God Awful Movies - 428: Sound of Freedom

Episode Date: October 31, 2023

This week, the gang gets together for an atheist review of Sound of Freedom live from Las Vegas. It's the story of a grown man telling other grown men a story with "pew pew" in it ... and them believing him. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

3, 2, 1, 0. The final countdown where you're on the very edge of your seat. Those very last seconds of the game is what separates the truth fans from everybody else. The true fans are the ones who are there through everything. Every victory or defeat, agony or ecstasy. When that buzzer hit 0 is when you need a Coke Zero sugar the most. Because true fans give their all. For every one timer, there's a fan cheering

two times as loud. For every goalie standing on his head, there's a fan somewhere standing on their seat. For every game going into overtime, there's a fan going over the top. For every penalty, every goal, and every action-packed minute of the game. When the clock hit zero, you deserve a Coke Zero sugar, the one with irresistible taste and zero sugar. Because when are lose, Coke Zero

sugar is the most refreshing way to end the game. So when the buzzer hit zero, selly with a Coke Zero sugar. Best Coke Ever Inflation is everywhere. Seriously, make it stop. Thankfully, Mint Mobile is giving you a much needed break on your wireless bill. Mint Mobile lets you order from home and save a ton with phone plans starting at just $15 a month. Order today at MintMobile.com slash Gam. This was fair. The boss is like,

Hey man, please don't send me emails that say, I need money to incorporate sex, hotel, LLC in fucking Columbia, HR's being a real pain in the ass about it. Here at Homeland Security. You wanna turn it down? Hey man, did you expense hot tub full of babies? First of all, you put it under automotives. And I know the app doesn't have that many options, but... Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to God Off the Movies Live from Las Vegas! And of course, please keep that at Las Vegas, joining me will stay like this, my good friend, with friend Heath and Bryce. Cheers.

Hello. Excellent. And a big thanks to Nicky for some local Nevada whiskey. Very true. Can y'all not hear me? I'm going to turn my mic on. I'm an idiot. Might as well be eating more than we really need more than we do. Morgan cut the part where I wasn't. I'm gonna see you guys in no choice.

And of course, also joining us tonight, put your ass together for my bad friend, Eli Muslin! E-Live! Boston! We're here! Cheers! Cheers! Cheers! Cheers! Cheers! This evil is sure roses way back to the original. Yes.

Let's talk about, oh god damn. You can't even do it with those gloves, can you? There. Now, now it's on. Yeah. Who's ready to talk about sex trafficking? I feel like I want to give some context to the guy doing our sound here.

You all heard him woo for sex trafficking. Tim Ballard is waiting in the back to get to the bottom. God awful movies has been a secret operation this whole time. Yeah. Got to have to change or my neck will snap like a baby bird. Okay good. Good, you're just, you're way too distracting. Woo!

Alright, it's ridiculous that this city exists, right? Yeah. Hold tight. Look, I've been spending the entire week just going like, I'm sure there was better uses of this water. What the hell are we thinking? It's a cool enough city that Eli walked in to wherever he rented that, and they were like, oh, I know what you want,

exactly. We got you. What's really, truly amazing is how non-plussed everyone who came in and saw, like, you normally before the show. There he is. Normally before the show went like the tech people walk in, we have to like explain, okay, all right, so no, it's a bit, it's a bit. In Vegas, they're just like, yep, yep. Yeah, they're like like, yep, yep.

Yeah, they're like, are you gonna kill and eat him before or after the show? Because we gave you these painter tarps, you have to lay out if you're gonna do it now. You can't stain the carpet or say the name of the hotel. That fact guy, you're gonna fuck to death. So tell us, he, what will we be breaking down today? Okay, you can't segue to this.

We watched Sound of Freedom. Yeah. That is the correct reaction. Correct. Yeah, it's the story of Tim Ballard-Bougain. Yeah. Yeah, who's the story of Tim Ballard-Bugan. Yeah. Yeah, who wanted to save kids, that's good, I guess. So he turned...

I'm trying to be quiet. I'm trying to be quiet. You're the little bunny hop hop. It's hot. He wanted to save kids, so he turned into an armed vigilante. Yes. It's John QAnon basically. It's also the story of Eli Bosnich's parenting style, which is fun. And it's the story of Tim Ballard is a liar.

Yes, it is. Outline all. We will talk a lot about that. And Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you love the barely coherent child sex trafficking myth that convinced your uncle to storm the Capitol on January 6th. But you wish it had more posthumous karate lessons.

You will love this movie. It's a Bambo first blood. Oh, here you go. And of course, an important word of warning here. This is of course a movie about child sex trafficking. What? It's, yeah, if you can imagine that. It's a God awful movie about child sex trafficking,

but that is what it's about. So that leaves us with two options. We could either do a very serious, very dower episode about this terrible tragedy. That would be appropriate. Or we could make jokes about child trafficking. So just so everyone knows I know a lot of people bring their significant others who aren't familiar with our show shit like that. That's on them, not us, right? That's not our fault. We didn't do that to you. But the point is, is that we're not going to bring you the tasteful, inoffensive observations that you're used to on God-alpha movies. This one might get a little offensive. Okay, but

Hear me out. It's worth pointing out that we're not making fun of any actual child trafficking. Yeah. We're making fun of the fictional child trafficking that Tim Ballard wrote about himself as Noah will explain throughout the episode. He entirely fucking made all of it up. So like, no children were harmed in the making of this comedy show unless you count Tim Ballard.

Yes. Yes. So I think you guys want to nominate, this one for being the best at being the worst at? I'm gonna go with best worst Tim Ballard is a liar. Okay, sure. And okay, here's my favorite Tim Ballard thing that I learned recently. He thinks he's a magical, prophetic,

Mormon wizard or something. Yep, and apparently he would hire a scribe to like walk around with him and take his random dictation that he was getting from the ghost of Nephi, the Mormon prophet ghost. So he'd be walk around Columbia and being like, scribe, scribe,

I write this to, I'm the Godhead Nephi, tell me, I'm the Godhead, write, tell me, I'm the Godhead. Write that down also, he's sure he's gonna be a US senator. US president. And then? And then the official profit of the Mormon church. Yep, yep. And meanwhile, the scribes go,

you didn't even look into your fucking hat. This is bullshit. I mean, he has the criminal record for all those job description. Yeah, right, right? Doesn't he though? I'm not for him. So I was gonna go with Best Worst Title Drop.

We'll get there when we get there. There was also one of our listeners at Platinum Night Point, and I also has the best worst passing of the Beck Dell Test. I'll mention that when we get there as well. But I'm going with Best Worst Title Drop. You'll know it when we get there. I'm not gonna speak about this because it's my favorite part of the entire fucking movie, and probably 90% of this podcast, best worst delaying tactic. We'll talk about

it when we talk about it. Yep, yep. I'm looking forward to it. All right, well, our listeners have been waiting way too long for us to tackle this bit of poison. So we're going to keep the break brief and we come back. We'll dive in all the dangerous misinformation that is... Sound of freedom. Whooo! Whooo! Whooo! Whooo! Whooo!

Whooo! Whooo! Oh man, this is gonna be so awesome. Tell me about it. Hey guys, y'all excited for trick-or-treating? Uh, trick-or-treating? Psh. We're getting ready for Raycon's anniversary.

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Hurry now to buy Raycon.com slash Gam and use the code birthday to get 20 to 40% off to Because we might get hungry. Obviously. I got it. Got it. All right, everyone. Welcome to the first writer's meeting for the sound of freedom. First of all, I want to give a big shout out to the one and only Tim Ballard, whose amazing story we're here to tell today. It's an honor. It's an honor. Yeah, so Tim, honestly, I think the best thing that we can do is for you to just sort of tell us your story in your words and then let us take things from there. Of course. So as many of you know, I was a regular Homeland Security cop making the beat, busting

bad guys and trying to keep people safe. But eventually, the victimization I saw was too much. Me and my squad, we went rogue. We took the lawn to our own hands to stop those who would pray on children. So moving, what a hero. Now remember, there was one particularly bad shootout where it was just me and one other guy left. He didn't know how many bullets I had left. So I looked him right in the eye and I said, do you feel lucky, punk? Well, do you... Sorry. What?

That's dirty Harry. Is one of them? The thing you just said, it's from the movie, dirty Harry, like exactly. No, I've never heard of it. Well, maybe just the same thing just happened to him too. Dude, what are you talking about? It's obviously from dirty Harry.

But it wasn't till this menace came close to home for me that I knew how serious it was. My daughter was on a trip to France with some friends when she was abducted. You said, no, okay, this is taken. I see it taken. Very obviously taken. You know what Tim, I think we're good here. We can just, we can just take things from there.

Okay. Good and no good and no. Hey, real quick, that statue of the lady in the fountain out in the front lobby. Is that up for grabs or? No, what? It is not. Oh, well, then you guys should have put up a sign or something. Anyways, I'll see you. Like I fucked our statue, didn't he?

Yop. Sure the fuck did. Ha ha ha ha ha. And we're back. Woo! And we're back! And we're going to start this off as all good movies start with the director going, thank you so much. Really happy that you're here to see our movie. This is a month of Verde as the guy's name, the director, who by the way I will say was

fairly competent in terms of directing a movie. That by the way, I will say, was fairly competent in terms of directing a movie. That's the last compliment I will have for this film. Comes up and it says, based on a true story, there's no asterisk or anything. I thought it's not. I thought it's not. The very least I'd have to spell true TREW or something. Yeah.

Based on the true story of a guy wearing tactical sunglasses, I'm sure right now. We're not gonna be great. We told us that story. Yes, he did. The funny thing is that even Tim Bauer doesn't pretend anything in this movie is true. That's how full of shit it is. The only person who thinks this movie true

is Jim Kovizel and he is unwell. Well, I have an awful lot of cousins who think it's true too. So there's that too. Yeah, tell have an awful lot of cousins who think it's true too, so there's that too. Yeah, tell me about it. Tell me about it. It's cousin is Jim Kavizel. It's cool. So, I turned this on.

The first thing I saw, who watched this, by the way? Alright, first of all, all of you, are you serious? Don't forget. Are you serious? All of you spent $20 at angel studios or whatever. No. No, they didn't. Oh, good. OK.

Still, give $20 to like, plan parent, order something to offset it. Yeah. Just now. Kill some kids. I was like, offset the saved kids. That's what we like to do in atheism. So, we open up on poverty in Honduras.

We've got a kid practicing her rudiments with flip flops. She's doing some drumming and a lady shows up and she's like, hey, how would you like to live happily ever after? And she's like, I would love that. And then she gives the dad, the dad comes in, right? And she gives the dad a pamphlet. And I was like, child traffickers have literature? So I would love to see that brochure.

Oh, I don't think. I hate. Is being a single parent tough, but the single life is appealing? So child trafficking. So, Jesus Christ, if you'd like to pick up your novelty child trafficking pamphlets where we've got them on sale on the back. So, yeah, so she pitches the dad on letting her, his daughter and his young son join her modeling agency. She's like, you just have to have them at this hotel,

at this time, on this day, preferably with no identifying marks on them. Okay, this is a weird thought. These are all weird thoughts. The vetting process for... I was about to bring this up. Thank you. Okay.

It's weird, the vetting process for trafficking victims is way more rigorous. Jesus. Then I wouldn't get, It's weird, the vetting process for trafficking victims is way more rigorous. Yeah. Then I would've got, she's like, she's like an NFL scout running them through like cones doing serpentine, they're doing pull ups. Yeah, no. The little brother gets sort of added last minute, right?

He wanders into the room and she gives them like, I don't want an adult that would fuck that kid. I wanted a third sibling to walk in, who's like not cute, and for her to be like, so just the two. Oh no, Jesus. We're not one of those take-all-comers child traffickers, okay? Oh, okay. We're not the Catholic Church, relax.

