God Awful Movies - 402: The Nibiru Movie

Episode Date: May 2, 2023

This week, Dan and Jordan from the Knowledge Fight podcast join us to ask "what if Mars is really a mythical dragon that punched Venus in the face?", answer "but it isn't though", and then ask, "yeah, but what if it was?" This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/awful and get on your way to being your best self. Hear more from Dan and Jordan on Knowledge Fight If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

Like, okay, we've looked out to even as far as 10,000 astronomical units away for a planet the size of Saturn and there just isn't one. And their response is like, well, you didn't look for a smaller size planet. Yes, you didn't, you don't know. You don't know. I'm not, I'm not, your equipment doesn't even measure planets half the size of Saturn. You idiot. I bet your equipment doesn't even measure planets half the size of Saturn you idiot So you're telling me you went up and down this beach with a metal detector and found nothing well then the pirate's treasure is obviously

Wood mother Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be is my bad friend Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir? I'm fantastic. No, we're ready to learn. Oh, okay. You'll learn. Well, hopefully we've got something else for you to do after this. Then we're also excited to welcome back to our favorite guest massacres, Stana Jordan, or the host of the knowledge fight podcast where they keep track all the batshit that dribbles out of Alex Jones's mouth and are thus close to a moon from the insanity of our movies, at least as close as anybody else. Dan, Jordan, welcome back.

Hey. Hello. Fuck you. Yeah. We get a lot of that. What's this appearance to number? Is this for something like that? For now, yeah.

This is the worst one by a wide mile. Yeah, Jordan showed up and he was like, Hey, we excited to watch a dumb anime. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, but there are more fucking Chuck Norris movies, man. We'll go back to that. Well, God damn day. Sting was probably in something else. Hell yes. Yeah. I feel like you ever have a bad significant other who just keeps doing worse and worse

shit so that you'll break up with them rather than them having to break up with you. That's how we approach guests here on. It's a trial thing. It's a test. You're testing us. Right. Well, let me tell you something. We're happy to fail. Yeah. And because like you said, we're massacres, in a sense, like listening to Alex Jones and stuff so much that like, yeah, fuck you for making us watch this, but we'll still probably come back here. You know, see how much worse you can do. Yeah, where that couple gets into to fight it every party.

Yeah. No, see, it's like those, you know, this old timey factories where they would just keep speeding up the line and tell everybody would complain and then they dial it back one notch. Like this is, this is the fastest we'll get. So tell us, Dan, what will we be breaking down today? I mean, this wasn't a Christian movie, for sure. So it betrays the introduction that you just gave a little bit. I don't know, man.

It's the Naburu movie, I guess we can say for sure. We know that much. That is the title. That is the title. Bionna, it's really hard to say. Yeah. It's a lecture more than it is a movie. It is not a movie.

Yeah. No, it's a continuous annoying voiceover with repeated shots of animations of various things and a planet blowing up that made Jordan laugh his ass off. Yeah, that one, that's the only part of the movie that I really enjoyed is at one point a planet runs into another planet and then comes back to finish the job. Right.

There's really only one thing I want to talk about and I don't want to ruin it now, but we'll get to it. Yeah. There's only one thing in this entire movie that like made me like, all right, I'm interested in this. Okay. All right. Dying to know.

But yeah, the rest of it's trash. That is. And Eli, how bad was this and And I put it in air quotes movie. Well, if you loved when the teacher would be hung over and roll the television set out in front of your class in the third through eighth grade, but you wish their divorce was going way, way worse. You will love this movie. This is Hank Green's descent into madness. So is there anything you guys want to nominate? This one for being the best at being the worst at? I'd say this is the best worst introduction video to a futuristic hell. I think

like the animated little cartoon characters describing what amounts to just pure onslaughts of insanity that you just have to believe. Yeah. Yeah. That's terrifying. I feel like if I have to choose this as a best worst anything, it should be like random words. Sure.

Like this is the best worst umbrella pickle coaster sandwich contraption. I don't know. That is a really good description of it. It's surprisingly enough. Yeah. Yeah. Stacks should even be follow. Right. It doesn't have to mean anything. It gets the point across. Yeah. Right. Many have suggested it is an umbrella sandwich. On the other hand, yeah, so like experts, experts, and different interpretation would be that it is true to probably right in the middle. So there's an exciting new world where sandwich hamburgers.

Yeah. Well, so I was going to go with best worst exploiting the fact that maybe isn't a legally protected term. Right. Because like over and over again in this movie, I don't say, but maybe planets are made of electricity. And I'm like, but they're not though.

I like them. But we know that they aren't because we know what that would mean. Let me ask you a question though. You're saying it's a legally protected term. Do you think that Mars is going to sue? I will. Yeah. Hold on.

This we're talking in the context of this movie. Do you think that Mars is going to sue? I will. Yeah. We have that. Wait. Hold on. Since we're talking in the context of this movie, you're going to need to be way more specific. Are we talking about Mars, the planet? Are we talking about Mars, the God? What God? Are we talking about possibly Marduck could be the name of Mars? What Mars are we talking about here?

If a planet or pseudo deity was going to sue you for defamation. Right. What where where do they have jurisdiction? You say why else would it be red guys? Why else would it be red? Great question. And I'm an I'm going to of course go with the reason why we're watching today's movie. Best worst direct insult to Noah Luzion's interest. So, Dan, Jordan, you might not know this, but the things that Noah loves, like secondary only to like his wife and fairness in the world are ancient Samaritan history and space stuff. So this is about as close to like two guys heckling his like nieces and nephews as I could find on the internet.

Like if they could have just jumped in with Serrandom incorrect video game history facts, it would have really been the trifact. Yeah. Oh, yeah, this would be a great Assassin's Creed. I think it is. Yeah. Yeah. This wouldn't be too bad.

The next one. No, no, no, totally. I get it now. They said, I asked the screen's sumer. I mean, hey, planet X is definitely not planet 10. Now I know that they've covered Egypt. They've covered Greece. Totally covered the Vikings and the last one.

Now, Marduk, and Marduk. Yeah. This is Creed Marduk. And then it has to list the 50 names after. That's one of the collectibles. Oh, I hope I get to play as Fishman.

Please let me play as Fishman. There are a lot of boss fights. Yeah. So, all right, we'll tell you what, we've got a lot of fucking what on the other side of the bracelet. We're going to keep it brief. And when we come back, we'll dive into all the insults to the term theory that are the Nibiru movie

Lulu Lulu doing Noah's stuff Noah's stuff is my favorite stuff. Oh Hello, no illusions. Oh, hey there will dash your missile. I I don't think we have an ad for you this week, do we? No, no you do not but I'm a fairy and I'll tell you, flavor is in full bloom at Hello Fresh this month. Enjoy the tastes of spring with chef-crafted recipes featuring ripe seasonal ingredients delivered right to your door. Now, no, wait a second. I know that with Hello Fresh, you get farm fresh, pre-portioned ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep. You can skip trips to the grocery store and count on Hello Fresh to make home cooking easy fun and affordable.

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So wait, just go to HelloFresh.com slash Awful16 and use the Code Awful16 for 16 free meals plus free shipping? That's right! Nice, thanks. Hey, any idea why Heath isn't on this episode? I did not! Turn him into a sunflower, I'll tell. I did not turn him into a sunflower. I'll tell you that. You turned him into a sunflower, didn't you?

To be fair, he's kind of enjoying it. No, you know what, that tracks. All right, everyone, welcome to the first writer's room meeting for the Nibiru movie. There is a dragon in my blood. Yep, yes, yes, there is, Frank, but what did we say before we came in? Slow play it. Exactly.

Now, obviously Frank has a lot that he needs to get out there. Planets made of electricity. Yep. Yep, but we want people to be open. So any thoughts? So many thoughts. Not you yet, buddy. You know open so any any thoughts so many Not not you yet buddy. Um, well, I what if we did Frank's dragons kill you But like we surrounded it with real facts about planets and stuff Okay, okay, but nothing Frank believes is connected to any real facts. Mars got into a fight with his grandma.

Nah, yeah, that's fair, that's a fair point. But Mars does exist. So like, why don't we just explain some fun things about Mars and then we talk about Frank's blood stuff? You know what, that might just work. And then Venus was green. It sure was, buddy. It sure was body. It sure was. And we're back for the breakdown. We're gonna open up on a cartoon ragdoll robot at

an electron in front of a Hubble image. That is the movie's opening bid. Straight in. No loop crazy, everybody. It's nice to be welcome to the movie. Come on, it's not so few movies bother to welcome you. Wait, is that true? I thought it opened with the opening scroll. No, no, Stephen Hawking. No, it opened with the guy at the podium and then he didn't add. That's why I thought it wasn't part of the movie. I thought that was one of those like it would have been in 30 seconds, you'll be able to skip over the ad. That was part of the real movie. Oh, no, no our entire movie was made by a very small team of people. So you can't get mad at how low quality.

Yeah, if you give us more money, maybe this would be better. Yeah, right. I like a good lower your expectations. I think that's fair. I think that's fair. Yeah. So but the movie basically, yeah, it primes us for what's to come. It advertises itself and it tells us that it's gonna

Tell us the Sumerian epic word of warning know the fuck it isn't yes, I guess that's one way to put a bunch of our YouTube videos We strung together and call the movie. Yeah, it does seem like there's a lot of reused footage Yeah, it does seem like there's a lot of reused footage. Oh, yeah. It seems like they play the same shots over and over and over again, which I respect. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, low budget. Yeah. You should have lowered your expectations if you wanted more animation. They told you what you were going to get. Yeah. Yeah. It's on you. If you're disappointed, you should have bought their tarot deck. This is going to be boring to watch. This is the problem I have with you, fellas, is that I would have taken,

I would have taken his advice and been like, oh, okay, well, then I won't watch this video. Like that would be such good advice. Like I feel like I'm forced into a choice that I would never make and it choose your own adventure novel. Yes, yes. You know, I'm forcing you further into the haunted house. You're just ready to, you're Jordan, forced into a choice that I would never make and it choose your own adventure novel. Yes, yes.

