was it Gilbert Gottfried? Gilbert something. You know what? Let's just protect his anonymity. Gilbert G. And he just couldn't do the lines. No, I just want to be very clear. At no point did we think of Gilbert Gottfried for that couldn't do the lines. No, I just want to be very clear at no point did we think of Gilbert Godfrey for

that part. You're welcome. So, so it's, it's a tradition. Yes. I try and do that for good luck on every one of my shows. And so we shot a day with this other guy and then tried to kind of reached out to Michael, who basically his agent just said no.

And I thank God was I was able to email Michael and more or less beg him. And he said yes. And God, he was so good. But when he came into SNL, obviously, you know, he'd been in the whole credibility gap and spinal tap. Sure, of course. And he brought with him these incredibly like wonderful impressions you know he does an incredible howard stern impression he does an insane vincent price vincent price that's exactly what i was gonna say he does an amazing vincent price and he did a really good adam west we did an update feature with de covney where we did adam west and the the the the ev Evans book had just come out,

but it was before the Evans documentary and all the Evans fever had come along. But we wrote this sketch. It was a talk show called The Casting Couch with Robert Evans. It's great. It was just him all tanned up and basically trying to talk to young ladies and get them to send him Polaroids of them washing cars with a very sort of like 60s version of nudity kind of a thing.

And it's just people calling the show saying, I'm a cancer doctor. You really need to go see someone. I don't like the look of that spot on your nose. And it's just basically... Did you ever get feedback from evans lauren apparently ran into evans like on the paramount lot and he liked it a bunch i think we got a robert evans story for you we'll have to tell you off mic oh off mic oh

let's talk let's talk about the podcast and collecting props. Do you know Michael Giacchino, by the way? I do. I know him a little bit. We have a mutual friend. Yeah. He's got a holy grail. Not a holy grail.

He's got an Ark of the Covenant. I've never seen his place, but I've heard tales, which sounds crazy. The podcast that you do the stuff dreams are made of which we talked about with your friend Ryan Condal is all about your obsessions this show is about our obsessions and this is about your obsessiveness and collecting and the things that you pursued over the years all collecting but it's specifically about really like prop collecting like the actual and you know and first episode we started with just literally like how do you know it's real because that's what people want to know you know you're talking about like is the cape

real and things like that but yeah no it's about it's what we have the crazy lengths we've gone i mean i like i hired a private eye once to help me track down a piece i literally hired um from my my daughter's preschool um there was this wonderful couple, a lesbian couple, and one of them was a private eye. And I was trying to track this guy down. A lesbian private eye? Lesbian private eye. There's your show. There's your show.

Starring Gilbert Gottfried as the lesbian private eye. I would watch that. I would play the sergeant in that what what was the piece can you say yeah no I don't know if you would have any memory of this I was the exact right age but when Star Wars came out in 77 at Burger King on different weeks they had these four posters that every time you could like buy a soda you could get either a poster or a glass a Star Wars glass and so you meet people of a certain age that still have these Star Wars drinking glasses in their in their cabinets and there was a guy whose dad worked for Coca-Cola that was who had commissioned the art and had the original four paintings for these posters and glassware. And he had posted about it with only his first name, that he lived in Atlanta and that his dad had once worked at Coca-Cola.

And I basically gave that information to the private eye and she tracked him down for me and I bought the pieces. Wow. There's a lesbian private eye. Yes, to the lesbian private eye. That's the... Don't leave out the most important part of the story. So this is detective work, finding this stuff.

