Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Mini-Ep #100: Listener Tweets!

Episode Date: February 23, 2017

Gilbert and Frank Read Listener Tweets Naked Walter Matthau! Munchkins gone wild! "The Man Who Loved Cat Dancing"! The Alan Ladd story gets a theme song! And the strange death of Professor Backwards! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is brought to you by FX's The Bear on Disney+. In Season 3, Carmi and his crew are aiming for the ultimate restaurant accolade, a Michelin star. With Golden Globe and Emmy wins, the show starring Jeremy Allen White, Io Debrey, and Maddie Matheson is ready to heat up screens once again. All new episodes of FX's The Bear are streaming June 27, only on Disney+. That's the sound of unaged whiskey transforming into Jack Daniel's Tennessee whiskey in Lynchburg, Tennessee. Around 1860, Nearest Green taught Jack Daniel how to filter whiskey through charcoal for a smoother taste, one drop at a time. This is one of many sounds in Tennessee with a story to tell. To hear them in person, plan your trip at tnvacation.com.

Tennessee sounds perfect. It's the mailbag. Doorbell rings, he drops it back outside. When we read the fucking mail, it's a hell of a ride. One for my buddy, two for the show. Three orange slices and away we go. Listen to mail. Listen to mail. Gilbert and Frank's very amazing colossal mailbag. Colossal mailbag. Colossal mailbag.

Mailbag! Hi, this is Gilbert Gottfried, and I'm here with my co-host, Frank Santopadre. We're once again at Nutmeg with our engineer, Frankfurt Rosa. And this is Gilbert and Frank's amazing colossal obsessions. Lovely. Yes. You're such a pro. You're a pro's pro.

And our trusty researcher, Paul Rayburn. Oh, that's what he does. Well, it's a legend. Allegedly. A word we like to use on this show. He's still looking for that serial killer who liked, I told, this was once ago. That's right. I said there was a serial killer who liked

Seasons in the Sun. Right. And you're still looking for that. Well, you can't just do something like that in two or three months. It takes time. Where did you come up with that? He based his crimes on Seasons in the Sun? No, no. He was just a serial killer, but he liked

that show. I thought it was much more sinister and clever than that. Serial killers have a human side. I think he should have based his crimes on obscure top 40 singles. Okay, here we go. We're going to do a Twitter episode. We haven't done one of these in a while. We did a Facebook episode recently to appease all of the Facebook people who said,

Hey, you assholes, why don't you do a Facebook episode? I'm not even on Twitter. They had a point. They had a point. We did it. That was fun. We'll do it again. Right now, we're going to suck up to the Twitter crowd because tweets, we get them.

Let's start here. Aaron Carruthers. Aaron Carruthers. May the sweet bird of happiness. The sewers of Rangoon. This disturbs me, too, when people tweet at celebrities telling them to do our show.

Oh, yes. Hey, Tim Conway. But we take no responsibility. Here's someone tweeting at Jeff Bridges. Can you appear on the podcast with Frank Santopadre and Gilbert? There's history with you and Gilbert. And it makes me wonder, what is someone like Jeff Bridges thinking when they see that? Yeah.

I have history with Gilbert Gottfried because maybe it's not as important to him as it is to you. What happened? See, I think Jeff Bridges, 24 hours a day, has this old consuming obsession. What is Gilbert doing now? Damn him! Remember the bit you used to do about the turtle yelling at the guy? Oh, yes, yes. Still doing it. He's still doing the turtle bit.

I'm tightening up my- Oh, isn't it a plastic palm tree? Oh, yes. I'm tightening up my gun smoke episode. My bit. Your Festus material? Yes. You're freshening it?

This is from The Monster. He's someone who tweets us a lot. He has a lovely Boris Karloff. What is this called? An avatar, Paul? Yeah, the image on Twitter. That's just a picture. A profile pic?

Trying to be professional here. Trying to join the 21st century. I'm going to see Real Gilbert at the DC Improv tonight. So what do you think? Orange or tangerine wedges? Now, people have started bringing you fruit. Yes. Is this correct?

