Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast - Paul Reiser

Episode Date: January 20, 2020

Comedian, writer and Emmy-nominated actor Paul Reiser drops by the studio for a funny and intimate conversation about breaking into standup, shooting a (failed) pilot with Gilbert, working with longtime heroes Peter Falk and Alan Arkin and recreating the glory days of "The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson." Also, Mel Brooks brings wine, George Carlin stays for breakfast, Michael Douglas transforms into Liberace and Jerry Lewis guest-stars on "Mad About You." PLUS: Freddie Roman! The Great Flydini! Tony Danza plays Fred de Cordova! Gilbert and Paul go to the movies! And the boys praise the many talents of Richard Kind! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Ontario only. Gambling problem? Call Connex Ontario at 1-866-531-2600. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. This is a paid advertisement from BetterHelp. As a podcast listener, you've heard from us before. Today, let's hear what members have told us. One member said, I would recommend my therapist 1,000 times over. She has truly changed my life.

Another member said, the day after my first session, my friends and family said I sounded like myself again for the first time in weeks. You deserve to invest in your well-being. Visit BetterHelp.com to see what it can do for you. That's BetterHelp.com. hi this is gilbert godfrey this is gilbert godfrey's amazing colossal podcast This is Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host Frank Santopadre. Our guest this week is a writer, producer, musician, occasional songwriter, a New York Times bestselling author, an Emmy-nominated actor, and one of the most admired and enduring stand-up comedians in the business. Now, I noticed you laughed a little when you said that. Like maybe you didn't mean it. I thought that was off the top of your head.

Are you reading a prepared statement? No, this is what I remember about you. You want to take another swing at that? I don't think you're so good. I think about you all the time. You were good right up to the most admired. And then you were... The other shit, I'll give them.

See, sometimes just to start a conversation, I'll just tell them your critics. Does that work? Well, I felt like what was left out when it said Emmy nominated actor. It should have been,

but you didn't win. No, not in there. But I think that's self-understood in the word nominated. Yeah. You know, it's like when they go, like a band that had three hits

and they'll say, this one, this one, this one, and others. Like, what would those be? Don't worry about those.

We have others. What would the names be? It's not so important. So, so I want to introduce you as an Emmy losing. Yeah, that's good.

That's good. Yeah, I like that. Because anybody could win. But to lose and then show up time after time. We have a guest here who sat and was humiliated. Oh, many times. Many times. Because he didn't win. Did not win. We times. Of course, he did win.

Did not win. We have a guest who wasn't good enough to win. You can mention the people who did win that year. Kelsey Grammer, put him down. You know his acting work from films like Diner. Okay, in case anyone asks. I worked with Steve Goodenberg in Bad Medicine. And he was in Diner with, what's his name, Kevin Bacon.

Yes, Daniel Stern. And I worked with you in both Beverly Hills Cop 2. Yes. Oh, and also The Aristocrat. And something else. That's at the end. By the way, in neither of those did we actually physically work together. We were in the same thing.

Yeah. But there was one that we actually did work together. I don't see it on your resume. Don't give it away. It's at the bottom of the intro. Oh, okay. Okay, that'll be... This gives the audience a reason to listen.

It's like a suspense. I won't say it. Hey, before anything else, I just found out what an illegal and sleazy scumbag the guy that was the police captain in Beverly Hills cop was something kill yeah the guy who's always yelling at Eddie Murphy. What was his name? Look it up. Something Hill.

Gil. Gilbert Hill. Gil Hill. I heard. Uh, illegal scumbag to the nth degree. Can you back that up? Yes. Man passed away.

Yes. So why malign a man? On the off chance that his family, God bless them, is listening to your fucking thing. Do you think they need to be reminded of anything or impugned? Go ahead. It was on a TV show. I came in here to talk about somebody who's not here, not alive, who maybe didn't do the things you say. Yeah, allegedly.

Okay. That's time I never get back. You didn't do the things you say. Yeah, allegedly. Okay. That's time I never get back. You know his acting work from Diner, Aliens, Beverly Hills Cop. Oh, I know the one. See, I was talking about a movie that we knew.

I was thinking if there was a... The other thing, of course I know. Beverly Hills Cop 2. Funny people behind the candelabra. Now you're scraping. Whiplash. I took those. Many of these have been off my resume for 12, 14 years.

Is parties, does parties, is that so? Yeah. You've seen them on dozens of hit TV shows. There's no reason to yell. Just talk nice. People here, they'll turn it up if they can't hear it. At this part, I get very excited. Oh, Lord.

Just talk regular. When I tell people that you're in hit TV shows. Yes, they don't know it. But it gets me. And then they need proof. Yeah, it's good. And that's when I have to yell out. Yeah, no, that's good.

Good titles. Yeah. So 40 minutes on the intro. Yeah. I'm sorry we're out of time. No interview. Get through it, Gil. The Romanovs.

Gil, I'm not a young man. So the faster we can do this part. Can you get through them? Yeah. And other stuff. Good. Mention the things I have nothing to do with. Now, I said I had to include you worked with Woody Allen. Because I remember that.

I saw you on stage. Did you? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I don't care. That's a on stage. Did you? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I don't care. That's a good story. Don't kid yourself.

That's a beauty. The way you milk it. See, normally, I start it with a slow begin. But you're so excited. And then it's the build. And then the explosion. I saw you on stage. And everybody. Yeah. Also. Yeah then the explosion. I saw Young State and everybody.

Yeah. Also. Yeah. No, that's a good story. You worked with Woody Allen, Alan Arkin, Mel Brooks, Carol Burnett. Now you just listen to all the people in the business. How does this benefit me? All of these people have won awards. Uh-huh.

Unlike the guests we were able to scrape up. people have won awards. Uh-huh. Unlike the guests we were able to scrape up. I'm honored to say, and I'll proudly say, I've never won anything. Anything. Not a free, not even a free coupon. An award? Never won an award.

It's going to be my theme. Even if I ever get one, I'm not going to take it. Our guest has won shit. He's won nothing. Nothing. Go to the end. Okay. The man has limited time.

Oh, my Lord. Please welcome an artist. I didn't know you painted. I have a nice picture here and there. Something small like a pony or an orange. Sometimes a pony or an orange. Sometimes a pony eating an orange. That's not easy.

That one I have in my living room. Because you know what? To get the horse to hold it up to his mouth, it's always a surprise to them how sour it is. So to get that expression, that was one of my best paintings. Okay. Okay. So to get that expression, that was one of my best paintings. Okay.

So the man personally responsible for Steve Buscemi's acting career and my one-time co-star in the classic comedy pilot The Toast of Manhattan. Yes, there it is. Was that the one, Paul? That was the one. The man. Oh, again with the yelling. Not good enough to win shit. How he keeps working.

It's amazing. God only knows. Paul Reiser. Wow. We're out of time, but thank you. What a treat. How do you feel about being a loser your entire life and career? I hadn't thought about it this extensively until this afternoon now.

What about it, by the way, a toast of Manhattan? Because we had Barry Levinson on the show. Did he talk about that? Yeah, Gilbert busted his balls about it. That's all he could talk about. What was it? Were you busting his balls in the sense of why didn't it go or why? Oh, why it was ever made in the first place.

What was it, you guys and Carol Leifer? Right? A lot of people were in that. It was the summer after, it was 1982. So it was the summer after Diner came out. And I guess he had some heat, and he said, what would you like to do?

And ABC, I think, gave him, and said, yeah, go make a pilot with Rudy DeLuca. Oh, yeah, Rudy. And Craig T. Nelson. Craig T. Nelson was in it. All the old guys from the... A lot of funny people.

I can't remember now. And some crazy... And I remember... What was it? It was basically like a behind-the-scenes of an Ed Sullivan-type show. Oh, I see.

A talk of the town with a show. And, yes, so... It was like the Muppets with real people. Like how the Muppets are always putting on... Getting ready, yes. So the show was...

I mean, it was a great idea. The show was like at the end of the show on Sunday to right before the curtain goes up on the following was, I mean, it was a great idea. The show was like at the end of the show on Sunday to right before the curtain goes up on the following Sunday, getting ready. So it was a nice idea, and it was like a variety show backwards. You know, whatever.

Wouldn't be the first pilot to not go. Yeah. And certainly not the first pilot that you or I have made. So there you go. It's a non-ending list. No, it's a huge list. That you or I have made. So there you go. It's a non-ending list. No, it's a huge list. And I remember the theme song. Really?

Wow. It's the toast of Manhattan, the toast of Manhattan, and this must be Sunday. That's not true. The toast of Manhattan, The toast of Manhattan. And here's our own Friday. Every Sunday. Every Sunday. With lots and lots of variety.

