God Awful Movies - 330: The Laws of the Universe Part 0

Episode Date: December 14, 2021

This week, Dan and Jordan from the Knowledge Fight podcast join us for another foray into the animated insanity of the Happy Science Cult. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get mo...nthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Hear more from Dan and Jordan on Knowledge Fight. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Very unnecessary to introduce Monkey Ali in such a way. So many that never do anything. No unrelated. The Muggeleus never come back. I kept, I was waiting the whole time for the Muggeleus to show up in a banana ship and to shoot the Muggeleus in the end or something. They never come back. Turns out it's Diddy Kong.
Starting point is 00:00:23 Yeah. Per combat! Turns out it's Diddy Kong. Yeah! Yeah! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Awesome! God awful! Movie! Movie! Movie! Welcome back to the GameCast.
Starting point is 00:00:44 We're each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema because I'm too lazy to rewrite this intro. I'm your host Noah Luzon's. He'll be unable to join us today but sitting 900 miles to my northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you this fine afternoon sir? I'm fantastic Noah Pineapple's Lizards destruction of the universe. All right. Well, that's not going to make more sense later, but that's fine. That's fine. We're not going to be doing sense today. We're also excited to welcome back returning gas massacists and only podcasters with a shittier subject matter than us. Dan and Jordan from the knowledge fight podcast. Dan, Jordan, welcome back.
Starting point is 00:01:17 Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right. you think me now, but very, very conditionally, thank you. Non-plus, non-plus by the intro, non-plus. You're sending a totally different thing that ended and could you about me earlier, I know that you were. So to explain that, tell us, Eli, what will we be breaking down today? We watched the laws of the universe, part zero. It's the story of the acid kicking in as you read a manga comic. Okay. All right. That's fair. And Dan and or Jordan, how bad was this movie? Um, how bad was this movie is a little bit like asking how deep is the Mariana Trump, you know, if you're
Starting point is 00:02:07 not measuring it against other deep things, you're only measuring it against the concept of death. If that makes sense, no, that's totally fair. So now were you guys at all familiar with the happy science cult going into this? Or is this your first foray? I think I might have been more aware of it than I thought. I don't think I knew of it as a specific cult, but boy, a lot of these ideas I have heard. Yes, they're prepared.
Starting point is 00:02:33 In various like conspiracy and paranormal, like blogs and message boards that I used to outread and project camelots. Oh, there's a ton of overlap between. Oh, I knew all the main characters before when they started showing up. I was like, Oh, I know him. Oh, I bet she was kidnapped by the monkey aliens. Yep. The monkey aliens. Yeah. The monkey aliens were actually surprised. That's okay. All right. I was expecting mercantile dogs. Obviously, there were no dog or cat aliens. No, no cat aliens at all. That's bad.
Starting point is 00:03:06 I do, there are sequels. There are sequels. This is just part zero. There aren't many people I can relate to about this, but I'm glad that you shared the moment I have so often where I recognize a terrible thing from my very niche job. And then I have this moment where I'm like, hello darkness, my old friend. I see the reptilians again. I was getting mad like why aren't these reptiles mad
Starting point is 00:03:30 about chocolate? I really thought someone was gonna eat some chocolate sooner or later. I shouldn't they be antique. Again, this is the only part zero. So does anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Maybe the best worst flashback to ideas that I might have fallen for back when I used
Starting point is 00:03:50 to smoke weed. That's sure. Sure. That's sad. Yeah. For me, it's the best worst piece of evidence ever, which is this moon rock that cannot be verified one way or the other and is missing. Yeah, right And don't that that proves the existence of the moon bro
Starting point is 00:04:19 Exactly we all agree. Yeah, so I was gonna go with best worse moral of the story now the moral of the story is that you should join this fucking cult, but if you don't know that the cult exists If you just happen upon this or whatever the moral of this story is think twice before accepting a super genius brain Implant ship from space aliens cuz you know, you can have ulterior motives. They could be Jewish Interior motives. They could be Jewish. I can no longer be associated with this show. I would go with best worst villain clap back. It's really late in the movie. But towards the end, they're like, don't you see?
Starting point is 00:05:01 Your mission is pointless. And the villain is basically like, I mean, I'm the bad guy in the movie I'm already here yeah what else you gonna do I got two more monologues here that I haven't got through yeah I'm surprised, musical, this thing has musical numbers. Yeah, it didn't happen. Yeah. Musical number. All right, well, tell you what, you're dealing with this much crazy you need a buffer.
Starting point is 00:05:31 So we're gonna plus for a quick break, but when we come back, we'll flesh out all the random insanity of the laws of the universe, heart zero. Okay, what did you want to show me? Hanna! What did you do to your teeth? Ha-da! You...what? What did you do to your teeth? I had unsteal coated!
Starting point is 00:05:49 Ain't no Christmas cookie gonna give me a cavity this year! I mean, seriously dude? Yeah man, last night I walked by Lucinda's office and she was just mumbling the words octubble fudge over and over her cookie book. This is a must for me. I mean, Eli, if you want to take better care of your oral health this holiday season, why don't you just try products from Quip?
Starting point is 00:06:08 The Electric Toothbrush People? Exactly. The Quip Electric Toothbrush is loved by over 7 million mouths. It's got a lightweight and sleek design for adults and kids with no wires or bulky charger to weigh you down. And it's got time sonic vibrations with 30 second pulses to guide the dentist recommended two minute clean. Ooh. And it's not just a brush. In addition to brush heads, quip also delivers fresh floss, toothpaste, mouthwash and gum refills every three months from five dollars, shipping is free. So you can save money and skip the hustle and bustle of shopping in store during the holidays
Starting point is 00:06:37 and into the new year. Quip is running their best deal of the year, which means you won't be paying through the teeth when you get better oral health this year. I see what you did there. All right, Noah. I'm sold. Where do I sign up? If you go to getquip.com slash awful right now on top of their holiday savings, you're
Starting point is 00:06:52 going to get your first refill free. That's right. First refill free and up to 40% off bundles at getquip.com slash awful spelled G-E-T-Q-I-P.com slash awful. Quip, the Good Habits company. Nice. Spelled g-e-t-q-u-i-p dot com slash awful quip the good habits company Nice, I guess they didn't need these steel choppers after all. Where did you find somebody even willing to do that? Oh, I live in New Jersey. I just told the guy I was a car and And he believed you New Jersey know I live in New Jersey. Oh, right, right
Starting point is 00:07:22 Guys, thanks so much for coming in sure sure I mean I've got to be honest I live in New Jersey. Oh, right, right, yep. K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K- You know what the aliens and the spirits and the pyramids and the pentagrams? No, we should explain. This movie is all true. It's all true. Yeah. Well, I mean, we made up the characters, but that's stuff about the Venetians and the reptilians and stuff. That's not just true.
Starting point is 00:07:56 It's the basis of our entire religion. Yeah. The basis of your religion. Okay. Okay. You know what I just remembered I left a dog in my car. I gotta go. Yeah, I left two dogs in my car. I gotta get out of here. Dores are locked from the outside
Starting point is 00:08:15 Okay, so take one. Yeah, let's start on take one. Yeah, absolutely And we're back for the breakdown. We're gonna open up with a young girl wandering through a forest in the middle of the night when she happens upon a giant purple space laser. Yeah. I wrote Marjorie Taylor Greene was right. That gave me a bit of hope, right? It seemed like action. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:39 Right. Right. Middle did we know this would have to sustain us for any sci-fi content for the next hour and 15 minutes of the movie. I kept looking to try and find sci-fi content where it wasn't. Because they primed my mind with this purple, right? Space laser at the beginning. I was like, everything's gotta have some kind of meaning. What is with this egg sandwich race? have some kind of meaning. What is with this egg sandwich race? Yeah. So we get her getting zapped up by a purple laser, then we're going to cut to this
Starting point is 00:09:10 college, I wrote college dormit first. Apparently, this is like a prep school for middle schoolers. They're supposed to be, I don't know, the age is very inconsistent in this. I took them as high schoolers that they need the most comfortable. Yeah. One of the things that is weirdest about watching the happy science movies is you're not sure what is a happy science craziness and what is just a part of Japanese culture that I don't understand as an American. Yeah, right. I had to Google like do high schools keep you all year long in Japan. Okay, some of them do.
Starting point is 00:09:44 All right. This is not a thing they made up. Yeah, I mean, surprisingly enough, I have a fair bit of background with anime. Shout out. I figured this might come into play. So it's available to me when the time comes. So this was actually very, very normal for me. The opening of this movie, where there's a big laser
Starting point is 00:10:01 and then there's just a bunch of kids doing boring shit. That is 40% of anime okay and the other 40% has a Tentacle penis of some sort and then a bunch of kids doing boring shit. Oh no no no that's the old shit That's that's boring weird now what's weird is that sometimes they play tennis that turns into monsters That's the type of shit that we're at now. We're raising it up another random level. Oh, awesome.
Starting point is 00:10:27 That's how cool it is, man. I gotta get on Jordan's level, man. I'm on the old Bible black shit. I gotta get. Right. Yeah. So now we should be clear about what this movie is too, right? So it's trying to low you into thinking it's just some normal anime.
Starting point is 00:10:42 And then it like way laid in the game. It's just like, no, we're just getting this is a pitch for our weird cult, right? Yeah. So there is a whole lot of just like, oh, okay, this could be a normal movie still, right? That happens in act one. Yeah, it's a dramatic tension in act one seems to be, will these kids figure out what project they want to do for the creation fair? Yes, creation. Well, there was that. Whatever, whatever Yes, creation. Well, there was that. Whatever, whatever the fuck creation class is.
Starting point is 00:11:07 There was that. That was a weird. I wanted to really get to the bottom of these eating contest. Yeah. That's what you mean having. And at one point, one of the characters says, I'm a pervy. Yeah, all you care about are your eating contest.
Starting point is 00:11:19 And I was like, what, what world are we living in? Yeah. She implied that they'd have more time to study if they spend so much time on their eating content. Oh, my God, they're eating content. They like having a speed eating contest gives you more time, not less, right? Yeah. You got to eat more.
Starting point is 00:11:39 So yeah, so we're going to meet the kids to like the Scooby gang at the center of this Ray and Tyler who apparently keep score every morning on who can eat breakfast faster. Ray is up 41 to 40. And then we also meet Anna and Haley, the love interests for these two. And if you want to be able to tell them a part, Anna is the other one and a Haley's the one who when she cries, the tears shed outwards from her face, like a sprinkler toy you would buy for a child. Yeah, that one goes out there.
Starting point is 00:12:09 I had periods thought that Anna was the main character. Yeah. Yeah. For stretches of this, I thought maybe she was. I think I was wrong. Oh, yeah. I thought Tyler was for a while. It's Ray.
Starting point is 00:12:20 Ray is the main character. But yeah, they really, they really kind of toy with you on them. I think that's the mark of good storytelling. I appreciate it. I appreciate it, Hayley's arc. I think she's the unsung hero of this film. All right, we can all have our own hero. Because here's what I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:12:36 All right, everything happens much more intensely to Hayley. She's our emotional core. Okay. If anybody feels bad, Hayley is going to let you know. Well, that's because her sister has been a spoiler alert taken to cram school. Her sister's been taking this cram school. Yes. Or she went to cram school.
Starting point is 00:12:55 It's not as sexy as we're making it sound. I was going to say, yeah, we're genius school. It's good. Let's go with genius school. Yeah. So this is not summy who we meet right here, right? Because as they're having their eating contest, some girl passes out in the cafeteria, elsewhere and they're like, Oh, it's not assuming.
Starting point is 00:13:09 And we're like, Oh, we know her. Okay. Yeah. The boldness with which this movie assumes you know and or care about these characters is breath. It did feel like maybe this is an existing property. Yeah. Right. Yeah, right, right.
Starting point is 00:13:25 Yeah. I thought maybe part zero meant that the other parts already existed and this was a prequel or something. I assume to the same. That's not the case, but yeah. Wow. I would have checked into it, but I also didn't care. Well, there's that.
Starting point is 00:13:39 Yeah, that's that helps. I appreciate throw away news dialogue in any and all movies. I love a good, like, just one sentence from a newsman on TV. And this has a great one. Oh, yes. The news guy just says, turns out it was a meteor. And then they move on. We thought it was a. Yep. And they're like, okay. Oh, that's a story of a meteor. But yeah. So, but we really have to. So they go to the nurse. They visit not to me. That's Haley's sister. They say it's most likely a little anemia flare up is the
Starting point is 00:14:11 throwaway line that they give us. And then we cut over to correct me if I'm wrong on this creation class. Yeah, I had trouble with that. Yeah. Jordan, is this something from anime? No, no, no, no creation class. Nobody's just like, hey, this is how we fucking create things, bro. What do you want to create today? This class will be at various points, a school presentation, an international science fair and a class. Right.
Starting point is 00:14:42 Yep. And I was trying to get context clues about like, what does this creation class mean? And like, one of the other presentations that was given within the context of it is about like, primate history? Yeah. So I'm like, okay, maybe this is like an evolution class. Is it about like where creation came from?
Starting point is 00:15:02 Yeah. Like the history of creation. But then there's also just insane nonsense. I think it's space. Yeah, right. Right. Yeah, they'll do their creation class project on UFOs eventually. So who the fuck knows?
