Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Kelly Carlin Encore

Episode Date: May 23, 2022

In celebration of the new HBO documentary, "George Carlin's American Dream," GGACP presents an ENCORE of a 2015 episode with the doc's executive producer, writer-performer KELLY CARLIN. In this episode, Kelly discusses her revealing memoir, "A Carlin Home Companion" and shares treasured (and not-so-treasured) memories of growing up with the man who changed and redefined the art of standup comedy. Also, Kelly hangs with Sammy Davis Jr., seduces Leif Garrett, borrows Farrah Fawcett's shampoo and recites the "7 Words You Can Never Say on Television." PLUS: Burns and Carlin! Burns and Schreiber! The "Danny Kaye Plan"! Otto & George! And Gottfried Sings Again! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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the single malt whiskey that started it all for a balanced flavor and smooth finish. Just sit back and listen to the music. This single malt scotch whiskey is guaranteed to impress dad. This father's day, the Glenliv. Live original. Please enjoy our products responsibly. Hi, I'm Gilbert Gottfried, and this is Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast. I'm here with my co-host, Frank Santopadre, and we're here at the legendary Friars Club in New York City.

Our guest this week is a writer, actress, producer, monologist. I knew I was going to fuck up monologist. You got it. Yeah, yeah. I just, I got scared. An internet radio host. She was a producer on The Green Room with Paul Provenza and hosts The Kelly Carlin Show on Sirius XM Radio.

She's also the only child of arguably the greatest stand-up comedian in the history of the meeting. In the history... Should I do this whole shit over again? Why don't you start again? Yes. Sorry. It's going to be long.

Yeah. I was so amazing. You should have brought a change of clothes. I actually have a change of clothes. That's all good. Take it in stages. Yes. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried,

and this is Gilbert Gottfried's amazing, colossal podcast. I'm here with my co-host, Frank Santopadre, and we're here at the famous Friars Club in New York City. Our guest this week is a writer, actress, producer, monologist, and internet radio host. She was a producer on The Green Room with Paul Provenza and hosts the

Kelly Carlin Show on Sirius XM Radio. She's also the only child of arguably the greatest stand-up comedian in the history of the medium, the legendary George Carlin. Her one-woman show and her new book are entitled A Carlin Home Companion, Growing Up With George. Please welcome the only guest we've ever had with a master's degree in Jungian psychology other than maybe Shecky Green. Ladies and gentlemen, Kelly Carlin. I'm going to need to talk to Shecky about that. I had no idea. Much more intellectual than you would.

Wow. I'm blown away right now. Yeah. You always think of him as an alcoholic getting beaten up by the mob. Yeah. Driving his car into a fountain in Vegas. That's what you think. But you're so wrong.

That's why he went into Jungian psychology. Now, the last time I think we spoke was at the tribute. No, we were naming the street. Yes, last year they were naming the street. Yeah, yeah. Up on the Upper West Side. My dad grew up on 121st between uh broadway and amsterdam but the city the church wouldn't let us put the sign on that block because the church is

there so we had to go across the street you know whatever so are you basically lying where he no no not technically because as my uncle his brother, said, yeah, we used to get high on all these corners. And a shout out to our pal Kevin Bartini, who worked so hard to make that happen. I mean, really, it's all because of Kevin. Thank you, Kevin. Yes, thank you. Thank you, Kevin. Love him. And I remember I was on a plane one time and I'm getting on the plane and I see George Carlin sitting there a few seats down.

And, you know, I didn't want to bother him to just sat in my chair. And I see him get up from his chair and walk directly over to me. And my heart's pounding, thinking, oh, George Car and walk directly over to me and my heart's pounding thinking oh george carlin wants to talk to me and and he he says to me very quietly uh yeah i'm gonna be uh working on some stuff i have to read some things and write some stuff out and then i'm going to take a nap so I can't so basically your father told me to go fuck myself. Oh my god Gilbert that is so my dad

this man had an obsession with controlling his time and that's what he was doing he had a plan for the plane ride and he was like oh shit now there's a comic on board. He'll want to talk to me.

He'll want to talk comedy or whatever, and now I just have to let him know that I can't do that because I'm slightly OCD. And, oh, my God. God bless Daddy. Because I remember thinking, had he just stayed in his fucking seat and not come over, I wouldn't have cared. You wouldn't have bothered him, right. Yeah. But now I'm, like, hurt for the rest of the flight, and I'm sitting there feeling miserable for a six-hour flight

from L.A. to New York. I feel horrible. Oh, my God. Can you tell me he gave you his info though? His phone number? That you carried around in your wallet? He did at, when it was getting near the end of the flight, when they announced they'd be making their descent,

he got up and walked over to me and handed me a piece of paper with his phone number and said, next time you have something airing on television, I want you to call me and tell me because I want to see what's going on in that mind of yours. He loves you. He loved you.

Isn't that nice? Absolutely. And that was the sincere, generous part of my dad with comics. He did that with comics that he loved. And he loved connecting with them. And he wasn't a very social creature as you could see but he would have these moments where you know and uh and i do know that he was a big fan of yours so so there and i feel horrible because there's a few people whose numbers i've gotten

over the years and like a few of them, one or two I called, and I was always disappointed when something happened, you know? And it's kind of like when a girl gives a guy a number and she goes, call me, call me. Here's my number and here's my cell number. And then you call and she goes, yeah. And I've had that with celebrities. So

I feel horrible that I never called George Carlin and Jonathan Winters gave me his number and I never called him either. Oh, Gilbert. That's a bummer. And Norman Fell, right? Norman Fell also. Wow. How could you not call Norman Fell?

It's a signature part of your act. I wanted to, but I had these other incidents where I called and I felt like, oh God, maybe they just felt like you're supposed to give someone your number. Well, that wasn't my dad.

Certainly not him, but I really wish you'd called Jonathan because once Jonathan gets your phone number, he calls. I had the pleasure of finding this out. I saw someone from Santa Barbara's calling, didn't know who they were, pick up the phone, and Jonathan's

in character doing the bit, and you have to jump in immediately and be a character with him and improvise for 10 to 20 minutes a bit. And the whole time you're thinking, oh my God, I'm fucking improvising

with Jonathan Winters on the phone right now. It's a cool thing. Yeah. We had Paul Williams and Tracy Jackson on the show and they were telling us that toward the end of his life, Jonathan Winters would just stand in the neighborhood and just do bits for passersby. Yeah, yeah.

Just draw them in. Yeah, oh, yeah. But that's what he did. And then I had heard a story that Cheech Marin used to go to this one supermarket, and he would see Jonathan Winters going up and down the aisles talking in different voices and being different characters. And then he would have to walk over to him and go, you know, I think you should just buy something and go home. Wow. Bless his heart, as they say.

