God Awful Movies - 378: Seventy Times Seven

Episode Date: November 15, 2022

This week, Michael Marshall joins the gang for an atheist review of Seventy Times Seven, a whodunnit even easier to solve than the math problem it's named after. == Vulgarity for Charity Info: To par...ticipate in Vulgarity For Charity 2022: Donate $50+ to ModestNeeds.org Screenshot a copy of the receipt as proof. Email it to vulgarityFORcharity@gmail.com Tell us who or what you want roasted - be sure to give us some details to work with and a photo if they aren't a famous or well-known person. Give us your name as you want it to be read out, i.e. Greg J. or "Happy Bear" You may request a specific host. 100 random roasts and the top 100 dollar value roasts will be read on-air on Scathing Atheist and Cognitive Dissonance in the coming weeks. The earlier you send in the roast the better chance it has of being selected. Deadline MIDNIGHT ET on November 24, 2022. == This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/awful and get on your way to being your best self. == Check out more from Marsh on Be Reasonable and Skeptics with a KIf you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Let's talk about the body. You mentioned that this was almost your best worst, and I think that was true for all of us. They are rough with this body. They are, you hired movers that you found on a telephone pole with this body. Yeah, and it's not helping that this house has the spiral staircase from a medieval castle. Yeah, right access point to the upper floor. The stairs are like you're worried about like making sure that your enemy has a attack right-handed against the wall or something.
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Starting point is 00:01:14 sitting 4,000 miles to my East Northeast is my metrically bad friend, Michael Marshall Marsh. Welcome back, sir. Good evening, gentlemen. You can't tell, but I just arrived into this podcast on a horse. Oh, interesting. So that all makes sense. Good evening, gentlemen. You can't tell, but I just arrived into this podcast on a horse. Oh, interesting. So that all makes sense. That's all actually. I'm sure that'll factor into the podcast in some way at some future point.
Starting point is 00:01:33 Yeah. So tell us, Marsh, what will we be breaking down today? So we watched 70 times seven. It's the story of a young Christian rancher slash businessman, whose pregnant wife is unexpectedly murdered and how hunting her killer brings him back to God. And it's sort of like if Jack Chick wrote John Wick. Yeah. Yeah. And if you're wondering, by the way, listener, why it's called 70 times seven, that's the
Starting point is 00:02:01 runtime in minutes. In years, if you're right. Yeah. Exactly. Every years of my life, it's subtracted at Eli. How bad was this movie? Well, if you love Christian cinema, but you've been waiting for every weary trope, every badly aimed camera and every ill-positioned microphone to come together in one extraordinary film. You will love this movie.
Starting point is 00:02:29 I'm gonna make a bold claim. I think this might be the worst movie we've ever had to watch. Really? Definitely top five. Definitely top five. Okay, so here's the thing. If you can divide somehow,
Starting point is 00:02:45 like quality units by production dollars, then yes, right? Like I think you're, you're driving. Like of all the movies we watch, where the credits all have like different last names, you know, and they have like, look, I should manage a boom operator, like for something like that, like, yeah,
Starting point is 00:03:02 it may be the worst we've ever seen. It was spectacularly bad. Yeah, yeah, it's incredible, absolutely incredible. Something that comes up a lot when I tell people about this job that we do is they'll be like, yeah, but like, isn't it ironic? Like, oh, you mean like a, you know, like a turkey killer or whatever, you know, that one that was like ironic
Starting point is 00:03:22 that we watched the Halloween one or those ones where people make bad movies on purpose. The lots of bastard. Yeah, yeah. Right. Where it's like very tongue and cheek, right? And you have to explain to people that these people are trading as hard as they can. They really are.
Starting point is 00:03:36 Absolutely hard as they can. And they fit any beautiful, beautiful, right? The way some people look at the pyramids in awe, I wonder if I look at this movie. I must be aliens, it has to be aliens. So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best of being the worst at? Yes, yes, I want to say best worst focus on the camera.
Starting point is 00:04:03 For the lens focus, there were times that it was so blurry. I had to keep genuinely checking I wasn't slipping out of consciousness. And it was the picture that was blurry and not my eye. Like, I had to keep staring at things outside of the screen to make sure that my later eye surgery hadn't spontaneously undone due in the course of this film. It was that out of focus.
Starting point is 00:04:22 There were so many good best worst choices on this one. I almost went with best worst corpse removal, right? That was, that was pretty great. But I, I'm ultimately, I'm just going to go right to the heart of the thing, best worst who done it. Right. The killer's name might as well be suspect, Mick Killerson or something. Like, it could not be more obvious.
Starting point is 00:04:43 And then the whole movie is like maybe it was this guy I said no it was obviously that guy At one point the movie wants you to suspect a literal child Have you ever been told a riddle by a child and you have to pretend? But they're like what's up bird that flies in the air and is called a chicken? You have to be like, ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo go with best worst least appropriate guitar performances. Oh God. To be clear. Yes. This is supposed to be a vengeance thriller. Vengeance thriller about the murder of a man's wife and unborn child. It contains acoustic guitar performances.
Starting point is 00:05:45 And everyone on them is so weird. Everyone on them is so ill-timed and inappropriate, it's incredible. Yeah, if this movie was called an acoustic guitar concert, five guitar performances, might be a little much for me. Well, what's amazing too is that it's all the same guy and he's the director, right?
Starting point is 00:06:05 So like he was like, he was like, I think they're going to want me to play the guitar again. I honestly, I think that's what the audience is going to need right now. Yeah, I need the cards to come up and tell me how much they need to hear me play guitar. Yes. That happens multiple times in this room. He paid people to to ask him to play guitar for them. It's amazing.
Starting point is 00:06:23 So, all right, well, as we've revealed this one's a mystery, so we're gonna give everybody a minute to put on their thinking cap, but we'll be back in a hurry with all the perfunctory dialogue of 70 times seven. Okay, well, what if I need to call Suzanne? Oh, it's easy. So, Charlie, down the pub, talks to Carol, who works for Suzanne. That's crazy.
Starting point is 00:06:44 Hey, guys, what you up to? Hey, Eli, did you know that they don't use phones and Liverpool? They don't? Nope. So everyone is never more than one step away from the person they're in the room with, so you just ask. So lucky, right? No dropped calls, no surprise fees?
Starting point is 00:07:00 Well, no, I don't have to deal with those even in America because I've got Mint Mobile. What's Mint Mobile? Mint Mobile lets you order and activate from home with ESA, while saving tons of money on phone plans starting at just $15 a month. $15 a month? That sounds amazing. But it gets better. This holiday season, the best deal and wireless can be found at Mint Mobile.
Starting point is 00:07:23 Right now, when you switch to Mint Mobile and buy any three-month plan, you'll get another three months for free. All plans come with unlimited talk and text and high-speed data delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. Use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and switch easily and effortlessly with E-Sim. That's incredible.
Starting point is 00:07:41 It really is. I switched to Mint Mobile when they became a sponsor and I've got the exact same service, but I've saved a ton of money while doing it, even when I was in England. For a limited time by any three-month Mint Mobile plan to get three more months free by going to mintmobile.com slash cam. That's mintmobile.com slash cam. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at MintMobile.com slash cam. All right, Marsh. Looks like I'm going to be going with Mint Mobile after all. Miss Wusen's going to be so disappointed.
Starting point is 00:08:16 Well, it was going to be a chance to finally shoot up the chimney and see a sister again. Angland is weird. Yeah, well, at least we have Hellska. Okay, and then on your first day, you're going to want to go up to the biggest guy there, like the biggest one you could find, and you're just going to be like, hey, do you have beliefs that need re-examining? Right, yep, good thinking. Yes, yes. Hey, Vellus, what's she doing?
Starting point is 00:08:35 Oh, hey, Noah, I was just getting marsh ready for vulgarity for charity. What's vulgarity for charity? It's our annual charity fundraiser for monosne needs.org, a tax exempt charity that helps keep people who aren't eligible for other kinds of assistance from slipping into poverty. Oh yeah, and how do we do that? Well, listeners to our podcast can go to modestneeds.org, donate $50 or more to anyone who needs help or to the general fund and then send proof along with who they'd like us to roast to vulgarity for charity at gmail.com. We'll be choosing 100 random folks and our top 100 donors get
Starting point is 00:09:09 their roast red live on air plus. We'll have special guests like Thomas and Andrew, Marsh of course, Kara and maybe even a surprise or two. Oh, that sounds awesome. But what are the orange jumpsuits for? Oh, right. No, with the British slander laws the way they are, you can't be too careful. Oh right, yep. Yeah, we were thinking it could be the prison skeptic. Oh yeah, no, that sounds great. Bross.
Starting point is 00:09:35 And we're back for the breakdown and we're going to open up on the harbenture of quality that is the bridge stone media group logo. We all do it for a treat as soon as we saw it. And so and then we get these opening credits with which a horse is this movie is not about horses by the way, that have a very like I do to know what all the buttons on the camera do feel to him. Yeah, if you're wondering how bad this movie is going to be, this film has not been formatted to fit your screen because both the bridge stone logo and the opening credits
Starting point is 00:10:10 are literally cut off at the end. Oh, and this is the first time that I got a hint of how badly focused this was because this whole opening shot of them on horses coming over the horizon and I think it's so out of focus, it looks like they photoshopped out this guy. Yeah. It looks like it's like, oh, it's too gray a day. So we've just photoshopped that out and then covered it in post. Yeah. Put a paint ship in there behind it or something. Yeah. There's also this amazing moment. So so we're meeting this couple, David and Jackal and they're on horseback. We see them on horseback at first, but like she's getting a little too bouncy for a Christian movie. Right. So we cut that real short. And we get this amazing opening dialogue. The dialogue
Starting point is 00:10:51 will not get better from here, folks. These are the actual opening lines. I love you just so much. I love you more. I hope it's always like this. Yeah, I mean, look, present company excluded, but I feel like when you marry your high school sweetheart, this is the kind of dialogue you write for your romance movie. I love you. Check one box for, I love you. Check two boxes for, I extra love you. This I think was the first time I tried to Google this film
Starting point is 00:11:24 to see if I could find anything out about these actors. And what I'd find. This, I think, was the first time I tried to Google this film to see if I could find anything out about these actors. And what I'd find throughout this, every time I try and Google anything, was that Google, because the title of it, 70 times seven, Google just kept defaulting me to the calculator every single time, so you'd be like 70 times seven. And you'd be like, come on, man, it's 490. We've been through this. Now, go, go.
Starting point is 00:11:42 I want information. And by the way, if you got that by most playing seven by seven and then adding the zero back, congratulations. You did new math. Shut up about comment court. God damn. Also, that guy who makes coffee is Josh forestine. And you're right.
Starting point is 00:11:55 Yeah. You should know that you sharing your and you and Josh forestine agree on anything. So okay, so then we cut to that lovely fountain that the rotary club got installed downtown, right? We see this fountain so damn many times, there's never, it never factors into any damn thing, but this is David going to work, yes, to pass this fountain, we seem getting in an elevator,
Starting point is 00:12:20 but like clearly there's no building in that town that has an elevator, Give me a fucking break. You know, if there's an elevator, if there's a fucking elevator, it's for elderly and disabled people, okay? Walk up the stairs, be a lazy bastard. But David going to work, it passed the fountain. And as he steps in, he gets a call from Jacqueline, they have some more great dialogue. Yeah, she calls him to tell him that mountains are beautiful, which was an absolute essential call to make as the man is heading into work. Yes.
Starting point is 00:12:50 In case you forgot. And then we meet the secretary here. Now the secretary has a crush on David, the main character. And is there for a suspect? Buh, buh, buh. Yeah. Right, right. I honestly, I don't know if they were trying to go for suspects here or if this actor slash
Starting point is 00:13:10 director was like, now she would probably have a crush on me, right? Because I'm so hot and play guitar. Really? Oh, because he was a director. Yeah. That's what, because it made no sense otherwise, because at no point did the secretary like try and make a move on him or do anything at all other than like hand some papers of things. So I thought why are they adding this subplot of her clearly being into him?
Starting point is 00:13:28 But he writes because he's the director. Yeah. So you just assume that everybody wants to fuck him. Yeah. Incredible. So yeah, so he goes to meet with his boss who is also his dad. This is also one of the points where because we're focusing on the actors' faces, all the background is terribly out of shot.
Starting point is 00:13:43 And it looked for a moment like one of the pop plans had requested anonymity. It was that focus in the background. So yeah, so he goes to meet with boss dad and they have some business conversation that basically boils down to, so you're getting married soon, like just a couple of things from now. Oh, like they're vamping. I almost went with best worst vamping about business because he literally just hands him paper and he's like, remember, you'll need to sign those, you know, like, yep, I'll get them to you by the end of the day because they know that I'll get them to you is by the end of the day is business words
Starting point is 00:14:17 and not, no, you just, I said sign that. I was taking a pen and move your hand. I'm not going to keep harping on about this. This is where my notes kind of finished on this one aspect, but because this shot with his dad is seemingly shot three inches from his dad's face, this is where I had a realization that the reason everything else is weirdly out of focus in the background is I think the camera lens, the focus just got stuck. The dials folks and got the stuff and they just have to work with whatever it could achieve. Just keep moving the camera back and forth until it was right. Yeah, exactly. That's all we could do.
Starting point is 00:14:57 Damn it Bill. Like a magnifying glass. Were you making brownies before you operated the camera again? Yeah. So yeah, so he goes to leave. And by the way, so and his way into the office is the phone call with his way back out three different times he is reminded that his dad's birthday party is on Friday, right? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:15:16 And it's like one spy is girlfriend, and I think twice by the reception. So well, if this guy, this guy has a type when it comes to women. And that type is the type who'd remind me about my dad's birthday. It's a niche that it's got lucky to find too to be honest. Very specific results on many fits, yeah. But an obviously this meant this is this seems like classic film for shadowing. He's obviously going to forget his dad's birthday. Nope.