Starting point is 00:15:15 This is also where we have to meet evil angry teacher. Yeah. Right. Like they show up from the nurse's office and he's like, unconscious, gross, smunch, smunch, gross girl. You need to be a fucking class on fucking time. Also stop going to cram school. This is where we introduced that concept.
Starting point is 00:15:31 He was really insisted on that. Yeah. It was kind of off putting. Okay. And look, I don't want to unfold the taco too sloppily, but it's going to turn out that he's being mind controlled by the bad guys who run cram school. Why wouldn't he want them to go to the crams? No, he's a reformed, got damn it Eli, keep up.
Starting point is 00:15:52 He's a reformed, chop, chop, chop, how, how, how did you not clearly get the difference between a reformed reptilian and an unreformed reptilian? Yeah, right. Come on. Come on. Come on. I told most racists, I'm gonna be honest with you. They're both Jewish. I love the introduction of the idea that aliens can be reformed.
Starting point is 00:16:13 Yeah. Or whatever just comes right at the end for a second and I never explored it all. And it's like, yeah, wow, we should have mentioned that before you murdered like 67 of them in that previous scene right? Anyway, we'll get there. But yeah, so now we should point out here. So he introduces the idea of cram school. This will end up being the plot of the fucking move, right? Sort of. Sometime. Well, occasionally, when it decides to have a plot on occasion. But but also why is it
Starting point is 00:16:41 called cram school? Because it's cram school, damn. It's called genius school and that makes sense. What, they give it two different names at the beginning of the movie too, just like in case we were in danger of not being confused by this scram. I thought they were different things for a short time. Yeah, for a while. Yeah, but then I just gave up. I just gave up. I'm going to, everything that they named, I basically just said, was one of whatever it is. Like, it might as well just use Smurf for every name. Yeah, it's fine.
Starting point is 00:17:11 For sure. I'm just going along with the image. That's what I got. Okay, so the Scooby Gains to stay after class and clean up and everything. This is where we introduce a fifth character to their gang. This is Aske. Afro guy. Yeah, He's the comic relief.
Starting point is 00:17:27 Sort of. Well, that's in their minds. Yeah. Eventually he's the victim. His entire personality is masturbation. Right. So we can just throw that up out of front. You say that like it's a negative thing, but some of us have made a highly, highly popular podcasting career off of it. No, I'm just, I don't. But SKS is letting them know is that there's a, there's a school where you can go and then you just go to sleep. And when you wake up, you're a genius with photographic memory and you'd get
Starting point is 00:17:57 good grades, right? Yeah, cool. So then we have a very confusing scene where they expect me to now know which kid is which. Right, so they send some kids into town and some kids don't go and the heroes are still back at the school and I thought they were on the fucking bus. Anyway, yeah. Yeah, very confused. Oh, they were different kids. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:18:18 Oh, completely. I just assumed that they were in both places at the same time. He's just like, maybe they're cutting this back and forth. You know what, they're going to go quantum at some point at minus well. We now I zoned out a little bit when I was probably around this point. I was watching it and I'm like, they got school uniforms. But like, what's the point of a school uniform if you can have your shirt untucked? You can have your tie really loose.
Starting point is 00:18:43 Is this an anime thing? Yes, that is an anime thing. I say tighten that tie and tuck in the shirt. Oh, man, everybody has to always be wearing a school uniform and the rebel, oh, his tie is less loose. So all of them have loose ties. Yeah, but his is real. Yeah, it's like the most loose super loose. It's like this school is is strict enough to require school uniform. Of course. It's permissive enough to be like, Hey, why don't you be rocking roll about it? Yeah, to express yourself. Yeah. Yeah. In your uniform. Yeah. Yes.
Starting point is 00:19:11 All right. So all the kids are sitting around talking about this project that they have to do. And this is where we learn that not summy went to that genius school right before she passed out in the cafeteria the other day, right? Yes. genius school right before she passed out in the cafeteria the other day, right? Yes. Not assuming, by the way, is girl who cries from all parts of her body's younger sister? Yes. Yes. Haley's little sister in a suit.
Starting point is 00:19:33 Yeah. But they explained that since she went to the genius school, she started walking in her sleep and she's got photographic memory and she is disconnected or whatever. It's probably just anemia. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. It sounds like an just anemia. Yeah, exactly. It sounds like anemia to me. I love to, like, right at this point is going like, okay, but that could be good, right?
Starting point is 00:19:50 And I'm like, are you just saying that Natsumi was a shitty person and you're glad that she's gone, right? Like, what are you? Oh, no. So, but Anna thinks that she knows exactly who they need to talk to. All they need is a secret place to hang out and talk to them. And hey, who's got secret masturbation, all they need is a secret place to hang out and talk to them,
Starting point is 00:20:05 and hey, who's got secret masturbation dens all over the fucking campus? SK, so they go to talk to him. SK! So excited for SK. SK was the only part of this movie I could touch based on because everyone else was identical and talking about various subjects at various times. So every time they referenced Esca, I was like, a character who looks different than the other ones.
Starting point is 00:20:30 And he's probably talking about jerking off a thing I understand. Oh, I was so upset with myself and my notes at this point. I wrote, so fuck me. Esca, Tyler Ray, not Sumi and Hayley are hanging out when Anna arrives with Yoake, the counselor, Jesus Christ. I had to know so many fucking names for this. He, here was my trick with that. I ignored their names. Oh, very wise. Yep. I had to write shit in my notes. Yeah. So, but they're bringing along a professor here at the school who knows quite a bit about alien
Starting point is 00:21:07 implant technology and hand waving hypnotism bullshit. Oh, yeah, and he's got stubble. He does have stubble. He's a rebel. Oh, yeah, he's sex. He's the cool scientist. He's the scientist you want to bone. Yeah, exactly, exactly.
Starting point is 00:21:22 This is where the movie shows us its face tattoo, right? Because I'm still now. You know, it's pretty boring, but this is where the movie was like, Hey, just so you know, wink, pretty crazy. Whoa, repressed memories. Whoa, there's my be aliens. Whoa, it's probably the gray. The ass.
Starting point is 00:21:40 Real quick. Right, bang, bang, bang. It's the grace. And what, one of the big problems that I had is that when the hypnotist professor guy was talking to Nazumi, he really implanted the idea that it was aliens. He brought that up. 100%. That was really shitty.
Starting point is 00:21:56 He's like, Hey, you're remembering aliens, right? Right. She says, I'm not alone. And he says, is it a small thing about three feet tall? And she's like, yes, yes, it is. That's the definition of leading questions, counselors. John Edwards walks in the room. Okay, you're fucking fake.
Starting point is 00:22:11 Come on, man. Is this in their work of fiction? He implants the repressed memory. It's amazing. Yeah. I mean, that's what I thought was going to happen at that point. But then we realized that it's probably true. Yeah, although I never actually see gray aliens. No, I think every time they bring it up, somebody is immediately like it's not the
Starting point is 00:22:34 grace. Yeah, it's a running bit where it's somebody's like it might be the graze this time and they're like it's not the fucking gray. Stop it. It's the loopist to house is the gray. It's the It's the loopist to house is the gray. It's the grossest. It's the grossest. It's the grossest. It's the grossest. It's the grossest. It's the grossest.
Starting point is 00:22:51 It's the grossest. It's the grossest. It's the grossest. It's the grossest. It's the grossest. It's the grossest. It's the grossest. It's the grossest.
Starting point is 00:22:59 It's the grossest. It's the grossest. It's the grossest. It's the grossest. It's the grossest. It's the grossest. It's the grossest. It's the gross could have been on the spaceship to see that scene when it happened. And so I said to her, why do we even have tentacles there if you're not gonna use them? I-I-I with you, man. She's being unreasonable.
Starting point is 00:23:21 Oh god damn it! Seriously? We're doing brain surgery back here guys! I know, I know we hit something! Oh you think? Do you want me to get out and check? I mean, should we? I feel like we should.
Starting point is 00:23:37 I'm pretty sure we erased this girl's sense of smell. Can you glue it? No, I can't glue it. Okay, everyone relax. Just relax, okay? We're gonna dump the girl back on earth and then we'll go to one of those self-car washes smell. Can you glue it? No, I can't glue it. Okay, everyone relax. Just just relax. Okay, we're going to dump the girl back on earth and then we'll go to one of those self-car washes and nobody needs to know about this. I mean, Mark, we should nobody needs to know. That's highly implied in the fucking script. Yes, that is a sack sequence of events. I also
Starting point is 00:24:03 love to, you know, I guess like, there must be an implant that they didn't turn all the way on. And he's like, well, can't we just remove it? You know, hockey says, no, it wouldn't even show up on a cat scan or any other human method of checking to see if we're foolish. And it's still there, no matter what the doctor's thing. The amazing thing about all of the happy science movies is that all of them include, but don't check on any of this, please. I was listening to this at this point, and the Dr. Hypnotist guy's voice was like, really familiar to me or so, it's, it's, but not very familiar.
Starting point is 00:24:39 And so I looked it up. Do you know who that is? Who does his voice? No. It's Dylan McDermott. Really? Yep. It's Dylan McDermott. Really? Yep. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:24:47 Noted TV actor Dylan McDermott. Wow. I'm okay. Yeah. That was a little shocking to me. I was like, yes. That is someone whose voice is familiar to me, but not very. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I recognize the voice to me.
Starting point is 00:25:00 Oh, now I know why they drew them so fuckable, right? I mean, yeah. It did kind of look like Dylan McDermott. Yeah. That's about it now I know why they drew him so fuckable, right? I mean, yeah, it did kind of look like Dylan McDernick. I know that voice, but I also feel like I could buy it on cameo. I'm going to do some googling. He's Dylan McDernick in the happy science cult. I don't know. No, so fun backstory to this movie. They got a bunch of mainstream mainstream. They got a bunch of relatively mainstream anime actors slash voice actors to do this movie who had no idea that it was associated with the cult.
Starting point is 00:25:29 And then when the movie came out, everyone was like, hey, that's a giant cult. Did you know that? And they were like, I mean, anime is weird people. We can't just be checking up to see if people think all of these anime are real. That is a really good point. That's a really good point. I would say it's wrong of them to commit this kind of fraud, but they're a cult. Yeah, right?
Starting point is 00:25:47 This is the best fraud they commit, probably. Somebody told Dylan and he's like, Oh, that's awful. I'm going to go hang out with Allison Mac real quick. Okay. I'm not going to be involved with any of these cults over here. That is disgusting behavior. I love also, by the way, at the end of this scene, we just cut over to like some monster that's watching them from a distance and he slams his fist against a wall and then
Starting point is 00:26:11 we cut away as if the movie is saying, don't worry, eventually a thing will happen. There are things. Yeah, eventually they did try and comfort us a lot. They were like, look, we, the movie was oftentimes like hedging its like, listen, guys, we know this is a lot. We get it. We're with you. And it happens multiple times throughout the movie where they're like, we're going to info dump you right now. And we're sorry. Oh, okay. This is it. I don't think they were sorry. No, they were our info dump. It really was. So, okay. So the next day, they're all going to creation research class and this is like
Starting point is 00:26:45 in a giant lecture hall with fucking lights and smoke machines and shit. Yeah, yeah. And this is where Professor Dylan McDermott gives his lecture of if you can't tell how many fingers are behind my back, it's aliens. He's also shaved by this point. Yeah, yeah, he did. Yeah, I barely even recognized him. I love to think they had so fucking much on that right
Starting point is 00:27:11 because they have to have Ray look up and then he looks at him and then we flash back to the scene that was immediately before this and then he goes, he's the same guy. Thank you, Ray. Thank you. Appreciate that. You do not trust the audience. No, no.
Starting point is 00:27:26 But this speech is genuinely nonsense. My favorite quote from it is he goes, the golden ratio, is that an accident? And I wrote in my notes numbers are numbers and accident. I just, I love how simplistic your understanding of math has to be to be odd by the golden ratio. Like that's just what happens when you add those numbers. It has to have it has to make a little spiral. Think about it. It doesn't have anyway, but, but is that an accident? I don't believe that you have rebutted that.
Starting point is 00:27:59 You literally cannot even imagine a universe in which that would not be the case, but okay. Yeah. He also says here that it's true. Scientists can't prove that aliens or gods or angels exist, but that doesn't mean they're not real. And I wrote in my notes, what does it mean then? This was the, this was the beginnings of the point where I was like, okay. So we're going to get some strident, strident anti-science from people who are obsessed with telling you that they love science. So yes, yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 00:28:36 Like in the name of the cult. Yeah. Right in the, right here is where you're like, oh, they're going to tell me that the most scientific thing of all is faith. Yes. That's exactly the point of his stupid shit. And it's like, oh my god, I fucking hate you people. Let's do this. Come on. Two more hours.
Starting point is 00:28:54 He's like a true scientist believes in all kinds of stupid, provably wrong bullshit. Yeah, just the strongest proof doesn't mean you shouldn't believe. Yeah, the strongest scientist knows that the scientific method is kind of bullshit It's about the science of your heart. It's jazz And of course after that amazing lecture Ray realizes that their big group project that the entire first third of this movie is focused on could be about UFOs. Wait, wait, wait, wait, that's not entirely true. He seems to decide that he wants to conquer the aliens. Yeah, yes.
