God Awful Movies - 434: Lady Ballers

Episode Date: December 12, 2023

This week, Lydia and Thomas from the "Where There's Woke" podcast join us for an atheist review of Lady Ballers. It's the story of a bunch of grown men yelling slurs in hopes of getting a rise out of others. It's "Too Many 10 Year Old Boys on This Server: The Movie." --- Check out more from Lydia and Thomas on Where There's Woke. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

He accidentally showed him trying to throw a jab on the active. He might as well tie a snorkel to it. We're talking this shit. He caught his ear off for sure in a bad take. I love how they showed as little as they could. They were Zapruder filming that up. And the one frame you could see of the javelin leaving his hand It's already horizontal to the

And his head is going back into the left because he's gonna hit himself OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE OOBE left is my good friend Heath and right Heath. Welcome back. Thanks Noah. I guess whatever. Yeah. Fuck. I'd like to say to start. Yeah. Yeah. Eli isn't here today. He dropped this bomb and ran away. But luckily sitting 2600 miles to my west is guest, massacres power couple Thomas and Lydia Smith from the where there's woke pod guest. Thomas. Lydia. Thanks for joining us. Oh, man, I don't know. Also, I was so excited to have my wife join me on something that is my favorite thing, which has got all the movies.

I mean, this is truly like, oh my God, gonna go on with the guys, my favorite show, gonna guess, and my wife gets to come, and then you send us this. Yeah. I just don't, I don't know how to interpret this Noah. Right. No, I get it. I feel the same way, man. I feel the same way. I got came back from a fucking heart attack. And he was like, look what I got you. Oh, I was going to say maybe we should do this

off air. Noah, but I think you should talk to either a lawyer or something. He's trying to kill you. Like I think so. Did he? Yes. He take a policy on. Yes. Yes. Keep me in a chair. It's posse. Yes, he did. So, Thomas, what is Eli trying to kill me with? Oh boy. We watched Ladyballers, a movie about protecting the sanctity of sports made by people who have never seen a bar.

Yeah. You remember in Zoolander when he goes into the coal miners bar and he says who's winning the match And that's like a hilarious joke because they're you know funny That's all unironically Align in this movie. Yeah, they're called they're like the basketball match is happening. You're like Say the sanctity of sport. Yep. So bad. I love the ball of baskets.

What? Yes. And Lydia, how bad was this movie? Oh my God. Well, I don't even know how to rate this, honestly. Like it was so unfunny, terribly written, terribly directed. It just, I'm overwhelmed. I don't even know.

It was horrific and wanted to die. I literally message you guys, hi, I'm going to die now. Yeah. I don't wanna be here anymore. If this is what we could actually have in this world is something like this. It's horrible.

It's, it's n slash a is my, it's not even on the dimension that has bad. It's not there. Right. It's zero of something. It's not stars. It's zero something, though. Yeah. Yeah, I went ahead and I did it in the E-Life format just if people would find that more

comforting, you know, in this time. So I did a, well, if you like comed that don't have a single joke, but you also love sports movies that don't have a single sport. There is not one single second of anything for a given sport they depict. There's not a single second of action in it that could legally be that sport. No, it's at all. Like they literally, that's true. Yeah, really true. They're couldn't like if a referee were watching, it was like, are you doing a thing that is basketball? No, zero things that are bad. Yeah. This sports comedy is neither sports nor comedy.

Disgust. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Now, and we should mention right up front to that this movie was intended to be a documentary according to Ben Shapiro. Oh, really. Yeah. Now, and we should mention right up front too, that this movie was intended to be a documentary according to Ben Shapiro. Oh, really? Yeah, it was. So the daily winner guys, they wanted to get a bunch of men to sign up for women's sports and call themselves trans and then do a documentary about how easy it would be for the fake trans women.

But obviously, like, look, they you can't fucking do that. Every sports league was like either. Yeah. We just don't allow trans women to compete at all or you have to prove you're on HRT and have been for a certain time. And a time of blah, blah, blah. So they finally, they were like, well, shit. I guess we'll make a comedy about a world where that would be possible. Also, did you guys know that apparently Jeremy Boring had a thing to do on July 9th? And then like in March, he was like, Oh, I want to make a feature film, a full length feature film before July 9th. Yeah. It shows. Yeah, it doesn't it though.

I'm so glad you said that. I didn't know that about the documentary. Usually the way we do it is on our power couple that that was the nicest compliment I've ever heard from you. I know. Maybe you should have us killed too. I don't know. Something weird's going on.

But no, Lydia usually does those background facts. I hadn't come across that, but it's perfect because my whole thing was going to be like, the premise of this movie is, yeah, you know how they just let you do? You could just say you identify as a woman, you could do any sport, and then someone goes, no. Actually, no, they're pretty strict. Nope. I see. I see. I see.

Yep. And then the next sentence is, okay, but pretend they don't. They don't. I mean, if they didn't, then you could imagine that this would happen. Yeah. Yeah, the reality of this movie is just nope. And the one the way. Yeah.

And the movie. But you guys, this came up in Congress. Did you know that? Oh my God. Yeah. So, Representative Eric Burleson from Missouri, there was the title nine hearing this week. You know, that was happening in Congress. He brings this up as part of his time because Riley Gaines, who is featured in this movie,

she's the swimmer who tied with Leah Thomas for fifth place. And so now, you know, the world's out to get her because she didn't get fifth place by herself. Her testimony to Congress when Burleson brought this up was it didn't feel like satire. It felt like a documentary. Yeah. And turns out Jeremy Boring sent a screener to everyone on the committee before the hearing. Yeah. Oh wow. We should have some of them on the show then. I wish I'd

know. I know. I know. So is there anything you guys want to nominate? This one for being the best at being the worst at? Yeah, I'm gonna go with best worst comedy, worst worst comedy. They made this movie in 2023, but everything is apparently from before the invention of the part of jokes called the joke part. Yes. It was like watching like proto comedy in a museum exhibit.

You know what I mean? Like, here's the paleozoic improv, too. They just before they discovered the punchline. Yeah, but they just say the punks you give them back to you. It's like, oh, I heard Hunter Gatherer and Fire Pit. Lululu hunting. It is really like when you see an NBA game from the 1920s and you're like, why? That's just like a guy. It's like a me. Like I would have been the star.

It's like that's like boy, they used to just in the future, they'll look back on this and be like, wow, they used to just let anybody make commies. Okay. Yeah. We have rules about that. I would say best, worst casting and cameos. Yeah. Yeah, the casting is terrible. It's so bad and they like couldn't find anybody else so they had to use everyone from Daily Wire to be in this. But then they have just cameos from random ass people.

Ted Cruz has a cameo in here. There's a video in a break during filming, like trying to play basketball. Like, it's so pathetic and amazing. Yeah, so that's what I would dominate this for. It's just, it's ridiculous. There were so many cameos who were like, it's obvious we're getting a cameo, but I have no idea who the fuck that is. Yes, yes.

Oh, it's the best. And a few of those people, like, look at the camera and wink. And they're like, I'm famous. This is the camera. And I'm like, I don't know who the fuck you are. I don't know who you are. I've just said my line. And that's my, that's my famous line that everyone likes.

It's like, is it? I don't even know which one of the lines you said is that. I love the idea of having a Ted Cruz, Ted Cruz, objectively one of the least liked human beings in all of humans. And they're like throwing a Ted Cruz cameo. Like if you're going to have a cameo be, he gets hit in the nuts with a basketball, don't gold. 100%. And your cameos, hey, pardon me with those notches or whatever, it was nothing like. Who said that? What is that doing? What is that doing? I think I'm in seat eight and that's like the end of the camera. It's so boring and stupid.

So dumb. That's the most interesting thing Ted Cruz is allowed to say, I think. So I was going to go with, this is kind of met up and I'm going to go with best worst video player. Right? Thank you. We had to watch this on the Daily Wires website. Yeah. And every time you paused it, which I do, like when I watch one of these movies, I paused

about 100 times to like write little notes or check things in the background and shit like that. You'll kill yourself, yeah. Yeah, right. Exactly. One or one I'm even fucking doing here. Get the car started and the garage. Right.

Right. So, but every time I paused this, when I un-pawzed it, it took like two, every time you'd hit it, it would start and stop again and the start and stop again and you couldn't get it to fucking just start. And there's no like back 10 seconds or four or 30 seconds. There's no play in a little bit faster. There's everything about this was so amateurs. It was like the 20s basketball version of

you. Yeah, there you go. Yeah. I think what they have is anti bad review software. Like they knew that we would be watching this and pausing it. And they were like, we're going to make it fucking hard to pause and make this. They had the people who did Ron DeSantis' entry speech, getting into the race speech on Twitter. Remember that? Did not work at all. It must have the same right-wing idiots who do all their technology. It's just like, does not work. It worked, I guess, because they have a 95% on rotten, but they just sell it.

They have a different type of review technology. Oh, no, they have another technology called InCells, huh? Yeah, that's true. InCells. Yeah. That's true. InCells Inside. Yeah. I was able to speed it up a little bit with a plug-in. And my favorite part is Ben Shapiro talks once and he already sounds like he's sped

up. So him talking in that speed was insane. Like, I'm funny. That's all it was. Yeah. It's just like. Like, fun. Yeah, that's all it was. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, cool. I would like to nominate. Now, this might be bold of me. And I feel free to, you know, fact check me, folks. But I'm going to say best worst hate crime. So you guys have done a lot of offensive movies over the years. I listened to fucking all of them. But if you ever done a movie where the entire movie itself is a hate crime, I'm not sure.

Maybe. What do you think? I don't think we have. We've done it. Well, maybe, maybe what was right to believe, maybe Matt Walsh is what is a woman is a hate crime. Yeah, yeah. Fair. Yeah. He's in this movie.

He is in this movie. Yeah. So tied for best worst day crime. I think this I this still might be the best worst of them. Yeah. Of the three or four just pure hate crime movies that we've done. Yeah. All right. Well, I'll tell you what, I have a week heart and this movie's going to test it. So I'm going to pause to mush beta blockers like they were Evan M's, but we'll be back in a flash without the juvenile bigotry that is Back in a flash without the juvenile bigotry that is lady ballers No, it's crushing up rails of beta

Use some try and do our gotta relax. I gotta be natural. Hey, Noah. Eighth. Let me ask you some. Does my face look godless in this picture? Yes. I guess so what you're doing there? Well, my mom still doesn't believe I'm an atheist, so I'm sending her pictures to help prove it. Also, I'm looking for a holiday gift for her and I haven't found anything good yet. Sounds like aura frames might have the perfect thing for you.

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Where do I get one? Give the perfect gift this holiday season by visiting aura frames.com today and get $30 off their best telling frames with the code awful. These frames sell it quickly though. So get yours before they're gone. That's a you are a frames.com with the promo code awful terms and conditions apply. Nice. Well, there's mom's gift taking care of nice. Hey, Heath. Yeah. Yeah, what's up? You know I'm an atheist, right? Huh? Yep. Sure do. Definitely. You said that really weird

in hesitant. Okay, look, I heard you whisper a prayer during the overtime at the drags game. But football does not count. Okay. Pascal's wait. All right, guys, thanks for coming in. I've got some really exciting news. Oh, did you find the clearest? Don't be ridiculous, Todd.

No. Oh, I just got approval from the very top. We are going to write the most triggering movie of the year. So we're going to write Barbie. Yeah, that's, that's already written, right? That would make it easier. No, guys, you would not not Barbie. Oh, the marvels. The eras tour in theaters. No, for them, triggering for them. We don't get triggered on our site, okay? We get righteously outraged about doll movies. It's a totally different thing.

Those are different. We're gonna write a movie that triggers the lips. Oh, oh. Oh. So wait, we're gonna write a movie with no purpose, except trying to provoke an angry reaction out of people we disagree with. Exactly, yeah. Are we gonna do that by presenting solid arguments

in favor of our side that will frustrate their ability to retort? No, I was just thinking slurs. Oh, good. Yeah, just wall to wall slurs. Because I don't actually know any solid arguments in favor of our side, so that's a really good idea. Our side doesn't even have a coherent position except blind hatred for others.

Exactly. Yeah. Right. Okay. So does this mean I can type the N word? Let's stick to slandering minorities that don't scare me. Okay, man. Good call. Yeah. Got it. And we're back for the breakdown. And we're going to start off at a high school basketball game. Yeah, high school for 35 year old. Yeah, well, right, right. Yeah, I don't know if I feel that they digitally Daged these guys, but they get only a four, three years or so. God, the lack of knowledge of anything sports is so crazy. For literally my first note was I would like thoughts on basketball

play. Yeah. Because it looked wrong to me. Okay. And I don't play basketball. It sure was. Yeah. Before they even play a moment of the sport of basketball, we see a sign at this event that

says Tennessee State Championship high school basketball game, like a big slide. To identify as a game of the basketball ball of high school here in Tennessee. So stupid. It's also in a tiny gym. Yeah. Like, I don't, okay, maybe there's a California thing, but when you get to the state championship here, you're

playing in like an NBA fucking arena. Yeah. Sure. Sure. You care about their high school sports you know, I'm I feel like you want to see. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're not playing in a fucking elementary school gym for the state. Right. So yeah. So this is the state championship from 2008 for Tennessee. And the Tigers aren't doing so well at the half, right? Yeah. Yeah. And the coach throws a chair. You're out of the game. Sorry. You're out. Okay. Now you're not in the game anymore. Coach, cool. You can't just casually

throw chair. They go in and this is already already. It was incredible. First off, every single player in their team is wearing a headband. I don't that doesn't exist. You don't do that. I have several notes here. They just say no. I don't know what those are about, but just no. In general, just to sort of like how you know how we have a standing filibuster in the Senate now. Like it used to be. You had to stand up there and do the Mr. Smith goes, why now we just it's a standing filibuster. Assume that with me and the sports on this. Like if I if I don't say anything, it's no, it's not, they do it. I second word no sports. I second the permanent pillowbuster. Blanket objection to the entire movie. Yeah. Yeah. And this coach who, I don't know what character he's trying to do. I didn't understand

what any of the, his acting choices was. I was super confused about that. But we go into halftime at the state championship game supposedly. They're down at the half or to believe. They come in, you know, slightly angrily, so we were to believe they're down at the half. He does not a single second of coaching. Yeah. He goes in there and the halftime thing, they try to do a joke where he's like going to give an inspiring speech, but he doesn't say anything. There's not a word said about the game basketball.

