God Awful Movies - 216: GAM216 The Devil Within Her
Episode Date: October 8, 2019This week, we have an atheist review of The Devil Within Her. It's about a demon baby. Nuff said. And somehow we talked repeat guest masochist Anna Bosnick into joining us. --- If you’d like to make... a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/
Transcript
Discussion (0)
I'm also gonna hulu up in the shower now too though. I think both are great at it.
Yeah, hulu and boomerang. We'll just bring all the outdoor lawn darts next
into the shower. It's very important you know that next time he takes the shower
he's gonna bring one of those indoor boomerangs in and disappoint himself when he
gets a paper cut on his penis. I was trying to do under the leg.
You guys gotta do a skeptic rat without me this week.
Tell everyone I'm on vacation.
I wear bathing suit in the shower sometimes.
I'll be fine.
God awful.
Movie.
Movie. Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be And sitting about 600 miles to my left is my good friend, just a truly wonderful person
who I genuinely respected admire for just so many reasons.
Anabasnik, like serious moment.
It's really, really, it's an honor to work with you.
It really is serious moment.
Anna, welcome back.
Well, go fuck yourself, Heath.
Ah.
No, I hated this movie, but it's sweet of you to say that.
Thanks for just stepping all over that fucking joke.
That was all right.
Cool.
That's how this day is going to go.
Lovely.
So that's all the stuff you wanted to say about me.
Great.
And also sitting the same 600 miles to my left with a beer helmet
full of mango nectar and one can insulin in another can is my bad friend Eli Bosnick Eli.
How's it going, buddy? I told you you could have some if you wanted to share. I don't
know why you're being this way. I want my entire dedicated helmet for me, whatever.
You put your get your own helmet. I don't want to get into this.
We're not having a fight on air. All right. So we'll circle back to that later off the record. Great.
Both of you will talk to both you later about my feet. So tell us, Anna, what are we going to be breaking down today?
Well, first of all, he's, you're very nice and tall.
Uh, all right.
So nice and tall.
That's what I always wanted.
We watched the devil within her.
It's the story of a woman suffering from terrible postpartum depression so badly that she
is convinced that her baby
is possessed by the devil and spoiler alert, she will be so convincing that everyone around
her including the baby will agree with her.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's, that's going to be the movie.
And Eli, how bad was this movie?
Well, if you love those movies about spooky, possessed kids, but you've never met or seen
a baby live, you will love this movie.
And I hate to start our fabulous review of this epic film with a correction and the baby
we will learn is not possessed by a devil.
That's true.
It's possessed by a little person who used to work with her.
Who might be the devil?
Who might be the devil?
She managed it.
We'll get to it.
We'll get to it.
This movie does think that little people are the devil.
It's very certain of that.
Yeah. Very important. This is very certain of that. Yeah.
Very important.
This is this movie's description on Amazon.
It's on Amazon Prime.
It's free.
You must watch it.
Here's the description.
Quote, a promiscuous showgirl's first born is cursed by a sinister dwarf.
After a series of deaths, she realizes that her son is possessed by the devil.
So that's the description. That's where we start with this film.
Oh, man. All right. And is there anything you'd like to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at parking? I'm going to start with parking. Yes. Everyone in this movie
parks like me. Fuck is on the curb. Like, they run into like the nearest fire hydrant if they can
find it. It's insane. It's they try to parallel park like 19 times. It's mangled every single
time. They're at a 45 degree angle. They're literally on the curb. That's correct. It's not
exaggeration. Yep. They have like three spots of space and they like chop the car into pieces to somehow take all three. I was furious watching this
movie. The parking is a hate crime. It's so the movie should be prosecuted in the hagg for parking
like they do. I'm sorry. Just triggering. Anna, do you have a a best worst? Oh, yeah. I don't know
worries. I'm going to say best worst baby reactions.
Because throughout this movie,
they try to make this baby look sinister,
but really the baby just has the best dead pan
in the entire world.
The baby is just a baby.
It's just a baby.
The baby's an actual baby.
And they're like snarrow now and he's like, baby.
He's like, I'm a baby.
Subdudes.
Which is because it's always like, what, what, what, what, and then the camera pans to a
baby being like, yep, still baby, still, still just a baby doing baby things.
It's like they caught him right before he takes a yawn.
Yep.
Every single time.
See, and on that note, I was going to give this
best worst monster. Now, we spoiled this a little bit already, but again, just, just to clarify
for everyone listening at home, the big bad of this movie, the evil behind it all is the
soul of a little person. Yep. That will be the monster that is eventually defeated a little person's soul.
And do you think they think that little people have evil magic in real reality? Because that seems
to be the message. 100% yes. I thought you were going to say, do they think little people have little souls? And that is also true. Wow. Okay. Well, we haven't exaggerated it all. So we're
going to take a quick break. And when we come back, we'll tell you all about foes marries
baby, also known as the devil within her, also known as I didn't want to be born, but
they had to change that in the
American version of this British movie and call it the devil within her.
Oh.
And so I says to him, if all know the nanny, brilliant.
Yeah.
Hey, sorry, Nigel.
Oh, hey, Edna, God, would you look at that, Adna? It's Frank from America.
He's gonna make our movie scripted, is?
Brilliant, yeah.
Right, right, yeah.
So about that, I just finished reading the first draft.
And what did you think?
Brilliant, yeah.
Yeah, it's okay.
So is the baby like super strong
or does the devil give him powers?
Because in the movie, the baby just does a ton of stuff
that babies very literally cannot do.
I'm not sure about that.
What do you mean?
Right, okay, so you have the baby scratch somebody, right?
Like three times in the movie, like scratch them really hard.
Yeah, with it's baby clothes.
Baby clothes.
Nope, okay, right there. Babies don't have claws.
Well, not now, they fall out, don't they?
What?
Don't they? Yeah.
Nope, nope, nope, nope't they? What? Don't they? Yeah.
Nope, nope, nope, they do not.
Okay, so probably dumb question, but this just occurred to me.
Has either of you ever seen a baby like an actual baby child in real life ever seen an
actual baby?
An actual baby, yeah.
Yeah, have you? No, no, I'm not, I'm not seeing. ever seen an actual baby. actual baby. Yeah.
Yeah, have you?
No, no, I have not.
I'm not seeing.
Okay.
Yeah, still going to make the movie.
This is 1974, but just, I mean, check out a baby in real life.
Okay.
Just.
Oh, no promises, mate.
No promises.
Yeah.
Is she okay?
Oh, Edna.
No.
She got kicked by the Queen's horse as a kid. And that right, Edna. No, she got kicked by the Queen's horse is a kid in that raw
Edna. Colse kid. See? Yep. Got it. Got it. You're gonna start. So you're saying she's
just allowed to ignore my keep-out sign? Yeah, dude. You're 38 years old. That is irrelevant.
This is ridiculous.
I don't know why I even asked you.
Where's Eli?
I'm sure I'll be here somewhere anyway.
Hey, hey, hey, you guys ready to record?
Yeah, I guess what's on your head?
Oh, yeah, I'm wearing my hair a little differently lately.
So I guess, would we say your hair?
Keith!
What, it's fine.
66% of men lose their hair by age 35.
Eli, why don't you just try for hymns?
What's for hymns?
Oh, it's a one-stop shop for hair loss,
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hymns is helping guys be the best version of themselves with licensed physicians and FDA
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Is this going to be like that time you guys bought those magic beans again?
For the last time, Anna, we invested in those magic beans.
It's an asset.
Thank you.
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That's F-O-R-H-I-M-S dot com slash G-A-M.
Four hymns.com slash gam, huh?
You know what, he's, we'll give it a try.
Eli, you can take that thing off your head.
But you said it made me look like Ryan Gosling.
I said it makes you look like a Gosling.
Oh, yeah, I see that baby duck.
Yep.
Eat your cereal.
No.
And you're back.
You.
Oh, sorry.
No, all right.
Sorry, we're recording again.
So, oh, you're tall.
Okay.
You're tall.
All right.
And we actually are back.
And we're going to start off with a woman in the delivery room screaming, but not exactly.
Apparently Joan Collins, she is the female lead of this movie. She couldn't pull off a
believable scream at this point in her career.
And instead kept making porn noises.
Yep.
So they used a Wilhelm scream, but not really.
Like they didn't have the budget for the genuine Wilhelm scream.
So it's just like an absurd unrelated noise.
I don't know what it was.
Yeah, this woman is orgasming a baby out of her and everyone in the room is trying to
hide how jealous they are.
I just feel like at this point in Joan Collins career when they told her to fake a noise,
she was like, I got it, darling. Don't worry, I've been in the business for minutes at this
point.
But it didn't work well. I don't know, the guy at the Foley table was like, I'll just move this saw back
and forth.
That'll be the screen.
I don't know.
It made no sense noise wise.
Yeah.
Also, I want to talk about this operating room because she's giving birth in the 1970s
and the most advanced piece of medical technology and existence at that point is the blood pressure
sleeves.
They really zoom in on that one.
Oh, they're obsessed with it.
That was terrifying. Yeah, the whole thing. I mean, the blood pressure sleeve was like,
I knew what it was, but it was connected to, I believe a grandfather clock on the wall
as the day. It was enormous. And the entire rest of this, the liver room was terrifying.
They were like, all right, time to inject you
with a pint of cock from the Sinai miscock gun that we have.
They just hit her with a snapple bottle size syringe.
Yeah, I wanna know what was in that syringe
because it makes sense that it would be like,
something like a sedative
or something to calmer down, but it does not calmer down.
It actually starts making the world like do be all tossy turnies.
So like, did they just inject her with crystal meth?
Yeah, historically speaking, it was that or solidamined.
Yeah.
And as soon as it's in her, they immediately like start playing like a bow chick a while,
while track behind her, which is the same.
Yeah, very confusing.
Yeah.
