God Awful Movies - 421: Fighting Chance

Episode Date: September 12, 2023

This week, the gang teams up for an atheist review of Fighting Chance, the story of a guy named Chance who fights. And no, the writing doesn't get any more clever from there. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

He says now, you know, I could go back to preaching again and she's like, no, then fighting at least the people whose brains you hurt volunteer friends. Right. They know that they're getting into. So interesting that he's like, sorry, I can't do a job with skills anymore, but I could do preaching. I'm actually preaching. I'm literally nothing else.

The ultimate safety school job. Yeah. It's either preaching where I go to Eli. I'm not preaching. I'm not preaching. I'm not preaching. I'm not preaching. I'm not preaching. I'm not preaching. I'm not preaching. I'm not preaching.

I'm not preaching. I'm not preaching. I'm not preaching. I'm not preaching. I'm not preaching. I'm not preaching. I'm not preaching. I'm not preaching.

I'm not preaching. I'm not preaching. I'm not preaching. I'm not preaching. I'm not preaching. I'm not preaching. I'm not preaching. I'm not preaching. I'm not preaching. I'm not preaching. I'm not preaching. Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be and he then write heath, welcome back. Thanks. No, it's time for some risk control. Very excited. And damn sure is actually that's against the rules in MMA. You know, I do use small joint manipulation, but that's fine.

That's fine. Well, we'll push past. Got to control the wrist though. It's all you got. It's all about it's all about wrists. And of course, sitting down at a milestone, my north east is my bad friend, Eli Bosnick. Eli, how are you this fine afternoon, sir? Kumate, Kumate, Kumate.

Kumate. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that movie. So, so what is he? What would be breaking down today? The blood of Christ sport. We want. Oh, fantastic. We watch fighting chance.

It's the blood of Christ sport. Just thought of that. Very excited. It's the story of a Christian MMA fighter. And what happens when apparently God is suffering from CTE and traumatic injury and still controls everything. Oh, that would explain a lot. Yeah. And Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you love the feel good one time I got better, thanks to Dr. Stories were used to from Christian cinema, but you

wish God was as irrelevant as he is powerful. You will love this movie. This is million dollar maybe everybody. Okay. Well done. Well done. I mean, he's he's fucking overshadowed you with this blood of Christ's sport thing at the big, but that's fine. Yeah. You're good to them. I'm a salierying in the corner. As though his puns were from God. Eucharist control. There we go. That was a nice. Yeah. It's a good thing he doesn't drink. Otherwise, we might fall down that path. So is anything you guys want to nominate this one for me and the best to be the worst at? Yeah. I'm going to

go with best worst. The movie ran out of the movie and had to write a different movie Mm-hmm. They made a mixed martial arts movie a karate movie and then they ran out of karate and they had to write Something sad and different from karate for the rest of the movie because they only had like a tiny amount of karate moves as it turned out They thought they had a movie right, they can only do three karate's and then they had to move up. Yes, it's the worst. All right, so I'm just gonna go with best worst fucking title. Okay, the movie is called Fighting Chance

because the main character's name is Chance. And he's fighting. And he's a fighter fighting. And the movie is so fighting in the movie. It's so fucking dumb. Chance. I mean, we've watched like 113 movies where the lead female character's name is Faith or Hope.

Yeah, right. And this is still fucking stupid. Yeah. Also, it's about God. You don't have a fighting chance. You have whatever God wants. You have that. That's what you do.

Yeah, right. Fair. Absolutely. I also, I, I just have to point out because I kept bothering me so much. Like did this feel to you guys like a short film that overstayed its welcome? Right. Like sometimes people will suggest movies and they're only like five or ten minutes long, and I'm like, I know maybe we'll save it for a mini, like it's not quite right. For God of movies. Yeah. That's how I feel about this 70 minute long movie. Is that not quite enough there? Okay, a bunch of times during the 70 minutes, I was like, all right, that's all for me,

I guess. Yeah. You're going to take off then movie. This movie is 75. Somehow this is like the triple spaced big margins version of a 75 minute movie. This movie is 75. Somehow this is like the triple spaced big margins version of a 75 minute movie. Yeah. Yes, exactly. Exactly. And I'm going to take the easy one. I'm going to go with best worst suicide attempt. Now listen, podcast listener, we're aware here about the seriousness of suicide. I'm God of all movies. Are we though? We are, we are and we're woke.

Okay. And we're good people. And I challenge you to find the the most, goodest person in your life and ask them to take this suicide scene seriously. It makes Jim Carrey's the penis blue moment from Liar Liar. Look like the ending credits of remains of the day. It is the silliest.

We'll get to it. We'll get to it when we get to it. It was like the noose's blue. It was a very funny slapstick suicide attempt. There's no moment you can, we'll talk about it. I left it as possible. During that scene. A lot, right?

A lot. No, yeah, I did too. I felt bad about it, but I did. Yeah. All right, well, I'll tell you what, there is remarkably little movie to talk about this week. So we're gonna pad the runtime with an ad in a sketch, putting back in a moment with all the dispassionately uttered cliches that are... fighting chance. In a world of inflated inflation.

That'll be $145, sir. But all I bought was eggs. One cell phone will have the courage, the gall, and downright cajonis to charge just $15 a month for cell phone service. Darn it Corporal, how are they doing it? Sir, as the first company to sell premium wireless service online only, Mint Mobile lets you order from home and save a ton with phone plans starting at just $15 a month. Look out!

All plans come with unlimited talk and text and high speed data delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. Use your own phone with any Mint Mobile plan and keep your same phone number along with all your existing contacts. Switch to Mint Mobile and get premium wireless service starting at just 15 bucks a month. Oh, Brick, you really do care! I care as much as I've saved with Mint Mobile. To get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month and get that plan shipped to your door for free, go to MintMobile.com slash slash gam that's mintmobile.com slash gam.

Cut your wireless bill to $15 a month at mintmobile.com slash gam. A helicopter. Haha no indie that's a savings copter. Oh brick you're my hero. Alright everybody thanks for coming over. Even though I know some of you are only here for the beer and pizza rob. He got me that guy there. Yeah, I do like those things. So, so you've all had a chance to read the inspiring script that I wrote for my movie fighting chance. I just like to ask

what you guys think. I mean, dude, it's such a powerful story. Yeah, like this guy is amazing. He really is amazing. He really is. Yeah, so like, where did you meet this guy? Where did I meet? What guy? The guy, the movie's based on.

Where'd you meet him? Oh, no, it's not based on anybody. Oh, you just made this story up? Made up a straight off the dome. Oh, so you wrote like bad luck, Rocky? You just made it up? Hmm? Yeah, like when this was based on a true story,

I wasn't going to say anything, but this is just like all the Rocky movies, but with worse luck. Worse luck. Exactly. Yeah, thank you. No, no, it's about redemption and healing. I mean, it's about traumatic brain injury. Rocky. Rocky with that. Right.

Look, look, guys, this movie also has like a super important Christian message. Okay, it's about how God is there, even in your darkest times. Okay, but God doesn't do anything in the movie. The guy just gets better and then he like kind of thanks God for that. Yeah, exactly. Okay, are you sure you don't want to just lie and say it's based on a true story? And why does it matter if it's a true story or not? You guys keep bringing that up.

Well, I mean, true stories are allowed to be kind of lame, allowed to be lame, exactly. Oh, all right. Well, I guess I'll look into it. Nice. Did you just order two pizzas? Dude, there's three of us. I'm just saying, let's just get a little more pizza.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And we're back for the breakdown. And we're gonna open with the warning that quote, this film might not be suitable for younger viewers and quote, and I feel like that ignores older viewers. It's just, it's not suitable for us. All the amounts. Yeah, I don't wanna spend too much time on the logos,

but I do wanna point out that this movie was made by future movie productions and I wrote my notes, ah, lazy alien naming visits us once again. Right, right. And of course, we also saw that beautiful, wonderful bridge stone logo. You're always in for a good time. Every time. Can we talk to them sometime?

Not for a full episode, but I just want to, because I assume they're sane, right? And they're just like making money off Christians, but I would like to talk to their office to be like, so how are your days good? Are they, would you say that they're good? Do you ever have anyone refuse to take a credit card because it's the devil number?

Yeah, multiple times. You've had that happen multiple times. So yeah, so we started the movie off 29 years ago with a baby desperately being prematurely born, right? Yeah, okay, did this feel like the Jesus Christ of MMA was being born the way this happens? Yeah. Cause it was like, they give us this thing and it's clearly about fighting and then it's like 29 years earlier and it's a baby happening.

And I was like, okay, this is interesting. It's like the neo of this, but yeah, major here. Now, okay, no, it's a hospital. If I can spoil how poor this film making is, okay, the reason we have this scene is later in the movie, about 50 minutes from now, the mom is gonna say, you were born prematurely and they said you wouldn't make it.

That's why I named you Chance. And apparently their test audiences were like, I didn't see no baby being born. This movie don't make no sense. Well, either of that or they got to the end of it. And they're like 73 and a half minutes. I feel like we can pad this a little. What if we see a being born at the beginning, huh? Remember the mom mentions that. What if it's long? What if it's a C section? Also, like they try to do the regular

and then they have to switch. And they argue about the epidural. Yeah, they scrape out 73 eventually. Yeah, they do. The lady says to the doctor, please save my baby. She says this to the doctor, not Jesus, by the way. I looked at the doctor's like, oh, okay, cool. Save the baby. Got it. Guys, guys, everything better? Gather around. Yeah, Dave, who just popcorn, Dave, you're just eating popcorn, and looking, you need to try to help now as a doctor. We're actually saving the saving guys for a change. You didn't hear? Yeah, she said save.

No, it wasn't till it wasn't till a lady told us to save the baby that we started trying to save. We've actually just been fucking around down here. So thank you. Thank you for the. I feel bad about meddling with God's plan, but like, I feel like you're Christian saying it's one time. We're honest.