There's not anything. We don't know basketball. Nope. There's not anything. Not it. We don't know the score. We don't know anything. And I was just thinking, you know, and this ended up being quite prophetic. I was like, $5,000 to the director of this movie right now. What does the coach of a team do? Like, what is the...

Right. And I'm realizing, do they think that the coach just cheers for the team? Yes. Like, I actually think that's what they think. He just, he's like, ekek bin, iron burliner. And they're like, I don't know what you're doing. Yeah.

Kennedy speech. Yeah. Cause we go in there and he's like, oh, we're going to lose. Damn it. It's like, we weren't even state champions. And one of the players says, coach, aren't you already a state champ? No one, no high school kid would be like, well, it's fine because you already won before years that I was here. Well, so we should point out that this character,

the coach is Jeremy Boring. Yeah. He's the writer and director of the film. He's never acted before in that show. And the producer and yeah, right, right. This is his movie. Oh, it's the daily wire. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Co-founder or whatever of the daily wire. He's never acting in a movie and he just went like, well, I could be the star and everybody's like, I guess you could be the star, man. You wrote that on the top. So okay. I didn't know all that because that would require getting

information into my brain more about this worst movie I've ever. This was a, this was hard. This was. Oh, yeah. My third note of this is, I've ever had. No, I swear, I swear. This was hard. Oh, yeah. My third note of this is, this is so bad. Oh my God, I want to die was my third note of the movie. My first note is I feel so dirty now. Yeah. Yeah. Look, and it's not just because it's big,

I didn't know that shit that we're going to get to. As we go, it's also just fucking terrible. We're four and a half minutes into this movie and it has already recycled two jokes, right? It's like they know the cadence of humor, but not the content of you like an early AI trying to do. Yeah, yeah, totally. Yeah. It's my favorite one of my favorite parks and rec quote, which is when the guy is like,

but I had the cadence of a joke. I guess the whole. That might as well be the whole movie. Yeah. So at some point somebody ran into this writer's room. He was like, I learned about it. It's called a call back. I learned that this thing, you just tell him what you do is.

You say it again. I think you just say it again. And that's when you win comedy or something. And that is such a relief because we hadn't figured out literally how to write a single joke. So at least we have that. We now we have that one. That's one, anybody else, we get that's one kind of joke.

Okay. All right. We had a one hour movie. It's two hours now. I think we're. What's that classic comedy messing with the equipment guy, right? Hilarious. Oh my God.

So I'm an original guy. Yeah. And then I also had a question, is this supposed to be the full basketball team? Because there's like, no, it's not that. Yeah. There's like maybe five people told me in the locker room. We might as well approach that now when they put together their dream team later, they they're like, they have four guys and like, all right, we need one more guy.

One more guy and we've got ourselves a basketball team. What? Because there are five guys on a basketball team. One of you gets tired. Yeah. You do quit the game. Like, are you timeout guys again? That doesn't make sense. We're all elite athletes from fucking high school and now we're four.

There may be people listening who are like, oh, surely you guys are exaggerating for humor how little they know about sports. No, no, they don't fucking know anything about sports. We made a whole movie. Oh my God, look, I made the kind of the joke about Lydia. A lot of women not into sports at all. If you took your average housewife who's never watched a game of anything

and doesn't care about sports, she would do a better fucking job making a sports movie than these idiot assholes who think they're better than women at sports. That's the ultimate warning. Well, right because she because that average woman would ask somebody, Hey, how many people do you want? She would watch the same thing. No, she was been watching something.

Yeah. Yeah, the low expectations on it's such a meta thing on this. Yeah. Metacomter on this movie itself. Totally. Like they come in here and they think they could just do women sports better than women. They do the same thing with the movie. They're like, we could make a movie about sports. Do we need to know anything about source? No, because our side is like, ah, we care about manly men's sports. And that's it. We don't actually have to know anything about it. That's the whole bit. So we get the locker room scene and then we get the title, the Lady Bowler's title, we

montage our way through the second half, right? He gives the rousing speech and then they all, like, they're all riled up. And every single highlight of their montage is a layup because they're all wet. Yes, because not all of them get wet. They actually go for an alley you bit one point the guy jumps up catches it Lans Sound layer Why the defense looks like you know when they were you know when like Putin goes out there and plays hockey and shit

Everybody else show a show by the way like the fucking red queen or what? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's that with an Instagram filter over at the entire time, though, for whatever reason, they'll throw that on there. Yeah. And there's one highlight just again, we, I know people come to your show for the sports analysis. So one highlight where the guy gives up a completely open layup to throw it out to another guy to shoot a further away harder, but not a three-pointer. Yeah, two Well, there's even a shot of one guy hanging off the rim, but we don't see how he got there.

Yeah, they totally ran a step stool out of it. I can't hold on much longer, guys. Well, arms are getting tired. And when I love is they did all this and then they thought later on, they're like, well, that look kind of shitty because none of us can dunk.

And so for the whole rest of the movie, they use seven and a half foot rims. Yup, and so they're able to dunk it, but when they land their head is like three inches below. Yeah. That's it, rim. And so we're to believe they won. He gave a speech, he didn't say a single thing about like,

hey, we need to double this guy here because it's going to be like, but if we double him, watch for the backdoor pass, because then that's going to leave nothing. Not a single detail about sports. They're just like, go try to win, man. And then they won. And they won. Double him, like a call back in comedy. I don't understand. If you guys felt like a lot of the scenes were kind of empty in terms of extras, I saw that extras like literally left when they found out what was being filmed. Oh really? Yeah, the casting notice it was like super secret.

They signed NDAs and then people were violating the NDAs. Oh, that's awesome. When they left and started protesting outside the filming locations. Oh, amazing. It's interesting. Interesting. Yeah. So they win the game and this is the first of the attractive women that this director has written and produced in everything a movie to make them like want to make out with

him. Yeah. Right. So like the coach goes to the to the sidelines and there's a beautiful woman there that's just like can't keep her hands off of them the whole time. Yeah, because that's what a woman would do right after the buzzer of a state championship game. She would go like, I'm gonna go cling on. In a high school. Yeah. None of this. None of this.

That 45 year old coach with a dad bod. Oh, yeah. It's a sexual attention from me. So weird. Seriously, this movie had like a $7 million budget. Six was on the three women that had to pretend that they were trapped into the sky. Yes. Please. We're begging you. Yeah. So then we cut 15 years later to the present and he's trying to give a speech to a much and less enthusiastic team because kids today don't want to play no more or whatever.

Sure. Yeah. That's why they got rid of sports. There's no more. The NBA is not going. Right. Yeah. No more NFL. That's not. Obviously. No. Not. Yeah, but it's this it's such a get off my lawn fucking scene, right? Because he's like standing there trying to talk to this team and they're all like on their phones and not paying attention with the sound on? No, it's just. Yes, but no, no, no. It's even worse than that. They do, God, as somebody who appreciates comedy in any way, if you're anybody who is

laughed at a joke ever in your life, you watch this and you're like insulted at the lack of any craftsmanship. But it's so cheap and shitty because the whole punchline is, here we go, he's making an inspired speech, but when we pan to the people he's talking to, they're not interested. So here's how we signify that. Here's how we show people that. Right when the camera shows all those kids, they're all on cell phones, by the way, some of which are from 2003.

I don't understand that. Yeah. Through that one, this entire movie, half the cell phones at all times are flip phones from 2003 and they're playing snake on them. The modern cell phones walked out as extras and credit test. Yeah, more versions of iPhone kept walking out. iPhone 7, now we can't get iPhone 7. iPhone 4, and that's it. That's all, and flip phones run.

But what they do is when they pan to the kids, 100 million cell phone sounds go off at once. Oh yeah. Whatever, whatever. Like, how is that possible? I know. If you know anything about kids, they don't have the sound on their goddamn fucking phones at all times.

And they do it again. They do it again for five seconds later. The entire time. When they're like, okay, now have I gotten you interested? Oh, let's pan over. And apparently that's when they turn on the microphone around all the 50 million phone sounds that are on. And they do it again.

They all pick up the phone at the same time. Hello, why are you calling me? Who calls? This is weird. All of a sudden. Well, and that's the thing, like what really insulted me comedically in this movie, other than obviously it all being based on bigotry was the total lack of escalation. Yeah.

Right? They were like, oh, you know, it's funny when the sound's gone, let's just do that eight more fucking times during this scene and that, that, that, then we'll have nine jokes in it. No, should we build? Should we build the sound? No, no, no, no, exactly the same fucking thing. Jesus.

We can't build anymore. We already put in the maximum sounds possible in my DAW here. There's no, I can't fit anymore in pro tools. I use every crap. We're just like fuck you, man. Well, and then of course, as the kids are leaving, he says, and whoever stole my catalytic converter, stop doing that. And then a black kid that he was very clearly talking to was like, you can't talk to me like that. And they're like kids these days. You can't even accuse black kids of thievery anymore.

I guess, I guess is the point that they're making here, right? And then as the kid walks off, a saw drops out. Yeah. Again, you dropped your blah, blah, blah. But in kids and the cordless saws is something that they grind here. He was during a practice that they yeah yeah yeah yeah and now since his car is missing the catalytic converter what do you think that does comedy wise I don't know but I bet it's probably let's out of

teaching Chong about a smoke out of the bag of the car probably is that is probably something like that you know how cars are in a constant ball of fire if you don't have a satellite camera. I don't, I don't. That's visually funny. Losing your catalytic converter does not make your entire car turn into one of those burn pits from the Iraq war. Yeah, right. That's it. Well, that's what they do because it's so funny. Well, yeah, yeah, no, this bit is going to trust me. This bit's going to kill for the next 11 minutes. It will carry the movie for the next 11 minutes. So he's late now. He's got to pick his daughter up from from psychropractic. He pulls up in his smoky car to pick her up. And you can tell that her psychrocoach is a bad guy because she's wearing a mask, right? I'm fucking not wanting to spread

disease like some kind of pansy. Again, 2023, this is, we're still doing jokes about masks. Still doing masks. Yeah, clearly. Likely anyone who's wearing masks still probably might be immunocompromised. So it's like, cut, these people who want to not die. Am I right? Fuckin' cancer patients. This entire movie, it's just idiots doing like a lightning round of what grinds my gears

and they work it in and they were like, what's bad? Masks, clean air, catalytic converters, women without makeup, check, check, check. All right, we're crushing it. We're crushing it. Yeah. They're doing it as fast as they can. Now, we should also, I should also note that on the way over to pick up his daughter, he gets fired from his job coaching basketball at the rec center for being racist.

And talking about the Bible, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. And pushing his religion on kids. And so they drive off the daughter. So this is, I guess, like the inciting incident, right? Cause the daughter's gonna tell him about all the stuff she learned in her woke school.

Yeah, she goes to one of those US public schools that teaches how communism is awesome. And that's the point. Yeah, it's to one of those US public schools that teaches how communism is awesome. And that's the point. Yeah, she's like, we learned about the Cold War and Mrs. So-and-so told us that the communists were the good guys. And then another girl showed me her penis. I'm not making that up. That's literally the line.

In the fucking school. It's like she's this little girl, they made her say this stuff. I know. And she has to deliver this line to her dad actor being like, so I'm in the bathroom at school. I'm taking a shit in the litter box because you know, that people, and then Mary Margaret shows me her dick out of nowhere.

And right now, whoever was handling the budget for the film is like, we should set aside about a million for when she ages into suing us. Yeah. Yeah. The parents are you're letting us know. But can we put some in an account, you know, and just like an interest bearing account just thinking for when she inevitably is like holy fucking shit.

Look what you made me do. I'm a child. I was a child then, you know, 15 years or so. She's this Christ so fucking sad. So yeah, so so now he's got to guess drop her off at her mom and her stepdad's place. And stepdad is one of them evil hippies that meditates. So good.

Look, this is, it's such a revelation into these people's minds every single time. This is the line. This is what we're setting up. This is our man who's supposed to be our protagonist, this coach, he's a man's man, even though he's fucking not at all in reality. But like, let's pretend he knows anything about sports and could do anything like that. Or could chop a wood.

The way we're setting it up, he's going to his ex who obviously every religious movie, they have to win back their ex because that's, you know, like you have to fix every marriage, you can't ever do. So it's always about winning back your ex every time. And so she's dating, like you say, oh, I hit, whatever. And he is supposed to be a heel, obviously. To this audience, he's a heel. He's a like, look, can you believe this fucking guy? Here's her description of the guy who we're supposed to think is like, fuck this guy. Chris is a good man who cares about other people and the world around him. Yeah, that's the idea.

And we're supposed to immediately go, oh, that asshole. Yeah, right? No, we all know this asshole. I have orgasms now. Boo, boo. I didn't make them write that. They wrote that in their movies. Yeah.

So I'm supposed to believe the better thing is to be a bad man who doesn't care about people in the world around it. And yes, that's actually their movie. So I'm supposed to believe the better thing is to be a bad man who doesn't care about people in the world around it. And yes, that's actually their philosophy. That's why you can't wear a mask because that would require you caring about anyone other than yourself. There you go. There you go. Is gay. It's so funny. The movie keeps losing to itself so badly during this moment. So like hippie new boyfriend comes up and he's like, hey, bud, you're, you're like real sad. Now it's a divorced piece of shit Republican and you live in a stupid condo. You can move in with us. I give her orgasms and it's so good. It's just such a sad sack protagonist keeps happening. It's the best. Yeah, and it never gets better for him.

Yeah, that's that's accidentally. And of course course the hippie dad is played by none other than Matt Walsh. Matt Walsh. Matti Walsh. I'm gonna say something I hate that I'm about to say this, but it's a true fact. Matt Walsh, the best actor in the film. Yes. Yeah, you're right. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. in a movie. Yep. Everybody else is like, what is your day job? Him and the little girl are the only actors. That's not a good point.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, little girl. Yeah, little girl. No, you're, thank you. Heath, oh, that's a relief on my mind. You're right. I was so mad that I had to type that sentence. I didn't count the little girl because I think it, you know, when I see crimes against children, I think I try to like block it out of my mind, you know.

No, I know, I get mind. So I forgot about that. The little girl is amazing. She's actually really good. So Matt Walsh, second best. Yeah, there you go. I did feel though, like in the movie, it felt like I was at a Halloween party though and everyone was just like in a costume and being their costume

because like none of it's real writing, none of it's real direction, none of it's real acting. It's real direction, none of its real acting. It's just like, yeah, it's surreal. I don't know, wearing a costume and walking around. Yeah, it's very weird. So yeah, so we meet this character and him and the ex-wife have an argument about what a hippie he is.