Love, Jonathan. And I remember, I guess the last time I saw your father was at, we were just talking about this, the Legends of Vegas, which they should have done for TV. They must have been done it for TV, I'm thinking. Why else would they have done it? Was it a fundraiser? No, I don't think so. It was like Larry King was the emcee and your father and Jerry Lewis and Norm Crosby, Shecky Green, a Jungian psychologist, and I think Phyllis Diller. And I mean, I remember too, when I saw your father there, he gave me a very friendly hello and kissed me on the cheek.

There you go. Yeah. See? So I should have called him. You should have. Praise from Caesar. You should have called him. And speaking of Bartini and the dedication of the street, there was a club, there was a show that followed that.

Yes. And I believe the man sitting across from me, my co-host. Okay. Can I just say, Gilbert, really, that night, I mean, it was wonderful. We were all up there and everyone was getting up and doing their stuff. And you got up there and, oh, my God, I still love you. First of all, I don't think I had laughed that hard since my father died. And you got up there and, oh oh my God, it was so beautiful.

Talked about all the reasons why you were happy he was dead. And I'm crying. I'm doubled over laughing so hard. And for about the first minute or so, the audience was not sure what to do. minute or so the audience was not sure what to do but once i think they saw me laughing as hard as i was they relaxed a bit my dad would have loved that bit it was because it was it was perfectly you and it was taking advantage of this earnest could beppy, earnest moment that you just love to stick a huge stick into. And you never stopped.

You went on. I wasn't there, but I heard about it. And on and on and on. And it got more and more ludicrous and insane. Yeah. I kept talking about how I was praying that your father suffered to the end. Oh, suffered horribly. And was praying to God to kill him.

Pure genius. And I remember both what touched me is both you and your Uncle Pat. Yeah. Both said the same thing, that George would have loved that. Absolutely. And, like, thank you profoundly for doing the thing, for crossing the line for all of us, you know? And that's, it's funny that you mention that, because in interviews, for the many times I've gotten in trouble... For the many times you've crossed the line.

Yes! What you're talking about. Not me. I'm Red Skelton. No, you're fine. I always said, well, George Carlin said... Well, can you... You want to say the line?

No, you say it. Okay. I'm like totally spacing. Oh, yeah. It's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and deliberately cross over it. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And knowing that you're going to take people across the line with you and they won't even know it has happened at some point.

And as long as they're laughing, most of them will be like, oh, it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. Yes. You know? Because you give them permission. And yeah, so crossing the line was everything to my dad. Absolutely.

And you certainly hold that torch high. That's a nice way of saying it. I'm a nice person, Gilbert. I'm a nice person. And I thought it was interesting, because of Crossing the Line, like your father was a big fan of the Mox brothers. Yeah, and the Ritz brothers, too. Oh, yeah. Yeah, huge fan of both.

Yeah, the Ritz brothers, too. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, huge fan of both. Yeah, the Ritz brothers too. Oh, yeah. My dad had such a – it was such a great education growing up with him because he loved all kinds of comedy. He loved pure slapstick, goofy, silly shit, and the most subversive stuff you could imagine.

So, I mean, Otto and George, huge fan. He turned me on to Otto and George. Oh, the best. Yeah, exactly. I'm glad you brought that up. Yeah, yeah. The best. So, you know, yeah. I mean, it was always fun when my dad would turn me on to a comic, you know, because it was a certain angle of it that he couldn't do or that they were doing mining so well that they were representing that whole part of comedy. Because I remember Roger Ebert said his father used to take him to Marx Brothers movies.

And he would give him like a wink and a smile at certain things they said. Like, you see how they pushed it there? You see how they got away with something there? Well, and they were like Shakespeare because, you know, there's the higher level conversation they're having. And then there's the slapstick stuff for the groundlings. Right. So that's why they were so brilliant. There's Groucho's comedy, which is very intellectual and very verbal.

And Harpo's physical. Exactly. comedy, which is very intellectual and very verbal, and Harpo's physical. It's so funny you mentioned Otto and George, which was an act, and for our listeners that don't know Otto and George, find it immediately. We lost Otto, I think, last year, which was terribly said. George is in a home for puppets. I guess technically we lost George, too.

There was a story, I don't know if it's apocryphal at all, about somebody. You've heard this, about an audience member getting so angry that he attacked the dummy. Oh, yes. But that was taking filth to an art form, much in the way that your dad could do. Yeah. Could just, something like Mongolian Clusterfuck, that wonderful list that he reads at the end of Carlin at Carnegie. Yes, yes. Which is, again, I urge people to find it.

It's a wonderful list that he reads at the end of Carlin at Carnegie. Yes, yes. Which is, again, I urge people to find it. It's just wonderful. Now, can you say the seven words, the seven words that weren't allowed by the FCC that you judged did a famous bit? Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits. Yes. I love it. And if you're going back to Class Clown, tits shouldn't even be on the list. Of course not. And if you're going back to Class Clown, Tid shouldn't even be on the list.

Of course not. And then he added fart, turd, and twat. Correct. Yes. Correct. But the end of Carlin at Carnegie, which you should go back and revisit, he pulls out this list. Like a scroll. A scroll.

A scroll. A scroll. A scroll. And takes that idea, takes that tried and true bit and just turns it on its ear and does what? Another 200? Yeah. That's so long that he's reading them during the credit roll. During the credit roll. And then we ended up selling a poster with I think over 1,000 of them on the poster. It's absolutely brilliant. And he had that great line that really explains censorship on TV where he said, you can prick your finger, but you can't finger your prick. And it's poetry.

I mean, he would do it in that poetic way. Yeah, absolutely. It says it all. And you said in the book that when your father would ask his mother what a certain word meant. Yes. She would make him go. My grandmother, Mary Beery Carlin, she would make him go and look it up in the dictionary. And my dad told this story many times.

And so one day he went to look up a word. No, she had, oh, what the hell is the word? He looked up a word and he'd used it at breakfast and, oh, okay, hold on. I got to get the story now. I didn't know you were going to edit. We'll do an edit. Okay, wait. So the word was peruse. No, the word was, what the hell is the word?

Is it in here? Is it in Hendra's book? It's in Hendra's book peruse. No. The word was – what the hell is the word? Is it in here? Is it in Hendra's book? It's in Hendra's book for sure. Wait. Grandma – oh, cursory glance. Okay, okay, okay. Okay, cursory glance. So my dad heard the word peruse and wanted to know what it meant.

So my grandmother, Mary Berry Carlin, told him to go look it up in the dictionary and he was very excited. She would always ask him to use it in a sentence or whatever. So he was very excited and he comes down to breakfast and he says, so mom, have you perused the newspaper this morning?

