God Awful Movies - 436: Jingle Smells

Episode Date: December 26, 2023

This week, Michael Marshall joins us for an atheist review of Jingle Smells, the story of how theft is okay if you're stealing from cancel culture. --- To get tickets to see us live in Orlando, click here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/god-awful-movies-live-in-orlando-florida-tickets-778242784117 --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/ --- Check out more from Marsh on Be Reasonable and Skeptics with a K

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Mmm, mmm, we got in by Popeye's and the party more often. Make it tonight Wing Night in with Popeye. That chicken from Popeye's. And this is of course where they bestow the name Jingle smells on him because he's a garbage man wearing a Santa hat with a perfectly written out song as well. Like just instantly the two of them together just go, it just improvise a song in unison.

It's beautiful, Bullia. It really is. Right, because you have to imagine they had a song for every occasion. Right. It's... Yeah, like, what if he didn't smell, but he looked a bit weird? Did they have a variant of Jingle Bells? Right. That would be a cover, whatever was going on with his looks.

Jingle Bells, Paul Z. They used their amazing rubber shoes. He's so handsome. They used their American armor to be time-y. I'm just... God awful movie! Movie! Welcome back to the Gamecast for each week. We sample another selection from Christian Cinema, because you can't replace yourself with a puppet on an audio medium

I'm your host no illusions. You think there's gonna be unable to join us this week But sitting at 900 miles from a northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you this fine? Afternoon, sir. I don't know. No, what is it even allowed to be all right anymore? I'm right right It's these days and they're safe spaces and also joining us tonight is the co-host of Skeptics with the K and the host of Be reasonable and our very favorite guest, Massachusetts, Michael Marshall, Marsh. Welcome back. It is so good to be here to see what the right wing can do in terms of satire these days. They're getting so good at it. We need to be scared. We need to be very scared.

Great. Their writing is really getting. So long fall from if you're not a liberal, you have no heart. If you're not a conservative, you have no brain. So tell us, Marsh, what will we be breaking down today? We watched Jingle smells. It's the apparently heartwarming comedy about what this movie thinks is a gross smelly garbage collector who then proves he's got worth to the community by distributing stolen goods festively right yes, but he with a theme. He has a theme about it. So it's okay. Yeah, and by the way guys the title of the movie is Jingle smells The humor is all downhill from there the title of the movie is Jingle Smells. The humor is all downhill from there. So that's about as good as they do. Calibrate to that. And Eli, how bad was this movie?

Well, if you love the passive aggressive limit testing of a right wing Uber driver, but you wish he thought your ride was his tight tenet, the chuckle hut. We'll, um, this movie. That's all I can describe it. And look, I try to keep experiences as universal as possible, but if you're a white man, you've had the experience where another white man is like, so are you also a bigot? And you've got to be like, not enough words to encourage you. It's this is that the movie. Yeah.

The movie. It really is. And of course, this is a get ahead. So I'm doing this the same fucking week as I watched Lady Ballers. I just want I don't I'm throwing that out just to the audience knows what I'll go through for that. Exactly. All right. So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for me? The best of being the worst at? Yes, I do know. I'm going to go with best worst anti-cancel culture. Really? Because this whole film is sort of a load of like barely warmed up right wing culture war tropes. And in it, they try to like hit

again and again that cancel culture is such a horrible evil thing. But the denumer of this movie is that they threaten the bad guy with a boycott. And he decides to back down and change his mind as a result. Is that you're doing console? Can you fucking idiots? Yeah. Right. Well, there's and the whole thing is about toys getting canceled and just, you know,

in the year that they're freaking out about Mr. Potato head and barbeys so much, I just feel like they're going in the wrong direction here. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if you've noticed, but there's a theme to John Schneider movies lately of like John Schneider wanting to talk about Confederate flags and saying the N word at a Chipotle, but just making a movie about American flags and wrestler toys instead. John Schneider makes movies in the same way I make tweets, right?

Which is that I write it and I'm like, no, no, no. Let me sub in. Yeah. So I was going to go with best worst bullies. So I don't want to ruin the scene, but our character, jingle smells is going to get his name from a couple of bullies and they're my fucking favorite. Do I know I'm not a big fan of bullying, but in this instance, oh hell, yeah. Yeah.

They are fantastic. Yeah. 100%. And I'm going to go with of bullying, but in this instance, oh hell yeah. Yeah, they are fantastic. Yeah, 100%. And I'm going to go with best worst PTSD war flashback. That's right podcast listener. If you were thinking Jingle smells made it through the entirety of its length without a long, long monologue of a soldier talking about how hard it was to lose his friends in Afghanistan, you are incorrect. Believe it or not, you are incorrect. Believe it or not, you are incorrect. And not just in the middle of a silly movie,

but in the silliest scene of the movie. Perhaps, yeah. Absolutely. Yes, yes. I'm not going to spoil it, but I'll tell you right now, if you want to play a little game, write down the silliest possible person

he could be doing that monologue to. He's going to be silly. Absolutely, too. Yep. All right, well, to you do what the sooner we get through this, the sooner I can never think about this movie again, so we're gonna keep the break brief. And when we come back, we'll dive into all the amateurish bullshit that he is.

Jingle smells. And then I said to him, what is this? A safe space? And what an easy. Oh, he's all like, oh, please, sir, I'm begging you to stop interrupting my son's funeral. Uh, typical liberal, right? A. Villas. Sorry, I'm late.

I was waiting for a handicap parking spot to open up so I could park in it illegally. Take that, liberals. Totally. It's hilarious. Anyway, now, what did you want to see us? Right, right. So, you know the other day when I was in the coffee shop and the barissa asked me, what kind of milk I wanted and I said, um, I only know one kind of milk.

And it's the kind I've been drinking since before you were born. P-gather-zing. And then you know how she said, what the fuck are you talking about, even if you only drink dairy milk, there are different kinds like skimming hole. Kids these days. Just awful. Well, I was thinking, what if we wrote a movie where we say are super funny anti-PC zingers, but nobody responds.

Nobody responds? Huh? Yeah, like Craig, remember how the other day you told that cashier, but nobody responds. Nobody responds? Uh huh. Yeah, like Craig, remember how the other day you told that cashier, Mary Christmas? If you're still allowed to say that, uh huh. And she said, of course you're allowed to say that. Also, you can't pay with a check here anymore, Craig. We've told you that.

Uh huh, I shall do. Well, what if she did it? Like, what if we could say and do whatever we wanted at all times without even the vagus sense that we've become, you know, so consumed by our politics and sense of persecution that we're no longer people so much as Fox News radio filtered through the failing mind of deeply ill human beings? Well, that would be hilarious. Hell yeah, wood, let's make a movie.

Pfft. Ha ha ha ha. Pfft. And then Cecil would be like, I got a guy, and then he pushes the button. Wait, yeah, man, that's obviously way too dark. Well, that's why we went with the other ones. Hey guys, guys, guys, Ethan, what are you doing here? You're not on this episode. I know, but I wanted to

remind you guys, it's not too late to get me tickets to God awful movies live in Orlando on March 2nd. It's the perfect Christmas present. And they're available now at God awful movies live dot com. Oh, okay. He's first of all, we've've told you you don't need to buy a ticket to our live show Wish I don't know you're part of the cast right right what about platinum night when we play games and I already food and Moose what about that? Yeah, man you get to come to that too Okay, do I get the swag bag though? Of our merch. I mean, we could make you a swag bag. Nice.

Great. Yeah, we'll make you a swag bag at Platinum Night. But more importantly, this episode comes out on December 26th. Oh, we're 25th for Patreon. Oh, so this is a get ahead. I mean, yes, December 15th, 2023, it's 2.27 pm. There it is. God awful movies live. We're live right now. In this moment, it's 228 now. Okay. December 15th still.

And we're back for the breakdown. We're going to up on Sean Hannity. So we're not having fun right away in this one. Yeah, right away. Oh God, that was rough. I did not need to see Sean Hannity. At any time, I didn't need to see him, but at the start of this movie, knowing where this movie was gonna go, I didn't need to see it.

I thought, this is such a bad sign. And it was an accurate sign. So, fat plate to them, it was a good warning. Yeah. Have you ever found yogurt that's gone bad in the back of your fridge? That's what Sean Hannity looks like right now. Right, like someone put Sean Hannity in the back of your fridge? That's what Sean Hannity looks like right now, right? Like someone puts Sean Hannity in the back of the fridge and they were like, Oh, no, it's

all puffed. Don't touch it. Well, don't touch. Just put it in the different garbage bag and take it out and be beautiful. Well, and also and finding him at the beginning of your movie is much the same as finding that yogurt in the back of the fridge. Yeah. So, but he's on the TV. He's on the news.

This chick is watching him on her computer while she guards a jail at a local lockup. And he's explaining that action star Mason Stone has been canceled. That's like the 75th Christian movie where they've named someone something stone. Why do they think stone is a good last name that they might have heard sometime? It might as well be bricks cement. This might be my favorite gooffully manly name now. Yeah. Do you think he named himself? Do you think the actor named himself? Because the actor's like a wrestler in real life, isn't? So I think he's just used to coming up with names that sound like wrestlers. I'm just putting it helps themselves because Mason's on sounds absolutely like a wrestler. Oh, yeah. And not like a normal human being. You think this was like years of negotiation later, right? They could, they brought

him down from like fire stick brand to char and he was hoping Newson Stone final offer and they were like, yeah. But Mason Stone was canceled for being pro God pro military and pro America and Americans. Hey, that especially in their action stars, right? Yes. Yeah, you can get canceled in America for being two pro military. So I assume this is one of those like multiverse films where it's still in like a parallel universe where there's only one thing slightly different. Yeah, that's exactly the point that I was going to make because like, look, I don't obviously

I don't want to nitpick jingle smells. Lord knows this is the tops of the iceberg of insanity, but like they know that no one's ever been canceled for being too supportive of guns, God, and the military, right? It's when you get on Twitter on Ambien and tweet the N word. Like there's, I can't think of a single cancellation, they can think of where someone's been like, God bless the troops. Well, yeah, yeah, like in America, if you're too pro-military, you just live to 100

and get a Nobel Peace Prize. That's how the being pro-military works. Yeah. That's the thing. Do out my notes, I've written down like, who are you thinking of, right? Because all the cancellations I'm aware of were blatant racism or sexual assault or something. Right. And most of them weren't canceled. So, but

anyway, so yeah, so we get that on the, on the news that we back out were at this holding cell. There's three guys. One guy's played in the ukulele. He's our main character, Nick. Let me help our listeners out because I was wildly confused by this scene and the context that's supposed to set up. Nick is supposed to go to jail occasionally for crimes. We don't know what those crimes are. We don't know why once he is free in this scene, it never gets referenced again. But it's supposed to set up that like Nick isn't doing so well these days and he tends to fall on the other side of the law. I had no idea that was the case for most of the movie. So I had no idea why it's that.

It's being such a hard ass to him. But let me set that up for you podcast listener. So you don't have to share my confusion. Right. But I think we do know why he's in jail this time. We find out like he was already on parole, I think, or out on bail or something. And then he decided to go to the movie rather than be under house arrest. And so they just popped him in the local jail cell rather than taking him to prison, which obviously that's not how that would work. You'd absolutely

go to prison for that kind of thing, surely. Yes. Right. Yeah. He was on parole and I think that was supposed to be for drunk driving or something. His license has been suspended for for drunk driving. Right. Maybe that's unrelated. But yeah, the only crime the right are willing to forgive and forget. Yeah. Also, he drives a garbage truck later in this film. Yes, he does. As a job.

I wish that I wish they'd arrested him for driving without a license. And he goes like super jale. Or there'd been a scene where he has to make the other guy blow into like one of those tube car starter things. Yeah. There is no way that other guy was passing. We could we get that was no way the other guy was going to be on this movie set was passing.

No. So, okay. So, but then John Schneider comes in, not hurting anybody. He is the police chief in this town and also the main character's dad. So he's like, all right, let my son, Anna Jail, did just this once. Right? Yeah. John's not his character is called Dusty Gutman, which sounds like a character description for an actor played in an advert for a bowel medication. So I'm in Dusty Gutman number one. Is everyone play that? right. Or like you're in like a kids theme park, which is cowboy themed and he's one of the

wanted people on the wall. Yes. Yeah. Yes. So Dusty Gutman lets his son out of jail, but on the condition that he that he become a garbage man. Now, remember in Seinfeld where they're trying to think of the dumbest possible plot and it was sentenced to be a butler, right? We're super fucking close. Pretty close.

