God Awful Movies - 407: Fire by Nite Episode 7

Episode Date: June 6, 2023

This week, the guys team up for an atheist review of episode 7 of Fire by Night, a half-hearted attempt at a Christian Saturday Night Live from the late eighties. And as if that doesn't already sound awful enough, this episode was about the dangers of rock and roll. --- This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Give online therapy a try at betterhelp.com/awful and get on your way to being your best self. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

There's no logical way to hate rock and roll music. So he's like, I know, you're upset about the time signature. Yeah, right. Right. Yeah. And then he lands on like, the message is God only cares about the effort, the faithful effort of the music. Yes. And it's so perfect.

Because Christian music is the effort grade of the art form of music. Sure, sure. I miss it. The participation trophy of the arts, if ever the last one. Yeah. God awful.

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We're not gonna sing that right now. That'll make sense eventually. Listeners, so tell us, Heath, what would we be breaking down today? We watched Fire by Night Episode 7, The Truth About Rock, like rock and roll music. And yeah, it's Christian Saturday night live. If God is real and Eli goes to hell, he's in the cast of this show forever. God damn night mayor for one straight hour. Oh, it really is. And every time he comes up with a good joke, they shoot it down because it's too risky. And then everybody laughs at really bad. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, this week, yeah, Eli, stop interrupting Blaine. He's

doing another pun. Shut up. Somebody's giving you a note on Facebook about your comedy because they know how that works. Yeah, exactly. And Eli, how bad was this episode? Well, if you love Christianity's list of invisible enemies, but it hasn't yet extended to reverb and electric guitars. Yeah. You will love this episode. It's been too long since we heard a good screen against the dangers of rock and roll music. Right, this was nice.

This was tame. Yeah, a lot of time we do like, you know, the homophobia and then this massage and you know, all of that stuff that we have to deal with on the show. So it's nice to like just watch them freak out about distorted guitar solos for a bit. Yeah, exactly. It's like when you find out that the villain of a scary movie is deathly afraid of mice or something. Yeah. Oh, so tough or very cute rabbits. Yeah. Right. Yeah.

So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best? It'd be the worst at. Yeah, I'm going to go with best worst YouTube algorithm that worked on my screen anyway. The next up list, it was a bunch of mylon Lafevere music. He's the guy who has musical guests, the Christian rock guy, a bunch of his music videos and one other in my next up list. It was, you must stand up against woke ideologies by Jordan Peterson. Oh, interesting.

Yeah, my YouTube algorithms are also fucked. Really short-cutted that rabbit hole for you down to white supremacism. I feel like I mean, the algorithms working in this case, I'm the anomaly, but the playlist is just fire by night, Jordan Peterson, a Nazi flag, the background of your computer. Yeah. Right. All right. So I'm going to go with best worst temper tantrum.

Yeah. It's so fun. We'll get there. I just, I, it was one of those moments where I was just like, I almost wish I still smoked so I could take a break and just live in that moment for another four or five minutes. And I'm going to take the easy one. I'm going to go with best worst unhinged rant in defense of your barely palatable Christianity. So as he hinted my, my lawn, sorry, not my run.

That's a name. No, my run is a name. Yeah, that's a name. My, my, my, my is the main interview. Yeah, exactly. My, my, my is the main interview. I have so many notes on his physical appearance. It may be the rest of the episode,

but he's a Christian rocker. And he does, I'm gonna say 90% of the interview, okay? But there is a beautiful 10% where he's yelling at the email he got from Pat Robertson or something. I couldn't get enough of it. It was a ton of fun. All right, well, let's do it.

Bad comedy is always the hardest thing to make fun of unless it's this bad. There's a level of bad where it becomes easy again. So we're only going to need a minute to arm up, but when we return, we'll dive into all the unrealized sketch concepts that are fire by night episode seven. Just do it. Hold still. Well then do it faster. I'm doing it. Guys, what are you doing? He's putting his cock in my ears.

Ah, so we're not going to get paid for this ad then. No, no, no, no, no. Cock, C-A-U-L-K. Oh, look, can I ask, why? My headphones keep falling out. It's so annoying. Okay, but ELA, if you want a pair of earbuds that stay in your ears,

why don't you just switch to Raycon? What's Raycon? Raycon is premium audio at the perfect price point, so you can listen to what you want when you want without breaking the bank. And they stay in your ears? They sure do. Thanks to their custom gel tips, you'll get the the bank and they stay in your ears, they sure do. Thanks to their custom gel tips, you'll get the perfect, most comfortable in ear fit.

But that's not all. They're also water and sweat resistant and come with eight hours of play time and all that for less than I'd pay for a big name tech brand. A lot less Raycon sent us a pair to try when they became a sponsor and they were so good that Eli and I's wife stole them. Isn't that right Eli? Do you tell us what Raycon is yet? The stuff is hardening. You know what? Never mind. and they were so good that Eli and I's wife stole them. Isn't that right, Eli? Do you tell us what Raycon is? You have the stuff that's hardening.

You know what, never mind. Never mind. Go to buyraycon.com slash gam today to get 15% off your Raycon order. That's buyraycon.com slash gam. All right, well, looks like we need to uncock Eli somehow. It's gonna be weird. I mean, I get the impulse, but we've talked about this, man.

No, no, no, I mean, cock, CAULK. Oh, again. Right, well, right, but I feel like we could do both. Do both, no, okay, yeah. You guys talking about how cool I am? Yeah, buddy, yep. All right, everybody, welcome to the writer's room meeting for Fire by Night Episode

7, The Truth About Rock. Finally. It's about time we covered this. Oh, you guys are excited for this one? Totally. At last, a show like ours can dispel the puritanical and close-minded notion that just because music is one genre or another, it's inherently Christian or anti-Christian. Exactly.

Music is music. Exactly. Music is music. Exactly. Well, no. Sorry, no. What? No. No, we are going to want to make it clear that some music genres are satanic, but we're

having a Christian rock band on the show as the musical guest. Well, you're right. No, yeah, I know we were going to, but I was thinking that like we could spend most of the time just like apologizing, you know, for him being a rock band. Okay, well, if we're just going to apologize for his music, then what's the point of having a Christian rock band like at all? I'm actually glad you asked. So we're going to explain to our audience that even though being a rock band is inherently

satanic and evil, if you're Christian enough, you can use rock music to trick non-Christian children into being Christians without their parents noticing. And we're going to say? Almost word for word. Yeah. Guys. Yeah. Yeah, what's up? Do you ever worry that if all we do is imitate

secular culture to trick people into our world view that it might not be true? Dave, you got that? Dave, that is a dollar in the realizing it's all bullshit jar. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. That's on me dollar in the realizing it's all bullshit jar. It should be two dollars for that. And we're back for the breakdown. And we're going to start off being reminded that this ain't live, this ain't New York and this ain't Saturday night. We're watching like the city that never sleeps Tulsa, Oklahoma.

Yeah. Not the sit like out in the a little bit outside of it. It's just suburbs of an unpaid road to evangelical priest, little studio basement. Live. I had it down as a white evangelical from Willa Koochie trying to buy cocaine for the first time photo montage. Yeah. Yeah. The photo montage is very clearly supposed to be that sort of grungy 80s 90s aesthetic that SNL had, except it's very clearly just different angles on their

church building with him being like this gentleman has a mustache. Perhaps he isn in a gang. It comes up. It says with special guest, bylin Lafabra, but it's written in that it like the thought it looks like one of those things where it's supposed to say something when you turn it upside down, but it actually doesn't kind of say anything in any orientation. It yeah. Yeah, and it says that both times they say his name, which makes me think that he had like something in his rider that was like, look, if I'm going to have a name as silly as mylin LaFavre, I'm going to make everybody write it in that symbol that everybody drew on their notebooks in middle school. So that's my green iminemms right there.

Let's save by the bell. S thing. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. so we get the opening then. Hell universe Dana Carvey comes out. This is Blaine Bartell. Dana Carvey. Yeah. And can I just say having watched now seven of these episodes, or I don't know how many we've watched. Oh, it's more than it's too many. Having watched a number of these episodes, Blaine Bartell really mail in and in this week,

not just not as best performance. Okay. Uh, just a quick reminder about Blaine Bartel really mail in it in this week. Not just not as best performance. Okay. Just a quick reminder about Blaine Bartel. His wife divorced him and he became convinced it was his debilitating porn addiction. Not his lack of talent and lack of value as a human being. There was the reason for the divorce. So he started a support group for men recovering from porn addiction. It is called, what is it called? Chopping wood. You mean a street?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, it's a real thing. That will never not be funny. They have prevention recently. They take it very seriously. Yes, they do. Yeah, no, so, but now he's given us this opening model. It's really kind of like like you said, mail in it and he's going way fast. It's like, it's like the downside of the

cocaine high, you know, it's maintenance cocaine. Right. Yes. I don't want to feel how I feel after having done cocaine amounts of cocaine. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's what we're getting. So and then we get this fake cut, and we honestly expect it to be like, you know, just the producer going like, what the fuck cocaine did you take before this or whatever? But no, it's fake. That's leading us into this gag ad for Elvis songs. Okay. I feel like it was the director being like, dude, I cut because you got to just talk normal.

We ran the Elvis commercial fake thing right now. That's what's happening. You got to slow it back down, dude. Yeah. They they cut the part where he was like, is that the performance you're going to give? Fuck yeah, it is a little jitter to porn. I'm an addict and I'm making my I'm in withdrawal from porn right now. It's for shopping wood. And he was like, okay, we're playing Elvis thing. Did you know 73% of men in America struggle with porn monthly? That's a courted to his website.

I just went to BlainebarTel.com. Oh my God, it's ridiculous. I feel like that number's low. I feel like the real, not anyway. So I don't, I guess I don't struggle. Yeah, it's gonna say, if you're not doing it right. If you're struggling, the thing around your neck is too tight, no, we're talking.

