God Awful Movies - 111: GAM111 The Grim Reaper (Live from Austin)
Episode Date: October 3, 2017This week, Eli, Heath, and Noah team up for an atheist review of "The Grim Reaper", the story of a preacher who refuses to do a funeral service for an unchurched kid unless he gets to point out that k...id is burning in hell for eternity. And is the protagonist. --- If you’d like so see us live, check out our latest tour dates here: https://scathingatheist.com/2017/05/01/god-awful-movies-world-tour/ --- If you’d like to pick up a copy of our new ebook; Diatribes Volume 2: 50 More Essays from a Scathing Atheist, you can find it here: https://www.amazon.com/Diatribes-Essays-Scathing-Atheist-Presents-ebook/dp/B06XQTJT4R --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://soundcloud.com/morgandclarke
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Discussion (0)
And Mom comes and Mom wakes up and she's like, Franky, Franky!
And he's like, well, a fucking course.
It's Frank, who?
What other dead race car driver is walking into your room and ghost form in the middle of the night, Mom?
She's like, Dale Earnhardt wonders in.
I'm sorry, is this 332 Prickland?
233, I'm sorry.
I have a lot of trouble with directions, that's what I'm doing.
I just...
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
Ah!
That awful movie!
Movie!
Movie!
Movie!
Movie! Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be best city in Texas say hello Austin.
I gotta say I have heard a lot of great things about your city. I was pretty sure it was not going to live up to it and it totally did.
A lot of bars.
And of course,
and the Uber driver seems so proud of that.
Every one of them is like we have bars.
And then you can go from a bar to a bar on your way to a bar.
I'm stealing Eli Spitz. I'm just going through Eli's notes and I'm gonna let say all of his
jokes before he comes out. I've always wanted to do that. All right and of
course joining me from stage right. Please welcome my good friend Heath and and his trusty scotch.
Thanks Noah, glad to be here.
Hello and welcome to the show.
See, it's way easier than Eli makes it look.
So that first glass made it all the way out
to the table there.
You know, they have bars here.
Just...
Here.
And of course, also joining us from stage left,
given up for my bad friend Eli Bosnick.
Yeah!
Yeah!
Yeah! D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, like, he came in a winter mobile. You've embarrassed us.
Have a little self respect.
So I want to share something personal with all you guys
is you take pictures of my humorous body.
I had a realization backstage, and maybe a lot of you had it.
Matt Dela Hunty is here, everybody.
Yeah, right?
And when I first realized that I was an atheist,
his show was part of that experience,
was like curing those ideas so crystally put.
And I remember I was 19, and I was,
and he just like, there was this one episode
that like totally blew my mind,
and I turned to my girlfriend at the time,
and I was like, I just want to shake that man's hand.
And...
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Thank you for the...
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Now it's weird you all saw my existence peaked.
Ha ha ha ha. Now it's weird you all saw my existence peaked. I'm going to go change for a new reason.
All right, so while Eli is changing, and I'm getting just exactly the view I wanted,
I had a couple of quick rules to go over.
This is pretty important
uh... it'll be pretty quick on normally i have a whiteboard for this but uh...
and shit written on that whiteboard i don't want to explain to the t.s.a. so i just wrote it down when i got here
uh... just a couple quick rules no running safety first no spitting
no licking
that goes for everyone
uh... licking, that goes for everyone.
The shirts must be worn at all times.
Obviously, we leave the ankle to the navel up to you.
And this is one that Andrew asked me to add,
late, nothing Eli says can be used against him
in a court of law.
And finally, very important, no feeding the performers
pot brownies without their consent.
Now that's one of those things that you don't think you need to tell people, but apparently
you do.
And for the record, as an addendum to that, you have my consent.
Also mine.
Yeah, not this guy though.
I want brownies, drugs. I want drugs.
If you have that. All right, who looks like a troublemaker in the crowd? I need to give this to the
uh, where is she? Where is she? I had that somebody all picked out. There she is.
Gevers, your drugs and we'll have six. Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. You're thinking about breaking
those rules. I know. I know. All right, so what do you guys think of Austin, huh?
I like it, okay.
You want me to explain why I like Austin first?
You're gonna go first.
Tell me the story.
Yeah, I mean, it says in the notes
that he's gonna go first.
You go first.
I go first?
Yeah.
Okay.
Good segue, thanks.
Ha ha ha ha.
Hello, hello.
I like Austin.
Nice.
It's been fun.
I genuinely, I like the flavor of Austin.
I've eaten this very well.
In fact, like how many, you're vegan
or vegetarian or whatever you do it?
How many animal lives do you think you've saved
because of that?
Oh, I've and that too.
And he was like, you got a lot, friend.
And he was like, don't, don't do this.
You're just, there's a thin pane of glass and fear in atmosphere.
My friend just put the brisket there and you have a bad day.
And he was just like, oh, no.
Backed away, went into the back.
He was like, El Chupacrabra.
No. Backed away, went into the back, he was like,
Alcuba Crabra!
Ha!
It's destiny!
Bueno, es la bubileoteca!
I mean, where's the library,
because I don't speak a lot of Spanish.
Not exactly, but you are close.
I'll tell you what I like about Austin.
I've enjoyed your city.
I like your Uber drivers.
And let me tell you why, because they don't know that you're not, you're not supposed
to talk.
If you're an Uber driver, I don't know if you know this, because you're a servant, not
a talking.
Here's the thing, I paid you money to drive me a place.
We're not friends, right?
That's not how it works.
So you're supposed to not talk.
But when they do, your Uber drivers have one thing they want to talk about folks and that is
that your homeless people are all homeless recreationally that is all they
want to oh man let me tell you these homeless people here they have it good
they stand out in the burn and sun with a sun someone gives them a dollar it's
the best life ever they're all doing it
they're all millionaires.
Let me tell you every single Uber driver has told us that I keep expecting them to get
out of the car after they drop us off and stand there with a sign. Be like, this is way
more money, man.
Boom. Take me to one of your multiple bars.
Well, I'm going to give you a note, Austin. And we're going to talk about this Christian movie in a second because that's why you're here. I'm going to give you a note, Austin. And we're going to talk about this Christian movie in a second because that's why you're
here.
I'm going to give you a note, Austin.
You do not get to complain about your traffic.
And let me tell you why, I live in New York City.
If you get hit by a taxi cab in New York City, that's just Tuesday.
You're just like, yeah, I got hit by a guy.
Get my leg.
Don't be a dick.
Thank you.
Just put it on.
You guys stop at a red light and you're like
How long have we been here you step out of a 15 minute drive what year is this?
I have a big white beard
Can can we talk about the movie or did you should probably talk? Okay, all right. So, we let you guys just want me to riff for the rest of the show.
Yeah!
Don't encourage him.
My job is hard enough already.
But every you stand by, he labbles.
So quick while we still can, tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today? All right, we watched the grim reaper.
And where's Cynthia?
I'm about to steal a joke from Cynthia.
Front row, nice.
Cynthia, this is your joke.
This better fucking workout.
This better be funny.
Everybody better think this crushes.
We watched the grim reaper.
It's the story of a stroked-out eyeball trying to outact
a set of terrified eyebrows and convert them to Christianity. Right? Oh, right. That would have
been awkward for you. Good. I wrote my own joke because I'm key.
Good I wrote my own joke because I'm key
Well speaking of which Eli how bad was this movie? Well if you love Halloween adventure, but you think Halloween will send you the hell
You will love this movie. This is 50% costume party
50% shaking back and forth in the seminary. That's exactly what this is
This is a nightmare Roy Orbison had one time.
I'm just saying Cynthia's joke on a way better. Yeah, way better.
Yeah, way better.
Yeah, I'm here. Come on, I'm Cynthia. We're booting them.
So. All right. Is there anything you guys want to nominate? This one for being the best
to be in the worst stat? I would best worst squirmy, not actor people trying to act and squirming.
Everybody's constantly like, where do my hands go when I act?
Do they, poke my eye?
Am I doing this acting?
Do go, they have no idea what to do.
It's a lot of squirming, a lot of squirming.
So, yeah, there's a lot of people in this movie seem like,
like they have to like move their head to get enough air
to come out of their mouth to make a word, right?
No kind of it constantly be going like, well.
Everyone in this movie went to the acting school
of Keep Eye Contact with Michael J. Foxx.
It's just.
Ha ha.
Six.
Six.
Ha ha.
Ha ha. He just passed away, you guys, really?
No, like 60 seconds ago, Google it.
Jeff, don't Google anything at work.
No, yeah.
Things get way less true that Eli says when you Google them.
Now, I had two best worst.
Now, the best worst that I first had was the best worst
inciting incident.
But I don't want to tell, I want to save that for the movie.
So I'm, instead, I'm going to go with the best worst costuming.
Now the costuming in this movie was done by the director's wife.
She certainly got that job by merit.
It's honestly, it's basically like, you imagine if you go to like the Christian bookstore
and you bought the Roman helmet,
that's the costuming for this fucking movie.
