God Awful Movies - 410: Battle of the Spirit and Power of God

Episode Date: June 27, 2023

This week, Viced Rhino joins us for an atheist review of Battle of the Spirit and Power of God, our first return to Nigerian Christian cinema in way too long. --- To hear more from Viced Rhino, you can find all his links here: https://linktr.ee/vicedrhino --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

If we could go back a moment, there's one moment in the closed captioning that you seem to have missed is when he's talking to them about Jesus, the closed captioning was convinced that he says, when Jesus was on the cross at Calvary, the rubber on his left spoke. So now I'm picturing a sentient-used condom being frozen public side Jesus. And I gotta say I'm down with this religion. No, right down with the opening would be the mouth, while he's talking. Yeah, like a tapeworm. Yeah.

God awful. Movie. Movie. Movie. Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be is my bad friend Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir? I'm back, baby. And I've never felt better. And we're also excited to welcome to the show YouTube's very own vice rhino joining us for the first time. Vice to welcome to God off on movies. Thank you. No, thank you so much. This, this made me happy. I'm so happy about this terrible,

terrible movie. Yeah, we should point out that we said at the end of last week's episode that we were going to be watching, Greg Locke's in Jesus' name. Unfortunately, that was removed from YouTube, not officially for hate speech, but they didn't give an official reason. I got excited about that. I was like, all right, Greg Locke's shit. Yeah, yeah, I was pretty fired up myself. It's not often that a link disappears from our calendar, and so does the account that shared it. I actually downloaded this one just in case.

Yeah, smart. Oh, well, yeah, smart. There you go. Yeah, we found a pretty decent substitute. So tell us, Vice, what will we be breaking down today? Well, our eardrums, most of them. We love the battle of the spirit and power of God. And now, I'm convinced that my speakers are mad at me for making them play the audio from this movie.

That's a lot of rattle. That's a lot of rattle right there. Oh. The microphone clipping is a character in the movie. Yeah, the main character. It's the Deus Ex Makina. It saves them every time they get in trouble. Right, the main part. It's the Deus Ex machina. It saves them every time they get in trouble. Right. Yeah, really. So Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you

loved the Vultures of Horror series, but it's complex and inner twining plot was too hard for you to follow. You will love this afterlife punishment of a movie. This is a long there are screensavers with more variety than this film. I also have to point something out because if you're not familiar with Nollywood, that's films made in Nigeria. Most Nollywood films, especially the Christian ones, are four to six hours long. So the fact that I managed to find one that was just 90 minutes of the same scene over and over again. I'm miracle unto itself.

Yeah, it was funny because like at the beginning I was going like, yeah, it's been too long. Why don't we spend more time in Nollywood? And then by the end of it, I'm like, you know, I remember now why it is that we didn't. All right. So, say anything you guys want to nominate this one for me and the best of being the worst at. Ooh, best worst writer exploring his newfound fetish. This whole movie just seems like it was written by a guy who just figured out that he's really into nuns.

And he's experimenting with combining his nun fetish with other fetishes to see if it works for him. Yeah. Yeah. If when I hit play on this movie, a little demon had appeared and been like, do you want to watch a nun pee? I would have been pretty sure they were making stuff up for this film. But no spoilers. He like, come on. I know, I know. I know. That's a big, I ordered a nun costume for my partner while watching this. I get it. I get it. So I'm kind of stealing the easy one here. I'm going with best worst magical combat.

Right. So the laser fight, the lightning fight. We'll have the rinse repeat of this movie is people walk magical beings appear before them. They get into a laser fight and then they scream sing about Jesus just over and over again. And the magical combat in this, it's like watching five year olds, right? Just imagination fight. Yes. They down to the point where they yet they literally go fireball, fireball. I currently live in a household with five children in it.

Yes, that holds up. Absolutely. There's so many moments, so many moments where I'm just like, Hey, I've seen a five year old do that like yesterday. Yeah, I think this is an insult to the five children in your house. I feel like if you show them this movie, they'd be like, All right, I need to commit more. Yes.

I'm going to go with best worst last minute plot. Okay. As Noah mentioned, this is the same scene over and over and over again, except for I'm going to say 47 seconds before the end of the movie. Yes. When someone runs to a character, we've never met to deliver a plot that we've never heard of. And it never gets resolved. Right, yes, someone we've never met runs to someone else we've never met.

All right, well, I'll tell you what, I have a few cultural sensitivity guidelines that I need to go over with Eli, so we're going to take a quick break, but we're back in a flash with all the repetition that is. Battle of the spirit and power of God. Holy Ghost Fire! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Oh, she's here to do. Eli, what are you doing? Why are you dressed like that? I would also like to know that. Noah, because we're on YouTube now. We're reaching the kids on this episode.

No cap, damn it. No. No, no, Eli. Justin is on YouTube. We're an audio, we're a podcast. Okay, first of all, his name is Viced, calling him Justin is like dead naming a trans person, just so you know.

Definitely not like that. Not like that at all. And two, you don't understand, Viced is a YouTuber, he's connected, his YouTube goes to TikTok, his TikTok goes to SoundCloud, his SoundCloud goes to a course, he's teaching of being your own boss

by owning vending machines. And now that we're in his network, we're gonna go as viral as a white lady being a resident or an airplane. Do you understand? None of that. No, but if our listeners do enjoy skeptical YouTube, they can check out ViceDrinos channel on YouTube.

He does response to crazy creationism, debunk some stuff. And his content is really excellent. Oh, thanks Noah. So you're not going to teach us how to swifty. Eli, do you know what a swifty is? I assumed it was a household object. You turned into drugs. Okay. And we're back for the breakdown. We're going to open up on our main character, Paul, the holy man. He's on his knees in the scrub passionately be teaching God Yeah, yeah, he's he's not just praying though. He's telling God what the Bible says in case God forgot I guess yes, right

Yeah, yeah in case God forgot how his own book opened He's like I would just want to remind you it was your word that started the the universe I love the idea God sitting up there going like yeah, man. I just want to remind you it was your word that started the universe. I love the idea. God's sitting up there going like, yeah, man, I fucking know. I told you the answer. Yeah. And he's doing like that thing that pre-stewa where they say the oh sound after their talking. Yeah. And he's already got a pretty heavy night's union accent. So I wrote my notes. Okay, I feel like doing a vocal bit while you have an accent is cheating. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Took me a long time to realize that he was talking about God's word

and not God's water. Yeah. I had to look up the Bible verses to get that. I don't remember. I don't remember a Bible verse saying in the beginning was the water. Yeah, right, right. Is this a book? God's pee. I mean, pee features heavily in this movie. So it's made sure it does. And then, just as you're about to say to yourself, Eli, I don't know that this is worth watching. Maybe we shouldn't do an episode on this.

Satan appears to start to choke the fuck out. And he's sticking his tongue out like he's four year old pretending to die. Yes, exactly. And he's sticking his tongue out like he's four year old pretending to die. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. Exactly. And when he likes to say, don't imagine like somebody in a Satan costume, it's just some dude and red pants in a jacket with little horns on that.

It looks his devil costume looks like something he got from value village for Halloween, but like not from their Halloween section, just come together from random shit that they from their use clothes section. Not even clearance, Ben, we're talking the guy was walking out to the dumpster with a trash bag full of post clearance items. And this devil costume guy was like, wait a second. What if I could save you walking eight more feet to that dumpster? Just handing that to me.

I literally wrote in my notes at this point, you were sitting there thinking, how am I going to make fun of this? Wasn't you? But that was before Jack muscular devil in the muppet costume came and showed me guy. Wasn't you? Yeah. Yeah, that's accurate. So then we, so that was all a dream though. He wakes up from that dream. And now we're going to meet the whole gang. Now the movie's not going to do you this favor. I'm going to do you this favorite. Tell you that the plot here is that Paul the Holy Man has gathered this pre-snamed fill up in several nuns and they're going through

a haunted forest trying to exercise the devil from it. Tzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz There's like four trees in this entire movie. Yeah, scrub. Yeah, that's fine. They use the term forest, so I'll grant them that. But yeah, they also keep saying they're out in the wilderness and we can hear traffic in the background. Oh, yeah, there's one point where the car's honking drown out his sermon. And it's the best audio in the movie. That was a devil devil devil right?

So yeah, and then of course, this is also where we introduced the film's main character, the speaker rattle, right? Yeah. Yeah. All while the camera guy is getting slow, panning shots up, we're like down one nuns blouse and like close up on another nuns ass. Yep. Yes. Towards the end of the scene, at one point, one of the nuns like Ben's over to pray or grab something. Facing away from everybody. Yes. She's facing the opposite direction of everybody else,

and they never explain why. She's not speaking. She's not part of the dialogue, but the cameraman shoves the speaking characters out of the way so that he can get the outline of her underwear. It is very uncomfortable. And then they start singing. Everybody's singing suddenly get used to that, right? Now, I want to be clear. When we say they're singing, I don't mean a music number.

