Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Jeff Altman Encore

Episode Date: August 14, 2023

GGACP celebrates the birthday (August 13) of comedian, actor and magician Jeff Altman with this ENCORE of a warm and funny conversation from 2021. In this episode, Jeff talks about his family connection to Houdini, his decades-long friendships with Buddy Rich and David Letterman, the early days of the Magic Castle and the Comedy Store and the infamous NBC variety show “Pink Lady & Jeff.” Also, Raymond Burr takes a seat, Sam Kinison sees a ghost, Gilbert watches Rodney Dangerfield eat and Jeff opens for Pia Zadora and The Captain & Tennille. PLUS: Sean Connery! “Legends of the Superheroes”! Jerry Lewis demands credit! The comedy of Jim Varney! And Jeff and Dave kill off the careers of the Starland Vocal Band! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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I do. Enjoy the number one feeling, winning, in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino. Where winning is undefeated. 19 plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and this is Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host, Frank Santopadre.

Our guest this week is an actor, comedy writer, voice actor, a drummer, a skilled magician, and a popular stand-up comedian who's been making audiences laugh since the 1970s. As an actor, you've seen him in such films as American Hot Wax, Easy Money, Highlander 2, Easy Money, Highlander 2, Soul Man, B-Movie, and yes, the cinema classic Back by Midnight. Also featuring some guy named Gilbert Gottfried. He also appeared on such hit TV series like Maud, Mork & Mindy, WKRP in Cincinnati, Night Court, Solid Gold, Caroline in the City, Tiny Toon Adventures, and in recurring roles on the Dukes of Hazzard, Nurses, nurses and Baywatch and of course as the co-host and co-star of one of the strangest most infamous shows in the history of television pink lady and Jeff or on that later you'll also know him from dozens of memorable stand-up comedy shows and talk show appearances,

most notably on Late Night with David Letterman and The Late Show with David Letterman. In a career that started back in 1974 at L.A.'s Magic Castle and the Comedy Store. He's gone on to perform for audiences all over the country and work with everyone from Muhammad Ali to Jerry Lewis to Sean Conner, to Robin Williams, as well as our podcast guests, Adam West, John Astin, Ed Begley Jr., Dick Van Dyke, and Sid and Marty Kroff. Please welcome to the show one of the funniest human beings we know,

to the show, one of the funniest human beings we know, and the man who told Frank and I that if he didn't like the way this interview turned out, he'd flip us like a cheese omelet. The always laid-back and low-key Jeff Altman. Jeff, welcome. Well, I've been in show business since I was seven, and I've never had an introduction like that. That was fantastic. There you go. That sums it up, Jeff.

Some of those things may even be true. Possibly. So you were also... See, I still have not seen this movie. I don't know if there's a way of seeing this movie. You were also in Back by Midnight with

Rodney Dangerfield. Were you in that also, Gilbert? Yes. Is that a Harry Basil joint? Yes. So I guess you haven't seen it either no I don't think anyone has I've read reviews it's supposed to be beyond horrible

I'm sure I'm sure what is the plot of Back by Midnight it's come up on this show many times it stars Rodney Dangerfield too we should point out. I'm not sure what the point of the movie was. I know it was

an opportunity to earn $35 and I walked over to the set. I think Rodney is either, I don't know if he's a warden or convict or something. It takes place with a prison that he, I don't know if he's a warden or convict or something it takes place with a prison that he i don't know he has to leave and come back it's i have no idea but it's supposed to be beyond it's supposed to be

funky monkey bed jeff do you ever work with a chimp or a primate or an orangutan or just the one here at the house. That's it. I heard just today that your father was friends with the great Harry Houdini. That's true, Gilbert. That's true. My father was a tremendous magician. Bill Gilbert, that's true. My father was a tremendous magician.

And when he was 20 years old, they made him the first president of the Society of American Magicians, which is like the clubhouse for magicians. And he was appointed in Worcester, Massachusetts, right before Harry Houdini died in 1926. My father was 20 years old. Wow. That is cool. What is the true story? You know, you see the Tony Curtis movie, which is bullshit,

where he dies doing the water trick. Yes. What is the true story? You're not only a magician, Jeff, but you're obviously a magic historian. Right. There used to be that famous legend that because the guy punched him in the stomach.

That's it. Yeah, that's there was a there was a college student that said he had always wanted to meet Houdini. And so they invited him into his dressing room and he was he was doing something else. And, you know, he was famous for being able to be punched in the stomach as hard as a strong man could and endure it so this kid was in there just getting ready to wallop the guy and and uh when houdini wasn't looking and had not set himself the guy punched him and uh ruptured his appendix and then i guess a week later he died. There you go. From acute appendicitis. Yeah, I've heard people who've argued that and said that, you know, if you punch someone, if that could cause an appendix to burst, then more price fighters would be dying from it. more price fighters would be dying from it.

I don't know whether or not the punch caused the appendicitis or whether or not it was concomitant. There's a good word. Very good. Nice, Jeff. Yeah, I finished high school. Anyway. Gilbert, do you resent Houdini because he was a Jew who performed under an Italian name?

You know, years ago, I had a burst appendix. Really? And I was in the hospital and Penn Jillette from Penn and Teller came in and said, you survived what killed Houdini. Oh, boy. There's a guy you want right at your side when you're ailing. Penn Jillette. Well, tell us more about your dad. He was one of the big card handlers.

One of the big ones. Is it sleight of hand magic? Yes. Close up magic? What do they call it, Jeff. Is it sleight of hand magic? Close up magic? What do they call it, Jeff? Close up sleight of hand. It is a completely different form of magic than is stage magic, which is illusions and guys pulling, you know, balloons out of someone's asshole. Could you demonstrate, please?

I could. Let me see if I can. No, maybe not. And so there's another form of magic called close-up sleight of hand, as I said. And my father got very, very good with cards and with coins, but he became famous for his card work. Arthur Altman. Yes, that card work. Arthur Altman. Yes, that's right, Art Altman. Yeah, yeah.

And he's in lots of the magic books and the heavy reading and people, almost every guy who's ever held a deck of cards who's any good knows who my dad was. Your uncle was fairly famous, too. Was it Al Altman? Al Altman, my father's brother, was the head of talent for MGM from 1926 to like 1959. And, of course, you know, talent matriculated to the West Coast, you know, in the 30s and the 40s. And so his job became maybe less important. But he discovered, you know, Lucille Ball and Jimmy Stewart and gave Bob Hope his first screen test.

Joan Crawford. Joan Crawford was, he and Joan Crawford were very, very close. And Ava Gardner. And Ava Gardner, yes. And I don't want to brag, but I once did a commercial for a product called Shoe Dini. It's a perfect connection.

And it was a shoe horn on a retractable handle. So you didn't have to bend over as much to put your shoes on. Shoedini. Get that plug in there, Gil. You know, we talked about this, Jeff, that we grew up at a time when magicians were on television, when that was considered popular entertainment, network entertainment.

You could see Harry Blackstone and Mark Wilson and people like that. Even comedian slash magicians like Carl Ballantyne. Carl Ballantyne was great. He was a tremendous magician and very funny. I know his daughter, actually. Oh, I've met them. Yeah, I met his daughter. Really?

Yeah. And I remember I spoke his daughter. Really? Yeah. And I remember I spoke to Carl Ballantyne, and he was an interesting, because he's worked with everybody. Oh, yeah. And I would ask him questions like, so what was Jack Benny like? And he'd say, it was okay. He didn't bother anybody.

Tell us what the early days were like at the Magic Castle, Jeff. You grew up in Syracuse. You made your way West. Your dad taught you some magic tricks and some card tricks, I guess, when you were a teen. Right. And you decided to make your way West,

but not what, tell me if I have this right, not specifically with the intention of making it as a comic? Well, I knew that I wanted to be somehow, I wanted to entertain people somehow. And the thing I did best at the time was, you know, here, pick a card. And so I headed for the Magic Castle, and after realizing that there was very little headway to be made doing card tricks professionally, I went over to the comedy store one night and got thrown out. A lot of auspicious beginning. No, I was in the audience, and somebody on stage mentioned Syracuse, New York, and I threw up my hands, and I said, hey, Syracuse. And Mitzi Shore sent somebody over to the table and said,

Mitzi would like you to leave now. And I said, well. So months later, I returned, and it was on a Saturday night, and there was nobody left to go on. This is 70, maybe June of 1974. Wow. So I ran over to Mitzi, and I said, you know, I do a few impressions. I said, could I go up on stage?