Yeah. And by the way, that's the level as one time. Okay, we're on it. So. Yeah. And by the way, that's the level of writing that this movie is going to achieve over and over again. People will literally say phrases like, please save my baby over and over again. I almost went with best worst cliche dialogue. All right.

So we cut to the present day. We see this guy jogging and we're going to get a bunch of the exposition and sort of like voice over at this point. Uh-huh. Which is weird because like, this is usually the part of the movie where you get to, you know, see the scenes, but apparently this film, and again, we talked about it at the beginning. This film is like, no, no, no, no, no, we need to see him in several physical therapy montages. We don't have time for the stakes of the movie or who the characters are or why we should care about them.

Yeah. We see him jogging and we over here is Dr. San, you know, you've had several concussions and while your MRI looks good, another big hit to the head could do some, some serious damage. And to his credit chances like that is universally true about big hit to the head could do some, some serious damage. And to his credit chances like that is universally true about big hits to the head though. That's true. He's just generally sure. He's a good hit man.

But the doctor is clearing him to fight in MMA professional fight. This doctor needs to go to jail. Right. Honestly, yeah, you've had a whole bunch of concussions head trauma, but now you're good. You're good to go do that again. No, that needs to be a lot. Sure. Well, counterpoint, if I could raise an inquiry, if I can be brave as I am bold, what is

a doctor who says you're okay to fight in an MMA match? Yeah. Like, what does that guy go like? Well, it's not good for you. Right, yeah. But you seem okay now. What does that guy go like, well, it's not good for you. Right, yeah. But, you see him okay now. So, I think his word needs to be higher than okay

for it to be legal to clear. It's somebody to fight perfectionally. Yeah. Well, and we also overheard the white, this is Ashley saying, well, maybe you know, you should just not be an MMA fighter instead. And he's like, you know what? Fuck you. Fuck you, Ashley. So, so, but that's the end of the voice over. We watch him jog for a little while. And he's the champ. We know because seven people have gathered with lawn chairs to watch him jog

and hold up little signs that say you're the champ as he runs rough the jog watching party that he's not like the champ of the UFC he's like gonna fight in a local promotion in a second. It's so silly. No, he's the assistant to the regional. Yeah, you're right right exactly. At best, one of the signs also says just John 316. Oh, nice. Which is great. Nice. The movie was like, hey, Noah, Heathie, lie. Counts, there you have to do us.

Yeah, no, it's like George Lucas inserted Christianity into this movie after the fact of you like, all right, there you go. Now you get to be on a podcast at least. Sorry. So, okay. So now we're going to be on a podcast at least. Sorry. It's okay. So now we're going to cut to his big MMA match. And I love we see everybody walking into the match

and they're really spacing out those same seven people. Sorry, everybody. Well, there's like seven people coming back around in moustaches. This is the same, it's the same jog watching. Yes, it is. Yes, but we have to talk about the excuse the movie makes for this, because this is the hardest I laughed in the entire movie.

As the announcers are talking, they're like, and of course we have to reduce capacity because of COVID. Yes. Bill Gates. Yeah. That's so stupid. That's why there's only eight people here for this championship MMA.

They put up a poster every night at church and nobody came and they were like, we, we should say it's for COVID. And it's like, yes, that's true. We did only allow eight people for sporting event and COVID. No, it's, well, it's a clever excuse, but then shouldn't people be wearing masks or something like, I, now I want you to all die of concussions is the problem. Okay. Statistically, like four of the people we just saw are dead from COVID, right? Yeah, for sure.

Yeah. Now, so, but yeah, so the announcers are telling us about the fight and for some reason they're introducing the fighters based on their dad's jobs. Right? Like this is fucking feudal anglenders. So they're like a humble preacher son versus the son of a wealthy farmer Sorry, but also they got the evil rich character trope so badly The evil rich character. It's supposed to be like the James Spader is from big farm money

though. Yeah out in the middle of nowhere Then we see this family and it's not like they own like all the corn in Iowa. It's like they have like five acres of farm and a bunch of them. They have a lovely family farm that they worked very hard on. Yeah. Right. So they're talking about how like I guess this is like again, this is the assistant to the regional MMA organization. But the winner of this fight will get a contract to fight with the GFF, the global fighting federation, which is a big fucking deal apparently. I felt like they were setting up a fucking left behind movie just in case they were like, and you know what, we could put a Russian guy in charge of that.

Okay, this one's not popular. I was hoping they would fight over GIF versus GIF as the way to say. Yeah. Okay. So then we cut back to the locker room where chances getting ready for his big bout. And again, everything in this fucking movie, every line is a stupid cliche. The trainer turns to him and he gives him an 11 word pep talk. This is it in its entirety.

Leave it all in the cage tonight. No regrets. No regrets. Okay. I will say I have literally never heard that expression used non-ironically in my life until this moment, to watching this movie. No, yeah. That's like yellow, like you're done. Whatever is about to happen. It's bad. Yep. Well, yeah. So the trainer's all excited. Ashley is worried, though, that his brain will explode from all the concussions, right? So she's like, hey, let's discuss the stakes of the film for a bit. Mm-hmm.

Yeah, and I love, he is counter to her. He's like, look, there's no guarantees in life, babe. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow. And I wrote in my notes, I mean, yeah, but it's not like you'd advertise getting hit by a bus tomorrow. You are going to be hit by a, there's a bus based purse tonight. Right. You fall into it.

And the thing is, is if you were about to get hit by a bus, you'd avoid it. Right? That's Ashley's point. I should also point out this is when we learned that Ashley's pregnant, right? So he's got a kid on the way too. I like the slogan for his fighting team that's on his sweatshirt and his trainer's sweatshirt. It says lions not sheep, which is like, okay, lions, whatever, that's a fighting animal, but like decidedly not cheap. Like they have to list and nor tigers, nor bears

also like well, tigers and bears would also be kind of cool with children's minds over those. Like this sweatshirts getting long. Christian will cut it there. John 316. There's also this amazing, like unintentionally humorous moment where she's like, maybe you could find another job and he's like, I don't want to be a preacher anymore. No offense, dad, and they turn and dad's in the fucking room. All of a sudden. Yes, dad might as well like rise up out of the floor magically right next to him. So silly. I wanted him to turn to like a dusty orphan and you little Timmy.

If I went tonight, I'll be able to build you that orphanage after you burn down. Yeah. And then the trader cuts in and he's like, Ashley, don't worry. He's going to be fine. I'm sure him not being fine is not the plot of this movie. And she's like, I feel like it is though. Okay. We need to talk about their actual dialogue because it's the funniest words anyone has ever

written. He says he's going to be fine. None of my fighters have ever gotten hurt. She says one time his eye popped out and he says, yeah, well, what are you going to do? Seriously, she's like concussions and retinal detachment. Don't count as seriously injured and he's like, they do. No. No. I see on, let me see. That's fixable. Are you familiar with code names, Ashley? The doctor said he's okay to fight. What could possibly happen?

There you go. And then she says, and I quote, I don't care if we're richer poor babe. All I ever wanted is you. I would have scrolled that out and started over if I was right now to fucking love note and middle school. Yeah. If I was writing a greeting card for the emotionally stunt and I think I want to talk that one away.

Oh, and this is where dad who's like super Christian, I think also a preacher, right? Sun's kind of like following in footsteps. Yeah. Dad's like, it's going to be fine. God obviously loves us. And hopefully the other guy in fights like Jewish or atheist or something. And we're nuts. Yes.

I wrote that down as like an exaggeration of what he was saying. And then he literally did almost that exact prayer, except without the actual word Jewish. Yeah. And then we go over to the other locker room. In contrast to the prayer, we see the bad guy fighter getting his secular prayerless heathen pep talk. Okay, I have to talk about the last thing that happens in this scene

because I need to be emotionally coached through surviving it. The last moment of this scene is he goes, where are my headphones? Where are my headphones? And his girlfriend's like, hear your headphones. And that is the end of the scene and no one ever explains it. What the fuck is going on. There's nothing there. Yeah, I love to that we see his parents. And this

one like his his rich farmer mom and dad. Yeah. Their cowboy. They're corn money and their fancy polo ties because they're rich. Oh, such a weird moment. I wanted the headphone thing to go on a little longer and like, oh, I can't pair the Bluetooth. Babe, babe, how do you pair it? How do you pair it? Juice, it's fucking ridiculous. I need a different phone. What juice?

But, Yes. Just sucking an apple sauce pouch as they take it back. Yeah, right. This is the writer, by the way. The guy plays Max, the evil bad guy fighter. Oh, really?

He's also the co writer of, yeah, he has the head structure of someone who wrote this movie. I believe that sure does. You got to have a strong chin. If you're going to write this movie, absolutely, that's important. He was a professional anvil before. Right. But then we thought he's okay to anvil again.

He'll be fine. No, yeah, exactly. So we cut back over to Chance's locker room and he needs a quick minute alone with Ashley so that he can give her his Jesus necklace symbolically until the third act or something. Right. How awesome would it be though if like the minute everyone else had left, he had been like, Ashley, you have to hide me. I don't know how to punch.

His life has gotten way out of control. As soon as he takes the necklace off, he just falls over onto the stool, like, million dollars. But his head rolls on. Well, that's what I wrote. My notes like, wait, does he get the shit beat out of him? Because he didn't have the necklace on because that'd be awesome. But okay. So then we cut to the announcers getting ready. And the first of the bag guy comes up,

this is Max, this is the guy he's fighting. And they just, they're just like, yeah, this is Max. He's the antagonist. He, everybody hates him. You can hear the eight people in the crowd booing. Real quote, Max has a good right, but he has a good left. And I wrote in my notes, maybe go see a single mixed martial arts fight before you make a movie about him.

