Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Larry Storch Encore

Episode Date: January 9, 2023

The creative team, fans and followers of the Amazing Colossal Podcast celebrate what would have been the 100th (!) birthday (January 8, 1923) of the late, great actor-comedian Larry Storch with this ENCORE of an interview conducted in Larry's New York City home in the spring of 2014. In this much-loved episode, Larry talks about his days in burlesque and (mob-owned) nightclubs, his gift for accents and dialects, his decades-long friendships with Don Adams and Tony Curtis and his memories of everyone from Lucille Ball to Jackie Gleason to Buddy Hackett to Orson Welles. PLUS: John Barrymore! "Tennessee Tuxedo"! Louis Prima inspires the Groovy Guru! Larry tells some of his all-time favorite jokes! And the boys warble an impromptu rendition of the “F-Troop” theme! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Peloton has everything you need to help you get going. Get a head start on summer with Peloton and choose a flexible payment plan that works for you at onepeloton.ca. How many of you are fans of Ghostbusters? Oh, I don't mean the movie. I mean the TV show. You see, years ago, there was a TV show called Ghostbusters way before Bill Murray and Dan Aykroyd put on their ghost protection backpacks. He was also on a wildly successful TV show called Ectro. He also would appear on all the variety shows at

the time doing imitations and wild accents. He would appear in movies, millions of movies, doing the most eccentric, crazy characters. And ladies and gentlemen, we have him here today. A man who also appeared in a movie that's a favorite of mine, The Aristocrats. So, ladies and gentlemen, the great Larry Storch. So here, with the star of F Troop, and more importantly, the star of Ghostbusters. The original Ghostbusters. The original Ghostbusters.

The original Ghostbusters. Way before Bill Murray or Dan Aykroyd, the original Ghostbusters. And my co-star in The Aristocrats. This man was in The Aristocrats. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my good friend Larry Storch. Thank you so much. I'm very glad to be with all of you.

Fire away anything I can help you with. Why? Fire away. Go ahead. Now, you were, I think, discovered by, like, a comic actress, like a comic actress a great comic actress

Oh Lucille Ball? Yes Lucille Ball is my fairy godmother right after the war was over I was hitchhiking home to New York in my uniform and in those days you had no trouble at all I was hitchhiking home to New York in my uniform.

And in those days, you had no trouble at all if you were in uniform with that thumb up in the air wanting a lift. And so happened that Phil Harris picked me up, and he was driving to Palm Springs. And he said, what do you do, kid? I said, I'm going to try to get back into show business. What do you do? Voices. Oh, yeah? Who do you do, kid? I said, I'm going to try to get back into show business. What do you do? Voices. Oh, yeah?

Who do you do? Well, I did Frank Morgan, who was very popular in those days. And old Jimmy Cagney, you dirty rat. I'm going to give it to you just like you know. And the Cary Grants and all that stuff. Well, he turned the car around, and he came back, and I said, no, no, no, I want to go to New

York. No, no, kid, you're coming back to Hollywood with me. And he took me to Cyril's nightclub and Lucille Ball was sitting in the corner, an empty nightclub, and her husband, Desi Arnaz, was going to open the next night. And Phil Harris said, do a couple of voices for Lucille. and Phil Harris said, do a couple of voices for Lucille. I did. She said, get out of the sailor suit. Be here tomorrow night at 8 o'clock. Get yourself a blue suit.

And the show starts at 8. And that was the beginning of a new start after the war. And Lucille Ball did it all. And Phil Harris. Oh, boy, I loved him. He was a regular in the Jack Benny show. Of course. And he sang Bear Necessities. In Jungle Book.

In Jungle. He was a great entertainer. And now, speaking of World War II, you were on a submarine with who? Tony, submarine tender. That's a ship that can repair submarines in the middle of the ocean. And it was called the Proteus. And I told him that I'd been in show business. And he said to me, I'm going to be a great star someday. I'm going to be a great star someday.

I'm going to be a great actor someday. And I said, now listen, kid, do you like starving? Do you think you'd like that? Did you get used to it? And why? He said, listen, it's a tough racket. And if you need any help at the end of this war, you can always find me in Variety.

If you need any help at the end of this war, you can always find me in Variety. If you need any help at all, call me. Well, don't you know, two years later I'm on the phone, hey, Tony, it's me, it's Larry. Have you got anything out there for me? Yeah. And sure enough, he did. It was a play that I was in called Who Was That Lady?