You know, forcing you further into the haunted house, you're just ready to go. You're ready to go. He's like, oh, no, this is creepy and old. Let's just leave. Let's just go find a hotel. Totally. And there's a sign that says haunted on the front.

I remember growing up, I had like a Jurassic Park choose your own adventure. And on one of the pages was like, don't go. And I was like, hell, yes. And then I closed the book and just moved on to them. I was turned to cover it. Exactly. So, yeah, so we get our little ad.

They tell us to have a beautiful experience. I wrote my notes. Okay, relax. Yeah, right. Yeah. And then we get that we get a big star splotion and we get the big Stephen Hawking quote, which is presented as though they're like

So we're gonna lower your expectations about the quality of the movie, but also about the definition of the word theory a bit Right because they have Stephen Hawking saying like okay So this isn't really scientifically what a theory means But for the purposes of the book that I'm introducing right now This is what we're going to pretend theory means. And then movies like see Steve in the Hawking. The area is just whatever we make the fuck up. The late Stephen Hawking. Right. Yeah. I had replaced it with the trade federation had been in bargoing that boo for a while. And so the galactic republic has sent the Jedi to negotiate the end of the end of all the

scrolls. Yeah, the pre the prequels, it does say have a beautiful experience. And that does. I'm sad Lucas took those out. I really am. And I should point out, they don't even stick the landing for Stephen Hawking's turn of phrase, right? Stephen Hawking is like, well, I could give you an example and they're like, right, but that's actually going to be a little too rigorous for us. On the other hand,

there's this thing called historical theories, which we just made up right here on YouTube. Yeah. Yeah, no, he's like, see, but Hawking is talking about scientific theories. Historical theories are different. That's just making shit up. I'm like, I feel like it's not the circle theories are I have an idea. Right. Now it's legitimate. Yeah. I appreciate the sheer volume of comma on the other hand. Yeah. There's a lot. There's a lot of, okay, well, here's the truth, but comma on the other hand. That's what That's what historical theorize. Exactly. Yes. Exactly. Who?

I mean, I thought this constantly throughout the movie. Who did this work on that this is their movie, right? Who were they like? Right. So we think Mars is a foride Sumerian god alien that came down to tell us about the time he fought his grandma. On the other hand, I have pretty bad schizophrenia.

And they were like, well, those are really great, really well thought out points. I'm going to consider them both equally. So Eli, the correct answer to this is everyone I bought Psychedelics from in college. I mean, honestly, I sat there so many of the, so and there's also this great bit at the end of this scene where this is not the first time they're going to do this where they basically say and remember, it's all up to you to decide what's right. You know, we're going to do this where they basically say and remember it's all up to you to decide what's right. You know, we're going to present both sides and you get to decide which is correct.

And I'm like, that's not how correct works at all. No, that's when relativism goes too far. Relatively speaking. They've this cutesy turn of phrase they use. They say, take everything we say with a grain of salt or a dash of pepper. And I was like, this would be a lot more fun if you didn't also have a movie called Healing Yourself With Food Science Spirit Channel.com. Do you heal yourself with pepper?

I feel like if someone said that to me in real life, like take this with a grain of salt or a dash of pepper, we're throwing ham. Yeah. Right. I'm swinging. Yeah. It's even worse than that because what he actually says is take it with a grain of salt or a dash of pepper, we're throwing hands. Yeah. Yeah. Like I'm swinging. Yeah. It's even worse than that because when he actually says is take it with a dash of Himalayan sea salt or a dash of pepper. No, I hate it. It's even fucking worse. It is actually a hands-browy. Yeah. No time to get chin checked. Yeah. That's a that's a brick and yeah. So then the movie starts for a third time this time with credits and we zoom in on the earth and we see a dude meditating and we get a montage that I wrote in my notes as wizards angels Indiana Jones, etc. Yeah.

Well, they also said that the guy was going around Indiana Jonesing. I'm like, I can't use that as a verb. I thought that was one of the few things I remember being offended by that. Yeah. My notes for this are a guy on a surfboard is going to fight a firby. Yes. No, that is exactly the cause like in the Sumerian epic. There's also this weird dueling titles moment, right? Where it comes up in this as the Sumerian epic, there's also this weird dueling titles moment, right? Where it comes up and it says the Sumerian epic. And then a completely different title screen comes up and says, Nibiru, the secret origin of our world, like some weird compromise.

Yeah. This movie started the way return to the king ended, you know, like it never, like it never, it just kept going. It kept going. They were like, okay, now we're going to introduce this movie again inexplicably. Yeah, every time we accidentally saw the time that it passed and how much time was left. Jordan was revictimized. I was like, you hit 20 minutes and I thought we were at 45 and I wanted to, I wanted to light shit up. Yeah,

no, the, the first 20 minutes of this movie were certainly the longest too. So they're going to start off talking about the archaeological discovery of Nineveh and the, and the, and I was first learning about the Samarians and they're going to do it wrong. So here's the thing about the Samarians. The Samarians were the first civilization that wrote shit down. So if you're an idiot, you can go through and say, well, they're the first to do everything. No, they're the first to write down the fact that they did everything, right? They're the first ones that did it that we can tell they did it because they wrote it the fuck down, right? So they're like, they had the first math and it's like, no, the fuck they didn't. They're the first

that wrote down math, you idiots. They did say that like they were the first civilization, except for other civilizations, depending on how you define civilization. Yeah, which I thought was a expert level. I did appreciate. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I did appreciate. This is what most people say is the beginning of the civilization. Now a lot of people disagree. So who fucking cares? Oh, the way you want. Yeah. It feels like someone forced me in Jordan to do a history report at gunpoint, but we would get shot if we got anything wrong. I don't know if you got anything right? I was going to say you got that, you got that twisted around every time, every time you

say a true fact to get an electric shock, it's the, it's the mild room experiments. Yeah. And thus become a planet. Spoilers for later. In the movie. Right. Now, there is, the it is bizarre to me that the movie has like an aside and like literally steps out of itself for a second to say, by the way, we are aware that other places exist.

I just want you to know we're not going to talk about them, but we know about Egyptians. Yes. I wrote my notes. Who on the team was like, guys, I'm really worried that our overemphasis on the historical significance of Sumeria will make people skeptical about our story about interdimensional fire giants. Yes, it's true. To tell their story. I think what they do, and here's my pitch on this, early on, they overemphasize that they don't know anything about the actual history of Sumeria and the like, right?

But they get enough close to it that you can kind of trust them to have done a lot of research while at the same time leaving it open for interpretation. Now they do that front loaded with reality. So that way later on, you're not like, hold on, let me look up, did a different planet hit Earth a while back and then hit it again. No, okay. Moving on. Right. Yeah. There is definitely an attempt to sort of low you to sleep with this first 30 minutes where they're by and large going to talk about real shit, right? Like most, they get some historical facts wrong here and there.

But by and large, there, there are discussions of like how we learned about Sumerian writing and shit and the Sumerian mythology. Most of that they get correct. I did like how they were going through the museum exhibits and one of them was Sumerian stuff. Yeah, that was. Yes. And then the next one was Sumerian tablets, which I think constitutes stuff.

Yeah. Yeah. I would have chosen popery out of it. Sumerian popery. Oh, there you go. So much better. Nice little cross section. They're talking about Kuneo form and they zoom in on their cartoon tablets and none of

them are written Kuneo form. I'm a come on guys. At least fucking try. I liked that the Sumerians invented the first bicameral legislature. I liked that. They threw that one in. Yup. Like see how great a system it was.

The Sumerians invented it 5,000 years ago. That means it's smart. Right. No, yeah Nobody was more egalitarian than that slave owning society. Give me a fucking break So but yeah, and then they're like put the most important thing that the Sumerians gave us is their religion and I'm like No, I think it was writing. I still think it was probably writing Yeah But now that they start talking about the Sumerian gods a little bit, right?

And we should point out that in the upper right corner of the video, they'll have citations now and again for their shit. Yeah, they do. Oh, they seem legit too. Oh, yeah. I'm so proud of them for putting up popular mechanic. Yes.

Yeah, Wikipedia. And it's also, I don't know why, but it's always like Ten links below the link they should be using right so they'll be like Mars exists and instead of Wikipedia or NASA It's always like stars.com and I'm like I feel like stars.com is in on the pleading They also the like ancient history and cyclopedia. Oh, yeah, It's like the constant thing that they cite. And I tried to Google that, and there's a number of things called that. And so I'm not sure which one they are using.

I wonder if it's a crowdsourced one. All I know is I want to sell it door to door. Like? So many volumes. Oh, so many. An agency marry opens the door and you're like, finally, I am going to nail this. Yeah. Is the end of the little of the household.

No, but I want to point out that so like they use it at the beginning, once again, lulling us to sleep. They use popular mechanics with Kapedia stars.com, the ancient history, open source, whatever. But we are 12 minutes in before one of the references is to Zacharias Sitchens, the 12th planet. They tried to see that one by me. My man, man, sit. Yeah. That's how I knew good shit was coming, right? We were going to get sit slapped before it was over. This movie in many ways was like bullshit edging, right? Because they'd

be like boring history, boring history, boring history. But as our friend David Ike points out and you're like, you're like, it just does not go over the edge really ever. Kind of like it doesn't, it doesn't get to the point where there's like, yeah, they're not willing to, to just come out and say, hey, guess what? God's a real and they're reliance and I fucking know them.

Yeah. I worship fish man. Yeah. They never slip it in. I am a fish man of light. But they tell us they're like, you know, the gods though in like Sumerian mythology might also have been aliens from an undiscovered planet.

