God Awful Movies - 259: Out of Shadows
Episode Date: August 4, 2020This week, the guys team up for a skeptical review of "Out of Shadows", the story about how the CIA did... something. And it was bad. And it involved pizza, and John Podesta's emails, and Disneyland. ...It really isn't clear. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/
Transcript
Discussion (0)
The way he pulls out the knife to show up is my favorite physical thing that happens in this movie
He's just talking like real quietly like it's a Nazi knife right now. It's in a sheath
But um, you know at any moment
And like it doesn't key ah, right? He like has to struggle with it. Relo is the best
Yeah, you can just barely get it out of the fucking scene
Forgot to greet. Sorry. Can I take the one more time? Yeah. All right. Now it's no I feel stupid
I'm saying it or can you put that into the
Do both
Not awful movie OOVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII and sitting 700 miles to my immediate left is my good friend Heath and right heath welcome back. I'm not a spy.
What?
I mean, thank you.
Glad to be here.
Sitting 900 miles to my northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnick.
Eli, how are you this fine afternoon, sir?
Takes me two, three minutes to eat a slice of pizza tops.
Obviously, they've never been to Chicago. We'll get to it.
Right. Yeah. No shit. All right. So tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today?
We watched out of shadows. It's the story of how the CIA learned magic from Nazis and
used Zoolander and James Bond to make us all ignore the fact that Hillary Clinton is fucking kids under a pizza place.
Wow, well done.
Yeah, it really is.
Yeah, that's it. I mean, basically a stunt man, well, stunt man slash journalist of espionage named Mike
writes what I just said on a banner and then writes, prove me wrong and sits at a table all day.
That day of conversation is this fucking movie and I watched it. Wow.
Then he walks up to that table somehow. Yeah. Oh, wow. This is the first time I realized
that this guy was literally stuntman Mike. Amazing. Okay. This is stuntman Mike and Eli.
How bad was this movie?
Well, if you love the groundbreaking documentary skills of
Plantemic and loose change, but everyone was way too
Qualified and skeptical for your taste
Well, this movie the only thing more horrifying than this movie is how many
Millions and millions of people watch this movie. The only thing more horrifying than this movie is how many millions and millions of
people watch this movie. It's millions. Yeah. This movie was so popular. Not one, not four,
but eleven listeners reached out with some form of my cousin just sent me this fucking
thing on Facebook. Please do another story about it. Please. All right. Wait, Millie, are you sure it's millions? Cause like the YouTube link that we
have had like 500,000 views. Apparently, that is, and I do not know this. So big grain
assault with this. Apparently, it saw a bunch of views on Facebook and YouTube before it
got taken down by Zuckerberg and the Jews. Uh-huh, I see. I see.
Those are repostings.
I got you.
Okay, so, and this, this is one of those documentaries that uses this nefarious fucking
strategy that we've seen before where you tell a bunch of people who are ignorant of
everything, a couple of things they don't know, right?
Like a couple of CIA things that have come out along the way that like maybe these people
have never heard of, right?
So then people like, Oh, I don't know. I don't think that's true. So you look it up and you're
like, oh, that is true. And after you're exhausted from all that fact checking, they start just
making shit up and throwing that at you as well, right? Yep. So that's the entire idea is to bury
your nine pieces of bullshit with, I mean, 300 and I will get to the way this movie closes.
is a bullshit with, I mean, 300 and I will get to the way this movie closes. But you, you, you bury your bullshit in act three of a movie where most of the shit
that you say for the first two thirds checks out if somebody looks into it, right?
Yeah.
If you say something that's false and then something that's true and then something
that's false, the false things are adjacent to true.
Right.
That's a real thing.
It's very close to true now.
But what's great about it is that he has crazy Tourette's almost.
So even when he's talking about a true thing, he can't help but end it crazy.
Don't go spy.
What?
A lot of people don't know about the Gulf of Tonk and that Gulf is made entirely out of
cool.
No, no at it.
You were fine.
If there is the golf of Tonka, you got to just chop it.
You got to chop it.
You say something done.
The Tuskegee Airmen or should I say air divers?
No, oh my God.
Should I set it?
Jesus Christ.
All right.
So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for me?
The best of me the worst at?
Yeah. I'm going to go with best worst about us on this producer's website. Oh, I'm so glad you're bringing this up. Yes. So good
out of shadows.org. I don't know. It's this like Christian group that's behind this thing. There are a bunch of assholes. This horrible backstory
We might get to that, but they're about us on their website says
This project is the result of two years
of blood, sweat, and tears by a team of woke professionals.
Patriots made this documentary with the sole purpose of getting the truth out there.
Patriots.
Scrooge.
Woke.
Professional.
Yes, right.
What does that work mean to you? Also, we should point out this entire movie is based on people forgetting to type a
word when searching for Ronin Farrow's book.
That's the business model is out of shape.
Yep.
And look, they're raping kids.
I got it.
Okay.
Perfect.
It's got shadows. Okay. Perfect. It's got it's got shadows. I'm already
All right, so I was gonna go with best worst verbosity. Yeah. All right. My god. This guy stuntman Mike every fucking sentence of his starts with like
And then I began to start realizing upon my research that I was doing until up to that point that Jesus you're gonna pass a voice
Noah and heath's notes devolve into them diagramming his sentences and the last
In shit, you know, it's like abstract paintings. I was drawing lines and red pen across my screen by the end of this bucket movie.
Also, if you're going to be like using fancy words, get it fucking right.
He didn't even, this isn't even fancy.
He got eminent, imminent wrong.
He tried to call an eminent threat.
It's fuck you.
He got it right.
Tell me God and tell me God, tell me God.
Yeah, he tries to, he was, he didn't know whether it was Demi God or Demi God when he
had his bad.
So he was hedging the thing to be in like Demi God.
Demi God.
I meant whatever the right one was.
Demi God.
Is there a ZH in that word?
No, he was. He was the age in that word.
And I was going to go with best worst, not so crazy now. Am I? Look, you watch documentaries about how alien encounters are
actually demons, about how we didn't go to the moon.
And yet this movie, far and away, has the best moment where it's very
own maker, leans back in a tin foil hat filled with his own shit and says, well, what do you think
about that?
Oh, it's a fucking impressive.
It's one of the greatest punchlines in the history of cinema and they have no idea.
All right.
Well, we've got a lot of yarn and push pins to arrange on the other side of this
break so we're going to keep it brief when we come back we'll dive into all the unmedicated
ramblings that are out of shadows.
Eela, I'm going out as soon as you guys want.
No, I'm good.
Yeah, we can just get it delivered.
I mean you can't get everything delivered. I mean, you can't get everything delivered.
I mean, we pretty much can, yeah.
Oh, okay.
What about a fancy steak?
It's like 200 places on my phone.
Right, a lot of options on that.
Oh, yeah.
You know, right, right, okay.
Customize hat with your catchphrase on it.
Etsy is a great choice.
Okay, okay, what about your toothbrush?
Psh, not only can we get our toothbrush delivered,
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Um, what's that?
Oh, that's our custom hats in stake.
Yeah, good thinking, Noah.
Okay.
Mine says wild card.
Hi, I'm Eli Bosnick.
I'm Heathen right.
And I'm Noah Luzgems I'm Heathenwright, and I'm No Illusions.
Do you have a mental illness?
Do you maintain the illusion of feeling and control of your life by telling yourself
that you know big secrets that other people don't?
Then why not try the Catholic Church?
Why waste your time on easily debunked conspiracy theories like Pizzagate when the Catholic
Church is just as bad and it's real?
From secret Nazi gold to government influence to strange occult practices, the Catholic
Church has everything a paranoid personality is looking for.
And again, it's all real.
The Catholic Church, all the conspiracy, none of the theory.
And we're back for the breakdown and we're going to open up this movie on an FBI warning,
but in reverse. Right? It's like, it's like if he, him warning the FBI, I'm a pirate,
whatever the fuck I want, motherfucker.
Am I being detained in my movie?
Yeah, no, it starts off with the text equivalent
of yelling at a waitress about how his friends died
based out in the mock so we can enjoy this family restaurant.
And then we get his little opening line where he's like,
you know, what is it?
Like, why do you believe what you believe, right?
Yeah.
Personally, I believe the information
that I get on YouTube documentaries
about the deep stuff. Oh, there's a lot of it. I get on YouTube documentary is about the deep
Yeah, he's like you only believe what you believe because you trusted somebody you fucking sucker
And that's honestly he could have ended the documentary there and we would know everything we needed to know about his opinions about
Really yeah exactly he's gonna spend the rest of the documentary
fleshing that out.