Arms, nah, they both stupid. A lot of the fight is going to take place on the near side of us. Yeah, right. I love that the podcast guys here, the announcer guys are screaming at each other. They're trying to do that like, you know, stupid Joe Rogan is excited before the match thing. And like, there's a huge crowd behind us, but there's no behind him. And right, seven people, no noise. And they're screaming and all excited.

And then one guy walks out, he's like, woo. All right. And I hate to bring the tone down because we know him. So this is this is painful for us to say, but the, oh gosh, this is hard. The let's get ready to rumble guy is Matt Dilla Hunty. And I think you just get it out right now. I don't know what Matt was to maybe Matt was short on cash. I know that he's been going through. But you know, Matt, we forgive you for being the announcer in this film. And I

just feel like everyone should know Matt Dilla Hunty. Yeah. Yeah. No, he comes out and he's like, yeah, no, I want a good clean fight, no eye gouging, no small joint manipulation, no inciting incidents. We're going to, I went over this with you guys at the beginning. Yeah. And the Bruce Buffer guy also names the chops of the parents as part of the intro. Yeah. He's like, in this corner, somebody whose parents are, well, one is with Kaiser Permanente. It's not a happy

job. Yeah. But he names the rich farmers again too. I don't know why they're so focused on this. But it never comes into the plot. It never matters what this guy's parents job or we need to know their rich later. Like that kind of matters, but that's it. Yeah. So yeah. And of course they don't touch gloves because they hate each other. It's their angry. Yeah. Also Matt Delaunti tries to start the match by saying prepare for war. And I wanted someone to be like, hey, Craig, you don't just get to make up like saying. It makes me show this is very clearly not what it's a sport, man. It's weird. You know, there's a war happening right now.

Craig, yeah, very insensible. Off-putting. So, okay, you're Matt Delahunti. All right, so the fight starts, we get fucking 18 seconds of dancing before the first punches start. Which is like how MMA fights a lot of times begin, but like we don't need to see that in the stupid fucking movie, right? Yeah. So we established very early on that the bad guy is the better stand up fighter, Max.

And the good guy chances the better grappler. So he wants to get the fight on the ground, but the bad guy won't let it. Yeah. Also, I know people are a little sensitive about this because they love the grab and the and the twist and is it always so erotic or is it just me? Okay, it is always very erotic, but it's made all the more erotic in this movie because they keep doing slow motion shit. Right, like like chance gets in full guard at one point in the ditch.

So keep doing these slow motion pans around behind him. And I'm like, well, it looks like they're having a lovely time. Right. Yeah. Thank you. No illusions. Finally. Also neither of these actors are particularly good at MMA. They're both like beginners, but we're excited at how good they were going to be. So they have to like choreograph with each other. So it's a lot of like very much dance moves. So I think that added to the sexuality. I thought they had good chemistry for a sex scene, not for a fight scene. Yeah, this movie is very clearly their audition to be David A.

Or white stuntman. Yeah, but it's hope it works out for them. Can we talk about mom yelling one taunt at the beginning of this too. Yeah. The mom of the good guy chance sees bad guy max come out and max's nickname is max the mad dog something something. Yeah. And she says put that dog out of his misery chance. The good guys mom yelled about euthanizing guy. Yeah. No, they're clearly trying to do a comedy beat with mom being too violent in her taunts and stuff, but they don't go far enough and it just comes across that mom is a violent ass. Yeah, because we then put over to the other parents who are like, what the fuck are you doing?

And she's like, I'm not doing well. But like, I will say I absolutely sympathize with mom because if my child was a mixed martial arts fighter Not a big concern here in the bottom of the castle. I would absolutely not be okay Just being like all right. Well, I guess someone's gonna punch you my worst nightmares since the day you were born and I'll sit here hoping it goes well Listen, I want to see the one fight because it's gonna start and end with Eli doing a flying side kick of a child. And then go in jail for a day. Yeah, right.

Oh, that's funny. Okay. Heath was picturing my child fighting another child. I thought I was just like in the stands and some kids eating a big bug. Big bag of cotton candy. And I'm like, you're distracting a motherfucker. Oh, no, you're going into the ring for sure. Yeah. So yeah, so chance gets max on the ground.

It gets the rear naked choke, but max gets out and then beats the fuck out of chance to a comical degree. He gets punched for like five, he gets punched 1,000 times over and over while we watch the ref not stopping this fight is essentially murder at this point. Yes. This was Peter and the chicken for so long. I laughed a lot. It man would have crawled into the thing and been like that's too many punches.

Yeah. Can I say this is too many? So here's what happened for those of you who don't watch this scene and you should absolutely watch this scene, what happens is they do the shot, then they do a slow motion, and then they do the reverse shot. So it ends up just being 80 seconds of like, push, push, and then the rounds ends.

And they're both like, yep, well that was the, yes. All right, well, do it. as weird as it is to stick the break in the middle of the opening fight of the movie this movie has all the pacing of Eli trying to clap along to folk music so we're gonna pause right there I guess but we're back in a flash with all that happens stands that is fighting chance I mean how many times did we order ramen I mean mean, three when I was there. Exactly.

Hey guys, what you talking about? All the food we ate at a pajama party last week, I packed on quite a few pounds. Yeah, me too. Oh, yeah, so you guys montageing it up. Sorry, are we what? Doing a montage in your head and then your back in shape again? No. Oh, I, I do it all the time.

See why, I do one for you now. B-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b- Tosh powers. Oh, well then I'd recommend Fitbot. Oh, what's That's too long I'm cutting it. What? This is like the second time. Come on. I told you trying to change the game was a bad idea. What's Fitbot? Come on really? No, Eli gets the point trying to change the game Not even the one who doesn't know about the product. It doesn't make sense for him to Fitbot creates custom workouts based on your goals, experience, available equipment, and more. Plus, the app intelligently varies your intensity and volume and tracks muscle fatigue and recovery to design a well-balanced workout plan. That sounds great, but what if I don't know any workout stuff?

Well, FitBod helps you learn new movements the right way with over a thousand exercise demonstration videos. It's true. I tried FitBod when they became a sponsor and I love that they have dozens of ways to work my muscles so I never get bored of the workouts they've created for me. That's why I, Eli Bosnick, personally endorse FitBod. If you don't have montage powers. All right, I'm sold. Where do I sign up? It's never been easier to get the results you've always wanted.

Check out FitBod. Get 25% off your subscription at fitbod.me slashgam. That's F-I-T-B-O-D dot M-E slashgam. FITBOAD, because not everyone has montage powers. So we like, can you use your montage powers to do other stuff too? You tell me, Heath. Bunguar, mongraffing kwasung. Um, you learn French with that one?

See. OK. Um, you learn French with that one? See. Okay. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. It's a fantastic night for a fight here at the FGG. It sure is, Nick. It sure is. All right. So what do you make of tonight's fighters?

Oh, this is going to be a battle of the ages for sure. On the one hand, you've got chance who's got strength and speed. But in the other hand, you've got max who has speed and strength. One thing's for sure. On the one hand, you've got chance who's got strength and speed. But in the other hand, you've got max who has speed and strength. One thing's for sure, whoever wins tonight will be the victor. Sorry, Larry, you, um, you actually didn't say anything just now. So you want to try it again. Now I said adjectives and verbs and, uh, no, no, you did not really say anything kind of self negating nonsense there. That was it. Okay.

Then Mr. Schmarty pants, who do you think is going to win the fight? Okay. Well, if you have to ask, I'd say it's about the punching game. So yeah, there's that also the wrestling game thing. Legs. Damn it. I don't know anything either. Come on Larry. Surely there's something to comment on about this job. Boxing has commentators.

Wrestling has commentators. We've got to have something to say. I'm afraid not Nick. I don't. How? How can you be so sure? Because the most famous person with our job is Joe Rogan. Oh fuck you got me there Larry. Yeah got me there. Apparently we're both named Larry. And we're back for more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action with the fighters in their corners, preparing for round two. Yeah, coach No Regrets starts this little pep talk by saying, we knew this wasn't going to be easy, but your cardio is better than his. And I wrote my

notes really obmet metric, odd metric. And he's like, yeah, I tired that guy up by having him punch me in the face. A thousand things. Right. It did seem exhausting. I really actually got a rest because I was laying on the ground that whole time. Yes. If you're a bonus as winded because he landed so many punches directly to your head, that's

not much tit for his tat. Yeah. But they keep trying to establish that like, you know, chances the better conditioned fighter. He's the more disciplined fighter because of all of the Christianity, right? And, you know, cardio actually really is one of the metrics, I think, but like, I don't know too well. Oh, sure. But yeah, it's a heart. It's Christian heart that he has in its cardio. My favorite part of this little sequence though, before the round starts is Max's cut man. We go over to maxis corner for a second and his cut man has this. I don't know. I know a little bit about this. There's this thing called a cold iron. It's this like

miniature thing that looks like an old timey iron and they ice it and the cut man, if you have like a cut or a big bruise, they press it onto the spot and it cools it down and prevents the swelling or lowers the amount of blood that goes to the area or whatever. But the actor playing the cut man had no idea. It was just like, well, this is a very small, adorable iron. So I will do an ironing motion and smooth out. So funny. So funny.

Look at these wrinkles. So funny. It's the fucking best. I look, so my favorite part of that sequence is Ashley chances wife just openly weeping at the chances of his death in the fucking like you know If there was a huge crowd that would be okay She could probably get away with it, but there are eight people there. She's like one eighth of the people are openly Yeah, if I were Max I would stop the fight and be like, your wife seems, does she know what mixed martial arts is?