And I'm like, no, they might not. And they're like, yeah, but we're getting there. We're getting there. But what if they are? All right. All right. So some people will say you need to use your discernment to tell us they are different. That's the biggest red flag word for me. Everybody who uses that word regardless of religion or anything is like, I know what you're saying. They're trying to sneak one by. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I get what you're doing. It's like, I know what you're saying. They're trying to sneak one by you. Yeah, I get what you're doing. It's like people who call women females.

Yeah, you do. No, I just know now about you. Yeah, you told me all I needed now. Yeah. So, okay, so now we're gonna open up on the Sumerian creation epic proper. And I'm gonna go through this quick because it's fucking boring, right?

It's the mother goddess and she had baby gods and then the gods got mad at other gods and then they fought each other and what happened? There's so many names. I couldn't keep all this straight. There's like me, Moo and mama and two names that are in separate side of me. And key and key. Yeah. There's a man and key and on key. It's like, come on, give me a fucking break. Yeah. Come on. It's on and key. Now many scholars believe that the most in popular interpretation is that it's in key, but we don't know on the other hand.

Yeah. My favorite piece of bullshit from this incredibly long, incredibly boring epic is that there's the two original gods and then one of them just has an advisor named Moomoo and I wrote my notes. We're the fuck did Moo Moo come from monster.com? Yeah. Right, right. But yeah, but it's the basic. So the Sumerian creation myth in simple fucking terms, there was a female god and a male god. They had a bunch of kids. They didn't

light the kids. They tried to kill the kids. The kids killed them instead. And then they used their bodies to create the universe. That's, you know, that's a very common myth that gets repeated over and over again through a bunch of different ancient societies. The Titans and what have you. Exactly. Yeah, exactly. So they finished this up and then they're like, there's also this great moment where the video itself is like, but things are about to get very interesting and we're all like, I don't believe you. Yeah. You know, I've always been confused and this was confusing yet again. The chipper attitude with which this lecture was given regarding what ostensibly we're going to find out is the truth in some fashion.

And it is the horrific gods created human beings and hate them story. That's the truth is what they're trying to tell me and your chipper about that shit. Yeah, we're invented as slaves. Yeah, like what the fuck are you talking about? We, I mean, Dan and I were talking about this, like the way this should end it with now we know where God is. Let's go fucking get him. Yeah, that was time.

How it's time to wreck his shit. Yeah, we've doxed God. Yeah, we doxed God. He's on the maroon. Let's go get him. Let's ride. Yeah, let's go with the magic school bus kids and kill God. Come on Let's do things and I love how after like the 36 stupid fucking names and all the crazy shit that they throw at us They go like now you're probably wondering at this point. How does any of this relate to the Bible?

Why would that be when I was wondering? I was wondering that. I was wondering that also. Oh, okay. Well, because obviously I know the Bible is true. So you're going to have to come to me with all the rest of this nonsense. Whoo.

And they're like, okay, so but to connect it to the Bible, we have to now turn to the Babylonian creation epic. And then we do all that same shit again. Again. It was like when someone was like, well, to understand this story about this vacation, you need to hear about our last vacation. I'm just like, oh, why can't I just die? Just let me die though. I think I might have blacked out. I don't know if I remember that happening. To me, I think I was in a coma for a while. Yeah, no, you absolutely were.

He was just sitting there stewing. That's what he looked like. His eyes were down below the desk just going, Oh, like I can put up with a lot of trash. Yes, you can. But when I'm watching a movie, especially for something where it's like, we're going to talk about it. Man, do I need a plot?

Yep. Man, I need something Yeah, I need something. I need to know I'm going into a lecture ahead of time. Yeah, because it feels like now we're doing a book report on a bad lecture. Yeah, yes. And I don't know the Samaritan story or reality of it. What?

Enough to, well, it's not something I spent a lot of time on. Fair enough. Watching this, like any time there is something about like Samarian history, I'm like, I know you're not, I know this is wrong, but I'm kind of interested. I don't know. Right. And, and I don't care to, like I don't, not, not to insult the Samarians, but based on that watching this, I don't care enough to, to rebut it. Right.

I feel like we, I feel like you dragged us to church on Christmas and then they played the nativity play. And then once it was done, they were like, ah, now here's what would happen if we changed one character. And then they played the whole fucking thing again. Yes, exactly. Oh, it was. And look, let me tell you, honestly, as a person who had a weird fucking obsession with Sumerian mythology at one point in his life, I don't know that that makes the experience better. I might actually make it worse.

I do. It makes it worse. What do you mean? I don't know. We know. So yeah, so we get the Babylonian version of the exact same Sumerian myth. This is the one that starts with Obsu and Tiamat and then Tiamat has kids and wants to kill the kids and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Ultimately, the kids team up against her. So she has to summon her

army of like mini Yeah. Yes. That was I could watch an entire movie about this man. Yep. Right. If the rest of this movie had just been them listing more and more absurd. The fact that they were just like venomous snake. Yeah. Exalted snake.

The weather to be scorpion man scorpion man scorpion man with how the fuck are you gonna introduce scorpion man and then never come back to never come back and we've been of the sinister entirely out of bees. Exactly. Yes. I also appreciate that they don't get names. We're at the bottom of the credits. We got NK, we got Ed Lill, we got Obsu, we got Scorpion Man. We got the Harry scorpion man number two.

We got friend of scorpion man. Also, fish man had a knife. Fish man had a fucking knife. Fish man had a tattoo that said, Mom, I love you. Fish man was coveted. I had a tear drop tattoo.

Yes. He didn't know water, mother fuckers. It was the best. Yeah, it made everything else so much worse. Yeah. Just that minute and a half or so of the roster of 30 dozen. I mean, I do you expect it to follow Chekhov's law. You know, if you introduce a fish man, that fish man's gonna do something. Right. Yeah. Oh man. Yeah.

Fish man with a knife ready to go never, ever comes back to it. And yeah, they just get tied up. That's it. Yeah. One other thing I love about this weird creation method, just again, the one where there's a mom and a dad and he wants to kill the kids and the kids kill him and said,

that's all pretty like usual. We've seen it in Greek medicine stuff, but Marduke, Marduke, I don't know who, what crazy Babylonian like stomped onto the center floor where they were coming up with this and invented Marduke, but Marduke literally just leaps into the center of the story and they're like, yeah, he had four eyes and four years and he breathes fucking fire. It's like Michael Scott doing improv, but in ancient philosophy, man. I would take fish man with a knife in that fight. Sure. I'm back in fish man.

So, yeah. So eventually the gods realized that only Marduk can save the day. So they give him the four wins and then he they agree to make him the king of the gods realized that only Marduk can save the day. So they give him the four wins and then they agree to make him the king of the gods if he can defeat Tiamat. And so he goes into feats Tiamat and they build this up. They've got all of the 11 mini bosses and they tell you which weapons he brought. He levels those up with some fucking side quests or something. And then he comes in and they're like, yeah, he just he threw a net on our and shot an arrow or a door of mouth. And I'm like, well, I could have done that. Ha ha ha. But then the other thing, the other thing that's a problem is like,

he didn't kill the other 11. No, what happened to them? No, they just ran away. Yeah, we scorpion man. They pitched out. Fish man lives to fight another day. You know, you know,

that's the point, though, that's what you say to this shit. Is what happened to the other 11 and they're like, ah, we're gonna move on You're in the first you're ruining it. We're having fun talking about Marduck and you're like, what happened to the other 11 boo? You're a fighter. We need to come together with open hearts Telling me what happened to the weather beast after this fight would help me come together. Sure. I want to know. Well, I don't know that part of the story yet. Okay. Give me another weekend at the hospital.

I haven't found that tablet that tells us about. Yeah, exactly. I'll find it next week. I'll get my notes together. Sure. They even have a scene where we see Marduk surfing in on some big fucking wave and all 11 of the bad guys coming at him And then they just ignore it from there. It's so fucking weird But yeah, so he shoots her in the stomach. He cuts her in two with a club

Which seems like the wrong tool for the job. That's how great he is after she's dead. Mm-hmm I just have to point out that according to this great Babylonian myth He shoots an air intoour stomach, she dies and then he's like, what the fuck? Sput! I mean, hey. Hey, Splitzer and two when he makes the heavens in the earth out of her.

Y'all sound crazy to me. If you, okay, okay, so you think that a dragon is just gonna die from one arrow? Hell no, you gotta confirm. Double tap that dragon. Yes. Yes. So Jordan, are you Marduke? Cause I have lots of evidence that you're Martin.

Listen, I am going to dethrone God one way or the other with those poor winds back or not. Okay. So. So and then he starts talking about like and then, you know, the Tiamat was slashed in Twain and they made the heavens and the earth out of her. And I'm like, okay, so far we're following the Sumerian myth and it's like, and then, you know, the, the, the TMI was slashed in, in, in Twain, and they made the heavens and the earth out of her. And I'm like, okay, so far we're following the Sumerian Method, and it's like, then there were 600 lower gods and 300 higher gods.

And I'm like, ooh, we're edging into Zechariah, Sigeon bullshit. Now, y'all was fish man one of those 600. No, fish man is just, just out of the fucking story. I don't, it's like they were trying to set up, yeah, for like a TV show that was going to believe be like a, like a spin off from this movie or something. I don't. He has they were trying to set up. Yeah, for like a TV show that was going to believe be like a like a spin off from this movie or some I don't. He has a startup. Um, it got a lot of funding, but unfortunately I got caught up in the Silicon Valley bank thing.

Yeah. What ironically his company is underwater. Yeah. All right. Well, I'll tell you what, clearly, show over. And episode. I feel like Dan needs a minute to come to grips with the fact that we're not gonna see Fish Man again.

So we're gonna get on the minute for that. But we're back in a flash with even more of the Noob Bureau movie. Hey, are you Eli? Yeah, are you the personal trainer I hired online? I'm sorry, bikes? Bikes can't be your name, right? No, no, yeah, it's bikes. So you ready to get started?