And then he has to go get a job. And this is the, they do this in the stupidest possible fucking way. Oh my God. So he walks into this store And he's like I used to work here 15 years ago and they said they'd hire me back and he's like is this still a CD store And it's like do you not have Did you do What Yeah, how how does this even work in your stupid movies mind?

But no, he accidentally has gone in accidentally to get a job at a bar where all the servers are men and drag. Yeah. Is that a real, is this something? Is this a, I'm like, look, it's a big world. I'm sure they have this in some gay district somewhere that's like a drag thing, but is, is this real where you have like a diner that's just straight men being forced to dress up this way?

In the daily wire nightmares, yes, these are real air, everywhere. I want to make sure I wasn't missing like a real reference to something, but no, okay. I don't, maybe, I don't think so. No, this is a writer who is like, own a job left in the country or in the drag sector and they make you do, have to have to be. Thank you, Biden. Thanks, Biden. You guys, I have to tell you about the Easter egg that's in here that I wish I didn't

know about, but because I did research, I know about. And I noticed it behind the woman's behind her desk, as you know, they're talking about if it's a CD store, which obviously isn't anymore. There's she, her in the background. Do you guys see that? Oh, the chocolate bar. Yeah, the chocolate bar.

So that was Jeremy Boring made his own chocolate when he got mad at Hershey's for being inclusive. And he made like chocolate that either said she, her or he, him, I guess. And so they had to flop that in there she or he him, I guess. And so they had to plot that in there. Yeah, yeah, it's the same thing. Like what we'll see more of Jeremy's stuff throughout the movie.

Yeah, the idea behind that, by the way, was so that you could give that out for Halloween to to troll the lib children. Yeah, yeah. As a troll for trick or treaters. Their grievances have gotten so abstract that you can't even understand it. Yeah, right. The stuff I'm supposed to be triggered by, like I'm having a hard time. It's ridiculous.

Give me a list or so. Yeah. So you just handed me free candy and then you said, got them. I don't understand. You got an answer. He heard it. I would receive that and be like, oh, okay.

Is that a new kind of chocolate for some reason? Yeah. I can choose done like a she or she's thing with like some sort of, no, okay. They're gonna have to start doing that with the things they're supposedly supposed to trigger us to death. They're gonna have to like, oh, as it's gonna require some explaining. So you are gonna be really upset that, oh, okay, that's my character. I'm supposed to get, okay, my character is I'm upset about pronouns in that way.

Okay, got you. I'll go with you. All the stuff that we're supposed to be triggered by is going to have to be like highlighted like a video game, right? Like a lot of a triangle over it or something. Yeah. So, yeah. So he gets his job at the drag bar because that's the only job left apparently that the immigrants haven't stolen probably. And he runs into one of his old athletes from his glory days. It's a basketball coach, one of the state champs who looks like he has an age today since that so weird. So after work, we get him and the coach, whose name is Rob and Alex, the old athlete,

they go out drinking after work to lament, you know, how great America isn't again. And we're to believe the coach took that job, right? Because he's in like drag. Yeah, well, he's wearing earrings. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, so then, but then this is when like, you know, shit really starts to go down, right? Because at some point, Alex mentions, he's like, you know, I'm actually still pretty fast.

And earlier in the movie, coach Rob heard about a $5,000 price for a race, right? Yeah. And so what happened is, Matt Walsh, you remember the good man who cares about other people in the world around him? He did. That guy, he is going to run some sort of race thing. And he's like, sorry, I just immediately went into, it's, it's daily wires. So it's probably a race, you know, like riot.

It's probably racial, you know. He's gonna run some sort of the actual running thing. And he asks the main character, he's like, hey, could you, do you think you could coach me? Cause you're an amazing coach. And I'm just like, so do you think that coach, what do you think coaching it? Do you think a basketball coach can just be a running coach? Yeah, you could just, hey, could you use some of your basketball knowledge to make me run

better? What? What do they think sports are? They don't know it. Coaches a universally applicable title. That's why so many coaches move between the NBA and the NFL. Constantly. They're all in a track. Exactly. At that moment, I was like, I genuinely think I was right. I think I called it. They think a coach is just a guy who like cheers you on. Like a personal trainer. Yeah, exactly. Right.

I think that's what they think. No, you're right. What else could they possibly think? Right? Because this is the very next scene. He's like, I could be your track coach. Why? Why?

If you could run fast enough to make the $5,000, why wouldn't you just keep the $5,000 to? But they go out back, right? And they're going to do this hilarious, because they're still dressed in drag. They're going to do this hilarious bit where he's going to run up and down the alley and drag to see how fast he is to see if he could be fast enough for the for the contest. You see how that's just naturally funny and they don't have to do anything that's just it's funny enough by itself to just. We're hold on hold on trash bag hits him.

Oh, there you go. Yeah, right. Any falls right. They do like 90 seconds of him slow motion running and drag in their life. See his fake boobs are swishing around. And then they realize, oh, we don't have anywhere to go with this. It also somebody throws a trash can at him and knocks him out. Yeah. There's also one second of like normal speed when he's like having to turn, you know, at the end of the alley. He's so slow. Oh my God. And our

coach, by the way, our coach who just went to track his day, he went in, you know, saw his ex, then he was like, need to get a job, get blindly walk, teleported into a place that I didn't look at the outside of. Got a job there, met his old guy, now they're at the bar, they haven't even got a time to take off their drag stuff. But in this scene where he's like, why don't you run CFS, you are, he has a stopwatch around his neck. Well, because he's a coach. Because he's like, why don't you run CFS or he has a stopwatch around his neck?

Well, because he's a coach. Because he's a coach, Travis. Have you ever seen it? He's just basketball coach. And so he's trying to, yeah, the stopwatch and a whistle. Listen, every single person who made this movie has a stopwatch around their neck right. That's for sure. He and I, look, I'm sure we both had twin aneurysms and we were going to share a hospital bed together

from this movie. Because then he proceeds, as you say, run down the alley while the idiot main character times him. And I don't know, look, I know we don't have a lot of sports people, but we have a lot of like math and physics people. Yes. There's a variable that he's missing. Can anybody identify the variable if you're trying to solve the equation

of how fast is this guy? We just all we do time. It's like how you measure your card speed in per hours. Yeah. We'll figure out the numerator after whatever it's done. He starts to stop watching. He reacts like, wow, that guy's so fast. Yes. You don't, did you measure out right from here to there and back? And you would never measure something and have them stop and turn around and come back. That's not a race that happens. Are there any track and field races that are like shuttle run? No. He's going to be a professional wind sprinter.

Yeah. Yeah. There is no track and field of debt where they put a wall on the track and they're like, okay, you same bolt, run down to that wall and touch it. Yeah. And turn around and come back. That event isn't anything. Ghost man on first.

You have to pick up the chalk eraser that's on the floor. Yeah. All right. So yeah, but he's fast. So they're going to do the run. So we get him showing up the next day or some other day or whatever to do that $5,000 run. And Alex has forgotten to change out of his drag from work again. Right. This is going to be important. So yeah,

so they go to register and they're like, all the men's events are full, but then they see Alex and they're like, oh, it's a trans woman. And he's like, yes, it's a trans woman, right? And in their worldview, once you see a trans woman every, you know how all of us, if we see a trans woman, we give them like our house and our car and we do that. Yes, well, yeah, obviously. You know, so we worship them. Well, you could, you just talk to a trans woman and you'll find that, yes, in public, they are often worshiped and fond of everybody. I know. I know. I'm tired of things being too good. Like it's just, you know, like they my my trans friends miss when it was a challenge, you know, to to live. Yeah, exactly. Like people hand me money. They just just suit cases

of money. They worship at the altar of me. No, that's not at all how it fucking works. Assholes. So dumb. So they let they get him right in. Yeah, waving the entry fee. Yep. Yeah, they even waved the entry fee because we all love trans people so much. So they wander off and Alex is like, but I don't want to run against women. And he's like, no, that's how it works these days. You know, and they give, I guess this is like the big argument he was wanting to make the documentary to give where he's like, do you know that high school boys run faster than female Olympians? And it's just like, yeah, do you know that trans women and competitive sports are universally on HRT? I mean, you do, right?

Because that's why you had to make this fiction. You do know that. Exactly. You can see we're unable to do a documentary. Yeah. Yeah. This is the't able to do a documentary. Yeah. Yeah, this is the central conceit of the film. It is true that the high school men's world record is faster than the world record for women for the 100 meter dash, for example.

That is a true fact. Sure. Okay. This fucking shlubbie, now I'm not body shaming just to body shaming. I'm body shaming because the conceit of them in the movie is that they just by virtue of being fucking shitty dudes, like just beer guzzling dudes are just better than every female athlete. So that's why I'm hitting on this.

This shlubby nothing athlete, what I know for certain is that he cannot run anywhere near either of those things. Like yes. The high school men's record is better than the women's world record. You know why? Well, that's because a high school man is probably 18 and is virtual. You know, like there's not much. It is pretty much peak speed.

Yeah, yeah. That record isn't very far off of the world record. It is just not. And so that comparison is just a way of phrasing it that makes it seem. That makes it sound like every high school dude can run faster than chicari Richardson. And that's not fucking true. If this guy tried to run against chicari Richardson, he would be halfway done when she finishes like easily. He would run an 18 second hundred meter. I guarantee it. Yeah. But that's the whole concept, the whole premise of their

movie that right. So they start to race and he wins. Hooray, hooray. And that night, of course, his victory is the like the lead story on the local mix. And our local news folks are Michael Knowles is one of them in a Brett Cooper. All right. This was at this point. This is where I had to turn to Lydia and say, Hey, the way this is shot, these are supposed to be people. What is this? Right.

Is this somebody? What on looks like it's just somebody's kid. Who is that, huh? That's Brett Cooper. So she is going to be the daily wires snow white because they're mad about the Disney live action snow white. She's so bad. I can't.

Yeah. Yeah. Wow. They don't make me watch that, please. They had to like use actors in this movie that knew they were never going to be in another movie again, right? Like so it had to be people they were employ. Yeah.

But the way they intro that, by the way, is they have our main character we're going to meet. One of our main characters is the journalist. she sees him win the race and she turns and does the mode I swear to God this is high school theater level. She turns the camera and goes call the station. We've got a story. Yes. I want whoever she's talking to you to be like why why don't you call it why would you say

it like that? You have to know the story. I have a pit. Yeah. like that. You have to know. There's a story. Next time we talk to the station, there's a pit. Yeah. They do it. Like it's like a mellow drama. I expected a dump, dump, dump, dump, like a risole done that. Yeah. Yeah. So she's, she's given the story of Alex winning and the anchor. One of the anchors is like, well, right, but she's not a real woman. Is she? And then immediately gets canceled? Yeah. Cause that's how it works. Okay, but correct. He's a liar is what he is. And then

the movie, the end. It's so dumb. Allegedly, he won every event at this thing. Yeah, we're going to say he had to do all the track and field events. This is where Lydia saw me laugh to death and shit myself. When he threw the javelin. Oh, there's a lot of things. Shot put. He fell a sportsman. And no, a fellow sportsman. Do they do shot put by having you line up all like 10 people in a row?

And you all, okay, one after the other, you all shot put in a football field. Is that how they do it? One second apart each one. Yeah. Everybody else now keep the same pace. Keep the same pace. Sam. It's not how you line up across from each other and then we can return them to it's faster.

You don't do it in tandem. You don't. You don't. Also, I watched this guy play basketball already. He does not do well in shot put or any sport ever. They accidentally show him trying to throw a jab on the actor. He might as well tie a snorkel to it. It's with him. He called his ear off for sure in a bad take. I love how they showed his little I knew he would be right in the same way. They showed his little as they could. Yeah. And it's still in very badly. They were Zapruder filming

that up and the one frame you could see of the javelin leaving his hand. It's already horizontal to the head. And his head is going back into the left because he somehow hit himself. It's so yeah. But he wins everything. He wins the $5,000. We get him and coach at the bar that night, divvying up the money. And this is where journalist lady shows up. So her name is Gwen Wilde. She's the journalist that was like, oh, I've got a story earlier. Right.

And she's going to tell him how it really is. She wants in on the con. She knows Alex is no woman. You're not a real woman unless you menstruate, which means I'm married to a guy. Apparently, I don't even fucking know where that was going, but she knows that it's all a con and she wants in on it. And she can use her powers as a reporter to make him famous. But the way they do it is like she's presenting them with a plan and the coach doesn't catch on for a while.

Yes. But the plan is have the dude compete as a woman, something they literally just did five minutes ago. That's the plan. They have the coach say, and again, I guess it's him because he wrote, directed, fucking started and did all the thing, paid the lawsuits, paid people off, did all the things of the movie. They have them say, do you want us to compete as women?

You just did that you're still in the outfit. Yeah, what? So stupid. Well, and then even Dumber, she's like, and I'll get the exclusive story on what? Oh boy, yep, they only let one person report on the news. Yeah, it's so, it's a damn upside. Yeah. It's I own this news. And then she comes on to him. Well, right.

Yeah, again, because he wrote and directed and produced and paid the losses in this movie. She's like, also, I desperately want to fuck you, coach. And he's like, well, of course. Every woman wants a winner. Yes, yeah. A divorce? Yeah, it is a shit cow. No.

He's such a loser. He just had to have somebody enter into a women's event to win money. That's, if you talk about loser, that's the ultimate loser. You couldn't be more of a loser. Yep. Then I need to cheat at some local sporting event to win five grand. Yeah. One of those winners who lost his job and immediately went to the CD store. He worked at 25 years ago, which is the extent of his business network to get a new job. Yeah. That kind of winner.

God. So yeah. So he wakes up after they imply that they've had some very raunchy sex, but he still has his. No, I love these conservative idiot assholes trying to defecate. All right. Okay, guys, has anyone ever had sex with a woman? No. Okay. What do you think you would look like if like some lascivious female journalist?

Because you know how we're trying to do it like all journalists are horrors. Yeah. Well, because her last name is wild. Right. She's such a whatever. How would how would we do it? Well, she could be sleeping in a Marty Grommath That yes Sleeping still tied to the bed. I guess with his button down on right? Cause he, cause he was not gonna, like he's like, I'm, I'm, I'm assured, I actually shower with my shirt on. So I'm not gonna take that off you.