It's insane.
You have any best words, Eli?
I wanna go with best worst dying words.
Ha ha ha.
Guys, there are basically the dying words
of one of the characters in this movie is basically,
fuck you Jesus.
Ha ha ha ha. And then he goes for the crowd surface,
he's like, yeah.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
okay, I'm dead now.
I teabagged for everyone at home.
I was teabagging Jesus, and I want the complaints.
Teabagging Jesus, listen for it.
You can picture it, Jesus is beneath me.
Google me, and I see K, and then it's just,
me on top of Jesus, and you should've come to the show,
but I don't need the tweets.
Yeah.
All right, well, just to be on the safe side here,
before we get things going, we're gonna step in the back
and have Eli's stomach pumped once, been twice shy.
So we're gonna take a quick break
and when we come back, we'll descend
into all the high school play,
costuming and set design that is the Grim Reaper.
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
Woo!
We're in game, my boy.
Hey, Dad.
You ready to head to the big race?
I sure am. Now, did you do your homework?
Uh-huh. And have you broken God's law? Hey hey hey you want to be cool like your dad don't you?
Yeah. Which means what? Not accepting mercy from an evil God. That's right, my boy.
Now grab your copy of the God delusion and let's get out of here, huh?
No.
Racing.
Hey, folks.
Want to take a minute to tell you about this week's sponsor, Beachbody on Demand.
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bodies programs.
And I got to be honest, our plan was for Eli to fail hilariously.
It sure was Noah.
Sure was.
And which one did you do, Eli?
The 21 day fix.
And how did that work out did you do Eli? The 21 day fix and how did that work out for you Eli?
I lost 18 pounds Noah lost 18 pounds Wow
That
Takes all the air out of that joke doesn't it sure does sure does
But but on the bright side it does mean that heath has to do a program this month while I do
right side, it does mean that heath has to do a program this month while I do 21 day fix.
Yeah, veto.
I declare a very strong vote.
One vote.
Nope.
Overall, two votes.
All right, but I'm sure the folks at home are wondering how you did it.
So can you give them a preview?
Okay, so my problem in the past with workout programs is you've always needed either a ton
of space and time or like fancy gym equipment, but this was just
30 minutes a day.
There was a modified version of every exercise on every workout.
So I never felt overwhelmed or just stopped and watched a 19 year old do things that was
physically incapable of doing.
I felt like I could follow along and I could stream the workouts to all of my devices.
So usually I just downloaded to my phone and workout wherever I wanted to.
I did workouts in the fitness center at our hotel
and Austin, I did workout in the park.
And because there's not a ton of equipment required
for the program I did, I was able to do it every day
and keep up with the program.
Awesome.
So as promised this month, Heath will be doing a program
of Eli's choosing Eli.
What'll Heath be doing?
Well, as hilarious as it would be for me to have him do one of their
super advanced programs like P90 X or insanity, I'm going to have him do
three week yoga retreat. And if you'd like to join in on the fun,
this is a brand new service, but it's already got a million members.
So just text awful to 30 30 30 again 30. Again, that's awful to 30, 30, 30, 30 and get
access to the full platform for free. Beach Bonnie on demand. So good. We ended up doing
real ads for them. I'm not wearing yoga pants. I don't think where would I tell you to wear And we're back for the breakdown and we have to set up the most unforgivably fucked up conflict
in the history of storytelling.
But before we do that, we're going to look at a bunch of ugly people at a church.
Oh my goodness, the organist who everyone who is here at the live show just saw was the
very first picture.
She looks like she's being followed, but she's kind of okay with it.
Like she's like, oh, I'm being followed. I was all alone and I, oh, but he's kind of cute.
Is that Idris Elba?
Of the watch tower?
We also have the lady who looked like Princess Leia just took off her motorcycle helmet.
We had like, two'm scared by a ghost.
Yeah, Betty White who chose poorly.
Yeah.
Everyone's hair looks like a helmet.
Yes.
It's all like Magneto helmet.
Like it's the hair like curls in and covers the nose
and the ears like a rope.
It's very defensive hair.
You get like plus five hit points for 70s hair.
Yes. Also, okay. you get like plus five hit points for 70s.
Also, okay, so and they're they're
panting this crowd of church goers and they're supposed to look bored because
they're waiting for the pastor, but that's just what people in church look like,
right? So we have a lot of trouble figuring out what the hell's going on.
Except eventually somebody goes, where's the preacher?
I don't know.
Oh, oh, so this is the part where we see this for quite a while and everybody's wearing
pastel blue suits.
So it's very easy not to realize that you're looking at a funeral.
Apparently back in the 70s, that's we did past the 1970s.
Oh, the 1970s.
Everyone was a couch
But now that we've established the all important people are waiting at a church thing We have to cut away from the film to talk to meet our narrator
Which is kind of odd that he comes in after the opening scene
But he starts off he starts going like over the last hundred years
There's been a bunch of Jesus pervert and cults that deny his divinity
and deny his resurrection.
And he explains, yeah.
That's for the cult.
Yeah, that's for the cults.
Hell yeah, for the cults.
There's some good cultists out there.
So here is an occult tonight.
How many cults?
How many cults?
How many cults?
But in case you're curious,
if you ever wondered why it is
that we deny the divinity of Jesus,
this movie does clear that up.
We are controlled by evil spirits as it turns out.
And we're all gonna burn in hell, so we'll see you there.
And we should point out, this narrator looks like a cut character
from Dana Carvey's Master of Disguise.
He looks like Dana Carvey was like,
what if there was a guy who got hairplugs
to look more like an accountant who lost a bunch of weight
too quickly?
And they were like, no, Danny, you can't do that one.
And he kind of looks like Richard Nixon,
but like without the lumps, like creamy,
like creamy Nixon, if there was chunky and creamy,
he'd be the creamy one.
Like if Nixon got bit by a bunch of bees, but it cured the lumps instead of made the lumps, that's what he looks like.
A lot of people don't know this creamy Nixon was a candy bar in the 1970s.
Excuse me, Mr. How much is a creamy Nixon?
Just a nickel.
We all knew the price.
We thought it would be a nickel.
Oh, so I find this line to be a little bit odd.
The narrator turns to us and starts telling us about the
motion picture we're about to see.
As though this isn't.
Was this not the movie?
Yeah, I'm not in the fucking movie.
What's happening?
This is like pre-come the movie.
I don't know.
So the viewers at home were like,
why are all these people in my house?
You don't hunch their cooking.
They look bored.
They're all wearing their nested hair helmets.
Hair mits.
So the narrator warns us, this movie is about to be fucking harsh y'all.
And then we cut back to the church where nothing continues to happen.
And this is where we get the most ass fucked conflict in cinematic history.
We have two people at the front row and they're whisper yelling at each other because they
don't know how to mic this properly so the people are actually whispering with this.
And so the lady turns to her husband and she goes,
what's happening?
And the husband turns to her and she says,
the preacher said he won't preach the funeral.
And it's like, why are you still sitting here
then if you know that?
But then we cut to the pastor's study
where they're discussing why he won't preach the funeral.
And it's because the dead kid whose funeral it is, it is, is
in hell and his parents want the preacher to not mention that during the funeral.
He will not not mention that.
No, no, no.
No refuses to not.
No.
What's more, he'll be the good guy.
Yeah.
The protagonist of this movie goes,
look, if I'm going up there,
I'm mentioning that your kid is burning in fire forever.
I don't even know, I don't half-ass my job.
I'm not walking up, oh, where could he be?
There's his body.
I wonder where his soul is.
No, I shoot straight from the hip,
your kid's burning in fire forever.
Could you just do it without, like, mentioning Heaven or Hell to all? Could you just do it without mentioning having her held it all?
Could you just do the last one?
I'll run my sermon by you.
You tell me if you like.
Okay, how does it go?
He's in hell.
Can I try it for a second time?
Try it one more time.
Brothers and sisters.
Oh my.
Okay.
We gather here today.
This is pretty good.
He's in hell.
And I love the dad's reaction to this is not like,
come on man, don't be a dick, it's,
well what about purgatory?
Yeah.
He starts bargaining, he's like, oh come on,
can we just say like, can you do like coffee
and how it's purgatory, maybe we're not sure.
No.
No.
I want to debt to slide a piece of paper
that said purgatory across the tables
over here.
Yeah.
Slides one back that says, ass raped and hell.
Not gonna work for me.
And of course, the breaches like, what do you want of them filthy Catholics?
It doesn't say nothing in the Bible about pergatory, which would be great if they, if the rest
of the movie stuck with shit that it does say in the Bible, but it also doesn't say anything
about monkey demons in the Bible.
And you saw one of those already. So so dad's very pissed. He kind of wishes he'd gone to big choice video instead.
Yeah, he's like, all right, this is ridiculous. We're going, we're taking the funeral down the street.
Yeah, grab the corpse, honey. We're getting out of here. They like, he just believes.
Grab the corpse honey, we're getting out of here. They like, he just believes.
