Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Mini #138: Jackie Martling Returns: Part 2

Episode Date: November 16, 2017

Al Lewis stops the show! Groucho packs Carnegie Hall! Miguelito Loveless strikes out! And Jackie explains "Stump the Jokeman"! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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That's the sound of unaged whiskey transforming into Jack Daniel's Tennessee Whiskey in Lynchburg, Tennessee. Around 1860, Nearest Green taught Jack Daniel how to filter whiskey through charcoal for a smoother taste, one drop at a time. This is one of many sounds in Tennessee with a story to tell.

To hear them in person, plan your trip at tnvacation.com. Tennessee sounds perfect. Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and this is Gilbert and Frank's amazing colossal obsessions with my co-host Frank Santopadre. And once again, we're recording at Nutmeg with our engineer, Frank Ferdarosa. And get ready for part two of our interview with Jackie the Joke Man Martling. Colossal obsessions.

So a girl goes to the gynecologist. She's like, I'm freaking out, I'm freaking out. I keep finding postage stamps from Costa Rica in my vagina. The exam says, lady, those aren't postage stamps. Those are the stickers from bananas. Unbelievable. I love it. All right, Jack.

You know, it's a joke I told you and you haven't heard it. Okay, go. This girl goes to the prom and the day after the prom, she goes to the big party at the beach. And she sends a text to her mother. She says, Mom, my friend's at the beach and I'm freaking out. I got cum in my hair. Her mother texts back,

honey, very often a guy will pull it out of your mouth because he wants to squirt it on your face and he accidentally gets some in your hair, but just jump in the water. It'll wash right out. Her daughter texts back, thanks for your information, mom, but I meant to type gum.

He loves it a second time. That's a great joke. Thanks for having me back. Of course, Shaq. Welcome back for part two. I love it. We had to have you back because there's too much to get through, and we want to plug your book, but also you had extra jokes to tell. Oh, that's so stuffy. So the book is called book is called the joke man bow to stern and it is your memoir

it is your your insiders look at how many years at the stern show uh 18 three three one day a week and then uh 15 as a head writer five days a week in the morning getting up at 4 30 you don't miss that do you no no no i laugh at that alarm clock every day. You know, once in a while I get up to do like WBAB or Jim Kerr, Q104, and I have to get up at 6 or 5.30. And I'm like, fuck. You know, I get up at 6 o'clock and I'm like, I used to get up and leave Bayville and be in New York City

in time to be sitting there when the microphone went on at 6 o'clock. You know, it was great fun and it was crazy. But, you know, I explained the whole thing in the book about leaving. I put all the figures, how much money I was making, how stupid I was for leaving because they bandied about he was making $80,000. He was making $5 million. And I know the story and you don't know the story. Everybody's so full of shit. So you tell the truth.

I tell the truth. Like it or hate it, there isn't one syllable of false in that book. I'm sure people are going to take me to task for it, but I'm telling you it's the truth about quitting drinking and about my home. Now, what made you quit drinking? Well, when I got off the show, you know, the show probably saved my life because I had to be up at 430. I mean, how drunk can you get every night? You know, pretty drunk. But, you know, I had to be up at 430 every day. And once I was off the show, I mean, in the back of my mind, I knew I

had to quit sometime. You just know it's a little guy in the back of your head. That's like, come on, man. You know, and I knew I had to get divorced, but there was no way to do that while I was working on the show. There just was no time. You know, I'd work all week and then they'd offer me crazy money to do standup. And then I work all week. When I finally had a weekend off, I wasn't going to go looking for a bachelor pad so I could have a hot plate. You know, fuck that. And me and Nancy got along fine. We coexisted. But once I was off the show, I got separated and moved into a house by myself on the beach.

And I had nothing but time. And I realized I can't spend my life waiting for 5 o'clock to roll around so I can start drinking. And I realized the only way to do it is to have it never be 5 o'clock. It's so funny because a friend of mine's mother had been an alcoholic counselor for 60 years. And she said, you know, we never talked about your drinking. I said, well, to tell you the truth, I don't know how bad my problem was. You know, I tell people I quit. I didn't have DTs. I didn't go to AA.

