God Awful Movies - 424: Pray.

Episode Date: October 3, 2023

This week, Michael Marshall joins us for an atheist review of Pray., a movie so definitive the title has a damned period in it. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out more from Marsh on Be Reasonable and Skeptics with a K Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

Next time on a very spooky fine dining podcast, the season one finale. TGI Fridays, the 13th. Oh, you betcha, pineapple's gonna hit the fan as Michael Sun, juicy, or in this episode, juice son, Voorhees. Ha, ha, ha, goes on a murderous rampage and no one is safe. It gets real spooky, it gets real bloody, and not everyone's going to make it to the end of the episode. Who will live, who will die?

Listen to fine dining, the search for the most mediocre restaurant in America, break down a trip to TGI Fridays based on the atmosphere, the service, and the food, and try not to be scared to death. Here the thrilling finale of fine Dining Wednesday, October 25, wherever you get your podcasts. [♪ Music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing, music playing stop. Thankfully, Mint Mobile has given you a much needed break on your wireless bill. Mint Mobile lets you order from home and save a ton with phone plans starting at just $15 a month. Order today at MintMobile.com slash Gam. They should have turned these children down.

When they were like, hey, we want to make a movie here. The guy at the desk should, behind the bulletproof glass, should have been like, oh, I'm sorry. Our rooms are actually exclusively for killing yourself after your divorce goes wrong. So what I'm saying is we don't have a room that is inspatriot in some amount of brain matter we miss. So no, you have to go to a double tree.

Did you do your movie? Not awful! Movie! Movie! Movie! Welcome back to the Gamcast where each week wepled another selection from Christian cinema because at some point we didn't push back hard enough. I'm your host Noah Luzon's. Heath will be unable to join us this week, but sitting 900 miles to my northeast is my

bad friend Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir? Immunologically superior Noah. Thank you for asking. Nice. Boosted. Feeling in good health, doing squat thrusts on the hard earth beneath me.

Fuck yeah. And also joining us today is our very favorite guest massacres when he's here at the very least the co-host of the skeptics with the Cape podcast and the host of the reasonable Michael Marshall Marsh. Welcome back. Hey guys, good to be here. Do you know what else on the whole stops? The novel coronavirus.

The interesting that I'm hosting right now. Is this three now? This is three. This is three. Come on. But at least we've kept up our tradition. You have a transatlantic viral exchange for us, Bowser. I bring my wife to you. You give her you give her chicken box. You bring your wife to me. I give her COVID. It's only fair. There you go. It's only fair. It's true. Yeah. I thought it was weird that you were asking everyone to kiss you on the mouth on the way out of QED this year, but you know, I just figured it was like an English tradition. It's a very much a QED tradition by this point. If you listen to the things you write about me online. It's a liverpoolian thing. Yeah.

Lurepoolian. Come on. that's the greatest word that there is. Let's use it when we have a chance. So, tell us, Marsh, what will we be breaking down today? So, we watched Prey. It's a Christian slash a film. But I think I assume it made by someone who's only ever seen like the Dove channel cut of Friday 13th with all of the killing edited out.

Yeah, right. 16 minutes. So, this film is just based on of the killing edited out. Yeah. Right. 16 minutes. And so this film is just based on the stuff they let in. Yeah. Oh my God. That makes so much sense. Right. That's really what this is. Like that's really, really accurate.

Right. And that's why they think that a movie can be an hour and four minutes long. Right. Yeah. Exactly. And Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you loved the final projects of your Christian high school's film class, but you hate the liberal agenda of plot and making sense, you will love this movie. I don't say this easily, but this movie could take filmmaking lessons from the goddamn lock-in. It really could.

Yeah, so to be clear here, what we're about to tell you about is a three-minute ghost story that somebody heard in Bible camp, and then they dragged that out to an hour, mostly with very long establishing shots. Yeah. So is there anything you guys want to nominate? This one for being the best at being the worst at?

Absolutely. Best worst miracle. Oh, yeah. I'm not going to spawn it at this point because it is very, very late on. But all I will say is that we've seen Jesus intervene to rescue people before, but this is the best way that has ever happened.

And it also, it's especially good because it says that the start of this film, it inspired by a true story. Yes. And when I see how the miracle happens of this film, it inspired by a true story. Yes. And when I see how the America happens, I want to know more about the true story. Yeah. You will revisit that at the end of the film.

Yeah. I was going to say I'm very excited. We have the editor of Skeptic Magazine here to help us to bump this real thinker of a mystery. Yeah. Yeah. So now, as I already mentioned, of course, this is a three minute story, drug out over an hour runtime, which means nothing happens until the final like 18 seconds of the movie. So I was going to go with best worst music thinking

something's about to happen. Right over and over again, we get these orchestral stings of like, huh? Oh, no, oh, shit, never mind. I'm sorry. I had already hit the button. I was sure because we're 30 minutes in that something was about to happen. Something must happen. Yeah. My bad. Have you ever heard of haunted house rushing?

So it's an irritating thing and you shouldn't do it. But basically, haunted houses are all basically constructed on the same pop scare mechanics. And so if you wait at a corner for a little too long and then like rush around the corner real fast, you will almost always run into a cast member smoking a cigarette. And that is what the music of this movie does. See rushes around the corner and finds this film smoking a cigarette. Right. No, that's fair. And I'm going to go with best worst, and this is a minor detail, but it haunts me. I'm going to go with best worst motel. So okay, we'll talk about it. But for some reason,

this movie felt the need to have a scene and a half in a motel room. And they chose the most murderous, calm and blood and shit stained motel. These fine United States had to offer and they did not know it. It's insane. What was so funny is that you know that the Christian high schoolers that made this movie said, oh guys, they read by the hour. That's perfect for us. That's great for our movie film. Uh oh, let's try not to all eat up the continental breakfast.

What do you mean a guy killed himself on the waffle maker last night? All right, well, tell you what, nothing happens in this movie and podcasts don't have establishing shots. So we're going to pad the runtime with an ad and a sketch, but we'll be back in a minute with all the spooktacularity that is prey. This show is brought to you by BetterHelp. Hey podcast listener, if you're like me and you recently attended QED,

you're currently dealing with the very real trauma of Sunday night, March syndrome or SNM. Okay. Here we go. We don't know why or when, but at some point on Sunday when QED ends, March consumes four bottles of Yeager, Meister and three packs of wine gums and goes on a rampage that can be hard to forget. Wine gums don't even have alcohol in them, guys.

Whether it's him standing on a table table offering to show everyone his American wrestling moves at the start of the night or later in the evening watching him fight his Uber Eats delivery guy because he thinks he took one of his fries. These are traumas that can last the lifetime. And whether you're wrestling with SNM syndrome or just some other difficulty in life, therapy can help. Oh no, I'm sure they're gonna love this intro. Yeah. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online designed to be convenient,

flexible and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapist any time for no additional charge. Unlike Marsh, who drunkenly wandered the bar charging people in ugly texts Sunday night at QED. I did not do that. Just to be clear, that is not true. Make your brain your friend with better help.

Visit betterhelp.com slash awful today to get 10% off your first month. That's better help helpe.com slash awful. Better help because Marsh had no right to tear your shirt from your torso and declare it tummy slapping night. You know what, I'm glad you lost your passport. Y'all, we gotta think of something for our young warrior's project. Nicky's right. The young warrior for Christ's Gathering is just a week away and we need a way to glorify the Lord in that movie that we promised.

For sure, Ashley and Becky wrote a song about how her little brother died in that thresher. Ah, so lucky. Guys, wait, we could tell my story. Oh, here we go. What, it has danger, mystery, and of course an intervention from the Lord. Caitlin, we are not gonna make a movie

about the time you saw a black guy at the malls. A black guy at the mall after it was closed, Heather. Guys, guys, look, we don't need some half-baked Jesus story to talk about our faith. Let's just tell people what we actually know, the real works of God in our lives. Okay, let's do when Caitlin saw that guy at the mall. Yeah, I got nothing. Yeah, no, me neither. Me neither. And we're back for the breakdown.

And we're going to open up on some very pixelated title cards telling us this movie was inspired by true events. I'd be fascinated to know what they think that means. Yeah, well, the thing is like literally everything can be said to be inspired by true events. If you're broad enough, definitely, there's a Elsa's inspired. Oh, inspiration comes from things that happened. Yeah, no, I wrote in my notes the event. They're watching a better movie.

Also, they seem to think that choosing the font is an effect. Yeah, we see them go through like cycle through four. And they're also therefore very boring fonts. It's not like, oh, we're going for like a Baroque and interesting fun. Just like, nope, I should have got times new Roman. No, just aerial work better. Yeah, yeah, we'll keep it.

We'll keep it. It's fine. Oh, and then we get the movies actual opening line, which is, I'm only ever so slightly paraphrasing, the Oxford English dictionary defines miracle. Yes. And it highlights all active God at the end. It's not right, but just because active God is in the dictionary.

That doesn't mean that God is true. You can't like get us that on in the film. Yeah. Also, like congratulations to the writers for getting all their demands met in the strike. But like, this is why we want AI writing tools, okay? Everybody because when you leave it to humans, you get writing like this. Well, when you leave it to bad humans, yeah. Also I love the 17 year old kid reading this definition because he's trying to do old man's

smoker voice like in a movie, but they're doing most of it in post. So it sounds like, like, like a kid pretending to be a grown up on the phone. Yeah. Yeah. Roan's like, oh, kind of like me with COVID. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. Doing it. So yeah. And I wrote my notes at this point. I'm like, is this movie 32 bit? Why are the thoughts so pixelate? Right. Now what's amazing about this is I figured this out later because it's like less pixelated

fonts don't cost more, right? But on the editing software, this looked fine. Of course, yeah. Right? Because it was tiny. It was a little bit of smoke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then when they watched it on like full screen and realized that it looks like shit

because they didn't use a larger font size, they went, oh, we're not going to go back and change every single fucking title card, right? That's the kind of effort that went into this movie. We're not going to go back was the zeitgeist of this film making experience. Yeah. Yeah. That was like the inspirational motto that they had like pinned on the wall of the editing room. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. Hang in there, baby. It's that we're not going to go back. Yeah. What is it? The David Lynch has that like a place for the freaks thing that he tells everybody before they start the move. That's that was their place for the freaks. Yeah. So yeah. So and then we finally get the movies first shot, which is absolutely nauseated.

