God Awful Movies - 400: The Second Chance

Episode Date: April 18, 2023

This week, Cara Santa Maria joins us to try to untangle the 27 unresolved plot lines that make up The Second Chance. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out more from Cara on the Talk Nerdy podcast Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

Yeah, he even says I'm gonna open a can of wrath of God and I'm like, oh, because he can't say whoop ass But then he says I'm gonna open a can of wrath of God all over your sorry ass And I'm like, oh well you could have just used the the phrase then look I don't want to get to in decent here, but Doing something all over someone's ass is a very Doing something all over someone's ass is a very very different promise than on your. Yeah, no, you're right. You're right. It is. The wonders of me, my mom. OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE O my bad friend Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir? Episode 400. Tagular. Oh, it is. Yeah, it's a, it's a visible by a hundred. That's a big deal. And also joining us this week is the host of the talk nerdy podcast and fan favorite guest massacast

Cara Santa Maria. Cara, welcome back. Yeah. It's the typical fanfare we've come to expect from Cara. She tried everything. She moved states. She got an operation. She went to Lebanon. No doing. We still find her.

We hunt her down. We bring her back onto this podcast for you. We're like dog the bounty hunter. If he only chased one person throughout the whole show. I went to Jordan, not Lebanon, but okay. Also, my favorite thing in the world is that you guys posted from your Twitter account, something about like secrets or like like new info, like, you know, we've got news that we're going to tell you and somebody responded.

Care is restraining order. Nice. And we're very happy and proud to hear the exact same thing. They can't last forever. So tell us, Kara, what will we be breaking down today? Yeah. So this one really confused me. Okay. It is definitely a movie.

It is a God awful movie. I will give it that called the second chance, which is also the name of a church or a ministry or something like that. I, we're going to be getting deep, I think, into the metaphor of that title. I hope. Mm-hmm. This movie, okay, this is how I described it. This is how I described it. OMG, it's about a mega church with a hot shot white preacher and then a struggling black

church on the wrong side of the tracks. That has a literal sign on it reading quote inner city. That's what this movie is about. Yep. And Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you love the Ebony and I've re buddy movies of the late 80s and early 90s, but you hated all the resolution and lessons learned in those movies. You will love this movie. This is the hearing about someone else's divorce of anti racism.

So, and I should say right up front that like compared to our normal fair, this was a higher quality film, both in terms of its writing and its acting, but to make up for that We managed to find the lowest quality copy of a movie that we've ever had to fucking watch, right? Yeah, like the color literally fell out of this movie from time to time to 40 p baby 2.4 p What very clearly happened because it scrolls us across the screen several times is this is a clearly happened because it scrolls us across the screen several times is this is a promotional copy of a VHS that someone was like perfect free movie for the internet. And so the warnings get more and more dire as you watch the movie like the first time it scrolls by so this

is a promotional copy of the second chance. And the third warning is you stole it didn't you. You set up a bitch. You stole it. All right. So is there anything you guys want to nominate? This one for being the best at being the worst at? Yeah, I mean, I already said it, best worst signs. I cannot get over the fact that the school bus literally

said inner city transit on the side. Like they realize, right, that they don't, like buildings don't say inner city on them when they are in the inner city. Yeah, it feels like someone forgot to italicize something in a script. And then they were too embarrassed on the shoot day to say it. Yeah. So and the big question is, do the filmmakers not know what are the filmmakers not

trust their audience to get it? Otherwise, right? That is, that is honestly the right question to be asking. So now I was going to go with best worst charity, right? Because this, this movie is all about lifting up your fellow human, but it manages to like, you know, he's just going to buy booze with it virtually every act of genuine selflessness by any character in the film. Yes.

Again, this movie is all inner city urban gets saved by white guy tropes, but it never pays any of them off. No, right. That was my best worst. My best worst is abandoned plot threads. They're my I'm not kidding. Dozens of characters each that presents with their own unique plot and is never seen again. Yes. Javier and his missing family, the abused pregnant prostitute who literally drives her way out of the movie. Oh, yeah. The child who's abandoned by his older brother for leaving the gang.

I mean, it is nonstop. No resolution. Oh, the African child, the African child. Yes. Yeah. War zone child. Wait, there's more. Right.

Yeah. Right. Well, I tell you what, we've got at least 37 pots on the other side of this break. So I'm going to grab some yarn and pushpins to help us keep track. But once I get that settled, we're going to return for all the racist anti-racism that is the second chance. Seriously guys, you don't have to cook for me. Yes, we do.

You weren't on the show all month last month because you were in Lebanon. Jordan. I was in Jordan. That sounds made up. Anyway, I thought we could spoil you with some authentic Middle Eastern cuisine. Voila. Uh, what is this? It's fluffle.

Okay, to be honest, we weren't sure what that actually is, but it sounds like waffles. So we made those and then we kind of balled them up. And we dipped them in hummus. Dipped them in hummus, yep. Not what full awful is. Look guys, if you want to eat well and spoil your guests, why not try Hello Fresh? What's Hello Fresh? With Hello Fresh, you get farm fresh, pre-portioned ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered right

to your doorstep. Skip trips to the grocery store and count on Hello Fresh to make home cooking easy fun and affordable. That's why it's America's number one meal kit. I don't know, Cara. I'm not exactly a whiz in the kitchen. Is Hello Fresh right for me? No worries if you're not a pro in the kitchen. Hello Fresh's foolproof recipes arrive pre-portioned and easy to prepare in just a few steps. But what about waste? Isn't getting your groceries delivered bad for the earth? Not at all. Hello, freshes pre-portioned ingredients cut down on your food waste by at least 23% compared to grocery shopping, which is good for your wallet and the planet.

It's true. Hello, fresh sent us a box to try and I loved how easy it was to unpack while the recipes were a breeze to cook, And that's why I know illusions personally endorsed Hello Fresh. All right, Cara. I'm sold. How do I sign up? Go to HelloFresh.com slash awful 50 and use code awful 50 for 50% off plus your first box ships free. So I go to HelloFresh.com slash awful 50 and use code awful 50 for 50% off plus my first box will ship for free. That's right. All right. Well, I guess you won't be needing the soup course then.

That's a bowl of sand. Yes, that that know what they have. Problematic. I told him it was problematic. Well, then what do they eat for soup in Jason Jordan whatever they have soup Eli All right, everyone welcome to the first writers meeting for the second chance now now look I don't want this to be the typical Ebony and ivory religious movie I want to confront the realities of white and black people in this country. So I invited my black friend Steve to act as a plot consultant for the movie. Hi guys, I'm Steve. Yeah. So here's what I'm thinking. There's this white guy, right? And he's the rich son of a mega preacher and he's forced

to, um, can I, can I say ghetto? I would prefer that you didn't. Okay, hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt, hurt. Anyway, first he doesn't want to go there, but he sees how hard it is in the urban center. And he learns that his ministry is truly needed. It's so moving. Right, right? Really yes.

And then the black guy who's already a preacher, see, he learns that action, nothing, nothing. Sorry, you think the black guy should learn nothing? Yeah, like he should just hate the white people the whole movie and then at the end. Oh, that's when they're friends. But no, no, I wasn't going to say that. At the end, he still, he still just hates them. Okay. So, I don't think we can make a movie where the characters don't learn or grow.

That has not been my experience with white people at all. Okay. Okay. You know what? I actually think this is a great idea. We're going to make a movie where the white guy learns a lot and the black guy doesn't change in any way because he doesn't need to.

Exactly. But then what happens at the end? All the white people shut the fuck up. I don't like it. Yeah, I don't like that either. You guys OS1. But then what happens at the end all the white people shut the fuck up. I don't like it. Yeah, I don't like that either. You guys OS one fine fine but but the white guy is better at music fine whatever. And we're back for the breakdown and we're gonna open up on the logo for triumph films the studio that brought us baby geniuses to

and zombie strippers. I'm glad to see that they've started working for a higher class of people after Christian films. Good for them, moving up in the world. My first note here is, what's the opposite of film restoration? That's what happened to this one. And someone was actively trying to destroy the last remaining friend of this film as it was being digitized.

It was being digitized into a hungry, hungry hippo. Did anybody actually look and see what year this movie came out? 2006. No. Yes. Yes. Despite the fact that the woman uses a typewriter and at 2006. Okay. Yeah. And the quality we had of it, like you could count the fucking pixels in each frame.

It was, it was pretty rough. So, but we open our credits are over a contrast between a very wealthy white mega church and an inner city poor black church. Right. Yeah. And verba. Yeah. Intercity printed. Yep. Yes.

Right. Right on the side. Yes. It's your confused. And it's also like very clearly white Christian ideas of black poor, right? It's just like, I don't know. What a poor black people do. Deal drugs.

Yeah. No, okay. They buy drugs. Yep. Yep. And then they also, I think they probably spend a lot of time listening to music on mass, you know, like a pseudo concert on the street corner. Yeah, mm-hmm. Right, so usually I'm confused through the whole film.

And there will be moments of just deep despairing confusion. But within the first minute of this movie, it became apparent to me that you guys are making me watch a fucking Christian movie about race. Why are you doing this to me? It gets worse. We didn't make you watch Brother White. It could have been worse.

No, but honestly, I think that worse would have been better. This is confusingly sometimes right on. Yeah. And it turns a while. Yes. Off the mark. Well, we'll talk about it because the question that comes up for my notes over and over again is, what does the movie think of what this character is saying right now? Because the character is saying a true thing, but maybe the movie thinks he's not. Right, like who are the good guys? Who are the bad guys?

And I say guys, because although there are women, this movie barely passes the Beck deltas, who are the good guys? Who are the bad guys? And who is this movie for? Yes, that's the best. Right, I am fascinated to learn that this movie passes the Beck deltas.

You'll have to point it out when it happens. We will do can't even imagine what's in that was. But what we're seeing is that the rich white churches and like some of their people are coming down to the inner city church for like a photo op type thing and we can tell that they're doing it very racistly right because like the dude locks the doors of his limo when he sees black people outside of it, etc. of his limo when he sees black people outside of it, et cetera. Yeah. But eventually this all resolves on Jake. He's the pastor at the inner city church. He's in his office getting ready for the big event. I guess the mayor is there for like a soup kitchen thing. Yeah.

And let me just stir this out there because I fucking love Jake. He is so confusing as a character. I think he's-handedly ruins whoever this movie is for because Jake will start the movie right here and now in this very first scene hating all the asshole white Christians in the movie and spoiler alert. That is how he will finish the It's like the script makes him do some kind of awful things, but beyond what the script makes him do, I think the actor was like, uh-uh, yes, I'm gonna play this straight. And I loved that. He went full gene hack, and it was just like, I'm doing my own movie. You guys work around it.

Right. So there's this great moment. So what we're supposed to learn here is that the rich pastor's son, the rich white pastor, that's Jerry, his son is Ethan. Ethan will be the ivory of the Abani and ivory here. And he's doing this photo up. And we're seeing that he's not very good at it. He doesn't know how to feed homeless people. He just does this when the cameras are rolling, right? Yeah. He's being stingy with his soup kitchen scoops. Yeah. Exactly. There's also, I love these moments so much, right? Because there's this moment where we're supposed to slap some of the stuff onto this guy's

tie, but like accidentally slapping a soup onto a person's tie, that's a tricky one to pull off. And this actor doesn't try very hard. No. And what's great is that the guy goes, oh no, my tie is ruined. Now I'll never get a job. And we're going to later find out he's a convicted felon. And I'm like, hey, man, it's not about the tie.

It wasn't a tie. It was never about the tie. So here, like, like Ethan does that really gross thing where he like makes sure the camera's rolling before he takes off his own tie to give it to the guy, which by the way, Ethan's tie is red and the guy is wearing like a maroon shirt. If we have a man,

he absolutely doesn't go with it. It's power-clashing for sure. One of the closeted gay pastor to be like, no, no, take my tie, it looks a lot less gross. You're referring to the lead of the whole film, right? Oh, guy. And the closeted gay pastor. So, you mean his best friend is fiance?

Are we talking about his best friend, the fiance? Yeah, yeah. Ethan and his beard? Yes, 100%. 100%. Yeah. Okay, so also at the very beginning, I guess we're supposed to get ambiance by seeing that the church is crumbling because a child is playing on the roof and like, oh, yes.

