God Awful Movies - 19: GAM019 Loving the Bad Man

Episode Date: December 29, 2015

This week, Tom and Cecil from Cognitive Dissonance join us to break down a tale of a live triangle between a woman, her rapist, and her stalker.  Join us as we see exactly how many offended emails a podcast can fit into a single inbox, as we tackle the most disturbing film we've encountered so far, Loving the Bad Man.---Our theme song is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars.  If you'd like to hear more from them, check out their Facebook Page.

No one is going to listen to this guys guys no one is going to listen I don't even want to be going to shut this up like fucking three minutes in I have no idea why we're even doing It is gonna be a 22-minute episode. I'm sure right now I'm done with the edit all this is is the worst thing I've said as in the worst thing for other people I know of That's all this is is the worst thing I've said and the worst thing for other people I know of says. That's all this is! Not a full movie! Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be Idiot left is my good friend Heath and right Heath welcome back. Thank you sir and sitting 989 miles to my right doubtless In Frisbee in distance from a pizza place better than any Chicago has to offer is my bad friend Eli fuck you for making me watch this movie bro

Just just deeply for the rest of our lives. You will never repay me for this shit. That was for ad non That was for not liking star wars i guess and of course you've already heard him but sit in eleven degrees of longitude to my north are our special guest massacres tom and c-cell of the cognitive dissonance podcast tom sees a welcome to the show home of the best pizza in the world shakago by the way well yeah i've never said man i want to try and fit an entire lasagna in my mouth

it's like a soup made out of pizza I've never said man, I want to try and fit an entire lasagna in my mouth. Because sit on down in Chicago. It's like a soup made out of pizza. Here's the thing, I've never met you, but I guarantee you can fit an entire fucking lasagna. That's not fair, you've been on xnxx.com. Everyone who's Googled my name knows what I can fit in my mouth. Here's the thing, I don't even understand a world where fitting an entire lasagna into your mouth as a bad thing. Can we use insults please? We're friends here. Can we get it roasting in here?

No, I'm not kidding. Come on, now that's how I choose my girlfriend. So... When do we have? I have to fuck a secular student. We should collectively get to fuck one sec. I mean, 12 grand in two hours. Oh, can I, are you kidding me?

I, I, I, I want to be raised money. I miss reddit, I thought it was the sexier student alliance. It's like fuck. I was in college. You got to have sex with an A.C.S. girl for enough pizza. You know, it's a 12-print. We should get to have sex with every secular student now. Female.

Whatever, just like, just diving our way through Poon for the next year, until next year. For the monomy. Normally, when the intro gets this derail, they try to get back on track. But considering the movie we've got ahead of us, I'm so hesitant to say anything. So, but before we get to talking to that we got a you know tell them what we're talking about so he's what are we gonna be watching today alright we watched a movie called loving the bad man yes we did starts out as your

typical romantic comedy about a woman who's not a sexual assault victim but then her status on that changes and interesting moral commentary on that issue. I don't wanna spoil it. So I won't say whether the movie lands on the pro-rapeist or anti-rapeist side, but the movie takes one

of those empty spaces. It's used by one of those two stances. Yeah, we'll get there, we'll get there. But honestly, Eli, I'm surprised you're even able to find this one. Generally, you don't even hear about these movies about like two thirds of the time. So. Yeah. Exactly.

Actually, according to the Department of Justice here, here about this only one on 52 times. Sorry, I was just reading some emails I got from the Cog Discibe. Oh. They would be like, tell us how bad was this movie, dude? they got from the cog disarranged. Oh. Oh. So you let us how bad was this movie, dude? This movie was like someone from the purge, finished raping and murdering a family. But then he grabbed their camcorder and made a movie

to prove that what he had done was OK. That's the only way to, if everyone at this movie, in this movie was at knife point and got raped in between tanks, it takes sense. But because I'm assuming they didn't, I didn't hear anything like that happening at Stephen Baldwin in the news. So... This guy's his fucking face was too fucking puffy, didn't even recognize the guy. The guy clearly gone in an anaphylactic shock moments It's like he got stung by a hundred bees Me nearly got stung by bees I have to go to the hospital. No, Steve. You're fine. We're gonna draw other aits on your face

We'll just draw some more aint just cover it What the fuck was with the wait? We gotta I know I know we're way ahead of ourselves and I don't even care at all But what is with the eights? I looked up the eights, is there a thing? That's actually, yeah, I don't wanna get into why I know this, but that's actually thanks for Hyle Hitler, eight being the eighth letter of the alphabet, like H, yeah, Hyle Hitler.

I wish convinced he was just a Desbariant fan, that's so much worse. Dude, they look like, they look like shitty padlocks, they're like petal bells or something. They were like the fucking weirdest dumpy sighted eights and they were like, he looked fucking crazy his hell in that movie. He's like walking around trying to be a, you know, like a mob leader in the prison or what have you. I thought it was an infinity sign and that represented

how many calories he got each. I don't know if you guys have had the bread balls from Back in for during this sentence and let me tell you I've earned these infinity You guys ever see usual suspects I was thin oh god shit. Yeah,, God. Shit, yeah, no. Boy, as he fallen far. Well, obviously we're all chomping at the bed to get this over with, so we're gonna pause for a quick break, but when we come back, we'll break down all the disturbing assertions that are,

loving the bad man. Motherhood. Is there anything more rewarding? But with the dating scene what it is nowadays, it's hard to meet the right person. Tinder hookups? No, thank you. Okay, cupid.

More like okay, stupid. That's why there's a new app for Christian women who think come as magic. Raper. I always had problems meeting the right girl, but thanks to Raper, I've experienced the miracle of fatherhood without all the hassle. Hey, hey, I said the visiting hours are over. I'm making a commercial. God. Thanks, Raper. Raper. Because if all you are as a baby factory, who the fuck cares who starts the production line? And we're back for the breakdown. And I want to say this is one of those movies where you can tell how bad it's going to be even before you get through the production logos. Like by then we had already gotten bad graphics and racism. Yeah, with that, like the red skin's logo.

Yeah, and it's scrumption the back. I forgot about that. I could have said the first thing I wrote down, how do you start a rape movie? And answer is however you want. However you want. Cartoon skateboarder logo, that's how you started off. Oh, I'll tell you how you started.

You started exactly like a fucking team comedy. I was like, oh no, I accidentally clicked on 10 things I hate about you. No, you didn't. Summer fresh grass and rape. That's what you're gonna start with. 10 things I raped about you. It's only so many holes. Again, this movie begins with wacky dad antics.

This movie about rape is him being like, no sprinklers are just never got bigger. There's about to in 17 minutes, there's going to be a sexual assault. But this movie wants us to be like, well, that dad is just never going to get his lawn wet. That the only thing that doesn't get wet. Throughout the entire movie, they keep doing that shit. They keep having these like just horribly and there's no There's no appropriate comic moments in the rate movie, but they find the worst fucking spots for them and just go Hey guys remember this wacky dude I remember earlier

Cramer flies in and introduce Scooby in the gang to the town Until inappropriate the comments and I would have got a rate away'll wait with that rape if it wasn't for those men like this instead of pulling the mask off into rubber I've seen that one I got that one bookmark exactly. That's my tumbler guys old man Jenkins That's that teen I love that one that's good That's why the man in the mystery machine has no windows I'll tell you this it's a lot of things but I hate a mystery I'm just saying Daphne looks scared. She doesn't look like she wants to be there. Velma on the other hand Velma's into that chair.

We should have just done a Scooby-Doo episode. You guys want to do this again, but just do a Scooby-Doo episode instead? Yeah, well everybody in this fucking movie too. Can we talk about fucking how everybody has goddamn sweaty like every single human in this fucking movie too. Can we talk about fucking how everybody is goddamn sweaty? Like every single human in this movie is fucking sweaty. Even the fucking baby is sweaty. Like it's like that from some fucking hell, like God forsaken hellhole, like Georgia or something.

I'm gonna check it crazy. This movie is shot like, so the camera looks like and the actors look like it was shot in a sauna. Yeah, like the lenses are like their cameraman fainted. It's like a tape on the camera looks like and the actors look like it was shot in a sauna Is in the process of fainting as he's filming oh Jesus I was five minutes into this movie I'm like I'm gonna buy that motherfucker a tripod and the hand deliver it all you want and then 10 minutes in I'm like like I'm gonna beat him to death with it when I get there I'm gonna buy a tripod and just beat him to death and leave it cleaved between his fucking skull at the crime scene.

So they'll know exactly why I did. And every single goddamn image is so flat. There's no depth in this movie at all. It's like filmed with like a handicap. I feel like that's an analogy for the whole movie though. There's no depth in this whole film. There was a little depth in the rap scene though. Oh, I mean, I don't know mean you're a small guy you never know

so only a little she's Christian so now you did about what I was student and I need to take it yeah that's a nice thing you need to repel into there you know damn you got a big pussy damn you got a big pussy wow and we're not even through the first scene guys we're not even really to the first scene here

brother I am through with the first scene yeah right this movie is not as funny as we're not even through the first scene guys. We're not even really to the first scene here So I am through with the first thing This movie's not as funny as we're making it out to be I just want to throw it out there. It starts with wacky comedy where we meet the dad and the daughter Julie who is Schmokin fucking hot That's hard to ignore. I liked Eli's subtitle on the notes on this one was episode 19 trying not to jerk off. Yeah, I did. Hold on, no, no, I didn't. I did have a hard time masturbating to this movie at all. And then I watched this with, I watched this with my wife.

So, oh no. My subtitle was trying not to jerk off. Yeah, I'm trying to jerk off, my friend. Trying not to jerk off. Letting the raw, shaved bit of flesh that used to be my penis alone so I could type a note She's only hot in like that bland cardigan way that means you're not actually getting laid though You got hard again and I can't she's like fucking a Blair from that old like fucking what was that that show?

Back of life. She's like Blair. Well, I mean as soon as I see like a young girl, he should be spoken hot and she's wearing a cardigan. I'm like, are you already dressing like you're my grandma? Yeah, right. I'll still finish. Yeah, she was a grandma waiting to happen.

So then we go inside from the sprinkler accident where we meet the whole family here. They're sitting down to Tachiro Kobayashi's breakfast apparently. They've got a goddamn half gallon milk, so they're on a picture of milk. What every male is this thing, is like a past frick thing. The fucking salad bowl was as large as my condo. They have the fucking, the same food guys game of thrones And I gotta say I I could spend an hour on each individual character at this table holy fucking shit Okay, the the person who really caught me is the Mexican brother

Clearly me is the Mexican brother. He's clearly a fucking shot of him climbing over a fence into their living room. He would be less Mexican. He's clearly an irrational angry man. Like, the dad is just fucking furious the whole time. He's like, fucking sprinklers, I can't fix your car. My son's got a job to it. He's so mad. He's like fucking angry dad from the Simpsons. It's like, all right.