Right. Yeah. It's the shaky cam. We're chasing a girl down a boardwalk and she's just clumping. Yeah. This lady clumps like, the best worst clumping was definitely at the tip of my mind when we wrote him out this week. The camera work on this because it's the handheld. It's so wobbly that it's impossible to tell whether, like, where men to be so uncrequently stalking these women or whether it's just poor camera work. And it takes me, and you just to figure out which of those two is going to be someone creepily stalking these women or whether it's just pull camera work. And it takes me, and you just to figure out which of those two is going to be.

Yeah. So we see this chick. She's running as classic like she's running from the killer and the killer's walking behind her and he's grabbing a chain and she's fumbling for her keys. Yeah. I never realized fumbling for keys is something someone could be bad at, but here we are. Here we are. She is a nope, yeah.

Unsuccessful. It's like she's trying to do like hacky sack with them rather than. Yeah. So yeah, so but then we cut out of that and a pixelated title screen tells us it's now 48 hours earlier. So we're going to build to that. Don't worry, something's happening eventually.

Mm hmm. So we're now outside of a convenience store, and this is where I realized how bad the camera work was gonna be because, like, it's a go-al-one access at a time type of camera work. We have to pan and then zoom onto this cover. Yes. I wrote my notes, oh, we're watching the cameraman

learn how to focus his dad's camcorder in real time. Yeah, that's fun. He's like, oh, I wonder what this, but oh, this zooms. This is a T,'s fun? He's like, I wonder what this, oh, this zooms, this is a T, but it zooms. Yeah, actually, because at this point, the girls go into like the retail store, the garage, and we're in like someone's eye view watching them.

And the camera is so shaky, it feels like the first time I tried a PSVR on, yes, like I expected the camera like pan down and the cashier just had like disembodied floating hands and then nothing beneath them. Right. Yeah, yeah. Fucking job simulator camera work here. Yeah.

Yeah, I said, I really feel like they tied a camera to Larry's head and he's not doing as well with it. He said he would. No, y'all, listen up. You just tied to my head. I don't have to hold it no more. It's going to be great. Yeah. So we're going

to meet three important characters in this. Well, actually, we're going to meet all the important characters in the same four of them. So we meet Madison and Lacey. Those are the two friends that are at the heart of this two girls that are headed out to a Christian music concert. We're also going to meet victim mom. Her name is the spoiler, but they never named this character that I'm aware of. We're going to meet her and her baby. They store. And also, we're looking through the eyes of Kashir, who's going to eventually be creepy murderer guy. Right. I gotta say, if you could, no illusions, just tell me when we are looking through the eyes of the murderer, because I lost serious track of who the murderer was supposed to be at any given moment in this film. Oh God, completing.

So when we first realized that this, that were like POV from this cashier, like when, he, when he reaches his hands out to take money from them, that was like jarring as fuck. That was the closest to a genuine jump scare this, I'm like, oh my God, this guy, fuck. So yeah. So now, and we see that the, the mom can't afford the crackers for the little girl and the little girl is very disappointed, but Madison, our hero, has a couple bucks she can spare to buy crackers for that little girl. Right. Yes. And the mom, she's wearing a soak up the Sun T-shirt, but it's it's S-O-N. Yeah. So's a process that God Christians can even make beaches annoying.

That is a talent that they have. Yeah, they though. So, yeah, so they leave the store and we vomit cam our way out of the store following the two girls and we go to our car. Right. But like we follow them out the store, but we were supposed to be the guy behind the till. Right. So, is the shop guy just immediately following him and leaving the shop wide open? Or did he like tag in a different cameraman? Or did he kill the real cashier? And this is just, yeah, it's very unclear, very unclear. But yeah, so it

been honestly like the camera work. And the consider going for killer POV, but they don't know that you still have to steady the shot to some degree here. Yeah. And I had to like, I legit had to lay down after I watched this scene. It was rough. Yeah. It's it's like if the killer was drunk the entire time. I just like, come back here. I'm gonna give you one of those strangles. I'm such a fan of this. So now as if they're trying to calm me down, we're going to watch the mom, the, the mom that couldn't afford the crackers drive home in the dark for like, I'm going to say two and a half minutes. Oh, it's great. The whole, her whole genuine ride home from this big, wiggly, ladies and

gentlemen, it is completely pitch black. It is no idea what's happening. We see some vague shapes at one point. You're like, well, that's definitely the outline of a human being. Yeah. Right? You can see the fucking radio because it's got lights on it. That's about it. And things I was watching this movie when I was just starting to come down with COVID. And it genuinely made me Google, does the new COVID variant make screens look too dark

to save? It was something about my COVID. Do you think the guy who made this movie like tried to turn the light on and the mom was like, that's actually illegal. I'll get a ticket. And he was like, Oh, good. Yeah, right. Yes, she was worried about getting a ticket. She gets a phone call. She answers the phone while driving in pitch black with her infant child in the car on a curvy road that's completely unlit. Yes. Yeah, exactly. Forget taking the wheel. How about letting Jesus take the call? That's a

Right. Okay. As someone who regularly plays Sudoku while they drive, I do not love the vibes of this Conversation. So it's okay. It's not like there's traffic in Jersey So that so her husband is calling her. He's gonna be home late from work. This will matter. No, it won't yeah Mm-hmm, and then I think, I think honestly, we're just establishing that she's not some kind of whore of a single mom or something. Right. But with this phone call, in fact,

it's funny how they mess up this call because she's like, what's that? Not again, right, which is of course, supposed to be like, I'm going to be home late, darling thing. But then she turns the phone off and turns the kid and goes, daddy says he loves you. So it was like he was like, you tell her that I love her.

Not again. Right. So I had to pull. So, okay. So but eventually at long last, she makes it home. Oh, just just before she gets home, there is a shot that they are so proud of, which is like the car going down the road. Oh, yes.

Like looking at the wheel as it's right, the outside right wheel as it's driving. And it looks like a fairly standard shot. But the reason I think they're so proud of it is they've only got those handheld cams or the Larry head mounted cam. So like Larry's had to lean out of the car while it's driving. He was leaving that in.

Right. No, yeah. He almost died for that shot. So yeah, so she pulls up at her house. She pulls up it or driving and then we see the creepers car pulling up. It's got the headlights, huh? But it has its running lights on, right? Like they don't know how to turn those off or maybe on that model. You can't. Well, the cars are something, but the running lights are on it. I'm just like, well, you're not sneaking very well at all. So yeah, we watch mom get the kid out of the car. We figure that out by the way, just sort of like, you know, we intuit that we can't actually see it. It's dark. But she goes home, we watch her put up her groceries. The music fucking pump fakes a jump

scare twice in this scene. This was the first two times that the music was like, boom, boom, nope, nothing. Stupid. I'm sorry, it just opened, dude. I pushed the button and we said no retakes. So goddamn it. One of the suspenseful moments is where she realizes she's left the milk in the car and has to go out and get it. It's like, don't, oh no, the milk my gopads.

Right, you're so silly. So also there's this great moment. We watch her poor juice for her daughter at length, right? And she can't like, we should put the cap back on the threads don't line up correctly. And she has to take three attempts at it. It's so the panic, the panic,

the white hot panic that fills this actress. They will find out later they worked worked for this shot, goddamn it. But she goes to give the kid the juice and something moves behind the blinds. Oh. Oh, and the rocking cherished moving. She notices that as well. Right. And we're supposed to think this is the bad guy.

It's okay, the bad guy moves the blinds. It's like, that could be he's open the door, he's tried again, but he moved the blinds and then aggressively rock the rocking chair in a sinister way. That's a very strange plan from this guy. Because it's rocking quite a bit. Yeah, there's a lot of rock going on. And she goes over, she's very clearly been directed to straighten the blinds, but you can't really do that with blinds. So she just sort of like, right, to the hanging sliding door lines. Right. So that she's just sort of like,

Pat some and they're like, she's like, yeah, I wish we had money for curtains. And then we watch her play with her kid for a while. It gets to feel like the cameraman just got there too early and we're all killing time, waiting for something to happen. You said he was going to kidnap this family in 805. It's eight fucking 15. I, while we're talking about playing with the kid and look, we can really dwell because

this movie is exactly 60 minutes long. She starts to tickle fight her daughter. I believe, I believe as an American that she starts this tickle fight by saying, who's your daddy? And if that is the case, if I did not miss here her, I think this little girl should show the movie to her therapist. I think it will save him a lot of time. Yeah, right. I missed that.

She tickles off a 20 seconds. It's 20 seconds tickle session. This movie is a whole is only one hour long. Yes. 20 seconds was this tickle fight. A non single digit percentage of this movie is tickling a session. This movie is a whole is only one hour long. Yes. 20 seconds was this take a fight. Yeah. A non single digit percentage of this movie is take a link a child. Yeah. No, and she goes and she at the end of it, she's like, ah, you want to move the scene along? I'll go check the phone and see if it works. It doesn't. The phone is out. Yeah. I wrote my notes. Ah, she must live next to Noah's neighbor too. Yeah. No, it was my cable that he cut the line to intentionally as revenge against the cable company.

So I live in a fucked up town, man. So okay. So then we watch her go out to get her phone out of the car. Apparently, she's left her cell phone in the car along with the juice. So this is the literally the second time we watch this woman go back out to get something she forgotten her car in the dark. Yes. So she gets in, she reaches a way across, she got to reach way across to get to the phone. Yes, she can't reach the phone because American calls are bigger than my house. And then she looks in the rear view mirror,

she sees us. Apparently we're looking through the eyes of the killer again, unknown to us. And she screams, and that is literally all the payoff we get for this nine minute sequence. She screams and that and the fucking fade to black. Yeah. One sixth of the film and yes podcast listener, let me, let me do you the favor that this movie didn't do us. That will never be relevant or have anything to do with the movie ever again. So just go ahead and flee that 10 minutes from your mind. Right. No, that was just to establish that and he means it. Right. Yeah, that was to establish that. Oh, I think Mosh can probably get through this film with COVID.