Stuff is falling out. But the rest of the film, by the way, we should maybe specify the big white mega church is called the rock for some reason. And then the poor inner city church is called second chance ministry. The second chance, yes. The second chance, okay,

so we've got the rock and the second chance. So at the second chance, kid is playing on the roof, the ceiling is falling in, but then like every scene after that, it's like one of the nicest churches I've ever seen. It's just fucking not. Yeah. It's like, what are they doing?

Okay. I also, I think they should have not to blame anybody here, but I feel like when white people come to your town, and they're like, we're thinking of building a church here, and you're like, oh, that's awesome. We would love a community center, and they're like, yeah, we were thinking of calling it

the second chance. Maybe you put up a little bit more of a fight. Push back on that title a little bit. I don't know. Yeah. Like, how come you get the rock? Like, the rock, man, we're the second fucking. Right.

So there's also this great moment where like one of the reporters turns to Ethan, the young rich white pastor and says, you know, hey, how come there's still crime here? Even though white people give them money, right? And and Pastor Jake, like he hands it off. He's like, well, why don't you take this? Some of my best friends are black and Pastor Jake, for his part, gives a fantastic answer. Right? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is where I'm like, okay, totally digging this movie to be honest, folks are making a lot of sense.

All right. What's going to, like, what's about to happen here so far? I'm completely on board. Yeah. So, okay. So that scene wraps up and then we head over to the rock. We head over to the rich church where they're about to do this, like, fundraising thing on television where they ask people to give money to

Second Chance. Yeah. To their sister church in the inner city, which I wrote like a bunch of jokes about like Can you imagine it? No, apparently that is a real thing. Apparently rich white mega churches will give Incy, Beansy, Teeny, tiny little percentages of the massive amounts of money they take in to like churches in the inner city, take a photo or two and then leave. So, a bunch of my notes were invalidated by the insanity of Christian reality. Yeah. White savior complex on full display.

Here, it were setting it up and then just the rest of the movie. But the weirdest part is how like, this dude is supposed to be the mega church preacher, right? This is a huge church and he, I guess, I don't know, he probably doesn't own it. I think his dad owns it. There's a board at some point.

But he's like the guy, right? He's the rock star. So it's weird to me that he also sits down and plays piano and sings like Ray Charles. Like, have you, is that a normal thing for a pastor to do? I don't, I mean, I don't know. You're asking us, but I don't think Osteen does his own backup. I mean, Eli, you don't in your free time and you're not

watching God awful movies, just spend all day on like the Christian channel. I mean, look, I would, but a lot of those restraining orders also apply to digital media as well. Oh, interesting. Yeah, no, stay safe. So there's this great moment where so they're they're walking up. They're getting ready to do this whole big pitch thing whenever and Ethan's talking to his handler. This is one of the board members who will ultimately be a bad guy. And he's like, Hey, man, why don't we let Jake, the pastor from the second chance church? Why don't we let him make the the fundraising pitch? And the handler guy has to say, but he's a little smirchemer and not come out right

now. Right? So he's like, I don't know, man, he's a bit of a loose cannon. And I'm like, I was expecting thugs. So you did better than I thought, right? Just what color or cannons again? You know what, it's not important, but I will just say that. So, yeah.

So we get Ethan doing his little musical bit and that ends and then his dad comes up, his dad is like the mega pastor guy, right? And his dad says, and I quote, who says church has to be boring? And I'm like, but that was that was boring though that whole music is so fucking boring. Like whoever thinks that wasn't boring is who says church is the people. So then Ethan takes the pulpit and he like, again, very realistically, he did an hour of volunteer work. So now he's going to spend an hour talking it up.

It is church, right? I saw black people yesterday, pretty gross, pretty gross. Yeah. He literally is like, I went to our sister church in the worst part of town. Like he said that out loud. Right. Right. Jacob right there. Oh, you mean my neighborhood. Thank you. Thank you, Ethan. That was lovely

endorsement. Well, and then as to draw attention to it, he's like, Hey, how about a round of applause for Jay, and I wrote in my notes, hey, Jay, can you look like you aren't writhing with hatred? The entire time, no, no, he cannot. Jay cannot. So Jay gets up there and then he like, says all the things that he's not supposed to say.

Yes. According to the white people. And what I hate about this is that even before he does that, he gets up and he's like, I'm Jay, I work at that church. And all the white people in the audience are like laughing at everything he says. Like, like this is some sort of like menstrual shirt. He's literally just talking.

Yeah. Nothing he's saying is funny. Why are they laughing? Well, and so and Jake basically gives this whole speech that's like, yeah, you know, sometimes when people ask me for money on the street, I give them money so that they'll go away and I don't have to think about them anymore. That's what your church does to our church. Solid boy.

Anyway, that's my time, right? Yeah. Yeah. Making very good points. And then Ethan's dad comes back up and he's like, ha ha ha ha. Okay. Oh, let's hear it, Eugene.

Yeah, and the other white guy, the bad guy from board literally turns over to Ethan. He's like, I told you not to let the black guy talk. Right. Like, it's out of control. Yeah. No, he says basically, so Jake says, I believe the actual quote is, if you don't have time to volunteer, then just keep your damn money. Right.

Yeah, that's a damn. Yeah. Right, right. Well, he uses some pretty racy language, he almost as ass at one point, almost as bitch at one point. Yeah, that's pretty bad. I do just love the dad runs out and he's like, don't keep your damn money. Do not, sorry, I represent the actual church and I need to be very clear. Never keep your damn money. Well, and then we cut immediately from that

to the church board, all of them trying to deal with the aftermath of Jake's outbursts because it's fucking front page news, I guess, in whatever shit town this is that some preachers have keep your damn money, right? So this is like, is this a real thing? Like churches have boards, because I guess, yeah, a mega church is like a business.

It's just a, mm-hmm. They manage to have tax exemption. But they're a- Right, it's just a tax exempt business with an imaginary product, yeah. Right, right. Okay, so there's this board and like at a board room, that's what it looks like.

They're sitting at a huge table. There's one black guy at this table in this board and they don't give him any minds. one black guy at this table in this board and they don't give him any lines. He says zero fucking words. I couldn't believe this shit. Who's? What? What?

What? I feel like there was a meeting where he was like, hey, you don't think it'll look bad if I don't have any lines. And they were like, oh, don't worry. We gave Jake a lot of lines in the movie. No one is that. Don't have a black friend. Yeah, I'm not trying to. You're right about that. And at this point, I was like, okay, the movie wants us to think like, wow, what an ungrateful black guy. Am I right? Yeah. I think it does. Right? Because

yeah, because then the board is like, well, you know, we need to do is punish Ethan for letting him do the pitch, even after we told him not to. I feel like we should make him smoke the whole pack of American African American church or whatever, right? Like that's, they decide to like sentence him to have to go to the second chance church and pastor for a little while so he can think on what he'd done. Yeah. Literally, the reasoning here is he's gone rogue. How could he possibly be our senior pastor? He likes black people.

Let's show him. Yeah, right. Yeah. We'll teach him to like black people. He's going to eat the whole thing. So weird. Also, I just have to point this out, no one in the movie will ever object to this. Like the white people just get to sentence each other to

punishment by being in the black neighborhood and the black people will spend the rest of the movie being like, no, no, you got two weeks hanging out with the black people. We have to let them. It's the right. Yeah. Yeah. I want to go to my local mega church and be like, so I pissed off some fellow atheists. I have to be here for a month and I'll be like, okay, well, I guess you're the president now. So okay, so now I guess Jerry that the dad has to break the news to Ethan that he's being sentenced to go to the black church and we're going to do that at one of them shitty restaurants that small towns tell you is great, but then you eat there and you're like, this is shit.

This is like a bad applebees. Your aunt makes you go for her birthday and she makes a speech about how lucky she is. And you're not allowed to say no, you're not lucky, your life is medium. You add a medium life Aunt Grace and you should end it. You're not allowed to say that.

Because if you do, we're talking into something over here. You get kicked on the other table. Yep. Okay, so this is the scene where the movie passed the Bechtel test. So the mom? Yes. At the salad bar, yes.

Yeah, Ethan's mom or Jerry's wife, and then Ethan's beard. What's his wife's name? Oh God, who cares about? So no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you're right. If they stop talking about, ever does a scene where she doesn't talk about decorations

for the house, don't worry, she won't. But if she ever did do that scene, the dialogue would be, hey, Ethan, how come you've never even tried to fuck me? And then Ethan wretching while he describes how much he's excited to hang out with us vagina. Yeah. So, Ethan is like, you know, dad's breaking the news to Ethan. There's one point where I think we were just supposed to establish Jerry as the bad guy,

right? Cause the waitress comes up and says, was that steak well done enough for you? And I was like, oh, fuck you. So if you have made another human say that sentence, you're going to hell. I don't care what else you did in your life. He's supposed to be like a civil rights presenter does not matter. Cause that means that there was a previous sentence

where he was like, and when I say, well done, I mean well done. And this fucking $7.25 an hour server was like, you got it, man. I'll absolutely ruin that sea level piece of meat. You ordered. I guess it's a really mad about it. Each of his buckets stay like Trump. Yeah.

I'm mad about the fact. I'm not mad about the well done thing. I'm mad about the fact that the waitress was like, can I take your plates and they were all like, sure. And all the food was still on all the right. She cleared full plates of food from every single person. Yeah. So, yeah.

So Ethan's pissed because he's got to go to the black church. So he storms off. This is, I guess mom's birthday dinner. Wait, before he storms off, before any of this, help me understand who they were talking about because I did not make this comment yet, but it is an important one. He sound design in this movie is utter garbage.

Yes. It's just traffic noise with like the voices are just like one decibel higher than the traffic noise. So and there's no close captioning. So I had no idea. I had to, oh, is bad. At one point, somebody said the line, I hear he speaks ebonics. Yes.

He wants to send the junior pastor because he speaks ebonics. Like he was like, you can go to the inner city with this tram Slater. Yes. So dad's like, well, you know, we should really send one of the people from our church down there to be an associate pastor for a little while. And Ethan is like, oh, yeah, no, I don't guy who talks black. Yeah. Oh my God.

Wow. Yeah. They missed a huge opportunity at not bringing that character back. I was so hoping later in the movie, there'd be this really 10 scene and some white guy from the board meeting would be like, Ethan, Ethan, I've got this. Oh, man, listen up. I'm crying. I'm crying.

Vanilla ice just stepped through the door. Did someone call for a junior pastor for show show? So this is also where we get our first, this is a screener and shouldn't be a YouTube warning, wasn't the same. Yeah. So, and this is also where the color drops out for the first time.

Oh, it's so weird. This is not intentional, by the way, this is not part of the movie. This is just how bad the copy we watched were. It took me a while to realize that. I was looking for, I don't know, patterns. I think that's on purpose for the screener. I think that they were like, well, we don't want people just putting this on YouTube. So podcasters can make fun of it. How should

we make that impossible? Wait, I have an amazing idea. We'll take the color away every 36 minutes for like a second. So, but this is where we're going to meet Trina. Try not to keep too much track of this character. Don't get too attached. Yeah. So we learned earlier that one of the things that the second chance is they have a ministry to sex workers who are trying to get out of sex work, right? And that's Trina. She's pacing back and forth in front of the church trying to like get up the courage

to go in and ask about it. While she's doing that, Ethan shows up for his first night of associate pastoring there. And inside we have Jake leading a Bible study. Like a men's group. Yeah. Okay. Is it a Bible study? Because it just seems to be Jake roasts everybody super hard.

Yeah. It's like a weird men's group that's kind of like run by my dad. Like, it's literally just Jake, mansplaining to the other men that the reason that they like can't get a job or can't keep a job or like that literally the systemic racism that they are fighting against all day every day is their own fault because they're not proving that they're trustworthy enough. Right, because they're not shaking hands firmly enough. Yes, and looking people in the eye.

He opens this meeting, the gravy tie guys like, I didn't get the job because I'm a convicted felon and Jake is like, no, no, it's because you shake hands like a bitch. Yes. Also, I just have to talk about how Ethan enters the scene because it's the only time this movie got a legitimate laugh out of me. He decides to pull himself over the loudest possible chair. Oh, it's like the men in black scene with the table.

