God Awful Movies - 435: Mr. Scrooge to See You!

Episode Date: December 19, 2023

This week, the guys team up for an atheist review of Mr. Scrooge to See You!, the story of a couple of Christian hacks thinking "well I'm at least as good as this Charles Dickens fella." --- Get your tickets to see us live in Orlando on March 2nd! --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

Yeah, but he's like, all right, well, I'll play along with giving this man half of my company for now. For now? For now? Well, yeah, a contract that says, until I count to 100. I mean, to be fair, you and he kind of did that with me, so I don't know how much you did. No, that's okay, yeah. You should have given you a physical and a blood test like the game. You should have!

It's mostly syrup. Not awful. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie.

Movie. Movie. Movie. Movie. Welcome back to the Gamecastware. Each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema because the governor hasn't called yet. I'm your host, Noel Luciens, and sitting a 700 miles to my immediate left is a good friend Heath and right.

Heath, welcome back. God bless us, everyone. Three fucking Christmas. To us. Start this Christmas tagular a little late this time, but we are starting it and sitting 900 miles to my northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnich Eli. How are you this fine afternoon, sir? Chris, Miss Tagular, Chris, Miss Tagular. Fuck yeah, a bridge, Chris, Miss Tagular. Sorry. Too many shitty movies came out at just

that moment. So tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today? We watched Mr. Scrooge to see you with an exclamation. So like to see you or something like that. It's the story of a Christmas Carol, a Dickens sort of. It's that minus the story of that story, plus time machine, cheese and incest is what I remember. You're making it sound way better than it is. I was going to say that's a way better pitch than we actually enjoy.

It's the worst possible time machine cheese incest movie you could possibly make. They did. Yeah. So how bad versions of all those things somehow and Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you loved your church's production of a Christmas carol so much that you just had to make those actors improvise a sequel at gunpoint, you will love this movie. Also you made this movie probably. Yeah, probably. So yeah, because this movie was born when 21st century authors looked at a 19th century morality play and said, if only it were more heavy handed, right?

It's a little too subtle. Yeah. No subtle this movie. So is there anything you just want to nominate this one for me the best of being the worst at? Yeah, I'm going to go with best worst. What to get excited about if you happen to time travel into the future from the mid 1800s to.

Okay. Absolutely. That happens in the movie and the character who does that gets way too excited about the dumbest things. It takes like most of the movie before they finally realize something from the future that would be weird and exciting like electricity. Any electronic would have been good. Yeah. But they go with like ketchup and tea.

It's so stupid. And at one point hot dogs which existed back in his fucking talk. Already existed. Yeah. Already existed. Real problem there. Now, I will say heath, I don't know if I can go there because what was the movie we watched where the guy came back, like came into the future and spent all his time lecturing people

about how mannequins were going gonna make little boys whack off. Mm. I think I feel like we've seen better worst, but yeah, it was pretty bad. Yeah. I'm gonna go with best worst long form names. Ooh. But yeah, for some reason in this movie,

everybody had the full on three syllable version of like Timothy, not Tim, Ronald, not Ron, Matthew, not Matt. It's like we were in a feminine bad guy in an 80s movie. Hello, Timothy. Definitely. And he 30th, he's this one, but I'm going to go with best, worst long tail marketing to Heath in your movie. Well, we'll talk about it. No, okay. Yep. Yep. Yep. We don't do it right. Though it's fine. They never caught some aint it.

All right. Well, I have to check and make sure that Ba hum bugging a scrooge movie won't create a singularity. So we're going to take a quick break, but we'll be back in a minute with all the bad community theater that is. Mr. Scrooge to see you. Hey, how much is one of the sad Veronica. I've been birthday in New Year. You're doing a bike. What do you mean? Who is this?

I don't have the time for this. Hey, Eli, what's you doing? I'm gonna be birthday in a year, you're gonna be birthday in a year, you're gonna be birthday in a year, you're gonna be birthday in a year, you're gonna be birthday in a year, you're gonna be birthday in a year, you're gonna be birthday in a year, you're gonna be birthday in a year, you're gonna be birthday in a year, you're gonna be birthday in a year, you're gonna be birthday in a year, you're gonna be birthday in a year,

what do you mean who is this? I don't have the time for this. Hey, you like what you're doing? Yeah, we heard you yelling from downstairs. Did you remember that Firefly has canceled again? No, no, no, I am still mad about that. No, I'm trying to make all my Christmas calls, but with my plan with big wireless, it's costing me a fortune. Well, why don't you switch to Mint Mobile? What's Mint Mobile? Give yourself

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by going to mintmobile.com slashgam. That's mintmobile.com slashgam. New customers only. Additional taxes, fees, and restrictions apply, see Mint Mobile for details. slash gam. That's mint mobile dot com slash gam. New customers only additional taxes fees and restrictions apply see mint mobile for details. All right guys, I'm in. If only you guys had come upstairs before I called my uncle Steve with my condolences slash birthday wishes. He was like, those don't go well together. Yeah. They did not heath. They did not. And when you were like, whoa, I almost lost. Oh, yeah, dude, thank you. Thank you. Okay, okay, everyone's settled down.

First of all, congratulations on an amazing run of the new Baptist First Communion production of a Christmas Carol. But you know, guys, I've been thinking, I love Christmas Carol and everything, but couldn't this story be a little more Christian? More Christian? I mean, yeah, you know, it's about a heavily Jewish-coded guy who is visited by a triune spirit and they save his soul, but what if that's too subtle? Yeah, it is a little vague. Right. Right. Yeah. And you know how sequels to classic literature

and stories are always amazing? Obviously. There's about two, of course. Yeah. Well, what if we made a sequel to a Christmas girl that was just much, much more obviously about Jesus? Yeah. Plus, we already have the costumes. We could use my mom's real estate office too. Amazing. Guys, we're gonna write the Christmas Carol movie that Christians have been hoping for. And incest in it.

Yes, it will also include some incest. It will though. Nice. I five. K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-K-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T in Orlando, Florida on March 2nd. Wait, God awful movies is doing a live show in Orlando, Florida on March 2nd? Nay sure are, and as of this recording there are still platinum night and VIP meet and greet tickets available. Oh boy, I bet their Southern listeners are excited! Everyone's excited!

Get your tickets at God awfulmoveslive.com or check the show notes for this episode. Thanks Twinkle toes. Now to figure out what to get my Jewish friends. I didn't know you had Jewish friends. Sure. Who do you think does our marketing? Oh, man, that's problematic. You are. And we're back for the breakdown.

And we're going to start off with a logo for salty earth pictures. Feel like they don't know a salt. The year they've definitely thought like salt of the earth. Yes. Do you believe no one's taken salt of the earth pictures? Yeah. But what they're saying is this movie will ruin the art of cinema for all that's come after by accident because they're stupid. And can I say nailed it? Yeah. That was the intention. They got as close as they could. I kind of am okay with there being no movies because this movie was made. So yeah, so we get this, we get the credits, we get this theme. So the

the credits are like they're stalling, right? Like they are embarrassed to show us the movie and they're hoping we'll leave. Can we just get an act of Congress credits are at the end? That's just the end. This is what we did at World War II. This was part of the Accords. We all, we created the UN and credits go at the end of the movie. You would have thought, yeah. Politics is too polarized. This is the problem. This is what is what we can unite around. Absolutely. So, okay. So we, we cut out its London, its 1844. Don't let the blinking red light on the side of that building for you. It's definitely 1844 NFC security access on their buildings in 1844. I mean, there's going to be time travel. So I guess there's some people going back putting sure I guess. I don't know. This movie

is a wild combination of like school play sets, actual locations that their grandma said they could use. And like the backstage at the local high school, it's a real weird mix of product integrity here. Yeah, yeah, right, right. And de facto, right? So because this is where the ghost of Jacob Marley rises up. It's just a like effect straight out of night trap. Fuck yeah. And he's like, hello there. Everybody. Please ignore that blinking. That light text of me.

I'm going to do a ghost lesson now to, to that guy's, Scrooge again, because it's a year later. Yes. This movie feels like, and I want to be very clear, I don't mean the actor. I mean, Jacob Marley, the character called his agent in a half after Christmas and was like, you said I'd be a fucking featured player. I'm there in the beginning and I'm not there. And they're like, don't worry, Jacob, Jacob, they're doing a sequel and you're going to be

really, you're going to get to go wild in this one. Cause it really feels like he's like, hey, everyone, you're probably looking for a lot more information on old Jake Marley. Well, don't worry because I'll be your hostess with the ghost This one. Silver Bells. Where's the PM? You know a lot of chain work, lot of chain work, all the chain work you want a lot of Chain work. Okay, that's a weird move by God. Apparently, it's like, all right, what should we do with ghosts and purgatory? A big metaphor prop that represents what it's like. It's a purgatory and really vaguely though. It's got to be hard to pee. My favorite version of the of this is the old timey Christmas Carol where he's in hell, but he also has chains, which feels weird. Right?

Like he's burning an eternal fire and also little heavy, you know. Yeah. I like that the chains jingle. When Jacob Marley, the ghost zoops in and out. He says it. It's like magic ghost enter, but also like clink, clink, clink, clink. Yeah. Like when you put a bell on your cat.

Yeah. So and also one of my first notes on this was that words could not describe how poorly mic'd it is unless they were as poorly mic'd. But apparently that was on purpose. They actually have good microphones. This was an echo thing they were doing because this is a dream sequence. Or a ghost boy. Well, it's a ghost dream thing.

Yeah. So yeah, so then in the ghost dream thing, Ebenezer comes across a door with a sign hanging on it that says, come in and know me better. And this sign was like clearly printed on ye oldie, Hewlett Packard printer. Yeah, it has the ye old dot matrix rip side. So also the door isn't attached to anything. That's how we know we're in a dream, right? Yeah. He tries to open the door and then the ghost of Jacob Marley offers him some keys, but before he can grab him, he wakes up. And he does like a, just a dream. And can I just say, if you're visited by three ghosts and that changes your life, you're probably not like, eh, it was probably nothing when you get visited by the fourth ghost,

right? Right. At this point, if you're still dismissing ghosts, it's like dementia, rather than skepticism. So iticism. So it is, Scrooge runs out of the room for his morning ablutions and Marley, the ghost Marley rises up through the floor and does a little like last time on exposition. Yeah, he's doing fucking flavor and he's also adding shitties like, hi, I'm Jacob Marley, you're probably wondering, what

was my favorite ice cream? Well, I'm glad to ask some Iraqi. Oh, no, I need nobody asked that. Okay. Well, I'll just tell the fucking story of Christmas Carol. Peace is a shit. So, and I also want to point out that like at this point, we were six minutes in, I got my second auto ad. And I'm like, Eli's making me watch this to try to normalize dear old dad's. I just want you to give dear old dads a try. And I feel like if I show you a movie with ads every 10 seconds, you'll list a one that has 20 seconds. Right. Right. So Scrooge comes back in post-ablusions. He's excited. All this all hell about Christmas. Marley still monologuing on this. There's a part here where he raises his finger and a purple light

moves the toy boat on the mantle. Okay, so Jacob Marley post scroogeous salvation. Jacob Marley is now scroogeous bitchie roommate. I guess. Just fucking labeling the food in the fridge. Jacob do not eat and it's like we're the only two people who live here, man. If you don't want me to eat your food, I guess. Just fucking labeling the food in the fridge. Jacob do not eat. And it's like, we're the only two people who live here, man. If you don't want me to eat your food, just say it. So Jacob needs to get visited by like the ghost of passive aggressive future past and present to like, I literally wrote in my notes, Jacob Marley has been resigned to the position of Ebenezer Scrooge's naggy 1950s house.

