Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - GGACP Classic: Drew Friedman
Episode Date: April 4, 2024To coincide with the recent screening of the in-progress Drew Friedman documentary, GGACP revisits this CLASSIC conversation as guests (and friends) Drew Friedman, Rupert Holmes and Richard Kind help ...celebrate the show's 200th episode. Topics include: the cinema of Fred Gwynne, the unpredictability of Jerry Lewis, the long-lost child of Uncle Miltie and the risks and rewards of meeting one’s heroes. Also, Drew puts Groucho to bed, Rupert lunches with Frank Capra, Richard lives up to his name and the panel recalls the movie that changed their lives. PLUS: The Olivia de Havilland of monster movies! In praise of Dan Castellaneta! Gilbert disses (the original) “Casino Royale”! Merv Griffin co-stars with a gorilla! And the boys rank the best Richard Kind impressions! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Hey Gilbert, hey Frank
Bob Saget here
just telling you congratulations
on your 200th episode
Gilbert, I remember when you had your first
episode and I gave you some
medication and you were fine
but I just love you guys
you know, in the way that a
taller man can love
of slightly shorter men.
Congrats.
200 episodes is not a small thing.
I'll show you a small thing next time I see you.
Lots of love.
Or whatever.
It's Chevy Chase here.
Congratulations.
Oh, Gilbert, I love you.
And Frank, on your 200th podcast.
Sure glad I wasn't on any of them hey Gilbert it's Weird Al Yankovic
I do the
parody songs
you've had me on the show you might remember
anyway I wanted to congratulate you on
200 episodes
wow
oh man
that's
that's impressive.
Hi, I'm Gilbert Gottfried, and this is Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host, Frank Santopadre.
We're once again recording at Nutmeg with our engineer, Frank Berterosa.
Yay, Frank.
Engineer Frank Berderosa.
Yay, Frank.
Believe it or not, this is our 200th main episode,
and they said it would never last.
Actually, the person who said it was me.
For the special show, we've invited three of our favorite former guests because they were the absolute best choices, and also they happen to be free tonight.
Our first guest is an award-winning cartoonist, illustrator, and a friend and frequent guest on
the podcast. His work has appeared in National Lampoon, Spy, The New Yorker, Time, and the recent humor publication, The American Bystander.
His new book is Drew Freeman's Chosen People, which features portraits of everyone from Sammy Petrillo to George Zucco.
And a new documentary about his life, The Vermeer of the Bosch Belt, is currently in the works.
The artist formerly known as Jew Dots, Drew Friedman.
Drew Friedman.
Our next guest is a musician, songwriter, record producer, playwright, novelist, and screenwriter.
He's a Tony winner, a Drama Desk Award winner, the winner of the Edgar Award for Mystery Writing, and the recipient of ASCAP's...
Or ASCAP.
Yeah.
When the hell can we interrupt this?
This is just dreadful.
We've heard it all before.
In the middle of it.
Oh, my God.
In the middle of reading that, I said, something, something's not right here.
This is a word.
This is intense.
It's supposed to go a little faster.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's ASCAP.
And I think I called.
Well, that made it go a little faster.
And I think I called you Freeman.
Freeman.
Freeman.
You're thinking Mickey Freeman.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yes. You want to tell the. Yeah. Yes. Yes.
You want to tell the audience who this person is that you're talking about?
Okay.
Which one?
The one you're in the middle of introducing.
The ass cap.
Oh, okay.
The ass something.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
The recipient of ASCAPs.
Do you know I think I once worked for ASCAP to make it even worse?
Like a temp job?
I did.
I had a crappy job.
I think it was ASCAP.
So you blocked it. It was aCAP. So you blocked it.
It was a bad memory.
Yeah, it was horrible.
Now, what's his name?
Former guest Paul Williams.
Yes.
He's the president.
I am pretty sure it was a New York office.
He had nothing to do with it.
Yeah.
You want to introduce this man?
Where it says ASCAP, the Distinguished ASCAP Award, you can cancel the distinguished part now.
Yes.
George M. Cohen Award.
Yeah.
He's worked with everyone from Jerry Lewis to Barbara Streisand to the Jackson Five.
And he's the rare individual who can tell you the difference between the great Gildersleeve, Frank Nelson, and Gail Gordon.
A creative...
Polymath.
Polymath.
And the ingenious Rupert Holmes.
It's easy for you to say.
And last but never least...
Hold on.
The last time I was here, Frank wrote a long introduction and lost it.
That's true.
I left it in my office.
I think we should do the same thing here.
Have you found it?
Well, in the interest of symmetry.
The last but never least for his fourth appearance, a gifted and popular actor who's appeared on hit TV shows such as Mad About You,
Spin City, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Gotham, and Red Oaks,
and acclaimed films like Argo, Inside Out, and A Serious Man.
He's also the winner of a Drama Desk Award and an Independent Spirit Award.
And he's still pissed off at Mario Cantone for disrespecting Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol.
Absolutely wrong.
But he's never won anything from AFC.
wrong. But he's never won anything from AFC.
Our very own Tony Randall,
the brilliantly
funny Richard Tine.
Yes. Now I...
There's no applause, and I said thank you.
Yes. Alright, there you go.
They can applaud. There's 62 people in the room.
Nobody applauded.
We have a studio audience here.
This is ridiculous.
Now, I think all of us remember where we were when we found out Marlon Brando fucked Richard Pryor.
That's too soon.
The big opener he's been sitting on.
Talk about a big opener.
Who made the move? That's who he was sitting on. Talk about a big opener. Who made the move?
That's who he was sitting on.
Who had the courage?
What year was that?
What year was that?
I don't know that much about it, the details.
According to Quincy Jones.
Who would know?
Marlon Brando fucked Richard Pryor in the ass.
Right.
Well, he said he would fuck anything at that point. A mailbox.
Well, that's a put-down
of Richard Pryor.
Who was fucked who?
Who was on top and who was...
Well, I like to think
Brando was on top
because the image
of an 800-pound Brando
climbing on board of a terrified Richard Pryor.
I'm going to have to draw it.
Yes, but if he was on top, you won't have to draw Richard Pryor.
Ah, okay.
And how would you find Marlon Brando's hand?
What year Marlon Brando? hand. This is the... What year Marlon Brando?
This is his warm-up.
This is his warm-up.
He was still in good shape in 1968.
Well, I like to think it was the Brando you'll remember.
The one who was in...
Like, I just won.
The one from the Matthew Broderick film.
Are you incorporating a stick of butter into this image that you're putting?
Oh, excellent.
So I think that lets us know who was on top.
The fingernails.
No fingernails.
He's obsessed with this.
Should we book Quincy Jones to settle this once and for all?
I want Quincy Jones as a co-host.
Perfect timing.
Or Mrs. Pryor.
Didn't Mrs. Pryor say that this is all true?
She said it's true. A daughter. His daughter denied it. His wifeor. Didn't Mrs. Pryor say that this is all true? She said it's true.
A daughter.
His daughter denied it.
His wife said it might be true.
Yeah, his daughter denied it.
But, I mean, let's face it.
What was the opening line?
Who hit on who?
Well, his daughter says it didn't happen.
So let's not ask her.
But, no, no.
It's a good policy. But, you know, let's not ask her. But no. It's a good policy.
But you know, let's face it.
If you found out
that Marlon Brando
fucked your father
and he has, you'd deny
it too.
There's no
way around it.
You'd have to deny it.
Can you imagine the farting that was going on during this?
Yeah.
Because Brando was a notorious farter.
And as we heard, you heard one of Brando's farts.
It was not just a fart.
It was a long, continuous fart.
Is it you who saw him outside the ice cream store?
Yes, yes.
Well, it's a story.
Gilbert told an abbreviated version recently.
But the longer version, which is not that
long, but it was a Haagen-Dazs store
on Sunset. And this is the Sunset
right around where Woody Allen
ordered ground yeast. So that's, you know,
just picture that.
I walked into a Haagen-Dazs store
and there's this big, big
fat guy up at the counter.
Give me a quart of chocolate.
A quart is ready.
A woman goes up to him and says, can I get your autograph?
Get the fuck away from me.
Oh, wow.
Wow.
So they give him the ice cream in one bag, and they give him an ice cream cone in the other with three giant scoops.
He pays and walks out.
He's wearing like a big jumpsuit and aviator glasses.
So he walks out with the cone in one hand, with the bag in the other,
and I had to follow him.
I just turned around and followed him 10 steps behind, walking up Sunset,
and the cars are whizzing by, And the only sound I could hear was continuously.
And I followed him for about a block and that was enough.
That's my Brando encounter.
So how long did this fart go on?
I'm sure it continued on because he wasn't stopping, but you know,
he was eating and farting.
It was like, you know, my Brando memory.
Wow. One last Brando memory. Wow.
Well, one last Brando story.
Go ahead.
On Facebook, a woman wrote wrote me inbox me, said, how come you only draw old, disgusting people?
Why don't you draw the young and beautiful Marlon Brando?
My favorite.
I said, all right, look, let's compromise.
I'll draw Marlon Brando for you, but I'll draw him when he was old, disgusting, and fat.
How about that?
She didn't answer.
Rupert, any Brando anecdotes?
I actually stood next to Marlon.
Unfortunately, I don't have a great punchline for this.
It's just a real story out of my life.
Okay, here's your punchline.
And then he fucked Richard Pryor in the ass.
Okay, so throw that in.
That's the end.
I like it.
It takes the suspense out of it and makes it more homespun.
Yeah, I was supposed to.
I had for about two days, I was supposed to write the song that Al.
Who's the singer?
Al Martino.
Al Martino sings a wedding song.
He's standing in for Frank Sinatra in Godfather. singer, Al Martino. Al Martino sings a wedding song.
He's standing in for Frank Sinatra in Godfather.
And I was supposed to write that
song. And then someone who was
related to an executive at Paramount said
no, no, no, don't you remember? I'm going to write that.
And so as my
consolation prize,
I was invited to the set of The Godfather.
And
it was filmed at 127th Street Filmways.
Do you remember when there was – for a while it became Foodways?
This is a Marlon Brando story, but I'm realizing there's no humor involved.
It doesn't matter.
Okay.
So I'm wandering up there to this, and they've replicated the entire Long Island mansion from Godfather inside this studio at 127th and Adam Clayton Powell Boulevard.
And I go in there, and I'm standing,
and I'm watching this actor whose name is Al Pacino.
And this Al Pacino has supposedly been chosen
because he's the mob's choice.