It's fine. Yeah, right. It's going to be an easy one. And then we get the title and the title of the movie is Prey, but it's PR. A Y. I know Eli spelled it PRAW for some reason last week, but no, it's PR. A Y and and they've included a period. I don't think I've ever seen that in a movie title. Yeah. Anyway, yeah.

So we get the title drop nine minutes into this hour long movie and then we get credits over a shot of the concert at a Christian rock band. Yep. Yep. All the actors are named like British businesses, either made up noises or random letters. It's just like CGG and Tweet. Yeah.

So there is, there is Chris holds worth, which could not sound more like a store brand Chris Hemsworth. Yeah, right. Yeah. Right. Like, like, you know, those movies that are like they have titles that are similar to Transformers because they're hoping you'll rent it late night at the. Yeah, the transmogifiers. Right.

The transmogifiers of Chris Helms were the exact. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. They got Jack Boston for this one. What a special appears. It's a special appearance by Jack Boston. And I'm like, aren't all appearances by Jack Boston special? Did you guys check who Jack Boston plays? I did not know. Uh-uh. Okay. Well, I will tell you when we get there because it is, it is surprising to me. I'm very surprised me about that, that was that guest off. I hope he's the old lady in the DJ max.

So I was assuming he was the musician, whose concert they were at at this point. That's, that was my assumption, right? Because, because we keep seeing this shot of a crowd and it's like, there's obviously they took some video out of Christian concert and then a crowd. And it's like, there's obviously they took some video out of Christian concert. And then maybe they thought they had to like, put a credit in there for it. Or something, but I guess not.

Yeah, it is not that. I will tell you, it's great. Oh, awesome. So, okay, so the credits wrap up and we cut to the crowd asterisk leaving the concert. My crowd, I mean, literally eight people. Mm-hmm. And we know, and we know that they just left a musical of that

because one of them has a guitar. Oh, yes, he's got a guitar. He's got a guitar. And my theory here was, you know, at the end of the gig, the drummer throws their sticks into the crowd. This movie didn't know it was just drummers that did that. Right. And so they thought, oh yeah, the guitarist

is giving the kid his guitar. Right. My next note is like, oh my God, my theory is right. The kid literally says, yes, gave me his guitar. So that's right. That is what happened. Yes. Sometimes during the six and a half fucking minutes of improvised background post concert chatter that they brow beat out of these poor children, he says, I can't believe he just gave me his guitar. Yeah. Incredible.

Yeah. And this is also where we get like the first real shots of this hotel. Yes. I wrote in my notes, they're at the hotels we would stay in at live shows if Noah got to shoot. I wrote, that seems like a perfectly fine motel six. So. So.

And also, I just just I love this detail. The kid with the guitar has clearly been told, dude, you cannot play the fucking guitar while we're trying to capture this audio. But he wants everybody to know that he does know the opening riff from Enter Sandman and he is playing that just without strumming. He could totally and any moment someone could ask him to play guitar and he would go right in it. Also, there's only two people of color in the entire film, shocking, I know. And they switch out in this scene as though the filmmakers doing some kind of Indiana Jones swap with them. Yeah. So we want some chatter after the concert for a little while and slowly one by one, the kids peel off to go to their hotel rooms to go to bed.

Right. They take an effort to make sure they say goodbye to every person individually. Yes. Because they're like, yeah, that's another six seconds of runtime each. We can get that guys. We can make it to the right. Yeah. No, I would have you hugged everybody on the way out, except for the black kid.

Obviously you wouldn't hug. Salt racial. Salt racial. I's out racial. It's kind of dead. Yeah. So, yeah, so, so, but Madison, again, our hero, she leads to go back to her hotel room and we're going to follow her with our creeper cam. Okay.

So the thing is, she's walking from the hotel to the rest of the hotel, but outside. But why aren't these places kind of connected? Have American hotels not heard of the concept of, you can have other floors, you can go in the building and then stay inside the building as you get to your hotel room. You don't have to walk across like a parking lot. Oh, sweet, sweet, harsh. That's a little whole thing. I mean, Americans, you've seen the size of Americans. We're not doing stairs. We have plenty of space. Also, March, as I read that in your notes, I was like, oh man, we should totally take March to a hotel.

And then I remembered how susceptible your family is to childhood diseases. And I was like, we should not take March to America. I do not do that. Our immune system is not really rocking it right now. So and this is where we're going to get. I think the first of conservatively eight different someone comes up. The person is scared of them and it turns out to not be a bad guy or a monster or whatever.

This is going to happen over and over again. This is my favorite though, because it's the black guy who she wouldn't hug earlier. He's come up to get his hug from her. She gets scared. She, it when he sneaks up and she just turns around and correct me if I'm wrong, but punches him in the dick. Punches him in the dick. Punches him right in the penis fan theory here for those watching along and following along with the movie. What's this character's name, the girl? Madison. Madison. I thought I was right about that.

Madison. I believe Madison has super strength. I will argue was right about that. Madison. I believe Madison has super strength. I will argue that this is the first established of several canon events that prove Madison has superior strength to a normal human being. Okay. I can think of at least two other ones. Yeah. All right. All right. So and okay. Now, this is the fucked up thing about this scene though, right? Because from the moment that she theoretically punches him in the dick, he's gonna like rub his dick through his pants as though, like, you know, like when you hurt your knee and you rub it,

he's gonna do that and I'm just like, amen, that doesn't help, right? We like, I mean, it helps. So it like that does help with the punch. Like, you are clearly just taking advantage of an opportunity to rub your penis in the vicinity of this girl. Stop it. I'm gonna need you to stop it.

Christians do the weirdest stuff to get makeup excuses for an over-the-cancey. Which can I just say? Like it's a weird call. Yeah, Lord and Bob are just going like, actually, this is pretty tame really when you know. No, I punched him outside. You guys just didn't see it because it was not.

Theater cams Oh, there's also a great moment where he's like I love your purity ring that means you don't have sex by the way And she's like yes a lot of men respect me for this and he's like I'm sure they do why are you rubbing faster? But anyway, so she leaves him she finally makes it to her hotel room, which is eight fucking parking lots away. Yeah, different hotel by this. Take it off. Fucking bus to it. At March, as the man responsible for making me go to the Murecure Manchester Piccadilly Hotel once a year, I will not hear you slight any other hotels there. All right. So here's the thing I love about this. This is yet another moment where

the music crescendos for no fucking reason. I was trying to like convince you something happened, right? Because she walks into the hotel room. She turns on the light and the movie wants you to think, Oh, the killer's in the hotel. No, no, he's not in the hotel room. But what that means is that she turns on the light to this crappy asmotoxics hotel room and I know Eli genuinely scream. I was a pop scared for me. They should have turned these children down when they were like, Hey, we want to make a movie here.

The guy at the desk should behind the bulletproof glass should have been like, Oh, I'm sorry. Our rooms are actually exclusively for killing yourself after your divorce goes wrong. So what I'm saying is we don't have a room that isn't spattered in some amount of brain matter we missed. So no, you have to go to a double tree. Did you do your movie? So she goes to take a shower. She puts a televangelist on TV. We see her after the shower and it's just just it's so fucking sad because like she's getting ready for bed in her sweatshirt and knee-length

shorts. Being a prude looks so uncomfortable. So hot. Yeah. So hot. Anyway, so yes, so she's watching this televangelist and this is so great because she's like, you know, maybe you need some help. Maybe you're sitting at home. Maybe you're in a hotel room right now. Maybe you just left a Christian concert and punch someone in the dick by accident. Maybe you have a towel on your head, but strangely, you're still in full makeup. You know, it's, it's, it's fucking ridiculous.

Oh, maybe you're in a Christian movie right now. So these are people we're talking to. Yeah. Yeah. But he says, you know, at some point in your life, all the things are going to go wrong and you're going to pray to Jesus and Jesus will be the only one to help you. It'll probably be late in act three, if I had a kiss. He did lay on thick the things are going to go wrong and your life's going to take a downturn

and everything is going to suck. Is he trying to talk or into suicide? Doesn't he only want to tell Jesus? Right. To be fair, they just play this clip to give people the courage. Right. I just I loop when you come in the fries dog episode of Futurama on the other channel. They're just they know they know their brand marketing. They know what they're for. Transmogifier. Yes. And then but in the middle of the televangelist sermon, Channel 7 news cuts into tell us about

a bunch of missing people in the area. And we cut to the van from like for pre credits lady, right? Oh, and this bit is so good because you got the reporter there. The police are like looking in the van and like doing the sort of forensics in the van. And then you've got the reporter stood basically next and going, police appear to be struggling to figure this out. And I want to be like, we're right here. Yeah. I just thought it was cool that they got the footage of the cops trying to find Martian

stolen car because these guys might as well be stopping and frisking this mini, but he's still having an idea what's happening. Why does he call them over? Right. She has this interview with the cop and the cop goes, he stops investigating the crime scene to talk to the reporter. Right. He's doing the forensic work. Yeah. Yeah. No one to be struggling. Right. Yeah. He's, yeah, she stops to say, why is it taking you so long to go through this van? He's like, well, you are not helping much. And she goes, do you think this is related to the other disappearances in the area? And the cops has anti-quote, we're not treating this as a random act at this time.

Sure. Yeah. So we're going to assume this is connected to other crimes until proven otherwise. We have a really weird position to start from. And also the police uniform looks so low quality that I can only assume the pants have like velcro down the sides to rip away.

So all right. So that late that night Madison goes to bed. There's this really weird moment where we see her going to but we see that the clock is at 11.22 PM and then we immediately flash to 137 and then we're like, well, then why did we see that other shot? Like we would have known if you just showed 137 and she was in bed how she got there. Yeah. Right.

No idea what that was about. But the bad guy now is sneaking into her hotel room at one in the morning. Yeah. I wrote my notes. A guy is just letting himself into a hotel room. I assume she's staying at the QED hotel. That gentleman was gentle, Marshy was very gentle. Also, watching this killer guy find his light is so fucking fun.

