God Awful Movies - 448: Strawinksy and the Mysterious House

Episode Date: March 19, 2024

This week, Cecil joins us for an atheist review of Strawinksy and the Mysterious House. And knowing full well what a strong statement this is, I'm gonna go ahead and tell you this might be the weirdest thing we've ever watched. --- Check out more from Cecil on Cognitive Dissonance, Lawful Assembly, and Season Liberally --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

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This is also where the fat shaming starts. Right? So the narrator comes up and it's like, and then they saw the glob go, glab, glab, which is a fat fucking piece of shit. That should be ashamed of itself. So glad the lab, the lab, fuck the narrator's wife, because it sounds like the glob go, glab, glab, fuck the narrator's wife. So mean. It's a fat shitty, ugly fucking grotesque body squirms like a piece of shit. It's so awful. So mean. Fucking grotesque body squirms like a fat piece of shit

Awful movie Welcome back to the gamecast where each week we sample another selection from Christian Cinema because apparently we can't help it. I'm your host, No Illusions. Heath is going to be unable to join us this week, but sitting 900 miles to my northeast is my bad friend Eli Bosnik. Eli, how are you this fine afternoon, sir? Ready for some high quality children's entertainment, Nella. Well, unfortunately, I do not have that on tap. Yeah, no, that's not today.

And that voice that you just heard, that is the co-host of Cognitive Dissonance, Citation Needed, and Lawful Assembly, as well as the host of Season Liberally, the cooking channel on YouTube, Cecil Something Italian. Cecil, welcome back, sir. Oh, thanks for having me, guys. Appreciate it. So tell us, Cecil, what will we be breaking down today? What will we be breaking down today? All right. So this week we watched Stravinsky and the Mysterious House, which should have been subtitled

Baby's First Book Burning. Sure is. Yeah. Sure is. Yeah. Lest the weirdness of the animation obscure the weirdness of the message. And Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you loved The Lion of Judah and The Pilgrim's Progress, the latter of which the

maker of this film actually says was an inspiration to him, but you missed the graphics of the day your Dreamcast killed itself in your bathtub, you will love this movie. Stop maligning the Dreamcast. Okay, so... Wait. I'm Team Dreamcast too, Noah. Just so you know. There we go. Team Dreamcast.

By the way, patrons, just so you know, I made a joke a little while back about where I implied that the Dreamcast had the dual CPU system. That was of course the Sega Saturn. I caught it before I sent it out on the regular feed, but the patrons may have heard that and I just want to apologize for any harm that that may have caused you. I get it, I get it.

I'm glad that you're coming out and owning it, Noah. That's what's important. You gotta be responsible to your listenership. You gotta use it. Yes, exactly, you gotta learn and grow with them, yeah. That's what the creator accountability network is for, is for these kind of things. Especially their first action was calling out Noah for the Dreamcast.

Right, right. Obviously. All right. So yes, but this is a one man animation that somehow looks like fewer people were involved in that. Is the brainchild of one David Hutter, and I have to read you the description that somebody, definitely David Hutter, wrote about him on fandom.com. And thanks to the friend of the show, Dan Beecher,

for bringing this to my attention. This is amazing. Quote, David Hunter is the director, producer, animator, editor, visionary, sound recorder, sound mixer, original song producer, voice actor, writer, screenplay writer, manager, actor, and distributor of Stravinsky and the Mysterious Housewives. It's a movie that we have not seen since motherfucking Birdemic.

The dude literally spelled the name of his own fucking movie wrong. It is Hagee, a graphical biography of himself. Brutal. Or maybe it was just one of his huge fans I could have been one of his huge fans. Yes that made that mistake. All right one day I will be called visionary one day. Yeah, you can call yourself visionary when I myself Yes, exactly myself. I will look forward you can be a nutritionist and a visionary just like that you just fucking Step up to the home you a pathetic practitioner. That's all you have to do So is there anything guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at?

So I would like to nominate it for best worst face sitting and let me explain myself So this is a children's movie. So in the children's movie the books are This is a children's movie. So in the children's movie, the books are faces. So they're entire, they have no body. They're just a head with a face. That's a book. And in order to consume these books, the glab-go-glab-glab, which you will learn about later,

sits on their faces and sucks himself into them. And it is, I have seen, it's the worst face-s sitting because I've seen much better face sitting in other children's movies. Yeah. Yeah. So I think this is definitely the worst face sitting I've ever seen. The fact that you said glob glob glob glob so casually just now. And got it right. I'm he nailed it. You didn't. But it's like I didn't. Yeah, no. It's like the mountain that Before this going

Yeah, well don't say it three times they'll appear behind Your face yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, it's like I got enough books to keep him distracted It's crazy. Yeah, it's like, I got enough books to keep him distracted. Jesus Christ. You read a lot of sci-fi, huh? A lot of Bill Bryson on this show. So yeah, no, I came real close to going with best worst fat shaming. We'll get to that.

Yeah, for sure. But I have to go with best worst walking. Because when it comes to animation, apparently walking is super hard, especially when some of your characters have four legs and some of them are supposed to hop and some of them slither and shit. And this guy just couldn't be bothered. No, no, I have dragged pictures to the trash on my desktop

with more smoothness than he animated the characters in this film. Which brings me to my best worst. Best worst, the guy who made this movie is 100% going to murder me. Look, podcast listener, when I die, and it will be soon, no matter what you hear, no matter how clearly the police declared an accident, there is no fucking shot the guy who made this movie is not going to hunt me down and peel me like

a tangerine. Okay? There's no shit. this podcast is a suicide attempt It should be the police should stop me from doing it They should knock the microphone from my hand and that guy in China who waits on that bridge should hug me and drive me away This guy is gonna show me each of my organs individually before I die and the risk We've never been more certain of anything. I won't survive a comedy bet. Me and Cecil are going to be spared because we pronounced Glab-Glo-Gab-Gleb correctly. Yeah, exactly.

That's how you do it. That's how you get past his riddle. It's being able to say, Glab-Glo-Glab-Gleb. We're just all in a saw room with a spike attached to our face. Say, Glab-Glo-Glab-Gleb. And Eli's like, Glab-Glo-Glab-Glap. say, glob go glob glob. We're just all in a saw room with a spike attached to our face. Say glob go glob glob. And Eli's like, glib glu glib glaba. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

All right, well, I don't know enough synonyms for horrifying to properly describe this animation, so we're going to take a quick break while I dust off my thesaurus, but we'll be back in a minute with all the anti-reading propaganda videos. Hell yeah. Stravinsky and the Mysterious House. And eight, nine, ten. Great workout. Seriously, great workout.

Hey, what you guys doing? We're getting in shape with Fitbod. Really? Why? Oh, we're pretty sure the guy who made this movie is going to hunt us down and murder us. Yeah, big time. Really? Why? Oh, we're pretty sure the guy who made this movie is gonna hunt us down and murder us. Yeah, big time. Guys, look, I don't think that-

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a custom fitness plan that works for you. Wow, that's cool, but guys, I was just gonna- Do we personally recommend it? I was using FitBot even before I started working on my health, but now that it knows my needs and priorities, every workout is made just for me. That's why I, no illusions, personally recommend FitBot. Look, guys, I'm just saying

oh you want to know where to sign up of course add fit bod to your workout essentials join fit bod today to get your personalized workout plan get 25% off your subscription or try the app free at fit bod dot me slash gam that's fit bod dot me slash gam so did we answer your questions no I was just gonna say you're probably never going to see him coming, so there's no point in getting in shape. Yeah, that's probably true. That makes sense. He's behind you right now.

Probably. Probably. Hello. Who are you and what are you doing in my room? You're Craig Mitchell of Amazon Prime Digital Services. Yeah, so? I brought you a gift. Is this a VHS?

For now. But you will put it on the internet. It's film. I made it. Based on a 1980s Christian audio drama. I'm calling the cops. You can't. I ate your phone.

I'm sorry, you ate it? Yep, I'm a bit like the Rat King myself. Anyways, you'll get that when you watch the movie. I don't have a VHS player. You do now. I bought one and I set it up while you were reading your daughter a bedtime story. Not one that praised the Lord, but I think your tune will change in time. So what do you say? Yeah, I'll put your movie on Amazon Prime and Craig

Yeah Don't go glob go blab blab lab on me You got it man. Thanks Craig. Thank you man. Thanks, Craig. Thank you. And we're back for the breakdown and we're going to start with a nauseous pan over some poorly animated bookshelves that ultimately resolves on a cheap knockoff of the Lord of the Rings map. Yeah. Yeah. That Lord of the Rings map. I love that the whole concept of this is going to be shitting on books,

but they steal all of their good ideas from other books. Right. Yeah. Right. Also, see, I love your first animation. Yeah. When we first saw the first animation come in, the first thought that popped into my head was you got to install microwave ovens. This animation is bad in a way that no animation has ever been bad before right because like when animation technology was bad enough to look this bad it couldn't look this good a bad growth like it doesn't it just it's in it's an amazing unique vision of horror and half-assed it's like sh like shabby, chic animation, you know? Yeah, okay.

It's somehow HD low res. I don't know how that's possible. Right. But it's sparkling at 1080p, these single polygons that are supposed to be animals. And I have to explain something, because this goes on throughout my notes, and I promise I won't revisit it a bunch,

but it's here at the beginning I was really confused. So when I looked at the website for this movie, he says that this is inspired by the Chronicles of Narnia. So I thought he meant like, it is actually inspired by the plot or the characters or the stories of Chronicles of Narnia. So I spent the entire movie being like, I don't remember any of this shit

from the Chronicles of Narnia, but there's a lot of books and that guy was an idiot and he does have Jesus in the last one, so maybe there's a glab glab glab glab and I just missed it, right? So like the thematicness of this world that he's created is so weird, right? So for instance, Stravinsky, the little mole person, he lives in a land ruled by the Elohim, right? Which is the Hebrew word for like God, right? But he lives in a place called Owlywood, and I feel like you really need to choose a tone between Owlywood and ruled by the Elohim. They can't coexist.

