God Awful Movies - 413: Charly

Episode Date: July 18, 2023

This week, Mary and Shelly from the Latter Day Lesbian podcast join us for an atheist review of Charly, the story of Mormon sexism. This time in the form of a romcom. --- Hear more from Mary and Shelly here: https://latterdaylesbian.org/ If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

Is there a husband class about like, you know, causing orgasms or whatever? As if the woman's orgasm matters. Yeah, right. Hokes. They have what's called their priesthood session, but they don't talk about how to be a good husband. They just like get all about the scriptures and you know, you know, they learn how to ask teenagers about their masturbation habits.

They're priesthood class. Yeah, right. 100%. 100%. Yes. That's a real handy class. Oh. That's a good one.

Oh shit. Not awful. Movie. Movie. Movie. Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be a good friend, Heath, and right, Heath, welcome back. Thanks Noah. We got a Mormon romcom. Very excited. Let's do this. And sitting 900 miles to my Northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnick.

Eli, how are you this fine afternoon, sir? What a conclusion to Mormon movie month Noah. What a conclusion. Yep, the live show means we're going to have to wrap it up a little bit early, but damn, are we finishing strong? And we're also excited to welcome, as guest, masochist, the co-host of the latter day Lesbian podcast Mary and Shelley.

Welcome to God off of movies. Hey, thanks for having us. Happy to be here. Are you really? Cause we made you watch this movie. So I can hear the lying in your voice when you said that. Are you calling me a lying whore? Kind of like this woman in the middle.

You are lying. You are. But I forgive you. I forgive you actually is the way this. Right. We might end up together in heaven. But only if you pay your time. You have to lead us through the veil. It's a very complicated thing. I could just do it last minute, right? Yeah, I think you can. a go, pay for it just in time. Back pay your tithing and you're good. Yeah, this was hard for me to watch, not only because it's a horrible stupid movie with

bad acting, but there's like little triggers because I've been through this shit. So. Mm-hmm. And I just triggered because it was a horrible movie with bad acting. Yeah. And that'll do it. Same. I don't have the Mormon ex-gives the jelly done.

All right. So tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today? We watched Charlie the 2002 Mormon hum gum. It's the story of a good Mormon boy from Utah trying to fix a even lady from New York City. It's the taming of the Jew. Oh, good one. No, he does color a Jewish at some point, doesn't he? Yeah. That's so scary. Yep. And Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you love Mormon movie month, but you're sad we've never managed to cram every trope gag and horrifying worldview into a single film. You will love this movie. It really does hit all the bases here. Yeah. So is there anything you guys want to nominate

this one for being the best of being the worst at yeah, okay. I'm gonna go with best worst Montages, but in particular they had false starts of Montages that they like tried and failed out in the movie like they tried to have Bible study be a Montage for a second and it's just like two seconds of a guy holding a Bible and then like Okay, that's not what we had. That's what we had, oh shit. We don't know how we thought that was like gonna be a musical

montage. Lazy montage, I was gonna go with the best worst bonus plot. We'll get there obviously in the movie, but this movie gets like an hour and six minutes in it. It looks us straight in the face and goes, oh, I thought you were gonna take over enough fuck. Shit, shit. Right. And then, oh, I thought you were going to take over enough fuck. Shit, shit. Right.

And then, um, man. So you'll learn with all things Mormon. If you haven't hit a point yet where there's like a tear jerking, oh my God, if I'm not Mormon, I will lose everything in my entire life. Then you're not to the end of the movie yet. They will get on that every time. I knew it was coming. I'm like, what's it going to be?

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we refer to that as a heart cell. It's called heart cell. It's all right. Okay. This is a term for it. Well, they're similar.

They're similar. Yeah, there actually is a term for it. There's a company called heart cell and they are the ones who create the I'm not even kidding. I know. So you got you you have no idea the knowledge I have in this bullshit. They are the ones who create the music that makes you feel shit. And so you're like, oh, that's the spirit. I felt like a woman is a mistrub. Yeah. It's amazing. It's anything from like, oh, this poor kid's dog, died in his praying for for heavenly father to blah, blah, blah, and he feels something. No, no, no. Momentism is true.

My teacher was drinking coffee. I'm so upset. That's actually a movie. There's an emotional manipulation Foley company in music company. Yeah. The hearts of the record. Heart cell. Heart cell. And you know the hearts. This is a major. Record heart cell. And you know what? No one is surprised. Literally nobody is surprised.

And I could pick it out every time. I'm like, oh, Mary, that's heart cell music every time. Yeah. Well, I was going to say this was the best movie for manipulation, which is also the worst thing to have in a room. That's so true. Perfect best worst. That's exactly. I mean, there were so many, a room. Perfect best worst. That's exactly.

I mean, there were so many, but I went with best worst first date. Yes, like real. Sure. But also very common. No, I love being shamed by my date on my first date. You want wine? No, I don't think so.

We don't drink wine. You're jumping ahead, Mary. We'll get there, everyone listening. We will. I know it sounds fucked jumping ahead, Mary. We'll get there. Everyone listening. We will. I know it's outspoken, but yeah, we'll get there. Mormons don't drink. It turns out.

It does turn out. No, no, no, no, not just alcohol. They don't drink coffee or tea. But you can be 900 pounds drinking red bowls for every five hours. That's great. You can go to the temple, but you sip some coffee like the devil's brew and for, you know, every five hours. That's great. You can go to the temple, but you sip some coffee like the devil's brew and you, you will be shunned. You can't go to the temple. This is some shit guys telling you. I don't get it. Yeah, we try not to talk

about the line around wrapping around Starbucks with all those lincons full of Mormon prophets and the quorum of the 12. They're just getting the hot chocolate, but they're probably like cool down a little. So we're not breaking God's words. Yeah, like Eli taking it to Eli temperature. Exactly. And I, of course, I'm going to go with best worst kiss. So bad.

No, look, I could be stereotypical. All these actors are gay and that's why they can't kiss each other. Love them. Do I believe that? Yes. But here's what I will say? If I was asked to kiss Ted Cruz, I would do it with more gusto and passion than when these actors finally join lips.

I have seen children fresh to Barbie dolls up to get together with a passion than these two actors kiss, yes. That's fine. I wonder if real life they're like blood siblings. Maybe that's why we talked about it. I could see me having a hard time with that, but even then, like, and I don't even like my brothers that much, I could put more passion into an acting kiss than they did on screen. I mean, Angelina, Jolene. Oh, a fucking mannequin. Yeah.

A mannequin. So bad. Well, eh. Yeah, wow. All right, we'll tell you what, we've got a whole movie in a half on the other side of this break, so we're going to keep the break short, but when we come back, we'll dive into the mayonnaise sandwich that is Charlie. And then the sensor sees the mouth naturally open and bam!

Hits you with a meatball. As genius! Hey guys, what you doing there? Dude, you gotta check out Eli's new thing! Okay. I call it the meatball gun. The meatball gun? Yeah, it's the ultimate nutritional solution for people who are short on time.

It hooks right to your computer like this, and its patented sensor observes when your mouth naturally opens wide enough from yawning or breathing and fires a meatball into your mouth. Wow. Nice. Oh, oh, yeah, that'll happen. Okay, guys, if you want to eat well and you're short on time, why not just try factor. What's fact? Oh, sorry, he got me. He got me. So factor. America's number one, ready to eat meal kit, can help you fuel up fast with flavorful and nutritious, ready to eat meals delivered straight to your door.

You'll save time, eat well, and stand track reaching your goals. Wait, ready to eat? So I don't have to chop or cook them. That's right. Factors fresh, never frozen meals are ready in just two minutes. So all you got to do is heat and enjoy. All right, I don't know, Heath. What if I'm on a special diet?

Well, then factors got your back dirt Noah. They offer delicious flavor packed options on the menu each week to fit a variety of lifestyles from keto to calorie smart, vegan and veggie, and protein plus. Prepared by chefs and approved by dietitians, each meal has all the ingredients you need to feel satisfied all day long while meeting your goals no matter what they are. I don't know, he's food delivered to the house. Isn't that bad for the environment?

The factor, you can rest assured you're making a sustainable choice. They offset 100% of their delivery emissions, source 100% renewable electricity for their production sites and offices, and feature sustainably sourced seafood in their meals. All right, he time sold. Where do I sign up? At defactormeals.com slash awful50, and use the code awful50 to get 50% off. That's code awful50 at factormeals.com slash awful50. We get 50% off. That's code awful 50 at factor meals.com slash awful 50. We get 50% off. All right. He thinks.

You guys gunshot me with a meatball. Yeah, we saw. Uh-huh. Almost died. You're fine. You're good. Almost. You're gonna finish that. And then the credits come up and that's the end of the movie. Wow, that was so good. This movie we wrote is gonna be amazing. Guys? Yeah, Steve, what's up, man? I'm just going by PageCount here,

but it looks like the movie is gonna come up a little short. How short? Yeah, how long is it now? 35 minutes. Hmm. Okay, that, I mean, that seems really long. How long are movies? Like 90 minutes. That day. That can't be right.

Are they? Oh, no, it's true. I checked. That's fine. That's fine. We can pat it out a little bit. A couple of fishing montages. Oh, maybe they can ride the Ferris wheel again for a while. Oh, yeah, yeah, no, that'd be great. How long would that make it?

I don't know, 40 minutes. All right, so let's really dig into the mark plot line, right? Maybe like she goes back to New York and when she's mad at Sam, you know, she breaks up with Mark. I thought she already broke up with Mark. I'm confused. Right, right, but now she's gonna do it in person, right?

So again, in the movie, how long would that be? I mean, if we stretched it, so it was really tiresome an hour, I think. All right, well, and then, you know, we could show their wedding. Sam and Charlie. They could have some kids. Oh, and we, you know, we would show, we could show their wedding. Sam and Charlie. Uh, they could have some kids. Mm-hmm. Oh, and we show them having dinner, right?

Oh, yeah. Still not there. Fine. You know what? Well, Adda, usually is third of the movie at the end where she gets cancer and dies. Is that one going to have to be a fucking movie? Yes. You know, we end up having to add a lot of useless cancer to a lot of our movies.

Yeah. Movies movies are too long. Thank you. Who doesn't want a nice 20 minute movie, right? Exactly. I mean, I think they call those TV shows. Right. TV shows, yes, I... Yep, heard it.

And we're back for the breakdown and we're going to open up on a Vio telling us that he always thought love would be uncomplicated. That's dumb. Yeah. What a dumb thing. Beginning. Yep. Oh, so the word for that is simple. It's a dumb start, but I got a throw out there having been born and bred and raised Mormon for 40 something years. You are actually taught that if you just marry a worthy person slash meaning virgin in the temple, your marriage will be great, God will bless it and you're good, which is not true, but you know. Okay.

Yeah, okay, all right, yeah. I can see where he would have get this. The sex does sound uncomplicated in a good time. Nothing like two virgins going at it where after they did wear did. I don't think everybody was a virgin in this movie. Oh, that's right. She was a whore. I forgot about the whore. Okay. Right. Yeah. No, that's right. Okay. Well, from that stupid comment, it takes a turn right away, too. It's like, yeah, but then a woman with agency showed up in my life and fucked up my whole

plan. Damn it. And that's the clock. Agency. I kind of hate that word. And you know, he might have acted like he wanted a woman with agency, but he couldn't wait to cover those porn shoulders. Yeah, unfortunately.

Yeah. That does happen later in the movie, but it's so subtle. It's like, oh, we lost Charlie. Yeah, right. Right. I know she was kind of hot and then she was not. Yeah. So we have Sam is our main male character here.

And he's in the driveway of his dad playing a game of ex-posit, right? He's like, well, okay, so you're a single, my son, you're your single and you're going to pick up a young woman who is also available in the next scene. And he's like, if I have to, right? I know he kind of acts like he's like, I don't know, some junior high kid who hasn't discovered girls yet. Oh, wait, he hasn't.

No. I know. And this, I'm just hasn't. Right. No. And I'm just throwing this right on out there. We check for it. We do a garment check, meaning as an ex-moment, I can pick out who was wearing the magic underwear and like miles away.

Yeah, they call that the celestial mine. Yeah, he had the celestial smile, like dudes return missionary. He's probably scared of women. And by the way, he fucking sucks at basketball. Yes. Having been in an ex-college basketball lesbian with a mullet myself, like I can look at that

and just be just dislike him for who he is as a person and his basketball. And his basketball, yeah. He was so bad at basketball. They had to do a cut to have a reasonable miss of a shot. Yes, not even right. Not even to like get them to make shots like, okay, fun. Actor can't hit a shot very easy, but to miss one in any kind of reasonable basketball miss way, they had to do a cut. Can we get the ball to hit the rim a little bit? That

would be great. Yeah. Just to reset the 24 second clock, they need to do a cut. Right. Yeah, thank God they cut and changed camera, they need to cut. All right. Yeah, thank God they cut and changed camera angles to get that botched shot. That was really important. It was, can they have picked a different sport? I mean, he clearly, I don't know that he was going to do better at something else. Although, like something we're doing with higher rate of injury, like making play highlight, that'd be fun.

