Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Mini #155: Entertainment reporter Gino Salomone
Episode Date: March 15, 2018This week: Grandpa Munster lays down the law! The Munchkins go to Pittsburgh! Florence Henderson plays Gino's mom! And Sandra Bullock declares her love for Gilbert! Learn more about your ad choices. V...isit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Contact a licensed TD Insurance advisor to learn more. hi this is gilbert godfrey's amazing colossal obsessions with my co-host frank santo padre
we're once again recording at nutmeg with our engineer, Frank Furtarosa.
I'm going to laugh through this entire episode.
I'm going to go on the record.
And I don't have the intro typed out.
What's the name of this next guest?
He's someone who is very, very special to this show and the history of this show.
He's someone who's been referenced on this show dozens of times.
And somebody's stopping me from being referenced, too, on this show.
You're always nice about it, Frank.
I keep bringing his name up.
If you're a regular listener to this show, and shame on you if you're not,
you know the name, Gino Salamone.
And he is here
in the flesh. Entertainment
reporter deluxe.
We're never going to get through this.
Interviewer to the stars. Yes.
The great Gino Salamone. And are we having our picture
taken? Yes, we are.
Did you want to say it?
Hey!
Because I'm from Milwaukee,
he has to do Henry Winkler.
I understand.
Henry Winkler, who said to me, you know, Gilbert always wants me to go down roads that I don't want to go.
And I won't go down those roads with Gilbert.
Similar to what Paul Williams said after he did the show.
Well, no, I ran into Paul Williams, too, at the Four Seasons Hotel.
I said, I'm a friend of Gilbert's.
He goes, Gilbert can be very inappropriate.
Yes.
True enough.
Yeah, I got the same speech.
Which is the perfect Paul Williams word.
Well, but there are great cities that Paul Williams words are perfect.
Minneapolis Minnesota. And who was his favorite woman who was ever on The View?
Debbie Martinopoulos
I've never heard him do this
When I'm with her, I feel like I'm Marcello muster, Yanni.
This is what our phone calls are like all the time.
All right.
Well, do you want to give a little backstory here about your history and how long the two of you have known each other?
I was working in radio, and in 1986, I started this company where I would book old TV stars for appearances.
Like Gilbert.
Well, I like Gilbert.
Yeah. where I would book old TV stars for appearances. Like Gilbert. Well, I like Gilbert. And the first time I met him, he was painfully shy.
But we started talking about Milton Berle,
and that was the beginning of the friendship.
And I'm sure you can guess what we talked about.
I can guess.
Similar to what we just asked Ed Begley.
Exactly.
Exactly.
And how long have you guys been friends?
Since the 80s.
Since the 80s.
What we talked about with Milton Berle was live television.
And the last days of vaudeville.
So I started booking all these people.
Go ahead.
And so Gilligan told Beaver, who told Grandpa Munster,
and I started representing a lot of these older celebrities for personal appearances.
Yes.
And I told you, there's a book in this that you have to.
But I can't tell all the stories.
What about when they're all gone?
It'll be written immediately.
And all the Gilbert stories will be in there too.
And we started talking about Al Lewis and
Gilbert's impression is so good you know him at the end you can give him any subject so if I said
I would say let's say tennis and he would say yeah yeah tennis tennis hit my balls over the net. Yeah, yeah.
That's your Al Lewis.
And I represented Al Lewis and he left me a message one time
and he said, send me a fax
with all the itinerary of the appearance
I'm doing. So I call him up
and I leave a message on his machine saying,
well, give me the number of your fax
machine. Now keep in mind, he said, fax me the details.
So this is the message that Al left me.
He's brought clips.
Well, it's something special because it's Gilbert's impression,
but it's the real guy talking about it.
You know, this is Al Lewis in New York.
What fax machine?
I don't know what you're talking about
if you have an I-10
leave it on the machine
let me know
as long as I know somebody's picking me up at the airport
we'll go to the hotel and then
whatever else they got planned
who came up with the idea of a fax
machine
Howard Stern promised me one but he said it doesn't run on batteries.