Like, all right, I'm gonna talk to your manager later.
We'll circle back to this, but we are bringing this corpse.
I hit this head against the door.
There's just a 20 minute thing.
Hit it. No, you, you, you, you, my left, my left.
You, my left.
I, you're hitting the corpse again.
Don't hit it.
You're still doing it.
Don't hit his hair, helmet.
All right, if I had a dollar for every time,
I've heard he sayed say to Eli,
you're hitting the corpse again.
You're kidding me.
John, but no.
But no, stop.
All right, there we go.
So.
She's easy to get through doors though, to be fair.
It's a pair to this guy.
Tell me about it.
Just smaller.
It occurs to me that we haven't really painted
a visual picture of mom up to this point.
I think mom looks like maybe one of the twins from the shining grew up. Okay. Yeah.
All right. Like she's about to like interrupt like like cyclists. It's not like bicycle ride,
but like a cyclist like Lance Armstrong. I have a note on Dad here. dad looks like Ron Pearlman is about to be evidence in the Scopes
Monkey Trial.
I love to because they come up with like a possible out for this whole thing because the
preacher won't not talk about how the kids in hell, but it turns out they have another
son, they have a living son who is also a preacher.
And they're like, well, maybe our other son can do the funeral.
He's like, no, I also know that he's in hell.
I would also say that.
Exactly.
And for those who follow along, the son is played by the guy who got in the car crash,
but didn't get his head cut off in burning hell.
Burning hell.
So it's not the same universe.
It's not Marvel.
I was really excited.
I was creating, I had a whole board on my wall connecting friends
and twirling them around with us, different character.
And he has, we need to point this out
because it's really distracting.
A dead eye?
Yes.
I think it's the way it is.
Well, I mean, it's alive.
Is it?
I mean, I feel like the character had like a minor stroke
and then his eye had like three major strokes of its own.
Just the eye.
It's all the way lazy.
It's super late.
Like Tim's left eye is like leaning on a shovel
at a union site, like doing that.
It's like an Austin homeless person.
He's got a cardboard sign on I-35 exit ramp.
Absolutely.
Oh, and I steal your joke by the back.
You did.
It's cool.
Oh, sorry about that. No, it's right there in the notes.
Yeah, well, you know, I'm reading, I'm reading.
I'm reading.
No, I'm not.
So.
I'm trying.
It's deep cut.
So, so the dad is again, still arguing with the preacher.
He's like, well, show me in the Bible where it says,
my son's in hell.
Like it's going to have a fucking guest list.
Because the preacher goes, it doesn't name specific people in hell, but how awesome would that be?
You gotta admit, Matt Show would be way worse.
I mean, this is a 3,000 year old book and it's got my phone number in it. I was going to point out at the end of this whole thing, the argument that these guys have,
the mom is eventually super pissed, not at the preacher who refuses to not say her son
is in hell, but at her husband for arguing with him. For arguing, she's like, can't you just be polite to the preacher, her son is in hell, but at her husband for arguing with him.
For arguing, she's like,
can't you just be polite to the preacher,
our son's in hell, but you're re-thing your voice.
It's the 1970s.
It is way more important not to raise your voice.
There will be no yelling until 2001.
On September 11th, how dare you laugh at that?
That's the first time we yelled as a nation.
So the preacher goes out now to fight.
He's finally been convinced to deliver his eulogy, but he's going to do the, your kids
in hell, eulogy come hell or high water.
So he comes out and he's basically like, you all new, Frankie.
Don't be like that little shit.
As his eulogy.
Yes. And here's the subtle, because he's the protagonist. Don't be like that little shit. As his eulogy. Yes!
And here's the subtle, because he's the protagonist.
So of course, he's going to be nice about it.
His subtle way is like, well, he's dead, and hopefully we all realize that we're all
going to die.
And I sure hope no one here ends up in hell.
Grieving dad of his center says, what?
What?
What?
What?
Crazy.
Exactly.
Everyone step forward if you're going to have a not-so-fast all in you.
No, just the dead guy didn't move.
And then now maybe this...
Maybe this is just a thing I don't understand. Open casket funerals.
Is this a thing?
Oh, yeah.
That's weird.
Why do you do that?
Is it for a sex thing?
That is the only...
If someone was like, I want to see my husband one more time and I want to give him a little
little, no, no, no.
And then I'm going to get out of here.
I'd be like, you know, what with the rigor mortician, all like, yeah.
Exactly.
But you just stare at the dead person
and you're like,
because in jujism, we just put them in the ground
because they're gone now.
That's how.
But the preacher announces this.
He says, and I'm not making this up.
He says, the family would like to view the body
And they would appreciate if you would remain seated while they do does that mean that one guy was like the family's gonna view the body and
So now we cut to a quick flashback we have to we have to meet the dead kid well
He's still alive so we watch uh we're we cut to dad quick flashback. We have to, we have to meet the dead kid, well, he's still alive. So we watch, we're, we cut to dad and the son watching TV together.
The TV, by the way, will absolutely drown out the dialogue in this scene.
Every scene with background noise, that will be the case.
And when there's not background noise, they'll have a soundtrack to deafen you.
But apparently they're watching a football game instead of going to church.
Mom and the good son show up fresh from church,
but the bad son and dad have just been drinking beers
and watching the devil's ball.
They should have fantasy church,
maybe even more people would go.
There you go.
You draft pastors and you get points for like rape acquittals.
I don't know.
What would you get points for?
You'd need like a saber metric system in that game a lot
Yeah, Andrew get on that
Metrics, it's a baseball thing. It's not a football thing. Yeah, but it's lots of points
I give and I give you like tell us more about sports instead. Let's talk about this this movie
So they say to the mom in the in the good son come in and they're like,
you really should have gone to church with us.
It was a phenomenal sermon.
And Frankie turns to him and says, I'll go to church.
When dad does him a right dad, him a right, him a right, him a right.
Oh yeah.
It's like a zinger.
It's a weird dad at this moment where he's like, that's my boy.
And I just wrote in my notes,
yeah, so many kids are peer pressured out of their churches
by their parents.
I mean, you all were peer pressured out of your church
by your parents.
You just, your dad's always talking your hair off.
Are you going to the next Sam Harris event?
Ah, dad.
Let it go.
I do not be a preacher at your wedding.
Your mother will cry or eyes out.
I know, dad, I know.
You just expect him to grab Jesus
and give him nookies at a certain point in this.
Yeah, the whole thing's just like,
hello, welcome to atheist characters.
We are atheist characters.
I'll have a beer, some cigarettes,
handful of meth.
Like, he might as well have like one of those helmets
for beer with like a fetus on each side.
And he's drinking a fetus blood in a little hoses.
Like, it's...
Patreon goal.
New Kickstarter right there.
One of those in a baptism dress.
So, okay.
And then mom, of course, offers to cook dinner
because it's 1976 and she's mom.
And dad says, no, that's all right.
I'll just get another beer.
Because that's what Atheus have for dinner beer
Perhaps Blue Ribbon well, yeah, I mean, you know some Atheus Oh, third of this day
Scotch whatever also the guy who's playing Frankie has the most bizarre wide open eyes
He's watching a football game, but he's watching it like you would watch two girls one cup. It's just
Cheering I want you to football game, but he's watching it like you would watch two girls one cup. It's just cheering. No.
I watch it differently.
You know how some people watch scrubs when they go to sleep and they kind of, you just
like fall asleep because you already know it.
It's different for me.
But yeah, this is where Tim and Frankie, who's dead at the beginning of the movie, have
their like, they also dim talk ask me in time and I like dance. So he's like,
Frankie, you really should have come to church. And Frankie's like,
what's the matter with you? He's like, the eye is reaching the rest of my body.
Please, Frankie, shoot me in the heart with something. I don't know what's going on.
So he's like, you're saying I come to church
and he goes, not for me, dude, I guess I'm not that religion.
I'm going with big engines, big cars, big tracks,
and big money.
You thought he was gonna say like big dicks
and big dicks, right?
I thought he was gonna say big dicks.
Like transformers,ers fucking each other.
Right, absolutely.
Absolutely.
That's our other Kickstarter.
Sounds poor.
I think that's already out there.
So yeah, so mom looks accusatory at dad
for condemning their, their kids to hellfire.
We cut back to the funeral for a second.
But then we have another flashback.
We have to watch Frankie die
So it turns out Frankie was a race car driver much like Jesus and
And and this is how bad this movie they have stock footage of
Like NASCAR from 1976 and they show Frankie driving and he's turning multiple directions
Which doesn't make fucking say I guess that's why he wrecks later and dies is because he's making a right.
Classic mistake, you don't make rights in that sport.
I also, I love they have the announcers and the announcers have nothing to say here except
for Frankie Pierce is in the lead, Frankie Pierce is the main, the dead kid.
And so they say that like five times, Frankie Pierce is still in the lead.
Still Frankie.
I know it's Frankie again. times Frankie Pierce is still in the lead. Still Frankie.