She said, well, what's your name? I said, my name's Jeff Altman. She says, all right, Altman, go up on stage and try something. So I went up on stage and did some of David Frye's act and then got the hell out of there. But she said I could come back. So that was okay. Some of David Frye's act. You always did a great Nixon.

Yeah, I did an okay Nixon, yeah. And that reminds me, too, not only were magicians common, but impressionists were common on TV. Very common, sure. And ventriloquists. That's right. And jugglers.

Yes. And jugglers. And now all of them live in Vegas, but none on TV anymore. No. I don't understand that. Except Dave brought a bunch of them live in Vegas, but none on TV anymore. No. I don't understand that. Except Dave brought a bunch of them back in the 2000s when he had Ventriloquism Week on the Late Show, and he did Impressionist Week. That's right.

He did Impressionist Week. Yeah, in the 2010s. He did these, I guess they were, you know, homages to the old Sullivan Theater. And he'd have these people back. But what was the, before we get into the comedy story, and we will, what was the Magic Castle like in those days? Because I heard you say Carson would be hanging around, Cary Grant. You'd run into people like that. Yeah, I mean, I wasn't, I couldn't walk over and say, hey, Johnny, you like to sit down and have a couple of drinks.

But, I mean, I didn't even know Johnny from the castle I met Johnny years later but uh but uh um uh Cary Grant would hang there and uh Dick Cavett used to come in there all the time another magician yeah and uh so there was a there was a bevy of of celebrities that used to walk in and out of the castle. And those were the days when, you know, there weren't many people at the castle. It wasn't like, ha, door to door. You know, it was a private club for magicians. And you would get a chance if you got in there and could crack the, you know, the queue, you could see the very best card men and

coin men and magicians in the world did you ever meet carrie grant no no i didn't no never never met carrie grant you you did meet and befriend a pretty formidable magician that we tried to get on this show and that's's the great Ricky Jay. Oh, geez. Ricky and I were so close. Ricky was one of my best friends. We tried so hard to get him here. Really? I can't imagine him not wanting to do that.

I don't know what happened. I mean, a great talent and a fun actor, too. I mean, he had a very interesting movie career. Yes, he did. And he was superlative with cards. I mean, you know that, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I mean, he could do it.

One night he went outside the Magic Castle and took a card. He was famous for throwing cards. Throwing, right? Wasn't he the world record holder for throwing cards? Yeah, yes. And he threw a card over the Magic Castle. He threw it over the whole thing. It was astounding.

And I just heard today some weird story you had about Richard Pryor. Oh, God. There's a jump. Well, that was at the store, wasn't it? No, it was at Mitzi's house. Oh, at Mitzi's house. Is this the, wait a minute, is this the one with Chevy? Yes.

Yeah. Okay. And I'm sitting there, and it's me, Chevy Chase, and Richard Pryor. And Chevy, of course, is the big, hot new talent. And, of course, this doesn't sit well with Richard. So he starts talking to Chevy, and Chevy's just sitting there going, okay, Richard, all right, okay, uh-huh, yeah.

And Richard is sitting there going, okay, I'll tell you what, how'd you like to fuck me? How'd you like to fuck me right now? Chevy is just sitting there going, yeah, okay. Well, yeah, Richard, I've always enjoyed your stuff. No, but I'm talking. I'm serious. I'm serious, man.

I'd like to come over there and have you fuck me right now. And he pulls his pants down. Wow. So at this point, i said something to him i said i told that sunny that sunny liston fainted and died of old age in the second fight with muhammad ali and for some reason that made him collapse on the floor laughing and that's that's about all I remember. But I just remember him getting in Chevy's face and going nuts.

Now, have you heard the Quincy Jones? I was hoping you wouldn't disappoint, Gilbert. Quincy Jones said that Richard Pryor and Marlon Brando would get coked up and fuck each other. Really? Yes. That's all you can say to that. Yeah, they, Richard Fryer and Marlon Brando

used to get coked up and fuck each other. According to one person. That's good enough for me. If Quincy Jones tells me that, I believe it. Can you imagine that, though? I mean, you know, just a little harder. Just a little harder.

It's as hard as I can go, man. It's as hard as I can go. And I just picture a 600-pound Brando on top of Richard Pryor. We've told that story a hundred times on this show, but Jeff's the first person that acted it out.

Oh, my God. That is so funny, man. That is so funny. That's a good story. What about the store in those days? I mean, who was on? You took the stage for the first time. Do I have the timing right here?

74? Yes. And who was, I mean, Argus, Hamilton. I know some of these names. These people had to be around. I don't know. I don't even know if Argus was there yet. Wasn't even there yet?

George Miller, certainly. George was around. Johnny Witherspoon was around. The late, great John Witherspoon. The late, great John Witherspoon. And a guy named Andrew Johnson, who most people don't know who he is, but he was one of the funniest guys at the store. As well as the 17th president. He's just personal.

That's right, yeah. You took some time off. Yeah, you've been a good president. Go up on stage. I love your bitsy. Gilbert brought up ventriloquists. Was Willie Tyler and Lester working at the store then? Yes, they were there.

They were there. Great days. What was your act like? I know you did a little Nixon. You did a little Johnny, right? I used to just go up on stage and run around like an idiot and hope that people would laugh. I used to open my show by saying, I said, I don't know if any of you people have ever been at a Hollywood party and wanted to try this silly little party gag. And I would smash my head on a bar stool and down I'd go. And that's how it opened. And it just got

keep getting stranger and stranger as time moved forward. Was there a Raymond Burr impression too? Yes, there was. Yeah. All right. So favor us a little bit. Oh, my name is Raymond Bur burr the world's largest living mammal you know as my career began to increase i gradually needed the aid of a wheelchair to cart my ass from town to town i'm now proud to say that i weigh more than most two-bedroom homes. That's from 1976. I love it. I heard that the way... Oh, fuck.

His iron side... Iron side. ...is that they originally just wanted him to be a detective. And he's the one who said, well, I don't want to be standing. So could you have me seated? So they rewrote it as a detective in a wheelchair. And he said, and he wants everything on cue cards. Yes.

So he had the cushiest fucking job. Well, he was Perry Mason. He spent a lot of years standing. Gil? Yes? Guy wanted to take a seat. Yeah. Let me sit down and do this and read the cards, for Christ's sake.

I don't think I ever ran into anybody who did Raymond Burr. So the store was still new. I mean, I think Sammy Shore and Rudy DeLuca opened it, what, only like two years prior. Exactly right, 72. The old zeros. That's right. As our fellow showbiz historians will know.

So the club was new. Mitzi was new at this. Right. And she did a decent job of taking over, but there was an onslaught of talent that did that just seemed to come out there it you know by 75 i mean there was letterman leno um tim thompson tim thompson uh thompson was i mean i can't say enough about tim thompson he's great he was really fucking great and uh uh let's see how about lenny clark lenny clark came later uh blake clark oh was i remember him came came they did a lot of acting

then he did stand up um and then and then just a cadre of whole guys. Was Dreeson there? Oh, yeah. Dreeson was there by then. Yeah. Johnny Dark? Johnny Dark. That's right. These are guys I love on Dave.

And Dreeson used to be partners with... Oh, with Tim Reed. Yeah, Tim Reed. Yeah, that's right. Tim and Tom. Tim and Tom. That's exactly right. Back in Chicago.

And then they came out to the West Coast and tried to see if it would work. And for some reason, they split up. And Tim started getting more work on TV. And Tom, I guess, kind of favored stand-up and eventually became Sinatra's opening act. And there was a story one time you were on stage making fun of Johnny Carson. That's right. I was on stage and Johnny was in the big room of the, you know, the comedy store, Gilbert. Yes.

You know, the big room and then the little room. Oh, yeah. The belly room. Belly room. Yeah. Yeah. No, not the belly room. The original room.

Oh, OK. The original room. They added the belly room. Belly room, yeah. No, not the belly room, the original room. Oh, okay. They added the belly room later? The belly room was upstairs, and it was started just for women. Right. And it became very successful as well. So there were three rooms going in one place by, say, 1978. Yeah, I've been, and whenever I'm in L.A., I always look at the

wall to see if they still have my name up there. Oh, I'm sure it's there. What happens if it's not there, Gil? Don't take down Gilbert's name. Leave Gilbert's name up there, please. Good for the store. Good for the store. Good for the store.

Now, I have it on good authority that the comedy store is haunted. You must have heard that. Yeah.