And also, it was just me or did mom look like she was like raped into being in this movie. No question. The town has made videos with more willing participants. They're treating me very well here on the set of loving the bad man. Unlike how they treat American sculptures in the series. It's the series for real. And of course, now we have to go meet the, I don't even know where you would place antagonists and protagonists in this movie

So we're just going to say the rapist sure who's not necessarily the antagonist in this moment right? Yes, exactly the abusive physically abusive sexual assault perpetrator is kind of the I don't know physically abusive sexual assault perpetrator is kind of the I don't know spoiler alert, but yeah, yeah, so We learn very quickly. He's on the he comes from the wrong side of the tracks and the way we know this is that he's a mechanic Yeah, I've been a mechanic in a movie that isn't oh is that it is that is it? We don't back you don't mind getting dirty. Here's the thing if you've got dirt under your fingernails You're probably a rapist. That's all that means like in the movies You're just like walker any like I got these callousy fucking dirty hands like oh you can play The mechanic rapist okay over there you're the mechanic rapist line go in the line

It's just a bunch of guys over there fix something while you're waiting also he works as a yelling garage I wanted to fix that old fucky, I'll fix it when I'm in my mother. I wanted so badly for them to cut to the front and some moments like you need to fix my fucking tires. 2399, fantastic, can I give you a pause to start helping you? You fucking bad on him. And then he punches that bitch right in the face just yeah, oh That that guy admittedly has a unique managerial technique. I Dude like the fucking rapist dude is actually quite calm in the beginning He's like he's like the fucking parts came late the guy just like What is happening?

Why he can't like the wrestler who's like talking shit in the green fucking show off the other wrestler? You hear me now brother. WrestleMania. Nassau Colosseum August 3rd. So now we got to cut over to Juliette work at her uh, cashier job and we see immediately she's wearing a giant got Jesus button at work. Right and this is the first of many times in this movie that I thought to myself Well if someone in this movie is gonna get raped the person with the god Jesus I don't necessarily want anyone person to get raped or anything, but yeah, if it's gotta be some Oh my god, so yeah this woman and by the way throughout the movie cannot speak eight words without like Prostitizing even to the Christians in this movie right ridiculous as a matter of fact

We see that right away because we see a kid is stealing some pop tarts and the boss is Physically assaulting him. I know why he's a shaker the shit Pop tarts. I can't give pop tarts away He fucking stabs him in the neck with a fucking box cutter and he's He's gonna string that kid up he's gonna like crojron quarter of me he's called a little turn right he was turned like a hundred times he was turned I was gonna count it again I was like man I want to go back and watch this but I'd rather be

raped but I thought it used turd so many times because they won't swear because it's a right that's the dirty thing they can say it's like you're thinking third and see so I thought the same thing the kids stealing pop turds I'm like what do you steal like poverty strut all what the fuck is this is the one flat nobody wants that but Julie Julie Stepson and tells him that she said he could do it on the condition that he joins her religion yeah no kid yes she's like okay but you have to go to church with me tomorrow. Like, who? I have to ask my parents stranger. You have to join my religion, okay? And the

kids like, I don't understand this. And she's like, I know, that's how we get you. And that's actually pretty great because that's how prison works too, right? It's like, oh, you want religious? Welcome to prison. your Christian okay fine you're able to grow your back I know you're gonna be Muslim sorry so now we cut back over to Mike the rapist the pre-rapeist they should say rapist he's a pre-rapeist up to this pre-rapeist powder but he's chopped up up pre-rapeist powder but he's not gonna be a pre-physical assaultist Because the first real action that we see this character that we're supposed to sympathize with throughout this movie take is

To call his boss out into the office and beat the living fuck out of him like eight feet away from a 10-year-old kid I love that the dad the kids like what's going on there like oh I probably just getting my car. It's clearly the sounds of fist pounding on the floor. Oh, man, I am being assaulted. What do you think is happening, dad? I don't know, they're just working on some salt. I'd probably like the differential or something.

I don't know, car words, son. I don't car words. Also, I want to point out, he is covered in grease like he murdered a character for cars. Yeah. That's this character. I know so on mechanics. I have four mechanics in my family, and they never come home from work in blackface.

Right. What were you doing? Well, I changed the oil by rubbing up against the real slow. I use it as a personal lubricant as well. It's good for so many uses. You ought to believe I'm much friction this shit can stand. Julie's a lucky girl. Wouldn't have been a rape if he hadn't slipped so easily in.

God, click. I'm turning this off. Right, I don't want to be associated with this episode anymore I'll be outside having a smoke. Yeah, so this dude looks like he got gang raped by an angry mob of chimney sweeps Jim Jim Rape rap it. He rape rap it. He rape rape raping you. You got to do it more threatening Jim Jim Jim Jim and he Jim Jim Yeah, yeah, there's some electric guitar in the background down to Damn This bad people are on camera now damn

And speaking of people whose physical appearance is we can make fun of we also meet Cole Cole looks like the husband in every big black cock cuckled porn You've got to know That's what Cole looks like in this movie I just want you to picture someone watching their wife get fucked That's cool You Coz is like in this movie I Wanting their wife get fucked that's cool Even more than that is just like at the 80s meekly like good good job good good job This is a guy who could not successfully microwave a burrito

I watched them and I was fucking texting with a friend of mine that I convinced through, I think magic to watch this with me. And I was like, oh, here comes friend zone. Like, that's it. Like, it's like fucking bro walks in. It's like, you couldn't fuck that guy. That guy couldn't fuck anybody. That guy's so fucking nosy. That guy who fights fucking hand would say no.

It's gonna be like, uh, well maybe we could just like Netflix without the chill, you know? It's like, okay, I understand. I bought you flowers, you're the best friend in the world. I'm right right hand. Yeah, right. Well, it also doesn't help that he looks like they gave the guy from Mask most of a face transplant. His eyes don't line up already

So Tho no no a strike though. He's right. No way was a little high one was a little Lose so the guy just looked off as fuck to me constantly He looks like the only male survivor of an acid attack. He looked like he already had a kid He looks like the only male survivor of an acid attack. He looks like he's already had a kid. I thought I wanted to fight that guy. I was watching him like, can I just get in and just fight him? Just for no reason?

He just looks fun to hit. He looks like Carrot Top Rape the Wendy's Girl. Of course she decided to have the baby and fall in love And her way of saying no, if she's not interested by the way is bearing our nose in the Bible There would be no more effective way for me to just okay never mind Are you gonna put your nose where you want to put your fucking nose? That's what I'm looking at Oh, and then she gives him the silent treatment.

She ISIS amount, he's like, so you wanna go out? My penis got fucking my zipper, but I'm afraid to undo it, because I might get devil's touch. She's like, yeah, I'm not going out. She just gives him the fucking silent treatment. I'm gonna go lower myself onto this burrito. It's warmed up just the way I like it. Think about my pastor from youth camp.

So now we go to the bad bar. Oh, I know, the bad bar was nobody could afford a whole shirt. I gotta say what the bad bar, because when you walk into the bar bad bar at one point the fucking bad bar has Co-courses in it at one end of the bar some wannabe bikers at the other end There's a guy who's either beat or drunk into unconsciousness on one of the fucking pool tables in there And then there's a dude at the bar reading a candle I don't know what the fuck is the guy in there reading a kindle and the only way i can reconcile that guy in the pool table like fucking completely their unconscious or in this case i think he probably had a conversation

with a tablet guy and died a board that's what i think happened well the bar keeps walking around checking for pulses like that's all he does like these people these people are fucking over served in a way that's fucking illegal everywhere, but Indiana right He walks over and he's just like their fucking arms are floppy their faces are down. He's just like in another drink Yeah, but super polite. He's super duper polite behind that bar

He's clearly serving fucking method on he's the rape facilitator He's the one who puts this together. He puts ekenx a and b. I'm not sure he did that intentionally. I hope he did because he was really polite about it Yeah, I mean he really was he's like you should go and then that guy that tries to decline He's like yeah, I don't want to do free work because I'm off work and he's a fucking is doing it Well wait, wait, there's a scene before she comes in where um He is almost in a fight with a guy. Oh, yeah, the guy goes um you're walking to thin line man You're walking to thin line, but he's not doing anything. He's just sitting at the I was I was expecting to go like I'm wanted in 12 systems

Fucking ridiculous this seat and then and we're contrasting that because we keep cutting back and forth between that and And then, and we're contrasting that because we keep cutting back and forth between that and um, and the girl driving through down in the bad neighborhood in her car, singing Christian music to her radio. Yeah. And my fiance got 40 minutes into this movie and she turned to me and goes, this is a weird music video. I was counting, I tweeted, I tweeted how many music montages there were. There were six music montages.

Yeah. Music montages there were there were six music montages music montages and re-15 if you're ever thinking yeah well any of the Christian songs that are in these montages have anything to do with the action on screen no people are the appropriate they're selected seemingly at random the Christian music that was selected for this movie was selected it's like well we have like seven songs. So right, use them all just whatever. I don't know. I'm like, Christian Pandora. Exactly. God, please don't say there's a Christian Pandora.

To the soundtrack was a show. You just enter. I just got raped into Pandora. And these are the seven. Over and over again. And Bill Cosby himself, although it does beg the question, like, what would your rape soundtracks sound like you know I mean like sometimes you got to put a little music together for something like you know I'm thinking about going for a long ride tomorrow. I'm gonna put together like a long ride soundtrack like oh I'm gonna get fucking rape tomorrow and

I'll love with a dude and prison that rape me. What is that soundtrack sound like? Word lines. It's basically all just blurred lines It's just all Robin it's just all Robin lines. It's basically all just blurred lines. It's just all Robin thick. It's just all Robin thick. It's just all blurred lines. That's the way the Alps start to finish out. I'm gonna fuck. It's the subway jingle. Oh my god.

So now we get like this incredibly insensitive rapes scene where like we're getting, first of all, we're getting these weird flashbacks to him beating up his boss because they needed to get to feature length, I guess. And so those other days, how many of these traumatic PTSD I kick somebody's ass flashbacks to him beating up his boss because they needed to get to feature length, I guess. And so those are there. And he's having these traumatic PTSD. I kick somebody's ass flashbacks, I guess, which is what triggered the rape. No, I think I think what triggered the rape is he knew he was going to be put in the friend zone because he was already in the auto zone.

And he wanted to make sure maybe that auto zone's a local thing. No. Well, he's just going to change her tire and leave. Maybe that auto zones a local string Getting the zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone on a zone I go every restaurant. Well, you rip the restaurant. You rip the buffet. I'll tell you that, see. So I thought the same thing. It's like everything is going kind of okay. Like he's having like weird anger moments, but I don't think he was going to attack her.

