God Awful Movies - 364: In Search of Dudley Dumpling

Episode Date: August 9, 2022

The legendary Cecil of Cognitive Dissonance joins us for an atheist review of In Search of Dudley Dumpling. It's a children's puppet movie about kidnapping, race wars, and Christianity. --- Check out ...more from Cecil on the Cognitive Dissonance podcast. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hi, I'm Heathen Wright and I'm here to tell you that HelloFresh delivers fresh quality produce from the farm to your door in less than a week so you can save her summer flavors all season long. Go to HelloFresh.com slash Awful16 and use the code Awful16 for 16 free meals across 7 boxes and 3 free gifts. Actually, he just steps out the window, because he has a weird, long, crazy, love crafty legs. And they just fold up inside his body.
Starting point is 00:00:31 So he just weans one giant terrifying leg out the window and then just stepped out. Exactly. He's like snapping like a gruesome, like horrible crunching, but then he just pulls them in from his body and new wet legs grow out. It's a slapping wet sound, yeah, exactly. Yance again, I am whole.
Starting point is 00:00:51 Crazy Catulu. Not awful. Movie. movie movies. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
Starting point is 00:01:10 oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
Starting point is 00:01:18 oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,
Starting point is 00:01:16 oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, hello, hello. There he is. And we also have a legendary veteran maskist. He can sword fight like the artful Dodger, but he looks more like Fagan. Seasel, something Italian is here. Seasel, thanks for joining us. I'm always happy to join you when someone fists a puppet. So I'm here for that. A lot of that. So Seasel, what puppet thing are we going to be breaking down today? We watched in search of Dudley Dumpling. It is the story of a failing radio station's quest to kidnap a religious puppet because listeners are tired of sweatshawk poetry.
Starting point is 00:01:58 I think that is exactly accurate. That's really what it's about. Cecil's not exactly to get it. There's no poetic license to that. No, I didn't make any of that up. No. All right, well Eli, elaborate a little bit. How bad was this puppet movie?
Starting point is 00:02:13 Well, if you love the Muppet Show, but you've only ever seen it through the crack under your door at the asylum when you've been kept in the last 40 years because you massacred your family in a structural lovecraftian God. You will love this movie. Yeah. All right. And is there anything you'd like to nominate this one for being the best at being the
Starting point is 00:02:35 worst at? I would definitely like to nominate it for best worst misogyny. There's one woman with speaking lines in the block. I got the fuck up. You should the plot. You should name it. They fucking choke her out. They hate her. They like beater. They throw over their shoulder.
Starting point is 00:02:51 She screams constantly. It is the, it's the meanest writing towards someone and it's awful. It's genuinely awful. They just have horrifyingly upsetting fights. Yeah. With this Muppet and other Muppets, and they think it's comedy. Right?
Starting point is 00:03:08 It's just like a whole time. It's just like hitting on this one female character. Yeah. And then it's like moving on. Yep. It's just a couple in the last days before they signed the divorce papers on the Muppet show.
Starting point is 00:03:22 Shut up over there with your ovaries. Huh? Shut it up, you. Don't you talk to me like that. I'm going to mothers. papers on the Muppet Show. Shut up over there with your ovaries, huh? Shut it up, you. Don't you talk to me like that. I'm going to mothers and everyone's just like, one of these days, one of the, yeah, it's rock. Today. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:03:35 All right. So I'm going to go with best worst racial tension. Yes. This is all, yeah. Kids, puppet movie, but yes, in this human puppet universe, they multiple times explore the concept of the racial tension between like the human race and the puppet race. We'll get to it. It's really weird.
Starting point is 00:04:00 The world building of this movie, if taken seriously, is a terrifying hell. It is terrifying. Right, because we should point out, this is a completely strafe-faced kid movie, so they'll be like, oh no, we've got to find all the bananas, and then just casually, they'll be like, remember when we fought for our right to vote in the he-unop rising? And then they just never fucking addressed it.
Starting point is 00:04:21 I feel like there's a series of like blood filled prequels that we have missed to in search of. Absolutely. Totally don't. And I will get to it later, but I just want to I really want to explore why the nurses are the nurses are the most racist ones in the movie. I want to explore the later nurses. Over the time with the murder of racism. It's really a lot of big a tree. Really troubling if you dig in on it, which I should point out is going to be a job.
Starting point is 00:04:52 It's got to happen. The Human Nurses Association is technically a hate thing. Yeah, it is. So PC's got a list that is a hate group. Yeah. And I'm going to take the easy one. I'm going to go with best worst fat shaming.
Starting point is 00:05:04 Yes, absolutely. Yeah So that this story is about one of the puppet who's unpopular and then he finds Jesus and people like him And in the brief moments that they will discuss this puppets unpopularity I don't know who was working something out in the writers room But you have never heard more visceral hatred of the fat than you have heard directed at the puppet. This movie is my entire childhood. Tall man.
Starting point is 00:05:35 Yeah. Man. There's literally a school day's-esque hazing scene in which it was not out of the stretch of our imaginations that Dudley Dumpley was going to be sexually assaulted by a group of humans. A hundred percent. There's a hundred percent a terrifying bathroom scene in this. Yeah, like deliverance level scary. It will live.
Starting point is 00:05:58 Absolutely. Exactly. Same stain on his shirt too. Beer is a horror movie. We did this in the wrong way. And then he does have a pretty puppet mouth. You got it. Yeah, you got it. If you change the music, it is a horror movie. No question. Yeah, that's all you have to do.
Starting point is 00:06:14 You don't, that's all you have to do. You don't change any dialogue. You don't change any of the scenes. You just change, you changed it from major key to minor key. And it's a horror movie. Yep. And you've done, you've made one of the scariest movies in cinematic history. It's so weird.
Starting point is 00:06:29 All right, I'm gonna do this second. We're gonna take a quick break. And then we'll be back to tell you all about in search of Dudley Dumbling. Hey guys. Oh, hey, Wally, what's going on? Hey, just out of curiosity, did you guys finish writing that kids movie
Starting point is 00:06:44 for Mr. Button yet? Oh, just out of curiosity, did you guys finish writing that kids movie for Mr. Button yet? Oh, no, we did not. Why? So I was out at the beach house with the kids this weekend and you'll never believe this, but this wooden box washed up on shore, right? So the kids are super curious. We crack it open and this movie script was inside a movie script.
Starting point is 00:07:03 Yeah. Well, technically it's like a seven volume epic, but basically it's about like after the rapture half of humans are turned into these cloth humunculi, but they still have all their memories and souls. But because of the rapture, TV is destroyed and so are all the other digital images. So all people have to communicate with each other all across the world is the radio. Weird. That's a. Yeah, it's super weird. So people everywhere, all of a sudden become like maniacally obsessed with finding happiness out of the light of God's love because they know they're damned because everyone else got sucked into heaven. So they
Starting point is 00:07:38 start putting these philosophers and actors and like leaders and stuff on the radio to try to like test them to see if they know how to be happy. But when they fail, they get like publicly executed right there on the radio. Did you say executed? Yeah, it's super gory in the script. Anyway, so they kill like hundreds of philosophers, but then everyone simultaneously has the same dream that like a child is going to have the answer. So the people at the radio station
Starting point is 00:08:05 who've been doing this, they go around and they start kidnapping kids halfway through the third movie and interviewing them for the secrets to happiness. Do they kill the kids if they don't know? Yeah, they do. Absolutely. So finally, they hear about this weird kid who's been doing like miracles and preaching in the middle of the country, even though he's just like a tiny little kid. So they kidnap him and he tells the world how to be happy. And at the end of the movie, you realize he's actually the anti-Christ and the radio people have helped him rise to power by accident.
Starting point is 00:08:38 Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyways, I think we could use like pieces of that and make it our children's movie. What do you guys think? Ah, sounds bad. Really bad.
Starting point is 00:08:51 Yeah, man. That doesn't sound like a good movie at all. But that's good. I agree. Okay, but what if I told you that the screamer won't leave our dreams until you guys say yes? Well, why didn't you say yes? Yeah, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:09:04 Have you ever seen his face? I don't think he has one. You guys say yes. Well, why didn't you say so? Yeah, you know what I'm in. Have you ever seen his face? I don't think he has one. Cecil. Cecil, are you awake? What, oh, damn it Eli, how did you get in my apartment? I presented to be a lady and I married your super. I have a present for you.
Starting point is 00:09:21 It's 5.30 in the morning. That's right, and you know what that means? I'm gonna wrap you in a blanket and beat you to death right now. And no, it's tooth brushing time. And look, look what I brought you. You brought me toothpaste. Three meat hokey flavor toothpaste. You know, because you're Italian. Eli, I don't need racism, seem toothpaste to keep my oral health.
Starting point is 00:09:44 I have quip. Oh, what's quip? Eli, I don't need racism, seem, toothpaste to keep my oral health. I have quip. Oh, what's quip? Keith, you're here too? Yeah, I came in case you didn't want the toothpaste. I'm in, it's all yours. You can do it. Yeah, nice.
Starting point is 00:09:56 All right. The quip, Electric toothbrush, is loved by over 7 million miles and has timed sonic vibrations with 30-second pulses to guide a dentist recommended two-minute clean, a lightweight and sleek design for adults and kids with no wires or bulky charger to weigh you down. Okay, but what about all the other stuff you need for your mouth like floss and mouthwash, that stuff? Quip has everything you need to build a complete routine.
Starting point is 00:10:24 Refillable gum that sugar-free has long lasting mint flavor and comes with a dispenser. And refillable mouthwash that's four times concentrate. Plus it's good for you and good for the planet. Okay, I suppose you're going to tell me they come in mozzarella flavor too. Nope, nope. But if you go to getquip.com slash awful right now, you'll get your first refill free. That's your first refill free at getquip.com slash awful spelled G E T Q I P dot com slash awful quip, the good habits company. All right, Cecil, I get it. Come on, Heath, he
Starting point is 00:11:00 doesn't need us. You're lost. Did you, did you eat a whole tube of toothpaste? Yes, I did the whole tube. Are you going to throw up? Almost, almost certainly yes. It's getting close. And we're back. And we're going to start with a logo for Mr. Button Family video. We've done one of theirs before.