Starting point is 00:15:39 No, he's that. No, that's just that that's because this movie trusted audience so little that later when we're in a birthday party, where his dad is saying, thank you for coming. They're afraid that the audience would go like, well, where the fuck are we now? This isn't the home worth of work. So okay, then we got this ominous dream sequence. It took me so fucking long to figure out how much of this was supposed to have been a dream
Starting point is 00:16:01 sequence. But he shows up at this grave where there's a beheaded my little pony sitting on top of it. That's a call forward back, which yes, usually you need to be me in a podcast feud to write a call forward back. But don't worry, this movie will do it. So I'm going to spoil something just ever so slightly for our audience here, okay? That my little pony, doll, is a callback to a flashback that we will have at the end of the movie. Now, where it belongs in the movie is here, ish.
Starting point is 00:16:38 Right, they'll just never do that flashback. So it will make absolutely no sense until seven seconds before the credits run. And even then, not really. Yeah. So we get that. Then we get him alone on a horse drawn carriage. And ladies and gentlemen, this this actor is not very good. He he fails in a lot of things. But one real titan of acting moment that he manages here is that he looks her rump fiano horse drawn carriage. It's true. That is a hard to fucking do. See, looks so sad.
Starting point is 00:17:10 But then it so he wakes up, right? He wakes up at 4 a.m. after having this nightmare and calls his girlfriend to make sure that the nightmare was not like prophetic. Yeah. She wasn't dead and somebody hadn't pulled the head off of her my little pony, which is crazy for a couple of reasons. One, because it turns out it will be precisely prophetic, like weirdly prophetic in a way that makes you question the supernatural events of the later end of this film, like whether
Starting point is 00:17:39 something supernatural going on because he's bang on as to where we're going with this film. But the other thing is, like my wife and I I lived apart for the first eight years of our relationship. We lived in separate cities. And if I called her and woke her up at 4am because I had a bad dream, I guarantee you should have ditched me by now because I did not have the time to do the first thing you love. I do this to Heath two or three times a week. And he's not on the show right now. Right. So yeah, no, I honestly, I saw that scene and I wrote my notes. I'm like, I guess that's And he's not on the show right now. Right, yes. So, yeah, no, I honestly, I saw that scene and I wrote in my notes.
Starting point is 00:18:08 I'm like, I guess that's one of the advantages of being skeptics that we just forget about, right? You know, like nobody would call us and be like, I had a prophetic dream and I think that you were hurt, are you okay? Some of our moms still carry those beliefs. No. But this, again, this is testament to how badly made a piece of cinema this is because as he's doing this, waking up from the frettic dream, he lifts his hand to check
Starting point is 00:18:34 our timetres and there's a massive shadow cast on his face, which means he's been sleeping in the rays of a bright blue light. No, no, one day you're not sleeping at 4 a.m. right? Like the world's strongest light focused on you. Like you're trying to be water-boughted by the CIA or something at the moment. So, okay. So then we cut to David and his best friend. This character's name is Braden, by the way. They will not reveal that until late in act three, but David and Braden are going to karate prayer practice. Hey, guys, real quick, before we shoot this scene of us doing karate practice, do either of you know, and I can't emphasize this enough, any fucking karate?
Starting point is 00:19:17 No, perfect action, everybody. Let's just think. Yeah. Luckily, we know one person who can do Taekwondo and then you're reasonably well, that reasonably good at it. And so we'll just do like a split second bit of footage of them before we don't wipe gloves and just grapple with each other, which is what they end up doing, which is not karate Taekwondo or anything, I don't think.
Starting point is 00:19:37 I tell you what, it's definitely not Taekwondo. It's a bunch of things, but Taekwondo, it's definitely what. What's amazing is that very clearly this was a case of like this girl and the guy that she's sparring with were like, okay, you can use our dojo, but you have to show us kicking some ass in the movie to in her badass high kicks and stuff. And they're like, yeah, no, no, we can, we can work that up. Yeah. And I guarantee that happens throughout the film. There's plenty of other examples of like this, see, this location would only let us shoot if we were able to use it as a promotional video for this location.
Starting point is 00:20:08 I've got him in my notes. We'll come to them. We'll come to them. We'll come to several of them. So we get like three seconds of these two hugging at the karate dojo and then we cut away. We're going to dance super fancy rich guy birthday party or what these guys think is a rich guy birthday party. Yeah, we're talking double tree y'all candles and jars. Oh, la la. Yeah, there's a piano player there doing jazz on basically a Casio keyboard. Yep. What is he using? God, as as they're walking in, the wife, Jacqueline says only 50.
Starting point is 00:20:44 He looks so young. That's those two clauses are going in different directions. What are they doing in the same sentence? And then she says, you know, he looks that young because of God. Yeah. And to his credit, David just ignores her saying that. He's saying he's back to it. He doesn't react to that. Yeah, that's fair. That is a psychotic thing to say. We'll just leave that one though. Fresh cut to God standing by dad as he goes to bed. Dude, you got to use an eye cream before bed. Well, but every day it's also when we find out that dad, his wife has died. So David's mom's died and David says, you know, he had to pray so much to get rid of his loneliness,
Starting point is 00:21:25 which is meant to be inspirational, but like, so God ignored pretty much all of his prayers except the last one then. No, almost all those previous times. He just like, no, no, I don't think you've prayed enough for your dead wife yet. So we're going to leave you hanging. Well, it's and it's not like he's got a girlfriend now or anything either, right? He's still alone. That's true.
Starting point is 00:21:44 Yeah, he just doesn't care anymore. Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly. And there's also this great moment. So so Braden, when he's not karate wrestling with with David, every scene in the first act of this movie will be him rooting over the fact that he loves. Jacqueline loves David's girlfriend and she doesn't love him back. Murder murder murder murder murder murder murder murder murder murder and a lady walks up to him and she's like, oh, I haven't seen you in church lately. It's like, yeah, I've just been a mumbling murder murder murder murder under my breath. This is quarter of the whole time. He's mumbling how much he wants to fuck Jacqueline. Yeah. As a stranger walks up. He wants to fuck us so much that he's happy to say to all two relative strangers apparently.
Starting point is 00:22:27 Yeah. So, okay, so we get that real quick. And then the terrible Christian singer that's on stage wraps up. Guys, guys, do Christian people hire like faith singers for parties and shit? Oh, yeah. Look, the best part, one of the best parts of this job is that we get exposed to these tiny, horrifying slice of life moments of religious Christians. And I cannot think of anything worse than, and of course, we have to book a nice faith-based
Starting point is 00:22:57 singer for your birthday. If you did that to me as a prank, I'd be like, I'd be like, I can't honestly, I could, what I saw's a little too far. Well, yeah, man. So I can't honestly, I couldn't, when I saw that in your notes, I was like, okay, is he gonna suggest that we hire one of these people for one of our events, or is he gonna suggest that we pretend
Starting point is 00:23:13 to be these people for someone else's events? I'm in either way. Yeah. I think you can hire, not just one of these people. I think you can hire this person. I think you can hire the one in this film for any of your events. God, if you could open the next Gam Live somewhere in the US with this faith singer.
Starting point is 00:23:31 Yes. I mean, look, they take it. They take the book and they don't get a lot of bookings. They take that book and I'm not the one with the company card, but the answer is yes. This woman is hired tomorrow if the boss says yes. But, but Noah, you actually haven't even more brilliant idea. We list ourselves as faith zangers.
Starting point is 00:23:49 We do the first song totally straight. Then there's some choreographed shenanigans like the Mike Brinks. And we just forget, like we lose our religion in front of the audience every night. As the app like we get a fifth. Jesus was really on our side when he break a fucking mic for phone. What's that? A car crash you say. Why God why? I'm starting to wonder if you're even there.
Starting point is 00:24:16 Super bells. So yeah so so okay so she wraps up her song song dad comes up say you know Thanks everybody for being here and he's like and you know what we can all really use right now Is a guitar performance from my son slash the director of this film David Are you allowed to just make people sing you a song on your birthday because I'm 100% doing this to heath if you are on your birthday, because I'm 100% doing this to Heath if you are. And now to play the Maracas for us, he'd been right, everybody. Get on up there.
Starting point is 00:24:51 Yeah. And this is by the way, this is like whatever the next step up from Hold on a second guitar playing is called, whatever that is, that's what David is doing at us, right? Oh, 100% 100%. And then he's singing as well. He's singing is just unintelligible syllables. Yeah, it's incredible. He's just like, nezer and er, brilliant.
Starting point is 00:25:12 Yeah. So, okay. More of that, please, David. That was so close. I'm worried we're going to have to get the rights to that song. Yeah. Honestly, yeah. We're so, like, 15 more seconds.
Starting point is 00:25:22 We could have been D.C. And made on this part. Marsh, don't turn around. Toby Keith is right behind you. You're right behind you. Just told very still and Toby Keith will go away. Oh, God, and while he's doing this, they go over to his wife and, and so he's like, oh, I really like your key necklace. Is it going to have any symbolic importance in, in the movie? And she's like, shockingly no. No, but ugly jewelry, Christian movie bingo.
Starting point is 00:25:46 Check. Yeah. Oh, yeah. The fact that they focus on this key so much, maybe you think this is 100% the key that unlocks David's chassis cage. That is what that came in. That he gave on a necklace around her neck for Christmas. Makes the bear trap off.
Starting point is 00:25:58 Yeah. There's a whole thing going on there. But the person who asked this, this is David's brother, who I think looks like sales ex ex satan in the scene. Okay. It's his girlfriend. And the way his girlfriend speaks, she talks so stiltedly that I'm pretty sure she's been played by that AI that that one guy thought was sentient. Because all of you is just reflect back anything you say. She reflects back with a question about the wedding. How is the wedding going? Oh, it's going great. Is it going great? I'm glad you think it's going great.
Starting point is 00:26:25 It's just it's not AI. 100% is. All right. So I can't imagine mistaking her for sentient, but okay. All right. It's pretty dumb guy. So okay. So then we get this fucking scene.
Starting point is 00:26:37 I this is not even worth mentioning, but it's so fucking funny. Because it's supposed to be a montage of David and Jacqueline in the park having fun, but they're not in a park, right? They're clearly in that like, liminal green space outside of a hospital or something. And the idea of like, oh, it's like, it's like spending all day together on a traffic island, right? So.
Starting point is 00:26:59 Just cars whipping around them in the background. Yeah. Having a little picnic. And they're just trying to find interesting things to do in this really boring space that they walk up to a tree and they examine its leaves like they've never encountered a tree before. Right. It's just you and curious.
Starting point is 00:27:14 The first tree sweeper so much. It is by far the most boring time anyone has ever spent outside. All that's missing is like someone's sweet ant to like pop on the screen and be like, you see there's plenty to do in bohook in Wisconsin. Would you like a real estate tour of a very large house? Yeah, right. We can't give this fucking thing away. So, okay, so but this montage resolves with them at church. The pastor is explaining this movie's title, right? Jesus said, no, don't forgive him seven times, forgive him 70 times, seven times.
Starting point is 00:27:51 And this, this is a very nice sentiment, but it's also just a very concrete number for God to issue to the people of the world. Yeah, feel it, look after your first 490, you're off the hook. Yeah. Right, because like here's the problem. Like if I say that, someone's like 490, you're off the hook. Yeah. Right. Because like, here's the problem.
Starting point is 00:28:06 Like, if I say that, someone's like, oh, nice. I like that sentiment. But if the creator of the universe said that, it kind of becomes a rule. Right. Yeah. You've got to keep Italian on everyone. The countdown timer of sorts forms. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:28:21 So okay. So we wrap up, church, and then we cut to David and Braden playing some basketball together. This might be one of the the first times we see a recurring theme in this movie, which is somebody usually David arriving at a scene in a car, which is 90% of this film is part of the driving places. This time it's it's Braden arriving somewhere. And he he pulls up immediately gets out and they start playing basketball like four inches from his fairly expensive looking car.
Starting point is 00:28:51 Yeah. And I really wanted someone to just like trip over his car as they were going for a jump shot or something. Ha ha ha. So he's like, hey, Braden, why aren't why weren't you in church in that last scene of Braden's like, cause I'm an atheist murderer. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:29:04 Da. Murder, murder. Obviously. Sorry, you just constantly mumbling murder in church in that last scene of Brains like, because I'm an atheist murderer. Duh. Murder, murder. Obviously. Sorry, you're just constantly mumbling murder under your breath. Sorry, no, you want to play some basketball. And then, okay, so then we get this bizarre scene where Braiden, David and Jacqueline are out horsing together.
Starting point is 00:29:18 David gets ahead of them. And the very first line spoken in this scene is Jacqueline responding to a line that must have been added out because brain didn't say it. Yeah, and presumably then the line was I'm going to murder you later in this. That might be too obvious at that point. Yeah, no, she's the scene starts with her going, oh, you know, I don't know. I guess I feel a little sick honestly. And he goes just for the record I knew you before you fell in love with David in case that comes up later in like a motive kind of way.
Starting point is 00:29:50 Jacklyn, how do you feel about the principle of dibs? Would you want to marry a man who just ignore dibs? So good for you. Also, we have to talk about this. Jacqueline is wearing the craziest wig possible. Yes. Oh yes. It seems like she's in police custody from a kindergarten production of who's kind of Virginia
Starting point is 00:30:17 wolf. He's baffling. So. Yeah, so we get that scene that we got to them, uh, Braden and David Karateying together again. With, I will point out, the exact same shot of their friends who know actual karate, but from a different act like they just reversed the shot. So it's they're her doing that thing.