This is the stuff that was going around show business.
That's the only reason they're using him.
And then the big, you'll remember, the big shame of Brando being in the movie was everyone knew it should be Edward G. Robinson, that he should play the godfather.
I'm not saying this as a fact.
This was the scuttlebutt was how can they not give it to Edward G. Robinson?
Robinson was alive.
Yeah, he was.
So I'm standing there and there's this scene with Al Pacino, this actor named Al Pacino.
That's how they were pronouncing it. This Pacino, of course, obviously.
And and it's the scene where the godfather is telling Richard Castellano and I forget the other one.
It was another one, too, that that now Michael is going to be taking over the business and all like that.
I'm standing next to this janitor.
Who's obviously sweeping up and he's in a ratty old gray sweater and he's and I'm thinking how lovely that this old fellow that obviously a fixture of the place is allowed to stay so close to the shooting.
And and I'm standing next to him for about 10 minutes while they do the scene.
They have to go and tell Al Pacino, you're overlapping too much dialogue.
We won't be able to cut.
You're talking over too many people.
You have to space it a little bit.
It tightens up when we cut it.
This is how he had done Panic in Needle Park, I think, just part of that.
And suddenly they say, Mr. Brando, now?
And this janitor who's been standing next to me for 10 minutes moves forward.
I never would have recognized him in a million years.
No one had seen him with the cotton balls in his cheeks.
And he was looked, his hair was all unkempt and all like that.
It was great.
He did a good thing.
Anytime he was doing a scene, a line, and he didn't like the way it was going, he would screw it up.
So that the scene would get screwed up and they'd have to start again.
And he mainly played with a fish tank.
And then, oddly enough, Richard Pryor arrived by cab.
Really?
What happened?
Richard Pryor, what happened?
He said, hey, sweet cakes.
I knew it.
I haven't been getting enough of that Seth Gennarian stuff.
Heard this story.
Gilbert, did you know Danny Thomas wanted to play the Godfather?
It's true. He did. He did this story. Gilbert, did you know Danny Thomas wanted to play the Godfather?
It's true.
He did.
He did.
Yeah.
Anthony Quinn.
They seriously considered Anthony Quinn. But, of course, Sinatra wanted to.
But Paramount wouldn't go in for the Windex.
Yeah.
The cost of the Windex.
To clean the glass coffee table.
What a horrible thing.
I was at a golf tournament this weekend that raises a lot of money for St. Jude's.
People got up with the most beautiful story about children and the families and the blessings that we're doing by giving money.
And Danny Thomas finding it.
And all I could think of the entire evening when they showed, oh, Danny Thomas.
And he says, if I die and this place is built, I have lived for one thing, my reason on earth.
And all I can think of was that.
It's just all I can think of.
Girls take shit on the Goliaths.
A great humanitarian.
And that's how you've poisoned my mind.
It took 13 minutes to get to the Danny Thomas.
It's still controversial.
There's no reason to just malign
Danny Thomas. For those sports fans
out there, of which I know there are
none, Jack Brickhouse
who used to announce for the White Sox,
he used to like
to get shit on.
So,
if only ESPN
would have me on a podcast,
I could talk about something.
I wish I followed sports.
The other guy who was into it was Otto Preminger, of course.
Really?
He must have done everything.
Yeah, he was German.
Rupert, what pseudonym are you going to use for this episode?
I do have a Paul Schofield fart story.
Oh, yes.
He was doing the misanthrope.
I want to add a little clip.
Nice.
To tone it up.
Tone it up.
Yeah.
He's doing the misanthrope in London with Diana Rigg,
and he's walking across the front of the stage
just going...
with each step,
and the whole front row is going,
Oh, my god.
They could hear and smell it all.
A fart for all seasons.
Very nice.
Very nice.
There are no small farts.
Only great acting.
You never met Brando, Richard?
No.
Oh my god, no.
Brando, there was a rumor he was going to do a version of The Odd Couple with Wally Cox.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
He did other things.
The Hollywood Reporter.
Yeah, they were roommates for years in the 50s.
Yeah.
But The Odd Couple...
In the 50s.
And they say that Wally Cox was the masculine or the strong one.
That's right.
That's right.
That's what they say.
In the 50s, Wally Cox
was called
the
original Richard Pryor.
Congratulations, Gilbert,
on podcast number
200.
This is Phil Macy from podcast number 200. This is Bill Macy
from podcast number 172.
We love you.
Oh, hi, fellows.
It's Tom Leopold.
I've had the privilege
of being on your podcast.
And apart from my children being born,
it's the biggest honor
and thrill of my life.
I want to congratulate you on your 200th
episode and
I gotta go.
That's my music. I love you.
And now
while Gilbert heads into the nutmeg kitchen
to steal more Perrier,
a word from our sponsor.
And now back to the show Now you were telling us
Before you were at the home
Of and I keep forgetting his name
Emil Sitka
Emil Sitka
Emil Sitka yeah
Well I
You know in the 80s I visited
I had friends who knew him
So Emil Sitka of course was the Appe appeared in the Three Stooges shorts.
He always played the professor.
Hold hands, you lovebirds.
That guy with the white mask.
But he was as sweet as can be.
And it was just like I never met any of the actual Stooges.
But I met Emil Sitka corresponded with Joe Besser.
That's as close as I came.
But Emil was terrific.
And he was writing his autobiography. He was very passionate about came. But Emil was terrific. And he was writing his autobiography.
He was very passionate about it.
But sadly, he died while he was writing it.
So I never got to – he wanted me to illustrate it.
Yeah, that's – I think that's great.
Do you – have you ever – like I know you say that George Carlin gave you his number.
Was it Richard Pryor?
Oh, yes, yes.
Have you ever called anybody up and just said, you know, like
Dick Van Dyke called Stan Laurel. He looked it up
in the phone book. Yes. He looked it up in the phone book.
No, I understand that. There were numbers
I could probably get from somebody
but I would never.
I've had numbers
of people like
I had George Carlin's number,
Norman
Feld's number, and Jonathan Winter's.
I didn't call any of them.
I've had a few other numbers like that.
And because to me, it was like kind of like when you call, when you get a girl's number,
and she goes, oh, hell, here's my number.
Call me, call me, call me.
And here's my work number. Call me call me right and here's my work number
call me come don't lose that and then you call them you know what please don't use this yeah
yeah yeah yeah you call them up it's like yeah but still does that but you have the courage
to go and visit somebody right to call them up well i did not really i mean i wait for the right
opportunity like you know when i was a kid, I got to
meet a lot of people through my dad.
So, you know, I kind of, you know, was taken along
to Elaine's and, you know,
and I went to Groucho's house, you know,
for the day when I was a kid.
When I was 14 with my brothers.
We spent the day there. Then we were invited
back the following week. Groucho's girlfriend,
Erin Fleming, called my dad. Groucho would like you to
come back next week. He loves kids and they're having a reunion with Mae West, who hasn't seen in 35 years.
So my dad said to my brothers and I, hey, guys, we're invited back to Groucho's house.
You want to go?
And we looked at each other and said, nah, we had enough Groucho.
Wow.
And that's basically my only regret in life, that we didn't get to witness that.
Well, I took my daughter I was nominated
for a Tony thank you very much
I was nominated for a Tony
so I go to the awards and I take my daughter
okay and my daughter meets Cicely Tyson
and Bernadette Peters and David
Hyde Pierce she's sitting next to
Zachary Quinto who is a great
guy and a great actor
you know but not in the pantheon of those names that he will be.
But she couldn't care less.
She only wanted to meet Jane Lynch.
That evening went – all she wanted was the ice cream.
Because of Glee?
Why Jane Lynch?
Because of Glee.
Glee, yeah.
And I knew Jane way before.
I knew her before at Second City and stuff.
Is there anybody you've been dying to call but you don't want to pick up the phone?
Yes, but I'm embarrassed to say it.
And it's somebody who I shouldn't be embarrassed.
There's a guy who wrote a book called Full Service.
You know that book?
Oh, Scotty Bowers.
Yes.
What's his name?
You want to call Scotty Bowers?
Scotty Bowers.
Uh-huh.
I want to talk to him.
I really do. I want to hear these shit stories about Charles Lawton. I want to hear Scotty Bowers. Scotty Bowers. I want to talk to him. I really do.
I want to hear these shit stories about Charles Lawton.
I want to hear them in person.
Did he write the Spencer Tracy book?
Is that what?
Well, sort of.
Supposedly.
Yeah.
I mean, he said, you know, there's no way that Catherine.
By the way, my question always is, I mean, you just say about, you know, fucking the old brand or whatever. I always say, if Katharine Hepburn, who was my favorite, and I loved what she looked like,
if she were alive today at 80, would I fuck her?
Just to say, I fucked Katharine Hepburn.
It has nothing to do with sex.
It's, oh, my God, look what I can tell my kids.
Even Marie Saint looked pretty good last night on the Oscars.
Think about it. Gilbert, would you go there? So, even Marie Saint looked pretty good last night on the Oscars. Yes.
Think about it.
Would you, Gilbert, would you go there?
And Anthony Perkins' corpse.
I would still fuck.
I'm going to move this along now.
I knew him when he was dating Grover Dale.
Anthony Perkins.
Yeah, he was great.
The choreographer Grover Dale.
Yeah.
He directed my dad.
He was married to a beautiful actress, wasn't he?
I think he was.
He was married to Anita somebody.
Gillette maybe?
No, no.
She was nine.
Anita Gillette. That's right.
Someone told me.
Anita Morris, yeah.
Was that like a beard situation?
Hey, I'm not going to cast aspersions on anybody.
I always wondered about Herbert Ross and Lee Razor.
Someone said to me they were at Curly Joe Dorita's house and Emil Zitko was there.
Yeah, makes sense. that Curly Joe Curly Joe Dorita agreed
with Emil Zitka
that Jules White was a
schmuck.
Wow.
Of course Frank went to Curly Joe Dorita's funeral.
I was there. Sad though it was.
There were about how many other people were there?
About eight. And Curly Joe's
gardeners were there, right? Remember Curly Joe Dorita?
Of course. The final stooge?
Who else was there?
I know Mo's son was there.
Mark Newgarden dragged me there.
Mo's son was there.
Yeah, there were four gardeners in the back row.
Didn't Mark Newgarden encourage you to jump into the casket with Curly Joe?
No, but he was trying to snap pictures of the casket, the open casket.
But there were gardeners in the...
