God Awful Movies - 41: GAM041 Rock: It's Your Decision

Episode Date: May 31, 2016

This week, Eli, Noah, and Heath join forces once more; this time for an atheist review of Rock: It's Your Decision; a Bizarro-world version of Footloose where our hero uses his ability to not dance to inspire an entire town of youngsters to also not enjoy themselves. If you want to see our live show in NYC on August 12th, click here to get tickets. --- Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars.  If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page.

Un chapuzón, con el hábito, tu serie favorita y en medio de tu siesta. ¡Ey! ¿Has visto esta? No sabes la de planazos que hay este verano en Guésville, Parque Sur. Con ciertas obsesiones con DJs, clases de yoga, talleres con marcas y actividades con niños, te apuntas. Un sueño de verano, Bayguésville, Parque Sur. I get the feeling that they heard rock and they were hearing about rock. This is the 80s. People were talking about crack. They assumed it was still the music. And that's what they made this movie because he's going like, I never realized how dependent I was on rock. Like that makes perfect sense if we're talking about crack. He's just taking witness statements from like the 1980s Harlem. It's like, yeah man they kill their moms because of the rock.

God awful. Movie. MOVIE! MOVIE! MOVIE! Welcome back to the Gamcast, where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema in hopes that we get eternally tortured by one of the real pro demons. I'm your host Noah Luzonz, and sitting in my immediate left is my good friend Heath, and right, Heath, welcome back! Thank you Noah. This better be fun, by the way. I was gonna do meth with some 12-year Heath, and right, Heath, welcome back. Thank you Noah. This better be fun by the way. I was gonna do meth with some 12 year olds and rock out to Kenny G today.

I canceled for this. So, it's better be good. I don't think we're gonna be able to make up for that. That's gonna make sense in about an hour. Yeah, right, right, exactly. The afterlisten to the episode twice to totally get that show. It's like a Kirk Cameron movie. Ha ha ha ha.

And sitting 989 miles to my right, you've already heard him. It's like a Kirk Cameron movie. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha whatever. Trust me on the second go this is going to be really funny. And before we even get to this week's movie, not that you guys already kind of haven't hinted around a little bit. How excited are you for the first ever live record of God awful movies? Oh, I can't wait. We're going to be doing Passion of the Christ. Oh, yeah. August 12th, 7 to 9 p.m. of the People's Improv Theater. If you're not our fan on Facebook, you can go go on there's an event there and you can check out The Thing walls have it in the show notes just announced today We're gonna have two people who do not know each other fucking live on stage during the live record Well, I'm sorry fucking live on stage. Yes at the pit everybody gets lead All right, I haven't I haven't heard about the full penetration

Okay, I already said it set it out loud Well now we can't take it back Even in the edit it's that is locked in that's official And also a quick note to all our patrons at the $10 level or above you get not only free tickets But you also get VIP tickets to the show we're gonna have a meet and greet before the thing. If you need to get your ticket, if you're gonna be in New York around about August 12, 7 and 9 p.m. You can email Eli or you can message our Facebook page, the God Offamouli's Facebook page and we'll take care of getting your tickets and getting your set up. But enough about what we'll be breaking down. Then Heath, what will we be breaking

down today? All right. We watched Rock. It's Decision, which is a Christian propaganda movie about a small town that learns about the evils of rock and roll music. So it's basically footloose except Kevin Bacon is really good at not dancing. Yeah. He uses that lack of talent to rally the entire community of young people behind him and keep dancing illegal just like John Lithgow on it. It's backwards foot loose about rock music. You're tight.

Pretty much, An Eli. How bad was this movie? Well, if you've ever thought to yourself, man, I love Nazi propaganda films, but the protagonists are too likable Then you're gonna love rockets your decision. This is a movie about a loser who ruins everyone's good time And then everyone hates him and then it's over like that is the movie You keep waiting for the day new mall where everyone's like you know what I realized that never happened Nope, he shouts at a room full of teenagers and they're like, fuck that guy. And then the movie is, oh, they have a stunt double breaker record and a movie. It's over. Not like a Guinness record, like an LP. Yeah, exactly, exactly. An evil devil rock music one. And I love, okay, so this movie is said, or it's not said it was made in 1982 and this is doubly hilarious because

for our patrons this week we did a bonus edition of the 2015 classic pixels which was all about trying to like instill nostalgia for 1982 and really radically amazingly failed in that endeavor. This movie had me more nostalgic for 1982 in 41 seconds than that movie man. That's the only nice thing I'm gonna say about this movie, by the way. Well, I'll have some compliments for the music here and there. So is there anything you guys would like to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at?

How about convincing me of its message? Can I go with convincing me of its message? Yeah, yeah, getting its point across that that you know how much you should hate rock We're gonna play a bunch of really great music throughout this movie and then compare it to our shitty how great that will art music And never acknowledge it. Yeah, yeah, they they were constantly accidentally making the point opposite the one they were hoping to make Heath any nominations? I'm gonna say best worst establishing shots. Would you're about half the movie? Oh yeah. Half the movie. We'll get there. Yeah, 53 minutes long and about 50% of it is

establishing shot. All right, well this week's movie may or may not contain vital soul-saving information so I don't want to keep you in suspense for too long but we're gonna pause for a quick break anyway and when we come back we'll break down all the mixed messages that are rock. It's your decision. We got a 5 star review on iTunes recently, and while we appreciate all our 5 star reviews, this fan added a few choice words for yours truly in his assessment of the show. His review titled Eli as a Genius Comedian, so far so good, reads,

His review titled Eli as a Genius Comedian, so far so good, reads, This is my favorite podcast currently. It's not for everyone, though, because you have to patiently wait for Noah to stop talking. He is that guy you know who likes to say, Otto Laring College is just a show off he can. He's did it again. Just now. So, thanks, I guess, for all the stars and shit. For that, I won't point out that if a person was trying to show off their fancy

pronunciation skills they'd probably go with auto-rino laryngologist rather than auto-laryngologist, but we do want to address the point that the listener made and I want to do so without offending him or her with my vocabulary. Right, so if you don't like it when we use really big words, please remove your left headphone now. And if you don't like it when we substitute little words when big words are available, please remove your right headphone now. And if you think the size of our words doesn't matter, feel free to leave in both headphones

and get double the entertainment. I should start by conceding that this commenter isn't the first to point to my appotency for use of logophilic prolics, fancy words, as substantiation, evidence that I'm euphuistic, an asshole. And as a professional rock on tour, wordsayer, I take any appropriate shit about my ability to efficaciously communicate real good, seriously. That being said, this vituperation bullshit wasn't directed at my perspicuity ability to be easily understood without using way more words than are necessary, but rather at my rectitude, baby mama.

Right, but when the cinematic of moving picture that we are exposculating on, mean words saying about, requires that we mention an auto-rino-laryngologist, a headhold doctor, and Noah happens to have an opera-po-appellation in mind, a good word in his brain mouth. Why would you pass up on a Hippopotamus monstrosescopedalian? Big. Word like auto-rino-laryngology, that fancy word with the rhino in it. Especially when, so-doing, doing so, doesn't derogate minus from any of the aforementioned lucidity. Stuff we said before about the ability to be easily understood without using way more words than are necessary, and therefore making sentences go on way longer than they really need to if we were willing to occasionally look up words that you hear from people what read good and stuff.

Now the nuclear, nuclear option would be to incapacify, stop him every time he utilated, used, a word with more than four two syllables. But anything we did to reconfas debate change, no as natural speech would intercrashably, totally, sacraments is, get rid of, a lot of the contenture-tont-pent chemistry that makes the show work. Of course, I try to counterpoise, balance my perclivity for love of grandiliquence talking like an asshole with a comodious application, lot, of scatological vernacular, poop jokes.

But I'll admit that sometimes I let my verbosity vocabulary get the best of me. Moreover, also, Noah's raison d'etre whole thing on this show is less jocularity, funny and more elucidative, explaining. After all, somebody has to recapitulate, say words about the plot points of these movies and those things generally aren't

visible, laugh you making. So if there's any lingering d'Arnchkanger over the over the vocabulary rising words in this scarf for card-durk and dark show that have undercated, lessoned, your envenation, enjoyment, we sincerely apagallicate our sorry. And finally, on a personal note to the reviewer, go and disseminate fuck yourself you super-cilious, douche-urgling, actueless as sinus jackass. Alright, feel free to put your right left headphone back in now. I did correct words both times.

Hahahaha! Hahahaha! And we're back for the breakdown and we're gonna open up this anti-rock music movie at a rock concert that looks very awesome and sounds really good. Yeah, bad job movie. This music is a good reason to decide on rock and roll. Yeah, good thing it's our decision. It's just so weird that they use so much good rock and roll in this movie to get you to know.