Starting point is 00:11:20 Am bush also with puppets. And that logo, it's like rich Uncle Pennybags from Monopoly, but with bad enough graphics that it's technically not, I believe, stealing it. Yeah. If Mr. Meeksie's assignment was to be racist, he'd be Mr. Button. Music here is also quite amazing. Quite amazing. All they did is just hit one like like tango on the Casio or whatever to play and like that's what you get for the rest of the movie. Yeah, like the Royal Wedding is starting, but a button on a Casio, which is weird. You
Starting point is 00:11:56 didn't expect that. So from there, we get to see a classical radio DJ named El Vira. And she turns off the music and she decides, I'm going to recite my own poetry now. And the poem she goes with is an ode to sweatsaucks. And it's bad poetry. That really tracks with like every poet I've ever known though. I mean, it really genuinely tracks with every single one of them. They're the worst. They're the worst people, genuinely the worst people. And this, this movie is no exception. She's the worst throughout. Also, this is a puppet who's doing this. So I feel like it's kind of like an ode to
Starting point is 00:12:37 like body skin suit. It's kind of creepy, right? Like if you think about what's actually happening there. Yeah, yeah. Puppets are just a glorified sock. And now you're, yeah, exactly. Wow. Yeah. Honestly, if I was forced to wear my own skin nurse layer of the movie, yeah, inside my own shoes day to day, I would also write poems about it. You've cracked this wide open for me. And the camera work, let's just stop here. The camera work for the rest of the movie is going to be based on this camera work, which is when a puppet is talking, shove the camera as close as possible to their face so the audience gets motion sickness. That's their plan and that's what they do throughout the entire movie. It's super hard to watch. My conclusion is that
Starting point is 00:13:21 there were several moments throughout this movie, not every moment, but several moments throughout this movie in which a puppeteer was asked to puppeteer and hold the camera at the same time. It is the only explanation for some of the camera work in this film. Yeah. To do it selfies with the camera on their hands. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like the camera was held up by one of those flimsy sticks with like a string off. Yeah, absolutely. Like how Kermit's arms move. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So whatever the radio station is doing real bad, we see her producers be like, oh my god, this potrard is terrible. Our station's gonna fail. And then they turn up the volume into her earphones way too loud as like a prank, I guess. Yeah. And she, she flies backwards off her chair from the power of the volume.
Starting point is 00:14:12 And like, look, let's talk about the fact that like this is a very easy cartoon bit, right? Oh, no, we don't want to hear that. Turn up the music and then you turn it to 12. And it's like, and they have weird hair or whatever. Right. This has been done in a million cartoons. And then you turn it to 12 and it's like, and they have weird hair or whatever. Right? This has been done in a million cartoons, but because we're in a love crafty and horror instead, they just turn up the music and she's like, oh my ears. She like throws up and her nose starts to bleed and she like convulses on the floor
Starting point is 00:14:37 for a bit. And they're just slowly pans up to the other puppets. You're like circling their eyes with black makeup. We have them putting on. the other puppets. You're like circling their eyes with black makeup. This will be throughout the movie. Throughout the movie. And then they do that thing where the puppet opens their mouth and kind of looks at the camera like, ah, we can crocodile back it up. They got that mouth open thing. Yeah, exactly. Right. So from that lovecraftian horror moment that you really didn't expect in the first scene of the kids puppet movie, we cut to the DJ having a
Starting point is 00:15:11 meeting with HR about the volume prank from her two producers. Yeah. Exactly. So again, I want to point out now we watch the puppets have a big ugly, completely deadly serious fight for 72 minutes. If you are writing this for sane humans, this is two lines of dialogue. I can't believe you did that. I can't believe I didn't do it sooner. I kid you not. There are four minutes of her just being like, you mother fuckers. You're gonna kill me.
Starting point is 00:15:41 You're gonna kill you. This is gun legal state. I'll come in and I'll blow the back of your hands up. And then as though we've been experiencing a comedy beat, the boss comes in and he's like, that's enough for you to. Oh God. Yeah, it's so true. I just wanna edit this boss into a bunch
Starting point is 00:15:57 of terrible fight movie sequences, right? Like the murders from the raid and the assault from unforgiven. And he's just like, that's enough for you two. I don't know why I heard about it. Yep. So yeah, the human owner comes in and he's like, all right, everybody relax. I'm a human. You're all puppets. The ratings are down and look at this down graph and the show's graph that goes down, I guess. And his new plan, they need a gimmick to turn things around, but he's got an idea. He got a letter, an anonymous letter from a listener that says this kid named Dudley Dumpling somewhere in the local area has the secret to joy. And that would mean higher
Starting point is 00:16:38 ratings if they can get Dudley on the air, this child to tell everybody the secret of joy. What do you mean by get them on the air? He's, you mean kidnap a child? What do you mean? So you, you would assume before I clarify that like, oh, we would, you know, ask this child to go, no, the plan is literally what's, what you said. Yeah. We're going to kidnap a child and, and make him do a show about joy.
Starting point is 00:17:06 And yeah, the crew is like, yeah, okay, we'll kidnap a child. And I don't want to understate this. This is a great moment to point out the voice acting in this. If you want to have a funny kids puppet movie, you got to have some goofy voices, right? You got to have the, oh, hey, you're carrots. And you're like, there's a lot of million, there's a million little voices out there that you could do that would be funnier than the guy they got who does most of their lines, who's essentially Marvin the paranoid Android from the hitchhiker Chronicle. We
Starting point is 00:17:37 just like, okay, I guess we'll have to hit an average high, like, I mean, like, it's not funny, it's not interesting. He's literally just down in the dumps the whole movie. He sounds like he's probably depressed and may kill himself. Like, yeah, there's a wild, wild country situation going on with how they hired their boy face to face with him. He's like Colin Robinson, the energy vampire. Oh, no, we can't.
Starting point is 00:18:03 Just bore the shit at you and he feeds off of it. The whole movie's like that. Yeah. So yeah, just to be clear, there is no pushback or alternate suggestions kidnapping a child. No, one of them, one of the puppets is like, won't he be unhappy if we kidnap him and the head of the station is like, shut the fuck up. And so he does. And that is it.
Starting point is 00:18:23 Yeah. Then they say the fight is the fight is the only pushback he gets is, okay, we'll do it, but you need to bail us out if we get caught. Yeah. He says it's better than closing down the station. No, get out of your child. He's definitely not better than closing your radio station. Yep. Well, they're doing it. So the two producer puppets and DJ Alvira head out in a van to do whatever the plan is, find Dudley Dumpe, like just look around for this child named Dudley and kidnap him. Yeah, and they have some real problems with weight in this movie. They start already on the woman, dropping like the only woman on the cast, right?
Starting point is 00:19:03 The only woman puppet who only, she's the only woman in the whole thing that has more than like three lines. And she's a fatty fat fat immediately right out of the bats first line. Right. And again, cartoons, I get it, right? It's like, oh, something weight joke. But instead they get in the car and she's like, oh, well, let's get on the road and he's like, you're a fat bitch. And then literally, by going moving on, that's exactly what happens. They get in a fist fight while the sound effect is going on in the background. We end, we do a doodly do while they're like, oh, I wish you would, I wish you would. I pray for the void. You son of a bitch.
Starting point is 00:19:46 It's my band. Okay, we are did we check this? This movie's from the 80s, maybe the early 90s. This movie is from neither time nor spanish. I think it's a good one.
Starting point is 00:19:56 I would argue this movie is from the early 80s, not only from the dress, but from several comments throughout. I would argue it's from the early. Yeah, possibly early 80s or net or nether void, one of the other, although admittedly it's filmed in Indiana and they have been in the early 80s for a very, very long time. Home of Mike Pence and mommy or whatever the fuck he causes. Yeah. All right. Well, from there, from that hilarious, ridiculous fat shaming that they think was funny,
Starting point is 00:20:25 but also it was terrifying. Okay, we talk about, let's talk about the credits. Yeah, that's what I was saying. We get more credits. Oh, okay, like so many more credits as they drive off to somewhere. Yeah, and then they like, can scroll them on one of those things you used to look at
Starting point is 00:20:39 when you were in math class in high school, those little transparencies, but the guy they hired can't keep it still. So he's shaking it the whole time and you're trying to read it. Again, this entire movie is just an adventure in motion sickness. The whole movie. Okay, I literally do not know how they messed this up, right? Because this is something that you put on the film.
Starting point is 00:21:00 Yeah, after it's just. Yes, I think the guy was standing there like the fucking Michael J. Fox was in the head of the film. Yeah, the guy was standing there like the fucking Michael J Fox was in the head of their sheets. It's just, it's okay guys. Keep filming. It's fine. And okay. So this is canceled. This is so long that we watch this. So much worse. Everybody in their crew and their cast and their, what their key grips, they're all so goddamn proud of their cursive marker writing. And then they have to write their signature out. And we want, it's like half the movie.
Starting point is 00:21:32 Yeah, it's just this. Yeah. But I want to talk about the hero of the film, the hero of the film, Craig Smith, who apparently learned to write the day they asked him to do his signature. It's just a series of like, loop, loop, loop, loop. And Craig's is like a big C and then a lot X across it and then the blood of his latest victim just sneered across his leg. And then they move on like it's all the other credits.
Starting point is 00:21:57 It's incredible. Madison, Kotho and his dad or something. They also paid a crop duster in this to take some film while they were up there. Yeah. Because it's Indiana and that's the only planes they have. And so they've they've paid them to do it and they're going to use that footage. They're going to use that footage so much throughout. They love their aerial shots in this, like quite a bit. They sure do.
Starting point is 00:22:16 Yeah. So they finally finished their cursive credits and they arrive at JC Penny because apparently that's where they're going to start. Oh, yeah, it's right interviewing man on the street part of the plan to eventually kidnap a child. Yeah, I was confused about how that works. But that's what they do. This is the planning stages for the kidnapping right here. They interview people. They're like, have you heard of Dumbly Dumbling? No, have you heard of Dumbly Dumbling? No. Okay. Why have someone who just says, no, it's the beginning. What? Great question. Go to one with this. It's such a good question. Feel like you don't start running until you get a yes on that one.
Starting point is 00:22:54 But then it's time for another comedy beat, right? Time for another comedy beat. She's a bad poet. She's going to interview a guy who knows her and says her poems aren't very good. Anything except this. Hi, are you that lady from the radio? Oh, yes, I am. I hate your poems. Fucking cut. Honestly, if she had called him a slur, it would be the only way to make it seem more ugly. Well, and also, what is she yelling cut to? Radio is in audio medium. So like, like, what do you cut? I don't understand. You say that when you want to like have somebody stop filming.