That's not possibly true. That is. That was the theme song? That's it. That was the theme song. Well, I think it answers your first question. Why did this not take off as it should have with a song like that? It

adds to that list. Look at our lives. It's now 37 years later and we're talking about a pilot that didn't go. You want to explain the Buscemi thing too now that he's put it in the intro and people are wondering? Why?

Let him come on and talk about me exactly we had him here actually that was a memorable interview right Gil uh yeah yeah what he said because Frank had a thousand cards everything on him and and at one point Buscemi turns to me and says, do you even know who I am? He said, I like that Gilbert has only a casual knowledge of my career. Did you remember Buscemi from stand-up days? I didn't remember him. But I will remember you when you leave today.

So it doesn't matter. He said you beat him out of a cab because you guys shared a cab. And he assumed that you were the working comic that you were going to pick up the cab, but you just got out. Yes. Wait a minute. That doesn't sound at all like you.

No, Gilly walked out on a check? Yeah, I know, shocking. Give me a moment. Give me a moment to digest that. That's shocking. I just remembered something. When we were doing this famous toast of manhattan yes we were both staying at the same house oakwood apartments yes oh yes where everybody stays in

la like a little garden apartments that you can rent for a month or two till your pilot dies yes and i remember i had nothing to do during the day or at night. Less than nothing. And sometimes I'd stop over at your apartment and I'd just wander around and I'd pick stuff up and I'd put it down. I'd pick up, you know, you'd have like a hat and I'd look at it or other stuff. And then I I turn around and you're staring at me the whole time I'm doing this.

Wondering how you got in. Yes, and you said, you're like E.T. Yeah, like, I'm this weird creature. Well, my recollection of that time because you did not and probably still do not

have a driver's license. No, he doesn't drive. That's a relief. Because I'm out there. Yes. And I remember driving. It was a short drive, but I remember driving to work. And I remember you getting in the car and me looking at you in the car.

And even that looked wrong. I went, something in the evolution. Even as a passenger? Yes. I don't even think he's doing this right. I know he's there's nothing to do just sit there

but it just looked like hilarious. It looked like my grandfather getting off a mule and sitting in this newfangled thing like

how does this move is it rolling? That's how I lead my whole life. Yeah. It just didn't look right. Now, I heard you on the Malkoff podcast, Paul, and you were reminiscing about the days when Gilbert would walk the crowd.

Would walk? Back in the clubs. When he would just empty the room. Oh, yes. Yes. Gilbert was never happy until he cleared the room. Because, yes, that was a legend. Every comic would come in to watch Gil because he was so smart

and so funny. And if he was getting a laugh, he considered that an insult. Because he wanted his stuff to be so smart and under the radar that a regular pedestrian couldn't get it. And I remember you did

a bit and Tony Del Vico? Oh, yes, yes. It was just a screaming Italian comic, and it was a hysterical bit. It got to the point that people would say, oh, do that bit. And Gila's brain went, I should never do that again. And he never did it, or he would do it horribly wrong just to teach his people, listen, don't you dare like my work.

And that's why we're here today working for free do you remember seeing him on stage for the first time you have a your memory seems pretty good

I remember why what did you hear well you just you knew a lot about Toast in Manhattan I remember yeah I remember Gilly going on

late a lot and at the improv and a catch the check spot i don't know if you ever did the comic strip you don't think oh yeah did you yeah i'm trying but yes and and uh and the improv always looked like your uh i i seem to recall when you started becoming the gilbert godfrey that we know and love that that it wasn't starting the squinting and yelling it was actually in quotes and then it kind of grew and then oh that's entire that's now he's just going to squint and yell for a long time but i remember the time it was just a momentary thing yeah and he went i think this is me

look how we're not yelling now see it's nice and quiet. Oh, I was yelling. Again with the yelling. Again with the yelling. And people always ask me, they'll say like, you know, when did that start? And I'll think, I don't know when it started. You keep going up and... My record, I don't know the date, but my sense was it was a Tuesday. No, my sense was it was a sort of a shield, a defense mechanism to not look people in the eye and to not hear the applause and the positive feedback you were getting. So the eyes would shut and the yelling would push it away audio-wise.

That way you could live in your Gilbert cocoon. But funny came out of it, and then it became Gilbert. You were 17 or 18, Paul, the first time you got up? Because he was 15, as we talk about a lot on the show. I was three. Yeah, very good. Very good. I drove myself into the city.

First time I went up, I was 18, freshman year in college. I went up once, and I remember five minutes at catch, I think at like 2 in the morning on whatever it was, Monday night. And I went back to my second year of college, and I remember people saying, hey, what did you do this summer? And I would say, I was a comedian. And I realized I meant it, but I only did it for five minutes. But I felt like that's what I'm going to say because that's what I am.

Yes, it was a badge of honor. I've heard you say that you actually didn't know you could become a comedian. I mean, you watched what we watched. You stayed up late to watch Rodney and people like that on Carson, and you love these guys. Yeah, but I didn't know anybody could become anything. I never understood the, you know, and I'm sure this is true for you, if there weren't a system laid out, if these clubs didn't exist, and somebody said, come on a Monday night at 9 o'clock or whatever, we'd all be in our rooms or on top of a roof somewhere yelling.

Yeah. But those were, luckily there was a system. So when I found, I didn't know, you know, when I was a kid watching comics on TV, I don't know how you become George Carlin or Alan King or any of these guys. But luckily, these clubs started happening and it became you'd hear about it and go there and you get a number and then something will happen. And that's really as clear as our plan was. Just go there and it will reveal itself. That's why, I mean, out of it as we were, trying to imagine how you actually step into the screen and become that person.

Yes. It scares me to think what my parents thought. Oh, you can't even imagine. Right, right, right, right. Yes, because I remember trying to explain it. And your parents were, I think, further old school and old world. But my parents were first-generation Americans. But your parents came over or were immigrants?

My father came over. Okay. My mother was. Yeah, so explain that. And my father was older. So in his, I mean, he once actually said that, like, in his neighborhood, in his i mean he once actually said that like it in his neighborhood in his group you only you only became if you were poor and you had to be a boxer or an entertainer you would do that but otherwise you'd get a job so like it was sort of an it wasn't i mean he loved comics but like you don't want to become that because that life was up to up to our world of of clubs and stuff

it was a seedy world i mean if you were hanging out if you were you know it was you hear all these horrible mobster stories and it was just the underbelly of life it wasn't that way for us but i think even right before us even rodney used to talk about the clubs and you know that you would be in with these guys um yeah they would every single comic back then would say, yeah, I worked with these guys and then at that point they'd put their finger on their nose and press their nose down like, you know, a guy with a broken nose. I don't want to say it.

No, but yes, so certainly to our parents, I remember hearing it come out of my mouth that, so what I want to do, mom, mom dad is i'm going to go to the city two in the morning and maybe do five minutes of very bad material for seven people and make no money uh-huh and how is that a plan and then something will happen and end uh a lot of it's the worst career strategy in the world. And sometimes maybe two months will go by of staying there until three in the morning and I never actually did go on.

Yes. Yeah, that's the other... Oh, sometimes you wouldn't get the slot. Yeah. It was great preparation for years later when you'd be bumped from Merv Griffin. Yeah! So now, you're still not getting on, but it's a higher quality show that you're not getting on. Well, speaking of your parents, tell that great George Carlin story.

Because that's nuts. You've already seen everything. You've heard everything I've told. That's good. It's worth hearing. And our fans will like it because they're into the old stuff. So George Carlin, I was a huge, huge George Carlin fan, as we all were. And in 1972, and I remember it was right before the election,

so it would have been like late October of 72, my sister, who was three years older, was on the school radio. She went to college and she was on the radio, or the newspaper, I guess radio. And she got an assignment. She was going to interview George Carlin. And somehow got to him and agreed

so she was gonna we went to see him at the palace theater i remember he did like seven eight nights i think and um the next morning she's gonna go to interview him and he said uh well you know listen my wife was not feeling well can we can we do it somewhere else can we do it at your house and she said sure so i think he thought well i'm gonna go to a young girl's house little did he know it it was going to be my family. So I was out of the house, and I came back, and my father said, you're not going to guess who's in the house, Aunt Rose. No, George Carlin.

What would he want? Because George Carlin's in the house. I walk in the house, and George Carlin is there. And he had done like a two-and-a-half-hour interview with my sister, and it was great stuff. I have the cassette somewhere. It was just great. He's just going on. And he said, well, two and a half hour interview with my sister. And it was great stuff. I have the cassette somewhere. It was just great. He's just going on.

And he said, well, I got to go. And my parents, of course, said, well, where are you going? You got to have some breakfast. No, no, no. It's so nice. No, you're going to sit. There I go. He sits.

And now he has to call his wife. I'm going to be a little late. I'm having some lox and bagels. Very nice family. So now it's an hour later and heels with his very nice family. So now it's an hour later, and he can't get out of it. I got to go. Hilarious. I got to go.