Because right, they're going for the frame shot of the killer against the light of the shadow, but he doesn't find it right away. So he's got to do like a, uh, He's like a ship DS to strafe. Yeah. A little bit. Yes. He has moves a smooudge over to the right. And then

it's a he stands there and he's like, he's like, like contemplating killing her, but just then her friend shows up. And the chain is on the door. Now the chain wasn't on the door when the killer came in. So like, I guess he just has better hotel security etiquette than Madison. He put the chain on instinctively. Yeah. He's killed people at a hotel before. He knows it's not safe. You need to put the chain on it. You are not safe. But he's killed so many people in there. Right. So yeah. So but the friend shows up. She tries to open the door. She's like, Hey, you're supposed to leave the chain off for me. And the killer has to abandon his plan. And I love sort of killer

like hides. And I really wanted to have just like hidden behind the blinds again, but therefore, be like completely visible from the other side of the way. Right. Right. Right where are the friends? Yeah. So, yeah. So she, she comes in and she looks around and she's like, Hey, are you sure there's not

like a movie villain in this hotel room with us? And she's like, I'm pretty sure. And she's like, because the door between the two hotel rooms is open. And I don't think we left that open. Yeah. So, so they get like, so they decide they're like, okay, that's really creepy.

We should leave right now at 1.37 AM and drive the multiple hours back home on little or no sleep between the two of us. Because you found a dollar open. Yeah, that is the safest thing to do. So even if there's like a killer in the fucking area, like you're better off just getting a night's sleep and like making sure you're put the chain on this time, right?

Yeah, but they actually go with something even crazier than let's drive home. They call the concierge to come get their bag. They say, well, we'll call the attendant and see if he can help us with our bags. And I'm like, you're at a motel six. I don't know a fucking bell boy. You expecting the only thing the employees of these hotels are used to carrying is the dead bodies of their pay trest.

You're okay. Yes. Yeah. So, but they call down and he's like, I guess I can come up and clear it technically. Legally, it's a hotel. Yes. Okay. And he comes up and he is quite an obvious sex offender. Oh, yes. And like, like, his style is 100% creep. And I hope he gets that feedback a lot, right? Like, at least one bad review on TripAdvisor, like, yeah, nice room, bathroom to clean. It is staffed by a very obvious pervert, uh, full star. Yeah. And he's supposed to be like intimidating or scary, but like, no, no offense, but these are teenage girls.

And this guy has my physique. So like, if they do a brisk jog to the car, they're out running this guy. Oh, yeah. No, they can whip his ass if they need it to. But yeah, like, he's like trying to be all creepy, but they haven't given him anything creepy to do or say. So he just has to keep like sitting on the like leaning against things and creepily eyeing them, but ultimately he's not the bag. He's just going to get their bags and put them in her car for her and then nothing will happen, which is why it's so weird that this is Jack

Boston. Oh, is it? Ladies and gentlemen, this is Boston. Oh, Jack Boston. Bring that Jack Boston magic to every film he's in. Well, that's it. Exactly. Right. They're like, well, we have Jack Boston. We have to use all of the perversity of his glare. Clearly. All right. Well, if the characters get to leave then so do we. So we're gonna take another quick break, but we'll back it up with even more. Pray. A complete E-line sisted on cooking dinner first,

right in the middle of the record, too. All right, here we go, course number one. I call it fall salad. What could be more fall themed, am I right? Oh, also, I made a pumpkin spice dressing to go over it. Look, Eli, if you're gonna cook up some fall themed meals, why don't you try Hello Fresh? What's?

Hello Fresh. With Hello Fresh, you get farm fresh, pre-portioned ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep. So you can skip trips to the grocery store and count on Hello Fresh to make home cooking easy, fun, and affordable. That's why it's America's number one meal kit. I was so many in season ingredients, she'll taste all the freshness of fall in every bite

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Hello, fresh sent Lucinda and I have boxed a try where they became a sponsor. I love how it on packs and seconds and that each meal comes with easy to follow picture instructions. That's why I know illusions personally endorse Hello, fresh. All right, guys, I'm sold. Where do I sign up? Just go to hellofresh.com slash 50 awful andful and use the code 50-awful for 50% off plus free shipping. So I go to HelloFresh.com slash 50-awful and use code 50-awful for 50% off plus free shipping. That's right.

Nice. Hey, aren't you guys going to eat your salad? You like, this is just a bowl of leaves. I mean, all salad is leaves, Noah. Yeah, but not usually dry ones. Ah, I knew something was different. Larry, where you been? I've been calling you for five minutes.

Mr. Hendlebaum tried to hang himself again and you need to get the towel down from his ceiling. Sure, sure, no problem. Hey, is everything okay? Yeah, I just, man, I had a kind of a creepy experience Really what happened so you know room 12b That's the one with the guy fucked the armadillo last week. No, man. That's 12c The one with a guy filled a garbage bag with mice and then tied himself inside of it. Oh Yeah, sure sure. What about it? So I met the front desk early, I explained

the one I'd peg that she's got to pay for the full hour even if her client dies. Classic bang. Right in the phone rings. Was it the police? No, it was the two girls and 12 B, they wanted help with their bags. Hey, I told those girls when they checked in

that if they wanted help getting rid of a body, they need to call the number on their hotel key. I know that's the thing. They really wanted help with just their bags. Like bags of cocaine, like giant bags of drugs. No, just regular, like luggage, like bags. Oh, so it was like a trap, right? Like you got there and then they tried to like, apply you with wine so they could take

your kidneys. Yeah, if I get to know that's what I expected. No, but they just wanted me to carry their bags to the cart and then they drove away. Weird. Yeah. I think they might have been Christians. Oh, no, that's disgusting, right? Ah, man. Now I'm going to be up all night with the willies. Oh hey, pegs at the security gate. I'm gonna buzz her in. Hey, you know what man, you take five. Will you shake that off? Yeah, sure.

Sure, thanks. Peg, Peg, who's that? Is that? Well, I'm not gonna buzz you in if you don't tell me. Well then I'm not gonna buzz you in then, Peg. No, I'm not. Ha,'re back for more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action watching people drive in the dark. Some more goes on for so long.

Like we've made we get 24 minutes into the movie. They make it home without incident from the long driving scene. Nothing has happened. And nothing happened. Nothing. Nothing of any uses happened. Yeah. This is the point where I was like, was the killer in the back seat the whole time and just like got cold feet for the actual murder or were they just filming from the back seat of the car. There's no way of knowing. Right. Yeah. They don't really divide those scenes up from the regular scenes.

So yeah, it's actually hilarious. If you just think about him, like, sitting there the whole time, going, well, it's, shank, if I strangler now, she's just going to wreck the fucking car. The other girls asleep, and I was really hoping to do her first, but now she looks like just a sort of diner sleep thing. So I was watching this in Manchester on the Mucure Piccadilly's, let's say flirtatious internet, which meant that I was watching it on my computer and doing my notes on my phone.

And nothing happened for such a long period that I set down my phone. I was just like, well, it's so pointless. Well, if you're not gonna do anything, I'm not gonna do anything. I don't know, I don't know if it's about the continuing darkness of this scene. Yeah, I was like, oh God, I've got to write something about this.

I found myself looking at the dashboard light and try and figure out what era lights were on. Does that what's happening with the engine there? You've got to check that. Oh my God, we watch your dropper friend off and then continue to drive on to her house. My God, so okay, next morning now, we have to the event list night. Mom is washing her hands at the kitchen sink. Yeah. And

look, Marsh, you might want to give this a try. It's a way to prevent COVID. I'm just saying I want to give this a shot occasionally. And look, here's the thing, I know my house is dirty. I'm not saying my house is good, but when I see clean houses in movies and TV now, they look insane to me. I'm like, where is all the things? That's not because this is a clean house. This is because this is very clearly like a sure house like none of the character of an actual house in it.

Yes, and you can tell that because even as we look around to see where the daughter is and we linger around the house. And I've seen like real estate listing videos that linger less on the house's fixtures. All I wanted to see was some little pop-up saying like original fireplace. Yes. As we move to the second floor. Yeah. Well, and then we cut up to our bedroom which is like desperately strewn with childhood memorabilia, right? Like, again, it's obviously a model house, and they're like, oh, no, we need, if we put 16 toys

and two pictures and three sashes. Yeah. Does she have a raggedy and crucified on her bedroom wall? Yes, she does. Yes, she does. Also, this is the girl who was just driving home from like three in the morning till five in the morning. Now she's sleeping in the bedroom with apparently an eight-year-old.

I have no idea how old this person is meant to be. She says she's very confusing signals as to her age in this film. Yeah, I think she's supposed to be a high school. So like between 16 and 18 somewhere in that vicinity. But there's also this weird fucking moment where mom's like, you know, your sister's gonna be late for school. Why don't you go wake her up and the little sister who is neither on camera or on microphone says she'll go wake.

That's it. We just hear. Yeah. Yeah. That's it. Yeah. Yeah. She also played one I'd peg in the sketch you heard in the interstitial of everybody in case you're wondering.

We're really varied actress, a lot of talent there. Yeah. So, okay, but sister Madison, she's like, realizes she's late and she like wakes up quick and runs out of the door and can't doesn't have time for any breakfast. It's spirit day, dammit. Mm. So we watched her boyfriend pulling up to pick her up for school.

So she's not that fucking late, you know, she, if she's fine. Also, hey, I was very excited to see wrap around sunglasses on something other than the profile picture of a racist tweet. This is where they come from, everyone. Yeah, exactly. Who's like watching a baby dinosaur be born. Oh, I'm like statistically this guy is the killer.

100% yeah. It's him every time. Yeah. I just I also love this weird desperate dialogue because he's like, Hey, why am I picking you up? If you were supposed to drive straight from the hotel, this doesn't make sense in the movie. She's like, Great question. I don't want to talk about it.

He's like, Why wouldn't you want to talk about it? And she's like, because that would be really repetitive in the movie. I would not make any sense now. And then he almost says, like, well, then why would you even include this scene in the movie at all? What purpose does it serve if we can't talk about the thing we would obviously fucking talk about? Right. And it doesn't, he like basically finished that conversation by essentially threatening to murder someone for reasons that he hasn't yet heard and it requires her turning up the radio so loud that she doesn't hear and making these murder threats.