Oh, okay, all right. Or too loose. We're we're talking about that. Okay. All right. Or too loose. Get in trouble. Autorotic. No, we're going to get in trouble again. So yeah, but so now this thing that they're playing is Elvis sings secular songs that glorify

God, but because secular songs don't glorify God, all the song titles are blank. Did Elvis only do Christian music in their head? What is the bit here? Is my question as well? Is it that Elvis' secular music was bad? Or are they taking Elvis down a notch? Yeah, no, I think that the bit simply is secular music doesn't glorify,

because of course Elvis recorded a lot of religious music. He had gospel out there. Right, of course. So I think basically what they're saying is like, is simply secular songs don't glorify God, because they keep going like, and here's the picture of all the people brought to Jesus by secular music, and then there's just an empty chair, right?

Yeah, they lean into that bit for a good minute and a half. And it leaves us all scratching our heads going, is that really the whole bit I feel like they're I feel it honestly, I feel like this was like this actor threatening to leave if they didn't figure out a way to let him do his Elvis. Oh, I was going to say that was someone in the writers room who was like, all right guys, you know, now that we're talking about the problems of music, I think we can address the real problem, which is that there's way too many people listening to the devil's part of Elvis's catalog. And they're like, the dead guy and he's like, hear me out.

Hear me out, I know you don't want to do a whole episode on it. But let's just do the opening sketch to salty, echoey silence. And they're like, okay, that's fine. We do need to fill time here on fire by night. Yeah. Yeah. So, but, and that was it, we don't go back to the monologue from there.

We're done with that shit. And instead we move on to their hospital sketch, right? St. Cornyus. Right, because it's Cornyus. He lies nightmare. The sketch. It's literally my sketch. It's literally my hell. It's literally my hell. So the guy is doing is he's going for Groucho Marx, right? He's Groucho Mark 1124 or whatever. And basically they've gone to the cast station and got like, you know,

Dave's big book of jokes. And they're leaving. They're using that to fill in the blanks around their stupid ass hospital sketch. But they're not even doing that horrible thing correctly. Like they do that, but wrong. It's like no, you know, the doctor's like, oh, it's a mental case and then the nurse is like, a mental case, what is it? And he's like, it's a box.

It's, I'm truly, you're what go, bust. Well, so give like, it's a box. It's, I'm truly, you're what go, fuck. Well, so give me, give me an idea. So here's the dad joke. Well, my skincare routine requires me to bathe in milk. Really is it pasteurized? No, it's just up to my neck, right? That's the joke.

They fuck that up because he goes like, oh, I recommend that your son bathe in milk and she goes pasteurized, but it's not your eyes anymore. You fucking get in here. Right. You don't even nail the bad joke. Just read from the gas station book for Bay then man. Just honestly, if they were just handing a readers an old, come covered readers, Jai just around in a circle and laughing at their own jokes. It would have been a more pleasant experience. Just an eight year old walks in. You're butchering it. Let me do it.

Also mascot costumes, right in two of the scenes. There are people in mascot costumes for no reason at any point. They just had to have. Yeah, costumes. They're like, well, I'll be damned as hell if we're going to have access to this fucking wolf costume and not get some use out of it, damn it. Yeah, but the bit here is that mom has brought her son in because her son has a terrible case of metal head. We know because he's bopping to his tunes in the background. He's dancing to like very clearly walking on sunshine.

Katrina, the famous hardcore metal band, Katrina and the waves, and they have no idea what's going on. But he's supposed to be like, it's supposed to be Metallica or whatever they think is evil. At one point, they try to list a group of heavy metal bands, but they're trying to work it into this bird joke. So they list a partridge family in there and their list of heavy metal bands, but they're trying to work it into this bird joke. So they list a partridge family in there and they're list of heavy metal famous Satanist hardcore rockers. The partridge family.

Also, they do this thing where it's like, oh, it's time to put them to sleep for the operation and they got a breakaway bottle. And everyone stops to be like, we're going to do it. He does it way too light, but it breaks away because it's sugar glass and then very clearly looks at the actor like, are you okay? Steve. He's okay. He's the best. He goes. And then of course, once he's knocked out, he asks the nurse for a scalpel and

then a series of things that aren't used in surgery. Now this is not an escalating list. It's just a list. And if you thought these writers didn't know about the rule of sixes, you would be mistaken. The young is twice as good as the normal one. Yeah. Tomedy stuff. All right.

Now guys, that sounds not funny, but are there any absolutely terrifying recommendations they end up making through puns? For instance, do they recommend brainwashing at the end of all my guess? Oh my God. I can't believe they didn't, they clearly didn't realize they were doing this, right? Because he pulls out his brain and he goes, this is dirty. We're going to have to wash it in the water of the word. Yeah.

So, yes, brainwashing is the thing that they landed on. Brainwashing, this kid needs a good old fashioned brainwashing. I like honest propaganda. Let's just, let's have them be honest. I think that's better. Not the most honest they get in the episode, but close, I'd give it something for Grace. Yeah, really.

So yes, but we watch him like clean up this stage brain in a fucking mop bucket marked word of God. Right. And then we cut to post-op, he's in the waiting room. And now the kid is all clean cut and doesn't look all heavy mentally anymore. Clean cut by the way is wearing a teal blazer over a button down on like a loud.

He's in the fog of seagulls now, you know, Chris. Yeah, exactly. Right. Christian, man, without the hair. And then, of course, the Groucho Mark 1124 character says, you know, there's nothing wrong with listening to music. You just got to listen to the right music. And I'm like, so then there's something wrong with listening to music then. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Some of it.

For example, he says they go for more puns. I'm not sure about one of them. He's like, okay, no more evil music, no more twisted sinister, Billy idolatry, or David Brainrot. What? Yeah, okay? Was that the speed David Lee Roth?

I was thinking David Bowie. I thought Bowie because of the B, but the B right that's it. I was thinking Roth because of the ROT at the end of rot. Oh, thinking that. Look, if you have two and you need a list of three, you put the crappy one in the middle, that is the only way I get through the citation needed quiz bit most weeks. Come on. Yeah.

She's just a job. Right. So. And they end the sketch with like the people leave and then an orderly comes up. They do some more great puns disorderly. Oh, yeah. Right. Yeah.

No, you like disorderly. And then wait, sorry, that was very funny, but we have to talk about that as the sketch ends, the guy in the dog costume in the waiting room realizes that they're never going to reference him. So he just stands up and starts dancing and I assume screaming, I'm at a dog costume. Right. Very like, I'm not wearing this smelly thing for nothing. Damn it. Kind of a bit. And I would have point out that they end this sketch with the with the doctor saying to the orderly, we should go take a break and then walking off stage. That's how good they are at and put the punch line down at the end of the bit.

Not rising to the level of killing all the actors in the sketch. No, no, no, quite. Do you think the dog costume was an homage to the dumb fucking were dressed as bees thing in early Saturday Night Live? No, where there's no reason for it. Definitely. There was like, we're bees now 100% yeah, I think no, definitely not as clever as that horrible. It's not clever enough

to something horrible. Okay. And then Blake interviews to man, the myth, the legend, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, my, Doug Henning a bunch of times in my next. Okay, like before he eats it. Mm-hmm. Okay. To me, I first see the scene here and it looked like a Christopher Guest movie, like somebody was doing like a sketch type of thing about a stupid interview and this ridiculous looking guy is

being interviewed because he looks like honestly an executioner at a job interview. Yeah, like a me full executioner at a job interview. Like a meaningful executioner at a 1989 job interview. I have him, Kenny G. Sharp, Chetter. Well, that's it. You get there eventually. How does the cheese? Oh, God, he's a fat because he's a large person. Yeah, fat. So,

so played as like, so you started off in secular music and it was only once you failed there that you started doing Christian stuff. Tell us about that. You know, this is what a weird path to take and he starts talking and I did not expect his country bumpkin accent. No, right? You do not. That's thick, right?

It's real thick. Yeah. I seriously, I tried to listen to to like it's long. This is a long Just serious interview. Oh so long just grinds the attempt at comedy to a halt I guess it's good if you think about it. It stops that from happening. Yeah, it's so long I stopped hearing his words. It was just like trombone with a southern accent just like trombone with a southern accent. Like that's all I heard. It's over. Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob,

Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob company as his becoming born again was an act of God and they won, but they didn't realize

that meant by breaking his contract, he wouldn't be entitled to royalties anymore. So you ended up having to work as a janitor at the church where he was trying to be a Christian physician because of the act of God. So he was like, so yeah, you didn't sue to lose all your money. Now that you have some, how's that going? Mylon. Oh, that's interesting. Yeah.

No, all we get here is him going like, well, you know, in my youth, I'd accepted Christ as my savior, but not as my Lord. And I'm like, oh, that's one of those meaningless phrases, Christians, employees, so they get to become Christian despite already being Christian, right? Yeah. exactly. It's like waterway, it's waterway for Christianity. This is mostly waterway. Really?

I had eight of the seven pieces of the wand, the seven parts, but then you need nine. It turns out. Lower, lower it is nine. Yeah. That's a bad example of the actual age. Exactly the right number. You should do a joke that people will understand. But then the extra, the Lord was broken in half. There's more. The boy that he goes, what brought you to the Lord and he goes like, I was doing a lot of drugs

and I'm like, well, yeah, if anything is going to sharpen your thinking, it's going to be a lot of drugs. Yeah, I wrote my notes drug addiction. The foundation of so many great world views. Yeah. He says, I started with just weed, but that made me snort coke and do heroin. And I'm like, man, I'm smoking the wrong weed. I guess I'd be really not being under a cheaper. I was getting good enough weed my whole life to just stick to weed. I guess that's good. Yeah. He's also tries to do to like, oh, my friends died from the dope, except we all know that the members of his former band are alive. So he's like, some of them aren't dead. And they make music that

people like, but their marriages are bad and their kids don't love. Yeah. How's your marriage and kids? I wouldn't, you know what? We're talking about them right now. So I'm talking about them. Yeah. And it's, it's the same stupid. You know, yeah, sure. I was your marriage and kids, I wouldn't do you know what we're talking about them right now. So I Talk about them. Yeah, and it's the same stupid, you know, yeah, sure. I was a drug adult millionaire, but was I happy? And I'm like, yeah, you probably were though. How? Probably. Yeah. I'm speed balls, probably super happy, right? Yeah.