Yeah, I mean, it's an obsession. I mean, it's taking the obsession sort of out into the world. It's not just obsessing about it. It's spending a lot of time talking about movies we love and then reducing it to the props that make us think like, because there's a lot of great movies that don't have props you'd want to own. Sometimes costumes are just costumes. You can think of a movie where it's like,

if I owned Gilbert Gottfried's suit, but unfortunately that's missing, no one can find the suit he wore in Beverly Hills cop too. Maybe someone walked off with it. But if I own that suit, it's a suit. You know what I mean? I'm not sure. It's sure. I'm not sure it's a special suit. It's just a nice suit. You know what I mean? But you try and think of like, you know, again, we, you again we you know we call the show the stuff dreams are made of like if you could find the real maltese falcon that's a prop worth owning you know what i mean i was just about to ask you do you know anyone who actually owns there's one that got there's one or two that have been sold that they claim were it the problem was there's this crazy cool story that when the movie was finished they made a replica falcon and wrapped it up like in the newspaper in the wrapping

that thursby deliver i think it was thursby that the captain delivers it in you know and they take you know they tear it open and so it looks apparently just like this and there's no one that no one really knows is it a thousand percent the real one there's one that i think they think matches a publicity photo shoot of it's like bogey like like chest up with like a like the falcons like in a still with him and i think there's one that matches that but no one's sure if that one was also used in the movie because there were more than one and this is the problem you know yeah like uh steven spielberg has a uh has a rosebud sled but it was a balsa rosebud boat rosebud sled of which i guess there were multiples

that were used to burn them you know what i mean like the fire so was it the one no it was one of many you know so this is this is this is the problem and what's so obsessive about prop collecting you know what i mean like so when you can find the one like for example I have an Indiana Jones jacket but it's a leather jacket with a scratch on it where I can match that scratch to the movie and go there it is that's my that jacket is right there and so that's some of what the crazy level that we're looking for within the collecting to kind of what we call a screen match. That's the holy grail, I guess,

of collecting. And that's what the podcast is about. That is what the podcast is about, but it's also about obsessiveness and our final episode of the first season, we just had our wives on and they talked about what assholes we are and how they hate our collecting. We should do that episode, Gilbert.

You guys should do that episode. We should do that episode. Very cathartic for both couples. Yeah. It'll be a six-hour episode. You wonder about this stuff. We had Dana on, and we were talking about the Strix fat and stuff. The stuff of, you know what I'm talking about, the laboratory stuff.

Frankenstein genes. But now, you know, and the guy was alive when Mel made Young Frankenstein. Yeah, and brought it in and got the special credit at the end of the movie. Yeah. Sure. But you wonder what happens to that stuff after the fact. Now, where is that stuff today? Where are these props?

Are they in personal possessions? You hear stories of things like, I mean, again, not on the level of that, but, you know, iconic unto themselves. But you hear stories about like, you know, back to the future DeLoreans just like rusting and rotting on the on the universal lot. You know, they just would sit and the tram would go by them on the tour. And just they would just were sitting there until they started to like basically rust and fall apart. I mean, you know, again, that's the thing is, you know, money and collectability has changed all of this. No one thought anything about this stuff.

You know what I mean? So what's your, go ahead, Gil. I remember I heard a story. Someone was over at a movie studio and they wanted to make room for something. studio and they wanted to make room for something and they were smashing all of these life masks of like

legendary stars they were putting them, throwing them in the dumpster and shattering into pieces. Well there was probably a lot of waste over the years, and that reminds me of the old Tonight Shows being recorded over which you hear about when Groucho hosted. Right, so they could save tape yeah exactly save tape in those days so you know there's no way of telling how many

wonderful props were were oh i mean they're just destroyed or tossed over the years incredible things that if you just start going down a list of like great movies and incredible props you know like like like like just for a second casablanca just to pick a an obvious iconic movie most of the stuff that's out there from casablanca are like a chair from rick's cafe or uh you know like that's not exactly when you think of casablanca you don't think of the chairs do you know what i mean like that's not your that's not your dream prop and that's you know just stuff got thrown away got taken who knows but that's the flip side is every now and then something shows and that's you know just stuff got thrown away got taken who knows but that's the flip side is every now and then something shows up that just you know blows you away where you

just cannot believe oh my god after all these years somebody had this you know what i mean like that's the stuff that's just wild you know and with casablanca it's like people are going to once again have those kind of props like, oh, well, this is the wine glass. Yeah, exactly. It's a suit. Okay, I'll take your word for it. Somebody will be taking, they'll be getting props from Curb Your Enthusiasm. They'll be looking

for the flowers that Larry stole from Funkhauser's mother's memorial one day. Here's a question for you. You are a presidential historian. You're a fan of Robert Carrow. Amateur, yes, yes. An amateur presidential historian. We're amateur historians here ourselves.