Yeah. Yeah, he's just a grand piano covered in glassware. Don't mind me. Yeah, he's just a grand piano covered in glassware Okay, so but just then Javier shows up don't get too attached to this character, right? But Javier shows up and Jigs like no, you're late to the meeting you can't come you have to go home Oh, it's so sad. I've been late too many times to the meeting, you can't come, you have to go home. Oh, it's so fun. I've already been late too many times. It's like he comes in and he's like,

sorry man, like work and everything was so stressful and they're like, get the fuck out. Like this poor guy, the guy, he's helping all these other guys who don't have jobs, get jobs and just like blaming and shaming them for not being like good enough to get a job. And then the guy with a job comes in after a long day of work and he's like,

fuck you, get out of here. Fuck you man, I said five, not five oh four. You piece of shit. he's like, fuck you, get out of here. Fuck you, man. I said, five, not five oh four. You piece of shit. It's like, what is happening? And then as he walks away, he's like, it's okay, I just, you know, my wife left me today and took the kids with her and then Jake's like, well, now I look like an asshole, man.

Now you've made me look like an asshole. Now you've ruined the mood of this super otherwise dope men's meeting. Yeah. And then he leads them in a, you really got Javier good prayer, which I thought was pretty funny. Good one, God. You got him. Yeah.

Got him good. Also Javier, super lucky. If you think about it, right? No more, no more diapers. Probably doesn't have to listen to the Elmo CD anymore. Can you just slam it? Can you just slam it? Not have to listen to the Elmo CD anymore. Can you explain it? Not gonna listen to the Elmo CD at all this week.

How does this make sense though? He's like the wife left with the kids to El Paso because he doesn't have money. I guess they, What's in El Paso? They don't really explain it. I'm assuming like her family would have been in El Paso, right? That's where she was going, but they don't really explain it. I'm assuming like her family would have been an alipast, right?

That's where she was going, but they don't really dig into it. Because they never explain why, he's like, she left me, man. She left me and then they're like, let's help you get money. And I'm like, what does that have to do with her? Why is that? Why she left? Well, and here's the fucked up thing is that they're like, you know, let's help you get her back.

And it's like, well, like, what if he's just abusive or something? Like, yeah, right? Cause we know why did she leave? Right. Yes. Exactly. It was just immediately while we have to get her back. Now, don't we?

Let's, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She took the kids round up a posse and grab your lasso's. Right. They just completely vilified the women. Yeah. And it's, it's boiler.

Later in the movie, someone will be like, oh, have you as a heroin addict. So like, yeah, maybe it's better for the kids not to be in the house Yes So and then of course Jake's like well, maybe we let this weird white guy who just screeched his way into the room lead the prayer for this one And he's like, yeah, I remember that man's name. It is... April. You're not looking like it.

Oh, yeah, he literally mouths. So Jake mouts the word, clear as day. Ha, Vier. And he goes, Gabriel. Yes. Homosexual. What? No, his name's that homosexual. So stupid. Also, while this is going on, Trina, she shows up, the sex worker who's looking for a way out. She shows up, she goes downstairs

to where all the girls are meeting. Now, all the girls are like playing red light green light and having brownies. They seem to be having a good time with it, right? Can I just throw this out there? We only get two glimpses at the women's group and they are red light, green light and role playing your reuniting with your estranged children, which seems like a weird agenda for women's group jazz. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Yeah, we'll talk a little more about the cycle when we get there, right?

Have you ever seen a church's women's group, Eli? Um, well, now you're gonna bring me to another restraining order. Restraining order. That I'm dealing with in my part, Kara, insensitive. No, but really, like, when I was growing up Mormon, we had to go to women's groups all the time. And women's groups were that. It's like the men were out learning how to like kill a squirrel and skin it and cook it and survive in the wild.

And they would go like out on the boat all the time. And we learned how to bake fucking cookies. I'm not joking. Oh, jeez. That sounds amazing. Kara, Kara, can I say, as someone who was thrown out of the boy scouts for crying too much, let me tell you, I would have fucking just, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean,

I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, they're doing their red light reliant and eat their brownies. Treena goes to talk to Amanda. Now this is Jake's wife. Don't get too attached to the scarecrow. We won't see much of her. She does have the best parting existence though. Oh, absolutely. But she does have the best. We're abandoning my plot line.

Yeah. So she's like, well, you know, I'm a sex worker and I'm pregnant and I have a daughter that I have. By the way, they never use the word sex worker. We're using. No, yeah. They say prostitute through the whole movie. Let's be clear. Yeah, exactly, exactly.

At best, I think they say prostitute. I think that, you know, they're. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, like this is a woman who's being traffic who gets pregnant, who's afraid for her life from her trafficker. Yes. That's not how they refer to any of these terms. And it's like legitimately sad,

but also why did they make her look so weird? She has like lipstick smeared halfway across her face like the Joker for a week. They look very wise. So serious thing going on. They never like explain it or come back to it. I think maybe that's supposed to be that she was punched or something, but they the makeup was so bad we couldn't tell that's what they were going for. Gotcha. Yeah, it's real Halloween adventure. If that's both the better getting beat up. And it's sad, like it's actually sad what they're talking about. She does a good job, the actress. Yes, she does. I'm so confused by this movie. Yes. Well, this is the thing. This movie will constantly introduce very realistic, very sad elements of what it is like to be poor in the inner city in America.

And then it will immediately abandon those fuck right now. Right. So we can go onto the like minor growth that the white guy, white savior guy has. Yeah. Not surprised. So okay, but while that's going on,

we head back upstairs for more of this fucking prayer buccacchi for for hobby. They've all laid like laid hands on them and they're surrounding them or whatever. And I love the guy whose tie got messed up earlier. He hijacked the whole pair and he's like, and while we're asking for things from God, how about God, you help me out with this, uh, with his powerball ticket. He's like, no, if you, if I win the lot of, I can help. Hoppy are get his kids back. This is a like two birds, one stone kind of situation.

Bobbi are get his kids back. This is a like two birds one stone kind of situation. Jake has to be like, what did we say about using God's magic powers? Right. No using them in testable ways. That's right. No using God's magical powers in testable ways. So okay. So Bible studies over and there's this great moment where Ethan is trying to have like a little one on one conversation with Jake and Jake is just shutting the lights out and ignoring him the whole time. It's the bad. Oh, yeah, that was pretty funny.

It says though the actor who played Ethan was told that they were going to have a heart to heart. And then the director was like, you just leave. Just fucking leave. You don't know. He's got a whole page of dialogue that you don't have. So he's just going to follow you around the church while you shut lights up on it. I love Jake so much. He also keeps calling him Gucci. Do you guys notice that? Yeah.

Right. In the final moments of the film in the grandiose we've all learned something today. Conclusion of the film. He will still call this guy Gucci. He wants nothing and change is not at all. I love it. Nor does he have to. Yeah, right. Exactly. And also, by the way, while all of this shit was going on, I know you've got your fucking notes out, listener, and you're writing down all these names while this was all going on, we also met Tony and Julius. We did? Don't get too attached to these characters either, but while they're doing the Javier thing, Tony shows up and he's like, Hey, man, there's somebody who really

needs to talk to you and Jake's like, man, I have five fucking plots going on right now. Can we wait? You just wait in my office for a minute. So now Tony and Julius are waiting in the office while Ethan and Jake have a yearly fight outside. Yeah. And the lights are going on enough. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

So, after this is over, so Ethan leaves and he's like, I'll see you tomorrow. And Jake's like, wait, what the fuck do you mean? Is this a whole plot? Is this the plot of the fucking movie that you're going to be here? Did you get sentenced to be around black people? Right, yeah. And the board. So, yeah, so he leaves.

Jake storms into his office, having forgotten that he left Tony and Julius there. And we have a very quick scene where we learn that Julius is part of a gang, and he wants out of the gang. And Tony, I guess, used to be in the gang. And now he's a member of the church, right? I literally don't remember Tony at all. Yeah. Good thing, too, because the movie does not remember him until 10 minutes from the end when they're like, ah, yes, Tony, that essential character. We're all very emotionally invested in. No, we get a serious emotional investment in Tony later. They really expect you to know this fun character and have like, you know, have your heart so to him by act

three. Absolutely. Yeah, I didn't, I didn't even know yet a name and when Julius as he wants out of the gang Jake has the absolute craziest reaction possible which is he's just like and not even a real gang yeah so weird and then Julius is like I don't know bro like they murdered my friend yeah I mean I'm pretty real game like a beat almost like he's like I'll come back when you're in the fucking bloods of the Latin Kings or something. Give me a real fucking. That's tough. So, all right, well, I'll tell you what,

that single scene added at least four new plot lines. So, I'm gonna need a bigger cork for it, but when I find one, we'll be back for even more of the second chance. Tsk, tsk. Tsk. The second chance. Well, too bad because God awful movies live is coming to Detroit July 22nd. That's right flyover states, this one's for you. Will we break down none other than Battlefield Earth, the Scientology based sci-fi flick so

bad, even John Travolta reprint said. Please welcome the wickedly talented one and only at the other that does he. He did that, but that's not all. Fully envelop yourself in our loving rooms with a platinum ticket that includes a night of games, fun, merch, and booze with the cast. Can we just become best friends? Yup! But don't wait, our tickets quite literally always sell out within a couple of days.

Hell, they might be gone by the time you hear this, so go to GodawfulMoviesLive.com to get your tickets before it's too late. That's GodawfulMoviesLive.com. See you in July, Motor City. I'm telling you guys, I want out of the gang. Alright, little C, but you know we can't make it easy on you. Yeah, it's gonna be tough. I understand. Alright, first thing you're gonna need to do if you want out is renew your passport. Oh, well, that shouldn't be too bad. Without a copy of the old passport.

But without a copy of my old passport, I need to do an in-person appointment. Yeah, at a post office like 30 minutes from your house minimum. And you know you're gonna need photo copies of two forms of government ID. You bastards. Oh, that's not all. After that, you've gotta have brunch

at the hottest place in town without a reservation. But the weight is like two hours. Yeah, and the hostess is the owner's daughter. She's probably not even gonna write your phone number down correctly. But at least I'll be out of the gang then, right? Oh no, little sea. There's just one more task you'll have to undertake.

Damn it. What is it? You're gonna have to explain white privilege to a guy in a trucker hat. You know what? I'll just stay a hero and you'll... Yeah, that's what I thought. That's good call. And we're back for more of this shit. We're gonna open act two with Ethan showing back up at the inner city church first first full day on the job We briefly met this character earlier, but this is where we really get to meet fucking Scotty gump the the janitor. Yeah

I love him. Yes, he's so sweet He met Martin Luther King and he'll never forget what he said Please don't use my legacy as an excuse to let Nazis rise to power Yes, he's so sweet. He met Martin Luther King and he'll never forget what he said. Please don't use my legacy as an excuse to let Nazis rise to power. Yeah, but so so Jake comes out, sees that Ethan's there's like, yeah, I see your fucking dad called me and filled me on this whole stupid plot. So I guess we're buddy cops now. And he's like, yes, do I have to learn anything from this movie? Surprisingly, no. Yeah. As it turns out, we learn that they

can't decide whether they want to go with the British or the American spelling of the word traveling on the church sign. Yeah. Those fucking Brits and their profligate use of extra letters, but I kind of like travel travel. Traveling. You know, you just put a you in there randomly. It's not doing any work. So, but Ethan is like, Hey, look, man, I'm not any happier with this plot than you are. Okay. Just that's how things are.

Show me to my office. And Jake's like, Oh, I'm so glad you said that. I'm so glad you said that. Fuck you. So he throws him these two large trash bags. I don't know where the fuck those came from, but apparently those are filled with sack lunches for homeless people. So now he's got to follow Jake into town

so they can go to the park where they hand out lunch. Yeah. And they filmed this. It feels like in a real neighborhood, as opposed to. No, it just, to me, it didn't feel like a fake, like it wasn't like Sesame Street. Yeah, right, yeah. I believe they filled this in Nashville.

Okay, but they actually were in a neighborhood that had graffiti and people living on the street. Yeah. And I actually think they were just literally filming on actual unhoused people. Probably making sure they didn't get their faces in the shot. Right.

Yeah. Yeah. Unfortunately. So yeah, and so along the way we have to see on the way to the park, we have to see him like doing his little pastor thing going from, you know, one person in need of passing to another. I guess we start off with the guy drunk guy sleeping under the bridge. Mm-hmm.

All this to a to a hippity hop soundtrack. Yes. Yeah. Very, very much so. And again, like the movie will point this out, but Jake vacillates wildly in how he treats his parishioners. Right. So like the drunk guy under the underpass, he's like, here's your bottle, man.

Enjoy the sweet, sweet bliss of unconsciousness. But then later, some family is gonna be like, I don't wanna work in a Walmart because it's below me, I was a professor in my home country and he's like, you fucking suck. It's very string. It is. Yeah.