I do Russian character in this play. Once he need Russian for the motion picture, so he give me a job in Hollywood. Just by, well, here I am advising him, get out of the racket. If you need any help, call me. You made how many movies with Tony Curtis? 40 Pounds of Trouble, Who Was That Lady, The Great Race, several. I mean, he gave you more than one leg up.

Oh, yeah, I didn't need an agent when Tony Curtis was looking out for me, you know. I love that boy, really. he was looking out for me, you know. I love that boy, really. We should say, too, that Gilbert and I are sitting in Larry's apartment, a block from where he grew up, and he's showing us some art that Tony did, a caricature that Tony did or a portrait that Tony did from the set of The Great Race in 1964.

Yeah, a great drawing of Larry Storch by Tony Curtis. Yeah, and I guess not a lot of people know that Tony was an artist. Oh, indeed he was. Indeed he was. And when he wasn't fighting a war, he was doing his artwork. Now,

you also, Larry gave me a tour of his apartment, and you showed me a towel by the wall. Okay, first of all, would you mind telling the audience your age? I'm 91. You're 91? I'm 91.

And what is that towel for, you told me, that is on the floor by the wall that you do every day? Oh, that's for yoga. How about that? I stand on my head every day for 10 minutes. And the doctor said to me, well, don't quit then. It's a blessing to be in the 90s. He said, watch it very carefully.

To be over 90 is a blessing. And I guess it must be. And I'm very happy to still be around. How long have you been standing on your head, Larry? Oh, it's got to be when I first started. I was about 20 in my early 20s, and I've been doing it ever since. Every day for 70-plus years, you've been standing on your head on a towel. Yeah.

Incredible. Wow. I could barely walk into your apartment. Gilbert needed four people to carry him into the dining room. Yes, I needed help getting on the elevator. Now, also, you were friends with Buddy Hackett. Yes, sir. And you once told Buddy Hackett that you were thinking of going to drama school. Well, Buddy Hackett said, drama school?

Listen, that's like trying to learn to drive a car in your garage. Buddy Hackett, he was one of the, I love that boy. And he used to call you. Buddy Hackett, he would call any time, day or night. Three o'clock in the morning, my phone rings. He says, hey, Storch, you can't sleep either, huh? Storch, you know who this is? I said, yeah. It's Hackett. He said, how can you guess?

How could you miss it? How could you miss it? How could you miss him? And you grew up with Don Adams, Maxwell Smart from Get Smart. Right. You were like little kids playing together. That's right. We lived practically on the same block. And so we did.

We grew up together. One block from here, from where we're speaking from now. That's right. 77th Street. 77th Street. That's right. 77th Street. 77th Street, right. And later you worked with Don Adams many times. Yes, on Get Smart. And in Tennessee Tuxedo, where you were the voice of Mr. Whoopie.

That's right, yeah. Oh, Frank Morgan was Mr. Whoopie. And I remember doing a show with Frank Morgan on the West Coast. And over the loudspeaker just before we started action, someone over the loudspeaker said, Mr. Morgan, your fly is open.

What was that? Your fly is open, Mr. Morgan. And Frank Morgan said, oh, well, my fly is... Well, as the great Russian count once said, in the house of the dead, let all the windows be open. I used, when I was a kid, I used to watch Tennessee Tuxedo. And what was his sidekick, the walrus, his name? Chumlee.

Chumlee. That's right. Wow. That may have been the first time I was exposed to Larry Storch, before F Troop, probably Tennessee Tuxedo. Or get smart, speaking of Don Adams, when you played a villain on the show, you played the groovy guru.

Yeah. And we talked about it. I took Louis Primo, and I did him for the guru, the groovy guru. And finally, at the end of the whole thing, Don answered, I know you're doing Louis Primo.

I said, yeah, don't let it get around. You know, keep the lid on it. And, yeah, don't let it get around, you know. Keep the lid on it. And, yeah, Louis Prima, that was decades before David Lee Roth sang Just a Gigolo. That was his big hit. Just a Gigolo, everywhere I go, people know the part I'm playing.

