God Awful Movies - 449: The Gerson Miracle

Episode Date: March 26, 2024

This week, Michael Marshall joins us to learn how you can cure all human illness by sticking juice in one end, coffee in the other, and letting them meet in the middle. Come see us live in Salt Lake City on August 3rd! https://www.eventbrite.com/o/god-awful-movies-13226085022 --- Check out more from Marsh on Be Reasonable and Skeptics with a K --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation and get monthly bonus episodes, please check us out on Patreon: http://patreon.com/godawful Check out our other shows, The Scathing Atheist, The Skepticrat, Citation Needed, and D&D Minus. Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/EvilGiraffesOnMars/?fref=ts All our other music was written and performed by Morgan Clarke. To hear more from him, check him out here: https://www.morganclarkemusic.com/

Listen up, let me tell you a story Toronto critics are losing their heads over Six the Musical. The Globe and Mail raves, Six reigns supreme and is eye-poppingly fun. CTV proclaims Six is a Royal Ten. Six is an upbeat, hilarious and emotional 80-minute ride, says CHFI Radio. One, five, one, three, two, one, three, yeah Join the Six wives of Henry VIII at the Royal Alexandra Theatre. Now on stage.

Book at Mervish.com. Then we get to the point where he's like, pour it into the animal bucket. And then they're like, well, now we have to say stick it up your ass. How do we say that fancy? It says, and then once rectal insertion is accomplished and I'm like, oh, nice. Yeah. You want to use the passive voice for that. I think that was smart.

Okay. Patreon goal for the PJ party is locked. I will. There's a number for me and it's not that high. It's not that high of a number. God-awful movies! Welcome back to the Gamecast, where each week we sample another selection from Christian Cinema or we need to come up with a whole new intro.

I'm your host, Noah Lujansson, sitting 700 miles to my immediate left is my good friend Heath N. Wright. Heath, welcome back. Thanks, Noah. Got my coffee. I'm ready to go. Let's do it. All right.

We'll find out where that coffee is in just a minute. We're going to have fun. And unfortunately, Eli's going to be unable to join us this week, but sitting one ocean to my right is guest masochist extraordinaire Michael Marshall Marsh How are you this fine evening, sir? I am great. I just drank a glass of carrot juice So I'm apparently immortal not you can harm me in any way Well that pretty good that and Heath's coffee together drink it. Did you drink it mouth or something else? Spoilers what will we be breaking down today?

We watched the Gerson Miracle. It's the story of Ass Coffee. And that's what I've been talking about this whole time. Listen, if you say your thing has coffee enemas, ass coffee in it, that's

all I'm talking about forever now. You can try to say other stuff, but that's what we're talking about. Yeah, it's ass coffee. Yeah, there could be a list of 50 things. And if one of them is ass coffee, you just do ass coffee. It's the thing that you do. Yeah. And by the way, watched multiple movies about ass coffee.

Weird one for the eulogy, but right there it is could go on the tombstone now. And Marsh, how bad was this movie? Well, if you hate cancer, but you can't tell the difference between a pharmacy and the produce section of Whole Foods You will live this movie. I Like that. We've done multiple movies because now somebody's gonna be like, okay, but did you like really study ass coffee? Yes. Yes Because now somebody is going to be like, OK, but did you like really study ask coffee? Yes. Yes, I did. Multiple sources. I'm a skeptic.

So is there anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Yeah, I'm going to go with best worst segue. And they had to do this because they talked about ask coffee and then did more movie. So you have to be at that point doing something like speaking of ass coffee the Kirsten family do other stuff too. We're gonna do like an hour on that. Fuck you! No! This is about ass coffee now. Speaking of blowin smoke up your ass here's the fucking lady that invented this.

Yeah so I was gonna go with best worst scene transitions. Poor Marsh. Okay so every so the first person that watches the movies usually it's Eli will go through and mark little transitions of like, hey, here's the line or the moment or something observable where the scene switches from, you know, one scene to the next. But this movie never does that. This movie is like stream of consciousness from start to fucking finish. And Marsh is in there like apologizing in the notes. He's like, look, I know that I've put a scene change here mid-sentence, but it'll make sense when you watch the movie.

Well, as much as anything will make sense when you watch this movie, this will make sense. And yes, it did. It was better than Eli would have done with the movie. I noticed that the transitions were like temporarily coherent, so something was different than normal. Good job Marsh. Well, that's than normal. Good job, Marsh. Well, that's the thing. It sort of felt like they were rushing in from one scene to the

next. Like they were trying to rush that so fast that you couldn't like throw a rebuttal in like you argue with them. And they just, if I don't stop speaking in one long sentence, you can't tell me I'm full of shit. Yeah. The movie was trying to gish gallop us. That's it. That's incredible. Yeah. Yeah. And I've got to go with best, worst, legitimate evil. And you know, this isn't funny, but there is a story in this documentary that ends with the narrator saying, what I think is the most evil sentence ever uttered on a God-awful movie.