He screamed at me on the phone, and then he started laughing.
It's like you never knew what you were going to get without, you know?
And I'm so happy because I would always book him with Butch Patrick.
How great Butch's life has turned around.
Yeah.
I heard him on your podcast.
Yeah.
He's doing really well.
I was surprised because when we booked him, we thought it would be one of these like
entertainingly bitter, old, drunken.
And he's just totally not.
He's got a complete sense of humor about him and his lowest.
Yeah.
And one time I had Grandpa Al and Bob Denver booked together,
and Bob Denver calls me and goes,
you're not going to believe what Al Lewis did.
I said, what happened?
He said, we get to the airport.
Now, this was before 9-11, so people could come to the gate.
And about 400 people show up to welcome them to the city.
And Grandpa Al looks over when it's completely quiet
and goes where the star fuckers and is it is it you that booked um i think grandpa and butch patrick
at some event out of town because yes the two of them would only work on Halloween.
Right.
Someone somewhere.
Yeah.
Wait a minute.
Well, it was kind of like Danny Bonaduce said he knew on Christmas
someone would cast him as a partridge in a pear tree.
That's what he'd be
booked as. And Gino did those bookings. Well, I did
a booking, and this is rare because normally Gilbert
steals my stories and tells them as if
they happened to him. I don't know
what you're talking about. Are you talking about when
Butch got robbed? Oh,
yes, the Butch got robbed.
Dressed as Eddie Munster
in New York with all the cash
on him going home.
Well, you must have money on him, because he's Eddie Munster.
Wait a minute.
Which Patrick was mugged by the kingfish?
Well, holy mackerel, it's Eddie Munster. Jackal is a monster.
Yes.
Yes, Frank.
Save us.
So you're not just an entertainment reporter to the stars.
No.
You also booked nostalgia shows.
Yes.
And you don't do it anymore.
Once in a while. Once in a while you dabble in it.
You booked...
I'm trying to get the guy's bio out here.
Grandpa Al Lewis and Eddie Munster to do some Halloween, some pathetic Halloween.
Don't say that.
They would give them 39 cents each.
No, they made good money.
Oh, okay.
They made good money. So say what they made good money. Oh, okay. They made good money.
So say what happened on the plane.
Oh, okay.
So Al tells me this story.
He was called by MTV to do spring break.
And he said, you know what?
How about adding Butch Patrick?
He said, oh, perfect.
Yes, Grandpa.
Great idea.
So Al is sitting in first class.
Okay.
Keep in mind, he's in first class butch is in
coach and he said all of a sudden he sees two federal marshals get on the plane and walk off
with butch so he goes into the tunnel where they're standing the flight attendant lets go
lets him go out and he said what's going on here and he said well this he's been drunk and kind of yelling at people around him
he says trust me I'll take care of him
he said he grabbed Butch by the lapels
put him up against the wall he goes you don't
have a glass of water you don't
look at anybody you don't say anything
and poor Butch had to go back
to his seat. Oh my god
laughter
but what a
thrill to be on that plane being cursed out by a shit-faced Eddie Munster.
How badly would you like to have been sitting next to him?
You would be telling the story to this day, right?
Yes.
Well, Gino, since you bring it up what are what are some
of your classic stories that he's that he's uh swiped on the show and claimed for his own let
me see well the one that you know he should take credit for he always talks about when he went to
sid mountain's house i know this one now i took sid mountain uh gilbert to sid mountain's house
well we had been friends for years we did have a lot of phone calls with him. Talk about how he would answer until he knew it was us.
Oh, yes.
Yeah, he would answer.
I mean, this was, he hadn't worked for a few decades,
and he was old and weak, and we'd call up,
and it would be like a pathetic cartoon character.
Like, hello?
And then we'd go, hi, it's Gino and Gilbert.
And he'd go, oh, hi, fellas.
Just turn it on.
And the one story that he didn't steal that he should tell,
and I can't believe he never tells it.
We're talking to Sid on one of these three-way calls and he
goes, Sid, let me ask you a question
about Danny Thomas. And before he could
say a miss, Sid went,
it's true.
