Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Mini #182: Gino Salomone's Answering Machine Messages from the Stars!

Episode Date: September 20, 2018

This week: "Death to Smoochy"! The return of Timmie Rogers! Florence Henderson sends up Bogie! Gilbert ticks off Alan King! And Gino turns down a request from the Caped Crusader! Learn more about your... ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Baseball is finally back. Get in on Major League action and swing for the fences with BetMGM, the king of sportsbooks. Log in or sign up to play along as BetMGM brings the real-time action. Embrace a season's worth of swings with BetMGM, your one-stop shop for all things baseball. BetMGM.com for Ts and Cs. 19 plus to wager.
Starting point is 00:00:22 Ontario only. Gambling problem? Call Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Spring is here and you can now get
Starting point is 00:00:32 almost anything you need for your sunny days delivered with Uber Eats. What do we mean by almost? Well, you can't get a well-groomed lawn delivered, but you can get a chicken parmesan delivered.
Starting point is 00:00:41 A cabana? That's a no. But a banana? That's a yes. A nice tan? Sorry, nope. But a box fan? Happily, yes. A cabana? That's a no. But a banana? That's a yes. A nice tan? Sorry, nope. But a box fan? Happily yes. A day of sunshine? No. A box of
Starting point is 00:00:50 fine wines? Yes. Uber Eats can definitely get you that. Get almost, almost anything delivered with Uber Eats. Order now. Alcohol in select markets. Product availability may vary by Regency app for details. Here we go. 1, 2, 1, 2, 3, 2, Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried and I'm here with my co-host Frank Santopadre and this is Gilbert Gottfried, and I'm here with my co-host, Frank Santopadre, and this is
Starting point is 00:01:27 Gilbert and Frank's Amazing Colossal Obsessions. Such a pro. Do we have a guest? Let me look. Oh, look at that. Oh. It's the great Gino Salamone. Oh, it's you again.
Starting point is 00:01:41 Back for a return engagement. Oh, it's you again. It's you again. Glad to be's you again. It's you again. Glad to be back. So much fun the last time. How are you, pal? I'm good. We should start with a thank you.
Starting point is 00:01:50 Why? Because you just brought us the wonderful Paul Feig, who turned out to be a top-notch guest. He was great. Wasn't he great? Paul was fantastic. Now, Paul Feig directed The Heat with Sandra Bullock. Yeah. And that's, I think it was at that press conference, not press conference, press junket.
Starting point is 00:02:09 Junket, yes. That Sandra Bullock said the following to me. Oh, my God. You are brilliant. Come here. I will fuck you. Yeah. Do I have to hear this again?
Starting point is 00:02:22 Yeah. Why do I have to hear this over and over and over? The darkest day. And then, of course, we have to have a guest who was there when it happened. Paul Feig. Yes. So it brings it back up. Oh, it's a dark day.
Starting point is 00:02:36 I understand. Because you like Sandra. A certain fondness for Sandra. Not once has she said anything like that to me. What about Sandra Gould from Bewitched? Well, you know, Mrs. Kravitz? I'm fine with that. Where is she?
Starting point is 00:02:51 Now, the last time... You know, let me tell you something. Uh-oh, it's going to be one of those. There are more fulfilling things in life than having gorgeous actresses who want to fuck you. Now, what those things are, i can't right off right off the back if you're pushing me against the wall i can't what i'm hoping for is a phone call from
Starting point is 00:03:13 her publicist to say yeah listen that's got to go away you cannot you got to get that clip back we can't play that clip anymore i'm surprised that call hasn't come in yet. I know. And what clip were we talking about? Oh, this one. Oh my god. You are brilliant. Come here. I will fuck you. Yes. Thank you, Frank Verderosa.
Starting point is 00:03:39 Let's see. What would you like to talk about, my friend? You brought us more clips. You brought us more stories. Well, I want to start off with this. Yeah. I'm so angry that fans are sending Gilbert stuff. Free stuff. It's not right.