Prayed for every dance, selling each romance, every night a hard victory. Yeah, Louis, Louis made that song famous. And now, F Troop, and we, both me and Frank, grew up watching F Troop. In fact, we were singing the theme song on your balcony, Larry, full disclosure. The end of the Civil War was near when quite

accidentally a hero who sneezed abruptly sneezed retreat and reversed into victory. Do you remember this? Sure, of course. Where Indian fights are colorful sights, and nobody takes a licking,

pale-faced and red-skinned both turn chicken. Good. That's great. Wow. To think I'd be hearing you sing that. I know I ought to charge for that. To think I'd be hearing you sing that. I know I owe the charge for that.

Now, on that, you worked with Forrest Tucker. Yes. Now, if I can get into some more lascivious. Watch it, Larry. Forrest Tucker, I heard, was famous for something Milton Berle was famous for. They both stole jokes? No. Am I close?

No, but that was a great answer. I heard they were supposed to, both. Milton Berle was known to be quite well endowed. And? And I heard Forrest Tucker was the other one. No, I was never allowed in the room. So, I mean, I believe you. I mean, I believe you, if you let me say it. Now, did you know Forrest Tucker before?

No. When I auditioned, Tucker took some producer aside and said, I want Larry to be in my partner in F Troop. And they said, all right, if that's what you want. And it worked out. Because on F Troop, watching the two of you, you worked like an old time comedy team. Yeah. And to look at the two of you, you look like you had been doing this for years on the road.

The timing was great. It was like an Abbott and Costello, the way you were informed. After you work with somebody like that for quite a while, it's almost like a marriage of actors, you know. And we got along great, and I could never have made it without him. Yeah, he was like, it was a classic comedy team because Forrest Tucker was classic straight man,

and you were like this silly, goofy Agorn. And F Troop had a great cast. We sure did. The Indian chief was a fellow named Frank DeCovo. Now, Frank DeCovo was Italian. Yes.

He played Wild Eagle. And he liked to, he could rehearse his lines in Italian, which was wonderful. Could you demonstrate him doing his lines in Italian? No, I really can't. Just to digress a little bit. My favorite actor was always one of them.

I thought Marlon Brando was the greatest. And when I heard Marlon Brando doing Don Corleone, the head of the mafia, I thought, boy, that sounds like some of the guys, some of the bosses that I've worked for in nightclubs all over the country. Wow. When I first opened up with the Copacabana, I was on the bill with Frank Sinatra. And I remember when I first came in to rehearse, somebody met me at the door and I said, I'm here to rehearse some jokes. And he said,

this guy said to me, Nick Kelly, he called himself Nick Kelly. Nick Kelly. He said, listen, kid, the jokes will take care of themselves. Can you drive a car? I said,

yeah. You know New Jersey? They said, yeah. You know New Jersey? I said, no, but if someone is sitting on the right-hand side, it says take a left, take a right, take a... Yeah, I know New Jersey. All right, you just be ready to drive. You know, that kind of stuff. In those days, the mob ran the Copacabana. And I heard the mob was actually,

all performers around that time said the mob was really nice to them. Oh, they were. You know, everybody thinks if your jokes don't go, they sit in the front going, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da, you know. But no, these guys were the nicest bosses I ever worked for in my life.

Yeah, I heard that. Like throughout Vegas and everything, like Martin and Lewis loved working for the mobsters. And so did I. I worked for them regularly in Vegas and at the Copacabana. So I really am in their debt. Did you ever hear weird stories about the mobsters, stuff that they kept out of the press?

No, I can't say that I did. I wish I could, but I didn't. Yeah, well, you can't say it now because they're all dead. So you can safely say it. Larry, did you start in burlesque houses? Is that where it sort of all began? I was in high school, and there was an act in downtown called the Radio Rogues,

Hell's a-poppin' at the Winter Garden Theater. Someone took me backstage and said to these three guys, Jimmy Hollywood, Ed Bartel. Jimmy Hollywood. Jimmy Hollywood. I love it. And Sidney Chattin. They said, listen, this kid can do all kinds of important. Anyway, they were at the Paramount Theater and I'm in high school at DeWitt Clinton.

One of them gets there at the Paramount theater can you fill in for him i'm going to high school never mind high school they'll get along without you can you fill in at the paramount theater well i took three days off i i don't think i even told my mother i would go down every day to the paramount theater and fill in for Sidney Chattin, it was. And finally the principal called my mother and me to high school. Why hasn't he been to school? And my mother said he's been at the Paramount Theatre. And that was my first job in front of people. Not at the Mindy mighty club, but the Paramount Theater. Well, I couldn't get over it.

