Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - GGACP Classic: Patreon Members Grill Gilbert and Frank

Episode Date: March 2, 2023

GGACP celebrates the birthday (February 28th) of our late, GREAT co-host by revisiting this special Q & A episode from 2021, as Gilbert and Frank field questions from their loyal Patreon supporters on a wide (and fascinating!) variety of topics. In this episode, the boys discuss early gigs, career do-overs, elusive guests, forbidden TV shows, bad celebrity marriages and the “musicality” of comedy. Also: Vincent Price reads “Fifty Shades of Grey,” Nostradamus predicts fame for Henry Winkler, Gilbert narrates “The Rocky Horror Show” and Frank writes jokes for Larry “Bud” Melman. PLUS: Commander USA! Kentucky Fried Theater! Chico “Dice” Marx! “My Mother the Car”! “The Frances Bavier Story”! And Gilbert and Frank get a shout-out from Michael Corleone! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Peloton has everything you need to help you get going. Get a head start on summer with Peloton and choose a flexible payment plan that works for you at onepeloton.ca slash financing. Once is never good enough for something so fantastic. Fantastic! So here's another Gilbert and Franks. Here's another Gilbert and Franks. Here's another Gilbert and Franks. Colossal classic. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and this is Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast with my co--host Frank Santopadre. Some of you might remember that on our old Thursday mini episodes, we used to do a segment called Listener Mail, where Frank and I would

answer questions of all kinds from listeners. But we never tried doing one as a main episode before, and we thought this was a good time to give it a whirl. We have a feature on our Patreon page called Grill the Guest, where Patreon supporters can ask questions of the guest. Patreon supporters can ask questions of the guest. But just for this week, we renamed the segment Grill the Host. And the response was so enthusiastic, we thought we'd spend the hour rewarding our loyal Patreon members by letting them ask us anything and doing our best

to respond. Beautifully done. Very smooth. Yeah. Well, now I'm tired out and I want to lie down. Okay, Gilly, I've got a question for you right off the bat. What are you wearing below the waist? Not nothing. I'm bare-ass on this chair, so hopefully I don't have to jump up. Let's hope not. For everybody's sake, especially mine.

Hopefully I won't lose an easy question and leap up and go, oh, no, and just be flopping all over the place. Yes, we get a lot of requests, Gil, to do episodes just the two of us from time to time, and we haven't done one of those since Sirius. Remember when we did an interview with you about your career? Oh, that's right. And you had forgotten the names of all the characters that you played over the years? Yes.

So I'm going to fail miserably on this, I'll tell you. I can't name my own career. Well, we got, I didn't expect to get such an enthusiastic response to this on Patreon. I thought, we used to do these, as you said in the opening, we used to do these listener mail episodes, and we would just, you know, we'd have Ray Bone in the booth at Nutmeg and later at Stitcher Earwolf,

and we would just answer these questions. Ray Bone was going to be here today. What happened? He's looking up a question we asked him five years ago. Oh, in 2012? Yeah. What did he say? He said looking up a question we asked him five years ago. Oh, in 2012? Yeah. He said he's getting close. One of the questions was about Ray Bones, so you've already answered it.

Anyway, we decided it's summer. We wanted to do something a little sillier, a little more casual. It's harder to book guests in the summer because people take off, as you would imagine. But that's not the reason we're doing it. We're doing it because we want to have fun and have a little one-on-one. And I get to talk to Gilly, and we get to interact with our patron people. And as Gilbert said, reward them for their loyal support. And that's what this is all about.

So people can join Patreon, and they can support us at patreon.com slash what, Gilbert? Slash Gilbert Gottfried. Which I have thought of doing many times. As I've said before. Let's get into this. We have some questions. Lots and lots of questions from patrons. Eric Rine, our friend Eric Rine, the attorney.

Here's a simple one. When will Gil get back on stage? Oh, I've already. Yeah. No, I've already performed on stage at least twice. I did at Caroline's. Caroline's and one in Connecticut. Right.

I even did a bar mitzvah. Well, do Connecticut. Right. I even did a bar mitzvah. Well, do tell. Yes. And I've got a bunch of things coming up. Oh, wow. I didn't know about the bar mitzvah. Yeah, yeah. I hide my Jewish heritage very well.

I know that about you. Most people think I'm Irish Catholic. Well, the O, the middle initial O throws them off. Yes. Yeah, the O Gottfried. Yes, and you also did some virtual appearances. You did some

online. I did one regular stand-up and one that they called The Set List. Yes, I enjoyed that. Let's see. What else do we have? Eric Ryan also asked, Why do you think the musician guests on the show are uniformly funny people?

We've gotten a lot of funny musicians on the show. Yeah. I don't know. They always surprise me sometimes you'll get comics who are not funny when you interview them and then you get musicians who are funny yeah i i don't know i don't get it well we've had like uh mark hudson richard marx is funny paul williams is funny stephen bishop's hilarious. And Cook and Gross, who we just had, Roger and Henry. Yes. So funny. I was talking to, Tommy James is funny too. I was talking to Henry about this. I think he thinks there's something almost interchangeable about comics and musicians.

There's a commonality. There's a common spirit there. When we book musicians, obviously, because it's this show, we try to find people who are funny. And we've done very well with it. You know, Mel Brooks, I heard, when he would read people for a part in this movie, he'd want to hear them sing. Yes, I've heard this. Because it's like, you know,

he felt like if you're a great comedian, a really good, you have a sense of music. That's interesting. Yeah. We've talked about this. Like the Marx Brothers were all musicians. And Benny. Yes. Yeah.

Victor Borg and many others. Jeffrey Bender, Gilbert and Frank, when you were starting out in your careers, did you have a mentor or someone who helped influence you? And can you recall any advice that stuck? Besides me and Gino, have you had a mentor? What about Shecky? Yeah, I never. I get asked that a lot, but I don't remember ever having a mentor. Yeah, I didn't have many myself.

A gentleman named Jack Mendelson, who was a writer, one of the writers on the Beatles' Yellow Submarine movie, was very gracious and generous to me in L.A. and also the late great Herb Sargent of the original Saturday Night Live. I've had a handful of older writers who've been good to me, and Barry Secunda, my first manager, and Franklin and Davis' manager, and Michael

O'Donoghue's manager. I try to return it when I can. I try to give back, pay it forward, as they say, to younger writers. So no mentors, huh, Gil? No. No. You're self-made. What? You're a self-made man. That's right.

Chris Claremont, who's a Marvel Comics writer, a legendary Marvel Comics writer, told me when I was a kid at my first comic book convention, he pulled me aside and he said, don't go into comic books. That was advice that stuck. It was okay to Chris. Torino Mike. Frank, we've followed Gilbert's career for years, but outside of you occasionally saying that you work on The View, can you tell us a little bit more about yourself and your career in showbiz? Quickly, that is a long, long answer. I've done a lot of strange things.

I've written for a lot of, a million comedians and actors, cartoon shows, Mad Magazine, my experiences at Topps writing Bazooka Joe comics we've discussed on this show. Many award shows and roasts, even some with Gilbert over the years. And I won an Emmy recently, which is a nice thing. Wow, Congratulations.

Thank you. I'll throw that out there. And I've written for, I've done a lot of different things in the business, and it's hard to go into detail about all of it because you're talking about 30 years. But I've done a little bit of everything. I may be working on a documentary soon, too, which hopefully that will happen. I'm excited about that. And we'll answer more about me later.

And also thank you to Ray Garten, who asked the same question, and Christopher Nelson. You guys, by the way, can reach out to me directly on Patreon, and I can answer those questions more at length in greater detail. But I do appreciate the interest. It's 30 years of stories, basically. A bad sitcom.

I would tell you about that bad puppet sitcom I wrote, Gil. Oh, which one's this? It was called Lost on Earth. It was on the USA Network. Gee, a bad show on the USA Network? How is this possible? I needed it to get my guilt card, my writer's guilt card, and it was quickly canceled, but people can look it up.

I've done a lot of things. I've written a lot of busted pilots. I've had screenplays optioned. I've had a long journey. Andrew LaPosha, with a video online of Gilbert reading Fifty Shades of Grey, would he ever consider reading it, doing one of his impressions? Here you go. I'm going to give you a line, Gil.