They definitely have, he's just gonna spend his money on booze, mentality with most people, but for some reason not that one guy. Yeah, well, they don't give him any money. So yeah. That's true. They just throw his bottle back at him. Then it falls again and breaks on the ground anyway.

So I guess, yeah. Well, and then they just leave the broken glass on the fucking street, man. I'm just like, you know, there's children and dogs that walk through. Come on, assholes. Right. But yeah. And then they're having this conversation along the way because Ethan is driven his BMW to the church and he's a little worried about leaving it unsupervised in such a bad

neighborhood. Oh, the worst neighborhood in town, remember? Yeah, exactly. And Jake's telling him, yeah, man, that's why we don't drive real expensive cars to work, you know, because let's face it, our job is to ask people way poorer than us for money. So it makes it real hard if you've got a fucking beamer in the parking lot, right? Right. Making solid points. Yeah. Let me do a little math for you.

See, uh, 10% of someone's income and we have more than 10 per, you got it. You got it now. You understood. Yeah. This was a this weird moment where they asked this one guy to like heart traffic for them. Very strange because they don't like pay him. It's not his job. The bastard's just like, Hey, endanger your life for me. And the guy's like, Yep, it's me. Traffic stop Steve. Everybody. So and then eventually they wind up at this apartment. I think this is something that the church owns and that they let people stay in like

temporarily or something like that. I hate this scene so much. Yeah. I hate everything about this scene. Oh, there's one thing that I love about this scene because when he first walks in, there's the girl doing somebody else's hair. And Jake says, Ethan, this is Tamela. Tamela, this is a white man.

Yeah, I did love that. It was a good opener. And that's it. But yeah. Then it goes downhill fast. Yeah, I did love that. It was a good opener. And that's it, but that yeah, then it goes downhill fast. Yeah, cause he's got to go upstairs and tell this family from some war torn African country that they're not allowed to start fires in the middle of their apartment, right? Yeah. Right, because they're barbecuing, they're cooking. And first thing they walk in and they're like so judgy.

Yes. Like both Jake and Ethan, they're like, what are you doing? You know you can't grill inside open a fucking window and that like all three, it's a family of four, three out of the four don't speak English, only the sun speaks English. And they're like not understanding what he's saying. And then he's like, what is that goat?

Ugh, we're driven get it. Yeah. Like it's so judgmental. It's like, what is that goat? We're going to even get it. Yeah. Like it's so judgmental. It's like, bro, people eat goat. Yeah. In most countries. That's not even that weird of a thing to eat. It's not weird at all. Like it's only weird to Americans. Right.

It's also just like, it's never revisited. We never come back to this plot. It's just a strange moment of non-emathy for Jake that the movie never visits or to this plot. It's just, it's just a strange moment of non empathy for Jake with the movie never visits or cares about again. All right, because it gets worse. Yes, exactly because Jake is like, because they're translating through the sun, Khalid. And he's like, Hey, tell your dad. He needs to get his ass back down to Walmart and work his job gathering shopping carts up. And Khalid says, well, you know, my dad says,

he was a professor back home and that job has really beneath him. And it really like depresses him to have to do it. And Jay's like, well, why don't you tell him to go fuck himself? Yeah, he's literally like, what is he not want to fucking eat? Like it's bananas.

And then it gets even worse. The little girl who doesn't speak English is like drawing on a paper plate and she shows him Ethan, this drawing that she clearly spent a lot of time on. That's like the family in their home country. So clearly it's showing these scenes of war. There's a man behind them with a machine gun

and there's like bullets spraying down on them. And it's quite sad and she's holding it up for him to see and he takes it Awesome, this is great. Yeah, good job. What hey, I didn't get you anything But I've got an even more inappropriate thing. I'm gonna do with this later Yeah, I love this token of poverty porn. I shot it in my pocket for safekeeping. Like what the actual? This does bring up a very important question for me,

which is why do little girls in movies always draw the most traumatic thing that happened to them? So, but little girls do, I mean, little boys too. Actually, when I was in Injordan, and probably when I go on our next trip, this is a thing, I mean, little boys too. Actually, when I was in Injuredin, and probably when I go on our next trip, this is a thing, I mean, granted, it doesn't make any sense in this movie because they didn't ask her to draw it, but we often will ask them to draw things, we'll do like draw a person or a house tree person, and the way that they draw it can give us some insights into things

that they've gone through. So, it's not uncommon that they draw a family in that context, or that they draw a house, for example, that has no windows. And I think the house in the background was on fire in her picture. Yeah. Yeah, it was quite sad.

And actually, that would not be an abnormal. It was quite artistic and detailed. I might not expect that from a girl that age, but it would not be an abnormal drawing that I would see from a girl who had gone through some trauma. So thanks for bringing the mood down there. Oh, you beat me too. Fuck both of you.

I wouldn't take it from her. Karen, did you have an answer to that question that's not a bummer? Do you have a non-bummer answer? I'm just telling you the hard truth, fuckers. Oh, no. But I wouldn't. She spends one month in Lebanon and all of a sudden she's good for us here in America.

It's just one way. I'm sorry that my house has a chimney on it. Not years and years. Not years. But yeah, it's I would never take one of the children that I work with drawings. I mean, especially when she can't even speak English enough to like let you. Right. Right. Like I've definitely had kids give me drawings before. drawings. I mean, especially when she can't even speak English enough to like let you, right? Right. Like I've definitely had kids give me drawings before. I've been like, I drew

this for you. Please take it. I will be offended if you don't take it and hang it on your wall. Oh my gosh. That's so meaningful. Thank you. I would never be like, that's pretty mine. Mine. Dips. Dips. You didn't even call it dips. What the fuck are you talking about? Care if I mail you a drawing and pretend it's from a child from Lebanon, will you hang it on your wall? I will not. On your refrigerator. Okay.

So, they finally get to this park where they're going to feed the homeless and it turns out, there's a bunch of Catholic nuns already there feeding the homeless way better food, like not just a bunch of shitty sandwiches. And I so expected like a church turf order to break out. Yeah. You know, or something. Oh, yeah. That was a weird thing. I wrote Oh, shit. Are they gonna rumble for a soup kitchen spot? Yeah. What even was the point of that scene? I don't know. No idea. Yet another plot thread to abandon in the wind. Right. Cause shake is like, well, we brought all these sandwiches and the none is like, Oh, cool. That'll be great. That'll supplement what we've got. Thank

you. And she just takes the trash bags full of sandwiches and wanders off with them. And then and Jake's like, well, dammit, that's ruined my whole day. Why? I wanted to give out those sandwiches, dammit. Right. And also, like, he has shitty sandwiches. They have like hot delicious food right She was so nice like she was a good actor. She was really nice And she was like thank you so much for the contribution and then he's like fuck you I'm gonna go get some hot food right So

Yes, so they go to eat and we get some backstory for both Ethan and Jake So apparently Jake used to be a professional basketball player Mm-hmm, which by the way this this actor is five foot eight, right? Like, this is not because that's no you weren't. But he had to stop being an NBA player because he was on drugs when they started drug test and he got kicked out of the league and had to go to jail for his drugs or whatever. Because if there's anyone that is held to account for their crimes, it's professional athletes. I'm absolutely absolutely.

I was just thinking the same. I just, no one's held to a higher standard professional athletes. Well, except maybe preacher's sons, right? Because then we learned that Ethan also got in trouble for substance abuse, but he got to go to some like fancy, schmancy rehab center instead of having to go to jail like Jake did. Wait, we learned this? When did we learn this? I'm pale. They say they talk about it. Yeah. And what's great is that Ethan very clearly

tries to make his story sound as bad as he makes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I went to jail for eight months because I didn't have a lawyer in my family's poor. And Ethan's like, well, they say that rehab is just a walk in a park, but you actually go on a whole bunch of field trips. We went to the music. A lot of different parks. Hello, let's a lot of steps. I got a corn.

Music movies got to me. Charlie Sheen. What? Which is like especially bad because remember at the beginning of the movie, Ethan's dad knew Jake's dad, right? Because they were in jail together for sitting at a lunch counter. No, that was the mayor that he knew. Oh, he knew the mayor, okay.

But either way, like he was like a civil rights activist. Right, yes. He went to jail for like, you know, passive resistance. So, so you've got, it's just extra gross. Ethan is just awful in so many ways. You're right. Yeah. Well, then there's this weird moment right where Jake is like, you know, basically, Jake is trying to take Ethan down a peg for the fact that his dad's church

has become some kind of mega church monolithic thing that no longer really helps the community and instead is is focused on outreach. But because this movie doesn't have the guts to say mega churches are bad, it's like the argument he has to make is like, you're so focused on all this charity work you're doing in Africa. You've forgotten this charity work in downtown Nashville. It's like, well, we're supposed to be on our podcast and instead you went to Lebanon. Yeah. We had to do a heatless episode without you. My wife was on the show. Thank you, Cara. I mean, I do give them props for like skewering them for doing this like gross missionary work.

I don't think they quite. It's like, it's like right answer wrong reason. Right, that's the thing is that he doesn't actually say and it's a bunch of colonialist bullshit that you're doing in the first place. Yeah. No, he's like, we sure could use some of that colonialist bullshit down here. Yeah.

Pretty much. Pretty much. While you're white saving. We have burden for you to pick up. Come on. Also, there's this disgusting Eskimo P joke that they made. And I get that like in 2006 2006 people weren't quite as aware that that's a slur, but like even that like using it like this was a slur, right? Definitely.

Yeah, this was a very confusing scene for me. And again, I just have to ask, who is the audience of this movie? I guess. Like he eats the spicy chicken. It like clearly he's at like a cool restaurant, you know, that like Jake takes them to, that Ethan would never eat there otherwise and they're getting soul food. Oh, it's one of those restaurants where you like, you know, you're going to get food poisoning, but it's so worth it. You know, you're like, yeah, I'm welcoming food poisoning. And so he likes to sit down and then he can't, he takes the skin off the chicken before

he eats it. And he's like, you're missing out on the vitamins. And then he like takes a bite of it. And he can't handle how spicy it is. And he has to drink water. And I'm just like, I don't understand. Is this movie for white supremacists? Yeah, very unclear.

There's like this weird niche of woke Christians who don't want to change anything. Yeah, I got a woke, but yeah. No, Christians who think they're woke. Right. Yes. That's to the audience of this movie. Christians who think they're woke.

So they leave lunch. They're soldier non-from-morg Jesus. There's this great moment where they run into this group of kids. And because we just learned that Jake was a professional basketball player, you know, that he has to show off his basketball skills, but this actor has no basketball skills, whatsoever. So they have to bring in a stunt, spin the ball on your finger for literally two seconds guy.

They're like all high. There's just like a globe trotter hiding behind a bush with justice and stick it out. So we get that for a second, but while they're doing that, Jake notices Julius dealing some drugs on the street. Now Julius, as you'll recall, was the kid that wanted out of the gang from that scene at the end of act one, right? Right. So Jake follows Julius and Ethan's like, well, I'm not going to hang out in this black

ass neighborhood without you. So he follows two and now we're going to confront the drug dealers. Yes. Right. Right. Who are Julius's older brother? Yeah, I think this is the gang. Yes.

Uh-huh. Okay. Yeah. And the gang is led by Julius's older brother. So Julius is older brother, who by the way is his primary caregiver, right? This is an orphaned two brothers or a strange from their parents somehow or another, right? His brother's taken care of him. Jake just walks up and says, you know, your brother came to me and said, he wanted out of your gang. And Julius was like, man, this is not the time to, uh, I, he's like, I did not have that conversation.

Right. I mean, wink wink. Definition of snitching, Jake. Yeah. And then he ruffs up. Jake ruffs up the gangster brother a little bit, right? Grabs and slams him against the wall and twists his arm, literally behind his back. Didn't Jake just finish telling us that he went to jail for dealing drugs? Yeah. Pastor hypocrites. Yeah, little bit.

Yeah, little bit. Yeah, little bit. Maybe a little bit of humility and compassion. He's literally like, I don't do it anymore. Nobody can do it. And he literally beats it like he tries to solve the problem with violence. Yep. Yeah, I wrote in my notes, gang members just need to be physically assaulted, this movie.

Yeah. Yep. Also, I have to talk about Ethan's only line in this scene because I love it so much. He like grabs this drug dealer who's endangering the life of a child and throws him on the ground. He's like, that crucifix means this is my turf for whatever. And Ethan goes, Hey, you're going to break his arm and I stroke my nose really, Ethan. That's what you had to contribute to. Yeah.