Starting point is 00:30:39 Yes. Again. Yeah. She's perfected at 360 and she's going to show it off at every available opportunity. If they're going to put this in the ad for their dojo, that's going to go up on local television immediately after this filming is done. Yeah. Right. So there's this great moment too, where there's one of these Christians being too honest
Starting point is 00:30:56 moments where David's like, what's wrong with you, Brad? He's like, I don't know, I got a lot of stuff on my mind. And David's like, well, yeah, but the key here is to stop thinking. It's literally what he says. I'm like, wow, they're more honest than usual in this movie. Yeah. I think this director is capable of stop thinking. I think thousands of years of Buddhist theory really come to fruition in this director. I think we can get a cat scan on this dude. We find that he has this ability quite. Yeah. And it's a really weird detail, but Braden at this point is wearing a man United top, which is such a weird detail,
Starting point is 00:31:33 but then he's a super entitled guy living on past memories of happiness that he now feels he's got some sort of divine right to complete. Completely. Completely. Yeah. So, have that. Ben, okay, there we get one of the weirdest scenes of all time in any movie. David is driving home and this movie is like, you know, we haven't really come up with
Starting point is 00:31:51 a plot yet. Maybe it's an espionage movie. And then he notices that there's a mysterious man following behind him who then pulls up a low side of him and shoots at him several times. Yes. No, they don't have glass breaking money. So the bullets go in the open driver's side window and out the open passenger side window
Starting point is 00:32:11 and don't hit anything. Yeah. Yeah. Also, can I just throw this out there? Pretty odd to use the only person of color that will be in the soul. Yes, as the drive-by shooter. Absolutely. Yes, as the drive by shooter. Absolutely. Yes. Absolutely. And I really wanted them to never
Starting point is 00:32:28 explain that scene. And I so almost got my way. You're right. Right at the finish line. They explain it in the most throw away way. Oh, so late that I had to change my best worst in my notes. Yeah. Absolutely. 100%. So, okay. And then we cut to which I wrote my notes like we cut to a church so they can pray for a plot. But no, apparently this is for the wedding. And David and Jack and at the wedding are doing some sort of weird sensual communion eating. Yes. Thank you. And I'm feeding each of the communion. It's so strange. Don't think you're supposed to do an arm hook arm crossed toast with the blood of Christ.
Starting point is 00:33:05 I don't, I'm not here to tell people how to do a communion. Yeah. But I'm pretty sure that like I drink from your goblet and you drink from mine. It's not champagne. champagne. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:33:18 Yeah. You're like, that's not in the spirit. If you know what I'm saying. Also, what religion are these people? Yes, because thank you. There is very clearly a menor in the spirit. If you know what I'm saying. Also, what religion are these people? Yes, because thank you. There is very clearly a menorah in the background and I genuinely had to Google, did you do the Eucharist?
Starting point is 00:33:31 Yeah. Yeah, they're just vindictive about it. Now I'm eating that. And excuse for a snack, right? A little nash, little savior. Yeah, no, there's very clearly a menorah there the whole time. Weird me the fuck out. So anyway, so we get the wedding.
Starting point is 00:33:49 She throws the bouquet, Braden catches it, but you know, herumphully. You might as well strangle the bouquet, just like, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. Then David sings another song as his own wedding, like four inches from his bride, he picks up a guitar and sings that in front of the congregation. What a prick. What a prick. And then, okay, and then the two of them leave on that same horse-drawn carriage from his dream, right? Yes, oh, God. And I really, because it's the same road, I really wanted there to be another drive-by from the shooter, but he's driving it like a black horse and carriage that a guy
Starting point is 00:34:25 that's having a shoot. Yeah, she says they're in the horse of carriage. She says this is like a dream. And I wrote taking a horse and carriage down a Kentucky interstate in some dream. Yeah, I mean, it is like a dream. It's specifically like his dream, like a dream.
Starting point is 00:34:41 You're seeing him as this is like your dream. Here in my notes in order, this is like a dream. We will never die. We will never die. We will never die. They chant louder and louder. Soon my screen is black and they're shouting blows out my speakers. Never any possible. It's back at all. So I was watching it on 2B and then the kid. Yeah. When she says that thing about the dream, she does deliver all of her lines with literally all of the enthusiasm of that actress who got kidnapped by Kim Jong Il. Yes, gunpoint. She's saying these lines. So much so that she has to keep saying her emotions at the end of them, right? This is like, because she's like, this is like a dream. I'm so happy. And I went back and got that is the fifth time in this movie that someone just said their
Starting point is 00:35:27 emotions after the words I am, right? It will not be the last. So she said, he said, well, where do you want to go? And I'm like, you've got to tell the horse drunk carriage guy that before you get in, man, you're not allowed to decide. But so then we cut over to their honeymoon cabin for an aliveness montage. Yeah, and this cabin, when we look around the cabin, at one point we do, we have a good shot around it. And I'm certain they got that cabin in return for taking the shots that they've taken
Starting point is 00:35:57 and using them on Airbnb. So I think this is yet another case of like, if you just shoot some promotional footage for us, you can use this for an entire morning. It's fun. Yes. I wrote, what percentage of a movie can be montages before it's literally not fucking good because they're pushing that. Also, they're trying to do the sexy because they know like sexy chocolate strawberry. But they didn't they didn't know where to get no goddamn Jewish chocolate strawberries. So they're just sharing a goblet of chocolate moves.
Starting point is 00:36:27 Yeah. Oh, fucking, it's a big fucking glass of poop is what it looks like they're doing. Yeah. Yeah, I thought she was feeding a momma from a fancy glass while while he's reading the Bible to her erotically. Why? The sexy part. He is wrong.
Starting point is 00:36:43 Yeah. Throughout the entire scene. So disturbing and upsetting upsetting and it's not the horse sperm part There are sexy parts At one point they're doing like sexy moose eating which by the way they suck it because it's just like Wave in the spoon around in front of your face before you take it right now. It's like here comes the air played into the hanger She like dabs them on the face with the moose. And he's like, okay, now you're wasting fucking moose. He threw it in my nose.
Starting point is 00:37:10 Okay, he threw it this movie. We're not watching the movie. But we can fuck just don't waste moose, you're wasting moose. So meanwhile, okay, so then we cut to Braden and his girlfriend at a diner talking about the wedding, right? Oh my God. And they're currently having coffee in what sounds like the corner of the state exhibition of aircon unit manufacturers. So loud in the background.
Starting point is 00:37:34 Hey, can we turn off that super loud fan in the background while we shoot our movie? No, cool. No problem. All right. Well, there you go. Also, this is Braden's girlfriend. Leslie, I think, and she, I realize in this scene that she looks like a sort of a less good Alicia Silverstone. Like she's like Alicia Bronziston and maybe Noah. Alicia did not place a stone. So yeah, right.
Starting point is 00:37:58 So yeah, and so she's like, I thought that was a lovely wedding and and Braiden goes, like I thought it sucked murder, murder, murder. And she's like, okay, well, I'm leaving. And he's like, no, you're not marrying me. And she's like, okay. Yeah. Every little girl's dream, if they see when I'm for 20,
Starting point is 00:38:12 it escalates so quickly, if they see when I'm for 20 more seconds, they'd have had to make a pregnant as well. They just really ran so. And then we didn't mention this before, but when, when, when David was talking to his dad about the wedding, he says, yeah, you know, I bought a house for my wife. I'm going to show it to her afterwards, right? So this is her fucking surprise house.
Starting point is 00:38:30 He's going to show her the surprise house that the two of them are going to live in because he's an asshole. Look, this is a Christian movie. And they believe that like, Jesus is going to come back with a sardiness mouth and fight the armies of Satan. But by far the least realistic thing they believe is that any woman would want to be surprised with the house she's going to live in for the next 30 years. Oh, God. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Especially when he drives up to what appears to be like a model housing estate, I genuinely half expected Michael Bluth to walk
Starting point is 00:39:01 in while Ron Howard was narrating. Yeah was that much of a model housing mistake. Yeah, so they probably, they popped this house, which by the way, this, this house would cost you 400 grand and wake for us, fucking Georgia. So I thought they could have used a young couple sized house, but they decided not to. Well, no, yeah, because he explains here, it's not just for two, it's for their seven children. Yeah, right. Yeah. Uh-huh. He tells her that he wants to have seven kids.
Starting point is 00:39:30 And she's like, oh, that's a terrible idea. He's like, uh, uh, uh, we're marrying and Christian. You don't have a say in this. And she's like, you're right. I don't. You're right. You're right. Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:39:41 And there's such a weird bit where he says, I want seven kids. And then he says a moment later. So this is a house for nine and she goes, nine, like she hasn't realized that they'd both be there with the seven kids. I don't know how she couldn't do seven plus two in her head. Well, she might be in the menstruation hot at the time. They are Christians, yes.
Starting point is 00:39:59 And this is also where we meet the neighbor kid in his dog. This is Peter and Snoopy. A Peter is the kid, Snoopy the dog. Yes. Hello, I'm a child. I'm in your, I'm your friend now. Yep. You like me. Oh, you're a character. He's like, I'm a fucking suspect if you can believe that shit. So and then so they're going to go into the house and she's like, Hey, you know what? We should probably pray that there's no second act tragedy that moves the plot forward once we get in there and he's like, you know what, you're right, we should do that. And then we cut to Jacqueline and David, they're going on a picnic and she's like, you know what, I've been Craven Pickles and he says, you're having a baby and she's like, I probably
Starting point is 00:40:35 am. This movie is stupid. Oh, and this is where I realized like when you're actually this stupid, you literally think someone is pregnant when they do old wives tell stuff. Like it's not right. Cause like, I remember when Anna was pregnant, she would be like, Oh, I'm a little nauseous this morning. We may be right. But I really, like idiots must actually be like, no, well, there it is. Why even bother with that expensive dust from CBA? Oh, God. And because she was pregnant at this point, I really wanted to be pregnant with all seven kids at one time. That's why we were going.
Starting point is 00:41:05 Sceptoplets. Yeah. This movie is a prequel to that Octimum exactly. So, okay. So then we were at a cookout. All the characters are there named and otherwise. And this is where. Oh my God.
Starting point is 00:41:19 David is going to announce to everybody that they're having a cat, right? Yeah. Also, I was very distracted because they are barbecuing quote unquote, the most insultingly thin burger patties I have ever said they have like an a quarter inch of burger burning to a crisp on the grill for. Yeah. Oh, it was Trump, and it was downright Trump, and yeah, it was sad. So yeah, so David announced that they're going to have a kid, his sister-in-law, the AI
Starting point is 00:41:49 chick that Mars was telling you about earlier, is pissed as though there is a finite supply of kids and Jacqueline just cut in front of her and lie. Yes, I wrote, they're acting like they literally stole a baby out of her womb. Right. Yeah. And the dad is not making this easy for anyone because he's sort of going, he's basically like, oh, thank God, there's a grandchild coming up and waiting for a grandchild for so long. And I wanted to turn to to Jenny's like, you know, not like this baron bitch over there. I'm going to the top, come on. Sarah, Sarah's what I call her because of the desert.
Starting point is 00:42:25 So, and then the sister in law, this is Jenny is the character's name. She storms off so that she can cry about the fact that she's not having a baby, right? Her husband, this character will eventually be named Henry follows her. And she like, I don't know, testicle, shame, sin for not impregnating her yet. She says, I blame you that I'm not a mother. I want and I wrote my notes. You just had to keep working with your laptop on your laptop. I wanted her to explain to me to do with his very specific fetish.
Starting point is 00:42:57 Like, look, I've told you before how this works. If you're doing it there, it's not going to happen. I've told you so many times. So, okay. So meanwhile, we cut to David and Jacqueline, they're getting ready to go to church and she goes, will you love me forever and ever and ever and ever and he goes through all three acts exactly will be so alive. And we're never going to die. No, we're never going to die. Neither of us will ever die. So we get to church, the pastors tell it a boring story about sheep and which is honestly like a pastor's job description, if you think
Starting point is 00:43:30 about it. But this is where we're going to sloppily introduce this, I love this character so much. Paul the robber. Yes. Paul is incredible. Yeah, everybody keeps saying who's that guy and they're like, oh, that's, that's Paul. He's the guy who stole Jacqueline's car and purse, but then she forgave him, turned him into a Christian while he was in jail. And now he's friends with them. Right. And let's not forget, she's telling this story to David,
Starting point is 00:43:55 which means they made it all the way to married and pregnant without her ever telling him about the time she was robbed at gunpoint. Three years ago. Yeah. The robbery happened Three years ago. Yeah. This happened, the robbery happened three years ago and she never mentioned it and he never asked and it just never came up. She was robbed at gunpoint.
Starting point is 00:44:12 It's incredible. And the fact, she says about how like, you know, Paul's in, Paul's in church just to come and see me, not talk to her because he didn't talk to us. So he came all the way from prison, I think, to come and see her in church from afar. And everyone is just taking this like a talking normal thing. Like everyone in town is talking about this new guy, this new pole guy that they've got these days. You know, have you seen this guy? You've got this guy, but no one's thinking this is really fucking weird thing. So, yeah. So, and so, and then they drive in home. And he's like, you know, I don't think we really fleshed that Paul Carrot drug at all.
Starting point is 00:44:45 Would you like to do a flashback? She's like, I would like to do a flashback. So we flashed back to the day that she got Carjacked. And it's a very gentle carjacking, right? He's not very aggressive about it. It's also very clear that they shot the scene where they talk about the thing before the actual scene where they shot the flashbacks.