Okay, I think we're being judgy about this particular thing for no reason. That's weird. Keith, do you often fall asleep holding the whip still though? That's my question. I do. I do. Sometimes we fall asleep

holding it together. You know what I mean? The mass romantic. It's so dumb. Oh, I can't sleep in them. Oh, my God. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So he wakes up from what these dumbasses think a night of Ron. She's sex is I guess his phone's ringing. We have the whole like he's tied up and it takes him forever to get this that don't, you know, that will get to three solid good minutes of slapstick out of that, right? You trying to answer the phone while you're tied up. Oh, still tight.

Is this a, is this a, like his circulation would be so messed up. Like he's lost all the blood from his fingers. He was being crucified. Yeah, right. Yeah. Like this is just, it's a medical emergency at this point, probably. It's, it's an important point she brings up. Everybody out there take it from my wife and I safety first when it comes to the SNM.

It's an important component of a good night. When you do blindfold stuff, just start together in the bed. Don't do a whole look around. Can you ever cut in the more you know? Right. Just make sure. in the bed. Don't do a whole look around. Can you ever cutting the more you know? Yeah, right. Just to make sure it's dub toes. So yeah, but so the but did Alex calling him, he's had the realization that now that they're competing in women's sports, they can get the team at the old high school team back together

and play basketball. I can't. Oh my God. They tried it. Okay. What are they are they trying to make like this is the Olympics? Yes, I think so. You can see is, hey, they're doing a new thing called the global games. The global games. Guys, there's too many levels of not understanding sports. I'm dying in here. I wish I wish people could understand. They're doing a new thing where you can try anyone can compete in the global games Open tryouts for the Olympics basically is what they're saying. Yes. Okay. That's not the craziest thing

You haven't you can have an open event for stuff that exists You us open itself is for golf is an open event theoretically you can qualify anybody can qualify But not for a basketball team. Why would you have? Okay, everybody bring your basketball team. We'll play a tournament. And the top team we have to take. Yeah, a team as a unit. Yeah, you know what we want? Okay, let's all assume that we're the United States,

and we want to win the gold in this event. Here's how we're going to find the best basketball team. Let's spread all the best basketball players out to different teams, have them play each other and then only one of them gets to advance so that we only get like one of the best play. That's so fucking stupid. And let's do it in Nashville, by the way. Yeah, right. Yeah, basketball capital of the world. And at the end, they should have just been like, hey, this was a great moving all, but

we're just putting the best NBA players together to herd the team. We would obviously do. This was really stupid. And for no reason. But thanks for coming out of it. All right. Well, I'll tell you what, this movie paused from screaming slurs long enough to establish a plot. So we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be back soon with even more lady ballers. I welcome to the typical GM experience. I'm your personal trainer, Thad. How can I help you?

Well, yes, so I'm recovering from a heart attack and I'm looking for a low intensity workout plan that takes my personal goals into account instead of trying to turn me into a muscle bound Marvel character. And preferably something that changes regularly. They keep you from getting burned out. Oh, sounds like you want FitBod. What's FitBod? FitBod is an app that creates a personalized workout routine

that adapts to you and keeps you on track. It takes your goals, fitness level, and even what equipment you have into account so you can keep your regimen fresh and make consistent progress through the new year and beyond. Well, what can you do here at Civil Hill Gym experience? I can yell motivational poster slogans at you and then try to sell you supplements. Yep, that sounds terrible. It is, it is. But with FitBud, the app keeps your gym sessions fresh and fun by mixing up your workouts with new exercises, rep schemes, supersets, and circuits.

I don't know what supersets or circuits are. That's okay. One of my favorite things about FitBud is that it makes things super easy. If you don't know how to do an exercise, or if you don't understand the terminology, there are videos and step-by-step instructions to walk you through it. Well, that sounds way better than having to work out around other people. How do I sign up?

Download FitBod today and get a head start in your fitness resolutions. Get 25% off your subscription and get three free personalized workouts. When you go to fitbod.me slash Gam, that's 25% off and free personalized workouts at FIT BOD dot me slash GAM. personalized workouts at F-I-T-B-O-D dot M-E-slash G-A-M. All right, Thet. Well, I guess I won't be needing your services after all. That's a good thing. You'd be amazed by how sanitary we are not. No, I wouldn't. Hi kids, welcome to your first day of Woke Kindergarten, the school that fills the daily wires

nightmares. I'm Mix Taylor and I'll be your indoctrination facilitator this year. Hi, Husset! Take her! Now remember, raise your hand if you want to talk and I'll call on you in reverse order of systemic oppression. And if you need to use the bathroom, hold up one finger for a tinkle, two for a poo, and three for the litter box. I identify as a concept.

You sure do, little Timmy. Is it time for milk and hormones yet? Not until after lunch, Billy. Aww, shocks. Now today I have a very special storybook to read you about a gay mice thrupples trip to the Dildo outlet store. But first, did anybody bring a devotional sacrifice for our dark Lord Satan?

I did. I did. Dusty, what did you bring? I brought the blood of a newborn goat. Very good, Susie. Watt Boines. Excellent. And how about you, Tommy? I brought the severed testicles of Republican. Torn from him in his sleep.

Way to fight the patriarchy, Tommy. Hail Satan. Hail Satan. And we're back for more of this shit. We're going to kick off the getting the team back together sequence at a used car shop. Now there were these two brothers that were on TV. We didn't mention at the time, but they're always fighting like brothers do. They own a used car lot now. And we're going to meet them via

a used car ad that they're doing filled with cultural appropriation and misogyny. Oh, you mean the hate crime advertisement that they made just now? Yeah. So shit, it's just like, hey, remember rap videos, right? The scenes. That's our judge. Okay. Yeah.

Yeah. Right. The scene. That's our judge. That's our judge. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This was just, this reached the level of confusing that I'm not, you know, like I don't even know what they're doing anymore. Someone was on crutches. Is that a reference to something?

I have no idea what that was. I think it's just a fight and hurt themselves. Well, no, no, because it was one of the girls. One of the girls and the girls. Oh, I don't know what they were going for. Yeah. I really, so nobody. Okay. It wasn't just me. Good. I honestly, Tom, I honestly think it was just some sort of half-ass inside joke where they're like, no, because that would be funny. She's into bikini, but she's on

crunches. And another joke that they think is a funny joke is they're like, we also sell bail bonds, right? Don't they say that at the end of everything? What does that mean? That you, okay, so that would mean you have a shit load of money. Yeah. Because that would mean that you're, right? Am I missing, right? Because that would, you need to give me a payal people out and then you would charge them a bunch of interest for having to bail them out. But that would require that you have a lot of money, which is the opposite of what they're

going for. I'd never mind. Yeah. No, but the key is trying to make sense of it. Let's all agree. Yeah. Call it truth. No more trying to make sense of the movie.

Okay. As soon as you think about any element of this story, you thought more about it than they did. So yeah. So yeah, no, but the key is that they, they've, they've, they're white guys acting black and there's women in bikini. So I'm twice as triggered. That's the important thing.

Yeah. Okay. By the way, this is Jake Crane and Blaine Crane. Yeah. Those are the character and actor names of these two characters slash actors. Are they YouTube personalities? Somebody's parents were like, our last name's crane. Blaine is what we're going to go with. Blaine crane. Yeah. I thought he had a different last name, but yeah, but

they're not again. They really. Yeah. So yeah, but they are brothers. They're playing brothers in the movie and they're playing brothers with their actual names in the fucking movie. Yeah. But it's hilarious because you find out that they're like some sort of fraternal, never mind. I'm not finishing. Not worth it. It's one of their favorite punchlines in the movie, not worth even finishing my sentence there. That's how bad it is. It would, it's just, yeah. Yeah. Because unlike the writer of this movie, you recognize that's too far to go for comedy. By the time you get there, everyone would be bored. Yeah.

Yeah. You guys, they're thing on the daily wire. It's a sports podcast. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. I'm going to complain, have a sports podcast on the daily wire. It's a cranny company. Yeah, but no, basketing the ball. They, so they know nothing of sports.

It's yeah. Well, okay. I, maybe I'm being too gracious, but I would have to assume if they have a sports podcast, they've seen a sport. They have to, which means that this director is so fucking batshit insane that he has two sports, at least two sports, you have all in the movie.

And it's still doing this badly. So like were there arguments? Were there times when the famous crane brothers comedy duo was like, Hey man, you don't that's not how any of this works. And he was like, I know how it works. They're like, okay. Okay. Okay. It has to be because it gets worse. Jake Crane is a former collegiate football coach. Really?

God. Seriously? That's what this says. I don't, I don't know. Oh, my God. Does it say he scored four touchdowns in one game at full time? Oh, God. We're shocking. Yeah. We have to recover. Possible. We recovered from it. So the commercial wraps up. This is where coach and Alex showed to recruit them back to the team. And then they have the whole bit where they like, they push the button and it reveals they're fucking basketball fuck bar.

Oh my God. Okay. This is a real place in real life that exists in their lives for sure. They made a high school basketball themed fuck dungeon. They high five all over the place and they love it and they will have it forever. Yeah. No. 100% And you know what you need in your high school basketball man cave thing. Above your bar, you need 700 champagne flutes.

Well, that's what they, that's their glassware. There's them. Why would you not have? Yeah, you know, your man cave. Well, often you have a champagne toast for a wedding party or something like there's like a hundred of them. A giant pyramid of those pouring cores light into the top. Also, yeah, the sex area is not very private at all. It's behind curtains. That's because they never have sex. So yeah, right. Right.

Exactly. The insults bucked on to there. Like if we have any of us ever actually have sex with a woman, we'll put up a tarp or something. Yeah, right. Yeah. So, but yeah, but Alex and coach explained to him that they want to get the team back together. Importantly, they do not tell them that they'll be competing as women yet, right?

But they're like, yeah, we're in. We just need to get David. Remember David, the human tower from back on the, you know, a smarter movie would have set it up such that we would remember this character or we're basically capable of remembering this character. Have him do anything in the basketball game part of it. Yeah. That we would maybe remember or his name would be Goliath. If he's going to be the human tower, not that would be better. Yeah. Look, I played lots of sports in high school. If anyone ever came to me, ever, and was like, Hey, man, we're getting the team back together.

My first question would be, well, what, what is it? Why the fuck would we do that? Why the fuck would we do that? Yeah. Don't get it wrong. I love sports. Like I would be down. They're like, yeah, we're doing, we're going to do a charity gimmick where both classes of 2004 for these high school rivalries, we're going to try to do the

sports. I'd be like, that's fucking great. Oh, sure. That would be my first question. It would be what event could you possibly be talking about? Because we're a bunch of overweight middle-aged men who no one would ever want to see play anything. So like, why wouldn't that be your first question cuz i would fuck up the premise. Yeah, we're gonna hide what the thing is you're doing but do you wanna come do a thing sure yeah yes i'm and we're in yeah but we established here that they need david their center and and he's been in hiding ever since he blew the big college championship. Oh my God. So dumb. So now in order to find David slash pad for time, they have to go out to the northern

wilds of Michigan and look for him where he's like living out in a cabin off the grid. Okay. In fairness, if you want to set up your team like Ocean's 11 style for a hate crime, the upper peninsula of Michigan is the place to go. Sure. Yeah, that much of it is sound. Yeah.

They just need to find an actual reason to justify it. And the reason is he saw a mascot in a game, something that if you're a college athlete, has probably happened to you 400,000 times before that. And he saw a mascot and he freaked out. Is this something? Is this anything? I don't know. Again, it seemed like one of those things were like, they'd all been right and all fucking

day. It's 2 30 in the morning and everything seems funny now. And they're like, and then he would look at the head of the mascot and he would wonder what he was thinking. And then that would, so he was still the ball from him and everybody laughed and they'd never bothered to go back and check and see if it was actually funny or if it was just two 30 in the morning. Yeah.

The mascot was a badger, by the way, that he has like PTSD about now. Yes. And because of that moment, he has moved to upper Michigan and he has hunted every single badger, the animal in the entire area. Yes. How weird. It's get it. Because entire area. Yes. So weird. It's get it. Cause it's we're stumped.

We're all stumped. Cause it's somebody do a callback. Well, that's why you don't normally we avoid doing bad comedies on this show because it's so hard to make fun of bad comedy. Cause you just end up with moments like this, like what was the fucking joke? Well, obviously we kind of had to do this dumbass one. So, but anyway, so they find David David like shoots one of their cell phones with an arrow because he's a mountain man now or something. God, okay, the January 6 trials definitely affected their casting for this movie.

100% fair. So, yeah, so he takes him back to the cabin where he's got all his badgers and they ultimately talk him into rejoining the team, right? Yep. I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Cool.

And again, they don't have any way to finish a fucking scene. They don't know how that works. So somebody just throws something in celebration and it hits a tripwire and there's an explosion. It hits a land mine that he has apparently set up four feet from his house. Yes. So what if someone went for a smoke break and just had stood there and just their blown to smithering? Yeah, do try making sense out of this movie. That's worked so well, Tom. It's so hard. What what do you say it's like you're being shown a series of inconceivable indescribable shapes and you have to talk about it. Right.

It's like that psychological study when they show you the triangle and the rectangle and they ask you to make a narrative out of them. Yeah. Yeah. It's like that. It is like that. So they head back to the basketball fuck bar trying to figure out who their fifth guy got their basketball team out They're round out their basketball team with their fifth guy and then they pull a fucking dear old dad's and suddenly

Where's our commercial there where we weren't even expecting And you know the only thing worse than a movie by the the only thing worse than a movie by the day. He's a shitty attempt at met a commercial inside a movie by the daily wire made by the daily wire. Oh, that was an expert reference. That's a fact. Well, yeah, but so they do this bit where that like David the human tower comes in and he's like, yeah, I've shaved off my mountain man beard.

You're right. These cherimies Razors are excellent. And then they just start doing an ad, but like it's entirely humorous. It's a straight read. If Eli Wrote us and add that on funny, I would ask if everything was okay at home. Well, and as a viewer, I don't know if that's a real I to this day right now because I'm not gonna look it up I don't know if that's a real product. I get it. It's but the point, the point is the way they did it in the movie, you're like, well, this is a movie. So you don't normally just put a commercial in a movie.

Yes. No, that's right. So is this a bit? I'm like, is this a fake product bit? No, because it's like the she heard that we saw earlier, right, with his chocolate. Now it's time for his razors to make an appearance, right? He keeps finding these ways. If you're in the daily wire, with his chocolate. Now it's time for his razors to make an appearance, right? He keeps finding these ways. If you're in the daily wire, you would know.