Yeah. We're gonna close. But yeah, the garbage truck picks them up. That's how being a garbage man works out. They just pick you up in a garbage can and draft you into it, I guess. Also, I've never gotten to give this shout out before, but it is my favorite listener profilestization story. One of our hardcore listeners from the beginning is a garbage man. And the way he profilitizes our shows is he just plays them from his garbage truck to the people who are stuck in a garbage truck with him. So yeah, that's what I'm saying is garbage men

are the foundation of society and they just have a lot more respect than they're getting in this film. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. So, okay, so then we get our title screen for Jingle smells. Looks like it should be hanging on the fridge. It is by some distance the worst movie title of any film that I've ever had to cover on this show. And I generally wrote it's something an eight year old boy would consider beneath them and It is by some distance the worst movie title of any film that I've ever had to cover on this show. And I generally wrote it's something an eight year old boy would consider beneath them and they'd have to go back to the right as room to punch up.

But they were, jingle smells. So yeah, so we get that. That's followed by channel seven action news. In case you didn't really soak in all of that premise that Sean Hannity was throwing down earlier, they're also going to report the exact same thing, right? So two times in three minutes, this movie is going to rely on a newscaster to tell us the plot.

But we do get introduced to my favorite new character in the movie, which is Jim Brewers self hatred. He appears to be wearing it under his eyes now. If I saw anybody and I mean any human being who looks the way Jim Brewer looks in this movie where I assume there was a hair and makeup department. I would call an ambulance, not the police, not ask if they were okay. I would dial 911 and do my best to wrestle them into the rescue position of the medical authorities. It could take over. At no point in this, I just wanted one person to turn to Jim Brewer in this tiny part he has in this horrible movie and go, oh my god. Oh shit. Hey, Jim Brewer, what happened? Just the other, the other anchor looks at him and has a panic attack because she thinks she's sitting next to the rotten Vincent and off

real from halfway through men in black. That's what she feels that she's presenting right? The news with. Yes. So now, and of course, this is where they have to establish that Mason Stone got canceled over nothing, right? Because the newscaster's like, well, he was waving, you know, he got canceled because he's waving a loaded weapon around in public shouting offensive slogans. And then we cut to him, but the loaded weapon was a bow. It's not loaded because that's not how bows were, but it was a bow and the offensive statement was chanting USA, USA, that's what he got canceled for.

Right. And let the joke here is meant to be he's canceled for something actually completely normal. Right. But he's in combat fatigue. He's got a massive Christian cross, a massive American flag badge. He's got a hunting ball. This is objectively fucking weird. It's actually chanting USA USA. Yeah. Which is the dumbest form of patriotism, like the entire world judges you guys for that. Nobody thinks, oh, that's really cool. And those people really love their country in a normal amount of way.

Everybody thinks that's ridiculous. And I hope point out that two countries on the planet earth do that. The United States of America and North fucking Korea are the only ones that have a rhythmic, their name of my country, their name of my country, basically. only ones that have a rhythmic, their name of my country, their name of my country. Beasts.

So, okay. So, and then the news shows us a social media post of one of those angry libs that's canceling Mason Stone. And this is the Victoria Jackson came, yo. Fuck yeah. This is Alex Jones playing Miss Piggy. Yes, that's who he is. Yeah, and she's very upset and she screams, and you can tell that she was just not even trying her 35 second bit here is filled with cuts. There are four cuts in this. She's damned. She's going to do a clean fucking take for this movie. Yeah. Do you think Victoria Jackson and the goat, whose name I've already forgotten, much like the rest of the world had a moment

Like while everyone else was puzzling off the crafty and they were sitting down the cameras where he was just like We were on Saturday night life like we were on it. We were on show and we what did we? What do we do Victoria? Jim Belushi was a bad guy like it is to see we can't be that much worse Victoria We can't. Jim Belushi was a bad guy like he can't be that much worse. Victoria. So will you squeeze my eye bags all the tears I can no longer cry. And I'm so tired.

So and we also learned from this newscast that the CEO of cash bro, toys get it like has robo with cash in it who's played by Eric Roberts is also canceling Mason Stone and they're going to throw away all other toys of him based on him and his carats. Yes. And this is Eric Roberts very much in I'm going to pronounce about 90% of the words. That's good enough for this movie. Moe. That's the mold. Like he's a let's let's just say it. Eric Roberts is visibly. I can smell the alcohol on Eric Roberts breath. It's like he walked it every day. He's like everyone who's taking a pill of any kind give me one now, right? All of them. No matter what. Hey, diabetic guy, give me some fucking insulin, because I am in this movie for 13 minutes and I need to be white out drunk for all of them.

Far beyond blackout. Yeah, he looks a little bit like he's decided to fake having recently had a stroke in order to ensure the director doesn't try and correct his diction. I literally googled it. I googled did Eric Roberts have a stroke because I didn't want to make a bunch of joke isn't and then I've learned like, you know, actually Eric Roberts was saving a baby penguin from a notion. Did you end up on the AI written page that said he, that didn't say whether he had a stroke or not,

but did tell us about his car accident from the 1980s. In a way like it was translated to five different languages to get that. Yeah. It felt like a prank website I would make about you. I felt like Eric Roberts has a me in his life. And it's his agent. He pranked. Also, just to point out, on his desk, he's got 15 oranges cut in half.

No idea why. It doesn't reference them to do anything with them. It's a big bowl of 15 cut in half oranges. They're in his rider. Yep. His rider has said citrus fruit for a very different reason, but the, well, I then, and this is such a minor thing to point out, but I have to because it comes back so many times. At the end of this newscast, they throw it to the weather as though we were curious, right? There's not a joke here or anything like that. They said they, they're

like, and now Amanda with the weather and some character gives us the weather. Um, I'm sorry. No, are you Amanda with the weather and some character gives us the weather. Um, I'm sorry Noah, are you talking about the greatest progression of character that has ever been captured on film? Yes, Amanda with the weather. We watch her highs, we watch her lows. There's a shocking resolution. I am so glad this is the movie.

The movie is Amanda the weather girl and also some racism is back right. Everything else is just padding out runtime on Amanda the weather girl and also some racism is background. Everything else is just padding out runtime on Amanda the weather girl. 100%. Yes. Yeah. So then we cut to Nick. He's picking up the trash when he finds a perfectly good Mason stone DVD that some triggered live through in the trash, right? Yeah. They have this great exchange here, which I love so much. He's talking to the other trash guy and he's like, oh, why would someone throw out a Mason stone DVD and he's like, oh, haven't you heard they're trying to cancel him? And he says, yeah, they're trying to kill him.

And I was like, those are the same thing to you people. What an interesting revelation of your thought. You gave me just now. Yeah. And we all start to point out this call worker, which is his like uncle Mike, but not his uncle, like his dad's friend Mike. I think you and I both wrote this guy is definitely a no small parts actor. Oh, 100%. Yeah. He got a call from his agent and he was like, Hey, buddy, I know we haven't worked in 11 years since those Dennis Leroy impersonation gigs dried up. But I've got some good news. You are, let me hear it co-starring in a movie I'm not sure if you're going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going to be going those Dennis Levy look alike gigs to Dennis Leary who's willing to do them now because yeah, right.

Yeah. Look, Nath takes a lot of work away from you. I've always said that. It does. So this of course descends into a fun garbage montage. They're out there collecting trash. Do it some fun shenanigans, wacky japes and whatnot, right? Like hitting each other with garbage cans.

That's fun. Yeah, every garbage can he opens, he sort of looks in and looks like he takes like a really big deep sniff, which I don't think is standard practice when you're a refuse collector. I don't think that's in the manual. I don't. There's probably one out there.

There's probably one pervert garbage man who just absolutely locked and loaded and when it came to jobs, but I'm guessing generally, that's not perfect. Yeah, probably not. But good for him. Sure. So, okay, so that night we get Nick and he's in a sad

Heath apartment with nothing on the walls. And his dad texts to invite him out for a drink. He's like, come out and have a shot with me, right? Right, but like, I thought they meant booze, and I thought that's an incredibly depressing text to get. Like, your dad's saying, come out and have a drink with me, fine, but come out and have a shot was incredibly depressing. And what's weird is he doesn't mean booze.

He means coffee, which is an even weird, it's somehow even more weirdly depressing, and I don't know why it's more depressing than he means coffee when he says a shot. So I don't know that that's what they were going for because the time on this is insane, right? Because we caught immediately from him getting the text from dad saying, Hey, let's come out and have a shot to him meeting his dad for a drink. But in the scene where he gets the text, it's very clearly night time, right? You can see out his window in its night. And then he gets to the restaurant

and it's obviously 2 p.m. or something. So I'm not sure, and in this scene, he's supposed to have had the job for like three days. So I think they're supposed to have been a several day time cut where maybe he was avoiding dad. So it's even more heat-flike. I get it, you do text in, come out, and I have to take a day to respond to it.

Three days later, he shows up at the coffee shop and he's like, I'm here. Yeah. No, it's all coming together. Yeah. No, I had to rewind just to make sure I hadn't lost my fucking mind. But yes, we go from middle of the night asking if you want to come meet me to middle of the afternoon coming in meeting.

Yeah. Right. I didn't know get that bloody hell. So this is where dad is and Nick are going to like talk a little get that bloody hell. Okay. So this is where dad and Nick are gonna like talk a little bit about their backstory. Yeah, this is where Nick says he's peaked. He's a regular Chris Cuomo. And it's just really, that line hit me so hard

because think about the people in these actors' lives and how un-fucking bearable it must be. The conversation with them. Just every fucking moment is much like really journey on it. I bet people gasp for breath when they leave the room. Thank you for describing my Thanksgiving, man. Yeah. I did not get the I'm a regular Chris, Chris Cuomo joke at all. Like I know

who that person is. I have no idea what that line could possibly mean. Are they saying that he's an attractive man or that he's peaked and he's now getting unattractive or is it not about his attractiveness? Is it his career arc? I have no idea what they're referencing. I think that's it though that he's peaked as his career arc, but yeah, that's it's so shoehorned in there. I don't think it even needs a meaning. Right, it's not even a reference to his, like, there are, there are disgraced Democrats that that would have worked for. Right. Yeah. Who the fuck even knows, but this is where dad is just like, Hey, man, you know, I'm really proud of you because,

you know, you have PTSD from the Warren Afghanistan, specifically the part where Joe Biden initiated that cowardly withdrawal. And that's the reason really that Afghanistan wasn't a great war ultimately. They will literally spend the rest of the movie. It's like they couldn't get the rights to the withdrawal from Afghanistan. Like gently hinting at the fact that the worst part of his Afghanistan was when Joe Biden ran away screaming. Yes.

Personally, like in a little pith helmet for some reason. Yes. So, but they established here, though, that both of these characters fought in the Afghanistan war at 20 years separated, right? His dad was a Afghan vet, and so was he. And I think honestly that wasn't intended in the script, but John Schneider was like, I'll be damned if my character isn't also. If he gets to be in a war, I get to have been in that same war.

Right. Yeah, it's a vindiesel thing. Right. Have vindies, I can't lose a fight on Schneider also has to be a veteran. But then they say that they were blessed by this. Is it really that much of a blessing to have two generations of the same family sent to the same war that doesn't sound like anybody involved here is blessed. That you lost, at least the country you're at war with.

Sounds like a curse from a fantasy novel. It sounds like a stone should turn into a beetle that scurries away when someone sets that. Well, and it's such a fucked up place to bring it up too, because he's like, yeah, man, I watched a bunch of my friends die in that war. We got lucky. And then John Schneider says, no, we didn't get lucky. We were blessed. Right. So the implication is clearly that God just didn't care for the 2,402 American troops that died in Afghanistan, right? Just like your friends. Yeah.