Yeah. So he's doing his bits. He's doing a lot of stick, right? position of Ebenezer Scrooge's naggy 1950s house. Yeah, so he's doing his bits. He's doing a lot of stick right? He's like, uh, Ebenezer starts singing and he goes, oh, his singing is bad enough to raise the dead. No pun intended. I'm like, yeah, no pun achieved, man. That's there's no pun there.

You're just because I'm dead. If you think about it, I mean, to me, I kind of empathize with Jacob Marley here because if I was a ghost set with one very specific exposition power and 365 days later, I'm still fucking hanging around being like, I don't know what to tell you, man. I, we did it. We did it. Mission accomplished, everybody. Yeah, what? I'm used to try jumping upwards. Do I need to jump? So, yeah, so then we cut 169 years later to new Britain, Wisconsin.

When I saw the car driving through the snow, I thought another ad had started. But no, the story is told in multiple centuries. And we're going to open up on a bunnaccia unhoused people eating at a diner. I couldn't tell that they weren't just Wisconsinites because they had a lot of coats on and stuff. Right, exactly, yeah. And at one point, she's explaining that they're the Bible Club,

later she's gonna call them the Bridge Club. I'm glad that you clarified because I spent this entire scene trying to figure out who these people were and why they don't have to pay for their food. Right. Yeah. So we're going to meet our main character, Bell. She is the owner of Bell's dot or the dinner bell, very clever. And she gives away free food to all of the homeless people nearby. And is going out of business because of that, right? That's what we're establishing with this scene. And look, I think that's a great thing for anyone who owns a food establishment to be doing,

but I don't think they need to bring their shopping carts full of shit into your restaurant. I think you could, you know, get a bike crack or something, couldn't you? Well, right. So, so we also we meet Petra here who is the eclectic diner worker. Sometimes she's a surfer, sometimes she's a cook. She wears a lot of hats, right? Yeah. But mostly she provides a Spanish accent, which everyone else in Wisconsin was pretty sure

was hilarious all by itself. I guess. This actor was like, I'm Filipina. It's fine. Whatever. Yes. 100% all the other actors were like, Oh man, you're so funny. And she was like, I just said the line.

I say, I don't want them here. Yeah. And they're like, Oh, you kill me. You kill me. Yeah, but Petrus like, well, you know, maybe we should like kick them out and since they're scaring off all the paying customers. And she's like, no, Matthew 25 motherfucker religious movie. Right. So.

And then the very next thing is like, Oh, and Petra, I'm really sorry. I haven't paid you in like four months. Yes. Because I'm an idiot because of the Bible. And I don't make any money in it. It's a crime now that I'm doing to you But you know Matthew 25 or whatever right so I would literally stab you in the heart and sell your organs on the black market For pay well, and that also it like deflates the whole charitable thing to begin with because she's just robbing

Petra to give these people food right you can't enslave one person to feed the poor. That's deaf. I mean, look, it sounds like it would be in Matthew, but it's definitely not in Matthew. It's a weird trolley thing that apparently the Bible has no dilemma with, but still, yeah, bad. No, can't do that. So as they're having this conversation, two guys walk in, brushing non-existent snow off their shoulders for like 45 seconds. I wrote in my notes, they're brushing their shoulders because I assure you there was snow outside. Yes, right, right. So yeah, so they want to we over here their conversation.

They want to buy this diner and turn it into condos, multiple condos, this diner. You know, look, I've lived in some New York City apartment. So I'm not saying a corner of a diner wouldn't make up a condo. That's like seven units. We're looking at that. That's a lot. Yeah. Well, we do establish here and there that new Britain, Wisconsin, is quite the metropolis.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, you should see our theater district. So yeah, so, but Bell looks overseas these two guys and she's like, oh my God, that's Tim. We almost dated in high school. Bell, Bell, friends. Man, man, man, call you, man, you did not go to high school with these young men unless you were their teacher.

Right. And I mean, I mean, that plot point would be less problematic than where we're going to land just for the record. Yes. Yes. Exactly. She's a solid 12 years older than these two guys. Yeah.

Maybe babies sat those guys. She is. Yeah. And look, she's much more attractive. So I think they all sat around and they were like, well, and you can be in high school. And she was like, I'm slight. We're in Wisconsin. I'm old enough to be their mom. And they were like, no, that's true. You are. But you're so much hotter. There's a cool Dustin's Creek plot about that, right? I think you're allowed to be their

age. So I went over well. Yeah. But she tells Petra. She, she didn't go out with them in high school because her dad forbade it. And then she goes over to like wish him a merry Christmas and get their order. Tim doesn't look up. He does that dumb. Like I can't notice you yet for the script to work thing where he's like, what's so Mary about it? Christmas is all of shit. Ah humbug and then he looks up. He's sitting facing the other direction in a different booth at first. Yeah. Like he's a spy. So dumb. And this is the first of many times that they will have this character, say the exact words that Ebenezer Scrooge says in a Christmas Carol. And what

I was not clear about is, is this a world in which a Christmas Carol is a historical event? Is this a world in which a Christmas Carol is a historical event and a Charles Dickens story? Or weirdest of all, is this a world in which it is just a Charles Dickens story, but when it turns out to be reality, nobody's particularly miffed by it. Yeah, I feel like it's got to be a, but once or twice it slips in to be, yeah. For sure. Yeah.

So yeah. So anyway, we have the, oh, we knew each other on high school moment. She goes back to get him coffee and then he explains to his assistant, Ronald. That's the other guy that he almost dated her in school, but his dad forbade it. Right. He says, he says actually, he's like, and that's good because you know, you don't want to mix the classes.

Okay, movie. I think this might be a great movie. All right. I'm listening. Also, we should point out that the table full of homeless people are really on her ass about how long their free meal is taking. Yeah, at one point, the lady screams, hurry up with my food. And I wrote in my notes, I have a modest proposal for how to solve this problem.

It's a popular thing at a lot of restaurants that proposal for sure. Yeah. So she comes back, she goes to give them their coffee. And this is where Tim explains that her restaurant is loaded with debt And he now owns her mortgage There's this incredibly lazily written line where she's like yeah, I'm behind on my mortgage But I've been working with mr. Brown at the Main Street bank What you mean like working to make money because you're like eight months behind on people

No, no, I just talked to you're like eight months behind on people? No, no, I mean, I just talked to him about how I'm eight months behind on mortgage payments. That's what she means. Yep. They should foreclose on this stupid dire that makes no money for sure. Yes. Again, like some movies get this right, right, which is not, there's a thing that I bought, which is a house and there's a structure for buying houses and buildings and when you don't pay it, that's like stealing said thing.

But you're supposed to make the old man Macaggley be like, I'm selling your mortgage to big murder puppy or whatever. You can't just be like, no, turns out you can't have this restaurant for free. Right. Right. No, she's eight months behind on the mortgage. She hasn't paid her server in four months. This is one of those instances where it's like, yeah, the invisible hand should strangle this fucking business. This makes things like everything for government. Yeah. But he explains that she has until December 25th to pay up or though for close,

which is weird because I feel like when you're eight months behind on the mortgage, you don't need an additional 10 days of notice. Yeah, straight for a club. They like to do big, you know, impactful, magical dates. Right. Yeah, sure. That is something banks like to do. Oh, man, if you, if you go up on your mortgage in January, they are fucked until like March.

It really saw that they're trying to do it on Valentine's day. Really, really fucks with their business. So, yeah. So, Bell goes to the counter and she tells Petra about the inciting incident there and Petra goes to we should murder him even quicker than Eli would. Fuck yeah, she does. Fuck yeah, she does. She's like immediately. She's like so rap poison in the coffee and I'm like, fuck yeah. And she's like, hey, not a murder solution. And she's like diarrhea medicine. immediately she's like, so rap poison in the coffee and I'm like, fuck you. Immediately. And she's like, hey, not a murder solution.

And she's like, diarrhea medicine. And she's like, you have too many crimes as your first option. And so fast each time before I'm done with the question, rat poison, like you had it, right? I like petro, I like rap poison. I like her initiative,

but just take the unemployment and find any other job that aes you, maybe. Yeah, when the pays you money would be great and has customers. You can also kill this guy, but like separately. I don't want to do it for a different reason. Also, Bell says he's so rude. And I mean, look, maybe it's just because this guy is an absolutely terrible actor, but the thing he has said is, hello, I own this building, you haven't paid your mortgage.

Yes. Right, and you have to do that now. Yeah, but he bumps into the bell on the wall. So he's a bad guy or something. Right, yeah, I'm clear, yeah. Yeah. But right, so he comes up to pay for the coffee and she says, you know what, it's on the house.

And he's like, all right, but given away free coffee is the whole fucking reason you can't pay your mortgage. And I'm like, you're being an asshole, but no, that is correct. You are correct. That is the problem. Yeah. The giving away free food at your food restaurant is the problem. Like he's not wrong. And we should point out here that Ronald is his assistant. The other character's name is Tim. Ronald is trying to be nice the whole time, but Tim won't let him. I just want to point that out because it never amounts to anything or matters in any way in the fucking story. Ronald will walk into the final scene of this movie

every one of our notes are like, who the fuck's that? Oh, it's Ronald. And then she turns to Petra and she says, remember when you said things couldn't get worse? Well, they just did, except she didn't. So that's fucking hilarious. So then we cut back to Scrooge. He's waiting. He's excitedly waiting for Bob Cratchett to get to work so he can give him his Christmas present, right?

And he's doing the stupid fucking, I'm going to fire you prank again. Like we saw you do it in my head in the intervening year. Scrooge has just done this same stupid. I'm destroying you in your livelihood prank every time you something nice to sing the pop. Just like, um, Bob, I'm going to murder you with this knife. Just say what you want to say, Ebenezer. Yeah, he's pretending he's still miserly scrooge and everything. And I know so we're thing to say when Eli's right here, but he's way too committed to this bit. It goes on for so long and he's so abusive to him and shit the whole time. No, I'm glad you said it.