A little tacky.
Some of Curly Joe's gardeners.
They did it on the Steve Allen show.
They did the ma-ha, ah-ha.
Yeah.
That was Dorita.
Right, and you watch that and you just wished it was Curly.
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
Instead of Joe Dorita fucking it up.
Now, you've met Groucho.
Well, I met him in the context.
Yeah, I met him, but it wasn't a Groucho that knew he was.
It was in the last years.
He didn't know he was in the room.
I told you, I was at a Columbia Pictures 30th anniversary party. I was
escorting Barbra Streisand,
who I was recording an album with at that time.
And at the table
was Frank Capra,
John Huston, Charles Bronson.
How about that, Rich?
Nice table.
And Groucho Marx.
And I thought, if there's a photograph
of this picture, and the caption says,
circle who does not belong in this picture.
Why did you choose not to meet a couple of heroes?
I chose not to meet John Lennon,
and I chose not to meet Cary Grant.
There's no way they could have...
I met Paul McCartney, and he was wonderful to me.
I bet Lennon would have lived up to your.
No, I don't think.
No, it's not even that.
I just was so afraid he'd do something that would just just say.
Yeah.
Something.
Joni Mitchell tells about meeting John Lennon.
He was nasty to her.
Right.
I've heard that.
We had someone on the show who said some guy met John.
Well, it was met John It was a
guitarist from
one of the guys that
worked with the Turtles.
It was Howard Kalin.
And he said John Lennon
was so mean
to him that he
quit doing music.
He just catched somebody at the wrong moment.
Young George Carlin encountered Danny Kaye,
his hero, and Danny Kaye was nasty to him.
And it like broke his heart.
And he would talk about it for years and years.
There's a wonderful writer named Rick Mitts
who wrote a book called...
He wrote a wonderful book called
The Great TV Sitcom Book
or something like that. And he finally
is writing... He worked for
Norman Lear quite a bit. And he finally is writing, he worked for Norman Lear quite a bit,
and he finally is writing a special for Mary Tyler Moore,
who's like only half the book that he's written.
He so idolizes her.
And I love Mary Tyler Moore, but they happened to,
they were shooting, and he was the script writer,
and they said, Mary, we want to introduce you to maybe your biggest fan in the history of the world.
This is Rick Metz.
And she turned and said, yeah, look,
this joke right here is absolutely no good.
It's got to go.
It just doesn't work for me.
And that was it.
In other words, that was his exchange,
was saying, look, nothing about, oh, well, very nice of you.
I have a little problem, but more just, no, this has got to go.
And it destroyed his whole feeling about the series.
And sometimes you
meet a hero
of yours, and it's not even them.
You're awkward
among them, and you go,
oh, God, why did I say that?
But I, and you just
don't have the words. And you go back
and you say, and if you're lucky,
you get to meet them again and say, this is what I wanted to say to you last night.
Yes.
But the thing is that nowadays it's really hard.
I know this because if I'm in a bad mood, if I've had an argument, if something's wrong, I've lost a job, whatever the hell it is, and somebody stops and goes, you're great.
And you just don't have the time.
Something's wrong.
Yeah, yeah.
And it's not a good meeting.
Facebook will have it.
And I've met, thank God, the only times I've been on Facebook
where it has been something nice.
Literally, I was in Connecticut, and I'm shooting a movie,
and there was a woman at the Audubon, a little zoo there,
and she was holding a bird, and I was shooting a movie and there was a woman at the Audubon, a little zoo there, and she was holding a bird
and I was nice to her.
And her mother Facebooked
Richard Kind met my daughter
and was so nice, he lives up to his name.
Well, thank God I was nice then.
But I'm not that nice.
Yeah.
I wish I were.
I swear to God I wish I were. I swear to God I wish I were.
I was singing at the, I was performing at the, not the Diplomat.
What is the beautiful hotel in San Francisco that was the actual lobby of the TV series Hotel?
The Fairmont.
Fairmont in San Francisco.
And it's the last remnant of a nightclub.
And I'm singing a song and suddenly a blonde who's 6'53", the tallest person I've ever seen, with five sets of teeth, walks up on stage and starts singing the duet with me.
And I'm looking, and I'm saying, I have no idea who this is and if this is a maniac.
And I go along with it.
We get to the end of the song, and in the last bar, I say, oh, that's Susan Anton.
Oh, sure.
Now, I'm not telling you this is the moment I've been waiting for all my life to meet Susan Anton
she happens to sing my song
but her date is Dudley Moore
Dudley Moore and we go and sit down
and I do that thing that you're talking
about Richard which is I'm so
desperate to let him know that I'm not
just a fan of his but that I know
absolutely every single thing
he's ever done every movie every
short subject what he played in Beyond the Fringe.
And I poured this stuff out out of emotion.
And when I was done, I thought, what have I done?
I've just, you know, I just said, no, no, no.
I was doing that thing with the same.
No, no.
I know a lot of people tell you they like you, but I really know.
I remember 1960 and when you did Cynthia's a Dangerous Age, 30 is a Dangerous Age.
know i remember 1960 and when you did cynthia's a dangerous age 30 is a judge and luckily the next day uh he called me and uh i said i'm i take i'm so sorry about everything i said we got to actually
know each other but it is that moment where if you don't handle that moment you could blow it
forever absolutely and you relive it and it's just oh yes and you know what it. And it's just gone. Oh, yes. And you know what? And it also means nothing.
When you go up to somebody and tell them, I love you, I love you, I love you, you're doing it for you.
You're not necessarily doing it for the person.
Unless it's told right.
I shouldn't say what I just said.
And Richard, I love everything you do.
Oh, fuck you.
When you meet these celebrities. No, I really mean it. A lot of people don't mean it. But when I say it, I love everything you do. Oh, fuck you. When you meet these celebrities.
No, I really mean it.
A lot of people don't mean that.
But when I say that, I really mean it.
When I say God bless you, that's...
It's kind of like a stripper saying to you,
oh, these other guys who are in here,
oh, they're just such losers.
But boy, you're different.
You're a cool guy.
Your $100 bills are so much crisper.
These other guys, you know how to flip them.
Gil, you still carry those around with you, like the Jeff Bridges backstage.
Was it the Tonight Show?
Yeah, because I expressed some interest in booking Jeff Bridges for this show, and he said
can't do it.
Does he remember? Traumatic experience.
No, Gilbert can't do it.
I'm sure Jeff Bridges has forgotten.
You should have Jeff Bridges and Harry Shearer on one show.
Jeff Bridges was one
of those people.
I had a photo
that when I was a kid
I took a photo of Lloyd Bridges in Central Park.
And I wanted to show it to him.
And there was nothing wrong with Jeff Bridges that I could figure out in the story.
Just me.
And so I wrote him i have like an enemy list of who i say people who are enemies
of mine and i put jeff bridges and harrison ford because also i met harrison ford he complimented me. I remember you told this story. He loved the aristocrats.
But I was like a schmuck.
And I said like, oh, thank you.
And I figured rather than say, hey, I'm a big fan.
Thanks for saying that.
I said, oh, thank you.
And your name is?
And I thought, that didn't work.
Oh, it didn't work.
Yeah.
But you know what?
That's his fault.
Because I have a similar story.
This was hilarious to me.
And I'll tell you.
I'm at the Washington Press Corps dinner.
And I'm standing with Marty Short, who I know pretty well from Second City and everything.
I did a movie with him.
And Steven Spielberg is there, who's a very good friend with Marty.
And we're talking, and Spielberg pulls out his phone and goes,
I got to get a picture of this.
And I go, no, no, no, no pictures.
I said that to Spielberg.
Which to me is hilarious.
That's hilarious.
You're correct.
And Spielberg go, oh, I'm sorry, and put the phone away. I go, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no.
I'm so kidding, oh, I'm sorry, and put the phone on. I go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm so kidding, Steve.
I was I'm kidding.
But I did have one very funny thing.
Because, I mean, when you're in that position and you pray to God, you have something witty, which I think the thing to Harrison Ford is.
Shame on Harrison Ford for not getting it.
Michael Mann, who used to drive race cars, was directing a show I did called Luck, and
he was producing it, and he's in a golf cart with Dustin Hoffman and his wife, okay?
And he's driving really fast, and he comes toward me really, really fast, and then puts
on the brake.
And what do you think I had the wherewithal to say at that time?
You said, I'm walking over here.
That's right.
I said, I'm walking over here. That's right. I said, I'm walking here.
And I said, God bless me.
Who would have thought that I'd be so good?
You know, I mean, I'll disparage myself,
but when I'm good, that was fantastic.
I can't believe.
What was the reaction?
Yeah.
No, no, no.
I did it for me.
Like I said, I give a good
goddamn fuck about who I am.
I'd been working with Barbra Streisand for about
a week. And she suddenly,
and I'm there as both a songwriter
and as the arranger of the album we're doing
and the producer. And I'm kind of following
myself at that point. I'm thinking, I'm doing
alright here. She starts to praise another
songwriter. And
she says, you know, I saw that Mac Davis, he has a
summer replacement show, and he has a
segment where he just makes up a song on the spot.
Just someone throws a sentence at him. He must
be really, really brilliant to be able to
do that. I so admire that.
I said, I know what you mean, Barbara. I said, it's kind
of like the thrill you get when Liza Minnelli hits a high
note. And she looked at
me like, why
would you do that? Why would you ever
It took me about another week to just
get back to C-level again.
Was it a joke or did you? No, I meant it as
a joke. I was doing what you, you know,
I was doing that thing.
Oh, that's, yes,
but I'd want to dig my head in the
sand.
Oh, and I remember. No if she did not do that joke.
No, she did.
It was just like I don't do those kind of jokes.
You understand?
Like I don't do.
We don't do the self-deprecating.
She used to read Mad Magazine when she was younger.
I know that.
Yeah, she was a Mad fan.
What happened?
Richard asked earlier if I ever called celebrities.
I never did.
But I waited to the point where celebrities would occasionally call me
because they knew my work or I'd draw them.
And the special one was Jerry Lewis,
who I know Richard knows.
I mean, Rupert, you know him.
Have you met Jerry Lewis?
I did meet him, yeah.
But he called me out of the blue,
although I was prepared ahead of time
Jerry Lewis was going to call you
because I did a tribute to him.
So, you know, I was really nervous because he's a hero of mine, and I love everything about Jerry Lewis,
even the vague-ish, schlocky side of him, his movies, even the shitty ones.
I just love it all.