I mean, they're 40 feet from the camera and three of them kind of know the same song and are singing it. But we all have in our notes some variation of scream singing, right? Because the one guy Paul, the main guy, he just shouts things. And there's nothing melodic about what he's doing. You recognize it's a song just sort of by the rhythm of it more than the tune. Yeah, it's less singing and more trying to be located by a rescue team in the song. That's that's a perfect description. Yes. Yeah. That's it. And then as you're thinking to yourself, wow, I don't know if there's really enough to make fun of here. I won't

know if we should do this movie. Lightning strikes and three people appear dressed like bad guys from Temple of Doom. Lightning bad guys appear. The lightning effects are like this scene has the best effects of any scene in the movie. And it looks bad for 1960 Star Trek. Yes. Oh, absolutely. No, there is no time period in which you would say that was great special effects. It looks like I made it with a pirated copy of After

Who Effects in grade 10. Yeah. I said they ran out of free uses of this TikTok filter at some point. I said, can someone at least teach them how to mask and feather a layer? Like I promise that's not a sex thing or I promise it can be a sex scene. If that'll get them to actually do it. Yeah. right. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha While I was watching this movie are I'm very happy I'm making no describe what Like this is what I thought was funny, but no is the one who has to be like, okay, I guess this is the plot Paul blocks it with his laser Bible absolutely I love my favorite part of this is the all the Christians all the Christians are yelling fire, fire, but they didn't put in any fire that like eventually they do. But I read like that you can tell that they expect that they're throwing fireballs when they see it later.

They had to be so disappointed. Yeah. After effects guy forgot. What can I say? Yeah, exactly. Right. So, but one of the nuns gets knocked over in the lightning attack. I think she's dead now. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So this is where I the lightning attack. I think she's dead now.

Yeah. So this is where I wrote lightning, lasers, cute girl screaming. As she falls unconscious, I like this movie. And then like one of the nuns is very upset about the chick dying from the temple of doom attack. And then the priests are like, I'm going to need you to get the fuck over it and calm the fuck down. Okay.

We have like 89 more minutes. Yeah. She's not just upset about it. She's upset about it in the same way as my five year old. When you explain that he can't have pizza for dinner every night. Well, she does. Yeah. She does the like arms drop to the side as she collapses while screaming in a temper tantrum

fashion. It's, it's crazy. Yeah. This is a real. I wanted my sandwich cut into triangles moment. I also, this was almost my best worst. They will occasionally just announce Bible verses that have nothing to do with the plot.

And they do this for the first time here. He's like, it is the way God says in Joshua, my lair, the name of the Lord is a tower. And I was like, okay, interested to see where you're going with this. He is not, he's not going anywhere. No, it does not tie in at all. Not even a little. Sec would or as a matter of fact, in order to distract you from the fact that it doesn't

tie in, he just starts yelcing again. Yes. And oh, no, he doesn't just start yelcing. He starts yelcing as, and we haven't mentioned this yet, but we've got like an Italian opera or something playing in the background with lyrics. And he's yel singing at the same time as they're playing that. Yes. At full volume. Right. Right. He's, he's a competitive yel singing situation. I have to imagine someone was say anything, them with this Italian opera while they were recording as some kind of prank or revenge.

Yeah, because they're gonna do that over and over again. There's two opera songs that they use for this, and one of them actually sounds kind of decent, but the other one is not. No. This is the decent one. Oh, okay, all right. So, yeah, so the crew walks, get used to that as my intro. I'm sorry. I have to start the scene somehow. It's lower to the rings level of walking. Oh, it's beyond that.

Yeah. The movie at this point, by the way, is now being shot through a bush. Yep. Through a bush, not a tree because they're in a forest, which is not a tree, but it's through a bush. It's not the tree kind of forest. Oh, you know what I just realized? I just realized that's why they did that. It's because it's supposed to be a forest. And the cameraman was like, hey, I got a bunch of good shots of her ass, but it's very clear that you guys aren't in a forest. And he was like, shoot it through a bush.

And he was like, I feel like he's gonna know. So at this point, one of the nuns needs to pee, but she's scared that she'll get attacked by laser wielding Temple of Doom extras. As she's saying, she has to go relieve herself. She gets smacked in the face by her habit blowing in the wind. That's awesome. Is like they needed like little,

they need like little clip weights for their habit shoulder pad thingies, whatever those are called. Be useful. So yeah, so they're like, oh, well, you know, she's like, I'm afraid I'll get attacked and they're like, okay, well, this other nun will go with you. And they're like, oh, well, you know, she's like, I'm afraid I'll get attacked and they're like, okay, well, this other nun will go with you.

And they're like, well, she doesn't have a laser Bible, but fine. And she just, she is not happy about having to go watch her pee. She's just like making this grossed out face like, no, no, I don't want to do that. No, that's disgusting. Yeah, right. No, she gets it everywhere, everywhere. So we watched this nun go back to piss. Like we watch an awful lot of,

we actually watch her piss. Yes. Yep. Like the camera zooms in on her, like this is the writer being like, oh, I've got the nun fetish. I wonder if that'll pair well with the urinating fetish. Yep.

This guy definitely made an alternate edit of the thing that he shot and sold that without telling the people who made this. But anyway, at this point, we learn that like if you go to piss in the bushes when other nuns don't want to watch you, three sexy black men magically operate beside you. Well, two sexy black men and a sexy black woman. Yes. Yeah, so she goes to piss and the template doom bad guys just bamped their way in. And I love it. The chick they said to protect her just runs the fuck away. She's like, I'll tell somebody about your plate.

And then they just stand there yelling at each other. Yeah. Like nobody goes back to check on her. They just stand there yelling at each other for a bit. Yeah. Until finally, the pissing none, which I have heard my notes as the pissing none for the rest of the episode. Me too. She just like comes back and like opens her mouth at them, but in a way that scares them. Yeah. Yeah. She's got a kind of a weird smile going on. So I'm like, I guess it's two men, but I wrote three. So I'm like, is she possessed by the three sexy black men now? Like, did she go for a pee and wind up with three men inside her? So they walk some more, right? They all start randomly y'all singing again against the Italian opera. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So here I said, this is the bad Italian opera song. So I'm just gonna ask, is this the good or the bad one? This is the bad one. I have music note.

Hey guys, I just learned how to sing in arpeggio. Wanna hear? Yeah. After a response to music note, no. I don't wanna hear that. Listen to us yelcing some more instead. Right, and they're yelling, it's like back when cell phones first came out.

Yeah. That's how they're yelling their song. Can you hear me now? Yes, you beat me to it. How dare you? So they're walking along and suddenly the possessed nun starts going, you know, this is fucking dumb, right? This is this whole fucking thing where we're going through the forest and trying to fight the devil and people are appearing shooting lightning at us. This sucks. I don't want to do this anymore. And the other none is like, you know,

she's actually got a very good point. Yeah, I wrote my notes at this point. Remember kids, if someone questions why you're wandering the forests and bush of Nigeria singing Jesus songs, it's only because they have a demon inside of them. Or it must be, yeah. Okay, so I just need to point out that

the none that we saw pissing in the last scene is not the none who gets possessed in this scene. Yep. No, it was it it was a different one. So it's like the writer forgot that they they set up a possessed none. And so had a different possessed none. Start asking to go back. Yeah. Yeah. And well, and then the other none too. So two of the none's are in white. One of them is in blue. I think she's like the head none or whatever. So I have her as blue none through the to the rest of the film. I also have her as blue none. Okay. Well, that works out well. So blue none is like, Oh, you know, these these white clad nuns, they, they just, they just can't handle it. I'll go home with them just to make

sure they get their safe and everything. I definitely don't want to hang out in the evil laser forest with you guys. But I feel like this this scene is not a scene in the movie. It was just these women trying to bail on this film. I don't know where the start and stop button on the camera is. This is in the movie now. They realize that the writer was exploring his fetish and really yeah. I should be getting paid more if we're doing a fetish film. Also, I love that Apostle Paul's like passive aggressive responses, oh no, you guys can go home.

I'll just be here with my close personal friend, the Holy Spirit. Maybe you've heard of him. So yes, they go to leave, but then Paul is like, you know what, now that I think about it, they're probably possessed by demons. Why else would they not want to hang out in a haunted forest with me? My mom told me that about a high school.

Yeah. So he's like, let's all pray together and see if any of you can't love the name of Jesus in front of us. And then of course, the one possessed non-can't, right? Mm-hmm. Yeah. And so then they have a little fire blazer battle. Yep.

So the clipping returns to tell us that they're about to win battle. Yeah. Yep. And I have to point this out because it haunts me for like three quarters of the movie. It will be explained later. But this is where my notes are filled with curiosity that other Apostle guy, the one who isn't Paul, just apparently has a bottle of juice. Are you sure it's juice? I'm pretty sure it's pee. Okay, so here's the thing. I'll spoil it for the audience.

It's oil. It's holy oil because there is one moment where he hands it to someone and you see the goya label. Yeah, but for I'm going to say an hour of this movie, he's just holding what appears to be, thank you, Vice. A bottle of human piss that he will not acknowledge. Yeah, no, and he like spritzes people with it. He rubs him in their eyes. It's, it's, it's crazy. Yeah, no, we're doing him a favor, assuming it's oil. I had it as mango nectar because I was trying to be nice about it. But yeah, it looks like. Trying to tease me. I just assumed given the, given the non pissing fetish thing that it was pee.

Yeah. And so, and by the way, that character's name is Philip, the guy in glasses. Thank you. So they finished their magic battle. The other nuns, the possessed nuns disappear at the end of this. The only one nun disappears. The other one just kind of vanishes off screen. Yeah, right, right. She will have had disappeared later. So now we were just down to Paul Philip and the unnamed blue nun, right? Boss nun. And I have in my notes, of course, for a long time here, what

about the other nun? Only one of them disappeared. Where the fuck is she? But yeah, where's the pissing none? We need the pissing none. Right. Yeah, exactly. So and then they're chanting inaudibly, but then another fucking demon appears and they have another laser fight. Yeah, I want to point out that a lot of these laser fights are identical, but the thing that I love about this particular laser fight is that they didn't get their explosion and disappear TikTok filters to work at the same time. So very clearly he throws an explosion at demon person and they're like Just sort of standing there for a second and then they disappear They didn't know how to like cross those frames over. It's really fucking fun I had my notes.