And she says to him, why no? I haven't given it a cursory glance. And so he like had to go march back to the dictionary and look up the word cursory. That was his mother. That's the sharp mind she had. She could tell a story also, do all the characters and all of that. And that was a woman who very much fed him and fed his obsession with language

and your father almost wasn't born yeah yeah this is very true yes uh grandma mary was at the abortion clinic which was a very nice place it was dr sunshine at grammar Park, where all the ladies went to get taken care of. And she's sitting in the waiting room, and she's reunited with my father's father, Patrick, and they had a torrid one-day stand at Rockaway Beach Motel. They'd been separated. It's so romantic. Yes, very romantic. I always picture sand involved for some reason.

And she's sitting in the waiting room, and she looks up at a picture of the Virgin Mary. Oh, she thought it was a sign. And sees her mother's face in the picture and saw it as a sign and got up and looked at Patrick and said, I'm keeping this child and walked out of the office. Yeah, because I saw an online interview with your dad and he's talking about Locke. Yeah, that was the first bit of Locke right there. What a role Locke played in his career. The HBO comes along just at the right time.

You know, that's the perfect vehicle for his comedy, but even his life itself. Yeah, absolutely. Started out with a series of fortunate. But I was also thinking, reading that story, was that that's the kind of story your father would have heard and thought, oh, what a piece of shit. You know, like she saw the Virgin Mary. Yeah.

And that's the beautiful irony of it. You know, here's a man who dismantled the Ten Commandments, and yet the Virgin Mary saved his life. It's so beautiful. Ironic. It's so beautiful. So tell us, and Gilbert and I were talking about a million things, and we've got so many cards here and so many things we could cover. We're talking about Jack Burns before you came in and so many different parts of your dad's career. But it's safe to say, and we both read the book,

safe to say you did not have a conventional childhood. Safe to say. Yeah. Tell us about, I mean, you could start, tell us about the first time your mom sat you down in front of the TV to see dad. Yes. Mom was so excited because, you know, dad had been doing a little bit of TV here and there. And so I was born in 63. So by about 65, dad was getting rolling. And I think he did the Tonight Show at that point with Carson. He'd already done it very early on with Parr, with Burns.

But there was a Tonight Show and there was, you know, some Merv Griffins and things like that that were happening. Whatever it was, I don't know what the show was, but my mother was very excited. I was old enough to understand. Daddy's out doing work or whatever.

Live TV, of course. And she plops me down in front of the TV and the announcer says, and here's George Carlin. And this little four-inch man comes up on this screen and it's my dad's voice coming at me. And I freak out. I am convinced he is stuck inside the little box. I love that. And I go, right, where's my daddy, my daddy? Didn't go over well.

No. See, that sounds like you were on acid as a kid. Aren't all kids on acid? Yeah, it's right. And gradually you got used to the idea that he was – I did. Gradually I did. I absolutely understood that he has this.

But it's – to capture some of what the book – I mean most of what the book is about, it's a very – safe to say, use the word tumultuous childhood. I mean, it's a little like you growing up in days of wine and roses. Yeah, a little bit. And yet, if all of us out there who have alcoholic or addict parents or any kind of a dysfunctional childhood, that would be 99% of us. But it was the times too. The cultural shift really did shape what was going on in my family. And here my dad was, a kid who had smoked pot since he was 14 on the streets of New York, straight-laced comic, getting all the success, doesn't feel true to himself. On the inside, he's hanging out with all his rock and roll friends. They're all getting to speak the truth on stage.

My dad realizes he's entertaining the parents of the people he wants to be hanging out with. And he, you know, he finally finds his true voice. And that's 70-71. And then, you know, it's the early 70s. And the drugs were insane. And that's how everyone shared their love back then. You know, here's a packet of this. Here's that.

Here's a joint. And, you know, my dad comes from a solid Irish upbringing. His dad was a, you know, a raging alcoholic. So there were some years there about age 7 to 12, especially between my mother's very serious alcoholism that almost killed her and my dad's cocaine addiction, there was some fucked up shit in my household going on. But the thing about it is, and the thing I really wanted to talk about in this book and really portray, is that no matter what, we loved each other and we knew that,

and that got us through, and that ultimately saved the day. So even though there was a lot of chaos there was a foundation of of real love the three musketeers the three musketeers that my dad my dad called us it's touching one of the people not surprisingly who discovered your father was lenny bruce yes lenny got my dad his first uh, Murray Becker, who managed all those guys. And yeah, Lenny saw my dad and told Murray Becker about him. And Lenny would tell club owners, you know, you should hire this guy. And Lenny was, you know, a god to my father. Yeah, I mean, well, he was the original of like getting in trouble well yeah and i i mean i tell the story of my solo show um about how and i think i tell it in the book too about how in 1961 when lenny was arrested in chicago both my parents were there they were just married and the cops were asking every the cops were trying to hassle the club owner about underage drinking so they were asking for everyone's

id and they asked my dad for his id and my dad and his typical uh wanting to cooperate with the police say i don't believe in identification and they promptly threw him in the back of the paddy wagon with lenny when my dad told lenny proudly told lenny what he had just done lenny looked at him and said what are you a schmuck and my mom chased that paddy wagon by foot all the way to the precinct and and bailed him out of jail that night so my mom and dad and lenny had a fun relationship yeah people talk about them a lot in the same thought yep well and it makes perfect sense i mean without lenny bruce there is no george Carlin. So did they – I guess they knew Lenny toward the end. Yeah. In fact, my dad visited him the day before he died.

Oh. Yeah. And they were shocked by all of that too and really pissed off about what the cops did and all that stuff. Yeah, because for anyone who doesn't know, he was actually – he was getting in trouble for obscenity. Yes. I guess in the fifties. And religion and talking about insurance too. I mean,

that's a big part of it was that. And, and he was actually getting arrested for it. Yeah. He would just wear his trench coat on stage because he knew he didn't want to, he didn't want to lose his coat. So he would wear his trench coat on stage, knowing that they were going to arrest him on stage and that they would just

take him away and they wouldn't let him get his own stuff. So, yeah. Another piece of lucky timing for your dad in a way because he came along just a little bit after. Yep. And things had relaxed a tick. A tick. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Right. Where he wasn't going to be thrown in jail for talking about religion. Except for in Milwaukee. Except for in Milwaukee. Right, of course. Now, here's a point in your book that hit me. And I remember as a kid listening, I used to listen to the radio a lot. And there was, I think, BAI at that point was like a kind of hippie kind of station.

Pacifica Network. Yeah. Absolutely. Very hippie. And I remember hearing a song. Maybe I heard it once. and it stuck in my head. And I thought, am I the only one familiar with this song? Until I was reading your book.