Is that right? Two people have already brought me Joker dolls. And one of them brought me a Joker doll with a little bag of plastic oranges. Little oranges. That's a lot of thought going into this. Did you bring it home? Yeah. And somebody, I have it on my dresser.

They painted me a picture of the Joker bending over and little boys throwing off switches. Of course, you got that great art from our friend Gene Beretta. You still have that one? Oh, with the Lon Chaney? No, is that what you're referring to? Oh, yes, yes, yes. That's from our friend Gene Beretta. Yeah, and Gene, if you're listening, that one is proudly displayed on Gilbert's credenza.

Axe Girl. Axe Girl. Axe Girl, G-R-R-L. If you ever do a listener contest, the prize should be Gilbert recording their outgoing voicemail message as Old Groucho. There's an idea. People loved Ronnie Shell and the chicken. Yes.

The Alan Ladd chicken story. For those of you who may have missed that episode, character actor, comic character actor, Ronnie Schell said that the old leading man from like the 40s or something. Yeah, Alan Ladd. This gun for hire. Yeah, and Shane. Class key.

And he said, he swears that Alan Ladd was into gathering a group of attractive women. They'd form a circle and Alan Ladd would stand naked in the middle of the circle with a live chicken. And then the women would all start dancing around and singing, You simply got to fuck that chicken! He does it well. That's it. You do it like Margaret Dumont. Yes!

But it's funny, like, all the women in movies sounded that way. Yes. They all had that. Marie Dressler. Yes. Oh, my God. That was, Ronnie matched us. Yes. Our friend John Murray, our occasional,

what would you call John, our theme composer, one of our theme composers along with the great John Fodiatis set the, did you hear that? Did I share it with you? No. He set the Simply Got to Fuck That Chicken to a, what did he make out of it? A jingle.

A theme. Yeah, he made a whole. A mini theme. He added a whole band behind the thing. Oh, great. And he's got. Yeah. Yeah.

You simply got to fuck that chicken. You simply got to fuck that chicken. You simply got to fuck that chicken. You've simply got to fuck that chicken. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck that chicken. You've simply got to fuck that chicken. You've simply got to fuck that chicken. You've simply got to fuck that chicken. You simply got to fuck. I was on the phone with my ex-girlfriend last night.

She said, I really love the Ronnie Shell episode, but I don't understand what he did with the chickens. He didn't actually have sex with the chickens. What's the point of a ritual of dancing around? How is that in any way erotic? Nancy, I don't know. Nancy's overthinking a little bit. She's overthinking it. And then Alan Ladd would throw oranges at the chicken.

Really? Yes. Peaches swearingen. I just want to figure out how to make a ringtone out of Ronnie Shell's Alan Ladd chicken song. What I love is the creativity of our listeners. Someone dug out, several people dug out, photographs of Alan Ladd in a chicken coop or in a chicken, what would you call it,

on a chicken farm. Chicken hotel. Chicken hotel. Yeah, the chicken arms. Anthony Chirico, I hope I'm saying his name right. As a paisan, I should know this, sends a Photoshop. This is a rare picture of the least favorite Marx brother, Juco. And it's Gilbert.

If you guys haven't seen this, check out Anthony's Photoshop. Nice Photoshop. Oh, yeah. It's you over Chico. Let's see. Reed Hawkins, a nice compliment. There's more anticipation about who will be Frank and Gilbert's podcast guests on Monday than for the Super Bowl game.

Isn't that nice? I love stuff like this. Scott A. Rosenberg tweets, my dream guest for your show is Gary Portnoy. He is the writer of the themes for Cheers and Mr. Belvedere. Oh, now here's something. Odd? Yes. Okay.

One time I was doing some guest spot on some sitcom, and on the studio set, somebody ran in, and they still had Mr. Belvedere on the air. Oh, yes, yes. Christopher Hewitt. And they said, they're closing down for the day because he had to be taken to the hospital. And I thought, oh, my God. You know, I thought he's a big fat guy. He probably had a stroke or a heart attack. And the word was that he accidentally sat on his balls.