He even says, I'm going to open a can of wrath of God. And I'm like, oh, because he can't say whoop ass. But then he says I'm gonna open a can of wrath of God all over your sorry ass. And I'm like, oh, well, you could have just used the phrase then. Look, I don't wanna get too indecent here, but doing something all over someone's ass

is a very, very different promise than on your. Yeah, no, you're right. You're right. Yes. So that's why I'm not allowed to watch those Christian channels. Right. Yeah. No, because that's the most trading order language I've used. Eli's mind, the wonders Eli's mind. So I make my lawyer. So so they walk off and Ethan demands an explanation of that last scene, right? He's like, what the hell was that all about?

Why would you, did you physically abuse that guy and everything? This is my favorite scene in the whole movie. Yeah, because Jay's like, hey, man, were you here to like learn stuff from me? Could you shut the fuck up and do that for a minute? And he's like, oh, that's good. And he's like, no, oh, that's good. No, I can't, because my car alarm is going off.

Somebody is stealing things out of my car. I'd better go figure out what's going on. I love this scene so much, you guys. I did love that the people breaking into his car waited until he was back within earshot of the alarm to do it, right? Yeah, it was amazing. I think they might have been the people that were just standing there.

Yeah, exactly. Just like didn't even bother walking away. And so yeah, the back window is broken. The trunk is open. It's empty. He's distraught. He's trying to get the alarm to turn off with his key fob. And he's like got that, you know, infomercial, like slippery hands going on where he's

like, and he throws, he going on where he's like, and he throws, he actively, he does not drop them. He throws his keys down a sewer grave. Yes. Why? Yeah, with all the subtlety with which he slopped soup on that guy's tie. Yeah. What we, the our lived experiences, the fucking thing won't turn off two times in a row.

So he throws away his keys. Why? Why? I did want the gravy guy from earlier to be down in that sewer and be like, Oh, these keys just hit me in the head. No, I'm not a good job. So there's also this stupid fucking. So he calls 911, right? From his cell phone. Oh, I love this so much. It's so good. And he's like, yeah, my car's been broken into and Jake just takes the phone and hangs up on him. And he says, man, your insurance check will get here before the cops do. And I'm like, but, but not without a fucking police reported won't like that's one leads to the other that doesn't even make set. Okay, fine.

So, but Jake doesn't give a shit, right? He's just like, ah, I really don't give a fuck about your car. I'm going back inside the church. Because again, Jake's, I'm out. Jake is very consistent in his MO throughout this entire film. It's you got what's coming to you. Yeah. Yeah. Basically his life philosophy. And it's hard to argue with. Yeah. So, so we go inside the church and there's this really like, it takes us all a second to figure out what the fuck is going on here. But apparently, Trina is practicing the, Trina, the sex worker who wants out, right? She's practicing slut shaming her daughter in case she ever

gets her daughter back. Yeah, I didn't understand. I thought that was her daughter for a second, but then it was like they were in play practice. No, they were just role playing. Yes. It was weird. So Trina has a daughter that she no longer has custody of that she wants back. And so Amanda, Jake's wife is like, okay, well, if you're going to have a daughter, you need to learn how to yell at her when her clothing doesn't meet with your approval. So why don't you practice that on my daughter? Yeah. So here, use this child and then and what shame her about the way she's dressed. You will be done being paid for sex in crack cocaine for weeks when you get your daughter

back. There's never a better time to instruct her how to dress it out of it. It's very strange. The scene is very strange and upsetting to be fair. This whole movie is very upsetting. So meanwhile, so we cut to Ethan. He's on the phone with his fiance. They're talking about wedding planning stuff.

And he hears some gunshots in the background and he ducks. And I guess we're supposed to be like, yeah, this guy can't handle it in the inner city. He ducks every time there's gunshots. To be clear, that is what you're supposed to do when You are supposed to, yeah, if you're in gunshots. Because there's usually bullets flying around. No one's gonna stand by your corpse and be like, at least you didn't crouch down like a little bitch. Am I right?

No. Now, but I want to be super fucking clear because I've lived in both. You hear random gunfire out in white rural America so much more often than you hear it in like bad inner city neighborhoods, okay? Oh, yeah. For sure. All right. So now we cut to Ethan and his fiance picking out China. This is picking out China. I think at least interesting possible activity, right? Except watching

other people do it, which is what we're doing now. Well, now to be fair, I will point out a couple of things that make this scene interesting. One, Ethan's absolute revulsion every time this actress gets anywhere close to touching him should be like, oh, you got a little on your hand. He's like, I mean, yeah, nice. Love it. Also, and Cara, stay with me here because you're the sort of tastemaker of the podcast. These are the ugliest plates I've ever seen to my entire life. Guys, they're at a plate store.

What is it? Does that exist? They're a plate, like an Apple China shop. Yeah, Apple China shop. Yeah. You're a famous person, don't you have a plate store? I've never stepped foot in a plate store in my entire life. You just get them as gift baskets and stuff?

They are selling them for $350 per setting. Perceding. Also, you forgot the most important part. Maybe it's not the most important, but yes, he is revolted every time he gets within like touchy distance of her to, he sounds. We should have said this at the beginning because I know now you've painted a picture of Ethan in your mind. He's a little bit like a bizizarre Rob Lowe's brother.

Like there's something like Viby about that. But he sounds like Mr. Garrison. That's how he looks. I hadn't downed as a poor man's Jay Moore. Yeah, okay, look. Which is weird, cause you don't have to be all that rich to get Jay Moore right?

Yeah, true. Yeah. That is the look, but the sound is definitely got like a Mr. Hat. Yeah, go and reel. Yeah, there's a real, but the sound is definitely got like a Mr. Hayat. There's a real Mr. Garrison feel. I have him down at various points in my notes as the backstreet boys phase of a divorce. I'm not sure what that means, but it felt right. It felt right to say it. I stand by it. So they're picking out China. She likes the place that literally have bugs painted all over them. Fucking gross. I kind of liked those too. I thought they were

close. I feel like they were bugs in your food the whole time. It was cool. They're like endimology play. I dug it. You probably want bugs in your food is probably what it is. Yeah. This is why you don't get plates from other famous people. They're tasting plates is bad. This is the point where I said, I can't tell if this is God awful or kind of good. No, no. She's going like, what about the plate setting? And he's like, why are we doing this? None of this matter. This is like, this is the oral use of our money. And this would be an amade. I wrote my notes. Oh, is he going to help that family? Because he pulls out the paper plate with the war scenes. Like, oh, and I wrote

my notes. Is he going to help that family instead of pulls out the paper plate with the war scene. He's like, oh, and I wrote my notes. Is he gonna help that family instead of getting very expensive China? Cause that would be a good message for the movie. Nope. Nope. Like all other plot breads will be abandoned in the way. Right. She's like, do you still have those paint chips in your pocket?

And he reaches in his pocket to check, right? And he comes away with that little plate that he stole from the little girl earlier. And he's like, wow, it really seems shitty to be spending $350 on a plate setting that we'll use twice when this person is like so miserable in there, like trying to like, they're huddled around a grill to cook little goat they can get so their family doesn't fucking starve. But yeah, then he goes and doesn't help them in any way and not went through that the entire fucking movie. Does not help that family.

And that's why I think this is a God awful movie. Like that's why I think this belongs on our show because the Christian version of woke is feeling bad for people is enough. Right. And not doing anything. Right. Right. Right.

Right. Right. And then not doing anything. Right. Right. And then not doing anything. Right. Right. being like, wow, I'd be a really good person if I didn't get China. I mean, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get this China. Right, yeah. And still have a fancy. Right, because that doesn't matter, right? Like, let's remember, do you guys remember

Heaven's Gait tells Flames? Of course. Or the moral of Heaven's Gait tells Flames. It does not matter what you do. What you do, oh, so long it would tell Jesus that you accept him as your Lord and personal savior, you're going to heaven. There you go.

If you are an incredible person who does great works who like lives their life and service to others, but you're like, I'm if you on the belief thing straight to fucking hell. Straight to fucking hell. So now, but he is going to help somebody, right? So the next thing we get him driving back into the into the inner city, he stops at a little trailer bodega for a coffee and in a donut. And this is where he runs into a Javier and Thai guy from before, right? And he remembers Javier's name, by the way, which is weird,

because it got it wrong in the moment. Yeah. So he hands Javier some money and he's like, here, go back to El Paso and get your, your wife back. And he's like, this is my wife of a, you're suggesting she has a purchase price or a meant to purchase. Yeah, it's like he's, what literally meant to purchase his children from his wife. I don't have, like she, she clearly left for a reason that I don't think was money.

Right. But yeah, I don't think it was money. But then they're like, solve the problem with money because you can just buy women and children. Yeah, sure, sure. That's, just buy women and children. Yeah, sure. Sure.

Yeah, and now pass, so sure. Maybe his children are parking meters. We don't know. We never find out. No, we do know. No, we do find out. We see her later. We do.

We do as long as we don't make the mistake of blinking in that moment. Yeah, exactly. Well, but so he goes back to work and then that leaves Ethan out there with Ty guy and Ty guy says, Hey man, that was probably a bad idea. He's a heroin addict and you just gave him a fistful of money. And, you know, Ethan's like, Oh, I guess every act of charity in this movie needs to be second guest by everyone doesn't it? And he's like, Oh yeah, that's the whole point of the movie. Oh yeah, the whole point, the reason they're in poverty is because it's their own damn fault.

Didn't get that from act one. Even basically as a moment, he's like, okay, so it's not money, it's not what, what is this movie about? Yeah, can you, right? Do you tell me what I'm going to learn by the end of the movie? And then he's like, I know, I know, it's about a powerball ticket Yeah. What is the powerball ticket? He's like, Hey, man, I bought you a powerball ticket. Because I remember earlier in the prayer, you prayed about a powerball ticket. So I figured that was your personality. And he goes, yeah, man, I'm trying to straighten up. So I don't want it. And I'm like, it's not gambling if it's somebody else's money. Yes. Okay. All right. Whatever. It is a weird thing. He's like, I have another job interview. I don't want to jinx it with your power ball ticket.

What? Yeah, that's what. So, okay, so now we got Jake teaching basketball to the kids. The kids laugh at how bad Khalid is at basketball so he makes them run laps. Oh, this is the weirdest basketball team I've ever seen.

It's like a team of four to 12 year olds. Yes. And there are various heights from about two feet to about seven feet. And they're all playing basketball together. And it's very confusing. Right. So Khalid goes to leave, Jake stops him on the way and he's like, hey, I had sad thoughts about your family.

You're welcome. I said you're welcome. This is a weird interaction. He's like, hey, kid, you're still poor. Dad's Weird interaction. He's like hey kid. You still poor Still poor right and the kids like yeah, I'm still poor and he's like all right be on your way Yeah, all right. Well, I'm done interacting with you for the rest of the movie Right, this is the end of Khalid well, we'll see you one more time. We'll see you Khalid but

Ethan Ethan will never speak No, he won't that that am true. Okay. So then we cut over to the big fancy mega church where they're looking over their new church ad, right? The new ad for their church. And Ethan doesn't like this version of the commercial because it doesn't show that some of his best friends are black. Oh, man. He's like that girl who comes back from the fucking semester abroad in Rome pronouncing it Roma. Yeah. I've been to Barcelona. I was in Barcelona. I was in. But for real, we're at it's hot. You have to stop. It turns to the producer. And he's like, can we like, you know, college brochure this up a little bit?

Have you know what I mean? And the guy's like, yeah, I don't know. We have some shots of your dad in Africa and you shaken Jake's hand drill. Wait, there's a there's a nanosecond here where Jake isn't like looking at you with hatred and revulsion. Let's use that If we catch him on the K of fuck you, it seems like he's smiling at you. So we'll just use that aim on him. Completely. He's like, I've been in the inner city for two weeks. I am changed. This mega church ad is horrible

because the original ad is just people like singing and just doing mega church things, right? Like just like white people being happy. And so he's like, let's swap it for the one where you're converting unsuspecting children in Africa. And then also where I'm feeding poor black people in the inner city out of the goodness of my white savior. So I think that will go over better. Yep. I think. So then we cut to the mayor and the evil church board guy from before plotting to tear down the second chance church.

Okay, but they're doing it under the bridge in the ghetto like they need to be within eyesight like some kind of weird vampire rules. Yes, they're just fingers steepling right in front of the church. And Ethan walks up and he's like, Hey, you guys finger steepling you in the middle of you. I somebody was wah-ha, ha, I think. No, no, gay sex. We were having gay. Quick, Larry, blow me.