Like the honest. Oh, yeah, and rich too. Yeah. He goes, you know, he's like, I was opening for the who in in Montana because we were literally the only other band in the entire state at that time. So they kind of had to get us. But then I was watching, I was watching PTO on TV one morning and I'm like, oh, like all drug-addled rock star millionaires are want to do.

Obviously. So I ripped off a huge line and I flipped on Pat Robertson at 6 a.m. like you did. Exactly. And I got reborn. Yes. He's, he saw the Christian people there being happy and he's like, well, I should be Christian. I guess they look happy. I just have to point out that that sentence literally dribbles into high pitched biblity

biblity at the end. I'm not kidding. He's like, you know, I'm watching it and it tells me that I watched it several times. I was like, Oh, my bit has come to life. I'm hallucinating. No, he runs out of words and goes, no, man, I was watching. I must have been Bibi Bibi Bibi. Bibi Bibi are the exact ending words. I got a glissando. I got a glissando there. So I'm gonna make a list. We've also a day crescendo, yeah.

Yeah, but no, but he was, he was, what would he say, baptized in the Holy Spirit? That sounds like a euphemism for like, God giving you a golden shower or something like that. But he got baptized in the Holy Spirit and he can't imagine taking dope now. Oh, yeah. Really? he can't imagine taking dope now. Oh yeah, really, really?

I've seen the way Noah eyes everyone when he walks past the smoker. I think you can imagine what it's like to take dope now. And then he's he starts singing. They start this song. Now this is only one of many times that they're gonna pump fake a song at us. Yes.

And this song has the fucking tune. You know, like you'll start like, you're leaving your house and you want your fucking dog to be calm so you start sing narrating your actions to them. That's the tune of this song. Going out the door, getting the poop bags, everything's fine, relax. Yeah, and a slur word people walk around to make them think, what are they doing in a town? Yes, but he sings a song about how he wants to be more like Jesus or starts to anyway. But then luckily the show gets his board with it as I do it.

We cut back to the interview. Seriously. So we normally write these in scenes and we were like, okay, music. Nope. Back to the interview. And it's like another one starts for no reason. Yeah, and keep in mind that this is fire by night. We've watched a lot of these. They often include multiple full length songs in their episodes

and they could not find a single Mylon Lefevera tune that they could let go all the way through without being like, God, sorry, we are so sorry about that. So you have a racist music video. That's pretty cool, right? So I had this in this series of whoops with increasingly more oes in my notes. It goes, so Blancis. So you got this video with all these Indians in it. I'm like, wolf. And then Milon goes, those aren't real Indians. Those are just me and my band in red face. And I'm like, wolf, yes. And then he says, we did it because kids think Indians are funny and we wanted to give them a laugh. And I'm like, whoa. And then he's like speaking of Indians,

Momar Gaddafi is not in charge of the universe. Fucking God is. By the way, I'm not scared of Gaddafi. You're scared of Gaddafi. I love when we get, because clearly, like there was an insane argument that we missed just out of frame where he was fighting with somebody about the extent to which Momar Gaddafi

has been controlled of things right now in 1989. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I guess. I guess such a weird. I mean, you could have given me, I'm going to say a thousand years worth of guesses about who he was going to name drop in that moment. And Mo Margadafi would have taken me a while. Never never want to shit. Yeah. So but then we get to see his racist video, give you an idea how brilliant the lyrics here are. This is the opening lyrics to the song. Get up, try and find a way. We will find a way today. Jesus Christ. Sesame Street would be embarrassed by that. Mm-hmm. Yeah. But the main refrain of the song is look up the trains up in the sky. And I'm like, no, it isn't.

I don't, I don't know where it is, but it is a bag to the future of three. So it's not in the fucking sky. That, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that's what's so awesome is they very clearly didn't have train in the sky money. So it just cuts between a train on the ground and, and shots of the sky as though to turn to us to say, you get it. Try that. Yeah.

You know, up. It's like that. You know, train. You know, train. You know, train. You can change lyrics to train. Not in that. But, but less we laugh at him too hard.

This is when he absolutely blows our d off with the Keitar soul. Oh my God. Every one of us has Keitar solo in all caps and the notes. It's because it starts from way, way far away and you're zooming slowly in on this guy under a bridge and you're like, that's a fucking Keitar. Is that a fucking Keitar? Because the image of the quality of the video that we watched was terrible. So you can barely see it. You're like, my God, is that a key key or we're gonna and then he gave me finally zoom in and off and you're like it's a fucking key tar.

Nobody doesn't want a key tar solo ever ever. I don't know how to play a guitar. I'm gonna get one and just walk right like you could walk into a funeral of strangers and they'd be like, oh shit. Fuck, man, keytar. That's a cool jacket with the sleeves rolled up. I bet I could rock a fucking guitar. Yeah, so there's also this, there's also this great moment where they try to incorporate a train whistle into the music because of the, because of the lyrics, but they're not talented enough as musicians. So there's just a train whistle blowing over their song.

Right. Like, like it was in the background and they didn't want to lose the tape. Right. Yeah. Exactly. Then we get some close-up shots of each of the very important band members, like doing their thing at the camera. And it really looked like one of those dating videos on VHS from the 80s. We're such a shitty guy with like a sweatshirt with a dumb rip in the middle is like pointing it at you and pulling this pack out for a second. It's not going to figure out.

Yeah. You remember when boy bands had like a, I'm the sporty one and I'm the nerd. This is like if the entire band were like, I'm the rapist. That's what this bond does. We can't all be that ever. We looked them. Oh, so it's really hard to believe that this, the beach montage that you guys are talking about, it's hard to believe that was made by people

who were there in the 80s, right? Cause this, this feels like kids trying to make fun of the 80s now in a sketch, right? I'm gonna do a barrel roll on my boogie, but I hurt myself. I'm the rapist. Just keep rolling. And then at the end of the video, we get this long pan of a musicianless stage.

Okay. Question, gentlemen, experts of the field. Is that because they all just got raptured? I think it's because they all got on the train and the sky. They got the train and it's got it. For a second, I thought, oh, fuck, my mind powers have kicked in. I know, it wasn't that. There we go.

And for rap. All right. Well, word of warning, there's a lot more mylon to come. So I need drugs, but there's somehow even less inspired comedy waiting for us on the other side of the break on fire by night, episode seven. This show is brought to you by BetterHelp. Okay, so how much did the telemarketer want? 500 bucks.

500. Yeah, I mean, I guess we could swing that. Did you delete the phone? Yeah, I cloud too. Okay. Oh, nice. Hey podcast, Lister. Didn't see you there. We were just working on a little ongoing project. Yeah, so as many of you may have noticed, there's never been a viral video of Noah yelling at a telemarketer or a stoplight or a statue of a frog.

And that's because he tonight prevent that with the near constant flow of bribes, hacking and counterintelligence. That's right. But if the little things get you fired up more than they should, and you don't have a full-time team of social media scrubbers, you might want to consider better help online therapy. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist

and switch therapists any time for no additional charge. Find more balance with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash awful today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelpHELP.com slash awful. Did you see how the mail man put the mail in the box today? I am going to kill that. Ah, one's going to be expensive. Yeah, I think he's already on the riding mower.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Hey everyone, I'm Blaine Bartel. Welcome to Fireball and Night's Night. We're gonna be talking about music, good one, music's bad one, makes the Christian music games. Jessica Cut, cut, cut, sorry, Blaine. Ah, hey Dave, what's up?

Well, so first of all, I love the energy. Coming in great, it just seems like your opening monologue is a little bit rushed this week. Rushed? Yeah, just if you don't mind taking it again, but a little slower. Sure, sure, I can do that. All right, and action. Hi, I'm Blaine Bartell.

Perfect, keep going. Blah, blah, blah, let's start the show. It's still rolling. Blaine. Was that not slow enough? Did I go too fast? It fell fast. No, it was, no, it was the right speed, but instead of saying your lines, you just said, blah blah blah.

Let's start the show. I did? I did? Yes. You did. Yeah. Huh? Still rolling. Okay. Hi. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. God, blame. Yeah? You're, uh, you're doing your lines with a gun in your mouth.

You're there, right? No. We? And we're back for more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action with their recurring bout of anti-Semitism, the Jerusalem news update. I forgot about this. Every time we watch this sketch, I have to go back and check the other episode to make

sure that the names aren't getting more anti-Semitic because they feel more. I feel like a Harry Potter video game was going to come rolling through. I just shoot and spells at each other. Yeah. Yeah. No, that this is the Jerusalem news update hosted by Ned Kapelstein. Steen. Oh, you. Yeah. And at first, he's going, he eventually gives up on this accent. But at first, he's going for this just sort of generally foreign accent thing. Sure. Right. He's doing me when it's anyone Russia down to like Eastern Middle East, right? Just like Russia, Georgia, Ukraine, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the,

the, the, not quite Borat. Okay. In terms of costuming, if you were setting up a news reporter from Israel, an Israelite news reporter, what would you have him look like? Just customize Eli. What would you do? I rainy chic. I would go for I rainy chic. Okay. Sure. Sure. Sure. They went with something very similar. They went with gay pirate. So, gay pirate. Sure. Sure. So, and the bit here is like, they're doing a news update as though a Bible story had just happened. And we as a joke in the past, we've seen this have said like, well, how many times can they do this before the story is a genocide?

It's six. We found it in everybody. Six is the number because this one is a fucking genocide. They're like in our least-jury tonight, a genocide. But don't worry, it was like, it was inspired by the correct to God. This one was. It was a musical genocide. So yeah, yeah. This show is walking a weird line here of like, okay, we're Christian, but like, oh, Judeo, I guess the Old Testament is the story we're doing right now. We're gonna let that count, but like also we're gonna be anti-smitting for sure. Yeah,

because gross, right? Right. Yeah. And so they're telling us the story of Chihosa fat and the horn players and all the fucking guys killed the guys on the other side of the army got into a fight with each other and killed each other before the Jewish army could arrive. That's the story. Right. The idea for this sketch was like, what if Jericho was like, like an actual band, like a jazz band. I'm done with my idea. Nobody said anything. I'm just a jazz band. And no one else had an idea. So we're going with it. Racist accent. Oh my gosh. Okay. Let's really take this right. This sketch is kind of boring. My notes are kind of small. And then this guy is like, I'm here now with Jehovah. What's the guy's name? Jehosafat, right? Well, that's not who

it is. He's interviewing, but yeah, fill up. I think it's just. He's interviewing that the Israelite trumpet player in the ass. Exactly. Yeah. Which means blacks. So I mean, real black like, hey, cats and kittens, it's me, Uncle T, that King of J and it gets more racist with each word somehow. If you had actually done the ear impression as racistly as he did, we would have had to cut it. We would have cut it, right? It would be not funny.