Cause it seems like she thought it was like a rock paper scissors situation and was not aware of how, I mean, don't get me wrong. I punched you for a really long time, like an eon by punch do forever. Then I would cry for any of my loved ones who got punched that many times, but like she doesn't seem emotionally prepared for what you do for a living. Is this the first time coming to see you at work? We also get a little bit of vamping right before the round starts and it's crazy. They told, I guess, these, you know, announcer podcaster radio guys to vamp about MMA a little

bit. Vamp about MMA a little bit exact words that we got sprawling raw baby they can pay no making pay And they kept that and they were like well that was insane But we'll cut it with another vamp really close and fast and no, you'll notice and then we get the quarter man Who's told the vamp to and he's like one shot to instance? Let's go and that's the whole thing What so crazy? Yeah, I rewound it to try let's go. And that's the whole thing. What? So crazy. Yeah. I rewound it to try to like check the actual,

that's exact words. Mm-hmm. Amazing. So yeah, so chances, mom screams, you know, pull off his testicles and devour them with your teeth or whatever and the second round begins. Now this time chance gets maxed on the ground, a lot of random homo erotic

slow mo that goes on at that point. There's this great moment because he's supposed to do this thing where he picks him up and slams him, but you have to be a pretty good athlete to fake slamming someone on a mat. So he just brings him down super slow. Yes. And there's just this moment where these two, I'm sure straight men are like, you do it, don't look at me, don't just do it, just do it, you're making it weird, you're making it weird, just do it. Why are we upon them? So yeah, and at this point, by the way,

they give up on the whole idea of like a linear fight narrative and we just descend into montage. Yeah, right. You never really appreciate how good Rocky is until you see other people try to choreograph a sports fight and you're like, oh, yeah, it's a hard narrative to communicate with you to help. Well, and what we're seeing is each of them do their coolest moves, right? Like, chance has this Superman punch that he wants to.

He's like, let me do the superman push, which probably could not have been more telegraphed if it was in more fucking co-puts his fist out and runs across at him. It's great. Like old timey baseball pitcher wind up into an extremely slow jumping, arcing ballet style spinny pun. It's so fun. Papa, what has said, dude, he's going to see that company. He's going to come on in. But the second round ends they head back to their corners. Chances trainer is like, I think you guys are tied after two. And I'm like, really? Because because max laid 12,000 punches.

Does it not go by punches? I don't buy dramatic tension. Is that out of the scoring? Is that? And the parents on his side are like, yeah, pretty sure chance is going to win this one because I guess the music slightly changed. And they were like, yeah, he got beat the fuck up, but did you hear the music change? Right.

Yeah, it was minor when he was getting punched, but it's definitely major. It's major. It's totally major. That's us. We're major team, right? Yeah. You told that guy that that our son was going to euthanize him like a dog a second ago. I know it's not 100% that we're the good guys.

But I think we are. Now trust me, he's a good, he's a good, he's a good, he's a good, he's a good, he's a good, he's a good, he's a good, he's a good, he's a good, he's a good, he's a good, he's a good, he's a good, he's a good, he's a good, he's a good, he's a good, he's a good, he's a good, he's a good, he's a good, he's a good, he's a good, he And so now even Ashley is starting to believe she's no longer openly weeping right next to the ring. She thinks he can win now. Yeah. So while they're recovering, we cut back to the ringside announcers for some more.

They're awesome commentary. Now, this is where I first realized that the red-haired guy, he's a real ringside announcer who's done this before. Wait, really? Mm-hmm. They like fake TJ Miller guy? Yeah. He's like a real MMA announcer?

Wow, okay. I don't, I don't know, I don't know, real. Like he's, he's announced some fights in a fucking harbor freight parking lot at someplace. He's a bird of mixed martial arts. Yeah, so a vi, so like I am. Like I'm a real podcaster, yeah. Yeah, So if I so like I am like I'm a real podcast or yeah. Yeah. Exactly. He's a real podcast. The other guy is the director's cousin, right?

So like we keep cutting to the red haired guy and he'll have something like vaguely sports you to say. And the other guy will be like, I also now will talk about. Yes. And what he says is, whoever wins tonight wins tonight. He says whoever wins tonight will be the victim. Yep. That's what they wrote that down and shot it. It's a movie. It's not you get multiple takes. All the film is digital nowadays.

Yeah. Yeah. No, the fucking the GFF president is like, wow, this is a great fight. Obviously both of the fighters are really good. One of them will get a contract with the GFF. The other can go fuck himself. I'm like, if they're both good fighters, why wouldn't it be in your best interest to sign both of them to contracts? Shoes, steaks. Yeah, right. For the brain.

So round three starts and chance is winning this round because of course, Max is cardio isn't good enough. He can't get you going. Yeah. And ultimately chance chokes him out. Max taps and chance wins. There's a lot more like I'm skipping all the suspense. There's quite a bit of suspense. But ultimately chance does win. Yeah. Chance actually gets on top. Like has the advantage to get some punches in. And then he like rolls over to his back. Like it was again, like a sex scene for no reason. Like he might as well get hit by a vase and be like, all right, I have to roll over now. But then like from the bottom, he gets a choke around like, do you think choking? He wins. Yeah. Big deal. Yeah. So yeah, and Max is very upset. We watch him go through the various the stages of grief off to the side. We watch

this actor try to be like sad. Two, three, four angry now. Two flies across and knees chance in the head when he's not looking after the whole fights over. Okay. That's how silly this fucking movie is, right? So the idea is, Chance wins, Max is very upset and he hits him after the fights over and causes the concussion, but they go with the flying me. Like how? You could not come up with a silly, you're looking thing for him to do. He could just punch him. He might as well do like, Raidens thing from across.

Yeah. Like, So done. Chance might as well be grateful for having win the match underneath Lucy's finger, right? Well, Charlie Brown. When he gets neat in the head, I really wanted to just go to just stand in the center and be like, okay, technically none of my fighters have still gotten hurt during the match. My record stands. I just want to ask anyone. Anyone's thinking of changing my record. This is not the match right now. This is just a guy. Right. Yes. And there's also this one moment. And this is like barely even worth pointing out, but there's also this one moment that I fucking love where it cuts

over to Max's dad and mom and his dad like kind of like, you know, shakes his head as though he just realized that his son forgot to take out the trash again, you know. I mean, look, I can I say as a parent, I get it if my toddler needs someone in the head and they began to convulse on the ground. I'd be like, well, you've known. I mean, I don't think we need to do anything official, but we will be having strong words with him when he gets home.

I promise you all we are. It's like that. Buckles before murder. Exactly. So they rushed chance to the emergency room. while we are this. Buckles before murder. Exactly. So they rush chance to the emergency room. We have a fucking shot of the full moon because it's always a full moon in movies. I don't understand that, but all movies take place during full fucking moons.

I mean, they can't transition shot way to a blank night sky. No, that would be crazy. It has to be a full moon. Yeah. Or any other phase of the fucking moon. Yeah, right, right. But the family like paces nervously in the waiting room. There's this great moment where mom just becomes

a fucking atheist for a minute. She renounces God to, and I say this is someone who's brand is getting people to renounce God too quick, too quick, give God a little bit to see. I mean, at least see if he walks out and he's like, you know, looked bad out there on the mat, but I'm actually fine. I don't know. I feel like she's mad right away and that's good. Like dad is giving a God speech. And she's like, no, you fucking idiot. God either doesn't exist or he let our son get murdered just now. Yep. The fuck are you talking

about? I'm going to start drinking. Yeah, right. She becomes an alcoholic today, like this afternoon. Yeah, dad's like, God has a plan. And mom's like, fuck you, I'm listening to GAM. Right. Also, he responds to her giving up, God, by calling her a blasphemer? Yes.

Which, unless you're in a position to light someone literally on fire, I think that word should just sort of be out of your legsxicon. So, but the dot comes in to give them the news. And this is great because they keep asking questions that they, that the like doctor obviously can't answer. She's like, he's in a coma and they're like, for how long?

Oh, for how long until he's not in a coma anymore. What the fuck am I doing here? 12 hours. I will say 12 hour coma. So you know, now it's gonna be good will say. I will say, 12 hour coma. So you're good. Now, it's gonna be good. The doctor doesn't have all good answers though. She does say at one point, he suffered a stroke due to the head injury.

And I was like, yeah, no, we figured it was the cause. We solved that little mystery. Thanks, Ace Attorney. They go, is he gonna live? And she's like, I don't fuck off. And when she doesn't answer, is he gonna live? The mom says, he's too young and I wrote my notes, okay, it's a knee to the head.

It's not like he was walking through the grocery store and he's stroke. He had a knee to the head. That's the difference maker. Yeah, and they're like, you know, well, can we go see him? And she's like, it doesn't, literally does not fucking matter. Yeah, sure. Sure. We can go down to the salad bar in the cafeteria,

check out some of those vegetables too. If you like, I mean, whenever you guys want to do, go nuts. I brought a hard boiled egg for lunch, you want to talk to this? So they go, they go to check out chance. He is in a coma, like the doctor said, right? Dad says like, well, let's give Ashley a couple minutes alone with him. In case she, I don't want to fuck him. I don't, I don't even know one clear. Yeah. I felt like she wanted to do like a, like a rubby thing,

right? So we'll just step out so she wanted to like get in there and you can still stuff you can do, right? Yeah. Right. Right. Yeah, they're like, we'll be right outside. So they head out the door and the trainer is there, right? And he's like, yeah, probably shouldn't let chance fight. I feel guilty and awful. Right. And he's definitely waiting for them to be like, no, no, it's not your fault, but they do not do that. They do not. Well, they should not. They should be like, yep, you said nonsense about it being like no risk to do this. And it is your fault. Yes, it is. Absolutely.

Well, dad makes him wait for it, but eventually dad not only exonerates him, but exonerates everyone, right? He says it's nobody's fault. Yeah, it's God's fault. Well, I feel like the courts might decide otherwise. Pretty sure the flying knee to the head is where the fault lies everybody. That guy who owns that knee, like sure God may be,

but like that guy first. It's God's knee. If your Christian family didn't really follow along with knives out though, maybe try this movie. This apparently is a mystery for Christians. Ha ha ha ha. So then we cut to Ashley crying over chance. This is so funny because the writer is clearly,

like the movie wants an impactful dialogue from the wife here. The best that this fucking writer can come up with is, quote, I'm here, babe, please come back to me. Oh my God. This is literally where my notes here are just and to X speed. Yes. Well, right, because we get that.

