Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - GGACP Classic: Bobcat Goldthwait

Episode Date: April 28, 2022

National Humor Month draws to a close with this memorable 2017 conversation with comedian, actor, writer and director Bobcat Goldthwait. In this episode, Bobcat discusses his transition from performing to directing, his love of Universal horror films, his delight in making audiences feel "awkward" and his years-long friendship with the legendary Robin Williams. Also: Bobcat wrestles with Arsenio, runs afoul of Nickelback, writes a "Billy Jack" movie and raves about Gilbert's documentary. PLUS: John Lennon doodles! Robert De Niro watches "Problem Child"! In praise of Barry Crimmins! In defense of Ed Wood! And Bobcat and Gilbert remember "Hot to Trot"! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Trivia and dirty jokes, an evening with the boys. Once is never good enough for something so fantastic. So here's another Gilbert and Franks Here's another Gilbert and Franks Here's another Gilbert and Franks Colossal Podcast with my co-host Frank Santopadre. And we're once again recording at Nutmeg with our engineer Frank Furtarosa. Our guest this week is a director, writer, actor, and one of the most original and audacious comedians of his generation. He began his stand-up career at the tender age of 15 and was soon headlining clubs, selling out theaters, and performing in

concert specials like Share the Warm and An Evening with Bobcat Goldthwait. As an actor, you know him from popular films like One Crazy Summer, Scrooge, Burglar, Tape Heads, Flow, and three Police Academy films, which he refers to as his porn past. You've seen him on television and hit shows like Married with Children, ER, The Ben Stiller Show, That 70s Show, The Larry Sanders Show, Mad TV, Bob's Burgers, and as the advice-dispensing bunny,

Mr. Floppy on Unhappily Ever After. bunny Mr. Floppy on Unhappily Ever After. I'm also told there was a memorable Jay Leno appearance somewhere in there. He's also been praised for his work behind the camera directing everything from episodes of Chappelle's Show to Jimmy Kimmel Live to comedy specials for performers like Mark Maron and Patton Oswalt to the feature films Sleeping Dogs Lie, God Bless America. acclaimed award-winning documentary Lucky Me, the Robin Williams star of World's Greatest Dad, and of course, Shakes the Clown, which the Boston Globe called the Citizen Kane of alcoholic clown movies. Please welcome to the podcast an artist of many talents and a man who once rappelled naked from the ceiling during a Nirvana concert.

My old hot to trot co-star, Bobcat Goldthwait. Oh, well, thank you, Gilbert. That was a eulogy. I felt like we should have had the sad Entertainment Tonight music playing. Yeah. Well, he usually adds found dead in his L.A. apartment. Yes. Some of these.

That's all we had to do. And I remember one critic called Hot to Trot. A justifiable, notoriously awful movie. Wow. Yeah. But you know, you should revisit it because it's really not what you think. If you go back, it's bad. Isn't it the movie you called the movie with no name?

You and your daughter discussing it? My daughter would never. Yeah, it wasn't. She didn't know it had a name. It was just that fucking horse movie her whole life growing up. I remember I ran into Buck Henry somewhere because he also did a cameo in that. And I said to Buck Henry, I said, we've never met, but we both appeared in the same movie. And he looked at me and in a most horrified, disgusted way, he goes, H-T-T.

Yeah. Yeah. It was H-T-T. Yeah. That's what it was called at my house, H-T-T. It really was. It really was. I was lying when I said the effing horse movie.

But I, you know, that horse, there's a lot of things wrong with that movie, but that horse hated me. Really? Yeah, because horses don't really talk. This is terrible. They would hit the horse, and I really love animals, and they would hit the horse in the mouth with a stick to make it talk. So Robin Williams was my pal, and he he's like so how's it going and i was like um it would be like doing mork and mindy and then just before

they say action someone punched pam dauber in the mouth that's that's what it's like i think i remember uh there was this old guy. I think his name was Bucky. And he was a cowboy, and the horse would lift up its tail, and he would be like a ninja, and he would get a shovel and catch the crap before it ever hit the floor. And one day I see the tail go up, and Corky was his name. Corky didn't even get off the apple box, and the horse had diarrhea,

and it just shat all over the wall like a Jackson Pollock painting all over myself, and it was horrible. And the AD's like, well, that's a wrap. I remember that horse almost killed me. Yes. There was one scene where I'm like talking to the horse, of course. Of course. And the horse got upset and, you know, went and stood up on two legs.

Oh, my God. And stood up on two legs. Oh, my God. And the trainer, you know, whatever the horse's owner was, he goes, he was blaming me. He said, because I jumped out of the way. And I said, I jumped out of the way because the horse was about to crush me. Yeah, there was a 1,400-pound animal. So I jumped out of the way because the horse was about to crush me. Yeah, there was a 1,400-pound animal. Yes. So I jumped out of the way.

Yeah, it once, like, stood on my foot, and I just was screaming, and people were like, oh, he's doing his act. He's always in character, that one. Want to make a little bet? You know I ain't got nothing to bet. About this turd. I couldn't bet my turd. Horse.

Chicken shit, huh? Okay, I'll bet this horse. Again, against what? What do you have to bet? Well, let's see. Can you break a 20? I'll bet my horse against your horse. Hey, now that's ridiculous.

Chicken shit? Who are you calling chicken shit? Calling you chicken shit. You're chicken shit, chicken shit. Okay, Freddy, I'll make the bet. My horse against your horse. All my horses against your horse. Sweetheart, you can't do that. Sweetheart, what do you think I am, chicken shit? That make the bet. My horse against your horse. All my horses against your horse. Sweetheart, you can't do that.

Sweetheart, what do you think I am, chicken shit? That's a bet, Fred. Clean satin doll. And clean satin doll. No, not my satin doll, too. Darling, don't be a chicken shit. You're on, Freddy. And I remember, too, let's, oh, there's a few things about that.

Who did you play? I was at the very end. I come in as the dentist. Oh, you were the dentist. Right. That's right. And they, now horses don't sit down. And if you know anything about horses.

So they built a dentist chair and they were forcing the horse to sit in it. It was just, you know, I'm not Bob Barker or Betty White. Well, I was riding on this fake horse that was covered in actual horse. They stretched a hide over a plastic horse. And they took me out on the racetrack. And people are like, Bill? Bill? Like the other horses I recognize.

They're terrified. Did you at least have fun working with Dabney Coleman? Yeah. I mean, that whole movie actually kind of got me directing. I was just like, this is such a bad experience. Yeah, it really was. After that, I went and shot a short called The Making of Bikini School 3. And that's kind of what started me directing.