I thought I'd gone to heaven. And I said to my mother, oh, by the way, the principal said his record is lousy. You know, let him go. Let him go if he wants to get out, and he'll learn his craft. And that's what I did. I quit high school and I went

to work in show business. So the principal basically encouraged you. Yeah, he said let him go. His record is lousy. So he told you to drop out. Yeah, he encouraged it. And go into show business.

And my mother was so tearful. Oh, he can't. He can't do that. Lady, it's going to be business. And my mother was so tearful. Oh, he can't, he can't, he can't do that. Lady, it's going to be helpful to him. And so I did. I dropped out of high school and I went right to work. Getting back to Heftroop, you and Forrest Tucker became friends after that. Yeah, yes. Oh, the closest of friends.

He would drive into a nightclub where I was working and sit in the front row and laugh as though he'd never heard those jokes before, you know. And so, yes, we were the very best of friends. And I heard a story that a director tried directing the two of you and something Forrest Tucker said to them. He said that he goes, don't direct

us. I'm too old and Larry's too stupid. That's the nicest thing he could have said. In those days it was probably true. Well, Agarn's catchphrase on the show, if there was one, was, Who says I'm dumb? Who says I'm dumb?

This is after 30 minutes. Who says I'm dumb? And everybody was on F-Troop, Larry. I mean, Milton Berle, Harvey Korman, Phil Harris we talked about, Edward Everett Horton, Don Rickles played ball legal. Any memories, specific memories of any of these guys? Oh, my word. Edward Everett Horton.

He said, oh, my word. Larry, promise me something. I said, anything. Promise me you'll never grow old. You know? And one day, Edward Everettortons, he was ill, and I did his voice. I did his voice, that's all I can tell you. Now, there was an actor on F Troop, and one of my favorite movies was Of Mice and Men.

Was it Joe Brooks who played Vanderbilt? The nearsighted... No, no, no. Oh, I know who you're talking about. The old Western actor. Yes, yes. He played Duffy. Yes.

Is there any way anyone can look that up? Was it Bob Steele? Yes. Bob Steele? Yeah. Bob Steele was in the original of Mice and Men

with Lon Chaney Jr. I just have to tell you just this one. Do we have time for the first one? Absolutely. Plenty of time. All right. It's a wedding, a Mormon wedding

in a little town called Dribble Creek, Utah. And Leroy Hotchkiss was going to marry nine women that morning that he'd had his eye on. And the preacher started the wedding and he said, do you Leroy Hotchkiss take these nine women to be your lawful wedded wives? And he said, I do. And he said, and do you girls, do you girls take Leroy Hotchkiss to be your lawful wedded husband? And they said, we do. And the preacher said, some of you girls take Leroy Hotchkiss to be your lawful wedded husband and they said we do and the preacher said some of you girls in back better

talk up if you want to get in on this laughter laughter laughter that's a great one now you told a version of the aristocrat with an English accent.

Do you know about the family who goes into the talent agent's office? Well, I did quite a few English dialects. I mean, I like doing Cockney myself. You know, I mean, it's got more color. And I could have got more work if I'd let them all know that I can do Cockney, you know. Then I'd go, who was it? Did Humpty Dumpty fall off the wall, or was he pushed? So I love doing English dialects.

Where did all the dialects and the accents come from, Larry? Because I've heard you say you wouldn't have worked so much if it hadn't been for that skill. My mother ran a rooming house on 77th, right up the block, for starving actors. She didn't plan it that way, but, you know, in those days, you could starve, which a lot of them did. And anyway, the phone was on the very main floor,

and these actors from Germany, from France, from England, and I could hear them, hear those dialects every day over the phone. And I would come into my mother and say, Mom, does he sound like this? And I'd do the dialect with whoever it was. And so I learned doing dialects with all these star inactors in my house, you know. And that's how I got most of my jobs,

because I could do the dialects. I mean, I remember you on TV in those days. You were a great impressionist. I loved doing impressions, impersonations, you know, Claude Rains and all those fellas. And so, yes, I did. Can you do a Claude Rains and all those fellows. And so, yes, I did. Can you do a Claude Rains from Invisible Man? Well, Claude Rains has spoken, you know, more or less on that style, Claude Rains, you know.