Yeah, not funny. No. And he eventually, he backs off of it as he goes, not because he realizes that it's offensive, but it's because he's really bad at accents and just gives up at a certain point. Yeah. I feel like his voice starts to hurt. It's like me doing crunch bigons, right? Like if you first line, he's like really into it. And then by the end, he's like, yeah, you know, just jazz and stuff. You know what I didn't like is this guy. It's a white guy. It's a white trumpet player and he's doing a black son.

Be weird if we were making fun of a black guy. Right. That would be weird. No, it's that's. And he's got the go to and he's got the like old like the cab driver hat and he's wearing this weird big oversized shirt thing. He looks like me in college and I was really unhappy that. Oh, wow. It was like really, really accurate. He dropping the picture of Heath into our notes right now for comparison.

And we, of course, we have a blink and you'll miss an attempt at comedy, right? I think the only time they ever even feigned comedy in this entire sketch is where the guys says, yeah, we got our new album and the interviewer says, oh, that's coming out on compact tablets soon, right? Get it? Like, disk, but old type, like a bit of tablet. You like a tablet, though. It's a bit of a, it's a bit of a, it's a bit of a,

disorderly. There was a moment where I had to, like, I had to sit there and recognize the fact that CDs and stone tablets are equally archaic at this point, right? Like, if you gave me a stone tablet, at least I could read the damn thing. I want to do a whole episode without telling Eli where me and Noah just do nothing, but bad puns for like, never acknowledge it. Yeah, but they finally get around to, you know, the other army all killed each other and

we go back to Ned coppelstein. Yep. He's given up on the accent now. He's completely a bit. He might as well be like, all right, well, I have to go out of that. No, he's that in the last one. Can I die? No, he likes using that for citation.

Damn it. Well, and then, and he says, well, hey, band, wait a knock him dead. And I'm like, oh, is that a joke too? Because if so, then that's two. You guys have two in that second. It's really twos. But enough humor for the moment, damn it. Right?

We're not just here to laugh and make fucking jokes. Blake wants to get real for a minute youth pastor style. He tries to sit backwards in a bar stool. Doesn't work very well for him. He does? He does the thing. I don't know if you've ever seen this. We're a guy. The pastor style he tries to sit backwards in a bar still doesn't work very well for him He does the thing I don't have you ever seen this we're a guy a young guy is like I'm gonna put one foot up on this bar Still pretty cool, you know, it would be even cooler two feet. No tipping Back down nobody saw it's cool. Did I scream tip ice cream tipping? Oh, okay, it's still rolling It's cool. Did I scream tip ice cream, chipping? Oh, okay. It's still rolling.

You're keeping all of this because the guy who was running the camera turned on the camera, told me to fuck myself. I have to watch. I turned it on and then I walked around here and then I'm going to turn around. Yeah. So any guy he's going to do his little monologue about rock and roll. He goes, there was a guy who said, and I'm like, wait a site, your sources, bro. There was a guy who said that music can be more powerful than bombs. It's so rough. He starts his stupid monologue with like the topic of my paper is rock and roll. I started to write Webster's dictionary, defines music. But I saw that he

had already written that in his notes. I was like, damn it. Yeah, I wrote that as joke. And then he's like literally right after I typed that, he's like, I looked up the word song in the Bible. And I was like, Oh my God. How are you doing that? Right. Blame bottles behind me. He got it right. Cause the Bible is not a thing you can look up words in, right? You're thinking of the dictionary or possibly an index. But yeah. But he says in the Bible, you know, they talk a lot about songs, but they never say like that certain types of music are bad.

It's all about like, do you love God while you sing them, right? Yeah. And specifically he mentions that they don't do like, the Bible doesn't talk about volume or like the beats. So his point is like, well, the Bible never mentioned fucking time signatures. So we don't use beats in our Christian music necessarily. We do it. Beatless.

You don't know. And what's amazing about this monologue is that it's someone try, right? Because the point of this monologue is, hey, let's open our hearts to Christian Rock. It's a way to me, it's a way to brainwash kids, right? That's the point. Except there's no logical way to hate rock and roll music. So he's like, I know you're upset about the time signature.

Yeah, right. Right. Yeah. And then he lands on like, the message is, God only cares about the effort, the faithful effort of the music. Yeah. And that's so perfect. Cause Christian music is the effort grade of the art form of the art. The participation trophy of the arts, if ever the last one. Yeah, I love too. He's got to like, he's got to come up with an example of music that is universally

beloved by all of his audience. And he comes up with Jimmy Swagger. He says, there was a time when even Jimmy Swagger, some music was accepted in the church. But then he gives us, he says, you know, there's more you can do with music than just sing it. There are three ways to use it for Christianity. One is to edify and encourage ourselves. And I'm like, well, you can just do that with

with regular words though. You don't need music for that. But can I say, I don't think we write enough songs to encourage ourselves. You know, we've been known to use music on our programs. I think we should have some more, you know, boosting ourselves up music. We can do it. And I get on that. Yeah. And then you can use music to exhort other people. Sure. As to and three is that you can use music to exhort other people as two and three is that you could use music to glorify God, which I feel like is a restatement of two. Yeah. Right? Or what are you, what are you exhorting other people with with Christian music?

Grocery lists and, you know, true is number four is Al Jolson. Sorry, I forgot one. And then Ron Lucy cuts in to tell us what's hot in case you needed a guy in a bright red pullover with a floppy mullet to tell you the style of the And he opens with ever wonder what happened to the sweet No, man. Yeah, I'm gonna stop you after you ever wonder. No, he sounds like a creepy guy on a store porch in a Stephen King short story, right? Did you ever wonder what happened to the members of the sweet comfort band?

Well, I'm ignoring you. I'm I'm bearing my toddler in the past cemetery. No, like Jerry Seinfeld has a stranger at a gas station as you're walking up. You ever know it? Nope, no man. Whatever you're about to do. Have you heard about this? Have you seen this?

Also, I love that one of his top tens is like, Rick Kua does Christian music now. I bet his regular band would love him back, but. They actually do that. They're like, so Rick Kua has left sick, who? Yeah, right, but Rick Kua has left secular music and he's doing really good in Christian music and his band wants him to come back. But he said, no, he said, no, no. I want to be in my room. He didn't even answer their calls. My guitar is up here. Yeah. So I was like, she was lucky to be dating

me. Yeah. And is he the guy who's in now the Christian group called the allies that they show us a picture of? I think so. Yeah. The band that looks like an evil gymnastics team for some reason, like on a propaganda. Yeah. No, they're definitely like the Jim Cotta dark side rebelling. Yeah. To the band guys in Jim. God, 100%. Exactly. And then, okay. And then this leads it to even more interview with Milen Lafebra.

He says, so, you know, in plain asks him, he's like, what are some of the dangers of listening to rock music? And I'm like, I also am curious about that. Hey, Milen Lafebra, as you sit there settling into the couch like a dead body, can you talk about your life's work and why you're ashamed of it and how it's bad? Can you do that now on the only TV you'll ever appear on? And he's like, yep, yep, sure can. Okay.

And at this moment, they're playing that moral of the story music from a sitcom. Yes. But like way too fucking loud. And they keep going over the entire interview. It's so aggressive with the synth being like, yeah, just so much. It's everything about his story is sad. I forget where I wrote it. My notes, but I wrote, I think they're trying to play him off, but they don't realize it's an interview, not a speech. Yeah. But my line explains to us that it's not that rock music is evil or satanic. God created it, because God creates everything, and then Satan stole it from God. It was his idea. First.

Yes. His exact words are, it could be used bad wrongly and I wrote my notes no second takes Nope, Mal don't No, no wrong. Yeah, right So yeah, so then he gives us a list of things to look out for so we can tell if the music that we're listening to is Is Christian or if it's evil and satanic? He's like well, you're listening to the lyrics. Does it tell you to you know to love yourself and that you can be anything You want to be because that's Satan right there.

Yeah. The exact phrase theology he uses is the spirit of the anti Christ. Yes. Yes. Very weird. It's a very weird. It turns it to like a failed Jeff Foxworthy might be a redneck bit. Right.

Right. And it's the word. And it's like if it tells you to talk back to your parents, spirit of the anti-cracks. Yeah, yeah. If you're walking down the street and you see a wall and it's only got one sign on it, that's the spirit of the anti-cracks. It's the R.A.

Weird. He goes, he goes, yeah, you know, you don't have to listen to the records backwards. And I'm like, you know, you know, your audience, mylon. So, yeah, though. But then he reminds us, he'm like, you know, you know, you're audience and by a lot. So, yeah. But then he reminds us, he's like, you don't have to listen to the records backwards.

You just have to be as wise as a serpent and as gentle as a dove. And we just phrase, we hear a lot. And I'm like, I always think, well, you guys got that, that first half mastered. This is also where he says, and I, he's talking about, you know, you just got to turn your life over to Jesus and Jesus is great and the Satan is bad. And he says, and I quote, there's no gray area. Why does that accidentally sum it up, man? You sure does. Yeah. And then he does this like weird name dropping montage. He's like,

yeah, man, you know, the Beatles played on my records. And I was in the same parping lot as Jim Medine from Jim Medine's sausages. I got arrested on the front of the car. So many names. I hope I don't drop any of them. Well, there must be a better way. I play with Billy Joel. It's so stupid. And I was furious at that point because apparently he did for maybe one concert play with Billy Joel. And I was furious at that point because apparently he did for maybe one concert play with Billy Joel and I was so fucking mad. Don't bring billion to this. How did I only the good day on only the guy down made a bunch of money because the St. Louis Archdiocese was like, yeah, we're banning that song that he made a fortune selling it. Fuck yeah, man. Indeed. Yeah, but then he explains just like, he knows all these people.