But he assures us right up front, and I love this,
because they always do this.
He assures us right up front that he's no conspiracy theorist.
He doesn't have time for big foot, right?
But the best part is, like most of the documentaries
we've watched about this stuff, they go like,
oh, but I'm a scientist, but I'm a this, but I'm a skeptic.
But he's just like, now, man, I'm not a conspiracy theorist.
I'm fucking busy at work.
I hit the gym, I have those observed visitations with my son watching my, no way I believe
untrue thing.
Yeah, man.
I'm too busy with, you know, G.T.L. to read about facts, but I watch a lot of
entertainment tonight. I know all about Hollywood is what I'm saying. Yes. I'm a stuntman. I'll be your information source about world news. Yeah. Yeah. Right. So that's the whole story is he's gonna
tell us about the inside of the deep dark secrets of Hollywood because he's a stuntman. He knows
that shit, right? They invite him to all the Hollywood parties.
Stunt man, the kid on the playground who will eat boogers of the movie making this.
We have any stunt man listeners, he wasn't talking about you.
He was talking about all your colleagues.
He was talking about you.
They would all know he was talking.
They would take their headphones out and discuss, except they can't move their
arms that high up.
All right, wait, so I have to talk about this line. I love this line.
So God damn much.
He says kind of in the opening of this movie, he says, the only thing we consume more of
than content is air.
What the hell could that possibly mean? We consume air the most of all the things followed by
content.
What is he talking about?
What?
What units are in his head when he said that?
I wonder if I drive weight.
See, I was very proud here because this was the very first time in a history of this show
that both my wife and son walked out of the room during while watching one of these movies.
My wife had my son in a little carrier and she, she looked at him and she said, you hear
that?
The first two human needs are air in content and walk that around.
There you go.
Yeah, and also we should point out that, okay, so this is the, in the style of crazy person
YouTube video.
This is edited like the editor was getting paid by the cut.
As he's talking, there's just random clips of every fucking thing showing up here
in there. So when we say, and then we see it, it has nothing to do with anything
that we're talking about, that's why, right?
So he sets it up. He's like, you know, that he's talking about how the CIA is involved
in Hollywood. We see Katie Perry dressed Egyptian in that video. The Illuminati freaks love to obsess
over.
Right. And then he cuts to just some guy. He's like, Hey, guy is the CIA involved in Hollywood?
Yes.
Well, that's settled.
Yes.
Yes.
Next scene.
Well, I mean, and I mean, they licensed their logos and shit, right?
Like, of course they are, right?
Well, anyway, so yes, so we get the title, we get some sweet, sweet car crashes.
Hey, did you guys know I have a question for you?
Did you know that car crashes and movies are not real?
They're fake.
It's all those fucking long.
I mean, they're really crashing. They really crash. Yeah, exactly. He's trying to say that. It's so dumb. And then he's
like, yeah, just to remind you, I'm a stuntman. So international politics, I got you. Yeah.
My job for 28 years was to get brain damage for money. Yeah. All right, but are we talking great films like Fantastic Cinema?
What kind of movies is this guy?
Yeah.
Yeah, Eli, when we're going to watch a sad movie, you have to warn me.
This is so, he's going like, I had such a great, I had a really cool job.
I'm like, do we just watch you get pulled out of a car that rolled over 21 times?
No, the fuck you didn't.
He's like, I worked my way all the way up the second unit director for Batman for him.
Batman forever. Maybe you heard of it. Yes, the Batman crushing it.
I'm a player in a place.
Yeah, he's like, he's like I didn't set out to be a stuntman, you know? I just wanted to work in Hollywood and I wasn't smart enough to do any other jobs,
but sit in a car and try not to die.
So that's what I said before.
I didn't go out to be a stuntman.
People just kept not caring if I died.
So yeah, it was really a perfect job for me.
Also, he introduces the idea here that,
like the CIA is crafting Hollywood to make themselves
look better and he mentions Black Panther.
Okay.
Was he suggesting that the protagonist of the movie called Black Panther was not the Black
Panther?
And instead the CIA guy. Well, no, Martin Freeman was pretty bad at that though.
Like he flew the ship, the virtual ship and everything.
Yeah.
No, he was a good guy.
Sure.
Eight want the side good guy.
Yeah.
Yeah, right.
It feels like the CIA could have gotten more for their money.
Yeah.
If your documentary sites a tweet and it's not about the president, it's not a good thing.
Yeah, it's not a good sign for your documentary.
All right, so then he tells us about the injury that ended his career as a stuntman because,
you know, that's how careers has a stuntman and he talks at length about his rehab and I'm like,
my god, this is like listening to a drunk. Give me their idea for a diatribe.
What is any of this about?
But don't worry, it's all gonna come full circle.
No, it's not, because we're gonna now hear from Mike's pelvic floor therapist.
Yes.
Yep.
Who's identity, if you look at the bottom of the screen in small letters,
it says her identity is being protected due to the sensitivity of her profession.
Yeah.
Well, at first I thought she just didn't want to be associated with this stupid fucking documentary, which would have made perfect sense.
But then as she goes, it's like, oh, okay, she's batshit crazy and would lose her license if they knew who she was.
I see. Okay.
Yeah, they blocked out her face so that some guy didn't have to walk into her office on Monday. use her license if they knew who she was. I see. Okay. Yeah.
They blocked out her face so that some guy didn't have to walk into her office on Monday.
Be like, Hey, Carol, have you been spoilers for the documentary?
Preying over patients and telling them about satanic conspiracies because we really just
need to do buttolexercises.
It's a real clinch, unclench for fair.
Yeah, but that's the whole thing.
He's he's talking about his therapist
and and how impressed he was.
By the way, he has to he takes a like a side moment
to talk about how good he was.
It's by the way, Carol, just really quick.
Um, would you say I was too advanced
or regular or too, probably too, right?
What is that with your text?
But yeah, but then he starts talking about how she told him
that he had dark spirits over him
and she wanted to pray for him.
And he kept going back.
So that says a lot about this guy, right?
And then we get a quote from her, which was insane.
Do I have this right?
She was like, there's a lot of just kid fucking related to my job.
I don't know if you know.
Um, like, who do you think they call after Hillary Clinton,
fucks a kid in the spine?
I mean, it takes that.
And I was just like, what?
It just happened.
And I love, I love, there's always a little tiny grain of truth in the deep well of the crazy
Which means that like Richard gear, you know broke his pelvis in a skiing accident
And showed up at this woman's office and the entire time she was doing but all exercises with them
She was just like I know you crammed a toddler up there. You can't
And by the way, this is when they, they, Mike, the stuntman goes,
and I said to her, man, I was like, either you're crazy or you think all of this is real.
And I wrote my notes that he's not an or proposition.
Yeah, right. So, but I got to admit, okay, sure about nine and a half, 10 minutes in when
this happened, I was so unprepared for this movie to get that fucking crazy
because it had been weird, like, right,
because we're implying that the CIA is behind black panther
and shit like that.
But then 10 minutes in, it's like suddenly,
she's like, well, you know, think about it.
When they rape the fuck out of little children,
who do you think has to put them back together?
Me.
And I'm, I just, I went out and I bought a turntable
so that I could do the sound effect, right?
Ha, ha, ha.
Hey, Carol, can we just go back to the Kegel's?
We can go back to the Kegel's.
Well, not just that, but let's assume that this woman
is being honest, right?
The way that she gets the word out about her physical proof
of high scale pedophile satanic cults is just randomly gossiping
with her patient.
Yeah.
I have the evidence that children are being tortured by the Hollywood elite, and I'm
just going to whisper it to you in hopes you'll make a YouTube documentary.
The end. When happened to this kid, kid just like walked into a comey door.
All right.
So yeah.
And then Mike, stuntman Mike tells us he's like, you know, my awakening didn't happen in
a church.
I'm like, it happened watching a YouTube video.
Dead, dead, dead.
No, he found God after he saw statues of demons fucking kids at parties.
That he went to.
What parties and the unseen?
Like, what is he talking about?
That was a shockingly honest admission.
He's like, I found God because I was afraid of my imagination.
No, I get it. It's like when you find out you have friends who are Arizona
art people, right? Like you get into their house, they've been normal up till then. Then
everything's a fucking cactus and he's wearing a tie that's only got strings on the bottom of it.
You're just, you're cool. You're cool. What's even better is, his exact quote is,
I didn't find God because I went to church. I found God because
the Luciferians were real. And I just love the idea of him like walking into a room,
seeing Lucifer getting a hojo from Scarlett, Johansson. I guess just my Lord and Savior.