And Sid
worked with
Danny Thomas on
Make Room for Daddy.
And so that one, I got that one.
That was, boy.
That must have made your year to get confirmation.
Oh, it made my life.
Yeah.
Okay, so we're at Sid's house.
Confirmation on the glass coffee table.
Yeah.
We're at Sid's house, and Sid has this very yippy, jumpy dog that kept jumping on top of Gilbert.
So Gilbert was sitting next to Sid, and I was on the other side of the room.
He would look at Gilbert,
and Gilbert was very polite, petting the dog.
And then when he would look at me
on the other side of the room,
Gilbert would take the dog and throw it on the ground.
Because he kept annoying him.
It was like the most perfect timing I'd ever seen.
Like a Blake Edwards side gag worked out in time.
Yeah, a total side gag it looked like.
But I love that you got the verification from someone close to the source.
Yes.
I mean, boy, there's no one more trustworthy than that in that situation.
You know what's interesting about the dynamic between the two of you is that he secretly wants to call these people and reach out to them, but he won't do it.
All right, please.
Can we talk about this?
Because I'm so annoyed by this.
And I was talking to Dara about it.
The frustration.
First of all, let's say.
Dara's in the room.
Yes, but let's.
And I would say it if she wasn't here.
What an effect Dara has had on his life.
Yes, a positive effect.
The best thing that ever happened to him.
Right?
Because when I met him in 1994, maybe I thought it was me, he wouldn't talk.
No, he was very shy.
He was very shy and wealthier because Dara had yet to spend any of the fortune.
The one that was in hefty bags in his mom's house?
bags in his mom's house?
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Why doesn't he call these people?
Mel Brooks.
If he would call Mel Brooks, Mel would be on the podcast.
We'd have had him by now.
What a better guest than Mel Brooks for the podcast.
He'd rather run with the gag.
He'd rather run the gag into the ground and never call him.
Don Rickles.
We could have had dinner with Don Rickles.
I would tell him over and over, let's call.
I'll arrange it.
How come we never did?
Don't even say it.
He's going to knock the lights out.
I got my Don Rickles moment.
You didn't.
You could have had.
Rickles would have loved you.
But no, no.
Go ahead. Stay inside, no, go ahead.
Stay inside.
Don't go anywhere.
Don't do anything.
Make the call.
And every time a celebrity that we love dies, he calls me and goes, you know, I'd like to have lunch with so-and-so who just died.
Well, he's carried it.
We've said it on the show many times.
He carried Norman Fell's number around with him.
He carried George Carlin's number around with him.
Jonathan Winters. Jonathan Winters.
Jonathan Winters.
So he needs a foil.
He needs somebody like you that's actually going to drag him to Sid Melton's house.
Oh, and one of Charlie's Angels numbers.
Really?
Tonya Roberts?
No, no, no.
David Doyle?
That would have been the perfect one.
David Doyle's the one I jerk off to.
That's understandable.
What was her name?
Kate Jackson?
Oh, maybe.
No, no.
She wasn't a Jolly's Angel.
She was the girl, one of the replacements.
Oh, Priscilla Barnes.
Priscilla Barnes.
Oh, I introduced you to Priscilla Barnes at that comic, at that autograph show.
But why?
Why don't you do this?
Why don't you?
You could have gone.
I heard it on your podcast.
You could have gone to Woody Allen's house for dinner, but you would not follow up to
do it.
Oh, Slayton invited him, yeah.
Yes.
Why?
What is that?
Something to annoy you with.
I guess so.
Oh, and let's talk about how you've annoyed me.
To annoy you with.
I guess so.
Oh, and let's talk about how you've annoyed me.
Now, Frank, one of my great loves in doing this is Sandra Bullock.
Yes.
So the first time I interviewed her, she flirted with me. So at the end of the interview, I proposed and she accepted.
She said, if I can decorate the house and pick where we live.
Great.
Hilarious.
The next time I come in, I said, you know, last time I proposed and you accepted, I never
heard from you.