Yeah, I was just hoping we could go over some of my goals. I could tell you the workouts I'm used to, the equipment I have, and we could sort of go from there. Sorry, sorry, I couldn't hear anything you said because I was making a mean tick talk about a fat baby. Yeah, maybe I should have just stuck with FitBod. What's FitBod? Is it a steroid? Because I'm on steroids. Nope, it is not. If you're looking to take your workout to the next level, check out FitBod. The FitBod app creates a workout program that's personalized to your goals, your fitness level, and available

equipment. It learns from your previous workouts and adapts as you improve. Honestly, it's the perfect companion to help you crush your fitness goals this summer. Start making progress towards your fitness goals today with 25% off of fit pod subscription. 25% off. That sounds awesome. It is. There's no better time to level up your fitness habit. Try fit pod today. Get 25% off your subscription

or try the app free at fitbot.me slash cam. That's F-I-T-B-O-D.me slash cam. All right, are you ready to get sprung to tell you how plain chicken breasts aren't that bad? I mean, I paid $90. So nice. Nice. At last.

I, the great Tiamat, have summoned my warriors for aid in this, my final battle. Scorpion Man! Yes! Wild Lion! The exalted serpent. Phenomenous snake! Oh, Adam. Oh, also... The Big Weathered Beast.

Oh, boy. Have I been through it? Let me tell you. The Furious Snake. Also, also... The Harry one! I don't feel like I'm bringing a lot to the team. Bullman!

Fishman. Sure hope the fights under the water. And the great dragon. I thought that was you. No, no, it's a different dragon. Oh man, that's kind of confusing. Also, why are there three snakes? Any word on whether this fight's gonna be under water?

It's really important to me. Everyone's shut up, okay. We're gonna fight my fire breathing grandson and the four wins and that's final. Fish man, I gave you a knife. I just, I just feel like I never really recovered from the lockdown, you know? Yeah, I kind of feel that. Yeah, totally, totally. I'm almost finished. Totally. Totally. I'm almost finished.

And we're back for more of this shit. We're gonna open up on patch. That's the little thing robot doll thing that's at the, it's the lectern. I had a theory that his name is that because he's a big fan of Clarence Carter. No. Actually, I'm a band-aid now and your son

to pull the family through. He's my son, it's all left up to you. You know, how bored Dan is by the length of song. My dear, I could do you with the shovel in his head. See. So, and of course, once again, the movie is like, now, you're still probably wondering how this all connects to the Bible, like, not what I was fucking wondering, and it's like some, mother fucking God fights God damn dragon just like in Sumerian. What?

Which is such a tenuous connection, right? Like there are actually like through lines of Sumerian and Babylonian mythology into the Bible. They have the fucking flood myth. The rib thing is from Sumerian. Yeah. Mm hmm. I think a flood myth even brought up earlier. They could have just gone back to that. Yeah. Yeah. But I like they were like, no, I think you'll find that both books contain water. Yep. Oh, I mean, y'all are missing. You're misunderstanding. Okay. That part of the Bible, that could have been written by anybody. All right? But the Psalms, you know those were written

by King David himself. You can trust that guy. Because God told you you can trust that guy. No, he did. He did. Unless he wants to fuck your wife. In which case, you cannot trust that guy. Yeah.

He's leaving a fuck in your wife. That's another Clarex Carter song. Nice. Nice. What would I do? There we go. Yes. That's what I'm talking about. No more. What would I give? Yes, that's what I'm talking about. What would I give?

Just have you near? Maybe we could try. I'll take this copy right strike. I'm for it. I'm here. You know, Clarence Carter was blind. That's how I was so sensual. All right.

The sense of sex was elevated. You're looking for as sensuous. So then they're like, you know, so we blurred all of these stupid fucking myths. What do they all mean? And I'm like that Sumerians didn't know what was going on with the universe. They're like, most of academia sees this as an allegory. And I'm like, what the fuck? Does the rest of academia.

See it has to the rest of academia having a psychotic break. It was at this point of the movie whenever they were willing to pivot one more time that I was like, what I've learned is that the past needs some fucking editors because this shit is out of control. We need to cut down on characters. There's too many. Yeah, 600. No, no, no, no, no, don't need them. Consolidates, but don't don't you dare in that edit get rid of Harry Beast and the only people that the story is about. And my world is scorpion man and fish man going on adventures. Buddy cop. Exactly. So yeah, then they're like, and maybe while we're doing biblical connections, maybe

Kingu is like original sin. And I'm like, only because you're allowed to say maybe before any assertion, dude. Again, not a legally protected term. They do the whole thing where they're like, oh, and look, we can even write the names of the Sumerian gods over the Kabbalic tree of life. And I'm like, again, you can write anything you want there. We can't stop you. If we could, we would. Guys, let's find our grounding in something that our all audiences are going to relate

to the completely unexplained Kabbalistic tree of life. So. Yeah, and then, but basically, the point they're making is like, yeah, maybe these are all just stories that somebody, you know, took some fucking mushrooms and came up with, but maybe it's an alien code about the true origins of the universe. Yeah, maybe.

It really could be either. Yeah, it could be anything. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I accept that. It's the following parts that I'm struggling with. You know, like when you say, oh, maybe this could be a secret alien code. I say fair enough. Maybe it could be. Now you have to back that up. It would do with that. Yeah. Yeah. That's the problem that we're running into. Well, it was a problem. Well, to really dig into that, we have to go all the way back to the early 20s and the birth of Zechariah's Sitchin.

So this is where we're gonna actually get into some biographical stuff. See, see, again, this is where we get into trouble. Is that I was talking about the other stuff and now we're getting back into Zechariah's Sitchin in the 1912s. No, no, no. I wanna go back to maybe what do we do

with this whole knowledge thing? And then it's like, well, didn't order to learn about that. We have to start somewhere else. No, started to be getting. So when Zacharias Sitchin was a little boy, he was at fucking religion school and they started talking about how the Bible has giants in it

in the book of Genesis. And Zacharias was like, fucking what? And he made a career out of that. Well, I think he should have been more concerned about that teacher's giant eyebrows. Yeah. I wouldn't be worried about giants or Neville or anything. I'd be getting that guy a trimmer. Right. Why do you have Neville, I browse was the real question. Exactly. Here's, here's our plot to this movie. All right. The growth of Zacharias Sitchens facial hair, right? He sees the teacher with giant eyebrows and he says, no, I'll never become that.

Uh-huh. Right. I believe ining in giants and giants have mustache. Alternative theory. Okay. That guy, the teacher was the hairy one. What? That dude was an exhausted beast. He was fucking tired. Look, I know a lot of middle and elementary school teachers.

They are all exhausted. They are all the weathered beasts. Weathered beasts. It was the exalted serpent, not the exalted serpent. That would be funny if I wanted to. This is a tired snake. Yeah. I want the weathered beast and the exhausted serpent tab. That would be funny if I put it in. This is a tired snake. Yeah, I want the weathered beast in the exhausted serpent tab.

I don't know. We've got a lot of great pairings here. And who is exploring these characters at all? Slytherin all day. It's so tired. Sorry, my thickest seasonal effect of disorder, we don't talk about. I'm exhausted.

You don't even know what it's like. I've been today hit by by this window that Jesus Christ. So but Instead of talking about all of those interesting buddy cop possibilities, we were still on Zekoraya Sitch and we get to 1976 when he publishes the first of his nutty ass fucking books. I read that book by the way I have you really the 12th planet. I read I think the first three books of that by the way. Have you really the 12th planet? I read I think the first three books of that Earth Chronicles thing.

Yeah. Oh, that's a weird shit there. Yeah. Sorry about that. Yeah, there's a lot of like, I remember seeing a lot of diagrams of things in there. I'm like, wow. You know, it's true if there's diagrams.

That's a throw. Yeah. Sure. You can't just draw those. Yeah. That's a good, that's a lot. No, we're right. They won't let you there's but and and the the movie is like now Of course a lot of people have pointed out that in his book sit you get really basic stuff wrong and just makes a bunch of shit up Never the less and I'm like no you don't get to never the last that statement the movie just has to fucking end there

Many people pointed out he was fucking wrong and provably so is the end of the story. And making it up and just lying and it's like, nevertheless, we're a YouTube channel. You say that, you say that, but on the other hand, yes, right? Because this is another one of those moments where they're like, just have your own experiences. We go through this story and I'm like, who the fuck else is experience am I gonna have? You God damn it. He is. They say, let's see if it stands up to science that I wrote my notes.

It doesn't lunch. Anyone want to get lunch? Yeah. So it wants to get to this movie. So. Okay. So now we're really going to start digging into Sitchons bullshit. Now, of course, the 12th planet, the hypothesis behind this is all that like a fucking Rogue planet shaped the early solar system and also was a god. It doesn't make more sense as you dig deeper, right?

It's true. Yeah, it's the guy came in and messed up the bar and just settled in that way. Yeah. It's a theory of universal creation. Right. And they're like, you know, so first we're going to explain the standard model of how solar systems form rather boo boring. Yes, I really wrote my notes. Boom. More lore about Dungeons and Dragons. Boo.

But there's not there like, but there's a different model called the electric universe theory that we'll talk more about later. So maybe this is all wrong. Look forward to that, folks. That's a fun one. But they explain the standard model of stellar genesis. And they're like, now of course, the problem with that standard model is that where would the water come from on earth? And I'm like, it's asteroids though. We know the answer to that. And then they're like, it's asteroids actually, but, but hold on, how did the water get on the asteroid? I think you'll discover that it is turtles all the way down.