There's a lot to break down about what I just saw, but.
Isn't it an interracial couple?
Scarge out, it's not worth it for the thing, ghost in the shell thing.
You're still going to yell it.
I'll talk to you about it later.
Is this where the codes are?
I'm here because of the codes.
Well, and I love to.
He's like, there's a, he's like, well, you know, it was about then when she told me about the satanic
pedophile cult that runs Hollywood. I started doing my own research. I started reading books and as the fucking movie and say reading books
We're watching a montage of him scrolling through Twitter as though the editor was trying to say you the fuck you read books man come on
Yeah, so I got to end this some serious journalism I was trying to say, you can the fuck you red books man, come on. Yeah.
So I got to end this some serious journalism.
I'm a Twitter.
And he said this, he says, I got off social media.
And then I created a social media.
I Twitter, I got to end social media.
And then I found the truth.
Yeah.
And by the way, the truth is that Walt Disney controls everything except the internet
where he learned that.
Yeah, right.
Yeah, exactly.
And look, and this is where we start that sort of like, but hey, check this out.
This part is true, right?
Because he starts talking about corporate monopolies.
And he's like, you know, fucking six companies control every goddamn thing you see.
And you're like, well, yeah, that is a thing, right?
That's real and problematic and has nothing to do whatsoever with Satanic
and a pedophiles. Yes, exactly. Otherwise, why would they both own
Fox shit?
And that leads some fucking how to the North Korean hack of Sony pictures
You remember when North Korea hacked Sony yeah, well
Yeah, I was a thing that happened all over the fucking place
I love to he's like yeah, you know that really got me interested because I had to get
life walk after that. I'm like, that dude, that's internet homey opathy, but okay, whatever.
But but he's saying like, hey, you know, the official story was that they were pissed off
about that movie where their leader was murdered by American operatives, but in truth, it was
different to that. Not going to tell you what, but different.
Yeah, I was really hoping he was leading us to like,
Kim Jong-un as a crusader for anti-petophile justice,
but no, no, he doesn't,
he hasn't managed to connect those dots.
I honestly thought he was about to explain to us
that that's why Sony Pictures wouldn't distribute
his documentary, right?
Because they're in kuhuz with the CIA. And then we meet
fucking Kevin ship. Speaking of which. Now, so is the here's what I could dig up. Now I should say,
like, during this movie, I had to stop every six minutes and dive down some weird ass internet rabbit
hole. So I'm sure my research is wildly incomplete on a lot of this stuff as near as I can tell Kevin ship is an X CIA agent that sued the agency for
housing his family in a place that had mold in it.
And then the CIA sealed all the documents related to this because like the place that he
was the place that they had housed him was a secret because they're the CIA right yeah
exactly. a secret because they're the CIA. Right. Because they're the CIA.
Right.
Yeah, exactly.
So he didn't like that.
And then he started, he came out like quit his job and was fired from a job, something and
started saying that like the CIA was using chem trails to make the frogs gay or whatever the
fuck people would pay him to say.
Yeah.
What's amazing is when you Google Kevin ship, you see that New York time story and then
everything else on him is
from crazy bullshit.com.
So hard to find anything reputable about that guy.
Yeah, he also invented a meme chart thing that they show us in the movie, actually.
It shows how banks, lobbyists, the military and three other blank areas in his chart.
All points to the white house with arrows.
He was, he didn't realize that I was due by Thursday.
Oh my God.
And he drew the arrows first and didn't come up with enough things to go with his arrow.
It's so ridiculous.
Gonna get around to the world of professional tennis, but you know, I'll submit this for
now.
It's working progress.
All right.
So we cut to Kevin ship, right? He's here to tell us that the CIA did to look
into movies as propaganda. And of course they fucking did. They show a clip of a document
that says like, people like movie. Yes, it's.
Movies make people happy. And then they murder foreign leaders for us
And they fuck kids in the spine for us. So it's real good for the CIA the movies
And let me just say I I went and actually read this document
I googled it and found it and the document is people like movies
So we should put patriotic messages in these movies, but it's also got
a section that is clearly your grandpa explaining to your great, great grandpa what a movie is.
Dave, just quick note, stop jumping away from the train.
It's just coming.
It's just a film.
I love it. One point, he like holds up the fucking paper that you're talking about
He's like this is an unclassified document. I'm like yep, you're your hidden conspiracy theory is neither hidden nor a conspiracy
Right like like this is just a thing you didn't know about until just now
Everybody look at this. This is freely available information. Why are they hiding?
Which could be the tagline. Yeah, exactly. And I love this part where he brings, he's talking
about Disney here. So it's like, you know, Bambi and Dumbod and the Manchurian candidate.
Mambi and Dumbod and the Manchurian candidate. They're all gonna be right.
And then he goes, hey, you remember when we used tax money
to win, it was a little world war against the Nazis?
That was evil Disney propaganda about taxation
that made that possible.
What?
So there's that guy.
What the hell point was you trying to make there?
That like, man, if you think about it, if it about it had been for Disney the fucking Nazis would a one what why
Okay
Anyway, so yeah, and then they start talking about operation mocking bird which was a almost certainly real CIA operation trying to like
You know control American media or trying to like plant stories in the American media
Again, one of those things that like you can look up and yes this is i think the cia still doesn't admit that it happened to be yes this is a thing that happened
so that you will you'll be you know primed for the real bullshit in act three right
we also have an amazing moment where they turned to in Fleming the the inspiration, by the way, for the character on D&D minus
Flun Puff.
The pathological liar Ian Fleming and they catch the most sane three seconds of him on
film ever.
Where guys like, so are you a CIA spy and he's like, we're like, we're not tell you whether
or not I'm a spy.
If I were a spy, but I'm a spy.
Really, I feel like everyone would remember you because you are the craziest talking human
ever.
Why are you holding a handkerchief over your face?
I don't understand what's happening.
I've become invisible.
Okay.
Okay, I think we're done. But the point here is
that like James Bond movies were made by the CIA with Fleming to make them look better,
also kind of like black pan-frient. So like when the CIA would get investigated, they
just show James Bond movies and the like never mind
somehow this leads him to the point where he's like yeah man the CIA like they've got their
fingers all up in the James Bond movies
that's why you never see any serious journalistic investigations into the CIA
what take me there buddy literally he says that he's a win was the last time that the
mainstream media did a serious report on the CIA. And I was like, when recently
they got caught torturing, um, right. Oh, you didn't want me to answer. Oh, right.
Yeah, exactly. And then I love this fucking shit. They play that the Sinclair opinion piece
montage where the right wing media puts like 75 people out there to say
like in my opinion that I just came up with just now, you know, that I'm sure everybody
seen that montage at this point, but they're using this to say like, look, the illuminati
is controlling what you see.
But actually it's right wing outlets trying to push bullshit onto local news networks,
which is way more dangerous
and again real right yes all right well I tell you what there's actually a couple of
guys and black suits at my door so I'm gonna pause real quick while I figure out what they
want but we'll be back in a flash with even more out of shadow Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Pfft. Pfft. Pfft.
Hey, Eli, you're all whistling. Why the good mood?
Is your baby finally sleeping through the night?
Shh. Not even close.
Uh, has parents it gotten easier?
Uh, no, not really.
Okay. Well, what is it?
Oh, my sheets rock.
Your sheets rock?
They do.
And that's the name of the company I got them from.
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That does sound good. It is. I'm also you have a diaper in your hair.
Yeah. Yeah. Um, um, you're gonna get that or?
No. Okay.
Hi. No illusions again with another special message.
So we heard your feedback.
We listened to your questions.
You told us you don't want to focus on the Catholic Church.
And we hear you.
That's right.
So why not try the Trump administration?
That's right.
The Trump administration.
The Trump administration has everything you're looking for.
Foreign spies, secret government abductions, and even dark money payouts. And the best part is, it's all true.
Why limit yourself to things like Impa Wars and Russian Twitter bots when you can follow this conspiracy on the
front page of the New York Times. The Trump administration.
Everything they accused Obama of, but real.
You know he's fucking kids, you know he's fucked kids.
And we're back for more of this shit.
We're going to rejoin the action on a hairy Truman quote about how the CIA or some
shifty motherfuckers.
Yeah, again, that's true.
Right.
You snuck a true one in there just.
Yeah.
Well, yeah, here's another true one that he sneaks in there and makes sound all insidious
and shit.
He's like, you know, did you know that there's actually a CIA entertainment industry liaison?
Like, well, yeah, of course there is.
Man is job is to field questions when Michael Bay's assistant wants to know if they buy their
cars outright or lease them.