Starting point is 00:03:55 Oh, this bothers you. It bothers me. Every episode it bothers me. Oh, what did you get this week? Oh, great. Well, Paul got a dollar. He deserves more than that. Why does this happen? For the work he does, he should send the dollar back.
Starting point is 00:04:13 Why does it happen that guests decide to send? Because he's a beloved entertainer. Oh, don't I know it. Don't I know it. It galls you. It does. And I sit at home, or I'm driving in the car listening to this, and I hear a story of mine come up. Or worse yet, okay, over the years, what gifts have I gotten you? Do you even remember? Oh, okay. Most of them I forgot about.
Starting point is 00:04:36 Oh, the Paul Lynn biography. I tell them about this Paul Lynn biography and that it definitely says what you've suspected for a long time. That he hated the Jews. That's right. So he said, boy, I really like that book. I sent him the book. Does he read it? No.
Starting point is 00:04:55 No. It sits on that break front in the hallway where all of his unread books that people give him. I get him a Paul Lynn autographed picture that I had verified. Nothing. I get him a Kathleen Freeman picture. picture that I had verified. Nothing. I get him a Kathleen Freeman picture. I go to the house, I don't see it up. Wow, a Kathleen Freeman picture. Yes.
Starting point is 00:05:12 I got him, I got you a lobby card from Of Mice and Men. Come to think of it, I haven't seen that framed in your apartment either. Dara? And in case you're wondering, go to eBay, Gilbert Godfrey and you will see all these items up for sale. Has he done that?
Starting point is 00:05:27 Has he had a liquidation sale? I'm looking at my notes here. Do you have a Ruth Buzzy story, pray tell? How is that for a smooth segue? Do you want to tell it, Gilbert? Okay. And then claim it for your own. Yes.
Starting point is 00:05:44 Well, one time I was at an autograph show. I was at an autograph show, and I see Ruth Buzzi. Now, Charlton Heston is there selling his autograph for $15. Who's a bigger star than Charlton Heston? I see poor Ruth Buzzi all by herself. No one's talking to her. So I walk up, and I start to talk to her. She said, are you Italian?
Starting point is 00:06:04 I said, yes. She said, so am I. My real walk up and I start to talk to her. She said, are you Italian? I said, yes. She said, so am I. My real name. And she told me her real name. And I see this selection of pictures. And I can't just let her hang. So I said, you know what? I'll take that one.
Starting point is 00:06:16 And it's Gladys Ornsby. And she signs it to Gino. She writes all this nice stuff. And then she looks up at me and said, $40. Yeah, it looked like it was going to be like five back in the day they were the black and whites were five and the color pictures were ten well this was back in the day wow so i was shocked but what could i do she'd signed it to me so i don't want to get hit with a handbag. No. Maybe I did. So I give her the money, and then I'm flying home, and I leave it on the airplane in some
Starting point is 00:06:53 seat pocket. And someone sold it and got a few million dollars. That's right. He retired in Hawaii. He has no money. Horrible. He has not told that story and claimed it for himself. I'm shocked, but he loves to remind me of how much money I lost on that deal.
Starting point is 00:07:11 All right. Maybe the Mel Torme story is a little nicer. All right. I'm just going to set you up. Do you know the Mel Torme story, what happened? Oh, I don't know. Okay, I booked him for a Christmas show. This happened to Gilbert, right?
Starting point is 00:07:27 And of course, he wrote the greatest Christmas song of all time. Absolutely. Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire. The Christmas song. The Christmas song, that's right. So I book him, and it's for a charity. It's a fundraiser. And they have this choir of young kids singing.
Starting point is 00:07:42 And I see Mel Torme pacing back and forth, and I go up as the booker, and I say, is there anything I can get you, Mr. Torme? He said, yeah, you can get those bleeping kids off the stage. Oh, my God. I was crushed. Beloved Mel Torme. Right, the velvet fog. Is that the word he used, bleeping?
