Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Mini-Ep #43: Bob Hope Specials and Richard Lester

Episode Date: January 21, 2016

Each week, comedian Gilbert Gottfried and comedy writer Frank Santopadre share their appreciation of lesser-known films, underrated TV shows and hopelessly obscure character actors -- discussing, dissecting and (occasionally) defending their handpicked guilty pleasures and buried treasures. This week: The Man Who Owned California! John Lennon wins the war! And the comedy stylings of Jack Frost! Howl is a brand new app and website that changes the way you think about podcasts. It’s like Netflix, but for podcasts. With Howl Premium, you get exclusive access to dozens of original mini series, audio documentaries, and comedy albums, archives from WTF with Marc Maron and all the Earwolf shows and original mini­series that are truly unique. Go to http://howl.fm to get access to all this exclusive content on your iPhone, your Android phone and on the web for only $4.99/month. And with the promo code GILBERT, you get a full month of free trial! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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I remembered it this time. I'm impressed. You know, I should have had cue cards all this time. You know what I heard about Carson and cue cards? Did you know this? I heard Jackie, actually. We just had Jackie Martling on the show. That Carson would have his cue card guy move from side to side so he would do the jokes in succession.

And you would see him turn his head throughout the course of the monologue. Did you know that? No. So he would do one to the left and one to the center and one to the right. And he would keep having the guy move. Instead of flipping the cards, he would move down the line in succession. I heard that Bob Hope. Instead of flipping the cards, he would move down the line in succession. I heard that Bob Hope, when he was like, you know, like 500. Well, when his daughter was in his ear.

Oh, yes, yes. And his eyes were like beet red color. red color. And I heard, like, the cue cards, like, one letter was, like, would take up the side of a building. Did you ever see, I don't know, you know, I think that YouTube has been scrubbed of the last couple of Bob Hope specials, but there's one. Oh, there's this one where he's Jack Frost. Yes. I remember seeing that. Bless your heart for remembering that.

I remember seeing that when it was on. It's terrifying. And you can see it. It's on YouTube. Yeah, because he might as well be dead. There's no proof he's not dead. The way he looks. He looks like he's been dead

for five years. And he's dressed up in a Jack Frost outfit. And a pointed beard. He's got icicles hanging off of him. And a pointed hat with a ball on top. Yep. And she's... It's surreal. Dolores is doing all the singing.

Yes. And it is hard. Dolores is doing all the singing. Yes. And you could see if he is alive, he has no fucking idea of his own name. It's gold. Every now and then he says, I'm Jack Ross. Oh, yeah. I'm Jack Ross. It's truly wonderful. It's like a Bob Hope puppet.

I remember, I think Louis Anderson told me this story that Bob Hope, toward the end of his life, was there. And it's like where he'd look out the tops of his eyes and you couldn't, he didn't know his name, whatever. And there were a group of people who are old cronies, like old writers and friends. And each one was going up and saying, oh, and Bob was a, Bob's a great man and a great humanitarian and a terrific guy and greatest comic, blah, blah, blah. And then one idiot in the crowd starts going, speech, speech. And it's like you could see Dolores panicking. Unbelievable.

Because, you know, Bob Hope should not be talking. Yes. And so that gets the rest of the crowd going, speech, speech, speech, speech. And Dolores nervously puts the mic to Bob's mouth and goes, Bob, would you like to say something? And he goes, decaf. It's sort of like Karloff saying the one word as the monster. Antipasto. Antipasto.

I heard another Bob Hope story. Give it to me. We're way off topic. Yeah. Well, I think it'll be Bob Hope this session. Your obsession's going to be Bob Hope. Yes. Because I heard another story. Of course, Bob Hope was... heard another story of course bob hope was in he would take those girls to uh overseas uh-huh

and for the uso tours yeah right yeah and i think pretty much i had heard stories he would like threaten to leave them in the middle of the jungle or wherever they were unless they fucked them. My story is not nearly as good as that. And, and, but they, I, I heard like a story like writers. If you work for Bob Hope,

you had to be like a fireman on call any hour of the night and day when the bell rang. And, you know, like, so he would think nothing of calling someone up day when the bell rang. And, you know, like, so he would think nothing of calling someone up at 3 in the morning and go, yeah, I need some jokes about Nixon going to China. And then they'd have to, like, get up. In the 90s. Yeah, yes, yeah, exactly. And so one time, one of the writers was in bed with his wife, and the phone rang. It was past midnight.

And the writer turned to his wife and said, okay, if that's Bob, I'm not here, okay? And so the phone rings. The wife picks it up, and she goes, hello. And I go, uh, yeah, she's serving there. And, uh, she goes, oh, uh, no, Bob, he's not here. And he goes, oh, uh, well, do you, do you know where he's going? And no, I really don't. And, uh, well, you got any way of getting in touch with him and

she goes no I really have no way of getting in touch with him and you know you know and I'll be back and she goes no I don't and and then uh Hope goes well uh do you have any idea where he is? Do you have any idea where he is right now? And she goes, well, Bob, he told me he was going to your house. And right on cue, Bob Hope goes, ah, gee, I'm sorry. There he is now. He just walked in. Hilarious.