Yes. Thank you. Well, there's also like, there's also this weird amount of superfluous detail. So what I discovered at the end is this, this is based on some audio drama he used to listen to back in the eighties or whatever, which explains to some degree why there's all of this weird detail. Cause it says like, you know, Stravinsky went to the school of Eagle Owl Nicodemus in Owlywood. And I'm like, why does that sound like a compromise where we had to use everybody's name for the school?

Yeah. Right? He was a Civil War general actually. So then we had to rename it. We've got a statue for about him in Waycross actually. Now that I think about it. It's like when people are trying to rip off Harry Potter stuff, but they don't want to use into the IP.

So they're like here at Fart Ward School of Lizard and Squandery. Yeah. And then they also spend time too telling you that they live in a forest of elves, but we meet no elves. Yes. There's so much weird detail. So yeah, so we get this little opening narration that explains to us that Stravinsky and his friends lived and went to school or whatever.

And then we get the credits and over the credits, we just get random snippets of the movie. Yes. Yeah. You can always tell a quality movie. This is true with every single MST 3K movie where you get to watch most of the movie in the beginning credits. This is true with all bad movies.

And he follows this formula perfectly. Yeah. Yeah. So we're going to get these terrifying glimpses of the characters that we're gonna meet a cello a Flesh-turd I don't know how much heard yeah Endix yeah sure Scottish racism. I didn't think you could be racist against Scottish people, but you can Yeah, we have a good example. And then of course we also see a flash of the Scarlet Queen.

Yeah. The image that this creator no doubt jerks off to. Very sharp hands, very sharp. I do not think the creator of this movie has seen a woman before. That is my... Based on how he animated the Scarlet Queen, I think he has only heard of them from the Bible.

Right. Yeah. It's a bad description too, because her arms do not look like real arms. No. They look like, you look like she has Popeye forearms, and then they go to a very sharp point. Sharp point, yeah.

Sharp, sharp, yeah. Right, the hands are like hand buds. It's really epic. Edward Laundorn hands. Hand buds, exactly. It's really. Edward Laundorn hands. Hand buds, exactly. It's just so fucking, everything is so gross and weird in this, yeah. So, okay, so the credits wrap up.

We cut to Stravinsky and his friends heading home from school. And by the way, if I seem like I'm pronouncing Stravinsky like I'm forcing the pronunciation, it's spelled Stravinsky and I'm trying not to say that. So apologies for that. So Stravinsky's in his place. They're heading home from school when they find a forest.

Now, how the fuck do you find the forest on your way home from school? You would have known it was there, right? Sure. You feel like, yeah. You would think they would have seen it prior, but no, they definitely found it. This is the first day it appeared. Yeah. Yeah. So the cast of characters, by the way that we have, we have Stravinsky the Mole. We have Harold the Hedgehog. Klopp Stok the Tortoise and Elbow the Blue Rabbit.

Ah, the Google Translate really failed him on that one. I will say first off, let's talk. Can we talk about the figures themselves just for a second? one, huh? Yes. I will say, first off, let's talk, can we talk about the figures themselves? Just for a second. Oh yeah. Sure. So the, you know, this whole movie is a absolute terrifying bad trip. And so when you get a chance to see these characters, the most terrifying is Elbow the

Rabbit because it looks like the rabbit off Donnie Darko just colored differently. Yep, its eyes are super sunk into its head, and it looks really terrifying, and its rictus of a face never really changes. And then the way in which it moves is how Eli described earlier. So it's kind of frozen and then it just sort of moves as if someone is clicking and dragging it across the screen. It's terrifying. Yep. It's a physics based top that this fucking rabbit demon does. And on the note of a bad trip, because Noah said this in our private message,

and I think it's the best description of the experience of this movie. If you've had a bad acid trip, that's how this movie looks the whole time. Yes. Right. So if you've never had a bad acid trip before, one of the things that happens is you'll look at something and it looks weird and bad and you can't really describe it. Right. Now I can. It looks like Stravinsky in the mysterious house. That's how it looks weird and bad. It looks weird and bad like that. I will show people if they'll be like, Oh, I'm doing acid.

What's the worst I can expect. I'll show them this 30 minute children's cartoon on Amazon prime and they will not do it. That'll be way better, way more effective than Nancy Reagan ever was. Yeah. Yeah. No, the fucking, the thing about this animation is that like only the thing that needs to move moves, right? So like if something raises its arms, the rest of its body and face and everything are perfectly still the whole time. So yeah, every action that they take is terrible, but the rabbit is worse because everybody else is walking, right?

They're walking and there's just sort of like there's movement in the legs and they're moving along and we're used to seeing shit like that in video games and stuff. But the rabbit is hopping and only like the bottom of its feet are moving in the hops and just looks so bizarre. It's the hops. It just looks so bizarre. It's the worst. And there is something to be said about bad animation and your brain getting used to it, right? So like as time goes on when normally when you see bad animation, your brain will just be like, okay, well that's just how they're going to animate this. And you kind of forget about the mechanics of it. The mechanics change so often that you can't actually forget that

the animation is terrible. New and surprising. Yeah, because later, the rabbit's going to move totally differently when it goes up the stairs and you're like, what in the fuck is happening? It's like fucking when the lady's head turns backwards and she crawls like a crab in Exorcist. That's half this movie. Yes. That's how this movie is.

This movie is animated entirely in the uncanny valley. Yes, exactly. And just to make it worse, there's one song. Yes, there are musical numbers that is perfectly animated that like doesn't acknowledge the rest of the movie. It's fucking insane. We'll talk about it when it happens. OK, so so they go into this forest to check it out and they find a mysterious mansion and they all stand around going like, so so hey, should we go into the mysterious mansion

or what do you guys think? And they're like, yeah, I'm pretty sure that's the plot. It's in the name of the, it's Stravinsky and the mysterious house. We definitely don't leave. You guys want to break and honor? Yeah, let's break and honor. Yeah, let's break and honor.

We're animals in a children's cartoon. Let's absolutely break and honor. I do want to point out here that again, like this whole thing is filled with, so that audio drama is German. So it's filled with all these anachronisms from the translation, including when the hedgehog is like, let's go inside. The turtle says better not.

It might be enchanted. And I'm like, do you mean haunted? I don't think you mean enchanted. Well, so and the, but the narrator's like the four pushed through the gate and climbed the stairs. And it's like, well, yeah, because the animation is so bad, he didn't want us getting lost as to what was supposed to be happening here. To be fair, an accurate description would have been, I clicked on the gate, then I clicked on the stairs.

Animations hard. At first, the lair was behind them, but now it's in front of them. Yeah. So, so, but they're on their way into the mansion and Elbow the Rabbit trips over something in the ground and they decide to dig it up and find out what it is. I wrote my notes. Please be a body. Please be a body. Please be a body. The animation of them digging is insanity on mushrooms.

That was the weirdest it ever fucking got if you really paid attention to that. But yeah. All of the models turn horizontal, begin to levitate above the ground, and their arms just make up and down motions. And the ground like descends below them like like that game Populous on Super Nintendo. You know? Yes, exactly. Sorry, all my references, my references just get older and older as we go. Yeah, no, I get you're inspired by the animation of this movie. Yeah. Yeah. It's a real dig, dug situation. Right. Right. Yeah.

So they dig into the thing and they find that there's a bag of gold buried in the in the yard. And for his part, Harold, the hedgehog is like, well, I say we fucking keep it and dip the fuck out Right, right everyone right? He's like well if they buried it here, I'm sure they don't want They hit it in the garden. I'm sure they were just like fuck that gold. I just threw that shit out I am so sick of all this gold around the house. Do we have a hole somewhere that I could just Put it there and forget about it?

Can we stop just for a second though and acknowledge that the gold plot is the stupidest? Like the whole movie's stupid and most of it's actually actively anti-intellectual, but genuinely this gold plot makes no sense and is never resolved. Oh, I'll explain it to you and you'll love it. You're going to love it. Oh, thank God. Thank you so much. Thank you. Hopefully it's racist. Yeah. The only way the gold plot makes sense to me is if the Scarlet Queen is a terrible witch and abuser of animals and Stravinsky is just the only one who doesn't know about it. Stockholm syndrome. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

There you go. So yeah, but Stravinsky, he's a fucking narc and he's like, no, let's go inside and find out who owns the gold. Right. Let's just make sure that we carry it with us the whole time to the. The narrator's like, Harold was hoping to meet an elf. Elbow was scared of being attacked by a monster. I'm like, oh, I'm sure both of those things will be relevant at some point. Otherwise, why the fuck would you tell me them? Jesus fucking Christ. So, okay. So, but eventually they go in the house. And from this point on, this movie will have more Dutch angles than Battlefield Earth, right? To give us the sense that this is a creepy house. Every time we come to a new room, it's a Dutch angle.

And want to point out this opening room is the opening room from Resident Evil. It is. Same rendering. Same rendering as that room, that room, a double staircase on either side. Entryway in the front. It's perfect. I mean, it's genuinely perfect. Yep. Same rugs and everything. Same rugs. Yeah. Yeah. So but but they're like, oh this place is pretty creepy

As Stravinsky's like hey, let's go see if we can find some books, right? Right at which point the hedgehog turns to him I'm sorry cuz I'm gonna think about this line every day for the rest of my life He says let's go find some books and the hedgehog says it's a good thing. You're not little red riding hood That's it there's no follow-up. There's no explanation. He just says that. Well, he says that to Elbow because Elbow is scared, but I still don't know. I say because because it seems like there has to be some conjoining word between those two thoughts. Yeah, no, there's not. I don't like your implication of causality between those things. That's what I was going to say.