And you're a reader of Robert Carrow. Yeah, Carrow, can't get enough. What is your assessment of Gilbert as Abe Lincoln? It's spot on. I mean, you know, just, let me, let me add, I was also a government major at Harvard and I,

I, I, I really, I do feel spot on. That's all I'm going to say. Yeah. Yeah. That was in a million ways to die in the West. Yes.

And, and I think somebody owns the beard. I wore. There you go. There you go. Very collectible. $20 million. Quick lightning round questions. You're a Marx Brothers guy.

You're in a Marx Brothers documentary. We're strong Paramount people here, not MGM people. Where do you stand? Yeah. I mean, yeah. Yeah. Paramount. Yeah.

When they were anarchists. Yeah. Before they got softened. To me, there are great moments in A Night at the Opera. Of course, yeah. But it always looks like the beginning of the end. It's like, first of all, there's time between the jokes for people to laugh. uh and they're doing it to save like this couple and it's yeah all the i mean the couple stuff in any of those movies uh whatever but uh yeah

the the the early one the pure you said anarchist but yeah the pure anarchy of just sort of like to me it always felt like it wasn't even like they had shots. It was just like they were just trying to capture what they were doing. I don't know if that, you know what I mean? Like, like, like, yeah, let's just get this. You know what I mean? Particularly the last two with Paramount of horse feathers and duck soup. It's just insanity.

Yeah, just pure insanity did you guys ever read about um uh i'm i just my other biggie uh in this sort of movie world and again not an original thought but uh we talked about this the other day i love uh billy wilder and in one of his like biographies or something he talks about a marx brother Brothers idea that he had. Oh, yes. Do you know this idea? Yes. It was a night in Hollywood, a day in Hollywood. Yes.

Yes. Something like that. No, no. The United Nations. The United Nations. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Basically, it was going to be off the Khrushchev shoe. Basically, they were going to be arriving by ship and going to the UN. And the sort of what, I mean, it's just as well they didn't make it, but yeah. It had to be very early in Wilder's career because, I mean, Love Happy, I mean, Harpo can hardly, you know, walk 20 feet. No, there, I mean, he said

like, he kind of like, got really excited and then realized none of them could do it. Yeah, and it was just like, And I remember I was watching one of those horrible like tv productions what that would have chick on harpo in them and and i remember my son when he was like about five or something said is this supposed to be funny? And so it was really.

Well, when Wilder was making Double Indemnity, what, 44 or something like that? And, you know, they were still active. I mean, they were really winding down. But, I mean, I don't think he had the idea to, like, I don't know, like 59, 60 is when I think he had the idea. On the subject of feature films, I mean, you've written feature films. You talked about, I heard you talk about a speed comedy that you guys pitched. Oh, yeah. A comedy loosely based, a rom-com based.

What is it in the days now, and Gilbert and I had Ken Kwapis here, the director Ken Kwapis, we were talking about how you can't make movies, you couldn't sell a movie theatrically like harold and maude like the conversation uh like like tootsie today what what's it like for a guy like you who's who's still out there pitching features i mean the honest answer is i don't really do features i mean i i do a feature only if hbo you know what i mean if a stream you know what i mean like it just it doesn't exist well you wrote you wrote The Dictator and The Cat in the Hat. Yeah, but look at the years on those. That's already at this point, a while back at this point.

I mean, it's been a while. There's just, there's no comedy business, certainly in theatrically at this point. That's what I meant. It's just gone. Yeah, there's no romance, anything. Every now and then I'll think of a film that I've seen in the theater or a film I watch on TV and I go,

wow, no way in hell would that be in a theater. And it's like the funny thing is also when a newspaper would come out, if anyone remembers newspapers. From Norman's Corner. Yeah, I would open to the movies. As seen in Norman's Corner. Yeah, I would open up to the movie section. When was the last time a newspaper had a movie section?