And I don't hit them right on the head anymore, you know. But the English dialect always entranced me. but the English dialect always entranced me. Now, back then, it seemed like everybody on TV would do a Cary Grant imitation, and everybody, it seemed like it was already accepted that Cary Grant would always go, Judy, Judy, Judy. Well, I was working at the Troncadero nightclub. And while I was on the floor, a waiter came up on the floor.

And he whispered in my ear, Judy Garland has just walked in. And I didn't know what to say. And I was doing Cary Grant. And I just, Judy, Judy, Judy, you know. I didn't know what to say, and I was doing Cary Grant, and I just, Judy, Judy, Judy, you know. I didn't know what else to say. So I just said Judy, and somehow or other it caught on, and the rest is history, I guess. It's just believed.

It's Hollywood legend now that somehow Cary Grant said Judy, Judy, Judy, and it's Larry Storch that said Judy, Judy, Judy. Yes, right. Now, and you said that Cary Grant once said, admitted that he never said Judy, Judy, Judy. He said, I did say you dirty rat. He said that I never said Judy, Judy, Judy. Of course, you dirty rat was what everybody who did a Cagney imitation said. You dirty rat.

I'm going to give it to you just like you gave it to my brother. You know, that sort of thing. And so, yeah, I got away with that. Yeah, because everyone who did James Cagney would say you dirty rat. And he never said it. I remember John Biner doing a great Jimmy Cagney would say, you dirty rat. And he never said it. I remember John Biner doing a great Jimmy Cagney. Remember John Biner? Oh, yes, yes. I worked

with John Biner. And, um... A lot of the TV that you did in the 60s, Larry, a lot of stuff. I mean, you were in the 50s. I mean, you were Charlie the Drunk on Car 54, lot of stuff. I mean, you were in the 50s. I mean, you were Charlie the Drunk on Car 54, Where Are You? I mean, I saw you when I was a kid on I Dream of Jeannie. I remember you played a chimpanzee.

Oh. Could you talk about it? Yeah, well, keep the lid on that. Anyway, I did. I played the chimpanzee. I spent three days up in the top of a tree with a chimpanzee, and they said, do everything that the chimp does.

Imitate the chimpanzee. And the night before I did the chimpanzee, the director put his arm around me and he said, I want you to go home tonight and find the inner chimpanzee in you. We should explain. It was a chimp that was working in the NASA program.

And as I recall, Jeannie brought the chimp to life. And you were the human persona, the human personification of the chimpanzee. It was a very intelligent script. Well, I sat on that tree for three days with the chimpanzee. It was a very intelligent script. Well, I sat on that tree for three days with the chimpanzee. And I said, do it just like the chimp. Was he at least a nice chimp? Oh, yeah, we got along really well. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast.

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Sundays. Watch free on CBC Gem. Now, then, like I said before, way before anyone knew who Bill Murray or Dan Aykroyd was, you

starred in Ghostbusters. Well, yes, well, we only did two episodes of Ghostbusters, if I remember right. And you know, the gorilla was Bob Burns. Yes. Now, I didn't know him at all. And I didn't recognize him when he took his gorilla suit off. I didn't know who I was talking to. It was only

when he climbed into his gorilla suit that I knew who I was talking to. It was you and Forrest Tucker, right? Yes. And you and Forrest Tucker sang the theme song to Ghostbusters. It was a pretty

horrible theme song. But to hear to Ghostbusters. It was a pretty horrible thing. But to hear you and Forrest Tucker sing. Now, do you remember what the name of your organization was? Spencer Tracy and Kong. That's right. Spencer Tracy and Kong. That's great. Spencer, Tracy and Kong. That's great.

Yeah, I know. Bob Burns is like a massive... He specializes in gorilla suits. He always... And he's a massive collector of old horror.

Before Rick Baker became the master of the gorilla suit, it was Bob Burns. I see. I didn't realize that. Larry, you did a lot of variety shows, too. You did Sonny and Cher and Laugh-In and Hollywood Squares and Playboy After Dark and Hollywood Palace and The Tonight Show and The Sullivan Show

and The Steve Allen Show. Any particular memories about Steve Allen or Sullivan or Jackie Gleason? Jackie Gleason gave me the show in 1950, and he said, Larry, I'm going to leave Art Carney with you. He said, we're on live. Thousands of people are watching, not millions. In those days, we couldn't get used to the idea that millions, well, thousands of people are watching. We're on live. So just don't say, you know, we're on live.