Starting point is 00:29:37 Yes, yes. Rewa school project. Right. Right. You were really selling him pure. Not that. His goals, his goals are perhaps the only thing I admired before Let's overthrow aliens. I can't prove they exist. I can't prove they're doing anything
Starting point is 00:29:54 It could be anemia, but let's take these aliens out. Let's go for it. Yeah, but I want to kick them in the nuts with my school Right, I desire to fist fight. No, it did. It did make me despair of first contact. Yeah. Yeah. We just got to make sure they hit A-scape before they hit Tyler.
Starting point is 00:30:14 Yeah, right. Right. Oh, Jesus. I just I wrote my notes, I guess, and he says, we'll expose the truth about aliens. I'm like, nothing good ever came from that sense. So. But yeah,
Starting point is 00:30:27 oh, and then of course we have to see that the two and I'm going to keep track of this for you guys. The two kids that went to the genius school on the bus in that scene where the other kids didn't get on the bus are watching them do the window henchmaning. Wait, are you talking about cram school? Yes Make him sure don't go to cram school Yeah, at that point when he when they've decided they're gonna fight the aliens and the those kids were there I was like ah the senior class are aliens Fun And they are yeah, and then we have this weird bit where we all learn that summer break means something different in Japan
Starting point is 00:31:07 That it means in the US Jordan help me what's happening Jordan. Oh, I have no idea No, I pay attention to like baseball season. There you go. I don't know if that that usually happens all you're around Yeah, I don't know about summer break They really like baseball in 11 month months season they've got there yet. So, yeah, no, so here's the thing is that they're all talking about whether or not they're going to go home for summer vacation, which is like spring break for them, right? It's clearly like a week or whatever, but when we hear summer vacation, we're thinking three months, we're like, they're going to stay in the fucking school for three months
Starting point is 00:31:41 to do their UFO project. What the fuck? Yeah, no, it's, they have a year round school. Yeah. So that's a regular thing around the around the world in the United States. It's unusual. Yeah. So we have this weird agrarian throwback bullshit.
Starting point is 00:31:56 Yeah. To be fair, everyone needs a three month break from the American school. Yeah. Hey, don't even get me started on using a meter. It's not gonna happen. All right. So, don't even get me started on using a meter. It's not going to happen. All right. So, but then, okay. So the next day though, they get with, I guess, Haley, Anna and Eskair are also staying in school over summer break. So they headed to town to do some research on that genius school. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, before they do that, I have to
Starting point is 00:32:20 point this out because this stuck out like a sore thumb. Yeah. Okay. They find out that the gals are staying over summer break as well. And then there's a weird shot out the window. And there's just somebody digging a hole. Yeah. Yeah. There was no explanation. There was no reason. No, it never comes back. Never matters. They didn't like eventually push somebody into a big hole. No, no. Like check out the rule in the background of movies that are shot with people. Sometimes something bizarre will be in the background. But they had to draw this. Someone drew it. Yeah. We had to have done some angry animators like, I'm a bearer. You're asked when we're done with all right. This is me digging your goddamn grave, motherfucker. Yeah, I get that that's probably the janitor and he comes back into play, but like, why is he digging a hole that still doesn't ever relate to anything?
Starting point is 00:33:12 All right. Oh, okay. So it's a some janitor foreshadowing there. I love to. They go to town and they're like, all right, let's check for some clues on the junior school. But first, how about a little photo montage? Huh?
Starting point is 00:33:24 Cause we're friends. Literally. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I started getting some Bollywood vibes here. I was like, this is gonna go well. It wasn't until the music number to us with the movie in half that I was like, oh, this is Bollywood. Yeah, all the way. I think a lot of notes straight up.
Starting point is 00:33:39 Okay. Yeah, I wish more sci-fi horror films would do this though. Right. Like, if the faculty had just had a shopping montage, I'd have been in it with. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Sometimes we have to be reminded that they're just people. So, okay, so they get back to the school
Starting point is 00:33:54 and then we have, we cut to SK Jerk and off in the senior's bathroom again, I guess. When he overhears those very same guys talking about it being on at 2 a.m. behind the school. And interestingly enough, Tyler ends up being the one that follows him. Yes. Escaped that we watch Esca hearing them. And then he comes out of the bathroom. Tyler comes out of the stall next to him. He's like, no, no, I've got this scene. Es. SK's like, oh, I thought, because it makes a lot more sense for this to be me. I think that I know.
Starting point is 00:34:28 No, I'm much easier to draw. You shouldn't have an answer. I'm going to be in the next scene. He does the same fucking thing to Haley later, yeah. He should have been like, hey, how long you been in that stall? Yeah. You've been in there for a while, or just a short period of time. I should let you know, there's a hornet that occupies me
Starting point is 00:34:49 and it likes to touch my deck. Yeah. I was also wondering, like, do the seniors just have better bathrooms? Right. What was the deal with that? Is it by year, like, the bathrooms are different? I don't know, probably.
Starting point is 00:35:00 I just, it is weird that there's like a, an age, like, I don't, is there an ID that you have to use like the corporate bathroom or some. I don't know. So okay. So that night Tyler goes to spy on the bad guys, but just as he's about to follow him into the woods, the janitor shows up and just delays him for a few minutes by having boring conversation with him. Yep. You just got done digging those holes. Yeah. Exactly. He don't fall into the hole. So it's a whole side just stuck. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:29 Yeah. Janitor out and about it two in the morning. Yes. Normal. Right. So, and then, okay, but thanks to the janitor, Tyler's lost their trail. So he decides to just randomly wander out into the woods
Starting point is 00:35:40 in the middle of the night with his fingers crossed. Yeah. But luckily for him, he does get kidnapped by aliens, just aliens who are really bad at using the tractor beam. Yeah. That was an embarrassing, I thought you like that was embarrassing for everybody involved, right? Like everybody, nobody felt good about that. Right. The aliens have got to be sitting up there going like, guys, it's light. We're using light and he's the kid running through the woods in the dark. We should be able to catch
Starting point is 00:36:07 It's like the aliens let their little brother play for a second all the sudden spider-man's got really bad MS You're just like, okay, come on Mom said you let me have a turn so apparently they've got the tractor beam claw machine going or something like that But they finally do get him, you know, he gets alien-na. And then now that we finally, we've sat through 40 fucking minutes of boring ass nonsense and shit. Finally, our character gets taken aboard an alien spaceship and brought back the next day. We've got to the next day when he's already home and he's in bed. Yeah. I'm glad we didn't see any of this and that he can kind of sort of describe it while being interrupted. In the next, it's an animation.
Starting point is 00:36:48 Guys, you could have just had this happen. What did you not have the budget for all of the gray that was required? It's the, it's the motto of the happy science cult. Tell, don't show. Yeah. Yeah. So next thing he, Tyler shows up to work on their group project looking like act three John Wick, right? I have to bring up what, how did he get hurt?
Starting point is 00:37:11 Great question. He, because he never reveals that, right? He's never like, oh, and then she punched me in both my cheeks. I legitimately thought that what we were supposed to draw was that he was literally dropped off of the and he was just dropped out. Oh, okay. You're like, if you were supposed to be moving, they just dropped him out. Like, he talks the role side of the way. That's how I got the idea that he got hurt.
Starting point is 00:37:38 I was like, oh, well, they obviously just tossed him out when they were done. Oh, I was going so much easier on them. I was like, oh, he must have really beat himself up running through those woods or something. But yeah, so he tells him that he was abducted by aliens. And was it the grace? Yeah. No, it wasn't the bus.
Starting point is 00:37:57 It was the grace. Not with this. I will also point out that Ray immediately wants to fight the aliens again. He's like, of course, I was abducted. I'll fucking kick those aliens in the day. I wanted someone to be like, Hey, Ray, I know there are aliens in there abducting. I need you to be medicated, man, whatever this is.
Starting point is 00:38:13 Let me add him. Here's the real Josh Hartnet from the faculty. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Speaking my language, beautiful man. Speaking my beautiful, beautiful language. Yeah. But so, but Tyler apparently was kidnapped by different aliens, hot lady aliens.
Starting point is 00:38:30 You don't know them. They're from the Pleiades. But they were here last summer. Yeah, but no, he literally says that he was, he was kidnapped by beautiful blonde aliens that took him to the Pleiades. Yeah. And I love one of them goes like, no, that's like for, that's too far away. They wouldn't have been able to get there. It's like, yeah, that's like for there, that's too far away. They wouldn't have been able to get there.
Starting point is 00:38:45 It's like, yeah, that's where the story falls apart, really. Totally. Yeah, that was my issue. That was my issue. Also, when he's telling the story about meeting this Pleiadian lady and they show the Pleiadian lady, she has a Nazi eagle on her chest. Oh, he sure does. Oh, does she?
Starting point is 00:39:03 Oh, yeah. Oh, boy. That was really upsetting. Oh, yeah, oh boy. She sure does. It's never discussed. Yeah, the pletians are the good one. No, he pulls the drawing out and you're like, oh, that's a terrible drawing. And then it turns into the image of what it's supposed to be in your life. Oh, that's a Nazi. Yeah, that's a Nazi. This is an Aryan Nazi alien. It is a blonde hair blue-eyed character from a fucking Japanese nationalist cult. So yeah, that's probably not an accident at all. No, no it is not. Again, again, someone drew it.
Starting point is 00:39:35 It's not just the clothes that she had on or anything else. They weren't like, okay, we've got this idea for an alien. You pick. And we'll be fine with whatever. The animators, you just pick what you want the pliantian to look like and we'll buy it. Yeah. What if Wonder Woman was from Nazi Germany? Oh, yeah, sounds great. Go ahead. Just draw it into the movie. There we go. Jesus. We won't check your work. That's when I knew we were in trouble. Yeah. This is also my favorite hand waving away from the science moment in the movie because they're like, but that's so many light years away. And he's like, Oh, well, the secret to space travel that's faster than light and they're like, boo, boring,
Starting point is 00:40:15 move on. Yeah. Yeah. No, exactly. But yeah. And then so just as you're thinking like, wow, I guess this is as crazy as this scene is going to get. Hey, he says, oh, I almost forgot to mention this. I also got abducted last night by yet a third alien race. My alien race is monkeys in space. Yeah. My note here is God. I wish I could have been there to watch Jordan's face.
Starting point is 00:40:41 But I also got abducted, but they were monkey. My note is, a monkey in the three exclamation points. Very excited, that was how we went. That moment, the moment she was like, I got another alien race. I was like, oh, we're coming hard and fast now. They turned it in. It went from being like that prelude in fireworks fireworks where there's just one going off every five minutes took the grand finale in an instant
Starting point is 00:41:10 Yeah, boom aliens aliens different ones new ones these ones are from here. What are you talking about? It's not the fucking great So very very unnecessary to introduce monkey aliens So many they never do anything. No unrelated. The Muggeleus never come back. I kept, I was waiting the whole time for the Muggeleus to show up in a banana ship and shoot the Muggeleus and the end or something.
Starting point is 00:41:35 They never come back. Turns out it's Diddy Kong. Yeah. Awesome. Yeah. So, but we learn from Haley and from Tyler via the monkey aliens and the Nazi lady that the reptilian aliens are the bad guys and they are have already infiltrated the American Russian and Chinese military.
Starting point is 00:41:58 So the only thing that can save you is Japanese nationalism. Oh, that makes sense. That tracks. But multiple aliens have now, or multiple races of aliens, I should say, have now chimed in in the effort to save this Japanese prep school. Yep. Specifically the group project. Right.
Starting point is 00:42:21 Yes, right. Future, future, future. We have a bunch of it. It's too. It's too. It's too. It's too. Right. Yes. Right. Future future future future. It's a bunch of it's it's future. They name it seem future. That was so dumb. And that's that was like, oh, they're naming themselves team future. Isn't that cute? Later on, that becomes very upsetting to me. Oh, yeah. Well, right. But the reason is still that all the bad guys can be against the future.
Starting point is 00:42:41 Right. Exactly. Yeah. The thing that they, they just really hammered it on these kids so quickly. And I know it seems obvious to us after a certain point, but they just really go in like from zero to guess what? Reptilians are fucking everywhere. They're your teachers, they're your friends, they're the military. They're like the movie The Fackles. Yeah. It's insane.
Starting point is 00:43:02 It's insane. They just dropped that knowledge. They didn't try and they didn't explain like, oh, also aliens and like the universe is fine. And you know, no, just reptilians are everywhere. You're fucked. And I have some real credibility problems with the source. And like, you know, we talk about this sometimes when like, through the project Campbell lot stuff, the guy who's saying that the reptilians, and they're bad, right, is untrustworthy.
Starting point is 00:43:29 He is himself bad. He's a murderer. Yeah. And so maybe they're good. In this case, the Pleiadian ladies wearing a Nazi eagle. Yeah. And she's saying that the reptilians are bad. I don't know if I trust that.
Starting point is 00:43:41 Oh, yeah. Right. And then they start going into the galactic federation and they're saying all these things that are just based treaty. But then the more you think about it, they're like, wait a second, they're just oppressing all of these planets under the guise of saying, oh, they wouldn't survive without us. Fuck you.
Starting point is 00:43:58 These people are space Nazis. They are. They are. Well, okay, I'll tell you what, the opening gambit of this in movies insanity is that space lizards have infiltrated our militaries And the only thing that can stop them is the fucking space Nazis. So before we dig any deeper We're gonna need to take ourselves another break, but we'll back it up flash with even more of the laws of the universe part zero Oh
Starting point is 00:44:23 Let's see. Michael Marshall, nice. Cara Santa Maria, nice. Oh, he then write very naughty. Uh, excuse me, Santa. Well, hello twinkle toes. Just working on my old naughty and nice list. How has worked on it the factory? It's not great.