And you know, we'll come to it, but it is a chilling sentence that fuck everyone involved in it. So much competition for that award and yeah I think they might have done. Yeah, but this is the worst I think yeah No, I think it might just take it so alright well in this movie people are gonna be shoving shit up their ass and pulling Stuff out of it, so we're gonna need a second to put on our gloves But we'll be back in a minute with all the deadly misinformation that is the Gerson miracle

Okay, so this shelf is for Corn Flake topped? No, that's Cheetos topped. Read the signs. Well, right neater. Hey guys, what's with the shelves? Oh, these, yeah. We're getting ready for our God of a Movies live show in Salt Lake City, Utah on August 3rd. Wait, we have a God of a Movies live show in Salt Lake City, Utah on August 3rd? We sure do. And we got to be prepared to take people's payments.

Well, I thought everybody would just buy tickets on Eventbrite like normal. No, you ignorant rube. This is Mormon country we're talking about. The currency there is funeral potatoes. Yeah, it's true. We're going to have to organize, resell, re-rack. Okay, guys, I don't think that's the case. I think people can get their tickets at gotoffamovieslive.com or by checking the link in the show notes and just

pay with money. Okay, well either way, I'm sure they got plenty of time to figure it out. Actually, Heath, they don't. The theater we booked is only 150 seats and almost a third of those are already gone. Damn, people better get baking. Or check out the website, God of the Movies Live on August 3rd. Get your tickets at Godofamovieslive.com or, you know, do the potato thing. Funeral potatoes thing, yep.

Sure. Can't even have any. Sure you can. Just die. Right. And we're back for the breakdown and let me tell you, this movie is not fucking around. The very first thing we see is a title card that says, the cure for cancer has been discovered.

That is the boldest opening frame of any movie I have ever seen completely. Yeah. This is like a bad public speaker being like, boobs, now that I got your attention. Yeah. Don't lie about stuff for 90 minutes. I also love that the version that Eli found for us had Cyrillic subtitles throughout, which was interesting. Yeah. So it says the cure for cancer has been discovered.

And then we get another title card that says like dot dot dot in 1928. And I hate the fact that these title cards, they're lit by candles. But every time the lights come down and come up, the candles have moved between every title card. But what's weird is the lights come down on lit candles. I don't know how you bring the lights down on lit candle. Like they go dark on the lit candles. This movie doesn't understand candles.

We're like 20 seconds in, it cannot understand candles already. Yeah. So we get this long series of candle lit title cards that tell us about Dr. Max Gerson, right? And it points out early on that he's Jewish. So chemotherapy is anti-Semitic. If you think about it, we already had a perfect... Yeah, this was like the opposite of Kanye.

It was like, he was a doctor. Not going to say what religion. He was a Jewish doctor. A Jewish doctor. We disagree with Nazis, sort of, in this movie. Yeah, it's like he was a German Jew doctor, and it's like, you're dropping Jew in there, like it's a mum telling her son how well a kid from the neighbourhood has done. You're like, oh he's a doctor and he's a Jew, and look how good he's doing, so you know, you

could be doing better for yourself. It also says that he found the cure for every chronic disease, not just cancer. Every chronic disease. So fuck those diseases that don't stay forever. He was only focused on the chronic ones. Yeah, temporary diseases. He doesn't have time for that shit. But at this moment I was like, okay.

I mean to be fair, death by ass coffee will cure every disease. Sort of. That is true. A weird way of putting it though. Yeah. And they do explain, they talk about, like, he was in Germany. It said the Nazis went for his family and they said he killed seven of his eight siblings in the Holocaust.

But that makes it sort of sound like the Nazis did the Holocaust to try and stop him, but they somehow failed. Like, he was the reason they were doing that. Right, yeah. They got seven-eighths of the way through. Yeah. This is an elaborate Illuminati plot. Yeah.

They also explained that a Nobel laureate thought he was really smart. Okay. Yeah. Gerson was praised by Dr. Albert Schweitzer. Maybe you've heard of him. Nobel laureate and like, okay, he got a peace prize. Fucking relax. Yeah. Yeah. Not a doctor he was okay. He got a peace prize fucking relax. Yeah

Kissinger got a peace prize come on right right, but then we finally get around to our title I love to that the last title card we see it says narrated by dr. Af al oming Which looks like a lazy attempt at an anagram, right? I had to check to see if you could make a word out of that. You can't. Did you get anything? I got nothing.

No. I was sort of reading it out because it sounded like it was a pun name that failed. Right, right. Like a no illusions. Yes. Like it was like a pun, like the answer to a joke, but you know what accent you read it out and it doesn't work. Right.

It's okay. But then, right as I'm writing in my notes, is this movie going to be all title cards? It's not. We open proper on traffic and gas pumps and this narrator kicks in to explain that a hundred years ago, people didn't have all these traffics and gas pumps. Right? But also, he says, you know, a hundred years ago, the scenes before your eyes would have been incomprehensible.