And anyway, he said, you know, they asked me what did I think was good in bed I don't know what's good in bed to me when the three of us don't fight that's good in bed what was Gleason like Larry because we've heard conflicting stories from different people he was very nice to me

and he had a great memory but someone told me that he rehearsed by himself his lines all by himself so that he would really get the reputation of having a very sharp memory. But that's the way he did it. Now, was Jackie Gleason a good boss to have? I only met him just that one or two days. But yes, he was very nice to me, yes. Now, with speaking, getting back to Bob Burns,

Larry Storch and Bob Burns will be doing Son of Monsterpalooza in September in the Rubber Room. We've been handed a plug. Yes. You're working with Bob Burns again. A plug that you don't know about. A plug that's news to Larry. Yes.

The only person who doesn't know about this is Larry. So you're going to have to pick out a shirt to wear. Okay. It was just that. Okay. Now, you had a great John Barrymore story. John Barrymore was in court, and they said,

hand on the Bible, your name, occupation. And John Barrymore said, my name is John Barrymore. My occupation, I'm the world's greatest actor. After the trial was over, he went out, he left the courtroom, and his sister and brother, Ethel and Lionel, jumped on him, and they said to him, how dare you say a thing like that, that I'm the world, how could you say a thing like that?

And John Barrymore said, remember, Ethel, I was under oath. That was great. Now, you must do an Ed Sullivan imitation. On our show, on our show tonight, let's really hear it out there for Will Jordan, who is going to do a great impersonation of me. And anyway, I was doing this in a show, and I completely forgot that I was in the show.

I was breaking the fourth wall. The audience started to laugh, and I thought I was in a nightclub again. But here I was on stage, and the audience was laughing, and I kind of turned away and broke the fourth wall. You know, you're not supposed to look like you're in a nightclub if you're on stage. And Annie Mira, God bless her, she gave me hell for it.

I deserved it, too, and I never did it again. Do you remember the name of the show? It was called Afterplay. Afterplay. Yeah, and it was in New Brunswick, in New Jersey. You did a lot of theater. You did Sly Fox with Richard Dreyfuss. Yes.

You did, and you were, Gilbert and I are fans of Arsenic and Old Lace, and of course Karloff was in the original. I are fans of Arsenic and Old Lace, and of course Karloff was in the original Arsenic and Old Lace, and you, did you play Professor Einstein, Dr. Einstein? I was Einstein in that one, yes. To Abe Vigoda's... Abe Vigoda.

Was he your sidekick? Oh, God. Was he Jonathan, the Karloff character? No, who was D-Dump? Oh, I can't remember. But no. Gene Stapleton was in the show?

Gene Stapleton was in the show, quite right. And I had a wonderful time on that one. What was the name of it again? Arsenic and Old Lace. I just got inside information that it was Jonathan Frid. Jonathan Frid. From Dark Shadows. Who just passed away. Yeah, Barnabas

in Dark Shadows. Another favorite of mine when I was a kid. Because it was a soap opera with monsters. So you played the Peter Lorre part. Peter Lorre played the part

in the film with Cary Grant that Frank Capra directed and you were in the stage version. part. Peter Lorre played the part in the film with Cary Grant. Right, right. That Frank Capra directed, and you were in the stage version. Right. You played Dr. Einstein. Did you do a special voice for that? Do you remember?

It was German, but I don't remember the exact voice tone. But it was a German accent that I used. And can I tell you a fast joke? Of course. Oh, sure. Tell us a slow joke. Yeah, okay. I don't have to tell a joke.

Did you hear those laughs? Yeah, let's hear it. Yes, please. Oh, it was a director in Hollywood, a very famous director, a very wealthy director. But he had one bad habit. He was a kleptomaniac. And as wealthy as he was, he couldn't refrain from, he was a professor from Dr. Egelhoff from Berlin to help cure this director of kleptomania. And after two weeks of intense treatment of kleptomania, this German professor, Dr. Egelhoff, says,

you are absolutely cured of kleptomania. You can be sure that you will never again fall victim to kleptomania. Oh, by the way, if you feel a relapse coming on, pick up a toaster for me. That's a great joke. What are some of your favorite jokes? Do you remember some? Oh, that might be too long to tell. Well, there's a great one I saw, Larry, recently.