Also, what the fuck were all those tools on the doctor's table?
Yeah, a four set.
I wrote my notes.
This movie is so old.
We see a doctor using a four sets and the movie doesn't even acknowledge it. By
the way, for those of you who are wondering why your older brothers and sisters look like
the cone hats, it's because of four steps. Because they were delivered with large pliers.
This, yeah. This doctor's just like scalpel, javelin, chainsaw, like what the fuck was happening?
Soup ladle. He likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes,
he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes,
he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes,
he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes,
he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes,
he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes,
he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes,
he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes,
he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes,
he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes,
he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes,
he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes,
he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes,
he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes, he likes Chives. What? Dr. say chives. I did say chives. Are you tossing a salad down there? What's going on?
And now we're going to cut to the protagonist of the movie, playing the game that Heath plays at
dinners. So I have to take his coasters away. Oh, that's a good game. Whatever. That's first of all,
you I was doing great. You did not have to take those away. I was crushing it. I didn't want to do it. Double flips. It was when you went to
other tables and borrowed their coasters that we drew a line. People were into it. I
think I got a lot of people into that game that day.
It's fun. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. But yeah, he's flipping a match book. He's just, he's like,
it's off the edge of the table and he's doing like a flip to try to land it on its edge. It's an awesome game. Kind of like the coaster game I play.
And they spend so much time on it because this actor was very clearly like, no, no, no,
like wait until I get it. And then we'll start this. Damn.
Yeah. And so the doctor comes out and he's like, congratulations. It's a boy. And he's
like, how's my wife? And the doctor's like, who here? And he's like, congratulations, it's a boy. And he's like, how's my wife? And the doctor's like, who he is?
And he's like, yeah, it's fair.
Let's get you another pint of martini from the hospital.
This doctor and this dude are, which, by the way, I have the, the dad down as Italian
John Cleese.
They're ties.
I don't know if this was a thing.
I'm sure it was a thing that I just didn't know about him too, too young to know about.
But their ties are the size of my actual dog.
Yep.
Matt just not a small dog and they are wider than their faces. I don't understand.
Yeah, they just have airplane propellers around their neck, this point in history.
Yep, that's pretty much.
Yep, yeah, accurate.
So we cut to mom, cuddling baby for the first time and it's time for the first.
No, we don't cut to her cuddling baby. We cut to mom weeping maniacally with baby beside her on the bed.
Right.
And when she turns, we see why and it's because we have seen our first, but not our last
baby attack.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, she turns around.
There's a gash on her face.
And I was like, boo, y'all, this is a werewolf
baby movie.
Fuck yeah.
But then it pans over to baby.
And he's got like this drip of blood coming out of his mouth and all over his face and
I'm like, oh, vampire baby movie.
Baby takes off a mask like vagabagof.
It keeps it.
I'm just against what I'm trying to say is team Jacob baby.
Oh, all right.
Yeah.
We should probably point this out. This newborn baby is, I want to say 15 years old.
Yeah.
Six, four, two, three. Yeah.
He sits you.
Right. And the movie tries to explain this by being like, oh, he's so big for his age.
But like one, he's not like big enough to bite a chunk out of
your eyeball, big.
He's just too old to be a newborn baby.
Do you need to be like one, but not zero to work in the business?
What was happening there?
Yeah, it's very confusing.
Get a baby.
Yeah.
But yeah, so they spend a little bit of time blaming her.
They ask if she was cuddling into tightly as though babies tend to scratch and bite like your neighbor's cat.
Yeah, this was immediately like, I was probably your dumb wife's fault. She probably smothered
the baby, trying to hold it too hard with stupid lady arms. This is how the doctors will
deal with the female population throughout. Well, I was going to say the movie, but the decade and decades proceeding and a couple of
decades later too. Yeah, you're probably imagining it, go sit in the hall.
So he says, you know what, it's probably not the best idea if your wife breast feeds,
considering how bloodthirsty this baby is. And he's like, no, doctor, you must allow our baby to know my wife's
tits off. You must. He's like, no, she really wants to breastfeed. And doctor's like, again,
the bear attack. I feel like we need to dwell on it. Like, I don't know, put the baby in a river,
have it grab Ross Salmon with its giant claws. Yeah, I said, just throw a stake in the crib with them. He'll be okay. Have you
seen Jurassic Park just lower a goat? I don't know. And now it's time for the annual
dairy parade protein parade. Was it dairy? Yeah, it says it's a great. Oh, it said dairy.
I thought it was like different because it also said fish types of foods like like like showing down
Yeah, yeah to be fair
This is the 1970s and they had invented cheese like six years ago. So they were so pretty psyched about it
I so I'm not old enough and Noah's not here to answer this because you know, but in the 70s
Was this what parades were like just a bunch of people in the back of a pickup truck? Yes. Yes. 100%. Yeah.
Yeah. Even in England. All right. I just want to point out too that the dairy parade sign,
if you rewind and watch it slowly enough, very clearly written in blood. There's no other substance
that sign could be written in. And we're seeing the 1970s cars. Everyone's
just driving around in hot wheels. The British vintage cars, they are so we they look like
regular people cars, but they're tiny. They're horns even sound tiny like he goes beep
beep and it sounds like magic squeaky toys like it's insane. Squagoo, squagoo. So right, they parked their car several feet onto the curb.
God damn it.
This was the best parking of the movie, by the way.
They clearly ramped it up to trigger me personally.
All of my notes for this section are, do you think that car's still there?
He's, I bet it's still there.
I bet it's stopping you from getting into the space because of the weird angle.
He's going to disassemble it and then reassemble it on the roof of some building.
I don't know something. God listeners, a little fun behind the scenes for you. Whenever I
park like that, I take a photograph and I text it to eat that right. And I die a little
bit inside. It's true. All right, so they bring the baby inside
and introduce it to the nanny,
and then the butler and the maid,
and a variety of servants they have,
all of whom will be unclear what they're for.
Oh, and they're all like,
this beautiful, beautiful, perfectly reasonable-sized baby
that you have.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, they take it into an orange monstrosity of a nursery.
And every time they pant the baby in this room, it'll be like, why?
Why did you force me to sit in this oven?
Like an actively on oven?
It's orange everywhere.
It's insane.
Also, let's talk about the actually scariest thing in the movie,
the 1970s crib. It's got baby head-sized gaps in the between the bars. Yep.
The mobile above it is made out of asbestos and razor blades. I was just like, oh!
We find out later that it has like one of the sides will just like fall down if you press it
at all. That's how you just get the baby out of it.
Little cigarette machine in there.
Yeah.
Little ash tray.
Got folder.
But anyways, mom has given birth to that baby hours ago
at this point, which means it's time for her to have a drink.
Oh, yeah, immediately.
Good thing.
Oh, and the nurse throws Tom so much shade at her
for not breastfeeding.
She really does.
Well, literally right after the baby bites her too.
So she's like, oh, he bit me.
Oh, man, that was really hard.
Are you going to put them on your tip yet or not?
Or what?
What's going on with this?
Probably biting you because your mother who doesn't love her child
and doesn't breastfeed.
What?
Have you tried being a better mother?
Have you tried being a better mother?
So we cut over to the living room where they're trying to figure out if anyone in the family
is a demon baby to which those wouldn't Italian John Cleese will be like, I mean, I am Italian.
Does that count as a team?
I don't know percentage.
Anybody tall in your family or a gigantic baby with claws in your family, anything like
that?
Oh, I'm going to know gigantic baby with claws.
Yeah.
Yeah.
My aunt, whenever there was a full moon out, my aunt would get really bitey, but I don't
know.
Maybe.
Yep.
And then the husband's like, okay, my paternity lunch break is over.
I'm going to go back to the office.
Great.
Bye. Darling, it's been wonderful I'm going to go back to the office. Great. Bye.
Darling, it's been wonderful spending these minutes with you back to work.
Well, he gets a phone call first.
And I got to say, I'm very much like this woman because she backseat drives the shit out
of that phone call.
Oh, yeah.
Also, we get our first little yet.
He gets a phone call from his, well, someone.
We don't know who it is yet, but I assumed it was his mom,
but I was wrong. It's a sister later.
But no, he's like, he's speaking to her in Italian.
He gets all excited.
She's going to come to visit in the way.
I was like, you should tell her to come over.
And he's like, yeah, no, I already did.
That's in the middle of doing that. Yeah.
Okay. Yeah.
Basically, this whole phone conversation is that the baby is fat,
but they're allowed to come over anyways.
Like it's really, really fat, which like is exactly correct me from wrong.
What I say when people ask about match all the time, like how's match doing?
I'll just say fat.
That's a positive thing.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
For a positive baby.
But it should be positive for like people.
How are you doing?
I'm fat.
I'm a little fat. I'm fat and good. There you go. All right. He's he's I'm sorry. I didn't call you fat. I'm sorry. I'll change that. Thank you. I genuinely would prefer that to any of the attitudes that you
use or anybody ever uses for me. You heard it everybody. Stop calling. He's tall and start calling
him fat. Please feel like you're going to be a real bitch of that up that once it catches on. So
now it's time to cut to the groovy streets of London and somehow park worse
than they did in the last week.
We'll murder these people. Oh my God.
Truly. It is head on parking. We're living in a society. It's parallel parking. You
go past the back end. God damn it. He just like he just rolls a third of the way into
the house next to the stoop. Duck and Covers out of the car.
And then we also have this very weird scene where Italian father like these two attracted
women walk by and he very clearly checks out their asses.
Or I'm just be like, hey, you ladies like new dads.
Do they?
You're that thing that ladies like?
Yeah, that's a thing.
Whitey's like. Yeah, really's a thing that he's like.
Yeah, really?
I don't know why I'm all excited.
I was thinking like dad bots.
You like new dad bots?
I got a like a medium old dad bot.