It's like somebody who wants to talk to you about not using drugs, but he wants to do it high You're bad you would know how have bad pot is take a hit of this It's pineapple express man. You ever feel that way? No feels great, right? No side effects literally if you vape it You're fine. You're fucking fine Everyday your life doesn't fucking matter the Beatles. You want to be like the Beatles. There you go Anyways, so don't do that. Don't do that. It was a it was fun to meet the antagonist right away, which is C F N G in 4 4. And the other thing is this movie is an anti rock movie, but

someone very clearly had good taste in music. Yes, that made it because they didn't just pick like the popular hits of songs at the time. They picked some underground stuff. They picked some good stuff, some deep cuts. So it's like, there's obviously a music fan here and they were like, you know, Brian, you used to be super into rock, right? Would you be willing to listen to some music? And he's like, yeah, go do it.

Yeah, absolutely. Yes, yes, I will. Sure, I need 28 hours with all my old albums and not to see my fat wife That you assigned me Got the broken stepford one and he's really working hard in this movie and So then we fade from this rock concert over to a suburban house and we can hear the music playing inside the house and we can hear a mother yelling and screaming at Jeff to turn that junk down. Yeah, because which life do you want that rock concert that had people swaying together in joy and bliss with beautiful music

cascading over them or a mother who's gonna scream up the stairs at you about the sound she can hear that she doesn't like. Checkmate, not rock and roll. Yeah, it sounds like a mother and son are having a fight like into a microphone somewhere in this house that we're looking at from the outside. Right, right. My note to the movie here was, we, the audience, are already outside. You, the movie, know this because your cameras are shooting from outside

Yeah, yeah, so yeah, so he yells at his mom must be the rock and roll making him do that and then he jumps in his car And puts a cassette tape into his into his car Stereo and all of a sudden I'm way more nostalgic for the 80s than I ever was during pixels. And my music note here is like, fuck, I really thought I would have a lot of bad music notes in this movie, but it's not looking that way. Yeah, that's some good music, excellent. Yeah, it was called can't walk on the water, by the way, it was the name of the track he puts in. Very subtle. Okay, question.

Did all cars sound like someone was raping a duck when you started them in the 80s? Cause he turns on his car and it's like, what? And it's like no, Quacking. Shouldn't have worn that not anything, cause you're a duck. Obviously asking for it.

It was a very accurate duck rape sound. I gotta tell you. Thank you, Lots of practice. You gotta hear it all out. I wanna point out that female ducks, bodies, actually do have a system that shuts that whole thing down if they get raped. That's probably where a tautic.

That actually is true. I think that's where tautic and got it as he was fucking ducks. And he's like, you know what, I never see him to impregnate these ones that are unwilling. So. You need to make this articulated somehow. Question, if Todd Aiken, if there was a half duck, half Todd Aiken, how would we know? Like how you tell that's not a half person half duck.

Which bathroom should he be allowed to use? I think that's an important question we should be asking. That's so much better than my bread crumbs joke. All right, so we'll move right on. So he drives away, mom runs after me, almost gets in a wreck because all that rock and roll. And Jeff looks like he made it to last callback for happy days.

It doesn't even, yeah. I have him as taxidermy Emilio Estabés. It looks just like him, right? I mean, yeah, except all dead and full of stuff. Yeah, yeah, just like him. Yeah. So we go back inside, mom is making some tea here. And while she's doing that, she gets a call from every movie's commercial airline pilot. And apparently, this is dad, he won't be able to make it home on the early flight because business business business So mom looks like someone surprised Sally fields forever

Everett's ever Sally fields bottle head It's about right ahead and haircut. They look like they add up to a lot of weight. It's like Darth Vader's helmet Looks very tiring for a neck again making me a nostalgic for the 80s So mom's talking to dad over the phone She's like, well, you know, I had another fight about Jeff's music with him again And he left screaming and yelling to go to church Church the kid was going to church and at first I thought we were gonna see him like drinking beers at a party and like,

oh mom thought he was at church, but no. Nope. He actually was going to church in a huff. Yup, he does just go to church in a huff. And throughout this scene, she's just constantly reminding her husband, like I'm a bad mom. I just cannot talk to my son.

Should we go to that guy who's probably raping him and see if he can talk about a music I don't care. I'm gonna finish slathering this Filipino boy and coconut oil as soon as I get off the phone with you just as soon as I get off the phone with you my hands are drizzled business business so but yeah but that's the thing though and this comes up so often in this movie is like the mom's like yeah I screamed and yelled at Jeff about an arbitrary thing that doesn't matter and he seems upset by it what should I do and no one ever says maybe not yell him a Adam about this arbitrary shit that never comes up ever at any point also

question why did she glue her cell phone to the wall I don't was that so did she lose it a lot and that's why she We like to do that back in the 80s we glued our cell phones to the wall We also put our cool. I like it our iPods in these giant boxes full of knobs. You'll see what that comes up later Yeah, yeah So and by the way, okay, so the mom says perhaps I should call youth pastor Owens and get him to talk to Okay, so the mom says, perhaps I should call youth pastor Owens and get him to talk to Jeff about it. That's not enough, right? Implying that she's going to call him is not enough, we would have left that scene going,

well, did she call him or what? So apparently we have to linger on the scene long enough for to hang up the phone and then call pastor Owens, who looks like Matthew Broderick's gay uncle, to talk to him about all that evil rock and roll music. Yeah, he looks like Jason born with too many chromosomes. It's our second character in different movies that should have been called Jason Born again. Nice. Oh yeah, there you go. Yeah. Pazeroan's looks like someone's first attempt at painting Matt Damon.

I thought he kind of looked like Mike Berbiglia, but he got cloned using stem cells from Porcupig. There was definitely a poor sign thing going on. Mike Berbiglia going on to show him. Looks like angry birds often catapult themselves in his house. There's a lot of problems with that. Stop it, kids. For the last time, it's just an iPhone game.

So now we're going to go over to a church and we're gonna get one of these, um, one of these long establishing shots that Heath has, has, has already alluded to while we get a creepy sermon from the Charles Atlas before picture. And this scene, okay, so they pan out, it's kind of like the the raiders in the lost arc scene at the end But instead of boxes it's ugly people As they pan over this fucking church. I wrote in my notes I'm like if we slowed this thing down we could make an 11 hour episode just by asking Eli to describe this entire crowd And I could oh it's like you went the next few couldn't possibly be uglier than this one

Yeah, we could do the whole episode on this room's physical appearance then at the end be like he likes rock and roll Then he doesn't he breaks a record gross We should have gone with that in the notes. Yeah, but yeah, Draco Malfoy is preaching Yeah, yeah, as this percoled junior Yeah, and I'm just writing imagine how much collective pubic hair is in this room. You know, just think about that for a second. But everybody's got a little trouble under their dress. Terrible. Yeah, okay.

So yeah, so the, and then we pan back to the, to the back of the church where this Marty, who looks like the love child of Gary Shanling and Rhea Perlman is bitching about all the church at this church and how it's stupid. Yeah, he looks like gay Shoebert. Looks like Vincent Denoffrio got abducted by the Brady bunch. He looks like Jason Seagull, fuck John Balushi.

Alright, that's nailed it. It's creepy accurate. Holy shit, even down to the penis, as we'll find out later. So, yes. And yes, we will. We'll get to Marty's penis. Oh, believe me, we're going to talk about Marty's penis. Yeah.

I feel like we're not the first people that have set that. I feel like multiple people have set that. See, that needs to be the teaser now, just because people are like, oh really, okay, awesome. So, and also I should note, by the way, that he's bitching at the only attractive person in the room. A attract, I mean,

well, kind of a stripper named Tara Fawcett. Yeah, well, that's something like that level of attraction. That's what her name would be. She's a stripper. Point out the other really terrible stuff. It's so real. He's so... I'm so sick. I can't. You can see the name on the door. I just hear some DJ and now

I'm fucking ario speed wagon coming to the stage at 2 in the afternoon on a Tuesday Tara Fossett, oh no they said Tara Fossett make a rain for tech, no okay get your ones out oh or it's a no i also think we should point out although it's gonna be a huge letdown after the terra faucet joke clearly exactly what it is that marty marty is bitching about now keep in mind this is

the guy who will be proven wrong in this movie he's saying i wish they would preach about something other than how bad our music is every single week. That's the guy who will be wrong. And we also learn they're only here for the food. Yeah, right. Tara's only there for the awesome after party. Yeah.

Also, okay, so and then Jeff, the taxidermy to me, the last of us that we met earlier is right next to these people having a voiceover with with God. Yeah, he's super conflicted. Should I love rock music or should I be an asshole? The guide me Jesus. That's the stakes of this film right there And I also love during his little internal monologue here. He's going like, yeah, I'm very sorry. I yelled at mom, Jesus. I don't know why I feel like this. And when I, yep, it's the rock and roll, isn't it? That's what it's gonna be.