No, because I was as I was making jokes about it just now, I was like, oh, it's like what I do to he thought a pretty regular basis. Okay, it's all coming together. The bit goes on until there's crying. That's what it's on the whiteboard. Till he finds love. Yeah, so he finally is like, it's no longer suitable for you to remain under my employ.

But that's actually his way of say that he's making Bob a partner. Ah, in the busy won't be classic. J it is a boy anymore. You thought you and your canonically very sick son were destitute, but actually now you have a partnership. Yeah. Guys, we should do this with our bookkeeper.

We should just call Julian Christmas and be like, you're on the podcast now. I bet you me down. No, I think you're right. like, you're on the podcast now. You think she'll be down? I bet she'll be down. No, I think you're right. I think you're right. So yeah, no, if I'm Bob, I'm just fucking selling this business, my half of this business

and getting out from under this bliger and asshole once and for all. But so yeah, they talk about how awful screws used to be for a little while. But then we established that Scrooge covered the cost of tiny Tim's life-saving operation. And it made him like able to walk without a crutch in it. What the fuck is, he got a Rickets' ectomy,

a polio ectomy in 1844? Yeah, unclear. It's 1844, they would have co-camed his humors. What the fuck are you talking about? Life saving operation. Oh, he's gonna say English operations at this time were not great in the big best department. If this was a realistic movie,

he'd be like, hey, I'm really sorry. I paid for Tiny Tim's operation. That guy was a dentist. It turned out, and he just, saw your kid in half and then said the devil is gone. So I don't know. That's on me. But yeah, this will be we established and then just in case that was too subtle, Bob

gives Mr. Scrooge a present from tiny Tim and it's his old crutch that he doesn't need anymore. Ex operation. And the note says everyone needs a crutch that he doesn't need anymore, because this is operation. And the note says everyone needs a crutch. Thanks for being my. Yes. Uh-huh. Don't worry. That's going to come back and it'll be even sillier when it does. So yeah, but Scrooge is like, but you're a full partner now. We'll put your name on the sign and crutch is like, well, you know, wouldn't, wouldn't Jacob Marley, whose name is already on the same be upset. He's like, no, I'm sure that Jacob Marley, whose a ghost that I've

met personally and still hangs out at my house, won't mind this at all if we take his name off the sign. And, and then just take the door blows open. If, if Flash cut to Marley, like crying in the bathroom, yeah. Don't let him ruin this for us, Bob. Don't let this run. Just don't pay attention. Jim. He's got to leave eventually. It's been a calendar year. So yeah. So but Scrooge's first act says his first act as partner should be to take the rest of the day off and spend it with his family, right? So he sends Bob away. And then he's like, aha, now I have time to buy my presence for the crutches. He says, I thought he would never leave.

And I wrote in my notes, I'm going to fuck the shit out of that crunch. That's what it felt like was going to happen. Thank you. He's supportive, something weird, something he was going to go, not except he was going to maybe he was going to go full sulfur on that crutch. Fuck the holes in the chains of Jacob. Like something sexual was going to happen for sure. Thank you. Yes, but no, instead he's going Christmas shopping on Christmas. If you fucking idiot, you're going to end up getting everybody pinescented

mirror dangles from the gas station. You fucking idiot. New view. Yeah. Fucking Christmas eve. So, okay. So Scrooge goes outside, he goes to lock up his shop and damn if he isn't suddenly bamfed to 2013, Wisconsin. Okay. Look, we have so much movie to cover. I just have to talk about this non moment that happens as he's locking up. He says, Mary Christmas, Mr. O'Shaughnessy and me trying to get Heath to punch me in the face is like, and I'm really Christmas to you there, Mr. Crow, for no fucking way, who demanded to do their quote Irish voice.

But there's a full minute dedicated to it in this fucking film. You did, you did, you did, you did, you did, you did, you did, but he told Mr. Crow. But yes, sorry, he gets to Wisconsin. Yes, he teleports to Wisconsin. And then we have this like holy shit cars moment, right? Yeah, okay, I know this is just a time travel movie trope, but if I get boosted into the future and a big thing is moving towards me super fast,

I'm gonna jump out of the way immediately, even if I'm not familiar with the technology, I'm not gonna be like, well I'm not going to be like, well, I don't know how that transport is working is being moved. I believe they had fucking trains at this point. He's familiar with large things that move. Yeah. Like if a UFO from the future is coming at me, I'm not going to be like, all right, going

to do the good old fashioned train dodge last second. No. Also, this is dumb ass moment. He opens up a dumpster and he sniffs it and he's like, Oh, that smells off. I'm like, you're from 1844 London, motherfucker. Don't tell me our shit smells bad. Yeah, exactly. You come from a country that was still dumping their wastewater into the street just below

the window, relax. Yeah. I wanted him to show up at a larping event and he would just look totally normal for the very first moment. I thought the old one. Oh, no. Too clever for this fucking fascinated by garbage receptacles of the future. Yeah. So meanwhile, we get a scene of Ronald and Tom looking over their evil plans. We just, it's so fucking stupid because the only thing this scene does is it has Tim turn to Ronald and go, well, you know, I still have the same motivation

as the last scene. And Ronald say, says, you sure do, right? Yep. Yeah. And all that happens at the end of the scene is Tim being like, Hey, one more thing, just a quick Darwin is right. God is dead. All right. Later. Cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I just want to double check it. And that's it. Well, I also love this moment. We're trying to establish how bad a guy Tim is and he's like, you know, but where will all those hopeless people go from the bridge club? And I'm like, they live under a fucking bridge right now. Right. It's not like you're kicking him out of the housing. You're kicking him out of not having a place to go unless it's houses. It doesn't fucking much matter, does it? Right. Also, just a quick reminder that the Christian agenda of the solution to homelessness,

being that individuals are going to do charity work is just so you won't make systematic changes. Just a quick reminder, just a quick reminder. It's good to do good stuff, but the reason that they're telling you is because they don't want you to vote for Joe Biden and no member. Just a quick reminder. It's important. As is the very end of this scene, I would have skipped this scene all together.

If it wasn't for the fact that the very end of this Timothy is supposed to, he pulls out this photo of him and Bell back when they were friends in high school. Like a jerk off photo, he keeps in an envelope in his desk all the time. Right. Right next to him. And this photo could not look more fake if we could see the scissor marks and the tape. Right? It's so fucking bad.

Because it reflects the difference of their ages because it's very clearly they took his high school photo and her high school photo. Her high school photo, she's wearing a poodle skirt and like hiling Hitler or whatever was popular when she was in high school. And he's in high school photo, she's wearing a poodle skirt and like, hiling Hitler or whatever was popular when she was in high school. And he's in high school in the 90s and they just fucking smushed it together in Photoshop. You know how AI can't do fingers. It was like,

whole body. Yeah, right, right. It was weird. Much like this was actually the first use of mid-journey ever. It was through this movie and that's why they abandoned it for 10 years. They were like, oh, never mind. Fuck. They both look like Cthulhu. That's what I'm for using. And of course, and we cut to Bell. She said the diner. She's looking at the same photo at the same time. Petra comes in. She's like, fuck, that guy. And I'm like, yes, fuck, Petra. Just sure you don't want me to get him. I have still the rep poison. So as they're having this conversation,

Mr. Scrooge shows up in their diner. What's he doing there? So he was like, all right, I guess I must have time travel, gonna grab lunch at this diner now. Right, yes. And he walks in. I mean, Heath, you're acting like that's not the first thing you would do if you got to the future.

The first you would bash your way in it. I would go to the future. Future murder now. A better diner. This one. finish your way in it. You're like, I will do a better diner this one. Well, that's true. Yeah, right, right. Inflation, you wouldn't have any money. You'd be worth like, good and for anything. I'd talk my way in.

Yeah, you come on. It's he, he'd talk his way. That's true. Yeah, no, he, so and then so he, he comes into the diner. We get the first real example of Heath's best worst, where he walks into this diner, sits at a chair and becomes fascinated by a ketchup bottle. Hey, man.

So had bottles. There's light bulbs everywhere. Right. You're from 1844. Focus on. Yes, yes. Light seems to be appearing from unknown sources andone sources and the in the major change to human life that happened after I died.

But look at this bottle, it's squishy. Yeah. It's a, it's exactly like the bottles I have, but it's cool. When you squeeze it, it's not broken. Right. Let's explore this motherfucker. Well, and then they go for what they're pretty sure as a hilarious moment where as Petra comes up, he squeezes the bottle and the ketchup comes out and he's not expecting it. And I'm, you know, he doesn't even say that's never happened

to me before. They don't lean into the ejaculation joke at all here. So it's just, it fails. If I find something, I don't know what it is. I don't squeeze it generally though. Okay, well, that makes one of us heathed that that I found it very relatable. That's the first instinct. Absolutely. Squeeze it. Rat poison. found this very relatable. That's the first instinct. Absolutely. Squeeze it. Rad poison. Yeah.

Right away. Squeeze that. Rad poison. It's your answer for everything. That's what's crocheted into that pillow on my couch. You've seen it yourself. That's true. Yeah, so, but so he's gonna he's trying to ask Patrick the year, but he's beating around

the bushes. Though he's about to broach the subject of a threesome with her. Oh my God. This was on. This is where the movie became truly unbearable, right? Cause up until now, it's kind of bad and low quality. But this is where the writer was like, all right. Time for me to do some of my classic comedy writing skills.

Six pages of, um, excuse me, here we come. It was just absolutely unbearable to watch. I was at like 10 times speed at this point. All right. Yes. But she desiarnes her way back up to the counter and she's like, you got to deal with this weird guy who's asking me the fucking year. So Bell goes out to bring him T and she's like, you know how we can make Eli hate his

time on Earth even more? We could start doing Shakespeare back and forth. Me and this actor playing Scrooge. Okay. This was great. Hey, everybody. We found it. We found the only way this could be worse.

I wanted Shakespeare to run in through the door and be like, and I also traveled through time to tell you to shut the fuck up. Because I'm here now. Shut up. Shut up. Stop bastardizing my words. Shut up. Thirty-seven stop bastardizing my words, shut up. Thirty-seven other people show up with a time machine. It was us too, but yeah, shut up. Definitely. We all say, I wouldn't have written this shit if I knew you assholes were going

to use it. Yeah. So yeah, but she sits down and asks for his exposition. There's this, I have to point out this crazy stupid fucking line. She's like, everybody's got a story and I bet you have a humdinger and he goes, a hum bugger. Oh God. You can, hearing was the same in 1844, right? Hearing, hearing the things you heard, you could still hear them. Right. And she's relating to it works now like their friends because she does the voice. She's like, oh, I'm going to, I'm going to improv it up now. I'm an old, timey British person. And she starts talking

to him like that. Yeah, she starts doing Kramer's British accent. That him. Yeah. So clearly the writers were like, when the time travelers show up, the heroes of the world will be the drama kids who can do an accent, but not really at all. That's the world you're right now. And this is where I want to talk about a feeling that I had through watching this, which is, I don't know if you've ever seen something and you're like, oh, that's the worst part of me that thing I'm watching. This scene was like, I am two conversion concerts away from being the comedy relief in this movie. There's a parallel universe like right the fuck up next to ours where I'm in this field. It was deeply uncomfortable.