It's now, it was underneath the Comedy Store and down in the basement where nobody ever went. And I think Sam Kennison went down there one night and got harassed by apparently a ghost. Wow. You know, I don't know how to explain this any better, but that's what happened. And from then on, people kept saying, well, the store is haunted. The store is haunted.

And Sam Kinison, you could definitely trust. There's no crazy man. No question about that. His mind was always working perfectly. So if he tells you he saw a ghost in the basement you believe it that's right they said the hollywood roosevelt was haunted have you heard this gill by like oh yes monty clift maybe oh or or some other people i think i have i think i have i saw some tv show that was talking about um oh what the hell uh k uh the the big hotel uh the john belushi dead chateau barmont yeah and they did a whole thing proving that that was a haunted place. And they named, of course, John Belushi.

And then they were really stretching. They said, Marilyn Monroe did not die there, but where she did die wasn't far from there. So the curse stretched out. the curse stretched out. Do you have a vivid memory, Jeff, of meeting Letterman for the first time? Not really. Because you guys would go on to have misadventures together, many.

Oh, man. Yeah, but I don't actually remember the very first time I met him. When he came out, he had a beard. Right. And that obscured, obviously, his face. And I don't remember him with a beard. And then we started somehow, he asked me if I wanted to play some tennis. And I said, yeah, I play a lot of tennis.

And he said, well, come on over. And I'm on the same street as the always open denny's and he kept saying the always open denny's and i thought there's something wrong with this cat man just you know he said turn left at the always open denny's and so we played tennis and then we started playing racquetball and then we became very close friends. Did you club him in the head with a racquetball? With a racquetball racket at one point?

How did you know that? How the hell did you know that? I know a lot of weird stuff, Jeff. Wow, Frank. Give yourself a pat on the back, man. Did you? I had two bad incidents with Dave on a racquetball court. One where I hit him in the head with the racquetball racket. And he stood like this and went, Jesus Christ,

I'm 40 seconds from an aneurysm. I'm 40 seconds from an aneurysm. And the other time was I hit him with a ball, and I hit the ball hard, and I hit him right in the face with a ball. And he turned around, and he kind of scratched his chin, and he said, hmm, you're a low-rent motherfucker, aren't you? And yet your friendship endured. Oh, my gosh, Yes, it certainly did.

And you worked with an actor who was one of those great character actors, Sorrel Book. Oh, I loved Sorrel. One of Gilbert's favorites. Yeah. I played his nephew on The Dukes of Hazzard and was on every season to do an episode. on the Dukes of Hazzard and was on every season to do an episode.

And he was, you know, he was Yale-schooled, a drama school from Yale. And he was just a great, great actor. And of course, the character he played on the Dukes of Hazzard was no exception. Because I remember, like, you know, I knew him from the Dukes of Hazzard. Right.

You know, I knew him from The Dukes of Hazzard as, you know, redneck sheriff. And then I saw him in this movie, Bye Bye Breverman, which I always like, where he's like this intellectual, angry, neurotic, intellectual Jewish guy. And I thought, wow, this guy's good. Oh, yeah. Good actors on The Dukes of Hazzard. I mean, James Best had had a big career. Yep. And wasn't Denver Pyle on there?

Denver Pyle was Jesse. Loved him. And the rest of the cast had no idea why they were on stage. I love that you wound up opposite yourself one night in a strange programming glitch. You were on Pink Lady and Jeff on NBC and opposite yourself in a Dukes of Hazzard episode. Yeah, that's right. They put me on opposite myself. The night we premiered the 35th worst show in television history.

The 35th worst show in television history. It's infamous. It's famous for being so terrible. Oh, it was. I mean, we were told the girls could speak perfect English. Who told you that? Was it Silverman? No, no, no. Well, wait a minute.

Maybe Fred Silverman did believe that because their manager, who was this just giant prick. And they were big in Japan, right? Like the Beatles, Gilbert. Yes, yes. Well, the rumor is that Silverman had a poster of them in his office. That's entirely possible. Yeah, yeah. That's entirely possible.

So this show was put together, Pink Lady and Jeff, and then they found out later on down the road, hey, these girls don't speak a word of English. Me and Kay. That's English. Me and Kay. That's right, me and Kay. I went into their dressing room, I think, the very first day, and I said, hi, girls, how was the plane ride from Tokyo? And they said,

Hello, Jeff. How are you? And that was the conversation. And I thought to myself, what are we going to do for the next... Hilarious. And I thought, what are we going to do for the next however many weeks the show is on? Well, the audience made that decision for us. How long did it last?

Five weeks. With one unaired episode. With one unaired episode. That's exactly right. You'd think Do They Speak English would be like the first thing

that would have to be said. Now wait a minute. Wouldn't you think so? We had Sid and Marty Croft on this podcast. Uh oh. And they told us. Yes. Marty insists that he didn't know and Sid didn't know that they didn't speak English. He also threw in the fact that they

signed their contract on December 7th. Which he always said. English. He also threw in the fact that they signed their contract on December 7th, which he always found humor in. Apparently, nobody involved knew that they didn't speak English. And how is that possible? I'm telling you, it was this giant load of goo that was their manager. You know, he just convinced everybody that they could do anything, including speaking English. So what did they do? Did they speak to them in Japanese and direct them?

Well, there was somebody offstage going, and then they would come back and they would say, Hello, Jeff. Nice to be back with you this week. I hope we can be together every week. It's hilarious. Evanier, our mutual friend, Mark Evanier.

Oh, I love Mark. Who is a good guy and was on this show and was the head writer, said they gave you, in addition to everything else, they gave you a deadly time slot. They gave you the 9 p.m. slot where Mark likes to point out that no variety series had ever succeeded in the history of television.

That's right. In the 9 p.m. slot, you had Where's Boomer, the unforgettable Where's Boomer, as your lead in, which was a show starring a dog. Going in, were you anxious? Did you think this could work? Did you think this is DOA? I didn't know.

I was 27 years old. Right. And, you know, they said, well, you know, you'll be starring in your own show, and here's what you'll be making. And they wrote something down on a piece of paper, and I said, hey, fuck, I don't care. I'll do anything, man. Look, you want me to be clothed naked on a horse?

I'll kiss a mule. You know, it just seemed like a dream come true until we actually hit the floor and the girls started to perform. And finally, I said to Marty, I said, Marty, let these girls sing in Japanese where they were fantastic. They really were very good. The tunes were catchy and, you know, you couldn't understand the words, but it was neat, you know? And, uh, and then by like the fourth episode, they started letting the girls perform in Japanese and it was, you know, too late. You know, you can, people can watch the clips online, Jeff, and i have to pay you a compliment i mean you're you're you're very smooth you're you're you're you're you're very funny in the sketches you and the late great jim varney oh man you guys were you guys were a great tandem

i mean he was and even in something that's that's that's not succeeding there are always good moments and there were absolutely plenty of good moments tremendous moments i mean uh the the sid and marty were able to get people that come on that show who had never you know been been on on tv in years and one of them was jerry lewis and he came on the show and he you you know, offstage, he's kind of like, you know, I mean, come on. Jeff is doing lozenge Jerry, just for our, because this is not visual. And so Jerry came into my dressing room, and he said, you know, I could take this show over if I wanted to. I could just walk out on stage. But this is your show.

This is your show. And from that moment on, the only thing you heard that week was, Well, can you hear me? You know, it was just, it was all Jerry. He does that coughing bit. He comes out. He almost trips on the steps he does a coughing bit and then he pulls a cigarette out of his pocket which stops the coughing that put me on the floor when he did that in my dressing room that that was fucking funny didn't

he want a special credit uh maybe a writing credit he wanted a special writing credit yeah that's right on the on the episode which that's right i believe evanier uh voted down yeah because because he wrote i just said the guest stars were impressive red button showed showed up. Yes, he did. Hugh Hefner showed up. And of course, and he became kind of recurring, if you can recur on a show that lasts five episodes, Sid Caesar. Sid Caesar was his first return to TV. He did three of the episodes. And I got to know Sid pretty well.

And he was one amazing human being. So Sid Caesar, he was in good shape when you met him. Yeah, he'd been working out. He was in physically good shape, yes. Was he depressed? Because he was a guy that battled a lot of demons. I guess that's true. I've heard that.