Well, by you a baby Bjorn, you can just walk around being like,
where did that Timmy get off to?
We'll make it work.
So yeah, he goes into work and his secretary asks how his wife is
and he's like, why does everyone keep asking me that?
Damn it.
I need a scotch.
It's 1115.
Yeah.
What am I fucking none?
Oh, fun facts.
Yeah.
Fun facts.
We're about to have a none in the picture.
Also, what is his job based on the like one sentence exposition?
He's he sells batches of silver.
Yeah, that'll just lose silver in piles.
It's one of those British silver dealers you hear so much about.
Okay.
Do you think, oh, wait, do you think that's like a mysticism thing?
Like silver gets rid of demon babies?
Like like a mysticism thing, like silver gets rid of demon babies, like a silver
bullet.
Oh, that's why the baby doesn't like him because he's got covered in silver dust.
Silver.
Oh, and hold on, his name, the dad is Geno, which means like life giver, I think, et
emologically.
And the wife's name is Lucy, like, Lucifer, because women are
people.
Oh.
And the cause of bad babies.
Geno is as in short for a vagino.
Oh, okay.
It's short for a vagino.
I don't know.
No.
I can't promise you much, Keith.
You are putting too much thought into this movie.
So none sister shows up and they talk in Italian for half a sentence
and then she literally goes, no, no, no, only English. We will only speak English while
I am here and then turns to screen and goes, because you know, the movie's an English.
Darling, nobody likes a subtitles. It's very clear that we are both actors who speak ninth grade Italian at best.
Yeah, maybe tenth grade English though.
I don't know.
They didn't have a lot of languages down.
Meanwhile, we cut over to our main character and her sister Mandy has arrived and she is
wearing Vin Diesel's coat.
So now we know where the origin of that comes from.
Love that coat.
I like Mandy too.
I like her character.
Yeah.
The first thing out of her mouth, it's,
oh, jolly good.
You got a boy the first time now.
You won't have to have any more.
Yeah.
Probably won't get beheaded, man.
Right?
You have value.
Like having a baby is gambling,
a girl pops out of the soda machine.
Shit.
All right.
Better luck next time. You're right, you're doing it, man. And they are also drinking, the soda machine. Shit. All right. Better luck next time.
And they are also drinking, by the way, just really good thing.
She isn't breastfeeding at this point.
Drinking and smoking and pint glasses.
Yeah, I love this.
The Lucy is like, all right, Mandy, cool.
You want some scotch and Mandy's like, well, not before breakfast and she's like, so scotch,
I'm boring already.
And then they drink scotch, but first she's like, do you want soda?
And this is my first reason that I love Mandy.
She's like, absolutely not.
I'm a grown-up.
What am I five?
No.
Yeah.
Brew in the fucking scotch.
No. And as they're having this lovely alcoholism contest,
the baby cries. And this is our first hint that the movie doesn't understand anything about babies,
like no one that has anything to do with this movie has ever seen a baby or heard about a baby.
Because the two characters in this scene react to the baby crying like they're
not supposed to do that. Yeah, they're, I don't know, they seem to try to make this normal, perfectly
normal baby cry sound upsetting by adding just a little bit of reverb. Yeah. Are babies supposed to cry?
I feel like you're not supposed to, right? That's definitely the conversation they have.
They're like, oh my, he's yelling.
Did you say something to him?
Let's go up and check it out.
I think that we should fervorize and just leave it.
Yeah.
As they're going up,
it sounds like the baby is throwing barrels down
the stairs like Donkey Kong.
Wait, I was really, really upset when I found out
that that wasn't the case.
It's close to what's happening, though.
Yeah. Yeah, it's kind of close.
Yeah.
They get up into the baby's room and the baby's trashed it like fucking the hotel room
and fear and loathing.
It's just going nuts like, you know, wait, Rub it in a tub.
It's, they're not a happy baby.
He tore the head off his doll and she picks it up and she's like, oh, this was made of
only the finest of spestus.
Yeah. I wanted her to turn the baby over and she's like, oh, this was made of only the finest asbestos. Yeah.
I wanted her to turn the baby over and he has like a full patriots makeup face on.
Been like, yeah.
Like, just try.
Like the New England Patriots.
Sure.
Yeah.
Sure.
Well, baby patriots, man, I get it.
I was rooting for the baby for a little bit.
That's going to root for me.
I was rooting for the baby the entire fucking time. That's going to root for me. Oh, I was rooting for the baby the entire fucking time.
That's a fucking awesome baby.
It's an awesome baby.
Fun fact, this movie Bill Belichick's origin story.
Some people don't know that.
And Tom Brady's, yeah.
Yeah.
Makes a lot of sense.
So they go back downstairs and they have another half-pine scotch and she confesses to
her sister that she thinks the baby hates her.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure this woman has postpartum alcoholism.
She says, darling, you're imagining things.
And she's like, yeah, man, I am all the time.
I'm literally having all the postpartum depression symptoms.
And nobody's saying anything because it's the 70s.
And that's not a thing yet. Yeah, depression isn't a thing yet. Let alone postpartum
depression. The babies mean to me. Yeah, man, it's a baby. It literally doesn't know wrong
from right yet. And if you're wondering if this movie will ever like reneg on the does the
baby hate us thing? No, the baby's ongoing emotion that it will have attribute into it is hatred.
All hatred. Yep. By the way, they again are just drinking enormous amounts again. And
this movie turned into my favorite drinking game of all time. All right. I just tried to
drink along with every bottle and glass that they showed and said, and I missed a good chunk of Act 2 and
3, but you guys walk me through it.
Yeah, we'll hope, yeah.
Are you sure that one of these ladies wasn't your like great aunt or something, youth?
That is very possible.
It's me, Mrs. Inrent.
But she thinks she knows why the baby hates her.
It's time for her to call it, doodly, doodly.
Yes, yes, she's like, remember my back
story. It was the hunchback of Notre Dame. I was in gypsy face and I didn't have a goat
though. What was happening there? I think I think it might have actually been like a pirate
themed burlesque hunchback of Notre Dame, right?
Yeah, something like that.
I can't describe it any other way.
She's dressed up as a Romani, including a tan,
which is not fun.
Yep, Justin Trudeau.
Yeah, and the little person is chasing her around.
So this was her old stripper act.
So just to be clear, her old act as a
stripper was to dress up as the Romani person from the hunchback of Notre Dame and make fun of a
little person. Yeah. Just dance around a guy with dwarfism. Yeah. Circle. This is the comedy that
Dave Chappelle wants to bring us back to and you SJWs won't let him.
Okay, I'm just saying sometimes little people are also, you know, evil magic sexual predators.
Like that's, it's not like they're none of them are. It's actually woke, if you think about it.
Yeah, it's more bigoted that you won't.
I'm casting the best actor. Yeah. Yeah.
Like little people never get to be the bad guy on S.
V. U. And that's not fair.
So they go back to her dressing room and he starts touching her inappropriately.
Like she acts as like, oh, if he hadn't been such a stupid,
wretched dwarf monstrosity, I would have known he wanted to rape me like a normal people.
It's it's very upsetting.
It's very clear.
And clear.
We hadn't clarified that he is in fact a sexual predator.
So my comment makes Norse more sense now.
Circling back.
Also, we should point out that like as this, this little person is like molesting her
and trying to seduce her, she is looking directly into camera with a facial expression that reads,
do I want a fuck a dwarf? Nah, I don't want a fuck a dwarf. So she fights him off and he's sad
and leaves the dressing room and then Tommy, her boss comes in and he's like, hey, you think about
it, it's kind of funny that the dwarf tried to have sex with you. Would you like to have sex with
me now? And the answer is, yes, they immediately have sex. Yeah. And she literally, she's like walking home. She's like, no,
done having sex after fighting off a dwarf. And the dwarf pops scares her. Pop scares out and goes,
you're going to have a demon baby. Yeah. You know what's fun assigning evil magical traits to dwarfism?
baby. Yeah, you know what's fun assigning evil magical traits to dwarfism. So fun. Right. And I just want to assure all of our audiences at home, um, that curse does not work. Believe
me, I've tried it and, uh, so they go back to her drinking more scotch, another barrel.
Yep. And this is where we see her, um, feeding a glass bottle. Apparently 1970 to 1989, they just, you know, fed your baby out of a snow globe.
Oh, yeah.
Is that, I mean, they don't do that now, right?
You said like glad they realized glass wasn't the best idea.
Probably not the best idea.
Generally, glass is not the best thing to put around just child that can drop things.
Yeah, true.
Well, yeah, any child, but especially a demon one that wants to kill you because this
one, like they're downstairs and they hear a glass break. And they're like, oh, it's just
the baby like crying and dropping the phone.
For one thing, Scotch or milk or whatever the fuck we gave it. I don't know. And they go
upstairs and the baby's like brandishing a half broken bottle and fighting a bouncer. She says he's bad at me because like, yeah,
he's a baby. Baby's spit. Well, see, I think what they meant was like a, but two, which
again, is the first of many times I thought to myself, why did we not get to see that
scene? There are so many moments where I want to watch this baby do the things
that this movie portrays the baby having done.
Well, I don't know. So so far the evil things this baby has done is scratch, cry and spit
up, which actually are very normal things for babies to do. They have little fingernails
and you're supposed to put like mittens on them so that they don't scratch things, including
themselves because that's usually what they have around.
So like they do have claws.
They have fingernails.
They have fingernails.
They got it.
Hey, but you fingernails, you can scratch things with fingernails.
He third claws, he gets it.
All right, cool.
And this is the first time that none sister sees the baby.
And she starts to pray at him and he sizzles.
And I just want to point out that that is the
first actually concerning thing that happens with this baby in the movie and no one addresses
it. She's just like, oh yeah, they must have gotten one of those frying pan cribs. All right,
Lululu, I'm a nut. Well, I get it, baby. I have the same reaction to unsolicited praying.