Yeah. People, the atheist said of the foxes. So you know how this. Yeah. But then, you know, John Schneider starts telling him he needs to go to church and marry a nice Christian girl. instead of the foxholes. So, you know how this. Yeah. But then, you know, Josh Niner starts telling him he needs to go to church and marry a nice Christian girl. And then he's like, I have to not be here anymore and leaves. It's literally other scenes. Yeah. I have to not, I'm done with the scene now in the movie. Eric Roberts is drinking my makeup. I think I'll. I then just on the way out, he like, he talks to the musician who's playing and just a point out this musician. He'll appear several times. Throughout the course, this film, he will

learn how to move his fingers into a chord shape at least. He has not learned that at this point in the film. So he's playing an entire tune, but his fingers are staying in exactly the same place on the fretboard and the sound guys like, what the fuck do you want me to do? I'm not going to play what he sounds like. And I just later in the in the in the in the manoto I was just thinking, I want to see the cut to this film where they use the actual audio from that guitar as all the dietic music in this film. It would just be incredible. So okay. And then we get John Schneider on the phone with his girlfriend or ex-wife. I can't tell who this character is, but like clearly they had a relationship at

went wrong and he's winning her back, like in all Christian movies. Oh, yes. Yeah. I literally, I forgot about this plot and every time it came up, it was like when you're going through something horrible and you wake up in the morning and you haven't remembered that you're going through it for a second. I think you do. That's what that romance plot was in this movie. Oh, God. Oh, fuck. Yeah. I got to get off Facebook. Well, and her personality is, I hate that you

love your son. Fuck you. I hate, dude. I hate have a son. That's bad of you. Try to correct that please. It's her entire stick in this. Yeah. And also, by the way, it's the middle of the night now. He goes outside and he calls her and he's like, hey, I'm sorry, I missed your call. I was having coffee with my son.

They were having coffee at two in the afternoon. It's now like late evening. I'm thinking maybe this, this movie takes place on a tiny little dense planet. Right. Oh, it's just pinching around a bunch of time. The gravity is the same. It's the planet betavia instead of the city. Yeah. Well, that, that would explain why everything happens in this one small town and everything centered in it. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Like it's mercury or something. Yeah. This whole thing. That's the one thing they should have said at the start. This whole film takes place on Mercury. Well, yeah, like it's Mercury or something. Yeah, this whole thing, that's the one thing

they should have said at the start. This whole film takes place on Mercury. Well, no, because that's tidally locked. It would have to be spinning very fast. I'll get merged. But there's definitely one that's been super fast. Mars, you just embarrassed yourself super hard. Do you want to go back and retake that line?

Do you want it? Where you don't sound like a fucking idiot or a fucking... Yeah, it's fine. Everybody knows I don't really know the fuck about space. I'm gonna come out and fucking idiot. It's fine. Everybody knows I don't think I'm gonna fuck about space. I'm gonna come out and say it. It's already. No, I don't. I don't give a fuck about space.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, too much and he's like, all right, well, I'm so and then it eventually comes out that he stood her up like they had a date and he just didn't show up for it. Well, to be fair, the time wizard's mad. They're over the day and a half.

Well, he was in that coffee shop over the crystal. I don't really know when night happens. It's pretty random. I don't think he does say that for the sake of their relationship, he's willing to essentially act like he has no son. And that, well, I assumed actually, I assumed he meant as in like male child. Maybe he means external light. So that is one of the days it is.

I got the time to mention. Yeah. That makes sense. So then, okay. So we cut to Nick. He's asleep on his couch the next morning and Damit, if he hasn't overslept, he gets a call from work and he's late. Damn it, Nick, it's four months ago. You're just a child.

You slept until the birth of the son. And this is the worst accidental falling off a couch I've ever seen. And it's like this movie knows that there is such a thing of physical humor as a category, but it's never seen any examples of it. And so it's always having to just take a stab at what that would be like and sort of missing wildly. Right, right, because they have a bit where he's trying to get ready for work very quickly. And they're like, that's funny, right?

So apparently they just put this actor in this room and surprised him with it, said, Hey, man, get ready for work real quick, but do it funny. He's like, what would that even mean? And they said action. Yeah. So we watched that. He's just like, Oh, he's, but look at that. He fell down another time. For a minute. And his apartment is like eight foot square. It's quite hard to do like a racing around trying to get dressed montage in a room where you can't turn around without being one of the walls or the fridge. I just wrote, he's trying to stand up, but he's in all the infomercial simultaneous. Also, as part of getting ready, he blows out a Yankee candle, but we just saw him wake up. So did he wake up and light

a Yankee candle as part of his getting ready. Obviously, he's the first thing in the morning. Do not light a Yankee candle first thing in the morning. March. How do you start your day? We watch to wake up though. That's the fucked up thing. Yeah. So yeah, but he gets ready for work. Michael, his go worker picks him up in the garbage truck and they have this ridiculous moment where they're clearly trying to merchandise something from this movie or or maybe this is product placement of some sort or established that his coworker sufficiently cares about toys so that he has the plot.

Okay, sure, maybe that's that. But yeah, he's got this parrot toy in the garbage truck that's called a Possible Polly. It's this little ceramic parent with a fucking giant cross necklace on. Yeah, it took me a long time throughout this film to hear a Possible Polly and I thought it was a Possible Polly. And I said, why is it in the possum? What is it about this power that makes it a possum? It's so. But yeah, and of course, this also establishes that Michael is very religious because he says, there's two things I'd never leave the house without. It's my cross necklace and a possum poly, right? This matters a lot.

It does though. That's what's such a bummer about this movie. Is it matters as much as it does? It does. Yeah, we have no other to say about that. That's just factual. Key as it does. Yeah, we have not said about that. That's just factual key to the film. Yeah. So, but he also tells Nick the main character that they've got a special assignment this

week. They got to go to a warehouse and do a, I guess they're private contractor garbage man. Yeah. The freelance bin man. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. the freelance bin men. Yeah, yeah, just a box on the thing. This fucking rules so much, right? Because obviously in the writer's room, which I assume was just John Schneider, Eric's asleep body and the guy from SNL, right? They were

like, well, how would they be taking it out? And it's like, well, no, garbage men work for the city like commies. No, it a socialized service. Do you even hear yourself right now? Jim Brewer, whose name I just remembered? Yeah, you're right. They probably take sidegags with their personal owned garbage truck. And that's a thing because like Mike says, you know, we're heading to a landfill and Nick says, why, what's going on? So, what I'm guessing, you're going to drop some rubbish. The garbage man. What else would be going on at a land, you're filling land with the stuff in you, you can't be struck. Yeah.

So they go to this warehouse and the guy at the warehouse, like the boss at the warehouse was also clearly surprised by the fact that he was in a comedy. He looks like the uncle that's been surprised in having to entertain eight year olds. Yes. Right? Yes. I wrote this is how I do humor when I can't swear. Right. Is a vacancy fuck. I'm like, well, what if I was a robot that wants to eat peanut butter and we're like,

he and it's fine. You just leave this party and like, thank you so much. I'll be out in the car. Would Jim Brewer. So, but yeah, but he robot that wants to eat peanut butter is them into understanding that they have a whole warehouse full of mysterious boxes that need to be taken to the landfill on the down low. Yes.

And they've they've hired like this, this company has hired them because they're the best. We've heard that you're the best. Yes. Who've heard that you're the best. Yes. Who told you that? They're the best bin man. Like nobody moves refuse like they can. Like I just want to see the garbage collector ranking charts and what the various attributes you need. Oh, it's an intense competition. Let me tell you. Well, it's not that intense. Nick has been doing this for three days and he's still the the lead the best. And the slow person of this operation. I also just have to point out when he says

they have to keep it on the download, the other guy goes too slow. And everyone in the movie pauses to be like, that's a stupid fucking joke, man. Yeah, stupid. It's a bad joke when you do it to a child, and it's horrible. It's in this movie.

We're still rolling. Keep going. Yeah. Oh, and this is. We're still rolling. Keep going. Yeah. Oh, and this is why they're also like really impressed at like how many boxes they need to move. But if you pause and count, it's about 500. Yeah. And like they said, you've got a week to move all of these boxes, but it's about 500. So like, I think that's very doable. Right. It's, it seems like a job you could do in about two and a half hours. If you were home in this, if you really needed it done faster, you could have probably done it faster. Yeah.

Yeah, unless like the land fell going to is on a different planet. One that has like normal. Oh, that's it. Because they've only got to fight. They've only got a week, but it's a week on this planet. The right day ends at any time. You wake up tomorrow. The chronomancers are like, I'm sorry, it's 3000 years in the video.. Everyone who hired you is dead and the currency is different. So yeah, so we watch them throw away boxes for a while. Lucky us, but eventually they get a little curious about what's in those boxes. So they start reasoning and out like they're hosting blues clues. Yeah, they were curious, but not curious enough to write the script for the scene. They think that they could just peel it out between them.

But it feels like neither of them know where the scene is going, but assume that the other actor does. And so this, they're just leading all, leaving all the places where the other guy can fill in the plot. And then the guy's just like, um, your turn. Yeah. Yeah. It just, it takes forever.

It's like watching two people who never took an improv class, do improv at gun points. It is. Yes. Right. Right. But here's the fucked up thing is I'm pretty sure it was written like this. Oh, for sure. Yeah. No, that is. This is a writer buying time in his own script until he comes up with an idea. But yeah, but they open up the boxes ultimately and it turns out that the boxes are full of you guessed it, Mason's stone toys. And these are collector's items. Now Michael knows a lot about toy collecting and they established this by him going like, oh, watch this YouTube channel. I like about this guy who collects toys and discuss that for like, we watch the video. It goes up for like two minutes. minutes there are no jokes in it and I'm just like are we just watching a fucking YouTube video at toy collecting now I would rather do that don't get me wrong but oh god yeah yeah

we watched them watch the video and the video it's it's it's it's from pop frog the character which is infinitely more watchable and better produced than the rest of this movie like if this just transitioned into like a 14 minute episode of Pop Frog, I would have been so much happy. Right? Very relieved. Yeah. I also have to point out he has a Yeti blue pop frog does.

So this all checks out. His microphone is exactly correct. It's the one that I've got in front of me right now. All right. Also, let's not days of future pass this, okay? Pop frog, the character, the actor who plays Pop Frog is a little person. What very clearly happened is they hired a little person and they're bigots and they were like, trust me, it'll be hilarious.

But this actor was like, I am absolutely not going to do any M word humor for you people. So I'm just going to straight play this role and so they gave him a catchphrase and you could tell me angrily stormed on the satin they were like, okay, you have not done any jokes about elves. You have not made a single toy. You apparently can't do a flip. So we need you to say I jiggle like jelly and he's like, okay, cool, I jiggle like jelly. And they're like, that's not, we were promised it would be funny that you were here. It's how God, you're right. Because I genuinely was, I'd put and then took out by notes.

This is surprisingly progressive for this film that they've got a little person and they're not making reference to that at all. But you're right. They hired him thinking they could make reference. He said no. And they were like, well, we can't sack him now because that would probably violate some sort. Right. You can't fire him for not letting you say the M words. You just gotta say and you know every time they there are so many cuts around his scenes

because Eric Roberts wandered into shot and was like, look at this little guy. I'm gonna bite him. Oh god. I'm gonna bite him. Yeah, the M word is the only word that Eric Roberts can pronounce perfectly exactly the cut. There's no way to put on the Joker costume and put a grenade in my mouth. It's the only way I can come.

You have to. Isn't my contract. So yeah, but so they watched the video and they realized that maybe they should steal some of this trash since it's so valuable, but ultimately decide not to. Oh my god, there's this, there's this moment and I'm sorry to drag us. I know we're already ready behind, but there's this moment where Oh my God, there's this moment, and I'm sorry to drag us. I know we're already running behind, but there's this moment where he's like, you could sell these for, and I'm expecting money. He's like, 50 bucks, and I'm like, God, that's depressing.

What a depressing number for a lot of money this movie came up with. Right, because I was like, well, that's not that much, because like, let's assume it's 500 boxes, I think there's probably slightly fewer than that. When we open the boxes, like six figures per box and all less, well, that's not that much. Cause like, let's assume it's 500 boxes, I think it's probably slightly fewer than that. When we open the boxes, like six figures per box and all less, which means that they're talking about $150,000. But they say if you sold every figure for 50 bucks, you'd be set for life. Like even twice that amount of money isn't retirement, but it's a lot of money, but it's not retirement money.