They're like, well, you didn't have a problem. I said, well, you tell my wife that. You know, I said, but, you know, it's really funny. You know, I never got up in the morning and needed a drink. I never sat and watched a baseball game and drank beer. When we watched Law & Order in Seinfeld, I never would drink. And all of a sudden I look over and she's got this big smile on her face. And I said, what's so funny?

She said, anybody that uses the word never when they describe their drinking is an alcoholic. That's interesting. And I thought, wow, how fucking astute is that? And you go into detail in the book about it. Oh, yeah, yeah, you're right. You know, the whole thing, you know, and, you know, all the warts and everything. And I just know it was time. And I just stopped.

And what did you find when you were at your worst drinking? What do you mean? I mean, what was going wrong in your life? I had been drinking for decades and decades i was drinking before i got to rock and roll in the 70s and i was drinking before i got to comedy in the early 80s and i was drinking before i got the stern show so why i still don't know why or you know why or why not you know what what you're trying it's just just like doing comedy. You know, I went to a therapist for a couple of years. I was trying to find out what is it that if I tell a bunch of dick jokes to a bunch of

people that the next day I'm in a good mood. And I finally said, you know what? It's like hitting your head with a hammer. If it feels good to not do it, then don't fucking do it. You know, to me, I'm the same guy. And Nancy would say to me, boy, it's pretty obvious who had a good show last night. I said, what are you talking about? She said, well, you're dancing around the house. And I'm like, and to me boy it's pretty obvious who had a good show last night I said what are you talking about she said well you're dancing around the house and I'm like and to me

I'm the same guy so I I don't know that this is a long way to say I don't know it's interesting that you were willing to go to therapy because so many comics are afraid as we've talked about on the show yeah you're gonna that they're gonna lose their funny well we were trying to you know we had trouble in our marriage and I knew I drank too much. And, you know, I was already so sad. One thing I got from Rodney, and I'm sure he didn't adhere to it to the end, but he said, no, no, never before a show. Never drink before a show.

Never get high before a show. And that stuck with me. And starting in, like, I think it was 1984, I never, ever had a drink before I went on stage unless it was a really weird situation where there's a bunch of guys and we're each going to do two minutes or something like that. I never smoked pot before I went on stage. I did that once in 1979 and said, well, that doesn't work. You know, as much pot as I smoke when I'm done, but I never drank, which thank God, because then when I quit drinking, I didn't

have to relearn show business. You know, I didn't do it drunk. I did it sober. Right, right, right. And then I got drunk later. So, you know, it was really funny because I used to have, I used to go on stage with a Budweiser bottle full of water. And then when Heineken became our sponsor, I'd go on stage with a Heineken bottle full

of water. And, you know, I'd take a drink of water out of the Heineken bottle every once in a while on stage, you know, to take a drink of water. And then I always tell the waitress that when I'm done and I play Stump the Joke Man, bring me up a light beer. And I think everybody thought like, oh, Jackie had so many Heinekens, he had to down shift to light beer. And meanwhile, I was up shifting to actually have a beer at the end of the show, you know. to light beer, and meanwhile I was upshifting to actually have a beer at the end of the show, you know? But it was funny, like in old show business, it seemed like everybody was drunk all the time.

There was no such a word as alcoholic. They were all drunk. They were drunk all the time. You know, there's a famous thing about, I never knew Harry drank until one day I saw him sober. Yes, yeah. Because it's different people. Drank and smoked.

Yeah. Movie stars were all drunk. Bogart, Spencer Tracy. William Holden. Oh, yeah. Always drunk. Always a cigarette going. Always.

You know. And all the comedians on television were bombed. Oh, when they went out with Carson like the Hackets. Yeah. Or all the game shows. They were shit-faced. But who knew? Yeah. We didn't know. I just thought, wow, look, they're having a great time. And they were.