And then she's like, here's like $7. And he's like, ah, rapy. Yeah. What happened there? Like, it just broke this guy. Well, I had a moment where i was like what a weird way to like stage a rape they must not have talked to any rate victims when the nesmo made this movie and i was like well of course it in talk to any

rape victims because if they had that person would have murdered them so that they can't make this Okay, here come here just put your head right in the car to and and and but after the rape is the best scene in the movie in my opinion. Yeah, the rapes the after rape is my favorite scene of the whole movie. The swiftest justice in the world. No, no, it's the scene. It's the scene where so after the rape happens there's this sort of flashback to black and white. They keep going black and white and then back to I guess it's like he's turning into a velociraptor and then on a velociraptor whatever you know black and then they finally show uh...

the next morning dad is in there he's just he's worried about a sprinkler system or whatever the fucky's worried about and then he looks outside and hurt and the daughter's cars there so he comes in to try to find the daughter but he can't find the daughter and then everybody's freaking the fuck out like run around freaking out. He goes out to the car And he walks up to the car that the like the car is on the lawn Okay, the car is not in the driveway

It's a parking lot in the living yeah And he walks out and he goes up to the car and he's like and it's a fucking abandoned car on the lawn And he pulls out a giant fucking knife From the car and he asks his wife, is this hers? It would have been better if he would have pulled out like her panties and a bloody uterus. Is this hers? Is this hers?

Did she leave with this yesterday Margaret? When she went to her fucking Christian band camp? Did she leave with this bloody uterus in her bag? So the dad yells call 911 and that scene ends and then we get her waking up in Cpia world, which is where trauma happens Thomas by the way CSI rape rape CSI music montage at this point. Yeah, I will say rape happens in Cpia because rape is always a little brown I'm just saying wow

Oh, I want it to be quiet forever. Just seven. No, I will give you all the money in the world for seven minutes of silence. Just take all the silence where we're listening and just like. Yeah, that was that was great. Uh, no, I have to point this out because before we go into the little post rape trauma montage, you can hear the dad in the background and he's going like I should have checked the tires. Oh, yeah, I don't need your mindless mothering right now. Right. And it's like, yeah, she needs mothering right now. She just got raped. Everyone in this scene seems like, don't comfort her too much. It'll make rapes look like a bad thing.

It'll just encourage her to be raped again. Wow. You know how a little kid falls down and nobody sees and they don't cry? That's what rapes like. Too much. I can't face plants and then it sees you in the room and it's like, man, it's like it. It's like if you look at her at all with any kind of like quivering grip, right?

It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine.

It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. It's fine. Yeah, right So oh good so we get this like and this is such a weird okay So this is our second musical montage and it's such a weird one because it's like the rape kit montage Yeah, why are we looking at this montage? Where she's like riding around with a cops and showing them where the bar is like like like she can't just tell them the name of the fucking bar She's got to ride with him is this oh yeah, you got to to ride in there well, your, your uterus is all bleeding.

It'd be like, it'd be like the fucking only because it's she starts at the hospital then goes in the police car and then finishes the hospital. So clearly she's still in need of actual medical assistance for like no, fuck that in this town, justice moves fucking. It's a motherfucker. We are going to fucking catch this bitch before you're done

bleeding. Get in the goddamn car But there's only one bar on fucking no service road. I don't give a fuck. We'll go to rapies together I want them to keep what I wanted to see where they just keep driving by the black guys house. Are you sure it wasn't there? No Sure it wasn't a muscle It was at the bar that said ladies night I'm gonna circle the block again Sure I wasn't a Muslim. No, no, it was at the bar that said ladies night. It was a

Circle the block again Ladies night. So they they come and they arrest him for rape the mom goes, don't worry He can't hurt you or anyone else anymore And I was like were they afraid he was coming back for more rape. He's not the Joe I shall rape your daughter three times before He's not a wizard trying to catch a It's like fuck out rape Pringles like He's got rape OCD. He's like I'm sorry. I just got to wait you two more times. This is just a thing I'm able to go to sleep on a you twice more. Oh something I've never said

No one is going to listen to this guys guys no one is going to listen to Going to shut this up like fucking three minutes in I have no idea why we're even doing this. It is gonna be a 22 minute episode. I'm sure, but I'm done with the edit. All this is, is the worst thing I've said, and the worst thing for other people I know of said. That's all this is. And I feel like rocking back and forth in the showers. I've been raped.

I need to get fucking brushed off like silkwood after this Like they need to fucking get the elephant Brought and the power washer Just get me clean. Guys, this is a close to the meanest should have ever said Well, you're a horrible person alright. What are you grease monkey? That's our word how many young blonde Jesus, Krispies of you, rapes? Today. Today. Four.

So let's move on. We are nowhere near the middle. Not even. We haven't even got the puffy bald one. No one's anywhere. We're at the beginning of this movie. All right, so let's move on to where he goes to jail. Because this is where we meet Mr. Clean with AIDS.

And he's going gonna be a recurring character so they put him in the holding cell with this. Mr. Clean with AIDS? I thought it was Michael's type. That's what he had. That was fucking crazy eyes. He was trying to push his own eyes out of his own skull with his face. I know dude, he was just by flexing.

It was amazing. He was total recalling the whole movie. Total recalling the whole movie He looks like he's had a little brother with downs Kind of look like kind of look like if Vin Diesel got caught in a war and was held in conditions for like Boba or Dalin for something like that Yeah, but it's the only guy the whole movie that could do an entire push-up. You watch this whole movie, it's all films like half of this movie takes place in a prison from this point on. And nobody in that movie could fucking do a single push-up without having a fucking aneurysm in the middle of it.

You are very wrong because there are several delicious Spanish men who were going to meet in just a few minutes Who are very clearly just off the set of a of a man-on-man porno They were like hey, we guys we are done using this jail set But if you want to I'll tell what all they come about on the wall This is very clearly. They shared the set with a gay Latin porno and they were like, no guys, hang out, hang out.

You can be careful in the movie. You don't even have to change wardrobe. You don't have to take the come out of your hair. That's what you people look like to us. I kind of thought he was going to get rates in the movie to be over. It would just say karma bitch I would have to even you know what I would have just be like great. All right good movie. All right That was all right. It depends on how long they stayed on the fucking scene

But yeah, but before we can get to that we got to move back over to the idyllic little white family having a cookout And I would have waited up the brother the Mexican brother does not own sleeves at no point in this movie No, he could show up in a funeral and he'd cut the fucking sleeves of his Jacket or something right with with his own techno boom box grandma was really beautiful Oh, and it's also worth noting that Joey is a DJ and dad does not approve That is the only topic of conversation that dad and Joey ever engage in in this movie. The only thing this family ever talks about and she got raped 30 minutes ago.

Yes. No fucking sense in this movie. We don't know how much time has passed in this film, but it's not nine months. It's not enough for her to show. So they're like men. This is the scene where they find out she's pregnant. Right. Yeah, man, this is the scene where they find out she's pregnant. So it's yeah, but hold on,

hold on, they find out she's pregnant because the doctor calls mom. She's 23 years old. No, it'd be like, if the fucking doctor called you and was like, Tom's got like seven AIDS, three, like just get all the AIDS. It's got, we didn't even know you could get more than one.

He's got like seven. Yeah, he got a pretty secular. And he called me up and be like, yeah, I don't even know why they called me right even close where I even fucking close he's 23 years old what doctors like anyway to small town in America we just call mom yes cuz you live I mean what what is she like fucking

got down syndrome like she has somebody's got to have and I'm jerking off again like the helper house and bro shit the fuck. They call mom, they call mom to tell you. Hey, we're getting the grudges. Don't. You guys do those pop talks if you promise to know.

They got raped or I pet her rabbi. I don't even know what. I know the rape jokes are not going to be the most offensive shit in this episode. I appreciate you guys making sure. I know that the rape jokes are not going to be the most offensive shit in this episode. I appreciate you guys making sure that we hit all the bases here. No one listened to the first 30 seconds of this episode and then kept listening, gets to write me now and be like, I'm going to get down to the director very offensive. This is amazing.

I thought the Down syndrome drugs are super offensive glory Never tell a joke you tell it you're just like that broke my heart I feel like I just punched my son in the face and that's how much it hurt That's this whole episode. Oh shit. Oh god. I want you to look I want you to look me in my internet eyes No, I don't know what that feels like To feel anything but good when you say bad things about people. Oh God all right, so we're at the barbake worth America's worst barbake Yeah, we're the barbecue. I would seriously I'd rather be in a fucking Jim Jones barbake

Where's the fucking cool? I'd rather watch my loved ones die around me. Oh, yeah, then be at this barbecue Yeah, little uncomfortable She is totally fine by the way the daughter Julie who has just been raped 75 seconds ago is like The hot dogs I just can't get enough of my mouth. I don't know I would like a hundred fake like foods Well, I have the hot so go me about. You just pour the mustard on my face. Oh! Well, then, they're having this fucking barbecue,

and then mom's like, anyway, you're pregnant, and there's probably a born it, because Jesus would understand that she has a fucking weird temper tantrum like she had like a regression moment, like she's nine years old. She has a fucking full on temper tantrum, and fucking honor nowhere friends owns like Friends don't fucking shows us

Hey, hey, how's your pussy Wait before we get to friends zone popping in like fucking norm from cheers Everyone treats this like she's talking about getting a nose ring She's like it's my rate, baby, and I'll keep it if I want to As long as you live under my roof young lady you will kill the child that's You will squish that cum devil out of you Like I call plant parent But I've already got it arranged. They're gonna buy the parts trade me for spring clothes

Need this shit Carly for your ruin is peaching up peeping over this fence and she's like man They're just I can see it inside you kicking and screaming Meanwhile her daughter's dead in the living room. She's like it's okay. I did good. I did my best and that's all that matters So the dad's all pissed and he's like, what are you serious? You're gonna keep it and the daughter's like it's not an it dad It's a baby you just called it it twice Okay, so now friends zone shows up. This is where this scene gets truly bizarre because The guy says down that nobody knows but her. She's like no, I don't want to talk to you never's like come in and have Brotwurst for it with us. So he sits down and she's like

It's penis sausage and ravioli. That's what we're having So Cole says to her he's like how you do and it's just like well, you know, I'm raped and pregnant and they're like So what are you planning on doing? He's like well, you know i'm raped and pregnant and they're like so what do you plan on doing is like well i'm going to do submission area work and they talk about the missionary work well they were before they say that the brother she goes no call he goes oh i heard you were sick she goes no call i'm pregnant i was raped and the brother goes awkward

i heard that i heard that there is no worse time for that but that i want a montage when i get crazy billionaire money I'm gonna create a montage of like Auschwitz where the brother just steps in he's like awkward Ordinary people the wrong son died awkward And are we as an audience supposed to laugh at that who knows because coal does not react to that. The proper answer to, hey Cole, I'm pregnant, I was raped was, oh, I will leave you alone, but Cole's like, so brought words, huh? What are you marinating these in? Because I cannot just get in my time. I'm gonna help myself to a delicious hot dog here. I'm so glad you seized on that, because when he yells awkward, I'm just like no awkwardness would you fart in sneeze at the same time?