It's like the camera work is so shaky, mate. They're currently incomprehensible. Right. But if you hold still, the camera work was giving me, like, it was making me seasick. And I was thinking, can Gerson therapy cure seasickness? Is that what you're trying to do? Oh, right, yeah. Is that make us sick and then we cure ourselves?

That's not chronic though. So yeah. That's true. He says, quote, what has become daily normal life is no longer synchronized with the blood that flows through our veins. That's like right at the opening, almost the opening line of the film. Right. He then explains that toxins will kill you either quickly or slowly.

You might think it's old age if it's slow, but that's how they get you. It's toxins. It's not old age ever. Apparently aging is a hoax. That's also the opening bid. But is that what they think? Do they think Gerson's character therapy has cured old age? Because spoiler alert, Max Gerson is dead.

So do you have to opt out of it? Of old age, yes. He chose. Yeah. Yeah, fair. He started doing decaf ass coffee and then you die. Right. Well, and we should point out too that they really slow rolled exactly what Gerson therapy is in this movie, right? Because it's so fucking stupid that they need you nodding along first.

So what we're going to start with is toxins are bad and man, that oil spill into Prince of Williams sound, that sucked. Right? Yeah. Every movie like this, they do this. They're just going to name things that are obviously true to lull you to sleep and then they're going to do their movie. But like, I'm not paying attention to any of this.

I'm waking up when you say put coffee in your butt now and then I'm paying attention. Right. Yes. But no, he explains how all of the toxins in the environment, they go from the zooplankton to the polar bear, seals and whales, and then to humans. And I'm like, yeah, we do eat a lot of polar bear, seals and whales. Yeah. He made it sound like that was the direct food chain.

You see the footage that they're showing is like zooplanktons into ducks, into polar bears, into Inuit people, then to the rest of the world, I guess. I think that's the food chain they were sort of doing. Yes. We all eat Inuit people than to the rest of the world, I guess. I think that's the food chin they were sort of doing. Yes, we all eat Inuit people. Yeah, absolutely. Just me at my computer with the corpse of a polar bear and a fork, I look up, oh shit. Oh damn it.

Maybe I'll cook it. We're also a bunch of fucking tree murderers. He explains how it used to be that a squirrel could jump from one tree to another all the way across America. And I'm like, yeah, life was better back in your imagination, dude. Yeah, the fact that squirrels can't play floor is lava across the entire continent is evidence that everything is fucked. Why is that the metric? Yeah, I don't know. And they actually say, we only have so many trees. Those aren't renewable.

And I was like, aren't they though? Like, trees don't grow on trees. Shit. OK. Wait a minute. Hold on. Shit. So, yeah. But he explains, he's like, yeah, humans wouldn't be such a problem if they didn't consume stuff. And I'm like, no, that is correct. You're right. How about you stop consuming stuff first. And then, but then he points out, you're toxin, toxin, toxin. And then he notices that

there's been a big rise in how many people die of cancer now. Right. And this is where he says that cancer cells are parasitic and immortal. Nope. They can't be both of those things. No! Impossible! Like, leave them on a lab bench and they'll just die, so they aren't immortal. Also, you said that he cured cancer in the cold open of the movie, so kind of contradicts that. Like, what are they saying?

I was like, okay, does Gerson therapy set up like a cancer sanctuary inside the body? And cancer can live forever in peace. What? Also, as he's listing all this stuff about cancer, we're just watching like three old women eating or something. And it feels really harsh if these women don't have cancer. And then I thought, hang on, is he diagnosing their, is this their diagnosis? We're going to like break it to these old ladies live that they've got cancer.

By the way, that's you. I'm talking about you. Yeah. So, but then we finally get around to introducing Max Gerson. We start off with the biographical shit of like, you know, he grew up in the 1800s in Germany. He loved to play outside and we're like, yeah, that's just generic kid shit. Get on with it.

Right? Yeah. It said he loved trees. He loved squirrels. Presumably those are squirrels who were homeward bounding their way across Germany at the time so everything was fine. The whole continents back in his day. And they show a bunch of squirrels like for like two minutes of squirrels and the narrator

doesn't want to interrupt the squirrels when they have like a close up. So there's long shots of just like a squirrel doing squirrel stuff and he stops mid-sentence to just look at it. Yeah. Do you think the narrator thought like the squirrel could hear him? It's like, oh, God, I better stop speaking otherwise I'll run away. I don't want to chase him off or ruin the shot. Or was the squirrel like, hey, shut the fuck up. Who is that? Shut up.

And then so we're talking about Max Gerson playing outside as a kid. And they're like, he loved to watch fertilizer with great interest and we're like, fucking what? What? And he's like, and he noticed that when they put the fertilizer down, the earthworms would turn away from the crops. Doesn't he go even further? Doesn't he say about pesticides?

Yeah, well right. I think he said he puts pesticides down and that kept pests away. And this man is the genius who invented the girls' therapy. He's like, wow, he was such a smart kid. He knew pesticides would kill pests. Brilliant. Yeah, excellent. Right, but they're presenting that as though that's a problem.