No, you're certainly not set for life money. Yeah. Well, to be fair, on your 21st birthday in this town, the chronomancers come and they suck the rest of the life we'll have and it gives them their terrible, terrible power. That's probably what he meant. Powering many days until the chronomancers come. It all checks out. Yeah. Yeah. So okay, so they decide not to steal the toys together. Then they go to lunch together. This is where out of fucking nowhere, Michael gives Nick a Santa hat with great pomp and

circumstance, like like like lay up is stowing the fucking awards on Luke and Han at the end of Star Wars. It's a really weird moment. It's such a weird, too, on a shift. It's so, so solemn. It's incredible. Yeah. Yeah. It's so, so solemn. It's incredible. Yeah, it's weird. And this is also where you find out that they want to go and see Pop Frog. And they find out Pop Frog lives right there in Pativa, New Mexico, the town they're in. And so it's right. And I assume that cash brawl are based out the back of the police station that we've seen. And Mason, that action man lives in the back of the garbage truck. It's just as convenient as everything we see is in like a three square meter radius of an actor in this film. Yeah. Mars spoiler alert. Yes, yes, yes. Yeah,

yes. Before it's over, yes, we will establish all of those things. Yeah. And of course, the movie needs him to have a Santa hat for later on. This is just the lazyest and stupidest possible way to introduce it. He could have found it on the ground. Or Michael could have just been wearing it because it's Santa season or whatever. And then when he sees Nick do something nice, he could be like, well, maybe you should have this instead, but no, they do it in the lazyest and stupidest possible way. So he leaves work. And then he, as he's leaving, he comes across a kid whose bike chain has popped off, right? For some reason, they've decided to shoot this scene

such that they're on opposite sides of an iron gate. Yeah, no, I like the ode to the boy and the striper jamas that they did here in this. It's like the kid was in a zoo. Yeah, it was so fucking weird. But yeah, this kid, this is Silas, and he's gonna explain that some kids, some bully kids broke his bicycle chain

because they hate him for being poor. Right, and they threw, they threw a rock at him and broke his bicycle chain. Like fair play to those bullies. That is an incredible arm that they got. The level of accuracy is amazing. Yeah. Right, what a throw. Yeah. And there's also this weird moment where Nick's like, oh, well, you know, I'll help accuracy is amazing. Yeah. Right.

What a throw. Yeah. And there's also this weird moment where Nick's like, oh, well, you know, I'll help you take care of that. And the kids like, you're going to beat up my bullies and he's like, no, I'm not going to beat up a bunch of eight year olds. But I'll scare him maybe. Cool.

Yeah. He said, I can't beat up children. I wrote my notes. I'm relieved. This movie knows that. I would not be surprised by and it's always sunny and Philadelphia child fights. Yeah. But just then the bullies come back to make fun of them some more. And it's these two 10 year old girls.

They start ripping into Nick instead for smelling like garbage. Yep. And again, I'm not normally a big bully guy, but I'm here for it. They were putting their all into this bullying, right? Oh, God, yeah, this is like full-guaranteed vicarities. Nick had given them $100 to do. I was gonna say they have a bit guest spot waiting for them. That's it.

And this is, of course, where they bestowed the name Jingle Smells on them, because he's a garbage man wearing a Santa hat. Get it. Jingle Smells. With a perfectly written out song as well. They just instantly the two of them together just go, it just improvise a song in unison. It's beautiful bullia. It's absolutely bullies at the very top of that game. It really is. Right, because you have to imagine they had a song for every occasion.

Right. It's good. Yeah, like what if he didn't smell, but he looked a bit weird? Did they have a variant of jingle bells that were going to cover whatever was going on with his looks? Yeah, jingle bells, Paul Z. They used their own a promise every time he was punished. So, okay.

So it's the next day or is it late? If you have to cut that from the show, please send it to me. I don't get marched that often. I'm like, yeah, that's my own personal record. So okay, so we cut to, it's like, it's the next day or it's later that day or I don't know, but they're at the warehouse. Three years before.

Yeah, right. Yeah. Whatever the crewman serves. Yeah. But Michael is napping at the warehouse where they're supposed to be throwing away the trash, the toys, and Nick comes up to him wakes him up and he's like, Hey, man, I got you something.

For Christmas, I got you a present. And he's like, is it the toys that were actively throwing away that we decided together not to steal? And he's like, well, now I don't want to give it to you. Now you don't get it. Just followed the previous scene where that little boy left with Nick. I thought it was going to be like that little boy in the box that he's got me. I was really very good. That was the present. So yeah, but for some reason that is just inexplicable to me, Michael is touched by this, right? He's very, very excited that

his partner stole the thing that they both together decided not to steal and gave it to him. And I will point out not to spoil too much of the rest of the movie. Later in the movie, he will seem to be surprised like he thought Nick went out and bought the thing they decided not to steal. Yeah. Right. There is a weird moment where he's like, you know, well, I don't want to take this though. It feels like stealing and makes like, no, it's not stealing if it's thrown away. Technically, if I guess probably they caught the golden state killer. Yeah. But they're right. Right. Like it's not stealing because this is like, it's not stealing because it's drawn to

it. It's breach of contract because they've got higher does freelance bin men for big guns for higher with a garbage truck to take this somewhere to keep it would be like breach of contract, but it's not stealing is it? Because this is this is refuse. This is upcycling. Right. But later it will be stealing and it'll still fucking do 100%

why the fuck even bother making this excuse now? Look, one time we were in Australia and they confused me for a smart person because I was surrounded by two and they were like, are you allowed to save the Mona Lisa or do you have to save people in a fire? That's what happened with stealing and this movie. They were like, what the fuck is stealing? We have really baffled ourselves with this question, guys. I feel like we shouldn't trust anyone who wrote this movie to shred paper for us.

They're pretty sure those documents are there. Now, all right. Well, this movie just set up such unimpressive stakes that I thought Trump was going to put ketchup on him and throw him against the wall. So we're going to take a break, but we'll back soon with even more. Jingle smells. All right, Eric, you, uh, you ready for your first scene of the movie? Oh, oh, yes.

Let's, let's do, let's do movie. I'm sorry. Are you okay? Yep. Yep. I just, I just have a cold. Great. Yeah, that's how people with cold stock. So okay, all right. Action. I don't know boss. What are we gonna do with all these toys? Sorry, cut. Did I throw up? No. No. But your line here is I'll tell you what we'll do. We'll dump them. I'll tell

you what we'll do. We'll dump them. I'll have to you know what you just you just make me noises after anyone talks for the whole movie. Sure. Yes. I wish in the Batman movie. We know you were Eric. We know. We know. And we're back for more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action in cash pro headquarters where Eric Roberts is still very concerned about this Mason stone controversy.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, they say about the Mason story hasn't gone away. It hasn't really particularly been a thing or particularly started either. Like it's barely been a thing in this, even though it's meant to be the inciting incident in this whole thing, it feels very sort of just in the background barely even though.

Yep. Well, we should point out that he's in this board room. He's at the head of the table and there's two other people all sitting way far away from him because all of this movies jokes come from Hannah Barbara apparently. Yeah, but come on, you'd keep that kind of distance from Eric Roberts as well. This is just entirely sensible for his postals. Also, we beat his lawyer at this point. I never caught the lawyer's name as a character, but the lawyer is going for like a Bostonian accent,

much in the way that like, Marsh does, if he hasn't read the sketches in advance, and we surprise him. Exactly. Yeah. Or even if I have read them, it has to do a bust. Well, that's true. That's true. Yeah, exactly. I will also point out that I would say a full, and I think we just touched on it in the sketch, you just heard in the commercial break, I would say a full third of Eric's lines in this scene are whatever was just said to him like he never addresses it or really talks about it. He just goes you never meant to whatever someone said. No, yeah, you got me. Well, he starts complaining about cancel culture here in such a way that I wonder if like half of his appearance in this movie wasn't just him going like, I'm going to say

whatever the hell I want to say, you write a movie around it, right? Right? Exactly. Or he showed up to set and smelled like rubbing alcohol and they were just like, Hey, you know what? Why don't we do it like a Christopher Guest film, huh? And he was like, you got it. Just like mystery day or whatever you said. And this conversation, him and the lawyers, it's sort of making out as if like everybody is just constantly scared of being canceled and that they all think it's bullshit, but they play along just so they don't get on the wrong side of it because they don't want to be the people who get canceled. And everybody thinks the same way, we all know it's bullshit,

but we pretend not so we're not in the firing line. Right. Because that's what they really do. Believe it. Right. Obviously, that's what they think is really happening. Whereas in reality, this company's conversation is actually much more like, okay, tell me how much money do we make if we just ignore this and how much money do we make if we pander to the people asking us to cancel it?

Yep. And which of those is the more money? Because we do that one, the more money one. There's the larger sum. Yes. Yeah. That's the larger sum. Yes. That's it. Yeah. There's this part to it at the end.

They want to go for the like, he gets so angry, sets his coffee cup down and it explodes because he sets it down so hard. But clearly they found out too late. You can't really do that because if you really do that, there's just the handle of the mug comes off, right? Yes. Right. Obviously.

So we end up like most of that happens off screen and they've clearly like put together an already broken mug so it can look like it's coming apart this hand and they've just got like coffee spilled randomly around it. It's just hilarious to imagine how that scene comes about. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of different takes. It's also where he gets upset at the participation trophy generation. He brings that up out of nowhere. But his thing is he's bothered that the participation trophy generation won't reward him for all the effort that he went into like that he put into making those toys that he can't sell now. He's annoyed that he's not going to get any reward right that he failed at yes. Yeah. So okay. So it's time for us to meet pop frog. He's the guy with the YouTube channel about toy collecting. So we get Nick. He's like waiting outside of his studio, because

you know, YouTube guys have big studios that they go to. Obviously, I certainly, I know I certainly do. No, I don't have a big ol' giant pink limousine because you're a big social media star. Yeah. God stretch limos are so fucking stupid and this movie does not know that this movie. You got all anybody in the end like Marsh anybody in this movie would suck your dick for 10 minutes. That's right. Limos. They think $50 will set you up for the rest of your life. Yeah. Stretch limos in a peak of legacy. Look who they voted for for president.

Yes. So yes. So, but he's like, Hey, man, I've been waiting outside your studio until you come in because I've got a really rare toy that I think you might be interested in, right? And so he's like stepping into my office. He goes into the stretch limo and we have this exchange where he's got the silver satire and that's the name of the action figure that was based on the Mason Stone character. He's got the silver saturn toy that was never released. And again, because in keeping with what Eli was just

saying about money in this movie, they make like, this is, oh, wow, this is the rarest toy in all the world. And then he offers a thousand dollars and the guy's like, that's a little much. That's a little much. Yeah. Also, he thinks that Popfrog thinks it's fake. So he needs to check its authenticity. But the way they're describing this, I just expected him to like rub a little bit

on his gums to check it. Like if it's not on, this is helping the human figure. This is, this is worth way, way less. My God, that is pure, sweet, alberranean action figure. Yeah, but yeah, so he's like, well, yeah, that's probably fake. Let me take a look at it. He holds it for almost a full second before he decides that no, it is legitimate. It's clearly legitimate. Like the character, this movie doesn't even know how one would check the packaging to

see, right? They don't even know where you would look. Right. Yeah. Yeah. So he's like, all right, let's go up to my office and reestablish the same scene we were already in because we don't know how to make movies. That's right, but that's because he says, yeah, I want a thousand dollars for it. And Popfrog says, Hey, we don't talk money yet. It's like, why? You're acting like you're worried the guy's a cop. Like, you've got solve the fun that he's not under cover. Do not hear not here. Show me your dick.

Show me your sex. So yeah, so they reestablished the same fucking scene and ultimately Nick sells him the toy for $200, which makes the already incredibly low stakes of the film even lower. Yes. Right. But Fet plan to Nick, he thought it was worth $50. He managed to negotiate that up to $200. Sure.

Okay. He's actually come out. All right. He's he high-balled it with a thousand, but he's come out all right. Yeah. So yeah. So then, and then they shoehorn the jiggle like jelly catchphrase in there another 23 times real quick.

God damn it. He appears to be unable to hold back the catchphrase in this scene, right? Yes. He's like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna. And I was like, just say come. Just say come and this is my main movie. And it's a really small thing. But like after he's so excited to get this one toy, Nick's, you know, it's, oh, this

is worth so much. Next like, well, what if I said I had more? And the answer would be, oh, then this would be worth less, because it's like, it's about, it's about, it's about, it's more, I'm gonna hit the market. Yeah. So, okay, so then we cut back to, okay, it's the same coffee bar they were in before,

but they're trying to pretend that it's a different restaurant and a fancy one. Yeah pretend that it's a different restaurant and a fancy one. Yeah. But it's got the same guitar guy, the same troubadole with his inability to mind playing the guitar with any level of accuracy at all or any level of invention at all. Yeah. So, but now we're there with John Schneider and his girlfriend.

They're out on that date. Remember the date that they were going to go on from before? I feel like, you know how we talked about how John Schneider has, I get to be a veteran. I feel like he also has a, like, and there's a real hot older lady, but not, not too old, if you know what I mean. I mean, I guess who can't get enough of, it's like not older than me, just older than my daughter.