I so expected this monologue to be like, and Marty gives me tingles in my downstairs. Can we talk about that? Just a flash cut to Jesus being like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no no around together drinking punch and they address the first person they address is brother Jim. And this was made after the Jones town massacre guys. This is not a coincidence here. That was 78. This was 82. They already knew what drinking the punch and talking to brother Jim meant. I'm just saying that time article never mentioned the potato salad. I would

have been much gentler on the whole Jones down thing. If I knew there was potato salad and poison, cool. Right. Is that paprika? No, arsenic. Oh, awesome. Good to see you. Good to see you.

Good to see you. Good to see you. Hard lessons. Hard lessons. I'll tell y'all about it in a reason, Rally. Don't worry. Figure it out. We're supposed to all kill ourselves at reason, Rally, right?

Yes. about a reason rally don't worry figured out we're supposed to all kill ourselves at reason rally right I've been spending very badly of the past week so I need someone to tell me right now if we weren't supposed to kill ourselves Well, but I don't want to say no in case Ray comfort is listening That's true. So yeah, we we just gonna touch his face And stronger than him. That's just what it's gonna come down to you who wants it more bunch of people here in this episode now I'm gonna be hearing it for the first time because they read about me on pathos Guy who touched Ray comfort in the hot-nots pot Man licks Ray comforts eyeball Get him me get him me get him

gimme a string of a crocodile and it's one point out that got off of movies does not uh... indoors or can don't the licking of ray conference eyeball against this well uh... or if he asked to so anyway where were you oh yeah so jeff was uh... at the cool after party and he wants to tell jimmy ulson how awesome the uh... the pet the sermon was but one of his friends wants him to hear some rock and roll music so he

he runs off to do that instead uh... but that's okay because we're about to get some intro to some mom son incest porn this movie made me lube up for no reason so So many times We're coming up on number one for me anyway, I'll let you know as we go I had four so

So yeah, so okay, so mom we introduced to see mom's like so how is youth group? He's like, yeah, it's okay Two kids got saved that's his actual line. I'm thinking to myself What a ridiculous admission of how foolish it they know they are Two kids got two kids were gonna burn in hell for a million in attorneys, and they no longer will At me I was two for four with an RBI no big deal Two kids are going to hell, but still. Yeah, it's pretty good. All of fame numbers, it's gonna be technical.

So yeah, and he apologizes for being mean to his mom on the way out of the door, mom forgives him, that should be the end of that, shouldn't it? Yeah, I wrote my notes, yeah, show mommy how sorry you are. I know how this goes, he starts to jerk off, she comes in, no, let mommy do that for yeah, I get it Deep web But no, but it doesn't happen so I just wrote both

Right, right exactly exactly. I'm like well fuck. I might as well rub that on my elbows. They actually chase fuckers and then and I have a question here. He appears to take the front of a Ford focus Put a small square save icon into it. For a summer between 40 and 75 button, is that a computer? Is what he operates to make music a computer? Is it an abacus? It is a musical abacus you're correct yeah seriously he does everything except poor gasoline in it fucking crank the phone my fucking note here is that's a sweet fucking steer it's like it's the next room over has most of it

Codating the Yeah, right. Oh vacuum tube is over there. What do you want to listen to? Let me throw in some sweet tunes on these punch cards? Prokoke I would so kill to have that stereo system right now I missed that I missed that everybody who is flat broke had a fucking two thousand dollar stereo in their house You can go to Best Buy and steal one of those what can do that amount of sound And they don't even care. No, I know what you can grab a box and they'll just be like don't don't come on man See he fires up his gramophone and He lays down and he listens to this time the song was I think the devil is sneaking into your life

Oh really like Sneaks into your life the devil these are real rock lyrics Again very subtle so now we we cut to tomorrow He falls asleep to his rock music because you know how conducive rock music is to sleeping and then we cut to the rock music because you know how conducive rock music is to sleeping and then we cut to the 24 second establishing shot of a church that slowly and clumsily zooms in on the steeple. Sometimes you can't see it anymore for just a second when the fucking camera man sneezes. But yes, we are, never not just at a church, we are very at a church. Right. My note to the movie here was when you guys make the sequel the scene should be noticeably longer than the establishing shot It's kind of the standard these days. I mean same in 1982, but also right. Yeah, you make another

And and mom's having her meeting with the pastor. Yeah, which is basically her being like I'm a bad mom Should I abort my 19 year old? Yeah, I mean wait do you want soap operas? What's that have to do with it? I don't know. Is the scene over? Sure is. Click. Well, okay, so this is such a bizarre moment. Okay, so this is where we meet fucking Polonium Poisoned, Phillip Seymour Hoffman here.

And, you know, we already met him through the phone call, but we get a little more time with him here. It's nice to see though what the mascot for the pigly wiggly did before he got to me. He's schooled to find out what he was doing before. Right, it's like, oh, look. Yeah, I guess he was a terrible youth bastard so they decided he needed more work.

So yeah, so. And at first, it almost seems like this scene is gonna become sane, right? Because mom comes and she's like, yeah, I scream and yell at my son all the time for his music And he's like, do you know anything about his music? And she's like it all I know is that it's loud like well That's not an intrinsic quality of music. That's a knob on the stereo Yeah, and the and the guys go in like well, you know, you don't understand this music You don't understand this music, you don't know anything about it, and you're yelling about it at him. Does that make sense to you? And she's like, well, maybe not. And he's like, do you watch soap operas? She's

like, yeah. And I thought he was going to say, well, you know, that's just harmless. And that's your taste. It just like the music is harmless. And it's his taste. But no, the point he's making with the soap operas is, see, you're also of the devil. Yeah, it's so close to making a real point. It's like, yeah, everyone has their own taste. My taste personally is for human flat. And he's like, oh, hard right turning to crazy. Also, you could replace the word heroin with rock and roll in this scene and it would

still be the exact same lines. Oh, yeah. Oh, every night heroin, heroin up in his room and I would still be the exact same lines. Oh yeah. Oh, every night heroin, heroin up in his room and I don't know what to do. Well, heroin is very addictive and influential. Just go through. If you watch this movie with us on YouTube and just shout the word heroin whenever anyone says rock and roll, the movie kind of makes sense. Well, I actually have a very similar theory. I'm thinking the game would be whenever they say rock music, switch it out for masturbation.

And I'm quite certain the writer intended it this way. And by the way, pretty much all the rest of my notes are lines from this movie that confirm that theory. I'm quite certain that's what happened. Who's just like, oh, we'll make it, it could be for masturbation or gay people or rock music, whatever. It's just entertaining. Oh yeah, for example, when I was a teenager in the 1980s, my mom complained about how loud my masturbation was. You could have it seriously. Yeah.

Your son's probably been listening to masturbation music for longer than you even realized. Every night up in that room, he's just masturbating. I can't sleep. How can you be choking yourself and screaming at the same time? Be elabot. Also, and again, so just to confirm that heroin or masturbation was clearly the intent here, one of the guys lines is, I shit you not, rock music is one of the most difficult things

a Christian child must deal with. Are we quite sure about that? Did we fact check that? I want to see that like a support group. Like, yeah, man. I hit rock bottom. I was listening to KISS and then I just went on to the Beatles. I woke up in the morning and I'd gone all the way through the stombs collected albums. I don't know. I need help. I'm here to get help.

I also love, he's like trying to encourage the mom to learn more about christian mute or about rock music i just want to flash cut to her in a mosh pit or something knocking down some tattooed motherfuckers and then of course she leaves with this brilliant line she says uh... you know i came here about jeth but i feel like i learned the most like you're the only one there jeth isn't they are that makes no

fucking sense anyway. So now we cut to, we get an establishing shot of the same church that we were already in because that's where the next scene happens too. Kind of, kind of defeats the purpose of an establishing shot, really. I'm doing this in a bad way. During this establishment shot, I started and finished my second mass reading. Oh, I see. Oh, okay. So you got some stuff done. Yeah. So now I am pastor Owens is having the talk with Jeff. And of course,

that's the the rock and roll talk that I'm talking about. I immediately the moment he started to talk to Jeff, I started to assume he was going to try to fuck him. And like, oh no, run, Jeff run. Yeah, then all of the scenes between the two of these guys, and there's quite a few of them have that undercurrent. And of course, my first note is, yeah, Jeff, multi-colored vertical stripes. Roll with that. Human test pattern. It's a good look for you. Also, can we just point out that the before he starts this conversation with Jeff, he's like no look i'm not gonna

lecture you i'm not gonna throw a bible in your nose and then precedes for what i assume was eighty seven minutes to lecture him and shove bible verses at yes exactly does is quote the bible and lecture him and he does it off of a q card so obviously off of a q card and i also want to point out that every single Bible verse he references in this scene involves a man entering another man. Watch this. It's only 53 minutes you can get through this one's not that hard and just wait for this scene and notice that. I believe three different verses he throws up and it's about God entering

someone or someone entering Jesus or yeah. Yeah. Boys soul and Jeff does not get the hint. Keeps knocking his pencil off his desk. Oh, I dropped my pencil again. Let me bend over and get it. Jeff, I'm getting my pencil, Jeff. Fuck fine. Here's talking more about the music you should listen to.