My father says, where are you going? He says, I got to go uptown. What do you got to go uptown for? I got to buy a camera. My father says, don't go uptown. I got a better place downtown. And he takes him to this place on Grand Street, Essex Street, that is like wholesale place where you go in and everything is there but cheaper.

And he goes, no, you got to get plaques. I'll take you down. Get in the car. Gets in the car. So now the whole family's in the car. We drive. George is in the front seat. And I'm like, I'm 15, whatever, 16.

And cars are pulling up going, that's George Carlin. I'm going, I'm the coolest kid in the world. I got George Carlin. We go to the place. My father walks him in. He goes, Irv Murray, you know who this is? George Carlin. You take care of him? He wants to buy a cab.

Great. We leave him. That's the last I see of George Carlin. Year later, my sister does a follow-up interview. She says, it's like that joke. I don't know if you remember me. Yeah, yeah. I don't know if you remember me. He says, oh man,

that was the weirdest interview of my life. All I know is I was on my way uptown to score some coke. And next thing you know, he's buying a camera against his will. Great story. My father made him buy a camera that he didn't want to buy.

Make a great short film. George Carlin stays at the Reiser house. Bagels and lox. And it couldn't have been sweeter. And he's just like, yeah. And it was like, all right, it's a nice family. I'm meeting with the family. And now I'm going to buy a camera.

You told Kelly this story? Yes. You know what? I actually, I did. I actually told it to George. I never met George again. But I did speak to him once or twice when Mad About You was on, and I

wanted to tell that story. I don't know if I did. I think I wanted to tell the story on Letterman or something, but I wanted to make sure he was okay with me saying that he was using coke. And he said, sure, tell it. But there was an event that they did at the Comedy and Magic Club in Hermosa Beach on what would have been George's

75th, I guess, or something. And, and all comics were going up and telling the story. So I told that and his daughter Kelly

was very tickled with that story. It was great. But it was really weird because she said, oh, I remember, she said,

she remembered, she goes, that's where the hotel where my parents stayed. She goes, I remember my mom was, it was like, it was really,

and then I did this show that I created a couple years ago called There's's Johnny which was backstage sort of like close to Manhattan but it was a behind stage of the Johnny Carson show in 72 so fictitious characters in the real world so we're digging up clips and I it was 1972 which is when the Carson show moved to the west coast and I just don't I went right away to George Cole and I said well I love George Cole and there it was. And that was like four days after he was in my house.

And I was like, I'm remembering. It's like he had that shirt on. That's bizarre. But it was like, and you know, and this is the fascinating thing that fascinated me about doing that research and looking at these old clips. We haven't seen these clips since we were whatever age. But I remembered it. And I was like, because now you can see anything whenever you want, so you don't make an effort to remember anything. No.

Right? Because you go, oh, I'll catch it later. It's on demand. I'll get it whenever I want. But then you had to wait. Wait until your favorite guy was on. And you had to stay up late until 12 when they were on. Absolutely.

And so here it was, 40, 50 years later or whatever, and I'm going, I absolutely remember this. But then I did the math. I went, that was the week he was in my house. It was kind of mind-blowing. Baseball is finally back. Get in on Major League action and swing for the fences with BetMGM, the king of sportsbooks. Log in or sign up to play along as BetMGM brings the real-time action. Embrace a season's worth of swings with BetMGM,

your one-stop shop for all things baseball. BetMGM.com for Ts and Cs. 19 plus to wager. Ontario only. Gambling problem? Call ConX Ontario at 1-866-531-2600. BetMGM operates pursuant to an operating agreement with iGaming Ontario. Spring is here, and you can now get almost anything you need for your sunny days delivered with Uber Eats.

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And we would, they have it all. Because not much exists before that time. Not much exists of the New York show. No, it's all lost. A lot of that stuff's wiped. It's all lost. Yeah. And so, yeah, we were really scouring.

And sometimes, you know, it's all, they have it in the archives. And you could, like, put in any word. If you need a Vietnam joke, there you go. Here's every time somebody says. So you'd look for a guest or we'd look for. And it was interesting how, first of all, you just see how masterful Johnny was. And also how, in a good way, slow the shows were. Because it wasn't in a hurry.

And nobody was selling. They didn't come on necessarily because they had a movie. It was like, well, here's Michael Landon for no reason. Here's Tony Randall. Yeah, the Akavit show was like that. You could get Katharine Hepburn or Frank Capra. They didn't have anything to sell either. Yeah, but those were going to be extensive interviews.

But here was Johnny was just having fun people. And there was no no george siegel would come on and play the banjo and he didn't have anything and you'd see people for three segments in a row going do you have nobody else to go and i remember jack parr saying that you know he did a late night show and that was taken into consideration that it's nighttime you're lying in bed you're relaxing so you didn't do anything aloud you'd go on now our next guest speak quietly interesting yeah and uh well carson used to joke uh about he knew he was on 11 30 so people are either falling asleep to him people having sex during him people are not having sex because of him that but he was on 1130. So people are either falling asleep to him, people are having sex during him, people are not having sex because of him,

but he was a part of your life in a way that it just isn't the case because there's nothing that's that important. There's no appointment television. If you want to watch Colbert, if you miss it, you watch it tomorrow. Yeah, or stream it. Watch it on your phone, yeah.

And I feel we're at a point, too. It's not like like first of all there was that long wait from when a movie stopped running in theaters to when it went on tv yes now it's playing at the same time yes yeah yeah a lot a lot has changed but but uh yeah but but i didn't i hadn't thought about that piece that people were not necessarily guests because they were hawking a book sometimes they were but often just like we need to we need a singer we need a you know we need a comedian and you'd see things like in december 72 maybe 71 72 i think steve martin was making his second appearance on the

tonight show and he brings where he goes is a young man making his second appearance on the Tonight Show and he goes, here's a young man making his second appearance he was here last time as a comedian now that didn't work out now he's here as a magician and he was still finding his public persona he didn't even have white hair yet and you thought, oh, there was a point when Steve Martin was a new up and coming guy

they do Flydini and all that stuff and I heard that there were major stars who would do the Mighty Carson art players, you know, the skit at the beginning, just because it was fun. Yeah. And there was a sense that, especially as a kid, and especially when it moved to Cal, I don't really remember watching the show in New York. I could have, but my image of it is in the Burbank. And that's when it seemed to be, that's when it went to color. And that's when it was cool. And it always felt like that was some cool cocktail party.

And Johnny was conventional enough to be at home with Midwesterners, but he also seemed hip. And he'd have a neighborhood jacket or a little ascot, and it's like, oh, he's cool, and smoking the cigarettes and making jokes about, you know, broads. And it's like, okay, that's the other thing. You realize, whoa, none of this would fly now. It's just an unacceptable sort of level of insensitivity. But I also remember, since that was still Puritan, you know, it's like you had to get away.

There were certain things you could get away with. So you could make a joke, and this was being risque, if you'd say nudist colony. Wow. A nudist colony was the wildest thing. a nudist colony was the wildest thing anyone or there was even a book at the time by this title and people would use it as a punch line and that was do you sleep in the nude that was like the wildest sex and i remember though he would have um theres. Oh, sure. And a lot of these very attractive. Carol Wayne. Carol Wayne, yes.

But the jokes were sort of, they were playing sort of bimbo-ish often. Yes. But he would let them get away with very risky. I remember, I don't know if it was Teresa Ganzel or somebody else, doing a joke, bowling balls, and the joke was something about, I only like pink balls. And Johnny would let that joke hang there, excuse the expression. Or there was somebody else who joked about having the cat like pink balls. And Johnny would let that joke hang there, excuse the expression. Or there was somebody else who joked about

having the cat on her lap. Would you like to pet my pussy? Really? Really? Did he not know that was coming? Or did he make her say that? You know what I remember, too? Carson would do it. Merv Griffin did it a lot.

To have a girl entertainer who always had an impossible accent who that she never lost you know like uh charo or someone like that and they would always accidentally yes yes say something sexual yeah so funny yeah so so you think now that was planned? Yeah, absolutely. Because he would always be like, oh, and I ride in my penis. Oh, I meant car. You know what I mean? Which Carson shows were you watching?

I meant car. Did I say penis? It's a real labor of love for you, that show. I mean, you came up with the idea years ago. So there's Johnny, yeah. Yeah, yeah, there's Johnny. Which I can't find. I know CISO went under and Hulu took it over. CISO and Hulu took the show, and then somebody let me know the other day,

I bought Hulu, I got Hulu, and it's not there. Can't find it. Apparently, Comcast had a deal with Hulu, and they had the show for two years, and then they sort of cleaned files. I went, wait a second. So that show, because my whole thing about streaming is like, hey, it's great. You don't have to watch it the same day. You can watch it.