Starting point is 00:08:02 No. No. Gee, I wonder if you would know what the word was. Was it, well, get those fucking kids off the stage? That may or may have been the word? Yes, yes. I just like to,
Starting point is 00:08:15 because I like to have truth in these stories. That's what you are. You are all about truth. I know that. Yeah, he's a truth teller. Oh, my God. Okay, let's see. Who else can you disillusion us about?
Starting point is 00:08:28 I don't want a disillusion, but these things happen. Wait, you also brought some recordings. I did. Yeah. And our engineer, Dave, will play them for us. Yes. I used to have a company where I would book older celebrities for personal appearances. And to make it more enticing, I would have them record my answering machine.
Starting point is 00:08:46 And it was great. People would call. I would get people who would call and go, I just wanted to call and hear your answering machine. Thank you. It was great. And then they would hang up. So who should we start with?
Starting point is 00:08:55 I think I want to start with this one. Okay. I queued them up in this order. And we won't actually tell the listener who this is. I think they can figure it out for themselves. Thank you, Dave. Hello, citizen. Gino's out fighting crime, so I, Batman, am answering his phone while he makes the streets of Milwaukee a safer place for all.
Starting point is 00:09:16 Leave a message at the familiar beep. Come on. How cool is that? It's Batman. In my mind, I see Batman in full costume leaving me that message. How cool is that? And the gray color of the house. That they had an idea.
Starting point is 00:09:36 Right. Former podcast guest, Adam West. Yes, and I used to book Adam for appearances. Yeah, what a lovely guy. What an interesting man. Yes, he was very interesting. And a complicated man. I agree. Yeah. Yes. Yeah, yeah, lovely guy. What an interesting man. Yes, he was. And a complicated man. I agree. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Willie
Starting point is 00:09:47 Anderson. Right. William West Anderson. Yes. That's where he got the West, his middle name. From Walla Walla, Washington. That's a lot of W's. A nice man. I worked with him twice. I introduced him to Gilbert at that damn autograph show in Burbank
Starting point is 00:10:04 at the Beverly Garland. Well, I once got a strange call from Adam. You did. He called me. He said, when are you going to be in Los Angeles? I said, actually, I'm going to be there this weekend. And he said, can you meet up for a drink? I said, sure.
Starting point is 00:10:16 Who doesn't want to have a drink with Adam West? So he comes to the hotel. We sit down and we're talking. And he said, Gino, I have a problem. My son is being bothered at school by a couple of guys and I need you to send some people there to scare them. Who are you? That's right.
Starting point is 00:10:34 Don Lozzini? You're a journalist. Yes, I'm Italian. That's a good one. That one was fuzzy. You're a journalist. Yes, I'm Italian. That's a good one. Yeah, yeah. It's funny. Unbelievable. You know, I mean, I love that he loved his son that much.
Starting point is 00:10:52 That's sweet. You know, it's very sweet, but honestly. Hey, Moose Rocco, I need you to pay a visit to this college. Help the judge find his checkbook. That's right. Exactly. But still, to have that experience. That's disturbing.
Starting point is 00:11:07 I know. Well, what did you do and what did you say? Well, I had the guys killed. You did? I did. Okay, you don't want to let him down. No. He's Batman.
Starting point is 00:11:15 I did laugh. I said, Adam, I like that you thought I might have that type of power, but I don't even know anybody like that that could do anything. Gilbert has never gotten a call like that in his career. No. Gilbert, did you take care of a couple of guys? Although I do remember a guy saying to me some big lug, saying, you know, hey, anything I can do for you? And I said, oh, can you have some arms broken?
Starting point is 00:11:43 And the guy goes well you know oh yeah I thought oh boy Dara wants to call that guy he would call him now so how is his son doing I hope good oh no I'm sure he's doing well I never met the son he's 53 53 now. Yeah, right. It's not an issue anymore. That's a wild story. It is. Yeah. It is.
Starting point is 00:12:09 Yeah. Now, we should explain that you knew these people. Right. I had a company where I- You got to know them personally. Right. I worked with them professionally. Yes.
Starting point is 00:12:18 And you booked them, but you formed friendships. That's right. And you formed- Still to this day. Yeah. Yes. Here's another person that you got. I feel like this is like a really bad- Still to this day. Yeah. Here's another person that you got. I feel like this is like a really bad issue.