Eventually the effects guy got back from the bathroom and everyone disfigures in a fire. So this is a shit. This is the first iteration that we get in this movie of what is my favorite line from the movie. And it is just them yelling Holy Ghost Fire. Holy Ghost Fire as they like try to Hadook and whatever they're fighting.

Yes, so we will learn eventually that that is the finishing move, right? When they go, Holy Ghost Fire, the fight's out about to end. Yeah. And also, real quick, at the end of this fight, Paul announces that he is soaked in the blood of Jesus Christ, which is a very weird phrase and a weird image. I had that in my notes as well. That's just so like I mean as a former Christian I kind of get what he's going for but like we never use the word soaked to describe that. Yeah

Washed cleansed what it is soaked no Yes, so it brings up a much more waterparky image that I Am log flumed in the blood. He's just praying you with blood coming out of his holes. The blood of Jesus ruined my phone is not quite the feel. I think a vibe, a religion should be aiming for. So yeah, so and then, you know, everybody's like, man, I sure am not enjoying all these demon attacks and Paul's like, quit being whiny about it. This is a great teaching opportunity. Let me give you some Bible quotes. So now we, we cut over to a different group of guys that are walking through the forest. I have this group of guys down as team of fabric softener. I'll explain

why in a minute. Oh, sure. That's appropriate. And they're walking along just kind of doing their thing when suddenly, this is Eli's fucking fetish here. Suddenly, thank you. Mermaid's appear to man that they return what they've stolen and the guys take out a bunch of old paper towel tubes and blow lasers through. Load art lasers. Yeah. They have a show for our laser fight with the mermaids. I think we all agree that when we decided to become podcasters and content creators,

this is where we were right down into a dark someday. And this was one of my favorite moments of the movie because like the guy in red who it turns out is carrying the bottle of fabric softener. He tries to like defend himself from the mermaid lasers with just a small twig. Yes. And like he is going for it. Like he's like holding it up. Like I could watch the scene of him blocking the lightning bolts from the mermaids with this little twig for like I recorded that scene and I put it as like the motion background

on my phone. Yes. And like if anyone in this movie was going for an Academy Award, it was that man in this. It was cool. It was cool. Yeah. I call him cool. I'm glad it's because he's by far the fattest person in the movie and he's wearing all

reds. Yeah. No, I get it. I get it. I have him as red because I didn't want to fat. But yeah. Right. All right. Well, uh, so, but the mermaids are like, give us back what you all could, they're, they're, they're whipping their asses in the magic battle. They all get knocked over. And red is about to pull out his, his bottle of fucking fabric software that's going to be

the McGuffin for two thirds of this film when it just so happens that Paul, Philip, and blue nun walk by. And that's always awkward when you're getting your ass kicked in a magic fight by Mermaids and somebody you know walks by. Oh, so, I mean, we've all been there, right? Where you fall down and then someone's got to make

a big deal to be like, are you okay? And you're like, well, I'm kind of okay. You got to pretend you're okay sooner than you are and you're losing your show for I'm kind of okay. Like you got to pretend you're okay sooner than you are. And you're losing a show for fight to mermaids. Well, so my question here is like it's unclear in the movie, but like are these guys supposed to have, well, okay, maybe I was foiling the end of the scene here, but like, are they supposed to have died and Philip bring those back to life or Paul brings them back to life? Or are they supposed to just like have been injured? And he heals them.

Great question. One of the many mysteries that this plot leaves unresolved for part two. I thought the same way. You know how when you watch Tenant with the director's commentary, he's talking about how like that's going to interweave with other movies. That's how I felt watching battle in the spirit of the Sperrgod. As I was like, I know once the sequel and the three will come out, it's all going to come together. We're going to really get to know Robert Pattinson. So, so but Philip and Paul and the blue none joined in the magic fight on the side of team Fabric Soffner. So they take down the mermaids. They either resurrect or just heal all the guys

who'd fallen in the fight before and they bred was the only guy that was still standing when they showed up, right? So they resurrect everybody else. So at this point, we should probably mention that there's one guy that has a sleeve with a logo on it that appears to say bitch. Yes. Okay, thank you. I will call him bitch sleeves for the rest of the movie.

Okay, because he very clearly is just wearing like a soccer jersey that has bitch on either sleeve. Well, I have him as bitch guy, which like, now you do see it closer in another scene where it's actually B-I-T-C-P. Oh, is it really? But it definitely looks like bitch in most scenes. Okay. Yeah, and I also, I have a theory about this guy.

So his pants also say bitch on them. So I'm wondering if this guy was just messing with them and wearing as much clothing as he could that would look like it says, bitch at first glance, just to see if anyone would notice. Oh, interesting. Cause yeah, cause I saw that, you know, it's notes and I'm like, guys, that's Fitch. It says, Fitch on his pant. Like, what the hell are you? Oh my God. It does. So okay. So now, but now team fabricffner, and I call them that, of course, because the bottle that they go to give the mermaids looks like a bottle of Fabric Soffner. We're going to find out later that it's the water of life that they've stolen from the mermaids. But anyway, they have now joined with Paul and Philip and Blu-non, and they're setting off

with them on their mission to conquer the evil spirits in the treeless forest. Maybe that's it. Maybe the evil spirit stole all the trees. Maybe they can. That's more sense than any of the movie makes. So sure. Why not? Yeah. But Paul explains if they want to join his fight, you got to be Christian. And so he starts talking about how great it is to be Christian. I love that in my notes, as he was saying this, he was like, if we're going to conquer the spirits of the forest, you have to do one thing. And I wrote in my notes, is it except Jesus? It's except Jesus.

Red has this great line here. He goes, you know, he's like, it's going to be very dangerous to fight the evil spirits. So you got to be a Christian. And red says, the role was called in the School of Fear. And our names were marked absent. And I'm like, fuck my red. That's a great line. That's a fantastic line. I love it.

It's beautiful. It's so weird because it's right in the middle of all of this just fucking nonsense. And you're like, yeah, man, stand in that. It's like that, you know the thing about like random slamming on type writers and eventually you'd make the words and take care of it. I think we saw one line of that take place inside this movie. Yeah. So I, I, at this point, I'm trying to figure out the plot of this movie. Now, they kind of clear up what they meant the plot to be in the last scene of the movie. But like, at this point, I'm like, I think these guys were like serving a different god,

like a not Christian god. And they say his name a bunch of times, like so and so failed us. And I'm like, yeah, I can't tell what they're saying here. But, um, and by the way, listen, or it is not shock rookie. Like so they're serving that guy who they were supposed to get the water of life for him. Yeah. No, it's not. So yeah, so now most of them are Christian, right? Red decides to be Christian and Fitch decides to be Christian and the guy in the wife Peter decides, I've got him down his white shirt because calling him a wife Peter seems more of an accusation than a nickname.

So I had him as sexy tank top man. Okay. I also have him as sexy tank top man. Yes. He is delicious. That he is. So yes, so tank top red and feature already to join, but the dude in the pink shirt is like, man, this Christianity shit is nonsense. I don't want to do that. He says and this is what both me and the and the close captioning heard that they were supposed

to get another horse of power. And if they become Christian, they won't. Yeah. So Paul interrupts their argument about this to scream sings some more. Yeah, he screams sings at them. This is also where the three who are Christian. He's like, well, okay, so you three are Christian. And again, or Christian, he's like, I think you should kneel. And we get to watch it real time as these three actors who did not agree to kneel, be like, sorry, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, faces upwards to the sky while father Philip is standing right in front of them, make an emotion with his hand as if he's jerking off an invisible person who's standing there right in front of them. So like, is Jesus about to come inside these gentlemen? Yeah. Right. Now everybody do this with their hands.

Yeah. So. And as Paul was like saying the making them Christian words, Fitz starts jumping up and dancing around and he passes out. This is supposed to be, I guess, ecstatic dancing. We all thought that he died, right? That he had like an allergic reaction to Christianity. I thought he had a seizure because like everybody's ignoring him.

So I'm like, does this guy just have seizures sometimes? So this is just a normal occurrence for these guys? I guess or that's just how some people take the Holy Spirit. Okay, but if we, if we could go back a moment, there's one moment in the closed captioning that you seem to have missed is when he's talking to them about Jesus, the closed captioning was convinced that he says when Jesus was on the cross at Calvary, the rubber on his left spoke. That's rubber, are you be?

So so now I'm picturing a sentient used condom be through the other side of Jesus. And I got to say I'm down with this religion. No, right. Right. The opening would be the mouth while he's talking. Yeah, I think it's a poor. So they so they go to leave, right? Fitch is fine.