Like it's not like anyway, I showed up to an impromptu fucking picnic I wasn't even invited to but I came around the fucking like back right before yeah, like I'm just like Hey anyway, I see if any was going on your backyard guys anyone in rape recently anyone anyone no, oh you you okay I've been going up and down the block. I've been all over this neighborhood. No one has been raped. Well, so she gets up and leaves and then he hangs out and just just like we start you know eating some bratwurst and everything and then gives him this weird like I just want you guys to know that Julie has a beautiful soul that I fuck her smock in the broom closet and I always smoke. It's like the creepiest fucking stalker is like the family would be like, okay, so if you just pause for this restraining order picture, that would be great.

Sometimes they just smell her hairbrush. Okay, all right, anyway. So I was thinking at this point, I got to admit, I have to admit this freely. I thought for sure at this point that the guy who grabbed her at that point that he didn't rape her that this guy did like I seriously thought there was gonna be a twist in this movie right I totally thought there was gonna be like a fucking M night shaman on in this movie they were like oh wasn't actually that due to

got put in prison it was this fucking creepy stock boy who fucking raped her while she was passed out on her lawn here's here's how you can tell in Fuge for future reference that that's not true. Anybody with that shitty little fucking mustache in these movies? Even 100% of the time. If you if all you can grow is seven facial hairs you know like what if I weave them together across you know what this movie got delayed six months by that guy having to grow that thing. I just want to reach out with a Gillette Flexball every fucking thing he was on the goddamn movie just ripped that little shit out from his under chin yeah. That guy has the mustache of a 16-year-old girl's

vagina. He reminded me of that many many ways. So so now we get that wait I one thing before Cole leaves, he goes, anything I can do to give back, and I wanted so badly for the dad to go, can you un-rape our crazy daughter? Is that a man-rape? It would have been great if you like, reached out to the fucking picnic table

and threw him a hanger and said nothing else. You know what I'm doing. You do. He just tosses him a bottle of yours. I wanted to take her out for a milk drink? Oh, my God. Why don't you and Julie go on a date at the top of the stairs? You know what I'm saying, Cole?

To your team player. Just tear in the belly with a rum-prost or something where you work. We don't have anything to do. Can't we pull eggs? Can something where you work. We don't like Johnny. Can we Can we turn this off? I don't ever want this to air again this movie's just it's not as funny Saying that guys I pay my taxes. I'm a good man I'm a good man. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm not that good. I'm that. I'm not that good. I'm that. I'm not that good. I'm that. I here that to i love it alright so now we finally get to steven baldwin and holy shit he's he's put on a little weight y'all i can't believe the guy from usual suspects born in the fourth of july and sharks of venezes oh my god sharks of venez i think his act exercise was when the camera wasn't on when

everyone ran up and was like this is a good movie huh and he was like it is it is a good movie huh and he was like it is it is a good movie we're all doing a really good job I'm extremely like I feel like he was in this movie to prepare for a movie that never got made about a guy who gets tortured and so he was like I need a hell of a like Dennis fucking hopper trying to or what's his name Dustin Hoffman trying to stay awake for marathon man. I feel like he did this movie to like get ready for Abba Grabe the musical or whatever it was. I would totally watch that by the way.

If Steven Baldwin was not happy to be in this movie, there is no better way to tell than the fact that he must have ate his way from one way to the craft services table to the other. I am not. They just see this. He lays it one end and just opens his mouth. And wait for them to look and drop.

Just try after two minutes. I need you to take that card, Jack, and put it one end of that barbecue. I don't want to need you to keep drinking. No matter what you hear from the bottom of the table, do not look. You will burn into salt like lots wife. I want an entire hose full of custard. That's what I want. I love that you said acting

exercise. This guy has an exercise in so long. What are you kidding me? This is a guy who could get winded stepping over a quarter. It's unbelievable. This is that this fucking, when this guy shows up, first of all, he's clearly the lesser baldwinn in it. Oh, yeah, he's the lesser. I mean, like, when you're the lesser of the baldwinn, I think he's dropped Billy at this point. Yeah. Yeah. He looks like every shit he I Love you, bro. I don't remember eating tomato sauce again Is it a did I have beats no, I'll never eat a beat. I just eat meat every day. That's it. Oh My god He looks like the fat they cut off Marlon Brando when he died cut off Marlon Brando when he died. Oh, no.

What if they put it in a cauldron with the blood of his enemy and the flesh of his servant and Stephen Baldwin stepped out and was like, I want to be in a movie about how it's okay to be raped. Oh, I guess so. What if he gave you Donald Trump voice? That's awesome. Can you cover me in the number eight? Yeah, I'm f**king kidding. Now, we also meet two other key characters here.

We meet Manny who clearly is just one of the holdovers from the Latino gay porn. Yeah, Alex Rodriguez on less steroids. Yes, that's that's it. I refer to him as Puss and Butte's turned into a human. So now when we actually meet this character, Cecil, who is just like, you you know fat Morgan Freeman or whatever He's the budget more exactly right. He's right. He's the diet mountain dew of James Earl Jones

They were like when you drink mountain dew do you not shit yourself right away? Well then try Cecil You guys just so mean every movie like this has to have a wise old black I'm just super happy that you guys didn't make me watch a movie where the rapist was Cecil that's all I'm not yet Super night is young bitch the the guy the the wise old black sage is Is Cecil and I'm happy about that at Yeah, at the very least. You're playing off-time as buddy. Yeah. So the way we meet these guys is that Mani's given Mike

this new guy, I'm gonna beat him up shit and the old black guy comes to his defense, which I believe makes Mike Cecil's bitch. Isn't that how it works? Right, that doesn't work. That's the suckest dick now, right? Right, right, that's how I thought it worked. And we never got to that.

Well, I wanna point out all the dialogue between Mike and and Manny is the beginning of gay porn Yes, hey man if you're gonna be in this prison by being protected by the black dude like I fucking say 300-year-old black guy the fucking Mathuzela of the prison. It's like hey, can we just not be them up like oh, yeah Yeah, see how fucking hard I am and then now everybody yeah Respects him and like simmer whatever Yeah, you can measure credit for being defended by a tiny old man who look like a turtle He looked like black colonelers, so I respect you Because black-corner sanders doesn't love everything. He looks like a rotting bubble of Enchimima, so I suspect you man

you good And I wrote my notes here. Oh, uh, Michael's having trouble fitting in at jail And I wrote my notes here. Aw, Michael's having trouble fitting in at jail There's so many moments in this movie where we're supposed to go aww Poor Michael the rapist Yeah, I hate someone right Man, he's having such a hard day So now we cut back over to Julie who's chatting with mom about the plot and We cut back over to Julie who's chatting with mom about the plot and

It is so true. They do a little wrap up there. Yeah anyway, it's time for exposition Model right you haven't seen us since we have the baby so we learned that the baby's name is Arthur And that's what they call them. They don't call him already or anything. They call the baby Arthur My wife said that way. She's like you named her baby Arthur now. He's really Rapist jeans and I love this bitch too because they're talking about you She's rapist. She says like dad you tartify those in size newborn So but I know I gotta go for this back for this line where this is usually a tight fit Now I like to keep them loose. But the scene here, the mom says, like, does dad really love the baby? He thinks I'm throwing away my life. And I'm thinking, before this, you

are a fucking 23 year old part-time cashier at our grocery store that never even has a cashier getting in. What is there to ruin? There's stellar career at the Safeway as a major now. Now I'll never go to community college. Seriously, mom, I was like eight years away from assistant manager at that grocery store. That guy is so funny because dude, there's a seed where the guy's like, you would have made manager and she's like, no, no, maybe not. I don't know that i have all that business sense well i got a bit of it or the manager of a growth restore

so our mom her mom replies to this by saying no no no you're so strong not to have an abortion almost too strong and i was like yes she has super strength Jessica Jones i'm into this this is this is where she asks mama do you think dad loves my rape baby? I think he likes spending time with her baby. It's not the baby it's him. Yeah he's just in a really hard place right now after his last baby got raped So just another

Because you don't want to get too close to this one. I don't want to say he likes him. He doesn't like labels Yeah, we totally watch the movie Tagonist is a rapist, right? I don't feel good about any of this Jesus of course it's been ten minutes since the last musical montage so we're gonna need another those yeah We need another yeah, this is the make it momming is difficult montage right? So You got a roll in that Oh

This is my favorite part of the movie though cuz she how she solves rape depression is scrapbook She fucking scrapbooks for Jesus and they totally missed the moment here, right? So she goes and she fucking looks for like two hours through a 2,000 year old book to find quotes that convince herself that she fucking deserve fucking rape or whatever the fuck it was that she was looking for and she shuts the light off and it's 416 and not 316. They fucked it up. I can do a fucking better job than these guys and I fucking, I didn't even read the fucking Bible and I can do a better job than this guy. I wanted it so badly for the dad to turn the pages to the scrapbook and there's just like bloody panties in there.

The hunting knife from the car is in there. Exactly. With little like a cartoon. Uh oh, next to it. The part of the code hanger that didn't work. Yeah. With like, and like fucking, like, so you have the like finding Jesus in your desk drawer moment.

And then dad comes and is like, well, let me just look through your shit. It's like, she's fucking, so you have the like, finding Jesus in your desk drawer moment, then dad comes in and is like, well let me just look through your shit and it's like she's a 23 year old girl, you're gonna find a personal misogyer, you are not in the middle of the night, bro. Like, I don't know, man, there comes an age where you don't root through fucking desk drawers anymore. Honey, I have a question about this Sibian here.

Is this some kind of neck misogyer? How come you look like this? I don't know. It says to Tachi, I don you look like it says a touchy? I don't know what's a matter. I'm gonna wear a handbag right now. Why why is there a webcam in here? By the way the quote she found from the Bible at this point that she scrapped book was from God. Please tell me it was first Corinthians where as we all know it says love is patient love is kind

It does not envy it does not boast. It isn't always consensual. There's a lot of important stuff If you look at that fucking shit I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, what the hell? It's just beautiful, beautiful. Oh my god. If you look at that fucking shit, so like if you were actually looking through the Bible for like information on rape, she would have had it like per shackle price at the end of that in the fucking, so yeah, you owe my dad like a least. Yeah, I expected her to show up at the person

and be like, all right, Mike, so I've did some conversion and shackle is like 60 bucks. So it's like $3,000 and then you have to marry me. Unless you want to cut off one of my hands because I guess we're kind of fighting. I don't know. This is just a thing. A lot of them. I did grab your notes that was. I was talking church once. So yeah,

so so now we get to the moment that we've all been waiting for. This is where she. Okay. So what she was wrestling with apparently that night was her guilt over being angry at her rapist that's what was keeping her up to 416 a.m. I thought it was the crying fucking baby while there was that too okay but she was having a hard time coping with the baby because she hadn't forgiven her rapist yet you know how that is yeah exactly exactly that's what I know you actually can't lactate until you forgive your rapist apparently not god I've forgiven so many rapists So she goes to the prison for this cathartic moment where she brings the baby now

This is like a three-week-old baby and she could have brought a fucking picture But she brings the baby to the prison to meet its rape daddy But she brings the baby to the prison to meet its rape daddy Daddy and I just want to say she got a fucking a baby body back like Those 23 year olds can just pop them out Look fuckable a day later, you know what I mean or rapable rapable in this case, you know We saw the six months later, which is the only moment we were so sure that she was pregnant.