Starting point is 00:23:33 What are you ducking below? There's no creating. Elvira doing radio. Yeah. Push the button on your recorder. Right. So that happens. Then they finally find one lady who knows Dudley. And she explains that everybody used to bully him in school, but he is a really nice kid.
Starting point is 00:23:53 And she sends them to the park to go find some kids that might be friends with them too. I love how weird it is that they just have this like random lady who happens to be working at this as a puppet at the supermarket who also understands the entirety of the neighborhood packing order to. Wow, she's, she also understands that. She's really into the drama of the neighborhood kids packing order. Let me tell you about the grapevine about the elementary school bullying situation that I know about.
Starting point is 00:24:20 How old? Yeah, Dudley just gets wrecked by hints constantly. Swirly every day for really bad. Oh, no, yeah, swirly, but I meant like sexual. It's really bad. You guys will get to it later in this kids movie that you're doing. I don't have a TV. So I mostly just keep up with the gossip on the bus ride. I drive. So, so they go to the park and they start asking kids about Dudley. This is my favorite part of the movie.
Starting point is 00:24:46 It's just so weird. So first of all, I need, I need parents at this goddamn park to be way better parents than they are. There's just random adults with recording equipment going up to kids and being like, I want to know some information about other children and it's fine. Yep. It was the 80s. In the 80s, if you wanted to kidnap
Starting point is 00:25:06 a child, you just walked up to a man on the street and said, let me borrow that and you loaded him into your van and drove away. Maga. Well, whatever, the first kid they talked to is like, oh, no, right there is Dudley's best friend. You should talk to Dudley's best friend. But the kid though, this is my favorite part of the movie, the kid is like, yeah, nobody likes that kid. They call them pig city. Okay, I wrote that down. Is that what they said? Yes. Pig city. Really? Yes.
Starting point is 00:25:36 That's really so fucking pigs. The stand pigs will city hamlet hamlet. Pig city. Oh, hamlet is perfect. That's exactly how new pork. So they find the best friend and they start talking to him. And the best friends like, oh, let me tell you a story. And we get a flashback to Dudley getting bullied at school. Yeah. Sad, sad time for him. And it's funny because like all
Starting point is 00:26:05 the puppets look like they're in their late 40s. Like they look like they have two teen boys and they're just really tired. Every single puppet, every little kid puppet in this. And they all look over their glasses like like Dennis the menace is dad. They're all like really, really strangely old. They are. Yeah. And they're all laughing at Dudley. We get this weird close up. Like it's going to be they're all laughing at Dudley. We get this weird close-up like it's going to be we need to talk about Dudley by the end of the film. Are you talking about his legs? Oh, well, no, that okay. Let's talk about the legs. Then we go over to the baseball game. And as we covered in ambushed, the difference between Mr. Muppet or whatever
Starting point is 00:26:42 this fuck this company's name is and the Muppets is that they decided that their puppets, whenever there was a wide shot, would have absolutely disproportionate giant insane legs hanging at impossible angles. It's crazy. It's the worst thing that's ever happened. It's lovecraftian. Yeah, it's literally lovecraft. It is. Absolutely. If tentacles that pulled the eyes from all who came too close, a spratter from these puppet's bodies, it would be so much better than these 97 foot long legs that have like
Starting point is 00:27:18 decay and the words and show off written on the pants. You remember Monos hands of fate, Cecil? Yes. Remember the guy with the legs? Yes. Yeah, Torgo. They have torgo legs. They have torgo legs.
Starting point is 00:27:31 Yeah. Well, Torgo has them legs. They never skip leg day because it won't let their legs won't let them. They're sentient beings. And again, so we're supposed to be watching Dudley get picked on here. He's at the baseball game and him and his friends say, Hey, coach, when are we going to have a chance to play? And the coach played by an adult man turned to him and goes, you guys are a real waste. Okay.
Starting point is 00:27:57 That's a fucked up thing to say to a real human child. But if the coach was like, Oh, it's because your puppets were in a universe that It's like half people have puppets. The people are just objectively better at baseball. That's what's happening right now. That would make sense, but no, you're a fucking waste. So weird. Literally what he says is movies traumatic. It's genuinely traumatic to watch.
Starting point is 00:28:22 I feel like there was a puppet slur in the first draft of this movie, right? There's, dude, there's a puppet slur in the final draft of this movie that we're talking. I feel like in the first draft, the coach was like, fucking felties. And they were like, you don't know how to hear now. Okay. So from there, we come out of the flashback and then we cut to Dudley and his grandpa talking at grandpa's house and Dudley's like, Grandpa, how come I'm such a dud? Why am I the worst? And his grandpa does his best to explain. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:59 And if you're wondering if grandpa is ever going to say to his grandson, you are not the worst. No, he will not. No, it's kind of sad. He's a religious character. Grandpa is like a good guy religion thing in this movie. So he's like, ah, God thinks you're special. He like pauses awkwardly while he's saying it to rough. No, God is like, it's not that bad. No, you're, I was convinced you're not the worst. It's, it's, yeah, you're just fluffy, Dudley. Yeah. He's literally a response. I have down in my notes. He's like, Grandpa, am I a worthless sack of shit who deserves to die and a waste as just told by my baseball coach and his answer is, have you considered becoming a Christian?
Starting point is 00:29:48 They have to let you into heaven no matter how much you suck. That's their whole thing. I like to that his plan is to start believing in Jesus. So Jesus will force other kids to like him because that those are the best friendships. Coerced friendships, best friendships, 100%. Yeah. And Grandpa shoots that down. He's like, Grandpa, can Jesus make people like me? And he's like, no, but he'll make you forgive the people who hate you. And so he's like, that sounds a little worse. That sucks, Grandpa. I also, I have a side note about this scene.
Starting point is 00:30:19 In the background, they've decided to do a grand mob puppet. Yes. So that we know grandpa puppet is married and heterosexual. I don't know why that was important to them, but they chose not to puppeteer her. So it appears to be grandma's dead body in a fucking rose for Emily situation in the back. I gotta say when you're watching the scene, it's really creepy to watch a perfectly still corpse in the background
Starting point is 00:30:45 that neither of the characters is acknowledging. She's just planking on a recliner. Yeah, it's weird. Weird. So from there, they pray. Why do they awkwardly cover their faces every time they pray? Yeah. It's super weird.
Starting point is 00:30:59 Is that a thing? I think it's a thing. I don't think that they're doing like a, like a hold your hands in front of your body. I think that they're just like covering their weirdly covering their faces. Is it that people close their eyes when they pray? Like, you know how to talk to cops? Don't have eyelids so that they hand cover it.
Starting point is 00:31:17 That can be a, no. See, so I think you're onto something that in this universe puppets aren't allowed to speak to God because their aberrations. Yeah. Right. That would make the team inside us. We've the entire tone of the entire movie.
Starting point is 00:31:32 Absolutely. Yeah. Just a horse scorpion locust comes by and spears grandma through the chest and carries her away. And then stuff. Sir and puts her right back where she was. Yeah. That's canon.
Starting point is 00:31:44 No. And come crawling out of her mouth. I don't know why this is such a horror themed episode. I'm having a lovely, I'm so sorry. No, you're one time. It's genuinely horrifying. Did something to me. Did not your fault. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:58 So from there, we cut back to the park, the playground, where the radio team is still bothering kids and trying to ask about Dudley. Yeah, and they haven't heard about Jesus. So they're gonna go to grandpa's because they think they can meet Jesus there? Okay, yeah. So at first I thought they were saying that like, oh, let's go talk to Jesus because of the way
Starting point is 00:32:19 they think you got what happened. I was like, oh, in this universe, Jesus is maybe a puppet who lives locally. Okay. Yeah. He's a carpenter. That's what you just, that's who you were referring to when you use pronouns in that moment. But no, they meant Dudley's grandpa. So they go to Dudley's grandpa's house and they talk with him. And again, the woman has to just like be absolutely the worst. She's like talking about how, Oh, do you know this Jesus guy? And oh, is he a carpenter?
Starting point is 00:32:46 Oh, did he build this building? And then she's like, at some point, she's like, like bringing herself to climax there. Like, I don't know if you guys caught, she's like moaning and like rubbing the door and like ready to squirt on grandpa. Yes, the door. Yeah. Interesting.
Starting point is 00:33:02 They rub this puppet up and down the side of the door. In the back. Oh, I thought Cecil was referring to that as like the front of the genital. Oh, I got confused. I was like, is that called the door? People say that. Yeah. The hood. Okay. You got to check under the hood. Yeah. That's that's where that comes from. He does it. The strip club. Show us your door. Yeah. No, it does get weirdly sexual because grandpa comes to the door. They're not going to do our grandpa shows up at the front door. Elvira kisses grandpa on the mouth like super aggressively here. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:40 But yeah. So they they discuss in the foreground. Right. And again, I really need to send this image home in the foreground. They're like, where's Dudley and Grep is like, oh, he's not here right now. And Elvira is in the background like gyrating against the set. Being like, oh, this change is tuning. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:55 Yeah. Oh, and then like, okay, we got to go find him somewhere else. And she's like, yeah, finished all over your fucking dresser. Careful where you walk, Grep. I'm just like in here. I'm a squirter. This is a children's movie. That's the dirtiest thing ever happened right there.
Starting point is 00:34:17 So much so that when she turns around and they're like, Dudley's not here, she passes out. Does that what happens? Is that what happens here? Yeah, is that what happens here? Yeah, she faints. That's right. Yeah, you're right, she does. This, is this just more like anti-woman shit
Starting point is 00:34:32 where there's like ladies fainting, right? I guess. I think so. Okay, and actually yeah, she faints. And then one of the producers is like, oh my God, it's so much quiet in here without yappy woman, I hope she dies from thinking. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:34:47 So ridiculous. It is, uh, just for some, what happens? Like, Keith isn't even exaggerating. No, that's what happens. God, I hope she never wakes up. I hope she suffocates and chokes on her own vomit and dies in her sleep. Yeah. Mimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimimim The only thing that would have made this movie more horrifying is if she had just started to choke on her own vomit like breaking bed
Starting point is 00:35:05 And the other puppets just watching perfect silence They bring grandma down his stuffed just to watch her. Yeah They get they get finished with their shitting on the person who just fainted and then they explain to grandpa Okay, we really need to find your grandson for our job We heard he has the secret to joy and we want to get him on the radio. Right. And grandpa says, well, let me give you a little bit more of Dudley's backstory. So we get another dudely to this time Dudley is in his room and his sister is being
Starting point is 00:35:38 named to him. Oh, shit. Yeah. This is terrifying. You know, the worst part about this whole scene is? I know exactly what you're about to say. It's a fucking in the mirror is a love crafty and fuzzy just staring blankly straight out ahead. And it's like, and it's like one of those movies where everybody in the room can't see what's happening, but you as the viewer can see it like the horror transpiring in the mirror, but everyone is blind to it. That's the scene.