And the song, pardon me if my Native Americans are a little rusty. Witchy ta-ta, gimme rah, oranica, oranica. Hey, nay, hey, nay, oh, rah. All that spring spirit going round my head makes me feel glad that I'm not dead. Wichita, ta, gimme rah, Oranica, Oranica, hey, oh, rah, no, oh, rah. I sing it in my solo show. You do? Yeah, I do a whole scene around it.

Unbelievable. Oh, Gilbert, that's so funny. That's so Pacifica. Yes. You're a regular Buffy St. Marie. I heard that. Oh, my God. Paul Provenza is going to shit that you just sang that to me.

You were listening to BAI in those days? Yeah, I was listening to everything. Why not? Yeah, I had no life. When I wasn't watching TV, I was listening to the radio. Listening to Native American songs. Boy, until, and then I saw it in the book and I just saw one word

and I said, I know that song. You know he sings on every show, Kelly. I did not know that. Thank God, yes, I gave know that song. You know he sings on every show, Kelly. I did not know that. I got my chance to sing. Thank God. Yes, I gave you that opportunity. Wow.

If we can only find a way to put in some Paul Williams numbers, I can do my Paul Williams. Oh, my God. I'm blown away right now. I was not expecting that out of your mouth. Because you said you were at camp. Yeah. And they used to sing it. Yeah, they sang it to me.

Oh, my God. There's some other stuff in there. I don't want to talk too much about the substance abuse, but it's in your show. It's in the book. Well, and it's part of what built our, you know, the foundation. I mean, you know, the book is really about the father-daughter relationship mostly, but it's about the whole family, and then it's about me finding my way

towards myself. So, you know, I mean, it's part of my story, absolutely. I didn't want to go too Oprah on you. It's okay. But you should at least tell Gilbert the son story, because it's such a wonderful story.

So we, first of all, we've been in Hawaii on a Hawaiian vacation that did not go well. the son story because it's such a wonderful story. First of all, we've been in Hawaii on a Hawaiian vacation that did not go well. My parents were brandishing knives at each other. They were trying to kill each other. I end up having to get them to sign a – I write out what I call a UN-style peace treaty to get them to calm down during the vacation.

So the vacation has been rather not vacation-y. The very next day we come home from vacation, my dad walks into my room, wakes me up and says, Kelly, I have something important to tell you. I was convinced we're getting divorced. I mean, it has to be because they've been trying to kill each other

for the last year. Instead, my father says to me, Kelly, I think the sun has exploded and we have about seven minutes to live. Wow. And, you know, it's your dad. I mean, I knew he'd been doing a lot of drugs. He'd probably been up for four days.

But when your dad's your dad, you think, well, maybe we should go and check. And so we did. We went outside and checked. And I have to tell you, when we got outside, the sun, it was one of those LA smoggy, this is the 70s when LA was really smoggy. It was one of those LA smoggy days. And the sun was really bright. And it was kind of weird out. And I thought, wow, maybe really this is happening. and so my dad's like you know what we should really find out if anyone else notices that and he was like ready to call his friend doc in new york here from the old neighborhood but then he says you know what the phenomena of the sun exploding might be different on the east coast so we need someone on this coast

and so he calls his friend Joe Billardino in Sacramento and has to explain to Joe over the phone that, um, could you go outside and check and see if the sun is okay because I think it may have exploded. And being a ten-year-old kid

sitting on the end of a bed, listening to your dad, having this conversation with a friend, you're thinking, really if if the sun hasn't exploded, it doesn't matter because my life is over as I knew it. Oh, my God. Was this a bad acid trip? It was no. I think he really had been up for about three or four days on cocaine. Right.

And when he would stay up, he would stay up three or four days at a time. I mean, at one point you found him. He would stay up organizing his albums. Organizing everything. I mean, at one point you found him. He would stay up organizing his albums. Organizing everything. Everything. You name it, he would organize it. The story of you finding him, and I guess he's been up three or four days at this point,

and he's organizing washers. Yes, washers, screws, nails. He's putting them in. Sizes, usage. I mean, whatever. It had little drawers, this little thing with little drawers. Oh, yeah. He was slightly OCD,

so any kind of organizing was just, you know, was his bliss. So, you know, and when you're doing Coke, things get tidy. Right. And I found out, I didn't know this, that your father was in a comedy team. Yeah, Burns and Carlin, Jack Burns,

who ended up replacing... Well, he replaced Don Knotts. Don Knotts. Briefly on Andy Griffith's show. Yeah, yeah. Burns and Treiber. Yeah, I remember. Well, Burns and Treiber were afterwards. Yes, they were. They were in the

late 70s. Yes. They were very popular. Yeah, and Jack Burns is a genius. He's still with us. And I can't get him to leave his house to let the world know that he's a genius. Oh, we'd love to have him on. I know. He's in LA. He won't do anything. He won't do my podcast. He won't come out for anything.

And he is a fucking genius. He killed at my dad's memorial. I'm like, Jack, you need to be out in the world doing this more often. You just killed up there. Yeah, I remember it's like in that well, with him and Schreiber, it used to be like, cab, cab, taxi, cab.

It's a taxi cab. Yes. Didn't they do that kind of what, huh? Yeah. What? Oh, shit, shit. Yeah, they used to do that quick, back and forth. People would know, maybe audiences would know Avery Schreiber because I think he became the Doritos guy later.

He had a series of Doritos commercials where he would bite the chip. Big, bushy-ha of Doritos commercials where he would bite the chip. But Jack Burns, and again to our listeners, look him up because he had a great career. And look up the early Burns and Carlin stuff. It's out there. Kind of Irish New England accent. Very Irish. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, they met in, if I have my stories right, they met in a radio station in Boston.

I believe so, yeah, because my dad had stolen the radio truck to go score weed in New York City and they both got fired or something. I don't know. That's crazy.

Now, was it Jack Burns who produced Fridays? Fridays. Yes. Well, he had the famous Andy Kaufman incident with a fake kind of... Yeah.

Jack Burns, look him up. Yeah, please. And tell Gilbert, and. Yeah. Yeah. Jack Burns, look him up. Yeah, please. And tell Gilbert, and I don't want to dwell on the. But you keep dwelling on it. Well, Jack. What is it? He apologizes and then he does it. Because it's so riveting.

Kind of like saying to someone, hey, I never do this. Yeah. I'm just fascinated by it. You're so cute. You're 12 and you're having, thank you for saying that. You're 12 and you're having, thank you for saying that. You're 12 and you're having a conversation with Sammy Davis Jr. Oh, yes. This is sort of another inappropriate joke.