Also, I have to point this out to the actress playing Bell has resting. You missed. That's my asshole. And I'm way more into it than I expected to be face the look at her face. It's all times is so bizarrely surprised. I couldn't couldn't get over that. Anyway, so they go back and forth with their fucking babblem for just minutes before.

So long. Yeah, so, but eventually she realizes that he's from the same firm that's for closing on her diner, right? Cause that's Scrooge and cratch it as it turns out, 170 years later or whatever. And she decides that he must be a spy. Yes, he's a old timey, exactly.

What would be like a corporate spy from? To what end? The more you think that is gonna forecl- needs to send a spy to the diner to like gather information that hasn't paid in eight months. And if they did said to spy, why would he pretend to be an old, tiny British guy from the 19th century? Okay. Perfect crime. Can I say that? Thank you. That is actually a perfect crime because I will say a corporate spy

who was like, I'm a time traveler. I would be so thrown off, I wouldn't be close to corporate spy by the, I'm a time traveler. Yeah. Gambit that I would be like, yeah, I mean, here's the accounting reports for the company, but I'm sorry. You think you're from the past? Yeah. So he leaves, he takes her for closure notice for some reason and for reasons that just baffled me deep

into the night last night. He asks Matthew how to get to the offices of Scrooge and Cratchin and Matthew is one of the homeless guys from earlier and we have to establish that this guy's a character here. So we watch him give directions to Scrooge for that minute 45. Oh my God. Tail directions. I am so grateful for Google Maps could kill one extinct species a year, and I would still be grateful because it put an end to this kind of direction giving. We're going to take a hard laugh after the McCulloch. No, okay, say the address out loud. I've never have to talk to you again. Goodbye forever. Do you mean

left? How hard? So left out of the bill. And the entire directions is go left, walk this far, go right at this road. You're there. That's it. That's the whole thing. It's pretty fucking straight forward. Yeah. Also, Scrooge does leave an old-timey coin to pay for this, whatever he got. Yes, he pays for it with a British crown coin. Yes. I was like, that's probably worth a bunch and they actually try to explore this later. It doesn't help. And they get it. He gets, they get it very wrong and it doesn't even work within their movie. All right, well, I'll tell you what, if I wait it for suspense, we'd never get a break. So we're going to take one right now, but we'll be back in a minute with even more of Mr. Scrooge to see you

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Not Congolese. Oh, dear, oh dear, it's almost Christmas and I must get my shopping done. Seriously, you're shopping again? Oh, hello, Jacob Mali. Hi, Ebenezer. So, who are you shopping for? Oh, you know, the village children, Reps Bob Cratchit.

Bob Cratchit. Again, you know what? Why don't you just marry him Ebenezer? Look, Jacob, I don't know what to tell you. I have Christmas spirit. Shouldn't you be, but I don't know, gone. And there it is again. I have the Christmas spirit. Why are you still here? I don't know, gone. And there it is again. I have the Christmas spirit.

Why are you still here? I don't know Ebenezer. Maybe my unfinished business is being appreciated in which case, I think I'm going to be here for a long time. Seriously, I could not have this fight to get. Just admit it, you used me to get the Christmas spirit, but you don't want me around anymore. It's not that. It's not that I don't want you around anymore.

I just don't know why you're here. Wow, and you don't hear how hurtful that is to me. Uh, Mr. Scrooge, you want to see me? Uh, Bob did now is not a great time. No, actually, it's a great time. I'll be in the bathroom. Hi, Jacob. Bitch. I'm so sorry about him. Oh, it's fine.

He's frustrated. I get it. And we're back for more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action with a good five minutes of this poor actor trying to vamp 19th century guy walking on a modern sidewalk. There's no speed. YouTube was physically capable of that this wasn't boring. I was at like 10 X speed and I was still bored.

I was at 1.5 and the music was very, very slow. 1.5 and I was like, what the fuck is happening? I put it back to regular speed and it was like, prank, level slow. Yeah, it was like a middle school concert for a band. It was so rough. Well, and we should point out here. Look, the whole man out of time trope is a trope precisely because it's so easy to

write jokes around. It's so easy to look around the modern world and imagine what would be funny about a guy from 1844 trying to figure out what this does or what this is. This movie's writers never thought of anything. No, they were pretty sure it was going to come to them. Yeah, I feel like they just set this poor actor up because this guy is the only, like he's a real actor.

I don't know what that fucking means, but he's the only real actor in the film. He actually seems to have some sense of what it is to act, right? Yeah. So I feel like they're like, no, no, we have a guy. He was on a real TV show twice. He can just vamp. No, trust me. This guy, he's been a dead body on two different CSI shows. He will lead us. He's, he's our Tom Hanks. Let me tell you. Oh, what if we haven't meet funny Steve and he's Santa Claus funny Steve right? Oh funny Steve. Is this the fat red hair gentleman we've seen in a Tory Martin? Yes it is. It is.

At first I was like rain Wilson. Oh no. It's a guy from all these other things that's funny Steve. Can I say and I feel like we don't touch on this enough. Tory Martin is too talented for Christian cinema and it makes me sad every time we see it. That's true and sad. Yes. Yep. He's doing his damnedest.

The lines are so bad here. He's got nothing. But yes, so so Scrooge sees him dressed as Santa. He sees a Santa and he's like, oh, you must be the spirit of Christmas present. You can explain the plot to me. And they spend five fucking minutes exploring all the comedy of he sees Santa and thinks he's somebody he isn't. Sorry. Was Scrooge visited by Santa Claus in a Christmas carol? I don't. Is that I had controversial something that happened?

I don't think controversial whether or not were they just going for like the pun of Christmas present with present. Is that all they had? Well, so that's the thing is that he's visited by a giant jolly laughing ghost of Christmas present in a Christmas Carol. And then the Muppets Christmas Carol, the ultimate Christmas Carol, obviously made it more canonical. He's not in the red white soup, but he is like, oh, oh, no, me better man. And so a lot of people think that like that Santa, but, okay,

is definitely not explicit. Okay. Yeah. I'm up at Christmas Carol's the best. But anyway, so Tori Martin desperately tries to inject some humor in this. He can't. So eventually he just calls him a cab. Now, luckily luckily new Britain Wisconsin is a thriving taxi industry. It's easier to get a cab there than NYC, right? Yes, absolutely. And they don't require payment or directions. No, they don't. He just sticks up and he's in the car and they drive off to the next scene. So we get the taxi. It's pulling up. It's the Scrooge and Cratchett office, right? He goes in and I guess they keep him waiting. He says he wants to speak to Mr. Cratchett.

He's got to wait forever. But they don't show us that. So we just immediately cut inside. And it's like, there's a guy waiting to see you. And I'm like, oh, it's, it's a different part of the time dimension now. All right, sure, sure. Yeah. Well, before that, we get a few, we have to establish even further that Timothy Cratchett is a very evil, scrooge-like character, right? He's walking through the office and he's like, fire Saunders and they're like, but it's Christmas and he says, well, then get wrap his notice. And I'm like, nice.

That's pretty good. I'm like, Saunders is sitting right there as they, he's so close. It's pretty good. So hundreds is sitting right there as they keep so close. It's so fucking fun. Just look over there like, Hey, buddy, you heard that all right? So cool. Get out of here. You heard that right. The, the, you're fired. I don't really have to give rabbit now, do I? Cause you heard him say that they go into Tim's office, Ronald is there telling him, Oh, man, you know, it's about that time where we have to make our annual charitable donation to the youth center. And he's like, buck charity.

He says, this is extortion and then he plans to hike up their rent. And now the plot is he's literally trying to shut down the teen center. Yeah. I wrote my notes. If Ebenezer Scrooge challenges him to a ski off, this has become my favorite move. I was furious later when they didn't do a ski off that I was expecting. Thank you. Right.

For sure. Yeah. So yeah, but then they get done and Scrooge just happened on the window. They have this really weird moment where it seems like the writer didn't adjust for the fact that this was going to be a glass door. Yeah. The writer did not know where the camera was going to be when he wrote this scene. So even though Tim, he could have used tiny tims crutches of pole.

Sorry for the skiing. It would have been great phenomenal. Yeah. Thank you. Come on. Important. Yeah. We're tied the moving together.

But the writer did not know where the camera was going to be. So Tim is looking at Scrooge tapping on the door and he's like, what's that? And Ronald's like, it's heating vents. And both actors are like, that's not what it is. I'm looking at it. Right. Yes. He says, yeah, no, there's this guy who's come to see you. He says, he's got a very profitable thing to talk to you about. And he's like, all right, fine, send him in. So he walks in. And he says, I'm Ebenezer Scrooge. Now, here's how this is supposed to go in the writer's mind. Timothy now looks from Scrooge to this here's how this is supposed to go in the writer's mind. Timothy now looks

from Scrooge to this, these paintings he's got on the wall of all of the people who were leaders of this company all through time. And he recognizes Scrooge from one of these pictures, but it's the worst paint to ever. It's literally someone in the production was like, don't your wife paint, she could do it. The picture looks nothing at all. Like this. Mr. Scrooge here to see you, he looks over at fucking Kathulu on the wall and he's like, it's so fucking good.

This is probably time travel in real reality that happened. Same person for sure. It's so fucking incredible because they, they, they look, they went and got a bunch of like prop paintings, right? Old Victorian portraits, right? That are painted by people who can paint. And then it pans over to this fucking cardboard high school level. My first oil painting. And everyone in the scene is just like, yup, that's the picture. All right. It's great. And the director's daughter did not make it after getting out of the hospital. And we're not allowed to say why she was there.

So we all, that's you. Mm hmm. Sure. I think you like to buy that painting. If I wrote to the people from Salt the Earth pictures and I was like, I'm a big fan. I could buy that painting. I bet it's still around. All right.

Goddamn it. So this is simple Cindy Cindy. This is simple. Cindy all over again. So, so yeah. So we cut to the like so you're telling me post conversation wrap up between these two, right? Where he's like, you know, I'm a little skeptical that you're a time traveler from the future, but I'm sure a little bit of trivia about my company's past will trip you up. Guys, is that all it takes to prove you're from the past is two and a half trivia question. No, three, three.