But he seemed fine to me, and he gave me lots of advice. And we did lots of sketches together, some of which I'm actually kind of proud of. We did a boxing thing on the show where he just pounded the shit out of me, and I always enjoyed that. Yeah, I always heard with him, much like Peter Sellers, that if they weren't in character,

they didn't exist. It's like they were really uncomfortable if they didn't have like a phony mustache or something. What's the sumo wrestler story, Jeff? They put this sumo wrestler in the show for no damn reason and he... It was

supposed to be some sort of homage to Japan. Okay. I mean, I didn't get it and the guy chased me around the studio all the time on camera and it was supposed to be funny and And the guy chased me around the studio all the time on camera. And it was supposed to be funny. And, of course, I'm running around the studio going, you know, this is not funny.

Who came up, whose ingenious idea was it to have every episode end in the hot tub, which you would climb into in your tux? I don't know whose idea that was. It was kind of cute, and it was, you know, it was supposed to welcome you back to the next show next week, but there weren't many next weeks. And you appeared on Solid Gold. Hilarious. Yeah, I was the comic on Solid Gold for about a year.

Yeah, because what I remember about Solid Gold is now kids can look up the most perverted things on their phones. And back then, there wasn't any. To me, the Solid Gold dancers were total porn. There wasn't any. To me, the Solid Gold dancers were total porn. That's right. They were very, very sexy,

and everybody got a kick out of watching them work. And, yeah, I had a good time doing that show. I can't remember the guy who produced that show. He became very good friends, he liked the characters that I did. And so it worked for a year. And then I went on and did something else. I don't remember. Was Marilyn McCoo hosting that show in those days? That's right. Marilyn McCoo. Yes, Marilyn McCoo was the host. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast but first a word from our sponsor fanduel casino's exclusive live dealer studio has your chance at the number one feeling winning which beats even the 27th best feeling saying i do who wants this last parachute i do

enjoy the number one feeling winning in an exciting live dealer studio, exclusively on FanDuel Casino, where winning is undefeated. 19-plus and physically located in Ontario. Gambling problem? Call 1-866-531-2600 or visit connectsontario.ca. Please play responsibly. I got to bring you back to Pink Lady and Jeff because I know there's just where I was hoping you'd go. I'm going to keep torturing you.

I wanted this to be the entire show. Yeah, but Gilbert, as a man who co-starred in Thick of the Night, don't gloat too much. Yeah, Thick of the Night is also has favorable mention in worst TV shows of all time. Go ahead, Jeff. Gilbert, did you ever do any of those? Did you ever do Thick of the Night? I was a regular on Thick of the Night. Oh, that's right.

Yeah. What am I talking about? That's why I said don't be so cocky. Well, that's right. If Pink Lady and Jeff was the 35th worst show of all time, where did Thick of the Night fall, Gil? I remember I met Vincent Price on Thick of the Night, and then years later I ran into him somewhere and I said,

look, you probably don't remember this but we were both on thick of the night and he says oh yes that was a terrible show well wasn't there a story about lauren green being booked like hours before does this mean anything to you yeah i'm pink lady all sorts of people came through there uh those doors uh uh red buttons red buttons and and uh uh buttons and and uh the uh roy orbison oh larry hagman larry hagman was on the show i did a sketch with him i used to do this character called uh art nouveau and uh he used to sell shit and uh you know anything and uh i was selling art you know art art nouveau and and uh larry hagman

came on and was kind of funny in the sketch believe it or not so i i read that sid and marty wrote a check for for a hundred grand to get for every guest star to get them to get them to show up that's how they got hefner and jerry that that's that's right i and and and they also gave uh uh larry hagman uh his special, I think two specials to do just to come on and be on the show. It was ridiculous, you know. But Fred Silverman was actually a pretty good guy. He was, even though at the end there he made some bad decisions. He was a very nice man i i uh and he was also uh the producer of thick of the night

no kidding yes wow yes one so so yeah talk about his bad decisions one man one man has super train thick of the night and pink Pink Lady and Jeff on his resume. We should have had... We lost Fred. We should have had him on here. Yeah, yeah. Those were his waning years, certainly. Yeah. Well, you had a great line. You said the show taught you humility, because

one week you were telling somebody, please go get me a cup of ice, and the next week you were on the unemployment line. That's exactly right And the next week you were, you were on the unemployment line. That's exactly right. I mean, I, you know, Gilbert knows this for sure. I mean, Gilbert's a huge star. Gilbert, well, you are, you are, there's no, there's nobody in America that doesn't know your name and voice and, and, and likeness. Come on. It's true you know and uh anyway uh it was just uh it was it was it was strange it was it was very strange situation and it had to have been like when you're that young and they go you're gonna be starring in a tv show you must have thought well that's it i'm like uh

bob hope or whatever. I'll tell you a funny Bob Hope story. Bob Hope is playing, not Lakeside, it's Lake, it's a big golf course in L.A. It's the big, all the celebrities play there. And you remember Rick Dees, the guy on the radio? Sure. Yes, yes. Disco Duck. Disco Duck.

Rick was a friend of mine, and I did some stuff with him on the air. And he was also in the very first movie I was in called... Record City. Record City. And that's how I met Rick. With Sorrel Book, by the way. No way. Sorrel Book's in that movie. Yeah.'s how I met Rick. With Sorrel Book, by the way. No way. Sorrel Book's in that movie.

Yeah. Are you serious? Yeah. And Frank Gorshin and Ruth Buzzi and Jack Carter. Oh, man. Maybe I should tell the Jack Carter story first. Tell them both. All right.

Jack Carter's in the comedy store, and we're doing a benefit for somebody who had had a spine injury, who's a famous comedian whose name does not come to me at this moment. And he's on stage and Jack Carter and I are standing over the sidelines and this woman comes over and starts talking to him. Woman comes over and starts talking to him. And apparently, Jack Carter and Chevy Chase, or Steve Martin, excuse me, Steve Martin had had some sort of run-in. I don't know what, how does that happen? Jack Carter hated it.

He hated everybody, Jack Carter. Okay, so Jack Carter has something wrong with him concerning Steve Martin. And this woman comes over and just starts talking. Oh, I love you. And you're so fantastic, Jack. I remember seeing you in the 60s and 70s and 80s. And Steve Martin is tremendous. And you can see Jack's eyes go like this.

And so the woman, as she's is in her in her little uh handbag and she's pulling out a cigarette and she goes no i hope you don't mind jack if i smoke and jack looks up and says no lady smoke and smoke a lot That's great. Smoke a lot. That's great. Go ahead, Gil. I'm sorry. He agreed to do this show, and we were so looking forward.

We were. He hated everybody and was ready to tell the world each person that he hated. And then he died shortly after. Of hate. Was he going to come on the podcast? Yes, sir. Back in 2014, I think. Wow. And we were lucky because he was one of those people.

There was nobody. He wouldn't tell the public about how much he hated them. Was that your only encounter? By the way, that movie, Record City, was written by a guy that we had on this podcast twice, and that's our friend Ron Friedman. No kidding.

And they must have just kept throwing actors into that thing, because Ruth Buzzi shows up, Jack Carter, Rick Dees, the guy that played Oddjob Gilbert, Harold Sakata. And ready for this, Gilbert will love this. Lenny Schultz was in the movie. Lenny Schultz is in it. Oh my God. Yep.

Wow. Yep, yep, yep, yep. Yeah, Crazy Lenny. Crazy Lenny go fucking crazy yes do you want more pigs or more shit what do you want pigs or shit

Thomerson is in that movie god you're right you are right and Larry Storch well Larry Storch and it's Larry Storch, you know. And it's produced by Samuel Z. Arcoff, Gilbert. Oh, great. Is that a movie for this show or what?

Great. What's the Bob Hope story you started to tell? Oh, yeah. Rick Dees is playing golf with Bob Hope when Bob was about 92 or 93. And Bob goes to tee up the ball and as he's teeing up the ball, you see him start swaying a little bit and the next thing you know, just

pow, right on his face, just face plants. And so Rick Dees goes over and picks him up and the only thing that Bob Hope says as he's being lifted off the ground is hey i'll tell you what what causes that what is that what causes that what what's the cause of that what what what causes that it's just an insane you know thing to say what causes that

you used to do that hope impression in your act. What was the bit? Oh, there was no bit. I just said his voice would always trail off at the end. You could never understand what he was saying. Well, we're going to have a tremendous show here tonight. I tell you, Brooke Shields is out there with Penny Shields.

And now, one thing we always talk about on this show, that if you haven't seen it, you all years ago. I almost sent it to Jeff last night. I forgot. Yeah, Bob Hope in a sketch with Dolores, where he's Jack Frost. It's Bob Hope at the end, Jeff.