Starting point is 00:36:06 Yes, yes. And the implication of a foszy bear poster in this universe means that this is a universe where the muppets exist. And these puppets that we see are like deformed half-be, not risen quite to the level of muppets. Like they're the first draft before the scientists finally created of muppets. Like they're the first draft before the scientists finally created the muppets. They're the Frankensteinian banished to a small island where they may hold no work nor look at the sun. But yeah, so they're he's staring directly into the mirror at
Starting point is 00:36:42 the Fasi bear poster behind him. His sister comes in and she's like, hey, don't turn the other cheek to those kids. You should kill them. Yeah. And then she then she destroys his lamp and it never appears in the movie again. I didn't realize she was the sister because they don't mention that it's a sister. You have to find that out later when they mention like the name. So you don't really know.
Starting point is 00:37:08 It's just some random person brushing their hair in his room. And she's like, I don't know who this is. This is some random puppet. And then she's like, yeah, you should drink the blood of everyone around you. And I'm a also a marketer for a karate dojo nearby. Here's a flyer. And then she leaves after she breaks his room. Yeah. Karate chops his bed and half and then walks out of the film.
Starting point is 00:37:30 You got to learn risk control. It's mostly with a stick and a little string. I know it's I know on the flyer it's spelled Joe Doe, but it's pronounced Dojo. So we come back out of that flashback. Elvira starts to wake up and she's like, I really need some water. And there's just complete silence. They all stare and do nothing. And she passes back out and they're like, okay, good. And that's the end of the scene. That was it. That was the comedy beat. Literally the comedy beat was, can someone help me? I'm in a great table of pain. Honestly, if a giant Native American puppet had come over and smothered her with a pillow, I would have felt the sleep and abiding since a relief as to the direction
Starting point is 00:38:16 movie was going. All right, well, on that note, I guess it's time for a quick break. And then we'll be back with act two of Insert of Dudley Dumbling. And now a word from our sponsor Better Health. Hey, Eli, what you doing there? Oh, hey, Heath, I was just taking my epsilon brain pills. What are those? Oh, they're an advanced, neutropic, bait of ancient mushrooms available only on media that's
Starting point is 00:38:46 unregulated by the FCC. That seems unlikely. Look, Eli, if you want to take care of your brain, why don't you just try BetterHelp? What's BetterHelp? BetterHelp is online therapy that offers video, phone, and even live chat only therapy sessions so you don't have to see anyone on camera if you don't want to. It's affordable, financial aid is available, and you can be matched with a therapist in under 48 hours. Wait, therapy is good for your brain. I thought therapy was just for people who are like, you know,
Starting point is 00:39:14 crazy. Nope, nope. Therapy is useful for just about anybody. Think of it like a checkup on your brain. Plus, our listeners get 10% off their first month at betterhelp.com slash awful. That's better H E L P dot com slash awful. All right. He thinks, but hey, can I still take my epsilon brain? Okay. You know, that's not a real thing, right? That's not true. Sometimes it's also poison.
Starting point is 00:39:37 Okay. All right, fellas. So I was thinking maybe Dudley gets picked on at school. That's great. Lots of kids have to deal with that at school. Exactly, exactly. Hey, maybe he's fat. Up.
Starting point is 00:39:51 Sure, Steve, he could be a little heavy. I know that a lot of kids are like, f**k. And everyone in school is like, what up, fatty? You big f**king fat piece of s**t fat. I mean, it's a kids movie, man. Can't I am gone? I'm a big fat f**king piece of shit fat. I mean, it's a kids movie man. Can't I'm calling them a big fat fucking piece of shit? No, we can't. All right, what about like jelly belly wobble lunch muncher? Something like that, you know, I guess so what they make fun of him for isn't really that important and yeah, I could dress up as a kid and call him like a fat, fat fatty
Starting point is 00:40:23 and then throw paper towels at him while everyone's watching and they all laugh at him and chant like, what a fatty, fat, fat, fatty is. Hey, Steve, fat, yeah, Steve, yeah, what's up? Were you, um, were you a little, little heavy set as a kid? I had that question. I was actually, why do you ask? No reason at all. Yep, let's move on.
Starting point is 00:40:42 Yeah, let's just move on. Fucking fat fuck. Okay. Yeah. And we're back. When we left off, Dudley was the worst and there's no chance of this character having the secret happiness, just absolutely no chance. So there's really no reason to search for him. That's dumb. So now Elvira, Barney and Charlie go search for him anyway. So they go to Dudley's church now to speak with his pastor. Yeah. His pastor's name is Reverend Horus Wormslather. And I double chat. I listen to it multiple times. It's Wormslather. Absolutely. A hundred percent Wormslather. That's sexual at best. Well, don't worry about it. Hey, Cecil, they won't make it very obviously. He's
Starting point is 00:41:25 sexually attracted to children throughout this movie, will they? Like several long shots of him watching of him touching children, or caressing children, and dressing children, or watching children get wet. Yeah. We're not exaggerating anything that we've said this entire time for the entire record. This is all happened. Yeah. So warm slather, pastor warm slather gives us a flashback to about Dudley. He tells the story about the time Dudley was praying by himself in the pews of a church in the middle of the night. And he's the pastor sees that happening. And he comes up and he's like, Hey, this is weird. And Dudley's like, no, Gramps told me it's totally normal and saying for me to do this. And then they talk about the Bible together by themselves, just the two of them in the middle of the night. Yep. And and Reverend comes up with this really terrible pickup line where he's like, do you
Starting point is 00:42:17 come here to pray off and stupid, stupid, I'm so stupid. So, so Dudley, I actually enjoyed this part for a second. Dudley's like, hey, Pastor, it seems like, I don't know, it seems like the Bible's an obvious lie, a bond. Can you reconcile that for me? And the pastor's like, no. So you believe you're a sinner, right? Yeah. You believe Jesus died for us sins.
Starting point is 00:42:42 And Dudley's like, yeah, but, but I don't know, not for me though. I kind of suck everything. I don't see how he would die for me personally. Dudley's over belief that if Jesus had looked down from the cross and seen him, he'd have been like, nevermind, time out, time out, dad actually sent the angels. Jesus from the cross like signs like, and fuck you in particular, fatty,
Starting point is 00:43:02 and then he just dies afterwards. Yeah. Are there cloth people like really small oversized legged cloth people that I'm eventually, they're gonna show up. I'm dying for them to cancel. So weird. Yeah, so they come out of that flashback.
Starting point is 00:43:18 Then we cut over to the radio station again. And the big boss guy is, he's doing some more like racial tension stuff. He's mad about hiring these puppets. Okay. There's so much that's going on. First of all, he's on a racist screed about puppets, right? He's like, fucking felties. But while he's doing it, he's playing with what?
Starting point is 00:43:40 Okay. Desk joy. What is he playing with? It's like a metal pipe that. Again, we are in a lovecraftian house. Exactly. Liquid metal. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:43:53 He pulls apart with his rage and then bunches back together into unfluxuating shapes. It's a shape that's like non-uclidean geometry and it makes you go mad when you stare into it and that's what he's doing. Right. And he's running his tongue along it while he says how bad puppets are. This again, we're not exaggerating. He's literally playing with this terrifying toy, very angrily. And he's like, I hate the stupid puppet cloth people in their tiny little puppet footprints
Starting point is 00:44:22 all over my shit. And then he says, Hey, um, puppet secretary, we read that last slur back to me. And he's like, Oh, sorry, that's your puppet. That all happens. I, yeah, I don't mean you several of my best friends are puppets. I mean, like, don't worry, don't worry. Yeah. And by the way, there's very clearly a sex thing going on between glad is the structures and him. But he has a moment where he literally pats the top of her head. He's like, you know, I don't mean you, Gladys, you've always been my favorite. And I was just like, Jesus, God.
Starting point is 00:44:54 How do we make this movie stop? So then he calls up the radio crew. They have a car phone. Yeah, by the way, it's a landline. It's a pay phone. Carphone landline all the radio crew. They have a car phone. Yeah, by the way, it's a landline. It's a pay phone. Yeah. Carphone landline all the same time that they just pull up from under the dash or whatever. Yeah. And he's like, listen up, you sesame street reject. You got to find Dudley in one hour. You're fucking fired. It's actually what he says. Yeah. Sesame street reject. So again, now we know that the Muppets exist. We know that Sesame Street
Starting point is 00:45:25 exists in this universe. And he goes 100% Joe Pashionami's like, you only exist out here because of me, you fucking puppets. Only me. I'm the one who's five feet, you puppets. I hold you puppets. It's crazy, man. If they're going to see where they killed this boss with a bunch of bats in the desert, they throw them in a hole in the desert. And there's just like weird puppets with big legs all standing around him. It'd been amazing. Gladys is like, he's still breathing. Wack with a shovel. Yeah. So the radio crew now they have one hour. So they go to a park to read the Bible to find clues About where they can kidnap this child. Is that what yeah? Is that they're doing? Oh, yeah, yeah, you're right and the radio crew notices a puppet girl next to them Who is crying and they walk right over and they're like, hey, I'm a stranger. Why are you crying?
Starting point is 00:46:24 Turns out she has some information about Dudley though. It's bananas, but it's going to get crazier right now. Okay. So this girl is like, yeah, I know Dudley. I feel bad. I actually kind of used to bully him. Let me tell you a story about that. And we cut to a new flashback during the bathroom, assuming a bathroom at school, right? Yeah. And this girl's telling the story and she's like, yes, so we cornered Dudley in the bathroom. At which point what we watch is not, you know, some puppets bothering another puppet in a bathroom.