Let's know. Get it away. Creepy.
So now we cut to the baby's baptism.
And look, this movie is about a demon baby and the least realistic thing in it is a Catholic
church in England that's this fall.
I just want to say right now.
Yeah, it's, it's a little upsetting too.
We get there and the first thing that happens is a fucking Nambla Polycule walks up to alt and boys and priests. Yeah, I wrote in my nose,
John Malchovitch is here, everybody, and he brought two boys and dresses.
If I had a nickel, it's.
So, yeah, the hand baby to priest and baby starts crying and everybody's freaked out because
baby's crying at it, like being held by a stranger.
And I just wanted them to do like literally anything
that would make them actually freak out like that.
Like, baby tries to bite the priest
and like take its Bible and run away or something.
Well, doesn't the baby like kind of try to steal the Bible
at the end of this?
Does it actually?
Yeah, I was unclear what this scene is supposed to be,
but I think it's a tug of war with the baby
and the priest of over the Bible.
I want baby to like grab the Bible out of his hands,
flip everybody the bird and just run off.
That's kind of what they were saying was happening.
I feel like like I get like it's a weird low-level thing
for Satan to be doing.
This is supposed to be like Satan or the spawn of Satan.
And he's just like, boo, King James is a stupid translation and it just like runs away. He
does little things. He'll ramp it up though. One other moment in this scene, they cut over
to the nun sister with the doctor for a second and she's like, so just wanted to ask you a
quick question. I blessed the baby and
it kind of lit on fire. Is that normal? And the doctor's like, ah, it's fine. I'm sure it's
not a problem. And then she's like, well, just so you know, I'm a nun slash medical researcher.
So I'll be helpful throughout this movie. You know, all the nuns that are on the forefront
of science and technology. Right. Well, what I was so confused as to what medical research would look like.
She's like, she's just like swirl in a beaker for no reason and then Ryan at a tumor.
But we actually get to see almost what I just said as a joke.
Yep.
That will be later in the movie.
She checks people with holy water.
They mentioned something like that.
Yeah.
I'm not a rat.
Yeah, anyway.
Yeah.
Right.
But the baby does put the priest in a triangle lock.
So now we're going to cut over to the doctor's office.
And again, actually scary thing in this movie.
We see the baby just lying on a table, no railing, no nothing, just hanging out in an open space.
Yeah, unsafe.
And the doctor's just dismissing all their worries.
He's like, I mean, it could have been epilepsy, it could have been autism,
but we haven't caused that with vaccinations yet.
So don't worry about it. That's a few years away.
Yeah, baby could be autistic or epileptic from not wanting to be dipped in water
by a weird looking priest.
That's insane.
There's also this great moment where the mom is like, could it have something to do with
how big he is, doctor?
I'm just worried.
And the doctor's like, you know that people don't grow at a constant rate of acceleration,
right?
She's like, because the baby will be 200 feet tall next year.
And he's like, no, that's not how.
It's not how. The doctor, might baby cries and spits and scratches
and doesn't know how to read.
What do I do?
Okay, but you know, you're focusing on these little things.
The demon behavior, I want to zero in on that.
You mentioned some demon behavior,
but they will not.
Yes, he cries, doctor, he cries.
Oh, that's what you meant. You meant crying?
I'll check again for autism, but I don't know. Maybe try this bleach enema for now, but it's
hard to check for autism. Yeah. We'll give it ketamine. He actually says that. He's like, we'll just
sedate the baby constantly until we figure this out with very strong 70s drugs.
Yeah. And he's like, I just want to find out if there was any trauma during the birth.
The doctor says that who was there at the birth.
Maybe I turned away and someone gave the baby a finger.
I don't know.
I'm trying to figure it out.
Did I angle my four steps or like javulin weird?
I don't know.
Could have been.
Was she awake when I slapped her belly as hard as I could.
I never should have elbow dropped the baby to get it to cry.
And then the blood tests are back and they're normal because in the 1970s, blood tests were just given it to a guy to drink and he would see if it tasted funny.
I don't know.
They took this baby's blood at the beginning of the scene six sentences later.
They were like, he's fine.
And this is where the doctor takes the husband aside. And he's like, uh, I don't
know how to put this. And it chants your wife is a crazy woman. And he's like, yes, there's
a big chance that she's just a crazy woman. Yeah. That's a big one. Lucy, could you leave
the room so we can get talking about this? Do you take, and this is where the husband
asks if they take returns,
he just wants to know if the baby can like live at the hospital.
I'm like, I'm a week's.
It's like your shitty friend from college.
Hey, man, you might have my baby crashes for a little while.
I just, we had a lot going on right now.
But it's like, nope, get a baby sitter.
That's my prescription.
Pulls a little crib out of a couch.
Really? You do? Okay. All right.
So we cut to them meeting the babysitter
and she's an old timing nurse.
And we could tell because she wears scrubs to babysit.
Yeah.
They're like, here are the towels, here are the sedatives,
here's the straight jacket.
And this is a can of mace just in case.
Here's your bare mace just in case the baby acts up.
Right.
And there's this insane moment that happens.
It's just a small moment, but she goes into check on the baby.
The baby is asleep.
The nurse goes into check on the baby, opens the door, walks in, the baby starts crying
and she's like, go to sleep.
And I wanted the baby, like, bitch, you came in here and woke me up.
I was in here asleep.
I really wanted this to turn into like a Mary Poppins and the Demon Baby type story here.
Oh, body movie.
Just in right lighting the cartoon penguins on fire with his mind.
I'd watch it.
Yeah, I'd watch it.
But yeah, this is a chance for Gino and main character mom to finally have a night on the town and their
third drink in 26 minutes of screen time.
And she's like she tries to bring up her past to the to Gino here and she's like
Yeah, Gino. I just want you to know that my past and he's like, no, no, no, Lucy, I know the child
might be half stripper. I get it. But if he is, we will be there in the front row showering
our sweet little angel with us. Many dollar bills as we can carry.
Yeah, he says, what did we say? And I wanted to be like, leave our dwarf curses behind. I know,
I know. And now it's time for more bad parking.
They're back from their dinner date
and they will literally park on the curb this time.
What do I think the word parallel means?
That's a word in the UK, too.
God damn it.
Well, considering how much alcohol
they actually had over dinner
that we saw them drink over dinner,
it makes kind of sense.
I'm just surprised you didn't like drive into the house,
up the stairs and into the house.
Is parallel different in metric or something?
What angle do they think it, oh God.
Yeah, but they come in, they have their fourth drink
and then they go upstairs to find the baby trying
to drown the nurse.
Oh God, I love it.
And the nurse tries to defend the baby kind of.
Yeah, yeah.
They're like, what the fuck are you doing with your face in the tub?
Why are you even bathing the baby at this hour?
And she's like, no, it was just Marco Polo.
We were playing Marco.
He called me cheating and I was like, you know, I deserve this.
We were we were bobbing for apples and it got weird.
I'm just going gonna say that.
That's fine.
But, but our actual explanation for why she's bathing the baby at midnight is that like
he messed his diaper up.
Yeah.
And like in my head in the 1970s, just every time a baby shed itself, you gave it a bath.
Well, the mom is like, oh my God, he poops too now.
How many more evil symptoms am I going to have to deal with?
And this is the first time, but not the last that mom will look at the baby and it will
switch out for the little person's face.
Oh, God.
He becomes baby dwarf.
And when I wrote baby dwarf in my notes, I wrote song to the tune of baby shark.
Oh, baby.
That would have made more sense than the soundtrack at this point and throughout the
movie.
Yeah, definitely.
I would have delightful now that I think about it.
It should have like a musical number at this point.
This would have been a great musical.
That could have fixed it.
Oh my God, billionaire money.
We might rewrite this as a musical.
Oh, the devil inside her, the musical.
Yes, we have the talent and we have the technology.
So now it's time for the baby to go on a walk with the nanny.
Yup.
Because apparently in the 1970s, parents saw their kids about twice a year.
And I was very upset the baby is not going to Tokyo drift his carriage and
kill the nanny in the scene. So, you know, get ready to get disappointed.
Also, by the way, small detail, we're out front of their apartment here and their address
is number 32, which is scary, right? Is it? I think right, 32 is an evil number. It's like,
Jesus died in the year 32 or close to it.
And he was like, I thought maybe 32 23 was there was a horror movie about the number.
And that's the reverse of 23 with Jim Carrey. There you go.
Okay. That was terrible movie. It was O. J. Simpson's number in football number 32.
Okay. All right. I am almost 32.
So he's been ranked.
He cuts.
There we go.
I am 32.
What was that?
Was that an echo?
I mean, to be fair, you were 32 first.
By a while.
All right.
So it's she's talking to her sister again.
And gossip and drinking session. It's fun.
Yep. Her fifth alcoholic beverage of the movie.
And they're trying to figure out how to break it to Gino and the doctor that he's possessed
by the devil. But what they land on is that she should go talk to her old stripper boss
because you know, he might have like a demon uncle or something.
Yeah, because what they reveal is that it might actually be Tommy's baby.
Tommy is the stripper boss's name.
Yeah.
But at this point, it seems like they're saying, you know, perhaps a little person transferred
his evil DNA into you, you should get this checked out.
Yeah, exactly.
Like the doctor's going to read a print off from a dot matrix printer and be like, ah,
there it is.
Dwarf curse.
Dwarf curse right there.
Yeah.
See, you let him touch you for five seconds, at least.
Now we know.
I thought she was like her sister was like, so wait, you're, you're gonna ask Tommy if
by any chance anybody in his family was ever a baby.
And yeah, they'll have that conversation later. Yep. And now it's time for another murder.
So they're walking through the park. We see not one, but two golden retrievers. Oh my
God. I couldn't deal. It's old lady who talks incessantly nonstop to her golden retrievers
is me in 60 years. And the man he totally her own fault here, purchase the carriage an inch and a half from
the edge of a body of water.