It's Bob Hope after he's been dead for 12 years. That's what it looks like. It looks like they tugged up what they could find of this corpse, nailed it to a board, and said, okay, play music here. Make it look like he's doing something. Oh, my God. make it look like he's doing something oh my god i i think i think it was like dolores's way dolores's revenge yes against all the time he fucked up around her that's right that's right jeff when you when you when you sign off with us go on youtube and just google jack frost bob hope

okay it was at the end when when when his daughter was in his earpiece and he was just reading the cards you know and he kept pumping out the specials into his i heard a story frank i heard a story that uh he hired some comedian this may not be true but i heard this that he hired some like grade c comedian uh to open for him and the guy had like about two minutes of material and he didn't know that he had to do 20 minutes and so he went out there and he did a lot of the jokes off Bob's cards. Oh, and Bob got out there and was telling the same jokes twice. Oh, my God. And there's also a story that I've heard when he would do his Vietnam shows.

And he'd have some, you know, hot look. He always had, like, you know, Raquel Welch or whatever. And Jillian. Yeah, Joey Heatherton. Later. And according to what I heard, a few people told me this, that he would say to them,

if they didn't fuck him, they'd all be getting on the plane leaving Vietnam and they'd leave her behind. Oh my God. Or at least he'd threaten to. He'd threaten to leave them in the jungles of Vietnam.

Oh my God. If they didn't fuck him. Oh. Wow. Last question about Pink Lady, Jeff, I promise. I'll answer all night. Mark Scob Pink Lady, Jeff, I promise. I'll answer all night. Mark Scoback wants to know, did Jeff ever stay in touch, I think I know the answer to this, with me and Kay,

or was the wrap party the last you saw of them? I have not seen them since the wrap party. That would be that. Yeah. SNL did a wonderful parody with Harry Shearer as Carl Sagan called Pink Lady and Carl yeah I remember which I urge our listeners I got off easy on that one yeah but going back going way back to the store. And, you know, you got discovered for television pretty early on in the game. I mean, you were on by 76, I think, if I have my – well, you did a Merv, which I believe was your TV debut.

Yeah, I did Merv Griffin in 75. I did like four, three or four, three, maybe. You also turned up on Bill Cosby's short-lived variety series, Cos. That's right. That was my first real big job. And it was, I mean, I learned a lot, a real lot from him, actually, despite what people may think of him. You know, he was a brilliant comedian and lots of good insight about comedy. And he told me something once I'll never forget.

I was sitting in his dressing room, and we were talking about comedians. And he said the following. He said, you know, you could take every comic in the world and have them go up on stage and do their best five minutes, and then Jonathan Winters would come up on stage and make them all look like assholes. So I thought that was just about right. Wow.

Gilbert, you want to tell Jeff? This is sort of a pink lady segue here. You want to tell Jeff what you knew about Cosby? Oh, yes. Please. Yes. The writers, because I appeared on the Cos Cosby show and I spoke to the writers. Yes. And they said on his schedule would be an hour that he take to teach comedy to Asian models.

Oh, my gosh. And this is why you see so many funny Asian models nowadays. We can thank Bill Cosby. That's right. So let me get the timing of this. You did the Cosby show in 76, excuse me, it was called Cos, C-O-S. Yeah, C-O-S, Cos. In 76. Who was on there with you?

Who were the repertory players? The repertory players were the only ones I remember. Willie Bobo. Willie Bobo. Who was kind of a jazz dude, played bongos and percussion. Tim Thomerson. Again, Thomerson. Tim Thomerson.

And let's see, the black girl in Police Academy, I can't remember her name. Marsha Warfield? No name. Marsha Warfield? No, not Marsha Warfield. There was one who died recently. Oh, I'll have to look it up. I think it's the one that was screaming all the time.

Oh, God, I hope it wasn't her. We'll look it up. But then in 77, if I have the year right, the next year, you and your partner in crime, Letter Letterman show up on the Starland vocal band. I thought it was time to end the career after a couple of years, so I signed on.

And for those of you who don't know them, Star Rockets in flight, afternoon delight, afternoon delight. Afternoon delight. Thinking of you's waking up an appetite.

Looking forward to a little afternoon delight. Rubbing sticks and stones together make the sparks ignite. And the thought of loving you is so exciting. Star rockets in flight. Afternoon delight. exciting star rockets in flight.

Afternoon light. I wish the fans could see Jeff's face. Gilbert, is that from memory? Yes. Fantastic. Yeah. It wouldn't be Gilbert if he didn't fuck up the lyrics, though. It's sky rockets in flight. Doesn't matter.

I couldn't anymore sing that song that I could watch a large dog defecate, man. That's just unbelievable. What did Dave like to say? You and him together put the Starland vocal band out of show business? Out of business. Out of business.

Wrapped up their career. And back in those days, though, you could be a group that had your one hit song and that was good enough. They'd give you a show. Yeah. That's what CBS did.

They gave the Captain and Tennille a show. On a hit song. Do you know that I opened for the captain and to kneel for a long period of time tell us about them daryl seems like he was a strange a strange cat the only conversation i had with uh daryl dragon that was really uh of consequence we were riding in the back of the limousine from salt lake city to, I think, Provo to do a show. And he told me that he said, you know, he hadn't said anything. And he looked over and he goes, you know, Brian Wilson was a genius.

Do you remember Tony Tennille's talk show? Not very well. No. I don't even remember Tony Tennille at a talk show. They gave her her own talk show. Yes, that's right. I know she had one. I don't remember it, but I know she had one.

I don't think she had one. I don't remember it. But I know she had one. I don't think she remembers it. So she had a variety series and a talk show. Yeah. I think the captain took the easy way out and croaked. He's gone. Not too long ago. He's gone.

He was a very nice guy, actually. I shouldn't say that about him. Everybody had a variety show then. Remember Shields and Yarnell, the mimes? Oh, my gosh. They had a variety show. And they were funny, but there was Burns and Schreiber. Burns and Schreiber.

They had, you know, their one taxi cab routine. That was very funny. And they gave them their own show. And then they were really trying to squeeze stuff out of them. So they made it like the taxi cab throughout history. And it would be an ancient Rome. You know what's funny? We talked, Jeff, even on bad shows, there's always a ton of talent.

I wrote a horrible sitcom once that was canceled in five weeks, and everybody on the show was talented. You know, on Pink Lady and Jeff, you had all this talent. The musical guests were great. Teddy Pendergrass, Blondie, Roy Orbison, for Christ's sakes. On the Starland vocal band, you had you and Letterman and the guys from Fireside Theater. Yes. I mean, brilliant comedians.

Well, you can leave me out of this conversation. I include you. Thank you. But certainly the guys from the Fireside Theater were pretty, you know, pretty solid. And there was another guy that was on the show who was from Washington, D.C., and he was the big political. Oh, Mark Russell. Mark Russell. Right. That's exact.

So it was Mark Russell, the Russell. Right. That's exactly. So it was Mark Russell, the Firesign Theater, me and Dave. And. Cast it well. It was strange. It was very strange.

We spent all our time in D.C. and Georgetown. Who else did you, since you're bringing up opening for Captain and Tennille and your long career, what other oddball characters did you open for? Ah, man. Lots of them anybody anybody you can talk about well yeah smoky robinson oh that's a great name i stood up and at the just before i was finished when i finished doing an opening for one of the

nights there uh two of my best friends were in the audience and it was about an 800 seat room. It was huge. It was in Atlantic City somewhere. And I introduced them as astronauts and they stood up and held hands, took a bow. And one of them is kind of fat. And so the next day somebody came up to Joe when he was checking out at the my friend Joe Reagan. It was checking out at the, my friend Joe Reagan, and he was checking out at the, you know, checkout, and somebody said, can astronauts really be fat like you? He said, oh, yeah.

Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter how much you weigh to be an astronaut. Who else did you open for? What other singers? Oh, God. Oh, geez. Who? I'm going blank, Frank.

I'm going blank. Any of them? Tom Jones? Anybody like that? No, nobody like that. What was her name? She had a very rich husband that made her whole career. Pia Zadora.

Pia Zadora was I opened for, I believe. That's cool. Yeah. And who else did I open for? That's a good bill. Jeff Altman and Pia Zadora was I opened for, I believe. That's cool. Yeah. And, and, uh, who else did I open for? That's a good bill. Jeff Altman and Pia Zadora, Gil. Boy, talk about solid. Here's a, here's a legendary name, Jeff.