Oh, okay. My inner goddess has stopped and is staring open-mouthed and drooling, which you can do as Vincent Price if you like. My inner goddess has stopped and is staring and drooling. There you go. Would you like to do it as James Mason? He thrust his hands in my vagina. I'm not sure that's in the book, but there you go, Andrew.

Brian Van Hooker. Gilbert, can you please explain to Frank what socks do, how socks function, and please do it as old Groucho, and please do this until you've driven Frank to the brink of insanity. Well, you know, you have to wear something under your shoe. And so they created a garment called a sock. And the sock would go over your foot and that would cover your foot and then you'd put the shoe on the foot that had a sock on it.

And sometimes you could wear blue socks or brown or green. They came in different colors. Oh, really? Socks, yes. And in my day, they would be the long socks and the short socks. And, you know, if you're wearing shorts and sneakers, you could wear the short socks. Okay, I've been driven to the brink of insanity. Thank you, Brian, for that question.

There are a couple on this list, and it's a long list. Like I said, it was a very enthusiastic response to my Patreon post. A couple of requests for you to do impressions here and there uh joe kilmartin in toronto uh has another question for us about booking gil who was the hardest guest to get on the podcast he wants to know and uh well several yeah they were i remember uh uh uh uh my wife had seen john davidson yes he was difficult yeah and she asked him and then we kept asking and years went by and then finally he did it and he said how what a great time he had he had great time. It reminds me of the bit you used to do on stage where you would flip through the napkins.

Oh, yes. The days turned into weeks. The weeks into months. That's it. It took a long time. I didn't even write John Davidson's name now, but that's obvious. Yeah. It took a long time to get John.

It took a long time to get John Astin on the show. Yes. We had to start a social media campaign and then uh out of the blue uh a writer i work with on the view his cousin patrick mccarthy i'll shout him out thank you patrick and i'll shout out christian mckiernan my co-writer at the view uh was working on a project with uh i think sean astin and volunteered to ask sean and then through Sean, we got Mackenzie Aston, and that's how we wore John Aston down and got him on. And he had a great time.

Recently, I got a video, you know, a cameo request, and it was from Sean Aston. Oh, he's a fan. Yeah. Okay, now we got to book Sean Astin on the show. We have to. Absolutely. We'll do that in the fall for sure.

And, you know, Sean and Mackenzie really came through for us with Sean. A lot of times it happens where not necessarily that people are even reluctant to do the show, but busy or distracted or they've never done a podcast. And then they do it, and hopefully it's a rewarding experience for them. Go ahead. I think Dick Van Dyke didn't say yes right away. That's true, too. And then he did it, and he was terrific.

Lisa Land and Scott Land, our friends, helped with that one immeasurably. We thank them. In fact, that episode is up now for the fourth of july as we're recording this uh george siegel we never got you know there are people who slipped through the cracks yeah george siegel that was uh we tried so hard richard kine tried for us too um you know alice cooper is a white whale that's out there that we keep trying to get. But there are people I never thought we'd book, like Alan Arkin and Malcolm McDowell. Oh, my God, yeah. And Bruce Dern.

And so we were successful. And Dick Van Dyke, Gilbert mentions one. So, you know, we keep trying. We keep pushing. We keep pressing. Joe also writes, who was the most difficult person you've had to deal with while working on The View? Well, besides Gilbert, who's impossible. It's just an intolerable diva.

I will turn that question around by mentioning people who are a delight to work with on The View, because I'm not going to tell tales out of school, but I will say Will Arnett was a joy, Eddie Izzard, Anthony Anderson, Keegan-Michael Key. I write these little backstage things. I write these little bumpers, bump outs, and, you know, hi, I'm Keegan-Michael Key, and I'm up next on The View, and it's so they don't just say, hi, I'm next on The View. And it's so they don't just say, hi, I'm next on The View. They're like the little SNL promos. And they're 25 seconds of comedy, and

not everybody that comes on wants to do them or is welcoming to the idea, but I just mentioned four people who were great. And really a pleasure to work with. Elizabeth Dibble. This is a question for both of you. I have strong memories of getting in trouble for watching certain TV shows as a kid

that my parents had forbidden me to watch. Did that ever happen to you, and what were the shows? The big one for me was The Three Stooges, she says, believe it or not. A woman who liked The Three Stooges is a rarity. I know. Yeah, that's an old story. That guys are more into the Three Stooges than women, usually. Usually.

Do you relate to this? Was there something your parents frowned on you watching? I know there were shows that we just didn't watch yeah for whatever reason i don't even remember what but i remember there were certain shows like oh we we don't watch that show here who controlled the remote was it well they weren't remotes in those days right no they weren't remotes change the channel by hand remotes that was uh that was uh science fiction right that's right so you had the you changed the channel with the plastic channel changer until that snapped, and then you got the pliers. Yes.

Right. Yes. Those little, what do they call those? Needle nose pliers. The what? Needle nose pliers. Needle nose. I was thinking, I know nose, but I didn't, yeah.

And you'd go through and you'd change the and oh and before cable if you change the dial and like let's say you were changing you know from you know just four to five and you stopped and held it in between uh sometimes you'd get some other show, like a snippet of people talking. What we went through. Yes. And it was very weird. It was like hearing creatures from outer space

because it wasn't a regular show. Well, you had the option of the UHF where you could see something entirely strange. But there wasn't anything banned. It was just certain shows you didn't watch. Yeah. In the Godfrey household. Yeah, I don't remember anyone saying they're banned, but I remember they just weren't welcome in the house.

Why? Because they were anti-Semitic? What was it? I don't think I had – I don't think my parents – my parents were really hands-off parents, the opposite of helicopter parents. I don't think I was, I don't think I was forbidden to watch anything. I mean, I couldn't stay up to ridiculous hours. I remember wanting to stay up and watch Johnny Carson and watch, you know, when Rodney was on or Rickles or something. And I was probably 10 and it was past

my bedtime i remember uh being up at like one o'clock in the morning because they were having the original invisible man on and uh my mother woke up and came in first she told me to go to sleep and i said no i want to watch this movie and then she told me to go to sleep and I said, no, I want to watch this movie. And then she made me a plate of crackers and butter. Oh, that's nice. That's a nice story. Yeah. I always remember that.

I do have a memory, this is a silly story, of wanting to stay up and making a stink because I wanted to watch the follow-up of Batman called Batgirl. I thought there was a Batgirl series, and my mother kept trying to get me to go to bed, and she kept yelling at me, it's that girl!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! That girl! There is no show Batgirl. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Batgirl, created by our pal Bill Persky. Uh, Jesse Herman. I was listening to an episode of Mark Maron's podcast where he discussed doing a live show with Gilbert and Larry Bud Melman, also known as Calvert DeForest. Yes.

Mark described Calvert as neurotic, unsure of himself, and a bit queenie. Oh, a bit? Yeah, he was a little bit. Gilbert, do you have any memories of this show? Frank, I know you worked with Calvert. I remember you saying you wrote roast material for him. I did, but I did not meet the man.

Did you have experiences? Yeah, I met him like, you know, once or twice. And what was this show? It doesn't say. It says you and Larry Bud Millman were on it together. Yeah.

I just, no, I don't remember, actually. I do remember meeting him. Well, everybody loved him. I talked to him on the phone briefly, and there was a real sweetness to him. Yeah. He was uh and yeah what was funny about him and what was funny about how you know letterman uh knew that it's like he was just funny on his own yes he not being funny i believe he was discovered by uh steve

steve weiner and carl tedeman excuse me who were two Letterman writers on the old show. This may go back to the morning show. In fact, I'm not sure. Maybe not. Maybe the early days of late night. Apparently, he was discovered. He was kind of an amateur actor or a part-time actor, and he was discovered as working as a receptionist someplace. Yeah, and I think he'd sometimes pop up in some amateur movie production.

And I remember how the Letterman show, they would make up these stuff for him to say that made no sense at all. And that's what made it so funny. He was brilliant in that way. I think it was King of the Zs. I think they made a mock documentary and they cast Larry. Well, he wasn't Larry, but Millman. And I think he was Calvert as as some kind of some kind of Samuel Z.