And yeah, it's my traveler. Yeah, exactly. He's like, when did the company move all the hell way out to nowhere as Wisconsin? And like when the producers check to see how much the travel costs would be, yeah, I think. There's also this, speaking to the paintings, there's also this stupid fucking moment

where he looks up for it, all the paintings and he goes, oh, well, that painting there would be tiny Tim. And we look at the painting and it's like a 60-something-year-old guy. Yeah. Why would he recognize tiny Tim the child, he knows, from an old man in a painting? It's the weirdest, there are lots of paintings of people and he chooses the one that is of an old man who appears to be playing with a set of scales.

Yes. I don't know why that, it's just the weirdest choice for him to make space work wise. Yeah. What does the movie think paintings are in my head? Great question. A magical thing, I think. Clearly. Yeah. What does the movie think paintings are in my head? Great question. A magical thing, I think. Clearly. Yeah.

So, okay. So, but ultimately, Tim has scrooge forcibly ejected from the property. Apparently, this is one of those financial management companies that has a bouncer. Yeah. No, it makes sense. Yeah. The bouncer's American flag tie was fucking amazing. I thought about getting that for Eli for Christmas.

Thank you. Yes, I need it for my patriotic events. So, yeah. So but Scrooge Wondersoff for a sad musical number for so long. It's a montage. It's a montage of the movie trying to figure out what's different since 1844 and eventually getting to not yet something electronic. Not yet though.

They'll get there eventually, but first we have to look at Bells calculating her bills, looking very worried. Oh, yeah, she's very exasperate. Like, she does one calculator thing and then according to, I guess that exact plus minus calculation, the diner's out of money. But like a moment before that, she wasn't sure. And then she was like, Oh, it says I lose negative number. Yeah, again. Yeah, we watch Tim sadly looking over their shitty fake photo. We see the homeless people gathered around the trash bro having a good old time. They seem to be loving life. But then we see the homeless people all gathered around the trash bro having a good old time.

They seem to be loving life. Mm hmm. But then we see Bell looking at that coin that Mr. Scrooge paid with earlier, that old timey coin. So anyway, so this all resolves with Scrooge sitting down on a park bench, I guess finding a place to sleep for the night

and just then homeless Matthew shows up from earlier. He's got some bits about pretending it's a hotel. Mm-hmm. Do you guys want to watch like 26 minutes of that? Oh, yeah, absolutely. I'd love to watch that on three and a half speed. Oh my god, it's fucking unbearable. Yeah. Unbearable. Yeah, unbearable. It's this like we can't talk about anything form of Christian

comedy that is just like car crash and slow motion level of watching it. Oh, but well, and then they get done with that and they sit down and they tell each other the plot back and forth again that we already know. This is the third time this movie has summarized this movie. Matthew sits down on the bench with him and he goes, well, it's too bad that Bell's diners getting foreclosed on. Let's expound on that a bit. Well, I'm from the past. Now I'm here.

What you fucking say? Well, in a tiny tin gun, take the company away. He ends the conversation by saying, I'm here to serve. And that's definitely an offer to suck his dick. I think so. I think that's something Scrooge misses. But yeah, but ultimately Matthew gives him a blanket and then wanders off. Scrooge just inexplicably waxes intellectual about the nature of time travel.

And whether or not he can change the future. Okay, I know this isn't a very universal reference, but you know when you do bad drugs, and it sort of drags your whole body downward into the earth, that's how I felt watching this movie, is oh shit, it's gonna be a bad six hours level of eye. He was just chewing on as many orange peels as he can get from the litter of us.

Yeah. Need a chill out tent from this movie. Right, yeah, exactly. It's just chewing on as many orange peels as he can get literally. Needed to chill out tent from this move. Right. Yeah, exactly. Taste bad. So then we get another stupid fucking dream sequence. Nightmare sequence with, uh, with Scrooge and Marley in the door. It's me again. Hello, Scrooge. Still here.

Here back in time with you, apparently. Okay. What do you, you're handing me a key to this portapotti that I'm standing at? What's uh-huh. All right. What then? This is pretty interesting. Are we going to get somewhere with this? Nope. Do you have any questions about the take-up by the portapot?

What I'm dealing with. What's going on? What was my childhood life? Are we ever going to resolve any of this shit. No, what would you say you do here? But just then as he opens the dream door or whatever, Bell wakes him up, right? Apparently she's found him to tell him how valuable that coin he gave her is. I love when poor people try to do what a lot of money is, right? Because they're

always like, that's a lot of money. That's $8. Or in this case, she tells him that the English pound from two years ago is worth $2,000. Yeah, I looked, I said, I thought, so these for like $250, $300, something like that. So seems like they're a little off. But also, yeah, in the amount of, like given the amount of money that she needs, it's useless, right? It pales in comparison to her dad. You get like enough of blow to have like a really good, not really good, really good final party at the dinner bell, I guess. But yeah, so, but Bell is like, well, you know, I can't let you sleep on this bench. Why

don't you come to my house and stay there? And he's like, well, don't you let people sleep on benches every fucking night? Though that you know, and she's like, no, shut up. Yeah, but they're not white coated in you are. Let's get it back. Let's get you back to my place. So yes, so she takes screws back to her place for the night. And he's very impressed with tea bags, not tea bagging. Don't get your hopes up.

You're in the future. Why would this be the thing you're fucking rocked by? You're so much cooler things. England, you have tea for sure. And he's like this bad like container. There's a stretch next to you. A phone. A mile away. A oven. A fucking digital clock. You're sitting in a heated house. Yes. So much. No fire place. Right. So, yeah. So, and bells like, wait, so you really believe the plot and he's like, well, maybe if we rehash the story again in consecutive scenes, if I tell you the plot, you're losing your tire on a kind of

tumor. You know those bits, those comedy bits where someone has to repeat information to the next person with the one thing added up? That's what this, this movie was like, that could be a movie. So yeah. So she said, and he's like, well, what's your backstory, Bell? And she's like, well, you know, all I have in my life is Petra, my uncompensated slave employee, and my faith. Fuck yeah, Christian movie.

Yeah. And he says, well, you know, I know a little something my faith. Fuck yeah, Christian movie. Yeah. And he says, well, you know, I know a little something about faith. And I'm like, well, at least he has a better excuse for retaining an 1844 world view here, I guess. Hey, do we agree on way too many things we do? It's weird. My politics and yours are really alive. Oh, and they do more Shakespeare, Eli, together.

Oh, God. I forgot. Oh God. I forgot. For God. But then he realizes he still has the contract that Bob Cratchett signed that made him half owner. He still got that in his pocket. And that proves that he is who he says he is.

Mm-hmm. But it'll only work if he looks like he's from now. I why go fuck it? Why would that prove? It's a, it's even in this story, it's a thing he wrote. It's paper that looks brand new. Sure. So it must be from 1844. Yes.

There's no explanation for that. Yep. We don't worry. We'll review that with a Princeton expert. Don't worry, Ronald. We're really glad about it. We'll bring in some expertise here. Yeah.

God, I forgot about the line, Ronald, to get a say about that. My favorite line in the fucking world. Absolutely. The dumbest line in this film. Yeah. So you have that to look forward to. So yeah. So she's like, oh, well, now that you have this undeniable proof in the form of a letter

that you wrote two days ago, we need to go see Timothy together. But first, you'll need to try on my dead, dad's suit. I don't know why we... And she pulls it out and she's like, mm, smells like dead, dad. And I was like, yeah. We're going movies. You're going left, you're going right, and you never end up doing the thing that I want you to do You're just teasing okay? That was an incest teaser all right now that makes sense though

All right, so then she takes her to the cell phone store by a phone right indeed one of those Yeah, it takes them to us cellular like fuck yeah She does for that company to buy a phone I wrote my notes. This is what it's like introducing no at a technology. No, are you Ebenezer screwed? You have to tell us She could have just showed him how to fuck she's just saying swipe the phone and she's like, what does that mean though? You could have just demonstrated fuck Somebody showed me an iPhone for the first time and I had the same reaction in like 2005 or whatever that was I was like, yeah, fuck is this get out of here I phoned for the first time and I had the same reaction in like 2005 or whatever that was.

I was like, yeah, this is fucking this. Get outta here. So she gets him a phone, she also, she has made up a bunch of business word flashcards. Enterprise was definitely a word in the 1840s. That was definitely a word they had. Yep. He learns how to order coffee, modern coffee, right?

He does way better than Eli at Starbucks. Hey, he does. He does so much less obnoxious. He does his order here. Well, I wrote my notes here. I'm like, okay, to be fair to this movie, talking on the phone, spouting buzzwords and ordering coffee are the only requirements to work in finance,

though she nailed it, right? That's true. Yeah. Also, he learned Spanish for some reason. And modern slang, right? Petra's teaching him slang and true. Yeah. Also, he learned Spanish for some reason. And modern slang, right? Petr's teaching him slang and Spanish. Yeah. No idea. I wanted her to be teaching him murder against everyone else as well. She's like, I just want to teach him three ways to kill him. Not only 50, just three. So, and then he tries a hot dog for the first time,

which again, I'm pretty sure they fucking had in the 1800s. Absolutely, head sausages, 100% head sausages. You would recognize a fucking sausage. He's like, what is it? She says it's a hot dog and he looks at a dog and he's like, oh no. Everyone in this movie was waiting for a cartoon sound effect that never came. Mm-hmm.

And then she's like, well, you know, it's time for us to go to see Timothy, but you can't do it in those clothes. You'll need a new suit. I'm like, oh, we're gonna do a fucking pretty woman suit montage here because I am I'm in You turned me away. So big mistake. Right. Right. What they don't do it. They totally skip it. They skip it He's just now in a nicer suit. No, she's like, yeah, we'll buy you a new suit. Oh, you know what? We can use that a fancy coin that's worth $2,000. And then a moment later, he's in a suit. So they like sold that old coin for cash

in the men's warehouse parking lot. And then obviously got a suit. They went to the used coin dealer, ancient coin dealer, got a great price for it, got the price she found online and then bought a suit with. Sure, their not makes perfect sense. But yeah, but then she's like, get my car Coindyler got a great price for it. Got the price she found online and then bought a suit with her. Sure. Their not makes perfect sense. But yeah, but then she's like, get my car and we'll drive away.

And he's like, oh, I'm not getting one of those again. And of course, we're like, well, then how did you get here? Right. You weren't here before. Also, why would that be so much different than a horse and carriage, which is what he insists on them taking? Yeah. Also, why would there be a horse and carriage, which is what he insists on them taking. Yeah. Oh, so why would there be a horse and carriage there? I don't like feel better in my car when I'm like driving next to modern cars. I'm not like, oh, old Subaru nice. No, so yeah. So, but they all had to timid these office together and it did. We get the dumbest goddamn line in the movie.