Starting point is 00:44:42 The other workers and I were wondering if we could have something other than candy to eat. But your elves! Elves love candy. Well, sure, but it's been like 1500 years. I feel like we could all use a salad. Well, I'm sorry Twinkle Toes. I don't have time to run to the grocery store and cook up a fancy meal. Well, why don't you just try Hello Fresh?
Starting point is 00:45:03 What? Hello Fresh? There America's Number One meal kit. With Hello Fresh, you get fresh pre-portioned ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep. Skip trips to the grocery store and count on Hello Fresh to make home-cooking easy, fun, and affordable. Oh, I don't know TwinkleTales. I've got a lot of mouth-suffeeed and some of them are pretty picky.
Starting point is 00:45:22 Well, Hello Fresh offers 50 menu and market items to choose from every week, including vegetarian, calorie, smart, and gourmet options, providing plenty of variety. Gourmet, you say? Tell me more! What recipes like balsamic and fig-beap tenderloin or pecan-crusted salmon make holiday meals feel special without the high cost of dining out or delivery? Or go for a cozy comfort food like chicken and sausage and sweet potato soup for a cold winter night. But fresh ingredients right to your door, that's got to cost sent in arm and a leg, right? Nope, you can go to hellofresh.com slash awful 14 and use code
Starting point is 00:45:55 awful14 from the 14 free meals and three free gifts. Free gifts, but that's my thing. Not anymore. Once again, just go to hellofresh.com slash awful14 and use code awful14 from the 14 free meals and three free gifts. So what do you say, Santa? Oh, why not? We'll do it. Ta-da! You have been looking a little peckish. Yeah, no, quite a few of us have scurvy too. Sure, sure. C-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c- Sure sure Reptilians to me as
Starting point is 00:46:27 Mother as you know we have parted the Galactic Federation up until now by slowly insinuating ourselves with the military of several major world powers Indeed we have but now the time has come for our next move We must destroy a high school science project. Sorry! Did you say high school science project? Yes, yes. Team Butchers too close to exposing us to their entire private school. We must act fast. Sorry sir.
Starting point is 00:47:03 Yes, Repfaces. Wouldn't it be better to just, you know, ignore the high schoolers who are going to tell everyone at their school that giant shapeshifting lizards are attacking their planet? You know, you think so, but no, no, we really need to just get in there and like mess with their power points. It's not like that. With their power points. Yeah, no, yeah, look, if there are no more questions, let's go light the Hanukkah candles. I knew we were Jewish. Oh yeah, very, very Jewish.
Starting point is 00:47:35 Uncomfortable. And we're back for the break. And so are all the kids from the Nazca Academy. Summer break is over apparently, and it's time to start the big academic festival thing. Do you notice the name of the school is a little weird? Do you know why it's called Nazca? Is it because of the Nazca lines?
Starting point is 00:47:55 Yeah, it's obviously a very subtle. Yes, subtle is what I would describe the Nazca lines. Yeah. That's subtle. So here's one of those like culturally unfamiliar Japanese things. This is some kind of festival that has both math and cheerleaders. I don't have, I have nowhere to, Jordan, Jordan, tell us if this is in every anime. Everything has cheerleaders.
Starting point is 00:48:20 Okay. I mean, and you think it's, you think I'm joking when I say everything. I'm saying everything. I'm saying if you go to a scholastic bowl, there are cheerleaders. Oh, okay. I mean, and you think it's, you think I'm joking when I say everything. I'm saying everything. I'm saying if you go to a scholastic bowl, there are cheerleaders. I'm saying if you are watching somebody cross a small stream, but really, well, there are cheerleaders there. All right. There are cheerleaders. All right'm fucking new. It wasn't the fucking gray. Yeah. Yeah. So.
Starting point is 00:48:47 All right, but it's about time for them to do their big presentation. I was thinking of myself like, wow, they're pulling the trigger on this already. I kind of figured this was act three shit, but no, it's time for them to do their presentation. But SK shows up with some terrible news. Their presentation is gone missing. Yeah. was some terrible news. Their presentation is gone missing. Yeah. I was worried about what the presentation would have been if it hadn't gotten started. Yeah. It doesn't seem like they had much at this point. No. I'm just picturing some kind of like scrape from a David ike book for the JPEG's. Yeah. I mean,
Starting point is 00:49:23 what the guy was going to get up there and be like, I got kidnapped by a monkey. Yeah, exactly. I got kidnapped by a hot lady, Alia with big boobs. I fully expect it. This is where I thought it was going to go because this made the most sense to me. They were going to do the Bill and Ted thing. Their presentation got stolen. Guess what? They have a connect with all the actual aliens. So then during their presentation, you know, like Abraham Lincoln stepped up. Oh, yeah, there you go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, you know, like, they were going to do the whole thing. That made perfect.
Starting point is 00:49:54 The monkey alien shows up to give part of the speech. Yeah. Right. Right. Right. Absolutely. That's how you do it. Not the alien lady refuses to take any questions about the eagle on her chest. Yeah. That would have been problematic. You guys want to know about palades or not, not really. You know that was the thing here. Right? It's crazy that that would be a coincidence about culture. Oh,
Starting point is 00:50:15 heritage, not a paladian culture. So yeah, so, but yeah, but so they find out their presentations missing. Ray is pretty sure that the aliens ate their homework, but fuck it. They're gonna do it live, right? Oh, yeah. So he goes in and he starts winging it and he starts giving this speech and I'm thinking to myself, imagine the type of PowerPoint that they would have to have for this not to be a disaster,
Starting point is 00:50:40 right? Like what goddamn slides did they put together? They're like him winging it seems like exactly what they would have been doing anyway. It's very weird. It's just missing visual aids of the monkey aliens. And also the idea that like, oh, I'm sure that aliens took our work. It sounds silly, but it's correct. Yeah, it is. It is.
Starting point is 00:51:04 He is right. Aliens it's correct. Yeah, it is. It is. He is right. Aliens took their shit. Yeah. Also, not to get like too deep into the lore here, but that means that the reptilians who came here to invade the species and take over military had a subgroup that was like, I need you to go into that high school dorm room and he's got a backup. Make sure you get the backup too. Yeah, I believe it was called pretty sure it's called
Starting point is 00:51:28 youink team six. Yeah, you're in a strict force comprised entirely of the senior class. Yes, exactly. Just doing dive rolls around this kid's bedroom. Stop it man, you're making us look stupid. Just listen to his PowerPoint. Yeah, so he's not there going like and there's monkey
Starting point is 00:51:44 aliens and there's Nazi lady aliens and the audiences acting like, you know, you should. That's too much. There is some all time great like recorded several years after the original script is read. It just, this doesn't sound true. Just a bunch of those throw away voice actor lines. Strong punch-up work, man.
Starting point is 00:52:07 Yes, to those ADR lines. The heckling in this room is my erotic audio. I don't need a girl running her fingers over tinfoil. I just need this audio every night before I go to sleep. You're ridiculous! This report is not good! Show us some evidence! Yes! So good. Show us some evidence. Yes. So good. Oh, the people demanding evidence are always the bad
Starting point is 00:52:28 guys in the happy science movies. Oh, the best. The best. So the principal comes up on stage and is like, this is some dumb a fucking shit, man. You are in trouble. But just then a UFO of ducks, Ray, and the principal right off the fucking stage. Surprise! You didn't see that shit coming, did you? That's why we winged this proposition. Yeah, I guess it kind of did do the bill and Ted thing, actually. I thought that that was like the most foolish move that the aliens could make. But then I'd forgotten that they can do that whole, like put them back exactly at the same time they left.
Starting point is 00:53:03 Yeah, yeah. That's cheating. Yeah. I was just pointing to somebody, go, Oh my God, look, there's so much narrative tension. They just disappeared. This whole school is now going to know that aliens are not. No, no, not important. Red herring. Yeah. Right. So, but we cut to Ray and the principal, they're hovering above the school now. And I think Carl Sagan's ship of the imagination. Yeah. Yeah. Or like a Victorian lady's fancy hat. Yes. Yeah. As a fidget spinner. But yeah, that takes them to a bigger UFO where they are greeted by. And again, correct me if I'm wrong here. A superhero goat man. Yeah. Yeah. That's how I describe him. I have him as a
Starting point is 00:53:40 goat man with racially troubling facial hair. Okay. All right. Yeah. He also, look, I know we're trying to make a bunch of different animals into aliens. Um, I think it's the meeting. Is this the meeting that they were at? Listen, listen guys. Yeah. Let's not go goat. Um, yup. There are, there are connotations with a baffo mat and things like that.
Starting point is 00:54:04 And he's supposed to be the good guy. Yes. Yeah He's hanging out with the Nazi pli Yeah, I think honestly they're the bad guy And he's like he's like welcome to my spaceship. We are now at the far side of the moon I went I calculated all of this right I they've been on the ship from minute and 38 seconds They are going nine million miles right now. Oh God, how good would it be if it cuts to him? He starts introducing something, cuts back to them and the flesh has just rent from their boat. Oh, shit. You guys aren't good. You don't have rock veins. Fuck what was I think?
Starting point is 00:54:43 Let's grab someone else but grab another one What about that girl we were fucking around with when we hit that cow at 95 can we get her This was this was the part of the movie this was the info dump that made me kind of like Suspicious of what it is they feel like they need to explain science-wise and what it is they don't like all the sudden need to explain science wise and what it is they don't like all of a sudden, all of a sudden they're like, listen, we've got to let you know that there's a relay that allows us to communicate across you. You got to know that otherwise it would just be silly that we could get a message all the way there.
Starting point is 00:55:15 They should be ridiculous. Yeah, totally. I can't, I can't allow you to think that we would just hand away of away that. Of course we can travel faster than light. That's no big deal. Obviously, we don't need to worry about that whole big deal right there. Like, they just choose random shit. Can I talk about the most upsetting part of this seem to me? I know it talks about the dark side of the moon and the reptilians and the federation. There's a ghost squirrel
Starting point is 00:55:38 at one point and then no one acknowledges it. And I thought about it for the rest of the movie is really upsetting. A ghost squirrel appears, the goats like, Stephen, get the fuck out of here, I guess. He vanishes, and the movie never talks about it. Oh, you're right. I completely black that out. Oh, the janitor was probably digging a hole
Starting point is 00:56:01 for the goddamn ghost squirrel. For that squirrel's body. Okay. I if you looked throughout, if you do a find for my notes, go squirrel comes up more than like space. So yeah, but so he's doing this huge long, the super goat is doing this huge long info dump about there's how there's a galactic federation is protecting earth, but the reptilians are building their own moon base and they'd attack us if it wasn't for the damn galactic treaty. And then he has
Starting point is 00:56:29 to explain how you can communicate and switch body. It's he's explaining drifting from Pacific rim at a certain point, right? Yeah. Yeah. I also love, and this is where he lays out that basically the galactic federation of good aliens has a not touching can't get mad rule. So that like as long as the reptilians are infiltrating the Chinese military, which is already evil to begin with, there's nothing we can do. Yes. Amen rules rules.
Starting point is 00:56:57 Yep. Exactly. But the Galactic Federation has special plans for Ray and his middle school group project. Possibly high school. Yeah, we'll go high school. But just then the reptilians attack them and they have to send them back to Earth. Yeah, like a shitty roommate game home.
Starting point is 00:57:17 If you've ever had a terrible roommate, like wanders in and he's like, Hey, man, I need to place to put all this frozen fish. You're like, oh, you gotta, I'm sorry, you gotta go. The reptilians are here. I gotta get out. I gotta get out. I gotta, I gotta have a whisper fight with that ghost squirrel in the next room. So guys, head back to your school. So, yeah, so we cut back to the leisure hole. And, and of course, they've bamped them back into place exactly at the same time that they left apparently, which
Starting point is 00:57:46 which avoids the trouble of the auditorium of case going about aliens. I would ask it. There would be a lot of questions, which we will eventually just tell them about later in the movie anyway. Yeah. So, okay. So that night the Scooby gang is all hanging out at SK's masturbation closet or whatever. And Roy is going like, man, I really should have taken pictures or something.
Starting point is 00:58:08 I just, I didn't even think I had my phone with me the whole time did not think to get some video of the space alien. So funny. But that's when he realizes that he does have some evidence. The alien before they said him away gave him a moon rock. It's a moon rock. Only NASA and museums have the answer. If only they could get that moon rock in front of the right audience, everyone would know
Starting point is 00:58:32 that super goat aliens and Nazi lady aliens exist. Yeah, that was his thrust. Was it not that the rock only was enough proof to corroborate his entire story. Exactly. Yeah. Right. The movie will never at any point even pretend that it wouldn't have been. Well, it's, it's, this is the thread that starts to untangle everything. I think that's what Ray is thinking. Right. Like he's like, how did I get a move rock?
Starting point is 00:58:58 And you were there. And you were there. And you were there. He will challenge someone to come up with an alternative explanation for how you got this moon rock. Right. So he's like, Hey, we should go. We should take this to the principal.