But I mean, I was talking about this with one of my friends that I grew up with in the city. And all we ever did on any given weekend on Friday and Saturday was we would go to see two or three movies depending on what opened. And that meant two or three new movies were opening every weekend. And that's why if you said to me, well, what did you see that weekend? It's like we saw best seller with james woods and brian oh sure and then we went and saw the lemon sisters with you know you know it's just like like i saw just movies came out and i would go see them but were they all great no but they came out you know what i mean like they existed it's and i don't remember the last time that i knew what

movies were even out there i have a script it's a kind of a romantic comedy that i think would be incredible about a lesbian private eye but no one will no one will make it no one will do you know larry and scott at all do you know Karaszewski and Scott Alexander? I know them a little bit. They got a Marx Brothers feature script that's a great read. Oh, really? Oh, I got to read that. When the lesbian detective comes out, on the poster we'll have in brackets,

and Gilbert Gottfried as Sergeant McCluskey. You got to do Sterling Hayden's character. I will take you out with this, Dave, because you do listen to this show. You know the kind of crazy shit we do. And you are a fan of the original Adam West Batman. By the way, Dana Gould's Adam West is pretty goddamn right on. I've heard his, and it's really good, but again, I'm just going to tell you, seek out McKeon's.

We're going to get McKeon back and make him do it. There's something about McKeon, I'm just going to let you know, McKeon's got a really good one because of the distance that he puts. He says something, and then he pauses for a very long time before he gets to old chum. And Jeff Garland has a good Adam West also.

He does. We got to get Jeff on the show. Yeah, you got to get Garland on the show. He would be, yeah, you got to get Garland on the show, yeah. So last question. We touched on the Danny Thomas scandal. Yep. What is your opinion of the Cesar Romero scandal?

Gilbert, we'll explain it to you if you're not there. No, I don't think I know the Cesar Romero scandal. Oh, well, let me see if I'm familiar with it. Yeah, please. Maybe look it up on Google and read me what it says. We want Dave's take. Cesar Romero, of course, was famous as being a Latin lover. And in real life, he was gay.

Not that there's anything wrong with that. And what he was into was he would gather up a bunch of boy toys and he'd stand there, he'd pull his pants and underwear down and bend over and his boy toys would fling orange wedges at his ass. Well, Dave, and that is why he was the best Joker of all of them.

Yes. Of anyone that ever played the Joker. He is my favorite. And that is why. Yes. Now, when you watch like those old episodes where he's the Joker and you know he's gay and you go, oh, makes perfect sense. Again, method, method, method.

At this point in the show, you know, we're doing things to amuse ourselves for almost 400 episodes. And I just want to see the expression on the guest's face when he tells that story. Honestly, as I'm sitting here, it just makes me feel better about my orange throwing. So anyway, yeah. And I also heard a variation on that story that one person said Cesar Romero would stand ankle deep in warm water as they were flinging. Oh, and then some people argue with me saying that it was tangerine, which it was some kind of citrus.

Maybe a tangelo, maybe. It could be a tangelo. A clementine, I think. Yeah, but never a grapefruit. That's where he drew the line. We got a private eye working on it. A lesbian private eye, yes. Sergeant McCluskey says, listen to me, private eye lesbian.

You got to back off this Cesar Romero case. It's going to hurt you. It was that close to retirement. We got to plug Veep for our listeners that have not watched Veep shame on you Dave's wonderful work and also we love character actors on this show what a wonderful group I mean I put that

cast up against anything yeah really wonderful people on that show and I had a card for some of the names on that show I was gonna ask you about now I can't find my card. I didn't know any of their names, so I can't help you. No, the guy that played, I got to call this guy out.

The guy that played Roger Furlong. Oh, my God. Dan Bacadal. Hilarious. Holy crap, yeah. Hilarious. Kevin Dunn and Gary Cole and our friend Patton Oswalt turns up and Martin Mullin, the great Hugh Laurie.