So mom gets sober. Yay. She doesn't die. Because she almost fucking died. She gets sober. So we go to Hawaii for Christmas. And we stay at the Kahala Hilton. You know, very fancy Hollywood place back in the 70s.

And when we arrive, we realize that Steve Lawrence and Edie Gourmet are doing the New Year's Eve show and Sammy Davis is part of it, too. And, of course, dad knows all of them from Vegas and all those places. So now, you know, we get to sit and have dinner with Steve and Edie and Sammy. We have dinner and then they do the show and everything like that. And it's schmaltzy, but it's great at the same time. So at the end of the show, we're at some kind of party or whatever, and dad's talking to Sammy and I'm standing there with dad, between Sammy and dad, and they're talking about coke

and just what a horrible drug it is and how my mom was sober now and dad's walking away from it and Sammy's like, yeah, man, it really took me over too and everything like just how what a horrible drug it is and how my mom was sober now and and dad's you know walking away from it and sammy's like yeah man it really took me over too and everything like that and there i was you know it was 75 so i was about 12 and i'm standing there and as if it was perfectly normal to have a 12 year old part of this conversation but i felt like it because even though i never snorted cocaine it was like I really understood the insanity of the drug because I just watched my parents almost kill each other with it for four years. Does it occur to your dad or Sammy Davis Jr. at any point to say, you know, maybe we should walk away from the 12-year-old? No, darling.

Maybe we should get her an ice cream. No, it's 1975. We didn't – there was no boundaries in 1975. And of course later – and this is the last I'll say about it, but I'm leading to a place that I know Gilbert will care about. Later you had, you developed your own substance. I developed my own liking of that particular drug. And because I met a, well, you know, I experimented and had fun in high school, of course. I went to a very cool, hip high school in Santa Monica called Crossroads. This was the time where you could get a note from your parents to smoke cigarettes.

It was back in those days. So yeah, I experimented in high school. And then I met an older man. I was 18. He was 29. And he was very much into the cocaine. And I fell into a large baggie of it for a few years myself. I think it would be disappointing in a way if the daughter of George Carlin.

Did do a little of that. It turned out to be Marsha Brady. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Hear that, quarter pounder fans? That silence is two friends enjoying the new creamy parmesan and bacon Quarter Pounder at McDonald's. Because adding crispy bacon and creamy parmesan sauce to our 100% Canadian beef makes it impossible to have a conversation. Try the new creamy parmesan and bacon Quarter Pounder today and discover how words are so unnecessary.

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is ready to heat up screens once again. All new episodes of FX's The Bear are streaming June 27, only on Disney+. And during one of these lost moments of your life, you wind up, and I have no fear about bringing this up because it's in the book, you wind up falling into bed with a teen idol. Oh yeah, that was in high school. So I went to Crossroads. There was a lot of famous people's

kids who went there and still do. And we all hung out with all sorts of Beverly Hills High and all those stuff. And we had all the money in the world, access to everything and zero responsibility. Our parents just gave us cars and money and I shared weed with my dad. I mean, you know, it was insane, insane times. So we end up, I end up in a bad relationship

with a boy who is not nice to me and is kind of emotionally and physically abusive to me and not kind of, he was. This is the guy that you'd probably chase with a baseball bat. Yes, exactly. And so one day we're all hanging – I'm hanging out with myself and I'm hanging out with Griffin O'Neill, Ryan's son, Tatum's brother. Trouble right there. And I love Griffin to this day and Griffin's all clean and sober and great now, but we were all troublemakers back then. And Leif

Garrett. I ended up hanging out with Leif Garrett one day, and my ex-boyfriend shows up, and it's one of those abusive domestic violence things where you're like, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, with the crazy person. And so I make this decision that I'm

going to bed Leif Garrett that night. Sorry to leave you there, but it's so juicy. By bedding Leif Garrett, I will somehow heal myself of all of the pain of this abusive relationship. So you weren't thinking straight. No, it was an act of great feminism gilbert

i was gonna put a notch in my bedpost and empower myself and so we go out to malibu to ryan and farrah's house because that's what you do oh yeah and we walk in and I see the wall of Farrah Fawcett there and there's all these pictures of Farrah and I'm thinking this is a sign of even more feminine power, empowerment. Look how empowered she is. I'm empowered too.

And so Leif and I, of course, end up doing the deed on the couch and well, we were 17 and very high. And it wasn't the most fantastic sexual experience of my life. Not that I'd had a lot to compare it to. So then the next day, we wake up and we sneak upstairs into Ryan and Farrah's bed. And I want to say, lafe redeemed himself and then i'm laying there on the bed thinking okay how fucking surreal is this i'm in ryan and farrah farrah ryan o'neill

and farrah faucet's bed having sex with lafe garrett like it doesn't get more surreal than that and i'm and i'm george carlin's daughter like the whole package is there and i'm thinking this is the most surreal moment i will ever have in my life and then 10 minutes later we go into the bathroom to take a shower together and i say to leif hand me the shampoo and so he hands me farrah fawcett's shampoo but it is actually Farrah Fawcett brand shampoo. Love it. And so I always end the story with, so there I was washing my hair with Farrah Fawcett brand shampoo under Farrah's faucet. That's such a great L.A. growing up a kid in L.A. story.

It really is the perfect story. Celebrity kid. It is. You just is the perfect story. Celebrity kid. It is. You just can't help yourself. And what was the story of your father chasing the guy with the baseball bat? Well, I finally told my parents what was going on. And my dad looked at me like, why the fuck didn't you tell me this before? And the boy showed up a few days later.

And my dad went into his office and just kind of put the baseball bat on his shoulder to kind of let him know and he just told him you know you come near my daughter again i'll bash your fucking head in and for me it was you know a profound moment because it was this like like my dad showed up like the dad it's parenting it was parenting yeah like he finally fathered me you know and it was it was you know it, it was a really actually a sweet moment in my life. I was thinking of a Leif Garrett song, by the way, when you were telling that story. Oh, I didn't. I was made for dancing. I was made for dancing all, all, all night long.

Bless your heart. And that's when I realized he wasn't. And Gilbert, you slept with Jack Wilde, right? Yes. So you have your own teen idol. You could relate to that. Now, your father was also court-martialed. A few times, I believe.

I think if you look in his memoir, actually, Gilbert, next time you're in L.A., call me up. You're coming over to my house, and I'm going to show you the archives. Because I have my dad's Air Force folder. Because I have my dad's Air Force folder, and then my dad wrote out on a list, on a specific piece of paper, where he started rank-wise, when he was promoted, and when he was demoted. And it's like this little rollercoaster ride of George Carlin's military career. Yeah, he was – yeah. Not big on authority. No. Famously.