Yeah, right. She's like somebody creeped us out last night so we drove home and he's like really because I would and then and then she goes like me trying to keep Eli's Supreme Court suggestions off the air and the ass out of jail. She cranks the radio way the fuck up. Lucinda uses that tactical to actually get out. I get it. I get it. Anyway, this was also the point where I realized they're driving around a lot. American suburbs are so fucking boring. Are you? Every single one of these roads, everything around them is identical. At one point, they turn out to the houses and they're driving on roads that go through like some park fields or something,

and they're just taking left to right for no reason because there's fuck all there. And it felt to me like someone went on Sim City and then they built all of the roads first before they put anything else down. Okay, we've got all of the road system. We can now start putting down our little retail and our residential spots. Pets? Yeah, I mean, I've got all of the rule system. We can now start putting down our little retail and our residential spots. That's how we do it. I've got good news for you. It hurts that very much how we do it. Except that SimCity cares if you don't give people water. That's the only thing around it.

Except the way that you do it is that you wait till people are already living there and then you just wipe out the place where all the black people live and that's where you put the rules. And then you carry on building from that. Exactly. The American way. wipe out the place where all the black people are living. That's where you put the rules. And then you carry on building from that. The American way. To be fair, if you zoom in close enough on SimCity, you can see the native peoples that we bolt out.

So great. So you got to enable it in the settings. So you've got to have a graphics card that can go that, that graphic card. Yeah, no, right. Yeah. So yeah, but so we watch them. The reason we have to talk about this in our review

is because on screen, they're making plans for after school. These two, Jesus Christ. Right. So okay. So now it's time for a, I'm going to say three and a half minute being at high school montage. Mm-hmm. Yes.

Yeah. Absolutely. And again, this is a 60 minute film. And more than three minutes is this montage of the world's least decorated high school as well, it's that the high school that they could, they could rent as long as they took down any distinguishing features, which means the high school card we start in is absolutely indistinguishable from a prison. Marsha, I hate to break it to you, but that's, that's just an American high school.

I know one's actually kind of nice. All I'm saying is I've never seen a building that had insisted on having its identifying features blurred to protect its anonymity. This was a fun school. Yeah, and we should point out though, this isn't entirely hallways and gymnasium high school. There are no classrooms, right? We just see it hanging out in the halls. And then we watch him sports for a little while.

And honestly, like, I feel like he would have forgiven us if we had called him off of vacation just long enough to talk about this gym montage. Yes. The basketball montage. We watch six attempts to shoot a basketball every single one of the misses, and then they switch sports

because they're pretty sure that you got your football. We watch four kids row miss a fucking free throw, which means that no matter how many times they shot it, they could not get any one of those kids to make a goddamn free throw. And then it's a minor thing, but from the basketball we switched spots, but they can't

really settle on which spot they're switching to because they're throwing an American football around at the sockets. There's still that's the sockets throwing the American football around. It's like they have no idea how this works. Yeah. Yeah. Also, there's a brief moment where we see the mascot come out and there's supposed to be the grizzlies, I guess, but it really kind of looks like they ordered a bear costume and they got sent

to monkey costume and they tried to make it work. Anyway, this is a poor bear mascot. I'm just saying. Yeah, but I'll tell you what, that's definitely Jack Boston inside from the amount of hugs he gives to the tween girls in the scene. I can't promise you much, but this is a jack Boston original right here. So all right. So now we see there's a big pep rally that day. We see them leaving the pep rally and we can see that the creeper guy with the wrist tattoo who is the killer in the movie is watching them from the parking

lot, not doing anything. Yeah. The tattoo guy just to the killer in the movie is watching them from the parking lot, not doing anything. Yeah, the tattoo guy just to remind you from the show that is at least two hours drive away probably more than that. Yeah. Yeah. So you remember that the movie very clearly doesn't. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. And Madison says, that was the best pep rally ever. And I wrote in my notes, I mean, in that all pep rallies are tied for the worst thing that isn't genocide, yes, it was. Pep rally ever. Also, I have to point this out because it comes up over and over again in the movie. Madison is Earth's clonpiest person, right? If Madison at this actor ever had downstairs neighbors, she's been murdered now, right?

That we know this about her. Yeah, she exclusively wears tap shoes at all times. Either that or she'd been sued by a blacksmith like you do. She just can't help herself. Or let me throw this out there. She has to wait her shoes to prevent her from taking flight as a Kryptonian. All right. All right.

All right. This is all starting to come together. The sequel is going to be awesome. So, okay. So then there's this moment where the music tries to convince us something happened, but it was really just like, she almost got in the wrong car. Right. And she almost got in the bad guy's car.

So was that his plan to just like park up and hope that the person he's stalking accidentally gets in the car and doesn't realize it's the wrong one. And I'd literally written in my notes, that sort of thing doesn't happen. But fun story, I paused the film two things ago in on tip my cat to the vet. And while I was waiting in the car outside the vest because I've got COVID, someone literally got into my car and said, is this my taxi? And I had to persuade them it wasn't their taxi. Just as I'd seen this bit of the film, was it okay?

I guess it does happen from time to time. Yeah, yeah, you almost feel like you got a turn around and say, by the way, I'm not a killer. You can see my wrists. There's no test. Yeah, are you a killer? I'm like, I'm going to guess after strangling you now. I mean, that's one, two.

That was what I was planning. But here we are. So yeah, but she almost gets in the car, but just then not punch from earlier shows up in Heath's car, right? And it goes, Hey, that's not your boyfriend's car. Don't get in that car. And she's like, Oh, yeah, why would I get into this car? And she gets in the car with him and she takes her to the next scene,

which will happen at the no faux diner. Fuck yeah. Let me tell you what happens. Gather around everyone, take a knee, because a real estate agent and a bad person convinced the owners of this restaurant that that area of fucking Madison, Wisconsin, was gonna be called Nofo any day now.

So it was the perfect name for their venue. Yeah. It's actually true, because this is a real place. This is a genuine place. Oh yeah. No, it's actually, it's named after North Fourth Street. I had to look that up, but it's something.

Would you real estate, absolutely, yes, absolutely, maybe? Yes, and fucking Raleigh North Carolina or something like that. Yeah, yeah. Mm-hmm. Gotcha. Because it was baffling to me what the fall in North Horn is there to be.

Yeah. Because the fall also has a pig's tail. Yes. So I don't know why it's whatever it is. It doesn't have any of that pig related fall going on. And that is why American culture is so baffling. That's why I had to look it up. But I'm like, is that a work thing?

But no, it's not. So we cut to Madison waiting at dinner. I want to be clear, we are now at this moment, more than halfway through the movie. Yeah. And there is still no halfway through the movie. Yeah. And there is still no sign of a plot. Yeah. So the boyfriend shows up with a pyramid of four hamburgers to eat at this diner.

Four burgers. Incredible. And she's having a diet drink because she wants to make sure she loses weight to be able to get into a dress and he's eating four burgers, like one, like one mouthful of burger at a time, like one burger bang in the entire way. Right, right. You know those boring comics that are somehow still in the newspaper? He's one of the characters from those. Like, yeah, whatever.

Yeah, right. Exactly. He's one of them. He's husband. Yeah. So, and also what kind of fucking establishment is this? Because he walked in there at a diner's table, but he just walked up with a paper plate full of loose fucking birds. Where are they? What is

this fucking place? Oh, everybody in this diner is eating from paper plates. I noticed that when we got the establishes shot from above, it only serves things on paper plates. Yeah, this was a, you can use our diner for your movie, but we're not using the plates agreement. Yeah. So there's also this weird moment. We take this weird diversion into the unrealistic, physical expectations that young women are saddled with, even while they're still children.

And I'm like, not for nothing, but that's the scariest thing we've ever seen on these spectacular, right there. Yeah. Well done. Also weirdly progressive, right? There. Yeah. Well done. Also weirdly progressive, right? For a second, because she's like, Oh, I want to look nice in this dress. And he's like, I think you look exactly great the way you are.

But then he's like, some of your friends could lose with their weight. And I was like, Oh, okay, I would like to retract my support for three hamburger boyfriend. Yeah. She's also, she's saying that I want to look like this person in this dress and she says, I want to look like Kira Knight. Now, first of all, that is not a picture of Kira Knightley because I'm definitely a blonde person.

So like they've come up with a name Kira Knightley, but they don't know what it means. And he says, well, you know, I could be dating Kira Knightley if I want, but I'm dating you. It's like you, this slurring full burger child of a man could not be dating Kira Knightley in 2005 when this film was made. Right. Yeah. And she clarifies that too. She's like, oh, yeah, no, I know. He's like, you're a sedulity's man. He's like, no, no, no, I could fuck Kira nightly right now. And she's like, okay. I think I'm going to wear blue to the dance. I don't know what's happening.

But then he has this weird talk where he's just like, but you know, don't underestimate how awesome you are. I admire your faith in Jesus Christ and your commitment to ethical behavior that grows from your Christianity. There's just this weird ass moment where the movie tries to convince us that the hot boy will like us better if we're Christian about it.

Yes. And you know, I hate to give performance notes while we're on the air, but he actually says, what's the difference? But because he is jamming the hammer, Riley fucking read would be like, come on, man, just get a little room. Yeah,

they're going to hurt yourself. All of his lines have delivered through a mouthful of, like just mouth after mouthful of ground beef. But he's sort of saying as well, like, oh. Yeah, you're going to hurt yourself. All of his lines have delivered through a mouthful of, like just mouth after mouthful of ground beef. But he's sort of saying as well, like, oh, no, you've got so much faith. And he says, like, other girls want to be you, want to be you. And then he says, not just because you're with me.

So yeah, like, all of the girls are really into you, Wellington Wimpy from the Popeye card. Yeah, that is exactly what they're all at. Right. Yes, exactly. Oh, God, there's also this weird moment where he's like, so go have some food and don't worry about your weight and hands or some money. And she says, oh, such a gentleman. And then he says, my mama raised me right with his mouth full of hamburger.

A full of yeah, I'm just, I'm just, I'm watching a ha, like the cows eyes are pleading at me from inside this young man's mouth is like, I thought they like trickful. I down here. It's all right. Well, now I feel like we need to prove to Marsh that small mound of cheeseburgers is not a standard American menu offering. So we're going to pause for that. But first, let me give what we're loosely dubbing act three for the purposes of our format, the hard sell. Will anything happen? Seriously, any damn thing at all?