They go to leave, but before they can to the two white robed nuns from before appear. The pissing nun is back. I'm so happy. Yeah, pissing nun is back along with the other one and the lady in stripes and they start singing. Yeah. And Paul's like, all right, I'll sing with you. I'll see how this plays out. But of course, it ends in a big magic fight with the lightning Bible. Okay. Now, guys, I know it's a little late to ask this, but is it too late to tell Heath that we're reviewing pitch perfect? And then we sent him this movie instead. He doesn't listen to the shows. He's not on. Yeah, I think we're fine. I think we're good. Yeah. So yeah. So so they fight with the laser Bible again. They yell holy ghost fire by the end of it. Everybody's

been knocked out except for Paul and Philip. And Philip runs around spritzing everybody with his little urine bottle. Because he's got a little spray nozzle on it now. Yeah. Yeah. Like you would do with a cat, it was being naughty, right? He's surrounded around doing that. And then it was, but they revive everyone except pink shirt, who cannot be brought back from the dead because he did not accept Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior earlier in the scene. Very sad. I don't think we mentioned this yet, but in the last scene when they got into their argument, sexy tank talk, I kept calling him crazy.

And Eli had in his notes as if crazy was his name. And I'm like, no, there's no way this, this character's name is crazy. But in this scene, as he's dying, they're all like yelling, all crazy, no, crazy, no. He's in the credits as crazy. I watched the credits to verify that is the character's name is crazy. Crazy is his name. Yep. Yep.

Before I knew Eli, my name, my nickname was everybody just called me. It was crazy. It was. It involved the word crazy. And then you met Eli and he upstage you. So yeah, right. I really could no longer take any claim to that. Oh, I heard the mantle.

Well, do it. They just killed off the only character I like. So I need a minute to recover. We're going to be back in a flash with even more battle of the spirit and power of God. All right, everyone. Welcome to the first writers meeting for the Battle of the Spirit and the power of God. Wait, why don't we have Nigerian accents? I think you know why we don't have that. Yes, it's some of us have to be on the show next week too, bro.

Anyways, as you know, Mr. Schmenderson says we can't wander around his property screaming Jesus songs anymore. So sad. That's unfair. Yeah, but, but I have a solution. I told him that we're going to make a movie where we walk around his backyard yelling Jesus songs. Sweet, that's amazing. And he went for it. Mm-hmm. And it's going to feature the latest in CGI. Hold on, hold on. Can we really afford computer-generated images? Oh, no, this is the other CGI. What's the other CGI? A Craig-generated images?

Hold on, is Craig the guy at the library with Spider-Man Movie Maker? He is, yes. Nice. And we're back for more of this shit. We're gonna open on more walking, more walking. Now, we should point out here that this is actually three episodes of a TV show that have been sort of smooshed together into a 90 minute movie.

Yes. Now, they've tried to fool us into thinking as one continuous movie, but they weren't trying hard enough to like, remove the lingering credits from the open, open, a credit, and part. I don't know, I feel like maybe this was a four episode series,

and we missed episode one. Oh, okay, that would make a lot of sense. Yeah. And this is where I noticed that they actually had a guy listed as their sound guy, Mike Linus. It's his fault. Yeah. We found the worst sound guy in the world, everybody.

It's Mike Linus. Somebody was okay putting their name on saying, Hey, I did this. Or maybe Mike Linus was just some guy that they hated, right? Like maybe that's nothing to do with. Oh, tell him that Mark Lininesoos did the sound. Yeah. That makes a lot of sense.

I also just want to say all the names in this credits felt like some kind of willpower test, right? They were like, you sure you don't want to make fun of these names? Oh, I thought you sure. This guy's name is just seven numbers. You sure you don't want to joke about it. And they actually they walk so long that like the credits run out and the song that they use for the intro runs out. So they loop the song background and start it from the beginning again

because you know, heaven forbid, we cut that shot of them doing nothing but walking through a gulch. Yeah, right. Yeah. Oh, well, I guess we'll have to each help everyone individually back out of this ravine and watch that. Yeah. So, but eventually they all stop walking and they have to, they're like crying to Paul about how awful this is bad. Right. And that they don't like doing this. Well, sexy 10 talk guy and bitch guy are cuddling together. Yep. They are cuddling in the background. They get a nice little cuddling. Bitches always cuddling. Fitch is always cuddling. Yeah, he was cuddling with red in that last scene, yeah.

And this is where they accidentally discuss the flaw to the plot of this movie, because he's like, yeah, no, we had some nuns with us earlier, but they got possessed by demons. And one of the hoodlum characters is like, wait, weren't they Christians? And you watch the actor be like, yeah, no.

They, what they didn't, they didn't believe in Jesus hard enough. They started to doubt. They didn't clip their microphones enough. Yeah, and this is by the way, the point in the video where the words and the lips stopped matching up for me. Yeah. Well, and sexy tank top guy has this whole long speech that he gives, but we can't hear what he's saying.

Like he's the only guy that doesn't clip his microphone and he tucks too quietly for them. And like even the subtitles, the subtitles gave up on this. They had his lines listed as music. Because the opera in the background is still going. Yeah, no, it's like, imagine if like the Kenny bit in South Park was an accident in Miking instead of a running bit.

Yes, that was this guy's list. Cause he does that like three different times. Yeah. Okay, I'm doing a fine and replace for sexy tank talk guy and calling him Kenny from now on. Okay, there you go. Excellent. So, but Paul tells them they got to keep the faith otherwise, you know, they'll get taken away and turned into bad guys like the nuns did. This is the first time I noticed the highway traffic noise in the background of this remote forest. Yes. And that car blasting its torn was way more pleasant to listen to than these guys yelling.

Yeah. I wrote my notes like I really need another magic fight right about now guys. And then there's another magic fight. They go to leave and dammit if the mermaids don't attack again. This is this movie is you know how they have that machine. They can hook you up to and they notice when your brain is falling asleep and they like flash an image in front of you. This movie does that. Wait, wait, I've never heard of this machine.

Can I have one for while I'm driving? Exactly. Yeah. This is like that, but for mermaid laser fights, that's how this movie works. No, you're right. Yeah. So the mermaid says, you know, those guys that you're walking around with, those are our subjects for our pagan God of the water.

And you need to give them back. But the Mermaids can't get them because they are soaked in the blood of Jesus Christ. Exactly. Right. Right. He says, you need to leave and go back to your master's Satan by the count of seven. Weird count. Weird count to offer. I just, I wanted a six and a half. He never counts at all. But yeah, we're all going like seven. Hi, he just couldn't decide between five and 10, I guess. So I should note that the whole time that they're having this discussion and argument and you're leading up to the laser battle, sexy tank talk guy or sorry, Kyle. Kenny. God damn it. I never watched South Park.

So Kenny's in the background and he looks like he's mimeing row, row, row your boat, but well weeping. Yeah. Yeah, that's definitely a part of it. I also, I have to point out after he gives the mermaids to a count of seven, the mermaids very clearly agreed to laugh in unison, but two of them don't start on time. So King Mermaid is like, haha, come on. Yeah, yeah, yeah., yeah. Make me look

at that. And then they then they stop. She looks at them and they go like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, and the one on the right is like totally into this. Like she's got her eyes wide. She's making the crazy faces. She's loving this. Yeah. She's giving the best performance of all the Mermaids. Oh, yeah, absolutely. So, but then they have their big lightning laser battle. Pretty quickly on, they summon the Holy Ghost Fire this time. This is where we start to realize that that is the finishing move, right?

Yes. Yeah. So the mermaids catch on fire and disappear. And everybody scream, thanks Jesus in song for letting a win another magic fight. Once again, yeah, and like we can't understand a word of what they're saying, slash singing, slash yelling, it's all distortion noise at this point. Yes, yeah, right. So, okay, and then at this point, you have this weird fucking thought, right,

where you're like, I don't know that these mermaid laser lightning fireball battles are gonna be enough to keep me interested. But the movie realizes that surprise devil Slah. Yes, yes. The movie's like, all right, well, what if a guy just appears dressed as the devil slaps blue none and then runs away. Let me be very clear here he and there is and

fight choreography going on here this none was like no man giving your best shot and indeed he did this is the consensual non consent fetish yet exactly right well and then so okay then the non i guess it's supposed to be possessed and we have this amazing moment where the way that she's going to show that she's possessed is she's trying to strip off her garments, right?

Because she doesn't have any modesty left. And I am here for it. Yeah. Yeah, right. So is the writer. So now we get the, the non-slash exhibitionism fetish. Right. Yeah.

But here's the thing, like everyone else is supposed to stop her, but this actress obviously doesn't want to take her clothes off and these actors don't really want to stop her. So they have this moment where she keeps like lifting her skirt up and then dropping it and going, really guys, nobody. So start to button her, unbutton her shirt. Nobody does anything. And she'll be like, they're all like, oh no, please. No, no, I'm stuck in the mud. The full, they're going full, Willie Wonka in this moment.

You're right. And by the way, don't worry, this isn't the end, because she will spend the next, I'm going to go ahead and say 20 minutes of the movie, just roasting the movie from the inside. Oh, great. She's, she's the best character in this movie. Oh, my God. Yeah. The possessed She's the best character in this movie. Oh my. It's a bar. Yeah.

The possessed version is the best character in this movie. This is the moment when I ordered a non-costume for Mamm's on for my partner. I also should have to point out it's a tiny moment, but I do have to talk about it. While they're doing the no, don't undress yourself thing. Kenny or handsome tank top man gets a bug in his mouth and stops acting to be like clip. Yeah, I got a bug in my mouth. I feel like Kenny's in his own little fucking movie and I'm here for it, right?