You ever hear of a guy named Gene Perret? P-E-R-R-E-T. That name sounds so familiar. I believe he's still with us. He was Bob Hope's probably number one guy, his number one writer. Yeah. And probably now living in Toluca Lake somewhere, Bob Hope country, I think we could probably track him down and get him on the show.

If we don't send this to him. Also not a rush. Also not a rush. Someone I know lived in the Valley said he saw Bob and Dolores toward the end, and they were in a supermarket, like a Ralph's in L.A., and they got to the register, and she went into her purse and pulled out a coupon. Oh! Like a 90-cent coupon off of cream corn. And meanwhile, he owned Toluca Lake.

He owned Los Angeles. He owned Los Angeles. Yeah. Yeah. So, I think the three people owned. He owned Toluca Lake. He owned Los Angeles. He owned Los Angeles. Yeah. Yeah. I think the three people owned California. Well, Gene Autry. Yeah.

Yeah. Gene Autry, Bob Hope, and I think, oh, Bing Crosby. And Harold Lloyd. Yeah. Harold Lloyd. Harold Lloyd. Yeah. And Fred McMurray. That's right.

Fred McMurray. Owned a lot of. Yeah. Fred McMurray. That's right, Fred McMurray. Owned a lot of. Yeah, Fred McMurray. Yeah, and I think between all of those, they own the state of California. So your obsession, completely by accident, because we got talking about cue cards, are bad Bob Hope specials. You know what I miss? The ones where he used to do, like, where he'd play a cheerleader with Ann Jillian.

Oh, jeez. The ones in the 80s where he'd put the giant bazooms under the sweater. And the rouge. My wife says they don't call it rouge anymore. It's a blotch on his face. And I remember, too, with Bob Hope and Lucille Ball. And especially when they'd work together. And it was like I'd be a kid watching this and going, oh, my God, they're so out of touch. Oh, yeah. The beetle wig.

Yes, yes. They'd put a, you know, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm one of them Beatles. Or Lucy would be, hey, we're hippies. We got to find Dave Thomas and get him to come on and do his Bob Hope. Oh, yes. He's the best Bob Hope in the business. And then I remember they would do, yeah, they would do that. Oh, God.

And also, like, in Bob Hope's movies, first he started out as this kind of, like, wacky, eye-rolling, effeminate guy jumping around. He was funny. Yep, sure. And then in the later movies. Without Bing. Yeah. He became that TV Bob-O where he'd just stand there and talk. And it looked like he would take time for the laugh.

Yeah. Like they'd put in a laugh track. We'd do that mug face. Oh, yes. They used to have the football Americans would run out on the old Bob Hope specials. The college all-stars would come out and each one of them would hit their mark and

say, hi, Mr. Hope. You know, Fran Tarkenton. I can't remember the school he went to. You can. And he'd just look into the camera and do that bad take. And he had a line for each one of them, for like 40 players, as they would run out. And I remember, yeah, there were those later movies like Cancel My Reservation, which they'd never allow now because of the racism and

he basically it's it takes place in the west and he's basically bob hope but they don't call him bob hope right and at the end there's like a scene where it's a lynch mob and and the lynch mob is basically doing a bob hope roast and it's like and and it's so fucking obvious yeah that none of these people were there on the same day or even on the same location right they'd pull over, and all of a sudden, they'd be Johnny Carson and then Flip Wilson. Yeah, these cameos. Yeah. And it's like you'd go, they're nowhere near each other.

These were probably done months ago. What's worse, the later day Hope movies in the 60s or the specials, the TV specials in the 70s and 80s? Oh, God. If you could find those specials. I think they were taken out of circulation because he was so doddering. Those specials were scary. Yeah, his daughter, Linda Hope, he had an IFB in his ear, and she was whispering.

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a free trial. To redeem your promo code, make sure you create your account ono-w-l dot fm and use the promo code gilbert for one month free trial of howl premium i'm gonna change uh i'm gonna change courses here. I accidentally did it all. That's all right. We'll do a future episode. A famous director turned 84 today. And so I don't think we've ever talked about a director specifically for one of these things. Yeah, he was a child prodigy, born in Philadelphia. A lot of people think this guy was a Brit because he did his best work in Britain, and that's Richard Lester.