Yeah. So yeah. So they also, there's a moment here where Stravinsky turns around, but the animator couldn't figure out how to just do turn around. So he walks as he turns around. It looks like he's like been smoking crack and has to pee or somewhere. It's moonwalking. And Stravinsky, Stravinsky turns from a narc into the most boring thief in the history of mankind.

I mean, you just broke and entered into a house. You're like, where's the books? You already have the gold. You have a bag of gold? I mean, find something more gold. At least search for porn or something. What are you doing? Right.

Strzzynski's like, hey, let's check the basement first. And I'm like, that is a terrible creepy old house strategy. What the fuck are you thinking? We start at the creepiest place and then it'll be less creepy as we go. Yeah, right, right. What are you doing, man? It's okay.

So they all headed down to the basement and sure enough, the whole basement was filled with books. Now, in case you miss the fact that we're looking at a whole basement filled with books, the narrator comes in and says, they found a whole basement that was filled with books. I mean, to be fair, these are some blocky polygons. I also needed the help to realize I was looking at a basement full of books.

Well, that's the other thing. So the narrator will constantly be telling us what we're looking at. And again, that's because it's based on this audio drama, you know, and they wanted to like he wanted to keep the words from that or whatever, I guess, I guess. But it made no sense as we were fucking watching it So he's like wow that's a lot of books and then all of a sudden the books Awaken and they have terrifying little book faces. Yeah, Evil Dead Horrifying book faces not a single I know what you're picturing. It's not that it's a horrible horror

Bookface, it's the scariest Anthropomorphic book we've seen since salty right yeah It's a hundred percent out of Evil Dead. I mean like this is evil dad like it's the book Yeah, they all look like the comic yeah, the Necronomicon exactly yeah Yeah, you know better than that is just as glob go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go go It is just a glob go gab go gab. Yeah, you've got to get your Multi-syllable things down here. You like damn it. So yeah, but they write I wrote my notes this movie is scripting my nightmares for the next few weeks and then we get We get the first song now There are several songs and we're just gonna have to go through the lyrics of these things

Line by line because there's just too goddamn much here, right. Yeah. So the books start singing and the very first line is read us and you won't go mad. Yeah. I feel like if the first thing of talking inanimate object promises you is that you're not insane. It's too late. You know what I'm saying? Also, 100 percent out of Evil Dead at that point. Right. Yeah. 100 percent% right from the script. He goes, read us and you will be glad.

There's only so many rhymes for mad people. Come on, you gotta do something. Yeah, obviously. Read us and you will be skilled. Read us and become fulfilled. So, spoiler alert, the message of this movie is you only need one book and that's the Bible. But you can see how the author got there since he thinks books promise spiritual fulfillment in this song.

Right. Yeah. Yeah. I do think that the tenor of this movie, it really should have leaned into this and an obvious use of that last rhyme could have been killed instead of fulfilled. Like, oh, sure. Read us and you'll be killed. You know, but I don't know, they didn't lean into it as hard as they're not. I was expecting read us and you'll be killed you know but i don't know they didn't lean into it as i was expecting read us or you will be killed yeah i would but it didn't come and then we get the chorus which is come and read us read us read us read us read us read us read us read us read us read us read us yeah here i was thinking the lyrics might get lazy i was

god it was so bad. So bad. If it was parody, it would be lazy parody. And then this is my favorite part too, because right after this verse, a turtle, the turtle character, Kloppstock, starts to come down the stairs. So he starts working his way down the stairs.

But they've clearly only rendered the turtle from the top. Because its legs are sort of jammed onto the underside, like a bad teleporter accident. So it doesn't look like the shell and the legs belong together at all. Well, also, at the end of that fucking chorus, Harold goes, the books are singing and dancing in case nobody noticed. Yeah, we needed that. That was important. So we move on to verse two. fucking chorus Harold goes, the books are singing and dancing. In case nobody noticed.

Yeah, no, we needed that. That was important. So we move on to verse two, the books sing, read us and become very smart. Understand every will and part. These lyrics make my puns at the end of citation needed seem like a remembrance of things past. Every will and department. Like, look, will didn't even have to rhyme with anything you fucking idiots.

What the hell? It carries on, it goes, knowledge, wisdom and intellect, promise you can all expect. Not even trying to make sense anymore. The Jonah would be confused by that verb placement. And then we get the chorus again, come in, read us, read us, read us, read us, read us, read us, read us, read us, read us, read us, read us, read us, read us, and in case you didn't get it, we get it a second time. We get a reprise, come in, read us, read us, read us, how about read us and you'll have a greater ability to construct a sensible fucking quatrain. How about that? I really think they were going for, you know, let's try to make reading

sound really ominous. So we'll just say it really fast over and over like a spell. I think that's sort of what they were leaning into. Yeah. Yeah. No, I've never been more terrified of the idea of reading a fucking book. Sure. I'll give them that. Yeah.

So, okay. So that song ends and we all fucking sacrifice to the old gods in return. And then they noticed that there's this Scottish guy who's apparently just been standing between the shelves this whole time. Yeah. He's a Scottish troll. Yes. Yes. He is Gulbert Bibbercrawl, which is a fucking like an AI trying for a cutesy cartoon.

Right. Yeah. It's like, what if Douglas Adams named his character after a head injury? Okay. Goldberg, the book. It also Goldberg is racist against Scottish people. But like if you'd never met a Scottish person, it's guest racism. It's like, I don't know. I love to. He's like, well, I'm a troll as you can clearly see and I'm like but we can't see because you're just a guy you're just a Scottish dude nothing troll like about you. I mean maybe your facial hair leads into your regular hair might be a clue but that's the only thing we got yeah. Right well and then and the narrator comes in and says the troll looked very annoyed

and I'm like okay well yeah no that's the kind of nuance you're just gonna have to come out and tell us. He looked vacated to me. Also I've been to Edinburgh and did a meet and greet. That's how all Scottish people look. Okay. True. They have resting annoyed face.

Ken confirmed they are all as happy to see us as they were as Gilbert Gimbalball was to see these rabbits. For sure. So yeah, so he comes down the stairs. He has to jump down the steps because the animator doesn't have one leg at a time type skills and now he too is good. They're like, what kind of house is this? He's like, well, let me answer in song.

And we're like, Oh God damn it. But first he's got to do like a sexy dance. I guess it's really sexy. thrust. It's really sexy. Okay, think about how bad at animation this guy is. So think about how much time he spent sweating in front of his Windows 95 computer being like, it has to be sexier. People really need to understand Goldberg biblical the way I understand Goldberg biblical. So Goldberg sings to us. He says,

don't you know this lonesome place, the house that legend does embrace. It's always a good sign when you're sneaking a dozen to the second line to make it work. The home where here says spin its yarn and shape our way of life. Feel like he means being gay. He doesn't. He doesn't mean that. So to be clear, by the way, life is not gonna rhyme with like the fourth line of the next stanza or anything.

He just tried really hard to come up with a rhyme for yarn and then he gave up. So, okay. It goes on. Yes, the mysterious house revealed. Boundless is the magic here concealed. No, that number of syllables doesn't work better within the song.

Yeah. Secrets locked away the light, the mysterious, oh so serious house of fright. And this whole time, this weird circle of hair troll around his face is just pelvic thrusting an inch from the camera. Yeah. The entire time he is thrusting his hips forward, just doing this dance. Once in a while, there'll be a wiggle side to side, but that's really just to reorient, to thrust forward again.

It's just to loosen up the forward thrust. He goes on, he goes, "'The house in which the darkness reigns "'and evil thoughts it cultivates.'" He means books, people, what he's talking about are books. He does. And by the way, yes, listener, reigns and cultivates were meant to rhyme. Yep.

He goes on, dark arts, you'll learn, expand your mind by the powers you will find. Right. A reminder, the villain of this is not, they're not going to open the to Comic-Con, right? It's just... This is... Those books kind of look like they're not going to open. Well, yeah, they do.

Yeah, and then he goes on, Yes, this mysterious house revealed, boundless as the magic here concealed. Yes, its secrets are for the wise. Weird ad. Yeah, right? The mysterious and delirious House of Lies. And then we get that again, but at the end of it,

he says the mysterious, quite vagnerious house of lies I try to lose Vagnerious a word cuz I thought I don't think it's a word no it's not so he was going for Vagarious that's what I thought he was going for right which is just barely a fucking word like who the fuck that's a word you learn from Rhyme Zone while you were writing this song or searching for Vagnerious because that's what I found. So all right so yeah perhaps realizing how quickly the songs are coming at this point Stravinsky suggests that maybe him and his friends get the fuck out of there. Right yeah that's a good idea. But now Elbow the Rabbit, who's all nervous about coming in, is like, no, actually, I

want to learn the dark arts from these haunted grimoires. Did you hear that? Dark arts secrets, life's concealed. I'm getting in there. Yeah, yeah. But first, they give the troll the gold bag and he explains that he hid it in the garden because the scarlet queen gave it to him and He hasn't been able to multiply it. So he hid it so she doesn't find him and beat him. Yes this Podcast listener pay close attention. This will never pay off in any way whatsoever

It's fucking nuts. Right. So, okay, so this is from the Jesus's parable of the talents, right? The guy gives, the Lord of the house gives his three slaves each some gold and says multiply it. And the one slave makes a lot of money and one slave makes a little money. And the other one just buries it in the ground.

And that's who he is. He's the third slave in the parable of talents. Oh, I see. It's from a book of nonsense. Thank you. Yes. I would have never understood. Well, it's a German audio drama based on a book of nonsense.

I had no idea. No, thank you. Thank you. Yes. Yeah. Translated by a mentally ill PlayStation 1. I thought her beating him because he didn't make enough gold was just capitalism. I thought that's how this worked.