She she was clearly like that. She had one of those stomach only pregnancies. Right. It wasn't in her face. There are you guys caught that scene at the mirror, though, right? Where they clearly have a body double step in. You practically see the Mexican girl run out of shot. It's like, it's like not even her shade

You're just like that's not even you a stomach only pregnancy That's actually that's actually fucking puffy Baldwin stomach that they're showing Stephen can you stand in front of the camera for a second? All right, but when I'm done here, I'm gonna need to lower myself onto a rain of sausages But what we need to do is we need you to suck it in a little So she looks like she's nine months. What if she had twins then I could relax Look man, it's isn't like fucking Kate Nate or whatever Pull it back pull it back draw another eight on my face and we have a

So they bring they come in and they say Mike you've got a visitor who is it? We don't know he goes out and it's it's it's Julie it's the chick that he raped and I so wanted at this point I wanted to just rip open her shirt slap her tits on the glass and like this is as close as you're gonna get for 10 years and then walk out Fucking credits good roll. I would have been happy with this Where I wrote down um, rape victim. Hello, Newman. Hello, Hello, Newman.

Hello, Newman. Hello, Newman. Hello, Newman. Hello, Newman. Hello, Newman. Hello, Newman. Hello, Newman. Hello, Newman. Hello, Newman. Hello, Newman. Hello, Newman. Hello, Newman.

Hello, Newman. Hello, Newman. Hello, Newman. Hello, Newman. Hello, Newman. Hello, Newman. Hello, Newman. Hello, Newman. Hello, Newman.

Hello, Newman. Hello, Newman. Hello, Newman. Hello, Newman. Hello, Newman. Hello, Newman. Hello, Newman. Hello, Newman. Hello, Newman. Hello, Newman. Hello, Newman. Here's the picture on the side of your hand. Why do you seem happy to see me? I brought you cookies. Oh, they don't let me have those because I'm in prison for raping you, right?

Right. So yeah. I can't pass them through the teller door. Oh, you're gonna do. Oh, I'm here with cookies and bibles and babies. And your rapes. Baby through the metal detector, please. Run your rapes, baby, through the metal detector, run your rate baby through the metal detector please

This is awkward for everyone I stuck a file in my baby to get it in there But Mike doesn't take it well, you know, he's not really happy to see a drop that hot blonde chick I mean the visit him in prison. So he's really mad at her for him raping her He's like you're the reason I'm in here. It's like oh No, you misinterpreted that I was just And if you hadn't been there

No log against it. Well, there's a little bit of a lot because we were in public but other than that Yeah, so he says like he says to Cecil he's like do you think it's weird that she came to see me and Cecil's like, no, not really like, yes It's fucking psychotic weird so strange in fact that a person made a movie about it for example. They should be committed against their will And then he's getting insane. He's like, I don't know she was so happy so full of light So okay with the fact that I raped her So full of light so okay with the fact that I raped her Even Cecil in this movie's like yeah, man, that's weird. I would I know right? She's she's gonna poison you with a gomja bomb And you got to step back Don't let her be enclosed enough to thrust a knife. Yeah, exactly now

We also have to set up at this moment in this really bizarrely awkward scene that there's going to be some kind of gang war between the blacks and the whites or something. This is where we get Steven up all when throwing down his Oscar clip. Right. And this movie could not be shot out of order more. This movie looks like they just took all the scenes and they like put random in eye movie and they were like great, that's fine. People will figure it out now it's a mystery

you guys saw memento right it's like memento Clearly they had two days with Stephen Baldwin right well they made it count no Are they made it count they were like look we have a day and a half until he gets that kids heart that died in a motorcycle accident The shoots right no way we could sustain Stephen more than two days with our craft service. So we have to move on. Our budget, he ate our whole budget before we got done interviewing him. But he's no idea we were paying by the pound, holy shit. And this was another great moment where this movie just really needed profanity.

Because you got these gangsters talking to each other getting all mad They're saying I know you're big retard drop the box. Yeah, I got clop you buddy. Flip you Hey, dude, he had I'm gonna stab you with a improvised weapon. That is what I am going to do stab you, but now you can tell Steven Baldwin is the chief bad ass because he's monotone and raspy and he doesn't look at anybody He never looks at anybody in his any of his scenes. He never let you always look straight forward. Oh actually I watched the behind the scenes thing on the DVD and they had a stick on his back with a KFC Infrared him just off camera. That's how they kept him on Otherwise he kept wandering to a nearby Taco Bell.

That's two-ing his way through the armed guards. Carrots to the left and right, so he wouldn't look at that. Yeah, that's what I'm sorry. You would turn the left or right with revulsion. Oh, they go, God! By Mexican pizzas. Quick, quick. Baldwin needs the gravy too.

Mr. Baldwin, you're crying fire sauce. It's okay. Now it's okay. You should see my shit. But he doesn't want to see her because apparently he is not ready to forgive her. I think. Forgive her.

Forgive her. Forgive her. I think there's another montage here, actually. I think she or the her visits are a montage. Yeah, right. But it's but but a montage in the midst of a conversation between these other conversations. Yeah. Oh, it's breaking the ground. I love it.

So yeah, it's near as I can define the stakes in this movie appear to be will the rapist Acceptor apology. So I guess that's the suspense that we're gonna have to leave you with as we move on Very true Rick that wins the movie right? Closed shot close up. That's it. All right Well, we're at least gonna close off the first half but before we do I have to give the second half the hard sell here So what and yes, I'm sorry. This is only half oh my god yeah right right only have way through my notes anyway all god yeah there's a lot of there's a lot of the judge yet to come

all of the so so very quickly then will make forgive july for raping her will speed and ballman hang himself in the dressing room before they can finish filming will the dressing room after spayable to take back why not the answer to these questions and more when we return for the numbing conclusion of loving the bad man?

If there's anything we've learned in the course of doing this show, is that you never reach the worst Christian movie. As much as we may think that the bar cannot go lower, it always manages to, and sometimes by several orders of magnitude. And of course, that means that somewhere out there, there is a significantly worse movie than this one. So in an effort to figure out what could be a more offensive and disturbing concept to build a movie around, Eli Heath and I contacted the folks behind Loving the Bad Man to see

what they have in mind for 2016. So without further ado, we present you with the 2016 cinematic lineup. Moishi started reading mine confound of curiosity, but after a deep and difficult look into 2016 cinematic lineup. to visit Auschwitz and do the right thing by gassing himself in. You know. When Pastor Brown's daughter was brutally gangraped by the lacrosse team, he realized she was ruined and now no one would ever want to marry her. Using the Bible as his guide, he'll stop at nothing to hunt down the boys who did this and get the shekels he's owed. Summer of 2016.

50 Shekels of Grey. Tommy, dreamed of playing for Penn State his whole life, but everybody told him he was too small and also they don't let 11-year-olds play college football. But when he received an invite to meet the assistant coach in the locker room after practice, he ignores all their naysang and sets out to pursue his dream in Sandusky Tildon. And despite common sense, we're back from more of this fucking movie. And when we last saw our hero, he was a rapist.

So fuck this is a bad game, this is shit. So you're taking us off that. But also now we're working at the mechanic shop with Cecil and he's doing a very good job because even if you rape the cars I guess it's still. And Mike, Mike the rapist, he's asking Cecil for advice. He's like, hey old man you're a wise black prisoner right?

Let me ask something. In terms of etiquette, do you think, I mean, do you think I should ask for a conjugal visit at this point? No, I'm not stupid. I'm a rapist. I don't know why I said that. Kid do you think I mean you think I should ask for a conjugal visit at this point I don't know when I said that Well, I love his explanation here is it well is the baby white well it must be yours right That's literally the conversation he goes well is the baby white and he's like yeah, and he's like well Must be yours because every time a white person has sex with another white person the babies white It's all the only white person in the world so is she congratulations see so

Now the best part is that even the lines the actor said next were Incredulos as to this stupidity of a wire line the actor's like the fuck does that even mean? He's like that's fucking nonsense, so then they just move away from it. Yeah, it's that's so weird It's like well who wrote this? I don't know some fucking intern moving on Demand a blood test and I wanted so badly for them to flash cut tomorrow You are the father and she's dancing. She's dancing Demand a blood test to penetrate her against her will again. Yeah Oh God I I also love this was the greatest non-cousing moment in the in the movie to me because Cecil says he's explaining like

Why would she be trying to convince you that you're the fucking father if you weren't since your useless pieces shit? And he says I mean you ain't even got two turds to rub together well why would you rub your turds together? yeah I heard this I thought the same thing I'm like I don't know why you hope to get out of that Stephen Baldwin I was so lazy right?

that's how you get a Stephen Baldwin yeah is he rubbed your two turds to get him Stephen Baldwin's because that's how you get Baldwin's Baldwin. Oh yeah, is he wrong? You're too too stupid to get him. Steven Baldwin's, because that's how you get Baldwin's. That's how we get him out of the Baldwin. If I ever took a shit, that you could rub against another shit. No one's never taken a shit.

No, no, no. I mean, think about just consider the consistency of a turd together. Now imagine you've got a turd and he chann. That's a pretty broad one. And you're going to, and you're going to, why do I have to rematch in this? I heard you fucking imagine You imagine

Yeah Shitting your hand right now on this podcast for us or you can do the experiment It's as I showed you your status way more fun If you actually did the experiment no, here's the problem. I can get there right? I can get I've got the two thirds, but then there's the whole backstory that my mind starts to come I'm waiting for it What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? What? what? What? What? What? What? What? what? I Did just wake up this way It's like saw you wake up and you're like why I Am shit my head I want to play a great rock rub those two turts together

I Want to play a game with flacks I can't start the spores fire. I'm in My god, that's so much pre-work on it Why is there blood in this? This is one of the East-Even Baldwin's. Oh, you can't hold my shit. It's mostly liquid.

Mostly tomato sauce. That's not tomato sauce. I can see a piece of your colon. Colon. I mean, this time to pause and rethink my life choices. This whole movie was a good reason. It comes out by the gallon. That's why. I mean it's time to pause and rethink my life choices This whole movie was it comes out by the gallon. That's why I drank some cool egg when I was the middle Can you shit out cirrhosis

So now we cut back to mom who is you know saying hey honey would you like to do something other than visit the rapist guy uh... but you she wouldn't she and and and also she wanted you sure you want to shake this baby she she she at the end at this time it's it's julie asking for mom's advice hey mom um...

you got to ask for a conjugal visit. No, it's just a rapist. You don't want to face that kind of rejection yet. Well, and also mom clearly wants her to fuck coal, which leads you to kind of wonder why anyone would want anyone to fuck coal. Not even coal wants to come back. No, no, like, oh, honey, you could do so much better. You could have a rapist, oh honey, you could do so much better. You could- you could- have a rapist for example. You could have a guy whose eyes would like not bop a level or something, yeah.