Like, wow, this crop isn't even good enough for worms and bugs and we're going to eat it, right? But they're going to advocate for farmers that use like hot sauce for that. And yeah, the bugs would go away from hot sauce too. Right. This is nothing. Yeah, exactly. So we get a bunch of time-lapse shots of plants growing.

We see some chloroplasts, cause you know, if you use microscopic imagery, your movie must be science. And then we learned that when Max Gerson was a kid, he had really bad migraines, but don't worry, he eliminated his migraines by eating nothing but raw vegetables. And the thing is, if he was getting migraines because he had a specific migraine trigger in his diet, changing your diet, you might have by accident eliminated that trigger and started to get fewer migraines. So like that is not that out there. But from there to say,

and therefore I can cure tuberculosis and cancer and everything else is the step that you need to stop and think before you do that bit. Right. Like I used to get really bad migraines and I don't anymore. Right? Like that just sometimes that just happens. Yeah.

Name all the things you've done since. You can pick whichever one you want. And sell it to people. That could have just been the max. In a better world, that's the Max Gerson story. I used to get migraines and I don't anymore. And I haven't killed thousands of people. Right. The end. Yeah. This is a better world and squirrels are still circumnavigating the world. So yeah, but people started using his Gerson diet and it turned out that it also cured

all the other diseases. Who'da thunk? Right? And he does a trial on TB and he says he's doing it on like 450 patients and he tried to prove it to a doctor that it's true. And the doctor says to him, if you can show me that even one out of 450 patients improved, I'd believe Gerson treatment's real. It's like, no, don't, because statistically,

that's like a quarter of percent of patients. That's a really terrible metric to use for this trial. Not how it works. But everybody, let us know what we cured with this podcast just now, because I'm pretty sure one of you is going to find the cure that we found to something. Stopped having migraines.

Yeah, so, but of the 450 patients, 446 of them recovered Marsh. That is true. Fucking skeptic. That is true. And so they published that trial on a bunch of Gerson therapy websites, a hundred years later and nowhere else. They don't exist anywhere else that I could find. So yeah.

So, but, but meanwhile, in terms of his personal life, Gerson had three haunted dolls. Oh, sorry, those are his daughters, right? They showed this picture and I was just like, wow, that's the scariest shit I'm going to see in this movie. And this movie is about killing people with ass coffee. And I think so far, this has just felt like an episode of Evil Citation Needed, essentially. Right. And I think Evil Citation Needed, incidentally, even more of Eli's sketches in that end with someone dying. That's essentially the only difference,

just more depth in the sketches. Gerson needs a button to end the sketch of his life. That'd be great. There you go, yeah. So yeah, so Gerson fled Nazi persecution in Germany and settled in New York City. And then of course, the American medical community was stunned by his amazing ass coffee diet, right? But at the same time that he was stunning the medical community,

he also quote, invoked the dark forces within the medical establishment. Yeah, he ruined all their profits. No, he didn't. But yeah, the claim is he testified for the US Senate 1946 about how he definitely cured cancer and they were all psyched about it. And then some guy on like ABC radio announced that like, we have the cure for cancer, that's done now. And then the movie was like, well, that radio guy got fired for being a fucking idiot, so.

Well, but the movie makes it up like, but you know, they were trying to silence the newscaster that knew the truth, right? They're like, you know, he announced the cure and then was fired immediately after. And I'm like, well, I can think of a lot of reasons that might have been without conspiracies. Yeah. But then we learned that after Max died, Charlotte, his daughter kept plugging away at his cancer cure afterwards. Right. She, sorry, this is the first time we run into this movie's sloppy ass ADR.

So the actual quote in the movie is she encouraged Naded her father to publish his first book because encourage has been ADR over some other word that ended in Naded. Yeah. I was just reading the Bulgarian subtitles so I could stay with everything. Especially. Yeah. That made it much easier to follow. This is where we start seeing like his books slowly rotating and so they filmed this bit in the Hall of Rotating Book Translations in the Gerson Museum, which I assume is where this is all happening.

Right. Right. But yeah, his book is so good. it's been translated into Chinese and Korean, y'all. And then she closes this off by saying at the time of his death, he was tracking over 1500 patients. And I'm like, wow, that cure sure does seem clinically tested, doesn't it? Right? And the thing is, the book that he was talking about was, it was called something like 50 case studies on Gerson therapy, which is like, this isn't just some anecdotes, this is four dozen anecdotes

so it must be true, essentially. And I thought, is this the point where I get out my spreadsheet of people who used crowdfunders in order to try Gerson therapy but died within five years? So I did that and I found 145 cases that I had found where I could prove the person had died, which is presumably three times as convincing therefore as Gerson's book. So I think I win on that. Right. Well, and then that's just the thing, right?