He sure is. We get more traffic noise at this point. Oh, yeah, for sure. As they're trying to exercise the demon from the stripping none, the cars are honking. Yes. Oh, there's so much fucking traffic noise here. Yeah. And then Paul starts screaming, so you know, the scenes over. So this is a note for my partner at this point. She said he sounds like Booju Benton singing the song Murderer, which he's a Jamaican singer and that's apparently a whole genre of music, but like he's doing it, but without talent.

Okay. I can't argue with that reference. So yeah, we'll let it stand. So they walk more and then the mermaids come back again. Okay, but we've seen this bush before. Yes. Like it's the same bush. They're just walking in circles. Yep, they're just walking in circles.

There was only a certain amount of mom's backyard. They were allowed to use for their movie. But here's what I love about this scene because podcasts, listen, you're thinking to yourself, Eli, aren't you bored of the movie at this point that they're having the identical conversation with the mermaids that's going to end in an identical laser battle? But what if I told you that was all happening except for one actor who's just sitting there making fart noises like she's trying to get kicked off live TV. It's so good.

She starts twerking and she's twerking. She literally twerking. Not even exaggerating. She literally twerked at Father Philip. He will never convince me that this is not soft-core, non-fetish horn. No shot. Right, and that's happening as they're having another laser battle with

the laser fight, which I have to point this out. They win this laser fight, not by yelling Holy Ghost fire like they normally do. They win this one by saying, I'm rubber, you're glue. Whatever you send to me bounces off of me and sticks to you. Yeah. Well, so now the mermaids came prepared for Holy Ghost fire. They said you can not get us with fire this time. So before they disappear this time, they managed to strike red, Kenny and Fitch blind with their mermaid powers. And I think I feel like Philip changed his mind about whether he was going to be blind,

right? It's unclear. I don't think Philip was supposed to be blind, right? Yeah. It's unclear. I don't think Philip was supposed to be blind for this scene, but I have to say, so I watched this movie three times in total. I don't know why I subjected myself to that, but I do as good as I say. But my first watch through, I missed that they were going blind because I was so distracted by the fucking twerking nun who is really not that.

No one blames you for that. So like in the next scene when they were all blind, I was like, wait a minute, when did these guys have blind where they blind the whole time? What is going on here? I loved Fitch too. Like because he's like, apparently he doesn't know how blind works and thinks that he also lost his ability to bend his elbows. Right.

He's like, flapping his arms around. It's the best. It's the best. I need Tim to do this when we get together and just start ramping in people. Okay, but as they walk through the scene, so like they have a bitch sleeves or a bitch whatever you want to call him, he's leading a blind guy behind him. And then Father Philip is behind him too, who he appears to still be able to see. So this is worse than the blind leading the blind.

Yes, this is the blind leading the guy who can still say. Decided. Yeah. Right. Well, it's the blind leading the blind leading the blind leading the blind leading the side. Yeah, exactly. And I just have to point out the end of this scene is Paul, a possible Paul turns to them and he's like, okay, admittedly destroying the forest of evil is not going great. And then he kind of half-ass those things like Jesus, Jesus. Well, and this is the next, Kenny, mumbles in audibly for like two solid fucking minutes, obviously as putting his heart. And the subtitles say music again. Right. Yes. Yeah, we can't hear a fucking word

He's obviously putting his heart into it afterwards everybody's like deeply emotionally affected by whatever He's the modern Shakespeare and nobody knows it right He's the one who wrote that line about their roles being called in the school of fear Everything else he wrote for himself got cut by Miles Doreer, whatever the guy. What Mike Linoosh, it's burned into my brain forever. I'm going to be looking at that. He'll be hunting it. Yeah, you mumble his name every night before bed. So now, I think it's Fitch who at this point says, a blind man is equivalent to a dead man. Yes, he does.

Yeah, that was what? A bit ableist in my ass in a little. You know what guys? I'm not afraid to say it. This Nigerian movie about fighting Nigerians in a magical forest with the power of Jesus, not quite as able minded about the Haiti captives issue. You know, it's really true. Well, the two are higher standard.

Yeah. And of course, again, through this entire, my analog, blue none is just rash, burry it. Shaking, ratchets. Just making faces that fall their Philip, while he's talking to and tick tock dances. She literally, at one point, she literally points and laughs at him. Yes. And then he says he who laughs, laughs, laughs laughs best, which is followed by the blue none, laughing both last and best.

Right? Yeah, no, that's fair. That's fair. So yeah, and so now he's going to annoy them with his tiny little bottle of mango nectar. You're in. Yeah. Yeah.

This is where I saw the Goya label and was really brought to a large amount of peace that I had. It's what in the movie. I did not see the Goya label, so I'm like, I know from context that this is probably oil, but it still looks like pee. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. And at one point, well, the blue none is raspberrying. Father Phillip is actually like trying to hold her mouth shut and she's like sputtering

all over his hand. And he's clearly grossed out by this. Like, I don't think that was in the script. I think this is just, she hated his guts and was taking this opportunity to spit all over him. Yeah, no, it makes sense. So, yeah, so Philip turns to, at this point, he turns to, oh, you know, and he's like,

hey, man, are you sure this is a good idea? Like, you know, we're lost at this point. We're clearly walking in circles. We've been to this part of Mom's yard already, you know, we're lost at this point. We're clearly walking in circles. We've been to this part of mom's yard already, you know, three fifths of us are blind. One fifth of us are insane. Right, right. Yeah, exactly.

Paul just looks at him. He's like, at two Philip. Yeah. Oh, he's so offended. He's so mad. Right. He's like, well, first of all, okay, we can just walk towards all that traffic noise

and ask for directions if we get lost clearly. No, we must not. God does not sleep. Not there does. He's slumber. Yeah. He's. Wait, those are the same thing, aren't they? He says, he says, I want you to know that I am talking to heaven and God and Philip does like a, okay, well, could you tell them to do a slightly better job? Yeah, right. I don't know how to tell you. Paul's like, God is the keeper of Israel. And I'm like, that's going great for him. Yeah. So through this whole thing, we get the blue nun basically giving a blow job to a leaf.

So this is the dendrophilia slash non-fetish. Oh, okay. Interesting. Interesting. Yeah. And we got the humiliation fetish last time with the spitting. So it's like, it's all non-fetish. Oh, okay. Interesting. Interesting. Yeah. And we got the humiliation fetish last time with the spitting. So like, it's all non-fetish stuff. Yeah. And she's right in between their faces too. Like, I have to set up, if you're not watching the movie along with us, and you should absolutely watch this along with

us, these two guys are having a very serious conversation about whether one of them has lost his faith in the God that leads them through the forest of evil. And she's being teabagged by an ant in between their two faces. Yes, it's amazing. Very distracting. And then Paul just yells out, hey, touched me. Yes. Well, okay. Well, pointing at Father Phillip. Yeah, right. So now he's going into another scream song, but the scream song is he touched me and he's literally pointing at Philip as he screams, sings. Yes. Now, for the record, this is a real song, and I know this song, but the way that he's singing the song, it makes it sound like he forgot the words and is very badly ad

living it. Yeah, right. And that he thought it was about a doll in a courtroom when he first heard of that, too. Yes. So yeah, but now he's going to use his power of scream singing along with the mango nectar to unblind everybody with Jesus magic. Oh, oh, before we get there. So he picks up some dirt and he mixes some of the pee in it.

And now he's yelling about how the thing that in his hand that he just made, the mixture he just made, is a soul that God created. So I'm like, is there come in this PGR as well? Oh, interesting. Interesting. It goes it after masturbation, piss, yeah. Two things about rubbing the dirt in people's eyes. First of all, all of the actors are like, don't rub dirt in my eyes, man. So he has to just be like, I'm rubs, rubs, right. And then second thing is when he rubs the dirt on their eyes, each of their eyes gets an any bitty CGI explosion. Oh, that's the absolutely the highlight of the movie is the effects of them being unblinded by the holy oil. But it's like, it's this explosion that they bought this clearly, like this nuclear blast.

Yes, but it's like this massive explosion that they just shrank down and put over their eyes. Exactly. And that, now that's the high point of the movie. The low point is that they also, at this point, cure blue none of what was it whatever was making her twerk right. Yeah, yeah, that's why to be fair. Her curing is an eight bit CGI Phoenix complete with sound effects comes flying out of her. I said that it looks like she gave birth to super Nintendo Phoenix which lets out a red tailed hawkscreech.

And again, I just have to point out every time I have been like, oh, I'm getting a little board of this movie. Final fantasy Phoenix flies out of the nut and I'm like, you just want me. I'm driving right back in. And let's just we cannot possibly do this just as you really have to watch the movie to recognize that you guys not in any way exaggerating by, you know, eight, but well, it's probably 16 bit, right? Well, I'll give them that was just probably a 16 bit Phoenix. That's the only exaggeration there.

We almost got to N64 graphics. Almost. Yeah. Let's not get crazy. There's also this interesting bit where all the, they're still shouting, but the sound cuts out and And you have to wonder if they just broke the microphone and had to wait until they get a new one. I became a Christian momentarily, it was like, thank God. There is a God, he cut the audio finally.

Yeah. So, but they leave that, everybody's unblinded again, so they get attacked by the mermaids again, the same again. Yeah. Yeah. And every time the mermaids show up, sexy tank talk guy just yells Jesus and jumps and runs to the back of the group, but he's not like, Jesus protect me sort of thing. It's just like, oh, Jesus Christ, that's scary.