Right?
Exactly.
Jesus.
And then we get introduced to his buddy, Brad, whatever.
Oh, so he's like, yeah, so me and this other stunt man, we, it turns out we're the only
people who notice this giant conspiracy because we're stuntman.
Um, Eli, you're in the business a little bit.
Question for you.
Is there something about being a stuntman that I'm,
what is a stuntman?
Well, you know, they do all the movie stunts
and then they keep all the movies petafile secrets.
That's basically their two main jobs.
Oh, okay, well, then, sorry. We're basically their two main jobs. Okay, well then, sorry,
we're seeing with Tron.
You watch yourself getting radicalized
into deeper crazy in the form of Brad and this movie, right?
Because he's like, I know you've been watching this movie
thinking, hey, you probably have a mental illness,
but would you like to see someone who's externalized it
and Brad's like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, Did any of the stuff that Brad said end up adding to up to a thought at any point?
No, which means, you know, which means there's hours of footage that were cut from this documentary.
Imagine what had to come out of Brad's mouth that the people who made this movie were like,
I don't think they're quite ready for that.
Also, I must know,
quite ready for that. No.
Also, I must know what was happening just outside of the frame, the whole time Brad was
talking that he was wildly distracted by and could not look away from.
Like it felt like somebody kept acting like they were going to throw a snowball in the
space or something and he was missing and he couldn't look away.
And so here's another weird one.
And I didn't bother looking very deep into this, but there is some truth behind this.
He starts talking about how the CIA had some involvement in Walt Disney's plan to buy
all the land for Disneyland.
Oh, yeah, I went down this.
I don't know.
You know the answer to that?
I did. I did. All right. know the answer to that. I did.
I did.
All right.
So here's the connection.
Get ready for the pushpins.
So you know how lots of people work for the military during World War II.
One would say the majority of people in the draft.
Yeah.
Oh, because of the world war.
Yeah.
Right.
That war that the world got in.
Well, a lot of those guys went on to work for Disney. And
of course, there was some CIA involvement on it, or at least there's like some, you
know, people a little more credible than Brad making that accusation out there at the
universe. So I don't, I don't really know what, what's up with it. I know that there
was a whole bunch of secret shit that Disney was doing trying to like keep everybody from knowing why he wanted the land and then upping the
price of it or whatever.
So I don't know what it was.
But again, it's one of those things that like, yeah, there's a kernel of truth here to
fool you and to make you relax when we start to say the really crazy shit in act three,
right?
Yeah.
Oh, speaking of which, this is where they bring up Operation Paperclip.
Yes.
And fucking Kevin ship pretends that the CIA pretends that operation paperclip wasn't real.
Yeah, but then he says literally next sentence.
Oh, lots of movies were made about it actually.
Those movies are okay.
So the Marvel universe is real, but a lot of movies are good to you and trick you about
the CIA.
And then he says, this might be my favorite line in the movie.
He says, people call me crazy.
But did you know that the CIA invented me being crazy?
The idea invented that technique of calling me crazy.
Well, yeah, right.
The CIA invented the word conspiracy theory, that word.
They invented that to shut down scrutiny of the JFK assassination, right?
That's, that's what he claimed.
I mean, Bush senior never got in trouble.
Like that does track.
Also, he gets operation paperclip, wrong, which is really good.
The way he explains it, it's a conspiracy theory and bullshit.
Yeah.
Yes.
We brought Nazis over to work for our don't mind control.
Okay.
You could have just had brought Nazis over.
You were set.
You had a real thing.
But no, it was that the CIA learned about a cult devil magic from the Nazis.
And I got so excited when he said that because I'm like,
oh my god, we are going to work our way back around to that pelvic floor therapist.
Okay. All right. I give it up.
Which means it's time to talk about M K.
Yes.
Oh, yeah.
M K ultra and the LSD stuff.
And yeah.
And we see, we see an old time e computer screen at this point and it just has like
CIA files about MK Ultra press enter to expose us
Moving on. Oh, I love to they throw in some mods some clips of like the CIA LSD experiment some old school back in the 60s
People tried LSD for the first time which is like the 60s people tried LSD for the first time,
which is like watching those granny's smokebongs for the first time videos since it, right?
Oh, man, I really could go for some LSD. I'll tell you what, I was watching that video going like,
yeah, it was a lot of fun. It does seem fun. I didn't know where my hands were.
Especially considering that these are people from like the 50s or the 60s, whatever, you know that this is the most fun these people ever had. Exactly. Yeah.
And then and look, again, they they're making this seem nefarious and there definitely was
some nefarious shit, you know, vis-a-vis the CIA and LSD, but also like it probably was
a good idea for the US government to figure out what the fuck this weird mind bending drug was once it was discovered, right?
Like, it would be dereliction of duty that if no government agency whatsoever took a look
at this thing.
Yeah, we did it super evil, but we feel like that.
Exactly, exactly.
Super evil.
Yeah.
Also, like, we did a citation needed episode about this, but MK Ultra is really just your
great, great grandpa trying to do science with drugs, but he's your great, great grandpa.
He's like, all right.
Now, he seems happy.
Can he read minds?
I don't fucking know what they're doing.
My day, they were only two chemicals.
And then we had the, oh, that was it.
That was it.
So all we needed.
But MK Ultra is done now, but this guy's not
instead of done.
Because he, he like called the CIA and was like,
I'm a stunt man making a documentary.
And I called them.
They would not tell me MK Ultra is done.
Do they know who I am?
Are you fucking kidding me?
It's still happening.
Well, I loved it because like he finishes that all up
and we cut back to stunt man Mike and he's like, okay, you know what? I'm just gonna go ahead and
admit it. I don't understand what I'm saying to you right now, right? I had a lot of trouble
wrapping my head around MK Ultra because I'm trying to add satanic ritual abuse to it and that
doesn't fit. But hear me out. I bet you thought Zoolander was fiction too, didn't you?
Yeah. This all of us simultaneously went insane in our notes here. He was doing so good.
It was like, yeah, man, MK Ultra was horrible. Just, just, just, just,
I was, you got to chop it. You got to chop it. Zoolander's real, there it is. That's
why I said chop it. But see, you're falling right into his trap because he said,
Zoolander was a comedy so that people would think he's an idiot
for saying Zoolander is a documentary.
Okay. Yeah. So, so we're to believe that the CIA made Zoolander
to reveal their plot, but also made it a comedy to not reveal their
plot.
Perfect.
Double bluff.
Well, I think the problem here is that you don't really understand the word entertainment.
So let me break this down.
He opens the section by going, all right, so look. And I realized no one has ever sent, all right, so look.
And then it has said something that makes sense.
All right.
So look, if you don't think male models are pulling the strings of a shadow government
with the Jews, you need to wake the fuck up.
Speaking of which, every time you say speaking of which man, it's not good.
And it's not speaking of which either, right?
Like it's even that is a a lot no a bring us into this
entertainment thing because this is where I
I had to pause the movie because those
crying with laughter okay right so he says
like you know he's he's trying for the
Oxford English dictionary defines
entertainment as but he gets it wrong and
he gets it so horribly wrong that there's
a moment where he's defining entertainment
in a way that no one who speaks English would recognize it and at the same time
They're highlighting a completely different definition in the dictionary
Okay, so you guys know air right?
And you know, God's like it's like adjacent to air in a certain ranking system that I put together right
So he says he's just, what does entertainment mean?
It means to bind or to hold.
And I'm like, no, the fuck it doesn't.
I started looking through the adomology.
I'm like, it's French for entertain, motherfucker.
But here's the thing, what had happened?
Is he looked into dictionary and he glanced
at the part where I was talking about the definition,
like the form of entertain as into like,
to entertain an idea
or something like that to hold that in your head. That's what he was reading. And he's
like, entertainment to hold the hold your prey. And where does that come from? Hollywood.
Hollywood.
This is the ancient old English word Hollywood.
And then he tries to do that like word association thing where he's word, Hollywood, which also has an interesting meaning. And then he tries
to do that like word association thing where he's like, Hollywood, Hollywood, trees, wood,
all right. So this is actually a phenomenally common claim, a little connard that the conspiracy
theorists do about how Drew is used Holly to make their
ones that would do mind control. And that's why they call it Hollywood. And I'm like, okay,
then is it, it's just a coincidence that there's a fuck ton of Holly trees there. So fucking
rancher.
The Drew is the summary in across the Atlantic and the planted Holly there.
Long gone.
This is going to go great when we're doing mind control.
Wait, trust me.
Trust me.