Tell us about your friendship with the great Buddy Rich. Oh, geez. Uh. And then we want to ask you about your knowledge of the infamous Buddy Rich tape. Oh, sure. Yeah. Tapes. Tapes. Tapes. Tapes. Excuse

me. Yeah. I started, I met Buddy Rich when I was 15. My father took me to a place called Basin Street East in New York City, 1966. The Buddy Rich band opened with Dusty Springfield. Wow. And I was a sophomore in high school and I had seen lots of drummers and thought I knew a lot about drumming. And then I saw Buddy Rich play and I thought to myself, this, this, this man comes from heaven. And, uh, years and years later, when I got into show business, uh, he did a special at the comedy store and, uh, it was the, uh, I was the guest star of the show or something. And, And I was the guest star of the show or something. And it was the Comedy Store with Buddy Rich Band and special guest Jeff Altman, something like that. And we got to be friends.

And I even held his hand in the hospital right before he died. Oh, wow. Yeah, I mean, he was from another world, man. He was something else. But, boy, did he have a temper. Well, that's what you hear about him. Like Jack Carter, he did not suffer fools. I mean, I remember

parts of the tapes where he's talking to some guy on the bus and he goes, hey, you want to start some shit with me? And the guy goes, I definitely not. He goes, you seem to be giving me more shit than anybody else. Listen, you want to try something else?

I'll give you a right hand to the fucking brain if you want it. That's it. That's it. You stand out here all fucking night trying to blow your fucking brains out when I come trying to play. What do you play, clams? You got no way to fucking go to the next set, because if I hear one fucking clam from anybody, you've had it.

One clam, and this whole fucking band is through tonight. Try me. You got some fucking nerve. Night's off, nothing to do, and you're coming to play this kind of shit for me? Fuck all of you. You're not doing me any fucking favors. You're breaking my heart out there.

I got to go up there and be embarrassed by you motherfuckers. I play with the greatest fucking musicians in the world. How dare you play like that for me? How dare you try to play like that for me? Assholes. Did you see that anger me? How dare you try to play that back for me? Asshole. Did you see that anger firsthand? Yeah, I saw him get upset sometimes, but never luckily at me. And we got to be very, I was almost like kind of a nephew to him, sort of. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, and by the end of his life, we were real close. When he died, I was very

sad. Missing him, seeing him play. Regardless of what you thought about him as a human being, his playing was the best I've ever seen. Mm-hmm. What about...

Here's what I'm going to jog your memory. You did a movie called Due in Time with one of Gilbert's favorite actors, Richard Mulligan. Oh. Who starred in the show The Hero. Very good, Gil. I bring it up because Pat McCormick was in it. Did you have any dealings with Pat McCormick? Yeah, I knew Pat a little bit not real well yeah uh he

was in he played uh one of the one of the wardens i think right it's a prison movie yeah it was it was a prison me in prison it was the only film i i ever starred in and and and and man that just about closed the the scene on my on my uh life that that that... It wasn't not a great film. You went into movie jail, as they say? Any memories of Pat before we ask you about someone else who's in that movie, and that's Muhammad Ali. Oh, man.

That was... I was responsible for getting him in that movie to some degree, and that was just when he started losing it a little bit. See, it was 1983. I'd have to check. That's all right. Don't worry about it.

83, I think. And he brought – the reason he did the movie was because – 85 released. Really? Yeah. Huh. Might have been shot in 83. Possibly.

Anyway, it was Drew Bundini Brown. Remember Drew Bundini Brown? Sure, of course. He always massages his head. I remember Bundini. And Bundini was going to be in the film with Muhammad Ali. And I think the only reason Muhammad Ali did it was to get his buddy drew bundini brown in the movie so they did it and they did their famous little i float like a butterfly stand like a bee rumble young man rumble ah that's nice

did you go up to his room and show him a card trick that was a whole different that was a different i was in new york doing letter was a whole different, that was a different, I was in New York doing Letterman. Oh, a whole different, different experience with him. And somebody said, you know, Muhammad Ali's in room 235. So I got a deck of cards. I got a pack of playing cards.

And I made a big fan of cards. And I knocked on the door. And I said, hi, champ, it's me look at this and he said come on in he was sitting on a bed that's with his legs sprawled he took up the entire bed i think it was a king-size bed he took up the whole bed and he was sitting there doing tricks for someone named Jim. And he would put a handkerchief into his hand and he'd say, now look, Jim, you're a smart guy. Watch, look, gone. And the handkerchief disappeared.

Well, as I kept looking over at Jim, I noticed it was Jim Brown, the world's greatest football player. Wow. And it was, I just couldn't. And all Jim Brown kept saying is, yeah, looks good, champ. Looks good. And the very next second, Muhammad would do it again.

He'd go, now you're a smart guy, Jim. I'm going to do it for you one more time. Look, gone. And Jim would go, great, champ. Great. Looks great. Greatest running back of all time. it for you one more time look gone and jimmy go great champ great looks great great greatest running back of all time greatest running back of all from syracuse new york yes syracuse went to syracuse and i think i went up to him and told him i was from syracuse and then he said something nice like get the fuck out of here or something he was in that movie. This was a movie controversial in its time with Raquel Welch called A Hundred Rifles.

Oh, yes. I don't remember that. Isn't he in The Dirty Dozen, Jim Brown? Yes. Oh, yes, yes. Yeah. He had a serious movie career. A Hundred Rifles.

How do you remember that gilbert how does he remember the lyrics to scott to sky rockets in flight jeez that put me on the floor here's another question from a listener for you jeff from greg Anderson, I would love to hear Jeff tell us anything about Legends of the Superheroes, where you worked with Adam West and Burt Ward and it's a Hanna-Barbera production. I remember

so little about that show. Because I didn't know who the superhero was. I was the weather wizard. That's right. Have you ever heard of the weather wizard? My inner nerd is going to be revealed here yes he was a villain of the flash an arch villain in the flash the flash comics wow yeah well i i had never heard of him but i was certainly willing to play him for whatever

whatever they were offering me to do this special that took a week. And I just remember wanting to get the hell out of there. And I did, I did, I did a scene with, I did a scene with Adam West and I think Robin. Yeah, I believe so. I was, you were a used car sale, pretending to be a car salesman. That's exactly right. I was selling him a used car as the weather wizard, but I was dressed in street clothes. And it was, it was, it was pretty in street clothes. Right. And it was pretty funny. And, of course, he was always, you know, Adam West was always just right in that groove, you know. We had him here. Well, also notable for some, again, great comedic talent, because on that stage with you was Howard Morris.

Yep. Frank Gorshin. Yep. And who am I leaving out? Charlie Callis. Oh, talking about making people laugh, Charlie Callis came on the show Cause that I did in 76 and did a little spot.

And at one point he turned to us and just had spit running down the side of his face. And he turned around and went, eww. And Thomas and I smacked heads. We were laughing so hard. He just went into this sort of epilepsy

of some sort. And I hit the dirt, man. I remember being on a flight from L.A. to New Yorkork and i was sitting in coach and this uh stewardess like she was chinese she comes over to me and she goes oh she recognized me and she goes charlie caris is is on the plane uh you should say hello to him. And I said, well, I never really met him. I don't know him. And she disappears for like five minutes,

comes back and goes, Charlie says, tell Gaffrey to get his fucking ass up here. Did you get your ass up there yes and and that's the so he was he was just entertaining he made like a six hour flight go by in five minutes he's so funny yeah he was a very funny guy and then we're walking to uh luggage together and he says, so, you know, where are you from? And I said, Brooklyn. And he said, yeah, me too. He goes, you know, you play with your friends. You tell them jokes.

And they laugh and say, you should be on TV. And the first time you get on stage, it's the greatest feeling in the world when you get that laugh. And he goes, then one day you wake up and go, I'm not funny anymore. And I thought, oh my god. Wow. I woke up on Pink Lady and Jeff

and... Here's another one from a listener, Jeff. Ray Garton. Mr. Altman, do you have any idea how many young idiots like myself were going around in the 80s saying to anyone, butt steak, he high, sweet and meaty? There were a lot of us. I've always wondered where that came from and how you managed to make it so goddamn funny uh i was in chicago uh once it there's a very famous steakhouse in chicago i can't remember

the name of it right now um the chop house i think it's called uh the chop house in chicago and i i was looking at the menu and at at the bottom of the menu is butt steak. And I didn't know what it was, but I made a mental note of that. And one night I'm having dinner with Letterman, and I said, you know, Dave, we don't have to be sitting here having this kind of food. We could go out and get ourselves a nice butt steak. Big and good, hot and spicy, sweet and meaty. And for some reason, I started

doing this on stage, and people kind of enjoyed it, and so I kept doing it. It was just stupid. I love the... You would call it, maybe for lack of a better term, anti-comedy that you used to do on Dave. Do you have any recollection of doing this elaborate bit about a guy in clown makeup that turned out to be Julio Iglesias?