Starting point is 00:45:06 Because there's a bunch of stuff that isn't true. Should be like, I was in the middle of the parking lot. Nope, you're in the middle of a garage. I crowded to Jesus and he stopped. No, he didn't. We just saw the flashback. We saw the flashback. Yeah, she's like, I cried out to Jesus and that's when the car jacker backed off. I'm like, well, okay, but that's also like right after you gave him your keys and your
Starting point is 00:45:26 purse. Yeah. Usually hang around for nookies. He backed off in your car. It's not backing off. It's reversing. He's going to. And then and then David plays the guitar at us again.
Starting point is 00:45:40 He's like, Oh, well, you know, every good car jacking story needs a guitar solo. And she's like, doesn't know he's like, it does. It does blackbird singing the dead. Oh, God, any concentrate is so hard. Anything he tries to every time he tries to pick out anything like remotely complex. He's really constantly, he's got his little tongues stuck out and everything is he's trying to find the strings. It's easy. You can, you can, you can see his lips going and two and three and change. Yeah. So, all. You can, you can, you can see his lips going into and three and change. Yeah. So, all right. Well, I'll tell you what, to this point, the closest thing we have to applaud is there were all these people once. So I'm not going to bother waiting for
Starting point is 00:46:13 some obvious fucking act break. We're over time anyway. We're just going to pause there for a minute. But we're back in a flash with even more 70 times seven. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. And my trail mix. Eli, this is just a bag of chocolate chips. Yeah, that's my favorite part of trail mix. So I figure, you know, it's fine. It's fine. Hey fellas, where's Eli going?
Starting point is 00:46:37 Oh, Nevada. What? Why Nevada? Oh, it's for my mental health. I'm going to count those ballots, even if I have to do it myself. I just really can't wait anymore. I see. Well, Eli, you know, one way to take care of your mental health is therapy.
Starting point is 00:46:50 Have you considered that? Sorry, Noah. Therapy's great, but I don't have time to schlep into someone's office. I've got ballots to count. Well, then why don't you try BetterHelp Online Therapy? What's BetterHelp Online Therapy? As the world's largest therapy service, better help has matched 3 million people with professionally licensed and vetted therapists available 100% online.
Starting point is 00:47:11 Plus, it's affordable. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to match with a therapist. If things aren't clicking, you can easily switch to a new therapist at any time. It couldn't be simpler. No waiting rooms, no traffic, no endless searching for the right therapist. Learn more and save 10% off your first month at betterhelp.com slash awful. That's better help help.com slash awful. Better help because not all problems are solved by count faster.
Starting point is 00:47:38 All right, lady, give me a purse and your keys here. Here you go. Just don't hurt me back off. You hear me? Back off. Sorry. How do I get? Oh, it's the button on the console there. It's a button. Man, technology, huh? Okay. Okay. Now, how do I... You have to put your foot on the brake. Yeah. okay, yeah, got it, got it. Okay, now I just, I gotta, the backup cam, you got the backup cam. Oh, nice, good.
Starting point is 00:48:10 Sorry, so did you have the ticket thing for the parking? Oh, you know, it's in my wallet. Oh, first that you took? Yeah, great, got it, got it. Wow, 11 bucks. Yeah, who's the real criminal here, am I right? Yeah, totally. Okay, I'll never be in this movie again.
Starting point is 00:48:26 You will not know. Mm-hmm. And we're back for more of this shit. We're gonna rejoin the action with David and Braden back at the karate gym. Braden is sick and damn tired of David and all his happiness and joy. Yeah, I also, I didn't get to mention this
Starting point is 00:48:44 at like one of the other karate scenes, but in the background of this Taekwondo dojo, they have an oath of some kind and one of the like commandments of the Taekwondo oath that is in the background of the scene. You just read it is I will not misuse Taekwondo. And let me tell you as a second degree Taekwondo black belt, very easy of to keep. Unless you make this stupid fucking movie. They got it. I was going to say, unless, unless I, you try and impress someone by being a black belt, which in some ways is misusing Taekwondo.
Starting point is 00:49:18 They cannot impress people. I'm also a black belt. It cannot impress people. That's what I'm saying. Second degree, March, second degree. Oh, I was when he first degree. Yeah, you outwrap me. Oh, well, there you go. So now we know that Eli could kick Marches. That's one percent. A suspicion.
Starting point is 00:49:36 Confir- Well, are we talking about drunk March or sober March? Yes. Drunken master technique. I saw drunk March rip the head off a bouncer. Yeah, right. No, that's fair. So, okay.
Starting point is 00:49:48 So, then we get, like again, all of these Taikuan do scenes are like four seconds long, right? Like one of them will push the other guy over and we'll move on to another scene, which is going to be in this instance, David and Jacqueline planting seven little treelets as a symbol of the seven kids that they're going to have. Okay. And here's the thing, little behind the scenes for you. When the guy made this movie, he was like, oh, it's going to be so cool. We'll plant the scenes in one scene.
Starting point is 00:50:14 And then throughout the movie, we'll watch the trees grow. This guy's an idiot. He doesn't know how long trees take to grow. So throughout the rest of the movie, he will be referencing how big the trees are or how big they've gotten or whatever, but it's exactly the same size because this movie shot in four days. Oh, 100%. To the point where we see him take all seven trees out of the car from when he bought them and they're all really small. And then we see them planted and some of them have clearly traveled in size. Yes. And I'm not freshly planted.
Starting point is 00:50:45 It's like, you already had some trees. That's why you brought this whole tree metaphor in. Is that the house that you were renting for the shoot had some trees? Right. And you've decided to work with that. Yeah. So we get that scene, and then we were at another family function
Starting point is 00:50:58 with all the characters. This is the sister-in-law Jenny. It's her birthday. And at this point, Jacqueline is like visibly pregnant, right? Yes. So much so that Jenny can glare angrily at the baby bump that she doesn't have. Not murder, but maybe, not murder, but maybe.
Starting point is 00:51:16 She constantly could bring it up every single time she gets the opportunity. She talks about how she doesn't have a baby. It's like, come on, Debbie, down. I've stopped bringing this up. Like, this isn't about you. Right. I wrote stopped bringing this up like this isn't about you. Right. So I wrote in my notes, Sisson Losher wishes that they had a baby is her personality.
Starting point is 00:51:30 Yeah. Because the only thing she ever talks about in this film, she's staring so evenly at the baby bump. It looks like she's trying to abort the fetus with laser vision. At one point, the husband comes over and I wanted him so badly to be like, hey, hey, what did we say about staring hatefully at someone's uterus? Huh? Okay.
Starting point is 00:51:51 Go sit in the car. Oh, and this is where they very subtly introduce Jenny's earrings into the film. Jenny, you have earrings on. Yes, I do. Would you like a close-up of them? How about two? Two close-ups and three zines? Okay.
Starting point is 00:52:08 And I really hoped it wouldn't matter. I really genuinely hoped it just would not matter. I'd have had so much respect for this film if they never mentioned the earrings again. Like the necklace? Because yeah. So yeah, so then we get them cleaning up. Her inner husband cleaning up after the party and him going like, you know, you've, you've got to get over this her being pregnant thing. And she's like, I literally, that's my entire, it's my only characteristic, man.
Starting point is 00:52:32 I can't, I physically can't get over it. Yeah. She says, you're the older brother. I want her to be like, you're coming older like a fine scotch. Why did he need more mature? So we got back over to David and Jackie's house where she's marching a pickle pregnantly. She's bald aligned for lighting this pickle. It is it's sexual. And then then the whole camera it lingers on the jar. The almost empty jar
Starting point is 00:52:57 of pickles is to say, when the last pickle is eaten, come the baby well. It's like some sort of prophecy. Oh, it's so stupid. She's like some sort of prophecy. Oh, it's so stupid. She's like, hey, can you pick me up more pickles? It's pregnancy food. And he's like, I will get you all the pickles. So many pickles. I will pickle the shit out of you or what?
Starting point is 00:53:15 And I want him to come back with all of the pickles. Just pallet after pallet after pallet. After pallet, we're gonna have seven pregnancies. It was buying in bulk. I'm saving you so much money this one. Oh, there you go. Yeah, right, right. Yeah, when he said, I'm gonna buy all the pickles. I just wrote my notes.
Starting point is 00:53:27 I will kill this movie script for the shot. So it goes outside to go to work. The neighbor kid is outside playing a game of accidentally throw my ball at your car as you walk up. Right. Okay. And and he is going to, I'm going to throw this out there aggressively hit on David's wife here. Yes. Like this dude's looking to get banned from Q. E. D. for life. So you and your wife's like an open thing. I'm not so that you don't know until you ask. Yeah. And then it possibly the weirdest turn in the entire movie She calls him she's watching this happen out the front window. She calls David and Says what were you just now talking to the kid about right like they've been fucking and she wants to make sure that Peter didn't tell him
Starting point is 00:54:19 God, it's so weird. It's so weird like I find that incredibly strange She also emphasizes to David so many times that don't be late. don't be late. You're always late, don't be late. And I thought, okay, this whole lateness thing is so heavily foreshadowed. What a good movie would do at this point is she arranges to meet him somewhere, but he's late in getting to it because he's always late. And then she gets shot either by the blonde guy or by the random drive by guy. And then it's Paul the car fee who steals a car in order to take her to the hospital. And then Jenny the AI sister in law, it turns out that her earrings turn out to be made from highly potent cum and she can have a baby
Starting point is 00:54:57 and it all wraps up neatly. It wasn't too late to fix it. That's what Marsha's saying. It wasn't too late to fix this. It was doable. All right. So he goes to work. He gets another call this time from Braden. Braden's like, hey, man, you want to have coffee with me? What time do you get home tonight? Are you going to be going home for lunch or anything? Are you just gone for the whole day? Yeah, and does he hold them up any CCTV or? If you were going to discover a corpse today, for example, the glory of the Greenland, what time, when would be the best time for you to not discover?
Starting point is 00:55:30 I mean, I was just right. Great. So, yeah, so he's at work. He's signing some papers, so we know that he's very, very busy, right? And then his brother comes in to confront him about his wife being angry about the pregnancy thing. Now again, small thing, but like the brother's suit is comically oversized. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:52 Right. Clown is a lawyer oversized. Yeah. And the energy this scene is really weird from the way that the brother walks in. He's acting like he's going to ask his brother for a loan, but like a loan of come is a way to. I come to you hat in hand. This movie has so little idea how movies work that he's like, oh, well, did you go to
Starting point is 00:56:14 a doctor and he's like, yeah, no, we went to the doctor. That's it. It doesn't say what the doctor is like. Let me just went to the doctor and we're like, we can't have a baby and the doctor was like, that fucking sucks, my God. So yes, so they talk about that for a little while. This is like the 47th time somebody tells him, hey, you know, when God's, in God's time, she'll get pregnant or whatever.
Starting point is 00:56:38 And then we get this, like, working the office montage that is for some reason set to the shopping music from a 90s JRPG. Yep, it's such a bizarre montage, but we see each of the brothers, we see one brother, and we follow him, and then the other brother walks it, shot me, follow him, and then we turn the corner and we see the dentist, they're like, oh, they're trying to do that like shot in the Avengers where you see them all in action one by well, it's just them in an office signing things a bit. Oh, God, this is the cinematographer showing off. Yeah, wow, you're right. And yeah, for sure. So all right.
Starting point is 00:57:17 So Davis driving home, he calls us dad and he's like, yeah, dad, I'm feeling really foreshadowy. Like this movie's going to break out in a plot any second now. And he uses his phone While he's driving more often than Eli does. It's ludicrous every single shot is him on his phone while driving somebody was gonna kill us What he's playing candy crush? Yeah, honestly, I'm surprised he didn't hit his own wife with a car So he pulls up he's brought her flowers because it's their six month anniversary. Hello, obviously. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:57:48 In the world's largest vase. It's not just like a bunch of flowers. It's already in a vase that he carefully lifts out of the car. Yeah. And so he walks in and he's like, you know, he's like Jacqueline. Jacqueline goes into the kitchen, doesn't find her there. Doesn't he thinks for a minute about where else he should look He's calling her like he's trying to find out where the cat's gone like he's expected to be sleeping in a pot of towels somewhere
Starting point is 00:58:15 Shakes or treats or something So but but eventually he's like oh, you know, I should check for her upstairs and and we have this really ominous Walking up the stairs bit where I'm like, I'm excited, right? I'm writing in my nose. Okay. So there might be a plot at the top of those stairs. I'm pretty stoked about this. Is it strange that the more, like as he, as the more upstairs he gets, the more the music seems to transition to like Egypt or something. By the time he opens the bedroom door, we're getting basically a call to prayer in the background. I thought, oh, did they move next door to a mosque?
Starting point is 00:58:45 Is that why this neighborhood is so empty? Oh, no, it's right in the middle of the nearest mosque. Yeah. So, but of course he finds his wife. She's been shot right in the fetus, right? Finds her dead and he literally says, Jacqueline, who did this to you? Is the plot now? So, just to fucking watch. and who did this to you? Is the plot now? Such a dumb fucking...
Starting point is 00:59:07 Checkland, who made you fall on ketchup and then also get them to learn your hands? So, yeah, but she's been shot and he's devastated. And then we get this great... Okay, so apparently the whole church gathered up to watch the cops remove her dead body. Okay. Let's talk about the body.