Starting point is 00:12:27 This is your life. Suddenly I'm Ralph Edwards. There's another person you coaxed into doing an answering machine message for you. Dave? Holy hang-ups! This is Robin, the boy wonder. Gino is in the Batcave
Starting point is 00:12:43 helping Batman interrogate Catwoman. He'll give you a call back, same Bat-time, same Bat-channel. Yes, another guest here. Another guest. Another podcast guest. Thank you, Dave. And this ran for some time. What did Bert charge you for that?
Starting point is 00:13:01 Yes! Bert likes to get paid. I know he does. I know he does. We love him. After that appearance, it ran for like a month or two on my machine, and Adam got tired of it, and Adam called me and he said, will you get that guy off your phone? Why don't you have someone like Adam West do it?
Starting point is 00:13:23 So I did. Is that what happened? Yes. That's great. That's classic. Bert was great with us. Yeah. Yeah. off your phone why did you have someone like adam west do it so i did that what happened yes that's great yes that's classic burt was great with us yeah yeah he was a surprise he protected the legacy yes the way some of these people do because gilbert kept asking him about sexual stuff yes and he said yeah he said gilbert i'm 17 years old. Yeah, good guest.
Starting point is 00:13:48 And he had a sense of humor. Both of them had a great sense of humor. They both had great senses of humor. Don't you think? Yeah. I mean, to hear that all those years, you have to. And Adam kind of denied his thing that Bert put in his book, that Bert had a very large codpiece. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 00:14:03 The thresher, they used to call Burt Ward. Yes. Adam didn't buy that. He didn't. That's what he told me. Okay. We're making news. God forbid this episode gets out.
Starting point is 00:14:16 Okay. We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's amazing colossal podcast after this. Baseball is finally back. Get in on Major League action and swing for the fences with BetMGM, the king of sportsbooks. Log in or sign up to play along as BetMGM brings the real-time action. Embrace a season's worth of swings with BetMGM, your one-stop shop for all things baseball.
Starting point is 00:14:45 BetMGM.com for Ts and Cs. 19 plus to wager. Ontario only. Gambling problem? Call Conax Ontario at 1-866-531-2600. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Introducing TD Insurance for Business. With customized coverage options for your business.
Starting point is 00:15:01 Because at TD Insurance, we understand that your business is unique, so your business insurance should be too. Whether you're a shop owner, a pet groomer, a contractor, or a consultant, you can get customized coverage for your business. Contact a licensed TD Insurance advisor to learn more. Let me see who else we have. Here's a wild card one. When you sent me these clips, these people I knew that you had worked with
Starting point is 00:15:31 because we discussed them. And these are the kind of people that show up at these autograph shows. But this one surprised me. This was out of left field. Dave? Hello, you insignificant person. This is Larry Bud Melman. Gino is far too busy to return your call.
Starting point is 00:15:47 But you probably have nothing better to do than leave your name and number at the beep. Ha, ha, ha, ha. I love that, man. I did, too. A late Calvert DeForest. That's right. Whenever they put him out live anywhere, he was a disaster, but that's what made it so funny. A disaster.
Starting point is 00:16:07 The first celebrity I ever wrote for. Really? Yeah. For what purpose? What was he doing? For the Millie Martin Celebrity Roast. I was a young... Remember James Dixon?
Starting point is 00:16:17 Remember when he was handling both of us? Oh, yes, yes. At William Morris a million years ago? I got a call. I was a young writer, and I got a call saying Larry Bud Melman is going to be a roaster on this day. You know, they had Mickey Mantle. They had Shecky, Alan King,
Starting point is 00:16:32 the usual suspects. And they were going to dress Melman up in a baseball uniform and pass him off as Billy Martin's Little League coach. So he needed scripted material. Yeah, what they call special material. That is great. Can you tell that Pearl Harbor story?