Yes, yes, that's one of those people everyone assumed was English because of Hard Day's Night, movies like that. But what's interesting about him, and he turned 84 today, I mean, he's been a recluse for years, which is another interesting thing about him, but he was born in Philly, and he did live television in Philly, and he was influenced by Ernie Kovacs, because Ernie Kovacs was working out of the same television studio, and he was a child prodigy. He went to college at 15 and was going to become a psychologist and then fell in love with show business. And he moved to the UK because he thought he would get more work. And that's how he was noticed by Peter Sellers. He went to work for The Goon Show. And that led to the Beatles basically handpicking him to make A Hard Day's Night and help. And he made some great films. I mean, not only those Beatles films.

He was on our original list. We talked about him for the show. I don't think he gives interviews, unfortunately. But did you ever hear a movie called The Knack and How to Get It? Yes, yes, about where it's like the nerdy English guy and the cool. Played by Michael Crawford, who would go on to become the nerdy English guy. Correct. And the cool. Played by Michael Crawford. Yes. Who would go on to become the Phantom of the Opera.

And he made that between the two Beatle movies. Terrific stuff. The first screened appearance of Jacqueline Bissett and Charlotte Rampling. Wow. By the way, the knack on how to get it, a little trivia. Oh, very important. Yes. Bissett.

What did I say? You said Bissett. Jacqueline Bissett. Bissett. Jacqueline. It's kind of like calling her Demi Moore instead of Demi Moore. What about Wit Bissell? And then he directed A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum, which was Keaton's last screen appearance.

So he worked with all of these great comedians he worked with Keaton he worked with Sellers and Spike Milligan and the Goons and then he made an anti-war picture called How I Won the War the one with John Lennon yes yes and he has this great body of work

Petulia with George C. Scott and Julie Christie you know that picture which he came back to America to do. And you don't hear much about him. You know, maybe if Hard Day's Night is dug out of mothballs or, you know, people are talking about the Beatle movies or some of the old cellar stuff. But he's really a great director with a great body of work.

And interestingly, there was a death of a famous British actor on the set of his last movie and there is some speculation that he held himself responsible for the death of this british actor named roy kinnear yeah who was injured in a stunt and broke his pelvis and then died of a heart attack in the hospital oh and that was in the late 80s, and he never directed another film. Because he made those three Musketeer pictures, the ones with Raquel Welch and Christopher Lee. And what's his name in it? Reid? Yeah, Oliver Reid was one of the Musketeers, and Michael York.

He made a revisionist Robin Hood movie called Robin and Marion with Sean Connery. He did some really great work and influenced Scorsese and Soderbergh and Coppola and the Coen brothers. And so if you guys don't know Richard Lester, look at his stuff. It's funny. It just gets me onto another thing of someone was talking to John Lennon

and he said when they were making that, when they were making A Hard Day's Night, they had sent this writer to travel with them. Paul's the whimsical one. Ringo is the silly little kid. George is the serious. And he said it was, you know, John said it was all bullshit. Oh, sure. Yeah. Oh, sure.

But those films are so much fun. I, Hard Day's Night still works. Yeah, it's just a joy. I just saw it in a movie theater, I think, two years ago or last year. And you've got to see the difference here. Well, I mean, not like you were expecting it to be a hard day's night, but the Spice Girls movie, Spice Girls was trying to be hard day's night. You saw the Spice Girls movie? Well, ten times.

Incredible. Because you don't get the full story. Right. Of course. You've got to come back. And you remember my Jessel Bissell Bissett, Christine? Of course. Of course.

That's what I was referencing. I never knew it was Jacqueline Bissett. Bissett. All these years. Bissett, was referencing. Yes. I never knew it was Jacqueline Bissett. Bissett. All these years. Bissett, Bessel. Whit Bessel. Yeah, Ted Bessel. Right.

Whit Bessel. Georgie Jessel. Isn't there a joke, a review by the Jewish press? We like Bessel, but only a Bessel. Bessel. Bessel, but only a Bessel. Oh, the Jewish press says we like Bessel, but only a— Oh, the Jewish press says we like Bessel, but only a Bessel. That's the first time I ever saw you do stand-up at the comic strip.

I saw you do that bit. Yeah. I'm going to date myself and you in the late 70s. Oh, jeez. Early 80s. Oh, jeez. So Richard Lester worked with everybody from the Beatles to Peter Sellers to Buster Keaton to Zero Mostel, Peter Cook and Dudley Moore. Marty Feldman is in The Bedsitting Room, which is a post-apocalyptic comedy.

Look at his films. He hasn't made a film in a long time. It's a long shot to get him on the show, but boy, wouldn't that be fun. Oh, that would be great. To talk to him about those Beatles movies. So today— And then Angillion to talk about—and then we'll call Angillion to talk about- Talk about Bob and Brooke Shields.

So you're 14. He was always so lecherous. He would have. So we've been talking about the great director Richard Lester. Richard Lester, who was not British. And the sad, hysterical decline of Pop Hope. Colossal depression. Yes, Gilbert and Gottfried's Colossal Suicidal Depression.

See you next time. Gilbert and Gottfried's Colossal Obsessions Colossal Obsessions Colossal Obsessions