Like, he yells it as a swear word. Yeah. And you may be wondering who exactly these mermaids are at this point. Well, good news. They actually tell us and this is the best that the automated captions or myself could do with what that information quote, we are the great daughters of grace or similarly end quote. Yes. It's best we got guys. Sorry. But yeah, they're like, you're not going to get us with your holy ghost fire this time. So he calls upon a Philip calls upon a thunderstorm. The mermaids run up on them. They do a fireballer, then they disappear again. Yes. And and

Paul sings about how lucky they are. They're lucky. You disappeared. And he does that for a bit. It's, it's the scene again.. So they walks more. And so for this scene, I put in my notes, holy shit, there's like three trees in this one scene. Oh, yeah, you're right. You're right. Yeah, this is the, this was the, the deep part of the forest. This is the forest part of the forest. So, but all stops. He says, hold on a second. The Holy Ghost just told me that you, red, have had the MacGuffin this whole damn time, which is a bottle of water and they were starting, they were dying of thirst in a couple scenes ago. Yes, yeah.

Right, but this is a bottle of water that they stole from the sacred river where the mermaids live and it's water that would give you eternal life or somehow bring your land back from destruction or something. They don't get really specific, but it's magical water. Yeah, yeah, but the light in the darkness have nothing in common at all. So obviously you need to dump out your water. Yeah. Well, you don't need to dump it out so much as just leave the bottle sitting by the side of the path. Yeah. Yes.

I also love that these actors did not decide what the water of life was before the scene. So they're just like, what the water, well, if you get rid of it, then undisclosed, bad thing. No, I know. Undisclosed bad thing on that. Okay. Let's leave the downy bottle. Yeah. So he goes to set down the bottle. Now that there's a big fight on team fabrics, after about whether to do that, right? Like

Fitch is not ready to let the bottle go. But white shirt has some really interesting things to mumble. And yeah. So bitch sleeves and Kenny cuddle again. Mm-hmm. And this is where it wrote, religion. It makes perfect sense to discard the only water you have while you were lost in the wilderness because the voices in my head told me we'd be okay. Yeah, no, that's exactly what fucking happened. And then so, yeah, ultimately though, red is one over by the argument that white shirt makes,

which we can actually hear for the first time. He's like, hey, you know, if we stopped carrying that, we wouldn't be attacked by mermaids every other scene, which would be nice. And so red gives Paul the bottle of fabric softer, which again, he doesn't dump out. He just sets the haunted fucking fabric softer bottle down. Yep. Is all. All right.

Well, the crew just left what I believe to be a curse bottle of immortality shit sitting by the side of the path. So quick, while you think that a plot point to may have just been introduced, we're going to pause for another break, but first let me give back to you the hard sell. Will they walk more? Will they win magic fights with Holy Ghost Firemore? Will they scream sing afterwards more? Find out the answers to these questions and more.

When we're turned for the walking Holy Ghost Fire and scream singing conclusion of, battle of the spirit and power of God. And I said, Jesus, Jesus, you are so awesome. Hey Craig. Nice. Hey,. Nice. Craig. Hey, Dave. Hey, what's up?

So we've been wandering this evil forest for a while now. And you know, every so often those mermaids appear and you know, we have like this little laser battle with them. Laser, laser battle, yeah. Well, I can't help but notice that the Bible that you gave me doesn't shoot lasers. So I kind of have to yell fire, fire, fire, and throw fireballs. Yeah, yeah, you're the fireball guy. Yeah, so I was just wondering if we could, you know, switch?

Hmm, I don't know. Dave, what if you, what if you can't? Can't what? But you can't laser Bible, what? But you can't... Laser Bible, obviously. I can laser Bible. I'm just saying it takes pretty strong faith and... You've seemed a little eh.

I am not a little eh. Wait, come on, when the nuns wanted to go home, you offered to walk them there. I was being polite! You were being home in time for dinner is what you were being. You're just mad because the devil strangled you this morning and nobody noticed or cared and now you're hogging the laser bible.

Oh, oh, I'm sorry. The guy who's been holding the magic oil like a binky wants to talk about hogging. Ah, ha, ha, give us the water of life. No, no, mermaids. Okay, I'll come back later. Give us the water online. No, ma'am. Okay, I'll come back later.

And we're back for still more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action with more walking. You know, walks and more. Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. They did do some Latin prayers. They've run out of English language, shit, T.L. So now they're doing Latin prayers. They've run out of English language shit to y'all so now they're doing Latin prayers Paul has another song for us There's more credits. Yeah, yeah, and then bitch leaves gets kidnapped by a tree a tree. Yeah, that's the next thing So here's the thing though given I put way more thought into this movie than the than the writer of this movie did you sure did man

You thought more times than the writer of this movie. I probably given how much walking there is in this movie than the, uh, than the writer of this movie did. You sure did, man. You saw it more times than the writer of this movie. I probably, given how much walking there is in this movie, I thought that him disappearing into the tree was like an homage to Tolkien when Mary and Pippin get eaten by old man Willow. Okay. All right. But like, honestly, these people probably think that fantasy books are like of the devil, so should be burned. Yeah.

Yeah. I was going to say I don't think. I'm probably desperately looking for some hint of competence. So yeah, but no, but bitch, Leans against the tree that the only tree we've seen, like whatever, the fourth tree we've seen in this forest. He leads against the tree and he disappears and everybody's like, oh, shit. And they're like, they spring into action. Right. Philip has this little holy water, Mr. So he's like, bad tree, bad tree. If he spits the tree with urine, you get your friend back. Exactly. Well, you also have to have Paul scream praying the whole time.

Right. Of course. Jonah was swallowed by the shark. Yeah. He calls it a shark. He does call it a shark. And the subtitle said it was Jonah was swallowed by the soccer. Yeah. Oh, interesting. Okay. All right. I had no idea what he would, what he had actually said there. So I was going to withhold comment.

But yeah. So but they ultimately they get the tree gives fish back. He's like, I was just playing. Shit. Fuck. And then Paul's like, all right, guys, we got to get moving. We have four more fights with the mermaids to have. We got a four or four more my scheduled.

Well, actually, we have no more fights with the mermaids. We have more fights. But at this point, we then cut to the mermaids. They bam fit to existence over where they left the fabric softener bottle. They reclaim it. They cackle. They do the unison cackle much better this time.

They nailed it. They're completely fantastic. They welcome the water back to their marine spirit world. Yeah. So like, is this is this sentient spirit water? Apparently. That's the way they treat it. Yeah.

I really wanted to flash cut to them just doing their laundry under the water. And it's like, finally, am I right? I know. It's not. So much static thing in my clamshells. Yeah. So yeah, but they tackle. We go back to a little bit of walking.

It's so fucking funny because they just, the filmmaker felt like they couldn't just go straight from mermaid to mermaid. So we just check back in with the gang. They walk through a scene and then we go back to the mermaids. Okay. No, no, we have to dwell on the scene for a second because they don't just walk through the scene. They walk through it. Bitch guy, let's out a massive yawn while he is like front and center in the shot. Like, yeah, he doesn't even try to stifle it. And then following up, like coming up the rear, father Philip is like taking two steps, stopping, crossing himself, taking another two steps, stopping and crossing himself.

And it's so silly that I'm sure that this is what I heard. You actually hear the cameraman stifle laugh as he's filming father Philip, like taking two steps and crossing himself and stopping. Like that seems to be delicious. It's hilarious. If you watch one scene from this movie, aside from the devil choking out the guy at the beginning, because that's the best scene, but if you watch one other scene from this movie, this is the one to do.

No, no, no, no. You should watch the Phoenix come out and die. Yes, thank you. Because that has the explosion. Just watch the whole movie. Just watch the whole movie. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely watch the whole movie.

100%. Don't watch it with sounds though. You don't need the sound. No, you know, every time you think to yourself, I don't know if I should have listened into this. Oh, wait, never mind. That is, that's the, that's the pace of the film. So yeah, so, so then the mermaids, we really get the best effects of the, of the movie and this scene, right? Cause the mermaids appear now by their river, but not just regular appear, right? They burst out of the movie in this scene, right? Because the mermaids appear now by their river, but not just regular appear, right? They burst out of the earth in these weird little axes. Oh, it's amazing.

We have upgraded it in Nintendo 64 shit here. Yeah. They explode into the scene. Exactly. Yeah, I thought they were going to like no clip through a door. They shouldn't be able to get through. They're speedrunning their own movie somehow.

Right, right. Yeah. But then they, and then they, they do another synchronized cackle and they're flooded by a big title wave. It's very realistic. It's a really good thing. Would we say they were flooded by it or would we say there was a very obviously a layer in front of them in After Effects?

You wanted a layer and a feather and they did it for you. They did it for you. They did not feather this layer. They did not feather this layer. feather and they did it for you, vice. They did it for you. Not feather this layer. They did not feather this layer. No, they did not. So, but now, but that's that mermaid storyline is now buttoned up. Yeah, that's done. We never see them again.

We're done with that. Never again. So we cut back to the main characters and this time they're attacked by Pissnone Mary, who is the other non stripesstripes and Satan. Yep, Satan, the choking Satan from the beginning. And Kenny once again yells out, oh Jesus, and runs back to the group. Yes.

Yes. And they have a lightning firefight. It's identical, but the only thing I want to point out about this is they seem to unleash a cast member. The movie didn't know about by accident in this scene. Yeah. At one point, they like lightning blue none, right?