Thank God. Yeah. Why don't we talk about – well, I just want to talk about, too, since we brought up Burns and Carlin, I mean, that... Before we move to the transformation, the big transformation, I mean, he had a busy career when he was the straight George Carlin. Sure.

When he was buttoned down George Carlin. I mean, it was not only Burns and Carlin, but he was hosting... He went solo pretty quickly after Burns and Carlin. He did a ton. He did a ton of stuff. He did a ton of TV.

He became the it guy. He was the modern hip comic. He had a ton of success. He was on That Girl. He was on That Girl. Cast by our friend Bill Persky. Yes. He did this show. Yeah, by our friend Bill Persky. Yes. And your

father, early on in his career, had the Danny Kay plan. He did. He did. He really seriously at age nine or ten. Yeah, yeah. Danny Kay comes up a lot in the context

you can imagine. So dad listen to the show, Danny Kaye comes up a lot in the context you can imagine. So dad sat in the movies as a little kid and saw what he could do with language and all of that and the funny voices and the thing. And dad said, I want to be just like him. And he came up with this career strategy at age nine. Become a DJ, get good at that, then become a stand-up, and then they'll let me be in the movies like Danny Kaye. And it is exactly what he did. He became a DJ, and then he became a stand-up, and then he did some acting and hated it,

and luckily became a better stand-up. But then years later, he kind of met Danny Kaye. He did. And so he – it wasn't even years later. When he was a little boy, he waited out – he would take – they'd take the subway down to Times Square and all the Broadway shows. And he was outside of some theater waiting for Danny Kaye in the rain for hours to get an autograph. And Danny Kaye came out and blew right past all of them.

And my dad swore to himself that if I ever become famous, I will never, ever do that. And my dad stopped, would let anyone come in, especially young kids. If the kid came up with an album anywhere at any time, my dad stopped what he was doing and would talk to the kid, have a conversation, and sign whatever needed to be signed. whatever needed to be signed. And I think he said that, I think your father was watching like Danny Kaye do these commercials for like UNICEF. And knew what a prick he was. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Some sort of ambassador to children, really. He was also famously good, not only to fans, but to comics, but to young comics. And Gary Shandling told a story about George, your dad giving him some feedback on some comedy material. I think Louis Black was somebody else that he encouraged.

Yeah, a lot of comics, yeah. And when I met him, he was great to me. By the way, I met him at a signing at the Writers Guild for Napalm and Silly Putty. And I found out after he died that not only, you know, I mean, I'd heard the Gary Shandling story because Gary told it publicly. But I had young comics, open mic comics who were still open mic comics contacting me and saying, so I was writing for the, you know, the college paper. I interviewed your dad. I told him I was a stand up. Your dad would check in with me every few months to see how my open mics were going.

Wow. Yeah. See, Gilbert, you should have fucking called him. I know. You should have called him. Think of how much help he would have been. So all of this stuff is going on. I was telling Gilbert before, this variety show called Away We Go with Buddy Rich and Buddy Greco.

And he's on that girl. There was some good weed on that shoot. Craft Summer Music Hall and the Hollywood Palace and all the shows of the day. All of them, yeah. And Joey Bishop and the Smothers Brothers, and then he decides, and the drugs are a catalyst for this. And then he drops acid.

Well, you have that great line in the book where you say America was falling in love with George. America had fallen in love with George Carlin just in time for him to have fallen out of love with them. It's great. Yeah. He tells the story. Yeah. And so the, the, obviously the, the, the pot and the, then the cocaine or the, or maybe it's not cocaine at that point. No, no cocaine at that time. No, the acid really, you know, as he says, pot and acid, any kind of psychedelic is a values shifter. And he realized at that point, what the hell am I doing? I am entertaining the parents of the

people I'm hanging out with. My dad was in between the two generations. He was over 30 when he made the change and the shift. And yet he related to all these 20-somethings going through all that stuff. And he went to my mother. Well, he got fired twice from Vegas. And he went to my mother and he said, I can't do this anymore. And my mother had just put a deposit down on a beautiful home in the San Fernando Valley. But she saw the pain he was in and she said, okay, let's go for it. And they did. Well, didn't he say, I'd be happy if I just play coffee houses in colleges for the rest of my career? Yeah. Yeah. So the transformation, you say in the book, he went in for hernia surgery. Yeah, came out.

I had grew his, didn't shave while he was in the hospital. And he came home with a beginning of a beard. And it kind of scared me. When you're a kid and your dad looks different suddenly. Because I was 70. I was only six or seven. And he never shaved the beard from that day forward and then started growing his hair he'd already had those sideburns he was kind of already faking the long hair with the sideburns

you know and the little bit of length in the back you know but it was still short hair it's pretty cute and i love that he's this this line in the book if caesar when he was doing the when he was still doing the straight lace comedy and he was still butting down George, and Gilbert will appreciate this, he says, if Cesar Romero dances past me one more time

in one of these clubs, because he hated playing at that point the Copa, and he got himself fired at the Copa, Jules Podell banging the ring, and the whole thing.

Lying on the stage and reading underneath the piano just to get fired, and the Playboy Club would not fire him no matter what. And doesn't he drive to Chicago to meet Hef?

Yeah. Because he figures Hef is a... Hef understands. Right. And Hef says there's two Hugh Hefners. There's the Playboy, and there's the businessman. Sorry, you're fired. Hef still owes us $1,200.

Really? Never paid my dad for that. And supposed to in the contract, anyway. Interesting. So, so much for the Danny Kaye plan. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Thank God he was good at stand-up. And then AM and FM, which is the

which he comes out with the album, which is the old George. Which was brilliant, because it was like, here's the old George. You all know him. You remember him. This is the one side. And here's the other side. Here's the new George. I mean, what a beautiful, smart way to transition. He ushered everybody through. Yeah, he held their hand through it.

And can you read the portion from your book? Your book is, of course, a Carlin home companion growing up with George. Wait a minute. I got it marked. All right. Is this the part about you? Is this the you part? Yes.

Oh, good. Excellent. Hold on. Of course I can. We'll cut because I lost it marked. Is this the part about you? Is this the you part? Yes. Oh, good. Excellent. Hold on. Of course I can. I woke up because I lost my spot. All right. It's in the ashes. Hang on, Gil. Here it is. All right. Here it is.