And it was a short. It was kind of making fun of Police Academy. And, you know, uh the you know the producers i lose money in canada the crews are just technically more advanced and then um you know the director be pontificating and it'd just be a scene where a bird's shitting on a guy's head and the director's going and poop and poop but um it had kathy griffin in it and david spade and a bunch of folks like before they popped you know as bad as the film was, you kind of owe it a debt of gratitude for getting it kick-started. It did launch me on to becoming a director, yeah.

And do you feel like more mature and also in charge as a director than as a performer? I think it's really close to being a stand-up, you know, because when you're on stage doing stand-up comedy, you're always thinking about 900 other things. You know, one, what am I going to say next? What am I doing next? What if that drunk guy keeps talking? You know, do the checks go out?

So you're kind of multitasking as a comedian. So some of that skills is the same skill set. I think that helped a lot when I directed Kimmel. You know, I did like 300 and some episodes of that when it was live. Well, it was still, there was a delay, but it was pretty live. And that's a lot like doing standup. And I, it was funny. I just did Patton's new special in Chicago and it was really,

uh, he, you know, he was amazing. He was brilliant as always. And then, you know, he addressed his wife passing away and, uh, there wasn't a dry eye in the house, but I went back into the mode that I was when I was directing Kimmel and I'm looking in the audience to get cutaways of people crying, you know? And when I was on Kimmel, I'd be looking in the audience to get cutaways of people crying, you know. And when I was on Kimmel, I'd be looking in the audience to finding, like, you know, like Jimmy would tell a joke that didn't land and I'd cut to a guy who was actually asleep in the audience. But it was, I felt a little bit like a ghoul, but I also feel that I really did successfully capture that night,

the show that Patton did. And I don't think he's ever going to do that set again. It was pretty strong and powerful. Oh, wow, one time only. Well, kind of, you know, yeah. No, no, I was going to say I love in comedy specials or anything with an audience, if they make a joke about a black guy, then the camera desperately has to find a black guy

i wanted to just keep doing that you know and just say hey i was in alaska what is it with these inuit people and then cut to uh someone with a baby seal in the front row yeah that's always that yeah i don't that's the worst and certain shows were even worse at it than i was i think the old evening at the improv was the king of that oh yeah where they would get the cutaways to the uh to the uh suddenly that person is forced to be the representation of their heritage and and the thing is for the most part unless it's like a chris rock or kevin hart special if it's the average comic Rock or Kevin Hart special. If it's the average comic, you don't find that many blacks in the audience.

So it's really a desperate search. So they have to go hunting. Yes. Or they sometimes will go to a casting service. And they'll say, well, I do a lot of material on Asian drivers, so if we could have an Asian guy in a NASCAR burn suit, that would be great. And now the real reason you guys listen to this show, of course, the commercials. Hear that, Quarter Pounder fans? That silence is two friends enjoying the new creamy parmesan and bacon quarter pounder at McDonald's.

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Bobcat, a couple of things about Kimmel. First of all, I heard you say that Jimmy took a chance on you when you weren't doing a lot of directing. Oh, yeah. Or, no, yeah, I mean, basically. You're grateful to him. People are using my name as a punchline, and Jimmy. But, you know, the funny thing is ABC would never kind of mention or promote the fact that I was the director, even though I was there for three years.

It would be like, you know the guy who's banned from the other talk shows? Yeah, he's driving the bus over here. Wow. So, yeah. And you did 300 of them. It's like even more. I think it's like 350. Wow.

Yeah, I love that job. It's like even more. I think it's like 350. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. So, yeah, I loved that job. It was really fun. But then I started making small indie movies while I was there, and then I kind of just left. But we're still friends and stuff. I didn't leave.

Well, at least tell Gilbert the Nickelback story since we're talking about Kimmel because it's fun. Well, Nickelback, they might be nice nice guys but their manager was a dick and he he came into the booth and he's like who's the director and I'm like I am and he goes uh don't shoot Chad profile and I go who's Chad he's like our lead singer I was like well why can't I shoot him from the side? And he's like, because he has a big nose. And I was like, okay, I won't shoot Chad profile. And I was kind of laughing. I go, okay, I won't.

And then the cameraman could hear me in the headset. And one of them goes, pussy. So if you've ever seen the Kimmel show the band will do two songs and as it's doing the second song the show goes off the air so I just I said to the assistant director I go Kathy tell me when I have 10 seconds left she goes okay and I'm like camera six camera four and then she goes 10 seconds and I go shoot the nose and seven cameras zoomed in on this guy's nose and I made a nose montage. I love it.

And then we went off the air, and then it was dead quiet in the headset, and the crew's like, what are we going to do? I go, I'm getting in my car. But that made the East Coast broadcast, but then they re-edited it for the rest of the country. And they re-edited it, and there was one camera that couldn't zoom in, so it's just this weird wide shot hanging at the end of the show. It's a good story.

Now, you said something before, if I could jump back to that, about how you think about loads of things when you're doing a stand-up set. Yeah. And I find, and I used to hear this about dramatic actors and singers who look like they're performing their guts out and that they're thinking of other things and I find that all the time I'll be doing a set I'll be up there screaming running around and I'll be thinking like oh god I I used to have this pair of green socks I don't know I haven't seen those.

We talked to Stephen Wright. He said the same thing. He said that his mind wanders sometimes. Yeah. Did I turn the oven off? Yes. Yes. Oh, I think, though, yeah, it's a weird combo of trying to stay in the moment

and then at the same time not. Yeah, we's a weird combo of trying to stay in the moment and then at the same time not – yeah, we're doing – we're really multitasking when we're up there. I think it's funny. You and I have similar careers, I feel. I also feel that – We both started at 15. Yeah, I was going to say that. We both started as teenagers.

And also just – I mean, seriously, when they get to the the rolodex uh if they can't get one they get the other yes it's the same it's just it's uh i mean uh there is a we were saying there i did get a call from aflac when you got fired oh yeah i really did? Yeah, I really did. I don't know if you knew that ever, but yes, I did. And for a minute, I was like, I wouldn't do that. My friend Gilbert, and I'm walking around the house, I was like, well, you know, maybe I could make it my own. Maybe if I didn't, as long as I wasn't derivative of what he had done. And then I just said, you can tell those people to go fuck off.

Oh, thank you. If you were mad at him, it's not going to take long for you to be furious at me. Probably not. Yeah. You were doing a bit about it for a while. Well, it wasn't even a bit. Actually, during a live taping, someone, and it was the day of, I was performing and someone yelled Aflac up.

And I think they actually just thought I was you. I can't remember. Well, they yelled Aflac sucks. Yeah yelled Aflac up. And I think they actually just thought I was you. I can't remember. Well, they yelled Aflac sucks. Yeah, Aflac sucks. So in solidarity, but they just got the comic wrong. Yeah. This taping is part of the alimony tour. We are all paying for a pool that none of us swim in.