I think that's what the parable is about. Yeah. But yeah. So he's like, oh, you know, I bury that goal because I don't want the Scarlet Queen to find out I haven't multiplied it or she'll beat the crap out of me. And Stravinsky is like, what? The Scarlet Queen would never beat the crap out of you. Come on. Scarlet Queen's great. No, to be clear, in the parable, he is cast into hell for failing to, he is quote, cast

out into outer darkness where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth for failing to multiply the gold. And, rough times back then. Yeah, right. It's just a bunch of books sitting around and be like, should have fucking multiplied that gold. It's your fault, that's on you. Alright, well I'll tell you what.

Gobert the Scottish troll that is the third slave in the parable of talents is the least fucked up thing we are going to meet in this entire video. So we're going to pause and let you bask in this normal CY you still can. But we'll be to pause and let you bask in this normal see why you still can but we're back with a whole new level of insanity after the break.

Yeah, we will. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. There he is. Look at him. So jealous. Hey guys, what's up? Jealous of what? Your unemployment, Cecil. I bet you just spend all day relaxing, don't you? Just taking in the sun.

Surfing the web. Actually, guys, I started a whole other podcast, and I'm actually really a carefree life. We get it. Yeah, and we are jealous. So jealous. Guys, if you feel like you're not putting time into your priorities, have you tried therapy?

Therapy for priorities? Cecil, therapy therapy for priorities see so therapy is for people who go like we believe a little bit of stuff and that that's not us no no no it's for you to therapy can help you find what matters to you so you can do more of it and if you're thinking of starting therapy give better help a try it's entirely online designed to be convenient flexible and suited to your schedule just fill out a brief questionnaire and get mapped for the licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge.

So no awkward therapist breakups? Nope. Just click a button and they'll set you up with your next therapist. Learn to make time for what makes you happy with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com slash awful today and get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P dot com slash awful. All right, Cecil, thanks.

Man, you're looking so tan. A lot of time at the beach. Guys, I live in Chicago. Chicago Beach. Yep, sure. Greg? Jesus. It's the VHS movie guy again. How did you get in here?

Mail. What does that mean? Look, Craig, I've been thinking the light thoughts again. The light thoughts? Yeah, you know, the thoughts that are good and pure as opposed to the ones that sleep in darkness. Sure, sure. Anyway, I was thinking what this movie needs is musical numbers.

Look man, I already said I'd put your movie on Amazon. Don't worry, I've added them in and you can use this instead. Is this a Betamax? Yes. Would you like to hear one of the songs? Please, no. No. Scarlet Queen, tall and lean, never mean, eat my spleen. Do you have a jar of honey in your shirt pocket? Yes. Okay. And we're back for more of this shit.

We're going to rejoin our heroes in the basement library when suddenly that cello music starts up again. Right? And Stravinsky's like, Hey, we should go check that out. And Kloppstein's like, Look, man, animating all four of us walking around huge pain in the ass. I think some of us are going to become not animated anymore. We're going to get bars like statues.

So amazing. So amazing and probably a hundred percent true. Why don't you go off on your own and shit. By the way, the whole time, I have to point this out. Elbow the rabbit is standing with her arms outstretched like she's trying to air out an armpit stench this whole time. Yes. Like a zombie going brains.

Terrifying. I think that he like they just got stuck that way and he had no idea how he could freeze them where they were. Yeah. So yeah, so they send Stravinsky off to check out the cello sound. So he hops up the stairs with his feet together, walking upstairs is hard. And then we watch him like walk back through all the rooms we've already seen because the animator is like, fuck if I'm only going to get the one use out of the opening Resident Evil room.

Yeah, exactly. Four hours of Spider-Man movie maker. You guys are going to see these rooms a whole bunch of fucking times. I also, speaking of that, he goes, spiders had spun cobwebs in every corner. And I wrote my notes, by which I mean, you put two kind of sort of cobwebs in this scene. I have to point this out about the cobwebs because they're so cheaply done.

They're all flat, right? There's none of them are an angle. They're all like copied. Like he just rotated the same web a different way every time. And if you try to look at what they're attached to, it's downright Assyrian, right? One will be attached to the front leg, but the one behind it will be attached to the forward leg or something. And it's all just fucking nuts. It's the cheapest, laziest fucking shit. Think about how easy it would be to draw your own webs.

That's amazing. Think about how easy it would be to draw your own webs. That's amazing. Unreal. But yeah, so he eventually he comes into the dining room where he finds an anthropomorphic cello. Yeah. Oh, that cello. First off, this animation.

I don't know. It's a toss up for scariest animation. It's the cello or the books, but I'm thinking it's the cello because the cello has arms that don't make sense. So the arms don't belong, right? The cello is whole and then there's arms and the cello looks, it genuinely looks terrifying. It looks like a mad animated spoon. It is crazy and weird and a fever dream.

Yeah, it looks like he started to draw a cello and then the curvature of the cello was he was like, oh, no sin. Yes. And so you're like, try to not fuck that cello. But then then the sin gets reintroduced real fast here. Yes. Sure does. Right. Because he's like, well, who was playing you, cello? And it's like, I was masturbating.

And at first, I was making myself buzz. Yeah. We all thought we were making a joke about masturbation when it was like, oh, I was just playing with myself. We're like, oh, haha, masturbation. But I'm pretty sure this is an anti-masturbation thing, isn't it? No fucking shot. It's not an anti-masturbation thing, isn't it? No fucking shot. It's not an anti-masturbation thing.

He's like, oh yes, cello, you must never play yourself. And the cello is like, but it feels so good. It is. 100%. Oh man. This is also the first time we actually hear the word glob-glo-gab-galab in the movie, right? I thought, I was going to say like, you know, you, you, you, you, the,

the cello is sitting there and you're not sure if the cello is sitting on a symbiont or not. You're not quite sure. You're like kind of sure. You're like, is it? I don't know. I thought I heard a humming. There's a humming going on. And at a certain point there's a horsehair bow on the ground that she was just fiddling herself with and a horsehair bow on the ground that she was just fiddling herself with. And it's just laying on the ground. There might have been a couple of drops near it, I couldn't tell. And then as it's sitting there, he almost steps out.

She's like, don't step on my clit! Like really loudly. Really, very strange. Very strange moment. Yeah. Yeah, and he's like, hey, so I can't help but notice that there's the smell of tea around here. Who do you drink tea with? Like, what kind of fucking stupid question is that? Do you squirt tea?

She says, Oh yeah, me and the Scottish troll and the glob glow, glab, glab all drink tea together. So do you look forward to that? Yep. But just then he hears like a thousand voices cry out like Alderaan just Right, I guess it's that supposed to be the shouts of his friends asking for help But but it was very clearly just this guy going and then

stopping it and then Lining up the three tracks so it becomes an a coral like hell mare. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So yeah. So Stravinsky takes his leave of the cello. He runs down to the basement, but his friends are nowhere to be found.

Instead, he sees the nightmare I will have until I die. nightmare I will have until I die. There's nothing I can do, podcast listener, to describe the horror of the image of the glob go gab glob. I want you to imagine you were trying to go to jail, right? You have to go to jail in a Mr. Deeds goes to Washington situation, right? You're going to be at a billion dollars if you can sneak a character into this children's animation that will get you sent to jail for a considerable amount of time. What you would put into this is less offensive and disturbing than the gob go glab glab.

I had him down as a pink naked man Jabba, right? What a great description. That is so perfect. Yeah, if Jabba the Hutt, who's that guy with the dog, the British cartoon, where he's like, oh, it's me and my dog, and we go to the moon and have cheese. Do you know what I'm talking about?

If you don't know the British cartoon, then I'm not gonna know any of that. Okay, well, it is if Jabba the Hutt. I know who you're talking about. Is it a claymation? It's a claymation, right? I don't know the name of it, but I know job over here talking about it's a claimation. It's a claimation, right? I don't know the name of it, but I know what you're talking about It's if job of the hut had the man from that claymation growing out of the top of his head

That's what it is. It's so awful and terrible Also, this is where we get the we start Wallace and grommet. Okay. Yes. Thank you. Sorry. I had to look it up I looked up British dog claymation Nailed it and so this is also where the fat shaming starts, right? The narrator comes up and it's like and then they saw the glob go glab glab, which is a fat fucking piece of shit It should be a shame Glab glab fuck the narrator's wife? Because it sounds like the Globgoglabgolab fuck the narrator's wife.

It's so mean. A lot. The fat, shitty, ugly fucking grotesque body squirms like a fat piece of shit out of this. It's so awful. It's so mean. The tone of his narration changes, right? He goes from like, storybookbook storybook to this motherfucking Hits a pop filter with his mouth because of how hard he hates the glob good life. It's so mean

Brutal and then so yeah And then so he comes out of one book and then he waddles over and he sits this fuck It sits on another book space and we get Cecil's best words and get sucked back into the book Those fuck I'll tell you what those faces they are working overtime with that suckage too Let me tell you this is like you ever click on a porn and you're like, oh that's not for me But you can't click away You ever click on a porn and you're like, oh, that's not for me. This is what this experience is like. But you can't click away. And it's for children. If we turn on, you're like, whoa, that's poo.

And then you're like, no, no, no, no. And then you shut up real fast. Right. Like, no, I can't do that. Yeah. Right. But someone stops your hand and they're like, no, no, no, it's children's programming. No, no. So, yeah. So he blobs his way back out of that book. And he notices Stravinsky, right. So he's like, oh, hey, what he blobs his way back out of that book and he notices Stravinsky, right? So he's like, Oh, hey, what's up, little mole?