We should say that a mutual friend of Gilbert's and mine is Drew Friedman, who did the wonderful portrait of you at the Society of Illustrators. And we saw you there, and you told a joke. If I can get you to tell it again it was the joke about the Arab and the Israeli guy on the plane alright can we do this? it's a transatlantic flight

to the troubled Middle East to the explosive Middle East and seated on the plane next to each other an Arab and an Israeli it's very cold very cold plane next to each other, an Arab and an Israeli. It's very cold, very cold.

And they wrap blankets around themselves. They take their shoes off. And they're flying. And at one point, the Arab turns to the Israeli and he said, would you, my friend, from Israel, find the goodness in your heart to go to the back of the plane and bring for me back, please, an orange juice, since you are seated on the aisle. The Jewish guy says,

my Arab friend, it will be by me my pleasure. I shall be back into Sheik's, have a lamb's tail. Goes to the back of the plane, comes back of the plane, comes back with the juice. The Arab drinks down all the juice.

And then he says to the Jewish guy, while you are gone, I spit in your shoe. The Jewish guy says, spit in the shoe, piss in the juice. When will it end? Maybe.

It's a wonderful joke. Larry, you do all kinds of dialects and all kinds of accents. If we threw some at you, just generally, if we said, you know, Indian, like the character you did in sob or indian well i i do it two indians all right general george armstrong custer at the banks of the Little Bighorn River, the night before the great Indian battle. And on the other side of the Little Bighorn River

was a hundred or thousands of Indians and the great chiefs, Spitting Bull, Geronimo, Crazy Horse, and of course the Indian drums. You boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And George Armstrong Custer said, drums, drums.

I don't like the sound of those drums. And from across the river, an Indian hollered back, he ain't our regular drummer. Terrific. Any joke with an Italian accent?

An Italian accent? No, I was always afraid to tell an Italian joke because when I walk for the mafia you never know you know I was gonna so

if I think of one along the way I'll pop it in how about Swedish you do a Swedish accent or a Swiss well I was doing

Swedish. I can do that, but I don't have any... That wasn't a very popular dialogue with Americans, you know. Right, right. Did I do a Spanish joke for you? No, no, please. This was... This was a...

It was... A young person, this is in Spanish Harlem, a young person on Monday morning takes his two fingers and he puts them in his eyes and he says, Mama, I don't want to go, oh yeah, Mama. I don't want to go to school today, Mama. I don't want to go. Oh, yeah, Mama. I don't want to go to school today, Mama. I don't like the kids. And I don't like the teachers.

I don't want to go to school today, Mama. And his mama says, Jesus, don't you give me that crap. You're going to school today. You're 31 years old and you're the principal. Now, any other jokes with a Jewish accent? With a Jewish accent? One time at a very elegant party, at a very elegant party on the east side

while the party is going on Mozart is being played in the background and as the party ends and Mozart dines this one woman says Mozart I know that boy

I know that boy I see him every morning he takes the number 5 bus to the beach I know that boy. I know that boy. I see him every morning. He takes the number five bus to the beach. As they're driving home that night, the husband can contain himself no longer. And he says, you had to open up your damn fresh. That means mouth.

You had to open your damn fresh. Let everybody know how stupid you are. You know the number five bus doesn't go to the beach. Beautiful. Do you have any with a French accent? Not offhand. If I think of something in French, I will.

And any other with a Jewish accent? No, I'll probably think of something along the way, but just keep going. Larry, let me ask you about music. You've been playing the saxophone for years. I love to blow saxophone, yes. And you still play? I go down to the park with the sax every morning when the weather is right, and I blow for a couple of hours down in the park.

So you just walk to, like, what, like Riverside Drive? Yes, quite right. And you just take your sax and you... Sit on a park bench and blow. You said that when you play the saxophone, then you're playing with the gods. You're hobnobbing, they say. You're hobnobbing with the gods.

When you... Any kind of music at all, as long as you're in music, you're hobnobbing with the gods. What do you remember about The Great Race, Tony, which we talked about before? Jack Lemmon. Where you played Texas Jack. We were talking about it. It was one of the films that I've always been in love with.

It was Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon and Keenan Wynn, and you had this wonderful short scene as Texas Jack, this tough guy that comes in and just turns the saloon upside down. Give me some fighting room. Give me some fighting room. That's it? And every time he says give me some, somebody clips him in the jaw and knocks him flat.