Um... That sounded dirtier than I wanted it to sound. I'm not implying my ex-wife's vagina is the size of a swimming pool. Affleck sucks! Affleck sucks? Do you really think I'm Gilbert Gottfried? I'm not Gilbert Gottfried.

I can truly... when he got fired, this happened today, when he got fired, I gotta tell you, I go, maybe he'll call. I spent the afternoon walking around the house quacking. Ah, ah, ah, flack, ah, flack. Ah, flack. No, I gotta make it my own. Ah, flack. There you go.

I'll put a spin on it. Snappity-doo. Are you ever confused for me or for anyone else that people ever say, you know? You know who I used to get confused with? People used to say when I was walking down the street, hey, Gary Shandling. Gary Shandling. Are you serious? A foot taller than you.

Yeah. But as far as you and me, what I've always noticed, the times that we'll be talking to each other, people will walk past us and go, oh, boy, it's those two together. We better make a run for it. Yeah. And it's like, meanwhile, where they're going i they're going to be serving lunch soon it's or we're we're talking about children our children yes living on the edge hey can i i don't know how much you because i don't you have uh you're very odd when it comes to self-promotion you're not uh very good at it he's pretty shameless about it

though well but it's funny he's live dates and things like that he's fine but i i don't know have i i saw your documentary and it is amazing actually i think it's great i mean everybody knows you're brilliant and hilarious and all that but uh you walk away with a better understanding of Gilbert, but in no way does it diminish you as a comedian or a talent. It's very heartfelt. It's really well done, and I don't know. I just love the movie. Oh, thank you.

We'll tell Neil, the filmmaker, Neil Berkley. Yeah. Yeah, it's really great. You know, I think people, you know, don't understand comics who people accuse of going over the line. You know, it makes it pretty clear that it's a defense mechanism. And it's not a defense mechanism aimed at, oh, I'm going to protecting ourselves. It's actually a bigger defense mechanism when something so horrible happens. It's how we deal with it, you know? I don't know.

I just felt I really loved the movie, and I thought it was great. Oh, thank you. Because that was the most recent we saw each other. Yeah. Now, were you terrified when they turned the cameras on you? Yeah. I hated every second. Well, you resisted it for a long time, too, when Neil first approached you.

Yeah, I resisted it. I hated him following me. I hated waking up in the morning and he'd be there. And I hated. Poor Neil. I fucking hated watching the movie because, to me, it's like what hell must be right you die and it goes okay now you're gonna sit here and you're gonna watch your life here yeah yeah well you know i made a documentary about my friend barry crimmins and uh uh i never showed it to him until he he the first time he saw

it was sitting in a theater with me uh at sundance And naively I thought, well, you know, he'll like it. But, yeah, it was terrifying for him. Or it was just, you know, he's just the first 20 minutes, he's just like, oh, why did you talk to this asshole? You know, just. And I was like, don't worry, by the end I make you Jesus. You know, I tell his story. He's an incredible man and stuff.

He did a heroic thing, Barry Crimmins. Sure. And he continues to. He's a great comedian, and, you know, he doesn't like the word hero. But, yeah, he is a hero. And that was why I wanted to make the movie. It wasn't just because he was my pal and I love him. I just thought his story, you know, his story, I'll tell it quickly.

He, as an adult in the mid-'90s, he disclosed on stage that he'd been raped as a kid when he was four. And while he's looking for other survivors, he found all these guys exchanging child pornography on the Internet. This is back when AOL was basically the only game in town. He complained to AOL. He went to the police. He went to the feds. Nobody did anything. So he posed as some kids and collected all this evidence against all these predators.

And he took AOL all the way to the floor of the Senate during a judiciary hearing. And in the meantime, he definitely, his personality shifted. But I knew I was going to make the movie because when he went to the floor of the Senate, it read like a Frank Capra film, you know, this outsider taking on the establishment. Yeah, very much so. Yeah. But there was one moment with him when he was talking about the man who had done these things to him and he had just found out that who had done these things to him,

and he had just found out that that guy had died in prison. And I said, well, how do you feel? And he says, well, I feel bad. And I was like, because you didn't get to confront him, that there was no closure? And he said, no, the guy died alone. And at that moment, I thought, I'm going to win so many awards. No, at that moment, I was like, yeah, I go to see someone go.

He had compassion for the person who victimized him. I don't know if it was compassion. I don't know. Yeah, it was. It was. Yeah, I guess. I don't know. Yeah, it was it was. Yeah, I guess. I mean, it was the fact to take all that rage and and to be able to, yeah, have empathy for for this person is so. Yeah. I mean, that was honestly I was so moved by that. That was what fueled me to go make the movie.

I didn't think I was going to win awards, but we ended up anyways. But yeah. Yeah. Boston Film Festival and a bunch of others. Sure, yeah. You know, I told you this at the premiere. Back a while ago, well, first of all, we should say that I met your family, you know, years ago. Yeah, when my daughter was tiny and my stepson was you know yeah and and yeah what about yeah does he know what you're referencing your favorite comic yeah but my daughter since she was little who's your favorite comic Gilbert you know your dad uh your dad does some animation, too.

You know, it was always Gilbert. She was always in love with him and still is as an adult, you know, big fan of Gilbert's. But at least she has good taste, you know. I mean, it would have bummed me out if it was somebody who was a hack, you know. And you said she used to brag to her friends. Oh, brag? She used to brag to her friends. Oh, brag? She used to brag. Yeah, yeah.

She used to brag about being your friend. That you were her friend. That's how she would say it. But I remember. Oh, no, go ahead. No, no, go ahead. Go ahead. I remember you said to me years ago, before I was married or anything,

you said, you know, you would make a great father. Yeah. And I believe, yeah, because, yeah, I just saw that when you were around my kids. You know, there was something. You've always just been so open with kids. You know, you didn't talk down to them. You were always kind of on their own playing field. I was going to say, being immature helps.

Yeah. Most adults' kids are invisible, too, and that wasn't the case with you. Yeah, I always thought that, that you'd be a great dad. And if folks see that movie, they'll get a really good idea. Oh, yeah. Lily has some of the greatest moments in the film, actually. Oh, yes.

So when Dara says, I have three kids, when she says that to me, that's where some of the camaraderie comes from. He is great with his kids, Bobcat. Yeah, but when Dara says that, I don't think it's a slam as much as just a pretty accurate portrayal. How did you like the scene where she's pulling the containers, the giant Tupperwares from under the bed and she's going through 20 years of deodorant and hotel soaps? Look, I'm not saying Gilbert's not a flawed man. Look, I'm not saying Gilbert's not a flawed man. I just, if you don't get those soaps from a hotel, do you feel like you messed up, that the show is not complete? Or is it worse, do you think something tragic is going to happen?