That's the entire fucking game given away. They say he was tracking over 1500 patients and his book was 50 people who didn't die from it. Right? 50 out of 1500. And that's not all of the patients he's ever treated. It's thousands and thousands, right? Yeah. And it's great because the book, they show you some of the pages from the book,

and they've got a picture of a guy with like a fucked up nose, like he's clearly had cancer like around the nose and he's got a quite a disfigured nose. But they've anonymized the guy by putting white boxes over his eyes in the picture. I feel like the nose is going to be the giveaway. I feel like he'd still recognize Steve if his nose looked like that. Yeah, I would recognize Baltimore even in his sunglasses. Yeah, giant nose tumor Steve. No, no, no, we'll do his eyes and then we'll be fine. Yeah, this is like when the Dutch police arrested a bird for a crime.

And one of the local news groups put little black rectangles over the eyes of the bird. Amazing. So, okay. So then we pan over shelves after shelves of all the patient data that Dr. Gerson was tracking and they try to make it seem like this is a lot of boxes. There are nine of them, right? Yeah. And two of them have the word unsorted on the label which makes me question their record-keeping right yeah it's been years now yeah you know what else is make me question things boxes of the cure for cancer are being saved like your friend's dad's penthouse collection right yeah right come on in the fucking garage all mildewy and shit. But yeah, Charlotte Gerson,

who is in her 80s at this point, well, in real life, she's dead at this point, but when they made this movie in 2004, she was in her 80s. She's looking over some of these records. The movie tells us that she has a cancer institute in California and another one in Tijuana, because a lot of the shit she wants to do isn't legal in California, you see. Yeah. And I just love the way it shows her like going through those records, because she just loves to reminisce through all the boxes of confidential patient information, like any

good therapist would. Right. Yeah. Right. And look, I know you're already fighting an uphill battle when you're an old lady with a German accent and you're trying not to come across this evil. But I got a suggestion for you. Maybe you don't pull out your fucking carved elephant tusk crocodile to show that to everybody on the fucking movie. Like, she literally

she pulls this thing out and she's like, look at this, an elephant died just so that we could have this thing. Yeah. Yeah. This ivory is entirely illegal. And they even say it was made by natives in Africa. It's like, well, as opposed to migrants into Africa who took up whittling. Like, it's usually the natives who made it. Okay, I'm guessing they just wanted something here. And this was by far her least problematic piece of memorabilia.

They were like, I guess we're going with the poached ivory thing then. The heads of your enemies? Why would you pull that out? Yeah, yeah, exactly. They're also lighting her. She's like sat in front of a fire and she's lit in the way that I would light her to make her look evil. And I thought, is the director secretly on our side?

Could they just get that the lighting guy was on our side and they just could not get him to do it any other way than this. I'm sorry, man. She just looks evil no matter what we do. Yeah. And also there's this weird moment where they're like, and you know who didn't get Gerson therapy? Walt Disney. Look what happened to him. Fucking dead. Yeah. They don't point out that Steve McQueen did get Gerson therapy. Yeah. And we know what happened to him. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. But they were like, if Walt had gotten it, he'd have been alive today. I'm like, he would have been 103 when

you made this movie. What the fuck are you talking about? Gerson therapy turns you into cancer, which is immortal. Oh, right. Okay. I get it. I get it. Yeah. It's all cancer. Unfortunately, you're parasitic at that point. But hey, what are you going to do? There's also a note in here where they talk about like someone's daughter and they're going through the official case notes and they say that she had an undecipherable skin disease. So yeah, but like if your skin disease is decipherable, it means you've been possessed by some kind of demon who's trying to communicate.

Yeah, yeah, Freddy Krueger is in there. I think that's a tattoo you're describing. That's just words on the skin. So then, so we see a lady going into the Gerson Institute, which by the way, looks like if you've ever lived in a small town where there's a local genealogical center in downtown or whatever, it looks like that building, right? Oh, okay. Cause I don't have that reference.

So to me, it just looks like a house where your elderly aunt lives in the suburbs. It didn't look any more official than that to me. Yeah. Looks like a really scary episode of Hoarders was about to happen as we're going in. And then we go in and I'm like, yep, Hoarders. Wow. Yeah. Basically it says she established it in 1977. And from the look of it, she last decorated it in 1978. You got to get rid of these penthouses and these cures for cancer. It's too much. 1977. In case you wonder how American skepticism is doing ultimately. Yeah. And the narrator

cuts in and he's like, well, you know, the Gerson Institute does all kinds of things like seminars and luncheons. And I'm like, it's a cancer clinic. And the first two goddamn functions you thought to list were seminars and luncheons. Yeah. We do trust falls sometimes. Yeah. So we watch people cut vegetables. And of course they haven't told you yet that that is the therapy that like that's pretty

much half of it right there. Yeah. It's a big deal. Yeah. It looks like they're just preferring a buffet for the guests, but no, that's the treatment. What they're doing right there is the treatment. Right. It's a really long section of watching salad happen. Like, did somebody tell them salad is bad?