You have to love it all to love Jerry Lewis.
So that was like – I was so nervous, and Kathy knows.
I was just waiting for the call, and he couldn't have been lovelier, you know, and, you know, but he had seen your picture.
I had done a tribute to him about how the Academy should give him a special Academy Award.
Oh, so it was in the New York Observer.
He saw it.
They sent it to him.
So he called out of the blue and said, Drew, thank you for that.
I loved it.
But he had to test me.
He said, Drew, do you know what I invented?
You know, I said, oh, shit. What did Jerry Lue video assist? It came to me. He said, that's it. But he had to test me. He said, Drew, do you know what I invented? And I said, oh, shit.
What did Jerry Lue?
Video assist.
It came to me.
He said, that's it.
That's all I care about being remembered for.
Video assist.
You know, what's a video assist is, you know, that he worked out on the bellboy.
So after that, you know, we became friends.
He would call me, Drew, what are you working on?
you know we became friends he would call me drew what are you working on and i would like you know to tell him like oh well i'm doing a drawing of uh you know uh of the friends or you know whatever
it was you know it just became a regular thing where it's like so i was like waiting for like
people to call me you know i was waiting for that point and that actually happened you all had a
good experience of because i know rupert did rupert worked for a while he's always been great to gill yeah now with with me with jerry
lewis and it was just you know not that much but i remember i can use that classic line
which is well he was always nice to me kathleen freeman line yes yes i met her and I met Kathleen Freeman.
And I talked to her and she said how he used to hire people, you know, stock company, people he liked.
And then I said, I heard someone told me he was the most hated man in showbiz.
And she gives this pained look on her face and just kind of a little nod.
She goes.
But he likes you.
Yeah, yeah.
That was good to you.
And he was good to Rupert.
Yeah, wonderful.
But you had a great working relationship with him and good stuff.
I'll tell you a funny story that brings back somebody that we worked with on Mad About You, Danny Jacobson who created the show, wrote an
episode where they're going to do a
documentary on a very famous person
and he kept telling me, we're getting
Marlon Brando, we're going to get Marlon Brando
and they had Paul Reiser
call Brando. Brando goes,
what the fuck is this?
But they got
Jerry Lewis, he did the
episode. Were you in the episode with Mel Brooks?
No, I wasn't with Mel Brooks.
I wasn't with Carol Burnett.
I'm sorry to bring it up.
And I wasn't in the one with Jerry Lewis.
And they all said that the thing was going to be is that Paul is doing a documentary
and Jerry Lewis takes a liking to me and not to Paul.
And I was not in the episode.
They didn't write me in.
So that's.
And Jerry Lewis, I mean,
one of those things that was like an honor.
I was at some event and Jerry Lewis was there
and I went on and just went nutty on stage.
And Jerry Lewis came up to me afterwards
and in that serious Jerry,
and he said,
Gilbert, you are out of your fucking mind.
And then there's a pause and he goes,
and I wouldn't want you any other way.
And I thought, wow, that's...
I was witness to you doing the aristocrat's joke
with Jerry having his stroke that night or heart attack.
Yes.
What do you mean?
At the Hilton.
They had a giant roast.
Yeah.
Frank, you were there, right?
I was there.
Yeah.
I was there.
And Gilbert and Jerry, he looked purple almost, pale purple.
And I—
You launched into it, and he was pounding the desk sort of like the Dean Martin roast where people were doing the fake pounding.
He was doing that too, but he said he doesn't remember
anything about that roast.
I was going to go up to him. I hadn't met him yet.
But I was going to approach him and I said,
I can't approach him this way. He looks terrible.
He's sitting there between
De Niro and
Scorsese.
But he looked so awful.
I backed off.
I wanted to have a picture of him laughing while I was at the podium.
And they sent me a bunch of photos from the Friars.
And I couldn't, I didn't use any, I didn't want any of them.
Ava Godel looked better than him that night.
Yeah.
He was scary.
My friend Grant Heslov, who produced Argo, was friends with Jerry Lewis's son.
And he has a sleepover one night when he's a kid.
He has to get up and goes to the bathroom.
And he goes out into the hall.
And there's Jerry Lewis on his back with such terrible back pain.
And he just goes
just go, just go, just go.
Like walk ahead, don't worry, I'm alright
just go. So that guy must have been
in a lot of pain and a reason that
those pills made him bloat and
all of that stuff. So there's a case
of you meeting a hero and did you have trepidation
the way you did with Cary Grant or
did you just, you didn't have a choice?
No, the most terrifying part of it with meeting Jerry,
I think if Jerry knows that you love him,
and that was, I didn't have to fake that,
because I did,
and I think you're in good shape,
but I had written a novel.
I had written a novel,
as Gilbert is always pointing out.
My first novel was about a comedy team.'s called where the truth lies they made a movie of it with colin firth and kevin bacon and it's sort
of you know one of those romana clay where the characters parallel martin and lewis and there
is a payoff in within the mystery novel uh that implies that maybe these characters who were patterned after
Martin and Lewis,
one night, one of them had
made an attempted...
had tried to be Richard Pryor and Marlon Brando.
And...
And it's
part of the... Now, the Jerry Lewis
character is not the...
is the one who rejects that.
And it's what – it was based on the idea that Martin and Lewis split up and we could never accept that.
When I was a kid, that was like – destroyed our lives.
Because we had – we believed in their friendship and their love and all that.
And suddenly they weren't talking to each other and no one ever explained why.
So it was patterned after that.
He knew about this book.
And he knew that it was a great appreciation of him.
And I was terrified for the entire time that I worked with him that he would read the book.
And he asked me to send him a copy.
Jerry Lewis, like, I'm going to send him a book.
And he's got 380 pages.
But if he knew about the book.
He knew about the book.
And he knew that it was very reverent to him.
But I was terrified all the time that we're having this wonderful friendship and honeymoon together and creating together that one day he would actually get to the end of it and say, I don't know that I like this.
Rupert, I share that terror because during my friendship with Jerry, I was absolutely terrified that he would know that I was the guy who illustrated the Spy Magazine article about the day the clown crossed.
Which I know he hated.
He never put that together, huh?
He hated that.
No, he never.
And I was terrified.
And when he finally died, I was relieved.
Like, oh, I can finally relax.
He's not going to know.
I was terrified about that.
I told Kathy, I said, if somebody wants to do something negative to me,
they could send that to Jerry and say, hey, your friend Drew Friedman, he illustrated you with that horrible article about that movie.
It never came up.
I remember when at the roast, after I got off, I thought, oh, I used to do a bit in my act where I'd imitate Jerry Lewis singing when you walk through a storm.
And I thought, oh, why didn't I do that?
I should have done that.
That would have been perfect.
And I was kicking myself.
And then I saw some clip that they have on the Internet of someone doing that.
And he goes, you know, they were getting people from the audience to do shtick.
And one guy said, I can do you singing.
And he started to do that.
And Lewis was, yeah.
That's not funny.
Not funny.
Yeah.
Right.
He really hated the Petrillo thing, huh?
He really just.
Oh, yeah.
Well, he, you know, he hired Sammy Petrillo.
I'm not going to explain who Sammy Petrillo is.
No, if you listen to this show.
Yeah, if you hired the 16-year-old Sammy Petrillo to use on the Colby comedy.
He was a clone of Jerry Lewis.
He did the best imitation ever of Jerry Lewis.
I certainly know who he is.
Scary.
And yet I've never seen him.
Well, he's in one movie, Bela Gose Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla.
I remember that.
Which is a ridiculous title, but he's 17 in that.
And they teamed him up with a guy who kind of looks like Dean Martin.
Dookie Mitchell.
Dookie Mitchell.
And he's like.
He looks like Dean Martin the way I look like Dean Martin.
And he sings like Dean Martin like I sing like Dean Martin.
Bela Lugosi actually thought he was working with Jerry Lewis, they said.
He would call him Jerry.
Wasn't there a movie with Anne Bancroft where she's with a gorilla or something?
Yes.
Raymond Burr.
I think Raymond Burr is in that.
Raymond Burr is in that.
It's got a French setting.
Gorilla Lodge.
Gorilla Lodge.
That's right.
Because you mentioned that one.
I'm going, that can't be what Anne Bancroft was in.
She wears like a sarong, I think.
Jessica Lange was her first film.
That's right.
Was that terrible?
The bad Dino De Laurentiis King Kong?
One is called King Kong.
The other has a multi-multi-million dollar budget.
The other is Raymond Burr
with Anne Bancroft and a gorilla.
No, there is no equivalent.
Have you ever seen City Across the River
and Tony Curtis is in the movie
and he has no lines?
He's just a presence.
You can see him trying.
When you look at him, because you know it's going to be
Tony Curtis growing up, and he's in the movie
and he's trying to make something out of this.
Peter Fernandez is the star and you'd only
remember him because he was the voice of Speed Racer.
He went nowhere.
Young Richard Jekyll was in that.
Not a bad film.
Richard Jekyll.
Raymond Burr.
Why don't you get him?
Are your stories around?
Yeah, I looked him up.
I think Gorilla Lodge was a 3D movie.
53.
Gorilla Lodge was a 3D movie.
That made it a little notch better.
Raymond Burr was Bride of the Gorilla.
Was that the one?
Yeah, with Lon Chaney Jr. A couple of Gorillas. Paul, where are you? No, Raymond Burr was Bride of the Gorilla. Was that the one? Yeah, with Lon Chaney Jr.
A couple of Gorillas.
Where are you?
No, Ravenclaw was.
I'm not authoritative on that.
I do know.
The one I know is, there's one with Merv Griffin.
What is that?
Oh, yeah.
Is that Merv's in the room org?
Mad Magician, possibly.
Well, Mad Magician's Vincent Price.
That was a 3D. That's a Corman, isn't it?
That was a 3D.
No, that was pre-Corman.
Was it?
Well, he might have worked.
I know Mad Magician, yes.
Mad Magician.
It was a slew of gorilla films in the early 50s.
People clamoring to see gorilla movies.
There was one good gorilla suit in Hollywood.
It's like, why?
Just like 20th...
There was one good bra for 20th Century Fox.
And every woman wore it.
And when they wore it, they were...
Well, Bob Burns, who's been on this show, bought a gorilla suit so he could get
work. Well, he had a thriving career. There were a couple of guys
like that. Johan Prohaska.
Well, who was the guy? There was a
guy who was a stuntman who
dressed as a gorilla. And there's a
story. He was a great gorilla.