She said, that's because I never saw a ring.
I reach in my pocket.
I pull out a big candy ring.
She puts it on her hand out.
I put the ring on her finger.
She kisses me and says, oh, honey, I'm so happy.
She wears it the whole day.
The inquirer calls me because someone tipped them that she was engaged.
I swear to you.
Wow.
Did she put a ring pop on her finger?
Yes, exactly.
I gave my wife a ring pop when
i proposed look at see we were meant to be friends so then she loved the wizard of oz i brought in
jerry maron the lollipop kid he sings to her and gives her the sucker she says oh honey you do love
me so okay i always like to do something special every time i bring in florence anderson as my
mother florence opens her mouth checks her teeth, Gino, I think you could do better than this.
Sandra says, Gino, you need to choose.
It's me or her, and I pick Sandra.
That's a great clip, by the way, the Florence Anderson clip.
All right, so the movie is coming out the heat.
It's her and Melissa McCarthy.
I asked Gilbert, it's in New York.
I said, Gilbert, can you come in?
Here's what I'd like you to do.
What was I thinking?
He would go along with what I wanted you to do. Which was, what was I thinking? What do you mean?
He would go along with what I wanted him to do.
Oh, Hardy.
So I say, I'm going to say, you know, Melissa, I've been trying to tell her how I feel all these years.
She can't hear me.
He's going to come in yelling and go, will you just marry him?
Or so I thought.
Do you want to say, well, I think we can hear what happened.
Here's the clip.
I've been trying to tell her how I feel for years.
She doesn't hear me.
No matter what I say, she doesn't hear me.
So I brought somebody in who hopefully she will be able to hear.
Why the hell won't you marry him?
Just get married to him.
It'll be a sexless marriage.
I mean, look at him. For God's
sakes. But look,
don't worry. You stay married
to him, and I'll fuck you.
Don't you worry
about it. If
you want to fuck me, just sit
there and look at me confused.
That's right. It's a deal.
Okay, I'll meet you at the
Motel 6.
Why am I so turned on right now?
I am so turned on right now.
Oh, my God.
Now, if you can see me, I look like JFK when the first bullet hit.
Like, what?
My hands went up to my throat to grab my throat.
Back and to the left.
Yes.
And I'm thinking, Frank, it's over.
They're never going to let me do an interview with her again.
The studio's going to be angry.
They're never going to let me.
And by the way, then she comes back and what?
You came back in the room.
What did she say to you?
Oh, oh.
Frank Ferdarosa will play that now.
You are brilliant.
Come here.
I will fuck you.
Yeah.
Okay. that now you are brilliant come here i will fuck you yeah okay this is sandra bullock uh internationally known beautiful actress yes gilbert i will fuck you you know how did that
make you feel well i guess you really wanted to know because you've asked me that about a thousand
times when you will call me that about a thousand times.
When you will call me and remind me and say, what did she say to me again?
And then you bring that back.
And Frank, can you play that again, please?
Why am I so turned on right now?
You are brilliant.
Come here.
I will fuck you down.
You know, my mom died.
That was one of the worst days of my life.
This is close.
Okay?
This is close.
Because he, and then you'd think I'd be smart enough to, okay.
All right, let me go back to this.
Go ahead.
So I walk out and I see her publicist walking down the hall and she's not smiling.
And I think, okay, that's it.
This is my last time.
And she gets up to me.
She goes, Gino, that was the greatest thing ever.
I'm like, no, it wasn't.
Then the studio comes up and says, can we have a copy of that?
No, I don't want anyone to see this.
Did she prefer Gilbert or Florence Anderson?
What was the bigger surprise?
Well, she loved Gilbert.
And then she said to me, what did you think he was going to say?
I said, I don't know.
I trusted him.
I didn't expect that.
And Frank Ferdarosa, can you play that line i think it's oh yes gilbert i will fuck you one more time you are
brilliant come here i will fuck you yeah all right and she did say oh i'm so turned on right now and then you made the mistake yes of of interviewing scarlett johannes
right and and somehow your name came up and then the words i dreaded hearing oh i love him
that's news on this podcast oh i know i know. She's come up more than once. And just recently,
you interviewed Natalie Portman
and you went out of your way
to make sure my name didn't come up.