And it's Frankie again. And which, I mean, to me, like if you made me announce NASCAR,
that's exactly how it would sound.
I don't need to be here.
There's still the talking right.
It's the car that comes in first, the one that's at the front.
I'll tell you how to do this.
This is a fun little trick.
Look to the front, that one's winning.
So NASCAR, ladies and gentlemen.
But this is 1970s NASCAR.
See today, the cars are all slick and thin,
and modern, and people have seat belts,
but this is just when they took a boat,
made a steel, they put one wheel on it,
and they just shoved it down a hill.
And they're smashing into each other.
The drivers are smoking and sitting on the roofs.
There's a better, simpler time.
A guy's making something in a waffle iron inside his car.
Gently pouring batter.
Don't want to spill on the lap.
Turn.
So everybody starts wrecking.
And the first car we see wrecked,
I wanna know how the fuck this happens.
The car is upside down and spinning like this.
I don't see an unintentional way you can do that
and I don't know that I see an intentional way.
So there's no ways.
Yeah, no, I mean, they did it obviously for this movie,
but I feel like they had to launch it
out of cause some kind of special cannon of some sort.
You feel like that guy started upside down, some kind of special Canon of some sort.
You feel like that guy started upside down, like he just didn't get NASCAR that day.
He just like got in the car upside down.
And he was like, all right, everyone pushed the bottom.
Did I win?
But now Frankie Pierce is in trouble too.
So he wrecks his edit on his wreck is ridiculous.
Like first, like the car's flipping over and, you know,
just flipping all different directions,
it explodes and then they cut to him steering again.
Yes.
And then it crashes a different place
and explodes again.
Explodes again.
Differently.
And like a different universe, it's a different time of day.
And apparently during the wreck,
someone gut shot Frankie.
He's got him in the chest.
He's just the only evidence of injury is read on his chest.
Yeah, here.
So all the, all the menics rush up to him to take care of him.
And the, the, the, the, the men medic pulls out his stethoscope because that's all that
was the basically the whole trick in nineteen seventy six that's all they had
i might be dying of bronchitis after the
emotion
so you check
it's not i get it i get it it was weezing
and i love it so everybody standing over them dad and everybody and dad says
you're gonna be all right frankie and the doctors like you are a fucking liar
man there is no chance in hell.
That's just got like a Martinez scars.
Like walking off from dirt and whatever you're proud of.
That's my boy.
Bratel blows everyone for freckles.
So I believe in Paris.
I believe in Paris.
I believe in college, dad.
So how would your parents get you up?
All right.
So now also, good brother, the preacher brother
is standing over top of me as he dies.
And he needs to turn him to Jesus, obviously,
because he's about to die.
So he turns to his brother Frank, and he's like,
Frank, this is your last chance, except Jesus.
And Frank, he goes, oh, except Jesus, when dad does.
Right, Sam, right dad.
He goes, right dad and dad, who sees his dying son does.
Fucking egg son, fucking egg.
Boom.
Boom.
Boom.
Boom.
Boom.
I teabagged again, that's called a callback everyone at home.
You got to picture me, Google, image, but he's doing it to his dead son.
But yeah, dad doesn't even dad's like that was too far.
You know, I was really enjoying your show.
But when Frank, he's dad teabagged him, I thought to myself,
I'm not sure you're in the best taste here at God of Heaven.
I have my lines.
And also based on his death rattle, I'm assuming he died of a butt orgasm or something.
Ooh!
Say!
That is exactly what a butt orgasm sounds like if you've never heard one before.
And you could see every face in the audience that recognized it.
Yeah, it is.
I got a really good butt orgasm.
Get yourself a butt orgasm, people.
Wait, let me check.
Can I recommend people to get a butt orgasm?
Because apparently, autocratic asphyxiation is a joke and breaking the
law is super dangerous thing to
recommend live on air.
Which is why this part doesn't make it
into the show either.
For those of you at home who are wandering, Eli is masturbating while choking himself right now.
So yeah, I'm still wearing it.
The rest of the show, I want you to just picture it still here.
I'll get up.
Oh, sorry.
No more physical bits. So Frank. So Franky dies. And so now we pass
forward. Do you need a minute? Okay. So I'm normally utilize buddy for that. I'm keeping
track. You need a spot. You need a spotter. You always need a spotter. We're not allowed
to recommend that either our way, Andrew. What? You don't need a spotter. You always need a spotter. We're not allowed to recommend that either our way, Andrew.
What, you don't need a spotter?
You don't need to do it in the face.
This is the worst lawyer.
This is the worst.
Oh my god.
This is the problem.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh. Oh. Oh.
Oh.
Oh. Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh. Oh.
Oh.
Oh. Oh. Oh.
Oh. Oh. Oh. make it to his birthday.
I got caught on my news as I went to yell at my lawyer.
And it's not the first time I've done that.
Or said this on air.
So we're at the cemetery.
We are at the cemetery.
Thank you, Eli.
Usually when you say we're at the cemetery. I'm not just happy button
I'm usually texting you to pick me up. Yeah, I'm saying
I cut my pants on the fence again. Can you come in?
It's not her. It's just a different child beauty queen so he's just
Shad like leukemia or something I want to go home
Too far huh that's I'm so glad that you eventually showed up. That was nice of you. So your dad is my boss. We pretend he's not, but he is.
I don't think you know how Nese's in nephews work.
Dad's thing is not.
I was going to say dad is not.
He's not.
He's not.
He's not.
He's not.
He's not.
He's not.
He's not.
He's not.
He's not.
He's not.
He's not. He's not. He's not pretend he's not, but he is. I'm, you don't, I don't think you know how
Nisha's in that fewest work.
Oh, dad's thing is not.
I was gonna say, don't tell him about the boss thing.
It's better.
This is not Game of Thrones.
She's my sister.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
It's Texas, right?
So,
boo.
So, the answer to that was,
is there a strong anti-incest feeling now in Texas?
This is Austin, this is not Texas.
So, yes, yes.
So mom is at the cemetery visiting with Frank.
This is apparently about four months after the funeral.
And her other son, the living son, the good pastor, son walks up behind him and he's
like, mom, and she looks right at the ground and says Frankie
Do you want out of your box?
No mom. I'm the living Sun behind you over here. She's like oh fuck right and he's basically like she's like
Oh, I miss your brother. He's like I know very sad you gotta get over it and she goes but when he died
He said my name. Do you think maybe...
Spiritualism would help?
Well, and then the sun gives the most stupid fucked up answer
because he's like, no spirit.
If you talk to him through spiritism, you'll go to hell
and she's like, so it would work.
So black magic is real, lawyer, exactly.
Literally what actually goes, wait, so you're saying spiritualism is real and he's like
Technically, yeah, it works, you know, it's not
Please son, please can I communicate I wanted to use an evil tube magic. No, no
I wanted so badly for the next scene for you to just naked mom with like nipple clamps on,
just sacrificing a goat over a golden bull.
All right, here we go.
Agurame, Agurame, Tim walks in mom.
I've got friends coming over.
Da, da, da, da, da, da, da.
So yeah, she says, she's the sun says,
well, yes, mom, it works works but talking to the dead is dangerous
and i just heard elia in the in the back of my
had gone i wasn't talking to her
but apparently that is also looking for a way to come in with with the dead
because this is where we're gonna meet and i can't remember who who said this at
the uh... platinum night last night, but we meet Zoltar from big.
That was yours.
Yes.
Yes.
Absolutely.
This guy is about to leave this set and make Tom Hanks big.
Or is I call him every magician ever?
But yeah, so that the dad is asking this swami guy who is, they're going for, I don't know if they're going
for a particular religion, or if they just know
like different religion as a broad category here.
Or it's just all of them.
It's just like, it's from like our lady
of all the other evil ones.
Like, he's the bad guy.
He's dressed up with like a little piece of something
for every other culture and religion.
Like everything but blackface.
He might as well, he's really close.
He got a turban on his Yamaka.
Yeah.
So, but he's asking, dad's asking him
about talking to the deads,
and he's like, is it dangerous?
He's like, no, shit, I do it all the time.
The important thing though is you have to talk your wife
and your son into it in order for it to work.
And he's like, well, my wife isn't gonna have autonomy
for another like 15, 18 years, it's 76.
But my son, I don't know.
And then, and then the swam, he's like,
oh, don't worry about your son, I'll talk him into it.
But just as he's saying that, the son walks in
and he's standing right behind him.
So he's like, don't worry, I'll talk your son into it.
The son's like, not so bad.
And it's supposed to be him giving the guy a talking to.
But first of all, he's just like,
I was in a little bit,
so it's not authoritative.
But the other thing is, it's like watching two kids
talk about who would win in a fight
between Gandalf and
Dumbledore. But full grown adults just like, well, it's pretty obvious that when Dumbledore
dies, he stayed dead, bitch. Oh, you shall not pass. So he has this back and forth with Dr. Akumran, that's Zoltar's name in this movie, and
he's like, so what church do you belong to Dr. Akumran?