So Ronald, the assistant is looking over the document that he's brought the contractor that Bob Cratchett's sight at the beginning of the movie. And he says, well, you, you know, well, I did minor in document authentication in college at Princeton. Yep. You sure did. Well, if you say this new piece of paper is from 200 years ago and he's a time traveler, I guess we have to give him half of this firm and that is the plot now. Oh, my fucking God. Yeah. So first of all, I have to point. So they've got the two contract sitting there. They've got like the one that screws just brought and then they've also got the 170 year old version of it sitting right next to it, but they don't know how

to make something look 170 years old. So very clearly they put this through the dryer twice. And they were like, we were going to do it a third time, but I think it's going to fall apart if we do it a third time. It's a papyrus scroll. It's Yeah. And then they go into the corner for a whisper fight. It's fucking amazing. He's like, Ronald, can I speak to you in this very obvious office, which is just a forum. We're going to go, we're like three feet away now. You want to go like this?

Yeah, just step like one, two, six, up, six. Yep. What the fuck are you doing? I just, it's time, if you time travel, you have to give them their, right? We have to lose it all. Yeah. Ronald, your responses, you're ruining Christmas them their, right? We have to lose it all. Yeah, Roddo, the sponsor. You're ruining Christmas, just give the old God half our company. Right, he says, he says, hey, look, if we decide not to give this time travel,

this man who claims to be a time travel from the 1840s, half of our company, that could create some very negative PR right before Christmas. How? Could also hurt fourth quarter profits. Yeah. To lose half the company because of time travel. Yeah, it could. It could be profits.

That would, that's not good. It's not great. Yeah, but he's like, all right. Well, I'll play along with giving this man half of my company for now. For now. For now. But yeah, a contract that says until I count to 100, I mean, to be fair,

you and he kind of did that with me. So I don't know. No, that's okay. Yeah. Should have given you a physical and a blood test like the day you showed them. It's mostly syrup. Yeah. Right. As it turns out. But yeah. So, but he's like, you know, I want you to investigate, tells Ronald, I want you to investigate Bell and Scrooge and find out what's really going on. So they return to the table and they tell them that yes, you can have half the company, but you have to take the mandatory blood test and physical that we have for all new executives at their big finance company, a new Britain, Wisconsin.

This will never come back or matter. Well, yeah, it's supposed to be that they're going to check his DNA against the, because apparently they've saved a drop of the founders blood on these years. So crazy. I have some blood of our founder. You know what? Hold on to that in case a time traveler ever comes through. So the trying to do some eminent donations. This is a great idea. I don't know. Keith, I need some of your to do some imminent donation. Well, this is a good idea.

I don't know. Keith, I need some of your blood for future business reasons. Yeah. And they ask if they're like, so you know, now that you own half of the company, what will your agenda be? And he just spouts a bunch of fancy buzzwords. So it's a good thing he learned all of those. And then Timothy leaves and I got jealous of him. I was like, I wish I could.

I literally wrote, I wish I could I Literally wrote thank God All right, well, too well we're two thirds of the way into this movie and I think it finally has a plot So we're gonna celebrate with a quick break. But first let me give act three the hard sell Will Tim give Bell a free building? Will he also give her half of his company? Will he turn out to have been Petra's love interest all along? Yes, on all three. I actually gave it, I really gave it the hard sell this time.

I mean, you never know. So stick around for the way more Christian than the first two acts, conclusion of Mr. Scrooge to see you. See you. Okay, well, can you think of something on Amazon? Yes, I read your lit. Okay, I'll talk to you later. Hey, Elaine, can you think of something on Amazon? Yes, I read your list. Okay, I'll talk to you later. Hey, Elaine, what's going on?

Yeah, did you ask Wendy's if you could buy one of their old signs because it's been a firm no, man. Okay, first of all, management changes at that place all the time. But no, I'm trying to think of a good gift for my mom for the holidays. Well, what does she say she wants? Check out our Christmas list here. Let's see, Christmas list for me, Ma. More time with Max, extra Max time.

Max is cheek severed and put into a bag so I can pinch them whenever I want. You see my problem, right? Now, no, I do. I do. I get it, though. Well, why don't you try a digital picture frame from Aura frames loaded with all her favorite picks?

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Give the perfect gift this holiday season by visiting auraframes.com today and get $30 off their best selling frames with the code awful. These frames sell out quickly. So get yours before they're gone. That's eight you are a frames.com with a promo code awful terms and conditions apply. All right, guys, thanks. And these demands get really, uh, really kidnabby towards the end. Yeah, it's a grandma thing.

No, yeah, no, I get it. Sure. The magazine cutout letters are a really nice touch. Thank you, Heath. Oh, Ronald, I can't wait to bring some Christmas spirit to the office. Me neither, Mr. Scrooge. Have you said Catherine and Mary Christmas bonus? I did, sir.

I did. And you made sure a toy train was sent to all of Craig's beautiful children. Each and every one of them. Absolutely. Excellent, excellent. Now, who's this fella? Oh, this is Moishi Schwartzbaum. He's in accounting. Hi, Mr. Scrooge. Nice to meet you. Ah, Mr. Schwartzbaum. Was it? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I really love all the decorations and stuff that you've done here at the office. I suppose you do. Sorry? Nothing. Listen, Moishi. It's Moishi. Sure. Sure. Yeah. Nothing. Listen, Moshe. It's Moshe, actually. Sure, sure, sure. Yeah, whatever. You're not offended by any of this, are you? Oh, the Christmas stuff. Oh, and it's fine. I mean, maybe we could put up a menorah, but honestly,

I think it's lovely that you're... No, certainly will not be putting up a menorah. Okay, that is fine. Oh, well, thank you so much for your permission. Now, if you look, excuse me, I have to get a church to worship my savior Jesus Christ of Nazareth. Maybe you've heard of him. That's someone you murdered.

I'm really sorry about that. He's from 1844, so. Oh, I just thought he was a Republican. Yeah, yeah, that tracks. I'm gonna go call for him. Nice, yeah. I'll help. Yeah, that tracks. I'm gonna go call for on him. Nice. Yeah. I'll help. Oh, hell.

Oh, hell. Hey, we're back for Stillmore of this shit. We're gonna rejoin the action with Tim at work in his office. Will Scrooge sits at a nearby table, loudly playing games on his phone. Again, a very good metaphor for what it's like for Noah and Heath to work with him. I think this is a, You don't put the sound down on your phone. That's true. He's playing on speaker on full volume from his like, you got like the ghost of Christmas future needs to like fly in like an angry bird, which is the game he's playing and smash into him

inside tackling through the window or something horrible. No, the Christian thing doesn't count. You're playing a game at full volume in a public place. Sorry. Yeah. No, it doesn't matter. Well, honestly, this movie does a lot of work from here on out, trying to get me to side with the Scrooge character with Bob Cratchett, right? Because, yes, he's fucking playing his fucking phone game.

You're trying to work. You just got to have to fucking company, at least sit at a desk and pretend you're moving papers around or some fucking shit, right? Yeah. But yeah, so we watch him do that for a while. And then we see Scrooge, like we have like sort of a montage of Scrooge being a great businessman. Right. We see him. He walks through the office and he takes an interest in every employee and everybody loves him. And he has a chart. He wow, is there clients with his chart or whatever? He offers to take the clients for some smoking bishop. I looked it up. Smoking bishop is an old timey drink that Dickens references in the Christmas Carol story.

But the only reference to smoking a bishop I knew was slang for a blowjob. So I was like, that is one way to close the deal. What are you saying, gentlemen? Shall I get on my knees and jerk you all off onto my face? Okay, so maybe this is how we did thing in mind. Maybe Dickens exists in this universe, but he didn't write a Christmas carol. Sure. So none of those names are familiar to them. There you go.

I think that now it all makes sense. Yeah. Yeah, no, I stopped to smoke me some fucking bishop real quick at this point in the movie as well. Again, I only know what the blow job is. Okay. Well, what was it? So then we get to, well, you know, what do you like in your imagination? It can be that. Thank you. So then we get, we get, you've gotten weird since the heart attack. Can I say? I'm taking up some weird new activities. So, okay. So then we get to Mr. Scrooge holding a press conference about this big donation that they're going to give to the youth center. Yeah. They have a really long bit about how he doesn't know how a microphone works, which I get it like I get doing that. But he apparently also

doesn't know how holding works. I'm pretty sure there were cylinders you held with your hands. They're sure were in 18 fourths. How else would you smoke a bishop? Yeah. What is this new geometry? Yeah. So dumb. Yeah, but so they don't need a $50,000 to the center and lower the rent instead of raising it. Cratch it is so pissed. Oh, there's a lot of this sequence, which will last up until I would say the day new mon at the end of the movie. There's a lot of like, Scrooge. Yeah. Uh-huh.

Well, you know, the eight comes in quick succession, right? He's in his office and the assistant comes in and we're like, oh, here's the new ads. They're all about Mr. Scrooge and then he turns on the TV and there's a ad for his company with Scrooge on it. And then he changes the channel and it's the same ad ad but in Spanish. See the Spanish paid all came back. Is no reason to question. I wish more housing companies did that though. They just took their weird owners and made them the face. I'm from Blackstone Realty. We own almost like 75% of New York's buildings. Now Dave Blackstone, I have connections

to Saudi Arabia and maybe a boy slave. Come on and pay your rent, everybody. Now I'm going to say the same thing in Spanish. Yeah, right. The buzzer is me, Dave Blackstone, El Boyo Slaverino. So, Babel. That would be all right, right? No, it's Italian for the advertiser. Sure, they'll love it. You're welcome, Babel. Yes. Babel. El Boyo slavery. Now he says it in French. Eli. Bonjour. And Garçon. Yeah. No, that's fine. Slive. So then we get Timothy meeting with Bell in an alleyway, right? Is limo pulls up and it gets out. It's dark.

It's middle of the night. I'm like, if he stabs her to death in this alley, it would at least be unexpected, right? Pushes her in front of a subway train. Yeah. I think there's a lot of opportunity here. Then they can do there. But no, he says he'll give her the deed to her restaurant and forgive the entire mortgage if she'll get rid of Scrooge.

What like like send him back in time. What was the last of all the implication was I wanted Petra to be like, I get it. No, Larry. Give me five minutes with his coffee. I'll be all taken care of. She just slices walks from behind him. Yeah, already killed him. We're good.

We're good. Yeah, but here's the thing. She could just ask Scrooge to do that, because Scrooge owns half the company. Right? Yeah. Yeah, now that he does, yeah, it's all so fucking stupid. And of course, her response should be like, well, I can't make other humans do stuff. You know that, right? But instead she's like, no, and she tears up the deed at length, takes her a minute.

Okay. Well, here's the, this is my favorite physical bit because she's trying to tear it up in his face, but she's wearing mittens. And she can't quite get the grip on the paper. She can't get her mitt and offie. Come on. She's put the mitt in her mouth and her hair. Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

Hold on. The sleeve on the wrist. It's tight. You hold on one side. You hold on one side. I'm going to take the jacket off. I'm going to take the jacket off. Where's the start?