It's one of my favorites. Because he's with you all the way. Yeah, well, I used to do this thing on Letterman where I would go on and tell a story, and it would wind up being some odd celebrity, and then I, in some cases, would show videotape that I had shot of the, of the celebrity himself, uh, confirming the story. And, uh, uh, the person you just mentioned was one of those people, but I did one, I did one with Chuck Connors once as the rifleman.

And I, I, I told this, I sat down in Letterman and I said, you know, I was at this place uptown called Bob's Uptown Rubdown. And you go in there to get a massage. And while I'm getting a massage, I hear this guy next to me. There's curtains in between. And he's saying, hey, hey, didn't I tell you don't touch the rifle and i hear this dog barking and and as i keep getting the massage and i still keep hearing next door hey don't touch the rifle i told you and so i see the guy walking out and i I said, it was Chuck Connors. And, of course, the audience sits there going, what the fuck? They love that stuff.

Then I got Chuck Connors to come and film the whole thing, confirming the story. And he was dressed up as the rifleman, did the spin of the gun, a few shots off, and he had a dog with him. It was my dog, who we called Micah. I will urge our listeners to go on YouTube, watch the Jeff. I didn't find the Chuck Connors thing. It may be on there. But find the Julio Iglesias bit with Dave, because it's just, you guys were a great team.

I mean, he was, you know, he was a great straight man for you. Yeah, he's a great guy. Yeah. He's a really good guy. Here's another one from Sean Gallagher. This is not so much a question, but I went out and bought Jeff's album, I'll Flip You Like a Cheese Omelet.

I loved it. I figured out a way to tape his Showtime specials off cable. There you go. Any appearance he made on Comedy Channel when it was a clip oriented show was what I hungered for. I'm not sure he had the most influence on my sense of humor, but nobody had more. I want to thank him for a

lifetime of making me laugh. That's very nice. Thank you, sir. Very, very sweet. Sure is. You did that for a lot of people. I heard you talking about Rodney, and I'm sure both of you guys have your Rodney stories, but you said nobody could turn a room over faster than Rodney. Can you explain?

Well, you know, it takes everybody. I mean, I think Gilbert would agree that it takes, you know, you gotta get, well, you not so much Gilbert, but, but for somebody like myself, it takes a while to get, get going. You know, you gotta get the audience with you. You gotta try to open strong and then have a reasonable middle and a strong ending. And, but Rodney could get up on stage and in, within two minutes, the audience was convulsed. I mean, I saw him go into the comedy store one night and just turn them a new asshole. You know, he was as fast at getting laughs as anyone I ever saw.

You know, especially because he was such a celebrity, you know. I remember one time seeing Rodney on stage at Catcherizing Star. And it was one of the few times like he wasn't getting any laughs. And Rodney just stops and looks at the audience angrily and goes, Hey, if anybody tells you you're a hot crowd, you spit in their face, okay? hot crowd, you spit in their face, okay? This is from another listener, Maurice Chodash.

Rodney had you on one of his stand-up specials in the 80s. Could Jeff tell us a personal Rodney story of any kind? Any funny Rodney offstage anecdote that comes to mind? Let me think. Did you always see him with the robe open? Yes.

And I took a picture actually of him, and he had these little black socks that would come up just above his ankle. And I have a – my friend that I mentioned earlier, Joe Reagan, who is still in Syracuse, New York, we used to refer to socks like that as Dieters. And I took a picture of Rodney's socks and sent them to him and made him laugh for a couple of years. And any other memorable backstage moments with Rodney? Well, he would always come in the comedy store

when Sam Kennison was hot. He became very friendly with Sam. All he would do is come in the store and go, hey, I'll tell you, you seen Sam? Where's Sam? Okay. Is Sam around? Where's Sam? That's a good impression. Is Sam got a gun

tonight? I need a gun, you know? I remember it was actually on back by midnight where he came up to me and he said, you know, hey, thank you for doing the movie. And I said, oh, thank you. And he goes, so are you working now? And I said, no, I think it's a lunch break.

And he says, well, come to my trailer. We'll sit and bullshit. And I go to the trailer and I'm watching watching him eat and the food is like all over his face it's like I don't think any was in his mouth it's all over his chin and shirt and everything and then he picks up a piece of bread and wipes his face with the bread and then takes a bite out of the bread. He ate his napkin. Yes, yes. Oh, my God.

That's so funny. Two legends you work with, too, in the store. Jeff, Andy Kaufman and Robin. And Robin you did a Mork & Mindy episode with, and you got to know Robin. I didn't know Andy Kaufman, believe it or not. Oh, you didn't know Andy Kaufman. No, I didn't. I didn't know Andy. But I knew Robin very well.

In fact, my daughter, who lives in New York, sent me a picture a couple of weeks ago of Robin and I on stage with our shirts off in like 1975. It was just so strange to see. Robin's got his shirt off, I've got my shirt off, and we're standing on stage at the Comedy Store getting probably very little laughs. Tell us your memories of spending time with him. Just, you know, I would always go up to him and try to do something strange or funny or, you know, and he would play right along. He would just jump in.

And, I mean, he was like nobody else. He was his own cat, man. He was, you know he he was a genius he you know he you can argue whether or not some of that came a lot of that came from jonathan but and who was funnier but do you know jonathan as well did you get to know him i did a special with him for showtime jonathan and uh we had dinner the night before. It was myself. Do you remember a comedian, Gilbert, named Franklin Ajayi? Oh, yes. He's still around.

He's in Australia. He was a regular on some show. The Associates? Maybe. He's around. He turned up in Bridesmaids a few years ago. That's right. He's around, but he's in Australia.

He lives in Australia now. He's in Car Wash, too. That's right. He was one of the stars of Car Wash. Funny guy. Funny guy. Yeah. He and I had dinner with Jonathan Winters, and we talked afterwards, and we said,

I clearly did not understand 50% of what he said. Frank, engage me for a second in conversation. I'll be Jonathan Winters. You engage me and I'll give you a little taste of what Jonathan would do. Right. Okay. So Jeff, so your daughter lives in New York City these days. I understand. Yeah. You know, the daughter lives in New York City, but it's, you know, it's not like Taipei, man. It's not like the Mekong Delta, you know? You're just gone, you know, you don't know what to say. And you're just gone, you know? You don't know what to say.

And so he asked Franklin at one point, and this is the only time I ever saw Jonathan Winters. I wrote this to Franklin not long ago because we still correspond. He asked Franklin where he was from, and Franklin turned to him and he said, from France. And that stopped Jonathan right in his tracks tracks and he goes oh france yeah a lot of parley voo that's great great impressions jeff i met jonathan winters once really Yeah, and he told me that his father used to warn him. He'd say, you know, save your money,

save all your money, and don't get involved with women. Don't get crazy with women. And Jonathan says, ah, so now I have no money. And then he points to his crotch and goes and mr pencil's not working anymore we will return to gilbert gottfried's amazing colossal Podcast after this. All right, before we get out of here, Jeff, my God, you have entertained us. Oh, man. You did a movie with the late, great, we lost him recently, Sean Connery.

Yes, I did. You played a doctor, if I'm not mistaken. So you fulfilled your dad's dream for you. Yeah, that's right. That's right. You fulfilled your dad's dream for you. He wanted you to be a doctor. That's right.

They flew me to Buenos Aires, and I was in the Highlander Part II, and I got to faint into Sean Connery's arms. The scene is Sean Connery is in a car with the co-star of the movie, who was some French guy. I can't remember his name. Oh, Christopher Lambert. Christopher Lambert. And he's in the car, and they get shot.

The car is shot, like, maybe 180 times. There's 180 bullets in the car. And they get out of the car, and, of course, because they're super endowed with, you know, they can't be killed, they get out of the car. And after I've examined them and they walk towards me and I said, wait a minute, what, just a second. And I asked the director before I fainted, if I could just scream the name Larry for no reason. And he let me do it. So what you see in the film is you see me going, wait, what do you mean?