Right. But I did that about eight or nine times. Give me some fighting room. They gave me fighting room, and I kept giving this is a visual joke. You can't... laughter

laughter laughter laughter But shoot, Dorothy Provine was your... If you guys haven't seen The Great Race, we recommend it. Blake Edwards directed it, and it's a wonderful comedy. It's an homage to old movies. I suppose so, yeah.

And that's one that Tony Curtis called you in for. Tony was, he was like a brother. We were like brothers. He called me on every... Someone said, you don't need an agent as long as Tony Curtis is your friend. And that's the way it was with Tony Curtis. Can you do a

Tony Curtis imitation? No. No. Freddy, you got me there. Okay. Well, first, I mean, this amazes me because here's Larry, 91, and he said, can we do it this day because I have a plug. And I thought that was great.

Okay, on Thursday, June 26th at 6 p.m., Larry's, visit GoFundMe.com slash Storch Star. Storch's Star. GoFundMe.com slash Storch's Star. So you're going to get a star on the Walk of Fame in Palm Springs. Well, I'm very honored because I'll be in there with some great company. So it is a great honor, and I appreciate it it didn't you receive another honor recently Larry you were named the mayor of Fort Lee honorary mayor of Fort Lee New Jersey

yeah I was the mayor and you know while I was in office yeah while I was in office, there was no crime. No crime at all. Nothing.

No crime. And it opens up a new door for me. Is it possible that politics, I could be a great politician, you know, and I always think of that think of Mount Rushmore with all of the great statesmen. Who was it? Lincoln, Jefferson, Woodrow Wilson. But I also think, just remember, before these guys were great statesmen,

just remember, baby, they were all politicians. You understand what I'm talking about? They were all politicians, baby. I never forgot that. Do you have any other jokes? I love your jokes. Well, keep talking. He'll come back to me.

All right, do the Moses one. Coming down. Moses coming down from the mountain with the commandments under his arm. And a million Jewish people meet him. Mo, Mo, you talk with him. Mo, what was it like? And Moses said to everybody, shut up, Mo, you talk with him. Mo, what was he like?

Mo, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And Moses said to everybody, shut up, all of you. He wanted 13. I got him down to 10. That's great. Oh, yes, Pussy Green. Someone has yelled from the... That's a long... From the peanut gallery.

We got faith. Yeah. Her name was Pussy Green, do you hear? Red hair. Green eyes. The soul of a monkey. Sex. Incarnate.

And she went through every town, destroying all of those. And finally, one guy in church, Father, forgive me, Father, it wasn't my fault. It was Pussy Green, Father. Pussy Green. I'll burn in hell. I'll burn in hell, I know I will, Father. I'll burn in hell. At that in hell I know I will father I'll burn in hell

at that minute the church doors open up it can only be pussy green lipstick cigarette dangling from her lips red hair and green eyes a generous contribution into the poor box

and sashayed down the aisle to the very front row where she sat down legs akimbo the old priest was preaching and suddenly he saw it he he stared and stared and finally he called the young priest over and he said, There, is that pussy green? And the young priest said, Know your eminence, it's just a reflection from the stained glass window. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha And what was the Jesus one? Mother Mary.

Why do showers look so upset? Oh, Christ, Christ walking through the desert, comes upon the mob, about to stone Mary Magdalene to death. Mary Magdalene, the Jezebel of the Bible. And Christ raised one arm and said, Let him among you who is without sin cast the first stone. And with that, a little gray-haired old lady in back of Christ

picked up rocks and started throwing them like a machine gun. Christ turned around so and hollered, Mom! This has been... I'm exhausted from laughing. I am. Oh, oh. Two cannibals.

Two cannibals. Two cannibals in the jungles of Bujumburu. Two cannibals in the jungles of Bujumburu. Both having lunch. cannibals in the jungles of Bujumburu both having lunch. And one cannibal said to the other, I hurt my mother-in-law. A constant

woman. I hurt my mother-in-law. She make me sick to my stomach. And the other cannibal said, well, screw her. Just eat the noodles. Do you remember any other of Larry's? Because I love these.

We have the Larry Storch fan club here. Sending jokes in from the gallery. Well, okay. This has been Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host Frank Santopadre with the great Larry Storch, star of F Troop, the original Ghostbusters and most importantly my co-star in the Aristocrats

thank you so much for having me thank you again it was a treat Larry thanks for doing it applause music music music music