Oh, I almost forgot.
Do you have any questions
for Groucho Marx?
Groucho, why did you pay that porn star hush money?
Because Chico needed the money.
Groucho, why did you call Africa and Haiti shithole countries?
Because Chico needed the money.
That's the Groucho that Rupert met. That's the Groucho that Rupert met.
That's the Groucho I met.
That's the one I met too, sadly.
I met a lively Aaron Fleming.
He was always lively.
You met Aaron Fleming too?
I didn't see her throwing Groucho down the stairs or anything.
She kept all that hidden.
Beating him up.
What was Aaron like when you met her?
Aaron Fleming.
I mean, I'm talking about one evening.
Oh, yeah.
She seemed to try.
I don't know why, but I feel sympathetic toward her a little bit.
Ultimately, but she's a villain.
She became very sad.
The lovely line that he said was, who laughs at all my jokes.
Well, there's always footage of him looking at her lovingly, like at the Oscars when they gave him the special Oscar.
He only thanks her.
He thanks Harpo, Chico, my my brothers and aaron fleming you know but he just loves so
so much footage of him just looking at her so loving i don't know if he was amazing what a guy
i don't know if he was faking that i don't think you i think he's just amazing and i watched them
together like really closely i was like fixated on him mainly. I was watching him eat his lunch, dripping his cream corn
down his chin and stuff.
But I was just like...
At one point during our day with Groucho,
during my day with Groucho,
it was 1975,
so I was 16, and I was just
watching him. At one point I was thinking,
I'm probably the luckiest kid
in the world at this moment.
You knew it. I knew it. I appreciated the moment.
And I said, I'm just going to stare at him and engage him a little bit, but just let him go about it.
I just watched him.
We put him to bed that night.
We put him in his pajamas.
He watched an episode of You Bet Your Life because it just came back in syndication for half an hour in Hollywood and New York.
And he watched.
He would rewatch them and, you know, it would make him happy.
And then he would go to bed.
And my dad gave him one of his novels and Groucho took that to bed with him.
And he was just, you know, it was a sweet, really sweet moment, you know.
And he had this beautiful bed that was constructed from like some of his old vaudeville sets.
And, you know, so we put him to bed, you know, and then we left.
And during the day, Elliot Gould was there and Sally Kellerman and Dennis Wilson.
It's like all these young Hollywood people would come in.
Dennis Wilson?
Yeah, from the beach.
Oh, right.
George Segal.
His wife, Karen Lamb.
George Segal there too?
No, he wasn't there that day.
Elliot Gould was there.
Sally Kellerman.
George Segal was at the thing.
It was at your thing.
Same year.
Same year.
75.
75, yeah.
Bud Cort was not there.
It was like these regular people would come in
i think they were coming in to do other things in the bathroom but you know i wasn't i was
alice cooper had lunch with them on a number of occasions we've been trying to get alice cooper
erin fleming brought in all these you know groucho like to be surrounded by these younger
you know uh famous people and kids and stuff so but meeting all these legends that's what i wanted
i don't care about meeting some of the people
that are around today.
I want to meet these legends.
I really, really do.
Like Gilbert.
Like Gilbert.
The legends are...
And I waited until he was old.
And I remember...
What do you mean, cream corn?
I just got a flashback when I met Jeff Bridges.
I wanted to tell him that story that I used to go to Central Park with my sisters.
And there was Lloyd Bridges.
And I started to say, you know, when I was a kid, my sister and I, my sisters and I would travel from Brooklyn to Manhattan.
And one time we were in, and he goes, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And it's like, come on, move the story ahead.
And it was like, oh, no.
That's it.
Yeah, yeah.
So that's all I could think of now.
But you want to know something?
This is true, too, is that you've got to remember, even when you hate it, those people coming up like I remember I went to see Godspell on a Sunday afternoon with my parents.
And at the at intermission, you go up on stage and they give you fake wine or something like that.
And it's whatever they're all singing.
And then it's intermission.
And I look out in the theater and there was Hal Prince with his wife and his two kids.
All right, I've been directed three times by Hal Prince now.
Daisy is married to one of my best friends from Spin City.
Daisy's a dear friend.
And all I remember is going to my mom and dad,
that's Hal Prince, that's Hal Prince.
And what kind of an idiot kid at age 12 or 13
knows what Hal Prince looks like.
You do.
And I did.
That's what I'm trying to say.
And I couldn't believe.
You know, oh, my God, it's Hal Prince.
And then, you know, who would think?
You don't think of these things.
I love that you knew who Hal Prince was at 12.
I was walking Kathy to work on Lafayette Street like 25 years ago,
and there was a tall guy walking his puppy.
And I realized it was Fred Gwynn, who's like – I adore Fred Gwynn from Car 54 especially and the Munsters.
And Kathy said, go introduce yourself.
And I just couldn't let myself do it.
He was walking his puppy.
He was concentrating on that.
I just loved him so much.
It's like I didn't want to bother him even to tell him how much I loved him.
But there is the story.
Are you doing that for you?
Right.
Or are you doing that for him?
I passed.
I just, I can't do it.
I adore the man.
I just don't want to meet him this way.
But this is a good time.
And then he died soon after.
Fred Gwynn.
Yeah.
Do you have any questions for us, Frank?
I want to shame Gilbert for not calling Mel Brooks.
I think this would be a good segue.
You're an idiot.
Yeah.
You're an idiot for not calling Mel Brooks. I think this would be a good segue. You're an idiot. You're an idiot for not calling Mel Brooks.
You're an utter idiot.
I kind of think if you went up to Fred Gwynn.
And said you like the Munsters.
He was embarrassed.
He was.
About the Munsters for years.
I would have brought up Car 54.
Which I adore.
Or you bring up Cotton Club.
Or he did Big Daddy on Broadway.
Wonderful film called Vanishing Act with Mike Farrell and Elliot Gould and Margot Kidder
that is one of the great surprise twists in it.
I don't know that movie.
Yeah, it's very obscure.
You can't find it on DVD.
Written by Levinson and Link.
He was in a production.
And in Pit Cemetery.
He was in a production of Arsenic and Olase with Bob Crane.
That's right.
That's right.
TV production.
Yes, he was. A really interesting cast. Helen Hayes. Sue Lyon. Bob Crane. That's right. TV production. Yes, he was. A really interesting
cast. Helen Hayes. Sue Lyon.
Bob Crane. Helen Hayes.
Helen Hayes, right, and Lillian Gish.
And Lillian Gish, right. It's on YouTube.
But Fred Gwynn played
the brother. Now, that's the one.
See, I remember those old, that was the, and I believe
Armstrong, the Armstrong
tile and everything, I think they were the
I remember those things.
Who sponsored it?
This is 69
before Bob Crane.
I remember, and now I'm getting
a
total mental
block of someone we talk about
on every episode of the
show, Prefecto.
Prefecto Tellez? No.
Cracker Jacks. Cesar Romero. Perfecto Tellez? No. Cracker Jacks.
Jack Guilford.
Yeah.
Wasn't he Dr. Einstein?
Yes, he was.
Yeah.
He was.
Wow.
Very good.
See, the one that I remember, this is so weird.
Robert Goulet and Peter Falk did a production of Brigadoon.
And it was started at 9 o'clock.
And my parents wouldn't let me watch it because it was
Sunday night. And I sat outside
their bedroom door and
sobbed like, I'll show you.
And they wouldn't let me watch it because
it was on too late. And I cried
and I cried. That's the kind of kid
I was.
I had parents who understood.
They were wonderful.
One night at 11.15
or 11.30, they woke
me. You have to understand that
in the 50s and into the 60s, until
Saturday night at the movies, you didn't see
recent films on TV.
It was all British films.
And
they woke me because somehow
at 11.30 at night, there was a martin and lewis
movie on television on the late show and they actually got me out of bed and said you can you
can stay up it's because there was no hope of ever seeing a martin and lewis movie when you were like
in that year well i'm watching we're staring and i say i don't think it's martin and lewis and it
was sammy petrillo and Duke Mitchell.
That's how I felt when I first
I didn't know what I was watching. I was about
10 maybe. He's pretty good. I wasn't prepared
for it. He came pretty close.
He had that haircut.
It was like Jim Carrey and Dumb and Dumber.
He really channeled Jerry Lewis.
But Duke Mitchell was...
He had the right initials.
All I know is I want your parents.
I still defend that film
as possibly being as good
or if not better than some Martin and Lewis
films, which were really not very good.
It wasn't terrible. The budget really showed.
Plus it had Bela Lugosi and none
of the Martin and Lewis films had a villain that
intense and legendary.
You remember who directed it?
William Bodine.
And it's funny that intense and legendary. You remember who directed it? William Bodine. One-shot Bodine.
One-shot Bodine.
And it's funny when you
watch the Martin
and Lewis films, it's like
with the exception of
a scene here or there,
I mean, they're pretty bad.
Unless, you know, the last
ones, you know, when they got Frank Tashlin
finally, do those like full-color
CinemaScope films,
those were special.
Yeah.
Even though Martin and Lewis weren't even speaking with each other
when they made Hollywood or Bust.
I thought you're never too young.
That's major and the minor, isn't it?
Yeah, they were a minor.
They do a wonderful...
They were a major.
Streets of Boulevard in old New York.
Right, right.
They introduced a lot of...
Also, the one of the Carol Lombard,
Frederick March movie.
Oh, Living It Up.
Nothing Sacred.
Nothing Sacred.
Became what?
What is it?
Living It Up.
Living It Up.
Okay, that's not bad.
He does the dance
with Sherry North.
That's not bad.
Living It Up has
Bobby Barber in it.
Jerry Lewis doing
the Jitterbug
with Sherry North.
Oh, it's hilarious.
You can go on YouTube
and watch it.
It's hysterical.
I asked him about that.
I said, how much of that, I knew what the answer would be.
I said, how much of that was choreographed?
He said, absolutely none of it.
Absolutely none of it.
He said, I'm just doing, I asked him one time, I said, where did you learn to do, you know,
nice to answer.
When they do their little moves, maybe you don't agree, but.
Oh, no, no, no.
I'm thinking, no, it's obvious where he did it.
He was raised in the business.
Absolutely.
And so when they would go into any kind of hoofing,
Martin would do a completely serviceable job
if they were doing a number.
But Jerry was, like, good.
Jerry was, like, he swam.
He was out.
He, like, had no control.
What's the wonderful thing about dancing that they do?
He said, I'm just winging absolutely every part of them.