The legendary defines coma. I don't know what to say to you. You're just sorry. Laying there. And then we, so then we get this like chance in a coma montage, right? Dad's reading him a Bible. No, we know that dad's a serious Bible reader

because he's got many highlights in multiple colors in a Bible. No, we know dad's a serious Bible reader because he's got many highlights in multiple colors in his Bible. Yeah. And he's reading from John 316 is what we, yes. But somehow from the Old Testament part of the Bible is what he's flipped to. Yeah. No, it's a call for our ancestry. He's literally do it. Yeah. And we watch Ashley. she's knitting because she's a godly woman and a cliche in every possible fucking way. And I have to point this out that early on, he is on oxygen and they take him off oxygen during this montage because they need to tenderly shave him. But that means that it feels like earlier when he was on the oxygen was just like, we're

just doing this for fun. He's actually finding actually just We were actually just trying to cover up that unsightly stubble. I hope someone shaves soon Hey, can I make a little shout out a little wish here if folks if I'm ever in a coma No need to shave me. I don't feel like we all need to go through that experience You can just you can just let me take the door with a little bit of stubble. I'm okay with that. I'm gonna do fun stuff with your beard if that happens.

Oh, fuck, yeah. I'm all right. It's cool. Not prank stuff, like interesting beard art, I think. Oh, sure. I'm sure. You know, everyone deals with pain of loss in their own way. And if giving me a Fuman shoe is the way that you deal with it,

it wouldn't be that because that's ridiculous. But yes, I would do here. Okay, no, it's going to be something good. It's going to be something good. If it's bad, you're the next to have a coma though. That's how it works. That's fair. Yep. That's the rule.

I also like that in this montage. We also get like what chances going through, right? We get his like coma memory dreams or whatever where he's like walking through a fucking Ford commercial with his wife. It's montage-ing within a montage. Not allowed to montage within a montage? Yeah, come on, I got damn it. Draw me a maze.

Yeah, they prerants through amber waves of grain together. But now the montage eventually resolves on mom watching over him alone. And we see this is the first time we meet. I think the star of the film, mom's enormous alcohol flask. Right, because she's supposed to be like sneak in a sip like, you know, like Heath does it a funeral, but the flask is wait. It's like the size of her fucking head. You might as well pull out a thermos of scotch and start sucking. Like Heath does it a funeral. All right, exactly. That's coffee. coffee. That's totally natural at that point.

I thought the beer helmet you had at your dad's funeral was very tasteful. Heath and I don't know why. No, it was lashing. It was a Scotch helmet. But yeah. Yeah. So yeah, but she starts giving him this big monologue. She's like, you remember the day you were born. It was only 34 minutes ago before the credits and stuff. And like why she named him chance. I love to, by the way, in the middle of this monologue, YouTube just cuts in with an ad, like I'm listening to an episode of Dear Old Dads or something. Hey, no, that's not fair. There was only one ad in this YouTube video.

I mean, I didn't get any ads. Let's pull. She have it. So, yeah, but she explains that, there's always a chance, because his name is Chan. She's explaining why she named him Chan. She says, because there's always a chance if you have faith because while fighting Chan, Chan, the entire movie, a great name for a movie about you if there ever was. Well, the entire movie was written around that piece of shit. Fucking why right.

The author of snakes on a plane is like lazy. That's crazy. This meth is great. And then some significant time later, we've got Ashley sitting with him when he miraculously awakens and she says and I quote, you came back to me. I knew you'd come back. Okay.

Okay. In this moment, I was so fucking excited and then so disappointed. If the rest of the movie had started right now with him having a very silly aphasia voice from the stroke. Best movie ever. Yes. Oh, no, what a comedy turn. Come on.

I feel like they tried that and then they were like, no, no, we can't. No, he's just like, I can't. No, okay. We got it right away, right away. It was bad. As we're about to learn, this actor can barely manage closed fist on chest. So if there was a draft with aphasia, it was by the wayside when they worked with this dude.

He wakes up from his coma and turns to Ashley and goes, what happened? And she's like, all right, so the good news is you won. But she tells him about the need of the head and he goes, I don't understand why. And we're like, yes, neither do any of us. The lack of proper character motivation is startling. I mean, I understand why you're confused. He's got a, he's got a kneeable face, right? You got him in. Yeah, for sure. Yeah, I mean, he knows. Yeah. Yeah. And he asked about the fetus because he's a good pre dad, but that's when he realizes that his hand can't move and that he's paralyzed.

Okay, but he does this thing. He doesn't play paralyzed. He plays rookie of the year. And I was like, oh my god, if this is a rookie of the year reboot, but with punching, I'm in. If you don't know rookie of the year, your eyes are clear and your back feels fine. And I hate you to say you know, yeah, obviously. So we cut to the top given mom and dad the bad news that he's partially paralyzed.

She starts off going like, well, he can speak because we tried the aphasia thing and that was very insensitive, even by our standards. Yes. Yeah, and they're like, well, tell us, is this permanent in the doctors like, yeah. Yeah, she's like pass, pass, come back to me. Yeah, but they explain that he'll have to relearn

to do stuff and I love this moment because she's like, now I don't think he'll ever fight again. And the movie plays this like, oh no, how devastating it, but fucking yeah. Obviously. Yeah. Right, like that was different. Like when you started convulsing on the ground,

you're like, well, I guess he's got a career change coming up, right? You'd think, yeah, let me spoil this for you, podcast listener. The rest of the movie stakes will be, he must expose himself to this kind of neurological damage again. He just must. Yes. Right. Even when he's unconscious, we have no indication that he would want to. Right. But yeah, they say like, oh, he can't fight again. And the family say, oh, he's going to be devastating. I'm like, I feel like the GFF still has to give him the contract,

though, right? Like they said, the winner. And he did win. And as I'm writing that in the notes, we cut to the GFF president guy calling the trainer and going, by they said, the winner and he did win. And as I'm writing that in the notes, we cut to the GFF president guy calling the trainer and going, by the way, if he ever wakes up and you know, is still punshin shit, we've got that contract for a moment. This is like a rookie of the year scenario with lunch and that's fucking great. So contract stands for the record. Yeah, absolutely. Honestly, though, again, another alternate take, if he's just can't walk and half paralyzed, but still takes them up on the contract just sort of wants to go into the ring.

Losers person still a purse everybody. So now come here so I can tap you with the good arm. Come on. No. Step tap. Nice. Half a million dollars. All right. So then we cut over to dad, giving chance to the news that he'll never fight again. You know, and I'm like, and he's all surprised,

he's like, you gotta be kidding, I feel like I can't move my arm and I'm paralyzed on half of my body is a real clear. You're never gonna fight indicator, right? Yeah, I wrote my notes, dude, you can't move your arm, maybe focus up. Yeah, Jesus, I'd be stoked at this point if they were like, okay, you can't move your arm, maybe focus up. Yeah, Jesus, I'd be stoked at this point if they were like, okay, you'll probably regain the ability to wipe your own ass.

Right, exactly. Jesus. And of course, he has his like moment of doubt here too. He's like, is this what I get for devoting my entire life to God? And dad says, and I quote, God has nothing to do with it. Okay, I mean, correct has nothing to do with it. Okay. I mean, correct, but you got lucky. Yes, right. Come on, man.

That's a good one. Bullshit line for a preacher to bust. And that's our line, damn. Yeah, for real. And to be clear, the movie is saying God's plan was to have this guy be very much disabled right before he becomes a dad. That's official.

Yes, that's the plot. Right. But chance pushes back. He very much disabled right before he becomes a dad. That's official. Yes. That's the plot. Right. But chance pushes back. He's like, no, if God cared, this wouldn't happen. And I'm like, you're getting it. You're close.

Come on, chance. You're almost there. Almost there. And then Ashley tries to take his hand to comfort him. And he yells, don't, don't touch me. I've reached my acting limit. Everyone must leave now. But just then before everybody can leave the room, the trainer shows up and has this fantastic

inability to read the fucking room. This was almost my best words. Okay. He walks in and he's like, hey, bud, what if we all make a fist and walk to get oh, yeah. No. So he comes in and he's like, hey, champ, here's the fighting belt. Are you all ready to get out there and fight some more? Let's go check on fight fight fight No one's joining in there. Okay, I'll keep going fight fight fight. You need a 12 count to get in that's cool. Keep going fight

I'll do 12 in a row and then you guys just join it. Honestly, it was so 12 in a row and then you guys just joined it. Honestly, it was so fun. Oh, I see. Let's see what's happened. Again, I love that nobody's like, Hey, man, you almost died in the ring. Do you even want to do this anymore? But no, he's like, no, you'll fight again. It'll be great.

And then everybody's just like, it's not on the eye to pray thing, right? I love that he brings the belt in with him to like to every see in the trainers and clearly feels like the actor owns that belt in real life and it was like, I will need that belt within my vision at all times while it's on set. The best part is when he was like in a coma and the trainer is waiting with him. He's got the belt over his shoulder the whole time. So he just carries that with him constantly. Heavy. It's kind of gets hot in my car because it's metal mostly.

So yeah, so they leave the room mom wanders off to hit her, flask a couple of times. Dad catches her drink in this time, right? And it gets all preachy because he's a preacher. He goes alcohol is not the answer. Hey, first of all, fuck you. And also, pretty sure it is right there. Absolutely, yes it is. I mean, honestly, yeah,

unless you have like neurosurgery experience, yeah, we'll drink, have a little bit, mom. Yeah, right, no, I feel like, I feel like this is exactly one of those times where alcohol actually is the answer. And then, and of course, mom has to say like, you know, boy, is God punishing us? And I'm like, you know, this is another great example of the harm of believing in God. Great job.