Starting point is 00:46:58 We watch a 45 year old human porn star in short shorts, in short shorts with a weird baseball hat, a little bit of skew. Yeah. And he's the leader of this bullying gang. Yeah. And he starts fat, chaming, Dudley, some more. Yeah. And then, and then he's that keep in mind the hellscape we've been in, then this full
Starting point is 00:47:21 grown human, the only human to interact with the puppet that we've seen so far in a flashback goes, put him against the wall. I can't. I genuinely have not been as afraid as I was since I heard the in a long time, right? The mortal terror instilled in me when this full grown adult, right? Because the immediate thought was, why did they meet a human to play this part? Why is that? What was the human capital on? What is it?
Starting point is 00:47:52 That I was talking about. What's the benefit? Yeah. And I think, does he say you have a pretty mouth there? Or does he save it later? I don't remember exactly. You have to feel the vibe is right there. It's right there.
Starting point is 00:48:04 The vibe is absolutely that vibe. He's in short shorts. And he's got a mid-riff sweatshirt on like a mid-riff revealing sweatshirt. It's real weird. It's like he's wearing the clothes of the last child he killed. Yes. If you turn them around, there's a puppet mouth on his back. He's wearing the other puppet as close. So he says, what do we get to the wall, which is terrifying already? Then he says, yeah, take his glasses. And I was like, all right, it's getting worse. But the puppets or the, you know, the humans moving the puppets can't act fast enough. So we watched them like, Amble over and slowly get there. And he's
Starting point is 00:48:41 like, hurry up, take the glasses off, they finally take the glasses off. And then this human terrifying porn star throws wads of toilet paper near Dudley's face while he's up against the wall. Yeah, near Dudley. Yeah. He never hits them once. He's really bad. He's shit of taking his glasses like they should have taken him off Dudley and put him on this guy. Maybe it had him once. I don't know. Yeah. So that happens. And then the main bully guy, the porn star is like, all right, let's get out of here. We did it nailed it through two years. Job while done guys. I five gave Eli a panic attack with our setup. I think we're good here. And then it appears that he walks back into a stall.
Starting point is 00:49:25 And it's like, all right, gang, let's go back to the stall together where we were. Well, I'm going to take the second half of this shit. Yeah. I need you all around me. So get over here, kids. All right, everybody get back in here and lock eyes while I shit, the rest of my shit flashback over. Joey, cheer me on. Cheer me on, Joey. Hold my hand and blow on my thumb or else you're next to the wall. And the puppets again, this is a children's movie and I swear, Cecil, Keith, you say if I'm lying, Dudley turns to one of the puppets who doesn't go in the stall and he's like, I lied you do that to me. He goes, I'm sorry, Dudley, I had to do that to me. Or I'd be next. And the fucking see that exactly. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:50:06 That's it. Yeah. What the fuck is happening? I was losing my mind. Literally what the fuck is happening is in my notes about 19 times insane. Yeah. So that ridiculous flashback is over. And then we get Elvira.
Starting point is 00:50:21 They're back in the park in the president. DJ Elvira is like, if I hear another sad story like that, I'm going to die. And then producer guy, his name's Barney, by the way, he's like, till another sad story because she sucks. I want that woman to die. I wish you would die. And then for the rest of the movie, Elvira is going to be chasing Barney, trying to murder
Starting point is 00:50:42 him with like Kaliapy music playing in the background. Now, question, Keith, when you say chasing him trying to murder him, will it be in like a fun wacky Muppet shenanigans way? More like I'm gonna fucking murder you. For real, this is not Muppet shenanigans murder. It's like the third act of a horror movie is going on in the background of I cannot stress this enough. The rest of the film. Yeah, yeah, she never stopped.
Starting point is 00:51:10 She's like, she's like a one of these like, it's genuinely like a horror movie where like Haasdor the unspeakable like controls her mind and makes her chase after him like a zombie for the rest of the movie to like suck his brain out through his ear. Just silently staring. Yeah. It follows osome plagiarism money to this movie. Mike Myers kind of walks a little too fast past her and he's like, Oh, we're doing it. You're doing slow.
Starting point is 00:51:36 Okay. Let's do slow. Let's do slow. That's creepier. Yeah. So from there, that little girl at the park was crying. She tells another story about Dudley. We get another flashback. We see Dudley writing Amy. That's her name, writing her a love letter in class at school.
Starting point is 00:51:51 Hey, hey guys, we're here writing our fun puppet movie for kids. Let's see. We've had him tortured by a full grown adult in a bathroom. We've had him self-shaming, his parents hate him, his grandpa says is only hope is Jesus. Have we sexually humiliated the puppet that is the center of a movie? Exactly. No, let's fix that with the neck scene. It's so heartbreaking. It's genuinely a sad scene of a movie because he writes this, this really sweet little note. He's like, all every time I see you, like my heart beats faster.
Starting point is 00:52:22 And this is puppy love, like genuine, just pure, beautiful. I'm a child. I see in their child, I'm getting these like weird, like hormonal things happening in me. And they're just like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And then this kid just wants to commit suicide. Yes. That's exactly what happened. The girl he writes the note to, right? He passes a note and I was like, Oh, the teacher's going to find it and read it. It's so much worse than that. Amy gets the note. She reads it and she goes, teacher, he wrote me a note and I'm just like, oh, God. Oh, Dudley.
Starting point is 00:52:52 It's the word. I feel so bad. My empathy is off the charts for Elifer Dudley at this point. He's just self-immolating in his chair. It's like watching Alex Jones find out the other side has a tire phone. All right, little, little girl in your class when you were a kid, did you profess like with a note or anything when you guys were kids? Absolutely not.
Starting point is 00:53:17 I was terrified. No, you're crazy. You're crazy? Eli, did you do it? No, I told too many people I loved them to think of it. I did it and the kids through the no to way. Oh,
Starting point is 00:53:29 Oh, Oh, Oh, It was so sad. It was so sad. It was a it was a heart-crushing moment, but here's the thing. At least she didn't turn to the whole class and be like, this fucking something Italian Jackass, This fucking something Italian jackass roll. Something That's exactly. See, so did she have an accident in high school like a horrific accident?
Starting point is 00:54:04 I don't know what happened to a weeks on her car. She was terribly burned. Okay, well, that terrifying moment's over. We get just a really quick shot of Elvira still trying to literally murder her coworker. Yeah. A little bit more. And then we get another story about Dudley. This time it's about the time he did a Bible reading for apparently like thousands of kids. Parker crowded around to listen to him do Bible readings and sermons. And he's telling him about Bible reading for apparently like thousands of kids and they'll bark or crowd it around. To listen to them do Bible readings and sermons. And he's telling them about the story of Zacchaeus, which is some guy in the Bible who was like, hey, Jesus, let me stay at your house.
Starting point is 00:54:36 And then everybody in town was like, that guy's the keyest sucks. Why does Jesus want to have a sleep over the Zacchaeus? And then Zacchaeus is like, this is great. Jesus let me hang out. I'm gonna donate half my money to the Zakias. And then Zakias is like, this is great. Jesus, let me hang out. I'm going to donate half my money to the poor. And that's the whole story. I'm pretty sure I saw Zari.
Starting point is 00:54:50 Okay, but they've put a weird twist on it, which I, I was like, is this in the Bible? And I could not find it. I'm sure I'm wrong and it's in like the Catholic version or maybe I missed something. But there's an emphasis in the story and the fact that Zakias was short. Yeah, they go out of their way to say that multiple times. Right, and there's no that, because the way I know the story of Zakyas is that he's walking,
Starting point is 00:55:12 everyone's like, why are you hanging out with a money lender? And Zakyas is like, oh, I should give half my money to the poor because I'm in the presence of Jesus. Instead, the spin that Dudley is putting around is like, why are you hanging out with a short guy? Instead, the spin that Dudley is put around is like, why are you hanging out with a short guy? No one swipes left on him on tiktok. Look at his ridiculous legs, they're nuts. That fucking crazy leg guy should have to give half his money and he does. Yeah. Yeah, Zikias was the head of the IRS.
Starting point is 00:55:39 He was like the chief tax collector in jail. Right, he's a money collector, yeah. Oh, okay. It's the part, I know because it's the part of the Bible, no Christians listen to, whereas the Kias is like, I guess I should give away all the money except what I need to survive, hon, Jesus.
Starting point is 00:55:52 And he's like, yeah, let me tell you very specifically right now to give all the money you have to the poor. And the Christians are like, What do you do to do? Also, everybody should pay taxes, regardless of what status they have church. Yeah, once you do that, I'm going to talk about seizing the means of production too. So come back.
Starting point is 00:56:12 Sorry, what were you saying about gay people? Trans people. I heard some about trans people and women's sports. I don't know. Then we watched them up. It's fight some more. Yeah, we cut back out of that flashback and Elvira and Barney, the two people who were like fighting to the death.
Starting point is 00:56:29 She was trying to murder him a moment ago. Now they're like just almost fucking each other and reading the Bible because it's such a good book and they can't help it. I really honestly based on the horrors this movie had inflicted on us so far, I thought they would be fucking. I would entirely, I would just write in notes. I wouldn't even ask. I would have been like, yep, and now the Muppets are performing analingus on each other. I feel like, yeah, I feel like the tongue was on the door or like the tip or something. Yeah. That's what it felt like.
Starting point is 00:56:57 So from there, we cut to the radio station again, where Wally Walker is on the air now. I guess he's one of their other puppet radio personalities. And he's announcing that we're trying to find Dudley Dumbling. We really need to find him right then Dudley calls into the radio station Dudley's on the phone. Yeah, it's like when a terrorist or a murderer is on the loose and he calls into the station to like arrange how he's going to miss the cops. Yeah, it is like that. It's like a cutscene for that. Including by the way, the station, the radio station tracing the call. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:33 Yeah. So the boss, the radio station is like trace the call Cynthia or whatever. They have that device ready in case they have, I don't know, ransom situations. They've had them in the past. Yeah. Well, they're trash. They're trash. Did they trace him to like some kind of weird safe house somewhere where they had no idea where he was? Was he like staying with a friend of a friend of a friend? Did he move to
Starting point is 00:57:55 a different town? No, he's at home. No, he sounds fucking addressing Noah. They got the kidnapping ransom thing backwards. Like it's not you who needs the phone trace. You're the kidnapper. It's like, that's exactly it. But they get, they get the address of Dudley just in time before the phone call ends. They traced it. He's at Grandpa's house. So meanwhile, the radio team is driving back from the park and talking about this amazing Bible book they just discovered.