Starting point is 00:59:11 He'll probably believe me. After all, he was also abducted by aliens this afternoon. Yeah. Yeah. So yes, so they go see the principal. There's a point where the principal is talking about a bunch of shit and there's a voice over. It's like raise voice over and he goes,'s a point where the principal's talking about a bunch of shit and there's a voice over. It's like raise voice over and he goes, I don't understand what he's talking about.
Starting point is 00:59:28 And I thought for a second that like my thoughts had bled into the prove you. That was not the case though. So they get the principal, they get you a walk and they're like, come back, check out our moon rock. It proves that super god aliens exist. But unfortunately, the moon rock is missing. Duh, duh. And they make a weird jump here, but the movie's about this for a solid 48 seconds, so we should talk about it.
Starting point is 00:59:54 The moon rock is missing, and so they all simultaneously decide, guys, I think one of us being mind-controlled by the reptilians, right? That's the only possible explanation for this moon rock being. Here's the problem I have here. Okay, so when the moon rock disappears, they are on their way to explain to the principal and the principal goes on this long monologue where he's like,
Starting point is 01:00:17 common sense has no meaning unless I tell people that aliens are real. Yes. And he's got this long, like, it doesn't matter if I have proof. I'll believe whatever I believe, whenever I want to believe it, for any reason. If I heard somebody saying stuff like that, I'd be like, they're going through something. Yeah, yeah. Totally.
Starting point is 01:00:37 Totally. Yeah. This is a transcript from a family court where someone loses his attation right. Right. But this is before he's told about the moon rock as proof. So un, un, asked for he's like, listen, you don't even need to show me that fucking moon rock. I'm in. I'm fucking in.
Starting point is 01:00:57 And my life has no meaning unless I say I'm in right now. That's how far he fucking went. Right. Well, because ultimately the movie has to land on, but even if there isn't a moon rock, you should totally still believe us, though, right? Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. So then the moon rock goes away and Haley melts down. Yeah. They blame Haley's sister. Yeah. No, Zuki. Because, but I mean, that's a biological thing to do if you don't know that the senior class are aliens. She has an alien implant in her brain. She went to cram school.
Starting point is 01:01:32 Yeah, cram school. Don't go to cram school. Yeah. So I mean, it's a sensible conclusion to come to you then. And she even comes to the conclusion that I must have done it. Right. Well, that's the fucked up thing is that that that Tyler says, hey guys, you know, the only people
Starting point is 01:01:48 that knew where the moon rock was like the five of us, there must be a rat. And Nizuki is like, it's probably me. I, you know, I do have an alien microchip in my head. And she runs off and everyone looks at Tyler and they're like, how dare you Tyler. So yeah, so Anna and Hailey run off because they're mad at Tyler. Tyler looks at Ray and he goes, wow, we sure are at our lowest point right now. Huh? And the whole story. And he's like, yep, but I was like, fight on a loan if I must. Yes. And then all of a sudden out of fucking nowhere, there's a whole goddamn music video. I thought it was over. I thought it was actually over. I thought that was the end credits and that it
Starting point is 01:02:32 was one of those. Yeah, I think it was one of those YouTube videos that just played it again. I thought it's like, oh, this is the end of the first episode or something like that. It ends on a cliffhanger of their friendships being torn apart. Yeah. And that's the next episode. It would have been nice. I feel so bad for you guys. Now that's sad. That is a sad fucking story.
Starting point is 01:02:54 Brutal. This music number fascinated me because first of all, you've got this band that's on the quad and that's fun. But then the other thing was not fun for me. The lyrics. I had to write them down because. How good you would. They did not make sense. Not thematically for what's going on in the, I guess maybe if you're super generous
Starting point is 01:03:17 because it's about love and stuff. Right. You know, like it's not a love story really. It digley, but it feels, but that's the thing. It feels like they both wrote this song and at the same time shoehorned it in To the movie right yeah, they could have written a song just more directly for the movie or written a movie like they wrote this song And they were like I fucking love this song and we got a cram it in here somewhere
Starting point is 01:03:41 They couldn't have rid the movie in such a way that the song made sense it They had two ways to go here. And they chose neither of them neither. So here's how it starts. I've lost something. It's related to my sweet memory. Munrock. Munrock.
Starting point is 01:03:56 It's done by the wind transient wind. My eternal enemy, it will lead to death. Yeah. Yes. OK, I know sometimes sh shit gets lost in translation. I will bet a million dollars. That's just a stupid in Japanese word for word. What and then the end of the song is so never worry, but don't forget me.
Starting point is 01:04:14 Don't forget my love. It's still shining in the bottom of the stream. The stream. The stream was the thing that blew me away. Jesus Christ. I got dark. But like a stream is deep. I heard that.
Starting point is 01:04:28 Here's the first part of my notes. Why is there a music video immediately followed? This song sucks in the bottom of the stream. That was as good as it got for me. Don't worry. That was the best I could do for this. Don't worry. My love is in the creek.
Starting point is 01:04:44 The bottom of the creek, yeah. If that is just a lazy suicide right there, I'm just gonna lay right here in this stream. So bad. Stop rocking me, I breathe every time you do. And then we cut to the place we already were, right? We're at the school and then we have a music video and then it gives us a fucking title card that says,
Starting point is 01:05:03 Nascar Academy and we're like, yeah, we know This is NASCAR University. Oh, that's right. Yeah, this is step up. Yeah, up in your game here He's a literal pyramid that's true, but but so here's the thing though nothing happens at NASCAR University It gives us the title of NASCAR University We see yoake and like three other scientists doing some science shit. Wow. And then we cut back to Nazca Academy where all the kids are sitting around. You see them with weird kind of science stuff.
Starting point is 01:05:35 Right. Yeah. Yeah, no fucking beakers or anything like that here. But then, but of course, rather than focus in on that, we have to go to the far more interesting story about the conflict between Tyler and Haley over whether he says he's sorry enough. No. This movie, no matter what crazy shit it would throw at you, it would always throw some boring teen drama at you next to make you regret watching it
Starting point is 01:06:05 in the first place. Oh, man. Yeah, when the, like, when it's those info dumps that are being done that are just never ending up like something else. And then a photo to the teen drama of like not this. Info dumps. Something something. I miss goat man.
Starting point is 01:06:19 More info dumps. Yeah. Yeah. At least the info dumps are crazy, right? Like, at least we have that. Yeah, but so this is where they all, like try to even figure out what the hell their conflict is about at this point or something. And it's resolved apparently too, because we never go back to the fact that there was
Starting point is 01:06:38 a conflict between them, right? No, they're fine now. They worked it out. Yeah. Tyler said he was sorry, and then they just moved on, I guess. Oh, okay. That was it. That's a strong relationship being built. We're watching a good, no, I can't tell. I got nothing. That was a noble. Yeah. Right. I know. That's a good way to try to put the good spin on there. All right. So, but the next day, the gang gets an important message from Yoake. so they rushed to the university pyramid to see him
Starting point is 01:07:06 But also he's placed at the university pyramid looks a lot like that masturbation closet sure does yeah I thought that's where he was right it's animation guys you didn't have to use the same set Why are you reusing this and it's not like the other Christian movies we watch were like David day our white spaceman is the set like we have So but yeah, so you walk in his team have built a Spiritual alien telephone Yep, I was worried about that. Yep. Yep. They did do that That is what he said he seemed to have made it fairly quick to That is what he said. He seemed to have made it fairly quick too.
Starting point is 01:07:44 And luckily, it fits exactly the right amount of teenagers. I really wanted him to have like one less seat and they were like, ooh, SK, you'll chill here, right? We all kind of couple up other than you, the fifth wheel of our team very clearly. Or even better, SK, you got a jerk your way out of this. It's you alone, buddy. You versus the world.
Starting point is 01:08:04 We'll kind of learn later that it's important that there are five of them because they combine their powers and form a pentagram. That's true. Yeah. Nothing weird about your Nazi ghost lady, your goat alien king forming a pentagram to save the universe. No, creepy about that. Nothing. Yeah. So I think he could have predicted they would need five. Right. Yeah, they need that. Nothing. He could have predicted they would need five. Right. They need the Penta. And we find out later on spoiler alert.
Starting point is 01:08:28 He's a fucking alien. Yeah. Yeah. Don't, but don't snitch. Don't snitch. Right. An alien. But don't tell nobody we've been here the whole time.
Starting point is 01:08:37 Was he a Pleiadian, you think? Yeah. I believe he was a Pleiadian. He was pretty hot. I mean, you know, that's their thing. True. And he was a racist. Oh, yeah. That's their thing true. And he was a racist. Oh, yeah
Starting point is 01:08:47 their other thing So yeah, so but he's like we built this alien telephone and humanity is gonna talk to aliens for the very first time very first contact Between us we figured we would get a random group of high school friends to do it. Yeah, you guys down for a little holographic Aliens Skype and they're like sure, yeah, we'll do that. We'll do that. Absolutely. My note on this was, I believe his speech boiled down to, we want to experiment on children. Yeah, your brain specifically and the kids were like, I can't believe we weren't already offering for us. You did. How did we luck out like this? We're, it's honestly, it's rude of us to not have invited ourselves to be experimented upon.
Starting point is 01:09:31 Yeah, we're the fools here. We asked the principal who would be least missed at the school and everyone agreed it was you. So, uh, pop along. Also, point of order, this isn't a telephone, they teleport. Yup. Yes. It is a teleport. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:09:45 It's not, it's not a, like, hey, we could communicate. They left Earth. Right. Yes. No, he sells us a communication device, but yeah, they straight up teleport the fuck out of there. Yeah. So yes.
Starting point is 01:09:58 So they all sit down in their various chairs and they sum it. They use the powers of their friendship to summon a spiritual pyramid so their souls can rise through the ceiling and wound up in a UFO is what happened in the movie. Yeah, pentagrams very important number five very important. Yes, all of this very important combining powers very important. And this is where we're going to meet the giant Hornet alien Woody Allen. It's a walk.
Starting point is 01:10:24 It is a walk in. It is a walk-in. It is a walk-in. It is a walk-in. Yeah. Giant B with anxiety. I don't know if you get, I don't know if you guys know this, but Jordan doesn't know anything about walk-ins. He is so dumb. It's a reference to our show.
Starting point is 01:10:37 Listen to episode 455, true, believe us. Not whoever. But yeah, but this is where they reveal the whole walkin' thing, right? This is where the hornet goes. Like, yeah, so occasionally I inhabit your body, SK, sorry about that. I need to say this line out loud because it's going to stay with, this will be the last thing out of my lips before I die. But SK, SK says, have you been squishing your soul down inside of my body without permission?
Starting point is 01:11:07 That's gonna be your rosebud. That is my rosebud. Have you been squishing your soul down inside of my body without my permission? To which the bug says, yes. And he says, that's not cool. And then the bug says, I know. I like that. Exactly like that.
Starting point is 01:11:28 The bug says it like this. I know. Yeah. And SK is complained is like, I've been violated. Yeah. Everybody's agreed. Yeah. And the bug is like, look, I know.
Starting point is 01:11:39 What are you talking about? You're the bad guys. And then SK puts the giant hornet alien into a headlock. Yep. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. They have to separate them from a fist fight. Yeah. Teach them a lesson. Okay. I thought picking the aliens in the balls was race thing, but no. Now Esca is done.
Starting point is 01:11:58 Apparently, it's Esca's thing. You damn bug. It's Esca Milani's the bug whisperer. That's what he does. So the alien, the hornets, like, if you let me out of this chokehold, they'll take you to the Pleiades and they're like, oh, where the hot Nazis are. And he's like, no, no, different, different Pleiades. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
Starting point is 01:12:15 no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,'s and they're like, no, a different one. And then the Jolibad. All right. Fine.
Starting point is 01:12:26 That was very funny. I don't know if you can tell, but as a giant B, I'm coded kind of Jewish and they do not like me on that pleady's. Let's just say that. So, uh, now we're going to be going to the pleady's three, which is a lot more B friendly if you know what I'm saying. I noticed around this point that these kids were adapting shockingly fast to meeting new owners.
Starting point is 01:12:48 Oh, yeah. Yeah. They did not seem to be surprised by anything. Yeah, even batten and eye at this point. No, I guess after the monkey aliens reveal themselves, everything else is going to just talk to a big giant ram. All right. Fine.
Starting point is 01:13:04 Sure. You didn't know there were bugs that could walk into your soul and were invisible at times. Exactly. Yes. And we're really awkward about it. Oh, yeah, the fucking hornet turns invisible at one point when he gets nervous for no fucking reason and that never comes back.
Starting point is 01:13:17 Yeah. Oh, just a real creepy bug. Yep. I believe I wrote down in specific, I'm going to kill this bug. You're an S.K team. The bug does magic. Question mark. I'm going to kill this bug. So now in terms of like the good aliens that we've met, we have a bath on that. Yeah. We have a Pleiadian who has a Nazi tattoo on a chest. Yeah, that's very prominently shown. Display, we have a bug that goes to people's bodies.
Starting point is 01:13:48 Yeah, it's a rain-wraping burn. It's a rain-wraping burn, aren't it? Yes. Yes. I don't know if I think these are a good team. I am team reptilian all the way at this point. Yeah, for sure. They're giving everybody like a perfect memory and shit, making school easy on them.