Christian fucking movie. Christian movie. Yeah. She's like, oh, we obviously did something horribly wrong and evil and God is punishing us. And I was like, well, the horribly wrong part. Yeah. But again, like you're, you jumped, you jumped way ahead. It's not. Yeah. No bad belief. So while they're doing that, the trainer is talking to Ashley. And he's doing that like, Oh, wow, I guess it's all my fault that he is very upset again. How would

anybody like to? He says, I brought up fighting again too soon. I wrote my notes. Yeah, man, it's the first thing you said. You didn't even say you're awake. Yes, Brian. Well, and then, and as if it wasn't insensitive enough, the trainer then shares the story that he actually had a heart attack in the ring and couldn't fight anymore because of it, like when he went back when he was a fighter. And it's like, okay, so this exact same thing happened to you and you still didn't think, hey, I should slow roll the fight chant, right?

It does explain why he mentioned earlier in the movie how good chance his cardio is though. Now we know. Right. Yeah. He was really worried about that. Also, I know this is just a tiny quibble to have with the movie, but this actor, he does the this close gesture, but it's too far apart. Yes, he does like, he's like, I was this, but it's like a meaty this close. Like he had realistic expectations. He's like, no, I mean, I wasn't in the major league.

I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm gonna nominate this guy for best worst gesturing because he earlier tried to do a fist pump to be like, yes, and he missed. Yes. I don't know what that even means, but he did that. He missed at the very end of the seed when Dana White, the guy called to be like, yeah, you still have the UFC contract. He's supposed to do a fist bump and he's like, hmm, and they're strong and they got.

I obviously, dude, I obsessed over that scene. I watched it a couple of times because he's so clearly misses the fist bump And I think what it is is that they were in a tiny room and they couldn't back the camera up enough To where you could see the whole fist pump so he tried to do a fist pump like stationary I don't know. Yeah, it was it was pretty incredible But the most incredible thing is the end of this fucking scene where he's like, ah, you know I guess I've been living like, chariously through chance. I should just let it go.

He'll never fight again. I should just accept that. And the wife is like, no, he will fight again. What? Ashley. Come on. Your character is very inconsistent. Ashley.

It went so bad. Maybe there's like a life insurance policy, but not a disability policy. You know what I'm saying? She's like, hey, so I was looking up the bills for you know, railings and shit, and he needs to fight. Can he fight right now?

Hey, you fight him. King King. Go. Buzz little bell out of her purse. Dang, dang. Come on. Were you not listening to the story? The trainer was like, yeah, I had a heart attack in the ring.

I started drinking. I had, I hit rock bottom. Then I started coaching. And now the guy I'm coaching, basically the same thing. And he has stroke and he's going to be all depressed. He hit rock bottom. The movie's turning into a fractal. Somebody needs to stop the terrifying thing.

Yes. Cut it there. And actually, he's like, no, no, I feel like this cycle of violence should continue. Yeah. All right, well, we're 46 minutes into a 75 minute movie and we finally found a plot. So we're going to take a quick break to celebrate. First, let me give Actory the hard self. Will God miraculously heal chance?

Will God give him the motivation and determination to heal himself? Will God sit this one out entirely and leave it to his physical therapist? Find out the answers to these questions and almost nothing else at all when we return for the event list conclusion of fighting chance. Hey podcast listener, I'm No Illusions. And I'm Heathen right. Football is back in full swing with another week of epic games. Who's got you covered on the action for every single one of them?

Draft Kings sports book, an official sports betting partner of the NFL. New customers can bet $5 on football and get $200 instantly in bonus bets. Nobody's missing out on the action this season. All Draft Kings customers can take advantage of two new offers every game day this September. And to ensure nobody on our show misses out on the action we brought on our very own Eli Bosnick to give us a few tips and tricks. That's right, Noah. I'm ready to sports. All right, Eli. Well, what do you think about the Lions chances next week after that shocking upset against the Chiefs? A great question, Noah. For me, it's going to depend on who has angels in the outfield big time wrong sport.

Get in on the NFL week two action with draft King's sports book. Download the app now and use the code Gam to sign up. New customers can bet just $5 and take home 200 instantly in bonus bets. Only on draft King sports book with code GAM. The crown is yours. Connecticut help is available for problem gambling call 888 789 777 or visit ccpg.org. Please play responsibly on behalf of boot hill casino and resort Ks 21 plus age varies by jurisdiction void in Ontario. See sportsbook.draftskings.com slash football terms for eligibility terms and responsible gaming resources bonus bets expire seven days after issuance eligibility and deposit restrictions apply.

All right. Well, so who do you have on Monday night? Hmm. Does either team have a loophole dog? No, they do not. Hmm. Then I do not know fair. Man, I really wish one of the teams had a loophole dog.

Me too. Right? It's a fantastic night for a fight, Chet. It sure is Ralph. Now tonight is the very first fight for podcast, a heaf and right. That's true. It is. And I heard he refused to train it all for this fight.

That's right. Apparently he told his coach and trainers. He quote, figured it out. All right. Well, we'll see if that's the case because here's the bell. All right. Swenson comes out with a strong couple of jabs and what's this? And right has stopped the fight.

Yes, he has. It appears that he's telling the ref that the two jabs from Swanson Count is tapping out. Now, that's what I call lateral thinking. Indeed, it appears he had a copy of the UFC guidelines hidden in his shots there, Frank. And he's, uh, he's pointing to a highlighted portion now. Yeah, it doesn't look like the ref is going to go for it, though. And there's the bell again. Okay. Now it appears he then right is grappling his opponent. And yet he is tapping out for his opponent. Yeah, he's a permanent tap. His hand, that that can't be in the rules. Okay, now he's tapping out constantly while still continuing to fight his opponent.

A loophole if ever I've seen one. And now he's changed his name to his opponents, which means that no matter what, he technically wins the fight. He brought a lot of paperwork into the ring tonight. And a notary Ralph and a notary. And we're back for still more of this shit. We're going to rejoin chance alone in the hospital room, trying to pick up his great big championship belt. Yeah. Billy, they could have just got him a reasonably sized belt there. Yeah. It feels like a weird prop to make him do tragedy with, right? Yeah. They might as well give him like my son's stacking rings, like he must dramatically put red orange. Yeah. No, just doesn't. Boanie, I can get this rubber chicken. Yeah, right.

He doesn't have the grobby toss they were hoping for. Yeah. He turns to God and he goes, I'll never forgive you for this God. And I'm like, I don't believe you. I feel like in another 20 minutes or so. I don't believe you. I think that you'll get better and then you'll give him all the credit. Exactly. Instead of your doctors and physical therapists, your doctor instead of the nice people who actually help you. Yeah. And so we then we cut to mom and dad and Ashley.

They're out in the hall and Ashley goes to sit down and mom turns to her because they need a way to get into this dialogue. It's stupid. She sits down and mom goes, what's wrong? I just feel like Firefly had a third and fourth season. And I just, I, oh, man, every time I think about it, it makes me so mad. So many seasons of Big Bang Theory and Firefly just got the one or two. She's been going, how you count it? Cause you know, the two seasons are basically what?

It's stupid fox and their head midturned mid season, especially. Huh. So yeah, but she's like, well, you know, the bills are adding up and it's getting a little tough. I might have to cancel my pregnancy or whatever. Christian Health care ministry fucked us. We're not getting really,

you know, through on this. Yeah, turn back. She's got real insurance done through on this. Yeah. Turned out. We got real insurance or lived in a better country. Real bomber. So, but then the mom and dad are like, don't worry. We'll give you the money that you need. We've got some saved up. You'll never see a bill. And I'm like, why include that conflict? If you're going to deflate it with the next line, not just with the next line, but then they'll double deflate it a scene later like it's yes, it's like the people who wrote this movie were allergic to any stakes other than I got need in the head. I guess so.

Yeah. So then we cut back into the hospital room for Eli's best worst. Okay. Look, I said this at the beginning, we're sensitive. We're good people. Two-thirds of us are good people, but the fact that this scene is supposed to be tragic is complicated by a lot of things. First of all, he decides to cut the wrist that is in the rookie of the year fist, so we literally have like a boiling where he's like trying to push it away so

he can cut it and it keeps smacking back into his chest moment. But they also jock Jim Christian rock the entire time in the foreground, right? So even if I was going to be affected by this performance, the entire time, it's like, Oh, Jesus, I'm inside your earballs. Jesus is right here. Yeah. No, and also like, I mean, it's good, like, like, I sympathize with him, right? Cause I kind of felt the same way. I'm like, yeah, that's good thing.

I don't have a razor blade as I listen to this music as well. But yeah. Right. And also like, come on, this dad was shaving him with a fucking straight razor and left it sitting next to his, but like, come on, that's on dad, at least a bit. Yeah, so for real, can relax, sweetie Todd. Maybe get your dad a, maybe get your son a fucking Gillette.

I feel like coma seems like a, like an electric razor scenario. If you're going to write it, it seems like you would want to also, it's just a tiny note, but it's so funny because dad was actually shaving him with like a safety razor and it's the razor blade from inside the safety razor. So you know, there was a scene where they were like, great. So this is where you remove the safety razor from where you remove the blade from this and he was like, I can't, I'm already so bad at this level of pantomime. You guys have got to knock the blade out of the razor, right?

It'll be easier if I just fall onto the floor and it falls and bounces out. And then there's a loser blaze. Yeah. And then clippy the paper clip appears above it and it's like, look like you're trying to kill yourself. No. And he's like, he's like trying to he can't talk himself into doing it. And I'm thinking to myself like, honestly, like if he goes ahead and slits his wrist at this point, that would explain why this movie is so short when the plot just started. But no, ultimately he doesn't. And he looks over and Clippy has the format for a suicide note. Oh, okay.