Arcoff movie impresario. That's my memory. I wrote for him. I was a very young writer, and I had an agent at William Morris, a junior agent. And he said, they're roasting Billy Martin, the old Yankees manager. Yes. And they have Calvert. They have him signed to be one of the roasters, but he has to play a character.

Remember we were talking to Gabe Kaplan about how they would bring out Columbo? Oh, yeah, or Art Carney as Norton, yeah. So Larry or Calvert had to play Billy Martin's first Little League coach, and they put him in an ill-fitting baseball uniform, and I had to write the jokes. You can find that somewhere. I guess it's on – I don't even know if it's available, the Billy Martin roast. Our friend Josh Chambers, if the podcast were to start up their own pizza store franchises, Gilbert,

what suitably GGACP-themed celebrity pies might be on the menu? Oh, my God. Well, I guess the Cesar Romero pie with orange slices is too obvious. Well, I guess the Caesar Romero pie with orange slices is too obvious. Eric Ryan chimes in to say the Alan Ladd pie with extra chicken. You simply got to fuck the chicken. Don't you hope that story is true? It has.

Yeah. It's one of those stories, even if it's not true, it's true. Yeah. Should we get Alan Ladd Jr. on the show and ask him about it? That won't go well. Jeff Maus, M-A-U-S, or Maus. I assume it's Maus. What are some deep research anecdotes Frank can share?

What are standard strategies that go beyond the average Google search? What is the furthest you have gone, furthest length you have gone to get some stories? The research goes way beyond Google. What I do is I find old interviews with some of these people. It could be things, it could be obscure things from college newspapers or, you know, old radio interviews they've done or print interviews they've done from magazines and periodicals that are out of print. You find the gems in there. If there's a book, I read the book. If there's a documentary, I watch the documentary. Other times, it's just things that I've accumulated, information that I've picked up over the years. One of the reasons—go ahead.

And me, I try to find the correct pronunciation. Yes. Gilbert works with Raybone for months on finding the correct pronunciation of the name. Yeah, there are things—think of an example. I think we had David Zucker from Airplane and the Naked Gun. And I was, I didn't even know if this found its way into the show, but I was reading an old interview in a college newspaper with him. And I found that, that Kentucky Fright Theater, I think it was one of the, one of the first, uh, performances of Kentucky Fright Theater in Madison, Wisconsin. There was a fire. performances of Kentucky Fright Theater in Madison, Wisconsin. There was a fire. There was some anecdote.

And I remember writing that down and thinking nobody has ever asked him about this because it's 35 years ago. I do these kind of deep dives into the past and I find little oddities. Josh Abelon or Abelon Frank, any stories of your time writing for Commander USA? Do you remember that show, Gil, on the USA Network? Yes. It's a superhero with a painted-on mask. Oh, yeah. Yeah, because you were at USA right around that time, I think, doing Up All Night.

Yeah, it was when I was doing USA Up All Night. Yeah. I wrote three episodes. One was Kingdom of the Spiders with William Shatner. One was Johnny Yoon. Remember Johnny Yoon? Oh, yes. Johnny Yoon movie called They Still Call Me Bruce.

And I can't for the life of me think of what the third one was. But they were very nice to me. Again, I was a young writer. It was right around the time I was doing that Calvert de Forest thing. I must have been in my 20s. And Jim Hendricks, who was USA was lovely okay now now I did this sends me off in like just how you hear a name or something and send you going down the Johnny Yoon rabbit hole yes if it was in fact it sounded like the last name Yoon there was a and and probably all

of our listeners who will be screaming out the name of the picture. Uh-huh. There was a picture about where they defrosted a caveman, like a more modern day one. Okay. It wasn't like a... Not Encino Man with Brendan Fraser. No, no. This was a serious film.

And it wasn't like George Zooko. I know what you're thinking of. That's a movie called ice man yes and was it was was yoon the no that is an asian actor named john lone l-o-n-e okay i knew it was an asian actor yeah johnny yoon was a korean comedian who oh okay this kind of Bruce Lee-esque or a man mistaken for Bruce Lee in a movie called They Call Me Bruce.

And yeah, I don't think Johnny's with us anymore. John Lone, I don't know about. But yeah, that was my experience. I mean, they were freelance gigs and they treated me very well. I remember going to the set and they had a director's chair with my name on it. And for a 26-year-old,

27-year-old kid, that was a giant thrill. I remember doing some, I don't even remember the name of it. I just know it was like one of these bottom-of-the-barrel budget movies. And I came there

and at one point, I'm getting tired of standing around well first of all they had someone pick me up at the airport and drive me and he was saying uh i'm gonna ask if this is actually the movie he said because it was that cheap that you couldn't even tell that there were any, there might have been one camera. And so he said, yeah, yeah, this seems to be what they're filming. And I went over there, I'm standing around, I said, is there someplace I can sit down? And the director yells out, do you know where that chair is? And it's like, so they had one chair that they had to find for me to sit down. They had like a...

I love it. I love it. Over the years, I mean, there have been, I would assume, director's chairs with your name on them. Yeah. I think assume, director's chairs with your name on them. Uh, yeah. Yeah. I think so, yeah. I think mine was a quick stencil job. It was low-budget television.

Morty Weinberg, when recruiting a hesitant guest, what episode do you send them to try to win them over? Well, that's all kinds of episodes. Did you send Al Pacino the Beverly D'Angelo interview? No, we didn't do that. And an episode suggestion he has, please interview Gino Salamone to discuss his love of bird watching.

I think that's a gag. But Gino appreciated that. I sent it to him. We do send sample episodes to guests that are not necessarily reluctant but maybe uh need some convincing uh yeah from time to time yeah sometimes we'll send a guest that kind of seems like uh you know if it's old Hollywood we'll get a guest that will play him some tapes of old Hollywood actors that we interviewed or singers, other singers we've done. Yeah, yeah. Or co-stars or people they've worked with so they know that they can go and ask that person, did you have a good time? Was it a safe environment? And where on the doll did Gilbert touch you?

was it a safe environment? And where on the doll did Gilbert touch you? We don't... Al Pacino we have not pursued. I think Beverly told us... I mean, we could look further into it. I think Beverly told us that he isn't a great interview. Yeah, he never struck me as one of those that pops up.

He was never a Johnny Carson. He's not a chatty Cathy. He was on our Pal Leonard Maltin's podcast, though, and pretty good. He did make a little video for us at the cutting room that Dara got. It was great. Life-changing, yes. that Dara got. It was great.

Life-changing, yes. It just came on, and I thought, oh, this isn't a bad Al Pacino imitation. I wonder who's doing it. And it was actually him. We did an anniversary show last year before the pandemic hit at the cutting room, before all the shit hit the fan, and Dara, without telling Gilbert and me,

she was surprising us uh she got she managed to get some former podcast guests like neil sadaka and bob saget and weird al and lewis black and people like that to make a little special video congratulations and somehow beverly was on it and she got al pacino to say, congratulations Gilbert and Frank. Yes! The world's worst Al Pacino impersonation. I sounded like Bernie Sanders. It sounded a little Tony

Curtis-ish. Congratulations Gilbert and Frank. Wonderful. This is Al Pacino, and I just wanted to add my congratulations for Gilbert and Frank as they turn 300 years old. No, as they celebrate. Celebrate. As they celebrate.

Celebrate. Celebrate their 300th episode. Of The Amazing Causes. Of The Amazing Causes. Okay. Also, happy birthday, Gilbert and Dara, and have a great night. Our pal Gino, but we'll never say no. We'll never say never on Al.

We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this. Hear that, Quarter Pounder fans? That silence is two friends enjoying the new creamy parmesan and bacon Quarter Pounder at McDonald's. this. Try the new creamy parmesan and bacon quarter pounder today and discover how words are so unnecessary for a limited time only at participating McDonald's restaurants in Canada. What happens when 20 extremely athletic Canadians who thrive on competition and won't settle for less than number one find themselves on a team? Taking on jaw-dropping obstacles all across Canada is one thing.

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Live original. Please enjoy our products responsibly. Gene Beretta, our pal, if you two were on Jeopardy! and the category was pre-1980 films, who would win? What do we think of that, Gil? Oh, that's an interesting one. Yeah. First, they'd have to ask us to be on exactly have you ever been approached you first by celebrity no no but i will say one thing one

time they asked a question on jeopardy where i was the answer was that the one about the podcast uh i forget what it was it may have been a lot no the podcast there was one about the podcast. No, the podcast. Oh, there was one about the podcast a few years ago. Yeah, and I was so excited because I heard ahead of time, and then there was some terrorist attack on some museum or library or something. And it's in there. Yeah, and ever since then, I hated the Al-Qaeda. That was the only reason. That was the podcast question.