He out of this recorded one of his songs and he did heroin with Mick Jagger. And he's like, so I can tell you, you know, there are some people in rock and roll that were into satanic things. And I'm like, I'm like talking back to your parents or, yeah, satanic or spirited into Christ. You know what I'm saying, mylin? Yeah, exactly. And he's like, but the key is, it's not about how you wear your hair or what clothes you wear. The key is to be exactly my religion and literally nothing else matters in terms of my, you know, ethical assessment of you as a human being.

Yes. And then the music that has been drowning him out swells and we realized that he was playing himself off mid interview. That was weird. Yeah. music that has been drowning him out swells. And we realized that he was playing himself off mid interview. That was weird. Yeah. Yeah. So and again, we pump fake a song, right? He starts to sing. Okay. In fairness, if Blaine Bartel was interviewing me and I had a synth, I'd be playing it super loud. You're right. You're right. That's fair. But yeah, so they pump fake another song at us. I just, I wanna point out the lyrics, he says, like, I'll praise you, you know, obviously God,

till the mountains reach the sky. And I'm like, they, they touch. They do. They already did. They do. That. What are you talking about, man? Come on, man. Elvis played one of your songs. But this isn't the actual music, right? We cut back to the interview again.

And he goes, Blaine Bartel says, like, hey, I noticed that your lyrics often really have nothing at all to do with Jesus. And it's like you don't want people to know that it's a stupid Jesus song. So how's that working out for you? And then by one gets way too honest. Yeah, he's like, no, no, let me explain. The songs that aren't about Jesus are a trap. A trap?

Yeah. I'm going to use the word trap. I'm going to use the English word trap. Yeah, literally. So the idea is to get the kids to come to the concert only knowing these, you know, the surface lyrics and everything. And that's when you hit him with the real Jesus shit. He actually says, like, you know, maybe we can, you know, reach surface lyrics and everything. And that's when you hit him with the real Jesus shit. He actually says, like, you know,

maybe we can, you know, reach out to kids that come to the concert, whose parents aren't Christian. You know, lure in the feral kids. Right. Yes. Well, it's post non-Christian kids. Sorry, I didn't mean that metaphorically. I mean, lure in the feral kids.

Yes. With our trap. Yeah. We are trying to trick non-Christian children into our religion with peer pressure. That's what he actually just... You know, like when a squirrel, like... Yeah.

In a van. And keep in mind that he probably means like hypothetical atheists, but that also includes Jews. Right. Just like trying to trick a Jew. We've also got a locks and bagel set up that right in the middle of the concert hall. That gets a few of them.

There's cells in this great moment where he's like, you know, do you think your kids are gonna get Christian values from Madonna or Prince who claims to be Christian? And I'm like, well, he's J. Dom, I mean, that's not nice. Oh, that's right. Let's come out on. I don't know if that's off. Shoot. Yeah.

We all agree. That's a cult. We all come on. Yeah. Come on, Mila. No, meet us where we can. Mila and me. Yeah.

We're anywhere. We're all going to be fine with the same slur words right now. Let's all just shoot them out, right? Yeah. And this is when he explains that it's okay that it if he was invited on the David Letterman show, he would totally go because he would be able to breathe Jesus if he was invited on the David Letterman show, he would totally go. Because he would be able to breathe Jesus if he was invited on the David Letterman show. I dare you, David Letterman. I dare you to have me on your show.

I bet you're too scared. I was scared at this moment. I was like, God damn, I bet he got on Letterman. I looked it up. I looked up Milan Lefevre Letterman. Oh, no. I got Milan Lefevere on heart to heart with Sheila Walsh presented by the 700 club. First. Oh, that's all. That's just

just good. Yeah. That's just. And then I started watching that. And then I was like, what the fuck am I doing? Why am I going to go back to my my and then he wraps it up by comparing his music to sending missionaries to Africa. And look, I mean, Milen, we're in your camp when that we think your music and sending missionaries to Africa are very expensive terrible things. But keep in mind that Christians think that sending missionaries to Africa is bringing them food and water and helping them and all that shit. So this guy is comparing himself to helping starving children by playing mediocre rock and roll with secret anti-Jewishness lyrics. Right. Well, yeah, and that's exactly it, right? Because the entire interview, the framing of the entire interview is why should we like you and forgive you for the rock music, right? That's that's what Blaine Bartell is asking in so many words. And he's like, no, I'm a missionary to rock and roll. Think of rock and roll as a place that I go

to to preach the word of Jesus to be like going to India, but with less cholera. And then we're like, oh, so you're the good guy in your story. We could switch out the locks and bagels for like something African or Indian, right? I feel like I want to say, saying, he's so yeah, so so so they pump fake another song at us, but then it's time for everybody's favorite mid show sitcom family first. Now this happens in every single episode of Fire by Night about halfway through they just switched to this shit sitcom called family first and do an episode of that as well. Yes, but the thing that I always forget that always makes me super happy is that Blaine Bartel plays the older son of this couple that he's like a solid five and a half years older than.

Yep. So the opening credits are always just like fucking grandpa in a cut off t-shirt being like, yep, here's me at the high school prom. Yummer. Yeah. Well, and the chick played a sister. I don't know if that's this real life sister or a wife or what, but her name's Kathy Bartel. So, you know, yep. It's one or the other. But yeah, so, but we name's Kathy Bartell. So, you know, it's one or the other. But yeah, so, but we get, I love their credits too because they're like, clearly like, they're like, oh yeah, we'll do some like, bucolic like suburban shots like this house

and I don't know this house, but from slightly closer with the sprinklers on. Hey, guys, how many sets should we buy for our family first sitcom? Two. Oh, yep. Do you think we'll ever need more than two sets for our entire sitcom? Nope.

Should we name it something other than like an SPLC listed hate group as the title family first, pretty close to several. All right. I want to, I want to point out Eli's exaggerating, there are three sets. There's also the garage. Yeah, there's the garage, you forgot that one. Call that on air, call that on air. All right, so, and then we open up on the little brother

playing a game of truck versus Frisbee, not as fun as I just made it sound. And Blaine is watching just in wrapped silence. He's like, and Blaine's like, and then what happened? Yeah, it's, oh, no, I can't just, first piece like a, yeah. And then Blaine literally puts his hat on backwards because he's, he's being young. I am a youth notice my hair. You trust to spin the couch around.

All right. My, my receding hairline is covered by this backwards baseball cap. Yeah, right now I'm young. Yeah, but him and his, his silly nerd friend Clarence are going to go play Frisbee football now.

And can I say they have gotten more and more desperate with each episode right? Because at first Clarence was like the goofy friend, but now Clarence just walks into the room and he's like, is this a taser? My bad hole. Like, they've stopped even remotely trying to have Clarence relate.

No, no, it's just about beating his ass up now. Yeah. He's a fucking birthday clown. Spoilers for Fire by Night Episode nine, the entire episode is just them kicking an unconscious clans. Well, blood leaks out from his corpse for eight 28 solid minutes. It's his whole life is the opening to citation needed. That's all exactly. Exactly. So they're about to leave to go play a Frisbee football and mom stops him and he's like, Hey, don't forget, Lane Bartell's character. Your cousin Brian is coming for a few days. That's going to be the plot of the episode. And we get the

impression that Blaine is not a big fan of his cousin, Brian, right? So he leaves. The little brother says, mom, I've never met cousin Brian. What's he like? And mom's like, well, he's nice, but, but he does have his problems. Yeah, I wrote my notes. That's nothing, Mom. That's nothing. You said nothing, just now. That's what problems are. Yeah.

So, okay, so then we get Mom showing Brian to his room. Now, apparently they couldn't get the star power of Kathy Bartell for every month's episode. I mean, come on, give me a break. So she's not in this one. So they quickly like write her out. She's like, well, she's not a ski trip with her friends. So you can stay in her room. And he's like, her out. She's like, well, she's on a ski trip with her friends so you can stay in her room.

And he's like, oh, that way we didn't have to build another set. And they're like, yep, damn straight. Right. Right. Also, the intro to this scene, definitely a porn. Yes. Right?

She's like, so Brian, you'll be staying here. Would you like a welcome shoulder massage, perhaps? Yeah. She like scoots up onto the dresser and crosses her legs and leans in and she's like, so are you, he's still into Jesus. So, what you were back in when you were a kid, huh? Remember?

Remember when you were a little boy and we tricked you into making a lifelong commitment to our religion, how's that, is that worked out? Really well for you? How do you feel about, she literally, yes. How do you feel about that now? And he's like, yeah, you know, I think we're all inserted dealing with generational trauma in our own way.

We're in a time when the Lord. He also asked, sir, can I play my guitar here? And I wrote my notes. No, she's allergic Brian. What the fuck do you mean? Can I? What? I wrote in my notes.

Imagine if she says no, but ultimately this episode is about them saying no. Yeah, it is. Well thing. He's just supposed to be like evil here. So he's like, can I play my guitar right here? Squat in the nail, Satan. Yeah, finished up beating the sociers with a pony boy and fucking soda pop. I'm a greaser evil Satan guitar. Stagled. Yeah, but she's like, you're used to a Christian is like, not really. And then she gets the fuck out. She doesn't want anything to do with this room anymore. So then we cut into the grudge. It's the following morning. Robert is still procrastinating his garage cleaning chores that

we learned about in the previous scene. Right. He doesn't. He doesn't want to clean the grudge. And this is where Brian Wander's in with sunglasses on in the in the garage. And he slept in because he's a bad boy. Yeah. Right. He's so satanic. He slept till 10 a.m. And the writing is so bad that after he's like, Oh, good morning. Good morning. They determined that these characters have never met and don't know each other, which means that they were both totally fine with this stranger walking into their house. And they were like, yeah, stranger who is in a house. I'm staying in. In Robert's case, it's his fucking house. And Robert's brother walks into the garage and he's just like, hi. Kidnapping was easier in the 80s. This is what I'm saying. Oh yeah, yeah.