Starting point is 01:14:04 Yeah. Well, yeah. They're running cram school. like perfect memory and shit, making school easy on them. Oh, yeah, they're running cram school. So far all they've done is give people technology and photographic memory. Yeah. And the good guys have just raped their way through this fucking school. And if you think about it, the Zuki's all fucked up. It was as we're going to learn because one of these aliens rammed into the reptilians while they were trying to do brain surgery on her. So she would just be fine like the other seniors. Yeah. If it'd been great. Yeah. These aliens are bad. Yeah. Anyways, this is the basis for a great religion. Right. So the Hornet flies them to a space college.
Starting point is 01:14:47 Oh my God. Oh, man. He was like, look, I'm going to bring you inside to show you space college, but I need to dress you like NYU students at a renfair. Oh, man. Oh, boy. That was intense. I didn't enjoy that.
Starting point is 01:15:00 They take a three-minute tour of space college that never reflects like there's no point to this at all in the larger story. We never come back to it or whatever. That horn is just like you guys want to check out space college and they're like, well, I mean, if we're all the way out here, sure. I really wanted them to like wander in on a bunch of trust fund reptilians jerking off in a coffin. Just like, yeah, I'm sorry. The IGV League system is really a problem here in space too. I think that the space, or the space college scene kind of does inform stuff a little bit in that like, there's a condescension
Starting point is 01:15:34 that's shown to earth from everybody else. Yeah. Like, because the college course was just like, they're like, ah, on earth, they have different nations and religions. Look at these bunch of dumb stuff. That was what the college was doing. religion. Look at these bunch of dumb dumb. That was what the college was doing. Yeah, but these morons.
Starting point is 01:15:48 All right, now that's believable. I can imagine that that's what space college does. Now, the explanation of space college was kind of the elitist. It was so insidious. It was like, what'll happen is the elites come from all over the universe where they're educated, and then they'll be sent back to be spiritual leaders where they're from. Well, you would assume that it's like, well, then Jesus must have gone to this school. Exactly. I mean, like, this is the implication. Yeah,
Starting point is 01:16:12 the whole, this is, this is space God's space, pre-straining school. Right. But more importantly, the leader of this cult went to this school. Right. Do we know that? Yes. I mean, okay, because that's definitely, I would see that being implied. Yeah, that's, that? Yes, I made it okay, because that's definitely I would see that being implied But yeah, that's that's the claim wow Transcripts What's he'll sue you if they were get out he will Would he have any extra curriculars because they did say that they learn about sports? No, that's true. Yeah, I think You learn about sports. Oh my God. Space
Starting point is 01:16:45 fucking hate this thing. Come on, you don't want to watch a bunch of spiritually enlightened of feet aliens, you can vastly different biologies, trying to make it through a fucking bad mitt and tournament. All right, I guess the cloud of missed people are still zero for the high events. They have no physical forms. Can I ask you why you guys just decided it's a hornet? That's the alien. I feel like a hornet is the funniest word. We could go with wasp or something or whatever, but I have
Starting point is 01:17:17 him as anxiety being my nose. Okay. Now we're getting into real comedy theories. Is it K funnier because it's exactly. Piggles is funny. Yeah, exactly. Poop is funnier than shit and I don't know why. Episode 330 of Gam is just the sunshine boys from this forward, like a word for performance.
Starting point is 01:17:41 All right. And so the B is like, oh, I'm sorry, I crashed the ship on the way in. I can't get you back to earth and they're like, well, this, that's going to be problematic. He's like, no, it turns out there's a big giant fidget spinner spaceship right there. So you can, you can take that ninja star home. Oh, all right. Well, in that case, and here's the thing, believe it or not, every remaining scene in this movie is going to be at least twice as insane as the
Starting point is 01:18:05 previous scene. So, yes, that's true. We're going to need a break to prepare ourselves, but firstly, we have actor the hard cell. What the hell of Dan and Jordan got themselves into? Is this what they've been training for this whole time? Or is this actually slightly less insane now than I think about it than their normal affair?
Starting point is 01:18:23 Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the BAT SHIT CONCLUSION of the laws of the universe, heart zero. Hey Eli, I'm going to the gym, you wanna come? To the gym? Me? No, I am a smart person. Smart people don't go to the gym. We sit in fine leather chairs and die quietly at the age of 36.
Starting point is 01:18:44 Eli, you don't have to be a gym rat to exercise and taking care of your body is the smart thing to do. And do what? Squat jacks, reverse bench, hemelix, hammer strike, bod crunches? No, please. I am a poet. I contain no such multitudes. That doesn't make me look, if you're not sure where to start, why don't you try fitBod? What's FitBod? FitBod's innovative algorithm learns about your goals and training abilities and crafts of personalized training regimen that's unique to you. Ooh, that sounds kind of smart actually.
Starting point is 01:19:15 It is. The path to achieving your best look is different for everybody. FitBod creates a program based on your unique goals, experience, and equipment. So no ladder squat press jack required. No, nothing like that. I don't know, Noah.
Starting point is 01:19:29 I spend my money on things like fine leather bound books. Can I really afford Fitbot? Oh, okay. One, I saw you buy $300 worth of bubble gum last week because you wanted the full story of bazooka Joe and two, Fitbot is only 1299 a month or 7999 a year. And if you sign up right now, you'll get 25% off your membership. Damn, that sounds smart.
Starting point is 01:19:49 Kick the new year off right, and get started with your customized fitness plan from Fitbot, get 25% off your membership when you sign up at fitbot.me slash game. That's 25% off your membership at fitbot.me slash game. All right, Noah, I'm in gymnasium here I come. So what is the story of bazooka Joe anyway? Turns out he did 9-11. Dude this was such a good ad. What he did? No he didn't. He did. Reptilian. So there's just no easy way to say this.
Starting point is 01:20:26 I had a meeting with HR and apparently there have been some complaints about the current assignment to take over Earth. It seems like some of you feel that sabotaging high school science projects and friendships is beneath you. I don't know. I don't know. Okay, well for the record, I'll have you know that this is very important. For instance, reptiles.
Starting point is 01:20:46 Did you know that by passing Stacy that note, you could be sabotaging a future intergalactic ambassador? I could. You sure could. Or by stealing their moon rock, we prevented the first study of UFOs done between the US and Japan. Wow. Well, sir, if I can ask, what was the plan behind Telling Sasuke that Horu doesn't want
Starting point is 01:21:11 to take her to the dance? Oh, it was um... Well, see, the thing on that one. Was it that you want to take her to the dance? Yeah. Okay. And we're back for the breakdown and we're gonna rejoin the team teleporting aboard that space shiruken from earlier.
Starting point is 01:21:33 I would have asked at this point if there was a non-tracked or beam wave getting on vehicles. I would have looked so you know if it had been like you me and Heath or whatever, we would have had a pool going as to what kind of animal this alien was gonna be. Right, exactly. At this point, a beaver walks out and we're like, ah fuck, 20 bucks, 20 bucks. Sure was gonna be aquatic.
Starting point is 01:21:54 It's literally the Kepler Elbs. It's an emu. That would be terrifying, emu alien. Yeah, that would be terrifying. They're so quick. Yeah, and angry. Glies. And sexual. Get their beaks into small spaces. Yeah, that would be terrifying. They're so quick and angry. And lie is that.
Starting point is 01:22:08 And sexual get their beaks into small spaces. Yeah, sexual. We're being too. All right. So, but there's no aliens at all. They're actually instead, they're being greeted telepathically by their own voices. Boo contact. Boo. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:22:23 Oh, man. That was a double whammy of that's no moon. It's a space station to a contact real quick. Yeah. Well yeah, because they're like, you know, they're like, oh, so you're going to take us back to earth and they're like, uh, we got a couple of stops to make along the way. Yeah. Yeah. Like if we just over pull this shit, it's gonna be a fucking wild. Yeah. Strap in assholes. You're gonna be in space for a fucking day. Say, I know you're supposed to head to Earth, but do you mind if we swing by my ex's house
Starting point is 01:22:50 to cry in or drive away for a little bit? Right, you pick the wrong spaceship, say yes. Is either that or wait for the bug to fix this thing? Yeah, that's what you gotta do. What you gotta do. And then, so they can, they roll up on this one planet in Vega, or near Vega, I guess.
Starting point is 01:23:07 And it is totally not the Death Star looks completely different. Totally is not a plasma ball looks completely different. Apparently it changes with Anna's heart. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, you can do anything. Sure. You're right.
Starting point is 01:23:21 I buy it. You gotta be pure. So it changed the spaceship. Yeah, I think this movie had beaten me down enough at this point. I'm like, You got to be pure. So change the spaceship. Yeah, I think this movie had beaten me down enough at this point. I'm like, yeah, sure. Yeah. If they showed me her changing a tire, I'd have been like, yeah, that's all right. Yeah, you got to do it. At this point, my watching of this movie was just at what point can I speed up YouTube and still say I've watched well, and then suddenly they're all standing around watching the planet. And then suddenly they're on the cloudy white plane.
Starting point is 01:23:51 And baby Anna is there to talk to them. Surprise. It's me when you were younger, but she doesn't recognize her younger self. So I've never met you. Which is weird. I feel like I would recognize me. I've seen me in picture. Now, her family didn't have mirrors,
Starting point is 01:24:07 till she was 22. Oh, okay. That's unfair. That's just classism. Ray, uh, uh, uh, no, recognized her. Yeah, the record is like, right. She doesn't have mirrors. She didn't have mirrors growing up.
Starting point is 01:24:18 Yeah, there you go. Weird. She says, and of course, this is where they explain that anything as possible, would you believe whatever the fuck you want to believe? Yeah, that's true. Yeah, we skipped over the science part of science fiction real quick. We skipped that part over anything is what you believe it to be.
Starting point is 01:24:33 Oh, okay. Well, I love the jingly keys here too, right? Because they're like, wait a minute, that doesn't actually make sense. And then she drops a thing and everything turns into waterfalls and a giant ice statue. She's like, what were you saying? And they's like, I don't even remember what was I saying. It's okay. I'm pretty high. Yeah, I know. We were hoping you were pretty high at this point.
Starting point is 01:24:51 Yeah. I mean, these kept coming hard and fast too. Like all of a sudden, we're learning about past lives. Yep. And then before we get to that, like the, the, with the waterfall, when that happens, all I could think is like, man, they blew their budget on that. Yeah. Yeah. It was a really good waterfall. Yeah, these effects are different than the rest when that happens. All I could think is like, man, they blew their budget on that. Yeah, it was a really good waterfall. Yeah, these effects are different than the rest of the movie. Yes.
Starting point is 01:25:11 Yes. Pretty ambitious. Collitis topic. Yeah. And then we got the fucking baby Ray shows up and takes them to space Egypt. And then they're on a subway that takes them to cyber punk 2077 where they meet Tyler and baby Haley. I'm right in my nose like, no listener, It's neither your fault nor ours that you're not following
Starting point is 01:25:31 Yeah, they're being like lectured by their baby selves about like how they have to remember who they are and stuff I think at one point I was an aristocrat in my past life. You were I'm a aristocrat you fucking aristocrat in my past life. You were. I'm a aristocrat. You fucking. Yes. Yes, it was like I'm really hard at this.
Starting point is 01:25:49 I just gave the ugly one who doesn't have a baby version. Nope. He has a regal. Yes. He is a fan. You were an aristocrat in the past life. Whatever you want is true. I'm Willy Wonka.
Starting point is 01:25:59 It was clear that there were four children and then him as an adult. Yes. As their spirit being. As they were you doing hanging out with all these kids? What? It was glaring that there were four children and then he was an adult. Yes. That's so funny. As their spirit being. Yes. And what were you doing hanging out with all these kids? What? Not that what were you doing?
Starting point is 01:26:10 No. I don't know. I don't even know Josh Dugger. Never fucking met him. Jolaine Maxwell walks into the frame and I'm your note. Jolaine later. Later. I'll talk to you later.
Starting point is 01:26:18 Oh shit. That's who the squirrel was. Who's ghost? Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh, I beat you by a second. But yes, it explains that reincarnation is real and that people on earth don't believe
Starting point is 01:26:31 in spirits and ghosts and nothing. That's why earth sucks. That's why there's war and shit because we're not all there religion. Yeah, there's so many great lines from these stupid kids at the one of my favorite lines is just to be honest, I never believed in myself at all. Yeah! It's just, they're all having these personal revelations and they're such sad fucking terrible shit. If you've ever done Coke for the first time, yes.
Starting point is 01:27:01 We have people who've married and come before. Oh, man, somebody said I'm going to build the first UFO on earth. Yeah. You're talking about their aspirational montage. Right. So, yeah, so they're on their little weird acid trip animation. And baby Anna is just like, well, this part of the movie is over. And they're like, is it really?
Starting point is 01:27:24 And then they're back on the spaceship. and they all apparently have to like go one by one telling us what they've learned about themselves during that. And Anna's is that she's like, I want to make movies that touch people. Yeah. I was just thinking that's the movie. This movie, he's talking to himself. Yes. I want to be the person who writes this movie specifically.
Starting point is 01:27:44 And that's what I thought that she was the central character. At a point of like, well, and then ask us like, we could do cartoons, you and me together. Right, yes, I want to make this movie. Yes, I want to make this movie. We want to make religious films that express the ideas that change the world. He wants to study religion and stuff. And she wants to be a priest and they all want to essentially make the movie we are watching right now.