Zipper stock. So yeah, but she tears up the dean. She says, no, I won't do it. It's called loyalty and friendship, Tim. And I'm like, I don't think I think it's just called autonomy. You other. Yeah, I don't think it people. So then we get Tim. He goes back to the office and dammit. If Tory Martin Santa isn't standing out there, he's now the new Santa bell ringer at the Scrooge and Cratch it office. Yeah. He's also entirely blocking the door, which is a bit of dumb ass fucking move.

But you know, we see this because we have to have Timothy get really angry about how Christmas stop the offices now. I wanted it to cut to the office and the two Jewish employees just look super uncomfortable. Yeah. He turns to Ronald and he goes, Ronald, who's responsible for this? And Ronald was like, who the fuck do you think did a giant Christmas thing, man? Ebenezer Scrooge, that's interesting. Obviously, yeah.

Oh, and he goes to like give Scrooge a piece of his mind, but on the way, he passes Saunders, who Scrooge is hired back and given a race. Jesus fucking grace. Scrooge is just bouncing around on a bouncy castle dressed as Santa Claus. It's a good tree. It's great. Yeah. So it goes into the office to tell off Scrooge about all the decorations. And Timothy was again, he's like, hey, give me back the company card. And I'm like, I, I'm kind of ton of sympathy for this guy. I unders, I've been here. I've been in this place. That is fair.

That's fair. But Scrooge is the boss. He could just be like, no, I am. We own equal amount. He could say to him what I said to you, we own equal amounts to the company, you'll have to trick me out of it by throwing an invisible ball like he's done. Exactly. So works every time.

Yeah, but Timothy explains that they can't afford to be married, dammit. That cuts into the bottom line. He has this whole big long, um, what good is Christmas ever done speech that he gives. Yeah. And Scrooge counters with, uh, maybe you've heard of a little babe and a manger. Yeah. He's running my notes. Fuck yeah, Christmas movie.

Da da da da da da da da da da. He goes straight up line his speech from fucking Charlie Brown Christmas. Yeah. And then Timothy, again, as if I didn't like this guy enough, is like, well, your religion is a fairy tale for children, a crutch for the weak. And I'm like, this, and certain point you just have to pay me royalties if you're gonna use me in your room. Exactly. Thank you. Yes. But this movie counters real line from this movie. Sometimes religion is the crutch

weed. Yes. Yes. They literally call it a fucking crutch. And then like angry atheist Cratchett has to be like, I'm an orphan, so I don't know what I'm talking about. No, you're not an orphan. You're not. You're not. You're not. No, is he a no, I don't think he is. I think the movie is wrong about the movie. So he's an orphan, which is why he doesn't understand the concept of love, but it's

true. He's not really an orphan because he's Jesus' kid. Yeah. Like, it got really fucking Christian all of a sudden. So Ebony's are going to leave Timothy yells back at him. By the way, you die on June 6th of 1870. Bam. Gotcha.

It's a good singer. It is a good singer. That's solid. Yeah. To be fair. And then everyone in the office looks at him and he's like, I tell you your death dates all the time. I tell you, come on.

Get back to work. We did that for White Elephant last year. And you guys all thought it was pretty cool. Jewish guy don't say ask me. So so Ronald and Cratch meet later at the diner, right? Like the last time we saw Ronald, he was being instructed to investigate Bell and Scrooge and see if he could dig up any dirt on him. He comes back and he's like, now, man, I looked into it and see if he can dig up any dirt on them.

He comes back and he's like, no, man, I looked into it and he's definitely a time traveler. He's legit. Well, you know, I might have minored in document authentication, but I majored in genealogical identification. So yeah, that guy is a time traveler. Time travel. College. Yeah.

And he's like, but I do have some information about Bell and he hands Timothy a piece of paper, but we won't know what's on it yet Suspense initiated and Ronald's like I'd love to stick around But I have to go help a friend to pack up her restaurant that some asshole is kicking her out of and he goes, oh, that sounds fun Have have at it. You know, it goes to leave and he has this weird moment where like clearly the writer thought they had something interesting to say about the nature of kindness. And then they started writing and realized that they didn't, but they kept going anyway. It's like, you know when you win a Facebook fight and the person's like, well, I'm going to write the last comment, but it's also going to be kind of a good day, sir.

But they, you've demonstrated that they're wrong. So they're like, you know, I don't have time to spend all day on Facebook. Some of us have real jobs. That's this speech. It's some of us don't have time to be on Facebook. My 97th comment. Yes. Is that good, sir?

So we get we get screwed. She's wandering through town at night. I guess they felt like they really needed a good comedy beat right here. So we spend three and a half minutes watching him be scared of and then attack big inflatable Christmas stalls in someone's yard. Yes, but the people whose yard it was were like, you can't pop my Christmas dolls. And they were like, oh, so we'll just have him pretend to fight them on campus.

And they were like, yeah, no, I mean, if you wanna have your friend yell, Henry the fifths, what's more into the breach speech? Yep. While waggling a cane at my decorations, you can. And they were like, great, we will spend eight minutes of our moment. Yeah. Jesus Christ.

I feel like they had balloons in 18. The whole speech. He makes it through almost the entirety of St. Chris Wednesday. Yeah. Yeah. That's what Henry V was talking about though, right? In that plan.

Yeah, he was talking about fighting balloons. Yeah. Oh, obviously. Okay. The French are the balloons of nation. I don't know what that balloons of nation. They are though. So then we get Cratchit. He's also wandering through town all dejected and broody. He sees Jacob Marley's ghost. Did the reflection of one of the windows now all the ghosts, all the ghosts, fucking, hey, sorry, we forgot we are supposed to do a urine you're an asshole thing. Fuck, we did a whole lot of shit.

Yeah, right, we just, we're in Reaper shows up right after that and they're just, hey, sorry. We've been, we had to walk from the fast to here. We've just been fucking jogging through time. And it's actually taken us quite a while to get here. Can I get that porta-poddy key back? Cause that's the only time machine that we have. Anyways, don't, don't be a piece of shit or something. So was Jacob Miley like reassigned to future tiny Tim now, tiny Tim the sixth or whatever?

And will he be hanging out with him a year from now? Yeah. I'm right, right. Yeah. No, those, these are the fucking questions. So he runs away. He runs into Patrick Swayze. Try to play. Okay. So he runs away. And then I guess he's out in traffic and screw. Look, so what they're going for here is that he almost gets hit by a car, but Scrooge pulls him out of the way, right? Scrooge saves his life. They don't have the stunt budget to actually make that happen. So what we see is Scrooge gently suggests that he moves up to the curb and then a car drive nowhere near him 13 seconds later, right?

Yeah. But this is so that he can have the whole big like, but why did you save me? I've been very mean to you. And then you have to have this moment where like like just the writer of this movie think it's okay to like Watch your man die when you could prevent it if he's been mean to you. Right. Right. At best.

At best. This writer's moral compass is man. If I wasn't a Christian, I would let everyone root to me. Die. Yes. But I am so I don't patra and she's like, you live your life. She's looking a blade, by the way, in case I was no, I was curious.

So yes, so then they hear a voice behind them. They both think of maybe it's a ghost, but it turns out that it's just Matthew The homeless guy from before and it turns out that the building that they just happen to be standing in front of is a big fucking church with the big fucking cross on it Damn right here at the right podcast. Fuck yeah You got admit it you guys were walking through this movie and you were like Eli I don't know that this is a Christian enough movie. And this thing is big, I came through. Well, too well, like, you know,

when she started sighting Matthew 25, I was like, all right, all right, no, I'm in, I'm in. But yeah, no, and the last third of it is what it took to convince me. So yeah, so then we learn that Matthew actually has a home, he just fakes being unhoused so that he can minister to the other homeless people. He's a pastor in the streets and a freak in the sheets.

Yes. Is this a thing that they did? Are there undercover pastors? I don't think they're under, I know there are pastors who spend their time ministering to the homeless, which is the second worst thing you can do, but I don't think they do it in a bit. Right, yeah, it's a character.

Yeah, maybe I'm wrong. Sometimes God needs a clever ruse to spend the gospel apparently. Okay. You have no idea how useful, haha, is when it comes to saving people's souls apparently. Yes, but we learn at length here that fucking Jesus loves the little children all the children of the world. It's just so banal, right?

We spend like five fucking minutes of this movie with the pastor guy going, you know what's awesome is sacrificing your son to pay off another person's debt, right? Pretty cool, right? You know who I think is pretty Christmas cash money. You know, it's, you ever see a teen youth pastor trying to relate pop culture to their son and right.

They're like, you know, the only era I'm interested in Taylor Swift is this era that we're all about to enter together and era of the Lord guitar guy. Right. But so yeah, but Matthew's got to go. He also has to help pack bells restaurant up, but just before he leaves, Cratch, it's like, Hey, there's something about Bell that you guys should know. And then the scene ends suspense thickens, right? What is it?

So okay. So we cut to the diner, everybody's packing everything up. They're like, isn't there anything we can do, Bell? And she says, all that's left to do is pray. And then they don't pray. I just want to point out that they don't then pray so the miracle can't be attributed to God here. Also, she already gave up.

Also, the thing you could have done is paid for your food. That would have worked, but she's already done with the diners. So like, oh, we could pray, but like I shut it down. Yeah, I already, we could talk about homeless Heath lady and the cheese. It's important to me, emotionally.

Also, can we just mention that they seem to think packing up a restaurant is wiping down stuff with a rag. That's all they're cleaning it. So they can do that. So they can tear. Yes. Yeah. Exactly.

Yeah. Doing, they're just doing roll ups. Oh, shit. Yeah, we don't know any of this. This is dumb. But yes, there's a cheese moment and I'm very excited. Yes. Okay.

Yeah, she comes out and she's like, oh, who am I going to give all this cheese to? I'll give it to this homeless person, not the other ones. Right. And she's like, and she will spend, hey, hey, podcast listener, look at me. Look at me. There's like 19 minutes left in this movie. This actress mimes eating cheese through the rest of the sale. I spent the next 19 minutes being like, what show me the fucking cheese? What cheese did you get? Right. Right. Yeah. Three cheese just say what it is. No matter what is happening,

any scene that we describe to you, you have to understand that if the camera pans in a certain direction, there is this same woman in the background just being like, it's just like he's the rocket cheese tray. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. She's got to slow it down. Like you can eat it like an apple, but you know, just take little bites. Yeah, keep it classy. Yeah, exactly. So yeah, but Scrooge comes in and he's all, he's doing his bit again. He's pretending that he's angry and hateful and despises Christmas again.