Wait a minute. Mr. Belvedere sat on his balls. Wait a minute. Mr. Belvedere sat on his balls? Accidentally sat on his balls. Well, you wouldn't do it on purpose, I guess. That's like the worst Hollywood Babylon story ever. Where do you come by this stuff? Someone told me, and it was on the set, and I just pictured him in his butler outfit. Someone's.

We will return to Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast after this. And now back to the show. We're always talking about doing merch for the show, and it's in the works three years later. I was thinking of making these plastic squash testicles. Were you? Yes. I was going to say, we could do our own Hollywood Babylon coffee table book.

Oh, my God. Forgive me for saying coffee table. Yeah. This is from Evan. This is fun trivia. You can look this up, Paul. Hey, in Me and Mrs. Jones, which we talked about, because Billy Paul passed.

We had that on the memoriam. There's a tiny sax riff right before Billy starts singing. Listen to it. It's the song Secret Love. Once I had a secret love. Yes. And that's an old jazz standard. Can that be?

Can that be? That's an old jazz standard. Can that be? Once I had a secret love. That's very, very interesting. I love little, what do they call those? Easter eggs, little things like that. Let's see. Mrs. Yaka Fluss.

I listen to, she tweets a lot. Let's see. Mrs. Yockaflus. I listen to... She tweets a lot. She's fun. I listen to The Real Gilbert and Frank Santopardi. Wonderful show about Mary Tyler Moore.

Wonderful tribute. People wrote and didn't realize we had hearts. Yeah. So there you go. Furious Cinema. Also, that's a fun

Twitter account. He's quoting Howard Kalin referring to Lulu, who he has no love for, as a short little squat nugget who had no neck. That's because Lulu dissed the turtles when they first arrived in the U.K. Now, he's the one who also, wasn't he the one that told us what a prick John Lennon was? Although I must say there's been an update on that. Someone sent me an article,

which was an interview with the musician in question. I think his name is Jim Tucker. And apparently Jim Tucker has no recollection of John Lennon being unkind to him. Oh. So there's a discrepancy. So we have to get to the bottom of that. But yes, that was on Howard's episode. I do have a recording of John Lennon saying,

Jim, would you take a shit on the glass coffee table? I'm going to lie underneath it. Your John Lennon sounds a little bit like, what was that? Ronald Coleman? No, then it would be, ah, take your shit on a glass coffee table. Do it again. Do the Lennon again.

I want to... Jim, could you take a shit on a glass coffee table? Very strange. Not really coffee table. Very strange. Not really Liverpoolian. Very strange. Bev, Bev wants to know. And I think

George said could you take a shit on a glass coffee table? This has to turn up in every episode. If we had the Pope in here, he would ask him, Bev, have you guys ever asked John Saxon to appear on the show? Yeah, we've talked about him. He's come up.

We've got to chase him. I would like to have John, if they're both still alive, John Saxon and Don Gordon. You want to have them in together? Yeah, to see if you could tell them apart. Right. I could never tell them apart. Right.

And we'll have Montel Williams and Lou Gossett. Yes. Or like Richard Long and Gig Young. Right. R-E-C-D-L-E-M-A-S-T-O-R. Tops a book, both of those guys at this point. Howard Kalin, Joe Dutra. Joe Dutra writes, Howard Kalin sounds like Robert Schimmel had a baby with Jason Alexander.

Not sure what that means, but I like it. Aaron Alcott, I love the Howard Kalin episode. Howard is funny as hell. When is the Gilbert Sings the Turtles album? Let's hope it doesn't come to that. I really think you're groovy. Let's go out to a movie. Adam Lance writes, that was a great episode today. I assume he means the Howard Kalin episode because it was two days old. The highlight of the episode was Gilbert's Muppet laugh at an hour and 18. Did you emit a Muppet laugh?