Like, who are they arguing against? It seems like they're arguing against an anti-salad conspiracy that I've never heard of. Right. Yeah. And Charlotte Gerson, she cuts in really quickly to let us know that, hey, funny enough in Mexico, they're allowed to call what they do a hospital. And then we get that we meet these two Czechoslovakian doctors that want to open up their own Gerson Clinic

in Czechoslovakia. Yeah. And so they talk about this, this hospital as if it's going to be a thing that's going to be opening up. They've meet, they're meeting with Charlotte. They're going to be opening this. That hospital, it never opened in Czechoslovakia, partly because the laws wouldn't allow it there. And also partly because Czechoslovakia stopped existing 12 years before this film was made. Right. That didn't help. Yeah.

And the Czech doctor is looking at us so blankly and I hope it's because he's thinking, oh, we came all this way to talk to her and it turns out she's fucking crazy. God, why isn't Zoom invented in 2004? This could have been a Zoom meeting. Well, the impression I got looking at their faces was just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's all bullshit. Just give me the certificate or whatever. I came a long fucking way.

Right. But then we meet some former patients that are practitioners at the clinic, right? We meet Kara Beard, whose daughter's asthma was miracle the way by apple juice, right? And ask coffee? Yeah, because she said like her daughter had really bad asthma and then she read about Gerson therapy and it made sense to her. So like so far we hadn't been told what Gerson

therapy is, but it's eight coffee enemas a day. So pouring cold coffee up her nine-year-old daughter's ass eight times a day to cure her asthma made sense to this lady. And this lady now runs the institute. She never recharged her like the day to day running. I need her to name some things that don't make sense to her. Just the scale. Where is that part of the scale? And she never actually says that her daughter survived. She said her daughter didn't have another asthma attack. So technically she could be correct on that. Yeah, it's so weird. She's like, my daughter's asthma was cured. My chronic fatigue was cured. Also I got cancer and that was cured by the girls. And I'm like, lead with the fucking

cancer lady. The fuck are you doing? But worse than that, she said like, she said she and her daughter like changed all of their diet throughout the toxic food, changed their entire lifestyle. Her daughter got better, and then she herself developed cancer. So like, you got sick after you started doing Gerson therapy. It clearly doesn't work that well, right? Well, no, because she did more Gerson therapy and the cancer went away, right? Yeah. Then she also, she starts talking about how like the scars on her face from a car accident started to disappear. And you could just feel the boss right off camera going, dial it back, dial it back. This is sounding stupid now. Yeah. Well, she says even about her cancer. She said the doctors said, like, you've got

a tumor there. We're going to do a wait and see. It doesn't look like it's cancerous, but we're going to wait and see. So she waited and saw, but also did some quackery at the same time. And the doctor's complete lack of concern proved to be right. There was no need to be worried, but it was a quackery that cured her cancer. It wasn't just like the doctors were like no it's probably fine but we'll keep an eye on it a year later no it was fine after all that's that's the whole story here. Yeah exactly. Yeah this whole movie is Donald Trump taking credit for April having happened when he predicted April was coming. Right and okay, and then we meet a lady who is cured of inoperable cervical cancer. Yep.

She's a former patient and like a grand niece of Max Gerson. Yeah. So you know she's objective because I'm very objective. Literally paid by the Gerson Clinic and is the next witness for the Gerson Clinic. Yeah. This is also where I wrote my notes. The ADR in this movie is trying to make Madame Webb feel better about itself. Oh, God.

It's so bad. At one point, the ADR in just the word Institute, and I don't know what word they could have said instead of Institute that they needed to insert Institute in, but they only inserted it into the right channel. Yes. So it just felt like someone had like lent in through the wall of my office, just to say the word institution fucked up again. I'm sure whatever they said was like hospital or clinic or whatever, they're like, no, legally

protected term, can't say that. Yeah, that's fair. That is fair. That's their lawyer leaning in from their right yelling institute. So yeah, so this one patient's like, yeah, you know, my doctors told me they needed to operate on my cancer and I said no. So I went to Mexico instead to get bullshit. And at this point I was writing that, yeah, it feels like real medicine doesn't need a

constant stream of former patients coming in to say, trust me, this did work. And you know, not to bring us down, but the ones it didn't work for aren't coming in to tell their story. They're the concentrate people. Yeah, this killed me. I died actually. And here's my testimony. Right.

Exactly. But yeah, we get this one guy who describes himself as a bit of a maverick when it comes to his own goddamn health. Yeah. Which is patient code for I am a fucking nightmare. I will be your doctor's nightmare. Yeah. Oh, this was the old guy who started to describe his prostate exam in fucking graphic detail and they had to cut. Yes. Yeah, that was fun. I enjoyed him.

He goes like, you know, they told me I was going to need surgery and I was like, fuck off. And I did Gerson therapy and I lost a lot of weight and I'm like, yeah, cancer will do that to you, man. Sure. And so will shitting all day. So, like, constantly shitting. Yes. And like, I'm not going to be funny, but like, he's not a man who walks like he's free from an obstructive growth inside his rectum.