All right. So just to give you a little context, my dad gave me 30 days to get rid of his ashes. And, of course, I knew exactly what I was going to do. I was going to go to New York and spread them all over town. So here's the bit. So Bob and I arrived at JFK late in the day on July 18th. After we checked into the hotel, we immediately headed downtown to the Club Comics

to see Richard Belzer. Belzer was making a rare appearance that night and had arranged for us to see the show. As I sat there... Oh, and by the way way I didn't know any comedians until my dad died just want to make that context Belzer called me and said welcome to the family you're coming to New York I'm going to take care of you so that's how that happened

so as I sat there watching Belzer on stage I was hit hard with the realization that I would never see my dad on a stage again while everyone in the club was laughing I was crying. After the show, we headed toward the dressing room. Before I could open the backstage door, Taylor Negron came walking out. Taylor and I had met at a spoken word gig in Los Angeles the year before.

I was very fond of him. He's a great human and a fantastic writer-performer. We hugged. I knew I was home, safe and sound, with family. And that feeling grew as I made my way into the dressing room. Belzer was so lovely and kind. Then Gilbert Gottfried came out of the bathroom. I was a huge fan, but he also made me nervous.

I can't explain it, really. It feels like he's made me nervous. I can't explain it really. It feels like he's from another planet. And so I'm never sure what he's going to do or say. Richard introduced us and Gilbert asked, what are you doing in New York? I'm here to spread my ashes, I said. And Gilbert said, do you have any on you now? Now, I had put a small Ziploc bag of ashes in my purse before I left the hotel room,

knowing we'd be near Greenwich Village that night, and maybe there'd be a chance to spread them at the bitter end. But I lied to Gilbert and said no. I lied because I really didn't know what he would do if I had said yes. I feared he might eat them. Gilbert then asked me, whose career is more dead, mine or George's? Whose career is more dead, mine or George's? Without a beat, my friend Amy said, yours, Gilbert.

Everyone laughed, and I realized, yes, these were my people. That's touching. I love it. That's, of course, in your new book, A Carlin Home Companion. Yes. I just want to talk to you real quick about the second change for your dad because we're running out of time. There's so much to cover. I know.

First of all, there's so much to cover in the book. But people get to read that. Yes, yes. And hopefully you're going to bring your show to New York. I would love to. It would be fantastic. But his career is so long. It's amazing. And so varied.

And then the specials themselves, you could do an hour and a half just on the content there. But since we're talking about the big change from button-down George to more radicalized George, then there's a change even later, which Gilbert and I were talking about, where if you look at Carlin and Carnegie and Carlin on Campus and the early HBO specials, it's kind of the hippie George.

Yeah, and the very observational. But then comes the turn. I guess it's jamming in New York. I would say so. Even the show before that in 90, you start to see it. He starts to talk about politics in the one, which I think is What Am I Doing in New Jersey. Right. But yeah, because in the 80s, you know, he kind of – when he talked about that part of his career, he said, you know, given the chance to bend back around toward the middle, I took it.

And he had a big tax debt. Oh, that's when he was returning to appearing on the old variety shows like Tony or Lynn. But then he saw Sam Kinison and saw Sam screaming at the audience and he realized, oh, we've lost the audience

and we have to wake them up. We have to get their attention and look at what Sam's doing. And he was very intrigued by Sam. And my dad, I didn't really realize this till later, but my dad would see something like that. And maybe Gilbert, you feel this way too.

It's like, now I have to raise the bar. Like now, uh-oh, my game has to get better too. And that's what happened to him. He knew his game had to get better too. And that's what happened to him. He knew his game had to get better. And he started going in this direction where he could really, really let his rage feed his comedy. And wasn't there a point that your father just kind of like became just part of the norm? Yeah, that was the 80s.

I mean, definitely. He was trying to pay the bills and everything, and he wanted to... I mean, he had to pay the bills. And so he ended up doing Tony Orlando and Don Christmas specials and shit like that. Well, that's the point that he sees Rick Moranis

parodying him on SCTV, which must have been painful. Devastating to him. Realizing now I'm being made fun of. Or at the very least, I'm old guard. And then, so we're getting the rights to that for my solo show because I played on my solo show, the Rick Moranis thing. So we have to find Rick Moranis. He has the rights to all that stuff. Rick calls me up to say, I can't believe I hurt your dad's feelings. I never meant to do that. We were just joking in the room and I wanted to do him. And he had no idea what a devastating

effect it had. And so Rick called and talked to me for like 45 minutes about the whole thing. It was just, Rick's very sweet man. Yeah. Pretty much retired from the business at this point, by the way. So in Jammin' in New York and the one before it in, what am I doing in New Jersey? I mean, the full social critic, the social and political critic. Shows up. Yeah, emerges. And it's a different George Carlin. For sure. And the Jammin' show was my dad's favorite show. And I believe it is probably

one of the most perfectly crafted bits of hour of comedy ever. Well, it's got the stuff that you're used to and the airline stuff and the languages and the moving train bit and all the observational stuff. But it opens up with an attack on Bush. Yeah, yeah. And Reagan's gang, I think, was the name of the bit. Yeah, yeah. And Reagan's gang, I think, is the name of the bit. Yeah, yeah. And all of the criminals that were in Reagan's cabinet and how none of these people are in jail, or a lot of them did get indicted. And yeah, he went right for it. And the Gulf, I mean, this is, you know, this is Gulf War, you know, territory and all of that. So yeah, it was, it was thrilling to watch. It was a thrilling moment for me to watch because nobody was doing anything like that. And he was taking,

he was stepping over that line we talked about earlier, and yet doing it with his normal deftness, his poetry. But now there was, you know, we had all survived the 80s somehow. And he was, he was speaking that rage that we'd all been keeping in for 10 years, and he was just letting it go it was beautiful do you it's funny that you asked gilbert that before did you ever the kinnison analogy did you ever find in your journey or in all the years you've been doing stand-up that the audience you had to turn the act a little more extreme to get people to keep people's Yeah, I notice that each time I go on stage. I knew from his expression where he was going with it.

I mean, when you started, you were doing impressions. Yeah. But the act became more and more outrageous. Oh, yeah. Was that to satisfy you or to keep people's... Yeah, I have no idea. I've never... Like I told you about that line, it's the duty of the comedian.

I always said what appealed to me about that is he said duty. So he was never that intellectual. And the later specials, and we were talking about this before you came in, he found it interesting, and I did too, in the book that you talk about. I think it's Life is Worth Losing, where you thought even he had started to cross the line into a little bit. I was worried about him. I was worried about his heart and his soul. I was physically worried about his heart and all that anger, which is really not good for heart patients.