That was interesting. That was useful. Everyone ran fun to me, but then AI showed up and they were like, oh, we love it. It's so cool. That's what I was. You motherfucker. So, and so then we cut back to mom, dad and Ashley in the hallway. We love it. It's so cool. That's what I was. You motherfucker. So, and so then we cut back to mom, dad and Ashley in the hallway. Ashley needs to go home. So she's about to leave. But damn it, if Max doesn't show up,

the guy who need him in the head, that I'm just assuming that the listeners have already forgotten this absolutely forgettable character. But, but he shows up the author of this tour de force in case anyone forgot. Right. Right. Max is here instead of in jail for the attempted murder, which is weird. Right. Don't worry. He that's going to be normal. Cool. Chill explains at the end. They're going to try to explain it in a second, but they won't. Yeah. So yeah, so he comes up. The family's home mad and he's like, can I, can I see chance? And they're like, yes, we're not going to ask his permission. You can't warn him or anything. He just screamily asked us all to leave the room. And but I think, I think

he'll be okay. Seeing you, the man who nearly murdered him. Yes. The person he needs right now to talk to is you, Max. You're the best person to speak to him right now. But we have one request. Please go in there alone. Yeah, right. So he walks in. Of course, fucking chances sitting on the floor, weeping openly with a razor blade in his hand. And Max is like, I feel like, are you okay? Is a weird thing to say now? But, buddy, is a weird thing to say now. But, buddy, you on the floor with a razor blade. You can tell that he kind of ruined Max's apology, right? Because Max is all psyched up for like a one man to end. He's like, oh, you're trying to kill yourself over what I did.

The vibes are where I was sort of expecting you to be sort of like regally and gently sitting in the bed, and you ask Clippy for what I should say. You're kind of, do I lift? I feel like it's weird for me to lift. I also got one good hand and a razor blade. So I'm where you're going to slash at me. I just, I'll take a knee, I'll take a knee and we'll just, why don't I do like a sleepover pose like hands on the chin? Yeah. And we can just talk about it down here down here

So yeah, and so he starts talking to me's like, you know, I'm really sorry for what I did I have no excuse or even plausible motivation for it. He says I am gonna be doing some jail time So you know at least the movie recognizes that cool. Yeah, no, going to jail time. He's got a couple of months to hang out first before his jail time that he's definitely going to get though. What? Thank you, Heath, because this is when he says he's been on the run fleeing the police, but he's going to turn himself in now. So to be clear, what this movie wants us to believe narratively is he flying. He'd that guy in the head and he was like, well I'll be in my locker room and then they he just left

He's left the Bruce Willis' way out the goddamn window. Yeah, he's showered right and then shaved and fucking and has been on the run for the month long Come on. He's on the lamb right? Yes, he says I've been on the run catch that line. Okay, that actually is what the movie saying Yes, so he knows he's gonna go to jail He says I've been on the run. I've been on the run. Okay, that actually is what the movie's saying. Yes. So he knows he's gonna go to jail, but he's been hiding out laying low. Now he's decided to apologize, and then he's gonna turn himself in. He's apparently been waiting the entire coma,

and then he's gonna turn himself in. He decided to wait out a co- Oh, because he knew it was a one month coma. He probably asked the doctor. Oh, right. He's asked the doctor. All right. He's been like dressing up as a janitor, like Giuseppe, the janitor, no one recognizes, hey, that reminds me, it's me, Giuseppe.

And he knows on that the chance guy, because they do extend your sentence to the monkey with a lamb. I was kind of hoping to make a bail, but doesn't look like that's gonna happen now. Maybe someone could give him a poke or something. So he's like, but don't kill yourself. You have too much to live for. You're an inspiration to me and blah, blah, blah. And then he leaves Max leaves with the razor blade still sitting

next to the suicide. I'll let you get back to it. Well, he also says I'm going to cover your hospital stay and your physical therapy. So I feel like that's why he leaves the razor blade. He's like, and that's going to be very expensive. So if you would like to save me those I'm not going to stop you. I know what I'm saying. I need it for legal bills these days. I assaulted you. Almost. I'm just happy. The janitor. Have you met me?

I was really been here for like a month and a half. He says it like he's offering something too. He's like, I got the medical bills. And it's like, yeah, man, you got the medical bills. I know you do. Yeah. No, the court was going to order you to do that anyway, but thank you. Did you also agree to go to jail?

Okay. Cool. Right. Because you're going to jail. Yeah, so he goes outside. Dad thanks him for courageously saying that he was sorry. And then as he goes out, he's like, oh, and also like you guys probably want to check on him pretty immediately,

because he had a raise in the lens. Oh, he's in there with a raise in the lens. Yeah. Sorry, I shouldn't have asked you for those very explicit directions to the popcorn factories before I told you this, but yeah, your son's in there trying to kill himself with a razor blade. The loose razor blade that you left next to him when you got it. Yeah, right. So mom and Ashley go in to check out them. They leave mom alone and she pulls

out her flask, but she doesn't drink the alcohol. She doesn't need it anymore. Dun-n-n-n. I love that she doesn't like dump it out, right? Like, because usually in the movie, that's the thing, is that, oh, dump that into this sink or whatever. I don't need that. She's just like, no, I will save that for the later. Well, now she's just responsibly tapering down.

She'll have a little bit less today. And then maybe some later that day, but it's not clear. It's not clear. There you go. So it's a process once at a time. So dad goes in to check on chance and he's like, you, you want me to pick you up and put you back on the bed? He's like, yeah, I guess I probably didn't get to that on my own. This is where he says, I'm not even a man anymore.

Chance says because of the stroke, I guess. Weird. Yeah. I don't know. I thought maybe he had landed on the razor blade when he fell. Okay. Or maybe like the fifth he was like, yeah, going south, Paul is tough when you're trying to, you know, I'm by your side. I'm gonna have to learn that.

He goes, Dad, what am I gonna do? And I'm like, well, not much, because there's only 15 minutes left in this movie, including fucking credits. I know whatever you're gonna do? I'm like, well, not much. There's only 15 minutes left in this movie, including fucking credits. Yeah, whatever you're gonna do, do it fast, kiddo. Yeah, but Dad's like, no, you know what, no matter what you do, I'm proud of you. And that's the fucking message of this scene. As stupid. He tells me he has a heart of gold. I wrote my notes. You have a heart of gold in the eye of the tire. I'm not super creative.

I wrote my notes, you have a harder goal than the eye of the tire. I'm not super creative this, am I? And then they're, okay, guys, be honest. I've never asked you for anything as much as I'm asking you now to be vulnerable and open when I ask you. At the end of this scene, there's a little pause and those actors wonder if they should kiss, right? For sure. Okay, thank you.

100%. You guys saw it as well. Okay, make this all out. I would be like like they saw the lean star tap and they're like, cut, cut, cut. Sorry, sorry. I just gently set him in the bed. Just now. So it's confusing. Southplac hard. We're not you're acting. I was trying to help. Gay porn. That's make sacrifices for their sons. It's parenting. It's not whatever. Now we get chance meeting this

physical therapist and everyone's there by the way, the thing nobody in this fucking family has a job. They can just be there for every fucking scene. So when he meets this physical therapist, it's with Ashley and his parents. Yeah, the physical therapist is like, oh, so you're all just always here, I guess that's what that's weird. Okay, time for chance to do a fucking knee bend. I don't know why you're all gonna watch. You're all gonna watch. Yeah. Watching this. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. No way. And then, and then we fucking yada yada yada, the entire plot of the movie. Yeah. I mean, look, I was grateful because I've seen 97 getting better from the thing Christian movie. So I was like, nice. yeah, no, get along times to X. The only thing for this montage that I really want to mention is there is an attempt

at a very dramatic moment where he's trying to use his paralyzed arm to hug his wife and she grabs his hand very tenderly and puts it over her as though like this moment of connection. However, he's committing way too hard to the I'm paralyzed pantomime. So it looks like he's desperately trying to grab his wife's boob and she's stopping him because she has super strength. Right. You know the scene where the superhero grabs the bad guys wrists and twists it and the guys like you ain't human man. You ain't you. That's what's happening, but it's a love scene in the middle of a montage. That's more watching. Do you think maybe the movie was willing to show the Strokey sex with the aphasia for a second?

And then they were like, no, we have to cut all that, but they left this by accident. Possibly. I don't think so, Heath, but I'm glad that you brought it up. Just come on. Why would you not say that? I think so. I support you, he powered. Thank you.

Not a baby. I want to see Strokey sex with a phasor. Everybody want, yeah, whatever. Yep. And then, so I'm not saying I didn't want it. I just didn't think of the woke mob. And you know what? Now the podcast are bringing you to say

the woke mob are keeping the Strokey a phasor sex out of our Christian films. We have weird jobs. What can we enjoy? Yeah. Yeah. So we watched the physical therapy some more because this movie has absolutely nothing, right? Like the montage ends and they're like, you guys want to do another montage about the same thing.

They're like, just a little, just a little bit. Yeah. I got to say the song for the montage for me was super funny at double speed, which I was at this point. Oh, yeah, for sure. The music got way better if you do that. Oh, please. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. It was so fun. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's good.

And then there's also, there's this great moment where like apparently the writer remembers that that Chance gave Ashley the necklace, you know, at the very beginning of the movie. And so now we have the dramatic moment where she says, I have a gift for you. And she gives him back his own necklace, which is, you know, for the movie it makes sense or whatever. But like in real life, that's a shit gift, right? Like that belongs to him. And also like, as a Christian, wouldn't you have put that on his neck?, while he was in a coma fighting for his life and needed the grace of God for him?