Something like that. Tag, four square. Yeah, great. There you go. So eventually dad talks him into picking the beautiful woman up from the airport by bribing him with $70 and letting him borrow the Mustang. This, so the movie plays this character as though like he's 19 or 20 and the girls like 19 or 20 or whatever, but they're like in their 30s, right?

Yeah. 20 and the girls like 19 or 20 or whatever, but they're like in their 30s, right? These are. Yeah. Well, in real life, he's got to be at least 21 because he's, he has the celestial smile of the magic underwear, which means he served a mission at 19, 20, he's at least 21. Okay. I will do the Morgan math for you guys all day. Well, also the assumption is, so she orders a Merlot at the restaurant. We're not there yet.

But she's 21. The assumption is that she's 21. Right. Good. God're not there yet. But she's 21 assumption is that she's 21. Right. We're good. God, we're good. Can I point out to the fact that this guy is like, I don't want to do this. We don't see him having a job the entire time.

Nope. Nope. Like he's not doing shit. That guy's supposed to be a guy. That's a girl out. But that Charlie's dad though is supposed to be his boss. Do we know what the business is? Nope.

Yeah, it's Bane Capital. Well, so Charlie's dad is Sam's dad's boss, right? But as near as we can tell, Sam never has an occupation throughout this entire movie. No, no job, no car. Like just fucking take her out. You selfish bastard. Well, maybe he doesn't have any money because he doesn't really have a job. Well, I think it could be. Yeah. This guy's just. He's a catcher. So now we got to go to the airport. We're going to have to meet Artichiller character, Charlie. We are going to meet her exposed mid-riff first. I mean, I'm turned down just thinking about it. She's been good. She's been good. I mean, didn't you say like titular or some kind of thing like that?

I really hope that you're tips. I know. I was there. I was a naval. It was a naval. It wasn't a boob. Yeah, right, right. No, but we see boobs before we see our face.

Nice medium, any? Right. Like this movie is very clearly like looking at her. Like, can you believe the way this woman is dressed? I'm just, I'm just scandalized. Oh, yeah. I mean, we're going to focus on it with our cameras. Yeah. Right. It's a weird combination of sex and shame, but in a judgey way. I'm just going to watch porn so I can judge the actresses. Like, right.

Yeah. I know. It's funny how the Mormons can make even just showing shoulders in a midriff really so full looking. They had to really point out that she was a bad, bad horror because the shoulders is one thing, but a midriff like a naval fuck. Everyone's turned on. Heavenly father's crying. That belly shot was like, oh, she's a crack whore. And then she like, pole dances from the gate at the airport. Yeah. With his nerd

sign. Yeah. So she gets a call from her boyfriend in New York. She's got a boyfriend back in New York because she's a whore. And he's like, oh, how do I know you're not going to fall in love with the guy picking you up from the airport? And then she sees Sam and he's so dorky. She's like, you've got nothing to worry about. We're so mismatched. Right. They were. They should have stayed that way. But yeah, yeah. What are the four shadowing? That's what it's called, right? The four shadowing there is just beautiful. You have never loved me. You gotta have that conflict.

It's like, oh, they're oil and water. They're not gonna get along at all. That's when it's such a surprise later when they manage to work it out. Right, and it was. And it was. I was absolutely shocked. Yeah.

I'm sure you were. I was thrown completely thrown. I would, you know, I wish I'd run a stopwatch to find out how far into the movie. movie. He actually says, aren't you cold? Do you remember? Yes. He's like asking her if she's cold. Clearly put a sweater on. Yeah. Cover up those pouring shoulders. Wouldn't you be more comfortable if less of your skin was showing so silly exactly yeah, I would be more comfortable if people didn't think I was with a prostitute. So yeah, so he drives her. I'm sorry. He goes to put her luggage in the trunk. She takes the keys out of the trunk and she drives because she's a wild one. Power move. That really was a dick move, I thought, on her part.

I would have done the same thing. I was pretty impressed. I was pretty impressed. She is very free spirited and he is very state. This is never going to work in a romantic way. No, no, no. She's never seen this plot play for. Be the plot.

First of all, the fact that she's allowed to drive, like period and if story being a woman. Yeah, pretty progressive. I know. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm not the fool. Slash Provo Utah. Oh, you're right.

They said, when did they get that? When did the winded women drive in Utah? It's very recent. Okay. So she pulls it. She sees a carnival on the side road. She pulls in, but very quickly, you know, because she's free spirit. She's running, he can barely even keep up with her, which is impressive because she's

wearing very high heels and just a haul and ass. Yeah. And she was still going faster than him because he's a door. Yep. So so basketball running, breathing, all of these things. He's going to get his hair cut. He's bad all of that. Yeah. I know.

And so, you know, it's so, air quotes, wild of her to like turn into this, to this, make shift carnival. And just like, I'm not even afraid of Mormon carny rides. Let's do this. Well, yes, this wild and crazy manic pixie dream girl is like, oh, Ferris wheel. Oh, Ferris wheel before 5 p.m. Oh, yeah. Oh, there was like a Rickety-ass Ferris wheel and like a Park Swing in this incredible.

Yeah, Carnival. Oh, you're so daring. Dial it up to 80. We're doing this. Yeah, as in 80 pull to the parking lot. Yeah. So, yeah, so she did get their Ferris wheel tickets and then we get this like long scene of them like riding the Ferris wheel together.

There's like having awkward conversations. This by the way is the first time where you're like aren't you cold in your slut clothes? Yeah, let's begin the judgment. Yeah. Well, also, what do you all think of how much she just threw herself at him? I mean, a joking way, I guess,

but like flirt at a hardcore right from the very beginning. Absolutely, because she starts it as a bit, but then it never transforms in the movie. Right. So like by the end of the movie, I'm like, man, she really committed to that bit of liking him by marrying him, having his child and dying of cancer in his home. You ruined it. You're a spoiler.

First of all, it's about this movie, so it's a D spoiler. That's true. That's a very good point. I think you're agree. No, but she starts by buying the entire day of the Ferris wheel, like out from under a line of kids, theoretically, but all the tickets and the guys like all right close in the window for the fucking Ferris wheel. I guess great. Sorry kids. And then she goes up the old guy.

Oh yeah, she's yeah, she's like this is gonna be a minute. Yeah, exactly. She goes up to the old guy who's running the Ferris wheel. Hands him the giant amount of tickets and is like, we are gonna fuck on this Ferris wheel. Old man. Look at me. Uh-huh. Fuck on this. So he's like, okay, make a wish foundation, kids. Sorry. Back tomorrow, we're going to watch some fucking on the Ferris wheel. One of them was like, I wanted to see people fucking Ferris wheel. That's my wish. Oh my God, I wish this had happened. It's so much more interesting than what we actually got. It's worth noting that when you buy all the tickets for the Ferris wheel, that doesn't change your experience

of the Ferris wheel. Yeah, I don't think that's not a ticket system, so it's so cool. She's gonna booth hop during the Ferris wheel. And it's not like they took up every single one of the freaking cars in the Ferris wheel. Like, no, the kids could have still written whatever. She just didn't like them.

No, no, no, she hates kids. I wanted to point out to that the movie makes it seem like she is so horrible and so wild and so crazy. Like I would think she would at least smoke a cigarette and flip it off the Ferris wheel. Something really, really wild and bad. No, no, they're never going to get there. But there's also, there's this like montage of shots of them, like having bad conversation, like Rizzo from Greece. Yeah, they're going absolutely. Yes. Oh, that had been hot. So, but they have this like montage of shots of them, just not getting along and having bad conversation. But like you can see like she's actually kind of impressed with how very, very Mormon he is, right? Now we cut to, we cut

over to Charlie's mom and dad and her grandma waiting for her to come home going like, or I guess they're not waiting for her to come home. They're waiting for him to show up for her to take him out on a date, right? We've skipped ahead. Yeah. It's their first actual date. Yeah. Yeah. This is heading into that whatever that restaurant is, right across from Temple Square. I can't think of the name of it, but I have been there. As every counting shots of the temple. Oh, there you go. Yeah.

Oh, you could tell the restaurant by like looking out the window and looking at like the table set up. Yeah. Pretty much every time they show the Mormon temple, we drank. We turned it into a drinking game. Oh, no. There was lots to drink about. There was a lot to drink, yeah.

I think you're able to just look at these characters and scenes and see everything like tree rings. You're like, okay, that guy's a virgin who fucks really badly. There's a guy at BYU who has the magic underpants. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Remember the missionaries you spotted on the escalator in the, yeah. And the missionary, I think that was the thing. I spotted so many

like extras in the movie that, you know, like the, the, the, the door man back in New York whatever they were all Mormon dudes. I could see their fucking lines. And like, I got you, I got you. Nice try. That black guy was a Mormon. No, no, and as we were watching Charles, like, they're all except for that guy. Yeah. We recorded, yeah, we recorded, yeah, that's this, it's 1975 now. It's all good. Oh, no, that's been a while. You're totally right.

Yeah, we, we all the race is. Yeah, so it even doubted. We just hate the gaze now. Yeah, we got to pick something. Sure. Anyway, yeah, not the black guy. It was funny because we were recording a video of us watching the movie and that was this thing. I'm like, he's Mormon. He's Mormon. Now, black guy is not.

So we get the scene where like mom and dad are like, I don't know about you dating a Mormon, but grandma's like, I don't know. He's walking up. No, he looks pretty fuckable to me. But like, you don't want him. I'll take seconds. Yeah. Grandma fucks in this movie. I like her. She's fun character in this movie. She is a fun character. Doesn't she read tarot at one part? I'm not sure what was that. I don't remember that. She did have face cards. That's a big no-no and Mormon. Oh, she played solid tarot. I guess that's the same amount of signals. Same idea. Yeah. Yeah. We don't do face cards because it makes you gamble and touch yourself. I don't know. I don't remember exactly. But we were, we were, we were doing it this whole time. Not necessarily

in that order. Whatever. I like that this not Mormon grandma had to have like the spiky hair, just to show that she was little wild. Yeah. It's the hair. Yeah. Methodist lesbian. Same thing. Oh, I, I think there were a couple of lesbian women there. We can get to that in a half minute.

So they head out for an exciting night and fucking Salt Lake city. We get them at this restaurant across from the temple square and we get her going like, wow, that was very interesting seeing temples square. And I'm like, oh, it's a fairy tale. And she even says something like you have your castle about, I don't know, maybe they are in a fairy tale or something. And she got offended by it. Did he?

Yeah. He was like, there you go again. Like she's still joking around. It is a fucking castle. It's a castle. You have to pay 10% of your income to go into. That's true. Anyway, that's how they get you.

He was so sensitive about anything warm in that when she's called it a castle. He was like, oh, visibly disturbed. Did you catch that? Oh yeah. Yeah. I love this line too. She goes like, she's like, you almost got us kicked

out of Temple Square and I would just wrote my notes. I can say from experience, that's harder to do than you would think. I tried really hard. They just avoided me. They just avoided me like someone that they had a team meeting before I entered temple square. Yeah, ignored and it'll go away. Yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah, but didn't she play in the fountain? Yeah. She's a man. Great. It's horrible. It's wonderful. The reflecting ball. That bitch.

Like, how disrespectful. It's Dharma Dharma and Greg they made Dharma and Greg into Yeah, right? They're just like oh she's wacky what in the reflecting pool. Well, except that she can't be Dharma She's like Mormon Dharma, you know, yeah, it's called morma You know, I also love how they, she refers toward as as Mormon Vatican. You know, it's, it makes me laugh because the writers of this movie who are clearly Mormon, they're just like, let's put in every stereotypical comment that Gentiles, that's a real thing that Mormons called non-Mormons say about it. That was taken.

Wait, Mormons do that too. That's like a Jewish, not Jewish thing, right? They took it from us. Okay. Yeah, and they call it Zion too. So. Yeah, that's true. They do. Yeah. So, okay. So then we get like, because the date ends with her going, but I got to admit, I kind of want to learn about Mormonism and my get fairytales. And so we get this like, one of one of Heath's like false start montages where she's going to learn about more or a little bit, but they can only think of like two things that wouldn't be offensive. Right?

Right. Wait, can we pause? I think we skipped over the whole ordering wine thing or did we talk about that? Oh, we did. We did. We did. We did. If I win, you know, now I was judgmental too. If a regular ass normal kind person

who thinks that drinking is a bad idea, if they're friend orders alcohol, they might say, oh yeah, by the way, they don't serve it here. But the look on his face like, oh my God, you just ordered injectable heroin. Like, what? You have embarrassed me here in Mormonism.