Right. It's one thing to just do product placement, which is a thing that does happen in movies. My only point is, I don't care about the truth of the matter. I'm just saying, as a viewer, if your goal was to do an advertisement for a product, if you put it in the middle of a scripted movie, I'm going to be thinking, well, that must not be real, because that's not a thing that's ever happened in the history of movies. You never, never stop a scripted movie to do an advertisement for like AT&T. Sign up now.

No, if a commercial shows up in a movie, it's in Robocop and it's for the 6,000 S.X. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So in my mind, I'm like, that's not a real product. So I would never go try to buy it. Is that what I'm going to make? Yeah. Yeah. What it's, oh my God. That's what we're dealing with, folks. Yeah. It's a level of insanity that we're dealing with here. Yeah. So, but they're still trying to figure out they finished their ad and they they're still trying to figure out who their fifth guy can be. All of the guys that they know are like, they're, you know, they're dead or whatever. You're fifth. What if one guy rolls his ankle during the game?

Doesn't don't you no longer can him not have. Namously, there's something called a sixth meant the best sixth man on a team. And in the league will be like the guy who came off the bench and had the most points for the season. Shut up. I don't think you have a sports podcast. We're doing it my way. Six man.

Do you hear yourself? That's nonsense. Oh, okay. That noise throughout the writing process. Yeah, right. That's what I'm saying. That's my default setting. Yeah.

So, but then they ultimately decided to remember at the very beginning, there was a towel boy that they were bullying. No, because you didn't actually have to watch this movie. You're welcome. Well, there was. And they've decided that they'll make him the fifth man on their team. Keep in mind, it could just literally be anyone. It could be anyone. They did. I love that too, because somebody suggests like, well, can't we find just anyone? And he said the coach, the man care to wrote this and directed it. Did everything says, no, it has to be someone from the championship team. And then I was like, oh, good.

I perked up. I was sharpened my pencil. I'm going to find out the reason for this because I've been very curious as to why this is necessary. Nope. No follow up. That's it. Oh, no, it's because that's the premise of the movie. Oh, okay. Got you. And by the way, if you, no, it's because that's the premise of the movie. Okay, got you.

And by the way, if you're like, hey, it has to be someone from the team, the Talboy was not on the team. You wouldn't be sure. There wasn't. That a Talboy is on a team. You wouldn't say that. I mean, you might say that to try to make them feel better about the job they do, but you would not, they're not part of the team.

They don't get the trophy. They're not on the roster. Nope. That's not, there's no sense in in which that that somehow qualifies for his rules he's made up in his head, but just finding anyone else doesn't. Yeah. Okay. You know what's really sad? It might be because this guy is the best actor they knew in their group. And they were like, we got to get this guy in. So right. Felix. Yeah. Right. Well, yeah, they need an excuse to bring in the comic relief, even though everyone seems to think they're the comic relief. Yeah, but Felix is rich.

So they go to his mansion to ask if he wants to be on the team. And I guess he spent his whole adult life pining for the days of getting bullied by the basketball team and hoping one day they'd come and ask him to join the team is his character. I think this is just, they're trying to make, look, the audience here is gonna be largely high school, people who peaked in high school. That's gonna be largely a lot of the audience who had watched this. And so those people, I think they want,

to cater to that audience, they wanna say, hey, you know those people that didn't peak in high school and who are now way more successful than you, they all secretly just want to hang out with you. That's what I want. And so, this rich character that is like, oh yeah, I'm rich, but all I've ever wanted to do is hang out with the varsity basketball team.

I can't. You're a brother. So, yeah, because they go into his house and he's got this shrine of the old basketball team. I wrote my notes at this point. It would be an insult to call these montages or filler because that would imply that there was something else playing out around them. But we get this long montage of them looking through his basketball shrine.

Yeah. of them looking through his basketball shrine. Yeah, and like he has like an entire locker room built with their names on it and everything. It's creepy, honestly. Like I would be freaked out if I went to somebody's house and they did something like that weird. Okay, it's not out of the question that this is actually Ben Shapiro's real house. And exactly what he just said is happened in Benjero's real real life. It'd be all right. All right. Yeah. No, interesting theory. We'll have to check it. If he was the towel boy, he's all about dry and stuff. So.

To say. So yeah. So they don't fight breaks out between all of them because they don't know how to end a scene. And this one has gone on too long. Right. Yeah, that's another thing. Again, call back to call back, just repeat things. Physical comedy of they just start fighting a lot for no reason. And is that just like, are they trying to say like, this is how men should be. Like, you're just all the time, you know how when we hang out, the three of us and Eli, we just start brawling. Yeah, we've been fighting a lot. There's a lot of those fights, yeah. Right.

Also, they don't know that you can just do the next scene if you want. And they have to do something extra. And they're just like, we don't fight. We've been fighting again. Here we go. Here's the actual truth. They're all just that towel drying character. Like you say, they don't know anything about sports.

They're all a bunch of nerds who were college Republican types, you know, that just like they were reading like fucking, you know, Socrates and pretending that that had some relevance to today's world and then, you know, reading Ein Rand and all that. And they don't actually know sports or play sports or do anything involved in sports. And so they think like, you know, back when we were all in high school and it was rough and tumble and we just all start fighting all the time and it's like, no, that's not really how anything works in. Okay, I'm gonna stick a little thorn in there though.

So David, the actor David who is also named David in real life, he was a quarterback at University of Michigan. Come on. Which guy? Yeah, he was a quarterback at University of Michigan. Come on. Which guy? Yeah, no. That's all guy. The human. So like, yes, the people they got to play the athletes, they did look like they had

played some sort. They actually really big guys, most of them. But the guy who wrote and directed this movie. Oh, Jeremy Boring got no idea what anything is. Like he doesn't know shit about sports. I will bet my, literally my life on that that he doesn't know shit about sports. I will bet my literally my life on that that he doesn't know anything about. And what I love again is that he had a cast

apparently full of people who had seen a sports game. One, you know, and he was just like, now fellas, I know I know what I'm doing. Okay, it's the best. I love that kind of person. He's not worried. He only played five games. This entire career. You said he went to UM. He went to Michigan. He went to UM. Yeah. Damn

it. I'm a Ohio State fan now. Is there like division once? I don't know. I don't know college sports at all. Is that yeah. So that means he was a stellar fucking athlete. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, Michigan's like serious D1 program mode. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And yet he was in this movie and wasn't able to tell the director, hey, you need to change literally everything you've written, like every, I love it. It's the best. I love it. So, yeah, so this stupid ass fight scene goes on for way too fucking long, but eventually the coach and reporter lady Gwen, they come in to break up the fight. And this is where

the coach has to break it to him that his plan is for them to play against women and play as trans women on the women's basketball tournament, right? Now the writer for this movie is so inept that this is done silently. We hear music playing and we see it. But this is the whole point of the fucking movie, right? The whole point of the comedy is this reveal and they had so nothing that they just do it in silence and we watch reactions. And he's doing ballet and then miming boobs and making a woman shape with his hands.

So yeah, you get the point. That's a woman who's like, I'll mime the plot of the movie I wrote as best. I can't hear it. That's what he came up with. Oh, Jesus. When in reality, all the characters would be like, well, that makes a lot more sense. Because otherwise, you recruited us to play sports

that wouldn't exist. Like what? What is the next best guess as to what getting the high school team back together would be even before? Right. Like, what is the next best guess as to what getting the high school team back together would be even before? Right. Like what is the next most plausible thing?

So yeah, but but in this movie, nobody wants in except Felix the Talbot way, right? He's willing to do anything for these guys. But nobody wants in. So coach has to give one of the best speeches of his life, Damien. And so he gives his like his coachy speech, the reporter lady stands behind him, visibly dying to suck his dick the whole time because that's what he paid her to do. So high. Definitely. There was like a cut cut. It says you lust after my dad, it says lustily and lost to really too, right? So he's like, Hey, somebody keep an

eye on the scene. Make sure you make sure she makes sure he's like, hey, somebody keep an eye on the scene. Make sure make sure she, she's like, he runs over for the playback to like watch through it. It's enough. You need to look lost here. I got to, I'm sorry, I'm sorry to keep saying that, but, yeah, but that, but now everybody's in because that scene is over apparently. And I, I'm sorry, it's not over. This is how lazily the stupid fucking movie is written. Then his daughter and his ex wife show up in Felix's house. How why do they know anything that's happening?

How would they know to go here? Right? None of that. He's got location services turned on. Doesn't matter. On his phone, maybe. They might want to be like, oh my God, we found the scene. Thank God. All right, all right Specifically they went to the gym part

Part of his house where they were Yeah, they didn't go to the front door they didn't yeah Okay, but Ben Shapiro's house has like neon signs being like high school buddies this way He can't wait for them all to show up someday someday. Yeah. Yeah. So the wife drops the daughter off and then they use this opportunity to have the daughter teach them all about all the gay shit she's learning in her school.

Right. God. They have this whole bit where they like cut to a a yarn and pushpin sign of all the different types of the human sexuality now. Sir, yeah, the title of the scene was like, lips get destroyed with facts and logic. And yarn and pushpins, I'm very reasonable. I'm not insane at all. Hey, we are actually parents of a school age child who goes to a public school in a blue state.

You know what she learns fucking math. Yes, she learns how to add stuff. And then she learns stuff about English grammar that I've forgotten already, even though she's in first grade. Right, right. You had to remember what a predicate is. Probably woke math and woke predicates. And you know, Thanksgiving, she brought home like a paper that we were not thrilled

about. It was kind of whitewashing thing. Yeah. Have the thing about the Native Americans teaching the settlers about fucking corn. Yeah. Like, they're all smiley happy. Yeah. You know, like, they taught them how to plant corn with a fish and why they do that. And yeah, literally, uh, literally saved it. And this is, again, this is a public school in a, in a, in a fucking woke state. Yeah. In the woke of woke states, yeah. Yeah. So yeah. But she takes us through their her yarn and pushpins, and don't worry, if you thought they weren't going to have the LGBTQIA plus, but too many letters joke, they got you. Okay. I think the movie actually confused itself with the general concept of yarn and pushpins. I paused it to look at this thing for a second. Obviously, the stuff they wrote is dumb and just big

it stuff. But they have pushpins on blank areas of the board with yarn connecting something to the nothing of that blank guy. Oh my God. So yeah, so she finishes up. They're like, any questions and somebody goes, and get this, this is a pretty good joke here. What is a woman is his question? Get it? Because this Ted Cruz has got a map.

Map was made by me. Yeah. So then we cut over to the global games tryouts. This is where, you know, Gwen is live on the scene. They cut back to the anchors that got canceled earlier. But boy, are they pro LGBTQ now, huh, with all their pride flags and stuff. We got sensitivity trading. Even in their own movie, you can't get canceled. You don't get canceled like they in their own movie in our woke reality, they misgendered somebody constantly on the air and they're still on the air. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right. Yeah. Even in their own fucking movie, they got to admit that, oh, yeah, I was not canceled. You would maybe probably have to go to sensitivity

trading. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You have for like five seconds. You got to keep your job. Yeah. And to be clear, in their movie, they sensitivity training. And now they're dressed up like Yale on Halloween. It's because there's like a fucking in the writers room. There was a page is since last racism counter that they had to reset or something, right? So yeah, so the team gets all laidied up and they take the court in the big reveal scene where they're all, you know, dressed as ladies so that we could be very, very triggered. Yeah. And the team comes out and there's nobody in the stands because Joe Kist is nobody cares about women's basketball. Also, we made a movie about women's

basketball. Yeah. Right. So we're to try to be on both sides of this, right? Yeah. Like they're admitting that, you know, it's a small audience and of course they're exaggerating the degree to which it's a small audience. But yet it's something that every man wants so desperately that they're willing to to put in become a woman for he ends. Yeah. Right.

And yeah, so fucking stupid. Hey, actually also another way I know that doesn't happen is that's not fucking happening. It's not there. Right, they've been warning us about this for a fucking decade and it hasn't happened. Yes. Yeah, it's so weird to be like, you know how things are now. Things are now such that men can just pretend to be women and they win every sport. Is that happening?

Well no, it's not happening, but that's how it is now. Right. Well, but do they do that? No, but happening is how it is we're the only ones who thought of it so far And we broadcast it constantly for a decade. Yeah, do you turn your documentary into a comedy? You had to turn your comedy, not comedy. Yeah. So you had turned your deck. Yeah. Yeah. That's you. Yeah. But so the other coach sees his team and they're he's like, no, that you can't have them.

Come on, they're not real. And then he realized he's about to be transphobic and he's going to get canceled. So he has to stop. Yeah. Because if you do that in real life, they cancel you so hard that you write for the New York Times and the Atlantic and you can't publish and major, every major newspaper and you set Patreon records and yeah, so exactly. Exactly. But then of course we get the Ben Shapiro cameo. Yeah. Right. He's the wrath

for the basketball game. And he talks at this point and I wrote my notes. It's so funny that that's actually his voice and not somebody doing a mean impersonation of him. I don't forget because I read about Benchper. I don't listen to the answer. Smart. Yeah. And it's not normally in a cameo, the idea is to try to do something that's a send up of who they are in some way, right? Yeah. I guess in the idea is to try to do something that's a send up of who they

are in some way, right? Yeah. I guess in that one, you try to do something. Oh, that's funny because either you do like something that's a little ironic or something. They're just like, no, he'll just be the wrath of the game. Yep. That's it. You can't have nothing.

That's such a clever tie-in to his YouTube channel. Thomas, they hadn't invented you try to do something blank at the point. It's paleozoa. Right. This is 1920s basketball. Of course. Yeah. The comedy. Yeah. Now is where we see they've switched to an eight foot rim so that they can actually dunk. They couldn't dunk in high school, but now there are 30s and overweight. Now they can all dunk. And we get a little bit of the basketball. They think the tip off jump ball is like a volleyball spiking moment at the other team. They do lose the tip off. That was the funniest thing in the whole. They lose the tip off. They, well, they taught you at first, but they spike it straight to the other team.

Exactly. They make a huge deal about how they're meant. So they can easily just do everything better. And then in their own movie, they use the tip off to the high school girls team or whatever they accidentally send it to the other team. Yeah. It's the best. But yes, so we, we, this descends very quickly into a montage of them beating the real ladies. Oh my God. Okay. This is the best. At one point, Dave Cohn, the big guy character, runs a screen play while on defense. Like he does the same where you step up to run a screen, but he's on the defensive side. And then they're like, somebody crashes into that. And then it's part of the play. It's so dumb. This montage is the best. They have, please, please.