Starting point is 00:16:48 Which one? About James Dixon? Oh. I better not. All right, now this is going to cause everybody. Let's not piss off anyone powerful. I'm still shocked that Gilbert has an agent. Well, this was the 80s.
Starting point is 00:17:04 Until they realized he didn't want to pay commissions. Now, when you say Alan King, I think of a great experience you had with Alan King when he asked you to do a charity event. Yes.
Starting point is 00:17:16 Talk about what you wore. Yeah. So, you know, Alan King's out there in a tux, all done up, Vegas style. And I came out in,ux, all done up, Vegas style. And I came out in like jeans and a sweatshirt. What you're wearing now.
Starting point is 00:17:30 Yeah. You look like Mr. Green Jeans. Yeah. And when I got off stage and the audience is applauding, Alan King is the emcee. So he walks out on stage and watches me walk off and then he turns to the audience and goes, when I go on stage
Starting point is 00:17:51 my suit is cleaned and pressed. My hair is combed. And then he walks out like he rolled around in shit. And I bet you that was one of your great honors of your life.
Starting point is 00:18:14 Yeah. So he was old school show business and he was personally offended that you weren't. Again, Paul comes back to Paul Feig wearing a suit. Right. Respect show business. Right. That's why I wore a suit. Of course.
Starting point is 00:18:26 For Paul. That's funny. Yes. That is really funny. Now, getting back to Larry Budd. A lovely guy. Right. A lovely, lovely guy.
Starting point is 00:18:34 But, you know, if you hear that when you call me, maybe you get tired of it or insulted by it. Yeah. Do you have the clip from the beloved professor, Russell Johnson? I just might have that one. Dave, what do you think? Listen, fuck you, Larry. Butt Melvin. Anyway, this is Russell calling
Starting point is 00:18:53 for Gino. That's pretty funny. Anyway, Gino, it's Wednesday, and it's a little after 5 o'clock. Give me a call if you can before this thing in Tacoma on Saturday. I have a couple of questions I'd like to ask. I haven't heard anything from anybody about it all.
Starting point is 00:19:15 Anyway, so give me a call when you can. And after that call, he made a radio work with Seawater. Oh, yes. What a sweet guy he was. Sweet guy. Never met him. Yeah. water oh yes yeah that's what a sweet guy he was sweet guy never met him yeah just and when i hear that i'm seeing him in the white shirt and the khakis the way he was on gilligan's i love that
Starting point is 00:19:31 russell johnson is calling gino getting larry bud melman's recorded answering machine oh yeah fuck you larry bud i loved him so much russell. And Bob Denver wrote a book. And in the book, he claimed that Tina Louise would have sex in the dressing room next to him and he would hear it through the wall. And Tina Louise was furious. So in People Magazine, she wrote a letter to the editor and it said, I don't care what Bob Denver says. I know what happened. And anyway, I'm happy being here in New York watching the leaves turn red and yellow. So Russell wanted me to send that to him. I sent it to him, and I get a copy back where he wrote, she can watch this turn red and yellow.
Starting point is 00:20:13 Unbelievable. Oh, he was feisty. Yes, but so funny. Yeah. So funny. We love him in that Twilight Zone episode where he has to try to prevent the Lincoln assassination. Oh, my God, yes. Yes. Wonderful. Wonderful under God, yes, yes.
Starting point is 00:20:25 Wonderful. Wonderful, underutilized actor. Yes. When I hear that, oh my God, yes, yes, you know I do a Gilbert impression. Let's hear it. Okay. You are a guest complimenting Gilbert on how great he is. You know, Gilbert, I have to tell you this. I'm really thrilled to be here on the podcast because I'm really a longtime fan of yours. I've seen all your stand-up specials. I love your work. I have your CDs.