Yeah, right. But we should talk about sort of Sitchin's trick here because that's what they're going to spend a lot of the rest of the movie doing, which is the Sitchin found, I don't know, some percentage of the Babylonian slash Sumerian myths and I don't know what percentage. And he was like, Hey, here I am in 1970 where I know a lot more stuff than people knew in Sumerian times. If I just hastily cut and paste the names from the Sumerian myth onto modern scientific theories, I can make it seem like the time dimension worked the other way around, except

he did it in the laziest possible way, right? The way that he staples these names onto things, these things like, Mu is Mercury because of M and T Mott is the Earth because the Earth is pretty and so is the Mott. Yes, so is T Mott. Yeah, exactly. He's like, but what did the Sumerians have to say about cosmology?

And I'm like, literally does not fucking matter, not in terms of knowing about cosmology anyway. But wait, shouldn't it, isn't like part of the idea that aliens told the Samarians this stuff? So like, that is how they would have a better idea about cosmology. But I don't feel, was that wasn't even brought up in this movie. No, that part of the ancient aliens nonsense. Yeah, I mean, it was kind of alluded to because there were some pictures that they showed where it was like aliens show up and are giving shit to. Why?

We should care about what the smallians are. Smallians say about cosmology. Right. That's why we should care. Right. But that piece of information isn't really presented as. Yeah, there is one throw away sentence. Yeah.

Your number one source of evidence is a, uh, people who were there told you it happened. So I witness accounts usually trump most, uh, other things. Yeah. There is a throw away sentence later on in the movie where he's like, but, but in many, and then he moves her, uh, it's, it's easy to miss. I'll point it out when it, when it shows up. But also like all of these like, well, maybe, you know, I assume represents the sun.

And I'm like, no, cause they had a god that was the sun. That was Utu. That was the Sumerian sun god. You're just wrong. And that's the thing is that anyone who knows anything at all about Sumerian mythology that looks at Sitchon is just like, well, he just gets all the most basic possible facts wrong. So every conclusion he draws is therefore invalid, right? Yeah. I also love that at one point here, they're like, look, it's just so crazy that the

gods are so similar across all of these disparate mythologies. And I'm like, no, you literally explained that these myths grew and spread between cultures. This is like being surprised that your son, Dave Jr. is also named Dave. Right. Movie. Yeah. But it is, it is kind of a weird coincidence. Dave, I always feel like common name.

I always felt like it was, it should be more of like a, is see how boring this is? See how uncreative all of these people were? They just kept doing the same shit over and over again. Right. Come up with news shit. Exactly. Like LeBuru assholes. Right. Scorpion Man and force scorpion man and fish man. Yep. Going on adventures. Yep. Road trip movie. Yes. Oh, man. That is submarine. Fish man's got to be in those fish bowls. Okay. Right. Yeah. But okay. But Scorpion Man's got to stay dry. No, no, no. Okay. Scorpion man is riding on a toad.

We know where this is going. We're shadowing. There was no frog man though. Well, that's what I think. The scorpion is going to save him. So the scorpion man kills the toad. Fish man saves scorpion man. They're like, actually, I don't think we need to stab each other and they move on and

they're likely best friends. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. It works. It tracks already pitching better shows than the Babylonian epic, right? But my favorite reaches part of this mythology thing where they're trying to like slap every title on is Marduk because Marduk, they've just got fucking nothing. They're like, Marduk is, he's a planet.

We're going to talk about that in a second. Maybe he's a star. We don't know. It's an equinox and a spare anyone that's got a spare tire. He's that too. Like they're, they're just fucking shotgunning in the desk. Yeah. So once again, I want to go through this quick because it's fucking insanity and it's all

stupid. But to understand the movie, well, I don't know about understand, but to follow what we're saying, you'll have to know this. So they go through the Sitchin cosmology, which suggested there was a planet that was way bigger than Earth that orbited between Mars and Jupiter that got hit by a rogue planet coming into the galaxy created the asteroid belt fell into the earth. What was what was left over fell into the Earth's orbit and became earth left over fell into the earth, so it became earth, right? That's the basics of it. Now, he they also attach a whole bunch of shit to Neptune and Uranus. This is, this is, this is why Uranus is sitting on its side because

it got smacked by that planet too, probably, probably. And the four wins from that from Marduke from the thing are probably four little chunks of Uranus that followed it. No idea, right? Yeah. No, I tracks. Yeah. What about this? What about this?

What do you got? Scorpion man and fish man go to white past. Okay. All right. Stoner comedy. I have a question. I have a question. I have a question. Okay, what kind of costumes are they wearing?

Are we doing like a... That's scorpion in a fish. Are you sure you don't want to make it more realistic? Like they're wearing clothes that evoke the idea of being a scorpion? You want to go straight out. And no one comments on it. Okay, next question. Yeah.

Costume, or are they actually... Practical. Scorpion man. You know, like is it a scorpion and man? We are going to have to create scorpion man hybrid. Okay. That's what we're going to have to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Stoner cop move.

Okay. Is Kronenberg available? Yes. I have, I have put out feelers. Nice. Much like scorpion. Yeah. So now, and then, of course, as we move further into the silly shit, ultimately, Earth and

who are they're calling Tiamat at this point, Earth and Marduke, the Nibiru, this other planet, Jesus Christ, this is so fucking stupid, they're going to collide. And there's this moment where we see the two planets, their cartoons of the two planets getting closer and closer, and the music is like, they're going to pull out swords, guys, there's going to be some fucking karatein' planets here in just a second, but we don't, we don't get that. They just teased us when they had to watch bullshit. No. And we get a planet collision later.

We do. It's coming. We do get it all in. And the planets collide and they're just like, yeah, don't just like shooting an arrow through a dragon's belly. Exactly. Made perfect sense. Yeah.

So anyway, so that's where the earth comes from. Oh, through a dragon spell. Exactly. Made perfect sense. Yeah. So anyway, so that's where the earth comes from and the moon and Uranus apparently. And then he comes in and he clarifies. He's like, by the way, we're going by Sitchens first book, which he completely contradicted later in some of his books, because it's all just made up bullshit. So it doesn't matter. But there is, there's like this weird like this could be even dumber, flex.

Yes. Right. We're like, there's some people who believe that the aliens reshaped the earth so that it was round with laser beams. Yeah. This is sort of, I like to think of this section of the, of the documentry, if that's what you want to call it as the spitballing, why our documentary has it made sense?

Section. Because they're like, all right. Now you're probably thinking a bunch of that sounded like bullshit. I would way rather develop this series with fish man and scorpion man. And you're right. But hear me out, maybe the aliens told us the universe was created in code. Yep. Correct me if I'm wrong here. Did you guys feel like they sort of admitted their own fuck up?

Like I felt like they were like, guys we really fucking blew it on the Marduke thing. Please give us a second chance. We got a second guess as to what the Marduke thing means into real planets, but you know, maybe all the things we don't know yet. Yeah, could those be Marduke? No, no, here's what I feel.

I feel about this like, like like I said this is an introduction You know like you go to the center and you sit for this Introductory video and at the end of it. They're like all right come back next week and then next week you find out I you know that we told you all of this stuff, but guess what now you're gonna learn the real truth You know now you're gonna get the real stuff. We were telling you all about Zacharias Sitchens full stuff. He didn't know everything yet, but you have to have a basis for this knowledge in order to get the good stuff. You know, see if you come back.

Exactly. If you come back after this shit, then you're in. Yeah. Well, yeah, we know we've got a mark. No, they're actually sort of allude to that, right? Because then they start like quoting from a website called Sitchin is wrong.com. And they're like, Sitchin has been thoroughly debunked. But let's explore his theory a little further. I'm like, why would you do that, though? Well, because there's also a Sitchin is a wrong down there. Yeah. Yeah. Or whatever.

The fuck. Yeah. They threw that one out pretty much in an unimpeachably. Once you threw out a situation is like, well, I guess thoroughly debunked, but also people have debunked the debunker. Right. He's been bunked as well. Objective, objective truth does not exist. Rebunked? What? Yeah. And my favorite thing is that the end of this very, very long debunking, re-bunking section. They try to like hold hands with us by force and make us sink, come by ya. Like look, look, guys, guys, look, we're all fighting because some of us made an entire YouTube movie about the crazy shit that came out of a liar set in 1970s. But we just need to work together. If we work together and hug, you can't be mad at me for lying to you for 42 minutes and counting.

Yes, no, there's a very like, let's not fight about who killed who kind of a moment here, right? They're like, it's not about who is right and who is wrong. It's like, my stuff is more fun to pretend is true and so we can do that. I got a little, I got a little whiny, like a, hey, listen, we all need to be open and treat

all of these theories as equals, which I mean, I really wish these doctors and PhDs would stop making fun of me and even mean comments on and my fucking videos because my theory is just as valid if we work together to make it sound writer. I just want to sit around and make weird cartoons with characters that have no neck as is my fetish. No, there's also there's also these pathetic attempts for them to be like, but you know, we're just pointing everything out.

We're exploring both sides. We're, we don't have a dog in this fight, right? Cause at one point, they're like, well, maybe the gods don't actually represent planets. After all, as skeptics point out, in the story, all of the gods get together and have beer and pastries together. And I'm like, yeah, that is our chief objection because planets don't have beer and pastries. So it's a dumbass. Yeah. that is our chief objection because planets don't have beer and pastries. Don't. Yeah.

Again, this is for your second visit, you know, like, all right, the beginning. We're all treating skeptics as being like, oh, see, skeptics add important part of this. And then on your second visit, they're like, you're not a skeptic. Are you? You wouldn't want to be labeled a skeptic now. Would you know? No, no, no, no, you want to be part of the group. Well, and there's also this kind of amazing moment where he's like, and what could it

hurt to entertain our ideas? Anyway, if we all used our finite resources to look for the imaginary planet that Zechariah Sitchin worked, uh, made up, maybe we could find out that this is true. So like, that's what could go wrong, right? We could redirect finite fucking resources to nonsense is what could go wrong. But they apparently don't even, they don't even hear it when it's them saying it. What do you mean? There's infinity amount of bullshit. And therefore we can't look into everything equally. You sound mean to me. To mean for YouTube. I'll say that.