Oh. Oh. I wish they'd given me a bigger riser. I could just throw myself off if I needed to. So yeah, so dad takes the little girl, Rosio and the little boy Miguel to the kidnapping audition. And he goes in and he goes to walk in

and she's like, no, parents. And he's like, oh, okay. Okay, that was insane. She was like, you have to leave for exactly 10 hours. And he's like, hold on, let me get a look in there. And then he's like, okay, well, those are attractive. He's attractive. He's attractive.

There's more. Yeah. Models checks out. And he leaves. Yes. Which makes the rest of this movie not that interesting to me, right? Because he's just gonna get tricked out of those kids

the second he gets a back. He's gonna get tricked out of those kids the second he gets a bag. Bugs Bunny is gonna close your eyes and count to 20, yeah, right? So Bugs Bunny's gonna rip down a poster that's this traffic season and he's gonna be like, all right, here you go, kids. No, like lab at season fuck season. Yeah, there are. That's probably that's traffic season, ducks. Oh, fucks, I just- There are four adults and a Wi-Fi enabled baby monitor

watching my son write this. Yes, second, right, right now. Andy's chipped. Yeah, Andy's chipped. We're saying it's the parents fault. You don't even leave him at preschool. I just dress up like another toddler and I'm like, this can't seem fucking awesome.

I don't know about the rest of you, but I love, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, but the movie seems to have absolutely no sensitivity to whatsoever, is that this next scene is a montage of them sexying up a bunch of little kids. Right? It's just a bunch of that, like we get a, a solid 10, 12 minute montage. Okay, it's probably not that long. I'll just then put in makeup on little kids and say, oh, throw your hair back all sexy and stuff.

And the movie is going like, isn't this disgusting? Can you imagine what kind of asshole would watch this shit? This movie crew had to have scouts doing the same thing as the cartel in the movie approximately. Yes. Like, I was waiting for Tim Ballot to like, side tackle his own scout and be like, oh, shit. Karen, the whole thing, you're doing my movie about trafficking that I'm profiting off.

But, sorry. This brings up an important point, which is that there are two people You're doing my movie about trafficking that I'm profiting off. Sorry. This brings up an important point, which is that there are two people who are going to watch this movie. Crazy people who think Tim Ballard supermaned his way through a window and saved all the children from being trafficked. And pedophiles who were like, I love three-quarters of this movie. Yes, right. The end.

Right was super sad where that super nice citizen got his baby taken away, but it wasn't that, it was fucking awesome. Yeah, there's a lot of disturbing in man they should have known better than to include that shot shots in this film. So in our notes we'll highlight in red scenes where they think, oh, there's nothing there, there's nothing funny there, there is so much red highlight in these fucking notes. And a lot of arguing among us about like, I've got a really good bit. No, you don't.

You don't. If you let me, you put those fucking puppets away, God damn it, I didn't touch you, not even bring them on stage. If you let me bring the doll. Oh no. I could do some space work. So nope, nope.

So, so that night, dad goes back to pick up the kids, but there's nobody at that apartment. And by the way, no there's nobody at that apartment. And by the way, no one in that entire building. The whole building was in on it. Right, not shocking, again, bad parenting for sure. And then he knocks on the neighbors door.

So like modeling thing was in this apartment. And he knocks on the neighbors door. Like what the fuck was he gonna say to the people in the next department if they answered the door? They don't, but he was gonna be like, hi, you don't know me. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha There are people who do that, but they were here this morning. That means. I missed them. Against them. So, and then we get our credits over, Jesus, this is so fucked up, over security footage

of actual children getting snatched. Which means that this movie is directly profiting from the kidnapping of those children. And it's all like misinformation bullshit, right? Because in almost all of these instances, if you actually look into where that footage comes from, in almost all of these instances, it's custod misinformation bullshit, right? Because in almost all of these instances, you actually look into where that footage comes from. In almost all of these instances, it's custodial kidnapping, right? It's a dad who doesn't have custody, kidnapping his child or whatever.

So they're also misrepresenting it. A lot like one of the people who donated to this movie. Yes, did, yes, right, right. One of the producers did for that. So then we cut to this dude on his computer, we're in California now, there's this guy scrolling through Wayfair, I guess. Okay. Apparently, some people know the Wayfair story.

As best I remember, they were selling big desks that sometimes had names. Yeah, like the Tiffany. The Tiffany member. I remember they were selling like big desks that sometimes had names. Yeah, like the Tiffany or whatever. Like there's a Tiffany missing. It's probably actually a kid. That they're buying for some guy, some QAnon guy actually bought a desk like the Miguel desk for 17 grand.

And he was like, and now we wait for the phone call. And I'm gonna nail this. Obviously he never got the call, but at some point he must have called their customer service have been like, so I guess you'll send Miguel to the drop point. Soon and they're like, what the fuck are you talking about? I got a desk, okay.

This is you guys, yeah. You think when he got the desk, he like did like a... Ah-ha! Ha-ha-ha! Or do you mean you do right away? The kid was gonna be in the drawer? Right. This is it.

Can he try the drawers or he's like, I have a mental illness. Oh, damn it. Oh, man. So, so we've got this, we've got this pedophile. So, we've got this pedophile. So we got this pedophile looking through his internet, and then we cut to outside where all the good guys are and their van getting ready to bust him.

So they all go in. We meet the good guys inside their unmarked van. I just want to flag that. We have a start. Yep. And they're going like, oh, we've got to get him before he logs out. Like, I'm looking at you, looking at him,

looking at child porn, no, you don't. That makes no fucking sense, but I try to add to it. Like, it's close to the laptop in time, they like can't get enough. All right, all right, all right, Goddamn it. What's your pin? Yep. Come on.

Hold this face. You think you won't get this? One, one, one. One, you bet't get this? One, one. I can do this all day. One, one, one. It's locked. Shit. Damn it.

So we get the cops going into Boston. There's a squeaky floor board. Don't worry, it's just there to build tension. So he looks back. He doesn't see anything. He goes to take his sip of his coffee, side-tackled. Literally side-tackled, by the way. As if they're setting a heat up for a bit.

Okay, actually good story. I have a good story. Okay, so I'm buying a child. So I'm setting this up. No. I purchased the Miguel, and so I assume it's going to... Alright. Very quick context, not that at all.

I've got a little bit of an unofficial stepdad role with somebody, it's awesome. Name is Kai. Kai. That's the creepiest human way you could have done. I know. I literally... I know, I know. I've got that conversation during this movie. I think I've got a little bit of a stepdad scene.

I'm working on it. No, he's, he, what we're witnessing in real time, he's realizing why we have terms like girlfriend. No, it's like, fuck, my girlfriend's kid would totally work here and not be as lazy. Lady friend is Ann. Child of Ann is Kai. The name's, I'm working on, yes.

It's really clear. OK, so, and I got permission to tell the story from Guy. So this is legit. It was Guy said, I told Guy that we're doing this movie. And I was like, it's that movie about the crazy guy who like side tackle people at Wayfair. Guy was like, oh, it's still in the theaters for a little bit longer.

Let's go to a theater and pretend you're trafficking me. Oh, it's me. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. And we can get a crazy person to side tackle you. And it'll be a funny bit. And I was like, that's objectively the funniest bit that's ever been mentioned. Yep.

We start talking about, Anne walks in. It's like, what the fuck are you idiots talking about? You're not going to a theater in Michigan where people can open carry an AR-15 dressing up like a child trafficker so we didn't do it. It was fun though. You're gonna have like a big of those things of popcorn, soda! Way where are you? No way for our desk. Yeah, right. No.

I've kind of got a stepson relationship going with someone right now. All right, now that guy's trafficking. He need an until the... So anyway. So they arrest the pedophile. They check out his den of perversity. It's all child fucked-alls and VHS tapes.

Also, he gave extensive records of all the children he's trafficked with photographs and receipts. And like, musicals selfies by the people. It's supposed to be like Woody Harrelson watching the tape moment, but because these people are idiots, they have like a photo of a child. Then a photo of an adult with a child, then a photo of the child being like, right, you can do it as a fucking child molestation flipbook, right?

It's the dumbest. So then we get Jim Cuffiezel and his partner. They get in home from a long day of protecting children from child sex traffickers. And the partner is like, man, I don't think I can do this job anymore. You know, this is really rough. This is way worse than the murder scenes that I've been to. And he asks Jim Kovizel, he's like, so in your time here, how many pedophiles have you caught?

He's like, 288. He's like, how many kids have you found? He's like, don't be like that, man. Come on, we were having a good fucking time. And now. It's a Tim Ballard, Jim Kovizel is like, I know like 10 middle aged guys who are super good at dive roles inside technicals. I'm gone, I don't even want to know you're still fucking idea, absolutely not.

So, Ballard, is your opinion that the Department of Homeland Security has too much restraint? Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Yep, that is exactly his point. Yes. So he goes into final some paperwork, and like, I know it's supposed to be a scene of him getting all fired up and angry at the injustice, but we're watching as him scrolling through his

extensive collection of child pornography. That's our experience in the movie. And transcribing it, which I don't think is a job they do I think they probably have to do that for corporate purposes, but you get in my office I don't have time to watch all these child porn myself. I Need a brief summary at the top In a scene by scene Allison

Those little dots that they have on the porn hub videos that tell you when he's in the house, okay, no, no. No. When I told him there's an inflection point in the toe, okay. I also want to know when most people turn it on. That last thing might be useful for getting the criminals. Okay. And isn't that what we're here to do? So we have been watching this and we see that for the first, but not the last time, we see a single tear rolled out as cheek.

Lots of manly crying in this one. So he goes to the pedophile itself. And we haven't mentioned this yet, but of course the pedophile got his pedophile outfit from pedophiles, Aras. Yeah. Right? He's got the pedophile glasses, the pedophile mustache. It's like pedophile grabs your marks

with like an existing thing. Yep. He went out of the adventure and he got like, guy not to leave your kids with. Yeah, right. The bag. Yeah. So he goes to-

Couldn't get official pedophile. They didn't have the right, it'safile They didn't have the rights. Yeah, they have the rights So yeah, so he he goes to that guy's cell and he's like hey, why don't you come take a walk with me He's like, you know it turns out I'm not actually a cop. I'm one of you And if you could hook me up and help me out and get me children to have Sex with or whatever it is that you people do. I will get you out of jail. And the guy's like, I don't know if I trust you,

he's like, have a cigarette. He's like, I completely trust you now. The one cigarette is like pedophile chibble-eth. Yeah, right. He's like, you're in absolutely. That's not a good system, by the way. Oh, so, that's gonna be awkward, right? You're just like, hey, do you wanna have a cigarette? No, you have to be with it. What are you nodding about?

Absolutely. I can't. Wink. Thanks for the cigarette. Wink. I'd love it if you wouldn't end up with another dash wink. Yeah. Here's my question. Do other cops use that tactic, right? Are you arresting someone for drugs and you're like, lean-fot and you're like, psst.

I'm a drug dealer, too. You're working to get some, yes, they do. Will you sell me some drugs? Yes. And the criminals like, yes. Yeah, but they have to give you a joint in this. Right, yeah, it's very slightly different. So, and then we, very quickly,

we have to meet Tim Ballard's family. His wife and his nine children. It's so funny, because they're trying to do the typical, like, Daddy's home, right, where the one or two kids run up and run into Dad's arm. But the scene takes 45 minutes. Daddy's home. Daddy's home. Daddy's home.

Daddy's home. Daddy's home. Daddy's home. Daddy's home. Daddy's home. It's too long for this bit. I'm doing it. Daddy's home, daddy's home, daddy's home, daddy's home, daddy's home, daddy's home, daddy's too long for this bit I'm doing. Daddy's home, daddy's home, daddy's home, daddy's home, daddy's home. They got to learn a song or something, yeah. 18 kids and counting.