Is there a dwarf story, Jack? Gilbert Stein is going to get to the dwarf story. I did a movie called White Irish Drinkers, which is like a double redundant, you know. And this guy who's in it, what now? Lang.

Stephen Lang. Stephen Lang, I know that actor. One of the great stage actors. And he finally made a lot of money in the blue guys in whatever that show, those movies. What is it? The fantasy movies. Oh, Avatar. Avatar.

But he's a great guy. And he's the star of this. He's the heavy in Avatar, yeah. Right. And he's the heavy in this White Irish Drinkers. And it was a great movie. It was really funny because I had five words in the movie. And me and my girlfriend went to a screening and, you know, and people see

me at the screening. What's, what's he doing here? You know? And all of a sudden I come out and I'm in a cop outfit and the hat and everything like that. And I say, you know, my line is, what are you assholes doing? What are you assholes doing? I said, I got five words. I got five words. And all of a sudden you see the cop pull up and you actually hear people in the audience going, is that fucking Marley? Is that Jackie? And I get out of the car and go, what are you assholes doing here? I said, six words! It's six words!

So we go to, it's a great movie and we go to Toronto Film Festival and Stephen Lang comes over to me and says, alright, here's a story. This is gonna make your world. Dwarfs are angry, horny, mean little drunks. For the most part.

And Michael Dunn. Oh, sure. From Wild Wild West. Michael Dunn. Was the angriest, the horniest, the craziest, the orniest. And in 1965, there was a movie called Ship of Fools. Yes. Vivian Leigh.

And he was the narrator. He stood on the side of the ship and he barely could see over the rail. And he narrated the whole movie, right? And it won the Palme d'Or, which is the main, all this really doesn't matter, but it won the main prize and can, which is a big deal and is a huge party. And, you know, the places, just all the glitter eye of Europe and America. And there's Michael Dunn and he's horny and he's drunk and he's angry. And Claudia Cardinale is there. And she is dripping of sex. Short, low, I mean, you know, high skirt and jewelry and makeup and just oozing sex.

And Michael Dunn's staring at her, and he's getting hornier. And angrier. And drunker. And hornier. And angrier. And drunker. And finally, after a couple hours, he walks right up to her, and he points to her, and he says,

Claudia, I'm going to fuck you. And she looks down her and he says, Claudia, I'm going to fuck you. And she looks down and she says, Michael, I'm done. If you do, and I find out about it. We're at the party for the movie and and these people see us standing over there. Me and Lang are howling like that. A Michael Dunn story. He showed up with a Michael Dunn story. Oh, my God.

Bless your heart, Jack. Also, quick, tell the Patty Reagan story, too, because I like that one. And I think Gil was there. Yeah, he was absolutely there, but you wouldn't have known what happened. They asked me to host a Playboy party. Yes, I do remember that. At Irving Plaza. And it was going to be Gilbert and Grandpa Al and Patty Davis-Riggins was there because she had posed for Playboy that year.

And they'd come on the Stern Show, and I kind of knew her a little bit because she came on a couple times. And the only reason she posed naked was to stick it up her father's ass and everybody knew that. So I'm hosting with Jenny McCarthy and on the way in I said well let me come up with a line or two you know about Gilbert and about Grandpa Al so I got something to say to you know be humorous you know. So meanwhile it's aboy party, so you can't move. They invite 4,000 guys. It's like 4,000 guys and like maybe one vagina somewhere, but you can't find it. And they're packed in.

So me and Jen never get to do anything except say hello. But at the time she was hosting a thing called Playboy's Hot Rocks, which were videos that were too dirty for MTV. I remember. But they're playing them on Playboy and Hot Rocks, which were videos that were too dirty for MTV. I remember.

But they're playing them on Playboy, and she's hosting them, and I'm going to be her guest because my friend Eric Middleman is the producer. So we go downstairs, and we're drinking, and she's saying, here's a video by someone, and I'm taking a drink and telling jokes, and she's the greatest voice. We're having a great time. And all of a sudden, you know, we take a break. And I go, you know, I wrote a joke on the way over here.