I'd take a stubbed fucking toe at this point. Find out that the answer to this question is technically eventually yes. When we return for the trust us, it was worth the weight conclusion of, pray. trust us it was worth the weight conclusion of... Prey. No, Andy, I didn't tell attendees after past the Rubicon to get in the final day of QED. Well, I don't even know why you're reading Eli's Facebook. Okay, alright, I'm getting in the car.

I've gotta let you go, okay? Oh, um, hello? Oh, um, hey, do I know you? No, I know you don't. I'm, I'm a local serial killer. Got it. Right. Um, oh, are you the person who's strangling all those families in the area? Yeah. No, that's me. That's my thing. It's always nice to meet a fan. You know, I mean, I wouldn't say fan. No, I, no, I know. Sorry. Sorry, it's just a little serial killer humor. Right, right. So why are you in the back of my call?

Yeah, great question. So I was hiding back here. And I thought, you know, that you would just drive home. And then as you pulled in, I could, I would jump out and I would, um, well, I would strangle you. Strangely, right. Yeah. and I would, um, well, I would strangle you. Strangomy, right. Yeah. But I've got like an arrow commute. You didn't back there for quite a while, you know?

No, I, I know. I, like, I brought a, a bag of pop chips. Oh, I felt good. Like, I feel like I've seen them everywhere, but I've never actually bolted. I don't, I think you know, they're fine. I think they're supposed to be better for you or something because they're popped because the pop show, yeah. So since, so since I did turn around I just gonna like murder me now right? Yeah No, I've been thinking about that. I To be honest, I've never had anyone just turn around before so I don't actually know all right

Sorry, no, it's just my laptop bags there right no your laptop bag. Yeah, no, I get it I said you know, I think I'm gonna head out. Oh, really? Look, I'm sorry, I kind of feel like I've ruined your plan now. No, it's not a problem, I'll think of something else. Alright, well, I guess I'll be off then. Yep, yep, I have a nice trip, I'll kill you later, I guess. Yeah, look at, look at Foldtweet.

Nice guy. Nice guy. And we're back for still more of this shit. We're going to rejoin our hero at her home or as much as described in the notes. Generic house and boring. Yeah, yeah, which is 80% of houses in America. It turns out. Yeah. No, and Marshall's COVID got worse. His titles for the scenes got more and more bitter. So we should point out, by the way, at this point, the movie starts patting its runtime with excessively long establishing shots. Right. Like we like, we like, we linger on this house long enough to be like, they really probably should clean those cutters. It's been a while.

So we cut inside mom's in there. She's talking on the phone to dad. He's gonna be late coming home from work. Yeah, like every father in not just this movie, but I think every single Christian movie I've ever seen is the dad on the phone saying I'm gonna be lit for work. At least if it's act one or two, yeah, usually by act three, they're showing up. But yeah. So but mom says, Oh, well, you look at this Madison did her own laundry. She's such a good daughter. Okay. You guys thought that this was going to be like the serial killer did her laundry instead. Right.

I was hoping for some damn thing. I hope it would matter at all. Yeah. Just picturing Jason Voor, he's being like, you know, you don't have to separate whites and colors anymore. I'm not using bleeding. I'm moderately sure. Do you watch everything called?

There's not heat activated soap anymore. It's it's two tables, brooms. Really? Measure it out. Two tables, brooms. It's way less than you're putting in the machine. It's you're over so. Side note.

And if I can, hey, guys, let me, let me, let me, let me bring it down and heat it up here on the podcast for a second, because there's 14 seconds left in this movie. Did your guys, is mom do your laundry when you were kids? Because I think I found the only way in which I was not spoiled as a child. My mom absolutely did my laundry the entire time I was a kid. Okay, interesting. We split it basically. We had to do all the chores ourselves. I think she put the laundry on, but we always had to hang it out. In fact, I once injured my eye really badly and had to have a patch of my eye for a while. I still had to go and peg the laundry out, even though I no longer had depth perception. It was really difficult

to get the peg onto a line in three-dimensional space with no ability to depth perception. And so it's really difficult to get the peg onto a line in three dimensional space with no ability judge distance. I was almost as spoiled as it is possible to be here. My mom who had four kids all about the same damage did all the laundry and folded it and she would call us and she'd have all the laundry folded and set out by whose laundry it was on the table on the dining room table. And she'd call us and tell us to put it up. And we'd complain that we had to put it up. Oh, sorry, Bob. We suck.

All right. So yeah, she doesn't think you're an atheist. That's true. Yeah. She got her revenge. So yeah, so but the reason we have to talk about this, of course, is that nothing is happening in the movie, but no one told the music. So mom walks up, she can hear the shower running.

And she's like, Hey, Madison, is that you in the shower? And Madison's like, yeah, she's like, is anything creepy going on? She's like, not a goddamn thing. And the music's like, are you sure? Are you sure? And it's a sting right here? I mean, she's showering with the bathroom door fully open.

That's a little bit creepy. That's a little weird. A little weird. A little weird room house, but still. Yeah. So, but just then, mom goes to put her laundry up and she sees the creepy guy standing across the street and staring at the house, John Q's ex-style. So, and then we cut immediately to the creeper cam inside the house.

Right. Again, this is why I need your guidance. Is the killer inside the house at this point? Is this just the camera? What's happening? It's neither of those things. This is yet another pop scare. This is yet another fake out. Yes. There's someone in the house, but it's not the killer, which would make sense except she's looking out the window at the killer. So we know it's not the killer unless they've just sort of cut out the sort of the space in between. And this guy just moves like super fast for a big guy.

What's amazing is that it's not the killer, but then we will see the killer a minute later in the same spot from POV, right? Because yes, this is another fake out. The mom sees the killer and then she looks back out and there's nobody there and we see the camera coming up sneaking up on her. But it's Lacey. It's the friend from the beginning who we haven't really seen since. And the mom turns around and she screams

like she's in a horror movie and then lacy screams and then mom screams again. Yeah, and it takes them way too long that it would then it would actually take to recognize each other. And it's right. It's right. The first times in this film that someone does the, oh, I'm going to turn around and someone there and I'm going to scream, but they start screaming before they fully turn around. And from our camera angle, it's uncertain, but if you take it, if you imagine for a second it's a side shot. This is just two women who we know know each other are within arms length of each other, just screaming each other's face.

It's like two straight seconds. So, well, yeah. And then we cut to creepy guy cam, right? POV from creepy guy coming up the stairs, right? Because he's gonna come and kill him, right? At this very moment, but just then mom says to Lacey, well, actually, I think Madison's about to go to the mall and the creepy guys like, oh, okay. So I guess I'm going to the, I guess I'll just do it at the mall.

Fuck. We watch the camera be like, fuck, I got out of the mall now. I wanted so badly to flash cut to him trying to find mall parking. Right. Just like, how can there be so much parking and I can't get anywhere close to it? I feel like I should just park far away

at one of those spots that's very clearly empty, but one of these has got to be open. I'm gonna do one more circle. One more circle. I wanted him to come up the stairs, because they just finished screaming. I wanted him to come up the stairs and then they would be all screamed out and they'd go,

like, look, I get you're very creepy. Don't get me wrong, the mask and everything, but we just scream. I don't have it in me. Can you go out and come back in? They both bent over, like catching their breath when he comes up. I'll be back in a second. Okay. Okay.

You can shock me now. It's fine. There's also, yeah, right. There's also this completely stupid moment where the mom says to Lacey, she's like, Hey, when you were coming up, did you see a strange car outside? There's nothing. I mean, it's just a car. It's just a car. It's an issue. I mean, it's strange in that America is still obsessed with fuel inefficiency despite global warming. But like other than that, there's nothing strange about it. I was going to say, it's Raleigh, North Carolina. It's probably the only car for miles that

isn't rolling coal. Right? That's right. We're confused. So yeah, and then so okay, we're going to go to the mall, but on the way, the camera lingers for a second on a missing poster from the pre title screen, mom. This was very nearly my best. Well, I love to do this best words. I love doing this. The straightest. So much.

There are three things about this missing poster that stood out. That was just incredible. First of all, it has the street name before it has her name or her picture. Like she's a missing cat. And it doesn't matter, like, because the name, the cat isn't a bit that matters. It's where it went missing. I'm sure it's the same with women. Then it says, like details about it.

It's got her name. There it says, has green eyes. You could have done without the has. It just, it just the same with women. Then it says, like, details about us. It's got her name. There says, has green eyes. You could have done without the has. It's just, it's just, it's just, it's just, green eyes, eyes, green eyes. Yep. But then, it says, wait, colon unknown. Yesss, I love that so much.

Oh, it's so good. Why would you include her weight if you don't know it? They don't make you include it. Right. If you do know it, I don't know that you need to put it on the missing person because we always gonna weigh it to find out if it's her. But I think it's her. Let's stick on the scales.

It might not be her. Let's see. Uh oh. Sorry. No, we're looking for someone 110 pounds. You know, whoever this ductied woman is in the back of a band that is someone else's problem. I would like to volunteer all my worldly goods to be in the back of a band that is someone else's problem. I would like to volunteer all my

worldly goods to be in the room when the director was like, uh, cool. So it's a missing poster. So I'd propped your like height and weight. And she was like, you can put unknown weight. So yes, so then we cut to Madison showing up at the parking lot and then the fucking mall parking lot is as empty and barren as a mall parking lot. Sorry, it's not the most I've seen the equation. There's really nothing else you can do there. But despite that, we still get to watch her drive around looking for a parking space for I'd two minutes.

Yes, yeah, it's a long time. And then in this entirely empty mall parking lot, she parks next to the only other car, and it's also about as far as it's possible to be from them all. It's an incredible decision. No, it's like it's the meme with all the urinals of parking. Yeah, exactly. So she pushed right next to this other car

and then she like pulls out her phone and it's out of battery. We have to establish that her razor phone doesn't have a battery. I heard a battery, which is, can I say entirely unrealistic? Okay, those phones never ran out of battery. I have a razor phone in my desk drawer that's been there since high school. I'm pretty sure if I turned it on right now, I'd be an 80% and I could place snake on it for 17 hours.

There you go. Yeah. Yeah. And now it's time for a her hanging out at the mall killing time montage. Hey, what's the only thing more boring than watching a character read, watching them shop for books. Yeah. Oh my God.