Come down the stairs at the same time. Yeah, right, right. Fun trap style. Yeah, there you go. Sure, okay, sure. He ultimately style. Yeah, there you go. So, okay, so he ultimately though, he- This was a musical, it would have been more fun. Oh.

Spoilers, you say that way too much, man. Hey, if you didn't watch this movie, we're going to tell you in a little bit what song he is featured in this movie. I'll give you eight billion fucking gasses. You're not going to get it. All right. That's got that to look forward to. So okay, so he brings the petto guy home to befriend him.

He brings busts out his home and security files. Like here's what we got him. You got a lot, we got a lot of stuff on you, but I can make this all disappear as long as you can get me one kid to fuck, right? And they're also doing like a weird tea at this moment. Yes. Which I found there was like a very delicate T-ser or money,

whereas like you'll need to get me a bunch of kids. Ooh, orange pico. Nice. Steal me a child, sugar spoon. So we're pedophiles. So yes, so then we get them at a diner and I guess now the peto guy has found him a kid, right? He hands him a book and he's like, look inside there,

he opens the book, and it's the little brother from the opening scene, right? A little picture, it's not the kid, it's the picture of the kid. Be awesome, he wasn't that little. He opens the thing. Hollowed out Bible with a toddler inside. Yeah. Oh no!

Like one of those prank birthday cards, but it's screaming. Yeah, so Jesus Christ. Yeah. So yeah, so he gives us a look. Yeah, you felt that one didn't you? I'm trying, guys. So he says, East is like, I'm hooked up with this kid. You're gonna have them all weekend and the guy goes,

you're under arrest and the pet of the guy's like, I did not see that coming somehow. And then we got it, we cut over to the US Mexican border because they know where the kid is coming in now, right? So they're gonna bust the pet of guys, a complice, right? And it's Mikeland down. It totally, it's Mikeland down. It totally, it's like Mike Lindell but Captain Kangaroo.

Just perfect, yes, those two things. I could not not think of Mike Lindell for the rest of this movie and be happy because it goes badly for a movie. Right, yeah, exactly, exactly. Yeah, so they bust him. There is an awesome moment where they're like, put your hands on the wheel, don't move.

And then they say that as they're dragging them out of the car. This is complicated, I deserve this tone. Yeah, because of the pillows. OK, just idea. Maybe we arrest every person with mustache only. Right? I feel like the innocent mustache only people are taking a hit for the team on that.

I like that we all scan the room to see how funny we could probably write exactly this. Is this bit gonna work or no? Okay, I think we can do this. It is. It's all solid, full beard mustache around. Couple of you are really fluffin' out the sole patches. Oh, this counts. This counts.

Yeah. This is apple. Yeah. This is apple, I'll allow this apple. Jam's not pedophile, jam's. You're still getting arrested to be sure, but like, oh, we'll catch up. If you clear. So then we cut to the,

we cut to the last, well, there's this really awkward, like we don't need this fucking scene, right? We get this scene where the doctor comes out and tells Tim Bauer, so in case you're wondering, this kid that you just brought me was super duper raped. You did not get there on time.

I couldn't have written this as a gross comedy bit more broadly. Yeah. The doctor's literally like, slam, man, that kid got fucked. Oh! Don't get me wrong, I've seen some fuck kids in my day, but that can? Oh my God. I'm never gonna go to one of those playgrounds that has the tunnel that kids can climb through.

Oh God, yeah. And we're again. Don't need to. Why did I give you this information? No reason. I leave the desk and then you leave whenever she goes again. He's just like someone fuck the shit out of that kid and that's my lunch.

Yeah. Several people in the hospital are like, do what? And he's like, all right? Good. Hey, ain't nurse Anders. Nurse Anders, kid in there? Fuck.

I'm going to Quiz Nose, you want one? Yeah. Get a tank for roast beef. Okay, interesting. That's where the room is. The room is right there. Okay, so I'll stay right here and I'll keep you. All right.

Interesting. Yeah, no, it's the calibration. We'll get to looks like it's, yeah, that's the bridge too far for them. So, yeah, so Tim Ballard, Jim Caviesel takes the kid out for a burger. There's this great moment where he says to the kid, he's like, my name is Tim, or as you'd say in your language, Timatail. God.

And the kid's like, yeah, thanks for saving me, but fucking yikes, man. I obviously speak English, say Timothy S. Come on. Waiter comes over. I think my friend will have some white boss grand challenge. Who are you helping with these?

We all know the words. So, and the way that kid reacts, so I was sure that what this movie was going with was that the famous Timateo is legendary amongst traffic children everywhere as the savior of all the... It wasn't, it wasn't that. It was actually completely random nonsense. He's like, I have your name on the back of a necklace that my sister gave me and we're like, oh wow, will that ever be explained or make any fucking sense? No! No!

No. Be a very upsetting maguffin. The kid might as well be like, I got a sister in Dallas. Yeah. So he says, he's like, well, do you think that the little kid McGal, he's like, hey, could you rescue my kidnap sister too? And Jim Kavis was like, hell, okay, that could be my whole inciting incident. Yeah, absolutely. Just do real quick before you get me to, didn't have to resign from your own fucking thing. Right. That's what really happened. That's what really happened.

So then we get like, Miguel starts telling him like his tragic backstory, we go back and we like, you see like the kids arriving in Colombia once they were first kidnapped. We see the part where the sister gives him the necklace, right, she's like, here, take this necklace. It's good luck. Right, and She's like, here, take this necklace. It's good luck. Right, and Miguel's like, isn't that?

I really wanna say we're crushing it with luck right now. I'm just past, we're in a crate on a ship being trafficked. I wanted Miguel to just push it out the window and be like, okay, let's try this now. Yeah. Right, I would call this rock bottom when juice is. So, by the way, St. Timothy, I looked this now. Right. I would call this rock bottom when juice is. So by the way, St. Timothy, I looked this up, Patron St. of stomach disorders. So useful for watching the movie, I guess. I looked up who is the patron saint of kidnap

children and the Catholic Church is like, man, we're not. We're not. We're not. We're not. You think we would send one against our own? Yeah, exactly. It's like Frank Castle becoming the Punisher. What are you doing? So yeah, so we get to how they bring the kids

into this warehouse where they sell Miguel to Mike Lindell. And then we watch like they make it seem like that's where he chooses which kids to buy. Yeah, not buying, which is a very inefficient system to do that. You should pick the kids before you ship them across the ocean in a secret. Because what are you going to do with the ones? He's like, ah, now I'm only taking two today, because I got my car seat in. And they're like, oh, yeah. Do you wanna not give economic efficiency notes to the trafficers?

Do they have to fee for the kids? What's the... Yeah. So we check the expiration date on this. Yeah. So, yeah, so he tells him this story. The kid tells Tim Bauer this story. We back out of the flashback,

Miguel is reunited with the dad. The dad's like, well, this is halfway to very good. This is like halfway to great. He's extremely unpsyched to see his kidnap son. Yup. He's like, this is really like he was the, I don't wanna say consolation prize of my marriage, but like he's not the good.

The first thing he says, the first thing he is reunited with his son, holds his son in his arms, and then he turns to Tim Ballard. With traffic child still in his arms and goes, can you imagine what it would be like to look into the empty bedroom of your child? And Tim Ballard's like, hey man, not in front of the up-to-kit A-F-A, what are you doing? Man! Yeah, so he's, but the dad's talking to Tim Ballard, and he's like, oh, do you mind if I look at this picture

of your irresponsibly large family? And he's like, no, no, go right ahead. And he looks at it and there's this moment with the actor where he's just like, oh, Jesus Christ, that's you. Can I just, I'm short one, you've got too many. Can I just take one of yours? I got a bad one. No, no, everything.

I did not want to see your graduating high school class, Mr. B. I wish to see your children. So yeah, so he's like, you know, the dad's like, oh, but you must find my daughter and he's like, yeah, that's, I mean, I really did way more than anybody else in terms of bringing back your kids. So I feel like a thank you's in order. Yeah, what are you doing, Dan? Yeah, right. Yeah, right. Fucking welding or something. Yeah. way more than anybody else in terms of bringing back your kids so i feel like a thank you's in order to do and then

yeah right now right fucking welding or something yeah so tim goes on the talks to his wife now it's really weird that they keep putting the wife into this because they never name right they did that she's like a woman in the fucking bible she's just tims white well knowing what we know about tim ballard now haha it has a real memory that movie the documentary where the guy climbs the rock knowing what we know about Tim Ballard now. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha He was like, and of course, my extremely loyal wife, Kimmy. Yeah.

So Miguel and the dad go to lead. They're gonna fly back to Honduras. And the kids like, I want you to keep this necklace that my sister gave me to remember me by. And he's like, this is literally the only thing you own. I feel like an asshole. And the kids like, no, take it. He's like, all right, fine.

I want to see if you get kidnapped. I have a theory. I'm working with a hypothesis. Alright, well, I guess you can consider this incident the fuck inside it, which makes this a perfect time for us to take a quick break. We'll put back in a minute with even more. Sound of freedom.

Woo! Woo! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha. Well, hey there podcast listener. I hope you're enjoying the live show. We sure did have fun doing it for you. We sure did Eli saying mean things about bad people is the best, but did you know that you're just days away from having us use that meanness for you? That's right podcast listener for you. Because once again, vulgarity for charity is here. But Heath, what's vulgarity for charity? Vulgarity for charity is an annual charity drive

jointly produced by Puzzle and Thunderstorm and our buddy's Thomas Heasle over at Cognitive Disnance. A charity drive for what charity? Why modest needs, of course. A tax-exept charity that gives emergency grants to low-income folks who are at risk of slipping into poverty and for whom no other source of immediate help is available. Hmm, how do they do that?

A whole bunch of ways. They negotiate directly with the place's funds need to go. They often contribute from their own funds. They screen their candidates and the money always stays in the hands of a licensed 501c3 charitable organization. So you can donate without worrying about sketchy money ending up somewhere it shouldn't. You can help a single mom fix her car or a furlough dad get back on his feet or just help someone get through a difficult time in their life when they need help. I don't know, guys.

What's in it for me? Okay. Weird way to set that up. So during the drive, donors who give $50 or more to modest needs can send a copy of their donation receipt to vulgarity for charity at gmail.com, all spelled out in words, with a request for a roast of the person of their choice. Donor can request anyone or actually anything to be roasted. We'll be selecting 100 random roasts of all the

submissions and also our top 100 donors. And over several podcast episodes, you'll get to hear them. Please keep in mind if the person or thing isn't famous, then the donor should also send an image and maybe a short description so that they can get a proper roast. And don't get us sued. Please one more time. You can send your proof of the nation of $50 or more to vulgarity for charity at gmail.com from November 1st to midnight on Thanksgiving. But don't wait, the 100 random spots go first so they go fast. Volgaerity for charity deep inside me is an infinite

well of hate, which can sometimes be used for good. I don't think that's the catchphrase, right? I feel like it should be. Right? On the logo? Yeah, it's actually pretty good. Thank you. And we're back live from Las Vegas! Cheers! And we're going to rejoin the action here with Tim going to see Mike Lindellin prison, right?

And he offers him this... Yeah, right, right. And he offers him this, yeah right, right. He offers him this weird, ultimate, and where he's like, hey look man, we can send you to Columbia, where you will be raped in prison for the rest of your life. Or we can keep you in America, where you will be raped in prison for the rest of your life. So you know, white guys or what?

What is your preference? I really wanted him to try. I'm a pedophile too again. I thought he was going to do it again. He's one of those guys that's just got one move. He's just like the corner sweep of catching pedophile. Sikarant. You're getting like a montage of him investigating the shit out of the missing daughter trying

to figure out where she is. Alright, and that's when he calls up somebody and he's like, hello, Mexico. Yes. Yes. Colombia, whatever. This is Tim. Yo, Kiro, Missing Girl. He hung up.