Starting point is 00:59:29 You mentioned that this was almost your best worst, and I think that was true for all of us. They are rough with this body. They are you hired movers that you found on a telephone pole with this body. Yeah. It's not helping that this house has the spiral staircase from a medieval castle. Yeah, right. Exactly. If you own access points to the upper floor, the stairs are like you're worried about like
Starting point is 00:59:54 making sure that your enemy has an attack right hand in against the wall or something. You know, so and and and they're bringing it and we watched for so long. These two elderly actors who have clearly never carried a fucking body down a stage that a stairs on the stretchers have to carry this by their bang and then they might as well be kicking it down the stairs like a movie teenagers backpack on the way to the first day of school. Oh God, that scene was worth the price of admission, folks. So then we cut to David.
Starting point is 01:00:29 He's sadding at a grave stone that we only see from the back because we don't need to see the front just trust us. It's carved. Yeah. The number of episodes that I'm on this show that we cut to a graveyard mid-scene. It's every single film cuts to a graveyard at some point. Yeah. So then he goes back home, around his yard has blurry memories. Yeah, this is a really ugly garden as well Like these people have the worst tastes and I'm glad she's dead. This is such an ugly garden. It's so over done. Yes. Thank you. Yeah going for a walk by your cold
Starting point is 01:00:59 The sex water feature doesn't have the same gravitas Also, I just have to point this out, it's just a tiny thing, but during the flashback at one point, Jacqueline, like plays with the windshime, like a toddler and he has to be like, uh, honey, honey. She plays a bit like a cat. Maybe she is a cat. Oh, okay. He explains it.
Starting point is 01:01:20 He's trying to find her in the house. She's, oh, I think this makes sense. That's why they had to put that weird ass wig on her to make her look like a human being to come rub his ears. Yeah, that makes sense. So Eli, this wind chime scene, they were so fucking proud of this because this is like the natural effect because we see her and him sitting down together and she stands up and plays with the wind chime.
Starting point is 01:01:41 And then we go back and the seat's empty, but he like in the future stops the wind chime. They were so proud of the scene, but it was so fucking stupid because to get there, it had to be like, you know, a baby batting at a mobile or what? A fully grown woman had to be like, when chime go, bang, bang. Yes. Oh, there's a yeah, at the very end of it, this is where he goes to uproot that sapling, right? But they rented this fucking thing on Airbnb. They can't pull up the fucking sapling, so he changes his mind halfway through. No, no, I won't pull this tree out, even though I totally could. One of the rules that was an eliminated piece of paper in the kitchen was, do not touch the shrubbery.
Starting point is 01:02:24 It was just above the thing about the dishwasher and just below that rule about the hot tub and not getting it right. Yes. Yeah, there was a shrubbery rule. Forgot about that. We lose our deposit. Yeah, so he gets all sad and he goes, I will find who did this to you is the plot. No one is the plot. It has a plot now. Oh, and I really wanted the killer to be Paul and for the moral to be forgive no one. Forgive me. I got to help you. A good point was stupid. He's going to break out and kill you. Don't ever forgive people. See, my money at this point was on Snoopy the dog for making him be in this stupid fucking movie. So, okay. And then he goes
Starting point is 01:03:00 to the to the gravestone again, right? to mourn his wife some more and the decapitated my little ponies on her headstone just like in his dream sequence from earlier that I didn't realize was a dream sequence until I saw this scene. So he psyched him, right? He psyched. So this whole movie takes on a totally different tool and he psyched it. Well, God gave him a vision, Martin, as God is often wants to do. That is true.
Starting point is 01:03:25 A very specific vision, which by the way, he doesn't acknowledge here, right? He's not like, wait a second. I had exactly this dream. He's like, hmm. Well, also, it's like such a dick move from God because it's not like it doesn't help him in any way to have foreseen this. No, you could have shown the vision of her being shot and it's so much more useful. Exactly.
Starting point is 01:03:47 You could have got 80 tears, something. Yeah. So and then by the way, he sits down against the graves don't to like be sad and they accidentally show us that it's blank on both sides. They do show us that. And then mid, mid moep, Braden shows up and he's like, apparently I've just been off to the side this whole time. I could moop with you if you wanted. And he says, yeah, now that'd be great, man. If we mooped together against your grave for
Starting point is 01:04:18 a minute, yeah, I really wanted to be like, not so wife and child, not law you. You're face. But instead, David's like, you know what, I'm going to find who did this and I'm going to kill him. And brain's like, I help. He's so chipper. Yeah, no, that's the, yeah, that's the inflection of it. It is, man, you know, I'm in. I'll help you move. Absolutely, yeah.
Starting point is 01:04:40 Oh, can I help? And so, and then so we get, apparently apparently dad the boss has called David and his brother in fray. You still believe in God though, right conversation. All right, sons, I know we have a big busy day of paper signing to get to to check in that it lead Jesus is still everyone's Lord and Savior. If you want to check in that it lead Jesus is still everyone's Lord and Savior. And Dave is like, I don't know if he is my Lord and Savior and all the cartoon birds gasp together, you know, or whatever. Okay.
Starting point is 01:05:14 He says, where was God when my wife was shot? But he says it like God is a suspect in the murder. Not like he's doubting his faith. It's a real, real tone thing. Yeah. it dances. Never reject God's love. Never doubt him He's like, you can sometimes you should probably doubt him. Yeah, he's this moment where he's like, look son Someday you'll be totally okay with God murdering your wife and unborn child. I promise you and it's like, why? Yeah Totally okay I promise you and it's like, why? Yeah, I think totally okay. You'll think, I know, you'll thank him for this. So but David leaves without mending his relationship with Christ.
Starting point is 01:05:52 It's still act two. And he stomps out, he stomps out past the flirty secretary and there's this amazing moment where she starts praying for him, but can she pray for him in time? Bob, Bob, they literally, they do a parallel audit where he goes home. He's considering suicide, but she's praying for him, but can she get to the amen before he pulls the trigger? Oh, God is interrupted suicide attempt on our bingo card because at this point, it should basically be the free square.
Starting point is 01:06:20 Yeah, no, no, yeah, absolutely. Yeah, good point. Also he gets the gun from like just a COVID near the front, and that is not a safe place to throw a gun. Like this guy's kid was going to die at some point regardless. They just got it all with suit. Yeah, from a gunshot wound. You didn't have a chance to get attached. It's fine. It was fair this way. Yeah, right. I did almost go with best worst gun safety, because this is very clearly one of the people who made this movie's real gun. And he's fucking spinning it around on his finger.
Starting point is 01:06:48 Yeah. Yeah. He's picking his teeth with it. It is terrifying. That just asks. Well, then I want to point out, yeah, he just genuinely picked his teeth with it. He genuinely sucks on the end of it while he's thinking like he's like it's a pencil. He's absolutely holding.
Starting point is 01:07:01 Yep. So yeah, but just as he's about to shoot himself, there's a ring on the doorbell, and he goes to answer it where he finds fucking ponytail, cop, and his partner, right? And so now he's gonna confront the cops, because the cops still don't know who our killer is, and they're like, you know, like, we're thinking you, man, at this point.
Starting point is 01:07:22 So maybe you don't want to hurry us along, but. Why would Jay know where the body is? There's no matter how I'm a cop. This is the actual interaction that goes down. We have a few questions. So you're saying I need to find the killer myself? So it's literally. Yes.
Starting point is 01:07:39 So yeah, he goes, they go, we have a few more questions for you. And he's like, you should be out in the streets trying to find the killer. And I'm like, dude, you live in the crime scene. Yeah, so many movies confuse police work with hide and seek. It's like he's out there. Like, and he's waiting for the count to a hundred. Have you checked all the boats? He could be in a boat.
Starting point is 01:08:03 Yeah. So also they ask him, where were you when your wife was murdered? And said, whoa, whoa, has he not told them that? Why hasn't he, no wonder they think he's suspicious and maybe a suspect. If he's not going to tell them where he was when his wife was killed, because we know the answer to that, he was at work and he's got loads of alibi's. Why is he hiding that? Right, yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 01:08:22 They're like, well, you know, of course, you're obviously a suspect and he's like, get out of my house. And I'm like, you didn't make it better, man. Yeah. He said they say, we need your cooperation. And he says, and I quote, have you ever held the body of somebody that you love so dear? That's it. That's the end of the sentence.
Starting point is 01:08:40 Yes, I forgot to say dead. It's really important you say dead dead body. Otherwise, yes. I really wanted the cop to be like Lee. Sorry, dear Lee. I know it's not that bad. It's gonna bother me if we leave with that. He also says you need to be out there on the streets looking for suspects. I was like, what does he picture? They're going to find quote on the street. Yes. Yes. But then at the end of the scene, he's just like, weave and they just do, you know, but
Starting point is 01:09:12 hopefully, you know, how cops when you, when you just like get out, they just do. Yeah, right, especially with your murder suspect. Yeah, that's, that's being all cagey about where he was on the night of the murder. Yeah, while holding a gun. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And then, gun, yeah. Right, yeah. And then, okay, so then dad pulls up the check on him. Now, he's left his gun just sort of sitting
Starting point is 01:09:29 on the table next to the door. So there's this bizarre moment where he's like, you know what, I should put it in the back of my pants, you know, like they do in the movies. But then the actor remembers, I think, that it's a real gun and that's a terrible idea and then just puts it back. Yeah. So effectively we watch him scratch a high ass crack itch with a block.
Starting point is 01:09:53 Yeah, I need to be clear we're not using hyperbole here. The two things we have watched this actor do with what is unquestionably a real gun is biggest. And scratches. Yes, yes, genuinely does. and he's like, you know, I've been praying about this a lot and God says that you should come live with me at this point. Yeah, this is what David says. I feel like the killer could walk in at any moment. But why would you feel that? Why would the killer be coming back here now? There's no, he's got no more to do that unless it's too like gloat Or check his work, right? I was just wondering how the investigation is going
Starting point is 01:10:34 Yeah, so dad's like no, you should move in with me And he's like I really don't want to do that. He's like well, you know I could tell you all about how Jesus is our strength and our hope is again That's why I don't want to do that man It's because you won't shut up about how Jesus is our strength and our hope is to get, that's why I don't wanna do that, man, is because you won't shut up about the Jesus shit. And this is where he's been dead wifeed into atheism, which you hate to see it, you hate to see it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:10:53 But the thing is, his mom's already dead. So did God try the cancer-moming fail and then went for plan B the wife? Oh, right. How many cracks at atheism is God given this guy? Yeah. So, and then, so dad notices the gun at. Oh, right. How many cracks at a thizm is God given this guy? Yeah. So, and then so dad notices the gun at this point, right? He's like, hold on a second. What are you doing with this? And David goes to grab it. The dad throws it away. Like
Starting point is 01:11:15 he's playing keep away with the dude's hat or something. Okay. This is fucking amazing because what was supposed to happen here is these actors were supposed to struggle for the gun, right? And someone, some saint on this set was like, hey, sorry, everyone involved in this film is an idiot. That's a real gun. There's no way we choreograph this film without someone dying. So you guys are going to have to do cartoon shenanigans for the gun instead, which involves dad throwing the gun down.
Starting point is 01:11:43 And when David goes to get it, he steps on his fingers like Jerry and fucking Tom. Yeah. Yes. And then and then David has to like way overreacting a fucking French footballer or something. He's like, oh my God, my fingers. I can now can't go for the gun. And how he's rolling around. He's demanding a yellow card. He's going on. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:12:11 And the dad's like, hey, look, man, you're going to get to see your dead wife and kid in heaven. And he's like, I don't believe in heaven anymore. And he's like, what do you start believing in heaven again? That fixes that. He's like, that would fix that. But how? His kid was like six months, he was a six month old fetus. He was minus dream. Is it six month old fetus in heaven like all pink and slimy and underdeveloped? Or does Jenny like go to heaven pregnant and have to give birth there? Either way, kind of sucks. All right. So then we go back to him on a horse. Again, they keep putting them on horses. There's never a fucking reason for it. But dammit, if there aren't flashbacks on the horse too, right? Yeah. Yeah. This is her saying that she wants to take their baby on a mission trip right
Starting point is 01:12:53 after it's born. Yes. Yeah. Hey, I want to go somewhere that definitionally is less safe for our baby. As soon as he's born and he's like, that's a great idea. Yeah. Well, doesn't he say, how about we take the baby with us? Yes. Like, as opposed to what? Leave it here. Like give both and then drop it in the hospital and go. Say, yeah. So he has that flashback and then he goes back home. He sees Peter playing with Snoopy. Oh, this is to see where he's like, he's taking his gun to work with him,
Starting point is 01:13:23 but he's throwing it just in the trunk loose. Why is he put it in the back of the car? Because that's the last place that he get to it. If he needs it, he's got a glove box. I thought that's what glove boxes in America were for with a handguns. Right. We call them gun boxes here. Yeah, exactly.
Starting point is 01:13:39 But this is the actual line. This is so good. This is so indicative of the fucking dialogue in this movie that was written down and then printed out and then you paid someone to say it. He says the kid says, Hey, is that a gun? Can I touch it?