Yeah. Yes. He acts like she asked the waitress, that pussy do, like the level of disgust and horror. Also, just quick filmmaking. No, I know we have so much movie to get to, but I just have to talk about it. What a fucking insane shot this waitress is back. Yes. Takes up nine tenths of the shot for this entire scene. We just

see them poking out from behind her like shy toddler. Yeah. That's funny. So we get this boring ass. I get to know Mormonism montage where she draws him and they go to, he points to churches and they look at art. They go to cookouts. He spins kids, you know, that all that church. Oh, yeah. Oh my God. We were around the kid spins. Slow mo.

Why, twirl. We could get in on our video. Because it's so Mormon, it's so fucking Mormon. So the girl who's all wild, she's hanging out with like the family people. And suddenly the dorky guy that she's like, oh, he's such a dork, oh, he's a family man. And guess what?

The heart cell music comes in. I'm like, oh, perfect, fucking timing. Yeah, horrible. By the way, did they borrow a child as like a prop from another couple to do the family spinny dance thing? They just fucking run around everywhere in Utah. You could just find one on the street. That's true.

You have more than enough. I mean, I have seven. Supply and demand. It's like the lime scooters heath. You know, you know, also I always I have to wait this out. Cause this is again, just like Eli said,

we're going to go way over time on this. If I point out every time they do a dumb filmmaking thing, but this montage, she's supposed to be there for a few days. This montage last year. We will sign that up. Right, we get him. They're raking leaves. They're making snowmen.

It's snowing. They're skinny dipping now. Like, that didn't happen. But every season, like how long is this date? I know it. See, this one day last year. That's awesome. But I was like, what happened to her life in New York? Yes. it seems like this one day last year. That's awesome.

But I was like, what happened to her life in New York? Yes. I just left it indefinitely. Yes. They didn't explain any of that. That is, but yes. When she finally talks to her fiancee Mark, she's like, yeah, sorry, I've been busy.

I don't know what the fuck you've been busy for a year. Hi, sorry, I did like a year-long montage of Mormonism just now. I've been busy. Fucking Thanos blip you away. What the fuck? It's been a crazy weather week. There was a fucking snow.

It was a hell of a range Christmas. I don't know. I'm sorry. My phone died. Couldn't find my charger for a year. Sorry. I couldn't call you. So the montage wraps up.

They're in the, they're in, I guess, his dad's backyard and, and she's basically, they're having this like, yeah, I know it's really important to you, but your religion is ridiculous conversation, right? And this is where he's like, well, you have to, like, what you have to do is you have to believe it beforehand. And then you have to ask yourself in your head if you were right to believe it beforehand. And until you tell yourself, yes, you're wrong. That's it. It's that easy. It works perfectly. Yeah. It's so good because he's like, well, you got to pray about it and she's like, God, are you there? And he's like, not the way you do with other true things. It's like a cartoon, but I was also, you're stupid. You're stupid. You're stupid. Stop asking basic questions.

And then she's like, it's so cute when your world of your falls apart, you get all panic key. She likes it. So a quick answer to the true story back when I was Mormon, I was starting to believe some of the things and I went and I talked to my bishop about it. And I said, what do you do when you think something is not true? And he says, well, you pray about it.

And I said, yeah, I have prayed about it, but I still feel like it's not true. And he says, you just keep praying about it until God has your beliefs and alignment with the prophet. Mm-hmm. You keep on praying until you're like, fuck. Okay, no, God's gonna tell me. You know, if you roll the diet enough time,

eventually you're gonna get us. Yes. You have to jump into the river, tied to a rock rock and then either you don't, you die both ways and then you're not, you were a Mormon, you're a witch. Well, and I love to, like, she's kind of like trying to like take a piss on this, right? So she's like, was so wait. So would you pray you hear voices and he goes, no, that would be silly. You hear, you feel voices in your heart.

Because that's not silly. It's fucking perfectly normal. It's too bad is what it is. But that's so, that is so right on. And this again, is how heart cell, like this whole thing comes in. Like when missionaries go to your house, they tell you these wonderful stories about love

and a bunch of bullshit actually. And then when you see people kind of tear up like they're filling emotions because they're thinking about their child who died from cancer or whatever and they want to be with them again, the missionaries will see that and be like that feeling you're having. That's the spirit telling you the church is true. Boom, I put a name to that feeling in your heart, which is maybe sadness for your child, but we're going to call it the church's true spirit. Right. Right.

Question it. So like, he convinces her to kneel for the least interesting reason possible. Oh, God. And he goes to pray and she's just kind of like staring at him, doing like silly hands and shit the whole time. And this is the last time she's going to be like a movie. So soak it up, I guess, right? So we cut to, we cut to this scene where grandma is critiquing Charlie's art. And I love grandma so much. No, first of all, we should point out grandma's whispering at a level where you can, she's barely audible, right? She's trying not to technically be in this movie or something. She hates it. Yeah. So, but she's looking at her art and Charlie has painted some fruit, a bowl of fruit.

And and and grandma's like, that's fucking boring. Charlie, that's just what I mean. I can tell it's fruit, but who gives a shit? It's like the generic shit you would find in a model home. If I said that to my kids age 14 and younger, they would be in tears. Like that was a root ass shit. Yeah. I believe her actual words, the opening was, it's technically fine. Right.

I mean, I guess it's an apple. I mean, was she criticizing her because she's like, you're right. I need to start painting Jesus from now on. Well, that's what happens. That's what a very important turning point where grandma's, everyone looks up to grandma and grandma's like, you know, you have to feel things. The whole trajectory of her art career changed at that moment.

Yes, yeah, exactly. I need to draw Jesus, yeah. Yeah, because basically, like what this is supposed to be as grandma's saying, don't go with what's comfortable and what you know, you know, why don't you try bone in a Mormon one since see how that works out for. Oh, so it was a metaphor. I get it.

Very clever. Okay. Did she draw a banana in like plants? Was that for a banana with two kiwis on the TV on either side? Once again, if I wasn't gay before, I am now. Okay, I hear it. It changed you. I sure did.

We cut to later, we're gonna meet Charlie's New York boyfriend, Mark. She comes home, he's like, Skypeed in to talk to her. He's like, what happened that montage was a year long, and I haven't seen you, so. It's like, hey, what's up, Charlie? How you doing? A year later, like, we're still engaged, right? The fuck?

Okay. Is Sam actually a better actor than Mark though? No. No. Mark is a better actor. Mark is bad at that. They all suck. I mean, they all suck. I mean, you hate worse. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

It's bad. I got to throw this out there really quickly. The actor who plays Sam, he and you, you all might have already seen these, but he also plays in these Mormon Old Testament videos, but they have him like in in brown face, so he looks like a lame and I like an indigenous person. Oh my God. It's fucking awesome. Yeah, it's called, I wanna say New Testament,

I'll send you the link, but. Oh yeah, that's going on the list, yeah. Not okay. Mm-hmm, not okay. Oh, the, sorry, I know this is so off topic, but all, like 99,9999, whatever percent of the scriptural movies that they make, it's white people in brown face. Like that's, and you see that it's brown face because you know the actors from other movies where they're white and delights them, but like the brown face is shiny, like they didn't

bother like a little bit of powder to make them look less. Yeah. No, I guess they're like, you know what, this worked for the fucking mountain metal massacre. We might have to stick with that. It's, they are all interchangeable. Like sometimes you'll see the guy that plays Lucifer

in the temple video and you're like, why is he a farmer? Is this the movie? The fuck? Okay, Lucifer. Yeah, it's awesome. Mormon actors are interchangeable. So boy, aren't they?

So now, but in this scene, Mark is calling us and now Mark, we haven't mentioned this yet, is trying to talk Charlie into marrying him, right? Since the very first time we saw him, he's like, hey, we should really get married. We've been living together for a while and I love you. And she's like, I don't know, are you gonna like give me my own planet after we die?

I know this other guy. All I wanna do is birth spirit children free. I wanna have all my sister, multiple sister lives in the spirit world. Yeah, for sure. I wanna be one of the few that actually has of a giant and a half sex anymore. Did you all know that that you have to be

in the highest, highest, topest level of the selects, still of a giant and a half sex anymore. Did you all know that that you have to be in the highest, highest, topest level of the celestial kingdom and Mormonism to have sex? Really? It's true. Oh, really? You see why they don't need a technical hell then, yeah? Is there a lot of icon?

No, social mobility that you can get there once you're in. No, no. No, no. Are lower heavens allowed to do hand stuff? Like, yeah. No. You can try however we actually call that a TK smoothie. So Tillesjil kingdom, which is the lower one.

So you're your parts are like smoothies now, like a Barbie and Ken doll. Like, there's just no. I guess you could bump ugly's, but I don't know. So you could still smile. You could just bump. Yeah. I wonder if they take away like the joyous feeling. Leave I love and leave I love and there's only one way to find is but stuff ranked higher

or lower though. Yeah, right. Yeah, do you have a crack? Is there a, does Barbie have a crack? I don't know. I don't think that's a great story. She started does but she's nibbling. Everything has a crack if you bend it.

No, I know. I don't have firsthand knowledge. I'm sorry. I have to somehow veer us back onto the. Sorry. I can't stop myself. Sorry. Go ahead. Speaking of fucking a Barbie doll. Yeah. So but but basically so Charlie's going like, you know, I don't know about this marrying thing. Do you really believe that love can last forever? Now as a person who has asked

someone to marry them in the past, the answer here is yes. So as a person who has asked someone to marry them in the past, the answer here is yes. Great. I know. That's so insulting that she's like, is that all you got? Yeah. And let's point out that when she first left for her year long date in Utah, she wasn't having problems with Mark, right? I mean, there was no indication.

We had no indication. No. No. No, it's fantastic throughout this movie. I'm going to be mad as more and more things happen because he's just like a good partner. It seems like. It's a fun day.

Bad act, do a good partner. Not judgmental, like fucking Sam. Yeah. He has a weird delivery where he's just very kind of loud and over the top about everything. But so she, they were perfect. Right. Yeah.

So, okay, so then we get her like, how to leave fishing. Right. And at first I thought that this was somehow related to the larger story that was being told, or that this was related to her conversation with Mark, but no, she's just bored because fishing sucks. Okay, this is great. I laughed a lot because fishing during a boring relationship

is a goddamn nightmare. It's like the equivalent of like the Protestants clicking the knives at dinner and not saying a word to each other. We're fishing noises and it's so boring. It's like the equivalent of like the Protestants clicking the knives at dinner and not saying a word to each other with fishing noises and it's so boring and she's like this fucking sucks. She stands up in the boat and she starts yelling to different boats being like, sir, are you enjoying this? Why do people do this? Fuck. I'm going back to New York. Yeah, but then she gets a fish. There was so much about her that I liked and tell us she started being all more many. Yeah, right, right.

Right. And so throughout this movie, we should point out that because this is 2002, Sam's had this PDA, the personal digital assistant that was the precursor to the cell phone or whatever. And it keeps beeping and it keeps annoying her. So at this point, she's like, you're so boring and buttoned down. I'm going to take your PDA and drop it into the lake, you know, because destroying your property is panic and mixing. That's illegal.

Yes. I would have been pissed. I did write in my notes, okay, if you reverse the genders at this point in the movie, it's a horror movie. She learns karate in the second act and kills him in the third. You're right. 100%. 100%.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Don't throw my palm pilot in the water bitch. I Mean I guess I was her being wild and crazy. I get it. Hey, listen, had she done that while smoking a cigarette I would have been so fucking turned on well there you go Yeah, so the next scene he's like dove into the water after it and he's going into a store now asking if like anything can be recovered from it. Right. Oh, and that, lady in there, she was probably one of my favorites, that girl that was kind of staring at him blankly about that. Yeah.

Let me ask my manager. They in a CVS, like where are they? They're in a CVS. And she's like, yeah, let me go in the back and see if we can recover data from a calm V-right now with my special tools in the back of my CVS. While we're waiting there's some really cool cool $3 sunglasses you can check out there in the back.

Yeah, exactly. I'm going to go ahead and call the police and tell them of soaking wet guys asking me to fix this palm pilot at the goddamn CVS. I'm a pharmacist. You dumb ass. There's a lot of problems with that. See, I hadn't even thought about it. Yeah. So stupid. But while he's doing that, Charlie comes on the radio. What she's done is fooled the store into thinking that Sam is her lost

son. So she's making an announcement as though she was the mother and trying to talk him into being not mad at her anymore. That was weird. Jokes on you movie. I use this for wildly different purposes than you intended. So thank you, Eli Wayne. I'm not going to read my notes about this, but yes, I agree. It's another one of those moments trying to show that she's wacky. Yeah, this okay.