We got to boy when they had been trying to be the Nazis.
And apparently, but now we get my favorite word game, which is,
you know how it's called TV?
What's that stand for?
Television.
Yeah.
Tell a vision.
But wait, what's on a television, Eli?
Channel.
Channel?
Oh my god.
What's on a channel, Eli?
Program.
Interesting.
And I just love the idea that the Illuminati Deep State
are getting together and one of them's like, all right,
what if we call it tell a vision? And he's like, you mean just the thing that it's going to be?
Yeah, we're dropping mind control box and we're going with television. That's too fucking
funny.
Oh, God, I loved that so much. That was amazing. We went on that little tangent. Yeah speaking of which you guys know Plato the
Yes, yeah, uh television tell a vision is just like Plato's allegory of the cave is what they said. Yep. Oh
I really wanted him to explain
Played his allegory to cave. Oh my god. I want to know what he thinks it is so bad
In fairness if you think Zoolander is a documentary,
it is kind of like the allegory of the king.
A lot of things are.
All right, and then I guess his buddy Dave
is gonna cut into to do announcer worse.
And actually, I think the person who cuts into
the announcer here, I think is the guy
Philip, whatever, Philip Blair, is that his name?
Yeah.
The guy who's behind the whole documentary.
The devout Catholic that's making a movie Philip, whatever, Philip Blair, is that his name? Yeah. The guy who's behind the whole documentary. Mm-hmm.
The devout Catholic that's making a movie about how somebody else supports a child rape
cabal.
Yeah.
That guy who's best known for his YouTube channel where he dresses in sackcloth and yells
at gay pride parades.
Seriously?
Or the video where he berated a guy in a wheelchair and told him the reason he's not
Christian is because he's bitter about his disability.
Oh my God, this guy's disgusting.
This guy could be president.
Or when he's trying to do a rate comfort speech
to a slightly older looking 16 year old
and asked her about her sex life and her mom's like,
hey, would you like to fucking die?
He's like,
oh, wow.
He's on his channel and it's the fucking like, Wow. That's not his channel,
and it's the fucking best.
Oh, it's so bad, yeah.
So, if you can see the flash forward to him,
ripping up his diploma from race schools
of doing someone's Jesus real good
and throwing at a race back.
You a good person.
Are you, you just asked my 16 year old
about her sex life?
I am.
How about you answer questions?
Are you a good person?
Do you fuck?
No, that's not it.
Oh man.
I should have written it on my hand.
So yes, and we really don't have time to get into this guy because he's not actually
in the movie.
It's just apparently he was the one produced in the pieces, but anyway, so he, but he cuts
in or somebody cuts in to near right
right here.
It just outed fucking nowhere like like, damn stunt man might tag them in.
And he's like, you know, we believe the news because we think that the people producing
the news have our best interests at heart.
I'm like, who the fuck thinks that?
Right.
CNN always looking out for me.
Who the fuck believes that? The New York Times looking out for me who the fuck believes that
uh the New York Times looking out for the little guy yeah right yeah exactly
but then they start talking about how like in bed the entertainment industry is with
the government and yeah that's problematic right again that's a real problem just
not the problem he's saying it is and I would argue not in the way he says it is because he's
like, you know, most communication companies have ties to the military because you can't
just, I don't know, launch a satellite into space on your own, they've got all sorts of
points to decide. And then he goes, he goes full fucking down at this point again, and
they zoom out on that chart that shows the builder bird meeting and the
council on foreign relations of the trilateral commission pointing to everything that's
literally yarn and push pins at this point.
We have gone full illuminati at this point.
He starts talking about how the entertainment industry is, you know, trying to desensitize
us to violence and satanism with great examples like the fact that Lucifer is on Netflix.
Yes, as his ass versus evil dad. Hello, speaking of which, did you know Bambi's mom dies in
Bambi? So genius part of MK Ultra, that's official. Right for fuck sake. That is the worst
argument ever made. The scene in BambP, he did not desensitize anyone
to anything, okay? A lot of kids sitting at home, so heard that gun shot and we're like,
it's all right, I guess.
Fucking dear. And then, and we also, we see that we, we they're being desensitized to Satanism right because of a scene from
Fantasia
Oh, not just Bambi Dumbo Fantasia
The brooms the brooms were satanic
He says at this point he's like and have you ever noticed how right in the 60s and 70s
at this point, he's like, have you ever noticed how right in the 60s and 70s movies about Satanism became popular just as Satanism was becoming popular?
Well, yeah, it was, wow, it got big in the culture, right?
As it was getting big in the culture, what a coincidence.
We get a little shots of Anton Levei here.
And I just want to say I knew he was part of the propaganda machine all along.
Yeah.
Big podcasting.
Kevin ship jumps in here to be like, oh, yeah, I saw a bunch of satanic cults in high schools
and middle schools.
I'm a sane person.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
So, and this is where we meet Michael Akino, the man that Anton Levet told the tone of
the fuck down.
Oh, sorry. Thank you. I was nothing. Is this going to happen? The man that Anton Leve told the tone of the fuck down.
I'm sorry.
Thank you.
I have nothing.
Is this when that happened?
Is that eyebrows?
They could have narrated how to make the cure for COVID out of V8 splash during this part
of the movie because I was looking at this Uncle Sam puppet looking mother fucker.
Yeah.
Okay. So here's how fucked up this guy's eyebrows are.
Heath is talking about this guy's eyebrows.
Okay.
This guy's flying next to Dumbo using his eyebrows.
In the same way.
In the same way.
And by the way, this guy was absolutely made for this movie.
He was a Satanist who was all into like, you know, all look how evil and crazy I am
and shit, who was also like a former military intelligence officer that
specialized in psychological warfare. So like he lived his entire life trying to freak
out the stunt man, Mike of the future. No question.
Yeah. And just to review in case you missed the episode of citation needed about this,
Michael Akino was the guy who splintered off Anton Levez
Satanism cult because they weren't taking it seriously enough and actually believing in
Satan the ghost. Yep. Yeah, they show him on Oprah and oh my God, Oprah is such a terrible
fucking human being. She can't be on this for two seconds without being a terrible human
being because she's interviewing the Satanist dude. And she says, well, you're in the army. Doesn't the army discriminate
against you for having a religion? I don't like. I don't understand why that would let
you have a different a non Christian religion. And he's like, well, actually the law allowed
any religion. You see, and again, like the explanation for Michael Aquino is just military first crazy Satan is second.
And then the someone in Steve and army HR was like, Hey, Mike keeps showing everyone is not
seen knife. Do we have a thing? No, there's not a not seen knife thing in the book. Can we put
one? We can't put one in the bar. Damn. Yeah. so okay, so yeah, just in case you weren't,
we weren't clear that Michael Aquino
was a terrible human being.
We also see him salivate over this Nazi dagger
that he owns for quite a while.
But he sounds, he sounds and talks like Mr. Rogers.
So he's just like, now this knife belonged
to a member of the SS, isn't that fun?
It's fun to have hobby.
You make new friends and
you learn to like new people. It's so good. And the way he pulls out the knife to show
us, is my favorite physical thing that happens in this movie. He's just talking like real
quietly, like, yeah, you know, and here's a knife. It's a Nazi knife. Right now it's in a sheath, but you know, at any moment,
and like, it doesn't, Kia, he like has to struggle with it for a little, it's the best.
Yeah, you can just barely get it out of the fucking sheath.
Forgot to grease. Can I take them one more time?
Kia. All right. Now it's, no, it feels stupid.
And I'm saying it, or can you put that into the film. And then okay, so we cut away from Michael Aquino to learn how the CIA invented hippies.
Hello.
Because of the LSD that they had.
Oh, we get a little clip of Timothy Leary here. And I just want to say I fucking love
Timothy Leary with all my heart because he's just like
Yeah, man if they hadn't given all those people all that acid then I wouldn't have given all those people all that acid and then
You know, well then I wouldn't have taken all that acid and realized that was way better than whatever the fuck I had going on
So yeah, you know blowjumps. They're fucking great. Anyways, I'm Timothy Leary.
So yeah, the CIA turned the boomers into big government chills.
And I was like, ah, you know what?
I mean, your timeline.
No, but yeah, so, so but here's the thing though, guys, the CIA made the hippies and then
the hippies made Hollywood
back in retro act retroactively made a Hollywood. This is where he explains how all of the
people who were involved in the CIA plots, their kids became celebrities, became all of celebrities.
Right. All the celebrities were, I guess that was just like a bonus you'd get on your check
at the end of the month.
Yes.
And by the way, celebrities include actually the entire list is Jim Morrison, Frank Zappa
and Jared Leto.