And yeah, a little blah, I think it was a child, a child in a blonde wig comes running out of her and all the actors stop and go, who the fuck was that? That wasn't a person. Now, I have to point out during the scene, as they're all fighting with the demons and nuns and shit, bitch sleeves. Once again, let's have a massive yawn while he's hiding behind Father Paul. Oh, Drossy, he's like, oh, this is a kind of a boring laser fight here. This time he tries to cover his mouth with his hand, but he fails. And it's just this massive yawn. Amazing. So yes, so Paul blocks the Satan lightning, he uses his holy ghost fire, Satan realizes

things aren't going his way. So he dips the fuck out and just leaves the nuns to finish the job. He's like, you guys clean this up. I'm guy, I got shit, I got a two o'clock. So he leaves, right? And now all of the temple of doom, bad guys from the very beginning of the movie, like I guess unpossessed the nuns. We find out that they're the ones that were making the nuns be bad the whole time.

Yeah. So they all leap out. That's where that little blonde girl came from, the girl in the blonde wig Eli. She was with the temple of doom bad guys from the beginning. Uh, okay. Never mind. This movie makes sense. This is a great.

Yeah, no, it all adds up. At this point though, Father Paul is yelling at the nuns to like accept Jesus again, but like he doesn't just yell at them to accept Jesus. He tells them to get on their knees, and while Father Philip is still doing jerk off motions in front of their faces, he tells them to open their mouths to receive the Lord. Yes, he does. What? In a sign of submission. This is none porn. That's what it is.

And the hoodlums who had to do it earlier give them a look like no, you made us get on Arnie's for the other scene. You guys have to do it. Come on. Yeah, right. Yeah, just be us. So okay. So the gang walks to another part of the treeless forest.

This is where the movie is going to end. We're going to get like a 17-minute scene in this fucking clearing to end this out. Fitch is like, hey guys, I remember this place and they're like, really? Do you? And he's like, yeah, this is the place where we started the movie. I'm like, I remember this place too. It's the same place you filmed about 30% of the scene. Right. Right. I wrote my notes. You're not allowed to acknowledge you've been wandering around the same patch of brush for the Moentaiar movie. All right. My job. Stay in your lane, film. But just then Satan shows up. Yeah. And tells them that none of them shall leave the forest alive.

Spoiler alert. he's wrong. They do. Ah, jokes on you. None of us were in a forest to begin with. Ma-ha. And credit where credit is due, I almost went with best, best powering up because the devil needs to power up for their fight and the way to decide to show this is two of the temple of doom actors run in and hug him and he's like, yeah!

It says though he's been filled with their power. At this point, we get a shot from behind the Devilman and I just put in my notes, dude needs to wear a slip under his Devil costume because when the lights behind him like that, we can see everything really, really happy. Yeah, that's pretty good luck. But yeah, but he's absorbing the Temple of doom bad guys one by one to power up his ultimate Satan attack. The demons are possessing the devil to give him more power like a mega sword. Yes, yes, exactly.

Yes, a satanic mega sword. And however bad you're picturing the special effects, I promise you, podcast, Lister. I promise you it's worse. It is worse than what you're picturing so much worse. And at this point, the lightning sound effect is clipping. Yes. Yes. Right. How the hell do you even do that? So yes, we get thunder after thunder after thunder after thunder and then he shoots his, you know, like all the way juice stop to 11 Satan lightning, even Paul's Bible can't handle that.

Oh, no, but don't worry about it because Phillips got the big guns. He's bringing out the spritzing the devil with urine, which explodes when it hits him. Yeah, he does. He has explosive spritz urine. Kenny, sexy tank top guy, runs away at Charlie Chaplin speeds. He, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, I was 100% sure I fell asleep and we know what you think. We're suddenly in a different scene. We're a character we've never met comes up to a holy man that we've never met to tell

him that a village we've never seen is on fire and that the only thing that can save the village is if this holy man gives him the money we've never heard of that he apparently owes him. Yes. And the holy man is like, the money is in the bank of the spirit. I guess, yeah. Right. Did neither of you guys notice that he had a carpet with the star of David draped behind

him? I did notice that. I did take very strong notice of that. Yeah. And then he's like, leave my shrine. Leave my shrine. Yeah. Well, I mean, you say then as though there wasn't like

three minutes of occasionally English yelling way too loud for the microphone in between those two things, but yeah. So this was the point where I looked up, I'm like, am I, like, are they still speaking English? What language are they speaking now? So like, what languages do they speak in Nigeria? And it's like, there's like six languages.

So I guess he's just slipping in between English and one of the other languages that they speak in Nigeria. Yep. Yeah. I am willing to bet that even if we all spoke that language fluently, we would still have no idea what the fuck he was saying because of the audio, but yeah. He does at one point say, I hate people that are myopic because this movie really hates people with less than perfection.

Yeah, no, that's right. I just loved the idea that like we've been spending this whole movie very clearly being like, hey, let's not like make fun of the accents, right? It's the sound. It's the mics. And then these actors as if just a fuck were with were like hey, do you want to speak Nigerian? So that three white guys making a podcast feel uncomfortable and aren't sure if it's just English They don't understand. This is why I googled it because my partner was like oh, maybe speaking Nigerian

I'm like, I don't think Nigerian is actually a language. So I looked it up and it's not there's like six languages They speak in Nigeria none of which are in our giri And we're all sitting there being like I've been sounds Whatever it is. It sounds lovely. I don't want to Either it could be Nigerian and Nigerian's like not a language. Okay. Cool. Well, it should be I've always said that So but then we we cut away from that scene. We will resolve it. Don't worry.

It's not there for no reason at all. That would be insane. Will we resolve it? Obviously. Are you sure about that? It was sort of. Did you see a scene that I didn't? I don't know.

I'll I'll clue you in. I'll clue you in. You missed it. That's a tension. Pay attention. It happened really fast. Does it have anything to do with the fact that the devil is played by the same actor as the guy in the in the shrines? We don't talk about the devil. We play by the same actions as the solution. So, okay.

So meanwhile, the gang is still fighting Satan. Paul apparently has unlimited fireballs, which seems a little low. Peter me. I just I feel like he should have to earn those or something. You know, he used the dooping glitch earlier. Well, no, no, but he did at this point have to steal the bottle of urine that was being held up by father Phillips, apparently lifeless corpse. Oh, you're right. Yeah, Philip is fallen in battle now. Yeah. But eventually he does defeat him by throwing the anointed piss at him and Satan disappears,

Fitch and tank top come back in and they're like, well, I was just about to jump in the fight and help you guys. What happened? Did you guys already finish it? Okay. So when the devil disappears, I don't know if you guys noticed it, but Fitch was in the background. And as the devil disappeared, he appeared out of nowhere.

So I was convinced at this point that like, oh shit, Fitch is possessed by a demon. And they don't know it yet. So he's like going to sneak attack them. And that's going to be the climax of the movie. But no, it was just continuity. No, they just they just paused the camera and asked that guy to leave. And then they started the camera. That's exactly what's happening.

Don't make it. This movie is so awful. But now everyone needs to sit there screaming about the fact that Philip died. Okay, at this point, the clipping is so bad that the auto-generated subtitles heard the crackling noise of their microphones and were like, this is applause, right?

Yes. Yes. At this point, because they sit there wailing, we're not gonna expose you to it, podcast listener, but they sit there wailing for genuinely like three to five minutes. Eli, it's six, it's six minutes. Yes. This is when we get our next writer exploring his non fetish moment. As the blue nun tries

to get Philip to rise again by grabbing his crotch and shaking it and like trying to give him a hand job to wake him up. Yeah. Yeah. It's a rough one. It's a rough one. But at this point, I was so, it was so unlistenable that I just wrote my notes. Vice was like, yeah, it's a rough one. It's a rough one. But at this point, I was so it was so unlistenable that I just wrote my notes. Vice was like, oh, let's do a game together. And I was like, here, listen to 90 minutes of people screaming into a life that can't handle it. Yeah. Okay. So a little behind the scenes note here, I was invited to join you guys for Gam more than a year ago when you did your Toronto live show. I have been waiting over a year to watch this movie. And I got to say it was actually worth the wait.

It was worth that. Yeah, really. You got a 16 bit Phoenix in your movie. Right? Nobody else got that. So yeah, but now the fight ends. Fill up though has fallen in battle and everybody's going to scream weep over his corpse for six whole fucking minutes. Now during this time, there will be three different nuns screaming too loud for the microphone to handle.

Paul will be like alternately scream singing and scream praying too loud for the microphone to handle. And that same goddamn opera, Arya, that's been playing in the entire fucking movie. Will also be in the background. We're six minutes. Yes. The only way I can describe it is, if anyone listening to this has ever fallen into a bad acid trip, that's what the sound of this is. That moment where you go like, oh, it's going to be a bad acid trip. That's what the sound of it. That moment where you go, like, oh, it's going to be a bad six hours. That's what this movie sounds like.

Yes. So a literal six minutes later, though, they're all like, all right, well, I guess this scene is over. We'll have to leave. But just then Philip comes back to life. Well, he convulses back to life. Yeah, he convulses back to life. Well, yeah, he convulsors back to life. So then they're going to scream sing a different more celebratory. Okay. I have a theory and I want to I want your guys to take on this. I think that they were like, you're supposed to come back to life and the actor was really milking it. So they were like, well, I guess he's not coming back to life in the scene as everyone was like, no, I'm here. I'm here now. Sorry. I had a four part joke and you only laughed at the first three parts. So I was waiting. All right. So then we're going to cut to all the characters we know and then some singing under a big tree.