He hung up. We're gonna have to go. I should have said Tim, but tell you, God damn it. We're gonna have to go to Miss Colombia, Miss to Mateo, God damn it. We're gonna have to be honest. The system is bent against me. Yes, I called Espania and no one answered. What do you mean you're European? That's fucking crazy. I push to the Spanish and still.

So I did find out where the library is though. So. I did find out where the library is though. So... Because he does don't do it. Yeah. So we get a scene too where Tim is presenting the case to his boss. He's like, all right, boss. I want to go to Columbia and rescue this missing girl. And he's like, you're not the police of Columbia. And Tim is like, stop training on me!

And his boss is counter, stop training on me! Pfft! And his boss is counter, which is fucking awesome, is, okay, fine, but don't spend too much money, okay? It gets real wackity, shmackity, do, which is super funny because the real story behind this is that Tim Ballard just would go to countries and be like I'm doing a sting operation and rent himself a five star hotel room and be like someone's gonna offer me a kid at any minute now Yes, yeah, no one who fucks kids would order this much room service

Tim Ballard's way of getting back at the man who yelled at him for renting five star hotel rooms Just be like when I'm writing my movie, I'm gonna say that you were super cheap about all the child saving I didn't do. So I do wanna be super, I wanna push back a little bit on that in that, I wanna be clear that Tim Ballard did not write this movie. I only wanna emphasize that because Tim Ballard is not talented enough to do any fucking thing.

That's true, yeah. Tim Ballard typed you a bunch of fingers. Yeah. Sorry. De you hear sex? Oh, I hit a T. Where's the delete button? He's always doing dive roles. It's hard to type now. Yeah, exactly.

I love you because the boss has this whole moment where he's just like, he's like, look man, we all know that you, Tim Bauer, the real person, are fucking awesome and a legend. And everybody thinks that you're really cool and wants to hang out with you, but You can't just go to Columbia and invade a sovereign country to get this kid back and he's like And then the boss is like it's fine though. I'll tell the White House. You're doing like a Ted talk in Columbia

Yeah, and like feminist theory or something it'll be fine Yeah, there's a very like, okay, I'll let you misappropriate public funds this time. But, oh, he's making me see, yeah, right, right. Nuggy, nuggy. So he flies to Columbia where he has a ready to go side. Apparently America just has ready side kicks in all the different countries, right?

So that like there's somebody to meet you there at the airport. That's nice. I didn't know we'd do that. So the sidekick is like, the sidekick is like, look, I know all about the plot up to this point. I've watched the first act. I have a non-police contact who should have information for us. So just a guy.

A guy. That would be a guy. Yeah. And a missing kid's guy that you have. That would be a guy. A guy. Yeah. And a missing kid's guy that you have. Yes. Right. Now, in case you needed evidence that this story is, because, like I said Tim Bauer didn't

write this movie, but he did, like, tell them the story that they wrote it based on, right? And if you ever needed more evidence that he was just making shit up as he goes along, it will come in the form of the names of every ancillary character in the film, right? Because he's like, so who's this non-fleece contact? He goes, vampiro. That's Spanish for vampire, by the way, in case you wanna wear. He claims the guy's actual name is Batman,

and he was like, I switched it to vampiro. Because Batman. Oh, is that real? He didn't want to end up the end of the real Tim Ballot thing. Batman? Right, right. I thought calling him Batman would seem a little silly. Plus, we couldn't get the fucking right.

Yeah. So, yeah, he's like the fucking spirit Halloween batman, I guess. So, no, but apparently vampiro used to launder money for the Colombian cartels and he did some jail time and then ever since then, he spent his time trying to make up for all the evil drug money stuff he did by buying traffic children, but then setting them free. Which is not a good way to end child trafficking. No, you're funding traffickers. Yes, yes, yes. That's like getting like, I'm anti-meth,

so I buy meth from everyone in town and I flush it down the toilet. Yes. So fucking dumb. So they ever sit down. You might call me Batman. Fucking dumb. So they have a sit down. You might call me Batman.

LAUGHTER Look, I don't get to say this that often. Batman uses his money better than Batman. Yeah, right. LAUGHTER So they have a sit down meeting with Vampiro. And Vampiro is great. First of all, this character, every time you see him,

he's got this much of a cigar left. Like, he buys him used or something. He's always smoking this tiny little stub of a cigar. And he's always in a smoke-filled room. I guess those two are probably related. And he goes, he sits down, Tim Bellers sits down and he goes, okay, rule one, you obviously look like a fucking cop, stop it.

You guys, stop. Look at the curly, cute earpiece, like a secret servant. It goes to nothing. I can see it goes to nothing. You're an imbecile. You need to, he actually says almost exact words. You need to look more like Mike Lindell. Yeah, it's bullseye. Right, yeah.

Yeah, they're going to teach him to look like an American pedophile. And there's also this weird moment where he goes. So when you rescue that kid from trial, traffic him, how did it feel? And he says, good. Not a great answer. Nope, nope. But then the Imperial tries to dig in and he goes,

yeah, but are we talking, back, rough, good, or chicken wings good? I don't even know what's the high end, low end of that scale. That's a weird scale. I guess it's weird. Especially because it's implied that freeing a child sex slave is somewhere in between.

Yes, yes. Between back rub and chicken wings. I could get a chicken wing also. Yeah, no, I guess when you're trying to get like approved by the dove channel, you can't go, all right, so having an orgasm or, right? So I guess back rub is doing this stand in work for that. Oh, and there's also great, he goes like, so why are you doing this Tim Ballard?

And he goes, ah, because I have a religious fucking lunatic. Is this when he says God's children? Yes. Not for sale. Yes. Exactly. And they are though. They are.

Okay. So God's price is somewhere below the current market equilibria. Yes. That key allows as the omnipotent God. There's a price for them to be in his book. Yeah. God is the invisible hand that guides the market for child trafficking.

That would be like if we announced during intermission, our t-shirts are not for sale. Oh. They are, by the way. We have brought them. We have brought them back. It's a lovely tri blend. It's very soft.

Tri blend. You can buy a child for us too if you want. But you got to offer us a cigarette so we know you're cool. So now, Vampiro might have a lead though, he says, you know, I know a lady and her name in the movie is Giselle. I could not not write Giselle in it every time she showed up. But she's not Honduras, Scott Talent Lady from before.

They're like, she's probably involved. Because I guess there are like, I guess child traffickers are like Batman villains, there's just the six of them, you know? And you're like, this is the work of the penguin here. Or whatever. No, but she was Miss Honduras or something like that, right? Yeah, but there's like, That talent portion was very upset.

Yeah. Her answers to the questions were weird. Weird, her questions should have stopped the talent portion before it happened after those answers. Why would you want an unmarked vent? You know it's fine. There's also, there's this great moment where Tim tells him he's like, well, let's set up a meeting with her.

Just tell her you've got a horny hungover rich American looking for a little petal action. And I immediately thought of Matt Gaetz. Did everybody else what I said that? You pictured the thing that you were picturing in your mind? She's like, oh, Matt is in town. Nice. Yeah. Okay.

Now, I know it's just because Jim Kovizal went crazy because he told people to punch him in the face while he was pretending to be Jesus. But he makes an acting choice in this scene that is so fucking bizarre. He is having the child trafficking described to him and he gets so distracted. Here's the details of the art, what are you doing? I'm telling you the details of child, are you? I'm telling you the details of child, are you?

I'm telling you the details of child, are you? I'm telling you the details of child, are you? You want to focus up, are you batting a shiny object? Eli is now imitating a cat trying to get a laser pointer life. I felt myself about to throw myself on the ground and so. Yeah, no, I was gonna say. I feel like a show in the edge of stages don't go well together, yeah. I feel like a trafficker definitely actually got away from Tim Ballard because of like laser

pointer. Yeah, right. In real life. Or they didn't give him a cigarette. No, no, no, this guy's fine. So we had this scene where he's like he's trying to figure out how he's going to get this kid back, how he's going to get to because they tell him that the Jose only deals with the child traffickers that she knows, right?

There's no way to get to her. Yes, to get on child trafficking telegram. Oh, right. Right. So it's going to be a whole big thing. Are you mean telegram? So, but he calls him and he's got a plan. He's like, all right, what do you have?

Now, hear me out. We build a child sex hotel. What? I'm not done yet. OK, I hope you're not. So you go we're going to pretend that we're franchises from Club Bang Cock and we're trying to open up a new sex hotel. Quisperous. Way fair. Yeah. No, we're going to open up our own child sex

trafficking hotel in Columbia and then we'll tell all the child traffickers to bring as many kids as they possibly can and that way we'll make sure we get the girl we're looking for. Now, I want to be super clear, the organization that Tim Ballard founded, Operation Underground Railroad, does this. This is how they actually operate. They go into these towns and they're like, we want to buy as many trafficked children as you can. Here's the money. What this does in reality is creates demand for child sex trafficking. People go and kidnap children to satisfy those orders, right? Just to be clear, I want to make sure, like they said, not funny about that, but I

just can't make it through the review without mentioning that in case anybody wasn't to wear. Anyway, so the guy says, well, you know, the vampiro, he says, well, you know, we'd need a lot of money to pull this off. We'd named him, make it really look like we had the money to build a hotel. And he's like, don't worry, I have a billionaire friend who always gives me money as long as I pretend that it's, I mean, as long as it's about child sex trafficking. Right? And again, very clearly, this is how his whole scam started, right?

He happened to know this billionaire guy that would donate money as long as it was for child sex trafficking. He's like, yep, that's why I need a five star hotel in Columbia for three months because of the child sex trafficking I'm fighting, right? And you're a part of it. Yes, right, right.

And you get to do diebrows. We'll get there. Later Michael Douglas is going to be by, we're going to pretend to be mobsters and beat him up. Yes. That's a very old movie. If you laughed at that joke, your back hurts. So.

So. So. So. So. So. So. So. So.

Vampiro knows a guy in the pet-o business. Of course, he buys kids to So, Vampiro knows a guy in the pet-o business. Of course, he buys kids to freedom, so he knows everybody in the pet-o business. So, he approaches this guy about his fake child sex hotel plans. What's the guy's name? It is El Calacas, which means skeleton in Spanish. So, we have vampire and skeleton. They named these fucking characters

in honor of our spooktastic. Oh, I wonder if the real one was like, was like, Skeletor. I think they could get the rights to that. Just be fucking Dave or whatever, because you're like an arch-harrible criminal. Don't have weird. You don't want to buy a kid from a guy named Dave?

That's insane. You want't want to buy a kid from a guy named Dave? That's insane. You want Skeletons? Yeah. Who did you buy your kid from? Steve? No, come on. But he could. Chris does not have a child for you to traffic Skeletons.

The fans of this movie thought way fair was who they were by far. I thought, like, I, on it again, I felt like he was just making shit up as like, I thought the next child traffic or was going gonna be named fucking some brahose or whatever. Frankenstein! Yeah.

So, so they bring in Alkalacus to this, to this ridiculous, I know, right? But I have to, they bring Dave into this ridiculous hotel that I've got. Thank you. And they're like, you know, we need 50 to 60 child sex slaves at least, at least. And he's like, well, to do that, we'd have to form the child sex trafficking of vendgers. Like this movie really ramps up, like we're about to do an assembling the team montage, and then it dies! And then they do that.

We get a use son of a bitch I'm in for child trafficking. Yes. Yes. Some guys like cutting fish in a marketplace and the door opens and he says, sorry, we're closed. Or are you? Be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be a, be It's like a chemist and a lock picker. Yeah, right, right. And a poet.

And it's just like, we'll need a child sex trafficker. And another child. Okay. Are we doing a John T. Montage? This is a bad idea. Yes, so. We should just cut. So El Calacas Moe and the guy who can fit fit in really small box. They do need a grease of grease.