Starting point is 00:20:47 You're really quite brilliant. Oh, thank you. Oh, thank you. I hear people say, you say, we just scratched the surface. That's my favorite. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:04 What I love is when he fakes enthusiasm. When I say, Gil, you know, you were in that movie with that person. Back in this, you guys. Oh, wow. Yeah. Careless. And it's turned into, except he's a little more shrewd than older relatives. When you're talking about your grandpa who's in the room and you try to engage him in the conversation said uh grandpa you like soup too don't you oh wow
Starting point is 00:21:31 he resents that i do that but i try to bring him back into the show he caught on yeah it's kind of like someone will be talking about Citizen Kane, and I'll be here quiet, and Frank will go, well, you once walked with a cane. You heard Frank. You walked with a cane. Anything. Anything. He's still mad that I slipped him the paper that said Greg Evigan, because he was about to say glenn
Starting point is 00:22:11 during the sign off right i actually it was like like those scenes in movies where you see the person where they slow the film down right you see the lips going someone's talking about gone with the wind and frank will go well you wear a jacket when it's windy. Oh, yeah. Oh. He has like six or seven fake interest reactions. There are so many drinking and drug games going on out there. Drugs? People taking opioids? Yeah, they're like smoking crack every time. That's not true because they didn't know where that was.
Starting point is 00:22:47 When I was a kid. Oh, yes. That's another one. All right. Let's see. I'm trying to remember what we had queued up. Oh, speaking of Russell Johnson. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:23:00 Oh, yeah. Gilbert, you have a Johnson, right? Oh, yeah! Gilbert, you have a Johnson, right? Oh, yeah! Will you tell people what that is? Because now we're really scratching. Timmy Rogers. Teddy Rogers. Timmy Rogers.
Starting point is 00:23:13 Give him the note. You see what I mean? Oh, yeah! We watched together a YouTube video of him singing. And he starts off playing the guitar going, Hey, bottom wants to go to Hammond, but no bottom wants to die. And then he would tell a joke and go, oh, yeah. We got to find that.
Starting point is 00:23:36 Well, you have a guest coming up who wrote his comedy album. Yes, we do. Ron Friedman is coming on the show. So here's another one of your beloved friends, someone you used to book, doing you a solid. Hi, this is the Skipper. Gino can't come to the phone right now.
Starting point is 00:23:54 Last time I saw him, he was skinny dipping in the lagoon with Ginger and Marianne. Leave your name and number, and Gino will get back to you as soon as possible. The great Alan Hale Jr. Alan Hale Jr. He was the first person I booked.
Starting point is 00:24:09 He was the skipper. Yes. And we went out to, the first time I was with him, we went out for dinner. And first of all, he ordered two entrees, which of course the skipper would do. That's a Gilbert move. Do you do that? As long as someone else is picking up the check. And the most expensive dessert.
Starting point is 00:24:27 Three to go home. Well, not that stereotypes ever get played on this show, but it was a young Asian waiter. A young Asian waiter who recognized him but wasn't quite sure. And he said, and now I'm going to be Gilbert. But he goes, are you Captain from Girigan? And he said, no, I'm going to be Gilbert. But he goes, are you Captain from Girigan? And he said, no, I'm from McHale's Navy. And the guy goes, oh, McHale's Navy. He thought he was Ernest Borgnine.
Starting point is 00:24:51 Oh, my God. And when we would do an appearance, he'd wear the skipper's hat. And when I wasn't looking, he would hit me over the head with the hat. And I'd look at him and he'd say, well, you know, that fan wanted me to do it, but I know you won't sue me. Unbelievable. I was that guy. You're suddenly doing stunts.
Starting point is 00:25:09 Right. That's right. Suddenly you're the Bob Denver stand-in. Yes. My God. I know you were very emotional when you lost him. I know you were really fond of the guy. He was a good, good man.
Starting point is 00:25:17 He called me from the hospital and it just broke my heart. That's a shame. At least you have this. Right. You have this to remember him by. And all the times he whacked you in the head. We have another one here, and this is from somebody who worked with Gilbert, loved Gilbert, and co-starred in a commercial with Gilbert.