Those are the celebrities.
Yeah.
The celebrities.
We got them back.
Well, did you have you heard of the Gulf of Tonkin?
That was Jim Morrison's dad that but you didn't know that
it was but what
yeah well and that's another thing like if you've never heard of the golf of
talking and you looked at up is like oh okay well that
some of the stuff in this movie does check out doesn't it right and the story
to take away from the golf of talking Is that everyone sucks at keeping secrets?
Really, yes.
It's sex and getting on TV and being like,
Hey, macarena, macarena, macarena.
They hit us first.
Yes.
All right, well, my dad went to Vietnam
and all I got was this lousy t-shirt.
So I'm gonna pause and file a fucking complaint
with the Illuminati.
But first, let me give act 3 the hard sell here.
Will the CIA get away with their nefarious plot? Will this movie managed to articulate
exactly what that plot is? Alright fuck exactly, will they even give us broad strokes? Find
out the answers to these questions and more when we return for these somehow way crazier
conclusion of out of shadow.
Pfft.
Hello, I'm Grandma Peensbury.
And I'm your mom's cousin's husband.
And we're...
Yeah, we're giving gifts.
I didn't know how good you were at the Game Boy,
so I didn't want to give you the advanced one.
And we only met once. I got you for the secret Santa.
He's an $11 gift
card to Dunkin' Donuts, his 20, but I've used 9. I mean, who doesn't like a donut?
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Got it, I'm gonna buy you boxing lessons.
An old shoe box perfect. Okay
You wanted to see me mr. Smith
Francis come on in you remember my colleague mr. Jones. Oh
Hello, hello, so Francis. Hey, can I call you Frank?
Sure great Frank, so we want to thank you for your incredible work on the golf of Tonkin project
oh man it took days for people to figure that out yes i mean almost days
almost days exactly right anyway we'd like to give you a little bonus
oh a bonus that's a great i was hoping the family could get a new car. Um, well, it's not money per se.
It's a not?
No, no, not money.
So, you know how your son Frankie Jr. likes that guitar of his?
Yes, he does.
Well, we get this.
Are gonna make him a rock star.
Rock star, yeah. Like a rock star rock star. Yeah, like a big important musician
You're you're gonna make my son a rock star as a bonus for me doing the Gulf of Tonkin
Yeah, we sure are you lucky doc
Okay, but like what if he wants to do something else?
Seems like there's a lot of ways that this could go wrong. I mean what if he's not a good at music?
Oh, we'll just call it experimental jazz. Oh, yeah, that'll do it.
And a boy.
And we're back for still more of this shit. And just in case your interest was starting to wane,
we're gonna open up this section by saying, you know, and else the CIA does fuck stuff, but you're fucked up.
Kevin comes back on to say like, oh, CIA, they're all about that ass.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Uh huh.
Yeah.
And there's another true thing like the CIA did the honey pots on nerds to test if they
could, you know, get compromising information on people.
Yeah, they did that.
That's true.
And by the way, they totally again, like the take away from that experiment of the CIA
was like, yeah, man, if someone sucks your dick, you'll pretty much give them the nuclear
codes directly after.
Right.
And then, and then they claim that the CIA was behind the whole Jeffrey Epstein thing too
because they wanted to get pictures compromising pictures of people having sex with kids and I'm like
all right yeah I would be zero percent surprised honestly if we found out that was true that would
that would not be surprised okay is this a good movie it might be a good movie it's a weird I
will say that if it is true, it's a weird plot,
right? Cause if you don't like to fuck kids, that ruins your weekend and doesn't work on
you, right? If you just use, start with regular, like, how do you slow pitch that? Like Jeff's
just there and he's like, Hey, this is my niece. She's a brownie. Okay, no boner. Yeah, we're gonna just try a regular lady on this. Wait, did you lean? No, okay, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, like I was falling in. So, but if any of you just are explaining
how the CIA controls all of the celebrities, like Beyonce and Lady Gaga and Katy Perry
and Jared Leto, Jim Morrison, that's all the celebrities, right?
Yeah. I think you added a couple actually that maybe aren't. I don't know. But business,
like, yeah, in order for, you know, anything I've said this entire time
to make any sense, Katy Perry and Taylor Swift would have to be in on this entire scam.
Yes, they are.
Yeah.
And we know this is true because George Carlin said.
All right.
So at this point in the movie, he's trying to sell this idea that like no one would be allowed to stand up and on a big platform and say what I'm saying here
The illuminati's really in control and to prove that point here's George fucking Carlin saying it on an HBO special
One of the most widely heard voices in the history of America now
I should let's be clear. Let's like do Carl in this favor. He's
not saying what this stupid fucking movie is saying, right? Nope. He's not, wait, George
Carlin's not an anti-Semite who is making fun of globalism.
It's gonna be it. Right. Yeah. No, as it turns out, no, fucking George Carlin would have
chewed this asshole up and shit him out if he were still alive. But the idea that like your democratic choices are
illusory, et cetera, et cetera. Yeah, yeah. But again, the fact that George Carlin is saying
it refutes this movie's central argument. Also, they cut out the swearing. So you can tell
these are people who really get George. Yeah, well, those are some of the seven words you can't
say on YouTube, Eli. I don't know if you understand. There are.
Jesus fucking Christ. Yeah.
So then, okay.
So then we get Mike trying to, I honestly think the whole point of watching this
movie is to listen to Mike, try to pronounce demigod or demigod.
Yeah.
Exactly.
You trailed off keep trailing.
But spell the word you're trying to say. Yeah, no,
D E M.
G.
Et cetera.
But so, but the point he's trying to make here is that Jay Z and Katie Perry are the
new demigods. You see, that's who we worship now.
Ward Demi Gods.
Right. And the proof of this is award winning journalist Ricky Jervase.
Ricky Jervase, Demi and the Golden Globes jokes.
Yeah. Oh my God. So yeah, now it's time to talk about the elite had a file ring. No, no, not the one
that we tied to that makes this move. No, not that one different one. The other, the fictional one.
Hello, the elite one as opposed to like the JV squad.
Kind of distinction is that. Look, when you're in the JV pedophile ring, it's about having fun and learning the game. Everybody gets the trophy.
It's also the great moment where stunt man mics is, you know, I saw a lot of this.
I mean, don't get me wrong.
I never fucked any kids at Hollywood parties.
I kind of think I was like, man, nobody thought you did tell you said you didn't.
Yeah.
He's talking about pedophiles.
And he's like, I thought that was crazy.
Like you can't just like fuck kids without getting in trouble, right? But then I remembered
my work as a stunt man. And I was like, Oh, go on, I guess what? He will not go on.
But that was it. Yes. He just said, but then I remember my work as a stunt man and
Then we introduce oh god, I love her Liz croakin
I have never heard of this croakin so I went to her Wikipedia page It is all of like 83 fucking words long and some of those words mention her as the central researcher in this movie
So yeah, that's great.
You might know Liz Croakend at home because she claimed that Tom Hanks was getting COVID
because he had drank a tainted adrenochrome supply.
Oh my fucking God.
What?
Which she says is extracted from the pituitary glands of torture.
Why would you need to torture the child if you're extracting just get it out. That's weird.
Yeah.
But this, she's the ace in the hole for this movie.
Liz fucking croaking who comes on and is like, yeah, I'm a real journalist.
Um, and then tore his billow Riley.
So kind of a real journalist. Um, a mentor is Bill O'Reilly. So kind of a big deal. By the
way, side note, Liz Croakin is very literally brain damaged from a severe case of viral
men and judges that she had that she has, but she's going to be again, the like the big
closer for this movie. And yes, in charge of researching this entire movie.
Jesus Christ, she spends this bizarre, long amount of time
pointing at how no true journalist would be in this
documentary, as though she'd been kidnapped and was trying
to send us some messages.
Yeah.
She gives us a little more of her bonafides here.
She says, I learned at the Chicago Tribune, after O'Reilly,
they taught me you need to verify the things
you say.
That sounds, I mean, O'Reilly probably never mentioned that.
Yeah, right.
It's true.
Well, and she says that her boss told her to her, which means she probably wasn't doing
a great job if her boss had come down and like, hey, you were thinking, just so we're
clear.
You have to say true things here and she was like well fuck no one told me that
say true
It's on a post that way you got to drive him shit about that. Yeah, no she gives us her bio like she's hoping we're fucking hiring
And then we find out why right because she goes and everybody took me very seriously as a journalist until I started reporting on pizza
gate and I'm like, oh, it's so nice that I have this turntable handy.