It's for cover. I'll open up a cat. All over your ass. So didn't they compare it to Baltimore? So they're like this place is turning into Baltimore. Yeah, they do. They do say Baltimore on point. Where is it supposed to be Nashville? I mean, that's where they filmed it.

I don't know where it's supposed to be. Oh, yeah, they never say do that. No, I don't think so. It's any town in USA. Yeah. So now we got to resolve Trina, right? So we cut over to Trina. Wait, you can't cut to Trina yet.

First, there's like this unhoused guy. Yep. And he's like, can I have some cash? And Ethan's like, I'm not going to give you cash because if I give you cash, you'll buy booze, but I can walk with you to get food. And the unhoused guy literally is like, bro, I respect you now. Yeah.

Yeah. Weirdest interact. Yeah. I want you to know us one of our own. That thing you learned two scenes ago about not giving me money, it's really good. And I really appreciate it. And you do have my number. I was definitely going to use that on drugs and booze.

And now I'll never do that again. Now that you've made me feel bad. Yeah. I hate people so much. Yeah. So now we cut over to Trina. And Trina is like, she's charging out of the church. Amanda's following behind her, right?

We're catching this like a, in, in, in Madie arrest. She's going off with Buster, who is going to pay for her. She's like, he just wants you to go to dinner with him so he can pay for your abortion. And I'm like, well, she really needs an abortion and you're asking him to pay for it. You're a fucking jerk. No, I'm pretty sure that Buster is her trafficker and he's going to pay for her abortion. It's like very confusing. Yeah. Uh-huh. And then literally, is it Ethan or is it Jake who's like, Trina? I don't know how you do. It's Ethan. Ethan. Yeah. And then literally, is it Ethan or is it Jay? Cause like, Treen, I don't know how you do it's Ethan. Ethan, yeah.

I don't know how you do it. And I'm like, do what? Help women? Right. Or being traffic. How does he not do it? I can run with the same thing. Exactly.

Yes. She's surprised. I wrote in my notes, you're really wasting your time. Am I right? Right. Right. Come on, man. Yeah. Look, if there's one thing and

Cara, I don't want to tokenize you, but women love being sex trafficked. They love it. We love our mothers. So hard. It's hard to get them away. Yep. Want all the abortions. So now, so Jake and Ethan now are going to, Jake is going to teach some life lessons to the kids while playing one-on-one against Ethan. Or sorry, while his fucking stunt dribbler plays one-on-one against Ethan, every time there's actual basketball, we're like across the street and on the top of a 14 story building,

looking town on a mission. Yeah. And his advice is all like weird psychological book of five ring stuff. None of it is practical because again, Jake doesn't know basketball. He's like, you want to make hard eye contact with your opponent. Maybe do a little kiss.

He's like, now why didn't I dunk Gunn Ethan just now? And I'm like, because you can't even dribble competently. But no, it's because there's no extra points for showing off. It's not about showing off. And I'm like, I don't know, man, you got to sick dunk. You do make more money probably. Yeah. I'm pretty sure when you play basketball, you need to keep your eye on the ball.

I'm not there. Yeah. Yeah. One of the kids shows that he's like, where do you look? And the kid is like, the ball, the center of the game. And he's like, no, your opponent's deep green dreamy eye. Let's do it. So, yeah, so the kids go to leave.

This is where Jake notices that Khalid has new shoes and he accuses Ethan of giving him money. Like, did you give that family money? I'm like, is that a bad thing, man? Why is he so mad that people in poverty need money? I don't know. Like, is it not going to learn to bootstrap it? I guess.

No, like we figured this out. They need money to be able to get to a place where they can, like, be involved in society. Yeah. Like, you need money to start. Sure. You can't do nothing with no money. And these people are impoverished.

Well, and Ethan's like, well, I didn't give him any money. And Jay's like, well, I know about you given Javier money and now suddenly nobody's seen him for a week. And he's like, well, I gave him money to go to Al Paso. And he's like, yeah, but he could be on drugs. You don't know. You don't know. Could be drugs.

What did you just talk about with that homeless guy a couple of scenes ago? Exactly. They're all going to use it for drugs. Yeah. Right. Just like I did two years ago. Yeah.

I went to prison for drugs. So then we cut to some sort of bad music practice at the church. And what did it, this is supposed to be one of those things where like everybody's doing bad, but then Ethan comes in and since he's such a great musician, everybody's doing good,

but they so overplay the doing bad at the beginning. Yeah. It's the worst church choir I've ever heard. And then Ethan sits down, sings terribly, but the choir no place piano. He's not singing. No, they kind of make him sing too. But like, he's like rocking on the piano and then all of a sudden, they're actually like legit good. Yes. Yeah, I enjoyed it. Well, I think we can agree that this movie understood it was time for a white man to teach these black women a thing or two about singing with spirit.

Yeah, it's so bad. And my notes at this point, I would rather watch my parents sex tape than they seem. It's very bad. It's like Jake is mad that Ethan, like they over here, right? Jake and his wife are like in another room, which by the way, they're like, is that music? Is that music coming from choir practice? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And then Jake is like mad that Ethan is the white savior, but that's the plot of the movie, right? That's the whole fucking movie. That's the whole movie. They're like, you know, the woman is like, Hey, Jake, you play piano, right? Like at the beginning of the movie, why don't you sit down on the piano and he's like, Oh, I guess I could. He says, he's just playing the piano so good that no shit.

It's an organ. Right. Like we started hearing organ sounds coming out of the back of the end. Got a little harpsichord. Yes, it was weird. It was weird. It was weird. But Jake hears all the soul coming from choir practice.

And he realizes there might just be a hope for that white man after all, right? Mmm. So everybody comes out. We listen to this really fucking long song. practice and he realizes there might just be a hope for that white man after all, right? So everybody comes out, we listen to this really fucking long song after it's over, everybody cheers for like, I don't know, six minutes. It's like a burdemic amount of cheering. And then everybody leaves, but Jake has a speech to Ethan about how he's not really pastoring to the inner city. He's just faking it for the cameras. Yeah, it feels like this is all part of a white savior narrative for you. And Ethan's like, dude, I've got bad news for you about this movie. Yeah, right.

So yeah. And Jake's like, well, maybe Ethan is just time for you to like give up all of this shit and go home. And he's like, why? And he's like, cause we need some kind of conflict heading into act three, man, we've abandoned most of these plots. No, that's fair. That's fair.

Yeah. And this is also the first, but not the last time that Jake brings up, or maybe he's not even the first time, but this is yet another time that Jake brings up that Ethan's dad, the mega pastor used to be his mentor and then left him. Yes. And he will say that constantly throughout the rest of the movie at which and Ethan will only ever be like, yeah, no, that's true. He did abandon. Yeah, he did. Sure. That's my dad.

My dad and a banding and then African-American. That's kind of his thing. Yeah. I mean, he made me come here with you. So you can add, I'm his son. So you can imagine. All right. Well, I'll tell you what what I just relived listening to devotional music. So I deserve a break. But first, let me give the act three of the hard. So will we entirely abandon the train up plotline? Will we leave the Julius plotline so unresolved that you could leave the movie thinking that the point is that he should have stayed in the gang? Will we wrap up the Javier plotline

with a blink and you'll miss it. Throw away scene at the very end. Find out the answers to these questions and more. We'll return for the more or less in color conclusion of the second chance. Well, Jake, it looks like me and you are going to run the pancake breakfast on our own this week. Yep. Looks like pancakes are flat. And it reminds me of how your dad left me flat when he abandoned me at this inner city church. Right.

So do we wanna do like blueberry or chocolate chip? Oh, you know, I'd be careful with chocolate chip. If you have, if you have anything like your dad, the second there's too many chocolate chips around, you just go up and leave us. And maybe we should stick with you with a white chocolate chips. Perhaps.

Okay, man, I get it. Also, we should probably get like, it's just a pancake that's left on the grill too long starts to burn, you know? And that burn never goes away. Especially when you think that the pancake chef is gonna be around forever. You could, you could, you could become one sad

abandoned little pancake. Jake, were you and my dad fucking? Oh, like a lot. Okay, this whole track's now No Eli dirty And we're back for still more of this shit We're gonna rejoin the action with Julius and Tony you guys remember them right this shit. We're going to rejoin the action with Julius and Tony.

You guys remember them, right? Tony is the one that brought Julius to Jake to say that he wanted out of the gang. The two of them are waiting on fellow gang members to do gang stuff. Mm-hmm. Now I'll go ahead and clue you in. We had to puzzle this out over the next four fucking scenes. Thank you. I was going to say let's fucking spoil this.

Yeah. The audience doesn't have to suffer the way we did. All I wrote was, I'm unclear on who killed who. I don't know what's about to happen. Right. So in order to get the gang out of the gang, Julius has to be beaten out, right? He has to like the let everybody kick his ass and once they're done kicking his ass, he's officially out of the gang. So Tony is going to go take Julius's beating for him so that he can get out of the gang. So Tony is going to go take Julius's beating for him so that he can get out of the gang. That's what happens in this scene. I have a question. If you want to get out of a gang and you're like, hey, I'd like to

leave the gang and they're like, all right, you got to let us beat you up. And you're like, no, do they kick you out of the gang? It's like a win-win situation. That's interesting. That's interesting. I wonder how the loophole works there. Are you still in the right? Because they're, they're, I mean, you're still in the gang, I guess. I'm a stalant. I'm not going to show up to any of the stuff. Well, fuck then you're just beating up a fellow member of your gang. It's the whole thing. Yeah. So yeah, but so we cut away from this though. We don't watch the being. We cut away from this because we cut over to Ethan.

He's at the church because like as you'll recall the last time that we saw him, Jake was like, why don't you just go home? You're never going to be a white savior enough for us. Right. So now he's just like packing up his stuff. Looks like he's looting Jake's church. He's not.

He's just packing up his things. It really does. But just then there's this desperate knock on the door and it's Julius. And he's like, I think that they killed, they beat Tony to death, right? And of course, we all wrote in our nose, who the fuck is Tony? What's going on? Have we met this character we have? I feel like I missed the season of this movie, not just a part of this movie, a season.

So then we cut to Ethan and Julius at the ER waiting for news about Tony and what should come on the TV while they're waiting, but Ethan's dad's church is commercial that he was working on before and they have college brochure it up. Yeah. And Jake has like a that son of a bitch moment. Yeah, he does. Yeah, they cut to him and like bed with his wife watching, watching mega church commercials. Yeah.

And I thought again, because I'd seen other buddy, white and black movies, I thought like, oh, this will all work out in the end. Nope. Jake will be mad at that during the ending credits of the movie. Yeah, sure will. Sure will. So, okay.

So then after he leaves the emergency room, I guess, Ethan goes to his fiance's house to fill her in on the plot, right? And again, I'd forgotten about this character entirely, right? We see her twice. Once at a salad bar at a second time picking out China, right? Okay. Can we talk about the coffee maker moment? Because it's the best moment of comedy in the whole movie.

It's like somehow Eli was able to turn on the props in the movie with his mind. Why would they keep it? So what happens is he stumbles in, covered in that young man's blood, and as he's giving a monologue about what it must be like, her coffee maker goes off and completes a cycle. Yes.

It goes like, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom,

boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom this scene. Like, he goes to, this is her house? Yes, yeah, the house that they're going to live in together once they get married, but she's in it already, but they don't live in together because that would be living in sin. Oh, that's what I was so confused

because he's like, why do we have all this stuff? Everybody's were so rich, it's so terrible. I feel bad about myself and she's like, you picked this, you made us buy this granite countertop. Like, what are you talking about? And then I was like, why did he pick all the shit in her house? I was really confused by that.