Yeah, hysterical.
It's fabulous.
Yeah.
Amazing.
And the number he does, is this in the major and the minor remake?
With the girls' school.
And he's just, they've got to imitate everything that he's doing.
They're like marching in platoons or something like that.
But the two, I'm shocked that Dean Martin could dance the way he did.
That's what I'm saying. Because Martin could dance the way he did.
That's what I'm saying.
Because I don't believe in a barbershop.
You know, he was dancing.
I believe Jerry Lewis was dancing as a kid.
I think people just pick.
If you're going to be in show business, you had to learn stuff.
My father used to always point out to me that there'd be, like, you'd see a Jack Benny special or anything.
And there'd be a guest on the show.
And they'd do some, they'd just know, if they did something impromptu, they'd know some time steps.
They just knew it because you were supposed to know it.
Years ago, everybody in show business did everything.
That's right, you had to.
Everyone was able to sing.
They might not be Sinatra.
Like showing like James Stewart singing and
Robert Montgomery singing and Clark Gable singing.
Clark Gable and nothing. Joan Crawford.
You had to learn to ride a horse, too, if you're going to be in the movies
because maybe someday you would have to.
And it's like every comedian
in the middle of his jokes would sing,
do a little dance step.
Clark Gable and Andy Devine.
You're going back there, huh?
Let's get back to the beat of Hollywood.
Supposedly the original Brokeback Mountain.
Yes.
So we've heard and speculated he would leave Carol Lombard for Andy Devine on those weekends.
All right.
As long as you're working blue.
And Andy Devine would put on a Richard Pryor mask.
It was a musical
with Lucille Ball?
And say...
You'll hear it on the broadcast.
What's the question, Rupert?
Don't keep going
if you don't stop him.
There's some musical with Victor Mature
and Lucille Ball, and Victor Mature
should not be in a musical.
His daughter's on Facebook, by the way,
Victoria Mature.
She loves this show.
I don't know.
The daughter's the right one.
She writes about this show.
People keep telling me, you know,
Shemp's nieces are on Facebook.
No, it's his daughter.
You have to meet them.
Gilbert loves After the Fox.
Okay.
So she chided on Facebook.
With the original Victor Mature.
That was the billing.
Yeah.
Tony Powell.
In the actual poster.
After the ad,
because Frank Frazetta painted the ad for that.
After the Fox.
You want to tell your assistants?
Who is the Fox?
All right, I know it was coming.
Who are you?
I am me.
Who is me?
I am a thief.
You caused your mother lots of grief.
So after the fuck.
Sang this with Robert Wolf.
Yeah.
Burt Bacharach.
Bacharach and Damon.
Yes.
Yes.
Yes.
They were writing all.
Little Red Book from Casino Royale, I think, was.
And The Look of Love.
The opening.
He wrote the blob theme song.
The only thing worthwhile with Casino Royale, because it's a terrible movie, a mess, but that opening with Burt Bacharach's theme.
Yeah.
The light shining and Burt Bacharach.
I mean, that I think is great.
The film has a couple of moments, I think.
Woody Allen is the best thing in it. Woody is excellent
in it. And maybe that's about
it. But Peter Sellers, you know, I loved
it so much when I was a kid. I haven't seen
it in maybe 40 years. So I
guess it doesn't hold up. What are the movies
when you were a kid? I'm going to do Frank's Job.
That you loved when you were a kid and you saw
it again. Someone should do Frank's
Job.
And well, we were talking earlier about the first nude women we saw on film.
Like, when did we first see nude women in entertainment?
Mine was on stage.
Yo, but do you have a memory?
I was forced because my father's plays had nudity.
So I was like, your father deserves some credit for bringing nudity to broadcast television. Your dad... People still thank me, like, you know...
When you talk to your dad,
thank him for, like, introducing nudity
to network television.
Valerie Perrine.
And I said it was scuba-duba, but it's not.
It was SteamBat.
The TV version of 73.
Here's a memory. Produced by Norman Lloyd,
who's still around.
Is that the same Norman Lloyd? Yeah, Lloyd, who's still around. Yeah. Oh, wow.
Is that the same Norman Lloyd?
Yeah, the one who's in Hitchcock.
I was watching TV when I was a kid.
And when I was a kid, you didn't see cleavage on TV.
Forget it.
They had a news story.
They had a news story, and it was this girl riding a dolphin or a killer whale at SeaWorld, one of those places.
And the thing went crazy. It started something, maybe a flashbulb went off, and it started leaping around, and they had to pull a girl out of the water or she'd be killed.
And when they're lifting her out of the water, her bikini bottom was down on TV.
No.
And her ass was showing.
Change your life, Gil?
Did you have a bonus?
I ran to my bed.
And you prayed for this young woman. You want to know something? I ran to my bed.
And you prayed for this young woman.
Do you want to know something?
I was so horny from this.
I don't think I even touched it. And I just shot off.
How far did you shoot?
It was like, I don't think my hand went near it.
It was actually footage of Mamie Eisenhower's nipple once.
I've never seen it.
I think it's been like, somehow they think.
A man could dream.
I've heard about it my whole life.
Rupert has a story.
What?
You want to tell the Georgina Spelvin story as long as we're on the cover?
Oh, no.
You want to know something?
The level of blue, the shades of blue we've reached make my little racy story so tame by comparison.
You end it, and then you saw Marlon Brando fucking Richard Fryer in there.
As long as I do the circle of three.
You want to talk about the Tom Jones, Rondo Hatton thing that you wrote me about? Because Drew will be fascinated by I do this, we can't miss anything. What? You want to talk about
the Tom Jones,
Rondo Hatton thing
that you wrote me about?
Because Drew will be fascinated.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
What did they have to do with each other?
It was a one-liner.
It was a one-liner.
No.
I,
I,
I,
I,
you did this wonderful tribute
to Rondo Hatton.
Thank you.
Which was very touching
and very moving.
You know who Rondo Hatton was?
And he,
his first film
where he was prominently featured, I know because it was very touching and very moving. You know who Rondo Hatton was? And his first film,
where he was prominently featured,
I know because it was a Sherlock Holmes film.
It was called Pearl of Death.
And we're getting quiet in here like I'm telling a great story.
We're still on the same level
of completely empty trivia that we've been on.
No, Rondo Hatton and he...
Akramaglia.
My silence was
who played Sherlock Holmes in Pearl of Death?
That's what happened.
The disease is Akramaglia, the same disease
Paul Benedict had on the Jefferson.
Yes, in fact, I heard
Paul Benedict was doing
a play. You heard it from me.
Fuck you.
And now I can finally do it while I'm driving in my car or working out and I hear these things.
I go, I told you the fucking story.
It was me.
And you're telling it wrong.
No, it's interesting.
And then let's go.
Yeah, he was doing a play.
And a guy said, hi, I'm a doctor.
I want to talk to you afterwards.
And he thought, oh, a doctor.
He probably wants my autograph.
And he said, I was looking at you on stage, and I think you have a disorder called acromegaly.
And that's how he found out about it.
I may have written that play.
I toured.
Paul Benedict. I did the choreography that play. I, uh, I, I toured, uh, I,
Paul Benedict. I did the choreography.
Did you tour with the accomplice?
I did, no, no, no, um, uh, he did a play that I wrote based on the children's books
Goosebumps by R.L. Steyer.
And he played the lead character for
like seven months touring the States.
And I, I don't, I, I don't
remember him ever sharing that
at the time.
Do you know what year this was?
Oh, you knew this.
It might have been he was doing the Pacino thing, playing the bartender in Huey.
Right, okay.
I think is what it is.
So Rhonda Haddon was, and by the way, there was Evelyn Ankers, who's in a lot of your favorite Universal films.
Yeah, she was one of the stock players in the old monster movie. She was in
the Wolfman.
She was just like sort of the
she was the
Olivia de Havilland of monsters.
She made Monster Gilbert.
That's later. I think that's 50.
What was Cheney's first horror film?
I've never even heard of that movie.
Frozen Ghost?
Indestructible Man?
No, no, no.
That was way...
That was the alcoholic.
He gets flame torched in Indestructible Man.
Yeah, but this was the one...
Joe Flynn, I think.
It may have been Man Made Month.
Yes, Joe Flynn and Robert Sheen, the inspector from Superman.
When you used to come to my apartment, we'd watch that one.
Oh, yes.
Gilbert used to come to my apartment on 6th Street back in the 80s.
And we'd sit in silence and watch horror movies.
Because I had a VCR and Gilbert didn't.
So, you know, I had a collection.
Right, and he would just knock and come in.
He would just, unannounced, he'd come in.
Yeah.
Because my mother.
I'd take his coat off.
My mother lived about a block from you.
And I'd visit her.
And on the way back home, I'd stop at your house.
And I had an assignment, but I put it aside to make Gilbert come.
And we'd watch a Lon Chaney Jr. movie.
Yeah, well, Indestructible Man of the Manster, or The Haunted Strangler, or the Martin Muller, George Maharis show.
The Martin Muller, George Maharis show.
I think The Indestructible Man is the first horror movie I saw. You were scared out of your wits.
No, no.
I even backed in.
The close-ups of Cheney with the baggy eyes.
That was scary.
That was scary.
But the wrong reason.
He was already in this condition he was in.
Yeah, full-tailed alcoholic.
When we watched that at the Central Theater in Pearl River,
we couldn't tell
if that was supposed to be makeup.
Yes!
We thought, are they making that man
look that way? And no, he was just...
Didn't need the makeup.
I'm not being snide about it.
He was a wonderful actor.
Gilbert, Frank,
Dara, and Big Frank,
just for you, my brand
new Helen Keller joke.
Knock, knock.
Congratulations
on 200 episodes. That's
fantastic.
Hi, this is Penn Jillette.
There is no God.
Oh, hi, this is Billy West.
Hi, Gilbert, Frank, and the other Frank and Dara.
Congratulations on 200 shows of the Gilbert Gottfried Amazing Colossal Podcast.
I love you.
I'm just showing you a little love.
Oh, you want me to show it to you?
This is the love of my life.
Look at it.
Look at it.
What is it?
Too disgusting for you?
Too ugly?
Look at it.
And now, Captain Wolf Rodney, a word from one of our sponsors. And be on their amazing colossal podcast. Podcast. Kids, time to get back to Gilbert and Frank's amazing colossal podcast.
So let's go.
And now back to the show.
We haven't talked enough about Joe Flynn.
Okay, Joe Flynn.