It was a lot easier much. Aces to Robert, what are you doing? He's like, Oh, you know, I have to have to do a chores, but I hate doing chores. And Brian's like, nobody likes chores. Chores suck. I say that because I'm not filled with the love of Christ, like your older brother, played in Barclays. Who loves to do chores?

Jesus. How about we do some evil rock and roll and other risk behavior right now? It's amazing because he opens with who are you into? some evil rock and roll and other risk behavior right now. It's amazing because he opens with who are you into and Robert's not supposed to know what that means. So he's like, I inhabit nobody's except my own. Right. Yes. Yes.

But he's like, no, man, what bands are you into? Do you like heavy metal bands? Like, you know, Bond Jovey. He lists like 11 different bands and they're all different genres. He's like, Bon Jovi, the Beatles, AC DC, an old woman playing an organ and an abandoned baseball stadium, the sound of a child crying, 13 years worth of captured audio of the White House, you know, like rock and roll. And it kids like, no, I don't listen to that kind of music. That kind of music and Brian goes like, Oh, what do you listen to?

Barry Manelow. And then he starts singing Barry Manelow songs at him as a gotcha. You're the one who probably knows the lyrics. He sings like an entire verse of Copacabana to mock this kid for knowing Copicabana. I bet you know these lyrics. That's a delightful song. Fuck you. And then he tells him that he owns 600 albums.

And I thought for a second, I know I was supposed to be making fun of the movie, but I had this moment where I was like, oh, right, we should probably explain to the younger members of our podcast audience that one used to pay for individual music collections instead of paying $24 for all the music that has ever been or ever will be. Yeah. I also, I love that Robert goes like, you know, my parents don't, you know, taught me not to listen to music that isn't Christian.

And this is after the Barry Manolo rip. And I'm just like, what? So, so Barry Manolo is too hardcore for you is what you're saying, which really saying right now. Yeah. But yeah, but Brian tries to evangelize in his words, kick in rock and roll to Robert. He thinks Robert has some rock and roll in him. He just needs somebody to help, you know, draw it out. Yeah. I wrote my notes. He's going to give Robert cool lessons. I'm rooting for a house fire that kills them. Yeah. All right. Well, while we can cling to the hope that Robert will turn to the much less molestie world of rock and roll before it's too late, we'll take our final break. But first, let me give act three three the hard sell. Will anything happen? Should I stay or should I go? Do you really want to hurt me? Find out the answers to these questions

and more of a return for the mockish conclusion of Fire by Night Episode 7. I want to be sedated. Hello podcast listener, I'm Eli Bosnick, representative of the evil cabal of vegans. Vegans have invaded every aspect of your life, your sneakers, your restaurants, and now we're in your Hello Fresh. But but Eli, with Hello Fresh, you get farm fresh, pre-portioned ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep. You can skip trips to the grocery store and count on Hello Fresh to make home cooking easy, fun and affordable. That's why it's America's number one meal kit.

What's vegan about that? I'm glad you asked Noah. This summer, Hello Fresh is here to take the work out of eating well. Reach your goals with delicious calorie smart and protein smart lunches and dinner options. Plus, new vegan recipe. You bastards. Haha, but it's not just meals. Heath, hello fresh has new snacks, meals, and more to add onto your weekly order, like they're fun s'mores

bundle for the kids. And some of those options are vegan. We're not going to wait with this. But I will eat them. Because hello fresh is more convenient than grocery shopping. But it's also 25% less expensive than takeout money saving malfeasance. It's worse than you think, Heath. Hello, Fresh, send us a box to try, and the easy to unpack delicious recipes means that the evil cabal of vegans

can be in more kitchens than ever. So if you're ready to become a cog in the big V machine, go to hellofresh.com slash awful16 and use code awful16 for 16 free meals plus. Free shipping. HelloFresh.com slash Awful16 and use the code Awful16 for 16 free meals plus free shipping. Indeed. The evil cabal of vegans, because it all starts with a meatless Monday. And that's why sharing is so important.

Do I think, Dad? Did somebody say important? Ha ha, Clarence, how's it going, young man? Oh man, not so good. That's so good. I just learned you can fall up the stairs. Oh, Clarence. Oh, Clarence.

Anyway, little Timmy. Whoa! Oh, Clarence. Oh, Clarence. Anyway, little Timmy. Whoa! Oh, shit. Speared my balls with a fire poker. Oh, Clarence, you're so silly. Please call the hospital. It's right through.

As I was saying, the thing about sharing is that it's an amazing way to show our friends that we care in the light of the Lord. The light of the that we care in the light of the Lord. The light of the Lord? Yes, the light of the Lord. Jesus calling us to love our brother and to hold him as we would hold our own. Just so much blood. So when we share, we do the Lord's work as well as a kindness. Wow, thanks, Dad. Isn't that great, Clarence?

Clarence? Clarence? Oh, he's in shock. Oh, Clarence. I'll call 911. Yeah, no, you should do that. So. And we're back for still more of this shit. We're gonna rejoin the action.

Still mid show sitcom. So fucking dude with with Blaine Bartel's character getting home from running errands for his mom because he's a good kid. So he doesn't talk back to his parents. He respects his mother and father as it commanded by the book Exodus. Yeah, and he's going to call Cheryl and ask her out. So he does some comedic bits about asking a girl out. She's

want to throw out there that voice cracking isn't a joke. Some people actually find voice cracking extra. So I don't know why that would be comedy. Here's the fucked up thing, right? Cause he does the whole bit where he's like, hmm, sorry, he's practicing beforehand. Cheryl, where's your like to go out with you? Hello, Cheryl. Would you like to go? And then he calls he's like, hello, Cheryl. Can you and he and he and his voice curse and he actually nails it. He absolutely knows it because he is physically incapable of successful comedy. He keeps going. He tries again and he doesn't know it and then he tries again and he doesn't and of course he rule of six is it again. Yep. Just in case it was in danger of being funny.

Yeah, he's like, wait, what's that? How about Friday? You're making curtains. You're hanging curtains. You're returning the curtains. That bedbat then beyond shut down already, but you heard the other one has a sale. Your cousin can't, you drive you down,

just goes on and on and on with this one life joke. Well, and that's just the thing Eli, you can't help but improve the joke as you do it, right? Because he's like, what are you doing tonight? She's like, I'm making curtains. He's like, what are you doing tomorrow night? Oh, you're hanging curtains. What are you doing the next night?

And then you're expecting it to be curtain related, right? Oh, you're closing the curtain. Something, whatever. He's like, no, taking out the storm windows, huh? And you're like, what are you making it He's like, nope, taking out the storm windows, huh? And you're like, what are you making it? You're making a spreadsheet. How are you gonna set up the,

the rose and the columns on that? Really? Okay, perpendicular to each other. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So yeah. I like to leave the first and the rose empty. Spacing.

Do you color them? I color them. No. Yeah. So yeah, but she hangs up on him. She doesn't want to go out with him, but just then Robert and Brian walk in. So he pretends that she said, yes, because this isn't an episode about the dangers of lying. So he, that's okay. Now, right.

Exactly. And he said he turns to Brian, who he apparently hasn't seen in 10 years, is cousin. And he's like, how you doing, man? And Brian, because he's a rock and roll, uh, things good times, bad times by Led Zeppelin at him. Yeah, I don't know if you knew this, but rock and roll people literally cannot talk about anything but music. No, you're that's true. That's true. The robot literally only knows how to speak in musical here. And if there was anything topical to 1987 heavy metal, it was good times, bad times,

by fucking Lens Zeppelin. And also, I had this such a minor point, but I just, I absolutely love the extent to which they're not even trying to hide Blaine's love mic. Nope, right, it's just there. It's just they're like, fuck it, fuck it. I'm pretty sure they tried to put it up under It's just they're like, fuck it, fuck it. I'm pretty sure they tried to put it up under his shirt and he was like, hey, no, and they were like, okay.

All right. We're going to chop what about this later, Blaine. Yeah, we're going to chop what about this. So, yeah, so Blaine invites Brian and Robert for some frisbee football, but Brian's too cool for that because he's a rock and roll. You know, he's like, no, I was going to show Robert some six shreds on my X. He goes, oh, there's a chopping wood joke here somewhere. I'm sure, but I'm playing it ourselves. So I don't know where it is.

And as they leave, he's like, well, you know, we've got a week. We'll have plenty of time. And I'm like, oh my God, this fucking show already forgot that it's said he's only there for three days. That's awesome. There's an amount of time that you are here for. Don't worry. We won't even bother to end the episode.

No, Bob. I know. We won't. So, okay. So he cut upstairs to Brian Shredding. And at first, I assumed that they were just going to get a double to do the guitar playing, but apparently they don't care if it's good or not. So they didn't.

This is the intro to enter Sandman. Are you doing the pipe music from Mario? Yes. They suggested in this episode that several rockers literally worship Satan and the most insulting thing they say is at the end of that guitar thing He goes that was Eddie Van Halen As he was dying he actually says that was a riff invented by mr. Eddie Van Halen and that's the Invent that's not how invent works. That's not how anything works. No, not how it works. Yeah, right, right.

And then Robert blesses little heart. What's the music stuff? He goes, Hey, man, doesn't your dad get mad at you for looking like that? Good for you, Robert. Okay. Good for you. When I say it, they give me a podcast when you say it, you're a hero. Yeah.

Right. So no, but now we should point out that like they didn't, they didn't like go all out on this guy, right? He's got a clip on earring and a Metallica shirt. That's the only thing they've done to rock and roll this guy. He doesn't have long hair. It doesn't have ripped jeans, anything like that, right? It's a sweet ass earring, though. That's the Rocky five earring, like the really long hanging with all stuff. It's the most rock and roll of earrings that glorious month and a half where men were wearing hoops Another one yeah, but he's like no man. I can dress however

I want because my dad doesn't love me or the Lord Jesus Christ and therefore is an absentee I'm a let's key atheist with I'm a left key atheist with angst. Oh, you get told by the guitar. Yeah. And then Robert's like, well, I don't know. If I acted like you, my mom would kill me. And he's like, yeah, no, my mom left me. And I wrote my notes.