Yeah. No, it's like boi-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey-ey- They are wonny, right? Thank you. It's so fucked up. And of course, it's a rom comes out the last second. He's like, I am charmed by your fucking spontaneity and we'll pick you up and carry you off now, right? And I don't care about my PDA anymore. Right? Consent, who fucking cares? Now, this is dragger like a caveman with my magic underwear on which drowsy, but you know

what? She's in this awesome position over his shoulder. He wouldn't do anything as interesting as actually spankers. Should have spankers. He's boring. Yeah. Yeah. Understand opportunity.

It was not him. You're the worst. Well, I'll tell you what, I think this was the first time I looked at the bar on the bottom of my screen to see when the next commercial was and got disappointed by how far away it was. So I feel like it's a good time for us to take a break, but we'll back in a minute with even more of Charlie. Hello, podcast listener. I'm Eli Bosnick.

I'm Heathend Wright and we are fancy people. That's right. We enjoy grapes of the vine, vases of of fine flowers and the first leaf wine club. First leaf makes it super easy to get personalized wine boxes delivered on your schedule. Boxed wine never absolutely not. Oh, no, heath you beautiful fool. Not boxed wine. Boxes of wine. And since you get to choose the day your shipment comes, you can go out and have all your summer fun without stressing about missing a delivery. But how will I know if the wine that first leaf sends me is appropriately fancy for me?

All you have to do is answer some quick questions about your likes and dislikes on their website and their expert team of Somalayais will send a customized assortment of world class wines based on your preferences. First leaf sent us a box to try and Anna said everything they sent us was fantastic and very fancy. But here's the best news of all. First leaf might be fancy, but it doesn't break the bank. All the wines you get from first leaf are less than you'd pay for them at the liquor store.

That's right. To make sure you've got great wine when you want it all summer and you've got to try first leaf are less than you'd pay for them at the liquor store. I didn't get to be in the fancy sketch because I'm not fancy. No, you were not. Sam, Charlie, come before me. Yes, canonically accurate Mormon space Jesus. What is it? It is time for me to once again send you from heaven to manifest an earthly family. That's right, because that's what our religion believes.

Indeed it does. I did it does. So you guys are you ready for the for the game plan for this one? Oh, yes. Let's hear it. All right. So Sam, you're going to be born and raised Mormon. What are the chances? Right? But Charlie, you'll be raised in New York City. Wow, the big apple. Mm-hmm. And you're gonna spend the first, you know, 20 some odd years of your life is just a normal, I don't know, it's just some generic Christian, it doesn't matter. Check, got that. Oh, and by the way, you're gonna be this guy Mark

and he is gonna possibly tip me real you. Well, they're like five years. Okay. So just when is she going to do that? Sorry, I wasn't. I wasn't finished. Let me finish. Sorry. Yep. I'm talking rail. You know, you look, he's going to like, he's

going to be pretty into rope stuff. So you know, just stretch those shoulders, you know, you got a stretch before rope stuff. Yeah. Sorry. Just when will she meet me? Uh, her space husband, I would like to know. Right. Yeah. So about five years after Mark first starts the railing, uh, she'll meet you and then you guys will get married.

Uh, okay. Okay. And we'll live happily ever after. I a for, yeah, for like a year, for like a year. Yeah. Why just a year? Oh, right. Yeah. Cause I'm on this trip. I'm gonna give you the big C Charlie Sorry, what guy say we just we love having Charlie run. I need my code names partner. Oh Space Jesus you Okay, well when will I die? I don't I don't know probably 76 or what I didn't check. I don't know. Oh Okay, well, when will I die? I don't, I don't know, probably 76 or what I didn't check. I don't know. Oh, okay. Um, hey, space Jesus. Yeah, Sam Woodstock. Do you like hanging out with me? Like you enjoy that, right? Oh, yeah. Totally, man. For sure. For sure. Yeah. Okay. Well, how come I, I never die young and hang on up up here? Well, Charlie waits

that is because Oh, you know what I'm sorry. I actually got I have got to get some of the starving kid prayers But I'm gonna circle back to you with an answer on that one. Okay, buddy. Bye Okay Daddy's totally ducking you right he hates starving kid prayers. I know that he hates it He does And we're back for more of this shit

We're gonna rejoin the action with Charlie trying to figure out what she should paint and noticing a Jesus pamphlet in the corner, right? this pamphlet in the corner. Oh, right. It gets you every time. Every time. Is this when she goes to the art gallery? Yes. Yes.

Okay. She walks in and they're like, welcome to the Museum of Fine Art. And I'm like, wow, we're that you didn't name it. Right. It's the museum. It's like when in movies when they go into a restaurant or they go up to a bar and they just order a beer. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So much. I get mad every time.

The fuck, but this is actually the hope gallery and museum of fine art. It is the Mormon attempt to have a museum. And if you are ever in Utah, don't, you should absolutely go there because it's like if an entire museum was Thomas Concade paintings. Oh my God. It's so true. It's one of those really classy museums that sells all the stuff they have. Yeah. I bet it's Thomas Concade. I bet it's that guy and James Christensen.

He's the only other famous Mormon artist. Oh, and Greg Olson. They will all be those three. That's all they have. Right. Everyone needs it. Everyone wants it. Not to tie it have. Right. Everyone needs it. Everyone wants it. Not the tight end I'm assuming. No.

So, and then just as I'm writing in my notes, why would this art isn't all that fine? She wanders into this giant room of Jesus paintings. You? The heart tell music. Perfect time. Yes, for so long too. And on for so long. People look at art For so long. And on for so long.

People look at art. For so long. Like I thought like it was going to turn into us watching us watching us watch the movie. Watch the people watch the art. It's like my kids watching someone watching someone watching someone watching someone play Fortnite. It's the same fucking thing but with heart cell. Right. Right now she She it goes out so long the museum closes the red room. Like God, it's like heath and a bar.

Yeah. Also at the point of time. Yeah. I also have to point out this is a real room in the Hope Gallery and Museum of Fire art. Oh sure. First of all, there is a giant warning on the door for nudity in some of the classical paintings. Oh my God, are you kidding me? You're not. Of course you're not. And as Heath teased earlier, underneath all of the informational plaques for this classic art, is the price of the print you're looking at? Oh my God. Payable to the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Oh God. Oh, and then there's this great moment. The security guards comes up to where she's just staring, just transfixed at these Jesus paintings. The security guard comes up and it's like, well, we're closing up, you'll need to leave. And then he sees that like, you know, she's having a moment of inspiration

with our Lord and Saviour. He's like, you know, we'll stay open just a little longer, just for you. And I'm like, wow, it is like he's in a bar. Yeah. Listen, I find God at four in the morning. At the bottom of a glass, we can see you're not entirely shit faced. You can stay a little longer. You can see you're not entirely convinced of the cult. It is just like me at a bar. Isn't she kind of praying in that moment? I guess.

I guess. I guess. It's just like me at a bar. Wait, is your heart saying things? You're a bar, of course. His heart does say stuff if you let him. You don't want him to tell you what it is. You don't want him to say what it says.

That's how you get kicked out of a bar. Yeah, right, right. I can I just say this to like what an awesome plan to then steal the fucking art, because no one's in there. Oh, yeah. It's like, ah, she's gonna stay and gain a testimony. I'm gonna go take a shit in the crapper.

I would be grabbing paintings and running, not that anyone wants to ever buy them, but. Right, yeah, keep the purse bitch and then yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah. Now I have a plan for when I go to the, yeah, keep the purse bitch and then yeah, right. Now I have a plan for when I go to the yeah, there you go museum. Yeah, but these Ridiculous Jackass's are so bad at filmmaking that the next scene here She actually is giving herself a long hard look in the mirror. That's right

We actually watched that. I'm pretty sure the heart cell did not stop. Like no, it just kept on. It honestly pretty much keeps going from here on out. That's true. No, the heart sales salesman got them on like a whole sale plan or like a subsurface package or something. Yeah. And they had to just use it. We will give you 97 minutes of this shit for $100. Like a New York City taxi driver just driving you in circles around the George Washington Bridge. Oh, yeah, I was there.

It's like one more round on the carousel, or one more round on the Ferris wheel. Yeah, right. Yep. I love how the writers just put this in though. She has to take a literal hard-wong look at herself in the mirror for the audience to understand. Oh, I see.

And then we watch her play in the fucking sink for a bit. Like, in case you're in danger of taking that scene seriously, she does like, who am I mirror looking? And then she's like, water, spicy, spicy, spicy, spicy. Well, you know what that man, Mary, tell them, because we get this shit. It's a foreshadowing for her future baptism. Yes.

Oh, oh. Oh, you guys got it. Thank you. That's just good writing. Yeah, right. Clearly. Clearly. Well, then we cut from there to that,

she's back on the boat fishing with Sam, which means that they went out fishing. Again. She had a terrible time and was bored with every second of it. And he took her back for more. What an asshole Charlie can do. So Charlie's an asshole and she can do so much better than you know. Because Sam wanted to go fishing and fuck what the girl wants.

Yeah, I want to go fishing. Yep. That again, exactly. Mormon man, not all Mormon men, but such a true thing. Yeah. Yeah. And they have the horrible, you know, positive silence where they have nothing to say to each other. And finally, he's like, so you're Mormon yet. Yeah. Yeah. Again, boundaries. He has hit this Mormon thing with her so many times. She said, I don't believe it. I don't want to talk about it.

I think it's stupid. And he just keeps going and going. There is no means no in Mormonism. No. Because you're like, God wants me to convert this person. So even though they say no, they don't really mean. No means no. We'll see more of that at the end of the movie, but go ahead.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, because this is where she goes, well, you know, I read the book of Mormon and he blows his fucking load Midcast right She could have said I won $12 million let's run away. He wouldn't care. I had to write down this line verbatim She says Sam when I read that book I feel something I'm praying and someone's listening I feel something. I'm praying and someone's listening. Yes. Yeah. I feel something. I'm just like, oh, wow, sensation continued to exist while you were reading that. That's the nicest, honest thing you can say about the book of

Mormon, but then she keeps going. Okay. But her build up to this, I actually kind of enjoyed because she's like, no, I'm not Mormon yet. I read the book, though. And then she's like, okay, so I'm from New York. It's just better stuff there. Utah's bad in New York. Good. I like it. I'm much smarter than you are.

You're kind of dumb. And he's like, what are you saying? She's like, okay, it's weird. Do you want to take it any hands? But then she gives it up. And she's like, well, yeah, I'm a New York intellectual. I'm extremely intelligent, but the book of Mormon is clearly right.

And then he comes again. Yes, right. Yeah, I love it. Yeah, her whole like, I'm from New York. We have science there, but, but, but. Yeah, despite all that. This is not uncommon. There was a time in absent church

and this girl who was investigating the church, she bearers her testimony after she gets baptized and she's like, it doesn't make sense. I wasn't, I never lived in Utah. I'm a liberal. I'm a feminist, but I know the book of Mormon is true. What a fog. Yeah. Ooh.

Sit down. That does bring up an opportunity though. Could you give your testimony, say a bunch of true things that a Mormon church and just never deliver the money shot just like, it doesn't make sense. I'm a liberal. I'm a feminist. Here's a series of contradictions that happen in the book of Mormon. Everyone's just like, uh, uh, here's Joseph Ress. Bye everybody. Listen, people have done that and they get the mic fucking pulled. Yeah, sure. Yeah, Mormon blue balls. Yeah. And then after they get the person off the stand, the bishop has to get up and be like, we'd

like to bear my test and we'll be loble, loble, loble. Yeah, that motherfucker test was in fucking count over there. Yeah. That's fuck we got tricked again. Yeah. Kesadick suck my milk. Okay. For real, I'm gonna grow a dick for them to suck right now. suck my milk. Has a real I'm going to grow a dick for them to suck right now. It's done. Too late. So the next day we get Charlie happening upon grandma playing solitaire, which I guess is also like grandma like descending in her sin for a sinning.

It's the devil's game next. He's going to be sipping on a beer at 4 a.m. At the slots. I mean, slippery slow. Yeah. No, it is. She's like, oh, you looked to be sipping on a beer at 4 a.m. at the slots. I mean, slippery slow. Yeah, no, it is. She's like, oh, you looked to be doing really good at solitaire. She's like, I'm cheating. And I had this like moment of like is cheating at solitary, a Mormon euphemism for masturbation or is she just cheating at solitaire? But she was just cheating at solitaire. Yeah. Uh-huh. That's funny. I didn't pick up on that, but that is great.

I think I was too focused on that they were showing the sin. Again, the sin, I mean, at least have grandma, be hot grandma, and be cheating at solitaire and smoking a cigarette. I'm just keep going back to that. Yes. Yeah, but you know what? I was just like, you know, I see, I see your thought about what is serious and what the movie thinks is funny, right?

So the same thing, I had the same darn question. It's like, are they trying to be cute? Like, what is their motivation with some of this stuff? Like the grammar? Like the bad grammar. Cheating at solitary. Yeah, like how are we supposed to feel about grammar? Yeah.