Cole Hire's prostitutes to reject him. I just want you to be like, I really think you're a close friend and I don't want to ruin it. Will you let me take you to the movies and buy you popcorn and then at the end of the night tell me that you're having a fight with your boyfriend. Thanks. Hahaha. So now we cut to all the prisoners complimenting them on raping such a hot chick, I guess.

Oh, this is the fatty fat scene. Oh, yes, yeah, yeah, exactly. This is the guy who should have been called Cecil The guy with the hairy back who took up three seats. That's the Cecil that should have been Got the only I go the gravity only in the movie fatty fat Fatty fat is the only person this movie fatter than Stephen Baldwin like it was in his writer He was like I want to stand next to him for most of my scenes.

There must be comic relief that is fatter than me. And fatty fat is like Lenny from fucking Mice and Men. Mice and Men, he looks super excited. He's like, I don't tell you, man. I wouldn't be raping no girls. If I had a girl that looked that good, oh no, I wouldn't, I mean, I'd rape girls if I had an ugly girlfriend Which is what you had such a lovely lady man

She's a fiancee and everyone like gathers around and it's like they're gonna do a fucking summer love and musical number That is super creep because they're like man you only rape girls that are attractive. I mean right? That's how you that's how rape is right? Right, right. What do you understand? How it works? They clearly, clearly, they're implying that rape is the thing you do if the girl you're with isn't pretty enough. Yeah. That seems to be their understanding of how rape works. And then when they, when he

finds out that that's the girl he raped, she's like, guys, guys, that's the girl I raped. Everyone's like, oh, a guy's guys that's the girl I raped everyone's like oh party for all great high five bro and then we get the evil Stephen Baldwin music now brother Tyler who was the mr. clean with aids that we met when uh... uh... the holding cell here and he is like Stephen Baldwin's number two guy He calls him as chief recruiter or whatever alternate universe heathen right?

Yeah After I already called him mr. Clean with a so I don't know that says about you he but at any rate so clearly That clean nice. I don't maintain eye contact for that long I don't maintain eye contact for that long. That's guy I fucks everyone he's on camera with, it's ridiculous. But now he wants to take action against the black guys that didn't pay for the thing or whatever that we were talking about earlier. You're never really sure exactly what happened. No, right?

It's just like 30% of a thing is a thing. No, because they can't mention drugs or gay sacks or any or costs or anything so yeah there's just sort of some vague like you know we had a deal and you didn't honor it kind of a thing that's go that's that's behind all of this I guess it doesn't fucking matter apparently like one of the black guys gang was making Stephen a wedding cake and it fell out of his hands that's what we have that's what we have from canon is like he was like, oh no! The fondant and Stephen was like, killable. You dropped Stephen Thwettink, lunch wedding cake, you'd go down. I'll have the debut with a magical shiv that instantly kills you.

And then we have to revisit the ginger stalker. So Julie goes to the grocery store and runs into Cole who has apparently gotten a big promotion. And... Because the manager who wasn't Christian Had a stroke from not being Christian Exactly, well he was just too stressed out unlike us Christians, am I right? Yeah Too stressed out from managing a grocery store?

Wait a minute, we got a fucking oh wait is it first in first out or first out first said I don't remember oh my god all the milk splint ah aneurysm Are you kidding? Are you kidding? It's managing a grocery store. It's a high pressure job. You got little Tyler stealin pop tarps. You got your assistant manager getting raped every time. Look at driving into the middle of nowhere. The guy had a hard week.

Don't you try love the fact that we're supposed to believe in this that like we're supposed to look at Cole and see that he's been promoted to the temporary manager of a grocery store and say, Oh, that kids go in places. Yeah, that's who you want to be with. He's not going to use it anymore. Yeah, exactly. What's up? He's driving around a Subaru in a few years He's gonna go home and masturbate to this rejection a little She didn't even look at me

Then he has this long. Oh, I'm gonna come on my own glasses. Oh He's doing the bad Name for it. Uh I always thought it was the position that cannot be named. By the way, he prays for the stroke victim. What the fuck? Un-unbelievably. Yeah, thanks, that's perfect. Because God was having a ton of trouble understanding my stroke victim,

Dad, with all the afasions. I wrote that in my notes. I wrote, I'm gonna pray for him, and I wrote, Heath, how you feel about that? He's in the Google Doc. No, that's good. Yeah, he's really hard to understand when he prays so yeah you at this point in the movie I was getting mad at the little red line on netflix

that told me there was still 40 fucking one minutes of this oh yeah gotta be fucking kidding me and then he says yeah before I go to sleep every night I pray for you I've been praying for you a lot yeah into a tube socks that fucking fat lot of good it's I got a whole sock full of praying To a tube sock every night, right and then we cut to Mike who's got his photos and yeah He's writing letters to his rape baby Of course you're rape baby rap baby. No point in you'll be able to understand the situation your mother and I were in.

Being a father can be a difficult challenge. When you're locked up in prison for raping your, oh, I know it's maybe not the way to start this. It's like they're setting up a sitcom about a family of raping their wacky hygiene. I will watch that Puriflex original series right there. Yeah, oh yeah. He's a rapist and she's a single mother just trying to get by.

This is a farm rape baby. Can they get along in the city? Oh, I raped your mother. Oh, you're baby too. You raped me. Oh, you're baby. Oh, you're baby. Oh, you're baby.

Kids, I'm gonna tell you a really really fucked up story It's the name of this podcast right there. Oh my god. Can I go home? Yeah, I want to quit eventually are we done now or what no much like this movie you will get Perth in his payment You will be a lot of boy Is there is there like a tag in Thomas from Thomas in the Bible? If I just push back a little, can you finish earlier? I can't do this much longer.

I've been waiting for someone to ask me that my whole life. So now we have to go back and have dinner with the whites again. Again, they're having fucking Caligulas meal here Fucking trying to fatten up Elvis with this goddamn dinner thing And of course Joey's back to disappoint with dad his dad They have a salad bowl you could dive in yes Yes, you can Scoot your way through the

Daddy and salad yes Also the dads being really mean to Joey about him being a DJ and i wrote my notes this movie wants me to like her dad less than i like her rapist it's not well this is also where dad finds out that she's been visiting the rape daddy and i think the message of this movie at this point i think is rape can be awesome if you do it right but But occasionally it'll cause problems with your family

Minor drawbacks the Great part the reactions of your family to it Just like jealous of the rape babies like that little bastard. He's using my tools. He doesn't put him back baby's like that little bastard he's using my tools he doesn't put him back right so he fucking he has it because it's the fucking sprinkler system yet the little shit get a job on third what the fuck most of them up is just a dribble at the bottom and they put it back in the fucking

this at this point though this at this point is a is a lowest point she gets kicked out of her house by her parents right because her dad flips his shit and he actually says the word rape baby in this in this little diet tribe he says rape baby and he's and he's flips his shit and he says fucking get the fuck out you got five minutes leave and at this point I realize her story is like the story a joke right like there's all this working all the way through where she you know she gets raped and she has this awful time and she's trying to she keeps on trying to be good She keeps on trying to believe in God and and her life is just in a shambles But as long as she remains faithful everything will be good

But it's like the story of Joe but with more rape so it's more like a hand job Like more like a blowjob So and also, yeah, I thought that was funny. Fuck you guys. Fuck you. Fucking blowjob is gold. That's fucking cool.

No, no, we're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna move in a bunch of laughter like David Smalley does and imposed. Fuck you guys. I fucking, I quit. That's it. I fucking blowjob is gold.

I'm not turning down a blowjob. No, you know, well, I worked like five minutes on that show. Also, I want to point out that like while we're in the middle of the Dad Freak and out See, we're also cutting back and forth to the prison because that this movie won't stay on anyone seen until it's over. And we have this moment where Cecil's giving him some wisdom, right? And he says, you know, like basically he says, you know, Hey, rape is just how God works

Have you read the New Testament because that's pretty much the start yeah rapes a rapes a tough job, but somebody's got to do it Oh He's so funny Fuck you guys Fuck you guys Saying anything anymore. I'm just gonna say I won't even laugh at your I'm gonna at the very least I'm gonna use it for a great transition here too because in the very next scene It's another one of those like he's sitting with the girl talking in the prison and the opening line is he's looking at a picture and he's asking if she can

enlarge it. But the way he starts the sentence is, do you think you could maybe blow? And I did not expect that to end with this up for me. Yeah. He just fits his dick through one of those little holes. This is what Jesus would do. This is so us talking through a wall, right, Siren in the background. We're connected by God. Oh, and why is that Siren going off by the way? Because brother Tyler killed Ciso while he was pissing to upset his nephew,

who's the guy that didn't pay for the wedding cake. Yeah, so they kill, um, they kill Cecil, but they kill Cecil. They kill Cecil in a way that makes no fucking sense. They wrap a towel around his neck, then they stab him with the magic shives. All the shives in this movie are magic. They stab you once in the stomach and you die instantly And you die. No, they're code to die. I can't power yeah Seriously

Like the fucking blades from Dune in this god Also, that wouldn't that would never hurt Stephen Baldwin There's no fucking way you wouldn't you need a lot sort yeah, they can tell how old Stephen Baldwin is by the Harpoons in his spine There's like there's like two a haps side to his side Plus they the audio engineer pays a tremendous amount of time attention to the pissing sound and that that scene Totally cuz it's like it's like it's fucking tinkle tinkle little star there for like 10 minutes Right flash cut to that sound engineer being like no, you have to pee on my chest again. We didn't get it.

I'm tired of drinking this Gatorade, man. Are you sure you're recording? Yeah, go. Yeah, go. Actually, get it on my neck, because my neck is where the mic is. That's where it's the most resonant. So then she says, she says anything else I can get for you and he doesn't say pictures of your snatch which you know, right? I thought for sure he's gonna just rub it a little through your J.

Exactly. Just a little. Can you breastfeed right here? Yeah, it can look hungry anyway. I'll take anything I can get. So he leaves the visit with her, and this is where he's gotta find out that Cecil was killed, him and Cecil are buddies, of course.

But he finds out from Mani. I have a clip of that. Who has to sit there, and I fuck him for a good three minutes before he talks. Yeah. Like everyone else who has a conversation in prison, that's how you talk in prison is you, I fuck for three minutes, and then you get to the wall.

Okay, that's because this actor 12 minutes before, I've been shooting a scene where someone was ball deep in his throat, so he was on over and had a transition into normal movie. He was also used to looking up a lot, right? Yeah, right. All of the outtakes of this movie are manny going, so does he start sucking my dick now?