I'm trying to figure out this compulsion. I am like, I put those people on those hoarder shows to shame. Yeah. Do you use the soap? Yeah, yeah. You're never going to be able to use all of that soap. No, I'll have to leave them in my will. Yeah, that's true. Bequeath it to your family.

It's pretty insane the first thing i do when i go into a hotel is i go to the bathroom and see okay i've got a shampoo here conditioner skin lotion and they're free yeah why not take i uh and they must and so when you go back to a club and the people behind the desk recognize you, are they waiting with the shampoos for you? A few times. Do you let the hotel staff back in so you can get more? Yes. Yes.

Yes. It's bananas Neil made an excellent choice And a logical choice To have you in a stolen bathrobe On the poster Or a borrowed bathrobe So

One thing that's not addressed I don't think In the movie Is your connection To the universal monsters I'm kind of interested in that Oh that's interesting Just when you were a kid

You saw them And you liked them? Or did you think they were normal? Or what was it? Well, when I was growing up, it's like I always say this. When I was growing up, the greatest film school in the country was in your living room. Yeah. A million-dollar movie. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. And it was packed all day with old movies, which were probably not that old when I was a kid watching them. But I. Those universal pictures would have only been 30 years old. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like I remember one channel, I think was Channel 5.

They had all the Bogart, Cagney, Robinson gangster films. And another would have musicals. And I watched all of them, but I fell in love with the Universal monster movies. And even the Monogram, those lesser films. Right, right, right. those lesser films. Right, right, right. But did you, I mean, I guess I'm trying to think of what is the similarity in all those characters.

They are all loners. Okay. Yeah, they're tragic too. Here's the thing with monsters. It's like Dracula is what every boy wishes he was. He's like women fall unconscious in front of him, and he has control. They follow him.

He's the Cosby of the monsters. That's funny. I am Dracula. Welcome to my castle. But Bob was ahead of the curve on the Cosby thing, by the way. I know. Yeah, I know what you're talking about there. I was reading an interview with Patton.

He said, you know, Bobcat Goldthwait's been talking about Bill Cosby being a rapist on stage for 20 years. And I had, but I didn't know it was true. I just got creeped out by it. I thought it was kind of funny to say that. But, oh, in completion, the wolf man is adolescence. Your body is changing. You have no control. This is fascinating.

Over your body. Everything is changing about you. You have no control over your body. Everything is changing about you. You're growing hair. And Frankenstein is a baby, and he just wants to be loved and understood and make friends. If Frankenstein had been a baby that they had brought back to life, it would have been scary. Nobody would have died. It would have been adorable.

Are you a fan of those movies too? Frankenstein's babies. Yeah, yeah. I couldn't find that in my research. I know you're a Billy Wilder guy. I know you were a Billy Wilder guy. I like, well, I like all, you know, I like genre pictures, but I think Gilbert and I were probably watching a lot of the same movies, you know, like Abbott and Costello and things like that. Oh, yeah.

Sure. You know, I used to think like, you know, Lou Costello, when I was a kid, I was like, man, that guy's a good actor. I was just like, I couldn't think he was funny. I was just like, I't think he was funny I was just like I really like his chops man That guy That guy He was like

Like Paul Newman to me or something But where's mummy land on Yeah I was just gonna ask that What about the mummy Oh the mummy Wow You gotta You gotta go deeper into your

Yeah That one That one I'm at a loss for. Yeah, maybe it's just death. I mean, maybe it's just obvious. But, I mean, I know that the comics have been talking about that for years, you know, about how not scary that monster was. Yeah, because he walks so slow. Because he's slow.

He's really slow. Because he walks so slow. Because he's slow. He's really slow. And Lon Chaney Jr. himself said, I don't know why anybody watches those mummy pictures. You know who we had on this show, Bobcat? We had Janet Ann Gallo, who was a child actress, who was in Ghost of Frankenstein. She worked with Chaney Jr. and she said that she played hide and go seek with Chaney and Lugosi when they were in their film Monster

so we dug her up wow we had her on the show wow yeah well you know my my buddy Charlie Brill he uh when he was a kid was in Broadway and uh Boris Karloff was playing uh he was in when he was a kid, he was in Broadway, and Boris Karloff was playing. He was Captain Hook in Peter Pan. And so Boris Karloff went to Charlie's Bar Mitzvah. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. That's fantastic. Wow.

We got to get Charlie and Mitzi on this show. Oh, my God. And it was great to see Mitzi in World's Greatest Dad. Yeah, Charlie and Mitzi, they're the folks. I mean, they've had an amazing career, but they are the ones that went on Ed Sullivan with the Beatles. Yeah, we were just talking about them here last night. Yeah, yeah. They were that famous bombing, you know, where it's, you know, the Beatles did a couple sets.

bombing, you know, where it's, you know, the Beatles did a couple sets. So after their first set, they come out and it's like, we take you to a delicatessen in Brooklyn. Yeah. And it's just, it just screams. And at one point he actually says to Mitzi, can you, can you hear me at all? It was just deafening. I wonder if there's any photos of Boris Karloff wearing a yarmulke. Yeah.

Well, we'll dig into that. Muzzle tough, Charlie. Muzzle tough. Today you are a man. Charlie said that they were really bummed out after bombing so hard and then John Lennon came into their dressing room and he drew

a doodle of the two of them you know how you would do those and I was like do you still have that and he goes no I threw it out I thought the guy was arrogant I think Sullivan kind of fucked them up too because he cut. We'll confirm this with Charlie if we get him on, but I think Sullivan told them to change the act.

Oh, probably. Like right before they went out because he was infamous for doing that. It didn't help. You probably had that over the years where you would get a set together for a talk show and then they would come out and they would give you notes on your set. Oh, yes. Wasn't that the worst?

Yeah. Yeah, because it's old people who are not themselves funny. Yeah. And they're paranoid about what the host is going to make of what you say, I think. I mean, because I did a thing. Oh, yes. Joan Rivers was leaving the Tonight Show, and Johnny Carson never wanted me on.

And so as she was leaving, she booked me on as one of her last guests as an FU to the Tonight Show because they didn't know she was quitting the next day. And so when I went on, I had her introduce me as a dog act. And I came out in top hat and tails. And then I was crying. And then I explained that my dog got hit by a car. And then I told my dad, and he said, is there anything I can do?

I go, yeah, you could replace him. Please welcome Tom Goldthwait. And I had a 70-year-old guy catch Frisbees in his mouth and ride around on a tricycle. But then I remember Robert Morton, who was over at Letterman, and he was like, why didn't you do that on our show? And I was like, but I pitched it to him. And he was like, you can't do that.