Yes. I have it on my screen here somewhere. He interviews celebrities in his inimitable voice. Oh, yes. On the Amazing Colossal podcast. Yes, but it didn't air. I had the DVR ready to go as well. Second part of Gene's question,

would you guys be willing to do a season of Wife Swap? I think Gilbert and Dara have been there already. I did. I swapped wives with Alan Thicke. Yes, yes. And that was a very fortunate day foricke. Yes. Yes. And that was a very fortunate day for Dara.

I think Dara would only be interested if someone could cook. If I could cook for her. Yes. I do like to cook. And that has appealed to her. Gilbert would have to learn my wife's name first. Which is not a given.

Yes, her name is Tootles. Tootles. Yes, he keeps calling. He's met Genevieve probably on 15 or 20 occasions. And the last time we were sharing a cab together and she said, hey, Gilbert, what's my name? And he said, I know your name. And she said, what is it? And he said, Tootles.

what's my name? And he said, I know your name. And she said, what is it? And he said, toodles. I, I,

I'm one of those people. Like I could work with someone for 50 years. we know that about you. Yeah. Yeah. And then, uh, go to the men's room,

come back and not know who that person is. I said to Henry gross, uh, how long do you think after the show, this show wraps, uh, one day down the road, how long will it take Gilbert to forget who I am? And Henry said, I don't think he knows who you are now. And it's been seven years.

John Zito, Z-I-T-O, pre-pandemic, how often did each of you go to see live theater in New York? Gilbert does not go to live theater. That costs money. Yes. What have been your favorite or most memorable theater-going experiences? Well, in the days when you were working the Broadway theaters. Yes, I used to work the concessions in the theater selling candy and T-shirts. And I saw Richard Burton in equus yeah and and when richard burton was off for a week anthony perkins in equus wow i saw

a matter of gravity with katherine hepburn and christopher Reeve. American Buffalo with Robert Duvall, Kenneth McMillan and John Savage. That's cool. Yeah. Kenneth McMillan. There's a character actor. And John Savage too. So basically free theater.

Yes, yes. Although I did, there were maybe like two plays, two, three plays we actually uh find like half price tickets on oh and i saw this is something i took your wife out to a night in the theater yeah yeah i i but this was years ago i went with my sisters or with my parents ah and we saw um It Again Sam with Woody Allen, Diane Keaton, and Jerry Lacey. Yes, Jerry Lacey. And we saw George C. Scott in Death of a Salesman. Wow. uh george c scott in death of a salesman wow and and we saw also uh peter folk and and former podcast guest lee grant oh and prisoner of second avenue yes great that's right you told lee that

that's cool that's cool those those. Those are all great shows. Yeah. And since we're talking about Jerry Lacey playing Bogart, Robert Sackey died a couple of weeks ago. I saw that. Yeah. The star of The Man with Bogart's Face. Sackey was scary. He really looked like him. Yeah.

We had just talked about him with Michelle Phillips, who's in that movie. I mean, you looked at him and said, no, that is footage of Bogart. I know, I know. I love the band's visit with the musical compositions of the great David Yazbek, who has done this show. I also saw Les Mis six times, Gilbert, so you can make fun of me.

Okay. I just absolutely love that show. I'm a sucker for a musical, as anybody who listens to this show knows. Although I will say for our pal, Lan Romo, who's probably listening, and I worship Sondheim's talent, but almost all Sondheim goes over my head. I'm just not that bright. So that will get us cards and letters. I have seen Assassins.

I have seen Sweeney Todd. I have seen Pacific Overtures. I have seen Company. But I fail to, I guess, understand. I just remembered. I fail to, I guess, understand. I just remembered. I saw another play that was two one-act plays by the same actor, and it was one of my faves, Ben Gazzara. Oh!

And it was called Yui and Night Clerk. Was that about Yui Long? I don't think so. The kingfish? Ben Gazzara. Oh. And it was called Huey and Night Clerk. Was that about Huey Long? I don't think so. The kingfish? No, it was... But I was there going, here I am watching Ben Gazzara. There you go.

And on the subject of theater, Lawrence Paone, or Paone, P-A-O-N-E, does Gilbert have any memories... Does Gilbert have any memories, fond or or otherwise about appearing on Broadway as the narrator in the Rocky Horror Picture Show? Oh, yes. The Rocky Horror Show at Circle in the Square.

Yes, and I had fun doing it. You know, they let me just play around with whatever I said. with whatever I said. But I remember once again, I thought this is just for a week and it reinforces the fact that I never wanted to be a Broadway actor because they actually have to work. You can barely memorize your own act.

Yes. He says, I was the box office treasurer, Lawrence says, and I was at the window when Gilbert showed up for his first rehearsal. He was so shy and quiet, I didn't recognize him. A week later, he was on stage doing a bit about trying to fuck a pearl. He said it kept rolling off, and the audience went wild.

But there you go. It's been a while. But there you go. This is from Dan Fisher, who does some great Photoshop work on behalf of the podcast. Some great stuff on Facebook. Hey Gil, I've met you a few times. You will not remember. I am a prop master for film and TV, and I used to work on MTV's live spring break broadcasts. Oh yeah, I did a few of those.

Do you have any memories of doing live bits among throngs of drunk, horny college students? Well, I remember doing a lot of, you know, like what was the place in Florida that most of those were done?

Oh, God. Well, I guess Orlando or... Yeah, Orlando. Yeah. And I remember being there. Big tone of beach. Unfortunately, the horny parts I never experienced. You didn't get any fringe benefits from being in those. Every other guest was getting laid left and right. And I'd hear stories like, oh, God, remember that spring break? Everybody was getting laid left and right and then i'd hear stories like oh god remember that spring

break everybody was getting laid there and i go they they were well did someone knock on my door and i was in the shower or something gilbert you don't know how to wield your celebrity i know i i I was always terrible at that. For years, I've done shows where a girl will fuck the opening act because she's impressed that he was the opening act for me. But I can't figure out how to do it. Well, there you go. He doesn't have any specific memories. Yeah. Yeah, I remember.

Not getting lucky, he remembers. Yeah. I can give you about a million stories about me jerking off alone in the hotel room if you want. That counts. Chris Ketchmark. Gilbert, if you could take a mulligan or a do-over, which what a mulligan is on any film or TV role, what would it be? I don't know. Just about every year. Do you resent the fact that your work and in how to be a player, Gil, was unrecognized by the Academy?

Yeah. Well, it shows how political it is. me uh yeah well it shows how political the business is political yeah you you would basically look through your whole imdb page and do them over take a mulligan on the yeah i always think you know and they get like some really respected star on like you know the Tonight Show or whatever, and then they do something like, oh, and here's some stuff you did before you were a star, and it's some embarrassing scene in a movie or commercial. And I figure, with me, they would have to dig something up and go, and, Gilbert, we actually found something of quality that you did. Well, you know, do you go back and look at performances in Beverly Hills Cop 2? I mean, you've got to be proud of that.

I'm very proud. You don't want to do that one over? Yeah, yeah. I'm very proud of that one. I'm very proud of the and surprised by the Problem Child movies. And your work in Aladdin you don't want to do over. Oh, absolutely. Exceptional work.

Aaron Alcott, my introduction to Gilbert was him doing a host segment for the movie The Money Pit on Cinemax. Any memory of that? That was probably up all night. I still quote it to this day. It might have been. Yeah. It might have been. And the director of The Money Pit, Mr. Richard Benjamin, will soon be returning to this very podcast. Yes. Who I auditioned for

once, and he didn't pick me. And Stepmother was an alien? Yes. Okay, you get a chance to break his hump about that all over again. Yes. And that was a big hit film. You would have put it over the top and then wanted a do-over. Alan Bernard. Alan, we have to thank Alan, who curates the Progressive Listener Society Facebook page.