Starting point is 01:28:06 Well, the three of them. One of them wants to make space. Right. Yeah, time wants to make space. And then race that's up. I love this so much. Race steps up and I wrote my nose. It'd be fucking hilarious if he just steps up and he's like, I actually don't, I don't
Starting point is 01:28:18 know what I want to do. And he does. That's what he fucking does. He does. He does. He does. No, it's a bit, but it's a really good bit. It's a really solid comedic bit for him for the hell to be like, I'm an expert in university and ready to be like, I think I'm maybe finance.
Starting point is 01:28:36 I wish I could go first. I'm going to pre-law. We'll see what happens. Keep my options open. Let's start a podcast. Is there a community college for you? I'm going to be a community college for you. I'm going to be a community college for you. I'm going to be a community college for you. I'm going to be-law. We'll see what happens. Just keep my options open. I'll start a podcast.
Starting point is 01:28:47 Is there a community college for self-reveling? Yes, sir. What do I do for that? That's right out back of the space college. Yes, it's over there in Pleiades 3. No hot chicks on that college. But still Nazis. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Nazis in all space. And suspicious bugs. Yeah. And okay. So but then they they all have their little revelation and they reappear at
Starting point is 01:29:17 fucking professor. Yoak is weird tea party or whatever. And apparently, like this, the teleportation device was supposed to allow them to see through the kids' eyes the whole time, but because they went 440 light years away, it's gonna take 440 years for them to get all that information back on for sure. You didn't think about that. Told you about science fiction. We're gonna see we know science.
Starting point is 01:29:45 It's almost like the response that he should have had was like, ah, fuck, why didn't he even do that? I really think about it. I should have known. I knew that there was going to be light. You guys stop having experiences that literally only happen to you and you're the only ones who have any proof of it. It's very hard for my job. I didn't. We brought this moon rock back 440 years from now.
Starting point is 01:30:09 But you kind of learned that this professor dude is kind of trolling because he's a fucking alien. He is the right. Yeah. No, he knows. Yeah. Yeah. I enjoy, I enjoy that revelation at the end, like recontextualizing his, all of his dialogue up to this point is like, you're just being a dick to children.
Starting point is 01:30:25 He's trying to like theoretically help them prove these systems of aliens while being a fucking alien. Just lift your fucking mask off. I was a little bit of that. Dialectically. And but he's like, it's a good thing that you got back when you did all the reptilian kids are gathering everybody in the quad for, you know, the grand finale of the movie. And they're like, oh, fuck, we wouldn't want to miss the grand finale of the movie.
Starting point is 01:30:48 You should have known who's the grand finale coming because it's cloudy. Yeah. Really cloudy. I believe, I believe somebody even says at one point, the genius school is on the move. Yes. Yes. I could not have loved more as a the genius school is on the move. I said.
Starting point is 01:31:06 Oh, so yeah, so the reptiles they've gotten a Zuki, they're gonna do their big demonstration where they're gonna turn her all the way into a photographic memory reptilian alien genius, right? And can I just say that this fucking dance, whatever this does, involves summoning a very evil and spiky spaceship. I think if you're gonna summon a very evil and spiky spaceship, you don't lead with the benefits of photographic memory.
Starting point is 01:31:35 That's... And in theory, you wouldn't finishing the surgery kind of help her? Yeah. Again, yeah, right. Like, we have not established the reptiles or the bag of the only thing they do is have a spiky shit. It looks evil as hell. Right. No, it looks like some Bowser would show up.
Starting point is 01:31:51 Yeah. Yeah. It does. It does have the reality of all cult kind of beliefs that when you boil it down, somebody is describing a problem like my surgery wasn't finished. And the cult solution is like, yeah, that's because they're evil. So we're going to cut your Achilles tendon. Yeah. I don't know if you guys were going to get into this, but they like during COVID have been giving spiritual vaccines. Get out. Yeah. Yeah. Of course they have. Yeah. So that might be more accurate. Anything is what you believe is belief that you make happen with your heart believing in it. Yes. That is their. They're all for long. Your vaccine is at the bottom of the creek.
Starting point is 01:32:33 Yeah. Bottom of the creek. So yeah, and of course, so Haley's like, oh, they've got my sister. I need a saver. And Tyler's like, no, no, this is like the bathroom thing. I've got this. I'm actually the guy. So I will do this. And so he's now going to save the day with his, this is like the bathroom thing. I've got this. I'm actually the guy. So I will do this.
Starting point is 01:32:45 And so he's now going to save the day with his, I've learned something here today, speech. Oh, that was a good one. I wrote in my notes, life can be hard, but don't give into the reptilians. That classic. Guys, guys, everybody, remember what it's like to be in school and how great it is. Remember sports day. Yeah, and other good things about school. That was it. Yeah, no, Haley jumps in and starts telling about the power of school spirit. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. About the power of believing years of the principal has also learned something here today. They all take turns with this for fucking 10 minutes. I thought the principal's monologue was a little bit like,
Starting point is 01:33:28 come on dude, it's about the kids, not the principal. Yeah, it was, it was, it was, this is actually about me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's trying to make it about him, man. Dude, you're like a nine-foot mccall, he's way so tall. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nobody gives a shit about the principal.
Starting point is 01:33:41 And you hate that, right? Because there's always that weird moment at a kid presentation where an adult gets up and makes it about them. And so it's just like a little bit cringey out. Yeah. Yeah. This is the science fair where we're watching the kids dad his project. Right. That's what we're doing. Right. Yeah. And then the kids summon captain Satan planet, right? Yeah. Yeah. They all stand in a circle and a big pentagram shows up between them and flies up into Bowser's spaceship Out loud. I screamed when our powers come by
Starting point is 01:34:12 I couldn't stop by so I was expecting the song from Sonic Adventure 2 Battle It's going through us like okay, which one's fire? All right, okay. Yeah, all right. Who's heart? Nobody's heart is SK Heart. SK Heart. SK Heart. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:34:32 Well, I mean, if that kid didn't Captain Planet jerked off a lot too, I guess we understand what heart really is. Yeah. You didn't see those episodes. I did. Oh, that's right. Just like the late seasons were fucking weird. That was fanfic.
Starting point is 01:34:44 Just Google Captain America jerking off. I promise you we'll get a result. It'll weigh you. Captain Planet will go in for it, but really do both. Well, you're there. Oh, yeah. I'll make a compromise and we'll do a Chris fine getting. Oh, never mind.
Starting point is 01:34:58 All right. So then a good guy's spaceship shows up, right? The bad guy's spaceship gets knocked out. And when I say good guy, I'm talking about a Nazi here. Maybe I should change my no one clenched. The Nazi, but she brought the goat with her. Yes super goat Nazi lady are there. The demon goat.
Starting point is 01:35:15 Yeah, Nazi lady. Yeah, they got a spiritual magnetic field. Yeah. Yeah, right. They said the power of the kids' friendship is created a force field that'll allow us to for once penetrate the galactic treaty or whatever, you know. Well, that's what's so crazy is they're like, finally, we were brought here and the kids are like, Oh, great. You're going to stop the reptilians and they're like, No, no, we're just going to watch,
Starting point is 01:35:38 but we're here. We're watching. Yeah, yeah. They had some really random, convenient ass rules there to toss out at the end just like, oh, no, no, we really want to help. I didn't tell you guys about some class B. It doesn't, we're not allowed to wave a name. Hey, listen, we can't interfere with this kind of situation. What we can do is abduct a bunch of children and their principal send them on a weird journey through
Starting point is 01:36:05 space and time, give them a bunch of obvious things that they should have recognized like in primary school or whatever, and then tell them to solve the problem on their own. Right. The Nazi lady had the best line, I think probably for me of the whole movie, which was the Galactic Federation wants to thank team future. Yeah. That's pretty good. She's just got like, oh, it's good. that's a good, a laser printed certificate that he has.
Starting point is 01:36:27 That's the best we can do. We're going to, what was it? We're going to create the unity of science and spirituality that will save the universe. And it's like, oh, you mean, you mean no science then? Yeah, right. Exactly. You're talking about zero science. Cult.
Starting point is 01:36:46 And just as they're about to like, I don't know, enter into this binding agreement on behalf of all of humanity or whatever, a voice comes up with a PA and he's like, not so fast that it turns out the janitor was secretly a reptilian this whole time. Donny, don't, don't. And he would have gotten away with it. If it weren't for these literal meddling kids, he even holds up his mask at this point. Oh, yeah. Again, we get there's foreshadowing, right? You know, like he was out there at two in the morning.
Starting point is 01:37:21 He's taking holes for no reason. The digging holes doesn't make sense. Lizard's dig holes. Dude, I don't know. Space ones do. Space the experts. I also, I don't want a body shame, the reptilian. Wow.
Starting point is 01:37:37 Wow. That is not how you start a conversation about reptilian. Sounds like you're a bunch of body shame reptilians. Yeah, that's brutal. But when he reveals his true form, it's not exactly terrifying. No, is that body shaming? I think that's the compliment. There's a real Bosniki and a gut going on. Yeah. That's right. Body shaming. Rod Rick. That's still a go another. So and because this movie can't just be regular amounts of crazy at any point, as soon as he reveals himself to be a reptilian, he has to go off on some monologue about how his
Starting point is 01:38:08 reptilian offshoot has no affiliation whatsoever with American reptilians, totally different group. Just the absolute best pointless, just the absolute best speech I have ever heard pointless lore. I swear to God, I swear to God. It is the best thing I ever have ever cut Cena. It's like, what? I am number one. I am number the evil man who is also a lizard Literally screamed out. I am number one. It was the best. It was the best. Don't you dare imply that I'm involved with the same alien species
Starting point is 01:38:45 or America. Oh, listen, dick. Why would you make that assumption? I'm using how many types of practice serial those assholes out? Are you saying all reptilians look alike? There is a great diversity among the reptilians. I'll have you know.
Starting point is 01:38:57 It starts to make a gesture for like a nose. He's like, those reptilians are more of a like, oh, he made reptilians. I don't want to get into it. I'm not, oh boy. I'm not really at the point. Oh, man. Yeah, so he starts yelling about how they need to bow before him.
Starting point is 01:39:12 He is the reptilian overlord and they're like, I don't think we have to bow before you. That's not how this movie ends. And that's when he uses his space bat signal to summon a giant space sphincter to suck them into the dark side universe. It's the dark side universe. My note is, ah, there's a dark side universe.
Starting point is 01:39:30 I think this is totally normal. Did we skip over the most important line of the entire movie? Is that where he's yelling about the horror? No. Whatever, whatever the evil reptilian screams, I am aligned with the Chinese military. Yeah. No, no, that's actually then.
Starting point is 01:39:50 That happens right there at the Dark Side universe there. You nailed it. Your timing was excellent. Yeah, and that's sort of his goodbye shout out to them. Because that's the best line I've ever heard in any villain speech. Yeah, just and it's a non-sequitur. It's not like I'm going to call the Chinese military. I'm not going to get help from that. It's like he's just really excited about it. It's like he closed the deal a couple days ago and he
Starting point is 01:40:13 hasn't had the chance to tell anybody yet. So it's time. You know, or when a like, when a NASCAR driver takes on a really big sponsorship and he's trying to organically working it into the interview after the race. I'm aligned with Tide Pong. Just like the fresh taste of seminar. Also, did I miss it? He called down like the dreaded messenger or whatever. The space sphincter, the har, the space sphincter, yeah.
Starting point is 01:40:41 Yeah. The sphincter itself was the har. Yeah, what it was?incter itself was the har, I think the messenger of the dark side universe, I don't know man, don't ask me to unravel this shit. Sorry, I should, that was unfair of me. All right, so but then they suddenly, they, all the kids teleport into a town.
Starting point is 01:41:02 And they're actually in the middle of there, so they're at the junior school. Crampchool. Cramschool. Cramschool. Don't go to cramschool. And just then time stops and all the pedestrians turn into reptilians. Right. But that's okay because Ray turns into a stripy werewolf. Okay. he apologizes for turning into a werewolf. He turns into a werewolf arm first, right? First, it's just his fist is in his right arm. Yeah. That's a werewolf.
Starting point is 01:41:34 And for a second, I was like, Oh, SK's got nothing on this guy. But then he apologizes and he turns into the giant statue that we saw when we were in the waterfall ice world thing. Hello, call back. I know. I mean, but what was missed is right before this is they're explaining the dark side universe. Where is it? Yeah. Well, you know, explaining how it's a threat. It's going to destroy the whole earth. I think you know that if you hear dark side. No, no, of course. They say it's going to destroy the whole earth. I think it's SK who says, not the whole earth. Even Guam. It's such a whispered
Starting point is 01:42:18 line like you say it yourself like an aside like not even even even New York. Like, oh man. And then, and then when when Ray transforms into a super Saiyan werewolf, which is totally not a super Saiyan, copyright rules, but it plays over that voice over speech of his like, when you find out what your true potential is, you can do anything. And it's like, wait, so you're telling me the whole time his true potential was werewolf was werewolf the true werewolf barbarian. Yeah, that was not foreshadowed at only in the dark side universe. I thought he was going to be really good at making films or whatever. Yeah, he wants to beat up the aliens.
Starting point is 01:42:59 Yeah, that's true. That's true. That's true. That's to be clear. That's not a very great real world skill, right? Like he's not going to be in an interview later in a tech company and be like, well, I can turn into a stripy werewolf. I don't know. I'm still a con Valley tech company would see a man turn into a werewolf and be like, we can monetize the shit out of that. Yeah, that's true. He probably, I find a way to make a few bucks on that. So spoiler alert, he ends up fighting like a bunch of these reptiles.