Yeah, that's what he's going to do. Right, yeah. That's my daughter's requirement. If it was up to me, she'd be younger. You know what I'm saying? Twins, they older than my daughter. Yeah, that's what he's going to do. Right. Yeah. That's my daughter's requirement. If it was up to me, she'd be younger. You know what I'm saying? Twins. They're so bossy.

Oh, God. That's... Yeah, but we listened to them talk. And again, her entire personality is thinking that he loves his son too much. So she says that a bunch. God. Again. She also yells all her lines for some reason. She didn't know there were microphones or something. Yeah, she also says that she

just needs him to be there for me. Like you've been there for the city. He's not fucking Batman lady. He's not the boyfriend. He's the boyfriend she needs right now. Yeah. Yeah. No, but they were establishing, though, is his commitment to the servant protect oath has been interfering with his personal life. He's too good a cop. Really? Yes. If you think about it, he also says to her over this romantic handle it to know, I'm setting a whole new standard of carving out time, you know, bulk standard romantic talk. Right? It's the classic stuff that you say over there. Oh, God, and they start talking about Nick again. And I just have to point out this stupid fucking line. She's like, you know, you need to let your full grown

bird out of the nest of fly. And he says, and I quote, I can see my son soaring. And I just hope he'll be soaring in something other than debt. Do you think soaring in debt is a phrase movie? The national debt more like Joe Biden. 100 Biden Joe Biden Biden. Yeah. Yeah. 2024. But we also we established here that dusty gumption or whatever the fuck is name was,

he's loaning money to his son and she needs him to stop doing that. Stop coddling. Oh, God. Yeah. Right wing boomer fantasy. I gave him an allowance in 1992 and I've got to receive my back. It's Joe Biden.ed. And she really does just fly off the handle whenever he just like happens to mention his son and it's like, you know, she's got a point because Eli, I hate how sometimes you just happen to mention offhand your son in like a casual conversation. That makes me incredibly angry and I'm the reasonable person here. That's a reasonable response for me too. Right. Because you love him so much.

That is because you love me so much. Yes. You care about love him so much. That's because you love him so much. Yes. Yes. Care about him so damn much. Is that you mention him? Is that you refer to his existence? Like, have the sun. That's fine. But bringing nothing past the conversation is a bit down my throat. Okay. Yeah. Whatever, whatever you get up to behind closed doors in your head.

That's something we're right. Yeah, exactly. I don't judge, you know, love is love. But even when it's with your son, you know, yeah. But just then as they're having that conversation, Nick comes in to pay his dad the $1,000 he borrowed back. Now, I want to point out that this scene would be eight seconds long. if it didn't grind to a halt for a, how did you find me? There's an app on your phone. He fucking apps are tracking my Joe Madden. I cannot describe the extent to which this movie grinds to a halt while they like barely describe what they dislike about the technology they don't understand.

But it's also incredibly weird because we find out that he's been sharing his location with his son at all times. Like what is he? Speaker of the house. That's a fucking weird thing to do. I got it one second. I got to warn everyone on Facebook that the contact tap tab will come and steal their blood bones at midnight if they don't all in paste, give my son my location status. Yeah. So okay. So meanwhile, remember Silas, the kid with the broken bike chain. Yeah, me neither.

I'm fucking rewind. Yeah. So anyway, so we cut to him. His mom is getting him ready for school. And of course, she's poor. So she's got a bunch of bills all laid out on a table that she's taking turns looking at the way that poor people do. But it's too many bills. Yeah, but it's like a satire of Christian movies, right? Yeah. If we were making God of a movie's the movie and we needed to show the poor family, this is the size of the

stack of bills we would do for committing a fact. So's a laundry basket for you. And think about being dead. Dead isn't usually measured by how many bills you've got. How big the numbers in those bills, it's not measured by volume or the size of the bills. I'm struggling under six kilograms of bills right now. I'm hoping it gets a bunch of money to go one kilogram. So yeah, so but Silas goes to leave for school, but there's a present from Santa on his step, which is and it's one of these toys that that Nick stole and wrapped up, which is a creepiest fuck thing for Nick to have done for the kid whose bike chain got broken. But the mom gets it. The mom's like, oh, you're getting molested, huh? Well broken. But the mom gets it.

The mom's like, oh, you're getting molested, huh? Well, you get to touch that of it. That's nice. That's nice. No, we can deal with that when you're older. Yeah, this kid also says this action toy from a film he's never seen is the coolest toy he's ever seen.

But like on the table, he's got a much cooler toy already. He's got like a little truck kind of thing. It's so much cooler. Which I can, yeah. It's got all those bills he can play with. You should dive in, right? Like a like a fucking ball pit. Yeah, but mom is all weepy over the generosity of the mysterious gift giver that gave it her kid. What would bed? Like, you know what, 799 retail, something like that. Well, 1799 probably now. But anyway,

so then they're like, oh, look, there's a note. They open the note and it's signed from Jingle smells. It doesn't get any better, does it? The more you hear it, it does not get better. It's leaning into it. They said in the writer's room. Yeah. Also, one of the small thing I know is just about the scene here. On the table, there is a chest board with a placement of pieces that I think is actually possible. Like that is that is it's possible that those pieces could go there. But it's also a bit weird that she lives alone with her six year old son. So she playing chess against her six year old son. Yeah, that seems right. It's a distance game like distance game. She likes to lay out the the the the the you can have lunch when he stops falling for the wandering queen. Exactly. Yeah,

maybe those aren't bills. Maybe their moves that she's been posted for a while. That he does. Just by male games that she's participating in. Yeah. So, okay. So then we cut to Eric Roberts about to make sweet love to a sad, blimpy sandwich. This sandwich is, I'm honestly, I'm so glad he isn't here to see this sandwich because it would, it would traumatize him.

It is so clearly a loaf of bread from blimpies or subway or something and fucking Eric's been picking at it between takes. So now it's just a loaf of bread and it's floppy and sad and his hands are, they gave it to him so you can't see his hands shaking on camera. It's just just fucking worst. Yeah. And the bread itself looks like a call wash sponge. It's that kind of color.

It's that consistency. Oh, and there's a, there's a, there's a stem of a rougula sticking out of the back of it like a rat's tail. It's just this comically sad looking sandwich, but he's just like, oh my god, this is the best sandwich. I'm gonna fuck this sandwich so fucking hard. But just then the lawyer, Guy Bostonian lawyer bus and he's like, Eric Roberts, I have to show you something important.

He's got a tablet with him and he shows him pop frogs video about somehow getting his hands on the silver saturn toy, right? Right. And what they're going for is like, I'm so mad I destroyed my sandwich, but no one in the scene has the comedy chops for that. So we just watched Eric Robert sort of look off camera and the guys like, to break this,

just fuck up the sandwich. Eric, he's like, oh, God. Well, and that's the thing, you could see some humor coming out of this if the sandwich was filled with like olives and jalapeno peppers and pickles and shit that are flying everywhere. Is he? But there's just a loaf of bread with some arugula on it.

So yeah, he's just squishing the sandwich more and more and shaking it around a little. It's like when a cat brings in a dead animal and everyone in the family freaks out and the cats like, oh, you guys are all psyched about this, huh? Robert is doing to the sandwich. So yeah, yeah. But yeah, he's very angry that one of the toys got out and he's ruined his damn sandwich now. So we cut back to Silas. He runs off to thank Nick for giving him the toy because he knows he knows who Chinkol smells it.

Right? Obviously. He does, but Nick immediately like swears into secrecy and said, man, stop teaching kids to be like coerced into having secrets with strangers. This is. Stop having secrets with a child. This is bad. Well, yeah, let's acknowledge that the moral of this story, at least from a child's perspective

is talk to strangers, right? Yeah. So, yeah, he's like, Silas is like, hey, you talked to Santa, didn't you, and got me a toy and Nick plays it all coy, right? And there's also this moment where he's like, you know, yeah, well, you know, I talked to the big guy, you know, talking about Santa, and the kid goes, you mean the president? And they have to have that so that he can be like, no, I hate the press Joe Biden. Fuck that guy, right?

Stay away from him. He'll murder you for your adrenal crome. Don't go near the president because our guys actually are rapist, but they're, they're, they're guy. Touch shoulders someone. Yeah, maybe. So, but then Silas is like, man, you know, I sure wish all the other impoverished kids around me got surprised gifts from Santa because, you know, most of them don't get toys either and he's like, hey, I'll tell you what, why don't you make me a list of all your children friends

along with their adresses? Yeah, and this can be our little secret. Yeah, he wants Silas to introduce him to some other good kids. Like this film is made by people who think that gay and trans people are the threat to children They are the threat to children this film. Yeah So that night we we get him he's walking his bike past a Christmas tree lot. I don't know what this is doing in the movie Apart from first to for me to find out that some like Christmas trees cost Apart from first to for me to find out that some like Christmas trees cost $350. Yes, that is a lot. I get it. And there's two people looking at it and they can't afford the Christmas tree. And they're very sad about it. And I get it. You know, I grew up poor. It sucks not having things. But the line for that shouldn't be a $350 Christmas tree.

Just do without it. Get a fake one for $100. It's fine. Yes, exactly. I'm picturing poor childhood mars standing outside of 11 Madison and thinking, I'll never be able to afford that $730 tasting menu now. Truly, I've fallen into poverty, father. Yeah, you don't have to, you don't have to pitch it out. You can remember that. You can very much remember that.

Yeah. So, and also, by the way, when we see the $350 Christmas tree, we also see the greedy Christmas tree salesmen just counting as money in the foreground, like fucking daddy war bucks. Lighten is menorah. Yeah, he looks exactly like Jeremy Corbin as well, which is a bit weird. Like Jeremy Corbin, the tree shop owner is just counting cashier. You know this scene was like written and the one day after the writer of this movie felt like he got gouged on a Christmas tree, right? He's just like, I can't believe paid $125 for

this fucking tree. So yeah, so we cut the late that night. Nick is sneaking around with a bandana over his face like he's going to rob stage coach. And he's handing out toys. He's leaving toys on the steps of all of the kids in the projects. Right, but he runs out. But the thing is he knew where he was going, because he got the list of names and addresses. So did he just bring to few toys? Did he not do any planning for that at all?

You're like, oh, that's a bunch of toys. That's probably about right. There's no point counting. Right. Clearly, right. Well, no, they have to have this in the movie, right? Because we have to see him go back and go like, well, I guess I can't get toys to all of the young boys and girls. And then he sees the ones he had set aside to sell to pop frog. And he's like, well, wait a minute. Maybe there is a way, you know, so we have to establish that he's decided to choose the joy of the children over his own financial gain. And yeah, I just have to point out that I love that this movie is so stupid that no one

in the writers room thought of, well, why doesn't he just sell one of the toys by enough toys for all the children that are less valuable and continue? Because he could go to the store and buy $200 worth of toys and keep all the rare action figures. Yeah, but if anyone tried to explain that, Eric Roberts got led out of his trailer to try to tickle you. So, this is the plot of the movie. That would also have the benefit of everybody in the street not getting the same toy from

the same film that has not been released yet. Right. It's right. Right. Right. It's not interesting to them at all. Well, right now with the character that's going to be digitally erased from the movie apparently, as is what they're saying. Yeah. And also, why is it that there's exactly one kid at every single apartment on this entire

road? It's so stupid. And the couple who couldn't afford the Christmas tree also get one. I feel I didn't need a shit action figure to make up for their lack of tree. Unless they're going to like, no, put tinsel and some bubbles on that and stand it in the corner of the room. Honey, I am well aware I can get two thirds of the money we need for our Christmas tree. If you know a little person with a YouTube channel, we are in business. So yeah, but so we see that all the kids

getting their toys the next day, I compare all of the people leave their houses at the same time in this neighborhood. And they all find when they find just they all stand out there and open it with a whole family gathered together. I wanted one family to like be late wakeer uppers and like, Oh, shit, do we miss all the discovering and still? Oh, we could have been on the news, right? Cause yeah, because then we cut to the fucking news anchors once again to catch us up on the plot. Fuck yeah, Jim Brewer. The fucking the cockroaches inside Jim Brewer have really hold it about for.

He has, he has aged a thousand years from the first shot and the last shot of this movie. He is living some kind of love crafty and horror and know you want to talk about who the chronomancers are at with their fucking Jim Brewer. And this movie just will not acknowledge it. Oh, so yeah, so, but the lead story in Pateva, New Mexico is Mason Stone action figures given to children. We cut to a person on the street that's just like, jingle smells saved Christmas. That's the actual fucking stupid ass line.