It'll be there forever. Don't worry about it. And I went, yeah, it's not anywhere. I went, well, that's, so actually I'm working on getting that back somewhere. It's like just. Thank heaven. You need to see it. It was really, yeah, good.

So it's very, it's frustrating when you do something and it just evaporates. Now, I have to ask you a question because this comes to cause pain to another comic, and that makes me happy. Tell us how you got the job in Diner. Another dead person victim joke. Yes, yes. Now you know who you're dealing with, Paul. You've heard this story too many times.

He's a sadist. Look at all the stories Frank has. Cards. Come on. That one we've done. You've heard that. It's not interesting. I do want to say about There's Johnny that I've seen clips of Tony Danza as Fred DeCordova,

and it's inspired casting. I haven't seen an episode because they're not available. I will have to get it. Tony Danza as Fred DeCordova. He was the only guy who played an actual character. Otherwise, they were all fictitious. But Tony was brilliant. Yeah, that was a very smart casting director.

Do you remember who was on your first Carson with you? I know this is a crazy question. In 82, right? I don't, because I didn't do the panel. I just did my stand-up and disappeared. So I didn't even know if there were other people on the show. He did the Carson art players that night. And Lynn Redgrave.

Okay, I didn't know that yeah I was I I was lined up to host the the Tonight Show guest host in maybe 87 or 8 and there was a period they were trying out new guest hosts because they had like Gary Shanley and done and Billy Crystal and then they were trying a couple of other people and I had a date and I was going to do it and it was in TV Guide and everything and then there was a director's strike and there was no TV for a week and then it went away.

And I look back, I was like, well, it would have been really cool and I was really flattered to have even been tapped but I'm thinking, thank God, because I was not ready to do that. I could barely do it now but then it's like... Oh, forget it. Yeah.

And I would not have wanted to tune in and see somebody as inexperienced as me hosting. It's like, no, you know. What was your experience with the man? I mean, you did it 22 times. I think I did it more than that. Wow. So those are the ones I counted on.

It could be more, obviously. Yeah, something like that. But there was a period... You know, I did that first one in 82. Yeah. And that was when Diner came out, so it was sort of like that. But there was a period, you know, I did that first one in 82. Yeah. And that was when Diner came out. So it was sort of like, that was by, because I hadn't gotten on just as a comic. So it was like, well, he's got a movie coming out, blah, blah, blah.

And it was fine. I did okay. And then I didn't do it. I don't think, what was his name? Jim McCauley, another guy, not alive. And I, you know, you had to get past these guys who were the gatekeepers. And the gatekeepers, their whole job was, will Johnny like him?

And for some reason, he didn't think I was right for the show. So I didn't do it for a long time. And then like four years. And then 86, I think I was, again, because I was an alien, so I went on for that. And then I sat down on the panel. And something worked. And so then they had me back a lot.

And I didn't realize until later, like that was often. I was on like every 10 weeks or something. And Johnny took a shot. And I didn't realize until later, like, that was often. I was on like every 10 weeks or something. And Johnny took a shot. And I watched little clips of it. And I saw myself relax. Like, in the beginning, you just want to make Johnny laugh. And then, you know, you want to do well. And I was jamming, trying to get material in.

And like, I hope I stay on subject. And then I sort of let go of that and realized, oh, I think I'm okay. I think I'm over the hurdle now. It's not like each one's an audition yeah and then I would say well Johnny would laugh and he would laugh at an ad lib or you know he would I remember one time I went on with a prepared bit I was and uh oh the bit was I had a movie and we I didn't have a good clip but I said Johnny and I they didn't get the clip in time so uh but I did want to so i had these just these cards made up and i had like these big uh cardboard things with the pencil sketches like this is this is it looks like alec baldwin but you can see that it's alec and this is me and then we're in a car and i'm selling and i thought that'd be a cute thing and it just wasn't

funny and about three cards in he's just looking at me like go ahead meet your funeral but that became the joke there's like wow this is not working at all and he's going no no continue i'm going oh so but that was i mean i really uh stand back now and think oh i i that meant that's such a huge um voter support because all you want is like one of those aok signs from johnny but imagine at some point, he just took a shine to me, and I was on a lot, and I saw him be very comfortable with me. That was the other thing, that he really loved comics. You'd see him genuinely be happy for anybody who does well,

and that's not really the case with everybody. You'd see with a lot of talk show hosts where they try to top the comic yes yes and johnny was a host in the in the truest sense he would you're the guest and and if you were hitting a little dry spot he would pick it up and he would start a new thing and when you were on a roll he would stand back and uh i mean he was massive that's why he was on 30 years and nobody could touch him those were the shows where he most came alive too rickles and dangerfield you could see that he was genuinely enjoying himself as opposed to yes yes yeah hitting the marks yeah no he loved he loved having you know or steve martin or and yes and he also loved nurturing new talent so you know when you know stephen wright or steve martin even

albert brooks and i talked to albert about this, you know, Albert never worked as a comic. He told me he tried his things out on The Tonight Show. Wow. That would be the first time. And they would kill, and they were brilliant, but they were so cerebral, and they were so inside baseball, there were usually twists on showbiz, and Johnny just got it and loved it and gave him the spotlight,

because if he hadn't it would have been a very different career or much more delayed but Albert Brooks and we knew Albert Brooks from the Tonight Show or I did anyway and it was only because Johnny got it and Johnny knew how hip that stuff was because it was really out there I mean Albert was crazy but it would slay Johnny so Johnny's nephew Jeff, Jeff, was the keeper of the flame. You guys, you developed this idea, you hammered him year after year, you wouldn't give up,

you were very persuasive, and when you got the green light, you got to go through all of these clips. You were just a kid in a candy store. Yeah, it was. And then I said, boy, I hope someday Hulu takes it off their catalog and it's unavailable.

That was my wish then. And look how life works out nicely. Somebody's got to run this thing, Paul. Yeah, somebody out there will get there. It's important. We'll get it out there. I also remember with Johnny Carson, there would be these ridiculous urban legends. urban legends that was

you always wondered you know like they'd say oh did you hear when Johnny said this this and this or this happened between him and this actress on the air and it never happened well if that happened

wouldn't everybody in the world know about it but I remember there were urban legends with johnny carson well i was yeah i yeah because you couldn't check those things and you go i guess that happened yeah well he was you know he loomed so large you know in in our lives i mean it's even for 12 years when the first 12 years of jay doing Tonight Show, and Jay's a friend, but I would still tell people, I didn't mean to,

but I would say, I'm doing a Carson show. Yes, yes. I still don't call, like, by the way, we're doing a, Helen Hunt and I are doing a Tonight Show tomorrow night. It still struck me like, oh, it's in New York, right, I forgot.

Like, I'm still stuck in like, It's still Johnny and the Curtain. It's still Johnny, it's still, yeah. Herb Becker. But it's just synonymous. You never said, I'm doing the Tonight Show. You say, I'm doing the Johnny Carson Show. And it was never called the Johnny and the Curtain. It's still Johnny. It's still, yeah. Herb Becker. But it's just synonymous. You never said, I'm doing the Tonight Show. You say, I'm doing the Johnny Carson Show. It was never called the Johnny Carson Show, ever.

Of course. It's kind of like, I always thought that with the Muscular Dystrophy Telethon was the Jerry Lewis Telethon. It was never the Muscular Dystrophy. Right. Yeah. And you got to work with Jerry on Mad About You. I think one of the cool things about Mad About You when you go through that cast list is how many of your comedy heroes you got to book.

All of them, really. I mean, we had, you know, we had Sid Caesar. We had Carol Burnett, Carol O'Connor, Jerry Lewis. Uncle Phil. Yeah. Oh, Carl Reiner. Mel Brooks. Carl Reiner.

Yeah. I mean, you know, it know, we would pinch ourselves. Carol Burnett actually came back and did another episode in this new batch of 12. Great. And she's not 27, but she's Carol Burnett. And there are certain legends, and you can't not see the aura around her of how big she was in our lives. Absolutely. And I was like, my God, Carol Burnett.

And I was trying to explain to this young actress who plays our daughter who's 24. I said, do you know who Carol Burnett is? She goes, yeah, I know the name. And you realize you can't get it and it's okay. But, because we didn't have that many choices and Carol Burnett was a huge part of our lives. But to watch her, she had a couple of scenes

and she would just, every line was just squeezed for every, just seemingly effortless of just every piece of comedy and every piece of drama was in there. And she's just, it was a treat to watch. There were those stars that I think can't exist nowadays because it's too much. that I think can't exist nowadays because it's too much. It used to be celebrities,

a normal human being couldn't meet a celebrity. Right, well, the whole idea of celebrity has been expanded to include, you know, people like you and me. Yeah. So, again, I don't mean that much. Yeah. But, yes, but it's's true there were movie stars and there

were tv stars and and there were music you know music stars and pop stars but there wasn't the idea of everybody you know the kardashians like well you're celebrity celebrities it's like that just didn't exist and and those were the celebrities that when you did meet them... It meant something. And you'd go, no, this person can't exist on the earth. How is he in front of me? Well, that was... I remember... And it's almost always the case that there are people...