Oh, my pants got caught in that chair and ripped. No, nothing. Okay, nothing. Also, his first argument seems to be like, Paul also fought with his mom about loot music or whatever. He up a pile. So tall.

Puzzle Paul was like, would not, could not, on a train, would not, could not, on the rain. He calls to him from the book of hop on pop, what the fuck was that? Also, camera note for this particular scene, can we get so close to their faces You can't do it from the book of Hop on Pop with the fuck was that? Also, camera note for this particular scene, can we get so close to their faces that we can see their thoughts? It's clearly they've been playing space invaders of late.

So yeah, and it's just so ridiculous. Like one of the things that he says during this thing is like, salvation isn't a promise of a problem-free life. In fact, it doesn't do any measurable thing at all that being said. Yeah, and Jesus Jesus Jesus. Yeah, he also has that moment where he's like now We should live our lives according to the scripture which is hard the scripture has full of shit Oh, like you're gonna go find some fucking amalachites and start smashing heads No, I'll tell you what it means. know cuz i uh... didn't go to school yeah right yeah exactly i went to magic school

but well and that's what he's like you know it yeah it's it's difficult to believe your life by scripture because it's not always specific and then when it is it's pretty much telling you to murder people or something like that but don't worry because i'm gonna show you how we can retroactively apply some unrelated verse to anything. For example, here's what the fucking Bible says about cigarette smoking. Right. It never directly says we shouldn't smoke cigarettes because then everyone would be Christian.

But it does say to take care of your body, please don't ever go to a Trump rally. Don't. That's going to conflict for you. There's a lot of rascals. The rascal parking and the car parking. You're pretty much equal God I want to I got some ministers to quote that particular passage to Both do a sit-up and then we'll talk about the Bible never mind of me now now all about the same

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It's pretty love. Think Borat. No, was that a big thing in 1982? Oh, yeah, we were all wearing the... Super deep T-neck. Polo shirt, straight. We were all wearing the vertical stripes back then. Oh yeah, we were all wearing the deep deep back polo shirt. All wear the vertical stripes back them. Oh my God. That was the Astros uniform in 82

actually. So, and then okay, so in addition to the, to the, the two weeks without any rock and roll music, he also wants Jeff to decide whether or not Christian music or rock music is something that he wants in his life and he wants him to do it by justifying it scripturally. Yeah, that's what he explains. He's like, you know, opinions change, but God's word never changes unless you count the errors that like we're copying into the Bible or any other scripture. Right. I wrote God's Word never changes. Man who shaves his face and knows Pat's aren't birthed. Right. He also gives him some Christian rock

to like hold him over. And you can see everyone be uncomfortable. It's like, hey, yeah, check this out. Is this your band? Yeah, yeah. It's a crazy word for why this weekend, come check us out. So a six-string for me right for the show

Going through the set and I love this light too because like I want you to justify rock music with scripture But nothing vague or contradictory So I want a Tim Burton movie, but not one of the weird ones. Oh, ones okay don't creep me out with black and white outfit and no hell in the bottom car becoming less and less of a problem these days go spend a weekend with Eli Bosnick but don't get touched where you're the most tiktok tom knows what i'm talking about

and of course this is where we get the first of many title drops in the film he's like well what if I decide to go back to my rock music and pastro and goes, it's your decision boom. Oh, and a bunch of Christians in 1983 stood up and we're like, it's under David. So now we get him. He's made this agreement with Pastor Owen's he's driving home Well first first pastor Owen's gives him some books too. All right. Yes. Oh God some recently published books with the Christian perspective on masturbation Details on all the different masturbation groups. Well kind of stuff they sing about yeah. Yeah, yeah, he gets Yes, he gets his his fucking we strobe-o'-books.

And then, oh, and then, of course, they pray for him too, but then he's driving away. And apparently this kid is just like, yeah, he's got the masturbation's heart or something, because he's not even gonna make it all the way home without having a jonesing, like, should I listen to a rock stationer? Kind of a moment, but also, you know know he decides to listen to a shitty radio station So and I couldn't go to you begin to tell you what music he chooses to listen to because it's just like it's like Rock It was kind of like classical, but it was also kind of like just you know like tuning

But it was also kind of like just you know like tuning And now the Philadelphia Hillam fill harmonic will warm up Two oboists getting into a fight while trying to compete for a solo 46 bitch Bring down six clicks, so now we get now we get She's going up at Jeff's house. Apparently she's Jeff's girlfriend. They did a terrible job of establishing when she was talking to the other guy and ignoring him earlier. And if anyone's wondering what I sleep in every night, it's her outfit in this scene. She has a jean jacket with a deer on it over a white

button-down shirt. Yeah, it's amazing. It's wonderful. No one had a good picture from the early 80s and there's a reason for that. At what point in the 80s was did everyone just go crazy? Because there was like I get 60s fashion. I get 70s fashion and then the 80s you all were just like, you know what, fuck it, everything we didn't use in the last two decades, we're using now. Okay, I'm sorry. Who's got some coke?

You can talk a lot of shit about the 80s, but don't you dare say that 80s fashion was weird compared to 70s fashion. At least our pants were like leg shaped at that point. I understand it, I don't understand the impetus for that dear print gene jacket. I thought it looked pretty sweet. I'm just saying it looked pretty sweet. So Ash got to know a slowly plain thing that that doesn't cause it. Takes it out of a folder labeled the Reason Rally Clothing.

Fucking asshole, I was gonna be the dear atheist. Fucking shit. Fucking just get this t-shirt. Fucking get these days don't understand shit. I've still got the same hairdo I had an 82 as well, so yeah and so then we cut over to Jeff who's like reading one of the books and he's doing that like holding the book like at a 90 degree angle, like product placement kind of a reader there and yeah I'm sorry this has to be mentioned the book he's reading about rock and roll yes is called big beat this movie is about masturbation right this may 80 are it over jerking off over yeah because people kept jerking off to the movie though

The original beginning of that was just him in his bedroom with a sock on his top I can hear you Jeffrey Like no put a rock concert in there or something they say we can do that And her way to get Jeff's attention so and her way to get Jeff's attention. So Tara Fosette walks into the room and her way to get attention is to move her mood ring or her birthstone ring from one hand to the other and go, Jeff, look at my engagement ring and he's like, it's not an engagement ring and she's like, we're having fun. This is how Christians interact when we don't fuck. And this is the second time this movie made me grease up for nothing. I mean, in this scene, she spills popcorn all over his dick

and it's still not turning into crazy bush porn. I'm two for two at this point. Thank you. I'm two for two. Sorry, go ahead. She also says, men wouldn't know pretty if it slapped them in the face. And I would just like to say it we would,

because it has. When I started greasing up, yeah, exactly. And then he forgives her for spilling the popcorn on him and then brags about how awesome he is because of it and then we get the real conflict here she says did you get tickets to the rock and roll concert because you know how you reference the concert you're going to by the genre of the music we'll be there. Are we going to that pop R&B late 60s early 70s concert later? So this is where she first learns that he changed his mind about the devil music and is going to go

two weeks without any. And it's like he's coming out as gay. He's like, no, I don't rock anymore. I don't rock anymore. I just can't find that funky rhythm. Also, by the way, we can't not point out these dress like Woody from Toy Story in this scene. And not only is he, but like multiple people will be dressed like Woody from Toy Story as this movie goes on. Right. There's also, she goes, well, actually, remember the rock concert was going to be my birthday present because I'm your girlfriend And that was my birthday gift and he's like yeah, but I made an invisible agreement with Jesus So do you want to go out to eat and stand and she's like with you?

That's weird that you would make that choice and think that those two were similar I wrote my notes be be a bad boyfriend, this movie. Yeah. All right, there's also this great moment where she gets mad and he turns around really fast and I wrote, hit her, it's biblical. Yeah. She has gotten upty.