Silas even cuts in and he's like, actually, if you think about it, jingle smells is better than Santa. Cassana is all fucking judgey. Which I love. And it's just where we find out that he left them all. It says, oh, and jingle smells even left them personalized note. And then we see the personalized note that just says lots of love jingle smells, which isn't a person, that's the opposite of a personalized note. But it's just a note. No, that's it. There's nothing personalized about it.

Yep, no, doesn't he that modifier whatsoever? Dear Sally, lots of love. Yeah, to the guy who looks a bit like Rudy Giuliani, here's an action figure. It would have been a personalize. No. So yeah, so they tell us all about this. And then they kick it over to Amanda with the weather again, because apparently this actress was the top donor on Kickstarter. Fuck yeah, she was. And she's, she's in her groove. Now, like I said, we are following her story. And she's getting a little comfortable in front of the camera, Amanda.

Fuck yeah, she is. She's a little better, a little better this time. No, that's fair. So, okay. So then we cut to Nick taking his dad to eat in that very same restaurant. I think they're trying to pretend it's yet a third place, but no, it's the same restaurant. But they placed the camera in a totally different direction. So yeah, right.

And I think having like a super fancy breakfast, his dad's got a quest on, but it's like it's laid out like they're about to have like an elite dining experience. Right. Like he's going to eat it with a knife and fork. Yes. Also, you know, John Schneider refused to eat that because it's French and he's still mad about the French fries or a record thing. Yeah, but so next take it as dad to breakfast so that we can show that he's like, do it good stuff with all of this new found money he's made by selling one toy for $200. It's near as we can tell. Or other try, it's very unclear how many toys have been sold and how many have been given away.

It's all. Yeah. And how many he has? Absolutely, baffling. It's baffling because in the scene, the previous scene in the restaurant, what he gives in the first, he said, here's the first installment of that money I owe you. And he goes, like, bam, there's the first installment. Bam is a great way of delivering any repayment of a law. Oh, sure. For sure. But he says the first installment and then later we find out it was a thousand dollars.

So his first installment on a thousand dollar loan was a thousand dollars. Was his dad charging him like insane? Yeah, that's a whole jerk. Yeah. Yeah. When John Schneider loans you money, the juice is running. Okay. You know that. If you've been in Hollywood a while, you know, there's one moment.

I know this seems not very important, but there is one moment I want to talk about, which is they're talking about the girlfriend and he says, man, she sure is a great person. And John Schneider says, you know, I have a gun, right? That was a don't fuck my girlfriend joke, right? I don't think it was, but I don't remember what it was, but it was she was like, oh, she said, oh, she sure does a lot of charity work. Other than you, dad, in a sense of like your one of her charity projects. He's been in for a long, and threatens to shoot his son. Yeah. Okay. I thought it was like I don't like it when you say positive things about it. And I am claimed. No, no, it's just that his dad meets gentle teasing

with a threat of force because there's cop instinct to never leave you. Exactly. So yeah, but we also established that she volunteers at a place with a bunch of underprivileged children who aren't going to have any presence for Christmas. Yeah. So but just then Nick gets an angry call from Popfrog all upset because his investment has been devalued by a bunch of in his words grubby kids getting their hands on those toys. And he's surprised that his dad is listening in, because his dad thinks this is a drug dealing conversation

from the side that he hears. And he's like, oh, were you listening in? It's like, why are you surprised? Like, the dad is listening. He's coming, you're sitting right next to him and he tracks your location at all times as you've already established. Your privacy is not important to him.

I would need to do things to my body and ears to not hear. How would he even argue listening? Right. Yes, I'm here and ears to not hear how would you listen. Right, yes, I'm here and I can still hear noises. Yeah, and the end of the conversation that he hears is, you know, oh, hey, I can't talk right now. All right, I can get you some more, but this is the last time. And then he just hangs up the phone without saying goodbye. So like, yeah, of course his dad's going to be like, I work kind of drug dealership was that. Yeah. And then to try and get out of that conversation,

he tries to do the fake phone call thing. If like, oh, my phone's buzzing, it's work, which his dad calls him on it. Cause again, cop instincts, he can see through the fact that you're a bin man, you're off duty, you don't get work calls. It's like, oh, we've got a sudden rush of garbage coming in. We need to see garbage down by the highway. So yeah, but he runs off. So then he's at work with Michael. They're all high on life and Christmas spirit and everything. They arrive at the warehouse to pick up more action figures. For some reason, this is a different warehouse than the one they used earlier at no fucking idea what happened there. I know what happened. Eric Roberts got a talking to someone there and they were like, Oh, hey. Eric Roberts asked who in our staff is an octeroon. So you guys really need to leave. You can't use this space anymore. All right. yeah, I don't probably something like that. Tell me it's a question. Tell me

it's a question. Eric, you're not helping. So yeah, so they show up at the warehouse. They're going to pick up more trash, but the warehouse has been locked down. They're not allowed back in because cash pros found out that a bunch of their toys are slipping out the back.

Oh, yeah, and I think that they even say and they suspect the leak is coming from here. It's, oh, it's coming from the place where the entirety of the stock is. Yeah, that could be that. I think it might be there. I think we figured it out. Yeah, sadly. Well, of course, they think they're dumping them in a landfill.

I feel like you'd check there first, but okay, yeah, either or, right? But yeah, the operation's been shut down. And the guy, the silly guy that runs the warehouse, he says, and the only way in here is with a four digit code that nobody knows but me and Charlie Daniels. So, you know, I'm only gonna give you one clue about what the code is and that's it. If you need two coins, you have to pay 10 gold

and you only get half a period and someone you need. So you know, I don't know who Charlie Daniels is. So this is just incredibly baffling to me as to why that thing comes up here. Devon went down to Georgia. That's the right category of music in this country called Old Man Waiting to Die, where we just let them continue to make music for our elderly so that hopefully they can all die simultaneously like they all blow out a birthday candle and then the theater is just still.

Is there a, well, I was going to say that I like Charlie Dandes, but I don't think that changes Eli's joke in any ways. It's probably. No, if anything, it boosts it. That's a, that's a, yeah, that's a guy. Yeah. President Sirgibs, this is all right. Well, I don't know if this is rock bottom for the characters, but it's pretty fucking close to rock bottom for us.

So we're going to take another break there. But first, let me have act three of the hard sell. Will Nick dash through the snow? Will he make spirits bright? Will we laugh all the way? No, no, no, but stick around anyway for the perfunctory conclusion of jingle smells New from the producers of jingle smells at cash bro comes a brand new line of action figures for the culture warrior kid

unafraid of the radical left the cat sold kickers Awesome First up, it's Kickin' Karen. I've got an HOA agreement and I'm not afraid to use it. And racial slurs. And next up, Kickin' Kyle. My Starbucks order is wrong so I'm gonna reveal myself to be truly monstrous. Radical! Literally, cancelled Kickers because your parents desperately want to keep you from turning against them

Even if it's for just another year or two. I also use racial slurs And we're back for still more of this shit We're gonna rejoin the action with Michael drop in Nick off at home This is where we get the movie's weirdest cameo apostle poly is on television. Yes. The character that we saw earlier. Eli, would you care to tell everybody who voiced apostle poly? Why it would be former governor of Arkansas Mike Huckabee. Mike fucking Huckabee. Huckabee might fucking a Huckabee. Jesus, it's like he didn't want Ted Cruz to get the most superfluous gam cameo

by a Republican politician in 2023 title. Or something like that. Jesus. But yeah, so that's on TV. Meanwhile, Nick is going out to steal some more toys. And this is so fucking stupid. He's putting his bandana over his face on his way out of the house. That's not how disguising yourself works. You don't, like,

if you're gonna rob a fucking bag, you don't leave the house in your bank robber mask. You're just riding the bus with painty hose over your face. Jesus Christ. over your face. Jesus Christ. So he gets to the warehouse. He tries to correct me if I'm wrong, guys. He tries to fuck the door open to the warehouse. He does try to open for a second. Yeah. That doesn't work. Surprisingly. Yeah. Yeah. So he tries it for a solid minute. It's long enough to finish. Yeah. I was going to say the first 30 seconds is to try and get the dollar open. The second 30 seconds is just for him. Yeah. Yeah. So, but then he Googles Charlie Daniels birthday and that's the code, I guess. Yeah, he gets in in one. You know, a lot of movies, different movies would set up some tension there, but no, he gets it the very

first try. It's okay, Scramma, you know. As a weak heart. Get the palpitations. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, so that kindness is spits. So yeah, so he, I guess goes in there and steals a bunch of toys. That happens off camera. We next cut to him sneaking up to that place that Lisa volunteers with all the poor kids.

So he can drop off his bounty of stolen, Mason Stone action figures. Right. But she catches him and she's like, why are you wearing a mask? And he's like, fresh air and she's like, fresh air with a mask. Get it? Masks are hard to breathe in. Is the joke that they set up this entire sequence for? Yes. Although in fairness to Lisa, right? She did very well to recognize him in a mask, because he's got a mask, he's got big shades and a massive hat on. Like she recognized him from his cheeks and the bridge of his nose alone. That's an impressive, in the dark. She's like, she's

some sort of savante for this. It's amazing. Well, she saw him from behind for some, maybe she just recognized dead ass, but yeah, runs in the family, sure. Yeah. It was one of those two things. Yeah. But so, but she's like, you know, you better not be getting into trouble. He's like, I'm not, I'm not, I didn't just commit theft. If that's what you're asking, literal breaking and entering.

That's literally what he just did. And now he's the hero of this film. Yeah. So, so she goes to walk in. She sees that there's this big pilot donations, you know, waiting outside and she turns around to see if he'd stun it, but he's Batman Dewey in the in the interim, I guess. Anyway, so then we cut to the news to catch us up on the plot again. It's not at all lazy writing, right? Jim Brewer is literally rotting off of his skeleton at this point.

Like if one of his eyeballs rolled out of his skull across the table, it would be less horrific than his physical condition at this point in the films. So and then in this, I guess in this news segment, the other anchor, the non-Jim Brewer anchor has caught up with Mason Stone to ask what he thinks about Jingle Smith. Please know the damned, the damned. Yeah. We finally get to hear from Mason Stone, who arrives late after this massive buildup. Like he's fucking awesome wells in the third man, rather than just a yelling wrestler,

which is all he actually is here. Yeah. Right. Yeah, but he's all for Jingle smells. For a minute, the movie's like, hey, what if this movie was a love story between Mason Stone and news anchor two? And it's like, never mind. No, no, that's stupid. As soon as I said it, I heard it.

I heard it. And then Victoria Jackson comes out and does her angry liberal bit again. Yeah. And she doesn't have jokes, so she just screams the whole time. God, it's just, it's so rough. It's so rough because like, there's a funny person in there, so you know she recognized at some point in her life funny.

Right. Yeah, and it's just been beaten out of her by her Republican. Right. Or you just, or like, now she has to work within the framework of like, what, you can't do anything. We don't like. So she's just like, yeah, right.

Is it also weird that they make her super Christian? The liberal character. Why is she the giant crucifix? I was very confused. Two crosses. Yeah, she's got two. She's got a little one and a big one. Yeah. Yeah. So she runs into the new studio to scream about how canceled Mason Stone is. They drag

her away and then we cut to fucking Amanda with the weather again. Yes. Amanda. Oh, she's in conflict now because she made a mistake on the weather. Oh, maybe Amanda's weather journey isn't going so well as we the audience that she is the protagonist of thoughts. Stay tuned, everybody. We and I can't, I cannot emphasize enough how nothing happens in these weather segments. They just keep going to her over and over again. And she's like, yep, it's going to snow on Christmas. God, you're missing so much.

You're missing. I feel bad for how much you're missing in this beautiful moment. It's my left foot, right? Maybe he's just in the chair, but it's all in her eyes, all in her eyes. So meanwhile, Nick is letting Michael do all the trash picking up work while he watches Hannity on his phone. Now, so what clearly happened with Sean Hannity is like, they got Hannity late, right? They already had the movie made to some

degree when he came in as an EP. And then he's like, and now I can do cameos and they're like, you bet you can. And then to find places to put him. Mm hmm. Yes, but that just, that just then makes their whole thing look completely ridiculous because this is a complete non-story, but Hannity has covered it twice now essentially. And the thing is this is exactly what Hannity and Fox would cover because even this movie, this is a completely meaningless non-story that we've only seen right wing news outlets covering. We haven't seen any liberal outrage. We've only seen the right wing news outlets covering it And they're still you know like this is your movie and you're showing that you're the ones who make all the noise about this thing

You've never once actually saw in other than like one clip other people actually protesting about it right no interesting Yeah, so yeah, so they're and just then Silas Runs up. He's got he wants to talk to Nick. He's got a sent emergency every time this child reappears in the movie. I'm like, fuck, I forgot it. This movie is like having a concussion, right? Like the first time you get a concussion, you're like, what's wrong with me? And someone has to be like, this is what a concussion feels like. That's what watching this movie feels like. The concussion of comedy. Yeah. No, I got it. Yeah. Yeah.