And really only Gilbert and I are appreciative of Joe Flynn.
Is the reason that we get residuals for TV shows.
I didn't know that.
Yep.
Ah.
He fought for them?
Yes, he's the one.
He was either SAG president or he's the one.
And he's the reason why.
And I heard both Boris Karloff and James Cagney were very big on the early Screen Actors Guild.
Like actors write.
And so was Ronald Reagan.
Yeah, Ronald Reagan.
Richard, do you know
that if a writer,
a screenwriter, creates
a character for a TV series,
it's wonderful. If you create a character
for an episode and they say, wait, we like this
character, Georgette on Mary Tyler
Moore, came in like year three, two, something like that.
If you wrote that episode, you get a little taste of every episode that character appears in forever.
I didn't know that. That's great.
That's a wonderful thing.
Oh, no, no.
The best was Matt Williams, who created Roseanne.
Okay.
And about the third or fourth episode, he comes in.
They used to have a five o'clock show and a seven o'clock show the five o'clock show doesn't do well and he comes into the green room
in between shows and he goes tonight's episode was terrible and the reason is you and points at
Roseanne well he was never on stage again and got money every single show because he created the
show. And he was never allowed on the line.
Wow. So how about that?
And I'll tell you, here's one that's even
worse, although it's not a nasty thing.
I want to say
Brett Ratner,
who wrote The Amazing
Ducks, or the, not the Amazing
Ducks, The Mighty Ducks. Okay, whoever
wrote that or directed it
gets money
from Disney
because of the hockey team
in Anaheim, the Anaheim Ducks.
He gets money simply because
he wrote the movie.
How about that, huh?
Gene Roddenberry,
he made
sure to write
lyrics for the theme to he made sure to write lyrics
for the theme
to Star Trek
no one's ever seen
or heard these lyrics
he wrote them
whenever they played
the Star Trek theme
he made residuals
that's what Carol O'Connor did
Carol O'Connor suddenly decided that
the family
should have lyrics
called Remembering You.
Yes.
I'm remembering you.
What's the closing theme?
The opening theme was written by
Charles Strauss and Lee Adams.
And the line that no one could ever understand was
V.R.O. LaSalle ran great.
They re-recorded it and people still couldn't understand it. And you LaSalle ran great. They re-recorded it, and people still
couldn't understand. And you know what's funny?
When they re-recorded it,
it was so
forced. It like
slows down.
G.R.O. LaSalle ran great.
We don't care that much.
This is the perfect...
Do you have a bottle? Because I gotta pee.
Hang on to that, Rich,
because this is a perfect segue
because we're talking about TV themes.
Can we announce
that Mike Weber...
Michael Weber, yes.
Michael H. Weber.
The screenwriter. He was nominated.
Disaster artist.
Disaster artist.
He said, and he did, attend the Academy Awards, and on the lapel of his tuxedo, he wore an orange peel pin.
Yes.
Or an orange wedge.
An orange wedge.
Yes.
An orange wedge.
A tribute to this show.
Yes.
That's how far it's come.
That's how far it's come.
A ridiculous urban myth. Hashtag Cesar Romero. That's how far it's come. That's how far a ridiculous urban myth
has come. Hashtag Cesar Romero.
Cesar Romero used to
have orange wedges
flung at his head. You guys want to go out on some
try to name some TV themes from the 60s and 70s?
I don't want to go out. I want to
continue. I got to go to bed. Just one thing about
Joe Flynn. Pause. Pause for a second.
Alright. Okay. Okay. Do you mind?
No and then we'll wrap it up. Pause. Pause for a second. Alright. Okay. Okay. Do you mind? No, and then we'll wrap it up. Jeez.
Did you wash your hands?
Because I see you're about to drink
a beverage. No, I'm kidding.
You guys need a nap.
I know where I've been.
I just spilled an orange.
If anyone would like to drop your hands.
By the way, I was smart enough
to eat my orange over here
so that the audience at the end of the year...
Very respectful.
It was.
Are we still recording? Really? You can clean up orange? so that the audience has that fear. Very respectful. It was. It was.
Are we still recording?
Really?
You can clean up orange?
Well, you're all
on different mics.
I mean, I got to do
a lot of going in
and like when you're
not talking,
you hear me.
All I've seen you
is on the phone.
Whenever I'm here,
you're always like
on the phone
playing WordGift.
It'll only take
about nine hours
to edit this episode.
I promised everybody
on Facebook
we'd be discussing
Milton Berle at least, you know, a tiny bit.
I want to know about Milton Berle's son.
One of you must know.
Well, was it that comedian?
He says it's a comedian.
He said he had a comedian.
The guy who produced Courtship of Eddie's Father.
James Comack.
James Comack.
That was a strong rumor.
Comack?
James Comack.
He was, by the way, brilliant on a TV series that no one remembers that I love called Hennessy.
Starring, I can see even you don't.
I don't remember who it is.
The child actor, Jackie Cooper.
Yes, absolutely.
And Abby Dalton.
And Roscoe Carnes.
I know Abby Dalton very well.
Irving Brecker made that show.
that shot.
In Martin Bolson's
in Milton Berle's autobiography,
he
says that he ran
into some really successful
director.
And the director wanted to
talk to Milton Berle about doing
something with him.
And he brushed him off.
And he said, and then afterwards he found out that this
great director was his son and he said and that was my chance and i thought what the fuck do you
mean i was you could have called him he keeps that theme throughout that entire book um his his
autobiography like you know he alludes to it early and midway,
and then towards the end he finally meets him.
It's like it's a producer-director.
And then there was strong speculation it was James Cormack
because they look alike too.
And Cormack might – Burrow might have been around 16 when Cormack was born.
So that's a little tricky.
Is Cormack still alive?
No, he's gone.
He's gone.
And I always think –
He's great in the hole in the head.
I remember Cormack, the name Comac,
and whenever I hear
about Tobac, I always
think of a guy...
The proof would be, if Comac had a giant cock,
then, you know, we would...
Then we would know.
And nobody...
I think James Comac, in the movie of
Damn Yankees, is the one singing
or lip-syncing... He's in it. He's in that movie. He's in Hole in the Head. He Yankees is the one singing or lip syncing Heart.
He's in that movie. He's in Hole in the Head.
He's the guy with the hula hoop.
That's the money notes
in You Gotta Have Heart.
Whoever gets to sing You Gotta Have
Heart.
You guys want to try this?
Even though they look nothing alike,
people were suggesting
because you say big director,
people always go, oh, Steven Spielberg.
So it started a semi-rumor that Steven Spielberg is the son of Milton Berle.
I'd like to think that's true.
You want to try some theme song skill?
No.
Okay, good.
Can we, I have a business.
Because this is the 200th.
Yeah.
And my guess is you listen to all of these shows, yes?
You're the only one.
No.
Am I the only one?
You are.
You're the only one.
Yeah.
I really am.
Pretty much.
I listen to Craig.
You know, I have an announcement, actually.
You know, I don't want to burst the bubble.
But Richard Kind is not actually here.
It's actually Craig Bierko.
Somebody had to say it.
Craig Bierko
is doing the imitation of you.
Craig,
who's from the Simpsons
who does a great you? Dan Castellaneta.
No, but the other one. Hank Azaria.
I've seen him do you fabulously.
Gilbert, do you do
Richard? Craig Bierko did an imitation of you where he was saying, like, and my friend George Clooney.
Oh, yeah.
Okay.
He's done that many times.
Somebody said, oh, I bet Craig is the only one.
So many people do an imitation of me.
And I can't do it except for this because this is how Hank got it.
They said, can you play?
And I was guesting on a show called The Commish.
And they go, can you play Poker Next Monday?
And I go, I can't.
I'm doing a commish.
And that's the only way I can do it.
That's the only imitation of me. Who does the best one?
Dan probably.
Dan.
Does the best one.
And we did one.
We were at Second City together.
And we did one where I'm coming in as a sperm donor for his wife.
And Isabella Hoffman is on stage.
So I meet Dan.
And Dan is doing me the whole scene.
I go, how are you?
And he goes, I'm fine.
And we're wearing the same shirt.
And we're doing.
We like play charades.
And it's like, who is Hieronymus Bosch?
Or, you know, and.
Mercy Hump.
I don't do many imitations.
I do a great old Larry Fine.
Can I do that briefly?
Yeah.
Because I got a request earlier for that.
Okay.
All right.
Moe, where's Curly Joe?
Pretty good.
Pretty good. Pretty good.
Last I heard, he was in the kitchen making flapjacks.
That's it.
Pretty good.
Dan Castellaneta was doing the voice of the genie after Robin was pissed at Disney because he didn't feel, he felt they screwed him in the first one.
because he didn't feel... He felt they screwed him in the first one.
And in Return of Jafar,
and then in the series,
they had an Aladdin series,
and then Castellaneta was the G.
Did that work? Was it good?
Or was it like Mel Blanc when he tried to do Elmer Fudd
and you always knew it was shit
that Arthur Q. Bryan had died?
That's right.
You just could tell.
Like the guy they brought in to do the second Fred Flintstone.
It just was never the same.
Well,
he wasn't doing like an out and out imitation of Robin Williams.
That must've been good.
Dan is great.
Dan's ridiculous.
Yeah,
but he was very funny.
He was so good on mad about you as the,
the dog Walker.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Yeah.
Funny guy.
Oh,
he's wonderful. Yeah. What do you think? Okay. We got a two hour show here. Is the dog walker? Yeah. Azaria. Funny guy. Oh, he's wonderful.
What do you think? We got a two-hour show here.
Is that true? No, but...
So far? Oh, I could keep going.
Oh, absolutely. We haven't talked about
Francis Bavier's taint.
Gilbert claims that Francis Bavier
was eaten by his cats.
Yes, I heard that
she became a reckless late in life
and they found
her dead body
and cats
had eaten her. 75 cats.
No, Irving cats.
That's the girl.
Who's the girl from Attack of the Giant Leeches?
Sandy Dennis?
No.
She had cats too.
Sandy Duncan. Yvette Vickers. She was a... She had cats, too. Sandy Duncan.
Vickers.
Yvette Vickers. She was found with her cats
as a mummy, as well.
And Marie Prevost.
She was eaten by cats?
Is it sad they're dead?
Celebrities who were dead,
eaten by their cats.
Dying is sad, and then after they die...
Did any of Louis Stone's cats eat him when he died?
I don't know.
I don't know how you got to that point.
Tragic enough.