He does a great job there. Frank, how did you break into a writing career? Again, as with the other questions about my career, very, very long story, which I can't go into. I didn't so much break in anyway as I seeped in. It took a very, very long time. I went to film school. I started a comedy group, a sketch comedy group in the village. We did live performances. I was trying to create my own kind of Kentucky Fright Theater and follow that model. I got a manager, I got an agent, I wrote

things, random jobs like that Larry Bud Melman thing, the Billy Martin roast, and all kinds of odd jobs in Commander USA, and a lot of cartoons, and a lot of freelance gigs, and it's a very, very long, convoluted story

that drags out over 30 years. So, again, DM me on Patreon or Facebook, and we'll talk about it. I can go into great detail of my horror stories and good and bad stories over the years. Reed Hawkins, for Gil, if you could choose one, Gil, would you take out on a date B. Benederit, Francis Bavier, or Frank Cady? Do we know who Frank Cady was? He was Mr. Drucker on Green Acres. Oh.

The druggist. Well, Frank had – Frank Cady had some great legs. He did. But I'd have to – I am fascinated by... Frances Bavier? Yeah, yeah. I really think a movie should be made about her. Are you a cat person?

Is that your interest in Frances Bavier? Yeah, oh, yes. She became a crazy cat woman. And then she moved out of Hollywood to some other state. And that was to escape from hollywood and yet being in another state made her a much bigger star in that state because like in hollywood you know you'll see kirk douglas and marilyn monroe walking down the street and but she was in one of these states you don't see anybody so it was like oh my god this is uh this is aunt b she was a big fish at a small pond yeah they peek in her window and everything

i they have to do a movie of her life okay gilbert gottfried wants to produce the francis the Francis Bavier story for a lifetime. Maybe we could do it with here. They wrote two movies I was in, and I still can't pronounce their names. Oh, Larry Karaszewski. Yes. You can't pronounce Scott Alexander? Scott Alexander I can work on. Okay, Scott and Larry can work on. Okay.

Scott and Larry, we have their emails. We're going to write them. We're going to tell them to start working on the Francis Bavier movie. Yes. Yeah. And get Tim Burton. I heard late, late in her life, she finally, she did call and talk to Andy Griffith because the two of them hated each other. That's what I hear.

That's what I hear. Okay, so the answer is you're going Francis Bavier. For Frank, with your photographic memory, what is the one thing you have trouble remembering? Like people's names. No, I remember everybody's names. Phone numbers, car keys, wallets. Yeah. Phone numbers, car keys, wallets, yeah.

I am the kind of left brain, right brain person where I can remember the ninth billed person in a TV movie from 1973 with Ruth Gordon. But I can't remember where my keys are or where I put my wallet. I'm the exact same way. Somebody said to me where they asked me a question, and I had no idea, and it was a simple question. And he says, you know who directed a film from 1920? That's it. But you don't know this. No. I can give you the entire cast of Tidal Wave,

the Lorne Green disaster movie in alphabetical order. But I leave credit cards in cabs, in taxi cabs. Now you pay with a credit card. You slide the card in and it sits in the little device. And I have walked out of the cab

40 times and left credit cards in cabs. I wonder how many credit cards are lost in cabs. A lot. I've left, before I had a proper iPhone, I had the little flip phones and I left probably 20 of those in taxi cabs and on buses. My wife has bought me dozens of scarves that I've left on buses. I lose things and I can't remember where I place things and it really drives me crazy. And then, of course, the old classic are umbrellas. Umbrellas. I've gone through a hundred umbrellas in the last decade easily.

Easily. You and I, we should not live together. We would both be Oscar. David McConaughey, how do you guys spend your time aside from GGACP? What time aside, I ask? And Gilbert, how many gigs do you take on in a month? And then how do you handle the responsibilities of parenting? Is Darren nearby to hear this?

Because we could get a good laugh out of her. I'll swear the Fifth Amendment on this one. The responsibilities. That's the funniest thing I ever one. The responsibilities. That's the funniest thing I ever heard. Ed Marcus. Gilbert, if you could remake any movie, no matter what genre, what would you choose? Wow. See, because this is the thing.

You know, you hate when they remake a great movie. Yes. But it would be nice if they could take a total bomb and remake it. What about Skidoo? Yeah, that could possibly. I don't know if that had any chance.

No. There's nothing of value. Like, I think, I think in the right hands, Jerry Lewis's movie. Oh, God, I forget. Jerry Lewis's movie. What, Latter Day One?

Yes, the one that no one's ever seen. Smorgasbord? No, no, no. Hardly Working? No, no, the one, the lost one. Oh, The Day the Clown Cried. The Day the Clown Cried. I think in the right hands

that could be a good movie well the roberto benigni movie life is beautiful isn't that in the same realm uh yeah which always got me it's like uh people always made fun of the fact that jerry lewis is beloved by the french and looked upon as a genius, even though he's just some goofy, stupid comic. And then Benigni comes here and America makes him the next Charlie Chaplin. Strange. Unfair. Unfair. And also he adds, Frank, did you know there was an old silent movie studio on east 15th and avenue m in brooklyn did you know this gill i don't know about that how about that well there were silent studios all over brooklyn and queens yeah you know in in the day i don't know that

specific one cliff cliff nesteroff is your man on that. Gregory Ward. Gil, what did the owner of my local comedy club in Springfield have on you to convince you to come here? Springfield, Missouri, I should say. Springfield, Moe. And Frank, when are you coming to visit to

Branson, recruit some of the local talent? If you make it here, Yakov Smirnoff tickets are on me. Wow, that is a hard offer to turn down. Yes. In America, you buy tickets. In Russia, the tickets buy you. What a country.

In America, you watch a show. In Russia, the show watches you. What a country. Yakov has the same laugh as Arnold Horschak. I just realized. Have you met Yakov Smirnoff? Oh, yeah. Okay.

And he said, in America, you meet Gilbert Gottfried. In Russia, Gilbert Gottfried meets you. That's his right and true formula. Oh, my God. Jen Moran. Jer Moran.

Jer Moran. Sorry, I'm laughing. Too much to see the page. Jare, short for Jeremy, I assume. Question for both Gilbert and Frank. Are there any recent films you've enjoyed? Recent? I guess he means after 1974. Yes.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Last night, I was at a party, and there were these two young guys there, I don't know, like late teens, early 20s. And I mentioned to them, they started talking to me, and I mentioned, like, I really like old movies. And they said that they like old movies, too, and particularly the movies from the 90s wow that hurts yes that is i'll be in pain with that for the rest of my life wow you know i used to listen to cbs fm which is an oldie station yes my whole life it was playing 60s oldies you would tune into cbs fm and you would hear jailhouse rock and you'd hear some 70s but you

know mostly you'd hear the Big Bopper and you'd hear well that's 50s but you'd hear you'd hear a lot of 60s pop music top 40 it's now 80s the 80s is now considered oldies on CBS FM and I'm completely depressed and when when these guys said old movies from the 90s, I thought— That's a dagger in your heart. So Turner Classic Movies is going to be doing a dedication to the 90s. Well, every now and then, Turner Classic Movies runs more modern movies. Yeah. You know, listen, these are the changing times.

We're the only ones lost in 1957 on this show. Yes, recent films. I mean, I don't see many recent films because most of the movies that I have time to watch are movies that I'm doing for podcast research. Like I just rewatched Brewster McCloud because we had John Shuck on the show. And I'll watch a bunch of Richard Benjamin stuff, because he's coming back. I did love Jojo Rabbit, a movie from, I think, 2019, scored by our pal Michael Giacchino. I thought that was a brilliant comedy that managed to handle the darkness and the light seamlessly, because it's about Nazis. Yeah.

Really beautifully done. And I watch a lot of television. Fargo on FX, which is a few years old. It's brilliant. When was the last time you sat in a movie theater? Oh, God. The last movie theater, the last movie I went to, it may have been a screening. It may have been a WGA screening.

But a movie where I bought a ticket? No, Jojo Rabbit. Yeah, I saw the screening. I saw the guild screening. I can't remember. Which is shame on us because we're the guys sitting here talking about extolling the virtues of movie theaters. Yeah, but movie theaters, it's sad, but they're just dead. Well, they're all closed in Manhattan, virtually.