No. Mmm. Somebody hacked into the episode and put a Muppet laugh. Well, we were hacked by the Russians. Yes. That's true. Which Gilbert? Yeah, that's right.

I love that. Okay, so here's a guy. You know, because I get tweets from Putin. Do you? Yes. We should get Putin. Yeah. I think it would from Putin. Do you? Yes. We should get Putin. Yeah. I think he likes old American gangster movies.

I would think so. Mikey Anastasio, is this just more of the incidental nudity that drives Gilbert Wilde? And he sent us a picture of a nude Walter Matthau playing a piano. Very disturbing. Well, now I've got a hard-on. Well, I would like to know what movie that came from. I love this one from Bill Schaefer. Frank, no need to warn of the sound quality on the Howard Kalin episode.

It was wonderful. Great. Gilbert, on the other hand. Terrific, terrific. Let's see who else we have here. I'm flying through these. Craig Peters. Hey, if anyone would know this, you guys would.

The name of the laughing comedian who went bleh, bleh. Was there a laughing comedian? I remember Saturday Night Live. Oh, you mean Professor Backwards. Yeah. Yeah, that's a different thing. But I don't remember anyone going bleh, bleh. How do they spell bleh, bleh? Bleh, B-L-E-H, B-L-E-H.

He won't find it. Why is he even trying? Well, I got to do something. He has no confidence in you. He may be, in fact, thinking of Professor Backwards. I think that's it. Yeah. Who used to talk backwards.

Yeah. And so his last words before he died were, bleh, bleh. Right. Was he murdered, Professor Backwards? Yeah, he was being murdered or something like that. And he's yelling, bleh, bleh. That's interesting trivia. Mark Anthony.

Mark Anthony. I'm hooked on the podcast, and I'm watching Boris Karloff and Charlie Chan at the opera. Oh, jeez. I thought that Karloff played Charlie Chan. He played Charlie Chan. Did he play Charlie Chan, or was he a villain? I'm thinking of the other guy that he played. Fu Manchu.

Fu Manchu. Fu Manchu, yeah. Yeah. What am I saying? Warner Oland. Corey Van Brugge. And Sidney Toler. Sidney Toler, Warner Oland.

And, oh, what's his name? Winter. Winter. Something Winter. Yes. Something Winter. Yes. Roland Winter. Roland Winter. Yes.

See, we're doing this without you, buddy. Oh, yeah, well, I know I get so involved in the research, I forgot I was on the podcast. All the references I get on PlePle are... Professor Backwards. Professor Backwards. Was he murdered? Was he murdered? Find that out.

Professor Backwards? Well, there was an SNL joke based on it. A famous Weekend Update joke. Corey Van Brookhoven did a nice little graphic tribute to the late Professor Erwin Corey, who we lost at 102. An absolute character. I think someone killed him. You do? Yeah.

It sounds awfully suspicious. I got murder stacked up here to look up now. Jonathan Phillips tweets, maybe Gilbert as Tony Curtis and Mario as Betty as Betty

Davis can sing happy birthday to you on the podcast. That's very nice. Thank you for the birthday message. God, I got so many lovely birthday messages from our fans. That was a treat. We'll try to get back to all of them. Okay. Oh, here, I got something.

Go ahead. Are we ready? From the Chicago Tribune, an AP story in 1976. The housekeeper of television nightclub personality Professor Backwards was charged Monday with armed robbery and murder in the death of the performer. There you go. He really was murdered. Whose real name was, any takers? James E. Edmondson. Of course.

Of course. Police said Michelle Ruth Sipp, 25, would be arraigned later in the day. How about that? Wow. Murdered by his maid. Yeah. There's a lesson there. So that's another creepy.

That's one of those stories like Raymond Navarro. Oh, yes. Who was the one that you guys like to talk about with Dana Gould? Oh, there's also Albert Decker. Albert Decker. That was scary. This underscores the point that every story told on this show is true. We've got proof, right?