Yeah, weird action. Okay, is this like weird puritanical shit? I also, I love this moment, because it's just so stupid. It's, this is again, this is where this movie gets just got awful He's like he's talking about Tony and he's like he died for that kid. He doesn't by the way He died for that kid. I couldn't do that and the way the fiance comforts him is she goes Sure you could yes

And then as the top of the scene she has framed the little girls wore plate for him. It's so fucking she's like wrapped in. Yeah, she's like, you know, hey, maybe this will cheer you up. I got you a your parishioner was almost beaten to death present. Right. She hands up like it's a wrapped present. He opens it up, takes fucking wrapping paper off of it. And she's had that little fucking plate drawing frame. I would give anything for a flash cut to the Michaels where the woman's like, oh, what is this? Oh, so my soon to be husband, he met his family that escaped a war zone. And the only way this little girl can sort of deal with the trauma that she's been through

the horrible violence she's seen. She's scrawled using her subconscious, just the violent images that haunt her. And I thought my husband might like to see that, you know, every time he goes to the the downstairs. So, so we cut from that. So now we, it's the next day. Janitor gump is loading the bus up for church camp and Tony's there. Tony's out of the hospital. Now he's all bandaged up. He got pretty beat up, but he didn't die, right? Mm-hmm. Julius is coming on the trip too, and I really wanted a flash cut to Tony being super passive aggressive the entire trip. Well here we are in the beauty of nature. Of course my eyes are swollen shut because I got the shit kicked out of

me for somebody. So I'm not really enjoying it but no if you guys want to go on the waterfall that's fine. Hey's starting to drown because Julius was just let you drown for him. So, you know, be careful. And this is, this is that weird part where like Jake goes up to the bus. Do you guys remember this man? And he's like, what happened to you? And he's like, I got the ship beat out of me.

And he's like, why didn't you call me? And he's like, I don't know, I didn't want to bother you. And he's like, good man. Like, he's like, proud. Like, he's all proud. He's like, wait don't know, I didn't want to bother you. And he's like, good man. Like he's like, proud. He's like, he's all proud. He's like, hmm, way to take a beating. Growing up. Yeah, just like Jesus, I guess.

I think what is happening? Oh, what's going on with Khalid? I thought, okay, they find drugs in his cleanup bag. So Khalid's picking up trash. Right, so after the church bus leaves, Jake brings a bunch of kids out and they've only got their little orange safety vests on and they've only got their trash breaks and they're walking around the neighborhood picking up garbage. But apparently Colleagues is using that as cover to sell drugs.

That is not clear to me. I thought he picked up drugs, garbage drugs. But it is back. No, because the white guy, I remember because the white guy rolls up in the car and I wrote my notes, Colleen, did you get some crack from the CIA? Is the CIA giving crack, Colleen? Oh, so this is why he had my shoes. Yes, exactly.

Cause he's been selling drugs. I see. By the way, Colleen is like seven. He's 10. Yeah, they established a second that he's 10. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Little young for the business. Yeah. But that's it. So Jake notices all of this. He figures it out. So he takes Khalid and he's going to go confront those gangsters again on that.

I guess they just hang out on that same overpass all the time. This thing gankster pass. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Meaning spot. Yeah. So he goes back to the he goes to the gangsters and he's like, Khalid is out. He wants to quit or actually he makes Khalid tell him that right that he wants to quit. So I feel like Khalid has to get beaten out, but I don't know. I don't know how those rules work when for minors. It's super funny because Khalid with his eyes is very clearly not quitting. He's like, what do you say, Khalid? And Khalid's like shaking his head, knowing he's like, I quit. I'm just showing him these fingers across and shit as he says it.

Yeah. And the gangsters like, well, at least give me the money and the drugs then that you took from him. And Jake is like, no, I'm just going to steal it. These are my drugs now. That's so weird. And then does an Ethan go like, I don't think steal it. These are my drugs now. It's so weird. And then doesn't Ethan go like, I don't think he heard you above the traffic. And I mean, yeah, me neither.

I didn't hear fucking what any of you said this whole movie above the track. Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly. That's been a perpetual problem in this fucking film. Finally nodding to it. Oh, now you care, Ethan. Yeah. So they want to keep the drugs and the money and let Khalid go scot free, but also what's their end game here? Right. Well, so the gangster guy

pulls out a gun. And I'm like, well, yeah, but like like Jake's actively trying to rob him at this point, right? This is his money. And Jake's just trying to keep like, I feel like we're super close to legal at this point with this guy. Yeah. And hey, don't worry. If you're going to take this scene seriously, even is going to be hilariously incompetent. First, he's like, Hey, I'm at a song. And then I'm not joking. Karen Noah, please back me up. He tries to call the gangster over to a pile of cash.

Like there's a bear at a campsite. He literally lays it on the ground and is like, yeah. And it's, they're on a fucking overpass. It's like windy. He like sets just like loose bills on the ground. I wanted so bad for a semi to go underneath. And then it just like, it's like one of those little chambers that they let you stand in to try to grab the money or whatever. Yeah. So, and before that, he goes like, the guy goes to shoot Ethan and he goes, oh, really, you're going to shoot the white guy

and then and then everybody's like, oh, right. Yeah, no, you can't shoot the white guy. That's the guy. Just so you know, right. So, but yeah, but ultimately the gangsters agree to take the $500 that Ethan has on him in exchange for letting Jake steal their money and their drugs, but they do kick him around a little bit, right? Oh, and the $500 is the cash that the fiance had on the counter. Yes. Yeah. Earlier, he's like, she's paying for curtains or something.

Yeah, we had to explain the $500 study hat. All right. So that we didn't just think he was the kind of guy. Because a rich white guy would never just have money. Right. Yeah. Exactly. Wouldn't make any sense. Yeah.

So, yeah. So the gays just leave. Ethan goes to help Jacob off the ground. He's like, I don't need your damn help. Do you mean you're stupid fucking ads? Fuck you, man. Fuck you. Yeah.

And again, this is the moment in this movie trope wise where Jake is supposed to be like, wow Ethan, you risked your life for me, but he's just like, hey Ethan, yeah, fuck you. Okay. Fuck you. And we've seen. And a fucking scene. And then okay, so now we cut to the boardroom, evil board member.

Now must convince the rest of the board to allow the city to knock down The second chance church so they can build an on-ramp to the stadium. There are 12 minutes left in this I know what the fuck do you have a whole movie for this to be the goddamn plot of right? It's constant every time they turn to page of the script They must have turned to the cast and said what do you guys think the movie should be about now? Yeah, but so ultimately they all decide they vote on it. They argue about it for a little bit and then they vote on it and they decide that they are going to let the city tear down the church.

There's this whole dramatic scene with characters. We have literally never met before people agree People disagree people question the decision one guy quit in pro I love him beard dude. Yeah, I wrote dude. It is way too deep in this movie to try to get your own plot line He tried though. He tried Go to Greg what'll the board do without him? He's the only one who knows how to do the social media. Right. We don't fucking know these people. Dad, by the way, Jerry, the mega pastor, he decides ultimately, even though he started that church back in the days when he was a civil rights leader, he decides that he's okay with him bulldozing

it as well. Yeah. You know what? This was the scene version of and maybe this is a little bit too niche, but I think our audience will appreciate it. We were just in a con and there's a very rare kind of person who will walk over to our table and they have like a bit they want to do. They don't know us. They don't give a shit who we are, but they'll be like, do you know when the resurrection was and you're supposed to be like, no, man, was the resurrection.

And he's just got like a little five minutes beach plant. And you could be there or not be there or be on fire or not on fire. This is the scene version of that. So, okay. Karen, does that meet people? She's really funny to me. That's awful. So okay. CARE, does that mean people? Because she doesn't go to conventions. Yes.

So okay, so now we're back at, we're at a thing called staff devotions, whatever the fuck that like the people who work at the church have mini church. That sounds so terrible. That sounds the worst. Oh my worst nightmare. It's like extra church for the, for the people who get paid to That sounds the worst. Oh, I worst nightmare. It's like extra church for the people

who get paid to work at the church. Yeah, I thought birthdays at the office were bad, but you know what, I basically goes out to these people. Oh, well, in this scene is so fucking weird, right? Cause Sunny Gump, he's like, hey, you know, I was reading in the Bible about how Jesus washed his friend's feet,

and I wanted to do that for Tony, this character that we're all apparently very emotionally attached to now. I so wanted Tony to go like, well, you know, um, feet were often used in place of penis in the Bible. Yeah. Also, I just want to point out we have seen several feet washing scenes through the years. Here on God off of movies episode 400 and no one is ever prepared for how erotic it is.

You wait till watch the actors every time be like, yep, this is just like, oh, that is a naked human foot. That's fine. That's cool. I'm just going to, oh, the water's just sort of flowing over it. Okay. Yeah, no, and I'm holding it in my, and now I would just rub my hands gently. It's a long piece.

Did Jesus give anyone like a high five? You know, did Jesus do any fist bumps, maybe a fist bump? Yeah, and so they get done with their weird little ritual. I don't want to kink shame anyway. They're a little ritual or whatever. and then both Ethan and Jake think you know I should wash the other guys feet at the end of this scene So there's this great moment where they both go for the ball at the same time And I'm like are they gonna wash each other's feet all hockily at the same time

69 foot wash I'm just saying if you're a foot pervert, there's a good segment of this movie for you. Yeah. There you go. Do they ever actually show it? Oh, yeah. Yeah. They show, they show a, a, a sunny, Scotty, whatever's name is, they show him washing the other guy's feet. I don't remember if they showed the other two. No, I feel like they cut away before Jake and Ethan, because it's just too hot. Yeah, right.

Exactly. We can't expose you to that. Ethan came away too many times during rehearsal. Oh, God. The old his pants. He opened a can of whoop ass on and around. Stop. The inside of his box of briefs.

Let me tell you. All right. Move. He was like, we're in a sumo suit of his own calm. That's okay. All right. So. It's only disgusting because it's Ethan. It's the only. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

That's no. No. It's just. All right. Just disgusting. Okay. It's extra disgusting because appreciate the open this car. Just say. I'm buying sumo suit of my own com.com. And we're working it to Jesus Christ. It should be sumo suit of my own.com. But God, oh, that's fantastic. Nice. Alright, excellent. Alright, come. So then we cut to of all the plotlines we're going to abandon in this

film. I don't think we abandoned any of them more so than this one. So we cut back to Julius, the kid who's out of the gang. Now he lives with his brother who again is his primary caregiver and his brother is the head of this gang. His brother's ice cold. He's cold. And we open this scene with him making a sandwich. Now he is, I shit you not spreading mayonnaise on white bread

at this point. It's just, it had a real Mormon white and delight some feel to it, right? It's just getting whiter and whiter as the movie goes or something. But his brother shows up and he's like, no, man, I buy the food here. You don't get that damn sandwich. And he takes the sandwich and feeds it to the dog, you know, just like, fuck you. And the dog very, very regretfully eats the sandwich. He's like, I ain't all eating, I'm a dog, but I'm not loving this. Yeah, he's like, oh, God, that was fucking miracle, whip. God, dammit.

Yeah, the dog is struggling. Yeah. Like legit. He's like, I don't like, they're like, eat it. Eat it on camera. It's like, I don't want to. So then we cut over from there to Jeremiah's ridiculous mansion. That's the dad, the main mega pastor. His ridiculous mansion where he's invited

Jake, Amanda and Ethan and Ethan's fiance for breakfast, right? And again, like this is the part of the movie where Jake is supposed to have learned to be friendly or anything, but the scene literally opens with how did you like breakfast Jake? Fuck you. He's like, well, you don't seem to be eating much of your food, Jake. He's like, I'm just wondering what the fuck this scene is even about. I can I say two Jake's credit. brunch is a very weird place to break it to someone that you're knocking down their church. Yeah. Yeah. break it to someone that you're knocking down their church. Yeah. Yeah. This is rough. So yeah, so he's like, can we just get to the point and and be done with this like out. It's out to what we're eating outdoors. There's going to be bugs in our food. Let's just go and you tell

me what the fuck this is all about. So they bring him in and they got this this whole presentation where they're really trying to bury the lead of, so we're gonna bulldoze your church, right? So they're like, look, we've made a little model. This is gonna be your new church. We'll be five miles away, but we'll bust your old parishioners up, you know, et cetera, et cetera. And he's like, well, wait, what's gonna happen to the other church? And he's like, what's gonna you ask so many questions? Anyway, anybody up for dessert? Do I mention we had a model? We have a nice model here. Mimosa.

And then Ethan looks at a shelf. He sees rolled up blueprints and he's like, hold on a second. He unrolls them and he's like, you're gonna demolish the church to build an on ramp for the mayor's new stadium site. I'm like, how the fuck would you know that from like a looper? Yeah. What? Give me a fucking break.

It's just got the rubble on the blueprint of the old person. This is all the bunnies. We're going to steamroll on our way to do it. That's right. That's why. Just why? There's a very serious scene. Very sad.