She's supposed to be kind of like the funny insert, but she's the only reason though I'm cheating at Solitaire. We supposed to learn a life lesson somehow. She's like the funny wacky grandma. Oh grandma cheating at Solitaire. She's kind of a Yoda character, but she's like a, yeah, but some people like Yoda of the wrong religion. Right. It's like a Sith movie being like Yoda. It's pretty cool. And they accidentally have to admit that. It's gonna fun. Yeah, that's true.

Cause she's the voice of like, we don't judge others. Right. Yeah. Yes, but it's still all stupid anyway. Right. So but Charlie gets baptized. She's going to be a Mormon. She's been we get the like the post Baptist moment right where she's

like, I've never felt like this and I'm like, what? Exactly. Well, not since she met Sam. Right. Exactly. So they, they hit that baptism scene so hard and so fast. It was out of the blue. She's getting baptized and Mary and I were like, no, Yeah, it was a do late to save you, Charlie. No. And when they're having this conversation

at this point in the movie, we all knew that they're in the room with homoerotic space, Jesus. Yes, I know that. Fucking shows homoerotic space, Jesus. You fucking show me homoerotic space. And they go to the white shot and we see, and I never remember how homoerotic, homoerotic space Jesus is in this room.

Joel Schumacher would look at homoerotic space Jesus and be like, little much guys, little much. What do we call him? Sherry calls him like white buff CrossFit Jesus. Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. As wide as you can get, and I'm thinking it's very accurate because Jesus had all the time in the world to like lip massive weights and get pecs.

Sure. And my head is on his own planet. He's got nothing else to do. Yeah. He's like, I could have three nipples. I can do what I want. Fuck it. Just stringently enough.

Like CrossFit Jesus is so dressed like a slut. And that's true, yeah. And any of his statues, but you know, if I were to show my shoulder where Jesus is showing this fucking nipples, then I'm a whore. Yeah. Well, I did think that's kind of interesting that Jesus is wearing next to nothing.

When some religions do depict Jesus in like a full robe, but for some reason this Mormon buff Jesus is wearing barely anything. They wonder why they're in a toga. They wonder why there's so many gay Mormon and ex-Mormon men. Like I would, if I was a man, I would be gay. Oh, you can see it. We got taken on a tour to this room by some friends, and this room is nothing but completely blinded old people being like, yes, a nice statue of Jesus.

And gay young men being like, I don't know why I keep coming back. And then he's walking in and being like, is that fucking giga Chad? What is that? Right. It's so weird. And all the planets surrounding it too.

Yeah, you're right on. Now I'm remembering being there like, yeah, what's amazing to me is that like, all thought at first like they're, they're disguising where they are because they're embarrassed by how ridiculous this presentation is. But no, they were waiting. That was a reveal, right? They back up and they're like, huh? Now, now how reverent do you feel? Yeah. They're with space Jesus, space Jesus, and it's nipples are everywhere. Yeah. I like how they end the scene too, where she's like, she just got baptized, right?

And now they're at this spot in the temple square area. And she's like, hey, Sam, just to be clear, I have like a clean slate, right? Like clean. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. And he's like, yeah, but now I kind of want to cut.

Yeah. Right. No answers. So meanwhile, speaking of which, we cut to Mark, her kind of want to cut. Yeah. Right. No answers. So meanwhile, speaking of which, we cut to Mark, her boyfriend back in New York. He's getting home and he's checking his answering machine. And I thought to myself, man, the death of the answering machine was a hard time for mediocre screenwriters. Was it not?

I for sure. It hasn't died yet. No, no, keep it alive and well. And he wasn't even like frantic, like, oh my God, is Charlie dead. He's just like, did you? Yeah. Checked my messages. Yeah.

So he checks his messages. He's got a few messages from Charlie. And then he's got one from her dad saying, hey, she's met some other guy in the year plus that she's been gone, that this movie seems to think was two weeks. You need to get out here and win her heart back because as much as I hate you, this motherfucker's a goddamn moron. I know. I love him. I'm with him on that. Yeah, right. Also, I just have to point out again how sloppy the writing of this movie is, right? All we need is the dad's voicemail. We listen to four. Yep. Unrelated voicemails before we get the informational dump we need for the film.

It's so true. Including one that we heard her leads. Right? Yeah. I thought we were going to get that spammy one like, hey, it's Greg. Looking at your stunning Kruger score here, I see you available to get three money from the government. Your car warranties expired.

Like there's a liquid shit. And then the movie Mary was like, we could have done this in like 12 minutes. Right. Sure. Yeah. Mark has to flip the tape over her. Hold on. It's I've run out.

I've run out. Oh God. So then we check back in with Sam and Charlie on a swing and we get Eli's best worst. This is the our lips technically touched. And that's all it says we have to do on the contract. Kiss. Oh, my full blood sibling. Yes.

It's such a bad. So it's bad emotionally for sure, just bad acting of a kiss, but it's also bad like geometrically like as a sports act. He misses by a good amount. And she's you can see the actress be like, dude, you're kissing too hot. You're on my nose. You're around my nose. Follow him. I'll bring it in man. And like, and she's tucking it up to try to like help him. You won't get there. This might have been his actual first kiss ever. No, no, no, they cut to a scene they shot earlier of him making out with

the statue of space, buff space. Oh, right. Right. That's much more passionate. Yeah. You know what? You don't like a food and you're like, oh, I don't, I don't actually like grapefruit. And someone's like, no, you've never had my grapefruit. You've got to try this. Uh- how they kiss. Like you taking that polite bite of grapefruit. Oh, yep, nope, still don't like it. And know how this food tastes. And she still wants to be with him

and my own foreshadding, he's about to insult her and she still sticks around. Yeah. I still can't find one thing that I would even like about this guy as like a friend or an extraordinary. Nope, like there's nothing there. Nope. He didn't even fucking cook.

No, and Mark's amazing. Mark's awesome. Yeah, I know. Cool guy. Interesting stuff going on in New York. He's probably going to like good galleries that don't suck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's not judging the shit out of her like you're coming to a minute.

I'm not sure where he got that ridiculous looking pizza at the end. I kind of want it. Yeah, no, the pizza. The pizza was incredible. Yeah. Yeah. Pinning that. So yeah, so now we cut to the big art gala that this, this has been teased over and over again. Grandma's got a big art gala coming up. So and then some of the laziest writing in this entire movie at the fucking gala in Salt Lake City. She runs into a friend from Manhattan. All right.

How like what the fuck? I forgot about that. How are they somehow comparing like Utah, the art and culture, like somehow it's real? And Manhattan is like coming over. What the fuck? It's so silly. It's like, oh, Mitzies here. Look at it.

Mitzies like, I came out. It's the hot Utah art scene just like in New York. I think you were doing something here. I had to be here. She says she says I'm here for work and I would have given all the money in the world to be like really what are you doing in the state of Utah for her? Maybe she's working for Sam's dad's box. I mean, I'm not convinced. I'm not convinced anyone in this movie actually has a job. No, that's fair. Yeah, except for cheating a solitaire and that kicks out.

The sex act. So, and then there's this amazing moment where Sam comes up and she's with her friend from Manhattan. And her friend from Manhattan is like, so are you still letting Mark put his penis in your vagina on a regular basis as you don't want to do? You know, I love a friend who will just like put me like that on the spot. And I love Sam's like horrified, confused.

And he's just such a fucking like a fancy think about that though. Right. This is the first time it's she's and I was almost engaged. Time flies when you're doing Montage. It's hard to keep track of everything in your life. Just snap snap snap. When you're on a fairs wheel for two years straight.

Yeah, right. Right. Right. Right. So yeah, and so the friend walks off and she's he's like, wait a minute, you were living with another man. And she says, I told you we were practically engaged. What did you think that meant?

And he's like, you know, like sharing the same milkshakes, you know, I, whatever. Right. And of course, and it's a Mormon movie. So he's like, how could you not, well, of course you would know that. No, there's no, of course here. You're a grown ass man. You're supposed to know how sex works. What the fuck you done? Also, it's 2000 fucking to this like, and Christians movie do this all

the time where they're like, ah, yes, a very real problem we all share. And it's like, my guy, you live in modernity, you ride escalators. There's no way you know what was going on with her and her movies like are you owned elsewhere in 2000? Yeah, exactly. Oh God. That's funny. Charlie basically asks him, wait, this isn't what the movie's about now. Is it?

He's like, no, believe it or not, this is going to be what the movie's about for a second is. We're just a quick second. We'll get here. Yeah. It's your solid vagina. Yes, you're used to bubble gum nature. Yeah, so and then Mark shows up.

And he's like, you know, I'm just, I guess the script already made this point, but I'm going to emphasize it. I used to put my penis inside her. So weird. Yeah, we have bone. Now start thinking about it, Sam. Just think about it, think about it.

Think about it, right? Right, right. Yeah. And Charlie's parents show up with Mark at this moment. Yes. As if they're like in Mark's dojo and they're like snapping behind in like sharks and just it's so weird. I know they didn't even like him.

That guy fucked my daughter just saying that guy fucked my daughter. Yeah. Bad vagina. Don't random. Very good. I can attest. I can attest. I think about it.

It is a little weird like they're, you know, they probably, okay Mark, you need to go in there and you need to make a comment about how you bone charred it. You're gonna say it. They'll break up. And then you sweep the leg and you sweep the leg. Also, why is it that they've chosen to shoot Sam in like Nosferatu half shadow through this entire scene, right? He's so hurt.

Everyone's in an art gallery and he's in a fucking dungeon. Yeah. In a dungeon wearing like a tuxedo. Yes. Yes. But he's being horrified that she had had, she had done the do before. Good stuff. Did they not talk about, I mean, they had like a two year But his being horrified that she had had she had done the do before. Did they not talk about, I mean, they had like a two year montage.

Yes. Yes, they were changed. No, they had enough. No, they prayed in red scripture. They must have. They were. They went fishing at least twice. They could have had that conversation.

Yeah, right. There's no small, small, small, small, small gaffes. We've had wall fishing because this is fucking boring otherwise. It sounds like wet dreams only, sorry. And I'm ashamed of it. Yeah, right, right. Yeah, exactly. Is it the Jesus statue?

Yeah. It's the golden statue. It gets every time. So, yeah, so Sam soaks away. She chef follows them and he turns to her. He goes, how could you do this to me? Her having had sex with a man before she met him. Before she met Sam was something she did to Sam. Yeah. And also, dude, Sam, seriously, you can't imagine non monogamy at all.

You're in Utah. You've never heard of that. This is new to you. Conceptually. Multiple lovers, I feel like you're familiar with the idea. How naive do you have to be that your like hot, sinful, sexy New York City girlfriend has is a virgin? Like what? Right.

What do you think that ever? Yes. For me, I would think that if she was a version, there's something wrong with her. Yeah. Like, is it so in shot? Are you seriously gay? Like, what is this? You would have had sex.

Right. So he's horrible, but okay, if you were to, if you had to say the things in his head now, what phrasing would you use to describe her now that you found out she has a sexual history? Oh, chew, chewed bubble gum. No, that would be too. It could be the lip cupcake, the crash iPad screen. Oh, no, that's actually, that's, that's too complimentary. How about just use merchandise? How about how? Yeah. That's the actual answer in the movie. I really as I wish you just said merch. Yeah, I used to merge. You just merge.

She goes, what do you want? And he goes, I don't know, but not used merchandise. And then walks off. The fuck. So this might seem like that never happened. It fucking happens. I in my own case, and in so many cases, because I was not a virgin when I got married. What?

How could you do that to me? I'm not going to sew up. I feel like you just emerged in dice. And there was a time when me and my husband, we got married anyways, even though I guess I was a whore. And we went to get ice cream somewhere and there was a guy working behind the counter

that I had dated before. We had been involved in some heavy petting. Okay. He sent a question. And the registered guy. And then my husband at the time ignored me and was pissed for the rest of probably two days because he couldn't get it out of my, his mind

that there was heavy petting between me and Kyle or whatever the fuck his name was. And then it became like, I saved myself and you didn't and all this like. So this is this scene in Charlie not fake happens way too often and it's a bunch of bullsh-t. Was your ex-husband's name Sam? Could have been. It might as well have been. Jesus. They're all called Kyle, yeah. Oh, fucking remember, whatever.

Yeah, whatever. We're exes for a reason. It's just a number. Yeah. A lipstick notch on my lipstick case. So Sam goes home, we get a shot of him playing basketball by himself and no, that's not a euphemous room for cheating at solid there. He's actually just playing with him. And he didn't get any better. Can we just know like you did in this moment, he's

supposed to be missing so they can get it all in a single shot. Yeah. So in that sense, he actually did get better. Like he misses for real without cuts, which they were not able to do earlier. So okay, I'm thinking that they had a Sam double. Oh, I'm exactly a double. You're right. It's not going to get better. Stupid. Yeah. I didn't realize. Yeah. Pay attention, guys. So mom's like mom comes out and she's like, Hey, you know, what are you doing out here playing basketball all mopey at in the middle of the night? And he's like, it turns out that Charlie's not a virgin. God. Charlie's vagina is not in mint condition.