He's like, all of them.
He's like, oh, really?
What's the name of the church?
What's the name of all the churches?
Is that what you just said?
But he reacts like that was a normal question.
He's like, the church, all the religions together all messed up in my head
start naming them start with the a's
then he goes do you believe the bible is the inspired word of god to which doctor
cumeron tries to hedge his fucking back
he's like
sort of
to a certain extent. What would he do it certain all the way up to
about halfway through Exodus. It's like Shakespeare and Francis Bacon. There's no one to know who wrote what.
You have no idea.
Now, so you can come back Eli. I won't let him say it again. Yeah, so they have their little doctrine off or whatever.
And finally, Dr. Kumron gets so pissed off that he storms out of there.
And he has this amazing moment, Tim, right before he leaves, he goes,
let me tell you something, Dr. Kumron.
Everyone who speaks to the dead is one of two that you got a picture of dead bird on my face,
trying to escape to really is one of two things.
Either you're a fraud or you're a human being infested with demons.
And all of our notes are, yeah, that is one of those two things.
God bless it.
You are correct.
Either you're a fraud or you're a Nutella statue that was brought to life
That child's dying wish
From leukemia
See you're warming up to it. So
Woman I'm up to look camey and Joe
So yes, so Dr. Kumeron rushes off and then the family all sits down for tea to discuss dad's terrible idea of trying to talk to the dad.
He throws this guy out of the house and hums instant responses, who's hungry?
What's a snack?
So, they go to have tea and for some reason they go to have a tea at this very low table.
So distracting to me, everybody's sitting like hovering over the table like this.
And the T-pot is like seven feet tall.
It looks like a huka.
Yes.
Yeah, absolutely.
So they're asking, they're like, Dad, why did you go to that other religion failure he's
evil?
And Dad's like, well, you know, my secretary recommended him.
And the mom goes, oh, your
divorce secretary recommended him that sinner.
She's been married three times.
She's a nervous wreck.
Now you say it.
She's been married three times.
She's a nervous wreck.
Everybody let's all together.
Ready one, two, three.
She's been married three times.
She's a nervous wreck on three.
Two.
She's been married three times.
One, nervous.
So yeah, so we established that Dr. Kumaran
was recommended by the slut.
This is what Noah deals with all the time.
This is my life folks.
Let's go to the live show. I bet they're just as funny in person.
After the edit we are.
So you'll get home and you'll be like,
I see what they did.
Yeah.
They cut all that leukemia stuff.
It is probably a good idea.
I should explain, for folks at home,
there's a little girl in a wheelchair
and she doesn't have a lot of hair.
Okay, let's move on.
Move in the front row.
She's not doing well.
Tom, she keeps the little thing
and I'm making the jokes to keep her up,
but she's not,
that's not true. She's this cross. It's crossed the bag on your head.
All right, now it's my turn to leave.
Google.
So dad's telling this story.
Dad's telling the story of the first time he met Dr. Kumron, so we get another little
flashback, and this is fucking hilarious.
He's like, the room was unlocked.
And if thing, I have never seen because I didn't fuck Wicked in the 90s.
And he's like, had never been to Pier one in four.
So what I saw inside was strange and new to me.
And he goes, it's like, it was the weirdest and craziest thing.
And as he's saying that it shows a Buddhist statue.
The weirdest shit you can imagine. It's Buddhist statue it shows a Buddhist statue. Oh, weird as shit, you can imagine.
It's Buddhist statue painting of Buddha.
Yeah, goat face.
Yeah, no, that's the last, the goat face was, yeah.
Right.
But it's like the goat got his picture done at like central park like he sat down with
one of the portrait guys and he's and the guy was like, so what do you like to do?
And the goat was like, I like the skateboard, man. And they just took the thing.
Can we do the lasers in the background?
Yeah.
The whole picture is perfect.
So, prom picture?
Yeah, no, the inside jokes about Central Park go over great with the Austin crowd.
So the people at Central Park that draw pictures for you are really crappy at it.
So, he's still telling the story about Dr. Kuhmron. And he says, he's like, he showed up mysteriously behind me.
And it shows him, and he's just standing there looking at the wall like this.
And the guy just walks up, that's not mysterious.
You were facing a wall in this man's home.
I'm going to reenact the mysterious showing up.
Will you show up mysteriously behind you?
You want to show up behind you mysteriously?
Oh, what's the painting of a person that's not me? That's I've done it. Oh
I wasn't doing anything over here. I was over here the whole time. That is how surprised he is by Dr.
Kuhn. Apparently no one had ever entered a room without dad seeing before
the moment he get in
So and this is all to set up a stance, right?
They're going to have a stance.
Suddenly, there's like nine other people in the room.
And they all sit around the table.
All of them are very clearly just having trouble defecating.
That's the facial expression we get from every single person at this say on.
Oh, absolutely.
And it was like, I cut.
I said concentration faces, not difficult to change faces. Okay. One more time. Show me concentrating. Now show
me difficult shit. It's the same thing. You have to do it. Make them different.
Also, I love and this is the most realistic moment in the entire fucking movie, right? Because
dad is in his first saiyans. Everyone else has already been to saiyances before. And, and
Dr. Krumoran was like, I feel that there is a doubter in here who doesn't believe this
shit's gonna work.
And he needs to stop or this shit won't work.
But he's not because he's right, because he's fucking it up.
And I wanted him to just start naming names, just like, there is a doubter in our midst,
Dave.
Yes. Kind of wrecking in our midst, Dave. Yes.
Kind of wrecking it for everyone, Dave.
Look at it, you, Dave.
This is also where we start getting the sudden like that these little subliminal Satan flashes.
Yes, his face for just a frame turns into Satan, but as we already saw, and I highly recommend
at home pausing this movie, it is just a board teenager in red face paint
who's just like,
goooah!
Pfft!
I feel like you weren't supposed to use house paint.
Goooah!
Pfft!
Pfft!
My skin is itchy!
And then of course,
the dough!
And of course, the seiyans works
because in their universe, Satan magic is real.
So the hurricane force wins start up in the room.
Two-zone.
Yeah.
Well, now it is, yeah.
And like demon spirits rise from the floor,
there's a demonic kaleidoscope going on
for a little while, and I've got to admit,
that would convince me I would be a Satanist.
That's all that we take.
That's all that we take. That's all that we take. That's all that we take. That's all that we take. That's all that we take. That's all that we take.
That's all that we take.
That's all that we take.
Right above that guy's arms.
Must be Satan.
So the flashback ends and once we're again, again, we're with the family talking about
when he went to see Dr. Kuhmron.
And the dad wraps up with, so you know, either he's fake or this was real
And once again one of those two things is true that is exactly correct about all the things things is true
And of course the Sun is like it because it's a Christian movie the good Sun is like well
Of course it was real dad Satan is very real and we'll give you magic powers only don't do it
Who stole the cookie from the cookie?
Satan.
That's how it ends for Christian.
They just say Satan and they stand there in silence.
Till certain people with leukemia get all coffee.
For the live audience, there's not really a leukemia patient up here, you know, I just
realized that people in the back can't probably tell.
So, did you run up to the front?
No.
Yeah, quick, get a look while you can.
So, I'm gonna cut that one out too. Inapropriate. Do you know over seven people a year
die of leukemia?
True fact.
True fact.
That's either fake or real.
Google it.
So, everyone leaves the room and the camera stays up for a really long time.
But then we cut to mom going to sleep because mom's gotta have a nightmare.
I love this fucking nightmare, so goddamn much.
So good.
So her son starts climbing out of the wall, right?
He's trapped in the wall.
He's still wearing his race car outfit or whatever.
And he's like, mama, mama, I am not at all exaggerating.
It's like washing a 14 yearyear-old at a fucking haunted house.
And mom comes and mom whys up and she's like,
Frankie, Frankie.
And he's like, well, a fucking course.
It's Frank.
What other dead race car driver has walking into your room
and ghost form in the middle of the night, mom?
She's like, Dale Earnhardt, Walter Syn.
I'm sorry, is this 332 Princess Red?
233, I'm sorry.
I have a lot of trouble with directions, that's what I'm doing.
I just,
ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
Ah.
So yeah, so Frankie tells mom,
mom, mom, inhale and it is quite unpleasant.
And then, something like an only describe
as a monkey devil also walks out of the way.
He just, monkey devil?
Monkey devil, he has escaped hell.
And this demon is like, fuck,
I'm gonna get in so much trouble.
Get back here, dude.
It's like watching a bad babysitter
who's like on texting her friend
and then you see a kid wander around the corner
and she's like, oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,. It's definitely new guy, Monkey Double, who's like, fuck.
Oh, if it isn't, let him go Larry.
All right, all right.
Don't give me a work nickname.
So yeah, so, so mom's nightmareing all over the place.
Dad and the sun come in, they're like,
mom, mom, it's just a dream.
And she's like, it wasn't a dream, it was real.