I think it's real funny, but it might be a little much. So I tell them the joke. And the cameraman and they all lose it. You got to tell it. So we come back and I tell them the joke. And they laugh all over again. And so now we've had, I've had six beers, maybe 10 beers. This beautiful girl, I didn't know Jenny McCarthy at the time,

but she was just beyond voluptuous. And we're having the greatest time. So I love when people laugh. I like when you guys laugh at my jokes. Put a pair of tits on you guys. Forget it. So I'm killing. So I go upstairs and the place is so jammed.

And it was a VIP bar, but it made no sense because it was solid people and the doors opened and I was nose to nose with Patty Davis Regan. And I'm half in my soup and I just killed those guys with a joke. And I go, oh, Patty. Wow. Hey, you know, I just wrote a joke about you today. And as I got to the end of the joke and her face was changing, I realized that the joke was so funny to every single person on the planet but her. And I told her the joke and she went ballistic. And I mean, photographers everywhere, you know, the pet of the year,

the Playboy Bunny of the year the playboy bunny of the year was there and Patty and all these and whatever celebrities and they're clicking and she's mad and it's like it was I never talk so fast in my life no no no I have no idea what I said that's a Thursday

night next day I go into the show and nothing I'm like thank God it was too late it was a Thursday night. Next day, I go into the show and nothing. I'm like, thank God. It was too late. It was late Thursday night. I'm on Long Island. I don't look at the Post. I guess it was a huge splash in the Post on Saturday.

I walk in on Monday. The microphones go on and Robin goes, he did it again, Howard. Sounds like Margaret Dumont. Jackie insulted the president's daughter. He's such a low piece of crap. So Howard's like, you insulted Patty Davis. She's been

our guest and then back and forth and back and forth and back and forth for no reason at all. After about five minutes, Gary comes to the house. Everybody's calling on the phone. They want to hear the joke. So I tell the joke, and they bit their, they were biting their lips so they wouldn't laugh. I said to Patty, I said, you were the first one to know that your father had Alzheimer's

because he started returning your phone calls. And they went. They were trying not to laugh. It was so hysterical. It finally calmed down. And the next day, she called in. And they started it again. And I was just rude to her because it was such crap.

It was such, you know. See, I didn't know that in the time from when she posed until September or October when the party was, she had made amends, and the party, the family was one happy family again. Wow. Timing. But who knew? Who knew? Who knew?

Great fun. I think I asked you this last time. Do you guys remember meeting? And you didn't meet at the Stern Show. You must have met each other before through stand-up. We crossed. I never worked in the city. And we crossed paths in weird places.

I don't think we ever crossed paths on Caroline's Comedy Hour or any of those places. But we definitely crossed. And I don't remember where. But, you know, who knows? We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal podcast after this. Hey, Ontario, got any plans? How about a trip to the casino right here, right now? With DraftKings Casino, all your favorite games are in the palm of your hand.

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And the characters like Dracula Gottfried and those things, how did those come up on the show? You just came out of your act? I would just, yeah, I would just start doing these imitations of stuff I remember as a kid. Well, you probably came on because it was Halloween, so you started doing that. And then they started having you in at Halloween. That's how they put him in costume at a certain point.

Yeah, and then he started calling me Dracula Gottfried. And then I started, you know, when I was a kid, I was fascinated by the old, feeble Groucho. So he would have me do Groucho all the time. You know, it was so great to hear that because I didn't know there was another soul in the world that listened to that Carnegie Hall with Marvin Hamlisch playing the piano. Oh, sure. I went to it. He was there. In person?

Yes. Oh, wow. Because that was like, you know, everybody's like what what's wrong with you because a lot of people like how could you you know because you you can't say to somebody you got to watch this and put on a Marx Brothers movie because they'll look at you and say what the fuck is wrong with you say no no no no be patient yes be really patient yes so you guys realize you had that in common you had an appreciation of the old stuff in common and a fondness for the darkest jokes in the world. Well, I don't even know if we knew that. But, you know, if you have a similar, you know, when you start realizing, I knew that he loved jokes.