Absolutely.
That's right.
There was no way I was going to say it
and I did not say it.
And I will never say your name again.
Nice Jewish girl.
Because Natalie Portman has said,
oh, I'd blow him in a second.
I'd like to keep working.
This is going to be another lost episode.
This is going to go with Erwin
Corey in the closet.
Just so Gino can continue to work.
Now, you also
interviewed Diane Cannon.
Look at him running the show.
Yes.
This is my best night in months.
Okay.
Well, as a matter of fact, before I get to that,
I think Sandra Bullock said,
I'm so turned on right now.
Yes, Gilbert, I will fuck you.
Oh, the brutality with which you use that F word, that strong.
It's like a three-second.
It's a dagger, isn't it?
And as your analyst, I say again, how did that make you feel?
Not good.
I'll tell you right now.
All right, so Diane Cannon.
I'm a boy
coming of age when Diane Cannon is hot.
Sure. Bob and Carolyn.
One of the sexiest girls around.
Ex-Mrs. Cary Grant.
Right, so I'm interviewing for a movie
and George Hamilton is in the movie, so I make
a crack about George tanning
and this is what happened. I understand
that you were able to get George Hamilton not to
tan.
He is horrible.
He is horrible.
Wait a minute.
That's a mistake.
That's recording of Dara on Gilbert's wedding night.
There's been some mistake.
I didn't know what to do when this was happening.
The crew was looking at me.
It's like, is this ever going to stop?
That is something out of a horror film.
That's one of those sounds that the technicians would work for years and go not quite scary enough.
Well, as bad as that sounds, it's not as bad as what I heard in the room with Sandra Bullock.
I think you have that clip.
Yeah, do you have that clip?
Now I'm calling for the clip that causes me pain.
We'll put it in later.
Diane Cannon, by the way, would be excellent on this show.
I'm not after this.
Forget Diane Cannon.
This episode will never get out.
Can we hear the Diane Cannon again?
I understand that you were able to get George Hamilton not to tan. He is horrible.
He is horrible.
I'm making that my ringtone right now.
You'll always hear it, Frank.
It's great.
That's like something out of those haunted house
movies. And it wasn't polite laughter. You really got to her. No, I guess I tickled her fancy.
So what did you do with her? I tickled her fancy. That's what I did with Sandra Bullock.
And what's sickening
to me, Frank, I've seen Sandra Bullock
like three times since then.
And what does she always want to talk about?
Gilbert. Gilbert.
Gilbert. The delightful Gilbert.
I'm so turned on right now.
I am so turned on
right now. Oh my so turned on right now.
Oh, my God.
Everybody loves Gilbert. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha We're going to save that and use that in future episodes.
What a story goes nowhere.
That could scare rats away.
We're going to save that.
That's going to become a staple on this show, courtesy of Geno Salamone. Please enjoy it.
Because we'll steal your sound effects as well as your stories.
I'm going to be waking up in the middle of the night screaming.
Dreaming of her tonight.
And I'm going to be screaming about you with Sandra Bullock.
Oh, my God.
Even the short dose is too much, right?
That's almost as disturbing as, what was that thing Sandra Bullock
said?
I'm so turned on right now.
You are brilliant.
I will fuck you, yeah.
Let me make
Let me make a list of people who will now never come here.
That's right. Diane Cannon,
Sandra Bullock.
Oh, okay. Here we go. You want to set this one up? list of people who will now never come that's right diane cannon right sandra bullock no oh
okay here we go you want to set this one up well everyone always said to me who's the great people
to talk to who's the worst to talk to and the worst any entertainment reporter will tell you
is tommy lee jones because he makes it difficult he doesn't want to be there he likes to make you
squirm so i'm doing no country for old men. And on the way out, someone recognized me from my town in the plane and said, who's
the best to talk to and who's the worst?
I said, I'm going to talk to the worst right now, Tommy Lee Jones.