Starting point is 00:25:37 This is Florence Henderson and Carol Brady. Gino is not available right now. He and Marsha, well, they're out on the town. Leave a message at the beep, and if those crazy kids ever get home, Gino will be sure to call you right back. Talk about missing someone. Yeah, she was great. She was so great, and she loved Gilbert's act
Starting point is 00:25:58 to the point where she recited one of her favorite routines. Do you know which one it was? Oh, which one? About Humphrey Bogart going to the post office. Oh, yes. Go ahead. Okay, Humphrey Bogart in the post office. Bam.
Starting point is 00:26:15 And to see Carol Brady imitating Gilbert. Imitating Humphrey Bogart. Yes. What an homage. I loved her. She was so great. And I booked her for a concert, and it was in my town. So I had my mother, my aunt, and my grandmother there.
Starting point is 00:26:29 And Florence actually told this story at the unveiling of her star on the Walk of Fame because she was nice enough to invite me there. So she's performing. All of a sudden, I see my grandmother stand up in her late 80s and start clapping. And Florence was so touched. And after I said, oh, that was really nice of you to my grandma, and she said, oh, I had a leg cramp. I had to stand up.
Starting point is 00:26:52 I couldn't keep sitting. Florence Henderson caught crabs. From Mayor Lindsay. Yes. New York's Mayor Lindsay. She went public with that. That was very strange. When we're doing a touching tribute to Florence Henderson, then Gilbert can come.
Starting point is 00:27:08 I only wish I could have been at her funeral to tell that story. That's another thing he does. You know what they call the treacle cutting in screenwriting? That's what he does. As soon as there's a touching or a warm or a sentimental moment, he crabs. Well, and let's talk about how respectful he is with death. If he calls me and says, let's say it was you, he said, you know, I'd like to have lunch with Frank Santopi. I know you died.
Starting point is 00:27:35 Because every celebrity that dies, I get a phone call and that's what he says. I hope it doesn't come to that. I hope that's not how you find out. No, I don't want to hear it. he says. I hope it doesn't come to that. I hope that's not how you find out. No, I don't want to hear it. Tell us as we wind this down, there's
Starting point is 00:27:52 a George Burns story? Okay, yes. I got a little intel, a little inside information that when George Burns, a few months before his death, he fell and he hurt himself. Okay, see, Gilbert's laughing already. You're a sick man, Godfrey.
Starting point is 00:28:07 Gilbert, do you know how he fell? He was taking to shit. You know, you really should be a writer. You put things so beautifully. He is. He is. He's a regular Thoreau. And I'm horrified by this.
Starting point is 00:28:22 I feel horrible about it. I'm so sad about it. And then, of course, I hear George Burns on the phone. And he would make up songs about falling off the toilet. Okay. My head went tap. I was
Starting point is 00:28:36 taking a crap. My head had a thump. I was taking a dump. It's like George Burns via Jerry Seinfeld and Walter Matthau. My skull. Oh, I can't wait for this one. Oh, my God. My skull got hit.
Starting point is 00:28:57 I was taking a shit. Good Lord. All right. I'm in a fog. I was dropping a log. Now he's Ogden Nash. And Frank, I know we're wrapping up. Yes.
Starting point is 00:29:17 But Gilbert hit me with a bit of research. I don't know how he knows. What's that? Oh. Well, this happened to me. Growing up, there was a kiddie show host named Big Lee. This is true, by the way. This happened to you, of course.
Starting point is 00:29:36 Yes. And I one time was interviewing Big Lee. Actually, I took him to lunch. See how he gets the story? No, I took him to lunch. It's the story wrong and what happened at least don't interrupt okay okay i was interviewing big lee my favorite childhood kiddie show host and and he said to me he was drunk
Starting point is 00:30:06 he said you want a drink and i said no and he said you got an aversion to cunt Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Can I tell you what he said? Yeah, tell the real story. I think this is what I, you know, growing up in Milwaukee, I used to watch it. I didn't know you grew up there. That's interesting. I thought I knew that. I find Big Lee, Frank, my beloved children's show host, and I take him to lunch, and he was really old and very frail.
Starting point is 00:30:44 So we sit down, and he goes, are you going to have a drink? And I said, no, I don't drink or smoke. And he looks at me with a gleam in his eye, and he says, do you have an aversion to pussy? No, I think you said cunt. No, he didn't. It's such a nicer story the way you tell it. It is a nicer story.