All right. Well, I'll tell you what. Obviously obviously I need to talk to my people at NASA and see where they are about finding the bonus planet. But before I do, let me have X3 the hard sell. Will this movie just straight up admit it's wrong again? Will it keep going like that doesn't matter again? Why? Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the degenerative conclusion of the the noobie room movie.

This episode is brought to you by BetterHelp. All right, know what you're ready for the last sponsor of the show? Sure, him. Who's the sponsor? Oh, it's BetterHelp online therapy. Oh, we love them. They've actually helped a bunch of folks in our audience find an afford therapy that they really need it. Yeah. And this month, they just want us to talk about how much time we spend on ourselves in a given week versus how much time we spend on other people and how we balance those. Oh, I just, I mostly just work. Mostly work. Yeah, I spend a lot of time on my son.

No, you do, that's true. I've seen you do that. And I see my friends on Wednesdays. Also true. But apparently therapy can give you the tools to find more balance in your life. So you can keep supporting others without leaving yourself behind, which maybe we do a little a little bit. Maybe a little.

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Just tell your therapy, don't you need more time. And then we've got slides 11 through 44 on sort of the importance of the Sumerian epic in world history. Yeah. I'm sorry. Sure, Chris, what's up? I just, I feel like we're overem over emphasizing the importance of the sumerians here historically like

you know he's doubting their importance of the completeness of their record we barely even mention the Egyptians yeah i agree i think we underplayed Egyptian contribution to uh... what we know about babalone in history we're gonna seem highly biased no no that's good feedback we We could just add into that. And then... Aliens told us about the time the sun's best friend exploded. Yes, no, they did.

Frank, yes, thank you. They did. Pfft. And we're back for still more of this shit. And now we're gonna open up our research on Nibiru because apparently it was fucking closed before. I have no idea what the hell. But they're like, when you start looking into Nibiru because apparently it was fucking closed before I have no idea what the hell I meant, but they're like when you start looking into Nibiru, there's mountains of information and the information will vary between people saying Of course, it's real and people saying you're an idiot and I am pissing on you and contempt so the reality must be somewhere in the

Ronis spectrum. Yeah, it's somewhere there. Yep. I was a big fan of their interstitials for these where they would have flat pictures with little speech bubbles like, I think you're dumb. That was good. That's really illustrated the point that they were making, which is really understandable. We'll think you are dumb. Do you want me to be the guy you're saying? Yeah, you don't want to be the guy who's like, yeah, I think you are dumb. That's not a fun guy to be. You're going to be the smiling happy guy saying, oh, you don't want to be the guy who's like, yeah, I think you are dumb. That's, that's not a fun guy to be.

You're gonna be the smiling happy guy saying, Oh, Neburu is interesting. Yeah. This is also almost one of my favorite best words because they go, we're going to call it Neburu, even though it doesn't fit into any of the stories we spent the first two thirds of the movie telling you because there's a bunch of conspiracy theories already called Neburu and we're kind of going to fit our stuff in here. We were trying to catch it. We're kind of in a bind here. Yeah, we're kind of in a bind here. It's all about SEO really. It's like how everyone comes back to the Jews

because it's just easier, you know, like the Neburu's are Jews. Nebure Jews. So there's also an interesting bit here where they're like, you know, this whole extra planet thing may sound crazy, but some real scientists actually used to think that there was an extra planet. They learned more stuff and stopped thinking that because of all the new stuff that they had learned, but we still think it. And so we're like science. There's a lot of things scientists used to believe.

There's a lot of this whole movie would have been well received at like the 1830s British adventurous society. But it'd be like, right, ladies and gentlemen, ha ha, just kidding. There are no ladies here. Gentlemen, I have a scholar at 12 planet. Right. I have confirmed the existence of the Harry one. Yeah. It's also like they repeat with startling confidence, a bunch of scientific stuff that was like, ah, has a smudge on the lens. Sorry about that, everybody. Sorry, or like, no, we were wrong about the size of Uranus. This is before a Voyager went out and we can actually measure it.

Yeah, that kind of shit. Or was a paper that was published and then immediately retracted because a graduate student was like, send mother fuckers. So yeah, and then they're like, and then in 2014, NASA proved beyond the shadow of a doubt that there couldn't possibly be another Saturn-sized planet anywhere near the fucking sun. So maybe it's a little smaller than Saturn. Yeah, that one was my favorite. That one was my favorite. I'm like, okay, we've looked out to even as far as 10,000 astronomical units away for a planet, the size of Saturn and there just isn't one. And their response is like, well, you didn't look for a smaller size plan. Yes, you didn't. You look for an up to size one. I bet your equipment doesn't even measure

a plan. It's half the size of Saturn. You eat it. So you're telling me you went up and down this beach with a metal detector and found nothing. Well, then the pirate's treasure is obviously wood mother fucker. So it's What? You can't think around that. Oh, you're number than a pirate. And there's this, there's this great bit where they're like, but there are these two real scientists. They name them and show pictures of them, sciencing and stuff. And they're like, and these guys think that there might be a Neptune sized planet that's

like got a really, really eccentric orbit really, really far from the sun. And other than the fact that it never comes within a hundred and eighty astronomical units of Earth, it's exactly like Nibiru. Your whole thing is that Nibiru crashed into Earth. Yeah. Mm-hmm. A hundred and eighty astronomical units is the solar system for bucks. Nebbero fucking heard the doom music and fucked up eight out of nine of the planets. Right.

But these two guys in 2016 were like, okay, hear me out. There's probably a planet somewhere and they were like, you had a said planet. You had a said probably. My friend, you do not know what desperate looks like until you find us saying that planet's new Peru now. Right. He's like, well, maybe it's orbit just rounded out over the years. I'm like, yeah, because you're allowed to use whatever words you want.

That was fun. Like they had a nice little model of the solar system and it was spinning. And then they just made the lines bigger. And you're like, oh, well, that's moving. They're like, look, we can actually put these lines wherever we want to. They can't stop you. That's very reasonable. That is very reasonable. I had not considered you could just move the literal goalposts. It's like the Chins books. There's diagrams in there. Yeah, it's against the law. Yes, it's obvious. And he's like, but now if you think about it, there's a bunch of different anomalies

that the Nibiru theory explains. And I'm like, well, if you mean by explains, if you mean mentions, then yes. So we're going to take those one at a time. There's four of them all together. We're going to start with the mystery of why the asteroid belt is there, which isn't a mystery, by the way, we know because Jupiter's gravity is so great that no planet could really form it, kept getting tugged back apart by J. That's it, right? No, or, or maybe it's an exploded dragon who got in a fight with her grandson. Before I formal master of the four wins. Now we're cooking you sound like a fighter. Okay, you need to keep your heart open.

Right. Yes. And we need to work together. All right. You're just you're just fighting. I especially love the bit where they're like, so we checked and the actual amount of material in the asteroid belt does nowhere near big enough for our theory to work. So what if Nibiru kept coming back and gathering up a little bit of earth at a time like

fucking Andy Dufraine taking his wall out into the prison yard or something and tugged it away. That could, that would make sense, huh? Huh? That's the part of the movie where it should have been like, hey, this isn't about planets anymore. This is personal. We're taking up the earth's one way or the other.

This earth is going down. I can't come back with a larger posses. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, right. Right. So that's the first anomaly. The second anomaly is the moon. And so he explains how the moon was actually created and the creation of the moon is actually just fucking fascinating thing. But he's like, but it was smacked into by a large, like, Mars-sized planet at

one point. And our thing also has smacked into. So if you think about it, it's pretty much the same theory. It's like me explaining my drunk driving. Come on. Where would the moon is a dragon fight? Come on. No, because Ely the moon has wetness. Their theory has wetness. Same. air go.

Yeah, I can fight with this with the dragons best friend, the hairy man or whatever the fight. See, that's the thing about being on the show again. That's the trouble because normally we wouldn't have gotten to this point, but had I made it to this point against all odds. This would be the part where I say, okay, that's fine. And then I leave. This would be the lead. Okay, that's fine. Jordan, I both, when you're watching it felt like if we agree this ends. Yeah. If I just say I agree with you, then you end the YouTube. Like, isn't there like a dead switch? There's something like that. Good point. Yes. And then the YouTube video ends and it's like, we got it. Yes.

Right. Right. And then we move on to the third anomaly, which is Pluto. And it's like, scientists can't explain Pluto, but in our theory, it used to be a moon of Saturn. And then it just kind of wasn't anymore. And I'm like, well, then you also can't explain Pluto. What the fuck are you talking about? Yeah. also can't explain Pluto, what the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, by the third anomaly, they're resorting to like 1990s Jerry Seinfeld premises, like, what's the deal with Pluto?

Yeah, right. Right. And then we get the fourth anomaly, which is the fact that Uranus is on its side and it's like as though it got, and again, Uranus is probably on its side because it got smacked by some proto planet in the early solar system and they're like, see, smacked just like in our thing. It does sound like you agree with them. Yeah.

I'm going to throw this at you. Okay. Maybe we're the ones at a weird angle. Whoa. Maybe everybody but Uranus got maybe maybe we're all not fish man. Maybe he's the man we're air man. Yeah right right yeah exactly. My favorite thing about this fourth anomaly is that they're like yeah you're an is caught in a fight with Tiamata Marduk or whoever we're pretending planet is right now. And then they show their little

computer projections, but it doesn't match that theory. So they're like, okay, maybe not smashed so much as like, sideswit. Like, you know, like you're trying to move into Uranus's lane and Uranus doesn't let you in. So then do a parents' experience and insurance information. That's like our story about a dragon from earlier, huh? Yes. Yeah, they showed this actual computer model of how Uranus got on its side to begin with. And they're like, see, just like in our story where four moons got pulled away from Uranus

and became part of it. It's not just like our story, but it's like it's now I like it. Now I want to go bed like I like that. I like that explanation for it. Just because I want to think of a religion now and our parables that would make sense out of Marduck and it's like, okay, all right. Okay. So you know how when you're at the grocery store, okay, if you go to the grocery store and

you go to the self checkout aisle, but somebody else's groceries get into your groceries. Oh, that's Marduck. Oh. That's Marduck, baby. Marduck, baby. You know, people are like, that's jazz, baby. That's what I'm going to say when there's an accident now, I'm just going to be like,

that's Marduck, baby. That's Marduck. We got it. We got it. We got it. We got it. We got it. We opened to it., that's Marduck, baby. That's Marduck. You're not going to hold with it. You're not going to be open to it. You done got Marduck. Yep. Here's, here's the scientists out Marducking outside doing all kinds of investigations.