When you see that they're three-dimensional and real, it kind of takes a little bit of the luster off. And sometimes you don't want to meet your celebrity. But I remember when I met Johnny Carson, like he's not wasn't a big guy he was you know he was probably shorter than me and you see and that was the one thing that i noticed doing the look doing all this research and look at all these tapes he existed mainly in two shots that you know the shot when he's doing his monologue from mid chest up and at the desk, at the desk and anything other than those two shots looked a little wrong.

That's interesting. Right. Even a full shot of him standing his monologue. But when he had, and it was just the angle and his chest was, you know, he just had this aura of power and he wasn't a big guy, but he filled that screen.

And, uh, and when I met him, it's like he was, he's not a not a not a big guy but there was a he did have the presence around him and when you did his show i don't know if it was like this in the beginning but by the time i was there in the 80s and 90s um when he was walking from his dressing room to the makeup or makeup to the set everybody was on lockdown like the president it's like hang on hang on a second a security guy was like and johnny just so he could have a free reign but it had it oh the king is moving you know and

then then you get out there and he's as hospitable and nice as can be but he he was you know iconic we're talking about andrew bergman for a second did you know that mel brooks offered johnny the waco kid for in blazing saddles no he turned him down and said i don't do that i do this yeah this is what i do that's so funny and you can't really imagine it yeah with anybody but gene wilder but it would have been interesting to see johnny carson i remember seeing uh i don't know you take many acting parts it was a beep no no he's gonna get smart episode yeah but not much and they of course wanted him for King of Comedy. Right.

They approached him, too. Scorsese and De Niro. Well, but he's smart. It's like, that's not what I do. There was a B.B. King documentary, and I think it was Bono was telling the story that he said, you know, when we play the song, they did one song together,

he said, and here's the chords, and B.B. King said, no, I don't do chords. I do this. What he does does that's what you do i don't know what you do when you say bb king you picture that you don't picture that so it's like it's good to know what you do what was it like when when mel came in i heard you say uh on mad about you i heard you say it was like an opioid high yeah there's mel brooks it was like staring into the sun it was just too much he he had uh an off we had we had this character we said my crazy uncle and we said well who you know you wish list

mel brooks but he happened to have an office on the same lot in culver city where we were and just on a whim helen hunt and i just walked over and his office, and he was in. And we literally got down on our knees and said, please be on our show. And the thing was, like, he didn't find it all that odd that we'd be on our knees kissing his hand. That's about right. And he was tickled that we wanted him. And which was, you know, it's interesting to remember that. When Jerry Lewis did our show, he said, you know, I've never done this. I said, you must have done a million of these. He said, it was our show he said you know I've never done this I said you must have done million these it was never once as you've never done a half hours

Oh, he said no Wow. He said nobody ever asked me Wow And it's like the pretty girl that everybody's afraid to ask to dance so so when Melbrook. I'm sure Mel Brooks have been asked but he You know and luckily he liked the show and he liked what we do and of course he took his we were all you know and luckily he liked the show and he liked what we do and of course he took his uh we were all you know we all grew up on mel brun two thousand year old man records and so at the table read and and then the rehearsals were all like kids were going my god it's mel brooks and then you know and then and then you'd watch it over the course of the week he would some things he would ad lib and then some some things he would very cleverly

set up to ad lib on tape nice things he would very cleverly set up to ad lib on tape nice and you and you didn't know it i go well that's why he asked for that joke on tuesday because he had a punch line ready on friday son of a bit he's good but when we were doing it if you watch that he did about four or five of them on the first one i was just i was useless and and if you watch it there are a lot of cutaways to every other actor. Because I was in the corner with my shoulders shaking. And I would turn around like I was in a sixth grade play. Like, maybe they won't see that I'm laughing.

It's like, asshole, it's television. They can see. You're not hiding. But I literally, and I've seen some still shots where I'm staring at him like, oh my God. It had to be. It's just, and he he is he doesn't disappoint because he is so Mel Brooks he is he is um you know he we had and we and we became friendly and and uh a couple of times my wife and I socialized with Ann Bancroft and Melvin. And he's Mel.

And he's never not... All those things are really crazy funny. I don't mean crazy. They're ridiculously laser-sharp funny and wildly sweet and generous. And then it turns cranky and you just go, okay, that comes with it. But I remember he said... They they came over they had dinner we had a little dinner party eight people and

they came over and he called he says now listen i'm gonna be bringing some wine okay he goes i'm gonna bring good stuff not that shit that you're gonna serve i said whatever you want he goes goes, no, but look, I'm going to bring. And so then comes the dinner. The door rings. That's the brand.

I open it and he's holding one of the, what are they called? The big size, you know, the Magnum. And his first word,

he goes, $189. That's hilarious. Oh, of course. And it was great. It was great wine. It was like, yeah, he doesn't want to take a chance and drink shit wine.

One of the things you and Helen bonded about early was that she loved the 2,000-year-old man. Yes. And she knew those records by heart. My best friends in college growing up, our sort of secret code was nine or a dozen punch dozen punch lines from the 2000 year old man record and that was our secret language and if you didn't know it then you weren't really one of us and so helen i loved the minute i met her and then i found out that she grew up and she and she could recite blazing saddles and young frankenstein no kidding like in a way that i you know way way more than i do and and she knows those records by heart. I went, oh, that explains so much

why we get along and why she's so funny. And we actually filmed, we just filmed these new 12 episodes of Mad About You. We found out later, it's the same stage where they filmed, they taped the Dick Van Dyke show and Lucy. Wow. And we went, this is like hallowed ground.

Good vibes. That's really good comedy vibes do you know i remember at one of the clubs they brought in this young woman who they were saying was the one who was taking over she knew everything about showbiz and i remember getting into a conversation with her and her saying you know i never understood what was funny about the 2 000 year old man and i thought from that point on don't need to know her done yeah really yeah and you can't explain it yeah um but yeah there's certain i mean there's certain there's nobody like and i just watched there's a new documentary on hbo and. And it's a lot of old films.

I didn't know there's a British filmmaker who's done three or four different things with him over the years. And they just show the sort of time-lapse photography from the 70s to the 80s to the 90s and now. But, you know, he's just singular. There's only one of him ever. And you just mentioned you work in those studios that house these classic shows and i remember i don't know i i don't know if it was toast in manhattan i don't know where it was but i remember the studios were where the three stooges shot all of their shots really and yeah and i i that to me was i wouldn't even imagine that there was one place only. I would have always pictured them all over the place.

Mentioning classic shows, you just reminded me of another Carson appearance, the famous appearance on the Mary Tyler Moore show in the dark during the blackout. Remember? Oh, yes, yes. Just his voice. Here's a question from a listener, Paul. Ray Garten, your work on the Kaminsky Method is wonderful. It is, by the way.

Thank you. Ilya Jimartin is quite a creation. I didn't recognize you for a full episode. Can you talk a little bit about working with Alan Arkin? Alan Arkin is another one of those guys where there's a sort of a not-so-secret club of Agilent

fans. And I remember, as a kid, I didn't... I had no aspirations to be an actor. I don't have any aspirations but if i did it was like oh i want to be a comedian and those guys never thought about actors i never loved actors except for two and i got got to work with both of them was peter falk and alan arkin and then in the in-laws and andy bergman's film they get both of them and i just remember as a kid seeing,

I think the first time was The Russians Are Coming. And I'm going, what is this? What? Who's this? There's just something magically, and it wasn't his accent. But you go, this guy's funny in a way that I don't know I've ever seen.

And I don't know, what was I, nine, ten when that came out? And then over the years, you just watch it and go, this guy's brilliant. And then I got to meet him. And he's very much like your picture. I mean, he talks like he talks,

and you go, wow, that's really, and he was just gracious and just welcoming, and I was the new kid on his show, and I was disappointed we didn't get more. We only had one scene together. And that Mousseau and Frank scene? Yeah, the Mousseau and Frank scene. That's a memorable scene, though.