And then he's just like, all right, I think I'll just look over the ledge here and baby
pushes her in the water and she hits her head on a rock and dice.
Yep.
Yeah, but they play it like he pushed her off a cliff into the pond that was lapping at her feet
at the time. And then like her body's gas tank explodes. It's over the top of the killing here.
Right. And the old lady with the dog finds her and it's just a tiny moment. But for some reason,
they did not use this woman's scream. They used the same sound effects scream from
the beginning. Like, like this actress, they were like, and now you see the dead woman in
you scream and she was like, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, eh, baby's hand, which is the most adorable,
scary ever. She's just like standing by a pond and then it was like, bam,
bam, baby hand. Yeah. Not as terrifying as the people who made this movie. We're hoping.
Yep. So the cops come and they're like, yep, looks like an accident to me.
Looks like an accident to me. All right, let's go find this baby's owner. I mean parents, whatever.
looks like an accident to me. All right, let's go find this baby's owner. I mean parents, whatever. Wait, let's ask some questions. Hey, baby, did you see what happened? Baby's
like, I ain't saying a, wow, not a demon. Baby just, baby just stare straight at them
dabs and goes back under his covers again. So now we, we cut to the doctor. He's just
finished visiting Lucy. Lucy is the mom's name. by the way, I've been calling her main character, but her name is Lucy and he gave her two pills, you know,
just two pills of medicine, medicine pills. Yep. Yep. And and none sister just walks into the movie,
like it's not weird or anything. And she's having this little talk with dad at this point, right?
Yeah. Yeah. And literally, I've noticed this nurse, this, sorry, I keep on calling her
nurse, this, this none never moves a single facial muscle this entire time. She looks like,
nope. She looks like a Mel Brooks bad guy in like an entirely unsuttle way.
Yeah. Well, she's, she's wearing the, the, what, the habit, the
vestibence, whatever they call it. And it's tied down so tight, like around her face
with like a strappy thing. So tight. Her eyes are literally bulging out, like,
he likes to. Yeah. See how wide my eyes are right now. This is how okay. I'm with this
moment. Yeah. And we should probably talk about her accent during the scene. We should definitely talk about this.
Okay, accents, multiple, plural, six.
So let's, let's, let's be fair.
In scene one, she does British person doing an Italian accent as best they can.
I heard your, I heard his role, some ours in there.
I feel like that's, that's okay.
In this scene, she goes full Dracula. She gets a communist
accent. She keeps on saying, Oh, the baby might be possessed by the devil. Like she thinks
it's she's a devil. Yeah. It'll get back to Italian for the word day. But otherwise, it's
all over.
It's like Eli does this to me on purpose.
He'll write up a little skit and be like, he's do a Tasmanian accent here.
And I try to do it for a second.
And then I'm just like, God, can we just know we'd cut and but they didn't cut any of
heath, not knowing how to do accents.
They just had her go.
Yeah.
But the gist of the scene is Genino is talking to his sister and he's
like, okay, I get it. You and my wife think the baby's possessed. You want me to turn my baby
over to the cops? And she's like, yes. No, actually, she's like, why don't you bring it to the hospital
for observation to see if the, you know, the doctors who do science can spot any signs of possession
of demon possession. And while you do that, you and your wife take a long trip out of the country together.
Yeah.
Yeah, she acts a little bit like a evil person too.
Yeah.
And just to prove this is a Christian movie, I mean, not that you didn't know it already, but she does ask him when the last time he prayed was.
So this movie counts, Christian movie. Thank you very much.
Yeah. Yeah. They seem very confused as to what the fuck you would pray for in that scenario.
They're like, all right, pray, I guess. No, good point. Um, for no more murdering by the baby,
or the baby, the baby's not Satan in the first place. Or no, make it smaller. It's just if it's
smaller, it's fine. We pray for smaller. Got it. Got it. We settled on smaller.
We're going to small ask, small ask. Room to negotiate.
So now we cut to the next day or later at some point.
And the gardener is holding a dead mouse up to the nanny and being like,
is this your dead mass? You're going to eat this?
Yeah, I had no idea who these people were, but apparently this is like a new nanny.
Did they write?
Didn't they switch nannies?
This is the one from the beginning.
Oh, is it?
That I thought was originally the nanny.
This is just, I guess, the lady who helps out around the house.
This is their servant.
This is their indentured servant.
Okay.
These people have 47 servants.
None of whom will ever be given names. No. And most of whom will die. Yes. Yeah. And this guy is a bell hop.
He's dressed like a bell hop. I don't know what he's doing. He's dressed like an elevator
operator. Yeah. And he's handing her dead mice out of her septic tank. Yep. And she's
like, yeah. Okay. You found a mouse in the patio fuck dungeon that we apparently
have.
Throw it in the garbage and they open up the garbage and there are 45 bottles of champagne
in there.
I was like, man, this game is fun, but I'm going back to the liquor store.
Now I got to get Quantro because they drank some Quantro on the rocks.
I'm behind on that one.
That's a weird one.
And 45 bottles of champagne. And they pan over to baby and baby is so upset that they threw away his
dead mouse. He's like, I was saving that for later. But what we learn is that the baby
puts the mouse in her tea like as a prank. Right.
Again, Satan's doing like low level pranks at this point.
It's just a weird vision for the Prince of Darkness.
I don't understand.
She's like, ah, put their keys inside,
Jello Classic.
Classic Jim Hover.
Hell yeah, this baby has pranks.
I just wanted the baby in the background
as she would discover the mass and her tea.
She just get up and start doing pump it up as fast as he could with that perfect dead
pan.
We definitely needed more trash talk from the baby.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Victory dances.
The baby was awesome.
Baby could have a prank show like on YouTube or something.
So with that complete, Lucy heads back to the strip club to see if Tommy has a history
of babyism in his family.
We see Hercules, the dwarf who cursed her in the first place, walking out of the club
here.
And I'm going to say it because I'm brave.
Hercules is fucking thick.
That's right.
I'm brave enough to say it.
Hercules can put it down.
He never let six sees everybody. Six sees. Absolutely.
But yeah, he's watching stripper auditions, but she walks in and he starts ignoring
them. Yes. Yeah.
When they show Hercules, so far the music in this whole movie has been like smooth jazz
and like porn soundtrack stuff, which is strange for a horror movie, but whatever.
And as soon as they show Hercules leaving the club and walking around,
they have like legit someone just doing the mouth harp. It's like annoying, annoying, annoying,
annoying, annoying, annoying. I was surprised they didn't have like someone following him with a
tube of the entire time, because this movie is like crazy degrading to people with tourism.
They're like, is this comic relief or is it terrifying? Yes.
It's like a harp but much smaller. The Foley guy was just like, I'm using my fucking mouth harp.
I have it on the table. I'm using my own, my own, my own, my own. But then they, yeah, they go into,
she goes into the strip club and they're doing the auditions and one other note on the music.
The first stripper comes out to audition for Tommy.
And she starts dancing like 30 seconds ahead of the music coming out,
which needs to be a thing.
Strip clubs with no music.
It's weird and terrifying, but amazing because we got to see a little bit of this.
And I was like, all right, I would go to strip clubs maybe because that's funny.
Hear me out on this strip clubs with book on tape.
Oh, interesting.
That would be good.
Some girl taking her top off to Harry Potter and the Goblin of Fire.
That place is packed.
That would be great.
Different book in my head.
That's good.
We'll write that down to that.
But coming by Michelle Obama.
That's, that was what I had in my head.
Thank you.
Okay.
Got him both good.
Aw, 70s stripping too. Cause like, this lady is just mimeing doing a boomerang in the shower. Yep.
Like, there is no, there's no like bump and grind situation. It's just like waggle my hips around
a touch my boobs. Wait, like throwing a boomerang inside of a shower. No, no, no, like, like, oh, sorry, not boomerang.
I'm thinking looped out.
Who loop?
There we go.
Oh, my, I was so confused.
I was, I got this amazing image of my head.
And I was like, I'm gonna bring a boomerang in the shower now.
But that sounds crazy fun.
Get one of those little mini-toolers made a part here.
Oh, yeah, those little plus, yes, the boomer ones.
Absolutely.
Yeah, get them to go
around the spray and see if I can get how many loops I can get. I'm also going to hula hoop
in the shower now, too, though. I think both are great at it. Yeah. Hula hoop and boomerang.
We'll just bring all the outdoor lawn darts next into the shower. It's very important. You know
that next time he takes a shower, he's going to bring one of those indoor boomerangs in and disappoint himself when he gets a paper cut on his penis.
I was trying to do under the leg.
You guys got to do a skeptic threat without me this week.
Tell everyone I'm on vacation.
I wear bathing suit in the shower sometimes.
I'll be fine.
Also, one other thing on the scene, we get one more stripper audition here.
And she comes in and
Tommy is talking to Lucy, like at the table. And he's like, take a note.
Sit first. I don't know what the fuck notes you would write down.
Brace.
Two.
Got it. Check, check. Like, I, yeah, he's doing something like that. And then he starts talking
to her and strippers mad about this as she should be. She's like, watch me fucking stripping. What are you doing? And she like, dance strips
her way into the conversation. She like, I'm so against the way. I very much enjoyed
her like, obtrusive, pay attention to me stripping.
I won't put you smacks her bra on the table. This is what we need. We got book on tape
strippers. Now we got intrusive strippers,
like not for a bachelor party, but you could hire them for meetings where they just walk
and everyone's all right. So in the third quarter, excuse me, bap bap bap bap bap bap bap
get getting your opponents hat. I get it. So now it's time for the nun to talk with the doctor in his office about how much he
knows about devil babyitis.
And more of her bragging about how she's going to be very useful because she's a non veterinary
medicine combo expert.