Starting point is 00:58:24 They're all brand new to the Bible. They've never heard of this, but then they get a call from the boss and talking about this amazing Bible book. They just discovered they're all brand new to the Bible. They've never heard of this, but then they get a call from the boss and he's like, yeah. So remember we're going to go kidnap that child, go kidnap that child. That's back on the menu guys. Here's the address. It's the great deal. Yeah, no, we're doing it or you're fired or I'll just, in fact, I'll just kill you myself. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:41 So we cut over to Dudley at Grandpa's house and he's role playing profilistization with the dog. Yeah. So we cut over to Dudley at Grandpa's house and he's role-playing profilistication with the dog. Yeah. I also like that this dog. It does his noises every so often, but it's clearly an atheist dog and he fucking hates Dudley and hates William I was kids. Which I enjoyed. Really one of the dog to hit him super hard with counter-apologetics. hard with counter apologetics. Right? Right, right, right, right, right. Kalam Cosmological is a category error. Right.
Starting point is 00:59:08 And all the, all, you know, it starts to come out because we really haven't heard about this church's ideas that much so far, a little bit here and there, but not much. It's all the sort of fluff of the Bible. But from here on out, this is where the horror theme starts to take place because they keep on talking about it. Yeah, and then Jesus fucking died. He died a lot for you died. And they keep saying it over and over. And it just adds to the terror of the movie. Constantly. This is like death cult. This is one of those death. Of course, it's in Indiana. You need to be in a death cult in Indiana to survive, but it's one of the Indiana death cults.
Starting point is 00:59:45 For sure. Absolutely. For sure. So, so Gramps comes into the room and he tells Dudley that you should share your faith on the radio and then they pray and they do the blocking their eyes while praying thing again, which was weird. Oh, yeah. Super terrifying.
Starting point is 01:00:01 And while that's happening, Dudley disappears at a nowhere like, Gramps looks over, puts his hands back out of the way and he sees the smoke bomb Dudley's just gone somehow. Yeah, he's that man's. Yeah. What actually happens in the what is the movie saying happened there? I think Dudley sneaks off because he's nervous to share his faith on the radio. And he just fucking like dive rolls through the window glass. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, repels down from the second floor, I think with his giant legs. I think that's what happens.
Starting point is 01:00:32 Actually, he just steps out the window because he has a weird long, crazy love, crafty legs. Exactly, yeah. And they just fold up inside his body. So he just weans one giant terrifying leg out the window and then just stepped out. Exactly. He's like snapping like a gruesome, like horrible crunching, but then he just pulls them in from his body and new wet legs grow out. It's a slapping wet sound.
Starting point is 01:00:57 Yeah, exactly. Right. Once again, I am whole. Crazy. Catoollum. Okay. So Dudley's gone. Right then, Elvira, Barney and Charlie, the radio team, they arrive at the house and they tell grams, we demand to see Dudley, we know he's here. We, we
Starting point is 01:01:15 we've been traced from our radio station. And based on what this movie had given us so far, if they had strapped grandpa down and pulled the fingernails from his hands for information on Dudley's whereabouts, it would be the third most horrifying thing to be shown on so far. I just want to say too, like there's like a weird sexual thing between the woman and grandpa again. Yes, there was. Did you guys catch like that?
Starting point is 01:01:42 Like she's like, she like grabs his head and like, like plants like a long, weird sound effect laden kiss on him. She does kiss him again. That is progressive once again, weird and aggressive again. Yeah. Right. So, grandpa is like, yeah, I don't know. He literally just vanished moments ago. That's so weird. I don't know what to tell you. And then correct me if I'm wrong. I didn't understand this moment either. The radio team is like, yeah, okay fine. We're gonna interview the dog on the radio. Six years.
Starting point is 01:02:12 That's what happened. And everybody's like, yeah, that makes sense. Let's set that up. And then they do that. Yes, that was the idea. That was their million idea. They're like, you know what, our jobs are on the line. We gotta do something.
Starting point is 01:02:24 Get the dog on here. He was talking to Jesus about the dog, so the dog probably knows the secret to happiness. What? What? Okay, but they show us this. The dog gets on the radio. Like the DJ's like, all right, we have Faleemann,
Starting point is 01:02:41 the dog of Dudley, and then we just hear, woo woo woo woo woo. The dog makes dog sounds for a few minutes. And everybody's like, man, I don't think this is working on the radio. It like we thought it would. This is going badly. And then they cut. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:54 And that's it. That's the end of the scene. They cut, they cut. We watch people gnashing and tearing their clothes in the street. Like, I was promised the words of the cause. I assume they fucking set Flemen on fire in a public square somewhere. Shoot the dog at the head like it's the last act of the mist.
Starting point is 01:03:14 All right, well, a dog puppet maybe just got shot in the head along with some people at the same time if they put their heads together. A dog puppet failed to prophylatize So let's give Act Dream a hand. Yeah. Time for the heart sell on the rest of the movie that had that just happened. Will the racial tension between humans and puppets really ramp up? Yes, we will. Will we learn a new slur word in this puppet movie for kids? Is he having a stroke? No, he's not.
Starting point is 01:03:46 And that stuff is really gonna happen when we return for the riveting conclusion of in search of Dudley Dumbling. Hey, haven't you heard? Dudley is reading Bible stories to the local children. What a lovely young man. What there he is now. And then in Ezekiel's vision,
Starting point is 01:04:05 he beheld the two lovers of God, but they were unfaithful horrors, and they're just getting railed by cocks, the size of donkeys. Oh, he's him doing Bible stories. Yeah, like all of them, I guess. Oh, wow. And I looked it up, when the Bible says
Starting point is 01:04:23 their issue was like horses, That's a quarter cup you guys That's 12 times more than a human Okay, I'm a bit duddly. Uh, why don't why don't we get back to you know like the sermon on the mount? I'm like that, but nobody's eating the bread. I picked yet kids do not eat that bread. You guys want to see God or not? Hi, I'm Heathen right and And I'm Cecil, something Italian. And I'm Eli Bosnick. You know, Cecil here has certainly had his share of cell phone troubles.
Starting point is 01:04:51 You have Cecil? He sure has, mistext messages, mis phone calls, even dropped service. Yep, yep, that's, that's, that's right. It's a, it's a real, real definite true problem. Is weird. You never have any of those problems when I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
Starting point is 01:05:10 no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, $10 a month. Mint Mobile's secret sauce is that they're the first company to sell wireless service online only. They cut out the cost of retail stores and pass those sweet, sweet savings directly to you. That sounds good, Eli, but I don't think it's going to solve my signal problems. Oh, contraire, my favorite, O pair. What now? All plans come with unlimited talk and text plus high speed data delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. Use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and keep your same phone number
Starting point is 01:05:47 along with all your existing contacts. I switched to Mint Mobile when they became a sponsor and I get the best service I've ever had for a fraction of the price. Oh, um, that sounds good. It is good. To get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month and get the plan shipped to your door for free,
Starting point is 01:06:03 go to mintmobile.com slash gam. That's mintmobile.com slash Gam. Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash Gam. So what do you say, Cecil? Ready to fix that phone, yours? Well, I'm, I, I ignore your calls because I dislike you as a person. Ah, classic roasting. And we're back. When we left off, I don't know, something with puppets. And now, Avira and the entire crew, they drive back to the park to look for Dudley Samoa. Oh, no, no, no, I'm so sorry to interrupt you, Heath,
Starting point is 01:06:38 with this little correction. They've been searching for Dudley for two days. Well, yeah. We, we got to the park for a second. We see Dudley crushing it with his sermons in the park some more. And then we see the crew being like, we've been looking for him for two entire days
Starting point is 01:06:55 and handsurgeting. That's right. Here's my question though. They got fired in the last scene because, you know, they put a dog on the radio and that didn't work out like they thought it would. Mm- So they're fired. Why, why are they doing this? Why are they still working for the radio station to find Dudley and get them on the air? We can only assume vengeance. They're doing it because they're boss right after they quit, put up a sign that said no one wants
Starting point is 01:07:22 to work anymore. And they're doing a gesture showing. They're just trying to show them. Okay, I actually wrote down in my notes here, aren't they fucking fired? Yeah, me too. And then one of the characters is like, wait, aren't we fucking fired? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:37 Let's just stop doing this. And I don't know, I liked that book from before the B-Blade, let's find Jesus. But first, let's get some lunch. I'm hungry. So they go get burgers, but Mothra attacks a kid for a second and they cut. Yeah. Okay. Okay. What was that? I'm gonna describe this scene. I have to. I have to describe this scene because no one will fucking believe us. We're watching a human child. We watch a human child, and then a puppet on a string with no one puppeting it, slowly lowers down onto that screaming child's face.
Starting point is 01:08:11 The puppet is a moth, the size of the, the kid. Yeah, the kid. And it lowers and the kid is like, ah, just watch it, slowly lower down onto his face. Cut, never addressing the movie again. No idea. No idea. We got a fish and pole in a puppet and we're going to use it, damn it. We still have that crocked, a screaming child, right? Yep. Let's have him lower a moth puppet. I don't know. They did it. So then, I guess they ate lunch. We don't get to see the meat lunch. I kind of wanted to see the meat burger, the burger bun or whatever it's called. Big bun burger. Big bun burger. It's, it's that good. I actually
Starting point is 01:08:47 got hungry when I was watching that. Where we put tiny little burgers on lots of bread and big bun burger extra bread like Liz lemme. I love it. So they eat lunch. We don't see it. And then they go to Dudley's church. They park and they take a nap in their van in the church. They're staking out the church for Dudley. Oh, they're staking it out. That's right. Yes. Okay, that actually makes a little bit sense, I guess.
Starting point is 01:09:15 And then they wake up and they find out that Dudley got baptized to church today. So they wake up, they go inside, they talk to the pastor and he explains he did a baptism. This is a new pastor, by the way, right? Yeah, it's a different guy. This is totally not that I was like, yeah, the other guy was like, children of the corn. This guy is not children of the corn. He's a different dude. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:09:35 And he's got a fucking amazing outfit on. He looks like the fucking Joker from like Batman in the 60s. He's got like a purple plaid outfit on. That is absolutely fucking lit. It looks amazing. Okay, so that new pastor with the much better outfit tells us another story about Dudley. Turns out Dudley was kind of a bad kid at Sunday school for a while. Yes, the twist that this movie is now delivering us is, oh, you've been worrying too much about
Starting point is 01:10:02 Dudley. It turns out he kind of had it coming. He deserved it. Because he's such a shit. So we see Dudley at Sunday school class. And the first shot of him is a little crazy. He's got Coke mouth like the dog bit as coke mouth and the bump of tears. There's no other way to describe what he's doing. He's chosen to do. This kid took too much Adderall and he's just going nuts with it. He's just trying to pull out his own teeth. Yeah, his mouth is wide open and he's convulsing. Yeah, and he's going to open a restaurant that's
Starting point is 01:10:34 not going to work. Yeah. And then he folds up a paper airplane and he throws it at the pastor. So he's like a cut up in Sunday school here. He a class clown. And the pastor's like, Dudley is that you and Dudley's like, yeah, it was me. And he pulls him up to the front and I was like, oh God, he's like, you're the one I'm fucking this week, Dudley. Oh, Jesus Christ.