I can't. Oh, Larry. And the scene ended. Hilarious. I mean, was it a thrill? A kid from Syracuse is meeting Sean Connery and working with him. Let me tell you something. I asked if I could spend a little time with him,

and I got to spend about maybe 15 minutes in his dressing room talking to him and i was one of the biggest james bond fans of all time when i was a kid and i mean if not the if not the biggest and i i asked him some questions about you know this was long after james bond was dead in his mind but i asked him some questions about what his favorite film was. What do you think his favorite film was? Gil? No. From Russia with Love?

We have a winner, ladies and gentlemen. I heard him in a radio interview, and they said, who was the greatest James Bond villain? And he said, Cubby Broccoli. Oh. That's great. That's great. I always like to name

Jewish Bond villains so I have two of them. Of course, Joseph Wiseman, now it's Dr. No. And Yafit Koto was Jewish. Is that right? Yeah, we just lost him too. And Yafit Kodo was Jewish. Is that right?

Yeah, we just lost him too. And Jewish Bond villains. No, Jewish Bond girls. There was Barbara Bach. Yeah. Stephanie Seymour. Jane Seymour. Oh, Jane Seymour.

Stephanie's the model. Jane Seymour. And what the model. Jane Seymour. And what's her name? Also just died recently. Oh, Tanya Roberts. Tanya Roberts. Right. And Molly Pecan.

Yes. Yes. Gilbert, do you remember the night you went on it wasn't really a roast it was at the comedy store I was sitting in the audience it was for Richard Pryor yes yes

you were so fucking funny that night I'll never forget that oh thank you do you remember what you did I think I went up and said, I loved this man when he was Dr. Huxtable. And when he used to,

when Richard would go on stage and go, I'm Fred Albert. He was terrific. And he was so great with Robert Culp and I. That was it? Yes. It was fantastic.

It was fantastic. I would have loved to be there. But Richard was nice to you. Richard liked Gilbert. I'm sure he did. He was very warm to him. You know, Richard liked people who were funny. And if you were funny, you were probably on his good side.

And that explains your relationship with Richard. That's where you wanted to be. I didn't even make it to the final cut. It was a terrible picture called Another You with Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor. It was their last film together. Was it in New York?

Yes, yes. With Peter Bogdanovich. Now, do you remember a guy named Paul Mooney being around? Yes, yes, I remember him. Yeah, he was always at the comedy store. Yes, that's right.

But I remember I showed up for work on the set of that movie, and Richard Pryor came up to me, and he acted like he was a little kid, meaning like the biggest star of his life. And he knew everything that I did. It was so great working with him. Sure. I believe that.

If you were funny, he loved you. Yeah. Before we get out of here, Jeff, any other old-timers that you would, because I love the Jack Carter story, and now that's going to be a staple on this show. Smoke a lot, lady. Smoke and smoke a lot what about rickles what about red fox uh uncle milty any of these people cross your paths uh jackie vernon uh any of them uh i crossed paths with uncle milty and uh he i i he he was on the that cosby show I told you. Oh, Cos, right. Yeah, Cos.

And I went up to him and I said, I'm Jeff Altman. My uncle was Al Altman with MGM. And all he said was, oh, oh, Cod Tricks, Cod Tricks, Cod Tricks. And that was it. That was it. You mentioned one other person that I had. I said Red Fox, Jackie Vernon, Rickles. Rickles.

Rickles was having dinner at Dantana's one night, and I was in Dantana's for absolutely no damn reason. And I sent him over. Oh, no, no. I looked over at the table and i waved and i said you know you know that hockey puck thing you do that hockey puck thing i said that's mine i said the hockey puck thing is mine and he said he said wait a minute wait a minute you're you're uh altman altman i i've seen you altman yesman And we went over and talked for a little while Just such a nice man Meeting your heroes works out on occasion

Boy you're not kidding And he was one of them They say his whole image Was like this mean Insulting guy But people who met him said He was one of the sweetest guys you could meet I'm a nice guy I'm a nice guy.

I'm a nice guy. Jeff, you worked with everybody. You met everybody. You did everything. And we're going to use that Uncle Miltie story as a segue for you to show us a trick before you get out of here. And you never saw Milt Burl story as a segue for you to show us a trick before you get out of here. And you never saw Milton Berle's dick, did you? Not to my, not to my, no. I think he'd have remembered.

I don't think so. Have you? Have you seen it? No, I wish to God. No, we've had people on the show who claim they saw it. We've had about five guests who've seen Milton Berle's because he would proudly show it to them. That's right. I hear at any opportunity he would just take out his lob and say, here it is.

His lob. All right. Jeff's got a deck of cards. This is an audio medium, but we're going to do our best. All right. Jeff's got a deck of cards. This is an audio medium, but we're going to do our best. All right. Let's see. Gilbert, here's what I'd like you to do, my friend. Think, just think of any card in the deck.

Can you see the back of this card? Yes. I'm going to describe. I'm only holding one card. Right. And he's holding the back. Gilbert can only see the back. Okay. Okay.

Good. I want you to just think, Gilbert, of any card in the deck. Yes. And this card could mean something to you. It might represent yourself. It might represent one of your kids. I don't know. But name any card in the deck.

Okay, Ace of Spades. Except for the Ace of Spades. Except for the ace of spades. That's the card that's most... I meant to tell you that. Not the ace of spades. Everybody said the ace of spades. I am not holding the ace of spades. Any other not holding the ace of spades.

Any other card in the deck. Okay. King of hearts. No, I said the jack of spades. I mean, what do you think this is? I'm Jesus Christ, you know? I... The ace of Spades. That's great.

You named the Ace of Spades. I will say that Jeff, when we were doing the tech rehearsal on this, so that the tech run through, I did an actual trick. Jeff did a trick that knocked my socks off. That was that was terrific. And I don't know how he did it. I won't ask. But it was very, very impressive. You are a funny man, Altman. Well,

you're sitting in the same city with one of the very funniest men that ever lived. So, I'm talking about... Who's that? That would be Gilbert Gottfried. No, he's in Boca. I'm in New York. Oh my God, that's right, you're in Boca. Holy crap-a-mighty. Yeah.

Holy crap-a-mighty yeah holy crap-a-mighty was the movie I was in another Harry Bates movie that was one of my better films holy crap-a-mighty Jeff we could play with you all day and night I want to thank a couple of people Gino Salamone who Gilbert loves to thank

and loves to mention you were on an episode of up all night in 1991 how did you guys not work together on that i i don't know must have been ronda sheer you presented a movie called vampires on bikini beach interesting that's what that was on your imdb page we also want to thank trent mabry who connected you to Gino. And we are so glad we had you here. You are a terrific guest. Well, it really is a huge compliment to me to be invited on the show. And I had a great time.

Even if you never saw Uncle Miltie Schweng, what did you say, his lob? That was popular in 1962. Take out your lob. How about William F. Buckley? You can do a great Buckley. This is William F. Buckley Jr. Let me just say you've been called a Neolithic moderate,

a pragmatic moralist, and a semi-lucid perpetrator of left-wing mediocrity. That's great. That's great. I haven't done this stuff in years. I know. It's like old home week. All right, Gil.

We could talk to you all day about these old comics and about magic and about all this wonderful stuff. Gilbert, it was so great to be with you, man you it's great being with you name one other podcast that's talking about sorrel book and carl ballantyne i dare you zero zotes and by the way the story you told about the the comic with the spine injury you couldn't remember his name by any chance was it art metrano it certainly was oh. Oh, wow. We had him on. We had him here. When was he on?

2015, 2016. Is he alive? Yes. He's with us still. Good, great. He's a very sweet guy. And we had Bill Saluga here. Oh, my gosh.

Ray J. Johnson. I always loved it when he called, you can call me Ray, you can call me, and then out of nowhere, or you can call me Sonny. And the thing we love about both of those guys is they found one thing that worked and built a lifetime out of it. And that means we got to get Don Novello. Oh, yes, yes. Jeff, this was an absolute treat for us, and our listeners will eat it up. I hope so.

This has been Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host Frank Santopadre, and we've been interviewing the hysterically funny Jeff Holt. The best. Thank you, Jeff. We can make a lot of lovin' for the sun gone down Thinkin' of you's workin' up my appetite Lookin' forward to a little afternoon delight Rubbin' sticks and stones together make a spark to ignite And the thought of rubbin' you is gettin' so exciting

Sky rockets in flight Afternoon delight Afternoon delight Afternoon delight Afternoon delight Afternoon Delight Afternoon Delight