The montage starts with her buying books. And I really wanted like a full shopping montage, but in the book shop, so like she's trying out books while her friends are giving like the thumbtiles. Right. Exactly. That's not that book. Not that.

Yeah, right, right. I was in here last week asking by the Twilight books. Big mistake. Yeah. So yeah, no, but like now the movie has established that she's supposed to be meeting a friend to hers at the mall, but then the movie forgets about that entirely. And we just watch her like look through the books, she shops for shoes. She looks at some smart tops.

I just I look at look, if this movie and if she just like went home after this and went to bed in the movie just ended, I would admit defeat. I would say for the first time the Christian movie won God awful movie. I would say, and then if the credits had just been like, gotcha, you wasted an hour of your life. No, a he, the Eli and Marry, we win this. I can't say how many times I wrote in my notes, my kingdom for a 2x speed button on Amazon for a... Oh, what if we got to the end credits and like, so nothing happens. We get the credits and it was directed by Heath and Wright. He's a.

The ultimate revenge. Yeah. We watch her shopping at TJ Max. Two like, it's funny. You never count on why shopping montages are usually just friends hanging out in movies. But then you watch her shop at TJ Max and you're like, oh, yeah, no, that is boring to watch. Or as Marsh would call it, TK Maxx, like the weird British pervert he is. So yeah, so like we hang out here long enough that you could make the argument that the entire movie to this point has been one long establishing shot

for the mall. And then we get the guy come on the, the intercom and he says, the, the store is closing. Please take your final purchases to the register. And she keeps perusing handbags. Oh, yeah. The worst. And it's really clear that the, the personal the Tano is the bad guy. Right. It's the kidnapping guy, the stalky guy. So like, that means that his plan was to isolate her by going to the mall, breaking into the tunnel room and announcing to everyone that he was there and what he was like where he was looking to find her. And then everyone should leave and then count on her to not do so. Yeah. Right. Also, so he walks by at this point, right? And the

movie said, once again, the music's like, see something happened. And we're like, I've got walked by her at the mall. That's nothing. That's nothing happening. The music's together. That is, that is nothing happened. I'm so sorry. Oh, that was the sting. Yeah. At this point, I was like, they, I wrote, they shouldn't just let any filmmaker have access to that suspensing. Like, you have to, um, write suspensing. Or at least there should be some authority that can take it away from you when you use it like this. Yeah. Much as I had to podcast before seven years before I was finally granted a sound board, you didn't have to make a certain amount of move.

Yeah, exactly. And we should not have let you have a sound board. And then so at this point, they start turning off the lights and she runs into an old lady and everybody screams again, because that's just how people. She, body checks this old lady. She does. So fucking hard. Again, more proof of my superpowers thing.

This woman is injured. She's like, oh, you knocked the wind out of me. Okay. We've been closed for 30 years. Shit. I don't know what you're talking about. Right, because she's like, we've been closed for 35 minutes, but she does it in the, but my daughter died 20 years ago.

This very night voice. What the fuck is going on here? Yeah. She goes, and by the way, Madison says to the old lady, she's like, by the way, you're announcer, you're male announcer on the radio. Scared me. And I'm like, why? He literally just said, bring your final purchases to the counter.

Were you scared that you were going to have to pay for that shit? He said, no, what he said, and we skipped over it, but he said, thanks for shopping to the counter were you scared that you were going to have to pay for that shit? No, what he said, and we skipped over it, but he said thanks for shopping at Kruger's, like, Franny Kruger's. Oh, I see. And that's not the name of Kruger's there at teaching. Which is a grocery store. Yeah, we didn't, we didn't establish which, which stall they were in. Right. But like at any point. So when they said thanks to shop on a Kruger's, I did not know that that was not the name of the store or the my life. I assume that that was what it was to. Yeah.

And having spent a lot of time around a British mall, I'm now aware that Brits will just name their businesses any old fucking thing. So why wouldn't it be Kruger's right? Right. It's not three random letters from the alphabet. What fun. So and after the third time, she's like, and by the way, your male employee who is on the intercom very masculinely, masculinely, malely talking. And so finally, the old lady says,

but ma'am, there's no male employee that works here. And she's like, I need to leave. And she's like, well, you'll have to walk all the way through the empty creepy mall because there's only one door that's open. And we're like, well, how do you get out then? You just would use, I don't believe you, but you're lying. I mean, look, don't be wrong. I've worked in a variety of malls. And when Noah dies, I'm sure I will work in a few more. So I completely understand being annoyed that someone's there after close and you being like,

oh, no, you've got to walk around the fountain and then through the water. Yeah. Yeah. You'll find a key below beneath one of the pennies. Yeah. So and then like, this is what I started to have in my moment. We're like, what if it was a male employee and that lady's just trying to creep her out? And the fucking killer has just been sitting in her back seat now or under her car going

like, I don't know, the mall closed half an hour ago. How the fuck is she not back yet? These little disciplines, these little discos, she said she'd be home at four. Like honestly, let's talk about, because this is based on a true story, right? And I think this is the true story it's supposed to be based on. It's like one time I went to the mall and it was closed and there is a guy there and I was like, yeah. Yes. Yeah.

So it's going to be that. Absolutely. Yeah. So we watch her walk through this mall for so fucking, it's literally over two minutes. Right. Now I should say we watch her walk through for two minutes. She gets to a door. There's a janitor that she can't get out of the door.

There's a janitor there. She turns around and screams when she sees them because that's how people react in this fucking movie. Right. Yes. Also, to be clear, the janitor is a guy. So the old lady was lying. They do have a male. They have a male boy. That's the only way to play you've seen is male. Yeah. Also, it's very clearly one of those knobby doors where you just twist the knob. Like, my notes in order are, ma'am, it's the twisty knob in front of your eyes. It's the knob right there in front of your eyes. The knob, the exit is behind you. Twist the knob, the knob, those.

The janitors even there to lock it back now. She wouldn't even have to leave the door open. But he's like, no, you got to go all the way across the mall. And she turns to the directly to the guy. And she's like, wait, do you mean that after two minutes of walking through the mall, the audience is now going to be treated to two more minutes of me walking back of the way I came and he's like, that is exactly what I fucking mean.

So we watch her walk through and then finally, finally, 50 minutes into this one hour and two minute fucking movie, the bad guy shows up. Right. And to be all have finally in our notes, that is literally the note that I have when he turned to be a vlogger. Finally, we've got the killer in this killer film. Jesus. Too long I've been waiting in your car.

I was out there for, I was like a dog that dies from a bad owner. God damn it. So I love to because she screams at this point, the janitor can't possibly be more than a hundred meters away at this point, right? Like that's the furthest you can. So he's probably just like, you know what? Fuck her. I just, I hope the killer gets her. She's in the morning. I don't know. That murderer has been around this mall lately and I got her a volunteer. Also, they're trying to do the like killer walking and she's running thing which has been shot really well in other horror movies, but isn't realistic as we learn when she quickly

creates a hundred yards and distance between her and this ambling gentleman. Right. Well, it only works if the bad guy is supernatural, right? And is able to appear behind you Regardless yeah, it's just some duties like well now. I don't see how I'm gonna catch up now you're far Yeah, right. That's why running is better Well luckily for him. She's the stupidest possible person. I shit you not at this point in the movie She runs in and she hides in the display window

facing the hallway that he's in. Yes, she hides in the glass display cabinet. He'll never think he looks at me. He, he flops around. So they do try to do kind of like a pop scare. Yes. I'm here. But the way he does it of like, you're in the display window.

Like this is the, this, you're in the display window. Like this is the month. This you're being displayed right now. The exact opposite of a hiding place. If you think you're on display, I kind of feel bad killing you right now. It feels. It feels like I'm playing this game on easy mode is all I'm telling you. Yeah. So, so yeah, so when she turns the deadbolt to the door and like nearer there or whatever, he shakes it furiously as though as a certain number of shakes, the deadbolt is like, you know, gonna give up.

Which to be fair, it does. It's way too many. It does, though. He's right. He's correct about this. It is three. And then she runs, she deadbolt, and she runs like, I'm gonna say 23 feet away, right? She hides part way behind a counter,

but then she prays to Jesus. Oh yeah. So, all right, so she prays to Jesus, she's like Jesus, like get me through this. Now the door's open, no idea why. I guess the fucking deadbolt got a sick of the rattling noise as the rest of us. And then Eli's fucking super strength theory No idea why I guess the fucking dead book got a sick of the rattling noise as the rest of us.

And then and then Eli's fucking super strength theory really comes into its own. Okay, he pops up behind her killer style and she instantly knocks him unconscious. She smacks him unconscious. Yes, yes, and I think one of the reasons she's able to do this is his plan to sneak up on her was to be a very obvious storm mannequin. And that's not worked out well. Yeah, that's true. You get very easy to knock those open. Well, he's all dehydrated from hiding in the car for three and a half hours. I get it.

Well, and he had a sprint to make up that big head start that he gave her to. Yeah. Right. So yeah, he, she smacks and wants, he falls unconscious. She starts to step over him. She picks up his brick and I started chanting in my fucking office. Brick, brick, brick, brick, but no, no, she doesn't smash his head in with it or anything. I will say if we had gotten a full game of the runs head pop here, I might protest worth it. I might protest this episode.

I think I would be like, yeah, this is great. They had just been like, all right, everyone. We have exactly $1 for the rest of this movie, because we spend it all on the practical special thing of Steve's head exploding under a cement and blouse. So yeah, and then she steps over and she goes into this room where she sees the next slide, but she still can't get out,

because she doesn't have, hasn't figured out how the knob works or whatever. So then she just like she prays to God and get. Apparently now that she's got his ears, she just won't leave in the fuck alone. She's like, Jesus, help me find an exit that's open. And he's like, yeah, okay, cool. I'll more fee us you the fuck out. They're under the red signs. I don't know really what I can't see.

There's no air. There's no air. I'm conscious. Yes, everywhere. Yeah. So she has to step back over him. Now, at this point, and you guys help me out here, because I don't know what the fuck she went on. He has her car keys. Right?