And the mole for his part doesn't just scream, right? Scream and scream and scream until his mouth fills with the blood from his shattered throat and his rendered eyes run down his cheeks. Yeah, no, he doesn't respond properly to the glob glab glab. So, yeah, so he watches all of this and he's like, so what the fuck are you? And the glob glab glab glab decides to tell us by singing us the third song. Right now, Eli watched this first and he transcribed all the lyrics so that we could make notes and I could read along the lyrics and everything.

So I get to this one and I just see Eli's notes say, fuck you, I'm not writing the lyrics to this. And I'm like, well, damn it Eli, I'll write the lyrics to this one. So I started to write it out and then I saw why. Yep. Sure fucking word. Yeah. So here's one of the lines as offered by the closed captioning, the shrubble wabble gabble flibby blobby blab For like two and a half fucking minutes imagine a flesh turd scatting that's basically And let me assure you podcast lester there is no doubt in my mind that no illusions was like I'll fucking transcribe these lyrics He lies a pussy and then he was like, you know what? No, I already had one heart attack. I don't know how long on this earth the recording's on Friday.

So I want to point out too that this song itself is a, it's an internet thing, right? So if you search for a glab go glablab, you will find remixes of this song that people have turned into techno and things. And I encourage you to do it, because it is actually really funny to see how somebody has reimagined this, you know, 1980s technology video. And it's very, very amazing. But this is an internet thing. This is one of those like, oh, it's a meme or whatever.

Yeah. No, it's it's legendarily bad. Yes. Yeah. And by the way, so this the nonsense word fucking song, he sings all of the lyrics twice. I'm like, you lazy motherfucker, you're making this shit up as you go. Make up two different shits. I don't know. Make up different scrabble bubbles.

You can say anything you want. They don't rhyme. They don't they don't match in meter It's scrabble gabble fuck. Oh, I'm a bugger. Fuck. Oh, I'm a bugger Right that right there. You just did the work that he was too lazy to do as part of the end of your joke Yeah, he also the only discernible English words in this song are, I am the yeast of the mind. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Of thoughts and mind. Yeah. What? Yeah. That's the line.

Yeah. He will later say, just like yeast passes on its flavor, which by the way is kind of what yeast does, but absolutely not what yeast does. Part of what yeast does. It's how it excretes and then it dies. Yeah, for sure. I'm not sure of a lot of things, but I am sure that the guy who single-handedly made

this movie thinks yeast is a spice. He said he was British. Side tracks. Mother, would you bring down another yeast packet? I'm afraid I'm feeling in need of a little more yeast on my lasagna tonight. Like that is the exact words he said before he murdered his family and wore them as hats. Oh, okay. So, but yeah, but so the the the Globgolg lab finishes his song and he's like, see the point of that was and I'm like, yeah, please tell me what the fucking point of double

wobble gabble flibby blobby lab was. He says the point is, is that I really love books. I just devour them. I don't actually eat them, though. I just consume their ideas. And Stravinsky says, well, you know, not all books are good for you. And we're like, done, done, done. Fucking what? Is this an anti book movie? Fuck yeah, it is. Fuckin' A, yes, it is.

The whole time, I'm just going like, please tell me this is an anti-book movie. It will be though. That is the fucking moral of the story. Yeah. Somewhere there is a Moms for Liberty fiddling her cello to this. Absolutely. No question.

A hundred percent. And I want to be even clearer that this is not like a, well, here are the books we think are dangerous, right? Don't show hardcore porn to your three-year-old. It is not like a, well, here are the books we think are dangerous, right? Don't show hardcore porn to your three year old. It is a position of, I'm not so sure about books as a concept. Yeah, you're exactly right. You're exactly books, books themselves, books in themselves are the bad thing in this because there is no distinction.

There's only one distinction between one book and all the rest of the books. Exactly. So yeah, so but he finishes up all of this. They have their argument about books and then Stravinsky's like, oh, also, by the way, my friends were screaming for help. Sorry, I don't know why I let you get a whole music number in before. Thank you. Thank you for the musical interlude. But my friends are in terror right now.

He goes, he was, he goes, well, maybe they've been kidnapped by the rat king. And I'm like, man, we are halfway through this shit. It is too late to introduce a fucking rat king into it. German audio drama from the 1980s. I'm going to need y'all not to have a rat king and you know why. Yeah. Yes. Okay.

And when they show the rat king later, you 100% know why. Yeah, yes. Okay. And when they show the Rat King later, you 100% know why. Mm-hmm. All right, I'm gonna turn around and if the Germans could put all their rat villains on the desk, no one's held responsible. I'm gonna need you to take the fader

on that guy's nose down quite a bit. Quite a bit. I'm gonna need you to be a totally different animal, actually. German audio drama from the 1980s. Oh, man. So, yeah. So but but glob thinks he says like the Rat King, he's just a myth. Now, the Rat King will be a stand in for Satan in this movie and or the Jews.

Wait, what? I didn't get that. It was too subtle. Yeah. So just then Stravinsky notices his friends. His friends have been in the room the whole time. In his defense, if you're in a room with a fucking glob-glo-glab-glab, you're going to be looking at that motherfucker too, right? Yeah.

It's all you're looking at too. But it is a funny moment, right? Because he's been quote unquote looking for his friends, but then the camera pans two inches to the left and he's like, Oh, they're there. Yeah. They could have startled them. Yeah. They were that close to him.

Yeah. Right. And of course they're frozen because it's really hard to animate for God damn characters. Animation is fucking hard. Plus now we got the glow gab glab glab to do. Stupid rabbit has to hop everywhere. He's frozen. Okay.

He's fucking frozen. So I love too Stravinsky supposed to try to wake him up, okay? He's fucking frozen. So I love too Stravinsky supposed to try to wake him up, right? So he jumps on the turtle once and he yells at the rabbit and he goes, what else can I do? And I'm like inside this dude's animation abilities. I guess it's pretty much it, man. You might be able to drag it to the door in a few minutes. Give me a few seconds.

But Stravinsky realizes that the only person that can help him here is the Scarlet Queen. So he's gonna sing a song about the Scarlet Queen for us. And this is one of those things that reinforces, and you know, like, again, I'm gonna get a little serious here for a second, but this is one of those things that reinforces the helplessness of Christianity,

how you can't do anything because you're a fat piece of shit, glob go glab glab or whatever, and you have to ask somebody else to do something else. It's never do something for yourself. It's always find some intercessory agent to do the thing for you. Right, it's like go to our thing

that you pay us money for and we will do it for you. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, exactly, exactly. Several characters throughout the rest of the movie will be like, well, shouldn't we do something? And he's like, no, only Scarlet Queen. Right. Also, Noah is about to read you these lyrics, but before he does, I need you to understand that they are sung by a grown man

doing a child mole's voice. So, you know, unless you've been at the bottom of the pit in that guy's house in fucking Silence of the Lambs, you probably haven't experienced what it's like to listen to this song. It's terr- S-T-R-I-G-W-Y! Yes, yes. It's terrifying.

Yeah, it's absolutely terrifying. And it's as off-key as that boy in About a Boy singing the end song. When he's singing the end song and it comes out, he starts playing. It's that off key. It is. It's shy. And like the weird thing is, is most of the other songs, they're terrible, but they're at least sung somewhat. This one is so off key.

It's, it's horrifying. It, it is dissonant and it like, it like creeps you out. I genuinely think the reason this song sounds as bad as it is, and this is my heart take, and I stand by it is that the guy who sang it couldn't stop crying over the song she wrote about the Scarlet Queen. And this is the best he could do. So here are the lyrics. Please hear us, the Scarlet Queen.

I guess she gets the the just in her name all the time, right, that's her first name? Yeah, right, yeah, sure. Ring hope, let your love be seen. And of course I wrote in my notes at this point Wow, not only can he not hit these notes. He also can't carry this tune You know our need we are lost and alone Right. I wrote my notes if Scarlet Queen turns out to be drag Jesus. I owe this movie a huge Queen turns out to be drag Jesus.

I owe this movie a huge apology. Huge. She says send. He says send us help from your royal throne. And I feel like at this point, because obviously Scarlett Queen is supposed to be Jesus or the Pope

or something or whatever. I feel like the people who would want this video to exist would also think this part was heretical. Right. Jesus ain't no queen. Right. Right. Yeah, exactly.

I think you're right. He goes on, you're my strength. I will have no fear. While I'm weak, I can know you're near. Oh my king, the great Elohim. I'm sorry, wait, did we just change subjects to the Christian God? Yes.

Yes, you did. Pull the fast one. Well, no, we have to be reminded here that the Scarlet Queen is only God's representative She's not God. She's like a pope or something like a lady or something, right? And it wraps up with send us help through the Scarlet Queen. Yeah, the Christian God is friends with the Scarlet Queen Yeah, I just want to remind podcast listeners that at this point I still thought this was like deep lore from C.S. Lewis. So at this point, I got onto ChatGPT and I was like, who is the Scarlet Queen in C.S. Lewis?

And ChatGPT was like, you got to stop texting me when you're high, man. Like I don't know any of the words you just said. Are you okay? Are you okay? Yeah. ChatGPT is sending you numbers for helplines. Right. Exactly. Sorry. You feel sending you numbers for helplines. Right. Sorry. You feel like you're probably out of this.

All right. So, but he wraps up the song and then we cut over to GlabGloGabGloB and he's like, so did the song work or what? Yeah. 100% worked. Yeah. Sure. Well, it's going to have. Yeah. But Stravinsky's like he tells us the moral of the story He's like well, you know This is why it's so important that you be careful what you read because you could read some books and they could turn you into A frozen statue where you would be threatened by a giant mantard, right? Right, and he's like wait, sorry. That's why your song might not have worked. So what animals can you turn it?