When you see him walking, it's like, I'm like, I'll check out if I were you. Yeah, but he tells us he's like, when it comes to medical shit, he doesn't believe it until he sees it. He's like doubting Thomas. He's not going to believe your diagnosis until he can finger your spear holes. Right, but like if your example is prostate cancer, don't compare yourself to the disciple who checked things by putting his fingers in places. Because now everyone's just thinking you're spending all day finger up your ass.

There's no other way. Like I was a bowling ball that day. So, okay. So now it's time for us then to start slow rolling the therapy itself. We are 22 minutes in this movie. They finally are like, well part of it is juice, right? So we see this fucking juicer from like 1874 London or some shit, right? Right. And at the same time as we see that, they're saying like, okay, yeah, it is all

about juice, but you can't get the good medicine juice without our bleeding edge smushing technology that you're looking at right now from the industrial revolution with a smokestack coming out of it. Yeah. From 1876! From the Industrial Revolution with a smokestack coming out of it. Yeah. That's like, look, it's really important that fruit is juiced, but it's got to be juiced using a device that you've got to mortgage your house in order to afford. But that's fine, because at the end of the treatment, you won't be needing that house

anyway. So it all kind of works itself out. Okay, I think they're literally claiming here that if you use less than one ton of pressure to like smush a carrot, it's not going to cure the cancer. Yes. Right. Yes. They specifically say that you have to smush it first with one ton of pressure and then juice the smush. You juice the smush. That should have been the Gerson strap line. Juice the smush. Gerson therapy.

What if you use two tons of pressure? I feel like then you're like... Oh, I think you circle back around to cancer. You actually give yourself an answer. Oh, I was thinking you get an anti-tumor and it's like a rollover plan. So the next tumor you get is cancelled maybe. It does sort of feel like we're watching one of those like how it's made YouTube videos, but for tragic cancer deaths.

Right. That's what it feels like but for tragic cancer deaths. Right. That's what it feels like this is showing us. Right. Also, shouldn't it be like one ton per an area for the pressure thing to make sense? No. No, it's just one ton. What are you talking about? Just anywhere.

Okay. Sorry. It doesn't even make sense. So, but yeah, but they explained that the guy who invented that particular juicer lived to be a hundred and seventeen. So it must be magical. But no, he fucking didn't. Did you guys look this up? Oh no, I didn't.

Oh, of course you didn't. Norman Walker. No, no. He said Norman Walker died on June 6th at the age of 117. He's like, no, he fucking didn't. He was 99. And on top of that, he wasn't a doctor. He didn't have a PhD. So when you introduce him as Dr. Norman Walker, that wasn't true either. Yeah. This guy was just a liar. He was an honorary doctor of letters for turning 99 at some university. Just say 99 though. That's impressive.

That's really fucking old. Yeah. Jesus Christ. You've got to lie about that. He was also, he was the author of the book Diet and Salad, which is a book that would scare a young no illusions more than anything in the Goosebumps series. Oh yeah. Those two things. And there's another line in the Goosebumps series. Oh yeah.

And there's another line in this that I just had to write down. It says, when juice is drunk, it can enter the bloodstream almost as fast as alcohol. So, right, you just mean liquid there. Why don't you go one better and say, well, you know, when apples are crushed up and heated over a spoon, they can be injected into the bloodstream almost as fast as heroin. I was like, two tons of pressure and you just mainline that shit. You're good to go. heated over a spoon, they can be injected with heroin. I was like two tons of pressure and you just mainline that shit. You're good to go. Yeah, that's right. Right. Yeah. You're double immortal.

No, but they explain this. So they tell us that you have to drink 13, eight ounce glasses of juice a day, which is just shy of a fucking gallon. Yeah. Right. And then they say, but, you know, you don't just get juice. just shy of a fucking gallon. Yeah. Right? And then they say, but you know, you don't just get juice, you also eat food. And I'm like, okay, but that's true of all. You eat food no matter what therapy you're doing.

You don't mess. Yes. So you've got to have an hourly, like smoothed juice every hour for 13 hours. It's going to be freshly juiced using that medieval carrot-torturing device you've been watching. Which means you can never ever be more than say half an hour away from home and you're not getting into the pulp of the fiber. So you're going to end up like on the toilet with some real issues. So basically every hour of your waking life is going to be divided into 20 minutes of peeling and chopping vegetables, 10 minutes of juicing and drinking it, 20 minutes of aggressive shitting and 10 minutes of living.

So you do get that every hour. Well, live in your best life though, Mark. I was like, all right, I'm starting to understand how the enema becomes part of the plan. Like that's just the upgrade or whatever. But to be clear, the movie like names numbers by accident for a second. They're like, yeah, okay. So that would be like 104 ounces of smushed carrots daily that's like 22 pounds of physical carrots every day that seems impossible doesn't it no it's not though yeah no that's

what they show us it they show us what a day's worth of food looks like and if I pause and I counted it it was 50 carrots two whole red cabbages, three whole heads of broccoli, more than a dozen oranges, and about like eight or nine apples, and one bell pepper. Every day. That's what you get to take every single day. And this is a regime that the lady said made sense to cure a nine-year-old's asthma. That's right. Well, I'll tell you what, this whole thing is starting to feel way too much like Eli taking me to a restaurant, so I need a break, but we're going to be back in a minute with even more of The Gerson Miracle.