When does he start sucking? Oh, I don't know why he's like, you guys, we gotta stop shoot, we gotta shoot on alternate days, many going so does he start sucking my dick now? When does he start? We got a stop shoot we got a shoot on alternate days so that I'm like my Those day Thursday rapist get you know He's pissed off that there's no pineapple at the craft service It's right It's all garlic over here. Come on the guy's gonna be super pissed when I just in his mouth.

Oh shit. I'm sorry. Are we ready for another Christian music montage? We should chicken. It's a horror rick. It's great chicken and asparagus. Jesus. I'm just gonna throw a landfill on the top Or Steven Baldwin should rub to a turd He was in that port last week Guys Steven Baldwin thought the comma my face was Mayo and he cleaned me up. So I don't need Makeup No, no, oh my god, so now the good news here is at this point in the movie

Michael is reading the Bible which means we are getting close which means we are getting close. We're getting close, y'all. A rapist is reading a Bible. We're reading in quotes here, right? Let's say this man has the power of reading. Right. Yeah. He gets the letter from Julie and it's like, yeah, dear rapist. The Bible is not 100% clear on their rapestance.

But I think you might want to look at through these passages. Just check them out. You know, say pro summer con I think you owe my dad like 50 Silver races, I don't know it's context this important. I also like she says like I marked a couple places You could start reading because you just don't want to start from the I also ripped out revelation all the major Prof. Joshua and everything from the puna took after the plagues But other than that, I think you'll be good Just read the highlighted parts stay on the line Shows hands in like four pages of Ecclesiastes and she's like who writes is what you can read

It doesn't make you feel better about what you did. I got back But the voiceover of course is her and the Bible and it's the But the voiceover of course is her and the Bible and it's the The I believe this one's from Corinthians still where it's the blessed are the people who get their heads chopped off for Jesus passage So like but they're in like I guess they're interpreting it as blessed are the people who get put in jail for raping people Yeah, yeah, it's totally feel better about being in jail for terrible shit You've done and you're just like well, wait a minute Maybe he shouldn't feel better about this Like I forget like like well

I have a I had such a hard time with this idea of like well, wait a minute Let's let's make the rapist feel good like what if he what if he felt like totes guilty about it Man, that would be nice There is one moment of guilt in this movie where he feels guilty where he's talking to Cecil and he goes This is the worst thing I've ever done. But it's also the most beautiful. That's it. That is the only remorse this rapist ever shows and is fucking me. Everything else in the film. That makes me crazy.

Everything else in the film is like, hey, hey, you being kind of mean to him, Steven Baldwin. All he does is rape a lady. He's over there getting bullied by crazy eyes. He's our protagonist. We should be rooting for him. Oh my God. So, so like and of course he's found out now that it was uh... mister clean that killed uh... uh...

c-so and he's like what are we gonna do that would don't do anything but of course he can't hold himself back so that when he's in the prison yard or whatever and he sees them they have a ninety five minute fight scene and but but there are never more than two hits between cuts. No So it was a 95 made took about seven years to film this fucking thing That's because all the actors are so fucking overweight now. Yes, they were fucking cast immediately

Except manny who pulls the little reverse roundhouse. That was pretty. Oh, yeah This was this was an interesting fight scene. Yeah, I definitely saw a dragon punch or hurricane pick maybe a sun boom, but it was also interesting because I guess this is um Holy okay You got it man you got it this is one of those boutique jails they have like six black guys six let's You know guys six and 18 guards. It's a great faculty to student ratio It's a great faculty to student ratio Wait, and then there was also fatty fat who's not any it's not in any game He just in the corner again is as B

He always gets picked last for gangs. It's really I have a theory that this movie was created because there was a Christian stage combat class that everyone had been in ballroom and this movie was their year end project. Oh, shit. But during the fight, uh, uh, might get stabbed, man, he comes to his defense and, you know, whatever and shit hits the fan, but that's that's that scene. And of course then we cut to Julie come into see him, but he can't be seen because he's all stabbed in the guard Just a lie and she gives him this look like you know This is not the only prison in town, so I will go see a rapist out at fucking Right, he doesn't realize he's a state employee. You didn't give no fuck right?

He's just like whatever man. I'm fucking as early as the postal workers Third you are talking your way to a one-star yelp review, okay? Would not recommend rude staff One star bitches. So, when she gets rejected at the prison, now she goes to Cole, because he's the only other paid actor in the film she's not related to. And has this like compliment me. I have psychological issues. And I'm only allowed to use Jesus moment.

Right. And that's what it occurred to me like the real dig in this fucking movie is that at no point in this movie does she get psychological fucking counseling. That's what I wrote. Julie is obviously dealing with trauma and needs therapy. And everyone in the movie is like, buck up there, Julie. What are you doing? Cut it out. Yes, so we're Jesus. You're kind of being a bitch. The only time anyone ever says anything about her need and help is when the dads kicking around the house and they have the long string of terrible things to say to her. You're a rate baby.

You suck blood out of my house. You need psychological counseling. Well, but no, no, hey, which one doesn't belong? Which one doesn't belong? Right. Right, right, baby. Which one's good advice? You need need psychological counseling which I will not provide my sprinklers are in need of How do you think I fucking I got to work six jobs just to fill this goddamn salad bowl kids

So now I also want to point out this because that we cut back to the grocery store where coal takes her in the back Devil a heart to heart in the break room and she's like clearly breaking down and shit and and it calls basically given Or the Christian equivalent of like look I definitely want to fuck you But not when you're all psycho and we be like this This is also where coal basically sells her on the rapist because he's not very confident He's like listen, I, I know I'm not the coolest guy and this rapist clearly has a lot to offer but in front of you, maybe the answer. Do you love the rapist? And Julie's like, oh, I feel like you want me to say no. Yes, no, pass, pass, I pass. Well, I also love the way this scene wraps is when he's like, you know, he's like, oh, well You know, I got to go back to work. I mean, I know you're a traumatized and unstable person with no support structure

Who seems suicidal and has no home, but those come quads are gonna miss themselves Shit The dairy cooler bit Just cry it out. I'll be back later We'll have sex. Sorry if I don't go out there people going to take milk from the back and then it's just going to be a fuck. I love to just talk in this scene. He goes, we need to start something healthy and I want to hear to go, you mean like you rate me? Because I'm pretty fertile. I don't know if they knew.

I want to talk to about the title of this movie, right? At this point, we find out that she doesn't really love that guy. And she never really loved that guy. She just wanted him to forgive him. So the title of this movie, loving the bad man, is not about the guy in prison. I think it's about God. I think loving God. Right man is about loving God. I just blew Tom's mind. Tom's like, oh no, that's a great. Three hours and four shots of bourbon of this recording. And he's like, I don't know guys, they just,

the Bible's starting to make sense because it's not just moving. Because it's just, it's just, it's just, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it You guys never really think about Little Mermaid. I mean really So we also get this sequence where Mike and Manny are flirting and Mike's talking about how biblical he is now And he has this line where he's like, oh, but you know when I read this I don't want to hurt anyone anymore Except when I read the parts where it tells me to kill people and stuff Oh my god, except when I read the parts where it tells me to kill people and stuff Yes, so maybe I keep raping because that's the place for it It's ready for a big family maybe Arthur gets a rape sibling or like a half So we're got so well it's hard to argue with these results. I don't know my god

Look at rape sibling. Oh, Jesus. You got a rapey little half brother. That's a thing. Oh. Uh-oh. So then, Joey, after he has his bonding moment with dad, steals the car or has her steal the car?

You've got the wrong character there. Yeah, it's cold. Yeah, cold. It's the guy that knows friend zone at this point. Yeah, yeah, right right exactly but it tricks her into going home. She's like, what are we doing here? And he's like, I've got a surprise for you. It's the dad who kicked you out of the house for being raped. What she says, listen, Julie, I know we haven't seen eye to eye. What do Christians think rape is? I think they've heard that rape results in pregnancy,

but they think it just means like, I don't know when someone like pinches you with their knuckles, it's like a smurf. And you go to jail for it, because those things smirk. So the family all hugs it out, and they all put it behind them. And then we get, Let's say happy Thanksgiving, yeah them and then we get happy Thanksgiving

Yeah, they go inside and then we get what I thought was probably the craziest moment in the movie where she brings her dad Yes What the what her rapist in prison. Yes, uh this scene makes no sense no I watch a scene and it's like, and she's like, I have a surprise for you. She's all coy about it. Right, like, it's a nipple, you know what it's like? A nipple, it's like, I got a surprise for you and it's like, here is my angry gorilla dad.

And it's like, he's like the man who would most like to kill you. And by the way, the dad is completely fine after one sentence. The dad picks up the phone. He's like, you son of a bitch. I'm murder you if I ever got the chance. And he's like, I'm real sorry for raping your daughter.

And he's like, all right, you're good. You're good. Yeah. I'm not. It's as someone cutting onions in here. Oh, you seem sad over there on that side. Okay, why can't we all just hug you? Look, I'm not a father, but you guys are.

If someone raped your kid, how many sentences would they have to say before you completely forgave them? I feel like if somebody raped my kid and they were able to say a sentence, I've done my job wrong. No, shit. Yes. If they were able to utter words, I'd be like, oh, I'm fucking clear.

I did a bad job. I'm not done. Yeah. Oh, you're still talking? We have work to do. I did a another state. I'm not done. Yeah. Oh, you're still talking. We have worked. I did a bad job. Yeah, and they they hang up for a second and Julie takes the phone again, but then the rapist is like no, no, let me let me talk to him one more time We got one of the definitely a brand new movie sentence dad. It's for you. It's the rapist. He wants to talk to you It's for you. It's the rapist he wants to talk to you. I don't think that's arguably it's the best use of that. She then apologizes to him.

She's like, sorry, he's just super mad about you raping me, but like, don't come around. It was very much like a meet the parents moment. I was like, you just had to know them time to know you. I love you the way I do. You should try raping him. Oh my god. Oh, which leads us to the how God it's about time. Conclusion of this film. Yeah. Which starts with Mike. He's in his, I guess he, I guess he took over Cecil's job when Cecil got killed.

So now he's the head of the mechanics or whatever and Stephen shows up with his goons and I so wanted this thing to go west side story at this point, but it didn't Instead, yeah, right instead. He's like it's okay. I Cecil's in heaven. So, you know, right? I'm not that man and the guy who looks like one of those dress dolls that you squeeze it and it's eyes pop out of its skull with another toddler. He comes in and he's basically like, hey, fatty fat, Michael. Michael's like, fatty fat, go to the desk,

tell them someone's been killed, tell them you don't know who. And I just want to imagine fatty walking up to the desk, hi, officer, someone's been killed. I don't know who. Shut up, fat. It's like, you didn't stop to look. You're just like, right? I guess that's just a corpse.