I can't remember the last time my wife and I bought a ticket to maybe one of the Star Wars movies with her family. I think we had an event with a family event and we saw The Force Awakens together. I can't remember. Shame on me. But it's getting harder and harder. Ken, finally, the two of you seem so in sync in your taste, but what are some films that you disagree on? Do we disagree on much, Gilbert?

I don't think so. Usually we agree on everything. Yeah, I guess I'm not as big a fan of Jerry Lewis movies as you are. You won't catch me watching Way, Way Out. Oh, my God. Was that Connie? Connie Stevens. Connie Stevens.

Yeah. Or the Delicate Delinquent. Yeah, and I think Dick Shawn. Yeah. Sounds right. Was in that. And delicate delinquent was originally written as a Martin and Lewis picture. Right. Yeah. I do like the Martin and Lewis pictures. I do like those. See, now when I watch a Martin and Lewis picture, every now and then I find something funny. But for the most part, I think this is so weird because people who saw them live say it was a religious experience. The funniest thing ever, they say.

But the Martin and Lewis pictures are, oh, that's kind of funny. Yeah. I'd say Gilbert and I agree on everything. I like Ferris Bueller a little bit more than he does. Will Harris. Will Harris is a fan of the show and a terrific writer and interviewer. He does random roles for the AV Club. They're great.

How did Gilbert end up doing the Clint Eastwood impression? He's credited as a tough guy vocal. You know where I'm going with this, Gil? On a song called Make My Day. Oh, my. By a band called Z, Z-E-E. Oh, my God. I have vague recollections of that.

Yeah, it's on YouTube. It's some strange kind of, I don't know if it's a hip-hop record, but it's got you in the background going, make my day, doing this weird Clint Eastwood thing. Wow. I hope you got paid. Only vague memories of that. Not with my agent.

Exactly. John Ray, here's the setup, Gil. James Mason is having difficulty landing any acting roles, so to make ends meet, he tries his hand at stand-up. Gilbert helps him by letting him use his Ben Gazzara joke during open mic night. So he wants to hear Ben... Jesus Christ.

That's like too long a bit. I know. Maybe you could do the punchline as James Mason. And the alien says, Ben Gazzara's a good actor. Why can't he get this series? Beautiful. There you go.

John Ray. He takes requests. Gary Esposito, have you guys thought about doing a Zoom meetup, a free Zoom meetup, and showing all 13 episodes, well, really 12, of Gilbert's year on Saturday Night Live and having running commentary. I think that's Gilbert's version of hell. Yes, yes.

I don't think there is one second of me on Saturday Night Live that I'd want anyone to see. Okay, so that goes back to the question about your do-over. Yes. Do-over the entire season. I do-over by not doing the show at all. Okay. Let's see here. Dr. Z, Eric Z, MD, medical deviant.

Yes. I was listening to an old Howard Stern episode, Al Goldstein. Al Goldstein. Al Goldstein was in serious financial trouble and friends were vowing to help. And Al said that Gilbert promised to send him 20 bucks. I was wondering if Gilbert ever sent that 20 bucks. Well, I sent a very large amount of money, but I made sure to ask him not to tell anyone. Because I hate when people thank me for those things. It was an anonymous donation? Yes.

Oh my God. Also, Eric Z wants to know, what happened to origami-less boneless Raybone? And will you have him back? Paul was on not long ago. Yeah. We did a mini episode, a Patreon-only episode with Paul.

He's around? Yeah. I think he's off now looking up an answer because we said, who was the title character in King Kong? We're still trying to find. Oh, and in what country did Casablanca take place in? Hilarious.

Let's see what we have here. Ernest, I'm curious, both of you, what are your takes on the 63 movie Comedy of Terrors? It's an old AIP movie. Oh my God,

I haven't seen that for a while. With Karloff and Laurie. Was Basil Rathbone in that, too? Yeah, he's in it. Vincent Price and Joey Brown's last movie. Ah. I never saw it, interestingly enough. I know about it.

I've probably seen five, ten minutes of it somewhere. I think I probably saw it when I was a kid and don't remember it all that well. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. But maybe you'll maybe revisit it. Okay. Maybe you'll have a, maybe you'll have a, you'll fall in love with it. I thought Corman wasn't directly involved in that, strangely enough.

Even with that cast. I think in that film they turn Peter Lorre into a big bird. That sounds right. Yeah. Sounds right. David Coyle, PhD. I'm wondering if Gilbert has ever tried to learn any Yiddish. Old Jewish theater recordings exist and are even being made available online.

Would he consider going deeper into this lost genre. There were one or two words that I picked up from my grandmother, but let me see a sentence if I could remember. Oh. Oh, God. Oh, here. Sehelf via toitenbankis. Now, what that meant is, you know, like cupping that they do with people where they used to put a cup on you with a candle inside?

Yes, yes. And so in Yiddish, it's called bunking or bunkus. Or bonkus. And so what the sentence means, it's like giving bonkus to a corpse. Like when something's hopeless. Wow, very good. And you retained that all those years. Yes. What if somebody offered you a half a million dollars to do your whole act in Yiddish?

Then I would... I'd go up there with Pius and... Gilbert Gottfried in The Chosen. And a long beard. Charlie Bruce. I'd like to hear Gilbert's memories of an early

routine of his, in particular a Nostradamus bit where a soothsayer says about Happy Days, a Happy Days spinoff. Do you know where this is going? Oh, yeah. Oh, sure. Go ahead. Yeah. I say back then it was the 1400s. Oh, back then it was the 1400s. And, oh, back then it was the 1400s. And people are going, this is a long time ago. Yes, I love that joke. Nostradamus predicted Henry Winkler would be a big star. And in the 1400s, they were going, Winkler?

Chachi, I could see. But not Winkler. That's ridiculous. You're not still doing that stuff, huh? I think I may do it in my next show. Bring out a Chachi reference. It's current. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast.

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Snacks, drinks, and everything we can win in a new game at circle k check with circle k summer road trip game you can win over a million delicious instant prizes and a grand prize of 25 000 play at games.circlek.com or at participating circle k stores frank do you uh say charlie bruce also asked frank do you have a pet project or screen CircleK.com or at participating Circle K stores. Charlie Bruce also asked, Frank, do you have a pet project or screenplay that you would love to produce but haven't had about a million pet projects? Yeah, I had some screenplays optioned in my L.A. days. I wrote a movie called Damage People with a late great comic named Sam Brown. It was a love story about two neurotics that was almost made into a movie. I wrote a couple of other comedies.

I've written pilots. There are a lot of things I'd like to do. There are a lot of shows I'd like to do. I'd like to do something with showbiz history since this podcast has turned me into an amateur historian. Lots of projects. I'll go into them in detail one day. Jay Feldman, I just... Oh, wait. Go ahead.

I just remembered a Chachi story. Okay, let's hear it. Aside from dating... Oh, Jesus. Erin Moran. Pam Anderson. Oh, right, Pam Anderson. Chachi used to date Pam Anderson. I thought you were staying in Happy Days, Len.

And aside from her and maybe one or two of the other stars, he would just show up at the set and they'd have a million extras. And he'd be banging one extra after the other. And they used to, when he'd show show up they used to call the show bail watch wow yeah i never heard that that's great i love that uh let's see uh what else we have here we got so many stan sitsman gail how does your lovely bride tolerate you day in day out week after week year after year after year does she tolerate you no okay oh day out, week after week, year after year? Does she tolerate you? No. Okay. Oh, an answer to your question. Does anyone actually know who the father of her children are? They seem way too well-mannered to be related to Gilbert in any way.

Well, they both look like the UPS men. I don't know why. Fred Wheaton, our pal Fred Wheaton. We've heard about the life masks that Gilbert has. Are there any faces of other celebrities, living or dead, he would like to add to his wall? I don't know. It's funny. The kind of collectibles I've acquired, it's like I kind of prefer if I'm at a museum or someone's house looking at their collectibles because boy I have a habit of collecting just loads of crap after a while yeah me too me too he says uh would Frank

is there anything you guys would obtain to start a collection casts of other body parts like like like those rock rupees cynthia plaster caster is that what he's going for if they if they would if somebody saved milton burles cock i'd certainly like that and a glass display yes he would very much uh ki gil the comedians you came up with jerry seinfeld tim allen bobcat do you stay in touch with these people? Yeah, you and Jerry are thick as thieves, right? Yes, yes, constantly. Me and Jerry are constantly playing tennis together.