Starting point is 01:13:55 And David says, Hey, that's not for you to touch with, okay? It's not for little kids. Oh, God, people, it was just two hours of that. And then so he drives a Peter gives him a very I'm glad I shot your wife look, right? This is the moment where we're supposed to go like, wait, did the kid do it? Yeah. Can't fuck his wife. Can't play with his gun. This is going to be the way. And then I guess this is supposed to be David's Oscar clip. It makes no sense in the movie. So I'm assuming that he thought this one was the one that was going to win them all the
Starting point is 01:14:32 awards because this is the see where he's walking by that fountain. He gets a phone call from we don't know who and for reasons that we don't know, he just starts screaming. They think I killed my own wife in public, but they don't think that all they said was you've refused to tell them stuff that would rule you out as a suspect. Just tell them that you were like where you were. You've got a rock solid alibi. Why are you hiding that? That is fucking weird. Right. Yeah. But then he screams into his phone that he's going to fight who did that and kill them. Again, just cries that out in public. And then he goes to a fucking Korean barbecue to meet Braden for lunch,
Starting point is 01:15:11 which is the weirdest choice. First of all, hot pot is a fucking insane choice in the middle of a vengeance movie. Okay, do you guys know how this works? No, do you mind showing us? He might as well go to literally Benny Hanna. While they make a fucking onion volcano in front of him. This is a tiny notch below Benny Hanna. But it's incredible because he's at a Korean barbecue. So this movie has been set between a Taekwondo dojo and a Korean barbecue. Was this film paid for in part by the Korean Office for Cultural Impact? If the killer turns out to be John Cook from BTS, we'll know that's what this was. So yes, we go to the to have Korean barbecue with Braden. And there's just this hilariously large number of plates
Starting point is 01:16:06 on the table. I posted his audit 11 dishes and he's what spoons some of them on to David's plate before he got here. Yes. It's so silly. Korean barbecue is delicious, but this is such a such a silly. I mean, they might as well be doing like, you know, when you go to Ethiopian place and get that big bread thing in the center of the table that everyone dips in the it's too festive. It's significantly too festive. You know, it reminded me of the scene in in pretty woman with Richard Gear just bought her one of everything for breakfast or whatever. It had that kind of a feel to it. Yeah. So and then they sit down to their career in barbecue and and Braden's like so, um,
Starting point is 01:16:46 did you figure out who killed your wife yet? And he's like, nah, no clues. And he's like, you know who I would frame. I mean, who think, oh, I think did it is Jenny. Remember the, the AI sister-in-law, she was super jealous. That was her, her whole personality. Yeah. And so David leaps to his feet as though he has just been shown a bloody fingerprints and
Starting point is 01:17:07 a video and storms out of the restaurant. So apparently he was just going to go and accuse the first person and he won't suggest it. Yeah. Yeah. 100%. And as he storms out and again, this shows you how this film was financed, he storms out out of the door of the restaurant and we linger for a while on the door of the restaurant, which includes the name of the restaurant, the phone number for the restaurant and the restaurant's opening time. It's so clear.
Starting point is 01:17:33 That's why they had that delicious spread of a lemon delicious looking just as laid out when the shot started. Cause this is their advertising material. Oh my God, you're right. The only thing that could have been sillier is if he had stopped at the host and been like, I'm sorry, I would totally have enjoyed that delicious meal, including your weekly specials Tuesday through Friday from 2 p.m. before me. But
Starting point is 01:17:53 I've got to go revenge the death of my wife. I'll see you at Taekwondo on Wednesday. I've got a piece of web. But first, I've got this bill. There must be a mistake. This bill is way too cheap. You've called me on the charge me. What? This is how much it actually costs, but this is great value. Just use the awful code, dead wife. Yeah, right. So then, okay. So then he goes to his brother's house to confront murder, Jenny, right? He walks. He storms and he's got his gun. Right. He storms into the house and he's like, I demand to talk to Jenny. And Jenny comes and she's like, Oh, David, how have you been? Give me a big hug. I'm so sorry. And let me say, I'm so sorry you lost your wife really takes the wind out of your murder accusation. He's like, Jenny, I'm, oh, thank you very much. Oh,
Starting point is 01:18:45 you made brownies. Totally plays out exactly like that. Yeah. And then the dad comes along. So David had walked in shouting, where's Jenny? You shake it, my wife. They have a shouty all came about this. And then the dad turns up at the end, like, hey guys, what's up? Like you didn't hear the violent yelling. Yeah. Turned up at this point. I was in the middle of a difficult shit. Sometimes you just got to let it finish on its own. Apparently. But now importantly, he doesn't accuse her of killing his wife, right? He just comes in screaming with a gun and then they calm him down.
Starting point is 01:19:15 He's like, you know what, never mind this. I didn't think this through your way too nice. You're making it awkward. I'll be back later. Sorry, I shouldn't have just accused someone of murder because someone else said their name near me. And then he has some more ominous dreams, sweet sequences. And at the end of it, he wakes up in his car, right?
Starting point is 01:19:36 But we don't know why, why he would be sleeping in his car. Yeah, we have absolutely no idea. His car seemed to be parked in the black void from the film under the skin as well. But it's no scene here on this. It's completely have absolutely no idea. His car seemed to park in the black void from the film under the skin as well, but it's no scene where you're on this. It's completely right. Page black around him. We've got no idea why he's in this car. And it doesn't matter that he's in this car. Apart from the fact that he spends most of this film on a horseback or in his car arriving at places. Right. This is how poorly edited the movie is. He wakes up from the car, then he pulls up to the house and then we see him waking up on a couch.
Starting point is 01:20:05 Yeah. So was he pulling up to wake himself up from the man? Yes. What the fuck is happening? Was he dreaming of pulling himself into the drug? Was he dreaming of pulling up? Like so much this film opens with David waking up the start of a scene. It's more than mental, more often than mental.
Starting point is 01:20:21 Yeah. Do we see that in this? Right, right. Or maybe this was a dream within a dream kind of thing, and ception style. I don't, yeah. So we've cut to him pulling up to the house that we just saw him asleep in. And Peter, the neighborhood kid comes to talk with him and he's like, hey man, just so
Starting point is 01:20:37 you know, if you're, if the plot is that you're trying to find the murderer, I would be happy to be your pint-sized sidekick. Yes. Hey, I'm be happy to be your pint-sized sidekick. Yes. Hey, I'm really sorry about Jacqueline. She was like amazing spank, bank material in the woods. I mean, I really wanted this kid to help hunt the killers, like a kind of a Batman and Robin situation. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:20:56 A cop and a half of Burnt Reynolds. I really wanted that for the first time. Absolutely. But we find out this kid has been like, he's knows what's been going on because his parents told them about it. Yeah. And I like the idea that his parents are just casually chatting about how David is trying to find the killer. Like they're at the window, the neighbors with the curtain
Starting point is 01:21:10 twitching. Oh, I see that David fellers back from the Korean barbecue again, expecting he's acting out a bloody vengeance for the death of his wife and a ball of children. Also, the people at number 16, you put their recycling out on the wrong day again. It's all happening in this whole thing. So he goes inside, it says, there's this great moment because he walks by and there's this big picture of Jesus hanging up over his mantle and he looks at it and he's like, all right, you'll stay up for now. Well, I've he's seen how high his mantle is.
Starting point is 01:21:38 It's above his eye level. It is genuinely above his eye level, the mantle and the fireplace. Yeah. But he'd have to tip he tall to get one of those vases down. It's just, why would anybody want that in their house? Well, yeah, because then he does, right? Because he takes down the Jesus picture and starts yelling at him. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:21:54 He also, it's just such a tiny moment, but I have to talk about it. These people are garbage. So they have one of those super duper expensive massage chairs. Oh, Jesus. And he flops down into it. But it just looks like he has an Nintendo switch glued to the arm of his chair.
Starting point is 01:22:09 I thought I genuinely thought it was a tiny TV screen. It's just so free. Honestly, based on this movie so far, I was sure he was going to be like, I got this a sharp image for only 20 or 100 dollars. It has over 55 settings and can work for more than an hour. So nothing can work the tension out of my body now that my wife is gone. At this point, if there were a Christian movie made up entirely of filler of other Christian movies, it's this movie. Okay. Yeah. That wouldn't make a lot of sense, actually. So yeah.
Starting point is 01:22:41 So then he's like, you know what, this movie's not going anywhere. I should go upstairs and examine the crime scene for the first time in the film. Right. It feels like you know, a thought of that by now, but he hadn't. He goes upstairs. There's this, you know, there's this moment where it's like, oh, can he bring himself to go back in there where he found his, oh, he can't, he can't. He's already going in. Never mind.
Starting point is 01:23:01 Sorry to get the music all built up. He can because the bedroom up here, the master bedroom suite is too spacious to resist. Even with that minute right outside the window, it's still fine. It's still lovely in here. Look at all this sunlight. Oh my gosh, gorgeous. But this is where he finds Jenny's earrings sitting on the ground. And I call this.
Starting point is 01:23:24 I call it when we focus on the earring. Then when you went to see Jenny, I even wrote, she's not wearing an earring, I'm fucking Sherlock Holmes here. And then you found the earring. But then I thought, oh shit, there's 35 minutes left in this. It's a plant, it's gotta be a plant, it's gonna be someone else. So I saw this whole thing coming. Well, because you're sure like fucking homes.
Starting point is 01:23:42 Yeah. All right, well, tell you what, March Nailed is prediction and we're all happy to learn that the scenes do sometimes connect to one another in this movie. So we're going to pause on a high note. But first, let me have the act be the hard sell. Will the movie ever explain the guy who shot at him? Will the fact that they do karate ever factor into the story? Will we ever hear anything at all about Paul the car jacket again? Find out out the answer to one of these questions is yes when we return for the gangly conclusion of 70 times seven. And those mango steams are they fresh?
Starting point is 01:24:15 Oh, okay. Well, what does the shipping label say? Yes, I will hold while you check. Is when are you on the phone? It's been busy for like 20 minutes. Wait, sorry. Does the podcast of Earth's House have a landline? Oh, apparently, yes. Anyway, it's Eli. He's been ordering all the fancy cooking stuff that he learned on Masterclass.
Starting point is 01:24:35 Wait, what's Masterclass? With Masterclass, you can learn from the world's best minds, anytime, anywhere, and at your own pace. You can learn how to skateboard from Tony Hawk, improve your chess skills with Gary Kasperov, or learn cooking from Gordon Ramsey and a bunch of other famous chefs. With over 180 classes from a range of world-class instructors, that thing you've always wanted to do is closer than you think, including fancy cooking, apparently. Sorry, did you see a Cornish game-hand? No, no, no, no. Chris, I need an Istanbulian game-hand. Yes, I'll hold again. It's true. I was a master class customer, even before they became a sponsor. I love their cooking classes, but they also have classes on
Starting point is 01:25:14 everything from comedy to magic, which is why I, Eli Bosnick, personally endorsed it as a product. Yes, Chris, what's the word on those hands? Thank you. I highly recommend you check it out. So this holiday, give one annual membership and get one free. Go to mathsaclass.com slash awful today. That's mathsaclass.com slash awful, terms apply. All right, then. Good to know, I guess.
Starting point is 01:25:37 So when is dinner? Uh, 46 months. It depends on custom with the hands. I think I'm going gonna just order a pizza. Lauren. What is it, David? Yeah, David, what's the meaning of this? How caught you?
Starting point is 01:25:53 How could what what do you mean? You killed Jenny. No, I didn't. Oh, okay, sorry about that. See you around. Okay. Well, that was that was weird. Yeah. Okay. Well, that was, that was weird. Yeah, I can't believe David was just accused you of. Lauren. David.
Starting point is 01:26:11 I'm back. You were the last to see her. Why? Why did you kill Jenny? You killed Jenny. David, David, just because she was the last to see, Jenny, doesn't mean she killed her. Oh, it doesn't. Never mind that. Sorry, I'll see you guys around later. Doesn't mean that at all. Also, if you've got like any evidence you wanna handle now, so you can just stop walking back in here, you should ask right now.
Starting point is 01:26:34 Nope, nope, I'm good. No more evidence. You sure? Yep, I'll good. Okay. Man, that guy at- Lauren! Damn it, David what well?
Starting point is 01:26:46 Where did you get that burger you were talking about the other night? Benicans, Benicans, right? Did you kill my wife? No got it Okay And we're back for still more of this shit and We're gonna rejoin the action with David getting pulled over on his way to revenge murder Jenny and what may be, and I know how stuff the competition is, the most useless scene in the entire goddamn movie.
Starting point is 01:27:16 That's it. That's it. Right, this was here to prove to us that they had marked police car kind of money. Right, but I don't think they did because later we see a very long lingering shot of the logo of Douglas County Sheriff's Office police car. And I think again, this is yet another promotional shot that they've managed to get just comped into the film. All right. Look, if you're going to use Douglas County, I want you to show a full pullover speed trap situation, but our cops need to look like
Starting point is 01:27:46 they're the good guys, all right? I wanted to really, I want him to check in multiple times. Yeah, we're going to use this as evidence to the media that not every traffic stop ends on a shooting someone. We can't patchy, patchy record of least, but we can do it. Yeah, no, that is actually way better than my theory of he just drove real fast through residential neighborhoods until somebody pulled him over. But yeah. But yes, they pull him over, check his license, let him go. This never comes up again in any way whatsoever. It doesn't
Starting point is 01:28:16 even make him too late. Like I really wanted him to be delayed. He's gone to Jenny's house. I wanted him to be delayed by the cop and get there too late and now Jenny's dead as well. It's all how does this keep happening to me? So, but nobody runs, he walks into the house, gun in the hair. And he screams, Jenny, how could you kill my wife? And she's like, I, I, I don't, I didn't, I didn't as how I did. Yes, you did. No, I didn't, I didn't, I didn't as how I did. Yes, you did. No, I didn't.
Starting point is 01:28:47 You, yes, you did. He says, I have evidence. Well, if you listen carefully, he shall, I have an avidance. He has an unavidance. Yeah. Not to be fair, Christians don't know what that word means, just as sort of like it's a perraquist to Christianity. But what he has is her earring, which could have wound up in their bathroom in more ways
Starting point is 01:29:12 than she dropped it while shooting my wife to death, right? Yeah. I think that's actually quite a difficult way for her earring to end up there. Like, she was the shooter and her earring just fell out in the bathroom and she was so careless as to not notice and not check and leave evidence around. That's right. The least on the least likely way for that earring to get there. But also like it. So he found the earring. He picked it up. He put it in his pocket and he drove over to her house with it. Right. So now the cops who already have said that he's a suspect have to trust him that the
Starting point is 01:29:45 earring he found was in the room where his wife was killed, right? So he actually ruined an evidence. He did. You did absolutely do that. But that doesn't matter. He calls the cops and he's like, I found the real killer and they're like, oh, well, you called dibs on killer. So I guess we'll have to go arrest her, right?