I got it earlier now.
Oh, yeah.
So we take, we thought we were already in crazy town.
Somehow we take a turn into crazy town from crazy town.
And we start talking about the site ofagate that the mainstream media won't tell
you about.
We're going into the neighborhood of Crazy Town that the people in Crazy Town warn you
not to go to.
Yep.
And the protagonist of the Pizzagate story is of course that true patriot who went inside
a pizza place full of children and fired an AR 15.
Yep.
Right.
They tell that story and then it cuts back to Liz Crocken
and she was like, yep, that was me.
Yeah, right.
Right.
Like, here's the consequences of people continuing
to pretend that we're about to pretend as true is true.
In advance, right?
We know how much damage we're doing with this
and we're gonna keep doing it anyway. So she starts explaining the real story behind
pizza gate and it starts with the fact that there are code words in the pedestrian email
that only Liz Croken can read. Right. So she says, you know, the word pizza keeps appearing
over and over and in these emails in places where it would
wouldn't make any sense, but then they show us an example where it totally makes fucking sense.
Right? I'm like, why not use one of these examples that demonstrates rather than refute your point,
Liz? The example is like, let's eat some pizza the food together. Right. Okay, but here's why it's
so suspicious because it says, Hey, do you want to get a pizza for an hour and in Liz croak
So Croakins fucking words who eats pizza for an hour
What are you gonna have some kind of lunch hour?
Got a whole hour for look at me a fucking break
Why would you rent pizza by the hour?
What if you don't finish it for the time?
What the fuck?
Your old eyes.
Something's going on here.
Let's think about the word pizza.
It's pee.
That's urine.
That's me.
That's me.
That's so.
Pee me.
The other example, by the way, that she shows is just Maracobama sure has ordered a lot of of pizza and she was like, see, right? Yeah. I mean, we know he was fucking so.
Yeah, exactly. So she's like, no, well, pizza is a code for child pornography. And at first,
I'm like, wait, so that they were going to go get some child pornography for an hour,
that makes even less sense. But then, like, wait a minute, wait, so they were doing this at a pizza place, what to be
meta.
And that's always the best part of these kind of conspiracies.
Like you remember earlier in the year when people found like expensive bullshit furniture
on way fair and they were like, oh, that's proof that they're selling child slaves because
why would someone want a $20,000 couch?
But like that implies that some rich asshole accidentally orders child slaves or some guy
to count.
Oh, it's a lovely stuff.
Or that someone once walked into comment pizza and just accidentally was like, I'll have
one cheese pizza.
I'm here for a lunch hour and they brought out a nine year old and he was just like, what?
I don't, I wanna pizza.
You're the code and the theme of the restaurant
if you have a carini.
You're really fucking nice.
I feel like you guys would accidentally deliver
a lot of shots, do a sushi place,
and then the rest of you.
You know, if you guys were like a barber shop
and I came in and asked for a piece of nut,
that would have been a good code.
But, so. In fact, I'm gonna venture this, it's the worst possible coat. Everyone there
is just shows up to work. Hi, can I have a cheese? Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, do you want a cheese? Do you want a cheese? Do you want the chase beats in a suck your deck?
It's nice.
He said he's going to have to wink.
Got it.
No, no, you said wink.
I know.
What?
Yeah, all right.
So and then we hear from Ben Swan.
Ah, yes.
Ben Swan, who fun fact used to work for Russian state TV.
She's, you know, he's, you know, right.
Yeah. All right. And he's like, he's like, you know, a lot of people make fun of the
satanic pedophile pizza gate theory, but it turns out that no government entity has actually
done an investigation of it, even though John Podesta has a weird Instagram and each pizza for hours at a time.
Yeah.
And even though the owner of Comet Ping Pong took a picture with a clearly pedophile, his
shirt said, I love the child in France.
So he must be a pedophile.
Okay. So this guy owns a restaurant called La
Fawn, which means the child in French. And but like according to the movie, we're to
believe that a pedophile had a shirt with a pedophile slogan on it. Yes. Right. Named
his restaurant after a pedophile slogan. luckily for him it just happened that that pedophile slogan is also the fucking chief architect of Washington DC
Right now the fucking rancher name polywood
Oh my god at this fucking point I felt like I shouldn't look at this movie in the eye,
right? Like it kept instinctually getting up thinking I should pretend this was my stop.
Or something. They also had the, uh, the, the symbols here. The secret pedophile symbols.
The triangle. Oh, do you mean the existence of three-sided objects in the universe?
All right. So obviously heaths and on it.
objects and all right. So obviously heaths and, but yes, whenever you see a triangle, that's code for child fucking or the basic shape of a slice of pizza. I don't know coincidence.
It is. Yeah. Maybe just switch to barber shop guys. Guys, you're really. Yeah. There's
a literal line in here where Liz Groekens going, you know, they say this
is all debunked, but what if it's all debunked and why are they sacrificing chickens to
molek in their backyard?
End of scene.
That was, that was a sentence that she said.
And that was supposed to be based on an email that John Podesta literally sent to Hillary.
Like John Podesta was like, hi, Hillary Clinton.
I just dropped in the line.
I'm sacrificing a chicken to mullock.
Okay, love John Podesta.
Great.
Well, and okay, hey, that is actually in the emails.
It is so obviously tongue in cheek, right?
It would be like quoting the intro for the show as proof that we were satanic cannibals,
right?
I guess we fooled them.
I'm going to sacrifice chicken to mallet.
Yeah.
Right.
Right.
Also, and we're going to get back to this in a second, but they point out that if John
Podesta is in a satanist, then how come he's hung around Maria Abramovitch?
Marina.
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Yeah.
She'll come back up before it's all over. Oh, God,
there's a point where Liz Croakin, like she says, you know, if you talked about this,
if you tell anyone about this, you wind up dead. And then she realizes that her being
alive refutes her argument, I expected her to start holding her breath at that point.
So fucking stupid. And then, okay. And so then we start talking about Jeffrey Epstein. And again, that's what this movie does, right?
Like we just told you a bunch of lying bullshit and now they're gonna like throw a few true things in there to fuck you up. Right. He did get murdered. So like I'm back on board. That's true.
Movies of roller coaster of emotion in fact, and actually like who's to say which is which? Oh, God. This is also where project Veritas chimes in that's fucking hidden camera. Pimp James O'Keefe's organization,
the thing that like one time lights successfully and then has spent the entire rest of their
existence getting caught every time they try to do anything. And it's not even them saying
like we have the scoop on this. It's them being like, oh,
we knew about the Epstein thing the whole time. We did. We got this baby parts edit.
We're doing. We get around to the very real pedophile ring. We uncovered later. But
let's talk about these medical experiments. Yeah. And then, yeah, and of course the point he's making here is that everyone was in on it.
Everybody in Hollywood knew about the Epstein thing, right?
And then, oh, and then we talk about Alice and Mac.
Yes, this is a bummer.
Well, okay.
So here's the thing.
This is a really fucked up story.
So like our jokes are fairly spares here.
But let's not let
how fucked up that story is distract us from what's happening here. This callous bastard
making this fucking movie is using these very real and very tragic cases of child rape
and abuse to prop up some silly as theory about the CIA controlling Hollywood with Satan
magic. And in so doing, he's lifting the blame off of the shoulders of the actual criminals for the sake of YouTube views.
Mm-hmm. Yeah, but don't worry. If you were bummed out by that very real story of abuse and human trafficking,
he's going to close this segment with a clip of Kanye West getting booted his own concert. All right guys, don't take our word for it.
Maybe you've heard of the presidential candidate
from the West.
It's just, it's shot from the back.
It's obviously what they found on YouTube.
And he's like, I can't get off my mittens.
I can't get them off.
I hate these mittens.
And everyone's like, boo, you're bad at music now.
And he's like, you're bad at music now.
Help me get my music off.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
I won't wear my shoes.
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha,
all right.
So now Liz Schiff's gears and explains that
you're not allowed to even be successful in Hollywood
if you refuse to join the evil illuminati Satan club, right?
And her example is Katie Perry.
Used to be a gospel singer now, total satanist.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Right before she was famous, Katy Perry, not famous.
Could you?
Coincidence?
Well, no, it's a, never mind.
Has to be the order.
And then of course, Lady Gaga, who is the epitome of evil for these people.
Well, no, I'm sorry, she's not right.
She is the student of absolute evil.
The absolute evil is Marina Abramovich.
Marina Abramovich, who by the way, like I have had to watch her lecture, not once, but
twice in college, I have had to go to her thing for assignments.