I just needed to be with you when we watched this. I'm so sad. The montage is how there's so much better, obviously, because they're men and they can beat all the women. In the montage, they have every girl on the other team in slow motion, getting hit in the face with the basketball. They should do that. Right, you're not allowed to do that.

That's not a thing you do. It would be like if, okay. Did I play dodgeball? Yeah. Let's pretend that we're doing chess. Just in case there's people that don't play sports. That would be like if you had a montage of like this person is so much better in chess and you showed it by the other player getting hit in the face with a chess piece.

And I stab you in the eye with a big ship. And I'm like, that's not how you win it. Yes, that's just nothing. If you threw the ball at a player's face, they probably recover the ball and then they'd have a ball. Yeah, right. You'd get in some sort of trouble. Also, you'd get thrown out of the game for the player in technical, like so dumb.

And there's only five people on your team. So you'd be pretty. Yeah, get a single. The barfet. Yeah, defensive screens and pegging are both things that I've heard of are in basketball. I just love the process that goes into that again. This direct he has so many people played real sports. Hey, how do we do a montage that shows how much better we are?

Well, let's line up each of these girls and throw a ball at their face. Yes. So weird. In turn, like they're all in those montages, it's just them like standing there. There's no other players. And also like even if that was part of basketball, even if you could like tag a player out by hitting him in the face, why would men be better at that? Like the women still know where the ball is. So yeah. So they finished the game. They win David. The tall guy. He sees the other team crying and starts to feel a little bad about what they're doing here. But yeah, but they realized at this point that they could just dominate all women's

sports, not just basketball and coaches like, no, I just want to do basketball. So that's the conflict now. Yeah. They're all supposed to be making like millions of dollars with endorsement deals from Nike and Gwen is making millions of dollars because she got likes because that's how endorsements work. They're like, hey, we would like you to wear a Nike shoe. And also, is there like a journalist who is covering you?

Yeah, who has the exclusive? Who do we make the check out to? Well, I also love that these guys keep getting endorsements and finding out about it later, right? Like, oh, really? I'm endorsing you now. Great. All right, well, tell you what, I need a break before we dive into another bigotry montage

and pretty much all this movie has left is bigotry montages. So we're going to take a break, but first let me give Acts 3 the hard sell. Will Thomas learn his lesson and tell us no next time? Will Lydia poison us for our transgressions? Does anybody have a concrete milkshake and Ben Shapiro's home address asking for a friend? Find out the answers to different questions and less. Will we return for the bullying conclusion of Lady Ballers? I'm the friend. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. All right, then I create a separate tier for cousins with kids and cousins without kids.

And then I'll adjust the tiers for cost of living in their areas. Hey, Keith. And then, my God, what are you doing with all this yarn and these pushpins? Yeah, it's all the absurd expectations of getting the etiquette just right with gifting for the holidays. It's a nightmare to calibrate the whole thing. I don't have time for this, and I'm all stressed out. Well, it sounds like you might want to try better help.

Oh, what's better help? It's a great place to find a therapist who's right for you. Regardless of how your family does giving gifts, you get to decide how to give to yourself and take and carry your mental health. It can be a great way to do that. Therapy can help you learn positive coping skills and how to set healthy boundaries, which is especially important around the holiday. Okay, so how does better help work? It's entirely online and it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist

and switch therapists to any time for no additional charge. All right, and where do I sign up for that? In the season of giving, give yourself what you need with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash awful today to get 10% of your first month. That's betterhelp. H-E-L-P.com slash awful. Sounds good.

But seriously, if I get gifts for my cousin and her husband and their two kids, they should have to give me four gifts, right? No, that's not how it works. I mean, your math checks out, but no. Okay, so we all have to just pretend the obvious imbalance doesn't exist. Pretend it doesn't exist. Yes. Okay. Diculous. Okay, let's do a quick camera check. Just give me the first few lines of the intro

and action. I'm Chet Chet albeit. We're coming to give me the first few lines of the intro and action. I'm Chet Chetel. Be it were coming to you live from the quarter finals of the global games basketball tournament where a team of trans women from Tennessee is looking to extend their winning streak. Hi, excuse me. Hi, cut the cameras. I got to stop you right there. This is my story. Sorry, what? You're doing my story. I'm Gwen Wilden. I'm the reporter doing the story about the team of trans women from Tennessee. Oh, are you from another news channel?

Yes. And you're also covering the story. Nope, not also covering it. It's just me. It's my story. Are you not aware of other news sources until just now? What?

No, no. I knew about that already, obviously. Okay, well, we're doing this story, too. Wait, but don't. That fucks up my plan. I'm supposed to be the reporter for this, and I'm gonna make millions of dollars. Millions of dollars. Do you own part of the news channel? No. Do you get like a absurdly big bonus for having a big story? No, I don't.

Right, so that's not gonna work. Well, fuck. What am I supposed to do now? Hmm, are you a bigot? I am. Oh, you could work for the daily wire. Nice. And we're back for still more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action with the lady dollars dominating their second qualifier as well. Right? This eventually pleads into a montage of

them dominating all the sports. Yep. So if we weren't showing that we don't know anything about sports enough, let's show that by fucking out more sports. They have collegiate wrestling, which isn't in the Olympics. I don't think I think they just do freestyle wrestling, but that's minor in it. Pick unless they change that. But you know what's also in wrestling? Weight classes. Yeah.

It doesn't matter. Like sure, I mean, it's still you wouldn't really have men, wrestle women if there were even such an Olympic sport as collegiate wrestling. But like, even if you did, they would still have to be the same weight. Just famously, they have weight classes in combat sports. Yes. Yeah. Right. You don't just have a giant dude that's literally twice the height, just like pancake, a girl. It's like, oh, wow, you've got us. That's the woke world we live in. Yep. Clearly.

And morons. But of course, this montage wouldn't be complete without a little, you know, sexual harassment. So they have the bit where the guys are trying to go into the girl showers. Mm. Yet it because they're naked in there. sexual harassment. So they have the bit where the guys are trying to go into the girl showers. Yet it because they're naked in there. People need to be naked with other adults in a shower situation, locker room, nonsexualy and not panic about it. It's insane. That would help. We get that Riley Gaines cameo in the school. Yeah. Yeah. Got to show Riley Gaines off. She's she's yeah, she also embarrasses

herself with association of this movie. And we also learned that the guys are like killing it on social media because you know, social media is always so kind to trans people. They're, they're getting that trans bump on social media. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Certainly. And of course, then when we finish this montage, we basically immediately start another montage that is their third game in the tournament. Why the fuck, because they have nothing to do in these games. Every one of them is a montage and it's all the same.

Why have so many games? Why can't you just have in your script to come, like the, wow, we sure did dominate that second game as well. You don't have to show us a montage for everyone. Yes. The whole idea that like this is making the sport more popular. Oh, yeah. Like why?

Yeah. Okay, so people don't nobody watches women's sports, but they will watch it if they decide to have men beat women. Like what's the part where I'm like, I gotta see this. Yeah, I don't know in this movie never bothers to come up with one. One guy almost completely misses, almost full swing and miss on a choreographed slow motion block of a basketball in a, almost misses. And then they clearly in a later slow, a block, they had to use like a soft nerf ball because

an actor definitely heard his fingers by like miss almost hit a get all but. But. Bet to finger and you can see the ball be all like nerfed in when he hits it. So dumb. Yeah. One of the highlights of the montage is that one of the players carrying the tiny towel guy to do a dunk.

That's not something you can do in basketball. You can't just carry another player. That would be traveling. Yeah. I stand by it. We have not seen a single second of legal basketball. Right. My notes on this third one are constantly like, well, that's gold tending. Well, that was a charge. Well, that's a foul. That's a foul. That's a foul. That's a foul. You're technical. That's a foul. You've been thrown out of the game. Oh, what's that? You don't have enough people to feel the team because you're an idiot who thought you could just have the number of people that needs to be on the court

at any given time. I guess you're eliminated. That would have been really funny if they're like, here's how we make this actually funny. They go in there. One guy instantly gets a technical foul and thrown out of the game for the fucking physical assault that they've been committing in these montages. And then they're like, well, you're disqualified. All right. That's what the actual women play. So this is also the part where we start to like lay this thread into the movie that Alex, the first guy that won the first race at the beginning of the movie, actually is trans. Yeah, I was wondering where they were going to go with this. It's the worst possible

direction. So, and okay, so then we got Rob Hannon as kid off to the ex wife. And this is where the ex wife has to come to him and say, you know, like, she's not so sure about this him having trans women team thing, right? Yeah, she's just, she's just now being like maybe, you know know how you've ruined apparently a global sporting event that the entire world just cares about? You've completely ruined it, I guess. I'm starting to think that wasn't the right thing to do.

Right, well because of course she's supposed to represent us stupid lips, just taking that long to realize, well you can't have men competing in women's sports, right? Oh no, no, no, you can't have men competing in women's sports, right? Like, oh, no, no, no. The wife, she's supposed to be the true every man, not us lips. She's the like, normy. That's like, wow, this, my common sense says that this does isn't a good idea. Right. But until then, she was influenced by the like, you know, the silly, silly,

lamb, you know, their version of the silly lamb, we should, she was just going along. You know how we control all of society. She was going along. Right. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. Until she snaps and screams, they're not real girls. Right. And loses her mind there. Yeah. Ben Shapiro wanted to bait in the shower against the voice in his own head. And then he shifted the losing side into a bunch of parts of this movie. It's so dumb. Yep, which is 80% of the movies we watch on this show. Yeah, I find myself constantly asking, have any of these people gone outside? Like, have they seen, you know, they all locked in a bunker somewhere and they're just speculating about what the outside world is. But they, but they're locked in a fucking echo chamber, right?

Like completely unwilling to engage with it. And that's the thing, like, look, if you wanted to, there's no way you could make this premise funny because the whole premise is bigotry. But if you wanted to approach that, what you would have to do is actually engage with the material that you're talking about. Yeah, right?

But they're not willing to do that because their arguments fall apart when you do that. And it's more funny to make fart jokes about it instead. Yeah, the fundamental flaw is, look, you could do a satirical thing. It would still be an annoying shitty hate crime, but you could say, if this thing happens, then there will be these consequences and we can make that seem insane. The fundamental flaw with this movie is they are saying this is how things are now. Right. And they are doing an insane series of events to which we're left asking, well, if this is how things are now, why is this not happening now? Yes. And they're

like, no, we didn't have to turn our documentary into a funny, funny, you did. Because it's not how things are now. It's unseen. Did you say unseen during our morning? No, he said. Well, so and of course, the important part of this scene is that right as the ex-wife, Darby says, but they're not real girls. The daughter and her live boyfriend come up behind them and hear her say that and they're just shocked by her transphobia. Right. It's okay. So now it's time for game four. You know how they had nothing to do

with games one, two, and three. Well, don't worry. They also have nothing to do with this. I like, at this point, I guess like Alex is bad at basketball because he's all girly. Oh, yeah. I love this. So the end again, I think somebody said earlier the movie loses to itself. Now or to believe that if you start dressing and acting like a woman, you start turning into a woman, which is interesting.

Wait, are you saying gender identity is or is not? Is fluid and maybe you could be influenced by like, yeah. No, so they, because they've been, you know, dressing up in dresses and living in the world as women apparently. And honestly kind of living like their best lives and like way happy. Yeah. They do seem like maybe they reflect on that. Speaking of the movie, losing to itself, yeah, they're all like having a great time.

And now they apparently can't play basketball as well because the, it's like, yeah, they're all like having a great time. And now they apparently can't play basketball as well because it's like, wait, I thought the gender was essential and unchangeable. Right. That you couldn't possibly ever change by just changing the way you're outwardly panicking. And it's seen, okay. I heard seen, so I gotta stop here.

Yeah, I wanna go in there. Yeah. Well, and this is of course where Ted Cruz shows up for his cameo. Yeah. That was the best. Like, yeah, because it very smartly ties in the fact that Ted Cruz often goes to Tennessee basketball games and says, is this seat taken? See, that's a stand-up of. So, but what I liked about it was like, no one wants to sit next to him in the movie either. Like I kind of hate

Ted Cruz. And then he like as an aside says should have sprung for the box seats and like what where where would those I think there's still an elementary school gym. Thank you. So here's the thing. I think that that is you giving the movie too much credit. Very possible. Or well, no, or it's the extra doing an amazing acting job because they also don't want to be there. No, what was the extra? No, it's the, it's the mom. It's Darby. Oh, it's Darby. You're right. Such a harsh being too kind. It's real woman that he asks politely, hey, is anyone sitting here and she says, you know, like, when women is with the crazy, you're right. Yes. All right.

You know how when women are upset, you just can't even, you can't talk. Yes. You know how, hey, man, am I right? You know what your wife is? Maybe it's that time of the month that she's a little bit of use. You can't, there's no reasoning where you got it. Seriously, that is what I'm literally wanted to do. What's actually what they weren't doing.

A clever, no one likes that cruise because that would actually require some amount of self awareness and comedy. Okay. They could have done something with this because the one time Ted Cruz actually went to a sporting event that I'm aware of. You would do a Yankee game and he got yelled at for three straight hours by an amazing heroic New Yorker right next to his face. Like in the next season is the best New Yorker ever just to his face. Like in the next is the best New Yorker ever, just screaming at him, giving him the finger, touching his face and taking his pretending

nothing is happening the whole time. And then they could have been, then he could have been like, damn, I hope the finals are in cancun. You know, like anything just high in. Yeah. Nothing. Nothing. And literally because like, you know, setting aside the misogyny that undergirds this whole thing, the actual cameos him just coming up and going, oh, are these seats taken? I guess they are. I'll leave. And then that's it. Yep. That's it. Like we said, so let's first of all, acknowledge the fact that a sitting U.S. Senator endorsed this film. Yeah. Right. That shouldn't be forgiven. But then also that this movie had an opportunity

to have a cameo from Tred Cruz and all they could think of is like, Oh, what if he wanted to sit down and share? What if he was in it? Yes. Did you just say what if he was in it? That's your idea for the cameo? Yeah. He also has a terrible sense of humor

because when it came out, he tweeted, you know, I had this movie's out and you might see a familiar face. And the movie's hilarious as hell. No, I laughed zero times zero. It was hard to tell where you were supposed to like where would someone who was enjoying this movie laugh. Yeah. He walks away.