And the person said, well, my son plays football for Harvard.
And Tommy Lee Jones spoke to the team last year.
And I thought, great, I'll go with that.
So I walk in, his dead eyes are staring at me.
And I say, tell him that story.
I said, what do you say to these young men?
And he just looked at me and said.
And?
And I didn't say anything.
And he kept staring at me.
And then he said again.
And?
It was awful.
LA Magazine did a cover story.
100 Things to Fear in Los Angeles.
Number one was Earthquake.
Two was Mudslides.
Number six was Tommy Lee Jones at a press junket.
Seriously? I swear to you and i heard and while he was doing batman he he made it very
open about the fact that he hated jim carrey he did not get along and wanted nothing to do right
didn't he go up to him in a restaurant jim carrey went up to him in a restaurant and he said i hate
you something like that yeah yeah Yeah. That was supposedly a
tough set. No, that's what you did to me
in a restaurant. I say it to you every
time I talk to you.
Have you had
other difficult interviews? No.
Nothing like that. Everybody's been smooth.
Everyone's been fantastic. Because you asked me on the phone to guess
and I didn't guess Tommy Lee Jones.
I heard a Tommy Lee Jones story.
I think someone may have told it on this podcast
that he was working on a movie
and, you know, it's been rumored
that he gets thirsty sometimes
and he came out.
It was like some morning shoot.
He comes out of his trailer with bloodshot eyes,
and he has to do a scene with an actress.
And right before the director yells, cut,
Tommy Lee goes, just give me a second.
And Tommy Lee bends over, and it's like,
and pukes on the ground
and then goes, okay.
And then does the scene.
Then he said and?
Yes.
Which is also what Dara did on their honeymoon
night. There you go.
You brought it full circle.
And she also made this sound.
I don't doubt it.
Now, one of the stories Gilbert loved, a guest who has already been on the podcast, Steve Cox.
Yeah.
He writes all the TV show books.
Yes, yes.
We're driving and he says, do you want to meet Chubby from The Little Rascals?
Like, yeah, great.
Chubsy Ubsy?
Right.
He was before Spanky.
Okay.
So we go in, and Chubby is a little person, okay?
A midget.
Which is, by the way, that term is only used on this podcast.
I hear it only on this show.
In this day and age.
Yeah, this day and age.
We knock at the door, and little Chubby comes to the door in his boxer shorts and a sweatshirt.
And his boxer shorts is a big pee stain.
And he goes, hey, I'm sorry.
I just soiled my britches.
And it's like, oh, Chubby.
So we sat down with Chubby and he handed me a pile of fan letters.
And he said, could you give these to Mr. Roach and make sure they answer these?
And it just broke my heart.
That is tough.
I know.
We've seen the sad side of showbiz, and that was one of those.
But, of course, you love that.
He loves the degradation.
It's like Hollywood Babylon for him.
Ben, wasn't there like one of the munchkins or something on why he hates traveling.
Okay.
Oh, no.
So I booked five of the munchkins to Pittsburgh.
Okay.
Only you could say that.
That's right.
That's right.
Anybody else would fucking hang themselves.
Wait, maybe you could relate to it.
I made money off of it.
All right, so I booked the munchkins.
It's the corner.
It's one of the sleepyheads.
And the lollipop kid, Jerry Marin.
When are you going to just fling yourself out a window?
Probably when this airs.
You'll see the shadow like in The Wizard of Oz with the hanging munchkin.
So I called Jerry Maron the lollipop kid.
I said, how's it going, Jerry?
He goes, I can't do these anymore.
I said, what's the matter?
He goes, hey, it's been three days and I can't crap.
And it's like, oh, poor constipated Jerry.
That's the story you wanted to tell, a constipated munchkin?
He's clapping right now.
You're a sick individual.
Frank Verros has a new
toy that he's going to use.
He's going to use his ringtone. He wasn't shitting.
And Frank, do you have a copy of
Sandra Bullock going, yes, Gilbert,
I will fuck you?
You are brilliant.
Come here.