And so, okay, this comes back up several times within this movie, but like in the real world, if for whatever reason you agreed to not listen to rock and roll music for two weeks, no one would even notice, right? like nothing would change in your fucking life You would just be listening to less good music or maybe you would like get into blue grass or something right? Yeah, exactly exactly in real life. This would in no way affect you But in this movie about how you should do this they set up these ridiculous

Serenity scenarios were like your girlfriend will break up with you none of your friends will want to hang out with you Jesus will never let you touch yourself you'll never get laid whatever and and and like like in their effort to make this seem like a good thing you should do yeah the exaggeration is going in the wrong direction guys yeah it's like one of those scenes where carrot cartoon characters are starving and everyone starts to look like a chicken leg That's basically how this movie treats Zenzie you serve you look like a spinning kiss record right now I'm just gonna put this needle on you real quick

Just a second Who could it hurt? Just as we're all thinking. But where's all the fantastic Christian movie sportsing? We get to some white people playing basketball. Yeah, remember when white people were allowed to sports, now we know why we're not allowed to do that anymore. Actually, the best basketball we've ever seen in a Christian. I got to admit, my note here is holy shit, This actor's done a layup

Oh, yeah, right. I mean, it's still the widest layup you could possibly imagine, but still amazing Makes it looks like a first fish Shit, and this is where we learn all about Marty's penis now I'm sure that there was no note in the in the in the script that says make sure marty's wearing sweatpants and no underwear and that is sweatpants camels are correct is exactly is hyper visible. But I mean I'm my notes are are we sure marty's christian because he looks Jewish from that from that outline I the casting notice was very obviously marty fret best friend frizzy hair grower not a shower that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that but what ultimately pulled me away from marty's penis was the sudden realization that for no fucking reason

the two actors in this movie decided to start talking like white people doing sam jackson lines yeah i wrote why are they talking like the disney grows like yo man what i'm going to this rock concert no man i'm not i guess maybe because they had a basketball it affects your vernacular or something. Oh my god. Wait, hand me a soccer ball. Yeah, have a Spanish accent. What's for your holding? Here throw me a baseball.

Yeah, I want to hit my wife. I just want to punch her right in her mouth. I need to see what you do with the football in your hand, holy shit. So I need an elevator. So he convinces Marty to go home with him and read about the evils of rock and roll yeah You want to do some research about how masturbation is evil at my house right now. Let's go and they do also wait

I want to point out that this is the first time they drop the f word in this movie and no not fuck but Fanatic they use the word fanatic like it's the N word for Christians. Yeah. And I just, I want to know if that works. Like when I run into Ray, if I say Phenatic, will he like run away screaming and crying? Like is that the Christian version of the, I can't wait that long. If there's not one we need to make one.

We need to create. How does one go about making people angry at celibals? Fuck, I'll find out. Said Phen-na. Phen-na. Phen-na. Phen-na-dick. making people angry at celibals fuck I'll find out said fan. Uh fan. Uh fan genetic so now we get them doing their prudery research at in in in in Marty's bedroom of course I'm looming up for no reason and I paused the movie here so that I could

loop up for no reason this is at 23 minutes and 30 seconds and I'm so glad I did because that I that's this is where I noticed that they've actually placed black electrical tape over the name of the god damn bands on the records he's looking like it's it's littered skinned and the name of the band you can see the L.Y. and the SKY or whatever and but the rest of it the album name everything is blacked out with tape fucking hilarious and he goes, don't you see? It's all about sex. And I'm like, dude, have you not read the whole chapter of the Bible that's about fucking,

like, there's a whole 50 shades of gray section in there where he wants to come in the garden and she doesn't let him. And then he lists things that are just in the Bible. Like they're not in the Bible. He goes drinking, drugs, sex, and the occult. And I'm like, dude, are you reading from the index of the Bible like they're not in the Bible he goes drinking drugs sex and the occult and I'm like dude are you reading from the index of the Bible? There's all that fucking shit in there. And you know and and then he starts going up and it's all like he goes I've been doing research and I've discovered

that the average age of a person buying a kiss album is 12 years old. Yeah the app does that mean that like most of them are 20 and some of them are two like fuck this? That's so weird. I would like stop me up, please. And some animal quaggis. Oh God, Jesus, I thought he was gonna have an aneurysm over a fucking kid by and start me up.

Yeah, fuck you movie. Start me up is a song. Yeah, right. And also a person buying masturbation material at age 12 is very reasonable. That's the average age. Yeah, when you get the guts to go in and just go ahead and buy your own. Also, we're gonna touch on this just once in the movie, but Marty goes, yeah, you sound like my old man. He's a preacher on Saturdays, but then he beats the shit out of us every other day of the week. And he's just like, hey, we're not talking about you right now, Marty. He's just in that music. And if you're wondering, does that ever come up again? It sure the fuck does.

Nope. Nope. The abusive dad never comes back in this movie, because we've got to deal with the rock and roll music problem. Exactly. The hardest thing Christians have to deal with. Right, right. Exactly. He suddenly sheds all new light on why Marty was said I wish they'd preach about something other than our music at these things like maybe

about how our parents shouldn't beat us and like that maybe throw that a bone there and again okay so Marty says at one point is like don't you think you're going overboard Jeff? Everyone has the right to their own taste in music. This is the guy who will be proven wrong through this movie. Yeah. You know, you don't, apparently, but Marty isn't buying this shit. So he storms off and then we cut to the soda shop where fucking, it's the eighties, but they seem to think it's the fifties and awful lot. So he works at a burger joint and she comes the the tariff faucet molasses the character's name comes to say she's sorry for being reasonable earlier about him reneging on her promise. Perth break up. Yeah, exactly. Come to jerky a pomegranate soda. No.

All the coke. Yeah, he goes, can I get you anything? She goes, yeah, can I get a coke? And I was like, man, remember the days when you could just order a soda at a restaurant and people wouldn't be like, what the fuck are you doing? Go to a boat digger. My, my, my, all my notes on here are, get to work cracker. Those burgers ain't gonna flip themselves. What the fuck is your girlfriend doing anyway?

But apparently the message of this scene is don't worry Prudish anti-rock and roll christians eventually your platonic relationship with your celibate girlfriend will wind up being just fine or will it all right right yeah exactly and it's not fair it's easier for women to not listen to rock and ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha They have to shave their legs. Um, so... That's the deep sign-filled reference right there, so... I skipped three references over and just went all the way to the end. Um, so, and also, I just want to point out, he says in this fucking scene, he's like, you want to hang out? I'm getting off in 15 minutes, but he met from work four times I greased up for nothing.

Mother fuckers. So now we get, he's driving home or whatever with her, and which we learned through another over long establishing shot that literally gets the car all the way into frame and all the way out of frame and follows it. Right, I wrote finally some fucking. It's right, again, getting loomed up for no reason. But she's like, yeah, it's too bad about the concert.

He's like, didn't you just say you forgave me about that and you're not mad about it anymore? She goes, I'm a woman. No. It's the opposite of what I say. Yeah, or whatever it's convenient for me. And basically they have a fight over the radio, like a buddy cop movie. It's like, no, no, no, no, classical music.

Bound out and down in classical music. I wrote my notes. Melissa don't make me belt you in the mouth. She's acting like she doesn't hear rock music, she'll suffocate. Right. Like you're taking her insulin. You're acting awfully selfish. And I'm like, well, he is, but not about the music in his car.

He's just, you know, the concert thing, yeah. She wants the master bait and he doesn't. That is selfish. And that's true. Yeah, exactly. This is why we need rifra. It's boring So she's she says I'm glad you only have eight days left on this silly bed And of course he's got this or do I kind of look out of his face Now of course in the aftermath of last week's bonus episode on the movie Pixels, my cardiologist has warned me not to wait too long between interstitials So we're gonna pause for a quick break, but before we do let me give act three the hard sell here Can pastor Owens keep his dick out of Jeff for 30 more on screen minutes

We'll Jeff find some crap that's strong enough to drown out his rock and roll desires Will he at least finger millis at some point find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the decisive conclusion of Rock it's your decision So Jeff tell me um it's been two weeks. What have you decided about rock and roll? Oh? It's bad or whatever, but pastor. I've made a fantastic discovery. I know what I want to do with my life Oh really? What's that? Yeah, yeah, I want to kill a Malachi I I'm sorry what yeah, I was reading the Bible to like find out what God thinks about music

And he's actually not super clear about it But you know what he is clear about killing the fuck out of some a Malachi Right, right well Jeff those people haven't been around for thousands of years. Yeah, yeah, that's fine That's fine. Okay, cuz I did my research just like you asked and I realized that they're very likely modern Jordanians So I'm just gonna get on the quickest flight I can and just like kill you know, just like kill until I'm bathed in blood Just like show no mercy to women children or animals just like the Bible said Huh, okay, um, or what if you don't do that,

but I'll tell your parents to lay off you about the music. Deal. Okay, so you were a drummer, huh? Oh yeah, man, it was awesome. I get to fuck the groupies, when everyone else was done and everything. Yeah, it's good. Comes the best, Loub.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. That's good. Comes the best loop. And we're back just so that we can mix gluttony and wrath and get a deadly sins, too, for and we rejoin our hero here. He's chatting with Pastor Owen about the research he's doing, which we learn about via flashbacks. That's research at the record store at the mall. Yeah, and the music note I have for this scene is banned the woman in this porn oh has a lot of pubic hair all base yeah so he goes to a record store and goes up to the front desk he says basically hi i'm

a christian can i ask some questions about the devil music you're peddling and store owners love that yeah they used to come over and help you find other people to harass apparently, because that's what happens. Try bothering my customers. Have you tried bothering my customers? Yeah, right, right. And speaking of bothering as customers,

this was my favorite scene in the movie. He goes, you know, we're hearing him in the voice over, he's going like, I tried to interview two teenagers that are the mall, but when they found out I was a Christian, they hassled me a bit. And we see this. I'm not doing it. I'm walking away. And then the one I was a Christian, they hassled me a bit. And we like, do a walk in the way. And then the one guy knocks us clipboard.