I know. Actually, thinking about this, I got it. Yeah. Yeah. I know actually thinking about this. I feel like you guys making me watch Ladybullars and then this in the same weekend is kind of in violation of the NFL's concussion policy. Yeah. Two in three days. Yeah. Yeah. So, okay. But Silas is there to tell him that all the poor sick kids in the hospital aren't going to get to have Christmas this year because there's a great big storm coming. The one Amanda warned us about and Santa, the guy who normally does Santa isn't going to be able to make it. So, uh, Silas needs Nick to talk to Santa and make sure it goes off without a hitch, right?

Now, let me be clear, just to jump forward slightly. He will not show up and be Santa for these children. No, he's just gonna present them with more stolen toys. So even the setup of complete nonsense and convenience for this movie to continue does not pan out the way the movie asked it to. No, no, exactly. So, and of course, during this conversation, Michael over here is a bit

and realizes that Nick has been jingle smells all along, which, which a fucking course he has, because he knows is insanely obvious. And he gave, like the first person he jingles smell the toy to was Michael. Right. But that doesn't stop the guy who plays Michael from delivering a completely out of place Oscar worthy performance in this scene. He was fucking baffling. You hurt me. You hurt me.

Deep man. It's baffled. The the seriousness and the hurt that is displayed in this scene is second only to the PTSD monologue we're about to be treated to later. Yes. But what did Michael think was happening? Because as far as we're aware as well, they've never been to the landfill. Like at any point.

So they loaded the toys up into the van and then the van then the toys vanished. And he's like, well, I guess that's how this works. So the garbage truck is a portal that you throw things into and they zoop to another dimension. No, no, no, no, no, and then all the garbage is gone. Yeah, but but Mike gives him a stern talking to about how he needs to take pride in being a garbage man. And he's like, you know what, you need my lucky parrot more than I do. So he tries to hand him a POSSILE POLLY. And Nick lashes out and a POSSILE POLLY is broken in the melee. Of all the things I thought this movie would expect me to have stakes in. The parent action figure voiced by Mike Huckabee was not the one I would have put my money on.

So yeah, so Nick, of course, it's this late in the movie Nick runs into a church to ask God what he should do. That's right, mother fuckers. This is a Christian movie. Damn straight it is. And so I wrote, okay, Rutschurch was all this tale he was promised. This is called the wall to wall with a tract of wisdom. He was promised that. Yes, Dad said.

Yeah. Oh, it's coming, Marsh. It's coming. But instead they have stained glass window Jesus who looks like he's paint by numbers. It's the lowest quality stained glass would I've ever seeing. It's weird to say these are some sad ass stained glass windows, but these are some sad ass

stained glass windows. Yeah, so he goes in and he starts to pray out loud in an echoey room because it's a Christian movie and he's forgotten how to pray, right? And he's like, oh, I forgot to do this. Just that voice comes from behind him. It's the guitar guy that was mimeing guitar playing in the background this whole time. He's also in church.

Ah, you didn't think he would be into the movie, did you? Jesus. And Noah, by this point, had you realize that the guitar guy has a very small white beard, like a very, very small, but definitely white beard because that will suddenly become apparently incredibly important.

Well, so we see that the church is empty when Nick walks in. Nick walks in. He sits down. He starts talking and this guy just appears behind him and I wrote my notes. Is he a ghost? Is he an angel? Is he dot, dot, dot, santa Claus? So I don't know who the fuck this guy is.

He's got to be like a singer or something or whatever because like he cannot deliver lines without gyrating. He looks so weirdly uncomfortable to be there. Right. Right. Well, to be fair, maybe he's aware that Nick is about to start monologuing about the friends he lost in Afghanistan in a scene, which as Mars just teased will end with I'm Santa. Like imagine being the actor sitting in that bench and doing the place you need to get to emotionally is I'm Santa, but the place you need to be at now is you're listening to an Afghanistan war veteran talk about the light fading from his friends.

I just. Oh, that's a bummer. Yeah. Maybe you should have gone to community college. You know what? Not the time. Not the time. That was on Santa.

That's on me. Yeah. But he's he gives this weird just incredibly out of nowhere monologue about the horrors of war. And then the other guy's just like anyway anyway. Literally children appear and they're like, where elves are something man? I don't fucking know. Weirdest fucking thing. Yeah. So the children appear, the first ones are simultaneously speaking twins. Oh, yeah. Then is there the second elf who's really going to lay it out for us?

Cause John Schneider was like, two subtle people won't get it. Yeah, right. Right. Is the second little boy wearing a Yamaka or had I entered a few extended? No, I thought that and I didn't write because I thought I'd imagined it. Because you're afraid of the liberal. Yeah. I'm afraid you're going to get canceled.

I thought I'll leave that for Eli to point out. Eli did not notice the Yamaha. Yeah. So no, it doesn't see race. No, no, no, I can't see Jews. So yeah, so, but we established that, you know, he lost a lot of good men in the war. Santa sure is sorry, there's also this incredibly lazy moment where Santa's like, you know, like take, for example, this jingle smells guy on the news and I'm like, oh my God, is this

movie a now unanalogy for itself? Jesus. But yeah, then the elves show up and they're like, Hey, Santa, we got to go and it's like, Hey, Santa, wait a minute. And then he turns around and everyone has disappeared. There's one of the stupid line in this where Santa says, well, the thing is Nick Gutman. And it makes me, how do you know my name? It's like, you live in the same small town. Your dad is the chief of police. And you drink the same coffee shop all the fucking time. Of course

he knows who you are. Yeah. But no, it's because he's Santa, obviously. Yeah. So and then Nick goes to the church's office because like in case this is all still somehow to settle, we literally had an elf come in and accidentally call him Santa, but the movie still has to have yet another scene to make sure that that's drilled down for you, right? So he goes to the church office to ask if there's a Nick clause that works there or whatever. Right. Yeah. And was the point of this scene just to show that this pastor has the straw has broken and he's going to kill himself tonight because that's what I got from this. That is what you should have gotten from this. Yeah. This is an act one where you see the guy do this. And then later he learns that

that guy hung himself in the factory and he's supposed to change his life and turn. I assume it will find out about that in jingle smells too. Right. Coming to rumble near you. Yeah. So the way the scene plays out, he walks in and he goes, Hey, I was just talking to your janitor and the guys like, Oh, the janitor died 50 years ago this very night or whatever. And then I had, I had exactly the same thing. There hasn't been a janitor around here. A 60.

Yeah. But then he's like, hey, man, you know, he's like, are you okay? And he's like, I'm, I'm just fine. He's like, do you want to stay here at my church? And he's like, no, man, that's a weird thing to ask. He's like, we got a pool table and a ping-pong table. He's like, no, I don't want to do that. He's like, it would just be you and me hanging out. Get with pasta broski. Come on. Couple of guys. And then he leaves. He's like, let's see on Easter. What the hell was going

on? Coming in eyes, let's me look at YouTube videos of kids at the beach. I'm just going to say it. Oh, he's not. I need them to block that, but they don't for me. The thing is as well, like he tells the pastor, I would, but I've got to go often, like commit a crime, basically, and the past year shrugs, but like, yeah, to be fair, he could announce he was just off to go and fuck those kids and the pastor still wouldn't report him. So he was on safe ground. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's

in convention. We wouldn't even have to. Yeah. Table. So then we cut over to the hospital. So and now he's going to sneak into the hospital with a trash bag full of stolen toys. Yes. He makes his way down the corridor like he's captain Zeta Jones avoiding lesbian. You're right. Exactly. Yes. Exactly. But you die from the same amount of sex appeal. Yeah. Yes. Clearly, well, that ass, you know, one more time. I have to point this out, they have him sneak for a much longer time than is necessary

because they have a bunch of funny things to get announced over the PA at a hospital. Yeah. And everyone very clearly wanted a turn, right? It was like, Dr. Smelly Boots, Dr. Smelly Boots. And they were like, okay, okay, we need to do at least 73 more of those for what feels like at least an hour and a half. Yes, and the first one it starts with,

the following announcement is for Petiva Children's Hospital. Like, yeah, well, who else would it be for the building you're in? You're the high. You're announcing into it. It couldn't be for anybody else. Well, maybe that's the movie is so fucking dumb or has such a low opinion of its audience that it's like we should probably establish

this as the hospital that he's in. You're all in a hospital. Okay, no, you're still in to the fun jokes. And of course, because they're trying to like get all of their silly little announcements out, this poor guy has to spend like three minutes on camera finding funny ways to sneak. That doesn't go great, but he's also sneaking with a massive plastic bag that he throws around and it would be so loud as he's thinking it would be the loudest like crinkling noise as he's like trying to tip toe down the corridor. Right.

Right. So yeah, so he's about to go in, but then dad catches him and he's like, how did you catch me? And they're like, well, let us let us grind the whole movie to a halt once again. And remind you about the location services being turned on on everybody's phone. John Shader absolutely learned about location services right before this movie. And he was like, I got some shit to say, okay, if you're a spot for me, I'll talk about this. Yeah. And, and of course, dad knows that he's jingle smells. Lisa told on him. She narked after she saw him at the thing, right? Right. And he says, those toys that you're giving away

are those stolen. He goes, they're not stolen. I'm like, yes, they are though. They're absolutely stolen. You're no longer throwing them away. You those are the trash. You broke into the warehouse to get those. Those are all the way stolen. 100%. Yeah. And of course, dad explains that he's a big trouble. Every cop in town has orders to arrest jingles smells on site. Yeah, they put on APB on jingles smells.

Yeah. Uh, but he's like, okay, well, you need to, you know, I need to arrest you, but go ahead and, and Santa, shut up first. Go ahead and give the sick kids their toys. Five more minutes of crimes, right? Two or five more minutes. Five more minutes left to play. And I really hope he uses those five minutes to murder someone.

He said, you can do what I wanted. Yes, the punch for the next four and a half minutes. I fucked three of those kids in there. I don't know if that was cool, but you said five minutes of crimes. So yeah, so he goes in and he goes to give the kids all their toys and they're like, thank you, Santa. He doesn't look anything like Santa. He's not jolly. He's not fat. He doesn't have a white beard or anything. But they're all like, thank you, Santa.

Just a grubby guy in Eli Sweater. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're very close to death. They have, and they're not really sure they're on hospice drugs. They've said, thank you, Santa, to everyone that's walking the roof of the night. Yeah, he's like, he's like, I'm not Santa. I'm jingle smells. And they're like, we've been practicing a song just in case you showed up. And they sing the jingle bells, but with jingle smells lyrics. Look, I'm not a dying child, but if I were and my coterie, requested me to verse jingle smells just in case he showed up, I think I'd turn them down. I think I'd spend my last moments doing other stuff. I'm be like, you know what, I'm just going to go ahead and die now, actually.

I'm just like, I'm going to give up. I'd go to a Charlie Daniels concert instead. I'm saying it. Yes, I'm not a reverse make a wish. It's like all these dying kids have got to get to go, got to come together to make his wish come true. Right. Yeah, yeah, exactly. But yeah, so he gives all the kids the toys. He goes back out and all of the cops, the entire city police forces waiting there for him. It's three cops, but still it's a lot of cops. He's under arrest. He's under arrest is the important thing. And John Schneider is like, don't worry, I'll

head down to the station. I know somebody who's a lawyer and the cops, it's arresting him says, we're not taking him straight to the station. Yeah. What? Which means they're going to beat him to death. Like in real life, that's what that means, right? Yeah. Which he delivers it with a such a sexual tone as well, which I assume that's just her thing. Beating suspects of death is just her thing.

Might must be it. Yeah. But yeah, instead of taking them to jail, they take them to the warehouse where Eric Roberts is waiting, which you know, you're allowed to, when someone crimes you, you can actually, they give you a box to check. Do you want us to bring this criminal to the police station or to your house for a confrontation? For a monologue, yes. Okay.