Dave loves dogs. But I pitched it to him, and he was like, you can't do that. Dave loves dogs. There's always these weird, odd gatekeepers that were – and it was driving me nuts because I'd be like, how does Andy Kaufman get anything on the air? Does he tell them what he's going to do? Do you – like I would used to write two different panels. Like I would write out what I thought I would talk about,

and then I would give them the panel that was safe that they could steer me in. Did you do that, Gil? You're not that hardworking. No. And the funny thing is I always – to come in and just say hello to them is too much effort. To come in and just say hello to them is too much effort. And I was always the type who, when I'd do a talk show, and they'd always ask me, like, well, can we lead you into a bit?

Or could you tell us some jokes about where you grew up? And you're like, well, I wrote this for me to do. Yes. I didn't write this with you in mind. It was never a double. And the funny thing is now that I do the podcast, I understand at least their side of finding out. Because with me, I sit here and as Frank will tell you, sometimes I just go, I can't think of anything else to ask this guy.

I don't know what you're talking about. It's like, fuck it. You're in the middle of looking at someone going, how did this hump get on the show? There's been a fair amount of that. Well, you know how it is. I mean, you've interviewed people yourself. It's hard to find that smooth line between just the regular conversation and the stilted interview question that sets up the story. The way Leno would do it clumsily.

Oh, yeah. Leno was always like, I heard you were caught in an elevator with a gorilla. I don't know where I heard it. I think the best was Mike Douglas was the best at that. Like, whatever. You know what I mean? You could talk about the demise of a family member,

and then he would go right to the next question. Just he would never, could not do anything but what was on the cards. It was always great. I think it's one of the reasons Carson got so much praise, because he was actually artful about it. Yeah. He'd just say, well, somebody was telling me backstage about this thing, and he'd kind of segue into the conversation.

You didn't quite know that he was reading the questions off the cards. Yeah. I get it. I get it. I understand how they want everything prepared. I understand people's heads are on the block if you screw up. But it is without, I mean, at least the advent of podcasts, you get to know people a lot more. But, I mean, like I was looking at an old Dick Cavett and Woody Allen came on and he did comedy.

He played his clarinet. Oh, yeah. He told stories. He talked to politics. You know, I mean, and now it's just these tiny little clips. and he did comedy. He played his clarinet. Oh, yeah. He told stories. He talked to politics. You know, I mean, now it's just these tiny little clips. It's weird. Talk shows now are just the goal of a talk show is to make content for the Internet,

which is really weird. There's a lot of that, especially in late night. Yeah. Yeah. All of them are doing like a stunt each night. For the clip, which, you know, it's funny. When I said the Tonight Show on fire, people often will say that I was banned, but the reality was they had me back on a week later doing like a bit with them. I mean, you can't get banned when people are talking about it the next day.

I mean, I did way more damage on Arsenio Hall's show, but no one ever talks about that. I was watching those clips just today. When I smashed a... When him wrestling you, when him trying to pull the stuff out of your hand. Please welcome Bobcat. Go sweet. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Please welcome Bobcat, Bobcat. How you doing? I'm doing fine.

This is so sad. This honestly is really sad, because to be honest, I don't quite often get modeling, but I'd like to thank you for having me on the show so much and for all your help over the past, what is it, about six years. Yeah, yeah. Thanks, man. Thanks for having me on. Listen, we go way back to the cab days. And then I got thinking,

what are you going to do? I mean, I don't want to be rude or anything, but will you still be able to help my career? Essentially, what I want to know is, do I still have to keep kissing your ass? I mean, to be honest, it is though. I mean, why are you, why, I feel. Why make it easier for the next guy?

Are you really quitting? Yeah, yeah. Well, then, come on, let's cut the s*** right now. I saw that, I saw that, I hadn't seen it in, you know, 20 years or whatever, and I watched it, and I was like, oh, this is really violent. Yeah. But entertaining. Yeah.

I spray painted Paramount sucks on the backdrop because he just got fired. Right. And I go, well, let's not make it easy for the next guy who gets the job. And I spray paint Paramount sucks. And then I start throwing the mattresses from the couch into the audience. The crowd's going crazy. I start throwing the mattresses from the couch into the audience. The crowd's going crazy.

And then I just knocked over these two monitors, which cost about three grand, and put my Doc Martens through the back of it. And then he tackles me, and he's holding me down. Oh, I started to throw the couch or something through the back wall. But he tackles me. And as he's holding me down on the ground, he goes, thank you. Unbelievable. The terrible injustice is that I have to pretend like I'm mad at him.

And then immediately I'm like booked on, you know, Regis and Kathy Lee, you know. And my goal there was I was going to throw up on them. Oh, I know that's right. So I was going to take a bunch of, eat a big breakfast and have some EpiCac in a coffee mug and then go, hey, how's Cody? You know, Kathy Lee going about her family and then throw up. And I thought that'd be funny. And I told Shandling that story and he's like oh can we put that on larry sanders and i was like yeah but i kind of want to do that and he

goes well you know so that was on larry sanders and then i show up to do regis and kathy lee and they go uh hey uh saw your uh shandling i go oh yeah yeah yeah uh hey i go well you know it's just a joke and then they pat me down, and in my coat pocket, there's a bottle of EpiCac. Did you wind up spraying them with a fire extinguisher? Yeah, I just came out because I had said that tonight's show on fire. And they're like, hey, maybe we'll give you a fire extinguisher. Wouldn't that be funny?

I go, yeah, that'd be funny. And then I don't even let them get the introduction out. I just grabbed the fire extinguisher, and i started hitting the two of them with it but you know i don't do that kind of stuff anymore i love the psa that you had to do after the after the leno incident well it's just that's just great gilbert when you do things i'm sure it's the same way it's like i i don't think i don't think often when I'm doing something it's like well you liked it when I did this and this and this

I just assume well you're going to like this too and it's only hindsight that line they talk about us going over I just see it in the rear view mirror you know I don't think people are going to get upset when they get up at the things they

do get upset at. I'm always surprised which ones they choose to flip out about. Yeah. Well, it's like when I was going through that whole tsunami thing, I was thinking, so wait, so everyone's shocked. You never heard me on the Howard Stern show. You never saw me at a roast. You never saw me on the howard stern show you never saw me at a roast you never saw me on stage yeah

it's just like there's a a bit of our culture that uh you know in the 24-hour news cycle that needs these uh stories like that for people to be upset about but they're not really about anything you know anybody i think i had a line about, you know, I said this after your thing. I was like, you know, nobody who had lost their home in the tsunami, and it's like, well, how's it going? It's like, well, I lost my son and my daughter, and the house is destroyed,

but I really can't get past what this New York comedian said about it. Yeah. But I really can't get past what this New York comedian said about it. Yeah. You know, I don't think people are offended for people that they're not. It's just not reality. It's just like I had some Japanese woman come over to me recently at some movie theaters, recently at some movie theaters, and she said, nobody in Japan was talking about your tweets or any of it.