What terrifying flesh-colored animals can you turn into? What terrifying flesh colored animals can you turn into? Right. Yeah. He goes like, he's like, don't blame the books. I read them all the time and I never froze into a statue or anything like that. I can in fact turn into all these different shapes. And we're like, what the fuck does that have to do with the first part of your statement, man? So he morphs into an eagle. And by the way, this animation is so fucking cheap and shitty that he can't actually go from glob go glab glab to eagle. He has to turn it like he has to morph into a tiny little ball

that then morphs into an eagle. Yeah, the cheap bullshit. Terrifying flesh eagle. Of course. Yes. Right. You know what? It reminds me of Cecil. You remember muscle men, but the muscle was an acronym. Yeah. Yeah. He's turning into different muscle men. But while he's trying to turn into a pink elephant with eagle wings,

that's what they say. Right. They say he's a pinky. Those are not eagle wings. Right. Those are angel wings. And all the stuff is pink. So that's a meaningless modifier. But he gets too big and twisty while he's doing that. And this, this causes him to break through the ceiling of the, of the basement. Yeah. The narrator pops in here and he's like, he pulled his body through the gaping hole. And I was like, dude, just put silly putty up your butt.

You didn't have to make a whole fucking movie when you could have just put a silly putty up your butt. It's a very suspicious line. I put it in my mind, I was like, Gap? What are you talking about here, bro? You got somebody fiddling their own cello, you got you stuffing stuff up gaping holes. I am sorry, man. No question a mother walked in and he was like,

I was practicing for the Gap! We're going to flip! and a mother walked in and he was like, I was practicing for the guy. Well, also because like there's no other way that this makes any fucking sense. Why would this conversation suddenly move from the basement into the living room? Right. Because they then they then crawl through the hole into the fucking living room. And now they're in there. Yeah. But as you're doing this, Glob is defending reading books as a good pastime and Stravinsky is explaining

that if you don't, you know, watch out what you read, you'll get giant and book fat and you'll explode. Right. Which is again, the moral of this story. Right. Is that you might, you might turn into an elephant angel wing and burst through your living room floor. If you wean too much. Yes. All right. Well, this will mark, I think the first time that I've ever planted the act break in the middle of a single scene, but desperate times call

for desperate measures. So we're going to pause here, but first let me give act, but fucking Q to 12 the hard self. What the fuck did I just see? Will the images ever fade from my conscious vision? Why didn't we just stop doing animation altogether when we saw it could go this wrong? Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the vagarious conclusion of Stravinsky and the Mystery House. Scarlet Queen. Scarlet Queen.

Okay, okay, Cecil, come on, come on, come on. Dude, what? You said there was another ad. Yes, but this is one that I think you really need. I do? Yeah, big time. You know how you're always saying like, oh, I didn't get that text or I'm so sorry, I

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Nice. Not what I said, man. Hey, David. Oh, hey, Mitchell. What's up? So first of all, I want to thank you for hiring me to work on your movie. It, hey, Mitchell. What's up? So first of all, I want to thank you for hiring me to work on your movie.

It's a passion project. Sure. Yeah, so I was hoping we could discuss your notes on the animation for the Scarlet Queen. Sure, Mitchell. What's the question? Right, OK, so you sketched out a basic character model here, but then she also gave me like six pages of sketches

for her hands, along with this note that says, tiny, ever so tiny, so tiny that were they to grip you, you'd look unimaginably huge. Unimaginably huge. Yeah, what's the question? Right, so are you talking about your dick there, man? Are you talking about your dick there, man? What? Mitchell? No. What a vile thought. She has the daintiest of fey hands because she's a lady of the court. Her tiny hand in mine would make me her strong and powerful prince of the Lord, and she my queen. Honestly, I would have rathered you were just talking about your dick. Why do people keep saying that to me?

And we're back for still more of this shit. When we last left off Stravinsky was chatting with the unholy offspring of a turd in a tumor. I don't know which character you're referring to. No, that's all of the... So but then that conversation though is going to get cut short by Gilbert, the Scottish troll who bounds in to warn them that the Scarlet Queen is on her way. Now to be clear, every other character in the movie except Strawinsky will be like, oh, I'm afraid of the Scarlet Queen.

And he will just gaslight them the entire time. He'll be like, no, she's great. And the troll will be like, no, she's great. And the troll will be like, well, I'm convinced she's going to do me physical harm and Stravinsky is like, shut the fuck up. Like, it's very weird. Yeah. Don't make me bury you in the fucking garden.

You know what I mean? I can't make you multiply. So, yeah. But before we can get to all of that, the Goldberg runs in and he's like, the Scarlet Queen's coming. And then he notices that the hole in the floor with the glob gab, glab glab or whatever just popped through. Right. And, and we have to spend like, I don't know, solid two and a half fucking minutes on him being angry about that. Right. Him bitching out the glob go glab glab like a bad Craigslist roommate. Just like, Oh, we have a chore wheel and your chore this week was not bursting through the floor like

Silly putty going up the creator of this animation's ass You have to pay for that and it's and it's even worse than a Craigslist ad because it's a guy who's Squatting in this house. I don't if you remember the origin story of this Scottish guy He just sort of showed up one day and started couch surfing. And they never, like, the person who owns the house is a very soft-spoken, plays with herself a lot, cello, so she hasn't really kicked him out yet. Exactly.

Yeah, she hasn't gotten around to being like, hey, can you- The masturbating cello upstairs. Can you go? I'm very busy. I got my OnlyFans account. I've got to work here, so. Well, so that's what I wrote in my notes. Like, okay, obviously Eli's the troll,

he's the cello and I'm the glob glob glob glob. And I'm not comfortable with that at all. Yeah, no, it's fair. It's fair. Oh, also, while the trolls get mad at him, he fat shames him, too. He's like, you know, the problem is that you're a fat, fat fatty fat fat is the problem. Narrator pops in, you get him, Gulbert fucking piece of shit. Fuck my wife, destroy my family. To live above the garage.

So, but yes, but then the scene is like, sorry, we don't know how segues work. Can you just start again being freaked out about the Scarlet Queen? Can we go back to that? Yeah. Can you do a couple of dances, maybe thrust your out about the Scarlet Queen. Can we go back to that? Yeah. Can you do a couple of dances? Maybe thrust your pelvis at the camera a few times. Yeah.

But yeah, but he says like, oh yeah, right, right, right. No, the Scarlet Queen's coming. Glob is also worried about the Scarlet Queen. Yeah. And keep in mind that all of this has been very cartoony at this point. So this is how the conversation goes. Oh no, I'm afraid the Scarlet Queen will beat me. Oh, Glob is also afraid of him.

And then Glob goes, yeah, she's the servant of the Christian God and I've been told I have to choose him or the Rat King. And I was like, whoa, different stakes. Yeah, yes. Yes. Yeah, man, out of left field. And also he just like in the previous scene

denied that the Rat King even existed. Right. And you're just like, what is, can we at least be a little consistent? The glob go glab glabs form is more consistent than the blob. So yeah. But right. But globs like, you know, I just honestly, I just don't want to take sides in a holy war. I would just like to read books and know more things. And this movie is like, see? That piece of fat fucking shit. This is what books will do you. They make you a coward in the battle

against God and the Jews. I mean, the rat king, the rats, the rats. Did I say Jews? The mole is like, no, you just have to obey her and her overlord. You guys are the weird ones. Yeah. And she won't be you unless you don't believe. Come on, man.

Right. Yeah. She's not going to beat you if you don't deserve to be beaten. Yeah. You fat piece of shit. It's real German. Can I say it's real German? It's got real fucking, what are those famous stories?

The Hans Brothers, the Gubben brothers, the fucking whatever those stories are that Cinderella and shit are based on. It's got real those vibes. Yes. So, so yeah, so Stravinsky, he tells him that the Scarlet Queen is just swell and he tells him all about the joy of forgiveness, but he does it in song. Yes. It's time for another song. Okay. Before we get to the lyrics, it's very important that I point out that in this clumsily animated click and point animation, for some reason, this guy managed to animate an entire solo ballet for the Beaver character during this song.

The mole, yeah. Seeing as he never managed to get this thing up or down a set of stairs, I baffled how this sequence happened. So there's a lot of pirouettes. Yeah, he hired it out on thumbtack. Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah So yeah, so he goes she is patient and very kind and I'm like, oh god of all the voices to give a second song to Right? And I'm like, Oh God, of all the voices to give a second song to, right? Grants your peace in your soul and mind. When you need, she will be by your side. A trust in her as your faithful guide.

Guide. Faithful guide. Yeah. Getting all the money's worth out of that pure wet animation. It carries on. She is love full of grace and light. Give your heart and become her child. What?

Yeah. Someone should tell Christians how creepy their mythology sounds when it's applied to any other fantasy setting except their God. It's weird that they don't just hear it. Yeah. And by the way, yes, that was child to rhyme with light. To be clear. I just, there's not a lot of words actually that rhyme with light. I think it's like silver and orange. You can't really find.

Yeah. And this song says, are you sick? She's your hope. She's your cure. And I'll still take the covid vaccine. He heals your life and will make you pure. I've never been so certain a mole is going to do a human sacrifice. It sounds like she's going to set me on fire. Yeah, right?

Absolutely. Heal your life and will make you pure. Honestly, if it was an evil queen that purified them with fire this entire thing would have been worth it right? Yeah. Oh the Scarlet Queen shows up and it's just Daenerys? Yeah. Oh okay. So yeah but then suddenly the Scarlet Queen appears she was behind him the whole time he was singing. I laughed for so long when she's just standing there.

Amazing. Because he's singing a whole song up kissing her ass, but keep in mind he was doing pirouettes the whole fucking time. He knew she was back there. That's why the song was like that, right? Yeah. She's super cool. Smooch my hand before.

And won't beat me up. Right. Right behind you. Doing the head gesture. It's like when there's a weird person and I'm trying to warn any of us at a convention. Like, I'm pointing with my forehead. Look where I'm pointing with my forehead. Oh no.