A bravovich has one trick that has been working on the press and media and everyone who
doesn't like bad art for years, which is she sounds like Melania Trump, but she's actually
pretty smart.
So people will be like, Hey, why do you do that thing where you just sit there?
And she's like, both modern A-Thom, Janal, and they're like, Holy fucking shit, you're
Satan.
Right.
Well, so that's the thing, right? I had never heard of her. I had another fucking rabbit hole I had to dive into in a holy fucking shit. You're Satan right well, so that's the thing right I had never heard of right another fucking rabbit hole
I had to dive into in a stupid fucking movie
But she's just one of those people that does creepy shit so that people like the idiots that make this movie will make her famous for free
Yeah, and nailed it. She says that constantly
She's like dad just do some crazy shit and then everyone tweets about it
to her three million dollars from the NEA and I just really don't care so
I met Mike the stuntman couldn't even make a documentary
Also she's been doing her bit for like 50 years.
Like it's so boring.
She just sits in the chair.
You look at punch me in the face if you want to.
All right, Marina, we get it.
You're fucking crazy.
And what I love is that they're swirling around all this weird shit she does.
Like it's evidence of Satanism.
And it's so close to just like I mean
yeah if we want to get rid of the bougie culture of going to bad art I'm fucking in yeah
right yeah exactly exactly and they keep listing things that she does that are just so obviously
half-ass publicity stunts are like oh but, they eat cakes that look like human beings.
It's like, yeah, because your dumb ass will talk about it.
Or is it people that look like.
That's a great question apparently, because that's where we go now.
All right.
So now we turn to talk about John Podesta, the great Satan himself.
This is where we realized that where we learned that Satanists are like, I don't know,
contractually obligated to leave clues for conspiracy theorists.
Like the Riddler, it's in their Satan rule.
Yeah, exactly.
He's just talking to Mala, and he's like, and by the way, if you could like mention this in very
public, easy to find places, yeah, he's a, and by the way, if you could like mention this in very public, easy to find places,
yeah, he's a lot of triangles, plus six, six, six, symbolism everywhere.
Don't forget to tell 10 friends.
Satanism is an eye of the pyramid scheme.
Yeah.
So yeah, though, you've got a, you've got a, oh, that was really good.
That was really good.
He like, I gave it a polite little laugh.
Thank you.
It was way funnier than that. I'm sorry. I, that was really good. That was really good. I gave it a polite little laugh and it was way funnier than that I'm sorry.
I thought it was okay.
I'm dare you.
There's also this great moment where all of the documentarians
are sitting around like patting each other
on the back going like, yeah, it'd be really gutsy
to make a movie like the one we're making, huh?
Yeah, right?
Is this where we get to the ass-seating joke?
Oh, God, yeah, with Jim Carrey. Jim Carrey. Was this an ass-seating joke? Oh, God, yeah, with Jim Carrey.
Jim Carrey.
Was this an ass-seating joke in your head?
Yeah, that's an ass-seating joke.
That's a hundred percent an ass-seating joke.
I will take a clip from this movie and spread it far and wide as proof.
He's doing the ass-seating gesture.
Okay, well, if you say it like that, it confirms your thing about ass-seating.
Go ahead.
And Jimmy Kimmel is like, oh, I've never heard of that.
And Jim Carrey's ragging on him.
He's like, oh, really?
You've never heard of this.
You don't know what this is.
Jimmy Kimmel, you don't know what this is.
And he's like, no, no, no, no.
But they say that it's like slang for abusing children.
Yeah, because it's a triangle.
Because you're going to try and go with your hands.
Just like a pizza.
God, Jesus.
And this is after all of that,
after all of that wacky fucking shit,
after whatever, an hour and six minutes of just stream
of consciousness, crazy stunt man mic turns right to camera.
Looks at us right in the eye and says,
does Liz Croakens seem crazy now?
As though he thinks the answer is no.
Crazy year. Yeah, I thought she was just wrong about a couple of things.
And then as if to prove that like, like, like she heard someone say no.
So she's got to triple down.
Like she heard someone say no, so she's got to triple them. She does her tiny smoking guns metaphor, which is fucking amazing.
Yeah, she says, I don't have a smoking gun.
I have a thousand small smoking guns.
Stop analogizing, later you're going to hurt yourself.
Uh, tiny little guns for kids.
I'm a journalist.
And she glutes the section by saying, yes,
and now Epstein is allegedly dead. Yes. Yeah, right now that he's allegedly dead, but that's not
the close. The close is so goddamn amazing. After all of this random shit, you know, after all
of the stuff that we've just been talking about, that you at home are sitting there going like,
the fuck connects one of these things to the other right at the end of all of that Liz Croak and looks us in the eye
and goes and that's what pizza gate is.
What's what is it is.
Which of those things all of those things triangles eating ass. To be fair, the unfiltered ramblings of a mentally ill person and a con man are what
pizza gaites.
So she is kind of right.
Yeah, exactly.
Right.
But then Mike, the stunt man comes back on and is like, okay, well, that was not helpful
ocean.
So how does that all connect that she just tried to do?
Cause that was dumb.
All right, what I want you to do is think about a song.
Any old song about fucking kids?
No, yeah, probably not, but okay, still.
My thing damn well, so and then so Liz Groken has failed
to close it off.
So stuntman Mike tries, he fails and now we turn back to Brad. Remember Brad, he's going to try to tie it all off for us as well. Oh, he's
dropping hints so heavily that he's got a screenplay. He wants us to read him. Brad,
baby, I want to read your screenplay. I want to read it so bad. I want to read it with
Tom and Cecil on the record and everything else.
No, it's a great moment where he's like, well, you know, I'd love to go back and make
movies again, but I want to make something that doesn't have all of the violence and swearing
and the sex and stuff.
And I'm like, yeah, Brad, you left movies.
That's what that movie really won't you back, but you won't go.
I get it.
Yeah.
Oh, and then we get stuntman Mike comes back and he's like, no, wait, I got it.
I got it now.
In the future, I hope the media isn't filtered, but also doesn't have violence or sex.
So filtered.
Okay, that didn't make sense.
Can we get the Kagel lady back on?
I don't know what's happening. I don't know what I mean. Okay, that didn't make sense. Can we get the Kagel lady back on?
I don't know what I mean. Yeah, but he gives himself a great pad of the bag though for making it all the way through the documentary
without having any gratuitous sex in it. So like he's a barelow, buddy.
And we end on this ominous quote, the truth is alert, never told.
Which is so fucking stupid.
What perfect.
What the fuck does that mean?
Hehehe.
Are you just telling us that you're lying to us?
Cause we know.
Hehehe.
Does it move like passive osmosis style
without being to move me through?
The last line of this movie might as well be or am I alright
so I have a question to close with and I'm serious here though what was the plot or scheme
or conspiracy or whatever that this movie was trying to tell us about. Right, like seriously, like what was this movie,
like if this movie was trying to expose something,
what was it?
Okay, I got it, I got it.
Hear me out, hear me out, I got it.
So the Nazis that we brought over,
who knew Nazi magic during World War II
as part of Project Paperclip,
they started all the media companies,
and those media companies,
they use their Satan Nazi magic
to get Maria Abramovich to trick John Podesta
into fucking kids at a pizza parlor.
Yep, and now we all eat S.
Now we all eat S.
And profit, okay.
And well, that doesn't for our review of out of shadows. That's not going
to do it for the episode just yet though, because we still need a coke show back in next week.
So Eli, tell us what's on deck. Well, no, it's time for another episode of the Christian
Saturday night. Night. Oh, fire by night episode three. All right. So with that, look forward
to we're going to bring episode episode 259 to a merciful close.
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No Illusions from Mr. Workhard, or another chunk next week until then.
We'll leave you with a breakfast club close.
hard to earn on the track next week until then. We'll leave you with a breakfast club close.
Liz Croakend went on to win a Pulitzer prize for investigative journalism
when she uncovered that Jeffrey Epstein was murdered by Derek Zuland.
The Noid became a much darker mascot today.
became a much darker mascot today.
Nobody ever ate pizza in time units ever again.
Ain't temporal pizza. I'm sorry Morgan, that's gonna be a fucking nightmare.
I'm adjusting my mic the whole time.
Oh, was it?
Yeah.
It sounded like you were squeezing out a shit right there at the beginning too.
Yeah, I was scooting my chair around and ship was a clankier than normal button.
I don't know.
I don't know if I'd even say that.
Yeah, you don't think you're the normal compared to people who shit.
Yeah, exactly.
Well, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
But preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and the Thunderstorm LLC copyright 2020
all rights reserved.
2020 all rights reserved.