I think her car keys. I thought these are the keys to the mold that she uses to get out of the doll. Oh, okay. All right. That's possible. But later on, we're going to like imply that he had her car keys at some point. Right, yeah. I think these are the mall keys,

but then I was thinking, Oh, how is the guy who works at the garage that's a three hours drive away? How has he got access to the keys to this mall now? Do they think just anybody who works in retail has like a skeleton key to all shops? Well, you know, I think he killed the guy who does the announcements, right?

And took his keys. So we're filling in a lot of this plot in off. Yeah, right, right, aren't we though? Yeah. So yes, but she gets the keys. She runs out. And now he's not unconscious anymore. And he's chasing her again. I don't know what we're supposed to think is going on there, right? She runs out. And's like, oh, thank God I've escaped. It's time to stop and start crying exactly six yards from the building we might pursue. It's still currently. Yeah.

She runs down to water at one point. I was like, are you friends with fucking Aquaman? Why would you run towards water when you're in Chase? She hides under the bridge that goes across the water and I thought, as she hides on the bridge, he starts to step on the bridge and I thought, I hope she asked him like a riddle to prevent him cross. Oh shit, I know this one, the, the fox and the grain, you take the grain together.

No, there's a, no, then the grain. Yeah, then you go and get the fox. Shit. So but then she gets it, like he walks by her and then she goes to run the other direction, but she clumps so much that he can hear her. Those clumps were foreshadowing, dammit. But this catches us with the beginning, right? This is the her fumbling for her keys, trying to get into her car scene that we saw at the very beginning. We've, it's been 48 hours now, I suppose. She gets in the car and he makes it to the side. And remember, he grabbed a chain at the beginning, but they didn't have slapped her car with chain

money. So he just stands there being like, do if there was a way to get through this force field, you call the car window. Yes, yes. Yes, give you a real murder in young lady. Also, she's trying to start the car at this. Yes, but I tell you, gets to the car. He's sort of rather than doing, he's not leans in as if he's going to help her with the ignition. You've got to

just turn it. Now, don't put your foot on the clutch for too long. So you're going to flood the engine. You've got to, you've got to, so you're doing it too hard. You've locked the steering wheel. You need to jiggle the steering wheel. Yeah. No, no, no, no transmission thing. It's actually good if you're like, oh, it's getting, but the car won't start. There's not even, they don't even bother to do the car won't start noises. I thought it was because they were lazy. It's even better than that. But then she says, Jesus, please start my car.

And I'm like, yeah, because if you've got the superpowers, use them right away. Also, but this is also where I started making notes of like, you know, like, why didn't you just start with Jesus, please give this guy a coronary, right? Like that would, like that would save you two prayers. You're just not thinking this through. You're using your powers wrong. Yes. Yeah. But the car

starts and she drives off and he just stands there swinging his chain like, oh, I should have smacked the fucking window with the chain. The car would have changed. What was I even thinking? I was just so excited to have it. And okay. And then she makes it home without instant. We cut to like her mom and her dad now chatting after she's told them this story and gone to bed that night. Right. And of course, we introduced dad by mom like standing there ringing her, her hands, he comes up behind her, she turns around and screams. Why does everybody turn around and scream at every single thing that's happening? Just like react to the human beings existence in a normal way. I feel like everybody would

just start wearing bells in this house. Yeah. We have a new rule where you've got to say, is anyone there before you turn around? I just want to see this family at other events like they're doing the first look at their wedding and she turns around and he's like, but yes, so mom and dad talk a little while and they're like, wow, that story. She's told us as sure was creepy. It's a good thing that God intervened and kept anything interesting from happening at any point in this movie. And this is what I wrote. My notes, oh my God, the entire impetus for this movie was someone watching a slasher movie and saying, well, you know, if they just prayed to God at this point, then nothing would,

they would have got them out of this entire mess and them showing us that. Yes. Although I did still have hope at this point. So I was like, wow, this is 10 minutes left. Like, that's a really work to like resolve that whole missing lady plot from the start. No, no, no, no, no, no, just not. Super God about her. So dad's like, well, you, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no pops the hoodie, looks in. Now, we don't see what's in the engine, right? We just see his reaction to what's in it. And he's like, honey, you need to come in here. And we all had the same thought of like, oh my God, the fucking, let me guess the battery is missing and Jesus started the car anyway. But no, it's so much dumber than that. He says and I quote, the entire engine is missing

from the entire engine. This is the greatest. The greatest. That March, the bang that this isn't kind of, and I love this so much. Again, this was my best worst because this movie claims it was inspired by true events. She drove home without an engine. But leaving aside the miracle aspect, the bad guy removed her entire engine to fire us. You could have just took the battery. It's like a six hour job to take an entire engine. You need a winch. Like the engines they weigh like 300 pounds. Exactly. And they and they

got and they're connected in a number of different places. You need like different types at least so many different wrenches. And where did he even put it? Did he like take it, did I drag it out to the water? Like no, wouldn't it like the lights went off in the mall, it took him forever to get the back to get the edge of it. Well, that's what it is. He was waiting so long. He was like, Oh, you know what? I'm in the back of the car. I should go take the battery out in case she tries to run away and he waited for another hour. He's like, what now? Oh, I'm going to take the whole goddamn. You know what, Gary? You know what, Gary, you've

done the battery thing before. And I think you've heard it too. Let's take out the whole. You know what Gary you've done the battery thing before and I think you've heard it too. Let's take out the boy. You know you're an overachiever That's what they always said about you in school Jesus Christ and that's the end of the movie, but we get these amazing fucking credits There's still like seven minutes of credits despite the fact that only four people were involved in the making of this film Fuck yeah, there are so first we can it comes up and it's like, you know, with, it's a Matthew 1926 with man, this is impossible with God. All things are possible because the Bible has no profundity whatsoever. And then we get the credits are rolling. Like we get Madison talking to the cop that was interviewed before with the, with the Terri way pants. Right. When? Right. When is that happening?

I don't know. Or why? Because she drove home. Right. No, this was, and again, I think the movie has forgotten that that kid, that that murder or whatever that missing lady was like hours away in a different town, possibly in a different state. Yeah.

Why would it? Anyway. So, and then we get that and then we get the kids sitting around a campfire with guitar kid going like this whole story is such obvious bullshit This wasn't inspired by true events. Yeah, the fuck are you talking about? Hey, were you a were you late home from the mall once and you told your insane Christian parents that you were Stocked by a serial killer Most people think I'm lying when I talk about it because I'm obviously fucking lying right because this is not a true I'm 100% lying. I'm not be lying. It happened in the world. Yeah. Yeah, and the one kid goes

Well, it's like something out of a movie and I'm like slow down movie I mean it is like something out of a movie, but it's like it's a bit of the movie that you then go on to put a lot of other stuff around to make it a movie Right. No, it could be six minutes from Halloween. Yes. So, and then I love to they got, they have like the rest of the cast listed alphabetically in the credits by first name. And then we get a blue burial. We do get a blue burial.

We get to watch and we get to find out that like mom had so much more trouble opening that juice than we could have possibly imagine. Yeah, we were really saved a lot of footage. They also, I don't know, like look, I almost never feel bad for the people whose movies were of you, but watching these people have fun making this movie, I was like, all of that so much fun making the movie. And then I remember that they were like, oh, if you get murdered, it's your fault for

not praying hard enough. And I'm back to it. Yeah. Also, they all got bitbugs from that hotel. So you know, I'd say it's like, oh, if you get murdered, it's your fault for not praying hard enough. And I'm back to it. Yeah. Also, they all got bitbugs from that hotel. So you know, I'd say it's all working. Yeah, probably, probably, and syphilis. Yeah. All right.

Well, Marsh, thank you so much for hanging out with us. And I promise the next movie we do will have some sort of incident at some point. I do not promise that. I promise you. I'm not going to keep that promise. Thank you. Yes. And well, that's going to do for a review of pray. That's not going to do it for the episode just yet because the spooktacular is just getting warmed up. So Eli, tell us what's on deck.

Lindsay Parker is trying to move on with her life. A new job, a new town, and a new home. However, her new home comes with an unwanted presence. Gripped by fear of this evil spirit she exhausts all the ghosts, hunters, spiritualists, and charlatans she can locate. And charlatans? Yeah, and charlatans. When all seems lost, she turns to a couple recommended by her secretary as having experienced in these situations, desperate to rid her life of this unnatural spirit

and not wanting to lose her home to the presence that walks the halls. Lindsey contacts Dr. Paul and Claire armed with the truth and the spirit of victory. They triumph over evil showing Lindsey that fear leads to bondage, but truth and faith can bring deliverance spoilers. We'll be watching unwanted presents. I let the blurb for the movie tells you how it ends. That's incredible. That's incredible.

All right, so with that to look forward to, we're gonna bring episode 424 to a merciful, close once again, a huge thanks to Michael Marshall for hanging out with us today. Be sure to check out his show, Skeptics with a K at B. Regional, which we'll find linked in the show notes and the preps, even huge,

thanks to all the Patreon donors that helped make the show go. If you'd like to catch something on their ranks, you can make a preps, donation to patreon.com slash god off one there by your normally access to an ad free version of very episode. You can also help it, by leaving a five star review and by sharing the show go. If you'd like to catch something on their ranks, you can make a pre-episode donation of patreon.com slash god awful and thereby your normally access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help it on by leaving a five-star review and by sharing the show in all your various social media platforms. And if you

enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our siblings shows, the skating ideas, the addition to the D&E minus and the scapter grad available wherever podcasts live. If you have questions, comments, or send a message, just send a name to gdmogod off on movies and gmail.com. Tim Robertson takes care of our social media. Our theme song was written in performance by Rideslap and we'll be able to address on Mars. All the other music was written in performance by our audio engineer Morgan Cargam was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a check in your life this week for Heathen right now.

I'm Nolusius, promise to work hard to earn another check next week until then. We'll leave you with a breakfast club close. The fat guy went on to kidnap five more women, but none of the best cheeses to help, so fuck them apparently. Clearly. There is a sequel to this movie, and you bet your asses will be watching it. Noah went on to qualify that promise the next movie Mars reviewed would contain an incident then. My voice is not stretching to female. No, no, in your permanent record, not a team player. Hey, I share I share COVID. I can't. Yeah. Yeah. 2023, all rights reserved.