And they're like, why the fuck not?
That's how our religion works.
And dad says, don't worry, honey,
I'll get you something to sleep,
or something to help you sleep.
And I so expected him to just punch her in the head
at that point.
Did you?
Did you?
It was the 70s.
He was around in the 1970s.
I was around in 76.
You see, that's how it was back then.
It's gotten better.
But, okay, so she's trying to go to bed.
Good son, I keep calling him good son.
The character's name is Tim.
So Tim decides to pray to God
that God will no longer give him nightmares
or give her nightmares rather.
And he's just like, dear God,
I know you could probably take my
brother out of hell. And that would probably stop her from worrying so much. But I ain't
gonna ask you for that. Instead, could you just stop the nightmares, maybe? He's sort
of passive aggressively praying. He's like, now, not really sure why you felt it necessary to give my mother hell visions, but that's your
Paragotip
But you woke me up
Last to check. I remember as your book and
My eyes still doesn't work so
And I still doesn't work so... And...
Ha ha ha ha ha.
Either I wake up tomorrow with two papers
or Mama sleeps through the night.
That's up to you.
Jesus name a man.
He's a...
Ha ha ha ha ha.
And of course, and he also prays for daddy
once dad defined Jesus.
And I love this moment where dad walks in
as he's praying to Jesus.
And I don't know what facial expression
dad was going for here.
I have it as pre-hairball.
He reacts like he saw like Timmy peeing on mom's face.
Yeah.
He just like backs out awkwardly like, oh shit praying.
Yeah.
I mean, don't get me wrong, that's kind of how I react when I'm walking on people praying.
So I get it.
There's a little.
I am always living out that fake episode of what would you do just like are you saying grace over there?
Stop
At the children's hospital is where that mostly
Yeah, so mom falls back asleep and now we have to cut to to dad's nightmare
But before we get that we're gonna have to take a quick break
Because this movie is about to shift gears into a whole new level of crazy.
I'm gonna need a minute to prepare for that.
But before we take that break, I'm gonna give Act 3 the hard sell here.
Will Verne turn his life over to Jesus before it's too late?
Verne is the dad, by the way.
Let's realize that never told anybody that.
Will anyone acknowledge that the guy who condemned Frankie to hell is definitely the fucking villain?
Will Eli return from the interstitial all accidentally fucked up on pot brownies?
Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the my numbing conclusion of the Grim Reaper
Good morning everybody. Sorry for the delay. I'll pass your handerson. Now, after some conversation,
it's been requested that a not mention Frankie being in hell. And I'm not going to do that
in this here, sermon. No, not at all. Not going to do it. Anyway, Frankie had curly hair,
drove race cars or something until it died in a fire crash state of existence. They should probably
get used to. I mean, yeah, he did dead now. Who knows? Maybe there's fire where he is. Maybe not
dead now who knows maybe there's fire where he is, maybe not could be.
I said, hebbles anyway.
He's attended by his father, his brother Tim and his mother who
should accept Jesus pretty quick.
They don't want to end up with Frankie.
By which I mean, dead, dead because Jesus, good health, thing to believe in gives a heart of good work out.
Anyways, may he rest in peace or the internal hormone because he's in hell.
That's it.
Give me the 20 bucks back.
Now I already bought a pale blue suit with it. And we're back.
When we last left off, mom was having nightmares about Frankie being in hell, but just to throw
you for a loop and show you the director's range here, we will now have dad having nightmares
about Frankie and hell for a change of pace.
And the dream itself is not really even worth noting, but what's worth noting is, is Tim's reaction when he walks in and sees his dad having a nightmare.
Now, we know that Tim knows how nightmares work because he just woke his mom up from one and said,
you're having a nightmare, mom. But when dad has a nightmare, he's like, Dad, what the hell?
Your eyes are closed and you were talking and shit.
What's going on here?
But apparently he was having, he's like a fucking robot that was just brought on
line, but he's like, he's like, I don't know, son, I'm having these weird
dreams. Is there anything that you can do to help me?
He goes, I can't help you, but I think I know exactly who can.
And that would be a preacher that I can only describe as wispy.
I have him in my notes as baby powder, the person.
If you imagine you put Vince Lombardi in one side of the machine from the fly and a tampon in the other.
He ended up with this preacher.
You look like Colonel Sanders gave brothers ghost.
And so we got to the preacher.
The preacher goes, they're having the conversation with dad, mom and the son are sitting over
here just kind of observing.
And the preacher says to the dad, he's like, are you saved?
And the dad says, this is such a bizarre answer.
He says, well, I'm Christian.
I let my wife and son go to church all the time.
Now, I'm not, I mean, I'm on dad's side here, but I also don't physically bar people
from entering churches. I'm not a,
that does not a Christian make.
Brackie.
Three times and now all of a sudden we got to bring it up at every live show. I wanted
a conversation with their daughter about her leukemia. If I say it like six times, he can't edit it out because it's a running thing.
It's a little game we play called Stop Ruining My Podcast.
So, dad's trying to get a lot of concessions out of the pre-trees.
So if I become a Christian, I don't have any more problems anymore.
And he's like, well, no, but you're more of a dick about him.
At least you got that going for you.
So down to the preacher decides that in order to convince Daddy,
he has to tell him a Bible story.
We're gonna get a little flashback in this Bible story.
So this, he starts telling them,
there was once a woman in ancient Israel
that topped to the dead and Paul and Silas moved the demons on out of her and then the
failures got real pissed about it and threw them in jail. And we don't see a visual aid for any of
that, but and if you know Ron Ormond, you know, this is coming to says they flail them on their backs with whips so of course that part we get to
visualize right that part we get to see
the the flocking is amazing oh this is maybe the greatest scene of all
fucking time in any movie we've ever seen we have a clip
uh... morgan would you bring in the lights down and showing everyone this
amazing down and showing everyone this amazing costuming and acting here.
Wait, it gets so much better.
The helmet keeps falling like his like Burger King prop helmet.
It was so good. It was my birthday. Damn it. It was my birthday damn it was my birthday.
And that actor is 70s unhealthy.
He's got special magical.
Okay, he whips twice and he's just like,
Okay, I've had three heart attacks.
Three heart attacks.
I'd like to go sit in a chair and die at the right bold
age of 36 now.
Oh, dead.
So, yeah, so we get Paul and Silas being put in the prison.
The guards gave him an extra blankie, which I thought was nice.
It seemed a little weird.
And they start like doing this pan shot of the prison.
And it's got the weirdest damn shit.
They show a guy getting whipped in the stomach.
In the tummy.
There is a tummy whipping scene
Because it's obvious Ormond was like they whipped Paul and Silas on the back. So what do we do and one guy was like
What about that in the movie and
They're like yeah fucking if we're using the helmet. I mean it doesn't really matter
It's not like we're going to save this or anything.
Um, and so, so they're sitting in the prison and then one of the guards comes up and he's like,
I would like to help you, but I'm not allowed to use inflection.
It's, he is basically all the other messages in every woman I know is inbox just like I wish I could put oil on your feet
I
Wish that for you
And for me
Hello
Hello
Oil on your feet and Paul and Silas and they're like I want to put, line your feet. And Paul and Silas, and he's like,
I want to put oil on your feet, I would help you.
It's supposed to be a nice guy.
And Paul and Silas are just like,
oh, but we're in jail, so thank you.
All right, I'm going to go be a homeless person
on the streets of Austin.
So I hear it's pretty awesome.
So the next day, so we cut to the next day, all the prisoners are singing about Jesus.
They're doing a little duet, Paul and Silasar.
They would have already written a song about him
at this point, but they know one.
And they sing the song, and then of course,
as you know,
if you know the Bible, the prison starts to fall down around them after an earthquake.
You can imagine the special effects for this earthquake are top notch.
This is the day they were doing the earthquake.
They got what Ormond walks over to the camera man. He's like, all right,
this is pretty technical. So I'm going to walk you through this.
You're going to take the camera man, he's like, all right, this is pretty technical, so I'm gonna walk you through this, you're gonna take the camera,
and you're gonna shake ass.
And then you're gonna put it back on the tripod.
Do not drop the camera while you're shaking.
All right, let's rehearse.
Not earthquake.
There we go.
So the earthquake happens, there their stocks are unfastened.
Paul and Silas can finally escape.
Maybe use that spell right away.
If you couldn't sing an earthquake,
it feels like you, before you get flogged, you would use it.
Well, some people like being flogged more than you.
So, and honestly, the flogging, as you saw,
I did not look particularly unpleasant.
Who screamed just now?
Just so we know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Six, oh seven.
Yeah.
So they bust out of prison.
The jailer, the very nice jailer
that wanted to put oil on their feet,
gives him a torch.
I don't know why it's day.
Yeah, and there's this awkward moment
where he's just like, they walk up to him
and he's like, there's like a sword on the wall
and a torch on the wall and they're like,
no, Jailer, give us that one.
And he's just like, oh, is that,
is that how the story goes?