Yeah, or the duck that you were the voice of. Oh, yeah. The duck distanced himself from Gilbert. Yes. The duck was like going. The duck had no comment. Look, I don't. He does the voice i'm the duck we're two different two different uh people all together it's funny you say that

because one of the things that came up at that time that you heard a lot was well why did this company hire gilbert godfrey then in the first place oh yes they didn't know who they were getting into business with yeah well every time i take a gig like that, I'm like, I'm going to blow this. I'm going to screw it up, you know. I needed some bread one year, and Robin did a Snickers commercial, and he held out and said, well, I want Bobcat to be in it with me. And he calls up and he's like, so they're going to ask commercial so just tell them no i was like okay so i was like no i'm an artist you know and then he came back with more money and i go i go what do i do now he goes no no

don't tell him yes now you know don't don't tell him no so so uh so i take the commercial but then he calls me up and he goes so so they want you to do the voice. Are you okay doing the voice? Because he knows I have a weird relationship with the character people. Know me for it. I go, Robin, for the amount of money Snickers is paying, I will fuck a Snickers bar on camera. By the way, I should say it's a great candy bar.

It's a really good, delicious candy bar. And I'm not saying that because i signed a lot of paperwork saying that i would never say anything negative even if i didn't sign that paperwork i would tell you it's a great candy bar well my my favorite tweet that i got around that time when i was in trouble was affleck fires gil fires Gilbert Gottfried after discovering he's a comedian oh that's funny since you brought up Robin Bob I just want to I just want to talk quickly I just want to tell our listeners we got a lot of people listening to this show now about World's Greatest Dad which is arguably his best performance I I mean, I love him in The Fisher King. I mean, you know, Dead Poets Society did great work. But, you know, what a plum roll for him, and he's just so good in it.

Well, he wasn't going to, you know, he read the script, asked me to read it because he thought he'd play like a small part and then it would help me get funding. But then he called me up and said, hey, can I play the guy? And I was like, sure. I mean, I wouldn i wouldn't if i was gonna write a movie for robin i wouldn't write him as an english teacher i think right i think you cover that pretty well but um yeah you know so we're already friends when we started the movie i mean i was you know it's funny i do say that i do know i was his best friend because i i spent time bored out of my

mind with him and i don't think people can even imagine you know uh just he would play this first shooter video game all the time uh call of duty and then one day i was just i don't know he'd be like hey come hang out and i'd be watching him play his game board and but he'd be swearing because he's playing with other people, you know, on the internet. And I go, how old are these people you're playing? He's like, I don't know, 12, 13. And I'm like, I just love the idea that like years go by. I don't know, some kids hearing this story going,

the genie from Aladdin did call me a cocksucker. But, yeah, so I was like, I didn't know how we were going to work together. He'd been in other things I'd done, but I hadn't been number one on the call sheet. So I was nervous, you know, that I would say, okay, let's do a take and let's do it really quiet and calm. And I thought he was going to say, I have an Oscar and you were in Hot to Trot. I think we'll do it the way I want to do it.

But that wasn't the case at all. It was a true collaboration. It was a lot like God Bless America with Joel Murray. That was another collaboration where they're bringing a lot more than even just an actor. Joel had a lot of great ideas that were reflected in God Bless America. And Robin had a lot of great ideas. Robin made me laugh. One of the first things he said was, he goes, so this is a beard movie, but I don't have a beard.

And he was the one that decided to strip off all his clothes at the end of the movie. And I go, well, let me think about that. And then I turned around and I said, yeah, that's a good idea. Let's do that. It's so well done. Oh, thanks. Thanks. Thanks.

So it's, you know, it's, you know, if I had to pick like the movies that I'm, you know, I've made seven now, but the two that I'm probably the most connected to, it would be world's greatest dad. Cause Robin and I, and then call me lucky that when I did on Barry, you know, which were, we're turning that into a narrative movie. I'm working with Judd Apatow on a script and we're going to make that a,

a feature film. Yeah. The whole cast in world's greatest dad, by the way, too. And, and Daryl Sabara playing the son. Wonderful.

Yeah, he's great. Wonderful. He was in the Spy Kids movie. And I recognized him. Did you? I'd never seen him. So he came in and he just stayed in character and he was really great. But I was like, I'm conflicted because he seems like such a horrible person.

But I feel he'd be really good in the movie. And I called up people and they go, Daryl, Daryl's a really nice kid. What are you talking about? So he was just so locked in. So we had another meeting and he thought he was auditioning again. I was like, no, I just wanted to know if you were an asshole. And then I saw like the character break away and, and, you know, Daryl now still remains to be like kind of part of the family and very close to him.

Gilbert, I'm going to, I'm going to make you watch this movie because you're going to like it. No, it sounds good. We had Carl Reiner. Spoiler alert. Spoiler alert. A baby may or may not get shot in the movie in the first couple minutes. But in my defense, that kid was an asshole. No.

Oh, I know what you're referring to. Yes, in the other movie. Yeah. Right. In God Bless America. Yeah. I'm going to make him watch both of them. Oh, yeah. what you're referring to. Yes, in the other movie. Yeah. Right. In God Bless America. Yeah. I'm going to make them watch both of them. Oh, yeah.

I'm sorry. Oh, World's Greatest Dad. Yeah, World's Greatest Dad I was referring to. We also worked together on CSI. Yeah. You did? Yes. Yeah.

Where at the beginning of the show, Jeff Ross dies. He's doing a set and he falls to the ground dead. And it's either me or Bob. Who's the killer. And before the show aired, I couldn't talk publicly enough about that I was the killer. It just made me laugh to be on the radio. Yeah, I'm the killer. People would be so mad.

But I often say that I retired from acting the same time they stopped hiring me. But the reality is that that was the end of my acting career. Because if you remember it, I'm very serious. Oh, yes. Yes. I have to say this. Yeah. Oh, you. Yes. I have to say this. Yeah. And I, you know, and.

Oh, you have a line in it. And you could tell all the writers probably thought this was Shakespearean. Where you're a comic on stage and you go, I killed today. Oh. I just got shit chills. I just got shit chills. I just got shit chills. But like people are going, oh, you were so good at it. And I was like, uh, I'm never

going to be a good actor. I'm going to concentrate behind the scenes. Also, I was wondering is, because I mean, i know you do bella a lot but do you do you have an infinity for the movie edward or oh yeah he likes that we had we had larry and scott here oh yeah they're the same writers who wrote problem child problem child yeah there you go which that's uh there was some other crazy connection between problem child and ed wood besides them i can't remember which one oh well i said there is a link to problem child and every other film they did in that there is that weird

thing like like this disrespected but sometimes popular Ed Wood, a guy who's frowned on in the movie business like they were. And then there's a movie like Big Eyes about something that's popular culture that no one respects but is the public. Right, right, right. Oh, you know what? I think it was some sort of Max Cady reference was what? Because remember, that's what he's watching.