Yeah, it is a memorable scene. uh i didn't get to work with but but his his timing and his and he's also so you know like like masters of anything it looks easy and it's not and it's not casual with him like he puts a lot of work and thought into everything and he won't do something that doesn't feel right or justified. But, you know, it's obviously, it's a silly thing to say, but it's like, it's such a great feeling to even be in the company

of people that you grew up admiring, to sit and work with them. And I'll tell you, Michael Douglas is not, it's a different story because Michael, we didn't grow up

watching Michael. Michael became a star really in the 80s 90s and he's been a big star for so long that you just go yeah he's a movie star

and you don't I never thought of him as like well not that I didn't think he was a bad actor but I just never thought about it it's like well he's a movie star and I'm working with him

and he's the nicest guy and he's really very gracious and hospitable and I'm watching him in a lot of scenes and I'm thinking I don't think this is he ain't doing anything i don't think this is

gonna be so good when it comes out and i'd watch the film and go oh he's brilliant underplaying it's not just under it's specific but it's just he he does what he's doing and even doing nothing he's doing something there are scenes where he's just reacting and then i watch the film and you don't miss and you might you don't necessarily feel it or i didn't when we were shooting it all the time but then you'd watch him on film and like he's underrated on paper you wouldn't think he could play liberace so convincingly and he did yeah he's great and he knocked it out of the park he was fantastic and it's funny that like when people notice, they notice showy performances. They like yelling and face-making and everything,

and then you could get ignored if someone's so subtle like that. Yeah, but there's a cumulative effect. I mean, you see that often enough, and Alan is something. Well, I wouldn't even say it's all subtle because there's a lot of big, funny Alan. I re-watched recently

Poppy oh yeah sure and I remember loving that movie as a kid and it was watching now it's much more dark

than I remembered I mean it's sort of sad but they were in the middle of this and he's playing a Puerto Rican janitor in New York

which you wouldn't catch today you couldn't do it but he had and it was a great accent I thought but there are a couple of bits of physical comedy that are absurdly

funny, and like in the middle of this drama. And, or you think of The In-Laws, which is a comedy through and through, but it's, he's not going for the laugh all the time. He's playing this guy, and some of the best laughs are him staring at Peter Falk going, what the, what?

Tzitzi flies with beaks you know and he's just looking and his his you see you because you know him all these years you know what's going on in his brain and it's it's funny just to be there i remember when we were working together on the pilot and we were hanging out one of the things i remember us doing was like quoting lines from from the in-laws that's making perfect sense there you go well it was only three years old at that point still a pretty new movie yeah right 79 was it yeah and i remember alan arkin making me laugh with a line he said and this shows when someone's inherently funny. He was in a TV movie where he's an inmate in a concentration camp.

He says one line there that wasn't a comedy line, of course, and I remember laughing out loud because there's something so inherently funny about him. Yes. And part of what's funny is the presumed torture. Yes. Like there's an angst inside him. Yes.

And he's, you know, and he is all those things. And he's, you know, a healthy, vegan, meditative, Buddhist-y guy. And yet all that, you know, DNA of neurosis in there. But he's a master. And he could play a convincing heavy, if you remember her, Wait Until Dark. Oh, my gosh. Yeah.

He's just a brilliant actor. So that was a thrill. Here's another question to lead you to his co-star, Lex Passeris. One of Peter Falk's last appearances was in a film with Paul, The Thing About My Folks. Good movie, by the way. Thank you.

That's where we met when I interviewed you. That's right. In which you co-starred. Any thoughts of working with him later in the game? I mean, it was late in his career. Any thoughts about, well, he's not alive. What's the question? No, any thoughts about working with Peter at that time when it was late in his career?

Oh, well, you know, I had that idea for a movie. The idea for the movie was I want Peter Falk to be my father. That's all I had. I just had this moment of insight. And it started because I was home. And as I said, I grew up watching and just loving Peter Falk.

And then somewhere in the 80s, I was living in L.A. already, and I was back visiting my parents, and my father was watching whatever was on. I was the cheap detective or something, I think. And he was just laughing at Peter Falk, and I just had visiting my parents and my father was watching whatever was on. It was The Cheap Detective or something, I think. And he was just laughing at Peter Falk and I just had this moment of clarity. I went, nobody makes my father laugh

as consistently as Peter Falk. And I just had this Peter Falk, father, father, father. So I said, I got to write a movie where Peter Falk is my father. And I played with it on and off for 20 years. Wow. 15 years, yeah. And I would think about it.

I didn't have a story. I put it away and I just had the idea that a a road trip and I just thought we would be funny together and, uh, and writing him was such a joy. So finally, when I, I went to see him in a play, he did a play and I never told him. I met him once at a, an award show. I shook his hand and, you know, I didn't, I, I had the restraint to not tell him how much I idolized him. And then I went to see, he did a two-man play with Jason Alexander at a little 300-seat theater in L.A. And I went backstage to say hi to Jason, who I knew, and I didn't know Peter. And I just went to say, you know, thank you and pay my respects.

There's a man about you who's on the air at this point. And Peter Falk shook my hand, and he made a point of looking me right in the eye. And he said, I love everything about you. I said, well, and he says, I love your acting. I love what you write. And he took a long pause.

I went, how does he know I'm not? And then he repeated it. He said, do you hear me? I love what you write. I went, all right, I'm not going to get a bigger sign from God than that. How about that? I literally went home.

I said, okay, start writing it. And at that point, I had kids of my own, and I suddenly realized what I wanted the father-son story to be. And I wrote it pretty quickly after fooling around for 20 years. It came out pretty quickly. And I got his number, and I called him up. I said, can I give you this? And he said, yep.

And then I drove to his house, gave it to him, and he says, I'm a slow reader. I said, don't take your time. And I get home, and that night, about like 9 o'clock, I get a phone call. And I had stepped out. I was walking the dog. I come back.

I was waiting for the phone call. I was like, oh, I missed it. And then the phone call, I just hear him go, well, I love this. Oh, this is fantastic. I'm on page 54, and I fucking love this. And I went, oh, okay, I could die now. I don't even have to get to page 55. And I said, read it.

Read the rest. He goes, it's going to be a while. I'm going to slow down. I said, take it. And then he calls me, and he literally says, well, let's go do this. I went, okay, you never He goes, it's going to be a while. I'm going to slow down. I said, take your time. And then he calls me and he literally says, well, let's go do this. I went, okay, you never hear that. That's great.

And so then, you know, it was a matter of finding a producer and getting it set up and finding, but talking about working in his end of his, you know, he was 75. And I thought just to kick myself in the pants, I said, you know, if you wait any longer there aren't going to be a lot of actors left

who can play your father, right? You know, it was whatever, 50, 40, whatever. So there's a small number and it just had to be Peter. I just knew and it worked and writing for him was such a joy and I would write him all these big speeches. Am I allowed to curse on you?

Yes, of course. Yes, I think you have been. I have been. I just didn't know if it was okay. I'm the host of it. Oh, what am I thinking? So here's, I may have shared this story

when we did the thing, but so I wrote these long scenes because I loved hearing him talk and just, and I really, and they fit him and I was really pleased that like I knew the musicality

of his rhythms and his voices and I just, you know, I couldn't do that for anybody else but I knew I could do it for Peter Falk. So I wrote these long scenes. It's a couple of long speeches. So before, he hadn't really 100% committed. He said he was going to do it, but we were getting the money set up, and we had a big meeting with the director and producers,

and they were having a technical discussion about how we're going to shoot it on film or video. On film, is it 15 millimeter? What, a 35 millimeter? Is it 15, 18? Video, 24 frame, 12 frame, 36 frame? And he's quiet the whole time, and finally he says, you know, I got to say something. You talk about 24, 15, 35. You've never shot on 75. said what was 75 he goes i'm

75 years old i can't learn all these fucking words and then he did great and we did and the one scene that i remember and it's a it's a i'm so proud that i'm so happy that i got to make this movie you know and it made nothing but i was like, oh, but I made it. I didn't make $11. Yeah, you got to live out your dream. I lived out my dream. And while we were making it, every day I was going, I'm driving, and we shot beautiful upstate New York.

The peach scene that stays with me. Yeah. But we're driving in the fall foliage in New York, and I'm in a 1936 car with Peter, and I'm going, how did life turn out this good? I'm with Peter Falk and he's saying my words. And then we have these long scenes where we're driving the car back to the first position. Now we're just bullshitting.

And that was more fun than whatever I wrote. But, oh, so there's one particular long scene where he has this outburst and he finally, you know, I've been poking at him and poking at him and questioning his fathering and his parenthood and he just unleashes this thing

and he walks around the car and he's just letting me have it and he did it in one take and it was about a two-page scene and in the end, everyone just started applauding and I was standing next to the producer and he had tears in his eyes.

He goes, that's why I'm in this business. To watch that, to watch Peter Falk at 75. How nice. I don't know that he did a lot of work after that. Probably not.