See? Yes, every story told is true. Yeah, we pride ourselves. And I heard that Albert Decker, the girls on the table, the shit would go into their asses. It was all going backwards. Which isn't easy. Yes. Now you've confused Professor Backwards with Albert't easy. Now you've confused professor backwards with Alfred Decker.

Now you've done it. Let's see. Hilarious. Peter Gosch, G-H-O-S-H, Gosch. Gosch. On GGACP, that's us. Your In Memoriam song episode caused people to stare at me on the train as I laughed uncontrollably. I'm going to guess that's about your singing.

That was a very reverential episode. Yes. We're nothing if not reverential. Let's see. These are a lot of birthdays. If you have Ash, someone simply calling themselves Ash, if you have not already reached out, please consider booking James Hampton. You remember James Hampton?

He was Trooper Dobbs on F Troop. Oh, my God. He's in The Longest Yard and a couple of other films. Oh, we have to get all the living cast members of F Troop. Of F Troop? Well, how many are there? There's Ken Berry we had. Yeah, and Larry Storch.

And we lost Melody Patterson. Yeah. And I think Crazy Cat's gone. Yeah. And Frank DeCova is gone. And it's a safe bet Tom Steele. Here's Bob Steele. Bob Steele.

He was 90 then. Wow. Here's a good one. Bill Chuck writes, perfect fodder for the Real Gilbert podcast. Judy Garland was repeatedly molested by munchkins. And this is what we were talking about. This is really sick. That apparently there was a post-apostumous memoir published by Sid Luft, one of Judy's husbands, which is odd because he died in

2005. So why a new memoir is being released, and Paul, you can look this up, claims that the munchkins, and we've heard this, that they were horny and drunk. They would put their hands under her dress. Yeah. Yeah. And this was like an underage Judy. She was 16.

Yeah. She was 16. Yeah. So they were feeling her up and you know you hear the stories I'm reading the article and someone says I it may have been according to the memoir that that uh they were drunk all the time they were running around they were catch them with butterfly nets and which I hope is true Chevy Chase what, what was that? The other side? Under the Rainbow. Yeah, Under the Rainbow. He was saying they had a few of the originals there,

and he said they were drunk farting munchkins. Yeah. Yeah. Although that is being disputed. That they farted? No. No. One of the munchkins, I think she passed.

One of the munchkins. I can she passed. One of the munchkins. I can't even get this out. It's so bizarro. We should do a whole episode. She passed gas. We should do a whole episode about Wizard of Oz oddities. Yes. Because there's a whole, like the myth.

The guy hanging. The myth of the munchkin, the hanging munchkin. They believe one munchkin hung himself, committed suicide, and you could see his body hanging from a tree. Right. There's a lot of, apparently, there's a lot of strange mythology. About the munchkins? It's not specifically the munchkins, but about Wizard of Oz. And none of them could fart.

They were born. So, I found a few things I know you can't live without on James Hampton. Okay, hit me. That's all you came up with, was James Hampton? Yeah, well, but here's the thing. You got Professor backwards. That's right. We'll give you that one.

He got, what you probably don't know is that in 1978, he played Captain Anderson in The Cat from Outer Space. Well, I think Ronnie Shell's in that one. Is that really? You've heard of The Cat from Outer Space? Of course I think Ronnie Shell's in that one. Is that really? You've heard of The Cat from Outer Space? Of course. I think Ken Berry's in it. He was also in The Man Who Loved Cat Dancing. He had a cat thing.

The Man Who Loved Cat Dancing was a Burt Reynolds movie with, I believe, Sarah Miles. Do you remember Sarah Miles? Oh, yes, yes. She did that graphic sex scene with Chris Christopherson, the sailor who fell from grace with the sea. Yeah. You know what I'm referring to? Yeah, yeah.

Of course you do. He was also in Police Academy 5, and that's probably quite a bit more about James Hampton than the list. I'd like to do a, we'll do a mini episode about Burt Reynolds movies, but it's a lot of interesting Burt Reynolds movies in the 70s. He would do. That was one of them. It was so weird. Man of Love Cat Dancing.