Tennessee has a really good power grid. Anyway, I'm going to go find another seat. Yeah, the key here though is that the whole team has fallen apart. They're doing like they, they, they don't play good. They just barely managed to win that match. But they can't even do the drum. Look, you're doing a sports movie. I get that it's a bullshit conservative, you know, whatever, but even when you're sending something up, you want to try, like the key to making anything remotely, possibly good, is you still want to make it sort of a version of that so that people are like, oh, this is like a sports thing, but with a twist, they never, at one time, never one time in this movie, do they set up like a shot of the scoreboard? Where it's like, it's the fourth quarter,

and we're down by three. Right. And there's a time out and the coach has got to draw up a, not a single, we never know the score of any game ever. Well, I think there is one point where you know the score at the end. At the end, but they don't update the score. Yeah. And then just go like, Oh, man, we got it. We got to try to do a comeback. Are we going

to show that comeback? No, we're just going to say, well, good thing we won. Yes. We came back. Yeah. It's amazing. Every basketball movie in all the fucking history ended with like, you know, a couple of free throws or something. It's always the fucking day. Even airbide. Yes, exactly. This stupid fucking movie just never even bothers to basketball at you. It's insane. Nope. No. No, you know who wins by which team tears when the bus thing happens at the end. Yes.

Right. You scored word for it. Because that would require the, you're, I do I have this right. The main character wrote it to her to just mess. Yes, he wrote it. All of it. Yeah. He doesn't know how anything works.

So he literally couldn't even write enough about basketball to say, well, here we're going to have to have a time out and we'll, we'll all have a clipboard and I'll drop an inbounding play, you know, to, to inbound the ball and get a quick shot. Nope. They can't even do that. The clipboard has yarn and pushpins. But yarn's like tacked into him. But the other thing we have to, we have to keep in mind here is it's not just that he doesn't know that because I don't know that right. If I had to rate a basketball moment, I don't know that kind of shit either, but I'm not so fragile in my masculinity that I can't say, Hey, Thomas, how would you go in a game

of vision one athlete? Hopefully, in my best. So you peg all five of them in the face and then you know how you've seen that in some of the most famous NBA. Oh, man, Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, I remember when they would trade haymakers, just pegging each other in the face with the ball, you know, you never knew. Sometimes it was, it was just a real duel out there.

It's like, wow, he's going to take someone in the face last. That's going to be whoever wins. So okay. So then we're gonna have very close to I think the worst scene in the movie, right? Because this is where the daughter comes into the locker room. Everybody's left and dad sent their wondering what, you know, what's he even doing here anymore? And this daughter comes in and explains that she wants to be a boy. Yeah, yeah, no, I say a winner to be a winner right because guys are because they have this little girl say boys are better at everything And then she gives this exhaustive list of things that men are better at than women Yeah, the last several scenes in the movie involve people rattling off like pages of statistics that they would apparently their character would know

propaganda rattling off like pages of statistics that they would apparently their character would know. Propaganda. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's it's lazy propaganda, but it also pads for time. Right. Let's make sure we get a long list of statistics in the third act. This is where that somebody in the background was like, we better put together a savings account for when she sews us because this is. Yeah. Oh, God. And so that like what's happening to philosophically here is if, okay, I'm trying to follow it because it's so dumb. So if men can be women, in their mind, again, in the movies mind,

if men can be women, then women, then little girls will be like, I want to be a man because men are better at everything. That is their thought. But like, what? But then they have to pretend to be women. But wouldn't that already, like in their worldview, the men are better at everything anyway,

so she would already think that, right? Exactly, yeah. I'm trying to think what's the quid? What's the quote? Yeah, I have no fucking idea, yeah. But if you're wondering how he re assures her that no, surely women still have some function in the world. You know what that function is?

Exactly. Exactly what the fuck you think is. Yeah. Yeah. It's the cooking can be fun thing from the twin intro. Yeah. It's he's like, no, but girls are better at nurturing. Oh, fuck you.

And they tamed us men. Civilized man. They civilized it. Which is the funniest thing in the world coming from a guy who wrote the film and has no idea how a single sport works. I love it. There's something so funny to me. Oh, I used to be, I would shoot baskets a lot.

I would just shoot a lot of baskets is what I would do. And I was really good at it in wild. And then your mom came and she'd she tell, now I don't shoot nearly as many baskets as I used to. I just to be so much more. Darby's like eavesdropping at this point right now. He looks up at her like he knows that she was there. Like they civilized men like this is the opportunity to win her back.

Kind of thing. Yeah, I'm the Sunday. I'm the Sunday. Well, he's saying to this little girl, like no, women are a great supplement to men. If you think about it, you make men with your uterus. Therefore, that whole list is also a lady thing. Yeah, it's all man-based.

It's every single item is how they function in relation to men. Yes. Which is like, imagine if you were such an asshole that you were like, no, no, hun, you have value. You have value by the things that you help me do. The things that you do for me. Right, if I didn't eat the sandwiches you made me, I was a star of, yes, that's it. Exactly.

It's so belittling. Woman is the mom of Alison Bechtel. So think about that, right? Yes. So yeah, so so he goes home and Gwen is there waiting for him. Smoking. Yeah. She yells at him for for almost not winning, right?

That doesn't make any sense because I thought us libs wanted to get rid of smoking. Why is the journalist the man behind that? Oh, interesting, yeah. You can't keep their own things straight. Nope. So. But yeah, so and then fucking, Thomas' point, when starts rattling off a big list

of statistics about the problems with divorce. Yeah, yeah. Do it, yeah. This is clearly written by somebody who's trying to get back at their, you know, like get their, their ex back. And there is. Hey, you got to come back to me. You can't divorce me.

You know why? Not because like I'll change. I'll be a good man. I'm a better part. No, no, statistically it'll be bad for our kid if you don't. Yes. Come back. Imagine having your best argument for trying to get your ex back.

Well, and this is also related to kind of the next frontier of what a lot of conservatives are going to be pushing for, which is abolishing no fault divorce. Yes. Right? So this is the opportunity to start planting those seeds and to get people all riled up because divorce is bad for everybody. And here are all the statistics. I'm going to barf out of my mouth right now.

So you believe me. I didn't bother checking a single one of those, but there's no way that any of those are correct. Yeah. Well, so the statistics, I don't doubt that they're correct. They're probably exactly the right. They were pretty bad. I don't know. Well, here's the thing, though, Thomas, is that kids from broken homes are also more likely to be in poverty. Kids are for broken homes are also more likely to have parents that married

young and who weren't just financially stable. They're less educated. All high A scores. Yeah, exactly. There's a whole thing. Well, yeah, it's classic correlation causation problem, but even that aside, so I mean, what's this like, there are a lot of product, kids who are products of divorce and like isn't a pretty high percentage of just like people? Like it's not like, well, yeah. A whole percent of people. And the way she was describing it's like, you know, all those people who's parents divorced, they're all dead.

You know, it's like, it's so bad that you're like, well, I'm pretty sure that can't be right. Like, you want a little more. I'm looking at the world right now. And yeah, there are 50% of people here. Like, they do a serial kill. You're like, really? I don't think that. But again, to the extent that these statistics are true, this is an argument

for better social services, better support for some go mothers. Is it like, it's not an argument against divorce? Yeah, like what mattered was that the piece of paper said we're still married or not. That's what mattered. Not like, oh, was the husband a piece of shit and so is a piece of shit father. And so that's why there was a divorce. And so therefore also that would affect the the kid. No, exactly. It's whether or not there's a magical word that says they're married or not. That's the that's what does it. Right. And let's give them a, these are statistics that you can tease out, right? Because you can look at just kids who come from a divorced family who,

where like the dad pays the child support and they have joint custody and there's not a bunch of, you know, a bunch of bush, but they don't do that because that fucks up the thing they want us, uh, prove. Yeah. Yeah. But so, so Gwen, like yells at him for, you know, that he's got to get his team under control and win this thing. Damn it.

Cause that's how she's going to make her millions reporting exclusively. I don't. I don't. Please. No, please tell me how that works. It doesn't matter whether or not they win in the finals. I tell you that right. Feels like if they lose, then they get to come back next year.

You get to like milk it for another four years. I just yeah. Okay. Average news consumer. I hear, hey, there was a team of men that they let play in a woman's tournament for some reason. Oh, I'm only interested if it was the final score of the last game. Right, my interest stops the first time they lose. Did they lose? I'm withdrawing my millions that I've been donating to that quarter because I was about to buy the news of that for $100. Now I will not. Yeah, but so she also starts to get this sense that coach Rob might not be in like his whole

heart might not be in this anymore. So she threatens to cancel him if he steps out of line. And then she goes to leave and this is almost a throwaway line, but we have to dwell on it at least a little bit. After she leaves, he yells after her, are we ever even gonna have sex? Yeah, that's so good. Now, the reason they have to have this line is because the insults watching this stupid fucking movie are like, I don't know, she's pretty hot. I would pretend for her.

I don't, but then as soon as you're like, but he's not actually even fucking her, then they're like, oh, that bitch. Oh, I hate her so much. She's not even putting out, right? That's what that scene is doing. But then what was that first scene? Oh, okay. I thought they were just going for a purity of his marriage thing where he's still, yeah,

but, but you're right, because later, he's like, no, I still want to have sex with you. But no, but Lydia, you asked the right question. What the fuck were they doing? When he was tied up and she was in the fucking plague doctor. We heard it. Yeah. Yes. So it gave a D&D that got way out of control.

I can't. I heard Pegging was part of basketball. She was like, I got to. I got to. Wait. I just want to bring this guy with me and have him describe what he's seeing. You know, you know, I just, like, he's a fun house mirror. Like he thinks that journalists are evil liberals who have SNM sex, but don't actually have sex when they do it. Like they just

get, like I just want to do, like the, like the, any thinks that all this stuff about women's sports is not true. Everything's all the stuff that's, but I just want to do like the anything's that all the stuff about women's forces not true things all the stuff as well. I just want him to okay, let's go look at like what's happening in any situation super market. Yeah, narrate the scene. I'm walking through your scene. I just want to know. I just spent all night like whipping out a candle and turning it, putting it down. Weird. Oh, now you're going to time me up and go to sleep. Okay. I don't think what's happening. Why? Why the mask? How is she getting all these abortions then I'm weird. Oh, now you're gonna time me up and go to sleep. Okay. What's happening?

Why the mask? How is she getting all these abortions then if it ends? Right. Yeah. So anyway, so we now we were cut to the build up for the finals. It's the following day. It's time for the big finals. The reporter guy, the anchor guy that went through sensitivity training.

He's now full. He's got full Native American headdress on that might as well say, how triggered are you now, Libs across the front of it? God. Yeah. I guarantee you, these people were in blackface for several drafts of this. Some of them finally at the end. It was like, no, no, there's a line here. Yeah. Yeah. So, and then we got the guy who's like introducing the, the game. And I, I have to point this out because we're all podcasters here. the guy who's like introducing the, the game and I have to point this out because we're all podcasters here. The guy who's yelling the introductions for the Ladybullars clips, his microphone, and this

movie, it's a movie. And like generally, like, mostly this is like, it's poorly made in every possible way, but they have real cameras. They have real lights and shit like that. Yep. I wanted them to pass a law that doesn't allow people to get a hold of real night cameras and like this. That would be nice. Too easy for them to do this. They shouldn't be allowed to. Fuck yeah. So yeah. So but then the other team, the opposing team comes out and it's also a bunch

of men pretending to be trans women for the sake of winning the global games. Oh, man. So, so no, let me get this straight. What you're saying is if this were how the world is, then what would happen is everyone would do this. And then what you would have is just another version of men's sports. Yeah. And then they would quickly realize like, well, maybe we shouldn't do that. And we'll just have women's sports and men's sports. And then things would be exactly how they are now. Is that what you're saying? He had this, what I'm saying. But even under this movie's stupid fucking premise, it cannot hold up for two hours before being crushed under its own fucking weight.

Yes, that is exactly what we're saying. And she, Gwen switched teams in the matter of like two seconds essentially, right? Yes. Because it was the night before and then the next morning she's walking in with the completely new team with the new the same play. Yeah, I start typing out. We already know that this is the finals of them. There have been like four rounds.

So were they doing this the whole time or they're with them? No, they said we've made some last minute substitutions. Well, wait, the point of this tournament is to get the best team to go to play at the global games. I'm pretty sure that you didn't wouldn't just let them like, okay, whoever got you here, they're no longer playing. We'll just sub out different play. You're what? Yeah. I'm sorry. Also, I love that Gwen had to physically enter with the other team to make that more. Yeah. Right. Which is nonsense, even in the general's, it's more. Right. She was on, whatever. Which is nonsense, even in the general, it's like a journalist accompanying the journalist

walking out with the steam through the tunnel. Yeah. She's now switched to the other team as their team journalist. Right. What could just, she could just not come out and show what side she's on and win either way in the universe of this movie where there's like a like a specific journalist who has the team story. She could just maybe interview which other ever team wins maybe.

Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly. Had your fucking bets. Yeah. And by the way, I think that the ref for this game is also a cameo, but I don't. Oh, yeah. This guy, I didn't know him, but he looks like every college Republican to me. Yes.

If you, if you were like, Hey, police sketch, draw a college Republican is this fucking guy. This is the guy that's Andrew Clayvin's son. Okay. I don't know. I don't know if Andrew Clayvin is either. Yeah. It is, but I didn't know who it was.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. And then they have that. He, and if you wonder who that is and none of us know, except Lydia, because she did homework, it's Andrew Clayvin is apparently somebody. He's the old guy who in a second is going to say that's the biggest dick of some I've ever seen on. Oh, yeah. And what do you know what? He says, I was a Democrat in my whole life. Like, that's his one of his spills like all of them. Yeah. The best cameos are one where you have

to be like, is that a cameo? Yeah. Like the best ones. Yeah. So yeah, so now he's got to give his rousing pep talk to his team, you know, because they see these guys are going to be really good at basketball. So he starts doing this winners or just losers who win chant because that's the profundity that this movie can manage.

I guess it's also the perfect chant for this movie's audience, I guess. It really is. Yeah. What does that mean to you? Does that work in into? Yeah. Right. This is never going well.

So we get the tip off for the finals and we get a montage of them losing. Now they are the ones that are getting basketballs thrown into their faces individually. So at least they're consistent with that. Yeah. That's how you lose to other basketball players. If they're way better than you, they just throw it at your face. Steph Curry is really, really good at doing that. I'm pretty sure. Yeah. The best dodgeball player ever. And the history of the NBA. So weird. So yeah, so they get their asses kicked for a half. We get them going back to the locker room. Don't worry. They haven't forgot the humor here. Felix has a tampon in each nostril because his nose is bleeding.