Can I get girls on Instagram to say that Marduck is in retrograde? And that is why the relationship with the DJ didn't work out. This is the, this we're building a bit brand here. So then they, they remind us once again that their opinions are just as valid as astronomers. They're talking about Saccharisitian and they're like, you know, to some people he was brilliant, but to people who actually know anything and all about any other stuff he was talking about, he was a pseudoscientist and a pseudonym historian. So the truth must be somewhere in the middle. That's got to be. It's a spectrum of possibilities.

Yeah, it can't be on either extreme. It's not like there's some sort of like right or wrong when it comes to the fundamental building blocks. Right, right. It's, it's what everybody wants to be true. Yeah. I will say they did win me over at one point here because the guy who created fucking this guy's an asshole.com is a fundamentalist Christian. And I was like, okay, that is a really good point that he's probably foolish. Yeah, right, right. Well, yeah, he can't be right. They also point out that some people say that Zacharias' action is a fucking false flag operation designed to keep us from the real truth about Marduke. I'm listening. Yeah. Say, say more. Yeah. I was like, Oh, are we going to start a different YouTube video?

All right. Right. Right. Play next. Thank you very much. There's also this great fucking moment where they're like, so the scientists think this and the archaeologists think that, but what do you think? Why don't you put your theories in the comments section?

We're all the real scholarship happens. So the YouTube comments section, we can sort it out there. I fucking hate that kind of like engagement bait. I that makes me furious. That guy isn't interested in whatever comments come in. And also at this point, I put my hands together, you know, that like, ah, job done. Yep. I thought we were done.

This is the conclusion. Doot, doot, doot, doot, nope. No, we were like, okay, clearly done. Yep. I thought we were done. This is the conclusion. Nope. No. No. We were like, okay, clearly they're wrapping up. This is the wrap up with the monster. You have the word like concluding. Totally.

Yeah. And so we're like, okay, let's just check it out. And there's 20 minutes left. And we're like, there better be fucking 11 minutes of credits because this is absurd. Yeah. And then this is of course where we get the stuff about the re on D D bunker guy or whatever. And basically the point he's making is if you go through this dude who's dedicated

his life to proving how wrong the Zechariah's situation is about everything except how he likes his fucking eggs. Like if you go through his website, you'll find a few minor points that he was wrong about. so he's not trustworthy at all And I'm like, yeah, but guys the stuff you get wrong is literally planet sized Anyway, and then of course they're like, but but ultimately it's up to you to decide what's correct And again, that is not how that shit works Look, but you're failing to take into consideration is that it is impossible for two people to be both wrong. Yeah, absolutely.

That has never happened. It will never happen. Two people who disagree both being wrong, that would be nothing is possible. What do you, you both get sucked into a black hole, the universe has to start over, think logically. And so, and then in a desperate effort to fill the, the 20 minutes or so that are remaining, they're like, so now let's talk about the electric universe theory.

And if you're like me and you love some good pseudo physics, this was worth sticking around for this is some nonsense that's usually embraced by flatter authors. Right. This idea that the sun isn't actually a nuclear reactor at all. It's actually just electricity, which it's not like we can check. It's not, we know what those things both are, and it's not that last one. Gentlemen, I have returned from the far east, and I am here to tell you that I believe the sun is actually made of lightning. And it turns on and off.

Yes. Yes. It does in a stupid fucking story. And they're like, well, you know, lightning is a mystery that's not entirely understood, which means we can claim it's anything we want to. Yes. And not how that works, man. Look, do you know how lightning works?

So it could be a dragon fight. Oh, the thing is open your mind and stop hogging the pipe. That's all we're saying. Okay, so you think you're making this puzzle that says, I am smart. I get it. You think you're making this cool puzzle. Now, what if you can't find a piece? How about I put in a piece from my own puzzle?

See, it works just like that. That's how it works. You can put pieces of any puzzle in any puzzle. It's standardized operation. This is Henry Ford, ladies and gentlemen, and that's why the sun is made of lightning. Well, I think I think that they've got a slide that would strongly suggest that Tesla would be on their side of things. Well, totally. Yeah. Hey, if you're still watching this, you're probably one of those idiots who thinks suggest that Tesla would be on their side of things. Well, totally. Yeah. Hey, if you're still watching this, you're probably one of those idiots who thinks Nikola Tesla like had a secret cave full of future technology.

So if we throw his name out there, will you navigate back from the pornography tab you were jerking off? Bump our engagement a little more. All right. Okay. Fine. But if Tesla's machines work, how does that work unless the sun is made of lightning? Right.

Right. Exactly. Probably what he was thinking. And then they're like, but how does this pseudoscience connect to our pseudohistory? And we're all like, we don't fucking care. We don't.

It's not that. The sun is electricity. Right. And we know this because the moon is made of cheese. And yet it is not melted so it was if it was hot yeah yeah yeah so now they present an entirely new theory that contradicts everything that they've set up to this point and reality which is actually pretty impressive they're like what if earth and Mars used to have a different sun that was a brown dwarf and instead of orbiting around it,

we were underneath it. And I'm like, why the fuck are we doing any of this? I didn't entirely check that out. Yeah, the moment we got to the lightning universe and that, but I did appreciate that at one point they were like, and we think it took about 300 years for the earth to go from one son to the other son. Yeah. What? I'm sorry. How do you make that? and we think it took about 300 years for the earth to go from one son to the other son. Like what? I'm sorry.

How do you make that? Tell me more. Tell me more about the 300 years specifically. I am no longer interested in the boo-roo whatsoever. I want to know the math behind 300 years. Everything else is meaningless. I want to know, look, where is it in between? It took 300 years to hand us off from the one son to...

So our brown dwarf son, it gets too close to this solar system and it turns off and then the, and it turns our son on because it creates fucking some kind of condo whatever. Anyway, our brown dwarf son becomes sadder in this theory. Ooh, I missed that because I had checked out. Yeah, I did not realize that the brown sun still hung around an earth. I thought it just went flying.

Oh yeah. The only thing I could think about was like they had those cartoons of people who are living through it. Totally. And I was like, yes. Now, the juxtaposition of the chipper voice of like, and if you'll notice, the earth goes from one sun to the, and it took about 300 years over top of interstitials of like AND if you'll notice the earth goes from one sun to the and it took about 300 years over top of interstitials of like

All dead and they're like don't all so dead. Don't worry about it sure There were probably more earthquakes and it was tough to live through this time period Right, but the theory here is that two fucking star systems collided and there was a civilization on earth that was like, this is fucking where we should write this down, make some dragon myths about this, huh? Huh? Well, they didn't have the words for planets back then dumb dumb dumb. Yeah. First of all, everyone get under a desk so that we all survive this and can write uniform tablets about it. All right, great.

We all survived 100% survival rate. Everybody ducked and covered, okay, great, great. And then as this is all happening, Venus is spit out of our star somehow, fuck, fuck, divine, I understand it. And Venus and Mars run into each other, or the, I'm sorry, they don't quite run into each other. They get close and there's a great electric discharge

because planets are made of electricity. Remember, they don't quite run into each other. They get close and there's a great electric discharge cause planets are made of electricity. Remember, I don't fucking know. And that great electric discharge, that is the dragon fight from before that we've negated already. I don't fucking. Jordan, do you have something to say? No, I do not. I just wrote it down cause I missed it.

Screw you. Jordan, do you want to tell your pop to the class? I don't it down because I missed it. Screw you. Do you want to tell your pop? It was there. There was a time for it. And now the pun is not fun. It's still worth it. No, now the pun isn't Jordan. All right. Jordan. Okay. We're at the top of the mountain. So so when all that was going on and there was all this people living through the shifting of solar systems. Marduck had cover worth it. 100% worth 100% worth it. Oh, fuck yeah, man.

And this movie we're going back for that. We're making our ducking cover t-shirt. Marduckin cover my growth that on his notebook showed it to me as an underlined it. I was like, Steve, it was right there. It was right there. Fuck yeah. I'm not gonna let you show boat like that, private. I know, I wasn't showboating, I was embarrassed.

We didn't earn Jordan's trust with the joke and that was good. He knew it would be the basis for our merch for 2023. I was late, So I felt shame. I was late. I get it. We can edit it in. We all sound like you nailed it. So I'm not even going to try to pretend like I remember how anything connects at this

point, but there's this one point where they're all they're showing the symbol, right? The circle with lines coming out of it. And they're like, you know, all over the world, we find this symbol and all these disparate civilizations and shit. And it's like, yeah, man, that's the sun. That's like a rudimentary image of the sun. Like, like, what about it? Kids draw. Wait, so you're saying that a circle with a bunch of fiery lines around it or inside of it is, is like a regular thing that other what reference point would all of these cultures have to make it just similar.

Yeah, my son's preschool classroom is apparently also aware that the electrical universe theory matches up. Hey, that's where the Mar-Dux theory came from the first time. Right. And they're like, and if there wasn't a giant electrical discharge that went from Venus to Mars, where does the valus marinara come from? And where does the grid, they say, and also it's probably where the grand canyon came from. They have this whole big thing where they explain how electricity could have carved out the

grand canyon. And I'm like, but what about all the other canyons? They're not as big. Right. It's not like there's just the one canyon on earth. But they're not as big. The regular It's not like there's just the one canyon on earth, but they're not as big regular canyons. This one's grand. Oh, right.