Because he'd go from doing quality movies to absolute shit. Well, he'd do things like Lucky Lady for Stanley Donnan. Yeah. You know, and Prestige Projects, although it bombed, and Long Last Love for Nickelodeon for our former guest Peter Bogdanovich. But then he'd do 15 car crash movies. Deliverance was a classic. Deliverance was unbelievable.

He was fabulous in that. We'll do something on that going forward. But do me a favor. Tell me if Ronnie Shell is also in The Cat from Outer Space. I can do that. As I wrap this up. And Johnny Ray, who I believe you roasted. I believe Johnny Ray was one of the people

who purchased a Patreon roast. And you tore him a new one. Thank you for having Bill Persky on. Such a treat to hear his stories, and I look forward to more. Bill is great and a gentleman, and he will love hearing that. The cat from outer space?

Hit me. Ronnie Shell. Hey, I don't... Come on now. Roddy McDowell. Roddy McDowell. Is Ken Berry in it? Sandy Duncan. Ken Berry.

Sandy Duncan. I'll give you the whole list. Roddy, Ken Berry, Sandy Duncan. I'm so sorry. Gary Morgan, Roddy McDowell, McLean Stevenson. Wow. What a cast.

What a cast in the cat from outer space. And the music by... Don't tell me. Don't tell me. Don't tell me. The music is by... The new Christy Minstrels? Just wanted to say that. Lalo Schifrin.

You serious? Oh, my God. Lalo Schifrin. Lalo Schifrin. Wow. We talked about doing a movie themes episode talking about people like Harry Mancini and Jerry Goldsmith. We'll do that. You have to research that.

Henry Mancini also did a lot of these cheap sci-fi pictures. Yes, I think he did some for Corman. Yeah. If I'm not mistaken. You know, maybe I said this before, but when I started looking at the themes, Lost in Space. Yeah. Remember that theme from that one yeah john williams john williams i think one of his first love those there's a great there's a great youtube

video of a couple of kids a couple of young people playing the star wars theme outside of john williams home and and he comes out of the house yeah to talk to them it's a great great sweet interesting people should go back and listen to the Lost in Space theme. I did not hear any hint of the greatness that was going to come from him. It's quite a, it's kind of a cheesy. I must take issue with that. I take umbrage, as a matter of fact. Take your umbrage. The second Lost in Space theme, and there were two, the second one kicks ass. I must have listened to the first. Frankie, can you take

us out with the second Lost in Space theme by John Williams? You're going to have to do a little research to not play the first one. The one I heard is the one da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da da We're going to go out on this great John Williams Lost in Space theme that Frankie's going to find. Oh, and Billy Mummy, of course, Lost in Space. Yeah, one of our guests just had a birthday. Who hated Alfred Hitchcock. He did.

All right, sir. I'm out of tweets, unless you want to hear 30 birthday tweets. Oh, yes. Keep them coming. Keep the gifts coming and the Photoshop's and... And everything else. This has been Gilbert and Frank's amazing, colossal obsession. Thank you, Frank.

Thank you, Paul. Now check out this theme song. What are you thanking Paul for? Well, he came all this way. it's amazing it's better. And this is John Williams. John Williams. It has such a John Williams sound to it.

Well, this is the thing. The first theme doesn't have anything like a John Williams sound to it. I told you the second one has it all over the first one. What happened to him between the first and the second theme? It's amazing. It's amazing. It's so funny. It just reeks of a John Williams composition. Big finish.

Yeah! If you want to know about Papillon Sousou Or Long Train Edgernia It's something we're used to Colossal obsessions These things that we've studied Like why Groucho helped Chico Cause he needed the money

If you have a comment On Cesar Romero And those oranges thrown by Those young caballeros. You can ask what you want, anything on our beds. But please keep it short, just like how they finish it. Listen up, man. they finish it Listen I'm back Listen I'm back

Yeah we'll answer your questions And that is the promise even the ones about Danny Thomas

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