Starting point is 01:30:03 So they go arrest her. And just in case that is how it works, by the way, I just found Lauren Boberts earring next to a murder. I can't get it. I'm here. Along with 200 votes for her opponent. Yeah, to get some rest and all you have to do is make a single phone call to the police. The police have that responsive instantly, immediately on the scene. And it's the traffic stop sheriff as well. So the one police officer in uniform for this entire area comes to do it.
Starting point is 01:30:28 Right, right, exactly. So yeah, so the, the, the, we cut to the past or seeing the news of this, right, on, on TV. And he's like, oh, honey, let's pray. We know that Jenny isn't the murderer. It's too early in the film for that. So, uh, we, we, we, we, we, we cut to the news on TV, which is weird for a couple of reasons. One is that they use a stock, like a stock audio for the news sting, and it's a piece of stock audio that George Robb and I'm pretty sure cognitive distance have both used in the past. So that's the kind of budget that we're talking here. But the news shows us footage of Jenny being arrested. But there weren't any cameras there when she was arrested,
Starting point is 01:31:04 because we saw, apart from the movies camera, which is the shot that we're seeing, which is really confusingly better. I also love that as they're arresting him, the cops says, do you have any weapons? And I wrote, yeah, man, she has a machete in her and Taylor pants. Also, the news bulletin opens with the anchor saying, on a more serious note, more serious than what? This is the opening of the news bullet. You haven't said it. There wasn't a non-serious note prior to this that you're opening on. Well, so I was hilarious just to think that this was like their follow-up to the like, you know, clown story or whatever, you know, and then that was the biggest cookie ever
Starting point is 01:31:43 baked on a more serious note, murder. They've unfindly with the death of a pregnant lady. So and of course, Braden is also watching the news, right? He's watching the news with his wife and she's like, oh, I don't think Jenny could murder somebody like that and brain's like, what are you trying to say that I framed her for it? What the fuck are you trying to say? I'm murder you. Sorry, sorry. I just hate it when people don't believe other people murder deep channel.
Starting point is 01:32:14 What he says is, what do you mean? There's tons of evidence against her. Like, yeah, for example, there's that one earring that I don't know about, yeah. Case closed. And then he has to, look, I just like to point this out, this actress has to kiss the actor who plays Braden. And this actress is Alicia, not placed stone is actually pretty decent, but not in this moment. She's kiss, she's like, yeah, yeah, she's, she's kissing the way people took a shot of malignant at Q.E.P.
Starting point is 01:32:47 yummy lips are close enough this counts enough for the check. Yeah, right. So yeah, so, so then we get like David, he's at work signing papers again. And the brother comes in to yell at him for having his wife arrested because in this universe, it's, you know, the victim's next of kin gets to decide who is arrested for the crimes. But what happened then, in this universe, what happened is, like, yes, this brother is angry that his wife has been falsely arrested for murder,
Starting point is 01:33:19 but he still turned up to work with, or even for, the brother who accused her of murder. Like, I mean, look, I know that my brother accused my wife of murder and we're all worried about everything, but those papers aren't going to sign themselves. We've got to get back to the paper signing mill. Yeah, the other thing too is that he works for his dad. You know, I really want there to be like a birthday at the office and they're angrily saying, happy birthday. Kathy from HR. So then we had back over to Jacqueline's blank headstone and damn it if that decapitated my little pony isn't back on the headstone again. Yeah. And this will never be clarified in the flashbacks, but since we do know that
Starting point is 01:34:07 Brayden killed her because we have eyes and can see, this also means there's a cut scene for the movie where Brayden doesn't find that beheaded little my little pony. And he's like, well, I was making a murdery gesture. Great. Now I got to get him at the dollar store buying another Bible pony. It's on eBay. He's got to get the legit one or something. Yeah, yeah, buying him in both just in case.
Starting point is 01:34:28 Yeah. He's standing by himself at the David stand by himself at the head. So he goes, I just can't believe it was Jenny is, is what I'm thinking in my head now. I just can't believe the plot of this film resolved. I think we got like 25 minutes left.
Starting point is 01:34:44 This is right. I'm so sorry. It's my emotion. So then he's back at work. The secretary said, it comes in. She's like, Hey, you know, I, I, I have more papers for you. Also, like, obviously, Jenny didn't kill your wife. There's still 20 minutes in the movie left, like Marcent. Okay. I thought she was going to try to fucking because of the way she leads into it. Oh, yeah. She goes, David, I need you to know what's in my heart. And I was like, this is a weird time to hit on David. I am soaking wet, David.
Starting point is 01:35:12 All right, every bed I sleep in is a water bend, David, just so you know, oh, yeah. I'll let you sign those papers. She pulls an absolutely classic fake. She's like, oh, she's leaning in. She's touching him on the shoulder. I want you to watch in my heart. Jenny's innocent. Also, she's leaning in. She's touching him on the shoulder. I want you to know what's in my heart. Jenny's innocent. Also, please ride me right now.
Starting point is 01:35:27 I've really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really innocent. But and then he's like, but if she didn't kill my wife, then who did? And she's like, it's, like, Braden has said murder, murder, murder, murder under his breath for the entire first act of the movie, man. Obviously, I'm pretty sure it's, it's Braden, the blonde guy that I don't know and have never met in this film. But I'm, even I'm pretty sure it's it's braiding the blonde guy that I don't know and have never met in this film. But I'm even I can tell that it's bad. I have never cried. It's so obvious. Other people who haven't seen him know he's the murderer. So yes, so David heads to church to give that a think. So he goes inside the church and
Starting point is 01:36:02 apparently this was like the pastor and the dad had set up like an intervention with him to like get him to love Jesus again. I thought I had this down as the stop framing my daughter in law intervention with the pastor. Yes. Yeah. They're like, you know, hey, like man, Jenny's not the killer. There's too much movie for that to be the case. Also, you really need to start loving Jesus again because this is a Christian movie and we can't resolve it. We're not even allowed to play the credits until you do.
Starting point is 01:36:34 But David's angry. He's like, I've had enough of this scene. I'm leaving. And then we get David and Braden horseback riding together. Again. All of the fucking, all of the horses miss film. I hated every single shot of horses. And his, his a genuinely weird but true fact,
Starting point is 01:36:50 I have a horse phobia. I genuinely hate horses. I can, in real life, I'm not bothered about them on screen, but in real life, fuck horses, they're awful. So having to see them ride horses all the time, it's like, Jesus Christ, get all of these fucking horses. Horses are shit. And when Marsh wrote that in his notes podcast, listener, I wrote underneath it, knowing how
Starting point is 01:37:07 rentable horses are, this is a terrible thing to reveal to you. There will be a horse at the next Q. Oh, we're going to do the next live game from horseback. Right. Right. There's just a lot of horses in your future. Yeah. So yeah. So David's like, they're on on horseback and David's like, you know, everybody doubts that Jenny killed my wife and brains like, oh, should I have left more evidence?
Starting point is 01:37:33 Or I mean, should there have been, it would have helped if there was more. David, can I write out and come back? And brains like, well, I guess you'd have to be a real asshole to doubt her guilt. Huh? With a, with a small penis, you would have to have, and, and, and David's like, yeah, I suppose you'd have to be a real asshole to doubt her guilt. How with a with a small penis, you would have to have and and and there's like, yeah, I suppose you would. Thanks for being a good friend, Braden. Your beard is cut normal along your normal jawline.
Starting point is 01:37:55 That line about the thanks for being a, it's like, oh, Braden, thanks for being the guy who definitely didn't kill my wife. It's a real, right. It's real comfort to know you definitely did not kill my wife. Really helps. And now, okay, so then we get another horsing scene. This time with David and his dad. Why they having this conversation, they don't need to have this conversation on a horse.
Starting point is 01:38:17 They could be having this conversation, they could have it in a car. They look being cars, they look to ride, face and cars, have the conversation, have it on a phone while you are both driving to the same location and we can see you driving whilst on the phone. Have that instead. Okay, I have to point this out because Marsh wrote in his notes in two scenes ago that he is afraid of horses and the movie as though it hurt him will escalate the amount of unnecessary horses throughout the film so much so that when
Starting point is 01:38:47 the cops burst into a rest, braiding at the end, I expected one of them to be a whore. Yeah, yeah. But when the credits go up, every one of those those credits is on the back of a horse. Yeah, right. They put it in the name on a horse. His name didn't need to be on a horse. It goes up by itself. So yeah, but dad tells David's like, you know, I know a little something about dead
Starting point is 01:39:08 whifing. I've been doing it for a long time right now. Yeah. Hey son, come on. It's fine. You're in the dead wife club now. You know, it runs in the family down the male line. Like in their team, you know, that's how this goes. It would run down the female line, but they tend to die. So it has to be down the male line. So then, so we watch Braden pull up at his house, we watch him park for like a while, right? Now, like he pulls up and then he has to back up a little, and he's like, no, I can get a little closer to the curb like that.
Starting point is 01:39:37 So, and he gets out and David and him are gonna have a conversation. He's like, oh, yeah, these are the seven trees that you planted for your, what, they haven't grown at all since that same you planted them. That's so weird because it's been months now. And then, and again, this is just such a weird thing. Braden is like, hey,
Starting point is 01:39:56 Aperpo, I'm nothing. Why don't you sell me this house? You won't even have to change all the pictures because I actually would love the pictures of your dead wife that are up to you. Tom save you some time and David rightly is like, wait, don't you have a house? And he's like, yeah, but I didn't murder anyone in that one. I mean, I like your house.
Starting point is 01:40:14 Yeah, you're out. I've got all these trees, these lovely trees. And then Peter the kid wanders over and he's like, Hey, David, will you teach me how to play guitar? I mean, this movie can't end without you playing guitar two more times, can it? And Britain runs away. Britain's like, oh, hello, I have to go. Kids, right?
Starting point is 01:40:33 Always acting like they witnessed you murder someone. Oh, yeah, Britain's like, anyway, yeah, I've got to go because, you know, my, my non-dead wife is sick with my non-dead kid. You know how it is? Oh, I'm sorry. So honestly, the way it played in my mind was, oh, you're going to bring out the guitar. I got to go. I have to leave him now. sense the motivation, yeah, all makes sense. So yeah. So then, so David, like, is, is guitaring again, right? Louis, we get him sitting by himself playing his favorite three chords. He's playing guitar again. Like if he was playing guitar while on horseback while arriving somewhere at the start of a scene, it would just be
Starting point is 01:41:09 the movie in microcosm. But Peter, the kid shows up and he's like, Hey, can you teach me how to play guitar now? And he's like, I sure can. Just watch me play. And I won't tell you anything at all about what I'm doing. He's like, that's how learning works. That is how learning guitar works. This kid just walks into his house. Like out of nowhere, this weird kid has got into his house. You know what? That's the kind of lax home secluded. I guess your wife killed my wife. I saw those locks. And he says, Oh, apropos of nothing on the night your wife died. I saw everyone who came in and out of your house. And he goes, oh, good, because
Starting point is 01:41:45 there's only like eight minutes left in the movie. And it's only been month since my wife died. You didn't want to mention this to anybody, not even to your current and twitching parents who're going to talk to someone. All right. Yeah, exactly. But he's like, yeah, you know, I saw that lady Jenny. She came and then she left in your wife, wave two, where he's like, wait, was she dead when she wife waved to her and he's like, wait, was she dead when she waved her no? And he's like, no, she wasn't. And he's like, did you see anybody else coming?
Starting point is 01:42:11 He's like, yeah, man, you're a blonde friend that goes murder, murder, murder all the time. He showed up afterwards. Yeah, I saw the blonde guy enter and he was carrying a gun and a sign that says, I'm here to kill this guy's wife, I thought nothing of it at the time. Like this ex-Gulpatory evidence arriving this late in the case, it's like serial all over again. Like Thomas Smith is going to go crazy on Facebook about how Jenny still clearly, it's still clearly Jenny.
Starting point is 01:42:35 I don't care whatever comes out as Kelly's Jenny. So he's like, here, go play with this guitar, Peter. I have vengeance to carry out. So he goes down to the basement with a sledgehammer, you know, break that floor open or whatever. Honestly, if this turned into like a John Wick scene of like him killing his way to Braden, this I would like, I would forgive an awful lot. But he has to kill his way through his family for some reason. And a bunch of horses. Hey, if he's killing his way through a bunch of horses, I'm still in me back on board. There you go.
Starting point is 01:43:08 So we cut over to Braden's house. His wife is cooking, but she birds herself because she forgets how convection works. Oh, fucking dumb. Nice spice rack though. Both, both Martian, I were like, ooh, spice rack. It's a really nice spice rack. It's lovely. It rotates around, but it doesn't rotate around like it feels like it would take any amount
Starting point is 01:43:26 of energy to move it, but it feels like it's exactly the right amount to where you want to go. It seems very intuitive. I like it. Yeah. Perfectly counter weighted. Well, we started this podcast. We used to talk about people's asses and dicks.