So she's just like, yeah, I understand. You specialize in just regular non-demon babies.
Perhaps I can help you doctor this demon baby.
Yeah.
She actually says as an impartial observer,
that baby is possessed.
One of the doctors would be like,
all right, I feel like there's a little bias
when you invoke literal magic.
It's fine, it's fine.
It's the 1970s. Sure.
Did you guys pick up on the legit chemistry here? Oh, absolutely.
He actually literally says to her, you're not like other nuns, are you? Like,
I want, I wanted them to just fuck on the table. Oh, it got so hard.
The tension in the room got so hard. Anna became erected.
I became a huge boner at this point.
Yeah.
Oh, one other thing that the nun asks here, which was interesting, she says, Hey, in your
doctoring experience, do babies ever decide to just, you know, stay inside?
Just set up out.
Yeah. And the doctor's like, interesting.
I could swear that sounds familiar because I think I said that in the first scene.
Yeah.
He said the original title of the movie.
Which is the title of the British first of the original movie.
Yeah, exactly.
It's at that point I wrote in my notes, if this movie ends with them shoving the baby
back inside Lucy, I am 100% in. You heard the kid. If that's the big
climax instead of an exorcism, that would have been interesting. He's just like grabbing
the sides of her cervix, like a cat trying to put, you put it in the carrier and it
won't go. Yeah, it's going all
limp. Come on. Don't put some treats inside or maybe he'll crawl in a smith.
Just stuff in there and they're like shoving like a sleeping bag back into it.
You got it. You got to leave it open for like three weeks and they just learn to go in
and out as they're like a bend to go. So they're saying they're goodbyes and by the way, the quippiest, most sexually charged
goodbyes of all.
He's like, oh, you know, you would have made a good doctor and she's like, you would have
made a terrible none.
And then they leave.
But I just wanted to like, them to switch to like a getting to know you montage of them
being at the hospital with the baby under observation.
And she wants to read him to him out of the Bible for bedtime stories. And he wants to read out a grace anatomy. And then they, the
possessed baby starts vomiting blood. And the doctor is trying to do all the, get a stethoscope
to it. And she's throwing holy water on it. And they look at each other like, Oh, you,
the baby dabs again and burns the hospital of the ground. I thought it would be great.
Yeah. 100% they missed their chance for a sitcom here. And when she says that, think about you'd be a bad nun,
I wonder if the doctor get really mad like you don't know that. I would have been a baller
nun. Put's on the hat. See? Look at the shit. Recreational. But I think the point is that
they could switch jobs and one would have literally no effect. One of those switches
not every at all. The movie is not aware of that. That is what the movie thinks. Veterinary
none, Dr. Even, all the expertise. Yeah. So yeah, now it's been established that nuns and
doctors are equally qualified to deal with demon babies, which is true.
They are equally qualified for that.
And on that note, we're going to take a quick break.
But first, let me give act three, the hard sell.
Will Heath survive the movie drinking game that he's been preparing his whole life for?
Doesn't matter.
It's a win-win scenario. So either way, stay tuned for the height supremacist
conclusion of the devil within her.
All right, everybody, scene 31 and action.
But doctor, surely you don't believe in the devil cut.
Cut. No, Regina, you're from Italy.
No, no, I'm not.
I'm from Manchester.
I'm Michael Marshall's mom.
Okay.
Mean, feels mean.
No, Eli wrote it.
Oh, I, I had no doubt.
No, but I mean, your character is from Italy.
You have to sound like that.
Oh, God, it, God.
Hey, but doctor, surely you believe in the devil?
No, no, okay.
What do you, don't do that.
Try again differently.
Hey, but doctor, surely you believe in the devil.
Okay, we'll say closer, I guess,
but just one more time. All right.
But Doctor surely you believe in the devil.
Yeah, okay, close enough.
Keep rolling.
Is there any more cocaine?
It is 1974, so yes, a bunch.
Stick your face out.
Excellent. But it knows Joe.
No.
And we're back.
When we left off, Lucy and Gina had come to the realization that their baby was a literal
demon.
And you know, that's exhausting. Just late night wakeups, demonic, murdering stuff.
So it's time for them to plan a nice getaway to Rome without their baby.
Yeah, let's, you know what?
My wife has so many silly notions about our child being possessed by the devil.
So let's just take her to the one place they actually believe people get to be possessed by the devil. So let's just take her to the one place they actually believe people get to be possessed by the devil. Take it to demon central. The Vatican in the 70s, we're about to shoot a guy
for saying condoms might not be bad. And then we get a quick cut to sister Nunn at her church slash
science lab. Yes. Just doing some nun science with rats, lab rats, all of in the cages.
I don't know what that would be.
And this rat is not happy to be in this movie.
He's like, leg on me, leg on me.
Yeah, I was convinced that she was actually going to pick that rat up and just stuff it
directly in her mouth as fast as comfortable. That would have been amazing.
Yeah, yeah, the deadpan on this woman's face is just eerie.
Right.
So they're in the lab of church and mice and the veterinary nun is like, I got to figure
out this demon baby.
Let me look at my wall of books that might be useful.
And she's like, okay, praying for rats, not that one.
Is it under D or B?
How to inject holy water?
But then she's like the encyclopedia of demon babies.
Of course, duh.
It was under E for encyclopedia's the whole time.
I got a rearrange these. It was under Eve for encyclopedias the whole time.
I got a rearrange these.
And then another none walks in to like reinforce just how much science is happening.
And the other none is like, hey, how's it going with those microscopes that you really need to use and your magic research? And the sister none is like, yeah, no, it's going great.
But she's, she's using a microscope.
What the fuck would she be doing with a microscope there?
She's trying to find the hell razor, Dean.
Excuse this church for taking it seriously when they say they're looking for Jesus.
She's got the head of a pin under their countenance angels.
Oh, it's, look at that.
24, I told you, Barbara, you fat cunt.
Yeah.
I don't know why she's so aggressive with Barbara.
I'm not going to lie.
It's unkind.
There's one other sciencey line that they throw in here and they get it so badly wrong, it's the best.
Sister, what's sister-in-ones name, Albana?
Is that her name?
Yeah, I call her Albania.
White lady?
Albino.
Yeah, she's like, so other science none,
I injected the variable into the rat
and the other none's like, great,
we can use him as a control now.
I was so happy
about this. They they just like variable control nailed it. We use once each. Yeah, it is truly
science word science word, the mad lib. Yeah. So now we cut over to Lucy and Tommy having
a lunch by by the pool because nothing makes lunch go down smoother than the smell of chlorine.
Oh my God. And the drinks got bigger again. Yep. Yeah. I was like, I was trying to play along
still and I was just like, fuck, the whiskey's literally in a pint glass. Like we joked about it.
Now it's, there's a pint of whiskey. It's like, and there's a beer. It's like one
bourbon, one scotch and one beer, but the bourbon and the scotch are in one glass together
filling a pint. It was. And the waiter is currently coming over to bring them more. And
they each have like three cigarettes in their mouth. Yep. And a large pile of baloney sandwiches
on a plate next to them. Yeah. Just a pile of blow typical Roman hotel lunch or wherever
they are. And they're not the only people eating pool side too, which is I think maybe the weirdest part.
Yeah, it's a very strange scene. And we should point out that like this scene is supposed to be
Lucy breaking to Tommy that the kid might be hers. But Tommy is medically incapable of responding
in anything but zingers. So she's like, Tommy,
I have something to tell you and he's like, oh, he has something to show me. And she's like, no,
Tommy, this is serious. Serious as a hot attack. And she's like, you're the child of my father.
And he's like, I'm not, not who's there. Jumps into the pool and swim away.
You said it backwards. You said child of father, idiot. Yeah.
You said it backwards. You said child of father, idiot. Yeah.
But yeah, basically she's like, all right. So we're gonna have to check if the demon came from you. And are you a demon? We're gonna have to check if you're a demon.
Yeah, to which he gets really upset and she slaps him and runs off. And he eventually follows her.
I'm surprised that he didn't like sit there and try to like guzzle down as many scotches as he could before he left. So they wouldn't go to waste.
Just gets into like a 7-11 to go cup. Comes out with a straw. Not wasted. Good.
Scotch. No, I think basically he was just helping me out. He like looked at the camera and
was like, there you go. He there's a free one for you. You're probably having trouble
with this. Even you. How many of me are you seeing right now? Right, but he, he chases her out to the parking lot
and he's like, fine, I'll meet your baby and I'll fight it too.
Yeah. Get in the car. And this is supposed to be a sports car, like a fancy one. He's
supposed to look all cool and whatever drive off real fast, but it is the size of like
a, a tinker toy. Yeah, it is the size of like a tinkertoy.
Yeah, it doesn't help.
It's adorable.
It doesn't help that you can see their feet sticking out
under the car like the Flintstones as they thrive.
Exactly.
So they get to the house and Tommy,
who has been a part of the movie is like,
so we, we fuck now.
Oh, yeah, that was a weird moment.
He's like, cool, should we fuck or, you know,
should we see if I father to demon first?
Which I feel, I feel like we can search to warm it up.
Yeah, I feel like we could celebrate
me not fathering the demon afterwards by fucking,
but then this, it'll kind of ruin it if I did.
I just, what do you think?
And she's like, let's go see the demon.
Do you want to fucking front of the baby at the same time?
I don't know.
But yeah, they go up and see the baby and the baby punches him in the face.
I love this baby.
I just wanted it to pan over to the baby,
flossing as fast as he could, just looking directly into the camera like,
what?
What?
And then like I think I'm going to go baby trapped.
You've been baby trapped.
Fucking love.
Just like filling up the floor with a little pond.
Hey, what are you doing over there?
Don't worry about it.
Don't worry about it.
Come check this out.