Yeah. And it was just a thing to, and he worked so hard. So 2005? We made it in 2003. He came out in 2005. And he died in 2010, I think. Yeah, I don't think

he was working that much. But, and all the greats, and I've seen this time and time again, the people that we admire never take anything for granted. Mel Brooks worked on his things. Carol Burnett worked on every prop,

every piece of business. Peter Falk, I mean, when he ever got, people said, oh, he's cantankerous and crazy. And I only saw that when he was frustrated with himself or that something was in the way of his work. But he worked so hard. And Alan Arkin, too. It's like, these guys don't have to work.

They could coast, but that's why. Why do it if you're going to coast? I remember Bruce Stern. Is he with the show? No. He's been there a long time. I remember Bruce Stern. We asked him a question,

and he said, I just want to keep trying to be a better actor. And you figure, done like thousands of films. Yeah, he's still working it. He's great in all of it, but he's not coasting. Yeah, and there was one night that was sort of unpleasant, and he got really frustrated, Peter. And it was late at night, and we were out in the woods, and he kind of threw a little bit of a fit,

and he lashed out at the director. He never lashed out at me, because thank God he liked me, but he got really upset. He literally flipped a table. I mean, he was like a powerhouse. And he flipped the table. And then he kind of felt ashamed and embarrassed about it. And nobody wanted to go in.

And I gave him a couple minutes. I went into his trailer. And I said, you're right. And he had tears in his eyes. He goes, I just want to get it right. How about that? And everyone said, well, he's prima donna. I said, no, not at all.

He just wants to service the peace and be good. I went, god bless him i'm not saying it's unheard of in the office i'm not an innocent bernie kane you remember bernie kane the sales rep stuffed everything that moved between baltimore and syracuse legendary coxman boasted about it and his his wife, by the way, adores him. Thinks he's the greatest thing since Ovaltine, but me, me, who never once so much has laid a finger on another woman,

me, your mother had to run away from after 47 years because I'm such an unconscionable prick. Well, maybe I shouldn't have shown you. You're damn right you shouldn't have shown me. And look at your car. You're going to call somebody to fix it? I'm going to call someone. Or is it going to fix by itself sitting there? I'm going to call someone.

Good, because I'm goddamn hungry now. And aggravated. And I have to pee. And you know what? I'm gonna pee right here. Go ahead. You're damn right I'm going ahead. And I don't need permission from you.

You hear that, everybody? Sam Kle new jersey and i'm gonna pee wherever i god damn please he's great even in weak movies that's like all the marbles never bad he's never and uh cookie and movies that are not so good and he he rises above everything. Yeah, he was magic. Did your dad, was your dad around to see it when you finally? No, no, no. He didn't see it. My mom, my mom saw it and didn't see the parallels

because it was so much was so out of the movie. And I mean, so much of the movie was out of my parents' life or my conjecture, my projection about what my parents' dynamic would be. And remember, I had to set up a private screening. It was just my family. And I was thinking, well, this is going to be such an upheaval,

an emotional thing. I remember the credits are rolling, and my mother just goes, oh, look at all the people that worked on this. All right. Okay. I guess. A gaffer. What's a gaffer?

All right. I got one. Go ahead, Gil. I remember one story. You telling about that your mother went somewhere and she came back. They had these keychains that had a tag with a name on it. Paul is looking very puzzled. I don't remember any part. You sure it was me? Yeah. Where's it going? I don't look very puzzled okay i don't remember any part you chose me yeah where's it going i don't remember keychain it stayed in my mind on it because we were talking

about jews our favorite topic that's surprising jews in particular yes and you said your mother uh was somewhere and they had all these keychains with girls names on them and and she bought one that said susan uh and and you said to her you said yeah but your name is helen why did why did you get one that said susan on it and she said they didn't have one that's it that's it do you have any memory of this Paul yeah well first of all that's my mother's name

so like Gil your memory is insane that you would remember my mother's first name but yes and that when people say well your parents funny

yeah but not on purpose that's funny yeah that's so but your dad loved Buddy Hackett and Charlie Kellis I heard you say loved Buddy Hackett

good taste in comedy he was funny. I mean, he enjoyed, and he was a good laugher, but he wasn't, when he would say, it's almost like there was, here's the book end of that on my father. He would say, I forgot how it came out. Like, some doctor told me he had to stop drinking coffee.

So he would drink tea. And I can't remember the sound. But like, I said, but Dad, I still see you drink coffee. Let's go out for coffee. I said, not a lot of drink coffee. He goes can't remember the sound. But I said, but Dad, I still see you drink coffee. Let's go out for coffee. I said, not a lot of drink coffee. He goes, no, I'm drinking coffee. It's tea inside the cup,

but I'm having coffee. I said, but you're not having coffee. You're having tea. He goes, no, I'm having coffee. It just happens to be tea. I go, well, that's a different thing. And then actually, I ended up doing a bit about that

because he's right if you're British you go for tea here you have coffee even if you're having a fresca you're still having coffee that's the name of the act

the name of the meal I remember hanging out I can't believe you remember that I did barely yes I never it sounds exactly right

he's got a strange memory that's crazy and I remember too and I told you that 37 years ago yes oh my god yes and that stuck with me you gotta get out of the house they didn't have one He's got a strange memory. And I remember too. And I told you that 37 years ago? Yes. Oh my God. Yes.

And that stuck with me. You got to get out of the house. They didn't have one. Go on a vacation. They didn't have one that said Helen. And I remember too, we were hanging out one night and he said, let's go to the movies. And I wanted to see that new... Gone gone with the wind no no far from it the new thing the thing oh john carpenter's john carpenter's the thing right kurt russell and and

you know it was up my alley you know monsters and heads exploding that's you and you wanted to see a bunch of other films so finally we wound up seeing the thing we did yeah and and there's heads exploding and blood and everything and and i remember i i didn't even look over at you but i heard you say like to yourself i'm not enjoying this. And then to yourself, you said, Gilbert wants to see this. So we saw this. As you told us, I'm going, I'm sure we didn't see it.

So not the kind of thing I want to see. So here's, this is marrying two stories. A couple of times after we worked together, Peter and Falk, we would hang out, we'd get together. Then we went to some movie. He wanted, and he had very sort of elitist, or no, artistic taste. And he wanted to see a new, a Maldivar movie. And I don't know, it was one,

it was particularly experimental and abstract. And it's in know, it was one that was particularly experimental and abstract. And it's in Spanish and it's odd and it's artistic. And we're sitting there and there's people around. And he, in a voice that wasn't quite a whisper, with a big smile, he doesn't look at me,

he's looking at the screen, he goes, you know, I would enjoy this a lot more if I knew what the fuck is going on. It's great. He likes to say fuck, apparently, Peter Falk. Here's a question that is about your mom.

Hey! TKDSan says, is it true that even Paul's own mother hated his character Burke in Aliens? No. I do remember... Where do they get this stuff from? No, but I...

Well, it's close. I remember I went with my parents and one of my sisters to, I don't know, I guess the premiere or it was close. I remember I went with my parents and one of my sisters to, I guess, the premiere. It was a big screening here. And my sister punched me in the arm in the middle of it. She said, oh, I can't believe you did that and punched me. My mother, I remember, did not punch me.

Okay. No. One of the things I like about this. I have to clarify this woman's understanding of my family dynamic. Not my mother, but yes, a sibling. Talking about, before you said, cautionary tale sometimes to meet your heroes, it's nice that in the case of Arkin and Falk, you met and worked with both of these guys, and they both delivered. They both completely lived up to your expectations.

This is a segue. This speaks highly to my taste. Yeah. Because I didn't pick assholes. Interesting. And this is a perfect segue because we'd be remiss if we didn't talk about someone we have in common that we all admire. Who's that? And that is a friend of this show. Who's that? Richard Kind. Yes I never

cared for him. Can you tell us anything before you get out of here because we know you got to go. Yes I have so many things to do. I have to leave. And before we forget you named all the major stars who were on Mad About You. All won awards. Yes. Is that where you're going? What? I was on Mad About You. Oh, yes.

Gilbert. Directed by David Steinberg. Yes. Oh, the doggy. The dog walking. Yes. Yes. I totally forgot.

Yes. And I remembered you explained we're meeting the dog walking park. And Gilbert says, My dog, when I hold his testicles, he's inflamed. And what I do, we had to walk away. And this is where the classic story comes from. Where I had to say something and run off. And then David Steinberg says,

can you run a little faster? And I said, yeah, I guess I can run faster. And he goes, no, no, no, I don't mean faster. I mean more graceful. And I said, graceful? And he goes, not so choppy, more even. And then finally he throws his arms up in the air and he says can you run less jewish

what can we what can we say about the great richard kind you have one one little anecdote or even if it's just praise well praise we know he's listening praise a plenty uh yeah great in red oaks by the way he's great in red oaks yes he's beautiful uh richard i'll tell you when we cast the original man about you and we had these the character with these best friends mark and fran and the the premise at least in the pilot was you love them but they're just always over do we have to see them and there was sort of in a comedically nuisance way. And Richard walked in the door and just killed it. And we said, yes, please, can we have this guy? And then we had to audition the wife, Fran.