Going on long drives. Bobcat we talk to from time to time. He's been on the show. Yes, and I once worked with him on, what was that, CSI? I did an episode. And Hot to Trot. Oh, yes, yes. Don't forget Hot to Trot.

Talk about movies to do over. Exactly, from everyone's perspective. Ben Oakley, as in Oakley Doakley, I guess, or Oakooley. Boy, you beat me to that joke. That was sweet. Ned Flanders. That joke, that was sweet. Ned Flanders.

Can Gilbert confirm if it's true that Ethel Merman left Ernest Borgnine so fast because on their honeymoon he gave her a Dutch oven? It sounds like it has to be true. If it's not true, it should be. That is not like getting a rotisserie. Yeah, I would say seek out Drew Friedman's book, his first book, for Ethel Merman and Ernest Borgnine. 32 days they were married. Yes. How about that?

Ridiculous. I mean, whatever drug they were on when they got married. Kevin S. Watsy. I think it's time we get Gilbert a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. What do we think of this idea? Sure. What the hell? You got to pony up.

Yes. Oh, you have to pay for those. Yes, but I don't think you have to pay. I think you're fan-based. People want to, you know, for think you have to pay. I think your fan base— Oh, if other people want to, you know, for homeless people to piss on, fine. Yeah, it's overdue, Gil. Who should we put you between?

Where should your star be situated? In front of a pizza store. It's so funny. With that, just like the handprints outside Grauman's Theater, they change them. So, like, they'll dig out the cement. And I always thought, when I found that out, I thought, wait a minute. This is supposed to be immortality that you're in that. And it's like, no, it's a couple of years, and then they dig it up and toss it in the garbage.

They replace you with R2-D2's wheel prints. Yes. Yes. It's sort of a commentary on show business, isn't it? Oh, absolutely. In a way, it's a sad commentary. Sam Korak, or Korash, or Korash, Gil's pick for a quick fan favorite impression, Chico Dice Marks.

You remember any of that? Oh, well, I don't remember it, but let me try it, Chico. Hey, what are you, Palo Homo? That's good. Hey! Brilliant. He's just invented another character for his act. Matt Rawlings,

I hope you get my old boss, songwriter Mike Stoller. Mike Stoller on the show. Well, we'd love to have Mike Stoller. Lots of stories about Elvis and the Colonel and Jerry Lieber. Jerry Lieber hanging up on the Rolling Stones. Lieber and Stoller. We would love to have him.

Put us in touch, Matt. He is a genuine legend. We love songwriters on this show, as we have said. Ira, let's see here. Jay Feldman, I just finished reading both Cliff Nesteroff's and Howard Storm's books, both funny books. They overlap wonderfully. I heard you comment about several great comics who were simply SOBs. I guess he's referring to Danny Kaye and Joey Bishop. Likewise, there were a number who could be counted on as menches, too many to list.

My question is this. Do you think the SOBs might have been so or had difficult personalities due to their having been pathologically insecure? Oh, I'm sure. Of course. Insecurity in comedy? Yes. No. What are you speaking of, sir?

Yes. I mean, we are not qualified here. We are not doctors. Gilbert has played one. Yes. He has played Dr. Spleen. And I played a dentist at least twice. Yes, but we are not qualified to do psychological assessments of these difficult personalities.

Zoransamarja. There's a name. That's like the Bride of Dracula. Zoransamarja. Does Gilbert know the lyrics To the theme song of My Mother the Car Oh I don't Do you know that one

Would you settle for Car 54 instead Zoran Because Gilbert can do that one There's a hold up in the Bronx Brooklyn's broken out in fights There's a traffic jam in Harlem That's backed up to Jackson Heights There's a scout to show the child crew just threw a night

a while. Car 54, where are you? There you go. My mother the car, I could do a little bit from memory, but I have gaps. It's something like we all come back sooner or later.

It's a reincarnation theme do you know this to a pussycat or a man-eating alligator oh uh the alligator one sounds like yeah my mother my mother dear decided she'd come back as a car she's my very own guiding star. You remember this? A 1928 porter. Oh, okay. That's my mother, dear. Something like that. And speaking of Joey Ross. Yes. Oh.

Wait a minute. Oh, I had the song in my head. Fuck this. It's about time. It's about about space about two guys in the craziest place that's it by the way alan burns writer alan burns who just left us not long ago would have been a great podcast guest created my mother the car so there you go uh andrew mccallum my son and i have watched several old monster movies godzilla and It's a Mad, Mad World. He is often put off by movies not being in color, though. I'm looking for old flicks to share with the boy.

What movies does Gil enjoy sharing with his kids? Well, you've turned Max on to, we've talked about it, all the universal horror stuff. Yeah, like when he was like one, i would say to him you know uh who played frankenstein he go boris karloff and lon chaney jr so yeah i i've turned them on to i wish there was some more but uh you know they they know who the marx brothers are yeah. But I don't think they're familiar with their pictures. Do they have an objection to black and white movies, your kids? I don't think so. But it is so weird.

It's like, oh, this is getting back to that thing about like the guys who the old 90s movies. Whenever like on TV, they'll do a show like uh you know a salute to old television and they'll have like uh you know uh will and grace as an ancient tv show i don't understand that yeah and nothing zero and black and white they will not have black and white old TV shows. I don't understand it. It's weird. Blaze Piffington. There's a name for you. Yes. Blaze Piffington. He says his real name is Brian Pinzon.

I am unsure if anyone asked this. Has there ever been an episode that has been recorded? Yes. But for some extreme or crazy reason could not be aired. The one Raybone loss doesn't count. No, that wasn't Paul. That was Verterosa, but he didn't lose it either. Yes. Well, a couple of episodes didn't air because of people who were in questionable health.

Yes. And the Irwin Corey episode we've talked about. And one episode we had to completely redo with that guest because the first one was too dirty. Yes. And the funny thing is, is the first one. I mean, the second one when he came back, it was great. But the first one was very funny. But he was afraid he was doing like industry.

Well, like, you know, he was a spokesman for a big corporation. Yes, we won't give away who it is. And I know how big corporations don't always have a great sense of humor. I've had some experience in that area. A little. TKD Sandberg. had some experience in that area a little tkd sandberg i seem to recall frank once mentioned he knew harlan ellison a legendary writer with a cantankerous rep cantankerous reputation that's not easy to say i always love watching him uh what else can uh he always seemed to speak from the heart what was the what was he like and you have any stories about him i don't have a lot of

stories i didn't know Harlan well. I spent two famous days with him. I met him through Len Wein, the late great comic book writer and creator of Wolverine and other wonderful characters. Harlan took a shine to me. He liked me, and I was lucky. And I made him laugh, which was a great honor. I spent a Thanksgiving with him. I had a couple of phone conversations with him.

I didn't get to know him well. A little bit, enough to be thrilled by it. And he would have been a terrific guest on this show. Yeah. Bob Silva, Aloha Boys and Dara. Do you remember the first movie you ever saw in a theater? I think we've covered this before. Yeah.

I think mine, speaking of John Davidson, I think mine was a Disney movie called The Happiest Millionaire. Oh. With, I think, I think Leslie Ann Warren comes to mind. I don't remember. I remember really early pictures that I saw, but I can't, I think, well, I know I saw, I don't think it was the first movie. I know I saw The Incredible Mr. Limpid. Well, that's, yeah, that's what, 60, 65, 66, 67?

And I may have seen one. You had to see a movie before then. And I may have seen one of those horrible Bob Hope movies. Oh, that's right. We talked about that. Was it, was it, was it, was it? Bachelor in Paradise. Cancel My Reservation? Yeah. One of those horrible.

Boy, did I get a wrong number? Yeah. Like one of those movies, like, even when you're two years old watching it, you go, what the fuck is this? Don Simon wants to know, these are great questions, by the way. We have to thank everybody for these as we wrap up and wind down.

If each of you could have lived the life of one of your podcast guests, who would that have been and why? I know mine would be Jimmy Webb because my dream in life is to be a songwriter. So I have songwriter envy. It would be Paul Williams or Jimmy Webb or the Holland Brothers. Gil? Oh.