But I will say that the burn the guy does on Jake, where he's like, well, I guess this is what happens when we keep our damn money. That was pretty good. That was awesome. That was awesome. Yeah, it's a call back to the beginning of the movie. It was, it's just like, this movie has a lot of details,

like really unnecessary. Yes, details. So this movie will spend out. It's like when someone really loves a series you've never heard of, right? And so instead of being like, critical role is a podcast about Dungeons and Dragons. They're like, well, I don't know how you felt about the ending of season two, but I have some very strong opinions about the shipping there. Right, but I feel like, I feel like in this, in this film,

they're focusing so much on these details, so as not to have us focus on the plot, because I'm unsure what that is still. Yeah, honestly. Yeah, and again, because this movie isn't willing to come out and straight up condemn white saviorism, we have Jeremiah explain, hey man, like, I love that church, that's the church that I started.

It was my first church and everything, but I have this global vision and we're bringing Christianity and bringing our charity to all of these other different countries and blah, blah, blah, blah. And so like, I mean, and of course, from our perspective, we're like, well, that's colonialist bullshit.

But from the perspective of the viewer, the intended viewer of this movie, they're supposed to be like, mmm, both sides have pretty good points. Right. So again, like you said, what's the plot then? Yeah. Does he say something like, I plant churches? He does.

He does. That's what I do. I plant churches. What? Are you harvesting this one now? Then what are you talking about, too? It's like, I just can't get over the fact that I have no idea who this movie is for because it's like, white saviorism is gross, but is it?

Right. You know, just a whole movie is white saviorism is gross, but is it? You know, just a whole movie is that. This is horrible, but is it? White saviorism is gross, but you don't have to be mean about it. Yeah, right. Yeah, because this is where like Jake is like, you know, he breaks the steeple off their little model

church and he's like, you know, I like the Bible, except for the part where it tells me to love my enemy, because I really want to physically assault you right now, but I'm not going to. Right. Okay. Yeah, everyone in the room is just like, yikes, man, and he's like, oh, shit.

You're all my bosses, right? And he's like, yeah, man, we're still your fucking bosses. Yes. Yep, that's the plot, you guys. White saviorism is gross, but it's not as gross as being an angry black man. I guess. Tell me about it.

I think that's the plot. So then we cut this is so like, it's like they saw the runtime and we're like, oh, fuck, we got to wrap this up, right? Because then we cut to a literal wrecking ball dangling in front of the church. This is the last scene of the fucking movie. Yes. Yes. The actual last scene.

Now, they're going to apparently have one last service, which means either this is like a Tuesday service or whatever, or this wrecking crew is working on a Sunday. I don't think that's the case. So they're lying in the wrecking ball. I love they're literally lining the wrecking ball up during a service. Yep. Yeah. Unsuspectingly like the audience I know. Sneak up. It's got to bush on it. Don't leave your program under a bench this week. Yeah. So we cut inside. Jake's sitting there all bummed through the choir thing. You know, do the Ethan's doing his best he's singing, but Jake's just

poutin. Just looking all pissed. Yeah. Of course. Why not? It's about to lose a search to a wrecking ball. Right. Right. We see hobby air, he's there with his family. That all worked out off screen, apparently. Purchase them without difficulty. Yeah. Right. Turns out they cost one wad of cash.

Yeah, it's good because he didn't have a second one, yeah. Minus a little bit of heroin. Yeah, exactly. Stop you, see. Yeah. Got to take the edge off that flight. Yeah, exactly. Stop you. Yeah. Gotta take the edge off that flight. Yeah, exactly. Of course. So, so Jake slowly takes the pulpit after the music and there's this great moment like he, like he takes a real slow drink of water, like he's refusing to come in

at the beginning of a bit so that Eli has to keep high yying for a really long time. And he starts giving this sermon and this is the fucking, this is the culmination of the whole film. And it's so boring and pointless that when he sits down, the interior, the characters within the movie are like, oh, is it, is it over? That was it. Yeah. Right. So he's like quoting Malcolm X. Mm-hmm. Not a great start. He does the whole trading in like he's like doing the Plymouth Rock thing. Yeah, the whole, yeah, we didn't land on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock landed on us. It landed on us.

Right. This idea that obviously black Americans were not part of this movement. They were brought here against their will. It's like important point, which an incredibly powerful quote. Yes. Yes, stunning. And he's clearly not actually making that point because then he goes, but I'm going to trade in Plymouth Rock for the Rock of Ages. And I'm like, is that just

because they both have rock in them? Yes. Is that? Is that? Are you saying the Rock of Ages landed on you? No, I know. What are you talking about? I'm thinking to do it with each other. I wrote my nose like, man, I feel like the writer should have hired a writer for this part. No way. Okay, I didn't lose this. Okay, so the rock lands on me. And then there's a Mr. McMunkey McBean.

He comes along, he's just finished with the snitches and he wants to buy. They're literally like, they're literally like, you know that that Malcolm X, Plymouth Rock, you know, that powerful speech that he is, I think I can improve the shit. Yes. Maybe just put a hat on that hat.

What are you guys doing? Yeah. No, I'm just like, I traded that Plymouth Rock for a rock that gives me courage and I'm like, it's, it's, it's crack, okay, isn't it? But no, it's, it's the, it's Jesus, apparently. And then then he he sits down in this stony fucking silence and poor Ethan is just like I guess Somebody has to say something a little more uplifting now Okay Hi everyone. I also had a backstory. I was whose drugs. I did drugs. And then I went to camp.

Got to meet Haley Jo Osman, that was fun. Anyways, I've decided I'm gonna move here to your neighborhood. You know how you people love it when I do that. Yes. I'm gonna move here and I'm gonna stay forever. And I wanted so badly for Val to stand up and be like, fuck no, man. Sorry, never mind, I'm actually. I forgot I bought a house. Like this is, okay, so literally this is his move.

I'm going to move to the hood with you so that you guys can go what a great white guy. Like this is the whole, and then I'm just so confused because I'm like, okay, maybe the title of this movie, the second chance or second chances or whatever, is it that this movie, the second chance, or second chances, or whatever, is it that this is Ethan's second chance? I guess. I think maybe.

Sure, maybe. What was his first chance? I don't know. It was letting a black man talk. That was not a chance. You shouldn't have done that. So, of course, this movie is about the white guy's growth. Yes, right.

Because that's what matters is that the guy who was pretty racist is now only kind of racist. Right, now he doesn't even lock his doors when black people walk by, well, he dies, but he doesn't do it quite as conspicuously. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, make sure they don't see him. Yeah, good news, everybody. I'm moving in.

Yes. Cause let me tell you, I mean, look, I cannot speak as a person of color, but they constantly tell me, Eli, we wish you lived in our neighborhood. Please buy our houses at the low prices they are now. And I don't know, gentrify the area in some way. Exactly. And then they sing a song about how Jesus loves snacks. I'm pretty sure that's what the lyrics are. That was such a weird choice. That's a weird song.

I don't know. Maybe there's gotta be more to it than that, but that's what I heard. If that's what I heard too. And then, and we see Jerry, right? Jerry is like hiding in the background. The mega church pastor is hiding in the background. He's very moved by all of this,

maybe to make a big dramatic gesture in the, in the, in the final scene. So everybody walks out of the church. The construction workers, this is so fucking funny. They're like locking the door behind them, putting up the yellow do not cross shit and stuff. They're like, nobody bothers to check and make sure there's no one else in the bit. Well, he turned off the lights. That must be the last guy. There it down. The fucking mayor and the evil church board guy are like sitting in their car watching from a distance, steepling their fingers. And then, oh, and then we cut over very quickly to Julius being kicked out of his apartment now by his older brother. Right. So now he doesn't have a place to live. He just pin in that because we will never resolve it.

I was going to say, are you ready for this podcast listener? The fucking end. We will never see. That is the end of Julius's plot. Well, the very end of it is as he walks over to the church, obviously hoping to find a place to stay there. He looks up and he sees that Jerry has climbed onto the roof of the church. And he's going to sit there so they can't tear it down. And I know what you're thinking, podcast listener, who the fuck is Jerry? You'll never guess in a thousand years. Jerry is Ethan's dad, the mega pastor who says he plants churches. He was apparently so moved by fucking Jakeigs remix of the blimuth rock

quote that he's now gonna sit on the roof like a pouty hippie trying to keep a tree from getting knocked down right keeping in mind that he voted to tear down this church yes his fucking idea church you own that building right you could have just you could have just not done that from the beginning. Yeah. You don't have to, when you hired the construction guys, you can just be like, actually, we're not going to do this. So we've changed our mind.

Yeah. So, but and then Ethan and Jake, they also climb up there because they're going to be damned if Jerry's going to get the whole finale to himself. The fucking Gamelessers don't even know who that is, right? Right. Well, clearly, clearly now we understand why the movie opens with him talking about how he went to jail for sitting in the lunch counter because he wasn't going to let the black guys get all the glory.

Right. Yeah. Well, I want to be in that shot. Yeah. Well, and we had to know later that he had this sitting experience. He has his, he's a pro at sitting. I love the idea that like this is just Jerry solution for everything now. Right.

Yeah. His wife is like, well, I want my sister to come visit all of a sudden he's sitting on front of her car in the driveway. Yeah. Jeremy, Jerry, I have to pick her up from the airport. No, I'm sitting. I'll go to fucking jail for this. Call the cops.

So the all three of them sit on the church and Jerry looks up at the lightning rod and he's like, Hey, you remember Jake when you and I climbed up here years ago and we put up that lightning rod and he's like, I sure do. And the movie end. This whole lesson, the only note I wrote was, wait, that's the end. Yeah, question mark. What the fuck happened then? I blinked and then the movie was over.

That movie, that ending is so crazy that I literally went to pureflix.com and scrolled to the end because I thought maybe we watched an incomplete version on YouTube. All right, well, that's the end, I guess, Cara. Thank you so much for hanging out with us. And you're welcome for going relatively easy on you this week. Yeah. Whatever. We'll plan something really juicy for you next time. Now that we know you'll go to the Middle East to escape us, we want to ease you back in. Right. Right. And I guess that's going to do it for our review of the second chance, but that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to pay the bills next month too. So Eli, tell us what's

on deck. Well, Noah, it looks like things are going to get a little spooktacular, a little early this year because we'll be watching the Pope's exorcist starring Russell Crowe in theater. It's a field trip week. I love those. All right, so with that to look forward to, we're gonna bring episode 400 to a merciful clothes. Once again, a huge thanks to Kara for suffering alongside us this week.

And perhaps even a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors to help make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a pre episode donation of patreon.com. So I got off one there by your own early access to an entry version of every episode. You can also help a ton by leaving a five star review and sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to an entry version of every episode. You can also help a ton by leaving a five-star review and sharing the show on all your

various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check your colors or sibling shows. This is getting the excitement to need a D&D minus and the Skeptocrat available wherever POD has LIMP. If you have questions, comments or cinematic suggestions, you can email GodoffMoviesAGemail.com. Timor Represent takes care of our social media. Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slavic, and Puppet Joffs on Mars. All the other music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Carcane was

used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a check your life this week for Heathenright Neelybosik. I'm no illusions promising to work hard to earn another check next week until then. We'll leave you with a breakfast club close. Ethan's beard made him move back to fancy pants land, Jack kept the church, and literally nothing changed. Or anyone. Ever. Gotta hate this movie. and literally nothing changed, or anyone, ever.

God, I hate this movie. Kaleed went back to selling crack, and was the gang's employee of the month for July. Even in his wife, we're killed in a break-in. Probably should've just sent money. What? What? I like that you and Karez, breakfast club come because we're sort of at war. Exactly.

You and me got to start a feud. Cara, all of our feuds are one way. We're going to get a two-way feud going. There you go. Not a feuter. Yeah, feud. I just haven't picked the right fight. I'll find the right fight and then we'll keep trying. Yeah. Hey, you know what man? I finally saw a fucking stereo gram the other day so anything that's right. Exactly anything's possible Finally, so fucking fucking sailboat. Somebody pointed out I was so excited I was like, you know, 30 goddamn years. I've been staring at those things. I've never seen one. I finally fucking saw one yesterday And somebody's like, you know, it's probably macular degeneration and I'm like, why are you shitting on my good time mother fucker? Yeah, why the fuck did I say that? But he's right. I looked it up and yeah, apparently the longer you go the older you get these you're those are to see because your eyes don't focus as well

these are those are to seek is your eyes don't focus as well. Oh, scrappy must be the master of stereograms. Right. All right, here we go. The presenting podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thundersdorm LLC, Copyright 2023. All rights reserved.