It is uncollectible. And now I don't know what to do. I'm going to, I'm already out of the package. I'm going to be able to tell how would you, well, A, you can't, but no, B, your dick has never been anywhere, but maybe your hand. How would you be able to do it? Right, right. You don't know which one to hold.

Yes, exactly. I can't get it one to join us. Yes, exactly. I can't get it out of my mind. God, well, then you're gross. You're going to have about four seconds to evaluate this when it happens. It's just from the top. Right. If that, like, for real, if you can even get to the point of insertion and having not

blown your wand, let me point out to, I am convinced that the mom, Sam's mom, with her plaid vest, she's so damn gay. She's thrown that out there. I think Shelley had a thing for the mom in this movie. If she could have had less mom. If she could have had less mom. If she could have had less mom. If she could have had less mom. If she could have had less mom.

If she could have had less mom. If she could have had less mom. If she could have had less mom. If she could have had less mom. If she could have had less mom. If she could have had less mom. If she could have had less mom. If she could have had less mom. If she could have had less mom. If she's trying to defend Charlie. She's like, yeah, but Charlie wasn't Mormon and like, you know, Baptist they don't know you're not supposed to just fuck everybody. You know how bad these are. Yeah, and he's like, but I can't forgive her for being unfaithful, but like for being pre unfaithful to me.

Yes, he says the word unfaithful. I wrote my notes to the future. Yes, this is episode 413 of this podcast. It's fucking hard to surprise, Jeboy, at this point. But when he said on Faith, though, I was like, this requires time-traveling amounts of death. Yes, I did. I did. I did.

I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I did. I's the plot of the movie now. Yes. And then mom has to walk him through the concept of time. You can't make this up because this shit is real. These things are actually said. And you're taught like growing up when you're

an innocent 12 year old girl in the church and you're already getting counseled on how to behave, you need to be faithful to your future husband. That's why we don't go out and mess around. Yes, it's a real thing. I know, teaching you about the future way back then, but my favorite part of this entire scene is what mom says to her son Sam. She says,

your whole life, we taught you that intimacy should be connected to eternal commitment. She choked on her words. That was like, I don't want to start. Like how old do you have to be to hear that line? Yeah, I agree. But eventually he realizes he was wrong. He runs back to the art gallery to apologize, but it's too late.

She's not only left the art gallery, but the state of fucking Utah. I would have to. Well, yeah, no, that's fair. Yeah. I don't think I got out that evening, but that's true. I do want to point out that I know other movies do this, but I feel like if you have one fight and to be fair, this is a pretty bad fight, but if you have one fight and then you immediately exit the state, you weren't really in it to win it. Yeah, that's fair. That's fair. Yeah. Maybe she finally had the fucking brain to go back over the entire one year date over

many seasons. Yeah. And see how much of a dick he was, but I think the selling point, she went back and thought about that kiss and she was like, fuck this, I am so out. Hello, New York. I will. That's yes. So, but he follows, right? He goes to New York. So we get to see the big city through the eyes of a Mormon filmmaker that's terrified of black people. I was like, do not follow her back to New York, literally smash cut to the plane, taking off as a in response to my notes. And then they arrive in New York City.

Yeah. And so they're doing the, the crocodile done D thing. Like this is the New York Star movie where like, you tell God doesn't know how. Dormen work in New York City. That's great. The dormant, the dormant that are clearly in magic underwear, by the way, the dormant was definitely Mormon. Okay.

But not the black guy. Make sure we get that. Yeah, not the black guy. Not only have these doors, we don't have doors in Utah, we have his wagon wheels. Like what the- Well, and they have this stupid fucking moment, right? Where the door man's like, hey, I can't let you up unless like, you know, I can call her and ask if it's okay for you to come up and he's like, oh God, don't do that. Right? And the door man's like, please leave and so he leaves.

But then he sneaks around, you know how the New York departments have the back door in the alley. Heath, you know how the alleys in New York have back doors. So you go, he goes around to the back door and sneaks into the apartment. A lot of people don't know about that. So now he's not breaking and entering, but he's also not like supposed to be there at this point. He's definitely entering. Yeah. And so he goes upstairs to her apartment and it turns out that at just that moment, she's locked mark out of the apartment and the two of them are having a yelling fight through the door. So their neighbors love that. Yeah, neighbors needed to jump out of this point and be like, what the fuck are you all

doing? Oh my God. She said no. No, no, no, no. So this should be in a crime documentary. That's where this is headed in my mind. If you have zero respect, she breaks up. She leaves. She goes like 2,000 miles away because she hates you and you show up in stinky clothes, by the way, sneak into her apartment, bang on the door like, right. Oh, that's illegal. No, this needs to be like gung, gung and Merska Hargote shows up in a rick's face with them.

Oh, man, that would be a great movie. I'm about that. So, but she's like, she's tells Mark to fuck. She opens the door to tell Mark to fuck off and then Sam's there and she's like, oh, well, you also fuck off. just both of you fuck off. And he's like, I was wrong and she's like, what were you wrong about? He's like, why with all the fucking questions?

I don't understand why you're saying that. Exactly. Is this movie is really stuck on like, they can't just be like, hey, Sam, you're an idiot, virginity doesn't matter, but he is allowed to be sorry for being so mean about it. So a couple of times in this resolution makeup scene should be like, right, so what did you do wrong?

And he's like, I spoke harsh. Yes, right. Right. My favorite part on top of this though is that Mark is basically checked out of the relationship, but this point marks the fucking back. He kind of gave up and he's just like roasting. Yes. Sam.

Sam's trying to apologize. Sam's saying shit. Mark's just like, ooh, swinging a mess. That was dumb. Yeah. Yeah. Mark literally does our job. I wrote in my notes at one point.

Okay. Well, if Mark's going to do the podcast, then I'm gonna do the movie. Yeah. So, I think, so look at this. Mark has spent all of maybe like three and a half minutes total with Sam, and it's like he's going, wait, if Charlie actually likes this guy, fuck that. Yeah, right. He's seriously wrong with her. I am out. I'm just gonna heckle Sam for a bit. Oh, Sam says, I love you too at one point. And then there's a long pause.

Oh, did she say anything? Cause I didn't hear her saying this. I want to be best friends with Mark. I'm not going to lie. Yeah. Mark seems like a fun time. So then we get like the like he's holding a vigil. Fucking Sam is just gonna stand outside of her apartment now and just live on the street there until she comes outside. Like he's full-stocking. He's like staring at her through the window and shit. That's how people get murdered. That's like the, this is how John Lennon died.

Yeah. It's not even the beginning of the crime. It's halfway through. Like you, you are from beginning to end you're halfway to murdering her. Yeah. It's not even the beginning of the crime. It's halfway through. Like you, you are from beginning to end your halfway to murdering her. Yes. So, but he steps away long enough to buy her a little Ferris wheel trinket and just then she leaves and gets into a cab. So we have this like, you know, follow that cab moment with him. Right. Forget about that. Where he, he stalks her to her painting class. So now he's broken into the fucking painting class and he's pestering her while she's trying to do that.

God, it's terrifying. And he leads with, I want you back despite your old catchers' mid of a vagina. That's right. Right? Yes. I will forgive you for being a whore. Hot dogs don't a hallway. Right. Wait, did we skip the part where he walks into this art class, and there's a nude model

and he, he was just shit. He can't handle it. Well, so what I love about that moment too is that like that actually has like the opportunity to be funny, right? Because he sees the nude model. He's Mormon, so we can't see the nude woman. So he looks away, but everyone's drawing the nude model. So wherever he looks,? Because he sees the nude model. He's Mormon, so he can't see the nude woman. So he looks away, but everyone's drawing the nude model. So wherever he looks, it's somebody drawing the nude model.

But it's a Mormon movie. So they just have like people drawing stick figures because they can't have anything. Right. I want him to hold up Swiss cheese in front of his face. Yeah. Also, the only other layman in the movie comes over and she's like, hey, man, you can't be in here. And the moment that's supposed to be happening in the movie is like, oh, I didn't belong in this room, but it very much seems like he's scared of the movies only other black person.

For sure. There's a guy that worked in the hotel and he's like, I ain't going over here because he's he's black and that's scary to me. And then they have the aggressor in the art studio being the one that has to throw them out. It's like, oh, layman nights can't deal. Yeah, he just won't take no for an answer. So she walks into the door. She gives them this very well reasoned. Please fuck off forever. Yep. And then he does not spoil her does not fuck off forever. Because now we're three quarters into murdering her. Yes. We're getting real close. Yeah. Right. All right. Well, tell you what, we're clearly better into murdering her. Yeah, we're getting real close. Yeah, right. All right, well, tell you what, we're clearly better at taking a hint than this asshole.

So we're gonna leave for a bit, but first let me give Aftrey the hard sell. Will Charlie get a restraining order? Who the fuck thinks this is romantic? What the fuck is wrong with that person? Find out the answers to different questions and more when we return for the almost holy unrelated conclusion of Charlie Steve have you got a second? Sure Julie. What's up? Well, we were just looking over your script for the movie Charlie We had a couple questions about the second act sure. Yeah, what about it?

So at the art gallery scene you have in the stage directions suddenly a magic wormhole opens and mark steps out to mention loudly that he had sex with Julie before. Yeah. No, is that gonna be a problem because of like special effects? Well, we were just worried that's a little unrealistic. I see. So what do you, what do you guys suggest? Mmm. Ooh, what if he shows up at the museum? Well, right, but why would he do that? I don't know. Charlie's dad tells him to come and announce that Charlie's not a virgin. That's a little silly. Besides, if we don't do the reality portal, we'll have to cut the whole scene where he meets Gen jar or the time slicing unicorn.

Yeah, we're okay with that. All right. I just, I'm aware that people are going to think the writing in this movie is pretty lazy though. I think there are. Do you know what? Let's just see how it plays out on screen. All right. I guess I'll call Gen jar and tell him. I guess I'll call Gen Jar and tell him. No, poor Gen Jar. And we're back for still more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action with Charlie getting home to a surprise candlelight dinner from her other pushy ex-boyfriend stalker that breaks into her home. Mark.

And yes, okay. Mark did break in to the apartment also here, which is very bad. But other than this one bad thing he's done, I think he's fantastic and clearly better and it's ridiculous. Well, and he, like, he brought New York pizza and wine. Of course you like him. Yeah. Well, I do.

Yes. His whole thing would work on me, even without the correct type of pizza. So this was, yeah, theoretically, it's supposed be a Newark pizza, but it's all wrong. Like the reason I thought that. Yeah, I was weird. It looked weird. It was like a fucking New York pizza. Pizza Hut stuff crust.

It looked like it weighed about 14 pounds. Yeah, right. And for two people, there's like a giant ring of like, holo bread around the outside. It's crazy. Yeah. I would love to, I would have watched just 30 minutes of them trying to eat the entire thing for like a free t-shirt. Oh, there you go.

Yeah. We're doing better than whatever the fuck we watched. I would have watched just 30 minutes of them trying to eat the entire thing for like a free t-shirt. Oh, there you go. We're doing better than whatever the fuck we watched. Were they just like, I don't know, you know, New York City, Jewish, that bread, pizza, holla, there you go. Perfect. We got it. So true. But yeah, he seems to have though, because like there's a lot of non-consensual shoulder rubbing

going on here and everything. And he sort of has this like, hey, you want to fucking then then maybe make up afterwards kind of an attitude towards this whole situation. Right. But ultimately, she relents and kisses him, but she does it right in front of the window where Sam, who is still standing on the fucking sidewalks, staring at her window like a fucking creeper sees them. Three days later, doing like the baby come come back like say anything move out there. Yes, yeah. Right. This guy can't buy a hint seriously.

No, no, he can't. And I wanted to point out that Mark kind of like the non-consensual touching of the shoulders. Like they were in a relationship. They bombed like they had sex. It's not like some creeper coming and grabbing your tits, but they make it look like he's about to rape the woman. That's such a horrible, horrible thing.

And in my mind, you compare him like touching your shoulder, touching the shoulders of a woman that he's loves, loves and they've been together before. That compared to Sam calling her used merchandise, night and day. Oh yeah. Night and fucking day. Or compared to the thing that Sam does immediately after, right? Because like, I thought he sees her kissing him in the window and thinks, okay, well,

she's clearly chosen him over me. I'll leave. No, he breaks into the fucking apartment again, kicks in her door and tells Mark to get away from her. Right. And this is supposed to be like, like he's being chivalrous. No. Yes. He's going to kill from her. Right. And this is supposed to be like, like, he's being chivalrous. No, he's going to kill you someday. Right.