I mean, it's also an all-time cast. Those crazy back-it-all runs just get really foul. The writers would just line up to write them. And one year we took one of these runs where he kind of said something like, you know, wipe the crusty jizz out of your hair where he kind of you know said something like you know wipe the crusty jizz out of your hair while you're you know blah blah blah blah blah and we made a t-shirt a crew shirt out of it to give out whatever and it was basically like no one could wear the shirt unless it was under something because it was just this just foul run on the back of the shirt it was

just kind of great yeah it's a it's a great we were talking before we turned the mics on it's a great show for jokes for joke writing i mean and it must have been cathartic for the writers to just to put an end for julia to say those things and commit to them the way she did yeah so everybody find that everybody knows your your wonderful work on seinfeld and curb uh will you be involved with curb going forward if larry i always you know like sometimes they send me one to read or I drop, I, you know,

before the pandemic, I swung by the office. Uh, and, uh, I think I, Oh no, God,

that was the previous season. Jesus. No, the new season. No, but the one, the season that just aired, I have managed to go by early on and kind of like threw something into one of the episodes,

which was really fun. But unfortunately it just, the timing is always wrong. They're always shooting when I'm doing something else. So yeah. That's too bad. And we want to thank Andrew Buss, our friend who helped put this together.

And we'll plug the podcast because you're going to do a season two. Yeah, we got the green light for Stuff That Dreams Are Made Of. So please check it out on all your podcasts, whatever, whatever. Yes, the podcast is called Greenlight for Stuff That Dreams Are Made Of, so please check it out on all your podcasts, whatever, whatever. Yes, the podcast is called Stuff Dreams Are Made Of. Give him a little

Sidney Greenstreet, since he's such a... Yes, you are a character, sir. I do enjoy talking to a man who enjoys to talk. I actually... You're going to laugh. I do enjoy talking to a man who likes to talk. I actually, you're going to laugh. I do love, I do enjoy talking to a man who likes to talk,

was my yearbook quote. I love it. My high school yearbook quote. I love it. We've come full circle. David, you're the perfect guest. This was, guys, thank you. Thank you so much.

Honestly. Before I forget. But thank you. I just want to say that. It you so much. Honestly. Before I forget. But thank you. I just want to say that. It was our pleasure. Dream come true, like I said. I just remembered a line, another one of my favorite lines in Maltese Falcon, where, like, the cops are there questioning them,

and the stories are changing back and forth. Oh, at his apartment. Yes. Uh-huh. And Laurie puts on his coat and picks up his cane, and they go, where do you think you're going? And he goes, I'm not going anywhere. It's getting quite late.

Can Michael McKean do that, Peter Laurie? I ask you. David, a thrill and a kick. And, you know, come back often. Because we could do hours with you. Anytime. Honestly. I would honestly, anytime.

Again, this was a true dream. And I'm sorry. I'm going to gush one last time to end. Gilbert Gottfried, truly and honestly, I have been a fan forever, so I'm just going to end on that note, and thank you. This was really fun. What do you think of that, Gil? And I really enjoyed doing that episode.

I'm such a big fan. I love not casting you in everything I do. Yeah. I saw Clint Howard in a movie the other day. He was in that movie Ed TV. And all I could think of was Gilbert signing off with Clint when we had him on the show. Tell your brother to go fuck himself for never casting. We have the most unique sign-offs in the business.

It has been my pleasure to never cast you, so thank you. I am a huge fan. It is my pleasure to never cast you. Hey, good news. You're in the majority. Good news. We just got Curtis Armstrong to play Sergeant McCluskey in the lesbian private eye movie. Good news.

All right, Gil, I guess we should sign off uh yes uh well this has been i was saying hello uh yeah this has been gilbert godfrey's amazing colossal podcast with my co-host frank santo And our guest, David Mandel, who will never fucking hire me. He's young yet. No, I promise. That's a promise. Thank you, David. We appreciate it. Thank you.

That was wonderful. Okay, Malcolm. Bye-bye. Thank you. © BF-WATCH TV 2021