And it's like, it's very clearly he's like, should I hit the clipboard guys? You think I should? And then like somebody off camera's like, yeah, I hit the clipboard, that'll be great. And then chocolate chip. That's awesome. Awesome.

Seen is all I really need. You know, I have all these things around me that I want, but that's what I really need. Holy shit. So there's a moment where he's checking out what appeared to be VHS boxes that go into some kind of large computer. This is a way of playing music during the stonet. There are these giant squares. They're like toast and they're they're making a piece of French toast

from a nice brunch place, that you paint with black paint. He's checking, there's a whole shop of them at one point. Yes. Yeah, oh god, yeah, the whole eight track rack there, that was pretty fucking awesome. Is that because there were eight pieces of music on it, like it held eight notes?

Yes, so you didn't even want it. Yes, that actually was correct. You get a giant wheel that you turned and it played music. Like one of those player piano things, like, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick, dick. Eight bit MP3, it's just eight zeros or ones. Yeah, that's a nice thing. Nice to know that even though so much has changed in 20 years,

the beliefs haven't, 30 years, it's not that easy. Right, right, exactly. Well, what an amazing thing that is to reflect on though Yeah, everything in this movie has been updated except for Christian police everything fits in your pocket except for the bullshit the people who made this movie Exactly also it still takes up the same amount of space Apparently this character has a survey questionnaire about rock music that he wants people to fill out. That's what he said the ball doing. And they never tell you what's out.

I want to know so bad. I want to fill this fucking questionnaire. There's our hashtag for this week. hashtag Christian questionnaire. What are the questions on the Christian questionnaire? Right. If you ever had any rock and roll devil music questions, you wanted me to answer on Twitter. That's probably the best way to make it happen. And also the again, if I get the feeling that they heard

rock and they were hearing about rock, this is the the 80s. It would be people were talking about crack. They assumed it was still the music. And that's what they made this movie because he's going like I never realized how dependent I was on rock like that makes perfect sense if we're talking about crack He's just taking witness statements from like the 1980s Harlem It's like yeah, man. They they kill their moms because of the rock This one guy was on the rock and he lifted up a piano and threw it at his baby God invented rock to kill black people. So this is also where we get and he's actually got several of these phenomenal lines as the movie

progresses. I think this is the first one where he goes. I was just walking by the record store and quote the beat just grabbed me., and he's hypnotized like a cartoon cobra. Like he's walking by and you hear like, boob, boob, boob, boob, and he's like, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, mehation store, the beat just grabbed me and pulled me in. The beat just made that makes perfect. How did they know I was going to play this game? Well done movie. So yeah, as we realize that he's the penguin from Happy Feed and this is the movie of what

what happened if he'd given up on his dream. We cut away from the flashbacks to like another 65 minutes of him talking with pastor Owens. And this is where we learn that pastor Owens was also once addicted to the funky beat. Not just addicted, he was a rock musician. And in the scene, and then he was like, I was a drummer, I'm like that. And it was not really, you weren't really a musician. Yeah, in the single saddest scene in any of the movies, we've ever walked. He's like, yeah, I was pretty good. Could have gone pro if I hadn't chosen Jesus flash cut to him being like

You think guys yeah, man, have you considered being a youth pastor forever? Yeah, that bad, huh? rewrite this story in your head when you tell it to people sure will Think I'm gonna be the world tweeting carnit instead haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha haha story is that he gave up on his dreams and that's what he was supposed to do according to this movie. And then he's like, well, but past your own, all my friends hate me. He's like, yeah, a lot of my friends hate me, but it's worth ruining lifelong relationships and friendships over rock and roll music said the good guy. Right. Well, there's also this great moment where he goes, well, you know, my mom has been great, but all my friends are mad and he goes, aren't you forgetting Jesus?

And I wanted so badly for the camera to pan over to Jesus, just like waving from the corner, like. Me, me. Well, also, okay, so yeah, because he's like, you know, my friends think, X and my girlfriend thinks, why am I family thinks, see? And the way he, the way past row one sets the sub, he's like, aren't you forgetting someone?

And I'm like, and my expectation is, oh yeah, I've forgotten all about what I think. No, no, no, no, not you. You don't get to vote in your life. No, you. No, Jesus, Jesus, who does, and I still love this also, there's this great moment where if you just cut this like one second here,

you'd be sure this was gay porn because like, you know, Jeff goes, well, pastor Owens, what if I do go back to my old music and there's this cut shot of past your Owens who looks like he was just surprised, penetrated and doesn't know if he likes it yet. This whole like, I didn't thought about that. And then of course he has to throw in not just a title drop, but a double, title drop, yes sir. Yeah, a title drop. but a double, title drop, yes, sir. Yeah, a title drop.

It's your decision. And also, literally, this is a line, Jesus will never test you with something that's too hard to handle. And not me, sir. Oh, God, did they make it easy this week? This is not about music. So now we cut back to Jeff's job,

where apparently all he does is get harassed by his girlfriend, because now she's calling him at the pay phone Right, and she's like we're having a party at Marty's tonight. Please come by. He said the outline of his dick will be there And he's basically I smell like a giant french fry the Eli Bosnick story, but I'll go and this is such a sinister setup to the scene That I was like are they gonna fucking kill him at this party? Like I expected the crying game. I was ready for the crying game I was like oh In the adventure shoot him in the head spoiler alert

He gets in there and there's like seven or eight people all sitting around in a circle going Marty It's it's time for us to have this talk. Dear Marty. Let's daisy chain up. Ha ha ha. That's what I made a circle. So now we we cut over to the most boring looking party and cinematic history. Yeah. And basically he walks in. We're supposed this is supposed to be like the rock and roll party that tempts him. And the first line is, hey, I hope you like this onion dip I made and everyone's like, whoa, man, don't go crazy. It's just so terrible

Do you have an entire ham in the fridge? Can we break that out? Like a borscht? Yeah, there's a Jewish kid going through a like a On what if a movie what he's going through a what if experience and he said we could give that shot five days left It'll be tough if I sweat So yeah tough so yeah so yeah he's bragging about cock thing is great onion dip and again he turns out to be talking about real onion dip so for useless loops but the other thing about this when he first walks into this party okay it's it's everybody's just sitting around bored as fuck having quiet conversation eating cheese dip and the party so clearly needs rock music like why would you show us how awful a party would look with with no with no music

why would you want us to know this information if the message anyway yeah so and then there's also this great moment where he's like hey Jeff why don't you go and get us some more ice from out behind the garage and at first i'm thinking all right how can you not see this is a set up Jeff and then it occurs to me that the the stock up Christian kid must never realize that being asked to leave the party for a few minutes is unusual right when he got there can you turn back around good garage grab ice hey my uncle spoke a joint to get late or whatever they always have to make an excuse to get Jeff out of there so that's just his life he just thinks why is it that every time I go to a party everybody wants me to get why do they put the ice so far away from the party? It's because I'm helpful That's I'm such a helpful Chris. I couldn't find that Sasquatch your uncle said was out in the woods, but uh

Why is everyone so sweaty Why is everyone's sky hook? You guys didn't play Twister Without Me, did you? I'm just kidding, I know you wouldn't. Because I brought the Twister. Sweatpants or action green. He's got it. He's got it. So now of course he shows back up with the ice and someone turns on the rock and roll

music. And the protagonist of our music has a psychopathic fit, screams at the host and storms out. The good guy. Right, right, exactly. a psychopathic fit screams at the whole thing storms out. The good guy. Right, right. Exactly. He's like, oh, why'd you invite me to this party if there was going to be rock and roll music? You knew and I'm just like, oh, the whole fucking party is supposed to not listen to music because you're an asshole. It's like we're supposed to sympathize with the no wire hanger monologue. You know, technically though, those do ruin clothes. Like, if you think about it, a shot of her in Carson

from Fab5 being like, you said the right thing. You did the right thing. No wire hangers for two weeks. More sympathetic than this movie. No kidding. Also, exact line from Marty to Jeff. Don't push it down my throat. If you don't like it, just go home to Mama,

which is going to happen very soon. Yes, yeah. He storms off and Melissa bless her little heart, tries to talk him into like not being a jackass and then eventually says, you know what, what's just go home before you lose all your other friends? Right. So, and actually they use the F word again.