Yeah, it does matter. Then we get like a scene where the boss is chewing them out for how expensive all of this shit is, how expensive building a fake hotel is. All right, this was fair. The boss is like, Hey man, please don't send me emails that say, I need money to incorporate sex, hotel, LLC

in fucking Columbia, HR's being a real pain in the ass about it. Peer at Homeland Security. You wanna turn it down? Hey man, did you expense hot tub full of babies? First of all, you put it under automotive. And I know the app doesn't have that many options, but you gotta take this seriously. Say other, at least.

Christine sends me all of these. I have to go through these now and face them. But also, she's listening to this call. I'm logged in and she's logged in, on the back end of the system. But also, another criticism of Tim Ballard's style of rescuing children here is that like, I'm on boss's side here.

He's like, look, man, you spend all this money on this hotel to try to prove to everybody that you're a billionaire that can afford to do this all this. Like if we just took that same money and we gave it to at risk, youth that would kick out of their houses for being gay or whatever, that would do so much more to ameliorate child sex. Communism.

Then you find this one, yeah, right, right. So, but the boss is like, I need to see results, dammit. Yeah, this is setting up the turn in his badge and gun moment. We'll get that just momentarily. So we have to see where he's like with Vampiro afterwards going like, man, it's all this red tape and bureaucracy. And he's like, you know, that's why I made millions of dollars laundering money for the fucking drug cart.

This isn't going where I wanted it. I think I'll never mind. Vampiro, do you have a tragic backstory? Perhaps for your Oscar bid? Yeah. For the Oscar bid? Oh, God. The bid is so bad, too, because he's like, you know, I got an Oscar bid. Oh, God. The bid is so bad too, because it's because he's like,

you know, I got out of jail after all it is shit. And I'm going through, you know, trying to find a meaning to live. And so I bought me a prostitute. Really bad start, man. Yep. To your story. And he's like adult or well, if that's and the fuck up thing is that he does this in a way, like he goes, and it hit me after she was about to leave. Hey, wait a minute, she's not 25? Why 25? Right? If you'd said night, because it's gonna turn out the girl was 14. In his story. Right? If you said 19, maybe I could be like, 20 fucking five! Fuck you!

Yeah, we would have had to rent a screen and everything, but I wanted to play a little game with the audience 14 or 25. You're right! How universal that experience is. This is why we're not allowed to say the name of the hotel. Yeah. What's weird is they actually have that down on the casino floor. You can play that. Yeah, you can win a lot of money, actually.

Yeah. I'm in a killing on it. No, he's doing very well. No, it's good if I do well, that's a good thing. So yeah, he's like, and that was my good guy turn. I realized that I had just raped a 14 year old, and that's when I decided to be a good guy. Also religion or something.

Yeah, to be gliris like and then I spoke to God, right? And God said, I run a market for child sex, that's the context here. I need you to help provide liquidity by buying up some of the shares. Oh God. I'd like you to have some questions shares. Oh, God. It's complicated now. No questions, please. I'm God.

Just do it. I wanted God to just be like, Oh, shit, you did just what? Oh, God. Oh, me, man. I was catching up on my Insta and I meant to intervene before. So, no, it's tricky.

14 and 25, it is tricky, it is tough. So, it's all back, it's game based on it. Yeah, it's tough to tell you guys apart sometimes. So, so then like, we get, so the boss is now told to him, ballad, he's like, hey, look man, you need to pack it up and come home. He can't rescue that girl, but you spent too much money building your child's sex hotel.

And he's trying to decide, do I want to go rogue. So he calls his wife. His wife is on board. She's Mormon. She doesn't have a choice. And she's not allowed to have contrary opinions. This moment was funny. He's like, hey, honey.

So you know how I always talk about starting up the band again. Good news. It's not that. I'm going to start a six hotel as a honey pot to meet out of file. And she's like, well, that's very Mormon of you if nothing else. Right, yeah.

And she's like, I support you because it's required by the religion, book of Timothyo, that's how it works. Yeah. To be fair, Anna responds that way to all my hobbies, so I get it. I'm into race cars now, shirt, whatever, build a big hotel, trap the race cars in them. So, to a fake, this is doing right now. So it quits his job. And then we get this scene where he's like, okay, so what's happening in the movie is that he's now trying to convince the billionaire to fund his independent

child rescue thing. But the movie does that bit where the sound starts before the scene starts. So we hear him doing this pitch and he's on an airplane. And it was so confused. Just a second, you think that he's just striking up conversation with the guy next to him on the airplane. And the conversation is, and I quote, did you know that there are 22 million new images of child pornography on the web every year? Hey man, what the fuck are you talking about? So, if it had been the guy in the next row, that would have been amazing.

In my head, it was like, okay, Tim Ballard, long plane ride, hey myself, do you know any fun facts about the amount of child porn? Let's say it to ourself right now because he's not, he's mouth is a movie. All right, right. But then I was like, oh, it's crazy editing that made that seem insane. He's talking to the billionaire now. Right, right. But then I was like, oh, it's crazy editing that made that seem insane.

Yeah. He's talking to the billionaire now. Right, yeah. But the billionaire, it feels less like you need to help us were gathering the Avengers and more like a time share pitch for child. Right, yes, yeah. Right, there's a huge market for this shit. It's blowing up, yeah.

You can only sell a bag of cocaine once, but you can sell a child over and over and over and over. That's literally a line in the fuck. That was a line. And if you sign up two billionaire friends and they sign up to you, it's like a... Tetrahedral scheme. Here, let me take this child and turn it into a corkscrew for you. It's very cool.

That's how sharp this child prostitution is. Okay. But the billionaire fucking passes on this pitch. And I had, this is the my only moment of sympathy for Tim Ballard. He's like, hey man, this is fucking shark tank. You took the meat, you don't get to pass on saving the kids.

And then finally he like gives the picture of the little girl. Yeah. Which is a weird tactic, right? Oh, I guess you're not convinced by my super weird speech time share pitch. Well, here's a picture of a child currently being traffic and he's like, oh, you got me, the old hard string.

Yep. Yep. So Pablo's gonna fund it. We get to see now where the good guy adventures are all coming together. That's Pablo, the the billionaire vampiro. Does Sidekick ever get a fucking name? Sidekick never gets, I wrote it in my notes.

I feel like if I made up one sip of an anti-child trafficking Avengers and I didn't get a name, I would be so fuck, especially the guy who fucked a kid, he gets a name, he gets a monologue, yes, I picked you up from the fucking airport. Yes. Which is a nightmare, right? By the way, fuck, I got a fucking name. And I don't even get a fucking name. I fucked zero kids. So, Tim.

Tim. Damn it. So they're having this. I even get to stay in the fancy hotel. How come you get to be the face? I'm shown up at the end to fake kick you in the back. 1997, monster. So they all get together.

They're having their little mission briefing. They found the perfect property for their fake sex hotel. They do a mantra. They show us like, and we rented a nice, we work spot. It's got, they rent some very nice offices. Got lemon water. Nice. So weird. They're the we work spot. It's got, yeah. They rent some very nice offices. Got lemon water. Nice. So weird.

They're the we work and they're like, this business is taking advantage of people. This is not okay. Oh. So. There's also this great moment. And again, this, they give away the game on their scam here, right, because they have this moment

where they're teaching Pablo the billionaire to be an undercover child sex predator hunter, right? Now, I should say, if you want a, a, a very depressing laugh, vice has done a couple of exposés now on this organization that Tim Ballard started where they taught to people that worked with the organization and got this training that Pablo is getting in the movie. And they basically all say, it was like we were at fucking summer camp. They literally, literally gave them a scavenger hunt as part of their training to rescue kidnap children. What?

Mm-hmm. A scavenger hunt. You didn't know what they see that. Oh, yeah, thank you. No, I want to see that. Fuck. It's not good. I'm not gonna see that. Okay, thank you. I'm not gonna see that. I'm not gonna see that. Okay, thank you. I'm not gonna see that. Okay, thank you.

I'm not gonna see that. Okay, thank you. I'm not gonna see that. Okay, thank you. I'm not gonna see that. Okay, thank you. I'm not gonna see that. Okay, thank you.

I'm not gonna see that. Okay, thank you. I'm not gonna see that. Okay, thank you. I'm not gonna see that. Okay, thank you. I'm not gonna see that. Okay, thank you.

I'm not gonna see that. Okay, thank you. I'm not gonna see that. Okay, thank you. I'm not gonna see that. Okay, thank you. I'm not gonna see that. Okay, thank you. I'm not gonna see that. Okay, thank you. he's got about pretend that he's a pedophile and they're like now You're being too stiff man. You're being too stiff

I wanted him to do the Mr. Pink scene from the fucking up reservoir dogs right? He's in the mirror just being like oh In the movie it's close to that. It really is. Because it's like Myanmar and he's like, hello today stupid. Okay, good to get started over. Start over. Myanmar, let's fuck some kid.

No, too strong. Keith, I have a poor, strong wing that might really lose the room. Okay, are you ready? Let's go on live. Let's get this out of this. Let's take this swing hard. All right, let's do it. Wait, hold on, let me position myself.

No, it's gonna distance myself from us visually. No, it's hard. Because it's rare that I'm like, I don't know about this one. I am terrified. I am terrified. Yeah, let's do our best. Me more.

Am I saying me? Am I? You do first, then I'll go. I'll be the kid. And they're gonna say who's the best We're gonna go each one no we're not I am diving in front of this show And that is the dynamic of our How the show works

I'm getting all the bison vibes. Yeah. So you're even saving me a more. What? So I believe he you just won best battlefire in the room. You're going to save the beard now. Thank you. I feel like Steve Harvey right now. Get it off of me, cigarette. So we cut over to Bogota. Apparently we weren't already. But the pedophile avengers are going into town to meet the anti-pedophile avengers. And like they brought in the other guys

and they're introducing them. I'm like, I want one of them to be named mummy and one of them to be named swamp things So I can ban right now, but no they were Dave and when I know the pedophile Avengers are meeting the anti-pedophile Avengers Clippy came up and was like hey, do you want to stop doing this job? You want to sell some thumbs again, man? You want to try fruit or anything would be better. So yeah, but Juzel looks at the anti-petophile avengers and she looks specifically at Pablo, the billionaire who we just saw

was having trouble pulling off his head. You guy. And she's like, you don't seem much like a pedophile to me. And he's like, oh, fuck a kid right now. Yeah. Well, she, it was actually smart, Hunter. She was like, name your favorite pedophile thing. And he answers like Sarah Pail and trying to name a newspaper. He was like, I like all the pedophile.

The kid, parts, What a half. What? What do I love most about fucking kids? Oh, man. Hard to pick just ones. I think he actually said depends on the day or something. Yes, right. Well, no, Tim Ballard comes in and saves him with the good answer.

He's like, we all love to fuck kids here. I don't think we need to. We all know it's elbow. We all offer people cigarettes when they ask for it. We're all cool here. And she's like, all right, you guys have a five a second. He goes, yeah, no, he steps in and he's like, look, we need 50 kids.

We'll give you $100,000. I'm like, that's better than wayfair's pricing. It's because they're buying in bulk. Right. Well, this movie's pretty sure something's gonna happen any second now So we're gonna take a break to prepare for it, but first I'm gonna get an actory of the hard sell Will OUR rescue adult women who do sex work voluntarily Will they literally kidnap those women put them in a how in a room?

They are not allowed to leave to the point where they tie bed sheets together to escape and go back to the brothels they were rescued from. Will this movie conveniently leave that detail out? Find out the answers to different questions and less. of sound of freedom. Little Timmy. Little Timmy. God, is that you? Yes, little Timmy. Your pain and your suffering is over. Come, come to heaven.

Oh boy! Wait, who's that? Oh, hey, I'm the guy who is trafficking you. I actually also died in that car crash. Oh, you did. Yes to me. He did. Okay, but um, he's not going to heaven, right? Oh, so here's, here's the thing about that actually. Yeah. So I can tell it. I actually sincerely begged for forgiveness from God right before I died. So looks like we're both empty dog, cool, right?