I feel like maybe mom leaving her child was worse than the child's music taste. Yeah. Do you think that TV show? Maybe, is that what you also think? Cause I feel like you don't think that. Oh, Jesus, yeah. Yeah, but Robert, just like he just talks on and on about how much it must suck to be Brian right in front of Brian.

And then Brian's like, man, I think we need to make you into a rock and roll or two. And he's like, that would be the correct act three twists from a sitcom respect. Yes. Yes. So okay. So we cut downstairs, blaying in this buddy or getting home from Frisbee football and Clarence, who's a nerd, you can tell because he's wearing glasses. He dropped the Frisbee and got a black eye. You know, yeah. This is me and anyone I've ever been put on the same board game team with just I'm sorry that I didn't do the very basic things. I know. Oh, the effort at humor. He's like, no, I'll come back and we'll practice.

Practice makes, um, I don't remember. And you're like, yeah, right. It's a joke. If he doesn't remember what practice makes, it's like humor. Yep. That's the tagline of this James Spader just announcing, just announcing from the back of the theater. That was a joke. Move on. It's like a simile. So and then once clearance leaves, this is when Blaine hears the rock and roll coming from upstairs.

And again, this 31 year old guy who's trying to play 17 year old kid goes, what's all that racking up there? Relax, Blaine. And then dad who's supposed to be older than Blaine Bartel, who's like 12, 13 years younger than Blaine Bartel, he gets mad too, because he's reading his Bible. He's trying to study his Bible, yeah. He looks insane also. Can we talk about it now for a second?

The fucking shirt, hobbit, coke dealer, dad here. That makes no sense. Yeah. He looks like that weird guy they also invited to go fishing with you, right? Like everybody told you all your friends that you know we're gonna be there and then there's this guy too. And he's like, right, way too into it.

You don't remember my wife's brother? He was um Craig, where, where, where were you? I was in Vietnam. I was married to someone I met online, but she turned out to be a poodle. Yeah. So you and him are sharing a bed. We're all going to quickly make eye contact with each other and confirm this is all happening. We're letting this happen. Eli's doing a big smile at Heath over his shoulder, big smile. I just want to point out that dad flies into a absolutely psychotic rage in this scene and will spend the rest of the sitcom screaming at everybody and he's supposed to be the good guy about the evils of rock music. Yeah, he says if the rapture happened, we wouldn't be able to hear the trumpet and I'm like, oh my god, this is bad. So yeah, but he's got and Robert has been sucked into

the rock and roll, right? You can tell because he's been shirking his chores. Oh, also, can we, it's amazing to me. We've talked this much about physical appearances and mom's mullet hasn't come up yet. No, mom's got a glorious mullet. Sorry, no, I couldn't hear you over the sound of her 80s haircut existing. Jesus Christ. That wasn't that there weren't mass shootings in the 80s. It's just that no one noticed because they were bouncing off all the mullets. It must have been.

Oh, shit. So yeah, she's, she's, there's a hole in the ozone later that just followed that lady around. Exactly. Yeah. So yeah, but got her name on it like the Vietnam memorial. So yeah, so but dad is railing against the evils of rock music and he says of Brian, he's like, you know, he's in and out of juvenile court. He's terribly unhappy. And I'm like, do you think it's because of the rock and roll news? The problem there that you're making good times, bad times. He said, he says, he's searching for his own identity. And I wrote in my notes, I bet me yelling at him will help me.

Yeah. Right. About how he chose the wrong one. So then, okay, so dad's gonna go up and talk to him. We cut to Robert and Brian rocking out upstairs when dad comes into old at them, right? But he's so, he's so psychotically angry, it's impossible for me to believe that they thought this was the good guy. He runs in the room, he's like, Robert, are you going to your room for fucking wearing things? I'll fucking scream at you. Well, I'm mad at the fuck out of here.

I'm the good guy. You call on earring and like some damn sissy boy and he's got like got some silver glitter in his hair. He's like, wash it, goob outta your hair. You're gonna turn gay, you know. So cousin Brian brought like silver hair dye glitter in his like weekend bag. Extra earrings. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A small jacket for a little buddy just in case. Yeah. What did your cousins bring when they came to visit you? Right.

And have cousins. So yeah, so they kicked the kid out and he's like, I'm going to yell at you about rock music now. And he's like, that's fucking weird. And he goes, you visit my house and you try to turn it into a rock arena. And he's like, he asked permission, right? He asked you later. We literally saw the scene where he asked if he could play his guitar here. Yeah. You could also say, we changed our mind. You fucking asshole. And he's like, you know what, I'm out of here. And dad's like, I'll be damned if this is the only parental, yelling monologue I'm going to do in this episode. Sit back down. He's like, don't leave. Stay and change who you are.

Fundamentally. Exactly. I will lure you into a trap with a locks bagel. No, you're not. Okay. What are you? What are you? We love you. That's why I'm up here to say that we hate everything about you. Yes. Things you've chosen. Yes. Yeah. We love you. And you, I know you don't want to hear this. But Jesus Christ still loves you. He yells at this man with an accusatory finger. Yeah. What? Yeah. And he definitely implies that Jesus loves even you Right. Yeah, Jesus loves you. Yeah. Yeah. And then we get my best worst, right? Dad leaves the room And again, Brian is being played by a 29 year old guy or whatever and they have apparently given this man the challenge

They said you have 1.4 seconds to do as many tantrum things as possible without breaking anything go go don't think about it Just go $30 per tantrum thing and he's like throw dust stop jump But it doesn't work. It's the best. This is happened to me too as a kid You're all angry and you're trying to get something impactful to happen, but you punch like you're bad and you're like, I'm angry at this soft pillow. I'm angry in the noise. There was no noise. Loved it so much. The whole episode is worth watching for just for that. And now we get Brian. He's packing up to go.

He's muttering to himself about how Jesus Christ does not love him. And he's not loved and to go. He's muttering to himself about how Jesus Christ does, not love him. And he's not loved and does not accept it. And then we see him, and we didn't mention this earlier. He started stealing after mom left. He started stealing Connie's jewelry because he doesn't love Jesus. So now he's gonna steal a necklace from the girls room that he's staying in.

And Robert is gonna see him doing it using the old, open the door very obviously and stare right at you, but the plot demands you pretend not to see me trick, right? Every door in all of sitcom universe is a jar. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So we're a jar.

And then and so Brian, he's going out the window. He's 29. I feel like he can leave through the door, but no, he's going out the window and Robert's like, Brian, where are you going? And Brian shouts? Shut up. You better not tell anybody. I'm leaving out this window right now and running away, right? I was like, I feel like they can hear you, man. It's like someone called closing time before this scene because they're just speeding through the beats of this moment.

Yeah, where are you going? I'm going, I'm going to tell anyone, okay, I'm going to immediately tell someone. Right. Yeah, we cut downstairs dad's still furious about all the goop that was in Robert's hair. This is when he runs in an immediately narx on on Brian, right? So dad grabs Blaine Bartel. They're going to go get him. We cut outside. They have an exterior shot.

Yeah, they had that kind of money. And as Brian's trying to sneak away, he runs right into clearance and clearance falls down on the ground. He hurts clearance and that literally no one in the show acknowledges him. No, not a say. Clarence is like, oh, that really hurt. And they're like, Brian, we need to talk to you about your rock and roll, which means that if you were watching this in the live studio audience, I assume you just watched Clarence drag. So false. Day.

All right. Clarence was just like backing up with a cauldron of hot oil. And he was like, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Clarence. So okay. So we cut inside where Das chewing Brian out for all 14 feet of his attempted runaway, right?

And he's like, and you stole jewelry from Connie. And this is where Brian dares them to call the cops for stealing Connie's jewelry, right? Yeah, holds the phone up. Go ahead, call the cops. See if I care. I have inked. He calls, he calls Robert a squeal.

Mm-hmm. A squeal, he says Robert you squeal. Yes. I just, I just greatly enjoy it. Yeah. And the dad's like, we're like, you don't want you to go to jail, we want you to know Jesus and my choose, jail.

Brian, choose, jail. Go to jail, Brian. But there's actually a lot of Jesus and jail. So like if you're actually yeah, right, right? Now, now I think about flip flop in between the two. You can have both. But Blaine steps up cause he's the hero cause he's 45 and he runs the show and he's like,

wait, wait, everybody, stop fighting. I want to show him a video and I wrote in my notes, please be this episode of Fire by No. Please do a space balls. please do a space balls. Please do a space balls. Yes, he's got an educational video for just such an occasion. So they go upstairs. Rob plans like I want the outro to myself, dammit.

So they go upstairs. They're going back into Connie's room because they only had the one bedroom set. And he says, look, Brian, I know you're happy. I can tell from the rock and roll. And Brian's like, right, no, yeah, no, obviously it's pretty obvious. I listen to rock and roll. Therefore, I'm not happy. He says, if you loved Jesus as much as you love rock, you wouldn't have so many problems. So either being Christian removes your problems or God punishes people for their music choices. Either way, not great. It's one of those two things. Yes. Yes. I love it. We get this so often. Brian says, well, you know, I just don't know how to be perfect like you guys. So yeah, that's it. Christians were jealous of your perfection. Yes, no Christian cinema can resist

having an antagonist go, I'm not perfect like you. And then having the protagonist go, yes, I am perfect. Right, yeah, he doesn't even go the only God's perfect route here, he goes, no, I know it's very difficult to be as perfect as me, you got to chop a lot of wood. This is also when he says, Jesus isn't a square old fashioned guy. And I'm like, yes, he is. He's a 2000. He's a rabbi from Palestine 2000 years ago. He is definitely

an old fashioned guy. Also, you just said square old guy in 1987, you fucking twerp, okay? So yeah, but he's like, he's like, you know, look, I don't want to sound like I'm preaching at you, but each of us has an emptiness that only Jesus can fill. I'm like, that's you trying not to sound like you're preaching, huh? Jesus, what is preaching sound like? I was gonna fall in. Shit. But he's like, but I have a video here that I think that, you know, might really speak to you. It's of my Lynn Lafebra and the broken heart. They always have to put his name in that font.

Like, yes, they always have to put his name in that font. Yeah. People called him Frenchie for a while. And he's still a little sensitive about that. So yeah, so and they, so he puts on the music video and we're still getting like the opening tones of a live show before any real music bursts out. That's all we've gotten.