Get your hands off of my property. Mm-hmm. Yep. Terrifying. So, but at this point, like, the security at her building dragged Sam screaming from the fucking apartment he's not supposed to be in. Right. How is he not in jail?

Right. And as that's happening, he screams like, I had the wrong dreams, meaning like I dreamed about, you know, virginal Mormon woman. But I should have been dreaming about you and be cool with the fact that you're not virginal Mormon woman. Exactly. I should have been dreaming of you fucking mark. Wait, hold on. That sounds wrong.

And but then Charlie is hearing him scream. I had the wrong dreams and she's like, hold on. That sounds wrong. And but then Charlie is hearing him scream. I had the wrong dreams and she's like, hold on. Was there wisdom in the thing the guy was screaming whilst being dragged away by. And no, never is that ever whizzed with them in that situation. No, never, never. No one yells anything positive or good or that makes sense when they're being dragged away from breaking and entering twice. So he breaks into the apartment and then kicks in the door and then almost starts to fight with. No, right.

There's no sonnets being written while being dragged away by security, bounced out of a bar, never. It's never happened. Well, but now apparently Sam was arrested for this, but don't worry. He's white. Probably has good swim times or something. So the judge dismisses the charges. Sure. On the condition that he leaves New York and goes to fuck back to Utah where he's normal, right? Right. Where that should happen to every day. No one expects anything different.

That's right. So yes, they have like a fucking sad song montage about each other where they look at Ferris wheels and he bought her a little Ferris wheel trinket and he's, he's at the Ferris wheel. And then eventually she shows up because apparently he's been holding a vigil at the Ferris wheel 24 hours day. Is he still wearing the tuxedo? Yeah. I was thinking the exact same thing. It's like, how are they there at the same time? Right. Apparently he's just been,

because he doesn't have a fucking job. I guess you can just have it all day. According to the movie, he bought her a physical plane ticket, just a paper like you buy it. And then it's like, you know, you can just hand it to anybody. And now it's theirs.

Cause this was, 2000, this is post-11 actually. That doesn't work. Not only that, but it's also one of those was 2000, this is post 11 actually that doesn't work. Not only that, but it's also one of those plane tickets that you could just redeem whenever you get around to it, you know, whichever life you want. You're really. Can we also point out that even that is stalking like that? Sure.

Oh, here's a plane ticket. Come to me then since I got kicked out of the entire state of New York, come to you. It's still fucking stalking and creepy. Yes. If you don't put the receipt in there for me to like return the plane ticket, that's stalking. Yeah. That's right. Can I go to cancun with that ticket instead? That would be right. Yeah. Exactly. Exactly. To anywhere 2000 miles away. So, but, but no, but she comes back and then they get married and have the most underwhelming sex to Charlie's life. Sure.

Oh, well, I, I, I wish they would have like had a sex scene there that would have been fucking hilarious. That was because, because you've got to feel so sorry for it, because you can't just go like here. Let me show you how this all works, right? Without freaking the fuck out. Yeah. Exactly. No. And sexy and over.

There it is. I think we might have missed it on your side of the sheet, dammit. We're on your side of the sheet. I wish that baby had popped out with a full head of wavy hair and a brown beard. Yeah. That's right. That's it. That's it.

Baby. Oh, that would have been a good. Oh, that that would have been a good. Oh, yeah, that would have been good. 20 more minutes. There's your sure about us. So yeah, but we fast forward long enough that they've got a fucking baby that's like three, four months old now. So they're sitting around having,

having fucking funeral potatoes unreal. Those looked good. Those are amazing, by the way. They're so have you guys not had funeral potatoes unreal those looked good. Those are amazing by the way. They're so have you guys not had funeral potatoes? Oh, we did a whole skit about how awesome funeral potatoes were to open Mormon. Mafia. They're fucking amazing. The only thing worth it about Mormon is a me is the funeral potato. Yeah. So they were so so we're we cut to the next thing we're like they're cleaning up after dinner or whatever. They're having this dialogue that is so goddamn boring that this poor actress feels the need to like

Start doing voices out of nowhere just a spice shit up Yeah, during this conversation though. She starts having mysterious. I'm dying of cancer pains, right? Right? Yeah in the back Yes, yeah I was like is she having a kidney issue? Like, what's happening? Yeah. This was almost my best worst or my favorite favorite, which is someone on the IMDB page for this movie in the Goofs section posted like, huh, her pancreatic cancer starts as a pain in the back, but that's not how it would work. And then someone I insist it was the writer of this movie was like, actually, one of the telltale signs of a pain in the back is you'll see from these several articles called from me. I was like, Oh, there we go.

Too bad she's a woman. Well, but here's the fuck up thing right is that she's like, oh, my back hurts really bad. And he's like, oh, do you think that's a foreshadowing thing? And she's like, no, I'm sure it'll be fine. So then he dips her, right? They start dancing and he dips her and he I saw that too. And I'm just like, she just said she had a sore muscle in her fucking back. You fucking asshole.

I wanted to be like, what the fuck? Why would you tap them out? Right. She's gonna gone the fuck off on him. These people have boundary problems. Just so no shit. Right, it's rough. You should have gone the fuck off on him. These people have boundary problems. Just so no shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, once again, the girl doesn't matter.

No. So in case that wasn't boring enough for you, we next go to Mormon church where we check in and I'm sure you're gonna be able to tell me the actual name of this. I had it down as being a subservient wife class. Yes, that would be Relief Society and that is absolutely, isn't the question asked,

like, what do you do for your husband? That's exactly what it is. Relief society is all about how can you cook better foods for him? How could you make your kids be better for him? How can you, everything be better for your husband? That is called relief society. This is like,

Wifeitude relief society. That's really, yes, that's an actual, real thing. No, it's not every week about your husband, but it all boils down to how you should be a better Mormon woman, which essentially is like, how can you be a better wife and mother? Right. And how can you conform to gender roles? Is there a husband class about like, you know, causing orgasms or whatever or whatever. Yeah. As if the woman's orgasm matters. Yeah, right.

Folks, they have what's called their priesthood session, but they don't talk about how to be a good husband. They just like get all about the scriptures and you need to know, you know, they learn how to ask teenagers about their masturbation habits. They're priesthood class. Yeah, right. 100%.

Yes. That's a real handy class. Oh, that's a good handy class. Oh. That's a very good one. Oh shit. Let me throw some random extra out there. So the Relief Society classes on Sundays, but midweek, they have another class because the women need to learn even more.

And back in the day, they called it, and not back in the day, but like I was still more than then, they called it homemaking, Wednesday night homemaking class. Like you go to learn how to quilt some shit, because that's what you would do. Meanwhile, the men and the boys are going rafting and fishing, but no, no, no, the women, you go to homemaking.

Right, you make quilts, Jesus Christ. It's like the opposite of Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts. How like Girl Scouts teach you how to get into Harvard and Boy Scouts are like throw a hatchet at Craig. It's the opposite because of the sexism I get it. I right did it. Oh, so throw a hatchet at Craig. So then we, sometimes you do have to throw a hatchet.

No, you don't have to throw a hatchet at Craig. They have a badge for that. That motherfucker's got it coming. Yeah. Don't be gay. Yeah. Um, don't be gay So we cut to the hospital and or the opening credits of the old Hulk TV show right where she's getting her cancer check God First of all Emma rise or Helen noisylla noisy. That's not realistic.

No, I mean, she has the red dot, like dividing her into fourths, and then the sound of her being put in, but yeah, they're so fucking loud, you can't film something in there. Yeah, and I also say, we do mean, I think my favorite character in the movie here, which is no bedside man or doctor,

who's like, your wife is going to die. And he's like, well, what are the options? And he's like, oh, no, she is going to die. She, I could go in there and shoot her in the face right now. And she has a higher rate of survival. I know. He's such a dick. He's like, no, no, no, she's going to die. She's dead. Just in your mind, she's a goner. She's no, a. Think of a gravestone when you picture her from now. Well, I also love Sam at this moment, because Sam keeps not getting it. He's like, so she has a terminal cancer and he's like, oh, that's the end of cancer, right? He's like, that is the end. He's like, right, we have to get off the train.

He's like, what the fuck are you talking about, man? He's like, so she's gonna have to need some chemo. He's like, that would be a waste of chemo. I'm just, I'm trying to tell you. And he's like, oh, fuck are you talking about, man? He's like, so she's gonna have to need some chemo. He's like, that would be a waste of chemo. I'm just, I'm trying to tell you. And he's like, oh, so she's so strong. She doesn't even need chemo. He's like, that what I'm fucking saying, man. I don't think you understand.

She would kill the chemo in set like a chemo in the die. Before we give it to her. Bring it fucking chemo. Take you out. I was in the room with her for a little bit. I have cancer now. That's how it sounds. It's contagious.

We've all been dead for 30. He's like, how bad is he's like, Ben, we are introducing a tumor 74 minutes into the movie. How bad do you think it? And with all now, with that, everyone is in that room has cancer. She has 0% chance. What is Sam decide? Go ahead. Oh God's heavenly Father is gonna gonna save her. It's a blessing. Yeah. So but Sam does a Mormonism spell where everybody has all the named characters

have to put their hands on her head or some shit me me me. Wait, wait, wait, you skipped the oil. They have to put on the top of her head. Oh, wait, just oil up there. Yeah, to be fair, the movie skips the oil to the words. I get it. I get it. The movie skips. So you guys in catching it. Didn't have an oil budget. They did. So it's like electric cutting somebody in the green mile. Sorry, we don't have to sponge to put on your head. Yeah, totally. So no, so in Mormon blessings, if you're giving like a blessing of health, you have to have

two people there. And one person has the oil, which you keep on a keychain because you never know when there's like a car accident and you're like, back away EMTs. You have to have your magic potion with me. For sure. Yeah, yeah. So one person blesses it like, oh, I don't remember the blessing, but it's stupid. And then the other person takes it and drips it on the top of their head because now it's

magical. And then they can put their hands on and give the blessing. You can't skip the oil or shit doesn't work. Shit doesn't work anyway. Yeah, it's going to get better. And this movie, can we say, oddly honest about that, right? Because he'll just spend the rest of the movie being like, right, but God has healing powers and every other character is like,

you're the thing about that. Right, right. You remember when you asked her to pray and she said words out loud and she was kind of being a dick by doing that. You are kind of, if you think about it, you're kind of the dick now. A way bigger dick because now she has hope because he just fucking. Well, true. And the words that he used, I think it gives it gives God an out. So the words are, yeah, through your faith and obedience and the faith and obedience of your family,

dot, dot, dot, you will live. Okay. This is such a fucked up Mormon thing to do because here's the stitch. When let's say you're, whatever. Right now in in Sam and Charlie's life, Charlie dies, like just a heads up people, Charlie dies. Spoiler alert. Spoiler alert.

Like we knew it was coming. But in real life Mormonism, when you give the blessing like that, and then the person dies, you have one or two ways to look at it as a person. You can either be like, well, this was not God's will, which is also fucked up because God's like, yeah, you should die even though you have a toddler. And then there's the feeling of, I wasn't faithful enough. Right. That's why she died. Yes. That's why there are no fucked up in the head Mormons. They are all fucked up in the head with guilt and shame. And it was my fault.

So and so died because I blah, blah, blah. Oh, the spell didn't work because she used to fuck. Basically. Well, no, no, because he had insufficient faith in the heavenly father or because someone else did so he could blame somebody else for her death. Yep. And then here's another aspect of religious belief that's that usually doesn't it's a problem that usually doesn't get highlighted as well as this movie accidentally highlights it.

Because there's a point here where she's like, hey, you know, rather than cling to this delusion that God is going to miracle the cancer out of me. Can we just spend the remaining time of my life being realistic with each other? And that way, like I can get closure along the way. And he's like, no, no, you cannot do that. That would be giving up. No. And as a matter of fact, not only am I not going to let us to have good closure, I'm going to be an asshole to you. Yes. I'm going to be an asshole. I'm going to, I'm going to punch walls. I'm going to punch walls, paint the fucking house like just ignore you. Yeah, I'm pissed because you don't have the faith that I do that you'll be healed.

This is his pride. And again, this is not some random weird Mormon thing. This is for real how it goes down in the religion. Absolutely. Absolutely. And I should be clear, the message of the movie is not, hey man, miracle, healings don't work because at the end of her, his big hissy fit, which is literally him almost punching holes in the in the drywall like a typical white boy. While his wife's almost dead. Yes. He's dying of wife cancer is like, okay, I'll pretend you have magic powers and he's like, thank you. Yes,

I'll pretend you have magic power is he's like thank you. Yes. Yes. I I told you accepted. Right. I talked to God and I can heal people about time. You you Horge bitch that you realize that about me. Uh-huh. So we cut to Charlie walks in. He's she she sees that Sam is painting this room.