Yeah. Yeah. She was withholding it the whole time, like a, like a 30 day chip or something. Maybe she was just like, it'll be more dramatic if I do this. Right. Yeah, exactly, exactly. But she's proud of him for, for not giving up and everything they jabbed that whole big fucking scene. And then he explains that he's thinking about fighting again, right? And she's like, well, yeah, no, we all assumed actually this. We made the entire,

we made it the entire fucking plot, right? Yeah. He says, now, you know, I could go back to preaching again. And she's like, no, no, in fighting at least the people whose brains you hurt volunteer for it. Right. They're getting into. So interesting that he's like, sorry, I can't do a job with skills anymore, but I can do preaching. I've got to preach.

There's no other thing. Yeah. The ultimate safety school job. Yeah. It's either preaching where I go to Eli and Heats Middle School once a year and freak out all the kids about drunk driving and as an adult, you think about that speaker and you're like, what the fuck was the point of that? What doesn't seem, it was real bad for me, bad for him.

And the wife, she was like, no, you should go back to the job with the extreme brain damage. I think she's right. I think she's right. Yes. I was excited at this point. I thought maybe he would like go back to fighting and be like all stroky as a style. Thank you. Yes. And the amazing like, Valdow or something like that. Yes. Drunken Kung Fu. So good. Don't even like my favorite move.

Drunken Kung Fu. Jesus Christ. We make such better movies just with our suppositions. He, why don't they hire us? And so of course, all of this culminates on the big scene where everybody's gathered around and he's going to walk without his crutches for the first time and rather than like not make a big deal out of it and present it as just another step in the process. Everyone's gathered around and they all give speeches about how excited they are for him to succeed at this thing he hasn't tried yet. You know, yeah, do they do that like every time they attempt this and he fails and they're like,

all right, same time tomorrow everybody. Sorry. We're actually, okay. Once we reach the dramatic walking part of physical therapy, we actually don't do it with you anymore. We just do big crescendo. You can hear the music in the back. Yeah. We just do these big crescendo moments and then if you fail, we have to gather everyone

up tomorrow. So this orchestra costs a lot to rent. If you could nail it on one, we'd really appreciate it. Yeah. No, he, he, like, he gives everybody a very, like, end of the movie. Thank you, speech in advance. And then he wobbles dramatically to Ashley. Dad's like, yeah, great, great walking. Whatever. And then, of course, he collapses into her arms and everything because, you know, pregnant women can hold unlimited amounts of sudden weight. So we're going to go out of MMA fighters. Oh, I want to heard her to go into labor and turn around and she doesn't catch him.

And he just falls. He hits his head on the way down, goes into a different coma. Come on. The other side's paralyzed. I wouldn goes into a different coma. Come on. The other side's paralyzed. What that stool there? Come on. It's the worst. Max comes in with a fly.

Next catches him with an uppercut on the way down. God. I remembered why I did the knee thing. You suck. So then we cut to six months later, right? The fucking movie is over. Apparently it's done. It's job. Yeah. He's holding the baby now. Also, the movie forgot that it's supposed to be about God. He just recovered because of PT and they showed us that. And I was it. Right. They just forgot. Right. There was there was no moment even

where he like, redoubled his commitment tourch. And we never even saw him read a fucking Bible. Uh-oh. Nope. He was exposed to Christianity on the way. The mental therapy. I think Noah's more exposed to Christianity on his drive to the grocery store than his movie is. That's the only best three church breeder words.

Yeah. No, I don't even think he ever like flashback to earlier in the movie. This Christian movie is technically still going, I think. Yeah, technically. Fat lady has not sung. So yeah, but so it's six months later, he's got a baby now, and he's fine. Yeah. And look, I know I should check my cute baby privilege because I had the cutest baby

and continue to have the cutest baby, but they did not get a cute baby for this. You know that someone at their church was like, y'all can you stamp any? And they were like, continue to have the cutest baby, but they did not get a cute baby for this to me. You know that someone at their church was like, y'all can you Stephanie and they were like, ah! Ah! Ah! No!

We need someone to jerk out. Yes, just have a little bow or maybe a mask. Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! mask. Oh, Freddie versus Jason. Oh, chicken. Oh,

as long as making fun of babies makes you happy. I will keep it. So he's like, yeah, I'm gonna go off on a quick jog. And she's like, yeah, cause you have no lingering effects from that coma and all. He's like, sure don't. Oh, good. Yeah, 100%. And then he runs off.

Now that should be the end of the fucking movie, right? But no, we watch him jog for like a minute and a half and then he shows up at the boxing gym and the trainers there to train him and he's still gonna get that contract after all, right? We go through an additional like 90 seconds of speed clothes. Mm-hmm.

And they actually end a fighting movie without a fight. I was like, this is the balls on a Christian movie to be like nope That's it. It's just done now. That's it. No fight the whole plot of the movie is he will fight again And the movie doesn't end with him fighting again It's so goddamn stupid. It's so stupid in fact that the closing line of the movie, this movie's final sentiment is chance saying, and I quote, there's still some good in this crazy world after all.

Okay, I have a theory. Do you think maybe one of them actually hurt themselves trying to do their stupid MMA scenes so they just had to stop? scene. So they just had to stop. And they had, like, slightly rewrite the movie tonight, even have a little bit of end fight. I, I honestly think that the movie ran out of money. I think that they had a much bigger close in mind, but after they, like, filmed that first big MMA fight, which was the first

half of the fucking movie, they were like, wow, we can't afford to do that twice. Okay. What if we only invited nine people for the crowd shots? No, no, we still ran out of money. All right, but that's it. That's the end. And I guess that's going to do it for our review of fighting chance, but that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to trick ourselves into coming back next week.

So Eli, tell us what's on deck. 17 year old Sayako aspires to become a journalist, just like Connie Motto, an elite newspaper writer she looks up to. But Connie Motto, shamed from an erroneous report about a corruption scandal, jumps in front of a train and commits suicide. Since that incident, Sayako suddenly becomes able to see spirits and almost loses her life.

However, from the near fatal incident, she experiences something extraordinary. The journalist inside her stirred. She embarks to find out about the truth, but the forces that stand in her way turn out to be far more formidable than she ever imagined. What? We'll be watching the rebirth of Buddha. Happy science. That's going to be. Oh, the whole time I'm like, why are we watching and then do the last three words you finally play it on? Okay. All right.

Now I'm excited. He's just thought I was like having a psychotic brain. Yeah. All right. He's just chose some movie about a suicide and a ghost or something. He's just getting all the flying meat in the head, buddy. I did buy Max of all things. Yeah.

It's all working out. So with that to look forward to, we're gonna bring episode 421 to a first of all, close once again, a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors that helped make the show go. If you'd like to catch up with yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash God awful and thereby earn early access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help us a ton by leaving a five star review and by sharing

the show and all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our siblings shows the skating a the expectation a to D and D minus and the sketch crowd available wherever pod guest live. If you have questions, comments or send them out suggestions, you can email God off on movies and gmail.com Tim Robertson takes care of our social media, our theme song was written before by Ryan Slaping with the Vagrass on Mars, all the other music was written and performed by

our audio engineer, Morgan Clark and was used to permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week for Heathen right, Neely Bosnick. I'm no illusions promised to work hard to earn on the chunk next week until then. We'll leave you with a breakfast club close. Max and his entire family went bankrupt because big farm money is nothing and medical bills are enormous. Yep. Chants and Ashley's kid went on to post a 14-1 record in Baby MMA, which is as brutal as it is a dorm.

Chants instantly died the first time he got tapped in the head again. Yeah, his coach was heard to say, whoopsie. I'm gonna go to the next one. I'm gonna go to the next one. I'm gonna go to the next one. I'm gonna go to the next one. I'm gonna go to the next one. I'm gonna go to the next one. I'm gonna go to the next one. I'm gonna go to the next one. I'm gonna go to the next one.

I'm gonna go to the next one. I'm gonna go to the next one. I'm gonna go to the next one. I'm gonna go to the next one. I'm gonna go to the next one. I'm gonna go to the next one. I'm gonna go to the next one. I'm gonna go to the next one.

I'm gonna go to the next one. I'm gonna go to the next one. I'm gonna go to the next one. I'm gonna go to the next one. I'm gonna go to the next one. I'm gonna go to the next one. I'm gonna go to the next one. I'm gonna go to the next one. Yeah, sorry. What would the dog be? What would his position be in your mind, teeth? The loophole dog? Yeah, right. Like if there was no rule that said that a dog couldn't play football, what would he, because you can't buy

quarterback, right? That would make sense. He doesn't have thumbs, right? I feel like corner, raw hide receiver. That's what? Oh, because, wait, what? I know. My nose bleeding from how hard I tried just now to make a dog. Like,

right? Is it being dogsie and wide receiver in a position of a ball? I don't sometimes have a bone that has that word. I was just trying to get raw hide from dog. Yeah. Thank you. Yeah. It's, it's, it's pretty stretchy. I feel like a dog, I feel like a dog could play corner, though, right? Like a dog who loves frisbee or whatever could just, oh, yeah, a dog could maybe de-up safety. I could see a dog could play corner though, right? Like a dog who loves frisbee or whatever could just, Oh, yeah, a dog could maybe de-up safety. I could see a dog playing safety.

Right, right, yeah, exactly. Said defensive secondary, basically. Yeah, they'd have to like see a pass. Or my master see a pass coming leap up and then swatted out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they wouldn't get a lot of, you wouldn't see a lot of pick sixes. Maybe with a teeth that could grab one here and there. Yeah, there's like a small nerf ball, you know, something like that. Or I'd like Velcro

to stick to fur. A big enough dog I think could play linebacker. Right. Yeah. I can get through my childhood dog Rusty, the golden retriever, would actually play like tackle football with us. Wide retriever. There you go. Yeah. Wide retriever. There you go. That's worth the most bleeding. Like that was I almost died. I almost died.

The preceding podcast was production of Puzzle and a thunderstorm LLC copyright 2023 all rights reserved.