Oh, in Cape Fear, yeah. Oh, yes, yes. He's watching Problem Charged. Yeah, we talked about it with Ileana. And he's cackling like a maniac. We talked about it with Ileana. And he's cackling like a maniac. So that's how you know he's crazy if he thinks Problem Shop's funny.

They should have just had the cops come in, take him away during the movie. You're watching a movie with Gilbert Gottfried? I have an affinity for both Ed Wood and the movie. I really love that movie. And I don't think Ed Wood and the movie. I really love that movie. And I don't think Ed Wood's the worst filmmaker ever. I think his films are always passionate. I think, you know, they're imaginative. There's way more pedestrian filmmakers than Ed Wood.

I mean, you know, so I don't think he's the worst filmmaker by far the films that are remembered as being the worst films that are picked in the worst film are the ones that people enjoy watching there's a certain charm to them yeah and it's like there's plenty of worse shit out there that's coming out every day i mean you can't make make a bad cult movie. There's got to be this weird passion, I think, that the filmmaker, and maybe it's also some naive thing where, you know, it's just that they're blinded by. But, yeah, I do love Ed Wood. I guess I kind of modeled my career after edward in a way you know i make

really tiny movies and i work with my friends and i you know i i i elude uh box office success so that's my formula it's very inspiring inspiring, I have to say, Bob. I was doing the research on you, and I watched a lot of interviews, and I listened to your interview with Marc Maron, and this idea that you just decided, I don't want to be in anything that I wouldn't watch. Yeah, I just kind of, you know, I say, you know, you keep quitting until you end up someplace you don't want to leave,

and that happened to me. And the weirdest thing right now, I've never been busier. You know, I have an anthology series on TruTV that I'm filming, and that will come out next year. And I just shot a pilot with Michael Patrick King and Bridget Everett for Amazon. So I'm working on it. And then during all of that, i went and shot patent special so i'm very very uh busy um so when i'm ego surfing on the internet and someone makes a joke like uh

well i get it but you know they assume that i'm i'm i don't know i mean i guess they just assume i'm i'm hanging out with screech or something i mean i don't know. I mean, I guess they just assume I'm hanging out with Screech or something. I mean, I don't know. Screech. I don't know. You know, it's like just because I'm not in front of the camera doesn't mean that I'm not busy. I'm actually really busy. Oh, and I mean.

You know, that guy, the killer just now in Portland. I shouldn't bring this up in your show, but I looked at a photo of the guy and I go, man, he looks like me from the 80s. I'm like, oh man, I wish that didn't happen. All the tweets are, hey, it's good to see Bobcat Goldthwait still alive. I'm like,

I haven't done the same, so I got to have tough skin. I got to remember to tell tell you you had a traffic altercation oh yeah i'm glad we didn't forget that jack carter yeah yeah i was going to the improv's christmas party and i'd already heard that he didn't like me he went on some jag with a bunch of comics and just telling me i'm not funny and all that stuff whatever but so my wife was backing into the the parking spot and he just zooms in and takes it the parking spot and i actually got out of it hey we we were backing into that he goes well it's my parking

spot now and he goes into the goes into this is a christmas party at the improv so i go and uh go into the club and I get a screwdriver, and I steal his vanity license plate that says, Jack Carr. Oh, jeez. Oh, this is great. So I'm walking back into the club, and I have the license plate under my jacket,

and the cops come up, and they go, can we talk to you? And then I go, yeah, over here. And when the cop went, when I said over here, I realized I wasn't in trouble because he had recognized me and stuff and i said well jack carter's a big asshole and i tell him the whole story and i took his license plate i show him the license plate i could you want me to put it back i keep the plate so uh yeah the cop kind of let me go and then i had jack carter's license plate hanging in my rumpus room for years i wanted to

send a photo of me with a ski mask with his vanity license plate so i was doing a roast and i told the story and i said i'd like to apologize to jack carter and i pulled his paper bag out and i had the license plate people realized it was a real story, and I gave it to him. And he fucking threw the whole thing at me. He threw it back at me. He was like, you – it was like toxic or something like that. But, yeah, so sadly he and I did not become pals before his demise. That's too bad. We had him booked here, and he went and died on us.

That's a spite death. He took it personally. He did that to spite you. And I don't know exactly what he meant by this, and now I'll never find out. Jack Carter was on one show, and they mentioned me to him, and he said, oh, he's a rebate. A rebate?

A rebate. Not a reprobate? Yeah, no. He said a rebate. Wow. Well, you know. And he took that to his grave. He said a rebate. Wow. Well, you know. And he took that to his grave. You're a coupon.

I think there's, when you get to a certain age and if you're still working in comedy, you either, you know, I don't know. There's just sore winners, you know. People who've had a good run and they're still mad. Well, he was famously bitter about everybody. Yeah. Yeah. We'll send you.

There's a funny thing called Shit Jack Carter Says, which was listed, which was our friend Cliff Nesterov put together. It was just rants at the end of Jack Carter's life. We'll send it to you. It's quite good. We'll send it to you. It's quite good. Yeah, there's just, you know, I think Gilbert and I are probably doing it right. You know, we're tenacious.

We're still around. And I'm judging you, but I feel you're very happy. Is that right? Well, let's not go that far. You're crazy. Well, you're miserable enough to be entertaining. Yes. But you're not lonely.

How's that? Yeah, and it's a funny thing, like, because both of us got famous around the same time. Yeah. Well, you're also both similar comics. I mean, you're what Michael O'Donoghue used to call a slash and burn comedy. Yeah. You mean Gilbert and I? Both of you. Yeah,ue used to call a slash and burn comedy. Yeah. I mean, Gilbert and I. Both of you.

Yeah. Both of you. You're kind of like anarchists. Yeah. The guys that are deconstructing it at the same time that they're doing it, not to get too artsy fartsy about standup. But no, I think that was it. I mean, don't you think your early standup was making fun of it? Oh, yes.

Yes. And here's a question I get all the time. So I'll give it to you because you probably get asked this all the time. Everyone always says to me, where did you develop your personality, your whole delivery to me? So what would you say as far as with you? Was there any conscious thought? I was like very derivative of you. No. I said I want to get a piece of this Alan Thicke show. No, I was, you know, the people that influenced me were people like Andy Kaufman and George Carlin and Steve Martin and all those.