They don't argue about whether it's going to be her studio or his office and now he's making it into her studio. Even though, you know, though she's gonna be dead by the time he's done. Right. Emptiest possible gesture. Right to turn the request you denied your wife and wife into blackmail to live. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. He should have made it into her fucking studio in the first place. Like, no, I'm the man. I need an office. For what fucker you don't have a job. Yes, thank you. Yeah. I need an office for what fucker you don't have a job. Yes, thank you. Yeah, I need an office. At least she paints. It's not great, but she paints.

Yeah. Do you want to go to brunch with your friends next week? I'm going to be debt stop. You're not doing this is nothing. I could stay down there and he gets mad at her now. She's like, I'm dying soon. That's dumb. He gets mad and he's like, you can't give up and he throws one of the brain brush. And he's like, that wasn't very impactful. I try to splash and he splashes the tray of paint and he's like, fuck, still kind of weak. And he tries to smash the drywall. And he can't really puncture too much either. He very clearly goes for a smash a hole in the drywall

and he's like, why can't I make that seem way easier than I guess it is. He's like, not these baby soft white boy hands. It ain't happening. Yeah, no shit. It's really good sheet rock. I think it's just because we was too good at sheet rock. Probably cement walls here in the house.

Yeah, yeah. Better instruction. Well, and she goes like, Hey, you know, you're kind of acting like you don't believe that we live for eternity together on our own planet after I after we die. You know, it's be really weird for you to be this upset if you actually believe to the nonsense that your church says and he's like, oh, don't point that out that fucks up my whole thing. No, damn it. Okay, can we pause? What you just said is the fucking point of the whole fucking movie. Yep, yes, that is it. It took how long to get to the point, which is families are forever. They could just say that at the beginning. I want to take it five minutes. Just show

that. Yeah. We're just 20. God damn minutes. Yeah. That live laugh. Yeah. Oh, God. So, yes, so he violently trashes the room while yelling at her for being mortal. How dare you get cancer? Yeah, right. Make your death all about you again. Oh, God. Is it too much to ask that the laws of physics be defied from my sake? All right. I only got to fuck you for a year.

And this, this is what you give me back. Yeah. You're doing this on purpose. Because you were a whore. The sun boils down. Is this because my tongue gets sore real fast because I can work on the day. So you can get those jaw trainers on TikTok and that'll help. There is no way to Sam ever went down. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, and there's no way that Mark didn't. Yeah, so how you like it? Mark it.

Mark it. Mark it. Mark it. Mark it. Mark it. Mark it. Mark it. Mark it.

Mark it. Mark it. Mark it. Mark it. Mark it. Mark it. Mark it. Mark it.

Mark it. Mark it. Mark it. Mark it. Mark it. Mark it. Mark it. Mark it. I think Charlie, I'm pretty sure Charlie only went down on the pizza. So then there's this weird moment where the movie like fains something happening, right? Cause Samples up at his house and there's a cop car there and the cop is running into his house and he's like, oh, something must be going on. We never go back to that. Like we'd never explain. I guess the cop was just late for the barbecue.

And he was late for the barbecue. Was just at the party and parks over the fuck he feels like. Yeah. No, I wrote my notes. It's like, are they arresting the tumor? Why would a cop be there when I was hoping so they were going to frisk the tumor. That'd be like, like, and our lower back. Yeah.

I'm wondering, like, I guess Sam wasn't invited to the party. Yeah. He didn't know about it. That's a good point. But I was like, fuck you, Sam. I want people who actually love me and treat me kindly. Yeah, right. And aren't going to bump me out with all this miracle bullshit.

Yeah. You're yourself a death party and didn't invite her shitty husband. I didn't even catch that. That's amazing. That's the best part. But isn't he narrating the scene though? Yeah. Well, that's the thing. He shows up, right? He shows up uninvited, but this movie is so self-sou- or so male centered, right? It's so centered on his experience and not hers. Of course. The movie treats it like she threw a surprise death party for herself for him.

Oh, to get hit right. Right. And like, so any, and he comes over and voice over. He's like, you know, all the named characters in the movie were there. And that turned out not to be very many people. So I added like this guy that you've never seen. Uh, this is the guy at the grocery store. I don't know if you know, other people were there. Other people were there.

Other people were there. The Paris wheel, he's there. He's there. That's, we had that actor for another day. And Tin Man, Tin Man, you're there. You're there in Square Square. You're there in most of all. Or make a part of this was there.

That's just our make a part of this. This could make up the thing. Oh shit. I like the idea of a pre-funeral party like this though. Like if I know I'm dying, that's pre-funeral party like this though. Like if I know I'm dying, that's a really good idea. Oh yeah, absolutely. That's great.

I've got great news. And that's what you have to throw one for you next week. That's all the plans for sure. That's when you ask all your friends to bring them meth. And I want like a big gender reveal thing at the end, except it's like, you know, the prognosis, but it's your gender. Yeah. We were wondering about it. So thank you in advance for that.

Okay. Yeah. So we get, we get Sam praying, we believe some more, like at this point, I'm writing to my notes like, how are there still seven minutes? Yeah. What the fuck? How long does it take to die? Just be done. Thank you. Just die already. So we, they're going to go out one more time. We have to have the scene where the baby finally says mama so she can die now. And I feel like the baby is almost responsible for the death of that. When it's so ham-fisted hedge head. He never said mama. She'd be like 69 years old. Yes, right. Right. Exactly. I'm just thinking like maybe don't teach mama when like, you know, you're out of there. I mean, do I, yeah, that's a waste of a word, really.

He's not gonna use it. He's gonna use it to somebody else's shop. It's like in the bobbards. Let me throw out the anger and manipulation for this. Like, so here we are, I'm watching it. I have kids. I have had them as toddlers. And like the thought of dying while having toddlers

is horrifying, it's so sad to me. I'm like, what kind of fucker are you to put that in there? You're trying to manipulate me. So I'm like sad, but I'm only sad because I'm envisioning my kids. But it's just such a fucked up thing to do. Yeah, no, that's the heart cell thing, yeah. A hundred percent.

I went through the exact same thing, which is I was like, okay, you might as well have like a three-legged puppy on screen to make me care about your shitty ass movie that was about her used vagina 26 minutes ago. Thank you. Yes, right. Thank you. Fucking tiny Tim crutches in.

You don't make a good movie because you upset me towards the end of it. Right. I know. She's like laying on the mattress saying, I want my baby. Why would you fuck fuck you for trying to get me sad? This movie still sucks a big nasty hairy dick. And like tell us how you really feel. I just hate that shit because it's just manipulation. Because now in the movie, you are now getting someone to feel something in their heart because they're imagining being without their child and how horrifying that would be to die when

your kid's young. And now it's like, oh, families are forever. They have to be because I wouldn't want to be with that my child. Well if families are forever, that's, I have to be Mormon. Right. The religion has to be correct. It leads back to this. It leads back to be a Mormon every fucking time.

Yeah. It's like when Christian movies always try and stir us emotionally with like pictures or images of the crucifixion. And it always worked. I go through the same emotional cycle every time we watch it. I'll be like, oh, human suffering is sad. And then I go, wait a minute, that's the only human suffering that didn't matter.

That guy did it on purpose. Right. Right. So, okay, so he takes her to the Ferris wheel. They ride the Ferris wheel one more, one last time. And yes, she doesn't vomit. It would be so fucking funny if she just vomited everywhere.

She would have. Yeah, no, I know. All right. Can I ask a question that is as brave as it is vulnerable? Of course. If you take your dying wife to a Ferris wheel and she dies on the Ferris wheel, is that paperwork for the Ferris wheel or do you have to like load her floppy body back into the car and do you buckle her in at that point or is it a trunk situation? Like what's the move? I get it.

I get it. If you're because a why would they even bother with the safety belt on the Ferris Wheel bitches? If anything, you could get a settlement, right? You give her a little note. Yeah. Right. Oh my God.

My wife was normal by the way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I have a follow up question about the etiquette of this. If you're a kid at the front of that line, are you letting her go ahead of you? Oh, fuck no. I've been waiting.

She's not going to enjoy it. No. No, she didn't let your ass go in front of that. No, exactly. Exactly. She's a reticate. And I can't really see pancreatic cancer. So, like that makes it hard for me to let you go ahead, right?

Okay. Can you imagine how creepy that would be to the kids in line? There's this dude, like basically carrying a woman that looks dead and like taking, like who would want their kid to see that? Yeah, no. But it also looked like he bribed the Ferris wheel owner or whatever. Like, the carny dude to open it because it looked like fall. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. That's true. And carny dude was at the funeral party. Yeah, he didn't own let's say. Was he? Yeah, he was that we saw him. I do have to point out though that the last time they were on the Ferris wheel, it was for her to make that weird blow job joke.

So when the guy lets them onto the Ferris wheel, he's got the look of like, doesn't really seem like the time to fuck her and the mouth. Man, I can't remember. Whatever you want to do. Right. You've't remember you. You want to do it? Right. You've established a precedent. He's not going to say anything. He's going to be like, I don't know.

This is probably shouldn't, but whatever man you have needs, it's you. You got to call back. I don't think that's the best right now. So we get to the job that they they go on the funeral. She says, I don't want to end. And we're all like, but we wanted to end with. Oh, and there are more of us than you. So she dies. We get some funeral shots. He we get his V.O. And he's just like, you know, if you think about it when Lazarus died, Jesus could have just

been like, don't worry. I'm going to bring him back to life. But he didn't. He was all weeping sad and made everyone go through grief. Oh, yeah. Anyway, that's the end. Weeping sad and made everyone go through grief. Oh, yeah. Anyway, that's the end of the movie. Yeah. It was like, you might be wondering, why now? And the movie's just like, God, doesn't have to explain himself to you.

That's why. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly. Don't question your religion if you're warming. Because not families are forever. Yeah. That's the whole fucking point. And Mark A.S. Yeah. That's the whole fucking point. Mark A.S. Yes. Yes. Mark A.S. and I'm not sure

if Sim ever gets a job. No. No, that's not that we know. It doesn't seem like it. All right. Well, Mary Shelley, thank you so much for suffering through this one with this, especially without the obvious triggers it had. If our listeners wanted to hear more from you, and I'm sure they do remind them where they should go. You know, you can listen to Latter-day Lesbian podcast wherever you consume podcasts anywhere everywhere. And I got to throw this in, started episode one. Oh, Shelley's a stickler for that.

Okay. I'm all about going in order because they built, but whatever. Yeah. Please don't do that with this show. Don't do that. Yeah. Don't do that. No, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a completely different kinds of, of podcasts, but you've got to know our personalities. It's the same thing. It's just more funny and trauma. Yes, too. We also remained the same. Yes. Yes. We were always equally woke as we are now.

Yes. So, all right. Well, and of course, we'll have it linked on the show notes as well. So you can check it out there. Well, that does it for our and of course, we'll have it linked on the show notes as well. So you can check it out there. Well, that does it for our review of Charlie. That's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to step on this same break again next week. So Eli, tell us what's on deck, bro. Well, Noah, we'll be doing battlefield earth live from Detroit.

I'm so excited about that. I've been looking forward to that one for years. So without the look forward to we're going to bring episode 413 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to Mary and Shelley and a reminder that you can find a link to their show on the show notes and a perhaps even huge thanks to all the Patreon donors to help make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can go to episode donation at patreon.com slash god off one there by your own early access to an entry version of our episode. You can also help it done by leaving a five star review and by sharing the show

on all your various social media platforms. If you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the skating aides sentation aided, D&D minus and the Skape to Crack available wherever podcasts live. If you have questions, comments or cinematic suggestions, check out the name of God off on movies.gmail.com. Tim Robertson takes care of our social media. Our theme song was written in the form of my Ryan Sloppy, who can pull drafts on Mars.

All the other music was written and performed by our audience, you know Morgan Clark, and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week for Heathen, right, Neelya Bosnick. I'm no illusions promised to work hard to earn another chunk next week until then. We'll leave you with a breakfast club close. Mark, who 8S, has a really happy life in New York City with a partner who's alive. Sam eventually did stop hunting his shoulders.

Turns out Charlie was waiting for the high school boy she made out with under the bleachers in heaven instead of Sam. Her bad looks. I paid $2.99 to not have to watch the ad, but looking back, it would have been nice to have that break. We could have tried the beers. That was a good expenditure. The next really worth it. I will never get that hour and a half bag or the $2.99.

I feel like a real worship for the 2.99. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. It's going to take more than that. Bellas. I lost. Yeah, there are a lot of views though.

Yeah. Fair, fair. The proceeding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a thunderstorm LLC copyright 2023. All rights reserved. The proceeding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a thunderstorm LLC Copyright 2023. All rights reserved.