And he would come on the show, and I would always gravitate to him and tell, you know, you tell somebody a couple of jokes, they're looking for you the next time. That's why I've always screamed that McCartney would be my friend. Because if I told him a joke and he loved it, next time he saw me, what do you got? What do you got? You know, because we're all like that, you know, you know, it's so funny. I was, I was, I went, I went to see Mark Hudson at Iridium. What a funny man. Oh God. And I love him. And he said, Jackie, you got to come up and tell some jokes. So I went up and told some jokes and I came off stage and a guy grabbed me and he said I gotta tell you this

I've been a fan for 40 years since back when you're playing rock and roll and I know you've heard every joke but I gotta tell you this and he told me a joke I don't know if I did this to you guys before oh try us told me a joke it's so dirty I can't do it in my ass oh geez because no because it slows people up I'm going a mile a minute, and my whole thing is to keep people going, and I don't want them to stop in their tracks. That's why it sucks if a waitress drops a tray. Oh, yes. Or somebody gets up to go to the bath, and then their heads turn.

You know, they can't miss any of my joke because I'll lose them, and I don't tell Jesus jokes for the most part because I don't want people sitting there going, hmm, am I going to get hit by lightning? And then they miss the next setup, you know? So this guy told me a joke that I don't use on stage because it makes, ew. But you can tell the joke on terrestrial radio, and you can tell the joke to a five-year-old.

But I can't use it in my act. This guy grabs me and he says, a girl calls the doctor and she says, Doc, I have diarrhea. Can I take a bath? And he says, if you have enough. Which is horrible. That's horrible.

Speaking of McCartney, tell us the joke you told McCartney, because that's a fun joke. It's actually a clean joke, but it's a good joke. Well, you know, it's funny with the dirty word in it, and it's so great. A guy goes for a job interview and the interviewer says, what do you think is your biggest fault? And the guy says, I think my

biggest fault is my honesty. And the interviewer says, I don't think honesty is a fault. And the guy says, I don't give a fuck what you think. That is one of the funniest. It's a good joke. There's a certain amount of jokes in your act That are like an oasis That you know Oh yeah One of my Girl

A lady goes into the drugstore And she says I need to buy some cyanide To kill my husband And the pharmacist says I can't sell cyanide To kill your husband You'll go to jail

I'll go to jail You're crazy So she reaches in her purse Takes out a picture And hands it to the pharmacist It's a picture of her husband fucking the pharmacist's wife he says you didn't tell me you had a prescription which which i just know you know i get five minutes five seconds to relax while they're screaming you know it's a good. It's a good joke. Can you do that thing that he does, that trick, that parlor trick, where if somebody gives you, we were talking about it before,

if somebody gives you the first line of a joke that you can actually go in. Oh, no, wait. Are you talking about, see, I was talking about just a subject. Well, give him a subject. Try it that way. See if he can do it. Let me tell you really quick. The reason I got hooked on this is a million years ago,

I was watching Carson and Maury Amsterdam. Oh, Maury Amsterdam, you said. He said that. And Carson goes, you know, they say you've got a joke on everything. And he goes, Johnny, give me a subject. And Carson said, birds. And Maury Amsterdam said, why do hummingbirds hum? Because they don't know the words.

The crowd goes nuts. Carson goes nuts. And everybody's like, he knows a joke about everything. And meanwhile, before they went out, you know, he said, Johnny, say birds. Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? So meanwhile, I watched that and I'm an innocent kid. And I said, I want to learn how to do that with dirty

jokes because I know I'm going to know enough. And this is when I'm like 10 or 15, whatever. But the way it worked with me is when I was doing a gig, I'd say, give me a subject. If they gave you a subject, you'd back up. Like if they say garlic, all right, Italian food. You know, you open the umbrella a little bit to cheat, you know.