Yeah. Regular canyons are made by glaciers or whatever bullshit you want to say, but grand canyon. That's the good shit. It's huge. I also love that they make a little cross reference to the bullshit podcast of us here. They're like, Hey, and if you're loving this, you're not. You check out this whole documentary, the electric universe on the guy a network.

Regular listeners will remember that's the channel where we found the documentary, eat the sun where that kid tried to starve himself to death for a second. Yeah. Was he was he trying to do photosynthesis? Yes. Literally, yes. He was staring into the sun for food and water. That's I was going to say it's even dumber than that because he was staring directly at it too. Yeah. That's unwise. So he's trying to go start himself

and to go blind. Yeah. Spoilers for the episode. I'm going to I'm I have nothing to say. for the episode. I'm gonna, I'm, I have nothing to say. I'm just gonna let that go. That's not what I'm like. That's what I'm like. I used to smoke a ton of weed, me and my buddy, Dr. Gums, he's an actual doctor now, but he was in premed.

He was just regular. We would sit around, it's more much weed. He was just Gums, Mr. Gums. And I would always berate him with questions about why we can't do photosynthesis. And how like, you're a doctor, find me a way to put chlorophyll in me. Half of it was trying to annoy him, but the other half was I was very sincere. No, I'm still like, I don't know why we are not spending all of our time figuring out how to

photosynthesize. What are we doing? Learning how to farm and shit. Right? Let's not do it. Why not do both? Well, fine. cover our base. Happy. There's also this great moment of like another one of these faux skeptical moments where they're like, but you know, this electrical universe theory, it doesn't explain everything like, for example, who would these other Sumerian gods represent if the electric universe theory was correct? And I'm like, yeah, that was the real weakness in the theory. It didn't line up with fucking Sumerian cosmology. That was my issue. Yeah. I appreciate, I appreciate the turnaround they did there where they like explained all

of the science behind it. And then when the science comes into contradiction with the Sumerian shit, they're like, see obviously that if you're not in line with what these people think, uh, Kabbalah and also Fibonacci, what are you doing? Haven't you seen all those people with those tattoos of the spiral? Yeah, they can't all be wrong. And then there's this one last plea of like, and if you guys don't make fun of us on your podcast, maybe we can all know more things. Dammit. So okay, so now we're actually getting towards the conclusion, but before

they wrap things up, they have just a little bit more random fucking bullshit for us. Yep, right? They go, now it's important to warn you that a lot of people who talk about Nebiru say that Nebiru is going to crash into earth imminently and going to destroy us all. It's not. And I'm like, it's nice that we can all agree on something at the end here. I believe that the specific words were, I would like to dispel the rumors. Yeah. And he did it condescendingly too. I thought it was like, yes, it's not cool. I'd like to dispel these crazy rumors that we could be hurt by this planet.

Right. That would be silly. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Let's not be dumb about this. Yeah. So they, they, they dispel all of those rumors. They, they did not get a hand job from the beer. It was not even that said. They, they, they, they, they, beer, who had a girlfriend at the time is not even a thing. But yeah. And then they give us the credits. They're like, stick around after the credits to learn more of what you guys are going to try to get. Dan and Jordan to watch later. Oh, Dan, I did not watch the proof. I turned it off. Oh, good. You want to stay fresh

for it. I get it. Dan, we'll do the the rundown you guys want to come back next time we'll do the rundown with the rock Dwayne Johnson or maybe your next movie maybe we'll do the rundown. I feel like there's a great switch. Yeah. I'm struggling here. I remember them talking about the rundown with the rock Dwayne Johnson. That's what I remember. I think what's fun about this episode is that now I trusted

the two of you as little as I do everybody in the happy science. I know you, I know I can't trust you. You're going to be mean to me. You're going to hurt me in some way. And we're going to die just like their founder. It was so funny that Jordan thought it was the same thing as that. And I was like, no, no, no, that's happy science. This is spirit science. That's not fair. You can't do that.

Oh, that's right. That's right. It's only one word away. You can't do that. You're a science correspondent since it comes. Oh, man. Senior science. I just have to put this one line out for the next time on spirit science little teaser that they gave us.

There's one point where they go, you know, because I guess in the next movie, they're going to like really explore the idea that the gods are actually aliens from the planet to be a root. And they're like from lamuria to Atlantis will explore. And I'm like, those places both don't exist. So like you literally just said from nowhere to nowhere else, how accidentally apropos. So, I know. Before we let you guys go, I wanted to mention this because Dan, you were telling us before the record that this was not your first experience with spirit science. Yeah. I mean, it's a very distinctive, and I don't mean that as a compliment,

but aesthetic, you know, like that cartoon character, and I definitely seen years back, like something that had to do with Atlantis. I'm pretty sure. And I mean, I've a soft spot for Atlantis-based stuff, so I'll stick around and watch some bullshit if it has to do with, you know, or if we're gonna watch the Disney Atlanta starring Michael J. Fox. Our our our our souls all come from Atlanta and beans and stuff. I don't necessarily

believe all that, but I am definitely a sucker for sticking around and watching stuff like that. And I'm pretty sure I'm not sure what the video was or whatever, but yeah, I've seen, I'd seen something of theirs. All right. Well, I came into it with a, oh, not again, kind of feeling. All right. Well, now Eli knows what to look for some Atlantean shit for you next time. Well, I seem, I seem to recall if I'm not mistaken, the video that they had about Atlantis had to do with like

there being a bunch of different races on earth. And then the Hebrews come from outer space. Oh, no. And that was kind of where I felt like this might be trouble. This could be probably. Yeah. I don't want this on my permanent record. So. All right. So before we let you go, I have one more question for you. Where does this movie rank in terms of the bullshit that you normally subject yourself to? Is it Dumber? Is it less done? Mark co here? Let's go here. Where would you put this on the Alex Jones scale? Well, I mean, you have on one hand people who would say that this is the most insane thing

we've ever heard of. And then on the other hand, you have people who would say that this is the most insane thing we've ever heard of. And then on the other hand, you have people who will say that this is not insane at all. So I think we can correctly. So it's somewhere in the middle. And I think I think that Alex Jones' stuff himself is probably more dangerous and like awful than this. Yeah. But we also do episodes for our project Camelala stuff, like space weirdos and stuff. And like while I was watching this, I was experiencing it on that plane. Yeah. I was thinking, like, if I were trying to do a wacky Wednesday type episode about this, I would have turned

it off. Yeah. Like 10 minutes. I wouldn't, I think that it's not crazy enough in a fun, interesting way. Like maybe carry cash. Yeah, I mean, it does feel like we're missing out on the right religion. I mean, in the wrong way, obviously, but like a Captain Mark Richards based sci-fi religion, it's just more fun. But yeah, if this was a like project camera thing, it would be all about fish man. Yeah, totally. And that's what I'm looking for. That's the only thing. It would be all about fish man. Yeah, totally. And that's what I'm looking for.

That's the only thing that we would be into. Yeah. We'd be like, okay, who else does fish man have in his retinue? Yeah. Right on. There he would be psychically talking to fish man. Oh, totally. We would have remote viewing of fish man's family.

Oh, it'd be great. Fish baby. The fish wife. Mm hmm. Yeah. All right. And just a quick reminder for our audience. If you want to hear more from Dan and Jordan and trust me, you do, you're going to find a link to knowledge fight on the show notes for this episode.

Dan Jordan, thank you so much for hanging out with us again. Oh, thank you for having us. Fuck you. Yep. Also that. We are the duality of man. I believe we are like, you're a fish and man, the duality of man. I believe we are like, I'm not and you are fish and man, the duality of man. But takes a wrap.

And while that's going to do for our review of the Nabeeru movie, that's not going to do it for the episode just yet, because we still need to trick ourselves back into the studio next week. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. Well, no, we've been edging ourselves with this for almost a calendar year, but it's here. It's digital. We'll be watching the left behind movie too bad for Nicholas Cage left behind.

Oh, I was a big antichrist. Hey, so I've been looking forward to this one. So goddamn much Kevin Sorbo. All right. Well, with that to look forward to, we're going to bring episode 402 to one, merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to Dan forward to, we're gonna bring episode 402 to one, Merciful Close. Once again, a huge thanks to Dan and Jordan, and perhaps even a huge thanks to all the Patreon

donors that helped make the show go. If you'd like to catch up with them, they're actually gonna make a per episode donation to patreon.com.com. So I've got off one there by your own early access to an entry version of our episode. You can also help us a ton by leaving a five star review, sharing the show on our various social media platforms.

And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our civilly shows to get the excitedion to the D&D minus in the Skeptocrat available wherever podcasts live. If you have questions, comments, or suggestions you can email God off on movies from gmail.com. Tim Robertson takes care of our social media. Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slotkin and people from Jeff San Mars. All the other music was written and performed by our audio engineer, Remorgon Clark, and

was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week for Heathen right knee-line Buzzley. I'm Noelusians, promise to work harder and earn another chunk next week until then. We'll leave you with the Breakfast Club close. Spirit Science has several dozen other movies. Buckle up. Noah went on to know actually himself to sleep

for days, days. Day's day. It was a hell of a list. That is actually the one thing I liked about the movie. Yeah. That list of the... That was a good... That was a good... That was a good... That was a good...

That was a good cast of the GI Joe villains. Yeah. No, no, if that was the beginning of a Mega Man game, I think I would have been nailing it. But again, if it were Mega Man, there are three snakes. Yes. Probably had to fight them all in the same level. The preceding podcast was production of Puzzle and a thunderstorm LLC copyright 2023

all rights reserved. same level. The proceeding podcast was production of Puzzle and Athenderstrom LLC Copyright 2023. All rights reserved.