And every actress, I felt so bad because we were all just hysterical watching Richard. He already had the part. But now we had to just sit through all these other interviews, auditions, and we're going, oh, I feel so bad for all these women because Richard is just crushing it. Nobody's going to be that funny opposite him. And really, nobody can. He's just hugely funny.

He's such a talent. And I think sometimes, you know, because he can do so many things. Yeah, he can break your heart in a Pixar movie. He can break your heart. He's beautiful. Oh, God, that was gorgeous. Yeah, bing bong. Yeah, he could break your heart in a Pixar movie. He could break your heart. He's beautiful. Oh, God, that was gorgeous. Yeah, bing bong. Yeah, he was beautiful in that.

And I guess I share this somewhat in a lot of comics. I think sometimes we play against, you know, well, I don't want to go the easy route. And sometimes he will sit on his hands, sit on his comedy hands and go the other way.

And a couple of times I would say to him on this, I'd go, Richard, go the other way and a couple times i would say to him on this i go richard go to funny way on this and he would go all right and then open the faucet and boom it's the funniest thing you go that's all and i mean he i mean it's it's so it's not so easy but he's just so funny and and powerfully funny and i'll tell you one of the things that's what sort of solidified this reboot when we visited. Helen and I had been in touch

and we had gotten together all the time. But we had not all together as a cast gotten together. And the moment it became real is when I opened the door and Richard Kine walks in

with a big line. He goes, when a child leaves the home, it's like a death. And I went, okay, we're back in show business. It was like, you know, almost for me, it's like a death. And I went, okay, we're back in show business. It was like, you know, for me, it was such a familiar,

it was almost like an iconic moment. Richard Kind bursting into a door is going to give you funny. Always. He's a guy who's just joyful to watch. You get the sense that he loves his work, he loves doing what he's doing, and he jumps off the screen no matter what he's playing. Yeah, he is just a powerful,

and his rhythm is uniquely his and his mishegas is uniquely his. Yeah, I love him to pieces. Let's get to the plugs and what's going on with you. It's a real hair. Oh, the plugs. Kaminsky Method.

That's on Netflix? Yes. I hope they pick up a second season if they're smart because I would love to go back and make some more. That was really fun. You were great. Martin is, as I said, a great invention. I want to plug up a second season if they're smart, because I would love to go back and make some more. That was really fun.

You were great. Martin is, as I said, a great invention. I want to plug Red Oaks, both for you and Richard. Sure. And it was nice to see you playing son of a bitch, and playing it convincingly. When you say son of a bitch, I say misunderstood. Really?

He's kind of, and I noticed you. He's edgy. Yeah. You compared him to Richard Crenna's character in Flamingo Kid. Oh, that's right. You do a lot of research. There were similarities. I'm a sick person, Paul.

What do you know about the Chinese version of Mad About You? It's called Xin Hong Gang Yu. Yes. Which doesn't translate quite the same. Or the Spanish version. I saw one of them. It didn't seem funny to me. I'll tell you. You know what it's funny they they took our scripts and my friend my dear friend Billy grunfest

Do you know for funny guys funny guy and who who's also was a writer and producer I'm mad about you all those years he went over there sort of as the liaison and Consultant and because they'd never done a multi-cam camera in China so this was the first and so so he was sort of helping them with a format but also with what made them mad about your work so he would help them he would they would translate it and then he would hear it back translated back and something got lost it's like it should come back the same as it went but it's like when you change money at the airport to another country it's like either way you're

gonna lose some money every time you handle it, something falls off. So he was there, and he was trying to keep them on track. Like, well, here's why the show works, and it's not about jokes. It's about the relationship. But the thing, so we watched one of them, and they were our scripts. Obviously, I didn't understand it, but I remember the episode. Right, and the actor and actress, the leads, were actually a married couple in real life.

Oh. So they built a set which was similar to ours. But what killed me and upset me, and I'll be on too, is they took our blocking. Because we spend all week going, all right, if you say that when you cross down to the refrigerator, then I'll walk to the sink, then you walk down. That's the stuff. And I'll pick up a pot. And then when you put the pot.

That's the stuff that takes work. They just took our stuff. Figure out your own shit. Don't do ours. Wow. The Chinese. There's a Spanish language version, too. Loco Porvos. Yes. That's in Argentina. Yeah, they made... But yeah, these are remakes. They're not subtitles. That's gotta be flattering.

Yeah. Yeah. So they made them in Argentina, and then... Yes. I'm gonna tell our listeners to please see Paul in the Kaminsky Yeah. Yeah. Yes, so they made him in Argentina, and then, yes. I'm going to tell our listeners to please see Paul in The Kominsky Method with the brilliant Michael Douglas and Alan Arkin. Also, the movie Whiplash. That was good. Pleasure to see you in that. That was fun.

Terrific movie. Red Oaks. Go see Red Oaks. Playing against type a little bit. I would tell you to go see There's Johnny, but I don't know where to send you, other than my house. Yeah, I'm very frustrated. Write a letter to Comcast.

They own it because they had it. And for God's sake, if you have Spectrum, watch The New Man About You. Yes. They're really quite good. I'm very proud of that. I will say one big difference. Gilbert Gottfried is not in any of these. Damn it.

That I remember. Maybe you are. It was only last month. And you're doing stand-up again. And I'm doing stand-up again, which is really the fun part. When all is said and done, the smoke clears.

That's the fun stuff, getting into a club. You still having fun out there? No. No. He's waiting for the club to flood or a fire, as he likes to point out.

Yeah. When I'm waiting to go on... I hope there's a fire. Yeah. Yeah. I'm always thinking, here's your check. We had a fire. I had a story, but I'll do it next time.

Save it for next time. I mean, we want to talk about character actors with you next time. I mean, all those great people. You have 47 blue cards here. How many did we get to? About 26. All right. Yeah, not bad.

We didn't want to ask about Bill Paxton and all kinds of stuff. A million questions. We'll have to come back. And Chuck Lorre and Freddie Roman. We'll talk about everything you want. I love Freddie Roman. Freddie. Angie Zarella.

And your Neil Simon stuff. Oh, we've got stuff to talk about. I want to thank our engineers, Dan Spaventa. Did I say that right, Dan? And Steve Varley. And, of course, our photographer extraordinaire, David Simon, who was the man that Paul just referenced a moment ago. Yes, that's exactly it. That's not the third David Simon.

We're out of bullets. This was great fun. Thank you. This has been Gilbert Gottfried's Amazing Colossal Podcast with my co-host Frank Santopadre and we've been talking to a man who hasn't won anything. Ever. Wait, didn't you win a BAFTA?

What? Didn't you win a BAFTA award What? Didn't you win a BAFTA award? I didn't win a fucking BAFTA. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Nothing that means anything. I was trying to help. Let's say I did. Yes, I did. I'm sorry. It's all coming back. My King Lear at the... We've been working with someone not

good enough. To ever. To win anything. I hadn't thought about it, but now I'm a little sad. Paul, we know you were rushed. Thanks for doing this. Thank you for having me. I won't come back until I win something. So it's the last time.

Yeah, never see you. Never see you again. All right, thanks, everybody. Thanks, Paul. Tell me why I love you like I do And tell me who can't stop my heart as much as you Tell me all your secrets, I'll tell you most of mine They say nobody's perfect, child, that's really true this time

I don't have the answers, I don't have a plan All I have is you, so baby, help me understand And me too You can whisper in my ear Where we go Who knows what happens after here Let's take each other's hand And jump into the final frontier

Oh, yeah Frontier Listen To the final frontier Oh, yeah Listen I know you Were hurt by other loves before Well, I was too More than a few Everyone's got stories

Everyone's been burned Everybody wants to tell you everything they've learned I don't have answers and no one understands Check me what it is between a woman and a man Can make the mystery seem clear I just know you, yeah, you wanna hold me dear Let's take each other's hand And fly into the final frontier

Hey, yeah, yes, oh, yeah All around the world We see people giving up on their love And what they've got They say it's hard They say it's so hard They're giving up on their love and what they've got They say it's hard, they say it's so hard And that they're wrong because they're scared of losing out But they don't know what I know

Cause I know the look in your eyes and your smile I know all your secrets, I know all your secrets I know all your charms I know what it's like to be a whore In your arms, baby Let's trust our love will persevere It's only love that brought us here Take your hand and fly into the final frontier Hey, I'm mad about you, baby Mad about you

Mad about you, baby Mad about you Mad about you, baby I'm mad about you Hey Stupid, did, did, did, did, did, did, did I'm mad about you Stupid Poet