Is that the way it worked? Because I thought it involved somebody telling you the first line of a joke. No, no, the way it stumped the joke man wound up working is the people give me the first line of a two-line joke. And I would, it's the greatest thing ever because I've been doing it for 40 years. It's like you give me the first line of a two-line joke and I would it's the greatest thing ever because I've been doing it for 40 years it's like you give me the first line of a two-line joke and I know almost every joke and the crowd goes wild but then once in a while somebody stumps you with a joke they go even crazier so I can't lose the best best that ever happened was at um at Just for Laughs in 1993 in Montreal. And I always get, it's amazing how you get,

central casting somehow sends up the right people. You get a fat girl, a Jewish girl, a little short black girl. It's like one from column A, column B. And like, it's amazing. And there's like 500 people. You can't even think. It's a crazy show. It was me and Robert Schimmel and Roger Rittenhouse and Nick DiPaolo was the host. And these people were screaming. And we only got to do 25 minutes each. They said,

but you got to do Stump the Joke, man. I said, all right. So the second night, I got like eight girls up there. And it's like a big, tall, skinny Jewish girl and a little fat black girl. And the last girl was an Asian girl. So at first I talk to them, what's your name? Where are you from? And I say something lewd to them and the crowd gets really crazy. Then I turn to, all right, who's got a joke? And the guys stand up and raise their hands and I'm mowing them down. Mowing them down.

I'm a superstar and I'm going up and down. I'm killing on every cylinder. And I get to this Asian girl at the end. And in not really broken English, but not in the best possible English, she gives me the setup to a joke, and I didn't know it. Wow. She said, what do toilet and the nursery and clitoris have in common? And sometimes it's like,

I know it's in my mind somewhere. I just got to dig it out. So I'm patient up and down like a tiger. The places you, I mean, you could feel the tension. It was because I had picked on her and picked on her with the Asian drugs. And I'm like,

I finally, I just, I was exasperated. I said, what do a toilet bowl, an anniversary and a clitoris have in common? And she goes, men miss them all. The place went so nuts that I gave all the girls a shirt, thanked the crowd, walked off. Nick DiPaolo came in, waved to everybody, said thank you, and they were still fucking cheering. It was one of the greatest. And what's-his-name was there?

Not Jack Rollins. Charles Jaffe was there, and he was a million years old, and he was in the back. And he came out and said, I never saw anything like that. That was amazing. But tell the truth, how often do the girls come on stage? I said, Charles, every night. They're up there every night, and it's not always that good, but it's always damn near that good.

And he said, that's one of the most amazing things I've ever seen. I thought, my career's made. Never heard from him again. He probably forgot I even did it. Roger Rittenhouse is a name from the past that he just threw out there. He was the guy with a hook for a hand, Roger Rittenhouse. I remember. I worked with him at Caroline's Comedy Hour.

Did you? Yeah, he had that great opening line. Paul Provenza did the, what was his? His opening line was, he said, you having a bad day? Anybody having a bad day? I'm having a bad fucking day. For one thing, this happened. He'd hold his hand up, and he had a hook, and then he'd say,

petting zoo my ass. Right, right, right, right. That was his opening. And he'd address it, and then he'd leave it. Right, right. And then he'd say, petting zoo my ass. Right, right, right, right. That was his opening. And he'd address it and then he'd leave it. Right, right. And then he'd leave it. But he was on that show. And Dave Chappelle was in the green room with us.

He wasn't Dave Chappelle yet. And Provenza was in the green room. And years later, I ran into Penn Jillette and Paul Provenza and the gang at Sundance. They were having a screening of The Aristocrats. And I said, oh, and they're with their whole posse. And I said, Paul, I'm sure you told them the Roger Rittenhouse story. And he goes, what are you talking about? I said, you don't remember what you did?