But no, Tommy, Tommy gets punched by a baby and has the only natural horror
move a reaction of people person should
have. He's like, yep, I'm out of here. And Tommy lives happily ever after. He will never
be in this movie again. Oh, so good. Yeah. And he got to miss which is nice for him.
He got to miss the very long montage that we get now of. Geno doing errands in London.
Yeah, this scene was originally a pitch for a British reboot of that girl starring Geno.
For younger listeners, that girl was new girl when wearing pants qualified.
She was kooky just.
Follow along with the jokes here.
They should have had a hat trying on like montage. Yes. That's
one point. But mostly he was just buying large bags of liquor again for my game. So he comes
home and he's like, look, I bought all these bags of liquor, put this champagne on ice and
slaps our ass and no, he throws all like the, it's comic how much stuff he has with him, the
bags and boxes and he just throws it all on her and says, all right, you get this already.
We're going to have a great time tonight. Lucy, I brought you a surprise and she just
kind of like stumbles into the I just wanted to see her try to put them all down like
like holding one underneath her neck. She's got them underneath her. She's balancing
two on her head. She tries to open the door again the next room.
There must be a better way.
She's following them around like a cartoon butler.
But here's the best part.
So they have this, right?
This is all leading up to a sex scene, right?
And the only thing I want to point out,
like this movie is such a weird combination of,
look at Jones boobs and scary baby. So they
have this sex scene, but there's this great moment where she goes first naked one in the
bed wins. And I was just picturing Heath like stiff-arming her at a window like, I went
see nailed it. I won't one. Second place. I would have nailed it. Why are you crying? Take out
the scoreboard. We're putting that up. This counts.
He's absolutely counts. Where's the chalk? Yeah. And I wanted it so badly because it's supposed
to be one of those like 1970s RC sex scenes, which just means don't show penetration and you won't
be x-rated. And I, the camera pans in sort of this like artistic way, but I thought it was just gonna like pan over
to the baby watching from the window
or sitting in the corner,
just like shaking his head with his arms crossed.
They do that scene of like the feet messing around.
And I just wanted there to be like another pair of feet
that slides in and then maybe the little baby's feet
also join them,
start taking a around down there.
So it's post sex and Gino is I was really excited.
So for years, I have said that the movie that will win my heart and affection
forever is the post sex scene where someone goes and washes off their dick.
I thought he was going to do it.
He does not sadly.
And there's no wet wash cloth seen in a movie today.
We've made it 2019 years. No
wet washcloth scenes yet. How many years do you think there've been 2019? Got it.
Got it. Right. Fine. What year it is. Super young.
Oh, the youngest earth creationist. But yeah, he's walking around and he goes to check on the baby and it appears that the
baby has jumped out the window.
Hold on Eric.
An Eric clapped in fake out though is what's actually happened.
Yeah, baby hulked out after drinking a set, all of his sedative.
Did you notice that the the sedative bottle is on the ground half empty?
Yeah, the baby like chugged the sedative with Keith.
I hope you included in your drinking game.
Otherwise you cheated.
I did.
Okay.
Good.
Baby sucked on.
Open him now.
And then fake jumping out the window.
So that his dad would go into the backyard and look for what I assume is his babies
mangled corpse.
Yep.
I'll be honest though.
I didn't drink sedative.
It looked it was like pink liquid.
It looked like I drank some of that bubble gum medicine, some of Moxasillin. I got it.
You kept up, you drank something out of a medical bottle. That's fair.
Do you need your stomach pumps now? Not anymore. Yeah. That's probably.
So yeah, he goes outside, he's looking for the baby. And this is where they introduce
the baby's evil laugh. The baby, the baby has a laugh, like a Warner Brothers cartoon dog.
It really like muttly. Yeah. It's like the baby is hanging out with his friends waiting
to do a surprise party. You know, I'll just be in like, shut up, shut up.
Shut up.
But baby has baby trapped because I'm not gonna say booby trapped.
Baby trapped, the backyard.
Get it.
Pun.
All right.
Baby trapped.
With a lasso.
I guess the old, you'll las so your dad with a noose trick.
You know, the thing I use up in a tree. I wanted it to put a pan up to the tree and the
baby's doing right the pony. Yeah, but just to be clear, this baby now hangs his father
with a noose and dumps him in the septic tank. Now, my friends, before you get to excited,
we do not get to see the baby doing the rope work on this, but I will pay any amount of money to
remake this movie where we can see the baby doing all of these murders. And then baby,
baby hangs the dad dumps him in the septic tank, covers it back up again, and then the baby
turns out the lights, you know, for politeness and say.
So now it's the next morning and Lucy wakes up and Geno isn't there.
Yeah, she runs around the house yelling Geno.
And when she can't hear him, she goes into the baby's room as is to ask the baby,
hey, have you seen him?
Yeah.
You seen your dad anywhere?
But of course, she doesn't find him there.
And when your husband disappears, you call his non-sister for an exorcism.
Exactly.
Absolutely.
Yes, that's what you do.
So she calls the non-sister to come over and exercise the baby.
Then she calls her sister, who it turns out is sleeping with Tommy, which means that Tommy's
plot in this movie is to get punched in the face by a demon baby and then immediately
went over to fuck this woman's sister.
Natural.
Yep, absolutely natural.
I thought maybe Tommy was going to turn out to be Satan and like creating an army of
demon babies with this family or something, but they didn't. I thought maybe Tommy was gonna turn out to be Satan and like creating an army of demon
babies with this family or something, but they didn't.
Nope.
Tommy will disappear from the film.
Right.
And then we see the nanny out there and she's being weirdly judgmental about this gigantic
baby again.
And like she's the best.
She's one of my favorite characters besides the baby.
She's just like, yeah. So I'm 100% sure your baby is a demon.
And I'm pretty sure you know that too, don't you?
Yeah, and it keeps panning over to the baby
and the baby's just like, what the fuck?
I'm a fucking baby.
Yeah, of course.
Every time this nanny talks,
they will do a reaction, a menacing reaction shot of the baby.
And each time the baby's like, still a baby, not doing do a reaction, a menacing reaction shot of the baby. And each time the
baby's like, still a baby, not doing an acting thing. The fucking most adorable little pudding
cuppy. Never seen. I wanted, I wanted one time for them to find the baby in like the
room or whatever. And he's just like slowly spinning around in a giant high chair like hello
mother.
Pitting a fluffy cat. Oh, crazy billionaire remake.
So now it's time to head back to the nunnery
and it's time for her to break the bad news that Gino is gone.
What the fuck is she studying in there?
I want a documentary about the veterinary nun.
Like I've heard that story told.
Yeah, this research facility in a convent
is what Jordan Peeel must have seen before writing
us.
They're just like rabbits and bunnies and cats and rats all over the place and cages.
It's crazy.
Right.
But basically this whole scene is just so she can be like, yeah, Gino's dead.
Will you come over, not right away.
I would say two character deaths from now.
And she's like, yeah, I'll be there to character death.
So yeah, it's her talking to more people.
We got to her talking to more people about, no,
he didn't say that he was planning on getting murdered.
Or he didn't write dying in his work journal
or anything like that.
But this is a great moment where we finally see the none
talking to the baby, right?
And this has, I'm going gonna go ahead and say it,
my favorite line, which is, come on, Nicholas,
why do you cry?
Is it because you hate us?
She also says, is my ridiculous,
mummy tuxedo costume that I wear all the time, frightening?
And the kids like, yes, yes, it is.
Can you use that?
I want to close one says a nun.
I wanted to be like, Hey, Igor the nun, you're dressed like a nun.
Don't be shocked that people are looking at you.
It's funny.
Right.
But she, she, she leans down to like kiss him or whisper in his ear or something and he,
he scratches her for the second time.
This is the second baby scratch that we will have in this movie.
Okay.
Hell yeah.
I feel like he just doesn't like people touching him.
And that is that not fine?
I feel like every baby would do this
if they were a demon and they could have made power.
Yeah, man.
If they were a demon and they couldn't have power, sure.
Yeah, that's what they were doing.
But just as that happens, the doctor comes in and she's like, okay, cool, you, you
stay alone with the baby.
I got in a tiny knife fight with him.
Oh, I'm going to go get some holy water and a nail gun.
You got this?
Yeah, you got this.
Oh, so good.
So doctor comes to give her some more heroin.
Yeah. Right. I was confused about this because literally they've been like, oh, yeah, Dr. comes to give her some more heroin. Yeah.
Right.
I was confused about this because literally they've been like, oh, yeah, we're going to take
the baby, we're going to put it under observation in the hospital.
He does not take the baby at this point.
He's just come to give her an injection of something.
Yep.
He gives her injection and then he wanders in slow motion around the house because he knows
he's the baby's next victim.
And yeah, he goes into the baby's room to play the most epic game of peekaboo ever and baby's not
there. And then he starts doing everything from every horror movie where the victim's about to
get killed. Yes, he does. He's just like, I could swear that was a demon baby saying, wow, from outside, I will investigate this. First, I'm going to take a quick shower,
though, with Janet Lee and that we don't know. So he looks into the septic tank because
baby, it's open. Baby's like, what's in there? But as soon as he bends over,
he's baby trapped again.
Baby literally decapitates him with a shovel and look, decapababied.
Look, we didn't have to sell you hard on this movie.
But if I needed one sentence to do it, it would be a baby cuts off a doctor's head with
a shovel. But my favorite part of this took two takes or shots they use to they they edit like
the baby chops the back of the head and it doesn't quite go. And then they're like,
all right, chop it again, I guess. And that's a softball way.
And while he's doing this, we go back up and, uh, what's your name?
Lisa?
No.
Lucy.
Lucy is chasing the dragon upstairs in a trance.
She's having, we have like a weird dream sequence.
And again, because this movie will never not follow violence with sex and sex with violence,
we go straight from man decapitated by demon baby to look at her boobs.
See?