And I was worried, like, has he really given up on all of us? Like, has he really given up on the species? Because guess what, Dad? I'm 40-something, and I get to be on this planet, hopefully for another 20 to 40 years. So could you root for us a little bit? Could you root for me? You know, and I felt a little left out. So could you root for us a little bit? Could you root for me? And I felt a little left out. I never voiced that to my dad because when you read the book, you'll, then why do you bother going out on a stage and talking about this stuff? And he, he really took that to heart

and really thought about it and eventually came, you know, said, you know, you're right. I'm a broken hearted idealist. And if you scratch the surface of a cynic, you will find a broken hearted idealist. And he did in 1972. When McGovern lost, he knew it was all over. He never voted after that. And he just kind of checked out. And then that just increased over the decades with all the insanity going on in this planet. So – and that position he had about being able to be outside of the species and the planet and look back, that gave him a lot of artistic freedom. And I understand that. It's important to have that. And personally, he didn't give up on anybody or anyone.

Individuals he loved, but he knew kind of this is a very interesting biological experiment we've got going here as human beings. He didn't like groups. And definitely didn't like groups. He said in some interview that everybody if you meet them by themselves, they have a certain decency about them.

But if they go with one other person... Just one. It's all it needs. You didn't mind audience. Three. We're fucked. There's an interview online, which of course you've seen, with Sonny Fox and the radio Sonny Fox, not the old Wondorama host Sonny Fox.

Yes. Where he's talking about that very thing. And he asked him, do you really give up? Did you really give up? And he said that it was disappointment in what happened to the species. It is disappointment. We went in the wrong direction. We did. We did. And yeah. But how many artists get to have that many acts in their life that he went from? Look at the... It's a great point. And I think it is what makes his story so rich, his particular story. And I think it's inspiring for any kind of person who's an artist or person in the performing arts or whatever.

Because you can evolve, you can reinvent, and you should. Because look at how rich it was for him. Each time he evolved, he went deeper and his audiences got bigger. Always different. And prolific. The man was writing all the time. More material. Consummate craftsman.

Yeah. I just had one last question. Does it bother you when so many things on the internet are attributed to George Carlin? It drives me fucking crazy. It's everywhere. At first, i wanted to correct every single one of them and then i realized i will never win this battle so what i do now is if i find a really egregious one like

earlier this year one of the neocon um neo big neocon groups like the Heritage something or others took one of my dad's quotes which is about how business, the owners of this country and I don't know the whole quote but if you guys go find the owners of the country George Carlin, he's got a whole bit about big business and they changed the word business

to government and they put it up as a poster meme on Facebook. It completely changes the whole fucking meaning of the quote. It's about the owners of America don't want an informed society. That's why education sucks.

No, it's not even about the education one. It's the one about business. Anyway, the business owners. So anyway, what I do now is when i see something like that is i sick the fans on those people i go onto social media and i have this army because they are rabid loyal fans of my dad's and and they've become fans of mine and i'm just so touched by how much they want to protect me and all of that, and I sick these legions of George Carlin

fans on these neocons and these Christians and all this stuff. And it's very fun to watch, then. It's a big show. Last question. You got a last question? Uh, yeah. It's going to be about him. I'm so afraid now.

Do you like to suck cock? I'm so afraid now. Do you like to suck cock? Not as much as I used to. Well, like if it was a comedian. Oh, definitely not. Yeah. What if he was a voice in a Disney car? Still a fan?

She's thinking about it. What character? Only a lead. Yeah, it would have to be. Only a lead, sorry. Oh, wait, no. Well, that might work out. Here's an impossible question to answer before we go. Favorite...

You can't pick it, but I'm going to ask it anyway. Favorite routine? Can you boil it down to one? I love the little goofy shit he would do. So, you know, the dogs and cats bit there's just moments in that um uh but also when he like the last i don't know how many hbo shows when he would come out and do the declaration line he would come out and you know the first one was you know uh

you know the people why is it the people who are against abortion are the people who want to fuck anyway? These big declaration lines. Loved that too, but really loved the goofy shit. Okay, favorite bit. Segmented walking farts. That's a great one. That's a great one. Because you've got to love a fart joke.

He made them into an art form. He did. I love, what is it, the National Pancake? Oh, fuck waffles. Fuck waffles. Fucking A, man. One of my favorite things. I love the Bad Hair Day bit.

I think that's on Carlin and Carnegie. And, you know, for larger bits, more satirical bits or more pointed bits, you mentioned, you referenced it before, the Two Commandments. Taking the Ten Commandments and he boils it. It's brilliant. It's real, real artistry. And then there's Modern Man. Modern Man is great, too. Which is, you know, I mean, it's just incredible.

And I loved his line where he said, God is the leading cause of death. Oh, and you know, and I could only get away with this on your podcast. Go for it. You know the shooting in the church? Yes. My dad had a bit about it. He kept saying, I can't wait until there's guns in churches and they start shooting those motherfuckers. Now, of course, he would have not have been happy that it was a white racist in a black church.

But the minute that news story came up, I thought, Dad, you fucking got what you wanted. I mean, and it breaks my heart. And yet I thought he always predicted this shit. He predicted a lot of things. He always predicted this shit. He was so prophetic. So it's the most distasteful thing I've said in a while. But I did.

I thought of my dad when that news story came up. Well, you could get away with that on this show. Of course I could. This show is all in bad taste. Because Gilbert just asked me to suck his fucking dick. It's becoming a pattern on this show. What made you give up sucking cock? Nothing.

But when you're in your 50s, you're like, Jesus, I've had enough of this. Goddamn Pfizer I'm sure men going down on their wives gets a little old at 50 Nothing to say to that I'm a newlywed So glad I made Gilbert laugh You did

I'm going to plug the book Thank you You plug the book You're the host Oh, okay The book is called I'm going to plug the book. Thank you. You plug the book. You're the host. Oh, okay. The book is called... A Carlin Home... Well, see, that's the second part of the book.

I don't read this shit. A Carlin Home Companion. Growing up with George. And our guest today was George Carlin's pride and joy. And someone who doesn't suck cock anymore. No, I didn't say ever. I didn't say ever. So you will be willing to suck cock

I'm willing to suck cock Of course So Kelly Carlin's daughter Is still willing Kelly Carlin's daughter George Carlin's daughter Kelly Carlin I want to announce right here and now

Is still ready to suck cock My husband will be so happy about that news. He's got the kilt. It's perfect. So this has been Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host Frank Santopadre at the Friars Club where Kelly Carlin is willing to suck cock. Thank you, Kelly Carlin. is willing to suck cock.

Thank you, Kelly Carlin. I was going to end on a softer note. It's okay to eat pancakes for dinner. And that shows the contrast of this show. I love you both. Thank you, Kelly. I say it's okay to suck cock, too. For the fifth time. Thanks, Kelly. Thank you. I say it's okay to suck cock, too. For the fifth time.

Thanks, Kelly. I say this to a lot of guests, but you really were a sport. Thank you. Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticide at grain, for strip-mined mountains' majesty above the asphalt plain. America, America, man sheds his waste on thee and hides the pines with billboard signs from sea to oily sea