And Brian's already going like, whoa, these guys are Christian. Hehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehehe they sound kind of like journey. Like not, not the fuck really. I don't know. I don't know who Mylon the Fevra's lawyers spoke to to be like, okay, so if there's another character in the show within the show, it says that Mylon sounds like journey will we get sued? And it was like, I think we're okay. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, but he's there just like journey only not satanic and only not as satanic as journey as journey. That hard. Have he met all. Have he met all some. Well, don't stop believing the same. Yes. They want you to keep believing. See, Christians don't know their allies. They don't know who's on their side. They're pro believing Christians. Yeah. So, so, but we're going to watch the video along with Brian. This is one of the songs that we pump fake earlier, right? We watched them watch a video in the movie. Yes. Oh, yeah. We watched Brian wrestle with profound lyrics like many more miles to go. Yeah. And just just to be clear how meta we are right now,

we're watching people watch a movie inside a sitcom inside a TV show. Yes, right? I'm pretty sure the Woldash or Missile is gonna walk in the room and be like, this is a little bit much. You're losing people, Blaine. And Aura Boris flies in. What the fuck are you doing? Gross.

And we can't understand that the music is mixed so poorly in this live video that we can't really hear Milan singing over the keyboard. He's just being drowned out the whole time. We do hear the lyric Christ has won and the crowd goes nuts. For that was the bad. He very clearly didn't expect he was a Christ his one and some fucking H like a drink in the front row. He's like, fuck yeah, Jesus. Kick his ass. He was like, not for the action planned for a concert. And because Blaine can't shut the fuck up for an entire mile in La Feras song, he cuts

enduring the bridge to tell Brian about the love of Christ a little more. Hey, just on the start of this to show. Yeah. So yeah, but Brian is breaking down in tears over penetrating lyrics like he can take your sin and cast it to the wind. That's a rhyme, by the way. And then, and then, as I notice one of those songs that keeps being fake over, right? Like, over, over. Oh, yeah. You're just like, oh, is that it? No, that's just, there's a whole nother refrain. Yeah, because he keeps me like like and come back home Where you

Okay, now it's I'm gonna hit pass I'm gonna pay it pause away. It's just me doing that one embarrassing clap at the Philharmonic Fucker. Fuck. Fuck. He's trying to show that I knew in the bass solo was over. He was just causing fuck. Oh shit, you know, and then we like Brian wrestles with those way, the way D message of come on home, which is repeated about 411 times at the end of this fucking song. That is unless you're gay or trans, then you probably literally got kicked out of your realm. But you're not allowed.

Yeah, you're gonna go to somebody else and continue to be home. I was and rather than actually wrapping up that scene or the minis sitcom within this show at all, Blaine is just going to cut from that video to Blaine back on his bar stool giving us his closing thoughts So he was like hey Brian, I'm gonna walk over to that stool right over there next to the random palette that is I don't know why we have that right next door house But why I'm gonna do that and give a speech you just sit tight. Hey everybody We've shot the ending scene where Brian came to Jesus, but that was a lot about Brian

And I started to chop wood if you know what I'm saying. So I'm just going to talk, I'm going to talk for the rest of the episode. It's all me 100%. Did you know 93% of pastors have no plan to combat the greatest enemy to the growth in their church? He goes, let's change that. That's from the leaf. I feel like you memorized a bunch of chopping wood.

I'm looking at playing Bart of that. I bet you've been looking at it pretty much the entire episode. He goes, he goes, just like, uh, uh, my lawn said, I'm like, okay, so you're not even pretending that he's famous convincingly at this point. Yeah. He goes, he went, he goes, you know, there's probably a lot of children watching some adults, even, and I'm like, I, seriously, a lot, I doubt it. A lot of some really good stuff. Come on man, we're watching this on YouTube and you didn't bother to have this taken down. So, we're watching this.

The synth guy got even louder with the moral of the story and music here. So like, Blaine is trying to like volume fight with the synth and I could not stop laughing. It was so fun And we should also say that this is all delivered with sort of that feverish, you know, the bands playing me off But I still have six people to thank kind of pacing too, right? He starts he's talking about how Jesus is way better than other religious leaders Muhammad Fuck that guy fuck that guy's got nothing that That losing track and shitting on Muhammad for a solid eight seconds was my favorite part

again. Where he's just like, and yeah, I mean a lot of people said they were God fuck, but those people are brown. What am I doing? Play louder, Sintkai. Sorry, they're playing me off. I'd like to also not do the opposite of thank. I hate these other races, but really quick.

I don't like the browns. I don't like the browns. I don't like Muslim is bad. Jewish Atheist. Okay. Adrian Brody. Also, I just, I have to point this bit out too, because he goes, you know, I know there's, I believe there's a young person out there who's been feeling the Lord's presence for

the last, you know, a few weeks. I'm like, oh my God, dude, are you going to start sensing someone whose name starts with the J? Yes, I have the same thing. He's called channeling now. Yes. Jesus fucking christians, a God will, you know, like my lunch and it'll remove your sins as far as the East is from the West. And I'm like, they touch those two think, I don't care. East of what West, they touch. They they have to they meet in the middle. Okay, you ever look at a map left and right? What are you talking about? But it but he tells us the very specific magic words that we have to use. If we want to join as Jesus club right now, which we should we should do that. Act now. Yeah. Exactly.

All supplies last. He's like, I'd like to pray for you now. Lord, I pray that you be these people watching become Christian. And I'm like, well, it's weird now if we're praying together, that that would be the problem. I'm supposed to. I pray that you become Christian, Dave Bartell. Yeah. Right. I don't get it. I don't understand. You're over there chopping wood backstage. I'm over here. Watching the only VHS, my parents will let me watch. Who needs to pray for who Dave Bartell's. And then we get more shitty music, right? Yeah.

Dude, we get another mile on song, the bassist is what's everyone to know. He's too good for this band and he is. So that is correct. They do special effects, just like a real music video, but they like paid for the free trial of it for a second, because it instantly ends. It's worse than that Eli. They just went through all the different built-in effects on that JVC camcorder. And then like they're like, oh, there's only six. We've already used all of them. So no more What if we ended it with a

No, okay Starlights And then I just have to talk about it at the very end fucking blame Bartell comes out again. He's like last word last word I'm still talking I get to talk one more took a smile and did a song now I get to talk No one can't edit out my joke. If I call back to it, I'm here. And we're going to Colorado next month. And you see him look out at the audience like,

huh, that'll be fun. Colorado. So we're in Tulsa. So that's a step up, definitely a better place. Just even the worst of Colorado is better than the best Oklahoma, right? All right. And that's it. They wrap up there. So I just, I have to know because obviously we've got more fire by night in us. What hard hitting subject would you guys like to see

them tackle on the next episode? Oh, uh, devil. The eggs versus the eggs. That's a good one. Yeah. Board games that aren't racist enough. Oh, interesting. All right. All right. And while that's going to do a far review of Fire by Night Episode 7, that's not going

to do it for the episode just yet, because we still need to return to starting positions for next week. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. Well, Noah, Keith, I'm all fun vacation next week. Come here, let me touch your faces. I'm gonna miss you. Bob it. Miss you.

Stop. Miss you. That's enough. So I've left you with something good. I mean, read you the official description from Amazon Prime. This is what you see when you try to watch this movie on Amazon Prime.

Quote, when a family goes adventuring in a state park, the wife is kidnapped by a ruthless unknown man. John Henderson is forced to rely totally on God to find her. After receiving bad news from the detective, he must rely on the power of prayer to bring his wife home. Will his faith be enough to save her in time? This was our first film project. No script or budget with the windows might. Thank you. What?

Hahaha. Oh is this bad Bible, Bigfoot people? This is, that's right, that's right. Mm-hmm. This we'll be watching in Jesus name. Yes, we're going back to our favorite no budget bigots from the Pacific Northwest, the right family. Fuck yeah. So that's a look forward to. We're gonna bring up episode 407 to our most of the clothes. from the Pacific Northwest, the right family. Fuck yeah.

So that's a look forward to we're gonna bring episode 407 to our merciful clothes. Once again, a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors that helped make the show go. If you like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com.sus. God off on there by your own only access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help a ton by leaving a five star review and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our siblings shows, the skating a decent addition to D&D minus in the Skeptocrats available wherever podcasts live.

If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions you can even go to our movies at gmail.com. Tim Robinson takes care of our social media, our theme song was written in the performance by Ryan Slaping and move the dress on Mars, all the other music was written in the performance by our audio engineer Morgan Kirk and voice use with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week for Heathen right in Eli Bosley and I'm No Illusions Promised to Work Harder or another chunk next week until then.

We'll leave you with a breakfast club close. Evil cousin Brian, and the rest of the family, are still just sitting there motionless in sitcom Time Out Universe. Lane Bartell would go on to publish a book about his quote, Deadly dissent into the secret sexual underworld of America. And, quote, did he die? I don't know somebody dead. God, I hope so. Mylon the Fevra realized this name was Mylon, not Myron at the age of 68, saying, quote,

Are you guys sure? That's not even a name. What's your name? What's your name? What's your name? What's your name? What's your name? What's your name? What's your name? What's your name? What's your name? What's your name? What's your name?

That's two, by the way, two. By the way, two, by the way. You like, did you find that you were a little bit, you know, bigoted towards medium height people when you said a joke last week, I thought you were. So. What happened? What? What happened? That didn't actually happen. Just talking in the voice of some

asshole on Facebook. Oh, okay. I got. I thought, here's what I thought happened. That's very funny one. And it's not your fault. I didn't get it to. I thought you were like, now that we were done, you were like, okay, you know what? I've been thinking about this for more than a week and I'm ready to take you out of bed. All right, I'm for me to own and be responsible. Interstitial one. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I can't even say that it's not a dog. No, you actually say, they're both in the dictionary I'm pretty sure. But most people would definitely use a U under the shore.

Just the image of poor Heath on his end being like, oh, yep, I know what he was going on. I was like, maybe chalk. Oh, no, he's doing the weird alternate. I guess some, I've seen that once or twice. Okay. Okay. Sorry.