Bell says, don't tell me you've reverted to your old ways, but she wouldn't know about his old ways. Unless he, unless she'd read the fucking story anyway. Yeah. Okay. So I missed a lot of this because I was just thinking about cheese for a while. You were watching the, you were criticizing Tilly's cheese technique. Very angry about it. And then I heard it brought me out of my cheese the line, I've come to claim my sister said by Tim and I was like, what the fuck did I miss just now? How did they get there? Well, that's right, everybody. The twist is that Tim and Bell, the will they won't they love interest throughout the movie, are brother and sister.

Yeah. The ones that have stared longingly at a photo of each other throughout the entire fucking film are twins. Yes, is the fucking movie. Why would you set up having them almost fucking high school? Why would you do that? I don't know. So, but yeah, and he's like, but now I've decided to forgive your mortgage and give you half my company.

And of course, she's like, well, you know, I can't even run a fucking restaurant. What in the world makes you think I'd be qualified, you know, to have any input on your company and he's just like, gumption, just I guess just gumption probably or something like that. Yeah. Also, I just have to point out that when they announced that twist, Petra is like, oh, like Star Wars. And they're like, Petra shut the fuck up. Okay. She totally does. Yeah. She said, who's your father, Darth Vader? Yeah. I'm like, yeah. That's where we stole our twist from, Petra. Are you happy now? Yeah. Happy. You killed this guy. Murder. You know, rose this

dumbass plot to his Petra just roasted. Okay. But yeah, so then now everybody forgives, cratch it. The homeless lady offers some cheese, offers some cheese and he goes, what is this limb burger cheese? And everybody laughs like the end of a fucking Scooby Doo. Why would that diner have limb burger? It's so stupid. That's so dumb. That doesn't even make sense. Culinary. Goddamn it. But they do literally prepare for a freeze frame and it doesn't happen. It's fucking because they go, oh, it's still rolling. Oh, okay. Yeah. We go back up. There's those little great moments where Petra's like, wait a minute, he's your brother. So

I can fuck him. Yeah. I love that Petra had an answer here. She was like, she's like, Hey, movie real quick. I'm gonna have to explain this. They didn't fuck in high school. That's cool. I don't know why we were set up. I'm gonna fuck you now. You're not in love like love.

But I haven't been paid in four months in your rich. So, you know, if you want men, I can do that hand twist thing. And I promise you, Bell can't do that. She doesn't even know what, if you describe that to her She's gonna cry so I'm just you mean like the fire start all right. Well there you go Tim So then and as they're all celebrating and sorting all of this out Jacob Marley comes in sort of back-and-scrooge into the back room

And we're like oh, he's just gonna Batman away, but but he's not He disappears. Well, they're chatting and then they just go batman away, but he's not. He's not. He disappears while they're chatting, and then they just go back to the apartment, and he's there. Hey, man, did you leave? Yes. They're like, why did you leave the party? I want him to go, because you guys suck.

Fuck. I spent this whole time expecting you guys to fucking know your twins, Jesus. I want him to be like, there's no reason for me to be. This lesson could have happened so much without me time traveling. Jacob Marley's just smoking in the corner. Get fucking used to it, man. Yeah, right. Yes. Does anyone want to know about Christmas spirit? Fuck your all Christian. He goes, you know, soon I'll need to leave. And they're like, well, I feel like already would have been the time to leave, right? Because the movie

is just over. There's nothing left for the movie to say. At one point, Timothy's like, well, I feel like already would have been the time to leave, right? Because the movie is just over. There's nothing left for the movie to say. At one point, Timothy's like, Mr. Scrooge, 50 times. Thank you. And I'm like, that's a stinty amount of thank you. Cool. Cool. Cool.

Cool. Cool. 50 times going back and back. I love it. Yeah. So they're free. So you could have given me as you wanted. But yeah, and then so yeah, oh, he gives Bell the key that he had from his dream, I think,

or I guess that's the key was gonna lock his shop up with when he disappeared. Bell, this is for a tiresome post script to the movie. I would like you to perform it. I think it's the key to the time machine though, right? Isn't like now she has a time machine available? I mean, there was no time machine in the film, so. No, it's the key to the stupid PS trunk.

Well, it is, yeah, but it was the key. There's the key ring that he had when he time traveled, yeah. Also, I like that he calls them womb mates. The moment he sees them, he's like, oh, I don't feel like we don't want Nick and Ben. It isn't the womb mates. And I was him, he's like, oh, I don't feel like people want Nick. That is it. It isn't the womb mates. And I was like, that's weird. I think people who might have fucked their sister don't want that kind of nickname right

away. Yeah, really? Yes. So, and just when you think you're out of it, she goes British again, doesn't British accent, they do a little more Shakespeare. Oh my God, why was the movie end? I was literally just yelling end at the screen at this point, I was like, movie's over and it ends and then the movie is over and then it goes away.

She says, when shall we meet again? And he says from Macbeth, he says, when the Hurley Berley's done, when the battles last one, that's don't the witches say that to each other? They sure do. How does that relate to anything? It's like they just, nothing, nothing. Okay. They know those four fucking Shakespeare quotes and they were gonna use all four of them, Goddammit.

Exactly, yeah. Nama, Nama and Infinitive of a common verb, to be or not to be, they're just like adding Shakespeare for the question. So then, okay, so he teleports back to 1844. He realizes he's still got a cell phone. Apparently you can send texts back in time, right? I didn't realize that they did that, but they do.

Right, he gets a text from her when he gets to 1844 saying like, you know, some more Shakespeare shit. So 1844 had signal? Yeah, no, it has signal. He's just in London. He left it on red for like a hundred years or so. Yeah. Oh, he thought you Ebenezer's first to tell us to.

Yeah, and then some random street arch in walks up and he's like, good evening, Gabda. And then Scrooge gives him the cell phone and presumably destroys the timeline, right? Fucks the future. Yeah, well, he's like, what's your name? And he's like, I'm William Gates. How old Bill Gates didn't invent the stuff. And so it wasn't alive in 1840. What are they even going for there?

So then he timed the kid time travel. I said forward. And then his dad left him a bunch of money that he used to buy and we existing software. And then he stole some software and tried to cure polio to make up for it. Yeah. So okay. So then the movie's still not fucking over. How is the McCan we stop? We can stop. I got a week of podcast. Yeah, but we did. We could just be, come on, end credits. We're in and in. No, Morgan, end credits. Yeah. So we got, we show, we have Bell showing up to work at the firm. We have, God, fuck,

we have Cratchit pretend that he's still evil, but no, he's not. He was just a bit. We learned that Petra runs the diner now. She's a half owner now. She got fucked on that because this diner is so far to water. She like got handed some debt. Oh yeah, right. That must be like a real nice thing they did for her. Also, what does Bell, the, not that people who serve food are not multi-talented and capable of many fascinating things, but what does Bell the waitress do at this housing company? She owns half of no fucking

warm ups just walk around so stuff. How is the houses? Yeah. Well, but okay, so with the purpose of the scene is that they found an old treasure chest downstairs from way back in 1844 that Ebenezer left a note on telling the two of them to open on New Year's Eve. Oh, God. And the key that he gave her unlocks it. Get it? Right?

It makes sense now. And so they start looking to do the box. They pull out the crutch for the beginning, tiny Tim's crutch. And they both say in unison, tiny Tim's crutch, but they wouldn't know about that. They weren't watching the movie. We were that was awesome. Yes, exactly.

And they have some more. Everyone needs a crutch just like Jesus. In fact, the movie's actual words are, Jesus is the most wonderful crutch of all. Oh, man, they should have gone with that for the post-colonic. I missed the opportunity. Okay. So according to the movie, you just need a quick surgery from 1844 and you don't need

Jesus anymore. All right. Interest. Yeah. It's true. Just need some cocaine. You don't need Jesus anymore. There's a Bible in there.

The evangelism is so thick at the end of this film. It's almost like it was Jesus the whole time plot twist there. If Jacob Marley had pulled off the chains and been like much like my father taught me, best ending in the movie ever. So yeah, so then they actually do the Lafri's frame thing, the Scooby-Doo thing, but the movie's still not over. Because then we get a one year later title card, right? We get Scrooge arriving at home and damn it if Timothy hasn't been teleported back to 1844 now. back to 1844 now. They thought they were gonna get a trilogy. They thought they were gonna get a sequel to their sequel? Yes, they seem to think fucking confidence.

The fucking co-naize my friends. Okay, and it ends with Scrooge yelling Marley, like he's mad that Jacob Marley pulled like a prank. To the moon, Marley. Well, it does cut over to him and he goes, did I do that? It's pretty fun. Bam, bam, bam, bam. What the fuck is happening?

And then we get the credit, and normally we don't talk a lot about the credits, but during the credits, they have these like photographs from the production that have a very, see we had real cameras in lights and stuff. They have a very that feel to them. There were two microphones on these cameras. We just need to know how to use them.

But I will say I'm sorry to deliver such disappointing news for Chris. We'll say double check and no, there is no sequel to this one. Yeah, we could make it. Well, that's true. Yeah. Hey, and honestly, our. Well, that's true. We could. Yeah. Hey, and honestly, our viewership, there's a new leap movie coming out almost exclusively because of our listeners. So I'm just saying, keep hoping and praying people.

Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah, leap three. And while that does it for our review of Mr. Scrooge to see you, that's not going to do it for the episode just shut, because we wouldn't want our days to get all Mary and Bright. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. Well, no, it's time for you and I to travel back in time to next last weekend, where we, along with friend of the show, Michael Marshall, reviewed John Schneider's rumble exclusive

anti PC Christmas movie, jingle smells. Oh, get excited, folks. So with that to look forward to, we're going to bring episode 425 to a merciful close. Once again, huge thanks to all the Patreon owners that helped make the show go. If you'd like to contact yourself among their ranks, you can make a more episode donation of patreon.com.com. That's got awful. And thereby, you're in early access to an ad for your version of our episode. You can also help a ton by leaving a five-star review on the show and sharing it on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoy this show, be sure to check out our siblings shows, the skating a the aesthetic and the D&D minus and the scapricot available wherever probably has to live. If you have questions, comments or sit amount of suggestions, you can go got off of sure to check out our siblings shows and skating a the aesthetician to D&D minus in the scapecrackers available wherever podcast live.

If you have questions, comments or suggestions, you can get them on gmail.com, Tim Rappers and Dix here on our social media, our theme song is written in the form of our writing slot and we'll be addressed on Mars. All the other music was written in the form by our audience here in Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a check your life this week for Heathen, right? Neil, I'm Neil Lysian, I promise to work hard to earn another check next week until then. We'll leave you with a breakfast club close. Hard to earn another check next week until then.

We'll leave you with a breakfast club close. Bell and Tim started an only fans called Wumates. Scrooge carried a 2013 disease back to 1844 that ultimately killed millions. He'll get his fault. William Gates had no fucking idea how to invent the magic square he'd been given, so he burned it in case it was a win. Probably. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a thunderstorm LLC Copyright 2023, all rights reserved.