They're on you. So yeah, so she comes in, the Scarlet Queen comes in. This is the weird chick with the tiny little hand buds from before, right, that we did the sketch on. This is also where the cello comes hopping into the scene. And they have this weird moment where we learn that that used to be the Scarlet Queen's cello, but the cello thought she could do better on her own. So she rejected Jesus.

Yeah, no, she was actually wooed away. so the Rat King taught her how to fiddle herself. Yes. And then she left the Scarlet Queen, and that feels a lot like a Scarlet Queen problem. Like, if you're not fiddling right, and the fiddle has to go out and do its own fiddling, maybe you should probably do fiddling better. Maybe... Just fiddle better. Fiddle better, yeah. Maybe play the fiddle with your mouth every now and then, I'm just saying. Maybe eat the fiddles ass once in

a while. Thank you. So yeah, but the cello rejected the Queen just like we reject Christ y'all. And then so, but then we go on about this for like two and a half minutes, but finally the, the, the Queen's like, anyway, uh, enough about my old cello. What was the plot here now? This is the second time, by the way, that someone has come in as Stravinsky has completely forgotten about his friends in danger and just been like, tell me a little about your backstory. Right. That's cool. That's cool.

Oh, this is fun. If you could bring one book, one. Oh, shit. My friends are frozen. Right. My friends are in some kind of curse. Oh. So, yeah but he tells her that he needs to help unfreezing his friends. So we all go down to the basement together. Right. I'm so fucking excited. I'm like hyperventilating at what I know you're about to have to describe. That's how excited I am.

Well, it's funny because the first thing I wrote as we go into this scene is I'm willing to bet that if we had this animators pass, we could see the Scarlet Queen do all kinds of kinky shit and then we get this scene, right? We sure do. So the Scarlet Queen looks at him and she goes, oh, it looks like they're too deeply immersed in these books. Yes. This is our first confirmation that yes, indeed, it has been an anti-reading movie this entire fucking time.

Because the Rat King enchants the books. I was like okay JK Rowling's Twitter. Yeah right. The Rat King control the media does he? Oh my fucking god. But yeah she's like oh if you've gotten here if I've gotten here any later then your friends would have turned into glob gab glob go labs. So apparently books make you fat too. They make you fat and stupid. Giant fat piece of shit. Yes. And to be clear, fucking Stravinsky is like, wait, so the glob go lab lab used to be an elf and he was kind and he was like, yes. Anyways, fuck him. Let's get on to your

friends. Yeah. Also, maybe she's carrying this book. And I just I have to do this because her hands are so inhumanly small and he can't actually like separate the fingers. He doesn't know how to do that with this animation. So her hands just stuck to the side of the book, like those little sticky slap hands you used to get out of vending machines. So I bring in all the cheap 80s references for Cecil today.

Yeah. It's the grabber hand. Wacky Walkers. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, right. Well, they weren't Wacky Wall Walkers, but they were related to Wacky Wall Walkers. Made out of the same shit. Yeah.

So, but yeah, this is the actual exchange they have about the glob. When she starts talking about how reading can turn you fat. She says, and I quote, he lost his slender form and became what he is today, big and fat and slow. And Stravinsky says, how awful. And she says, it is. And he's standing right fucking there the whole time. When it flash cuts over and the glob go glob go lab is standing an inch from their conversation,

I pause the movie to laugh for six full minutes. Cause he's even got the like, ooh. Oh yes! Yeah. Exactly! There's a part where the glob go glob go lab pulls out his phone and just immediately joins Planet Fitness. Fuck this.

I'm done with this. Who's gonna fitbot.me please? You guys are so... Sorry, you're absolutely right Who's a fitbot.me, please? Sorry, you're absolutely right. This is why they can't afford a dot-com see so because the assholes like you So you believe in you fitbot.me forward slash fun to you dodgy. Oh cities cities. So then, okay. And then just when you thought like, well, surely we've got the weirdest goddamn most fucked up most make fun of all moment out of this movie already. The Scarlet Queen decides to beat off his friends. Now, you probably think that I'm

exaggerating. Nope. But this is the actual goddamn line from the narrator during this part of the movie This is the yikesiest part of the whole yes, right The narrator says the Scarlet Queen began to lovingly stroke each of the three friends for a long time And while she's doing that she's rubbing the rabbits ears like a cock like a cock That and not think of her jerking off those ears. Look, I know I am going to die with the guy who made this movie's hands wrapped around my throat. That's fine.

I've resigned myself to it. But what I won't take back is that she's jerking off these animals. Okay? 100%. Nobody who has seen a jerking off go on Or has even read a good description of it would think this is anything but jerking off Yeah, you can't you can't mistake this for anything. It clearly looks like she misses her cello Yeah, that's what it looks like It looks like her and her cello had a deep bond and she is missing that bond

Well, and the cello is right here, too. So she's probably just trying to make the cello jealous, right? Maybe the cello likes to watch. Yeah. That's possible. It could be a Jerry Quavo situation. They do end up together at the end, so there we go. They do. They do.

Also, we have to point out this horrifying fucking detail, because as she's stroking off all the animals, one of them's a hedgehog. The narrator comes in and says, Harold the Hedgehog's spikes made her hands bleed, but she kept stroking anyway. Okay. Okay. Okay Really dedicated this is I need this kid to get sent to the principal I don't know how old he is, but I need him to get like a school counselor appointment So yeah

And then so she finishes stroking off all of the animals and then she taps each of the books and she turns them to ash. So her magic power is book burning. Book burning, book destruction. Yeah. And bad books, we all know turn into rats, which is what happens here. She burns the books, they immediately turn to rats and then they go across Europe and poison wells.

Right. Right afterwards. So honestly, the animation on these rats is fucking insane because they start running away and it is impossible to tell which items they will be in front of and behind as they walk past them. You know, I was making bets with myself. Well, they'll certainly be in front of the chair. No. OK. No, no.

And then the rats run away and the Scarlet Queen turns to glob the cello and gobert and says, and says like, see satanic house you guys have been staying in. Satan house. Yeah. This is the evil dead house guys. Look at the books. They're all mean now. Obviously it's the evil. And just then they noticed that the rat king has been hiding in the wardrobe, jerking off to this the whole time. He's literally been watching from inside the closet, like Jerry Falwell Jr. Literally like Jerry Falwell Jr.

And he's got like a giant Rita Hayworth hole in the wall from Shawshank Redemption that he has, he's dug through the wall. And this is the most caricatured rat I've ever seen in my entire, like, this is 100%. Like, just like JK Rowling made her coin loving little goblins into something. This is 100% modeled after like bad Jewish, like cartoonist art that they had during the Nazi Holocaust.

That's what it looks like. Yes. Absolutely. I was surprised it didn't have the voice like Eli doing Moishe's voice. Right? No question. That was his first take in Amazon was like, Hey, so we're super excited to take on your animation.

It is technically illegal right now. So we do need you to do the Rat King's one. There's a huge part of me that wants him to sing this song like that and then there's a part of me that's like you'll never get you'll be cancelled immediately if he does that. Yes I am the king of the rat king. I am the greatest horse of all. Hey Patreon Extra we can put it up.

But what they did instead was they used the only African American voice actor in the entire fucking movie. Oh, you are right. It didn't exactly make it better. They just made it different is all. Oh, we made it differently worse. That's all. Yeah.

Exactly. And so now the Rat King is going to sing us a song about how someday he's going to kill God. Right? Oof. So here, here, once, once again, I've got the lyrics for you. King is going to sing us a song about how someday he's going to kill God. Right. So here, here, once, once again, I've got the lyrics for you. Yes, I am the King of the rat folk. I am the greatest force of all. Okay. Back off a little bit, man.

Where the, this is the actual line where the realm in lies with my dark cloak. Good luck diagramming that attempt to the sentence. To be clear, he's not wearing a cloak, jerk or otherwise. I just feel like that needs to be pointed out. Anyway, bring despair and we'll make you fall. Oof, yeah, and then they pan to the room and all the books are doing the same dance

they were doing earlier with the glob go glab glab and when they were asking when they were gonna be read earlier when they were, readers readers readers readers readers readers glob and when they were asking when they were gonna be read earlier when they're There was a little bit of a They're doing that earlier now. They're still dancing, but now they have mean goomba eyebrows Yeah, like angry bird eyebrows now. Yeah, right. Yeah, exactly So that we get our chorus tremble in fear my child follow me into everlasting light. I am your fiercest foe Oh how frightful terrifying is the rat King's evil might? Okay? child, follow me into everlasting light. I am your fiercest foe. Oh, how

frightful, terrifying is the rat king's evil might. Okay. That's too many syllables. I'm not even a poet and I know that's bad. Okay. Does it work? And this voice actor really tries. He's like, Oh, how frightful, terrifying is the rat king's evil mind. He carries out, he goes for no soul ever resists me. And I'm like, fucking elbow Harold and Klopsnack just resisted you, dude. Come on. Then he says, and my regime is fierce and grim.

I would love to know what that guy thinks regime means. I mean Israel. He means Israel. Jesus Christ. I will spread my kingdom of terror and destroy great Elohim. I feel like his enemies don't call him great. Anyway, yeah. Then once again, tremble in fear, my child. Follow me in everlasting light.

I am your fiercest foe. Oh, how frightfully terrifying is the rat king's evil might. And this dance is very sexual in this section. I mean mean you thought Gubb Club the fucking troll was thrusting. The Rat King is like twerking he's got a pull between his cheeks. It is intense. Well and he's surrounded by books so it has a very book hockey feel to it. Thank you. Thank you. I was so proud of that. I was so proud of that. I just wanted to hang up. Oh, Captain by Captain! Oh, I'm on my chair! I'm on my chair! So good! Oh, brilliant. Brilliant, brilliant, brilliant. So good.