Nope, not cool, not at all cool. Like super, obviously not at all cool. Okay, well, I don't know what to tell you, kid. Rules are rules. Mr. God, you're not really gonna let that happen, are you? Uh, how would you like to sit at my right hand? Is this a child sex trafficker also gonna be there? Yeah, then no, I'm good, no thank you.

Man, I'm grateful. You should have seen when it was a lot. No, thank you man Ungrateful You should have seen when it was a lot. Okay, okay, dude And we're back for still more of this shit And we're gonna rejoin the action with the Colombian police staking out The island where they're gonna build their fake sex hotel in advance of the big night. And I should emphasize that too, right? Because the, oh, you aren't embalored. The legend is that they go and they bust these people.

They don't. Local police bust everybody because you can't just go arrest people from other countries, right? That's not how it works. Crazy or still, sometimes they're just like, hey, you're welcome. We set up a bunch of child prostitutes to come to this hotel on Thursday. Yes. Are you in? Yeah. And the local cops have to be like, sure, I guess we can get a team together. I guess we have to now. Right. Well, and then of course, very often, and this is a big problem for

them very often, those those local police don't have the services to take care of the children that are liberated in their raids. So many of them just wind up wandering off on their own with no support whatsoever. Sorry, we're supposed to be getting back into a comedy podcast. Shit. Damn it. So all right, so the traffickers show up. Fuck, this isn't helping. What's the, okay. what's the name of the traffickers lawyer who shows up? It is meat. Okay, it actually is. Karne. Yes, yes.

Meat ESQ. That's. So the monkey does Santa. I ask really fucking good. All right. So yeah, so the child trap, the trapegors show up with their lawyer, meat. Now, Carnet is the musk, right? He's there to be an intimidating scary guy.

So, but they don't have to, they like bring a bunch of kids and they're like, but the girl that they're looking for, the sister, Rosio, isn't among them. So now they've just gotta make nice with the pedophiles for like a couple hours, waiting on the rest of the kids to show up, right? Right, and keep in mind, this is supposed to be, there's supposed to be a bunch of like crazy American

billionaires who are there to fuck kids. So they're stalling the kid fucking. Yes, right. Half of the kids that they apparently want to fucker there and they're like, oh yeah, I can't wait to fuck those kids, but first, pigs in a blanket. Yes, a blanket. Pigs in a blanket.

If you guys ever played code names? Pigs in a blanket? Yeah. You want to play code names? April cheats, and she is at this party. So. So. Maybe we should do wavelengths instead.

Yes. So, and muscle lawyers start to get suspicious, right? Karnay is starting to wonder. He's like, hold like hold on a second you guys even real plan of files because there's like 30 rapable kids there And you guys are having pigs in the blanket and they're like oh, I can rape a kid. I would I just we had ty food For breakfast, so you know we're a little And and then of course we have this hero turned for Tim, because Carné is like, okay, we'll find,

I'm raping that one. And so he grabs this kid and he goes to walk off with him and then Tim Bellard's like, stop. I wanted to rape that one. I'll pick, I want that kid and I wanted it to keep going. I want it. I wanted it to keep going. I want it. I wanted it to be like, okay, then I'll pick that other one.

Nope, that one. I'm also going to fuck that one too. I'm going to fuck that one too. I'm going to fuck that one too. Okay. By the end of the scene, he's just got all the kids behind him. I can't wait to fuck all these kids. You're going to fuck all of them?

Yep. Go ahead. Oh, now? Sure. You're going to fuck all these cans. You're gonna fuck all of them out? Yep. Go ahead. Oh, now? Sure. Yep. I can't do it while you watch.

Here you go. God. I'm gonna turn. Sure. Start with a fist bump. Pfft. Pfft. So far so good. Start with a fist bump

So far so good Eli I am trying my damnedest to rescue from you from this band of mine. I have 10 minutes this no It only becomes illegal at minute nine I ran it by car name. So... LAUGHTER So Tim Stings off. He calls the SWAT team. He's like, hold on, there's more kids coming. And then at this moment, you see Carney walking off with the kid, right? That he was that Tim told him not to take.

So we have the moment where the two of them face off. And he's like, you can't rape that kid. And the lawyer's muscle pulls out a gun and puts it right at Tim Bouta. Right? And he's like, I'm gonna rape that kid and he's like, no, you're not. And then the movie is like, fuck, there's nowhere to go from here.

There's no shit. We're at an impasse with ourselves in a scripted movie. Now, what do we do? And ultimately Tim has to go like, all right. One. Tim and Tim. Now, wait, everybody gets things. What?

Before you are sad. One, the story is totally fucking made up. Yes. No part of this part of the thing happened in any way to a perform. So while they were telling their lie, they were like, we should lose one, right? We should.

Our protagonists should be like, I don't wanna blow my cover, go ahead and fuck that kid. So one, complete and total lie, they made up the part where they lose a kid. Second of all, the way they solve it, is they're like, oh, look, there's the boat of the other kid. Yes, right. All right, now because this is based on a real bus

that happened that Tim Ballard was involved with, it wasn't all children, it didn't go down anything like what happened and no, this part didn't happen. The part that was true is there was a bus where traffic to people in Colombia were rescued by Colombian police. The part that's true is Colombia's a real country. Colombia is a country.

Tim Ballard was there with a drink in an umbrella. Yeah, right, right. And so, but just then, yeah, the second bullet of kids appears on the horizon. Colombia's SWAT team springs into action. And then Tim Ballard and his buddies, they just fuck off, right? Like, they don't do anything. They get busted with everybody else, right?

So it's not to blow their cover. Right, and again, because the little girl that is the Macuffin of the movie isn't there, again, Tim Ballard is like, oh, wasn't even worth it, saving those 54 kids. Right! Told this other guy I would save the kids

just for one one, 54 kids don't even fucking matter. I was gonna let him fuck that one kid just so it wasn't awkward at the party. I don't know. And he's, I cannot emphasize, he's doing this in front of the other children. Like the other children are being freed by cops around him and he's moping. He's like, well it's fine, well. Yeah, they're like, the cops come up to him afterwards, like after they've taken all the criminals away

and he's like, hey wow guys, congratulations, you caught 54, are you rescued 54 children? First of all, no the fuck they didn't, right? The Colombian police did. And he's bought 54. Right, yes, right, right, exactly. And yeah, many of them were already being trafficked before you made the offer.

They're like, you rescued 54 kids and he's like, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh. Like a fucking 16 year old spoiled breath that didn't get the car he wanted. Yeah. So, but then we get a slow pan of all of the rescued kids being all happy and innocent. Way too happy.

Way too happy. So happy. Too happy. They're eating popcorn and singing like, I'm happy song. Like there's no way you go from child trafficking 14 seconds later, you're like, there's the best fucking day ever.

I'm gonna try. I'm gonna try. None of the things that led up to this moment have affected me until now. I'm living in the moment and in the moment, I've got popcorn and I'm not being child-tracked. So I'm living in the moment and in the moment I've got popcorn and I'm not being child tracks traffic. So I'm going, please do not talk to my doctor about how I'm doing because they're going

to tell you some shit. Right now I've got popcorn and I'm crushing it. And this is where we get both me and you guys best. And this is where we get both me and you guys best. And this is where we get both me and you guys best. And this is where we get both me and you guys best. And this is where we get both me and you guys best. And this is where we get both me and you guys best. And this is where we get both me and you guys best. And this is where we get both me and you guys best. And this is where we get both me and you guys best. And this is where we get both me and you, so this again, is where the only music number in it passes along, which is,

I know they don't mean it to be this, but the kids all begin to perform, we will, we will rock you. Who haven't seen the movie? I am not joking. This group of child actors begins a new death sentence. And can I stand if Freddie Mercury has descended from the sea? I think I'll just say, where are we going to rock you? This is my favorite movie of the world. I'm sad. I would have said, and, arms crossed in the corner of the entire room. And the conscience is just injectors of the greatest permeable time of the world. But instead, they have my best worst, they have this impossibly stupid moment.

One guy, one of the anti-child sex trapping Avengers, turns to Tim Ballard and he says, you hear that? And I'm like, obviously, fucking hears it because it's a really loud, stom, stom clap, and all the kids are doing it. And you're just like, why would you ask me that? And he says, because it's a title drop, it goes, oh, oh, oh, oh, here what? And the it goes, oh, oh, oh, oh, here what? And the guy goes, the sound of freedom. That was... That was... Oh! Oh!

Oh! Our audio expert from Unnamed Total just did that unprompted and played the song there. Are we allowed to say what song it is? No, you probably not allowed to use that. You know, Rob gets either but... So good. But yes. So we get to read the Venus. We will, we will stone you.

That's the biblical version. Yeah, right, right, no, exactly. If you don't pay the right amount of silver. So then, oh. So yeah, so we get Tim, like, watching all the kids thinking, sound afraid, and that'd be a great name for the movie. About me, actually, now that I think about it. Look over there, kids, in the sky. Yeah, it's a title card.

This, huh? Whatever, man, I'm having the best fucking day. Sugar chunks with my friends eating popcorn. My body and mind, whole. Is that Christmas? We're doing candy next time. And then we bring the mood down a bit too. Too much levity.

We bring the mood down a bit there because we get the dad, the Honduran dad, like learning that 54 kids were rescued, but his daughter wasn't among them. So we have this like, fuck them kids. Get them a moment. And he has to go to the sun and be like, hey Miguel, you know how I always tell you that God

works in mysterious ways. This one's a fucking doozy. What? If only your sister had the medal that you had, because you got rescued right away once you had that medal. Yeah, it's a, I gave it to Tim Ballard. So,

he's gonna fuck someone else's wife while wearing it. Shit. He did, that's what happened. Yeah, possibly like seven different things. And then, so we get to, we cut to like the pedophile of injuries getting interrogated and like the one do the alcalacus cannot knock fast enough.

He's the best. Sydney Brown would be like, hold on. It's like, at least get a fucking deal out, that's right. I'll tell him that gates right now, I will, whatever you want. So, but then we go back to the Spooktacular names, right? I will, whatever you want. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha They were not friends. They were mortal enemies. I remember when he took the girl away, he said, he said, get over here. Get over here. That's the Lou Kang, that's better. So, better. Morgan, Morgan, AI trained that,

so I made that joke because it's better. The show will live forever. And then, okay, so now they've got to go get her from the scorpion So the movie's gonna info dump the the final act for us, right? They're gonna have the whole like planning the highest moment So he's like now to get the scorpion. He's in rebel territory Sorry the scorpion this is I'm sorry

We're doing a serious plan. He's in the Netherrealm. So, you have to do an uppercut out and then in that one level and it'll go all the way down and then you get to fight Nubes' Aebot. I don't want to spoil the ending, but he just cornered traps him and killed him. He actually does, though. He's totally going to corner-t crop the scorpion before it's over. So yeah, there's another like, look, like he's in rebel territory.

To get to him, you're gonna have to do a lot of dive roles. And he's like, no one can get in there, not the army, not the police, nobody, and Tim's like, I could get in there. What if we start a fancy hotel for Marxist Leninist rebels? That'll work and give him a cigarette or something? I don't know. We got this. Billionaire guy, we need another island.

Yeah. Right, right. This one's used up. He's like, this is going to take some real actually heroism type shit. And then Vampirals, like, I've got a great idea. What if we pretended that we're with doctors without borders? And I'm like, oh, this is a bad idea.