And he said, no. I said, well, then it's my story. We're sitting in the green room, and it was funny. It's Dave Chappelle and Bob Schimmel and me and Provenza and DiPaolo. I mean, you didn't open your mouth and say something's kind of funny. It's Dave Chappelle and Bob Schimmel and me and Provenza and DiPaolo. I mean, you didn't open your mouth and go, something's kind of funny, you know. And it was really nice and it was electric. We knew it was going to be a killer show.

And fucking Roger Rittenhouse is sitting there and he's got a coffee mug, a porcelain coffee mug, and he's holding it. He didn't have a prosthesis. He had a hook. He had a metal hook and he was holding the coffee cup with a prosthesis. He had a hook. He had a metal hook. And he was holding the coffee cup with his prosthesis. But the coffee cup was empty. He had finished drinking the coffee.

And out of a clear blue sky, Provenza stood up and threw a quarter. And I thought my fucking heart was going to stop. I said that was the coldest thing I've ever said. That was the greatest thing I've ever said. Oh, that's funny. Quickly, tell us an Al Lewis story. Either one of you got one? Grandpa Al?

Anything from the Stern Show? It's not really a story, but the first time Al Lewis came on the show, me and Fred were absolutely sure that he had shit his pants. That sounds like a story but the first time al lewis came on the show me and fred were absolutely sure that he had shit his pants that sounds like a story it smelled it smelled so bad and you know what it's like the elephant in the room and at some point i just couldn't stand it and i looked over at fred and i and the way he looked back at me, we both looked at each other. Oh, my God. I was like. All right.

That's a closer. He was the greatest guy. Oh, but he was the most. You know how brilliant he was. You know, he was a scout. He was a basketball scout. I know, basketball scout. Forever.

And he was brilliant. Smart man. Oh, he used to talk about Nat Hyken and how brilliant everybody was. And he was so great. Like Car 54. Yeah, sure. You guys were lucky to know him. Oh, man And, you know, he was so great. Like Car 54. Yeah, sure. You guys were lucky to know him. Oh, man.

You know, and he was so good. He came on the show. Jake. Jake the Joke Man. That's what he called me. Jake the Joke Man. And he was a horny bastard. He had like a young girl.

Oh, yeah. Jack, this is great. The book is called. So a college professor is going to bed with his wife. He interrupted his own plug. Go ahead So a college professor's going to bed with his wife. He's erupting his own plug. Go ahead. A college professor's going to bed with his wife, so he's not that tired.

So he'll stay awake and read while she's trying to go to sleep. And every once in a while, he reaches over and tickles her on the fun spot. Kits, kits, kits. Kits, he says, will you stop that? You stop reaching over here and teasing me like that? He says, I'm not teasing you. I'm wetting my fingers so I can turn the page.

I love it. Thank you guys. Tell us again. The joke, the book is called the joke, man. Jackie Martling, bow to Stern,

the joke, man, bow to Stern, post till press. It's going to be out October 24th. Bow to Stern, uh, book,

uh, book signings in Ridgewood, New Jersey at bookends on Monday. Book review in Huntington on October 24th, the actual day of publication. And then Upper East Side, Barnes & Noble on Thursday the 26th. And then on the 28th, I'm doing a signing at the Vault at Villa Records, which is a very interesting place. Before RCA Victor was RCA Victor, Victor Records was its own record company. And they have all the old recordings from before 1920. I don't know if they're tin types or what the hell they are, but, you know. There's a lot of good stuff in the book, I'll tell our listeners.

You'll find out where you got the joke man name, who gave you that name. There's a story about being heckled by Keith Richards. There's a lot of fun stuff. Oh, with Les Paul. Yeah, the great Les Paul. There's a lot of fun showbiz stories in the book. Thank you for reading it. Thank you for having me.

And thank you, Darren and Frank and Gilbert. Thank you. You know, I'm your biggest fan, so this is a thrill. Thank you. Come back anytime, pal. Come over here. I'll touch something. Okay, I'm Gilbert Gottfrieden with my co-host Frank Santopadre.

This has been Gilbert and Frank's Amazing Colossal Obsessions with Jackie the Joke Man Martling. Thanks, Jack. Colossal Obsessions.