Starting point is 01:10:52 It's okay. He's already got a felt hole. Ah. Doors open. Right? The light humor. There we go. No, okay.
Starting point is 01:11:01 But he turns to Dudley. And again, the fucking horror of this movie goes, we don't care about grades here, Dudley. We just care about how much you love Jesus. Yeah. Yup. So then we cut to, I guess later that day, in the same flashback, and they're all
Starting point is 01:11:18 at the church service after Sunday school. And they're singing amazing grace together. Which kind of bothered me, because I like that song. Yeah, actually, that's, if you go anywhere in Indiana, amazing grace is playing and puppets are singing it. That's just how Indiana is. See, so really doesn't like Indiana. Then we get this weird explanation for the reasons
Starting point is 01:11:42 of the movie that we don't need. Right, the pastor is explaining to the puppets that I'm the one who told his grandfather explanation for the reasons of the movie that we don't need. Right. The pastor is explaining to the puppets that I'm the one who told his grandfather to tell him to be Christian, and so we see the grandfather telling him to be, but it doesn't matter. Like we didn't need that we weren't like, where did grandpa get this Jesus fellow's ideas? It is no point in the movie. Right. And then this second pastor talking with Gramps is like, hey, here's what I need you to do.
Starting point is 01:12:05 I need you to tell Dudley the good news of the gospel and maybe he'll be a better kid. And Gramps to his credit is like, isn't that like your job as the pastor of the telling? There's no, your whole story of the gospel's fucking thing. Yeah, like, can I give you like 10% of my money to do that every day? Would you say you do here? Yeah. And he's like, yeah, yeah, no, no, I'm doing it.
Starting point is 01:12:28 But you, you too, you can as well. Yeah. Tag your it. A best part of the scene though, is the grandpa's puppet is clearly having a wardrobe malfunction and his head is coming off in the head. His head is so pretty. Next. Is like you could see like the person's knuckles in the neck of the thing. So it looks like there's like a like a beating crazy form inside of his neck that is sort of pulsating out and it's terrifying. It's absolutely terrifying. Yes. In the fitting stripe of horror of this movie throughout this conversation, grandpa's
Starting point is 01:13:04 neck is bubbling over All-sating There's like I think I saw a cockroach crawl out of it at one point it was terrifying Dave Kronenberg is walking out of the screening of Dudley fucking dumpling being like, alright there's some shit. You just don't do okay guys Jesus cinema's an form, it needs respect. When you open the bathroom. Okay, so from there, we get the story of the actual baptism of Dudley.
Starting point is 01:13:34 And this is the scariest moment in the goddamn movie. It's terrifying throughout, but this is the worst. It likes fucking yikes. This is so fucking terrifying. So this pastor is like, all right, kids, we're going to do the baptisms. Everybody got their robes on and they do. And one kid is like, why do we have to wear these weird robes that have a front zip? And the pastor is like, that's because I don't know. Sometimes we like you to take your clothes off and put on robes with a front zip as he's saying this. He's doing you know when like in the movie, it's like a a romantic moment when like one person's putting on a dress and she's like, oh, can you zip me up?
Starting point is 01:14:17 It's like that. But on the front and nobody asked the kid wasn't like, please do this. The past is just like sexually front zipping slowly. 20 times slower. 20 times slower. Fucking slow. Making hard eye contact. They're both humans by the way. Yeah, hard eye contact. And as he slowly traces his fingers and this zipper up the body of a child who's like,
Starting point is 01:14:42 I'm uncomfortable in what I'm wearing. And he's like, well, you don't want to get your clothes all wet. That's a lot of wet and squishy. And fucking Dudley is like, hey, you can do mine. And he's like, should the fuck up Dudley? And then we watch the kid, we watch that. Then we watch the kids getting baptized. And for no reason, for no reason I could possibly
Starting point is 01:15:05 think of that accounts to God or man. There is a four, four second long shot of the pastor just licking his lips and watching these children dunk themselves in water. And he's any and Andy's waterboarding them, right? Like, what's that for? Thank you. He's got a fucking cloth over their mouth, dunks them, and then picks them up. Cloth still firmly pressed a peck against their nose and mouth. Like they're fucking, like they're in Guantanamo Bay. Does this smell like ether? Dunks you back up. Terrifying. It is the scariest part of the movie, scariest part of the movie. I thought the cube was going to jump up and start screaming where the bomb was when they took the mask out when they took the colot away from his face. Oh my God. So God, we finished watching
Starting point is 01:15:55 that finally. And then we cut back to the radio people talking to that second pastor in the pastor's office. And they're like, yeah, so where is Dudley? And he's like, oh, you're trying to hunt down a child? Yeah, no, no problem. He'll be back here tonight. Come on by. So that's the new plan. Yup. That night we see them staking out the church again
Starting point is 01:16:14 to do the kidnapping. And so they go to church because they're looking for Dudley, right? They go in and this usher comes up to them. He's like, hello, please stay after the service and come to the basement. We have something to show you there. And I was like, oh my God, if there's a blood sacrifice, I'm going to be so relieved.
Starting point is 01:16:31 It all fits now. And so funny too, because every single person, like real person in this shot is clearly a member of the church. And they look like they're in a hostage video. They are looking straight. Nobody is looking at the puppet in the back seat. Everybody's like, don't go to the puppet. Don't look at the puppet. Don't look at the puppet. It will eat your soul. Don't look at the puppet. Don't look at the puppet. And then everybody's just staring straight ahead the whole time. It's
Starting point is 01:16:55 terrifying. I don't know if y'all have seen the director's cut of the Hills have eyes in the scene. Oh, yeah. They go into the church and everyone turns and you realize they're all deformed like the rest of the people in Hills, have eyes. They stole that shot from this movie to the extent not they steal it so closely that at one point the puppet goes, I like snacks and everyone in the room turns and laughs at him in slow motion. He's like, I like snacks. I supposed to be a joke. So they're all like, come to the basement later. I'm watching this perched out of chair at this point. I'm no longer sitting in the chair. I'm standing feet on the chair, staring at the screen. If the girl from the ring had crawled through at that point,
Starting point is 01:17:45 it would have been a relief. You'd have been like, oh, thank God, it's a comedy. Yeah. Anything, anything. We also get a shot of Charlie. He's one of the two producer guys who's taken out the inside of the church here. He forgets that they're doing the kidnapping because church is so great and loving and delightful. Oh, yeah, that's right. Cause he's, because he's gushing over a potluck. Potluck's first off, potluck's fucking suck. They're the worst way to eat food.
Starting point is 01:18:15 Fuck potlucks for ever. He's always bring something amazing and everybody else is like, I brought Twinkies. Fuck potlucks. I fucking hate them. I fucking cannot tell you how much I hate potlucks. But imagine a church potlock on top of that. Like fuck you. Oh my God.
Starting point is 01:18:32 No, I can fucking give myself food poisoning at home. Thank you. So many funeral potatoes. Okay, this was set in Indiana and there was a potlock at a church. We really triggered the seat of the potlock. Yeah, good man. All we needed was like some bad fencing. People talking about how you should declaw your cat.
Starting point is 01:18:53 Somebody pours out a bottle of whiskey. It's the worst movie. Yeah, exactly. For me, it's just the puppets. I don't like puppets. I don't like them. I know, I know I'm, I just accidentally played into the weird racial tension in the movie that they put together. I don't like,. I know, like, I know I'm, I just accidentally played into the weird racial tension in the
Starting point is 01:19:06 movie that they put together. I don't like, so you know how like, I don't know, if you're an adult and you're playing like basketball with a bunch of little kids, you like, you know, kind of let them win into your bed. I do the opposite in that scenario for a second. I have to catch myself with puppets. I feel the same way. When I see him, I just want to like, swap basketballs back
Starting point is 01:19:25 to the face and like, push him a few hard. He's like a falling ball so hard on his face. Right in their face. And stop it. Yeah. You feel like a need to hurt the puppets. Yeah, I do. I don't do it, but I feel that. Yes. Okay. So the horror has creeped from the movie and onto our buckets. We're going gonna hear a slow clicking his heath Undugious this jaw and it's like I long for puppet blood I'm literally we should not release an episode this week and we should release this on Halloween Someone's first episode was this someone was like oh, yo, you got to listen to God off of movies. Those chance they're so funny.
Starting point is 01:20:08 They make fun of the Christian movies. And then we're like, what if the tentacles were inside us all along? And they're like, don't ring. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, girl. You need to listen to some other comedy. Are you okay? They kept talking about other dimensions and the puppets rise it from the deep.
Starting point is 01:20:26 And then one of them just broke the show to a whole stop so he could say how he wants to hurt the puppets, even though they're literal cloth. And this other one didn't extend a bit about that and brought the show to a further halt doing a voice about the thing that was like three levels deep. It was insane. Hold your phone in front of your hand. I'll climb out of it right now. I'm going to pull my body horrifically through the screen and pull you into the podcast diverse with me. There's a puppet of Eli right behind you.
Starting point is 01:20:57 You've always been dreaming. Don't look at me. I'm not costume lowering slowly. I always put his giant legs down. Okay. So they finish up that church recon. They don't find Dudley. We're going to talk about the rest of this movie.
Starting point is 01:21:15 We're going to get through it. We cut over to the hospital. The pastor was visiting dying people, but Dudley and his family also visit the hospital because they're kind of good Christians, and his parents are talking to a woman who may be dying in the hospital, I guess. Yeah, she's really sick. She has a cast on her arm, guys. Very sick, very, very sick. Oh, she's dying of the elbow, something elbow. Yeah, elbow, something. Right. And that's when Elvira, Charlie Charlie and Barney show up the hospital too.