Oh my god. Because it's for blood. Yeah, you know how proud they were of that joke. They probably came up with that joke and they laughed for like a half a day. We got to film. We're never going to finish this. It's so funny though. Like. Yeah. So they get into the locker room and Monica. So you remember Monica? Of course not because she was so irrelevant to the fucking movie we never brought her up. She's pregnant by both of the brothers at the same time. Don't ask. Don't just take us so long. She's one of the other players, right? One of the other team. right? One of the team.

Yeah. Okay, they're in the finals of whatever this thing we're so far away from anything that's real. That team is sitting in the stands the whole time in their uniforms. You know how in the NBA finals, after the Lakers are eliminated, you see them in the stands in their uniform.

They're still in uniform. Just watching. Right, because if the second-place team can't fulfill their responsibilities, it's up to the third-place team to step in and see at that point. Maybe like, yeah, if this team only has five people, if any of them throw an ankle, maybe we're in. Yeah, no, you're right. There you go. So yeah, so so they're heading back

out for the second half when the news anchor guy, the guy in Native American headdress, he catches up with them and, you know, forces him to wrestle with the changes he's made forever to the history of women's sports and everything. This is where he really starts to think that, you know, he's going to have to have an act three term. Oh, man. Yeah. Right. It's going to be the heart and soul of the movie. Yeah, exactly.

So the team is like, what are we going to do, coach? They're going to beat us and he's like, yeah, I've got a plan, but you need to buy me some time. I mean, some time. You know how famously in a sporting event, you can just buy time. Before they go back. So the second half. Come out there and ask for an extension. Damn, damn, what the fuck are you talking about?

You can pretend you can't find the court for a while. That'll give you somewhere. Yeah, yeah, exactly. You can be like, oh, I forgot to file my taxes. And then, you'll be like, okay, we'll give you a minute for that. Right. Yeah.

And then they don't even end up needing it because he instantly does the thing he's going to do in like one minute. Right. So the guys, the two brothers go out and they both propose to the same girl for a second. Oh, there is a rule about that. Sorry, there is a rule that I want to be, I don't want to get anything wrong. You know, we'll get corrected. If you go propose in the middle of a game, they do say, okay, you can have an extra few

minutes for that. That's right. That's true. Oh, and I cannot, we can't miss this thing because it's probably the most disgusting scene in the whole movie, right? Because when he's telling him, you know, we can't keep doing this before he tells him to go out and vamp Alex pulls him aside and he says, Hey, man, you know, over the last few weeks, I've been living in as a woman and I've never been happier and I've never felt more myself.

And I think I actually am trans and I've discovered this. And we're all like, wait, where the fuck is this movie going? Is this movie going to go send a message that it's okay to be trans as long as you're not competing in sports here at the last second? Yeah. And like I genuinely was wondering, like, is that what they're going to go for? Because sometimes they do try to wave at look, you look, if you're gay, I don't care as long as you don't throw it.

So I thought like, is that what they're setting up? Yes, it wasn't. No. It's the most horrible possible thing. Yeah, but the coach is like, no, you're not. I'm a man that you respect and look up to as a father figure. And I do not accept that of you. You're just confused or whatever. And you have bad parents, evil, but how does he prove that? No, how would he drop that point? He says, how

could you? How are you so sure? I'm not a woman. And the coach punches him in the testicles. woman and the coach punches him in the testicles. Yeah, that's ironclad right there. Get it? Cause man test, testicles. But yeah, but just then I guess they've bought enough time because just then the coach comes out with his daughter and four of her friends all in their little lady ballers outfits. This is the best. You know why?

Why is that? Cause they literally infantilize women sports. Yep. Literally. Yes. They're like, you know why women sports is good? It's because my little nine year old girl can play. They don't care about women sports and they don't even dignify it as looking at it as real. Right. Yeah. The whole message in this moment is, oh, looking to a cute little girl playing the sports. Right. No, right. The message is that women have real power in that they can make men feel sorry for them.

Right? That's what we see. Yeah. Just the little girls come out and then so and the other team is like, well, we can't beat up on little girls. Let's help them score baskets and stuff. But then they fuck that all up by saying the other team still won. Yeah, he's, yeah. Well, that's a blackout. Yeah. Look, honestly, a montage of those enormous

men destroying all those little girls at basketball would have been the funniest thing in this movie if they had the guts to do it. But they didn't. Yeah. The little girl gets injured and the wife is like, Oh my God, what have you done? You put her out there in a game with grown man, you asshole. Put her back together with you. End of movie, great, they saved it. They saved it if they do that. Or have the little girls just pegging these dudes

in the face and not gonna match. Yeah. That's actually really buddy. Right, right. Either way, but no, the guys like feel sorry for him, but still beat him, but only by a few points, I don't, I don't fucking know. Then when the reporter comes up and forgives coach, because she got a good story out of it anyway, I guess, but she's still never going to have sex or million dollars. Yeah. Yeah. She's still made her millions.

Publishing something on a blog somewhere. Yeah, she licks it one more time because he literally paid her to do that. Poignantly lick poignantly to close up. Yeah, right after he says, no, I still very much want to have sex with you. And then she licks his face, which yeah, that's a little weird, but he reacts like he's a fourth grader being like, you know, cuties. Right. Right. I don't know if you just said, oh, I want to have sex with you. Yeah.

You're kind of into the bodily fluids of the other person. Yeah. I would. Yeah. Man to man. How would you read? How would you read? You just told a woman I want to have sex with.

She licks your face. I'd be like, that was a little weird and aggressive, but I'm going with it. I'll find a way. Yeah. I'll figure it out I would be like you canes Well, I bet and then fucking Winnie hugs him and tells him he's the best dad in the movie that he wrote Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and keep in mind sheet that little girl was all indoctrinated into the woke ideology and you know how the

good dad talked her out of it by saying that women can be mothers. Yes. That's it. So now she's like, oh, great. Why would that talk her out of, yeah, I don't know. Go ahead, make some more sense out of it, Thomas. Why would that convince her out of this, what has been her established worldview, this entire movie? Right. Yeah.

Lydia, you are inspired by this when in this moment of the movie, right? Yeah. As a woman. Yeah, change my worldview. Yes, yes, absolutely. So then, okay. So now we cut to nine months later.

In case you were curious about that pregnant Monica plot line that we just shoehorned in at the end. The brothers are reopening their used car a lot. And I know what you're thinking like, about that pregnant Monica plotline that we just shoehorned in at the end. The brothers are reopening their used car lot. And I know what you're thinking like, wait, did they close their used car lot? What are they reopening it from? Yeah, no, no, fuck, it's not that we forgot to tell you about it. Right.

Right. But now I guess it's a used car lot slash basketball school. That's a big, big, big, big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big big reopening of a used car lot. Yeah, because it has a basketball hoop. Yeah. They don't have public parks there. So weird. Well, it's a Republican state. So maybe, maybe not. Yeah. That's true. Maybe not. Do they not have private enterprise public parks? Yeah. Right. Yeah. This will hand to the market, not create some amazing public parks. So yeah. So, but of course, what everybody in this

crowd really wants to hear is what coach learned today, right? So he goes off and he gives his speech. And again, this is your fucking movie. This is your moment to stand out in the fucking sun and say what you have to say. This is the movie that you wrote that you paid for that you're starring in. You're the one saying it. And still he has nothing to say.

He might as well come out there and go, and yada yada yada the end. I know, he does pretty much do it because I don't they have him like a ball just fly over there to get, he's like somebody get me out of the scene. Yes, sir. I thought something was gonna come to me last night. It didn't, I don't have anything to say.

I'm genuinely, I'm an empty shell of a human being. It's July 8th, I have somewhere to be July 9th. Yeah. Yeah. Someone quick. Throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw throw So yeah, so he finishes his speech. Darby tells him what a great daddy is in the movie that he wrote. And then she says that she decides that she wants to go out on a date with him and see if they can make their marriage work after all. Okay.

Also, the news anchors got unwokified in this universe. Yeah, that's weird somehow. Yep. Like the basketball game finale made them get like insensitivity training to The movie it moved them. I think yeah, I think we're to believe that they by the power of their common sense old fashion Republican whatever they've turned the world on woke. I think we've I think they fixed the whole world Oh, I see with a little girl right the whole world So like yeah, they saw like wow, men can't be women.

And now they snapped out of it in the chat. The world of news got destroyed with facts and logic. Yeah, that's the movie. Yeah, that must be it. Now, and you might be thinking that this movie's over that it doesn't have another big reveal and cameo for us, but it does. We pan away. And the hippie dad, the

stepdad from earlier, takes off his hippie wig and he reveals that he was Matt Walsh all along. It was clear he was wearing a wig the entire time because the color difference to the beard was so beard. Can't match any bad. Oh bad. Yeah. No, it wasn't even close. And then Candace Owens is in a car with them.

She's like, this reveal doesn't actually make any sense. No, at all. Candace Owens in there. What are they in the real world? What world are we in? I don't know. No, one thing this movie almost had going for it was that Matt Walsh's character was like, almost something you might see in a movie. And then they ruined that. They're like, no, never mind. It wasn't that. Yeah. It was like, I forgot to write an ending for the movie or did I? That's the fucking end. Yeah. They might as well do like every sketch button that Eli ever writes. Like everybody shoots everybody once and like it already vomits all of a sudden. Everybody's

like, okay, I'm done. And I thought that was it, but he you have additional notes. Oh, yeah, I do too. I saw that he was in the movie. I thought he was maybe I missed him, but we're just how does this show up? Right after the beginning of the credits, there's a little flash. Yeah, I'm not surprised you missed him, Noah. The guy who has said he's actually a woman is in therapy now with Jordan Peterson. Cause you know, Jordan Peterson still does therapy.

Yeah. And I, okay, once again, getting into Hitler's mind here and trying to figure out if you were doing a hate crime as a movie, what would you be trying to say? Well, if it were me, I would be like, well, what Jordan Peterson is going to tell him some stuff, like go clean your room, buddy. And he's going to be like, oh, I am a man. Like, that's what, you know, like, that's what they're trying to do. But instead they just have him blabber on about his life. And Jordan Peterson just sits there

and shakes his head. So what, what does that mean? Does that mean something? What does that mean? No fucking clue. I think it means Jordan Pearson did something absolutely insane on the set. And they had to cut all of that and just go with like one shot of him like having a headaches. Right. Right. There was just like every line he just was weeping in as he delivered it and they're like, none of this is going to, none of it's going to fucking work.

Yeah. All right. Well, I guess that's going to do a far review of Lady Bowers, but that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to get the Christmasacular going eventually. So he tell us what's on deck. We've got Mr. Scrooge to see you. So I think Ebenezer Scrooge is going to time travel to teach Tiny Tip about Jesus Christ. Oh my God.

One movie. You know what? Everywhere from where we're standing, everywhere is a step up. So I am actually really excited to hear that. So Thomas and Lydia, I don't have it in my power to thank you enough for suffering. Do this. You're alongside us. I just don't. Yeah. I don't have the financial capacity. I feel like we could need to get Jeremy boring down here to write you a check is what we need to

truly. What if we get a team together for a basketball tournament and we see if we get. So it and of course, if our listeners wanted to hear more from you guys when you weren't being tortured for their enter. Well, I guess sometimes you're tortured there too, but we're also into it ourselves. Do you want to see us in the whole Mardi Gras mask and Not actually apparently have sex. Yeah, yeah, we do that over on All right, so forget your only pants page for just a second and tell us where we can find your podcast instead Oh check out where there's woke our new show. There's too much to do. It's basically the anti this, what you just heard. Yeah. Debunking, you know, this was an entire web of insane lies

about how the world actually works. We try to untangle some of that over on where there's woke. And we also go down massive research rabbit holes. It's a lot of fun. I hope you'll check it out. There's some good series of this. And it's, it's, it's, please find it on at the bookstore. We have a bonus if you sign up on patreon.com slash where there's work we do a bonus of Ben Shapiro's Barbie review. Oh God that's amazing. Oh yeah it was so fun. That was so fun. He is so crazy. He gets really mad about Barbie. Yeah. Didn't he burn a doll in a garbage can or something? Yeah. For no reason. And then some and then some he's. I'll also have you know, there's plenty of fine episodes with two

out of the three amazing gam hosts. And know as soon as your ticker is. Oh, yeah. We would love to have you on. Hey, my ticker handled this movie. I think it's up to what. Right. We'll schedule something. You got doctors calling you right now. All right. All right. Well, with that to look forward to, we're going to bring up so 434 to a merciful close. Once again, huge thanks to Lydia and Thomas for hanging out with us today. And remember to check the show notes for links to hear more from them on where there's woke. Also a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors to help me at the show go if you're taking out yourself from them.

They're right. You can make a prepsidotation of Patreon to Comps Lash God off when they're by earner early access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help a ton by leaving a five star review and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. If you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our siblings shows, the skating aides, the aesthetician aided D&D minus and the skeptic ad, available wherever podcasts live. If you have questions, comments or suggestions, you can email godoffamilvesagemo.com.

Tim Robster takes care of our social media, our theme song is written and performed by Ryan Slotting with Jeff Stormars. All the other music was written and performed by our audience, and your Morgan Carkin washers with permission. Thanks again for giving us a good life this week. For Heathen, right, Neil Ibosna, I'm Nlusius. Promise him to work harder and know the truck next week until then. We'll leave you with a breakfast club close. After this movie, I bought tickets to go see Tyler Fisher

who played Felix in his comedy tour, because he's coming to Sacramento. Oh my. Mary Christmas Hunt. And I divorced my wife. Oh my God. All the men in this movie went on to die of colon cancer because they thought someone putting something in their butt was gay.

That's an aspirational one. Pentiopiro's wife told him a wet vagina is a disease and a baby toy. one. Pension Piro's wife told him a wet vagina is a disease. Nobody involved in this movie would ever go on to watch a sport. Also, in terms of that go woke, go broke thing, I just want to point out that Barbie made more money at the box office than the value of the entire daily wire media company. Not just their movie. That's a very, by an order of magnitude.

Yes. Wow. That's nice. That's believing us with something. Plus. Yeah. The President podcast was a production of Puzzle in a thunderstorm LLC copyright 2023. All rights reserved.

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