No, I know. I don't get to grab so much before Steven, I wasn't going to be any as okay, fatty, fat. Just go to the ice cream bar like you know, I don't know. Time to

I need to eat my weight and tacos just just go ahead and put your head under the fro you dispenser and talk to you outrageous okay now that this point at this point though Stephen Baldwin uh fatty fat Baldwin looks he looks at he has this moment where he talks to uh talks to the main character and kind of explains what's going to happen and what's going to happen is is he's going to kill the gay AIDS infected Michael's type and he's going to kill the main character. And what we have here is this I think it's a pretty racist, actually, because they're showing the white supremacists as sort of being these sort of noble criminals.

Right, yes, you know, we have this, we have this, it's like, well, he's a killer and he's a white supremacist, but you know what, he's kind of got a good streak in it. He's gonna kill this other guy before he kills you. He'll let you watch this other guy, like squirm in death. Yeah, it's a weird scene where like that chunky beef brisket guys He just like looks over and is like Takes out the magic show. Yeah, and fucking haste some one time the stomach of the guys just like well firing real dead from that What is what did he do? He fucking?

He's a blonde he fucking whispers of Varda Kadabra as he stabbed her. It's like, it's like Iron Man. He got the Iron Man look, the shard goes into the heart there, I guess. And the whole time Stephen Baldwin doesn't even look left arising. Oh, look at the camera. But it doesn't, but it, it wins. But it does read having around the right. Yeah, exactly.

The staple of the Twinkie to Michael's forehead for this. That's the only guy that needs a fucking C-PAP machine walking around. A lot of people don't know this fun fact from the waist down Stephen is in an iron lung. It's just making his intestines process all the time. He's just being so young, like a two-bit tape. But by the way, before they stab Mr. Clean with AIDS, they have this like biblical slam poetry rap battle. Yeah, in prison before they, he's like,

oh, you're gonna get resurrected. You think you're Lazarus, Hazardus? You already said that with dams. You-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha- going to die. Don't worry. Julie and your son are protected by Nazis. I know. It's going to be this prison skinhead gang looks out for its own except for literally that guy with just that. Yeah. I want to flap down to like little Arthur getting bullied at school and some skinhead comes over and ships the kid is

I know So now we cut to Julie and she's reading a letter from rape daddy that basically says dear Julie I died because we had to tie this movie together some rape daddy that basically says dear Julie I died because we had to tie this movie together some The letter is for I just want to point this out the letter is four pages long and each page is a sentence Yeah, yeah, it's like dear Julie turn the page. I am dead. No turn the page Hold on. I route out of inky goes through like four pages. I want it to while they're reading the letter Just to play sad trot bones like I want it to while they're reading the letter just to play sad trot bones like

And he has this moment with her mom where she's like that's a nice letter from my rapist right Also the movie kind of cuts the black at that point too like in the middle of the letter, right? Oh, yeah, well because then it comes back up on literally the I DVD credits. Yes back up on literally the iDVD credits. Yes, oh yeah, oh absolutely, I was right there with you. I fucking made iDVD credits. When my dad died, I'm like a montage thing. And that is exactly it. That is exactly it. Exactly.

Yeah, when my cat died, I did the same thing. Yeah. Yeah, here's the thing, Cecil. I saw the movie after your cat died. Much more compelling than that. Right. There's no pro rape in that one. I've allergic to cats. It was birth of a nation with rape. That's what we just watched. It is, it is the, it is the Christian. It is sort of like a fucking Christian right wet dream though, right? Like I fucking the rape baby dodges the co-hanger yeah

like me yeah the guy goes to jail and gets shanked too right like I mean like fucking like there's vengeance like it's vengeance galore throughout the movie the guy right at the letter at the rock guy writes a letter at the lot at the fucking end We like fucking Jesus really loves me though. Yeah, he's like I didn't do too well in prison My starfish is a little off for about how they meet with Cecil he resurrected from the dead Come back white They used to call me Cecil the black but

They used to call me Cecil the Black but now So fighting about wrong. I love it. So I got a smaller cock how did that happen? But I have more money I've got 401k now No, no, the train of good credit to get more get just left and right All right, so I hesitate to ask But what was the moral of this story? Oh my god, what I thought about this This is some fucking Thomas the tank engine confusing morals like you watching is like I don't know They're a lot of rap apology and Thomas

No Eli, but there is a lot of white supremacy What's going on brother Thomas? I noticed you have some impure people on your caboose I got a kill the caboose here Because there's a thing like I watch this and I'm thinking like like all like the whole time like even during the montage Where she finds Jesus and like she got sucked through the night just fine. She'd aborted that baby Yeah, like the whole like the more story to me is like well fucking ever get raped abort the baby because your life would have been better. I think we're just gonna get pregnant here just to have an abortion because it seems like it makes your life better. This is the most pro choice movie I've ever seen. I think I think the moral of the story

actually might be that you, Jesus was the first child of rape. So, you know, maybe that's a good thing. Oh, Jesus Christ. And exactly. Pro-rate babies. Yeah, exactly. I think the moral is the Christian right narrative though.

It's that you shouldn't abort a baby. You shouldn't abort a baby, but it's perfectly fine for someone to die in a horrible, horrible way at any point, especially if they deserve it. Three murders are inconsequential as long as you don't kill. Adult murders, adult murders are totally fine. Right, maybe murders, totally bad.

As long as you don't take a pill so you can poop out that cull me, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, definitely and every sperm is sacred kind of theme underlying this entire fucking movie. Brutal, brutal, brutal. Now as you guys might know, we don't do like thumbs up, thumbs down type ratings on this show because I'll be damned if I'm gonna put something I used to rate this movie into my own asshole. So instead, we opt for rating by analogy.

So rather than asking you how many stars you'd give this flick or something like that, I want to transport you to a magical realm where loving the bad man won an Oscar in 2011 in a brand new Oscar category. And then I want to ask you what was that category? He. Wow. All right. Okay.

Well, I want to say best cinematography, but no, I made some, some decent points about the ones there. And I don't think there's an award for best first date movie. So that was it. It's a new category. It's a brand new category. I can be that. All right.

All right. All right. Cecil. Well, I'm, I think they're going to create a brand new category and it's a new category. It's a brand new category. It could be that all right. All right. All right. Cecil Well, I'm I think they're gonna create a brand new category and it's how far you can fit the Oscar up a Christian virgin And well you have to you have to do it. It's non-consensual to right right obviously and you have to have C3PO went the end And she's gonna she's gonna say she's gonna go visit that Oscar trophy in jail right behind So she said that's what he's visiting the trophy case Hey, oh my god, I brought you these cookies I brought you this Bible I can set you on it. So Eli, brand new Oscar category for this film? Yes, moving most likely to get you convicted of manslaughter in Indiana.

I think they already have that category, but okay, we'll pretend that's a new one for the sake of the question. And finally, Tom, which category do you think this one is eligible for? I think they already have that category, but okay, well we'll pretend that's a new one for the sake of the question and finally Tom What which category do you think this one is? Well, I think this is the best non-consensual score because the music alone felt like being right I think honestly there might have been like best non-consensual actor in there too because I have a sneaking suspicion a couple of times Stephen Baldwin was just like actually in prison and they just had a minute they were shooting here anyway you want to be in the movie? They just had a bunch of Boston market chickens leading to the set Stringerieses pieces

My ass if I ever meet that guy Really climb a set of stairs you'll be fine You'll be fine Come here Steven come give it to me you come down here The thing is is I don't think you can ever grab because he's so greasy. It's just slip right out You just throw your wand on the ground and step on the other side. He's like I can't get over that. I can't get over that Steven what's on your hand? It's not breakfast. It's always breakfast somewhere.

You're lucky. It's just on my hands. Well, Tom, Cecil, I got to say, I really appreciate you being part of the festivities tonight. And I hope that nothing worse than this movie happens to you guys in 2016. Oh, man. God. This has been. I just want to say this has been the most fun I've had podcasting in a very long time. Thank you for having us on. We really do appreciate it. I don't ever want you to air this episode. Ever. I mean, really, ever, ever. This is going straight to the deep web. Yeah, right to Jared. Yeah, this is just in the Jared's part. So it is why we can never be impolite. Yeah, right, right. And right before this episode, you had a chance.

Dog catcher was in my draft mother fucker. You know what's so fantastic. There's some secular students right now who obviously just heard about the fundraiser who are going to tune into both of our podcasts to be like All I got to say hey, yeah, I have to say to those secular students is That's right You are what's We're getting our 12,000 worth here now dammit All right guys and very quickly before we let you go,

if our listeners want to hear more from you, and they haven't checked out your show yet, where should they go? dissonancepod.com, you can find all this stuff about us there. Awesome, which will, of course, be linked on the show notes. Thank you once again. Thanks for having us, man. And while that does it for our review of Loving the Bad Man,

that isn't going to quite do it for the episode just yet, since we still need to get you all wet with anticipation over next week's show, so Eli Eli tell us what's on deck. Heaven's door. Seems like this should be at least a nice change of pace from loving the bad man in that it is not loving the bad man. I'm actually excited about this. I went through the movie list and I was like we need something fun.

We need a fun one. I was like no dead people, no rapes. I just want a nice magical little girl with heavenly healing powers. Well, it is a dead grandpa kind of at the center of it, but yeah, grandpa's supposed to be dead. So just looked up the movie consensual on Google. And this was the only one that came out. So that's what Christian movie consensual. There's the only one that came out so that's why yeah, right Christian movie consensual There's the only one that pops up. It's the only single Google result you can get at this point Yet another film in the tired little girl gets magical heaven healing powers from her dead grandpa genre, but you know what? Hey after this week. I'll take it So I guess with all that to look forward to will bring episode 19 to a merciful close once again a huge thanks to Tom and Cecil for

Suffering alongside us tonight and of course an equally huge thanks to Tom and Cecil for suffering alongside us tonight. And of course, an equally huge thanks to all the Patreon donors that helped make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash god awful. That's patreon.com slash god awful. And there by earn early access to every episode, you can also help us a ton by leaving us a five star review on iTunes and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoy the show, be sure to check out our sibling shows the skating atheist and theptocrat back after the new year, available on iTunes, Stitcher, and Wherever else podcasts live.

If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email GodawfulMoviesatGmail.com, all the music used in this episode was written and performed by Ryan Slott, Nick of Evil Giraffes on Mars, and was used with permission. If you like what you hear, hear more by following the links on the show notes for this episode. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week for Heathen, right, Neely Bosnick. I'm Noah Lucien's

promise into work harder and another chunk next week until then we'll leave you with a breakfast club close. But don't come back there and bear him please don't sue us. Julie was gang raped during her mission work and now spends her time visiting all 12 of a rapist's in rotation. Joey, Julie's brother, is currently a DJ at club Stuffle in the village. He has not been not covered in foam for over a year. Ed, Julie's dad, kicked his wife out of the house for being murdered and was eventually killed himself in a freak sprinkler accident.

McQuade eventually covered himself in the number 8 so thoroughly that he confused himself for a black man and stabbed himself to death in prison the gunman the man no no