Starting point is 01:43:25 And then he's too much for him. He falls off a roof and he gets saved by a fucking dragon. Of course, saved by a fat dragon. Yep. This pissed me the fuck off. The dragon turns out to be their teacher. Yeah, the angry teacher of a man who said don't go to cram school. Right.
Starting point is 01:43:41 So he was the dragon, but why couldn't Tyler have been the dragon? He wants to make you F.O.s. He wants to fly because he's a super Saiyan. He's not a dragon. That's a different thing. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's a reformed reptilian who has to defeat the reptilian. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, have all had super say in powers. Also, yeah, true. Up to this point, the animation and this has actually been stellar, right? The animation has been good. Very good. And then this dragon shows up. Not good. And it's like they promised that Larry got to make a thing too, right? Yeah. For whatever reason, the animation on this dragon is a fucking terrible. It's real derpy. Again, I think they blew their budget on the waterfall. Okay, that's something.
Starting point is 01:44:27 That might have been it. Yeah. They used up all the green colored pencils. And so Larry is just like scraping by with the nub. With the dragon like looks back at, yeah, it looked so terrible. If you've ever seen in the 80s, they made a rotoscope version of an animated version of Lord of the Rings, the fellowship of the ring. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:44:48 That was rotoscope. And then they also had one of the Hobbit and Smout, the dragon looks exactly the same. Right. And that's from 50 years ago. Yeah. Whatever it is. Yeah. Uh-huh.
Starting point is 01:44:58 Yeah. Also, when there was a dragon, I just thought like, uh, dragons. All right. They're in, they're in play. They're in play. Yeah. Right. Yeah, but they're, oh, dragons. All right. They're in, they're in play. They're in play. Yeah, but they're in play, guys. The dragon turd, like, picks him up and then sets him down and says, yeah, I've been a dragon the whole time.
Starting point is 01:45:13 And your mean teacher, by the way, from earlier, I put, I've been a dragon this whole time. And they're like, oh, great. I guess you can help us fight these reptiles. He's like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. What you need to do to escape is to believe in the God of light. I could not have been happier with that. That's a game of thrown stuff. I really wanted him to just vanish and be like,
Starting point is 01:45:32 see you later, knuckle fuckers, believe in the God of Light. I wish I remember bored of this part, but this section of my notes is literally just me, whenever the dragon shows up, me screaming, Mr. Takamine, eh? And then, and then three lines that just go, what the fuck? What the fuck? Oh fuck me.
Starting point is 01:45:52 Yeah. This is probably yellow heaven, miss. Yes. Yeah. So yeah, they do the fucking, they all need to harness the light within them. Yeah. I guess is what they say. And so then they do the heart pentagram spell enough
Starting point is 01:46:08 and create a bunch of light that runs off the reptilians. Right. And then they escape from hell. And then they get to talk to God. Right. Yes. And God asks them if Earth is worth all the trouble. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:46:20 And I am very glad I was not the one that was asked this question. Right. Let me tell you right now Where where are we this must be the kingdom of the god of light? It's like a weird guest, Dan. Yeah, you you feel like a weird guest Oh Eli you want to take this one? No, no, you know what? You guys got this. You got it.
Starting point is 01:46:49 But, Pizza is real good. Yes, love pizza. Uh, delicious. But, man, is it worth saving? Ah, that is. I mean, I'm going to need you to define a lot about what is there for me. Uh, no. Yep, gotta say no.
Starting point is 01:47:14 I'm gonna go with no. Oh, okay. There was one line in the explaining why we should save the earth's speech that really resonated with me. Oh, that's great. And that was one kid saying, I want to say it was Tyler, he just goes up, I can't explain why I love the earth. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:47:36 And I was like, yeah, man, I get it. I get it. I get it too. You know, I'm still here. I think what he was really saying is like, I don't know why I'm continuing to live. And that resonated with me. Like on a deep level.
Starting point is 01:47:51 Tyler gets it. Yeah. Yeah. Like I think it's a preposterous question for some deity to ask is the earth worth saving. I would be offended by the question. Ask your fucking goat guy. If earth is worth saving, I live here.
Starting point is 01:48:04 Yeah, I'm obviously bought. Is your house worth saving? Yeah, right. Right. Exactly. It's like everyone tries to defend their hometowns pizza, right? They're like, no, no, no. Say, Lewis style pizza. You got to go to Luma, not East. That's the one. So, yeah, but no, it turns out they're all big earth fans. So God decides not to let the earth get sucked into the dark side universe. Mm-hmm. What a great time for a villain reveal of one of the kids just be like,
Starting point is 01:48:32 you know what? No, pass, pass, blow it up. Don't give a shit. Well, I love to race as yes, we all love the earth and we want you to save the earth even if it means sacrificing our lives. And I wonder all the other kids just start back and away from them at that point. Like, well, hold on.
Starting point is 01:48:48 Even if it means sacrificing her life, even if it means giving her up to the dark side universe, we will give anything, including her specifically to the dark side universe. Why don't you take her first, see if that's enough human sacrifice and then not the whole hurt. And then we can take her sister, her sister's here. So okay, so they go back to the school now, I guess God has saved the earth or whatever. And Professor Joake Shiriz, proud of them. They did a great job.
Starting point is 01:49:24 And at this point, of course, we're just like, yeah, roll credits, man. But this movie just picks a random five threads to tie off at this point. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. They didn't tie off threads. They started new threads. That's true, yeah.
Starting point is 01:49:38 They picked five new threads to start that were unrelated and unnecessary. You're right. They were completely new threads. There's the reform reptilian threads. I didn were unrelated and unnecessary. You're right. They were completely new threads. There's the reformed reptilian threads. I didn't need to know. He could have just put a fucking dragon out of it for me. So Yopi being an alien thread.
Starting point is 01:49:53 I didn't need to know he was an alien. He didn't even know anything for me. It just turns him into an asshole retroactively. They didn't defeat the janitor. He just ran away. The janitor's fine. Yeah. He's still aligned with the Chinese
Starting point is 01:50:05 Beledang. That could be a problem. That's an issue going forward. They are trying to wrap up the plot and the bad janitor lizard is still heckling them. Yes. And a ship comes by and sucks him up like he has to have an HR meeting with them. Well, and then we see that the bad guy students, the seniors that have been like, you know, outside of the bathroom stall, aske was in the whole time. And they're like, wow, what were we thinking going to cram school?
Starting point is 01:50:31 We should have listed the Mr. Takamina. Get that kid's education is bad. Yeah. Listen to the dragon. Don't go to cram school. But your janitor's a dragon. Follow him. He didn't go to cram school.
Starting point is 01:50:43 And then just in case you I guess they felt that there was still a little bit more to wrap up. So we cut over to super goat and space Nazi lady and they're like they're heading out. They're like, all right. Well, I guess our work here is done. And they're like, that is all time great did not do anything. Yes. Yet still said our work. Yes, that is a cold time. Like top five of all time having done nothing. Nothing and then left with that our work here is done. Debateably they didn't even get the project done.
Starting point is 01:51:14 No. Yeah. Yeah, for creation class. I wonder one of the kids to be like, were you guys, were you guys chewing gum during that? Oh no, we were a little not free. Good job. I wonder where care is done. Oh God, she goes, We're just chewing gum during that oh no we were a little not free God she goes I wonder if this movie was an analogy for it super goats like no it's fucking real all of it's fucking real
Starting point is 01:51:42 So they leave they've got rainbow exhaust because they're good guys and then fireworks start going off because apparently they ended with a time That was at a one three or a six. I have no fucking idea what these fireworks were about. If you're gonna end a movie, you end it like return to the Jedi end of story. Every single movie should end like return to the Jedi. There should be Ewoks, Hitting Stormtrooper helmets. That's it. All right. That's an immutable law of movies. Oh, and by the way, did you guys stick around for the mid-credits scene? Hell yeah. Hell yeah, you didn't.
Starting point is 01:52:10 Oh, I don't know. I know. I know there's a mid-credits scene. Oh, there's a mid-credits scene. This is the one I'm missing. You love a shit. I'm missing. I'm missing.
Starting point is 01:52:17 I'm missing. I'm missing. I'm missing. I'm missing. I'm missing. I'm missing. I'm missing. I'm missing.
Starting point is 01:52:24 I'm missing. I'm missing. I'm missing. I'm missing. I'm missing. Why didn't stick around? I was like, well, there's no way they're going to make this more movie. You should have learned by this. Well, there's a, there's a big credit scene where the Chinese military gets a call from the janitor and they're like, no, we're allied. We're allied just so everybody knows. No, no, no. That's not what it was. It was somebody got a call from the president of the United States. Yep. Oh, is that who that was? Yeah. Oh, interesting. And he says, I've been meaning to talk to him. And that's the end of the mid-term.
Starting point is 01:52:51 And it's something to do with demons. Sure. Yeah. The demons did their job or something like that. And then he's going to talk to the president of the United States. Right. Interesting. All right.
Starting point is 01:53:01 Well, that tracks. Obviously, look, there are a lot of dangling threads in this story. So to close things off, I have a quick question for you guys, which one do you most hope that they flesh out when we all get back together for the sequel that we will definitely all watch? Oh, who wins the eating contest like overall? That's what I'm okay. All right.
Starting point is 01:53:20 Interesting. Interesting. Over what? Like what? Look, if we're 40 and 41, okay. Like how do have how many is the matter. Yeah, when is it all right, I think it ends at the end of the semester, maybe there's a at the end of the semester. Oh yeah, the threat, the threat I would like to follow is how long it
Starting point is 01:53:36 takes for everyone to wise up that the good guys are evil. Yeah, sure, fair. the very obvious signs that the good guys are they are aligned with the United States military I think the thread I would like closed is whoever composed the music for this movie needs to be stopped It was like it was like the Thomas concaid of music, you know, it was that so fucking boilerplate shit. Like, oh, it's like what you would be honest of, yes, absolutely, absolutely so awful. It made me furious. So whatever needs to be taken, whatever steps need to be taken to stop that guy. I don't know exactly who it was, but in the credits, they're listed as Miz music. That sounds right. Oh, yeah. Oh, do you mean it was the Miz? But yeah, the rest of it. The rest of the Miz playing his music. He's awesome. All right. Well, Dan Jordan,
Starting point is 01:54:35 thank you so much for hanging out with us today. It was a lot of movie to get through. I can't believe you made it. So if you don't mind, can you remind our listeners that are, you know, too high for gluten to just check this show? No, it's where they can go to find more from you guys. Yeah, you can find us at knowledgefight.com's our website. Indeed. We're also on Twitter. It's at knowledge underscore fight and that go to bed Jordan.
Starting point is 01:54:55 Yeah, and thanks for having us. Even if it was incredibly painful and stupid, the movie was awful, but I did end it thinking like, I'll probably watch the next one. Awesome. I can't wait to capitalize on that. It's at least ambitious enough to be weird. Do you know what I ended it thinking? I ended it thinking, have you been squishing your soul down inside of my body without permission. Yeah. All right, well, I'll do it.
Starting point is 01:55:29 That's going to do it for our review of the laws of the universe part zero. That's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to give you something to come back for next week. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. Well, though, as we were asking our patrons for recommendations for our December bonus episode, a gem came up so beautiful. So exquisite that we had no choice, but to tear up our schedule and watch it immediately, we'll be doing the anti-micromore comedy about the real meaning of patriotism and American Carol.
Starting point is 01:56:00 And if that's not enough to make you excited about this go look up the goddamn cast for this one. Oh, it's Exquisite. So with that to look forward to we're gonna bring episode 330 to our merciful clothes once again a huge Thanks to Dan and Jordan for hanging out with us today and a perhaps even a huge your thanks to all the patreon Donors that help make the show go if you think to get yourself among there actually can make a perhaps a donation of patreon.com Sush God awful and thereby earn a way access to an ad free version of every episode You can also help a time by leaving a five star review end by sharing the show and all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the scaling aliestitation to D&D- and the Skeptocrat, available wherever podcasts live.
Starting point is 01:56:31 If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can even log out off from movies to gmail.com, legal services for this podcast, provided by the law, this is a P-Handra Taurus. Tim Robson takes care of our social media, our theme song was written and performed by R.I.S. Thought and Univital Jeff Sunmars, all of the music was written and performed by our audience and your Morgan Clarkon was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a check out this week for Heathen, right, New Labox,
Starting point is 01:56:47 and the common o'oleations, promise to work harder on another chunk next week. Until then, we'll leave you with a breakfast club clothes. SK and the Hornet discovered Kloakka stuff and took their relationship to the next level. Don't go to Cramsville. And we're not masters of brevity. Yeah, right. No worries.
Starting point is 01:57:43 No worries. I mentioned that to you, Laila, I was like, do you sure you want these guys out for the two hour? Oh, there's a lot of 90 minutes. Shit, we had. But luckily nothing at all happens for the first third of this movie. So we should write. Oh, you think I don't have thoughts about the boring part of this. I was going to say it was really interesting that you guys didn't want to talk for
Starting point is 01:58:04 about this two hour long thing and you just wanna listen to Dan and I argue about the first 25 minutes of the movie. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC Copyright 2021. All rights reserved.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.