Starting point is 01:21:46 And this is, this is when the racial tension really ramps up. Oh, God. Oh, God. We're talking about the nurses, aren't we? We're about to talk about the fucking nurses. This is when the nurses storm front nurses get into some hate speech and I'm not exaggerating. Terrifying. They got their own channel on Bitshoot, 100 percent. No question. These nurses are unrumble. They have not run a newspaper in years.
Starting point is 01:22:14 So yeah, the radio team walks in, the puppets, they walk in, they go up to the desk and ask one of the nurses, hey, we're looking for this guy, Dudley, maybe, maybe Norias. And one nurse says like, yeah, so I saw some pop, some little people in, yes, 100% doesn't you realize you realize what happens then? Poppets is a slur. Poppets is a slur word in this universe. Yes. Which means the entire movie, they've just been like, well, right?
Starting point is 01:22:45 You kikes. Listen up. You want your job back? It's so true. Cause this is where someone finally stops themselves in the workplace. Okay. And I think the movie, if it was picking up to a fucking pupe, I think I think if the movie was picking aside their anti puppet, they do stop here and try to like point out that there's a slur word in play, but they land on anti puppet, right? Definitely. Oh, yeah. They were only being nice for a second while the puppets were there because as soon as they leave, they just hammer the puppets.
Starting point is 01:23:23 Right. They tell some more racist jokes. Here's us turn to each other after they leave, and they're like, hey, how do we give surgery to a puppet? How? You all you need is a sewing machine, is there cloth? Fucking stupid puppet felties.
Starting point is 01:23:38 I bet they don't feel pain. She says I don't, I bet they don't feel pain. I'm about the puppets. The puppets. The puppets. Oh, man, it's so the best. And it's genuinely like they have like a like a venom to how they talk about puppets which is really uncalled for. So upsetting.
Starting point is 01:24:00 This is the strangest fucking movie. So we're still in the hospital just enough time for us to hear on the radio and everybody in the hospital to hear on the radio that they still can't find Dudley Dumbling. So they can't tell everybody in town the secret of the infinite joy. So they're shutting down the radio station forever. Once and for all. And then we cut to Dudley. He has a secret hideout in the woods and he's there with Gramps. Yeah. Gramps somehow got all the way up into his like very, very precarious
Starting point is 01:24:36 tree house without breaking a hip. He made it all the way up there with his giant legs probably probably just stepped right up to the one. Yes. And we see the giant legs hanging out of the fucking tree house. Can I ask what's happening with the raccoon in the Jesus Christ? Can we figure this out? Can we figure is it being pulled into another dimension by it's like internal organs? Is that's what's happening? There is a raccoon having a bad day. Yes.
Starting point is 01:25:03 So for the people at home, I first of all, you need to watch this. It's free on YouTube and it's a hell that we get on like we are only free if you watch it. We're going through the ring right now. So free us from this by watching this in this scene. Here's what I think happened. I think they had a raccoon puppet and they were like, oh, we'll have him making like cute little motions.
Starting point is 01:25:24 But what the guy did is he made a fist. So if you picture a raccoon just like fucking collapsing in on itself in the like harshest form of seizure, like rocking back and forth with a cold shower that there's been on the ground. Yeah. Yes. Absolutely. Getting scrubbed with giant brushes like it just got contaminated in a nuclear fire or something.
Starting point is 01:25:45 Right. Exactly. That's what it looks like. Mm hmm. Okay. So we get what we would just say, like eight minutes of the raccoon rocking back. Yeah. It's got a much footage of the raccoon just sitting there screaming. I'm still watching it. Yeah. And then everybody, all the radio people finally find the hideout somehow. They show up and they're like, you got to go on the radio, Dudley. We need, we're the stations getting shut down. You got to tell everybody about Christian Joy.
Starting point is 01:26:13 Yeah. And they run off to the station, but the dog who has no arms has to use his face to get down the ladder, which is terrifying. Yeah. We watch the dog go down a ladder with his teeth, just based teeth cracking out and flying side of it. It's like chicklets. Oh, amazing.
Starting point is 01:26:34 I want to suffer like the Christ child. So that seems over. We cut straight to a phone call. I don't believe it is. Well, yeah, I don't big of a lipper. No, forever. But now we're watching the big boss boss, who happens to be a puppet. He's yelling at Floyd, the human boss who fired everybody earlier. And big puppet bosses like, why do I fucking hire humans? So I guess they're trying to bring it back. Maybe they're a little pro puppet here?
Starting point is 01:27:08 I don't know. Maybe, I don't know. Is there like another human that's the puppet's boss, too, that we don't know about? We know, where does it end? Where does it end, Keith? We know that it's the cycle of violence, but where it begins and where it ends.
Starting point is 01:27:19 This movie's a real thinker. Whatever affirmative action hire, that's why it's a puppet boss. Honestly, it feels like this movie being like, all right, so we gave it. We kind of tipped our hand a little bit that we don't like pop-os. So we'll make the boss a boss. Yeah, right. I feel like maybe that's what was happening. We're real fucking felt faces over here. Should kill all you in now when I had the chance.
Starting point is 01:27:39 Fucking cancel culture. We're watching that phone call happen. But then we find out that Dudley has been found. Here's the problem. That guy that he was just talking to Murray had just said, no, I'm shutting down the whole radio station. So now there's like a ticking clock. The radio station is going to get shut down, but they do have Dudley. Yeah. And to be clear, when he says I'm shutting down the radio station, he means he's literally going to the roof to turn off the power. He's got to climb the tower like fucking the haunt. He might as well have gladdest his dead body over his shoulder. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:28:19 So Floyd is kind of torn here, but not really. He just got told you got to unplug the radio station. But everybody's like, Hey, we found Dudley. Let's go on the radio. And he's like, no, it's like five seconds too late. I was told to go flip a literal giant lever. The radio station has the shuts down the entire business. So the rest of the radio teams like we're going rogue. We're putting Dudley on the radio. And the scene is unnaturally tense. Like it is unnaturally tense where he's like, he's like climbing up the stairway and he's shedding clothes and he's vomiting and he's breathing heavy and then he's dragging himself step by step up these and this music is getting more and more intense and they keep
Starting point is 01:28:59 cutting back to Dudley and they're like, Dudley got to do it. He's like, I don't know what you're doing. I don't know. I can go on. They're like, do it, Dudley, do it. You can do it, Dudley. And he's like, I don't know. And then the music keeps getting louder and louder and louder. And then finally, we get to the end. And he's getting ready to pull the lever to shut the whole, because that's how you shut radio station. Don't be stupid. That's how you shut a radio station. I haven't been to my station. It's a giant lover. It's a main switch.
Starting point is 01:29:25 It's right on there. It's this main switch. It goes to pull it and there's a, it's saved because there's a, they happen to have like a test speaker right next to it. So like just in case you were going to unplug the station at the wrong time and he saves the day by speaking like three sentences about Jesus. Oh, it's like a missile silo where you have the two keys that you have to turn the same time.
Starting point is 01:29:47 Yeah, that's just like that. Yeah. Got it. Also, just want to check if I'm insane and was having a second stroke, while Dudley's giving his big Bible speech on the radio, like fucking theist John Gaul. Do we see a girl on a unicycle? Girl on a unicycle. Girl on a unicycle.
Starting point is 01:30:07 Girl on a unicycle. Yep. Why? Oh, why is there two seconds of a girl on a unicycle that's never explained or visited again? Great question. It's because this movie is a nightmare that you've had. She just runs over a raccoon who's all sad. A ocean of blood pours out of the raccoon and drowns everyone in the town in a rising lead with it's also boiling hot. Yeah, man, why the fuck not face to what we've seen so far? Yeah. Okay, well, Dudley gives his speech.
Starting point is 01:30:44 Yep. The girl in the unicycle with the boom box does something and that's the end of the movie. We're done. Yep, I'm serious. We waited through all that for like three cents a leg. God's pretty cool, right guys? Anyway. Yeah, that's the end.
Starting point is 01:31:01 The moral of the story is kidnapping a child is cool if it leads to a good speech about Jesus on the local public radio. The end. Also you know, the end scene. Yeah. Sorry. Now the end. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:31:16 That's it. Okay. Well, normally we like to close out with a like a deep question about the movie and that's going to do it for Dudley Dumbling Because we found another terrible movie for next week. So Eli, what's on deck? Well, assuming the nightmare stop and I haven't removed my eyes with my bare hands, we'll be watching something that we save for a very special, very special time. We'll be watching the secret. Oh, from the book. is that the visual book? Yeah, it's
Starting point is 01:31:47 really think about stuff and comes reality. The Jews didn't want it bad enough for the book. Jesus Christ. Great. Love it. All right, well, with that to look forward to, we're going to bring episode 364 to a merciful close. Huge thanks to Cecil for joining us. Cecil really appreciate it. Thanks for having me guys. Appreciate it. And of course a big thanks to our Patreon donors for all the generosity. If you'd like to help support the show, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash God Awful, and that'll get your early access to an ad free version of every episode. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the Skating Atheist, Sitation Needed, Skeptocrat, and D&D Minus. Available in all the podcast places. If you have questions, comments or cinematic suggestions, you can email GodoflMoviesatchimeo.com,
Starting point is 01:32:28 Legal Services for the podcast are provided by the offices of P.A. and Dr. Torres. Our theme song is written performed by Ryan Slotnik and people drafts on Mars. All other music was written performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week. For C. Sillani-Lai, I'm Heath, promises to work hard to earn another chunk next week. Until then, we'll leave you with the Animal House Close. For C.C.S.L.E.L.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I.I. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. So good.
Starting point is 01:33:06 It's so good. For the genocide. That has to be the end. I had one with that. It's so good. It's the top of the episode. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy.
Starting point is 01:33:34 I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a bad guy. I'm not a were like, I got it. And it was one of them here. You feel evident. Cecil, who do you agree with? Cecil, the truth or Elon, can we just do this? Get the truth. Every time I hate it, when you put me between you two, you sound like Dudley Dudley.
Starting point is 01:34:02 I ignore your calls because I dislike you as a person Classic roasting like as a part like as a person hate you So Stop lies about emails on the god off movies thing You got this fucking head, you like second shit, you asked you for a fucking email, I'll give you an email. The preceding by guest is production of Puzzle and on Thunderstorm LLC, copyright 2022, all rights reserved.

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.