But it wasn't ever like this is somebody I saw and I was going to make fun of them by doing a character. It was something that just came out of me, you know. And my earlier sets were just me crying and, you know, reading a Dear John letter. And then I would stop and I would clean fish on stage. I would say, does anyone have a fish? And my roommate would have some fish. And then once at the ding-ho, I opened up this fish. And this woman threw up immediately because the fish was rancid.

And I just held the mic down so you could hear her retching over the PA. And then the club owner was just like, Bobby, you're weird. You're weird. Oh, and then the next comic, Bill Campbell, very funny, bossy comedian, but his comedy is just, you know, I'm a dad recently, you know, and fish on trails and vomit all over the stage. Who influenced me? i don't know i mean did your persona just evolve from every time you got up on stage that's really it i never put any conscious effort into it it's not like people think oh did you have some eccentric uncle

or something right yeah or that like our script or it's not like our stand-up was a script and we looked at it and said, now I got to come up with a character for this script. It was just going up on stage in this thing that is an extension of both of us. It's not like some, you know, it's not, it's a very slippery slope when we start talking about characters because as much as I love Jerry Lewis,

he starts talking about the kid and all that kind of stuff. But, yeah, I wouldn't say that they're not us even though they are us. I have the same feeling. Like either persona, I feel like to me it's a Jekyll and Hyde thing. So both of them are real. Yeah. Well, this is a good way to wrap this up. We started on the Universal Monsters.

Yeah. There you go. And now we're back. You're also both, if I may say, comfortable. You both like the idea of making an audience uncomfortable. You, Bob, you set out with the idea of creating a sense of awkwardness and unease. And Gilbert does it too. And, you know, Tom Kenny said that's why I started making movies.

He said that I could no longer surprise or make an audience uncomfortable that came to see me do stand-up because they were happy to watch me do that. That's probably why i started making movies because now i can um make them awkward and upset by by stories i'm trying to tell so what else is coming up you you said you're working are you doing that ray davies project i've been uh you know i just saw him a few weeks ago i i that's my dream project but unlike uh my other movies that one is a musical and it's going to take a lot more money because uh my movies make hundreds of dollars i don't think you understand hundreds of dollars so um that's if i ever get a budget but we we are still we're i'm trying to get that

going that's my you know i haven't given up on it and Ray's still involved. So, uh, I just want to do it right. You know, I told Ray that if I ever made that movie and he didn't like it, I'd want to, I'd want to kill myself. So I want to, I want to do a good job or at least make it when I'm really sad. Well, Gilbert's very amused by the, uh, did you really write 11 screenplays after world's greatest dad? Yeah. Because Gilbert loves the idea of the gay Billy Jack movie. Oh, I will do that. You must do that.

I wrote that one. I'm going to have to ask you to stop using that word. It's come up on this show, Billy Jack. Yeah, I just you know, my wife at the time she was the 09. She was like, I go, I'm tired of being broke. I'm going to write a genre picture.

You know, and I loved Billy Jack movies as a kid, so I'm going to write a Billy Jack movie. So I started writing it, and she came down, and she goes, how's it going? I go, it has about 40 pages in. I go, he's gay now. And she goes, we're just going to keep renting, aren't we? I go, yeah, yeah, we're going to rent. Do you stay in touch with Savage Steve?

Yeah, yeah. I work for him too. Oh, really? Yeah, I wrote an episode of Eek the Cat. Oh, wow. But so, yeah, Savage Steve, you know, we flirt with the idea of doing one crazy summer movie. That would be one of the few things that I would actually be willing to hit the boards again for. Oh, he's the best. Now, why you are retired from stand-up a number of times?

Well, no, I just said I'm probably not going to do it when I was directing and stuff, but it got misconstrued. It wasn't like Sinatra retiring. No one really cared. Yeah. But whenever I got back into it, it was always because there's a connection that I would make with an audience.

No, when I needed money. Yeah. I miss that. There's a hug that no woman can give me. That's from Mr. Saturday Night. Oh, jeez. Yes. There's a hug that no woman can give me.

And every guy wants to be me and every woman wants to fuck me. Yeah. I haven't had that feeling yet on stage. That's the perfect segue to this thing i want to go out on bob we've we've talked about gilbert loves to mock the idea that of women who say that they really want to be with a funny guy you know we've talked about this on the show i think that's true yeah i think they do appreciate a sense of humor. They just don't appreciate the other part of the stand-up comic. They don't, you know, I want to be with someone who makes me laugh. They don't want to be with someone that's full of shame and self-doubt and loathing

and sits in the field position crying. You know, so yeah, that negates. It doesn't matter how funny you are. It's that other side of, that's the part that's the boner killer for the ladies. I loved the line I saw you say was, they don't want to be with a guy who cries while he masturbates. Yeah, yeah. Which I loved. That's the, they like the funny part. The rest, the rest, no.

We could go on, you gotta go. Oh, wait, wait. We almost go on. You got to go. Oh, wait, wait. We almost forgot. What did we forget? Before we end each show, we have to say, we haven't even scraped the surface. Oh, our engineer says we always do. There's so much we could talk to you about. We wanted to ask you about George Gaines, too, from Police Academy.

Well, I should just come back. Come back. Come back. But we didn't talk about Richard Donner, and we didn't talk about— Oh, I love Donner. I've got great stories about him. We've got to talk about Shakes the Clown. No, we don't want you to come back.

Can you tell us off the air? He's pissed that we waited 170 episodes to call him. I'll be back here at 340. There's a lot we didn't touch on, so we hope you'll come back. Yeah, please. I would love to. Thanks a lot. And please go see Gilbert's movie.

It's insightful not only to Gilbert but into the mind of any comedian that has anything to say. And that's nice of you. Wow. Thank you. And to our listeners, please see Bob's movies, both God Bless America, which is cathartic. And Joel Murray's hilarious, by the way. Yeah, Joel's great. And also World's Greatest Dad, which my wife and I were howling at the other night.

And if you just watch, or call me lucky, but that's a really heavy movie. It's about as heavy as a movie gets. So, well, thanks for having me on. I thought I'd end on a lull, and I did it. All right, Gil. Well, this has been Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host, Frank Santopadre, and a man who most importantly liked my documentary. That's what he'll forever be remembered for.

Remembered for. Yes. That'll be my... On my grave. Yes. That'll be my grave. Our friend Bobcat. It's not Bobcat anymore.

Oh, I like Bobcat. I haven't gone insane. Yeah. Our friend Bobcat Goldquake. Bobcat, thanks, man. Thank you. Phil is the smarter prescription refill service. No more standing in line at the chain drug store for your monthly medications. Because with Phil, your monthly medications are filled by top-rated, locally-owned pharmacies and delivered to your door for free. They troubleshoot insurance and chase after doctors, so you don't have to.

Go to phil.us slash Gilbert to get $20 off your first prescription. That's phillliketheperson.us forward slash Gilbert. Thank you. I'm out.