Yeah. We have a guy there that's keeping time like Eli, right? That those random claps that keeps showing up in the sun. I wrote in my notes, okay, so not all black people have read them. Okay, this is the dispelling stereotypes here in this film. So my partner grew up attending a Southern Baptist Isle Church in the Caribbean. And she said that like the singing moments in this movie actually gave her a touch of nostalgia. So she's now been wandering around the house for a while alternating between singing songs from this movie that she recognized and yelling, Holy

Ghost Fire. Well, mom, I mean, throwing into dookins. But has she been clipping? Has she just started clipping? Like she did started clipping like she did in her clipping in my ears. Importantly though after you yell Holy goes fire, you have to do the Aaron Horn noise like that. Yeah, right. And you also have to do like a hook shot motion. There's a hook shot motion that goes with watch the movie

to get it exactly right. Yeah. So okay, so but they're all singing under this tree. That one one guy runs in late. He's like, am I too late to be in the scene? No, man, just run in. It won't be just straightening. Yeah, yellow shirt guy. That's a kid. I think that's just someone's kid that was in the movie.

And he just ran up behind him. He's like, Dad, can we go home? Yeah. We're literally on camera right now. Now you have to stay. I don't want to see what you have to. He crosses his arms and he's like, oh, grumpy about him. How do you do did you back around your movie? Where are we? There's a baby crying just off camera. Yeah. Yeah. It's great. But the guy who ran up to the

Holy Man earlier to demand the money to get the village to not be on fire, he's there. So after the song ends and Paul preaches a little bit, he thanks them all for saving the day by saving the forest. Yes. And he goes also, thank you to everyone that died. And Paul has to go actually we brought everyone back. Yeah, I know. I know. He died. No, the first lady that died, stayed dead. Oh, that's right. Yeah. You're right. Well, Paul doesn't know that. Paul corrects. It was like, no, I don't worry.

We brought him back. He's sick. But also they are standing under what is the fifth tree in the movie, but this is when they're not supposed to be in the forest anymore. And it's a bigger tree than any of the ones that were in the forest. It is. It is. By far the most impressive tree that we see.

Yeah. I also, I should have to point out that Paul, as he's doing the like, thank you for the thank you, he's doing like the bridesmaid who didn't get to give a speech Giving it in prompt to speech thing. He's like, oh, thank you very kind words kind words Indeed, you know Any at some point during this he tells father Philip to open to his Bible to Romans 10 and we watch as he like opens his Bible, which was clearly not bookmarked and like struggles through finding where Romans was.

I want point like turns back to Paul. He's like, it was Romans chapter 10. Like, yeah, Romans 10. Okay. Okay. Exactly. We watch all of that. And by the way, that part of the Bible is just meaningless gobbledygook that just says

be Christian at the end, right? So there's a complete waste any fucking time. And we get a close up pan of some of the people that are watching the scene at this point. And bitch sleeves is actually asleep. He's just sitting there with his arms crossed in his eyes closed, just looking at his. So like, I've been holding back yons this whole time time like a couple of them made it into the movie So I'm just gonna sit here and take it out. Yeah, right, right and I have to talk about my favorite moment of this scene Is that he has him during the romance and he's preaching or something he's yelling singing about Jesus and this is when Paul requested

That if you're wearing a hat take it off But if you're a lady and you're not wearing a hat put one on Yeah, okay, but as crazy as that is he follows it up with if you don't have and you're not wearing a hat, put one on. Yeah, okay. But as crazy as that is, he follows it up with, if you don't have anything to cover your head with, that's okay, God understands. So if it doesn't matter, then why are you telling him to do it? Right, right. Yeah, also why not just get a hat from one of the guys wearing a hat.

I feel like we can solve this problem fairly easy. Yeah. So everybody has to change their head, your situation. And at one point, at one point, bitch sleeves actually wakes up and he like gives a bit of a speech, but we don't know what he's saying because apparently he took acting coaching from Kenny earlier. Yes. Right. Right. Yeah. That's the other guy, the guy, the red hat will look, he tries to give a monologue, but he keeps turning back and forth from the microphone. So he only hear a half of it. It's great. Amazing work with the by by Mike Lainus here. Yeah. I would have paid them to take my name out of the credits. Amen, brother. So but but Paul has them

all repeat the special Jesus words and all the characters, even the ones that have already become Christian with us watching become Christian. They were all just singing a Christian hymn at the beginning of the scene. They're all already Christian. Right. They know the words. Yes. Yeah. So, but everybody's real super happy because they're all Christian. And I'm like, well, I wonder how this scene will end. I wonder if it'll have anything to do with scream singing. And then they start screaming. Then they scream sing us into the end of the YouTube video. Yes, yes. Revealing to the credits. Yeah.

All right, well, I'll tell you what, I like vice-rino. I can't thank you enough for suffering through one of the least eventful, but still most entertaining films in the history of our podcast. It was my pleasure slash pain. And if our listeners wanted to hear more from me, we'll remind them where they should go. On YouTube, I'm just vice-vice rhino. You can go to links.vice-rino.com has all my stuff.

I just started a podcast with my partner where she is reading Christian relationship books to me and then we kind of roast them. Oh nice. So that's kind of fun as well. Oh, sequel episode. Oh. But yeah, links.vice--round.com is where you find all my main stuff. All right, and of course we'll have that linked in the show notes for this episode as well,

vice-rino thanks again. And well, that's going to do a far review of battle of the spirit and power of God that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to lure ourselves back into this same trap for next week. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. Well, Noah, as you know, next week's episode is the beginning of July. And you know what that means. That's right, baby. It's back.

It's Mormon movie mode. Oh, not gonna be here for more than movie month. Oh, yeah. We'll be watching the much requested con man gonna con 2021 film witnesses. Oh awesome. All right. So that's a look forward to we're gonna bring episode 410 to a merciful close once again a huge thanks to feist rhino for helping out today and perhaps even huge thanks to all the patreon donors to help make the show go if you'd like to catch something on there man she can make a prep episode donation to patreon.com slash god off when they're

by your own early access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help a ton by leaving a five star review and by sharing the show and all your various social media platforms. If you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our siblings shows this getting a the a citation a D&D minus and the skype crack available wherever podcast live. If you have questions, comments or sit in my suggestion, check in my God off of movies to gmail.com. Tim Robinson takes care of our social media. Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slaping, Mimble Drafts on Mars. All the other music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark and was used for permission.

Thanks again for giving us a check in your life this week for Heathen, right? Neil Iboznik, I'm No Luzon's Brums, to work harder to earn another check next week. Until then, we'll leave you with a breakfast club close. The writer went on to discover his balloon fetish and wrote a sequel where the heroes have to fight evil spirits at a carnival.

Ha, ha, ha, ha. Sister Mary eventually did get to take that piss. Equal where the heroes have to fight evil spirits at a carnival. Sister Mary eventually did get to take that piss. Yes she did. Nobody ever told Bitcheslee's what his shirt said in English. I know. I'm almost panicked on the five, but I didn't. Honestly, that was the scariest part of this whole process for me, because I've heard so many outtakes of people screwing it up.

Yeah, right. Yeah, we'll shame you if you get it wrong. Welcome back to the game, Casper. Each week we sample another selection. I love. So when we have a new cast, I like to fuck up the very first line so that they get it loose. You see make me feel comfortable.

I want to put my money on my mouth is in terms of you can go back and get a line if you have exactly. I so no, just before we get going, ironically, I was just telling Eli this, I was looking at my waveform from the last couple of recordings for this. I think I've been clipping through this whole thing. Oh no. Hey, hey, hey, I do have a backup recording going that I'm pretty sure I have not been clipping on, but I just, I just

think it's hilarious for that. That would be really fun. And funny if your audio is shit, at all. I think if you're on version, you're just clipping the whole time. Yeah, I feel like it on, I feel like Morgan can probably handle a bit of clipping on his end because most stuff, if you clip a little bit, it's still recoverable, but it is nowhere near as bad as the movie that we watched. Yeah, well, good. I should hope that. Are you Miles Lour or whatever his name is?

Yeah, he tells us it's like being a cop. Yeah. So I speak out by vice Ryan, he's been running away from this. From his work on that Nollywood Christian term. And it's finally caught up to him. My whole YouTube career is just me saying, see, I can do audio. I told you, I told you, use the equipment.

All right, here we go. I also don't know what a Swiftie is. I don't even, I also don't know what a Swiftie is.. I don't even. I also don't know what a swivepy is. I didn't Google it. I wasn't in there. I've learned my lesson about Googling. What is a when you first learn about something through Eli sketches? Probably goes fire.

I don't know if you want to use this in the actual main body of the podcast, but I do have a recorded on my sampler, my partner doing the Holy Ghost fire thing combined with the air horn noises and a phenomenal. I'll tell you what, send it to me afterwards with your audio, with rest of your audio. I'm sure we're going gonna find a need for it So find a place You gotta be careful though if I like a sound effect, right? Yeah, it could be the replacement for flies like is your partner ran

To have several websites dedicated to love the pieces. Yeah, I can just play it for you right now. I think we should play that every time he makes a joke that doesn't end from now. Instead of the weird tense silence that follows, I'm just going to have a soundboard that plays that. And for the record, she gets to do the accent because she is black. Nice. Good. That was my one worry resolved. The proceeding podcast was production of Puzzle and a thunderstorm LLC copyright 2023 all rights reserved. Thank you.