Starting point is 01:43:37 And now we're like, yeah, spice rack. Yeah, we've gotten older. Yeah, you should have a listener who would tell you where like the actress's boobs were on film. Now that it's just sent you like where you can buy the spice rack. Yeah, we've gotten older. Yeah, you still have a listener who tell you where like the actresses boobs were on film. Now the distance is sent you like where you can buy the spice rack. Yeah, right. It's a bit of a, it's a bit of a, it's a place. Yeah. Come on, Jackie. So, so yeah, so she goes to look for a towel to dry her burn on no idea. But under the towels in the, in the bathroom, that's where Braden keeps his secret. I killed Jenny stash. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:44:07 And let me just stop here for a second to say that whatever comic hyperbole I was going to try to come up with to be a ridiculous I killed Jenny stash, the movie is so much sillier than that. There's a confession note. Yeah, right. He's got a confession note. He's got Jacqueline's key necklace. The one that was the key to David's chat and he fell. Oh, I miss that. Yeah. And he's got pictures of Jacqueline and David with David crossed out in a ludicrous way. It's, it's, it's, it's an I kill Jacqueline Shrine is what he's got here.
Starting point is 01:44:43 Really? Yeah. Well, he's going to put it all together at a lovely scrapbook eventually. He just hasn't got around in the bathroom right there in the main bathroom by the piles of clearly fancy soaps and hotel miniatures. He's right. Yes. But right, it's two towels down in the stack. Right. Let's just like, well, I can't imagine that she'll need two towels on the same day. So yeah, so but she reads the note. And meanwhile, Raiden comes home, he sees the abandoned pot. Right? And he's like, oh, well, this has some very end of the movie vibes going on here. So he heads upstairs to find her.
Starting point is 01:45:19 We start here, like heartbeat noises in the background. We cut to David, he's driving there just as fast as he can. He calls his brother and he's like, Hey, I found the real killer and it's not Jenny. And the brother's like, Well, that really kind of ruins the finale of the movie. How about, I can't hear you. We have a bad connection. He's like, Yeah, that's way better way better. Okay. Cool. All right. That misunderstanding will make sense and keep the attention of the movie going as long as you don't spontaneously know what I said on the phone later in the movie. So yeah, so we cut back to Braden's house.
Starting point is 01:45:54 He finds Leslie, his wife on the floor with all the murder evidence arrayed before her. Like I feel like she knows what time he gets home would probably not. But at any rate, she and she says, how could you be so evil? And he's like, I don't believe in God like dumb and anything. I'm a naviest. This is super bad. I think it's the first time we found out the first time I heard his name. I generally think it's the first time I heard Braiden's name because at this point, I heard his name as raiden. And I thought, oh, wow, he's called raiden. Did he kill Jacqueline by like electroccuting it to death into the head explodes?
Starting point is 01:46:27 Just appeared behind her. It was really weird. Honestly, if in the murder scene, he had flown across the room and her with both fists outstretched, this is my favorite movie. No, so yeah, actually, Marce, I knew his name because I checked the IMDB page at a certain point, because I had to keep writing down karate friend and I wanted to stop doing that.
Starting point is 01:46:47 Yeah, I tried that but every time I did, Google just told me, you're 490. So, I know what's 179, man. But yeah, the first time they mentioned it is actually like two scenes earlier when the secretary says, well, maybe it was your best friend and he goes, pray, that's the first time the name ever appeared. So, yeah, so she was your best friend and he goes, pray, that's the first time the name ever appeared. Right. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah.
Starting point is 01:47:08 So, she's like, how could you kill Jacqueline? And he's like, now I might have to kill you too. And she goes, like you killed Jacqueline. And he's like, yeah, well, yeah, I said, I said too. Yes, I'll basically like that. I wanted this conversation to be an infinite circle. Please. Just like, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:47:25 But now I'm going to kill you like jackal. I'm so confused. Are you doing like a rabbinical question, my answer, a question thing? Yeah. All right. Are you doing like the end of Dr. Strange? Where is he? If you just keep asking a question and I keep answering in an infinite loop, we're trapped
Starting point is 01:47:39 here forever and no one thought we were trying to do. So yeah. So so we flash back to the to the night of the murder, right? And we see and and nothing happens, right? He just walks into the bathroom. He's like, Hey, Jacqueline, I love you. And she's like, yeah, no, I know we did that at an earlier seems like, now I'm going to shoot you to death. And she's like, oh, no, shoot me to death. I will say if you bring a handgun to your love confession, I don't think you're there for love.
Starting point is 01:48:04 No, that's fair. That's fair. So, but then we come back out of the flashback. We cut over to brother, right? Brother's going like, Oh, you know what he said on that static call. I found the real killer and it's not Jenny. That's probably what he was saying. Now, now that I think about it, sorry that I didn't have mint mobile, but now I understand it because he was on radio delay. And he's saying this to Jenny and Jenny seems really relaxed talking about David and what's been going on when David just had Jenny arrested for murder and she's like, oh, yeah, how is David? How is he doing these days?
Starting point is 01:48:36 Is he all right? Yeah, right, right. So yeah, so but then we cut back to David. He's showing up as I guess Braden is tying Leslie's hands behind her back as is the prerequisite to murder. I guess this murder is going to involve tying you up for some reason. Yeah. So yeah. But so just then David comes in and he says, ah, finally I can confront you. And he's like, no, no, I still have to have one more Jacqueline flashback to sort of like flesh out that my little pony thing.
Starting point is 01:49:06 That was from when we were kids. Yeah. Together. Also, I really wanted them to come out of the flashback and he's just gone and he's like, shit, he distracted me with the flashback. God damn it, dude. But did we see the my little pony in the flashback? Because he handed her a flower and I tried to watch it.
Starting point is 01:49:24 I was like, I can't see a my little pony there unless the version I was watching was different. Like I got a European cut where they were going to show you, like, decapitating my little pony. No, I don't think they're like, I think we're supposed to think that he messed up her horse and he's apologizing for it. I think, but I think they actually cut the scene where that happened from the fight. Yeah, which is incredible. We see him put my decapitated my little ponies on her graves on multiple times and we never actually fucking tell why no.
Starting point is 01:49:54 Yeah. Yeah. And I know what you're thinking, listener, you're like, oh, this is why they've had these two guys doing karate practice together every time we've seen them before, it's so that they can have a big karate fight right here in the, oh, nope, it's over never mind. Here's what I want you to picture for this fight choreography. I put a milk dud in the folds of my tum tum and without touching me, Mars is trying to get it. Yeah. Just anyone who was that Sunday night, QED knows exactly what he's saying.
Starting point is 01:50:32 Exactly. Yeah. Anyone who saw drug Marsha work knows exactly what I'm describing. So, yeah. So, so, so, Braden eventually he gets the gun and then David gets the gun back from him and now he's going to shoot him, but then he realizes that he still has to forgive him 489 more fucking times before he's allowed to do that. Well, I've folded it in a half if you count the unborn baby.
Starting point is 01:50:54 I was so sure this movie was going to end with him just being like, all right, Braden, 488 left to go. Yeah. No, but he basically does, right? He says, I forgive you. You killed my wife and my baby, and I still forgive you. And Leslie, the wife is like, why don't I'm a strength?
Starting point is 01:51:13 You're a... Yes, he is the best. Yes, it's great. Leslie's my year-old. She's the perfect misdirection. Good show. She'll give me, making me kiss you in multiple scenes. You look like a model for boys t-shirts.
Starting point is 01:51:27 Yeah, but then, but David stops her before she can kill him. And then we see the screen blacks out for like a while and then we get cops arresting Braden, but they're not arresting him lightly like they did with Jenny because he's the actual killer. They're arresting him like a bitchy teenage stepson. They're like hands behind your back. He's gonna want to go off. And then and and I swear this is how the movie ends.
Starting point is 01:51:57 David sit in his driveway. He's tending his little saplings or whatever. And Peter, the kid comes up with the guitar. He's like, we should like to play one more guitar song for us before this movie's over. He's like, okay, I guess. I guess if you absolutely need that fifth guitar performance, the little boy, I can do it. And then again, just to clarify that shooting, literally the movie is seconds away from ending. And we hear like, there's just the news. That shooting was also braiding. Okay, sorry about that.
Starting point is 01:52:27 Yeah, right. It's so good. It's so good. We found out great in Kilda and months ago, he also hired a hitman to do a drive by shooting on David and that was unsuccessful and that's that thing that you saw that time. Oh my God. Yeah, so he hired the bad guy hired a hitman to kill David. The hitman shot at him once missed and was like, well, I'm in a guess you win some you lose some. They call me one tried Charlie. If you are persistent, you've got to go up a level in terms of banding for pay grid here. You only pay a couple of dollars. This was like a one attempt, no further than that.
Starting point is 01:53:09 You found me on Fiverr. Yes. The hit man, he hired the hit man, but he didn't pay him. It was just like, look, we'll film the execution. You attempt the execution and then you can use that in your corporate videos. And then that's it. It's a quid brokro kind of thing. We've been doing the MB and B.
Starting point is 01:53:26 Throw it to Korean barbecue and I'm in. So yeah, though. So I go back and delete best words forgotten gunman from my fucking notes. Have you covered with something else? Don't worry, the movie gave me plenty of options. But this, this totally changes the balance of this film because David was shot at by a hitman and told nobody
Starting point is 01:53:47 right and as a result the person who hired that hitman killed his wife and child. It is David's fault. His wife and child. I didn't even think about that but yeah. I mean, to be fair, that hitman was at 489 forgiveness. So that hitman had tried 489 times. You better believe David would have taken him for care. that 489 forgiveness is. So that had been it tried 489 times, you better believe David would have taken him for a cab. So yeah, so we get David back in church now believing in God, like he should. He monologues about the importance of forgiving.
Starting point is 01:54:18 And then they pan up from the grave, he stand the grave monologuing to her about how, you know, all right, 487 to go. And then I'm going to kill him, other fucker. And then the camera pans up and for one brief shining second, it's in focus, right? They happen to come across some leaves. They're perfectly in focus. And then it loses focus in the credits. So close. So close. And then and Mars was kind enough to paste this into the notes in case we escape the instant the credit started, which we did.
Starting point is 01:54:50 It ends on a shot that says, if you would like to invite Jesus Christ into your heart as Lord and Savior, pray this prayer. Jesus, I know I am a sinner. Please forgive my sins. Wash me with your blood. That's so weird, gross. Come into my heart, Wash me with your blood. That's so weird. Gross. Come into my heart, even we're even grosser. Yeah. Baptize me with your spirit. Be my Lord
Starting point is 01:55:11 and savior. I give my life to you. Amen. Oh, fuck. Am I Christian now? Cause I read the whole thing. You see, yeah. Damn it. Now Noah goes back to his home dimension. But what I will point out is behind that prayer is a shot of some trees, a field, an amount in all out of focus. Yeah, so out of focus. Real oil painting looking. Yep. All right. So any takers, anybody want to invite Jesus into their heart while we have him here? All right. Well, then I guess that's going to do it for our review of 70 times. But that's not going to do it for the episode yet because we still need to tempt you back for some more.
Starting point is 01:55:49 So Eli, tell us what's on deck when a national tragedy turns into a personal vendetta for aspiring politician Cornelius Barla. Oh, Religion comes to the forefront of public debate a National debate like so many that disguise the real agenda by using words like uniting inclusion and existing wait that is that the actual description of the actual description of We'll be watching one sure I'll be launching one. Sure. No. Oh, I bet the writing's great in that one.
Starting point is 01:56:27 All right. So with that to look forward to, we're gonna bring up some 378 to a more simple clothes. Once again, a huge thanks to Mars for helping out today. Be sure to check out the show notes for links to hear more from him. And perhaps even a huge thanks to all the Patreon owners that helped make the show go.
Starting point is 01:56:38 If you'd like to cut yourself among there, actually we can prepare episode in addition to patreon.com.such.com. And there by your own early access to an ad free version of our episode, you can also help attend by the next five star Star Review and by showing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the Skating Aide
Starting point is 01:56:49 and the Ascitation Data D&D Minus and the Skapper Crack Available Wherever podcast live. If you have questions, comments, or suggestions, you can even go to my Godopflin movies and Gmail.com. Legal Services of this podcast, provided by the law, this is the P. Andrew Tories, Tim Robbins and next year on our social media, our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slotting and Jeff Stommer, all of the music was written and performed by our audio engineer, Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a check out this week for a healing line right in the Eli Bosnia
Starting point is 01:57:08 Gamma No Lusions promise to work hard and earn another check next week until then. We'll leave you with a breakfast club close. Leslie gave her murder baby to Jenny in one of those two birds one stone situation. Oh, nice. Henry eventually did learn which hole the penis went in. The Korean Baptist Church that agreed to sponsor this movie have no idea how good or bad it was because they don't speak English. They know it's not a focus! He doesn't get it!
Starting point is 01:57:42 The word for glory. You playing God of War, but in the New God of War? I'm not. Oh, you gotta play it. Oh, it is. Oh, it is. O, it is upsetting lead Jewish. Fucking great. So they got Toby from West Wing to play him.
Starting point is 01:58:11 Okay. And he's great. He's doing a great performance. Yeah. Yeah. Everyone in the game. And by that, I mean, the pixels on the screen are like, he's like, come on. I'm sure we can work something out here.
Starting point is 01:58:22 And fucking Kratos is like, I think it's a normal amount of funny, normal, everything. God, my son here just, can you, we were gonna have, at one point, they like sit down for a meal and I really wanted to be like, is this coach, do you keep a coach? The preceding podcast was a production of Buzz on the Thunderstorm LLC, copyright 2022, all rights reserved. Is this coach, do you keep a coach? The
Starting point is 01:58:48 preceding podcast was a production of Buzzle Nathana Storm LLC Copyright 2022. All rights reserved.

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