I want to talk about this warehouse scene and the thing that I want to talk about the most is why Eric Roberts is on a stereo elevator. It doesn't make any sense in the film. It's like he's like, I want to be like way above everyone else because you guys are all beneath me as actors. I think and he's, I think he's green screened onto a stair elevator. So I think they shot the scene and they were like, guys, Eric's really on steady on his feet. Like he's swaying back and forth and they were like, put him on a balance beam. No, no, I've got it. He will just say he was on a stare elevator the

whole time. I sure, yeah, we'll go there. I honestly, because I was surprised they got him into a second room, because everything else from him had been in that same place. I'm like, oh, they got him in two sets of maybe they didn't. Yeah, maybe that's right. They creeped him into that room because you refuse to leave the other room. He was like, I'm not leaving this room until I fucked this sandwich. And they were like, okay, if you bring a stair elevator up to the window,

will you walk out onto it and he's like, maybe, friends are how good a fucker I am with this sandwich. Yeah. I was in bad men. So I love even at a 1.1, the character Nick, he says, why would the cops take me here instead of to jail? And somebody says, don't even ask about it. Our writers don't know.

Yeah. Yeah. Which is where, but why it is the entire place, false cropped is a very valid question at this point. That's an important one that they should be asking. Sure. So, but the lawyer, the Bustonian lawyer explains how they need to throw Nick and jail for for life, apparently, so that

they won't get canceled because of the Mason stone toys, right? Just then John Schneider bursts in and asks for leniency. So they decide that ultimately Eric Roberts decides that he'll drop the charges if Nick makes a public apology that says that cash bro had nothing to do with it. Which is true. It's that's just the truth. Why would you not apologize for stealing someone's property? He should.

I do. But he's like, no, on principle, I say no. What principle? I tell my question. What is the principle that he stands on? Finders keepers. Exactly. The thin blue line we're standing on for this movie. Yeah, no fucking clue, but he refuses to read their statement.

So cash pro is going to press charges. But just then the whole town shows up to defend Jingle smells, including the elves from the earlier scene. Yes. From the earlier scene. Yes. How did they hear about this? Did the police like announce it on the way? Like, are they all on the take? Are they all being paid to the Royal Court?

And so I'm like, corrupt police officers, what's up? Group like, why are they there? Yeah. So and of course, among the people that shows up is Lisa, the woman that John Schneider stating, and she says, you can't arrest him now. It would be a PR nightmare. To which the bestonian lawyer says he broke the law, Lisa, which implies that they know each other. Yeah, I don't know.

I have no idea why they know each other at all. It's incredible. But the fact that she's saying, like, oh, it'll be PR nightmare. She even says, like, we'll call up all the toy shops. Do you think the toy shops will want to stock the toys of the company that arrested Jingle smells? Oh, so you're going to arrange some sort of like product boycott based on the behavior of the culture in your film against it. Yes. Perhaps a ceasing of your support, some kind of cut off. Yeah. Yeah. There's also this amazing moment where while she's trying to convince him where she says Hollywood is an important and drunk Eric Roberts goes, yeah. You're right.

It's just very clearly Eric Roberts justifying his own existence. Like there's a loaded gun that's staying in his back pocket because of the way he's delivering this line. So yeah, so then Eric Roberts changes his mind and everybody breaks out into a rousing chorus of jingle smells again. Right. And then they all fight the lawyer. Oh, that's right. It's turned up. Yes. It's just randomly turns up wearing the jacket from thriller as well. He's wearing Michael Jackson jacket from thriller. And yeah, then they chase and fight the lawyer for some reason. Yeah, him and him and pop frog, who is also suddenly there because it's the end of the movie and it's a very, very small planet. Everyone's always very close together. So then, okay, so then all the named characters

get in a line to start feeding food to poor people apparently. Just a just a fucking pop up soup kitchen. I guess. Yeah, but this is this is where we get the most mysterious line in the film. And this is this is all I want to talk about. I don't care how long it takes. I don't care how long the episode goes. I don't care if we don't make any other content for the rest of our lives. The supervisor guy from earlier in the movie, remember him?

No, you don't, because he was so unimportant we didn't talk about him. A child is walking through the line of this pop-up soup kitchen and says, Jingle smells got me a spaceman to which the supervisor replies, I used to be a spaceman. What?

What? What does that mean? What the fuck? Why? What does that mean? What the fuck? Why? What could it possibly mean? I looked up this actor's IMDB. I was thinking, like, did they give a NASA astronaut

to do this movie? Like, what? Fuckin' happened. See, I thought it was Mason Stone making a reference to an acting gig that he had in this movie's universe. But yeah, maybe I guess I wasn't paying enough attention. I thought it might be a drugs thing.

And I was worried that it was like one of the only black characters in that. And so they were like, oh, okay. So there's like a reformed drugs kind of thing. I don't know. If anyone watches these along with us and you know, please write in. I don't usually ask for clarifications, but I need to, this is kept me up at night. I have, no, I've been, I've been moving about my day in life and been like, I used to be a space, was he in space, jam?

Like, I just, it really bothered me. All right. Well, yeah, well, hopefully we'll be able to figure that out for you for the holidays. I know it's not fun. I know. I've dragged our company podcast all for this, but I need this information. No illusions. I need it. I, it's not fun. I know I've dragged our company podcast for this, but I need this information, no illusions. I need it. It's just fastening. It's absolutely important to me. But yeah, but for reasons unknown, they suddenly are a soup kitchen as well. So all

in all of the kids are gathering together to get food and the police, defeating the police as well. This isn't like a soup kitchen for the homeless. It's just a soup kitchen for like people who were peckish. Oh, you're so awesome. People who happen to be there. Everyone knows Cubs get dibs at all the soup kitchens in the town they live in. Are you sure?

But yeah, and then dad turns to him. He says, you know, we were talking earlier, but how you didn't have any purpose or direction in your life. Well, maybe this is your purpose. to steal toys from a very specific opportunity. And then give them a way slash sell them for your own game and almost go to jail, but not quite. Yeah. I know he's like, yeah, it's act three now.

And now I'm proud of you. I guess. And then quite suddenly and without explanation, we're at a concert. There's a concert that breaks out right next to their soup kitchen. Yeah. Mason, so it's so stupid, Mason Stone even shows up and he's like, surprise, I brought a band and we're like,

to the warehouse, did no one see the band setting up? That's you can't surprise band to someone. Well, you say that, Noah, but what you've got to remember is business in the front, party in the back. Oh, well, you say that no, but what you've got to remember is business in the front, party in the back. Oh, well, and that explains it. Yeah. Okay.

Now, I have a question. The movie very clearly was like, you know this guy, but I was pretty sure it was Jimmy Savile. Was it Jim? Was it famous pedophile? And I believe dead person Jimmy Savile. Well, he was more canceled than Jimmy Savile. Oh, he's not going to give any more to.

He can't even breathe anymore. That's how bad cancel culture. Yeah. Game for a Mard innocent till proven guilty. That's the whole thing. Never found never convicted. Never got a trial. Never got a trial. Innocent till proven guilty. Michael Marshall about Jimmy Savile to make that meme Get it out there on the inner webs

Jimmy Savile truth or dot com So yes, so this band sings jingle bells and just in case you just can't get enough of it Then they sing the jingle smells song as well. Yeah, no fucking kidding. We get one last call back to Victoria Jackson, who is actually secretly in love with Mason Stone the whole time and wants to fuck the shit out of him. So she's holding an anti-Mason stone sign. He walks up to her and like, pats his forearm at her, at an angle, at which point she comes

over and hoax him. I can't make this any clearer than the movie does. That is the sequence of events. And I don't understand how that interaction is meant to go. Is he showing off his biceps? I get. He's like, look at these guns. Don't you want to get with me?

And she's like, yep, I do want to get with you. Yeah. So apparently they, the, the, the, all of these liberals that are going on about cancel culture just need it fucked out of them. Is, is it? Yeah. And they just want to fuck fucking Jimmy Saddle. All right.

And then we check in with the news one last time because damn if we're just not going to squeeze every penny out of that set. Yeah. Right. They, they let us know that Mason is, uh, Stone is going to star in a new jingle smell because damn, if we're just not gonna squeeze every penny out of that set, right? They let us know that Mason is, Stone is gonna star in a new Jingle smells movie. So the conclusion of this movie is that this movie is gonna make a movie about itself. Yeah, and Amanda quits. Yes. Amanda the news person, huh?

I get it. We checked in with her one last time and it turns out she was wrong about the weather the whole time. Classic Amanda. Am I right? Through the protagonist of this movie. Yeah. So and then we we cut back to the concert.

We learned that cash pro is moving their distribution to this little town, which is the only town on the planet. So that makes fucking sense. Obviously, the time mancers. Was it not already there? He was there. Every day, but his cash roll, he was already there. Well, everything happens in Petita. The warehouse is there.

Why would they have all their stuff warehouse if that's not where their distribution is? You don't have warehousing in one state and distribution in not there. Can you distribute to your warehouse or distribute from your warehouse to the distribution center? Yeah. So, yeah. But then Sean Hannity cuts in to explain the plot to us in case there's anything we didn't

get. He explains that jingle smells is a hero for standing up to cancel culture. And then he dedicates that episode of Hannity to jingle smells and all the other veterans that put their life online. And the troops. And the true America. And the troops.

Look, I want to be very clear. I've never understood what people feel or get out of the end of the troops moment, but surely it's not this. Surely, surely not even this audience, the intended audience of this movie was like, fuck yeah! It's the boot in your ass, it's the American way, like the what? There's no amount of jingoism that you would be like,

nice, I like that part at the end, we're shunning, you also dedicate the fictional character. Oh, real fucking true. Yeah, so that's the thing is you've got to show like deference and respect to the troops and the way you do that is to put them in the same sentence as Jingle smells about a God, which one who smells a bit. Yes. So yeah, and then of course we were not quite out of the woods yet. We have Jingle Smells going to work. Apparently he's writing the movie for Jingle Smells, which is weird

because there was already a preview for it in the last scene. But he's writing it. But all the money he's making right in that script isn't enough to convince him to give up his awesome job as a garbage man. As we establish, he does it because he wants to give back to the community. Garbage people, garbage collectors, don't do it for the money. Yes, they do. It's just a job. It's fine. It's a happy fine job. It's not like a fucking community position where you go around and just try and like bring a little, it's not an elected position. No. God, I wish it were elected. God, I wish it were elected. But involuntarily like, we're not going to nominate the we get the size in your, like, I just got the Trump flags.

You can just all be like, yep, no, you're the garbage can. And again, this year, man. So, but yeah. And then so he gets in the garbage truck to go back to work as a garbage man. And he gives Uncle Michael, the apostle, Paul, he's fixed that he super glued it back together. Oh, thank God for that. I'm so glad that's resolved. I will give you a million. All of my notes are, oh my God, end the movie and the fucking movie. The movie is over and then the credits appear.

Yes. Finally, at long last, like we're getting out of a fucking prison sentence, we get out of the movie. So that, I guess, is going to do it for our review of Jinguist Mills, but that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to make this same mistake again next year. So Eli, tell us, what's on deck? Well, Noah, once a year, a very special time of year, I can no longer come up with Christian New Year's Eve movies. So we'll be watching Fire Maintenance from outer space. Okay. I get one. I get one a year.

Yeah. Nope. You're using it early this year, I guess. So that's a look forward to. We're going to bring up some 436 to a merciful clothes once again. Huge thanks to Mars for helping us out today. Be sure to check out my on skeptics with the K and be reasonable, which we'll find linked on the show notes.

Also, perhaps he'd been a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors that helped me the show go. If you'd like to kind of show them on their ranks, you can make a prep episode donation of patreon.com slash god awful and thereby earn early access to an ad for version of our episode You can also help us a ton by leaving a five star review and by sharing the channel on your various social media platforms And if you enjoyed this show be sure to check out our sibling shows the skating a the hesitation to the dnd minus and the scapegoat Available wherever podcast live if you have questions comments or send us your suggestions You can get them out of our movies at gmail.com Tim represents takes care of our social media our theme song is written and performed by rice

Slotting for the drafts on Mars. All the other music was written and performed by our audio engineer Morgan Clark and was used with Prussian. Thanks again for giving us a check out life this week. For Heath and right, Neelai Bosnick, I'm Noelusians, from his Newark Harder, earned another check next week. Until then, we'll leave you with a breakfast club close. Nick Goodman went on to tweet the N word

and was due to the elected governor of New Mexico. Mm-hmm. The child elf slaves rose up against Santa and ultimately seized the means of production. Pop Frog got a strong talking to from Peter Dinklage. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstrome LLC Copyright 2023 all rights reserved. Yes, that's gotta be the wings. Wings, nice! Where'd you order wings from?

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