I will fuck you.
Yeah.
It could be Jerry Maron.
We have to thank you, too, for what you've done for this podcast.
I love this podcast.
If I didn't even know you guys, I would listen to it.
And that Gilbert is one of my closest friends who i absolutely detest
right you know my wife loves you i look frank when we met instant friendship instant love but you
we get my wife and i get excited when you come to new york well thank you and then but you never do
what he does i'll be listening to the podcast and i'll hear him tell the story and say, no, that's my story.
And then last week we were talking on the phone.
I said, did I ever tell you the story?
He goes, hold on a second.
Let me get a pencil.
You know, I've tried repeatedly to bring your name up and say that's Gino's story.
But he cuts me short because it was a runner.
Oh, and how about the legendary one that I told you, not that you heard, about Peter Marshall talking about going backstage, going through the Gold Diggers dressing room with Paul Lynde.
Okay, let me tell it.
This is not how it happened.
Peter Marshall brought Paul Lynde into the Gold Diggers dressing. And he said, no, he didn't.
This place smells like cunt, I think.
Okay.
And that's not what he said because I would always call him incorrect.
Okay.
And then Peter Marshall corrected him.
This place smells like a big hairy gun.
It's getting worse.
It's getting farther from the truth with each telling.
But, you know, we've got to print the legend now because it's become part of this show.
I just want to thank you.
Before we get out of here and our engineer has to go home, he has a family.
And you have a tape of Sandra Bullock saying something to me.
Why am I so turned on right now?
You are brilliant.
Come here.
I will fuck you.
Thanks, Frankie.
I had to play the second part, too.
You have brought us Gino Conforti. Yes yes art matrano yes uh no no i i looked
those you didn't richard donner is soon to join us thanks thanks to you tony sandler tony sandler
gino has become the best friend this podcast has ever had and you'll never ever get a thank you or any credit or acknowledgement from this no but
i will say this i bought him a million dinners a million lunches but when it was his birthday
his 60th birthday party and it was going to be a dinner i said i'm going there if i have to walk
because this is food that gilbert paid That's where we met. And it was delicious.
That's right.
It was his wife, of course, who sprung.
Of course.
Again, can we say Dara is the greatest thing that ever happened to him?
She's a saint.
Yes, a Miami Beach audience.
It's a great audience in the whole world.
Good night, everybody.
Get down, everybody!
And if you listen closely,
he goes,
Yes, Gilbert, I will fuck you.
Jackie Gleason.
Really?
And he had on his pinky ring and a drink and a cigarette.
And a robe, too.
Wasn't he always in a robe? Yes, yes, yes.
Hot Connie.
Sammy Spear.
Gino, you're the best.
I love you guys.
You know that.
You are the best there is.
I'm glad you are finally here.
It only took four years and 300 shows.
And can we have that line of Sandra Bullock saying,
yes, Gilbert, I will fuck you.
You are brilliant.
Come here.
I will fuck you.
Misery.
It's going to be a runner.
Misery.
It's going to be a runner.
You are the best.
I love you.
Thank you.
Love you guys.
You want to sign off?
Bye.
You want to sign off?
That was Diane Cannon when Gino said to her,
do you respect what I do in show business? It is horrible.
It is horrible.
Will you come back and do another one sometime?
I would love to.
Tell us about Rickles.
Thank you.
You want to sign off or what? Okay.
This has been the silliest show we've ever done.
This has been Gilbert and Frank's amazing colossal podcast.
No, obsession.
No.
This has been Gilbert and Frank's amazing colossal obsessions,
and we had some guy.
The great Gino Salamone. You know. The great
Gino Salamone.
Yes.
And one time
Gino Salamone
asked Diane Cannon
he said
do you have
any respect
for me as a human being?
And she said
what?
We'll edit it.
He is horrible.
He is horrible.
Can you come back next time and tell the Adam West story?
I would love to.
And can I end with just one little anecdote? Yeah, go ahead.
What did Diane Cannon say the time she saw Gilbert naked?
And?
And?
Hashtag me too
Colossal Obsessions