You know, she's like, you've become a fanatic and I'm like, you don't have to keep pointing that out movie. We know that. We know, we got it. We got it. Yeah. Anyway, so then he goes home to Mama, like, like Marty, hopefully, suggests. And he's huffy.

Just a little huffy. But wait, we need to stop here. Jeff's mad walk into the house is my, everything. It's my Mona Lisa. It's my news. It's just, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It is, I can't, this is why we need a visual medium so that I could just, I just want that on loop forever

as I go to sleep. My children will not have mobiles of airplanes or space. They will have mobiles of Jeff, Huffy walking in a circle. I don't care what hologram I need to put in place. What money I need to spend, what scientist I need to kidnap. I will have a constant loop of Jeff,

Huffy walking into his home for my children to fall asleep to forever and ever. With his swollen blue ears. Yeah, he's basically doing the limp arm thing. Yeah, he's doing it. I'll show you at the live show. Remind me at the live show. I'm going to walk on stage.

No, no, no. I eat, I do in the madwalk, doing the jump. I'll be walking. It's like Paul Rudd getting forced to pick up the shitty knocked over in wet hot American summer. He's cheating. Oh. So, so he gets home. He's very Huffy.

And then he goes home, goes right back to the pipe. All of a sudden there's some rock music blasting. So mom decides to scream and yell at him about how disappointed in him She isn't how he'll never amount to anything because this Because this movie thinks that's what she should do right cuz she's the good guy and then she hits him Yes, well kind of I mean well, I mean the movie wants us to think she hits him She slaps him with a slow-motion Thai Cheem move. Yeah, it was actually I thought she was trying to use the force on him like this is not the music you're looking for

No, this lap takes about five minutes. They could have got one more establishing shot in there They cut the slap seems like a way. It was a cheek push She cheek pushed him is what she did. Yeah Also by the way one of her exact lines in this scene is you got to come in here and blast the roof off the back garbage. At this point, laying on his back and listening to masturbation music. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Okay. So this is also this is beautiful because he calls her out on the soap operas too. At this point, you're mad at me about my music.

Well, you watch soap operas. They're just sex with commercials. That's what earns him the slap, by the way. Nobody talks about guiding light that way. Right. You can talk about my physical appearance, but you will not talk about my stories. So she has now physically abused him because he likes motorhead.

The good guy has physically abused him because he likes motorhead. So he's we get the mad walk again. Yeah. And he storms out to if I'm reading the music correctly, to go fight Jesus once and for all. I'm exactly I wrote my music known as Jeff is going to go fight Jesus once and for all. I wrote my music known as Jeff is gonna go fight Marty once and for all. I want to just everyone's rocking. He's punching in the face.

And then unfreeze frames and everyone's like, dude, you're a fucking asshole. We all let you leave. I don't know why you thought we wanted you to come back, but we very much didn't. So now he's driving and he's having the classic Christian movie, Bingo, flashback to all the things that have happened in this movie up till now. Yep. I mean, at one point he's flashing back to what he said himself. Yeah.

My music note here is, don't die, mama. Oh, right. When he shot Doc Hilsen is coming. Yeah. So now we get the sad talking to God scene. Also Christian movie bingo. Um, he arrives at an empty parking lot to talk to God. God's a no show once more. So he parks next to the loudest river in on earth. And they did the inner monologue next to the river. Like it's an inner monologue and they still recorded it next the river So it's like really got you Hope me undrowning my child fell off this canoe. I was wondering Jesus if you're out of the shot

So yeah, so then yeah Sorry, glug, glug, glug, glug. Am I in the movies? I love movies. So, yeah, so then, yeah, but he's made his decision. He doesn't care about his friends or his family or his girlfriend or his life or the things that make him happy. He cares about an invisible imaginary carpenter ghost. So clearly he's made his decision title drop. So he's gonna go back to the party to be an asshole some more. Jeff is the good guy in this movie. I just want to. I'm is he? They seem to think so, yes. And he basically goes to

this party, pulls Melissa aside and is like, hey, Melissa, I just want you to know that if I have to choose between you and Jesus, I choose Jesus. And her answer is so, I wrote in my notes, I love you. I never change. Well, and I just got to say, like Melissa has been presented as this remarkably forgiving and reasonable person who's willing to stand by him through the obsessive, bitchy, religious phase. And we're supposed to look at her and go, that bitch, that bitch trying to steal him away from Jesus. Harlan.

When he says, I choose Jesus, I wanted so badly for us to cut to a shot of him going to the factory where Jesus works in a navy uniform and just scooping him up and walking up. Oh, grieeeer. Grieeeer.

Whitney Houston singing. Yeah. And I wrote in my notes, but she can't bear to let him walk away. Oh, wait, yes, she can. And she does. She really does. He's like, I choose Jesus and she's like, sure, man, go for it. I don't go fuck Marty. He's got that weird penis, but you know, I think if I lie sideways, it might hit the

Jesus. It's she. It shaped like a K. That's all I can tell you. It's shaped like a K. Let your imagination take you where it will, but it's shaped like a K. It's like moving a big chair into a door that's a little bit... This is shaped trick.

You got a big door. A big door, Jeff. Also, by the way, in the scene, there's a lot of second hand rock and roll going on. Right. I think that counts. Exactly. I do love the way he has to sit in the foyer so it doesn't get too close to the rock

and roll. And then we cut to church for the big finish here. Now, and dad is made at home now from his business, business, Filipino boy thing. The human pyramid, he was fucking his way from the top to the bottom of finally ran out of man shoulders. Yeah, exactly. He was like, all right, back to Ohio. And apparently there was a problem in wardrobe.

And where they gave Jeff suspenders, he thought it was a tie. It is the largest tie knot you have ever seen in your entire I wrote could we get him a larger one? You know one that covers his entire face. It's like a fucking vinyl seat belt was tied into it. Yeah, it's ridiculous Anyway, so I guess now what's gonna happen is now Jeff is gonna preach to all his friends about how bad rock and roll is Okay, so a little behind the scenes here So as we do these movies, we'll write out like sort of a scene by scene thing and then each of us will plug our

notes for that scene. And this scene, each of us has written four fucking pages. Where you guys just notes down, there's no, okay, good, good. Oh my fucking god, this is the most, we have seen so many movies that end in insane speech up till now I think Clarence Gildard was in the lead. Yeah, maybe not anymore because now Jeff is gonna share his research With his buddies. I think he wins with the opening line here, which was the opening line was of his like The opening line was of his like Sermon to these people How many of you are gonna leave this service and go shoot up heroin? Yeah, or smoke a joint or

Listen to rock Circle the one that doesn't belong That escalated very quickly I wanted this part to keep going for a while like okay okay joint heroin rock music hands down and now how many people are gonna free base cocaine take an aspirin or do the electric slide when you leave. Okay some hands some hands I'm gonna assume most of those are co-core of my research and how many more of you are gonna have a little more heroin than you uh

Then you probably need heroin is to rock and roll as death kid is to blank Well also and when he asked this this is the greatest moment like he says how many of you are going to do heroin He literally says that he's like how many of you are going gonna shoot up heroin when you leave? And Marty raises his hand. I'm like, I love party. Crazy penis. And everyone, by the way, like you'd think in this scene,

you'd wanna show everybody like being troubled and changing their mind. But throughout this speech, they keep cutting to a room full of people just being like, fucking asshole. Oh, yeah, fuck you. Like, they practically hold up signs that say fuck you.