You like that? Yeah. Take that and entire generation sexuality. They might as well have put a giant
equal sign on the screen. Yeah. The sister calls here, Mandy and she's at the strip club.
And the call is just for her to be like,
so I'm stripping and you still have a demon baby, right? Cool. Just check it on the plot. Great.
Just some things up. And we're also watching Hercules, the little person being part of a
Vodvillean stripping dancing musical act that I didn't know was a thing.
Yeah, it's like these are bet.
I would go to strip clubs if these things were happening.
It seems like they were like, oh, the hunchback of a Dr. Don Blanc was racist.
So we're just going to do a ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire on the Fred Astaire short.
So it's funny.
Yeah.
Thing.
Okay.
I guess I don't know.
Put some artistic presentation into your business. There you go. Good job, Tommy. I guess I don't know. Put some artistic presentation into your business.
Good job, Tommy.
I like it.
I guess.
It's definitely more of a Vodville show than a strip club.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So Lucy realizes that the movie only has 11 minutes left.
So it's time for her to wander around the house doing all of the scary movie person who's
about to die behaviors. And I just want to
point out that this movie, like the last four or five scenes that we have described have
all taken place over, I would say five or six minutes, which means in the last seven
minutes, three characters in a row will check the baby's room, see the baby's not there,
walk into the backyard, be murdered. Yeah, the movie is so boring, like somehow, and that's crazy.
Like a baby just chopped the guy's head off with a shovel, and there's naked ladies,
there's a dancing little person with the naked ladies, and like there's scotch and golden
retrievers, and I feel like nothing's happening.
I'm just like so bored by it at this point.
Yeah, it's, it's quite an achievement.
I don't know how you fuck all that up.
Half this movie is people walking around the house yelling someone's name.
Mm hmm.
Yep.
But yeah, she goes out into the backyard and she looks up in a tree and the baby is in
the tree, but he has the dwarfs face yet.
No, the baby is actually hercules now.
Yeah.
That's what I thought.
I was unclear. Is that was that what they're's what I thought. I was unclear.
Is that what they're saying?
I guess.
I don't know.
Are they like,
I don't know, man,
but it doesn't show the baby's face
until like the end after this.
So.
So, so the dwarf chases her through the house.
And then,
she has a, here's Johnny moment up in the room.
Yeah. We also get a here's Johnny moment up in the room. Yeah.
We also get a like a scream moment where the baby demon maybe little person who magically asked really projects himself also into a demon baby in a different place while he's at the
strip club. That's all happening. And we get the like the calls coming from inside the bassinet moment too.
Yes.
But the baby's kind of mad because
that's not from how would a baby use a phone?
So the baby's just like, it's,
who wants to play a game?
No, the baby monitor, God damn it.
Not the, I'm in the baby monitor, not the phone.
But we get that and then we get,
and he stabs her in the boob, which he never tasted.
Yep. Stabs are directly in the boob and she died. Yep. Did he have a switchblade sword?
Is that what the weapon was? He did have a switchblade sword. Yeah. Something like that.
I have not heard of that. A switchblade with a projectile pommel for those of you wondering
it up. So she's dead, which means it's time for the nun to come in.
She takes her magic book that she got from her library earlier in the movie and she reads
Latin at the baby, which kills the dwarf on stage.
Yeah, it's, so if I understand this baby is like a Hercules shaped voodoo doll. Yeah. I guess because whenever she
prays at him, Hercules is like, holy shit. How did I get away from this crazy person? But like
he's around his normal people. So like, I don't know, it's crazy. Right. Yeah. Because at this moment,
Hercules is doing his vaudevillian, Fred Astaire stripper routine.
And she's praying at the baby and exercising the baby and he's like kind of dying on
state.
Yeah.
But everybody around him is like, dude, this dying demon bit that you're doing is perfect.
You're fucking nailin' it.
Yeah.
Nobody realizes it.
Yep.
Nobody.
So yeah, she reads Latin at the baby until she exercises it and therefore kills the dwarf.
I got to tell you, she has exercised the dwarf from that baby or lines I never thought I'd
write as part of my job, but there they are.
Right there on the page in front of me.
So yeah, the dwarf dies.
And the manager of the strip club runs out and he's like, ladies and gentlemen, please, please.
I don't want to be like, he's just a dwarf.
Like hardly even a guy.
You're all like twice as upset as you should be.
Come on.
And like at this point, I hope the none realizes she's alone in the house
with three dead bodies and a baby covered in like blood.
Like she looks so guilty at this point.
Yep, yep.
But will the movie cover it?
No.
Nope, that is where the movie ends.
The dwarf dies, we watch the cops pull up,
and then the credits start to roll.
And the baby stares dead pan into the camera one more time.
Mm-hmm.
I just wrote my notes, uh-oh, that baby's going to jail.
Get ready for jail, baby.
Oh, demon baby in jail.
Oh, man, that is the sequel to this movie.
Google hit it already exists.
There's four of them.
Oh, all right.
They just tell it.
Well, speaking of which, I'm thinking before we wrap it up, like we started to give you
some ideas, but you're saying that already exists.
Stephen, maybe in jail.
Stephen, maybe in jail, one through four.
Four.
Wow.
Okay.
So let's help him out with the sequel, but some other ideas will move in other directions.
So if you guys were a demon baby, who's your ideal voodoo connection familiar, if not a magical,
but villain little person, and what's your go-to murder technique?
Okay.
I'm going to go with a ventriloquist with cerebral palsy,
and my method of murder is dropping a water slide on top of them.
Wait.
Yeah.
You're going to drop, like, you're going to be holding a water slide above top of them. Wait, yeah, you're going to drop, like you're going to be holding a water slide above them
with your hand in my CPV helicopter.
Okay.
And then I'm dropping them like a water slide under them and then like they're at action
park and then they die.
No, that would be ridiculous.
I'm dropping a water slide on top of the stupid, stupid.
Yes.
Sorry. People who were working on the sequel, it was Eli's thing.
Mine. Thank you. Yes. Please get it right.
Oh, fuck me. Um, oh, you know, you know what?
I'm, I'm going to go political and say my ideal voodoo connection would be Donald Trump.
And I'd say my murder technique would
Oh, all right right sure. Yeah.
See, and you thought it didn't run on the family. There we go. Wow.
All right. Check with Andrew about that whole segment. And while that does it for a review of
the devil within her, that's not going gonna do it for the episode just yet,
because we still need to get you excited
for round two of our Halloween spooktacular.
Spooktacular!
So Eli, what is on deck?
Along it came the devil.
We got Rebecca Vigil, the excellent guest for this one.
It's phenomenal.
You guys are in for a treat.
Back of vigil. Awesome. All right. So with that to look forward to, we'll bring episode 216 to a
merciful close. Big thanks to Anna Bosnick for joining us again. And if people want to hear more of stuff, where should they go? They can go to anabosnic.com or they can find my album on any of
the streaming services, which is like Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes, all that stuff. So yeah,
look for anabosnic, the ring. Yeah. Check out the ring. Excellent, beautiful album. And once again,
huge thanks to all the Patreon donors for all the generosity. If you'd like to help support the show, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash god awful.
And that'll get you early access to an ad free version of every episode.
You can also help us out by leaving a five store review on iTunes and sharing the show on all your various social media platforms.
And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the scathing atheist, citation needed, and the skeptic rat available on
iTunes, Stitcher, and wherever else podcasts live, I hear we
might be on Spotify too.
Sometimes like episode three is on Spotify. So check out episode
three on Spotify. If you feel like it. And if you have
questions, comments or cinematic suggestions, you can email
goddlefulmoviesatgmail.com, legal services for the podcast
are provided by the law office his here in the Torres.
Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slotnik,
a people to ask on Mars.
Other music was written and performed
by our audio engineer Morgan Clark,
and was used with permission.
Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week
for Anna Bosnick and Eli Bosnick.
I'm Heath Nright, promising to work hard
to earn another chunk next week.
Until then, we'll leave you with the animal house clothes.
Practice. Anna Bosnick. Practice. We voted. We voted on it. chunk next week. Till then, we'll leave you with the animal house clothes.
Breakfast.
No one's.
Breakfast, go.
We voted.
We voted on it.
We love it.
All right.
Last word.
Baby trapped went on to become the most popular channel on TikTok.
Vampire Nun never forgot that doctor, where the beautiful love they could've shared.
Like Anna pointed out, that nun very clearly went to jail when they found dead bodies all over
the house, and she said it was a demonic baby that did it.
But she had Amber Geiger's lawyer and also white skin, so she got out of real fast.
She didn't turn into a bat fight.
I like it.
Like Amber Geiger.
Yeah, Anna's talking about Amber Geiger.
Oh, God.
Welcome next to an 11 year note.
Never mind, that's a very funny joke,
but it's a pedophilia joke.
Oh, yeah.
If you knock over your mango nectar, I sure did.
Luckily, it's got a self-contained.
No, you have a sippy cup that pops back up.
But that's the nice thing about the thickness of mango nectar is it can't really spill.
It's in a ball on my desk.
It's fine.
It's basically toffee in a glass. Exactly. I just drink a glass of caramel while we record.
So you got that insulin in the other part of the helmet. It's a great.
It's not congruent. Balance me out. All right. You want to count us? All right,
let's do this thing. You ready for my awesome counting abilities? Are you ready?
count us. Alright, let's do this thing. You're ready for my awesome counting abilities. Are you ready? One, two, three, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, four, five. Four, five. That was perfect.
Okay.
You need to be looking at seconds in order.
I get eight plus.
It's not how it works.
I wasn't looking at seconds.
Yeah.
They're too fast.
Seconds in the end.
I counted to five and I can be
I talked to you off to the side of this podcast.
I would like to please join me.
I'm from Whisper Fight.
And the bassman for Whisper Fight.
How could you do this?
I was going to have to be.
The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle on a thunderstorm LLC copyright 2019 all rights reserved.