We were talking earlier about celebrities who died on stage.
Oh, yes.
Frank Sutton.
Dick Shawn's the famous one.
Dick Shawn.
And Joe Flynn.
I didn't know about Joe Flynn.
I forget which show. And Cary Grant died preparing to go on. That's right. Preparing. I didn't know about Joe Flynn. I forget which show.
And Cary Grant died preparing to go on.
That's right.
Preparing.
I was going to mention that.
Really?
He only got two Judys out.
I saw Burt Lahr's last performance, which was at the Tap Enzy Playhouse in Nyack, New
York.
He was doing Never Too Late, the Paul Ford vehicle.
And he died the next day.
Did he choke on a Lay's potato chip?
Is that how you say it again?
Did he choke on it?
Carmen Miranda.
Chuck Guilford with the cracker jack.
That was a terrible thing.
I think Carmen Miranda died immediately after filming it.
In her dressing room.
Yeah, yeah.
She went back to the dressing room.
I can understand that.
And of course, park your carcass.
I saw Dory Sarri.
I saw him the night before he died.
He gave a lecture somewhere, I was, and then he died the next day.
But I can understand somebody putting out that much.
It's terrible to watch Jerry Lewis run up those stairs in Cinderfella.
Oh, my God, yeah.
Because he makes it to the – it's this wild take where he's going –
Yeah.
And he gets to the top of the stairs and runs off.
And the next day, you read that he had had a heart attack and was laid up for like forever.
Well, how about a Parker carcass?
I just said that.
Yeah.
I mean, do you know how they found out about it?
Which I've said on this show, I'm sure I have.
Because they woke up and were listening to the radio and found out. That's how
Albert and his brother found out? And his brother found out that they're dead.
And Albert had helped him with his material that
night. And it was
a great memory he has. The last time he saw
his dad, he helped him. And
Parking Car, you've probably heard the tape.
He was great that night. He was funnier than
George Burns and Milton Berle and Desi Arnaz
and Tony Martin. He killed.
He really did.
They said Desi Arnaz. you know, when they found out he was dead.
Desi Arnaz, like, you know, left the stage crying.
That was the final nail in the coffee of the Lucy-Desi marriage.
Because they were still married when they did that roast.
The roast was a Lucy-Desi roast in the late 50s.
And they divorced soon after that.
Too traumatized by the death of Parker?
You're trying to make a correlation.
Is that what you're doing?
I think so.
I don't think you're right.
I don't think so either.
And I adore you.
Having just met you, I adore you.
Always loved you.
I think you're wrong.
Bob Einstein, who's the son, him and Albert Brooks, the sons of Parker Karkis.
Bob Einstein, they said, one time someone said to him and they said, well, isn't it beautiful?
Your father died doing what he loved.
And Bob Einstein said to him, he said, what is your mother doing?
He goes, she's a housewife.
And he goes, let's go over to her house now.
And while she's doing the laundry, I'll take out a gun and blow her fucking brains out.
And we can say she died doing what she loves.
say she died doing what she loves.
When I met Albert a couple years ago,
he said, because I've done books on Jewish comedians,
old Jewish comedians,
he said, how come he didn't include my dad?
I said, he never got old.
He died in his 40s.
I said, I'd love to.
But Albert now is in his late 60s, and if I do another book, I'll include him.
Now, because you mentioned Desi Arnaz,
have I said this?
Have you ever heard the story about
when Lucy walks in on him getting a blowjob?
Oh, no.
Oh, this is the greatest.
This is the greatest.
Desi, who was a womanizer,
is getting a blowjob in his dressing room or something.
And Lucy walks in, and Desi looks down and goes,
what are you doing?
Great.
Do we know who that woman might have been?
Was it Ethel?
Mrs. Trumbull.
I guess on that I'll have to wrap. Did you ever hear this?
When Steve Rossi tells a story getting a blowjob from Mae West in the 50s.
Jackie Marling told it.
Oh, yes.
Yes.
That's great.
And then, you know, her teeth is still on his cock after, you know, she like.
And he was holding her wig.
And she's there with her bald head.
That could have been Mike Catherine Hepburn.
That's, again, something I should draw, right?
As we wind down, anybody got any plugs?
Drew, you want to plug the book?
Well, my latest book is Drew Friedman's Chosen People,
and two of the chosen people are Gilbert,
and then there's a portrait of you, Frank, in that book.
And I swear to God I'm going to draw you guys now that we've met.
You have perfect faces for me. Which is a compliment.
Richard?
I was on a show called Spin City.
I don't.
You know what? No.
I got nothing. Frank, could you ask one
question that you prepared? Yeah, one question that you
prepared. Unfortunately, they all start big
conversations.
Can we get to my plug, please? Yeah, let's get to it.
Get one in.
I feel bad. Okay,
this was Richard's idea. Quickly,
a movie that affected your life.
Oh, but
say, affected not the way you
watch movies, but how you view
the world. What really changed you?
Because I don't know whether or not movies or art can do that.
I would say
Skidoo was the life changer for me.
Yeah, yes.
That's when you went into the priesthood.
What the fuck?
It's like one of those films where it's like a guy who...
Would you like to ask Groucho why he did Skidoo?
Groucho, why did you appear in Skidoo?
Because Chico needed a mug.
Chico had died ten years before.
That's not working.
Rupert, your box set.
Oh, yeah.
Which you were kind enough to set.
You've been very kind to say very nice things about my first albums,
and they've just been brought out again in a three-CD set.
Songs that sound like movies.
Songs that sound like movies.
Cherry Red is the record label out of the UK,
and if you go to rupertholmes.com,
there's a link there that'll take you to Cherry Red.
Are these songs that you wrote?
These are songs that I wrote and recorded.
First three albums. My first three albums,
and the first album is the one that
when Barbra Streisand heard it, she called me up on the
phone. I didn't know her from anything, and she
said, I like these songs. I want to record
them. I see you do your own arrangements.
Why don't you fly out? I'm also working
on a movie called A Star Is Born. Maybe you'd like to
write some of the songs for that.
And this is all from my first album.
You love movies.
Richard, what movie affected your life?
I mean, this will get into a serious talk, but it was the movie M.A.S.H.
I learned what irony was.
I learned war was bad.
I learned I wanted to be a guy like these guys and I wasn't. Believe me, it took
me many years. And you got to see Sally
Kellerman naked. And I saw Sally
that brings us back.
I saw Sally Kellerman naked.
It taught me a lot and I just, I wanted
to be these guys. I wanted to be Elliot Gould.
Yeah, it had an
effect on my life. Robert Duvall was in that. He was
great. But I didn't want to be Robert Duvall.
You killed him. You remember, he tells in that. He was great. But I didn't want to be Robert Duvall. You killed him.
He tells the truth soon.
But you want to hear my
Robert Duvall story? Okay.
My dad
says to me one time when I'm much younger, he goes,
son, did you ever
see the movie Tender Mercies
with Robert Duvall? And I go, yeah.
And he goes, why can't you act like that?
Rupert.
Oh, I don't know. North by Northwest changed
my life. It made me
think what movies could do to you.
Just the effect. I saw it
blessedly. I saw it at Radio City
Music Hall, first run. And I
just come from being at the UN.
So all the scenes of the UN felt like they had been
filmed for me. And I never saw anything be so constantly entertaining and interesting and adult all the way through.
And even Marie Saint looked good then as she does now.
And A Face in the Crowd with Andy Griffith.
And Walter Matthau.
Walter Matthau, Lee Remick.
And Lee Remick when she bends over backwards as the cheerleader.
Oh, that changed my life for that.
Tony Franciosa, first film.
Oh, in Face in the Crowd, there's one part where he finds out Tony Franciosa's fooling around with Lee Remick.
And he wants to fire him.
and he wants to fire him and Tony
Franciosa says to him
he goes
it's you know he tells him
how you know they're
working together there's no way
he can fire him now it's too
late and he goes
you're in bed with me
lonesome in
bed
fantastic movie but do you have a favorite film that changed your And bed with me, lonesome, in bed. Fantastic.
Fantastic movie.
But do you have a favorite film that changed your life?
I, you know, I can't really think of one.
Was it that woman falling off the dolphin?
The what?
Yes.
It was a short subject.
Film at 11.
I had so many films that I loved.
Frank, what was yours?
Oh, God. I got to many films that I loved. Frank, what was yours? Oh, God.
I got to think about that.
Just for a bonding experience with my dad,
and I never had any,
The Great Race, Blake Edwards, The Great Race.
Oh, yeah.
Larry Storch?
Yeah, that was a movie we had in common.
I am Professor Fate.
That's it, Jack Lemmon, Chewing the Scenery.
Yeah, absolutely.
I'm very fond of that one.
I went to see It's a Bad, Bad, Bad, Mad World with my dad who had recently had some sort of operation.
And it was on a Sunday afternoon.
Actually, it was a Sunday afternoon.
And he just kept getting up for three hours just walking up and down the aisle.
He couldn't stand it.
And that's what I remember.
Gilly?
Never mind.
Never mind.
Okay, we should wrap now.
Or it's a three-hour show.
Never mind.
Never mind.
Okay, we should wrap now. Or it's a three-hour show.
And this has been Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host Frank Santopadre.
And we've had our return guests, Rupert Holmes, Richard Kind, and Drew Friedman.
Can I say something?
No.
You did that without looking at a piece of paper.
You knew our names.
You knew our names.
This is fantastic.
This is fantastic.
I was amazed as I was doing it.
He had three hours.
He had three hours
to figure out who we were.
How the fuck did I do that?
It's amazing.
Thank you, gentlemen. Now take a boy with a charm that's a joy
At a loon with a face like a goon
If they yell, the public will yell
That's entertainment
Well, I recall I was nothing at all
I must confess, I was nothing at all I must confess I was probably left
We were there, but now since we're a pair
Just in the same way
Our friends knew the end, that's what they mean to me
Charms come what comes, Jerry boy, we will be.
As anybody can see, our friendship just fills us.
At times it almost fills us.
Or the tea.
Yeah, what about the tea?
That began as a dream.
Thanks to you, is a dream that came true.
It's not far, but it's straight from the heart.
It's corny, we fear.
But corn that's sincere, is entertainment.
Is entertainment John Bradley Seals. Special audio contributions by John Beach. Special thanks to Paul Rayburn,
John Murray, John Fodiatis,
and Nutmeg Creative.
Especially Sam Giovonco and Daniel Farrell for their assistance.
Thank you.