This is a really bad fucking idea. We could pretend that we're medical people trying to give vaccines out to innocent people. And then we could turn out instead to be police and we could arrest them. So like actual doctors without borders might have died because of Tim fucking Ballard. Well, if this wasn't entirely made up bullshit Oh, it's a good thing. He's a liar or else what I said

Tim is playing because Tim obviously pitched this right at some point Tim was like, you know what we should do We should pretend to be doctors and then we go in and we're like not a shot It's a shot and they were like, oh, that's a real war crime and he was like Not a shot, it's a shot. And they were like, oh, that's a real war crime. And he was like, Ha. Let me fuck your wife. Now, for people who aren't familiar with,

I don't know the context of that joke. I have to add this, if you haven't followed the news on this, Tim Ballard, the guy that this is based on, has been meted by a number of women who worked for his organization who are asked to pretend to be his wife on operations. And then he would get them in the hotel and be like, well, you know, the trial traffickers might have cameras in this very hotel.

If we don't have sex, they will be very suspicious. If we don't shower together and sleep naked together, they'll be very suspicious. It has to be anal or they'll be suspicious. And can I say, you have to have sex with me or no one will believe you're my wife is the worst excuse in the world You have to sit on that side of the room on your phone and I have to sit on this side of the room on my phone That's how you convince people you're fucking married, okay? You're going to have to do it. You're going to have to do it. Sure go find the toilet, exactly.

He's actually. Go through a list of your friends, and I'll make a weird mouth noise when you say one of them. That's how you know where. If your spouse doesn't do it, they do it in their head. Just so you know, right now, they're doing it in their head. They're saying an inch so loud. If you reach into their skull just so you know right now. They're doing it in their head. Right, they're saying and saying so loud.

If you reach into their skull, they'll pull out Sarah. They'll just have a hand of Sarah. Marriage is awesome. Yeah, we can't all have some kind of arrangement with strange shadows. Yeah. On of this is a step that's amazing. We can't all go to the movies with a kid we kind of know

a little bit. Where we can pretend to be traffic, you know, together. You guys will read about it in the paper. It's fine. Oh, my gosh. For example, Jesus. Hi, guys. It's my fault for introducing him to April, really.

So OK. It's my fault for introducing him to April, really. So, okay. So, yeah, but Tim loves the idea of pretending to be the Red Cross or whatever. So they decide to go with that. So they have to get some fake IDs. Apparently, they have a doctor teach him how to give vaccines so they can, they're subterfuge will be able to. I want to it so badly for someone to be like, Doctor, I'm so glad you're here. My son is dying and he's just like, Oh!

Is it a polio? Because if it isn't, it's a polio. Any chance he needs... An island. Oh, tell, yeah. You got this metal? You want some popcorn? I hear it, I hear it cheers people right up.

So no, so, oh, no, he did get a name. So, sidekick's name is Jorge. This is the point in the movie where he gets a name. So, this is where the sidekick tells him, he's like, hey guys, so I can take you as far as this river, but I'm a cop here in Columbia and we're like, oh, is that who you are? I'm not allowed to go any further than that. So I will sit there and I will watch blips

on a computer screen of where you are in the jungle the whole time, so as to build suspense, but I won't be able to be with you. Do not worry, my friends, I will be watching the Sound of Freedom on DVD. Yeah, right, right. Oh, he gives them the liquid GPS. Well, he gives them, he gives them syringes,

and he's like, there's a GPS tracker in there. Oh, and you can, he's an engineer, right, right. Yeah. You know for sure, Tim Baller was like, that causes autism not doing it. Not putting that in the script. That was a fight. Yeah, for sure.

And by the way, just because I don't know if I'm gonna find another place to mention it, and I wanna emphasize here, the reason that we all have heard of Tim Ballard's name is because Donald Trump put him on a fucking commission on traffic children because Tim Ballard was always happy to go on Fox News and say, yes, all the traffic children I have ever spoke with agree

that we need a wall, right? So like over and over again, he would say like, yes, and these children were trafficked into America through a part of the Mexican border where there's no wall. And these children have all told me that they really would like a wall to be built. And like, can we hear that from them now for privacy reasons? You know, Jim.

Just ask me to tell them. Jim, are you taking notes? I'm eating this popcorn ahead of thought. I think the single biggest contribution to my trafficking, which again worked out great, popcorn, was the fact that too many people were able to access America. Yes, yeah. That's a real problem. Is this kettle corn? Because it's amazing. Yes. I cannot stop eating this stuff. So Jorge drops.

So what's taking away from me? So Jorge drops Tim and Vampiro off. They're going to go off and pretend to be cops. They have this last night before the big action scene dialogue between the two of them. They're like, this is the last time we're gonna have a time for a slow one on one between our two characters. Is there anything Oscar worthy?

Should we talk about the stakes of them? Yes, exactly, right. It's death. He's like, if things go bad, we'll both die. Pretty big stage. I wanted Tim Bell to quit right then and there, what the fuck, oh no! For some kids?

Yeah! No, when it was like private islands and there were real cops, that was fine, but I am not dying for some, no, no. No. I'm up by 55. 55 and one is great. Hall of Fame. And so, okay. So the next morning,

they launched down the forbidden river. Jorge tries to give Tim a gun. He's like, here, take a gun. And he's like, no, we're not going to have the kind of money that we need for a big shootout. You keep it. So they go down the river to rebel territory. The rebels immediately come up on the boat

to meet them and start shooting. And they're like, oh, this is not gonna go well, fuck. I really wanted to just be like that north sentinelese people or whatever they shoot both of them and that's the end of the movie. I'd be over in the corner with Eli. And then we will rock you, start Freddie Mercury.

Yes. But it's slow. We, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we. Yes. But it's slow. We will, we will. Like an LIT. Yeah, exactly. But the rebels are like, look, you have vaccines. We'll let one of you come with us back to our, who's the more heroic? Which of you is the most famous character

between the two of you? Who's telling the story to our board screenwriter? Yeah, that's right, right, right. Which of you is the widest? And that's the Mormon, right? So they send Tim on by himself. He's going into the jungle all alone. The takeaway is master sword.

Yeah, it's a big boss. It's important. Down to three hearts. Yeah. So OK. So and apparently they've got right. Zelda, nice. Yeah, Zelda. So okay, so and apparently they've got really nice Zelda Okay, so get beef Zelda right over here

So a lot of people were like hey fuck you Zelda is serious, okay But it is though So okay, so Tim arrives at the rebel camp, and I'm like, well, here's hoping they take the fucking doctors without borders guy straight to the sex traffic to 11-year-olds in their camp, right? But they don't.

Oh, actually they do. It's close. Yeah, right close to that. They bring him into the rebel camp, and they're like, well, you know, wander around a little bit. No chaperone, we trust you, you know? Just get a lay of the land. Just randomly start vaccinating people.

Are people will be doing what your aunt thinks a cocaine farm is? Yeah. So furiously picking leaves and then other people stepping on them like grapes? Gravestime. Yeah, that's cocaine, yeah. I'm such an idiot.

I was like, is that fucking cocaine? That's me. Chagy, if it ever shuts an idiot, I was like, is that fucking cocaine? What's wrong? That's not true. If it ever shuts down and goes full-skina, it's because I spend its life being like, do you make cocaine by stomping on leaves with water? Yes or no, and Chatchy PT is like, come on. Yes. Maybe you want to be an Uber driver.

But I should steal yours. Yes. Yes. Yes. So, but this is also where he has his one-on-one with the Scorpion. Now, like every South American bad guy in the history of film, we meet this guy drive, dry shaving in the middle of the day. It's what? I have to shave every 20 minutes to establish dominance in case somebody shows up.

I think you're my guy. Actually, he's got like Gimli's axe. Yeah, right. Fuck. Fuck. I'm good. Ball peen hammer. Yeah.

I do not trust many men. So he talks to the guy, he goes, he goes, OK, so I'm here to vaccinate people for cholera. If I find anybody with cholera though, I need to take her with them with me I need to take them whoever it happens to be with me so that they can be treated and the guys like no If anybody's contagious you just bring them to me. I have a pit for people like that. I'm bad guy And then balance like fuck right you would kill the contagious people Well, but but what now what he should have done is like,

oh shit you have the signs of cholera. Right? Right? He's just asking everybody but this little girl has cholera. Yeah. He doesn't think of it. He says okay, well I'm just gonna go for a wand, and he's just, yeah you just wander around man,

you just wander around, we trust ya. And so he, he, you just wander around, man, you just wander around. We trust ya. And so he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, I want it the boss to be like, just give me the vaccines. We'll do it. It's not that hard. No, you need a doctor to explain as you're walking the whole park and the whole park. No, it's not, it's, oh, they're, no, it's,

trust me, it's, oh, you got it. Oh, you got it. You need to inject, inject it. It's pils. No, because if you don't do it hard enough, they just, they turn out to just like love math. Again, really need to, you gotta get them. You gotta get them.

That's how it works, right, April? You get vaccines, right? That's, yeah, okay. Halfway, you just end up with a podcaster, okay? You really are. I was like, yeah, no, I'll kill those quicker than the Colorado ones, shit. So yeah, so we wonder, so he kill those quicker than the Colorado ones, shit. So, yeah, so we wonder if he finds her stomping her cocaine grapes or whatever.

And he goes, he goes, Rocio, I'm gonna help you. Where do you sleep? To the 11 year old girl that's his opening line. I want her to be like, I'm having the fucking worth, fuck, man. Why did I give away my necklace? Oh be like, I'm having the fucking worst luck, man. Why did I give away my necklace?

Oh, damn, I needed that necklace. Does anyone have a circle? I'm just going to see if it's a circle thing, maybe. Now, of course, this stupid fucking movie has set this up this whole time where he's got the necklace, right? He has it with him. He could just say, Rocio, you can trust me. I have the necklace that your brother gave you.

No, this movie is too stupid to recognize that at any fucking point So he's like no tell me where you sleep and she's like I don't I'm not gonna and just then the scorpion's like hey Why are you talking to children and asking them there's? It would have been funny if he showed the necklace and she just like stabbed him in the neck was like oh You're a trafficker very good. Right, right, right. You got my brother. Yeah. Yeah. So, okay. So that night, apparently they just let him hang out. They gave him a room for the night, I guess. I don't know. So. You cannot say the name of the hotel you're in. You have to say live from Colombia. Yes.

Live from the rebel base in Colombia. I have the hate rebel base. But yeah, they let him hang out. And no, Shaperone, that's what fucks me up is that like I get that they would let maybe a guy in to do a bestie. But you would think you'd be like, let's at least have one guy watch him the whole time. But no, he's sneaking around like a fucking assassin's creed side quest, hiding in bushes and shit, right?

And eventually he looks in all of the bunkhouses, he doesn't see her anywhere. But ultimately, he does find, oh, sorry, we should point out too that all the bad guys have gotten together to have a little drunken guitar time, right? So there's a lot of loud noises. Hey guys, we're making a very serious movie about child sex trafficking.

How much folk music should we put? Ha ha ha ha ha ha. Can you do Wonder Woman? One full. One full. Yeah. Just one full rendition of Wonder Woman. It's the whole thing, though.

The whole thing, yeah. It goes on for so long. I actually even had, he's singing the Colombian version of I Want to Push You Around. Um. I want to score being the killer guy for harmonizing wrong. Right? One guy.

He's like, it stop pick a third Go stop on the leaves. So you're demoted to leave stomping. Yeah, but ultimately he does and while this is going on Tim is sneaking around the Campy finds the little girl she's in What's his name the the scorpions? Hot I think it's a scorp, the scorpions hot. I think it's a scorpion. Yes, scorpion, oh yeah. So he wakes the child up in her bedroom

in the middle of the, yes. Like fucking Homer Simpson running in, being like, bar, you wanna see my chains on hockey mask? Oh, sorry, I scared the shit out of you. You've been trafficked recently. Yes, yes. As a weird episode of Treehouse, I'm sure I give him you popcorn first.

Yeah, right, right. You would have been so much chiller. Again, he's got the fucking necklace. Anyway, so yeah, so he says, he says, hey little girl, I've been your room in the middle of the night. And so of course you fucking screams, right? And so the scorpions, like,

just hear that girl scream. I'm gonna go check that out. Like not the normal screaming that comes from a lot of our camp. Yes. Specifically, like, rocio scream, right? Yeah. So he drunkenly stumbles back to the house.