Anybody you would want to be? I can't think of any. Yeah. See, it's like, you know how these people say, oh, wouldn't it be great to live back then? Yes. And I think, no, no. I like the comforts I have now. Exactly.

Exactly. We only live in the past figuratively. Yes, yes. Yeah, I still want hot and cold running water. I get it. Adam Palmer, of all the guests you've had on the podcast, who do you think has the most overall knowledge of TV, music, and film like you guys? Well, so many people.

Yeah. He says Rupert Holmes is the guest that amazes me the most. Rupert is amazing in addition to being a polymath. He knows everything. And, of course, Robert Osborne. Robert Osborne, Ben Mankiewicz, Cliff, Drew Friedman, Scott and Larry, Leonard and Malton knows everything. Oh, yeah. So, so many of our guests would fall into the category.

I forgot to add, Don Simon adds at the end of his question, I want to thank you guys and all associated with the podcast for keeping the great work of so many people alive many years later you've not only reminded me of so many things I thought I forgot but introduced me to so much more

in the words of Gilbert oh thank you oh oh my cow thank you Don we love hearing that Ray Garton Oh, oh, Mikkel. Thank you, Tom. We love hearing that. Ray Garton, G-A-R-T-O-N. We hear from Ray a lot.

You have in your future an indefinite stay on a deserted island, Gilbert. Take along one entire run of one 1960s TV series. What are you taking along with you? Oh, well, you know, I guess Car 54. You're going to take Car 54? Yeah. I'm going to take The Twilight Zone. Oh, excellent.

Excellent. Which I believe crosses over from The 50s, if I'm not mistaken. But there you go on that one. Let me see what else. And we had Rod Serling's daughter on this show. We did. That was a great episode. I would take the Twilight Zone or Flipper. One of those two.

Would you take Night Gallery? I would take Night Gallery. Also, not the 60s. Let's see. I'm going to get to one or two more as we run out of time. And Gilbert has a party to attend because he's that popular. Yeah. I live a celebrity life.

Yes. Yes. Let's see. My son and I have watched the old Universal movies, Monster movies. This is from Andrew McCallum. Oh, no. I already did that one. Moises Tavera. I have a six-year-old, and I've slowly started introducing him to the Universal films,

like he enjoyed Abbott and Costello meet Frankenstein, until the Wolfman started chasing them, and then he got scared. I also bought Pete Von Schale's History of Monsters pull-out book. Yes, we'll shout out Pete. A great book. My question is, what would you recommend as a kid-friendly horror movie? Aside from The Nightmare Before Christmas. Well, you know, I've been in Costello, certainly, but he got scared by that.

Yeah, yeah. Maybe Mad Monster Party. Oh, yes, yes. Yeah, that's an odd one. Now, that was Karloff and also Phyllis Diller, I think, was in that. That sounds right. Yes, I believe that's right. Let me see.

I'm winding down. Mark Schatzberg, did Gilbert ask Harvey Miller for any great odd couple stories when he was shooting Bad Medicine? No, I should have, but I never did. That's one I kick myself about. And he would have been a great podcast guest. He died before we were on, but he would have been a great podcast guest. Yeah, he was a wonderful character. Let's wind up with this one.

And again, we will thank everybody for these wonderful, wonderful questions. Harold Steenworth, Gilbert and Frank, I would like you to both view on YouTube a short interview of the Grateful Dead's Jerry Garcia called The Movie That Changed My Life. He talks about the first time he saw Abbott

and Costello meet Frankenstein, when he was six, and how he came to love monster movies, Bud and Lou, the makeup artists, and the movie even inspired him to attend art school. He actually sounds like he has both of you guys combined in his personality and makes a great case for why monster movies and comedies touch us just like a roller coaster scares the hell out of us and then we can't stop laughing.

Take a look at it. Thank you Gilbert and Frank for keeping us monster kids on this roller coaster of both scary movies and side-splitting laughter. That's nice. Yeah, that is. Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you.

Oh, that's a little shout out to Gino. Okay, I lied. I'm going to throw one more in. Let me find a good one. Pete Nelson, maybe this has come up on the podcast, but how long have you guys known each other and how did you meet? Gilbert, was it his kids or jury duty? Or I think we were in the Army. Were the Army?

That was Felix and Oscar. Or I was like a, I was like a, in the, it was during Prohibition. Yeah. And I was Blinky. You were Blinky Gottfried. And I was an ophthalmologist. Yes. An optometrist. Dr. Santo Padre.

We met many times over the years. Yes. And each time, well, that's the funniest part of it. It's like after I'd been on like, oh, the Rich Jenny had a show for a while. Caroline's Comedy Hour. Yeah. I was a writer on that show. Yeah.

And a couple of other things like that that you were a writer on. Joy Behar's show. And then I'm walking down the street in LA and a 100% total stranger. Of course. Because at that point, we'd only met five times yes yeah and you said I'm going to an autograph convention and I thought oh shit I definitely want to go there and and you know it you know you could have been a child writing around in your van. But why would I have stopped for you if that was the case? Well, it was a really slow date.

Unless you were dressed like Stinky in a little Lord... ...Walt Leroy costume. Yes, that's... I will say thank heaven for Dara. Well, or Dara's parents. We should this show. We owe it. We owe a debt of thanks to Dara's parents for raising her properly so that she learned my name. Yes, she had actual social skills and learned who I was.

And that's how Gilbert and I came to create this show. I think in the first 20 shows, I totally mispronounced it. It's fine. It makes them little collector's items. Yes. Like a baseball card with a typo on it. Yes. Yes.

We'll wrap this up. We will thank all the Patreon people who generously support this show. This was a nice short show for summer, Gil. Yes. A nice easy one. So people can go listen to this, go outside and enjoy the sunshine.

They don't have to be trapped in the house. We want to thank all our Patreon supporters, but especially the people who went to the trouble of giving us questions. Anybody can support this show. It's a labor of love and your love and your support keeps us going. So please

join us. There are merch discounts, there's bonus content, bonus episodes, behind the scenes videos, autographed pictures. You can get all kinds of goodies at patreon.com slash what? Gilbert Gottfried. That is correct. What are you going to do

with the rest of your day? I hear Dara's dragging you to a barbecue. Ah, yes. That is correct. What are you going to do with the rest of your day? I hear Dara's dragging you to a barbecue. Ah, yes. It sounds exciting. You'll be approached by two people who are nostalgic for the 2010s. Ah, yes. Yes. Thank you, everybody on Patreon. Thank you everybody on Patreon.

And thank you Gino and Josh Chambers and Michelle Mantinen and Greg Pair and Dino Preserpio and John Seals. And everybody and Jack Vaughn and Aristotle Acevedo and Lan Romo and everybody who helps make this show. As I always like to say, it takes a village. And thank you to all our patrons, patrons, Patreon patrons from the bottom of our heart. Did you want to add anything? No. Do you want to sing the Car 54 theme again? There's a holdup in the Bronx, Brooklyn's broken mountain fights. There's a traffic jam in Harlem that's backed up to Jackson Heights.

There's a scout troop short a child. Cruise ships to an idle wild. Car 54, where are you? Beautiful. I thank you, Gilbert. I thank you for everything you are and the gift that is you. Beautiful. I thank you, Gilbert. I thank you for everything you are. And the gift that is you. Go enjoy

your day in the sun. We'll see you guys next week. Okay, next week everyone. Bye-bye. Done. Yeah. Like, what's his name said that'll hold those little bastards you should have thrown that in Uncle Don

yes yes everybody knows in a second life we all come back sooner or later As anything from a pussycat to a man-eating alligator Well, you may think my story is more fiction than it's fact But believe it or not, my mother dear decided she'd come back as a car She's my very own

guiding star A 1928 Porter That's my mother dear She helps me do everything I do And I'm so glad she's here Well, everything my daddy never was Well, now she wants me to be She's taken her place

As the fifth member of my small family And she'll blow her radiator When things ain't going right And whenever she gets too lonely We just all gotta spend the night With my car She's my very own guiding star I mean a 1928 Porter That's my very own guiding star. I mean a 1928 Porter. That's my mother, dear.

She helps me do everything I do. And I'm so glad she's here. My mother, the car. Whoa, my mother, the car. My mother, the car. My mother, the car. My mother, the car. I was wondering, do you think we could chip in and get an XK-150?