I also want to point out an amazing thing in the notes here. Eli wrote, this looks very sexual. Cecil wrote, it looks like he's taking a dump. Those are responses to the same stimulus people. It's the same. We both watched the same thing and came to different conclusions. But honestly, I mean, I genuinely mean this from my heart. If the Rat King had just vividly jerked off onto the faces of these books in a circle, it would be the third most horrifying thing in the movie. Right? If these books were just like like spatter me in your cum, Rat King, I would have been like, yeah, it's better than when the glib-glo-glab-galab turned into an elephant. Oh yeah.

So, okay, so the Rat King leaves. We should make a children's movie. We should. It looks really easy, actually. I think we're good at this. I think we're good at this. It's a good brainstorming session. So the Rat King leaves, and the narrator starts talking shit.

You know, he's like, the Rat King left like a fucking whimpering, whining asshole. Pussy is what he was. And then Stravinsky sucks up to the Scarlet Queen some more. Right? He turns to the Scarlet Queen, you're so awesome, and your hands are so sexy. So tiny. They're bleeding, but they're sexy. Covered in blood.

So yeah, so also the Scarlet Queen says, please be more careful in future. Yeah, I know that's just a case of the script writer wrote it wrong. And the voice actor was like, he told me to just read these words and fuck him. I'm not adding extra definite articles on his behalf. I'm not getting writing credits. So, but then the Scarlet Queen basically says, well, you know, now is the time when we almost decide whether we shall serve the Lord or the Rat King. And we're all like, fucking what man? She's the Scarlet Queen. Don't be like my old cello. And again, the cello is right there. Oh, you hate to see it.

My wife is friends with several lesbian couples who used to date each other and the Scarlet Queen is worse. That's what I'm saying right now. So yeah. And then Glob turns to her and she's like, and he's like, Hey, I'm so sorry for being a fat piece of shit all the time. And she's like, you will not be forgiven or have any resolution. Please forgive me in this children's show.

And she's like, bye everybody. Okay. Bye. Yeah. So, and then Goldberg takes the money and runs right now. Goldberg couldn't decide who to serve. So he just took his bag of gold and hauled ass the end of Goldberg's story He's Scottish. I get it. This Scott left faster than the Scots left our Q&A

Yeah, so okay, but then this they all go outside the Scarlet Queen decides to forgive her cello Right and they're gonna they're gonna reunite. Mm, okay. But then they all go outside. The Scarlet Queen decides to forgive her cello, right? And they're going to reunite. Yeah. Right? Yeah. So the Scarlet Queen floats away because walking is really hard to animate. It's so much easier. Floating is awesome. Floating works great. Why didn't I make them all birds? Right. Yes.

And she takes the cello. Now, at this point in the movie, I have to, I have to say this. I paused because like there's a, like, I have a certain, like, if I've gone this many minutes without a break, I take a break, you know, kind of a, kind of a clock going when I'm doing these movies. I paused this movie at this point because my clock went off. I looked and there were minus the credits, 34 seconds left in the movie. And I had to convince myself not to take a break. I don't know that I can.

Oh, that's a great excuse to not be watching this for a minute. So and by the way, he says the narrator as they're floating away, the narrator says the cello had quote returned to its master. Yeah, man. The cello had, quote, returned to its master. Yeah, man, that's creepy as fuck. So, OK, but Stravinsky sure is happy that everything worked out OK for everybody except for Glob, who can fucking some fat, you got a fat piece of that family home reckon piece of shit. Fucking appendix turd.

You think I can't hear you make her come through the walls? You got a damn asshole. I'll kill you both and then myself I'm the narrator but yeah so everybody's sure is happy the Scarlet Queen saved them from reading books and then that night we see Stravinsky laying in bed deciding to devote his life to living for the glory of the great Elohim. That's the end of the movie. That's what the narrator says is happening. The kid commits to being even more boring.

Great. That's great. Yeah. Oh, and also, by the way, so they back away at this point and we see like a cross section of his whole little mole house. And there has been so goddamn much effort put into this little fucking One second at the end as though he's trying to say see there are some things I worked hard on just not the glove glove glove glove. Just one dance and this house

You know it's like when you start a project and you're like, oh no There's got to be a column for everything in this sheet and then you forget a bunch of people for It's like that It's a movie is exactly as well done as your spreadsheets so So then we get the credits this is where I first learned this was based on a German audio drama from 1982 and so much shit suddenly made sense Did you find it did you go on YouTube and find it? Oh god, no. There's no English version that I could find but there is the German version and you can hear the crazy. It's like

Wo ist dein Hei-Golz-Skal-et-Kveen und und der Rat-Kling und und der Rat-King und du den Jaj-Del-Hoffen und des Seien. Highly recommend. For our German listeners, Taru, get out there. Find, tell me. I highly recommend. All right. All right. Maybe get for our German listeners. Taro get out there. Find Taro. Tell me. Taro is not German.

Pretty sure she's German. I have to point out under the thanks. It's got like, you know, thanks to all the people. Whatever. It has Jesus Christ. He's first build and to get some bigger first build. Thank you. Like fuck our church in the face.

Jesus Christ, baby. Yeah, he gets the real shit here. So that's amazing. Thank you. Like fuck our church in the face. Jesus Christ, baby. Yeah, he gets the real shit here. So that's amazing. All right. So I have a two part question. I want to close things off with. Have you ever seen anything weirder than this in your whole goddamn life? And if so, what drugs were you on at the time?

And do you still know where I could get some? Yeah, I will say this is neck and neck with that puppet movie you guys made me endure. Yeah. This is neck and neck with that. That was a terrifying experience. Or that fish animation, the fish thing, or all of Salty's. Yeah, but I don't know. This is a solid contender for the weirdest fucking movie we have ever watched on this show.

I will give it that. I don't ever want to do a hallucinogen again. Like, I don't trust. I'm done this cured me this cured me he's to stay yeah in the I don't trust these images to stay in my conscious mind yeah yeah no the second the global gabgalov shows up in a trip the trip is over yeah it's no he's just hanging on to the spirit molecule Alright well Cecil thanks so much for hanging out with us and as always just forward any mental health expenses related today's Appearance to our bookkeeper. We will get you reimbursed

Thank you I will for sure and of course be sure to check out the show notes for links to Cecil's other shit you owe it To him after you watch this insane Bullshit for you. You owe it to me I expect lots of glob go grab galab references on lawful assembly from now I will make sure we talk about a bump stock and then the next week is glob go glad God go glad well that yeah exactly that episode could just be called. Where is your God now? That episode could be called the guy who made this movie is making me record this at gunpoint.

Gunpoint, yeah. I have to print out some glab, glab, glab, correctly. I am blinking Morris Code as I record. Right. Hopefully you can hear my eyelids. All right. Well, that's going to do it for our review of Stravinsky and the Mysterious House. That's not going to do it for the episode just yet though, because we still need to

lure you back next week. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. Well Noah, in confusing times like these, we're all a little concerned about our health. But what if I told you cancer could be cured by some hard squeezed apples? That's right. What? We'll be watching the Gerson Miracle. God damn it. Okay. So with that, we're going to look forward to, we're going to bring episode 448 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors that help make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash god awful and thereby earn early access to an ad free version of

every episode. You can also help a ton by leaving this five star review and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the skinning of the ascitation needed D and D minus skeptic card available wherever podcasts live. If you have questions, comments or cinematic suggestions, you can get them on gotoffmovies.gmail.com. Tim Robertson takes care of our social media.

Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Slotnick, the movie of a Jackson on Mars. All the other music was written and performed by audio engineer Morgan Clark and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a check of your life this week for Heathen. Right, Neil, I'm no Lucian's promise to work harder, earn another check next week until then. We'll leave you with the Breakfast Club clothes.

The cello still played with itself. It just did it when the queen went to bed. The dead-eyed dancing books went on to be right behind you. Scottish Troll was actually lovely in person at the Glasgow Live Show. We don't want him to think we didn't enjoy meeting him. Alright, so Eli, there was some, like, wondering about this while you were away for your bathroom break. Was it a number one or a glab-glab-glab-glab?

It was definitely a glab-glab-glab-glab. That's actually the noise it makes as it hits the water every time. That's actually what he's named after. Yeah. Yeah. So, alright. Yeah, you're gonna die. You're 100% going to die.

You're 100% going to die. No, this guy's gonna be like, well, you know, they're comedians, I guess it created. No, absolutely not. No. He's one centimeter from your nose tomorrow morning. Right. After the no question. He's one cent-centimeter.

Yeah. Died middle of the question. He's one centimeter. Yeah. Died doing what I loved. Well, because you're going to just, I like that. There's nothing that I know about you more than I know that you would just, you know, carry the bit out to the very end. Absolutely. Yeah. Right. You would be pulling out your spleen and you're like, oh, it looks like a

gob glab glab glab, doesn't it? That's plain. You notice the smoothness Which my spleen just came out of my body All right and fit body I love how your voice kind of breaks on spleen a little which is perfect. It's just, that's a touch that really is just perfect. Which guy has a beach? It does have a beach.

You guys have a beach? We do. We have the lakefront beach. Like Michigan. It's cold for nine months a year, but yeah. Yeah, right. Right. And it's kind of cold the other three. I mean, it's mostly cold all the time. Three week period there where it's actually very nice. It's very nice. Yeah.

Oh, did you know? Fun fact. COVID vaccine is what caused my heart attack. I learned about that every three days or so in an email. In an email? Yeah. Every three days or so. Very cool.

Very cool. I'm glad doctors listen to your show. So, so basically. Exactly. A lot of medical experts. It's got to feel so good to be that protected. No. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and Thunderstorm LLC copyright 2024 all rights reserved.