Tim hides under the fucking bed. Okay, but okay, because Scorpion sneaks up so badly and slowly, he's just like, I'll be coming around a corner in one minute. I'm the Scorpion, I'm the boss, I'm going to fight, I'm going, don't hunt under the bed and then choke me out, because you're awesome at karate Your Tim Ballard the legend when when Tim Ballard hides under the bed You thought it was gonna be like the darkest version of the wacky sex route, right? Oh, it's like Oh!

Jesus! How scandalous! I withdraw my yes, but don't worry, he jumps out and he karate fights you. Yeah, no, he's like risk control. We're risk control! And also, by the way, Jim Kovizl is about as good as fight choreography as Eli and Heath would be, right? So everything is like half of a cut. Here's the problem right so Jim Kovizal for those who don't know he was Jesus and he was like really punched me in the face but I don't know if you know this punching in the face hurts so he went crazy so he can't do fight choreography because they're like all right and then he's gonna swing it you and he's like So the way they get around the three seconds that Jim Kavizel can stay cogent for fight choreography is the girl opening and closing her

eyes. Yes, yeah, right. We're watching it through the little girl's eyes and she keeps closing her eyes and we're like, yeah, I didn't really want to watch the shit eat her kid. It's the funniest comedy shenanigans, because she'll open her eyes and they'll be like, ooh, close your eyes and then she opens her eyes and they're like, close your eyes. She opens their eyes and they're like playing cards and they're smoking fire.

They're both dressed as spider-man and pointing at each other for some reason. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. And also, this whole movie, I'm thinking to myself, I have to keep reminding myself,

you have to truly understand how silly this is. You have to imagine a grown man telling this story right to a group of screenwriters, and then I'm like, I'm like, beatin' his ass, and I got him in risk control, and then I'm like, p-chup-chup. And then he runs out of his cry, that was it.

That was all his cry, and then he was like, and then regular punching. And then there's an actual close-ice, and then like punch. Yeah, close-ice. But ultimately, he chokes this man to death in his own home, and then he grabs Rocio and they run off into the jungle together.

Luckily, he can navigate the jungle he's never been in before in his life by smell. Don't worry, I remember it was these trees, and then some more trees. What? And then America. Do you have more popcorn? So, luckily there's a glowing spinning video game boat

ready to go that he jumps right into. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right steps exactly. Before they get too far, of course, somebody goes to check on the bus because we need to have a chasing at the end, but why would someone, because the guy's like, hey, I'm gonna go rape the child that I sex traffic and then I'm gonna go to bed. And then like five minutes later, somebody's like,

hey man, do you want in on this next round of code names or what? Why would they go check on that? Boss, April's twisting the card around again. You got to come shoot her in the head with your machine, you know, man. It's just not a game at this point. So they go to runoff.

Tim Ballard is piggybacking a Rosio now, because he's a gentleman. They get to the boat just in time to like quietly push it out to the river. Apparently there's a guy whose job is to watch the boats when he fell asleep. It's like, he had one fucking job, man. So they push him off, they boat away.

The bad guys chase behind him. But again, this movie doesn't have enough money for like a boat chase, right? So they have to let him get just far enough away that they're like, we're coming to get you now. I'm gonna save this far. Yeah, man. Why would we think? I wanted like a new boss to come on they're like, ooh, we're coming to get you now! Save his far. Yeah, why would you care? I wanted like a new boss to come on and be like,

okay, so, El Scorpio's dead. I'm the boss, this is nothing. We'll get one grape stomper. When it gets right. This doesn't matter, we're not chasing. And I'm your new boss, Luke K. It's, so yeah, so they get back to the truck that has, I guess, Vampiro went back to the truck already, so they get back to the truck without incident because again, they don't have boat

chase money and they were like, let's keep it realistic. Not too cinematic. And of course, seconds after they get to the van, they jump in the van and like a second later, the bad guy show up with their machine guns and start shooting. Start shooting randomly where the blanks are safe for them to shoot. You're right, yeah, exactly. There's this great moment. It's just a poor filmmaking moment where it's supposed to be this music swells.

We've saved the child moment, but they're just silent in the car with the child for a bit. And I want him so badly to be like, okay, I'm thinking of a thing. Is it popcorn? Oh, yeah. Are you all better? I'm fine. Oh, no. It's so good.

Oh, I have this medal from your brother, by the way. I don't want that. That's the, yeah, this is not working out very well for me. Yeah, no, but that's the thing is that we watch just for a really long time, they drive away people to shoot at them, but you know, their truck is apparently bulletproof or whatever, so that doesn't fucking matter.

And then we just watch them road trip for a bit. And he's like, wow, this is, it's not very interesting at all. Pretty country got out here. Yeah, exactly. Where do you guys hang out? So then, so we get the next day. Now, I will say the one genuinely good actor in this entire movie

is the guy who plays Rosio's dad, the Honduran dad. He's actually a fantastic actor, which was really disturbing at this point in the movie, because the next scene is like her waking up at the hospital and the dad is there with Miguel. And like, it's a teary eyed moment. And it's just like, well, dammit, I was having fun here. I feel like Miguel is a little bit

in this moment because he's like, finally the kid that matters is saved. Right, yeah. Well excuse me for getting saved and act one, dad, fuck. Also that we pan over and Tim is sleeping in the chair in the hospital. It's like, dude, like that's just fucking creepy, right? Like this poor little girl has been sex traffic for the last year of her fucking life.

Like maybe not having a strange man sleeping in her room would be great for a change, right? Nope. I'm protecting her from that gossipy doctor. Yeah. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha Okay, yeah, that makes sense. So then, so Rocio gets home, she gets to her long lost drum that she was playing at the very beginning of the movie. Sorry, I got, I got to interrupt here. This is how you know this whole movie is a lie. Homeland Security United a family. Ah!

Absolutely not. Made up. Absolutely not. Made up. Ha ha ha ha ha. Homeland security. Look at how you're going to see IA caught a spy at all. Yeah, right, right, exactly. All the fiction.

Yeah, yeah, exactly. The American government discouraged child sex trafficking. Um, so yeah, but no, but she comes up, she's, she's, she's, she's her little drum that she was playing at the beginning of the movie and of course I wanted to go, it's your fucking bolts is all happening. They would never have hurt me, stupid fucking drum! But no, she plays the drum again and she plays the, we will, we will rock you beat, right?

So that we can once again hear the sound of freedom, yeah. Freddie Mercury kicks open the door, this is a bummer! So, and by the way, in case that was too subtle, in case you didn't get that they were doing the sound of freedom bit again We actually cut back to that scene of all the kids doing the same beat apparently roast you like that. Yeah I think it's nice that they have music lessons in the child bordello. Yes To any of you look we're going to send you to adults who are going to do literally mind-shatteringly horrible things to you in just a moment.

But does anyone want to teach a song? Or? It is. For the town of portion, yeah. We could do like a fun, get to icebreaker. Can we do improv? Yeah. So how do I be like a pigeon? I'm Craig the Coleco.

OK. I'm, yeah, Craig the Califist. Yeah. I know my pronunciation is terrible. So then we get the bullshit breakfast club clothes, right? So the movie's like, you know, because he flies home, Tim Baller flies home and it's like, it comes up and it's like, Tim stayed in Columbia and worked with Jorge to pursue other leads uncovered during the raid.

And then they show us actual video of the raid that that bit in the movie was based on. And of course, it's like, oh wow, they were rescuing 24-year-old women that were voluntarily doing sex work. Gotcha. It's like they did an entire breakfast club close, just to argue with a whole bunch of press

about how Tim Bellard's a liar. Yeah. Tim Bellard's a liar. Yeah. And Tim Bellard went on to not make it worse. What, what? He helped. It's a good size also. And then, and he even goes to his bars and then he returned to his family where his wife loved him very much

and didn't believe it. He had bullshit they said about it. Boy, I like all her friends. I wasn't thinking anyone's name. You were thinking someone's name. All the way down to like, you know, Tim's testimony before Congress helped them like, no, sure, sure, fuck, didn't, sure the fuck didn't. But yes, that's their whole like ending of the movie is counting up all the kids that he saved from the sex trafficking that he financed.

But then, yes. Can you hear him about the post? Yes. That's the thing. And then the credits roll. And you're like, wow, that was a really stupid movie. It was so terrible. At least it can't possibly get worse now.

Yes, it can. Or because Jim Kadezel, if you've seen a Tom Cruise movie in the last 20 years, you know that Tom Cruise, a crazy person, now comes out at the beginning and end of all his movies. And was like, you just watched a movie with me, Tom Cruise. And so Jim Kovizel is going to do that with one level of crazy added to it. He explains that this movie is the, and if you haven't seen the movie,

I promise I am not exaggerating, the Uncle Tom's Cabin of 21st century slavery, and then he bursts into tears and weeps openly on camera while the person behind the camera figures out what the fuck to do with the rest of their career. Okay, that's, if you were like, what's the craziest analogy you could possibly say? Uncle Tom's coming to the 21st century. For sex slavery, yeah. That's insane, but let's think about that for a second.

Of course, Uncle Tom, according to Tim Ballard, when he said that. Like, the kids that were two obedient when they were... She's the traffic. I don't think this is going to go in any good direction, Sman. I think... What could he have heard about that all the time? The science of the analogy are two people answer our twins All right, so to close things off here obviously given the success of this one I'm I'm sure there will be a sequel before long 238 million dollars to box. Yeah, that's a lot of fucking money

Terrible and and and like a hundred and eighteen million of that was from people going to see it money and and and like a hundred and eighteen million of that was from people going to see it so we didn't to action is by extra tickets to this fucking movie! Seriously, there was a pay-it-forward button. Button! On the thing when I was watching it, I claimed so many free tickets. Yes. To block. I made so many accounts every time I was at like Starbucks, New Wi-Fi, I was like, no account.

Block. There you go. Every time I was at like Starbucks, new Wi-Fi, I was like, no account, blah. There you go. So. And in that spirit, our tickets don't go off sale until midnight tonight. So they would like someone to see this live show. Please consider trafficking a child. All right.

That's just crazy. What did you say? So, now obviously look, when this sequel comes out, obviously we all want to get together with you guys again and we're going to talk about it. So in the interest of helping make that happen, do you guys have any ideas for the title or tag lines for the new movie? All right, I'm going to go with Sound of Freedom 2, Uncle Tim's Cabin. Oh!

Sorry! Tio Timo Teos! Cabin, whatever Cabin is in Spanish. Oh, I got one. I got one. Sound of Freedom 2. I want to fuck. Thank you, Los Vegas! Oh, I want to fuck you. Thank you, Los Vegas!

All right, folks, that's going to do it. I'm reviewing the Sound of Freedom. It's not going to do it for the episode yet, because we still need to thank Tim Robertson, who's in the back here. Tim O'Teo. He did an enormous amount of work. He work helping set this up and set a platinum night and a Rhydium night and the VIP thing.

So Tim, thank you so much for your hard work. Obviously we want to thank Lucinda and Anna for helping at the table there. They'll also be giving out more merch later. We need to thank Anna Bosnick for providing live entertainment during the interstitials that the listeners at home didn't get to hear that's right listeners at home You've been missing out We need to thank all of the folks at a hotel that shall not be named But most of all of course we want to thank you guys for coming out. Thank you so much for making this an awesome night for us.

And on that note, we'll leave you with the Breakfast Club Clothes. The employees at Wayfair went on to do some really fun pricks. I really hope they do. Tim Ballard-minus into spun. Tim Ballard went on to probably be a fucking senator. I'm sorry, Romney's retiring retiring guys there's an opening. Nobody ever got a vaccine in that part of the country again. That's right. Alright, thank you so much guys.

The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstrom LLC copyright 2023 all rights reserved. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thedrstrom LLC Copyright 2023. All rights reserved.