But you can see the actor confused,
he's just like, ah.
And then what happened?
Yes.
like, huh? And then what happened?
Yes.
So yeah, and that's the whole story.
We have the full reenactment just of that.
Then we go back to that preacher that's talking to dad.
Dad, however, is not convinced by this story.
Well, dad has a bit of a counter argument.
Yes, he does.
Dad's counter argument is this,
well, Tim, I'll love your brother more than you.
You were saying preacher, that is it.
His only attempt is like,
dunce is the dives with dives with dives.
And he's just like, yeah, you're kind of a weirdo.
Like if a Frankie was a nine, you're like a 2.4.
You're like a sick kid that ruins life.
Oh, thank you. Great, great timing on the cutout there Morgan.
That was good.
So thanks Morgan.
Here's a leukemia filter on you now.
We have Eli on the two second leukemia delay here.
Yeah. So, yeah, so the, so the pre, the, the dad's like, We have Eli on the two second leukemia delay here.
So, yeah, so the pre, the dad's like, yeah, well, you've convinced me, but there's still
something holding me back from loving Jesus as much as I want to love Jesus.
I just don't know what it is.
And the preacher's like, well, maybe it's because we've still got another 20 minutes in this
movie.
He's like, yeah, it's probably it.
So the preacher's like, well, whatever you do, even if you don't turn to Jesus, you should
at least go to church and give us money.
Again, sometimes this movie is realistic.
So dad goes to church and luckily for us, he takes us along.
And the sermon, wouldn't you know it, is about how evil spiritualism is? Huh? Coincidence.
Oppropos.
And this is where we have the four seconds they could afford.
Jerry Falwell.
Now, Jerry fucking Falwell.
He is the world's number one ranked pastor at this point.
He does it in 70, whatever.
This boy in fantasy prep pastor, he was killing it.
He had acquitted so many times.
He had outpreached Mayweather and he was just coming off
a really high, it was phenomenal.
And he is, I know a lot of people don't watch these movies with us
and you don't have to watch these movies with us.
But you should watch just this clip to see how shiny it's possible
for a human face to be.
He looks like he just finished gently kissing a Thanksgiving turkey.
Give me one second. I don't know if it was gently. I feel like it was more than gently.
Oh, you think he was giving it? Yeah, all up in that shed. Motorboat. Oh, it's like a fat guy
going down on you just. Well, I'm earning my place here. Whatuh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh. What Eli's trying to tell you is fat men are good at oral sex.
They are.
It's eating out of reasons.
Duh.
Ha, ha, ha.
Whee.
You think I'm fucking around?
Have a fat guy go down on you.
You'll be like, that podcaster was right.
That's weird.
That's weird.
I guess they just love food.
I do.
I do love it when fat guys go down on me.
So, so then we cut to, so, so, and I love the way that they introduced the Jerry Falwell
bit to because the preacher stuck my spiritualism is really bad.
As a matter of fact, the other day I was talking about my buddy, a gerryphal well about this.
And then we get four seconds of gerryphal well, and we come back to the preacher and he goes,
ah, it's like, did the people in the church see the flashback?
The fuck are we talking about here?
So when we come back to that, and by the way, the message that Jerry Falwell jumps in to give is, Satan's a real dude, hell is a real place, demons are everywhere I am sane.
That's pretty much the whole thing.
So, and then he hands it off to his assistant pastor.
His assistant pastor is named Tim.
There is already a character in this movie who is a pastor named Tim.
This is a different Tim the pastor.
Tim Naya.
Tim Naya.
Tim Naya.
Tim Naya.
You're not.
Tim Naya.
I file Lee Hyman.
I'm Tim Naya.
Tim Naya.
Tim Naya.
Tim Naya.
Tim Naya.
Tim Naya.
Tim Naya.
Tim Naya.
Tim Naya.
Tim Naya.
Tim Naya.
Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya. Tim Naya Austin of the Austinite, 10s, who's leader is Austin.
I don't want to make that funny anymore.
So yeah, Catholic family sitting down to dinner,
every book of Mormon segment just this again, huh?
And I love to that the
the
So Tim the pastor's message here, by the way, is judgment day is a certainty because it says
so on in the Bible also who keeps gluing all these extra legs on the grasshoppers.
And the dad turns to his son,
because of course there is the church watching,
and the dad turns to him and he's like,
his judgment day shit sounds like some kind of
paperback novel.
So man, do you read some shitty paperback novels?
And Tim, he's like, dad, just listen, go!
He's maybe looking stupid.
You're embarrassing me in front of my friends.
He's about to get to the eyeball monsters that sing about God's glory
Volatio
So it mouth Jesus
You don't want him to go down on you
Not fat. He's actually super thin. I wish terrible at Jesus. How great would fat Jesus come better? You don't want him to go down on you. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha tiny rock in front of my wheel. Let me ruin everyone's live podcast by being all sad in the front row.
She's laughing along now. She's in it now. I feel like that's a seizure, but okay.
Oh, when I do the jokes, that is all of a sudden. Oh, no, it's making fun of leukemia.
No, it's getting fun of leukemia.
No, it's getting too bad, appropriate.
So he's here to keep us in line.
Yes.
The comedy anchor we got.
So now this preacher is going to tell us yet another story
because they wanted to play dress up some more.
And this one is about a witch.
Now the witch in this scene.
I think he sold you all you need to know about the witch in this scene.
She looks like the makeup that, first of all, she's wearing wicked witch of the West outfit, right?
She's got the pointy hat, she's got the black gown,
she's standing in front of a bubbling cauldron.
And in order to do makeup, I think they just wet
a bunch of flour.
Yeah, that's about right.
And it's right out of money Python.
They're like, are you a witch?
She's like, no, no, a bit.
I have to know.
And the hat, yes, I am a witch.
Also, we have a point of this out yet, but when they do these flashbacks all the people have like these deep South accents
Yeah, right so it's always a
What the hell you tell me about
You listen, I say I say you listen to me so I
Tell you what
I'll tell you what? Like they don't take off the cowboy hat and they've got the Israelite cape on top of
it.
For that cowboy is the only thing a grown-up still allowed to dress up is back in the What? What? What? Seven syllables.
What?
So, yeah, so the southern, the people from southern Jerusalem go to the witch.
And they're like, are you a witch?
And she's like, look at the fucking hat, people.
What the hell?
No, it's because, I mean, you look like a muppet of a witch.
It just seems, you look like a muppet of a witch. I don't know.
It just seems, you look like the jigsaw dummy from saw
and also a witch.
Look, the jigsaw dummy from saw
went through a bad breakup.
Just, everybody hurts sometimes.
And of course, and of course, yeah, there, no, that's just a few hundred bucks
if we go over. Um, so, of course, so, so, so all of course is here because he wants the
witch to bring Samuel back to life so that he can give him some advice.
And she does a magic spell.
She just does her impersonation of me
when I see a spider just,
ah, ah!
Ha, ha!
Ha!
Ha!
Also, she gives us all the formula, I guess,
for bringing Samuel back from the dead.
It's a cup of wind, a pinch of salt,
and a handful of dirt.
Stir three times.
I feel like somebody would have figured that out by now.
Wouldn't you have accidentally stumbled on that at one point?
You're just like, oh, playing with my sandbox.
Oh, Samuel, fuck.
What's up, Samuel?
I gotta go back inside, resources over.
So, and of course Samuel is played by
store brand Gandalf in this shit.
And he comes up and saws like,
so what do you think the Phil's teacher
about to kill us all?
And he's like, yep, they sure are.
Adios.
That's the whole fucking story
Literally it cuts back to the beach or he's just like and you know what?
It happened
Why did I tell that story does anyone
Well even goes he goes and Saul and his sins sons were killed now. We're not sure how he died
Why the fuck would that matter?
I mean, I would imagine the Philistines killed him,
but so Tim, the sub-preacher passes it back
to the main preacher,
and the main preacher's message at this point
is basically, well, if your race car drive and son
didn't repent, he's in hell, amen.
But he also must tell us a story
because again they love to play dress up and he's gonna tell us a story about
about post Exodus Moses now Moses if you can imagine Santa Claus skinned a
polar bear and just stretched it over his head that's Moses that's pretty much
it and it is a part where all the people are bitching at Moses they're going stretched it over his head. That's Moses. That's pretty much it.
And this is where all the people are bitching at Moses. They're going like, Moses, we can't change our clothes.
We can't, we just being eaten, nothing.
But man, you know that she gets stuck in your teeth.
And Moses is like, guys, where do you want to be such a bitch?
And they're like, well, you know,
cause on account of where G-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E-E They're all going like, they're all going, well, them Egyptians don't have to eat the same
damn thing every night.
It's a new thing every day, just like blue apron, which you can also get by using the
promo code.
No, fuck them.
No, we don't, they're not paying for an ad in this episode.
Oh, fuck them.
That'll make it a fresh.
Check out Home Chef.
Yeah, not a little different.
So, Casper mattresses are comfortable.