He's amazing. He goes, the carnal part of me really likes rock. Yeah, my flesh likes rock music. But the spiritual part of me, and I wrote, the spiritual part of you doesn't exist. Well, right, he's like, music, sure, it makes me happy. But what about the imaginary shit that isn't really there? Do you ever think of that? Yeah, and he clearly thought at this point

That he was about to go into a musical number because he starts dancing that when he does that beautiful dance move Never stop just keep spinning Whirl whirl This is when he says I've never felt so alive He also says do this for he's game. They goes what's the first thing you do in the morning when you wake up or in the car Or when you get home and I was like oh, it's the jerk off game Literally or come home from school in the afternoon. What are you doing you get in your car? And what's the last thing you heard before you came here today? That's my closing arguments right there. Pretty much. Well, and then he's like, when I had problems in my life, I would just turn

my music up even louder and eventually I couldn't even hear God. And I'm thinking, yeah, because rock music is the only stuff that can be played loud. But also, I'm sorry, the omnipotent person can't speak over AC DC. I'm sorry, I'm really horse from that whole top of the mountain thing when I did all the Jews, because you just turned that down a little bit. Give a fissure mints, lasage, I know that it's like vitamin C, it just makes me feel better, you know. Oh, God, and again, like this, this effort to throw in the 80s slang here was

Amazing he goes you know if you think you can control your rock and roll habit You can just try walking by a music store that's playing a really good get down beat and see what the music does to you I didn't make that up as we said it's like someone screams fag during that because he like looks As we said, it's like someone screams fag during that because he like looks. Yeah. Yeah. Also, he shares a little bit of, he shares some of the numbers from his research. And at first, I started right out this note, oh, is that your non-scientific research that you just did in a fucking mall with people who are willing to talk to the crazy Christian guy about the devil music? But then the number he presents actually doesn't support his conclusion, right? He's telling me how horrible the music is. And he's like, now according to my research, four out of people I talk to don't even listen

to the lyrics or care what it says. I'm like, okay, four out of five people disagree with your conclusion about what they think. Why are you telling us? You don't have to tell us this. Yeah, Jeff Andrew Wakefield later went on to become a doctor on a human. No. No. No.

Shit. Oh, so, oh yeah. And then of course we have to get to homophobia. We made it almost all the way through. Oh, they were so close. Like so close. I've been it's away from making a Christian movie in 1982 that didn't directly mention hating gay people,

but they did not quite do my impression of Christian movies by the way think about baseball think about baseball think about baseball got it facts yeah sorry sorry all right I'll do you know he goes what about the lifestyles of these bands some of them have been arrested for drug possession? Some are admitted homosexuals And I wrote man do I have a surprise for you about preachers? You're gonna have a real disappointing time starting now through forever

And he goes you know, I guess he's trying to stave off all the counter arguments. He He's like, I used to think, so what? I don't really have a counterargument to that. I used to think it, but now I don't. Let me now list some of the lamest rock I can possibly think of and say that they're sinful, including but not limited to the Eagles. The Eagles! Captain and Taneel! He actually uses Captain and Taneel!

Rob Stewart. Rob's way too hard. And and Barry Mellor. He is not just making, he's not listing the stupidest people musicians that existed in 1982 that you could possibly be offended by. That is actually his fucking list. He goes on, he says, even Barry Manolo says, Yada, Yada, Yada,

and he is supposed to be mild. Yeah. Barry Manolo is too controversial for this fucking movie. Oh, Barry Manolo. This movie should be called, if Barry Manolo tires you, what will Rod Stewart do?

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. You won't believe it. Oh my god I could like you know there were like black Sabbath was around then Motorhead was right there were bands that he could have used. DC DC right but he goes with Captain and Tineo Rod Stewart and Burt Battle. Look guys I don't want to talk to you about the really hardcore PAPERY MELLOW! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA double hockey stick I You who shall not be named Flak of seagulls and he gets to Jesus said he that is not for me is against me, you know like a playground bully Wait, do I get to say that? Yeah, right is and then we finally get to his actual real argument beyond Satan's sways, your hips,

when that downbeat starts getting down. But he says, if we're not completely different than all the non-Christians, then our outgrouping will be ineffective. That's almost literally his argument. He's like, each of us is an advertisement for Jesus Christ. So if everybody looks at us and they see us being doing all the same stuff they're doing, then they won't think we're assholes. Yeah, can't have that. And then he says, now, I cannot possibly do it,

credit, I'm just gonna play that glibbier. And this is one of the greatest moments in the history of film. Each one of us is an advertisement for Jesus Christ. The friends we go to school with and the ones in our neighborhood. Well, they accept the message that our lives are advertising. Christians should be different. Different in what we say, different in where we go, different in how we dress, different in what we do, different in what in what we don't do.

And shouldn't our music be different also? How can we think or concentrate on pure and good thoughts when the driving beat is pumping our minds full of sinful thoughts and our bodies full of sinful movements? Jesus Christ said, he that is not for me, is against me. Everything that we do should be to glorify Jesus Christ. I want my life and the things I do to be for my Christ, not against my Christ, have made my decision. What's yours? And yes, that was the sound of him breaking a sinful devil music record. But they could not more clearly need a stunt record breaker because you see him raise the record and then there's like Harry man hands breaking the record because another were 27.

There's 27 inches of lost film somewhere of him just desperately wailing and LP LP against the side of the bench like oh give me strength Lord give me strength Territ Give me scissors give me scissors. I'll start it this way If you catch me on top of Ray Comfort, you'll know what I'm trying to break a record. Looks like it reason-reeling. Oh, Jesus Christ, it was so good. And then of course he goes, turns right to the camera.

He goes, I've made my decision. What's yours? And then we get the closing music, where my music-music noticed, why would you remind us how shitty your music was right now? What's your decision? Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop. Gee, let me think about it. Let this tuba entice you back to Jesus. So now I hate to place into the title of the movie so directly but it is your decision. uh... we think is rock music or eternal hellfire we put your

nickel down i don't know i mean like did he win his argument because i know he reacted no so like i don't know what to think i don't know what the movies telling me so well you're right i'm still like on the fence here i guess the movie didn't even have the sense to have marty and mullissa walk up to him at the end and and say you know what you really changed my mind it turns out you're all right kid they didn't even give you the karate kid ending where johnny lorrence

now respects him or whatever they just get like the last thing we see of his friends is them just gasping in a horror at the fucking hey he's done to their reputation and fucking Melissa looking at Marty going like I you know He's flick my bean in a while you want to get out of here. I don't know guys I think I might have to go with the Christian music that thing they played at the end of Kenny G falling down some stairs Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank,

Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, Frank, How many of you are going to leave this record today and shoot up heroin. Well, I still got the 12 year olds in the closet and they do knock quite a bit. We'll have to edit that out but like if he's done we can.

I'm gonna say rap it. Get on the board. Almost almost. Well, for me, if by heroin you mean listen to Barry Manolo and masturbate then yes. That's why I took my belt off. It was confusing. I could see why you would think the other thing. I was going to masturbate.

Listen. You're going to make veins stand up somewhere anyway. And while that's going to do it for a review of rockets, your decision, that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to reel you back in for next week. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. Mormon Movie Month. Yes. Yes. And we're going gonna start with Saturday's warrior.

A book of Mormon musical. We got so many good submissions for Mormon movies that we're gonna do. All of June, we're doing Mormon movie month. We've got some amazing ones lined up. But the first one is a musical about what it's like to be more, I don't know. It looks crazy. I can't wait. Now, it's very interesting. I couldn't find a preview for the one that we're gonna be watching Which is the 1989 version, but apparently this movie was remade this year and I did find the preview for that

But the old version I'm told is much much worse slash better So that's the one. Oh, yeah So if you're gonna watch along with us look for the 1989 version, please don't subject yourself to the one we're not gonna be making fun of. And we'll put the link up on the Facebook page on Twitter, of course. I'll just be reviewing the Book of Mormon Deep Broadway music for myself.

If you want to see that, listen along, OV. Oh yeah, maybe we can do that, close it all off there. No, we can't, because that's actually fucking amazing. Yeah, that's great. So with all that to look forward to, the next episode, 41 on Mercable Close Us was trying to get it quick. Once again, I used thanks to all the Patreon donors that helped make the show go. If you'd

like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash God awful and thereby earn an early access to every episode. You can also help us a ton by leaving us a five-star review on iTunes and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. If you enjoy this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the scathing atheist and the skeptic rat available on iTunes, Stitcher, and wherever else podcasts live. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email Godoffelmovie's at gmail.com. All the music using this episode was written and performed by Ryan Slatnik,

a Vivael Drafts on Mars, and was used with permission. If you like what you hear here and more by following the link on the show notes for this episode, thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week. For he then write Nealive Bosnick, I'm No Illusions Promise, and to work hard to earn another chunk next week. Until then, we'll leave you with a breakfast club close Mr. Big rocked a little too hard on the song to be with you during a live show in 1992 and it caused the apocalypse Jeff's penis was never heard from again Jeff Spenis was never heard from again. Tara Falsett fit Marty into her like she was putting together Ikea.

Sway the number way! Oh no one wants to. Salvation isn't a prop. Salvation isn't a prop. God, this line is not worth going back for three times. Salvation isn't a prop, but Salvation isn't a prop, God, this line is not worth going back for three times