Starting point is 00:31:01 So I'm interviewing Robin Williams shortly after that for the movie Death to Smoochie where he plays a movie a movie i actually liked yes i did too so i tell him the story and the camera rolls as i say do you have an aversion and robin starts laughing so hard he has tears running down his face and then he becomes big lee wow you know why kids because big lee loves pussy He just started doing the show. Right, right. That's brilliant. And he created a sidekick that didn't exist who had his voice box missing. I mean, it was...
Starting point is 00:31:32 Oh, my God. I couldn't air one second of it. You have lived a charmed life to have interacted with all these people. Until one dark day. The way you have. When he walked into my life. And it all went to shit. That's right.
Starting point is 00:31:41 Now, do you have any recordings of other girls who want to fuck me? I have a new policy. Be Ben Derrick. Yeah, exactly. No, I have stopped mentioning Gilbert to attractive women because everyone says what? Yeah, she said, oh, I love him. That's right. Like it's a Three Stooges girlfriend.
Starting point is 00:32:02 Remember all the girlfriends at the Stooges? Of course. Of course. I'm going to break that next time, I promise you. Do you have anything to plug? I have nothing to plug. I'm sorry to say, you can see my interviews on YouTube. Oh, yeah, you interviewed William Shatner recently live. Yes, but that's not on YouTube because that doesn't belong to me.
Starting point is 00:32:19 And I learned on YouTube, you better put stuff up that belongs to you. Well, just tell us quickly how Shatner was. He was fantastic. You did a one-on-one with him in Milwaukee. Yes, and we were talking backstage. It was his birthday, and he was so fantastic. And I had mentioned that Mel Brooks had done this and how great Mel Brooks was. And he said, well, what did he do?
Starting point is 00:32:36 I said, well, he took questions from the audience, and a woman in the audience said to him, briefs or boxers? And he said, depends. And the audience laughed really hard. So we're in the middle of the interview on stage, and out loud, Shatner goes, ask me what kind of underwear I wear. So I said, do you wear boxers or briefs? And Shatner goes, depends. And the crowd erupts in laughter, and he leans to me, and he goes, I steal from the best. That's a great story.
Starting point is 00:33:05 I love that. But the YouTube channel, watch Gino TV. Okay. So he does have something to play. G-I-N-O. Okay. Gino TV. And thanks again.
Starting point is 00:33:14 Thank you. I want to say to our listeners that Gilbert, not Gilbert, Gino. Gilbert does nothing for the show. Gilbert helped us book Gino Conforti, Richard Donner, Tony Sandler, Art Mitrano. You've become an angel Ron Friedman the upcoming Ron Friedman Ron Friedman is going to be I'm going to tell you right now
Starting point is 00:33:30 we can't wait this is going to be the biggest treat he is perfect for this podcast we can't wait thank you thank you for all you've done thank you fellows
Starting point is 00:33:36 thank you for entertaining us we have one last clip for you to listen to this may sound familiar I understand that you were able to get George Hamilton not to tan. He is horrible.
Starting point is 00:33:59 He is horrible. Has anyone written you to say, please stop playing that? No. In fact, we want to book her for the show. That's like a person who heard the word laugh. Right. And they said it's a sound that comes out of the body and didn't quite ever hear a laugh. It's like an alien. Yes, exactly.
Starting point is 00:34:22 Okay, this has been Gilbert and Frank's amazing colossal podcast. Obsessions. Ah, fuck it. Ah, fuck it. And we've had someone who stole my Big Lee story.
Starting point is 00:34:40 He's taken most of your good stories. Gino Salo. Thanks, pal. You are the greatest. Love you. He's taking most of your good stories. Geno Sal. Thanks, pal. Thank you. You are the greatest. Thank you. Love you.
Starting point is 00:34:54 Thank you. It was so much fun. They'll tighten that up, right? What? Those pauses. Oh, yeah. Frank will do all that. Frank's the best. Thank you.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.