So, Moses calls upon some God-lightening because he's sick of these guys bitching.
And all of a sudden, snakes start to appear.
Now, imagine, if you will, that a snake that you knew was aggressive
appeared, but it was say from me to you. If your reaction to this would be to stand there
going, until the snake came and killed you, you would fit right in with the ancient Israel This is one guy getting attacked by a snake. The other one's like, so what are we standing still?
Are we doing it?
All right.
All right, it got stuck.
So hopefully it's full now.
It's done.
Now?
Nope.
Oh, it got the second guy.
I was thinking, okay, you know what they say?
This is two in a row.
This is awkward.
No more.
So it's like when you're in a post office line
or another government building and one person
like three people ahead of you goes crazy, but you're not in the appropriate position
to leave.
So the guy up in front is like, you killed my son!
My son!
And you're just like, whooo!
Buying some stamps, buying some stamps.
Stampsampsamps.com.
You know, everything's...
Never go to the post office again.
So, so that flat, everybody gets eaten by snakes.
Elderly snakes and rascal scooters just slowly rolling up to them.
Walkers.
And everyone, it was clear, was like,
I'm gonna do a different death sound.
So the first two people, they're like,
and the second guy's like,
ah!
But these people are actors in Roy Orman movies,
so they do not have wide range to the fourth guy's like,
woo!
Woo!
Oh!
The eighth guy's like,
ah-ha!
Ah-ha! Ah-ha! Caricotom! We ate guys like greekatah all the movie
so we finished up that flashback and we got back to the preacher and the preacher is like
are you surprised that God would kill innocent people
with snakes just for voicing a grievance?
Well then you don't know this motherfucker at all, do you?
It's kind of his thing.
God doesn't want to condemn you to hell.
He's what he will.
He's just got a really bad, badting average.
No.
He's got to blow the Mendoza line.
It's fine.
Don't worry about it.
See, I feel like the preacher's doing for God,
what you do for your crazy Eddie friends, right?
Yes, you're like, look man, crazy Eddie,
he doesn't wanna fight you, but he will.
He's over there eating his own shoe.
He didn't like the way it squeaked at him.
So, see for everyone else, for Eli, this is your crazy Eddie,
for everyone else, this would be like your Eli friend.
This would be, you would instead say something like,
it's like when you say, look, he talks a lot about leukemia
and fucking dead children, but he's a good guy
when you get to know him.
So, hard of gold.
Hard of gold.
So, okay, so now of course, the preacher goes, and we go back to the preacher, he goes on
for a little bit, and then we have to get our final flashback of the movie, and this
is a Ron Ormond movie, so, of course, this flashback will take place in hell.
And this is very clearly just the extra footage they still had from Burning Hell.
Oh, very clearly they didn't make the cut thing of how he had like a single reel of film standing there in the end of Burning Hell.
And he looked at Estus, and he looked at the reel, and he was like, three movies.
Three movies.
And unfortunately, I don't think we can do justice to the random, weird
ass demons that they show. We showed a few of them already. So anybody who looked like
a, you know, whatever, a fucking clown on meth that you saw in the montage would have been
one of these demons from hell. And once again, they're just, they're not in, there's fire.
They're not in it though. They're like pleasantly near it, like a campfire just from fire.
Just move back.
Yeah.
Just move a little bit back.
And they're all covered in poop, so that's got to be keeping them cool.
Right.
Yeah.
And there's some other nice things about that.
No, there aren't.
And of course, the night hell is kind of pleasant.
Yeah, I know in this one, yeah.
But and of course, just like every other scene in this movie, the screaming of the people
in hell completely drowns out the dialogue.
You can't hear a damn thing they're saying.
So I have no notes for this scene.
And then we get the celebrity tour of hell.
Yes.
Where we meet lots wife and lots wife in hell is a pillar of salt.
And it's obvious Orman thought this would be a great idea. He's like, look, there's lots of wife and she's just like, and he's like, I guess that
wouldn't be so bad actually.
He really just sent salt to hell then didn't he?
And isn't that...
That's just a damned pile of spasses.
You.
Bill, that's a bad example of who you want to send to hell, too.
Like the husband gave his daughters to a rape mob and she like looked back.
And that's why she went to hell.
Yeah.
That's a weird example.
And then we meet Jezebel.
No, first we meet Judas.
Oh, yeah.
And now Judas is punishment and hell apparently.
This is pretty rough.
He's got the 30 pieces of silver. And every time he drops them, they fly back into his hand, and that's it.
That is Judas' punishment in hell.
Punishment is infinite games of Pac-Man.
Just...
This is kind of irritating.
And then we meet Jess about two minutes.
You're move, God.
I'm gonna learn a coin vanish.
Downs palm.
And just for Matt.
I love that shit. And they really do charge us if we go over. down's poem and just for Matt.
I love that shit.
And they really do charge us if we go over.
So now a demon in a skull cap shows up and he offers to take dad to see his son, Frankie
and hell.
And he likes he's like, he's right there and he looks over there and it's the same demon.
He's like he's right there and he looks over there and it's the same demon he's like gotcha! So we have low level prank in hell.
Yeah, unscrewed sock!
Chaker!
Hell!
Weird.
Oh you got a little shit on your jacket there.
What?
Hell!
Hell!
We have fun here in Demation.
Yeah and also the guy says the other demon is he's like, you said you were going to take me
to see my son.
And then another day, and he goes, no one tells the truth here except the Creetans.
What would that other minion say would be where my son is to figure it out, Creetan
liar thing?
So yeah, and then the dad's like, oh, this is so awful.
And I'm like, I've stayed at daisons worse than this.
Jesus fucking Christ.
And then the dad's like, please let me out.
And they're like, no, we're going to throw you in a volcano
in the most faking manner we can manage.
That's it.
That's it.
And then we get, okay, so apparently this has all been a dream
that dad had.
We're not going to, we're're not gonna really deal with the fact that
dad fell asleep in church.
Here, he just starts screaming and I get it, I get it, that's what I do in church,
that's why they don't let me go anymore.
It turns out that's not illegal at all, you can just sit in the back of a church going,
AAAAAAAAHHHHH!
And they can't really arrest you for that.
Can they ever? Can you you for that. Can they?
Can you go to one children's ward?
Freedom of speech, right?
So yeah, but now everyone in the church
is quite concerned about Dad's nightmare.
And he's like, did you have a nightmare
about being in hell?
And he's like, yeah, and he's like,
are you a Christian?
And he's like, I'm pretty sure it was Muslim hell.
He's like, that fucks up the whole movie.
He's like, all right, I'm a Christian then.
Just convert.
I don't know.
What about the finches and the eats?
I was a lot to think about still.
The shape.
No.
So now, of course, this is the big conversion scene.
This is what we've been building to for the whole movie.
Everybody's very happy.
And then the preacher turns to us and says,
now Dad has managed to avoid Hill.
Perhaps you could do the same.
And the movie's over, that's it.
That's it, that's the movie.
So this is the first time that we've seen an Ormond movie
that was made without Estes Berkel.
And I assumed it was because Estes pericle died right because he was really fucking
old in 1974 but it turns out pericles stuck around till two thousand five of
all things which leads to the logical question and the one that we're gonna
close on tonight what do you guys think precipitated the following out that
split this dynamic filmmaking duo apart oh Oh, I'm gonna say Estus Perkle
Refused to use the Oxford comma because it's a goddamn savage
Thank you. Yeah
The biggest applause we get tonight is for the Oxford fucking comma you guys are such nerds. I love you
I love you and Eli well, I have to follow. I was gonna say an awkward kiss in a hot tub
This is the life isn't it
All right, so we now know that our audience is a bigger fan of the Oxford comma than making
out and hot dumps.
That's awesome.
And on that, we're going to bring episode 111 to a merciful close.
We're going to give a huge thanks to our boy Morgan, who came all the way from New York
to help us out with the sound here.
Thank you so much.
And of course, another round of applause for Anna for helping us out with merch and for
kicking so much ass.
And of course, also a round of applause for our boy Andrew Torres for keeping us out of jail long enough to do this show.
Big thanks to everyone with the Scottish Wright Theatre. This is an amazing theatre, even though as you're walking in,
it really feels like you should have just shot a lion. It is a really cool place, right? And of course, the biggest thanks to all of you guys for making it up. Thank you so much.
Yeah, you guys are almost as fond of yourselves as you are of the Oxford comma. That's amazing.
And on that note, we're going to leave you.
Timmy's left eye.
Leaves work at noon on Friday and spends the weekend in Mar-a-Lago.
It's lazy-eye.
It's lazy.
Mine's gonna suck so bad.
I thought I'm fooling around.
And I'm gonna take it seriously by Eli and myself for an embarrassingly long time.
Dave the Demon got put on pedophile duty for a week for letting Frankie escape.
Thank you so much for coming out tonight guys, good night! The preceding podcast was a production of Buzzline Th thunderstorm LLC, Copyright 2017, all rights reserved.