Dr. Brown Green, Dr. Green Brown, thank you so much for coming. Of course. Now, as I'm sure you're aware, this Dr. Max Gerson has finally hit upon the miracle cure for cancer and all other human maladies. Seems weird that you'd say cancer AND all other human maladies. Yeah, just all human maladies would already cover that. The cancer. Well, I was... Am I adding emphasis?

Yeah, okay. So, what was the cure? I heard it was apple juice and ass coffee. You know, it doesn't matter. And I'm sure you'll agree, we can't afford to let any cure go public. We'll be ruined. We'll be what? Yeah, how so? Ruined?

Well, yeah, through all the money that we make off of cancer and all the human maladies. That'll dry right up. No, no it won't. We'll just use this new miraculous treatment instead of the other stuff, obviously. Right. Yeah. Apple juice and ass coffee. That's going to be way easier than what we're doing now.

So much easier. Well, right. But you can't, but we can't patent that. Well, no, but as Dr. Gerson and his generations show, you can make a lot of money off promoting the therapy and prescribing supplements with it. There's that. Right, but not... That would be different money, though.

So you'd rather allow people to die from diseases that could be easily cured just because you don't want to learn a new skill. Or just slightly adjust the one you have? Slightly adjust it. Exactly, yes. Okay, but how can you suppress something as simple as apple juice and ass coffee? Well we'll make it illegal. Illegal to drink apple juice and to squirt coffee up your bum? Well, no, just illegal to do it, you know, therapeutically.

Okay. But won't people notice that a small subset of them are immortal from all the apple juice and all the ass coffee? Shockingly, no, no one will ever notice. Nah, I feel like they would. It seems like they would. Now, as long as no nauseously filmed YouTube videos slip through the cracks, we should be okay.

This seems like a really dumb plan. And we're back for more of this shit. We're going to open up on the admission that yes, there is more to this therapy than just pulverized juice, right? We learned that nutrition is only half the battle. I'm pretty sure the other half is knowing. So, right. But no, but they explained that we have to get rid of our accumulated toxins because

quote, our lifestyles have us dying while we're still alive. I did not hear that quote. That's incredible. That's the only option. That's kind of the nature of the word. The dying. And this is where we see like footage of Charlotte Gerson things and it's like, okay, maybe don't take a health advice from someone who is very clearly staring at a computer monitor in a

completely pitch black room, just lit up by the blue of the computer. This is not good for you. Why is this movie intentionally lighting her like she's the villain at all times? It's like it knows. Well, this is also where they, they like reveal her book, but they do it in the spinning book room. So it looks like they're unveiling the super weapon, right? And they are. And they are. Yes, they are.

It could be, you know, the toxins. It could be the squirrels can't jump across the world anymore. It could be the computer dungeon at the Gersten Clinic. There's a lot of different factors going on. Bad for your health. So yes, and he's like, you know, in her book she lists all the different environmental toxins that we see like the list, right? They're panning down the list and they're like, and it's really long. And I'm like, well, she had to make that word count somehow, didn't she?

Exactly. And it's, the voiceover says the toxins are in the most surprising places. But if you pause and look at the list, one of the things that's a surprising place for toxins is industrial toxins. Oh, industrial. Yes. You need artisanal toxins if you're going to get air loom toxins. But then he's trying to show us all of the toxins that we're exposed to. And he's like, look at these power lines and there's microwaves that probably gives you cancer. Right. And think about getting into your car.

Yeah. And when he says that, they zoom in on the California cancer warning that's on cars like, oh, you know, getting in your car might cause cancer. Look, a fucking cancer warning in California means as much as the Pope's blessing, okay? Just fucking shut up with that. Yeah, it's like, right, lesson learned, don't lick the car seats. That's all you learn from this.

Yeah, fine. They also say that all of dentistry gives you cancer apparently, like everything they do. And I was like, okay, well then, I guess that's not a problem, because you live on baby food, you don't everything they do. And I was like, OK, well, I guess that's not a problem because you live on baby food. You don't really need teeth. Yeah.

So all juice and mush. Yeah. So and then they go through this. There's this like this three minute long fucking hitch cocky and pan through a cheap motel room to catalog all the various toxins that we'll encounter. And they make it seem like this is a typical day. So you get in the car, then you drive to like a cheap motel because you know, you're a low level hitman, I guess.

I don't know why else you're in this like really- You're fucking Jack Reacher. And it tries to like make it all terrifying in there. Like it's a nightmarish mix of toxins from a nearby car that like comes in electronic fields from the light switch. Like there's a pop scare on the light switch. Like, not the light switch. Everywhere you go, they're trying to do scary music.

Like, the bathtub is going to get you. The empty bathtub is going to get you. Seriously, I felt really bad for the orchestra that did the soundtrack here, because the score was just like, pop scare, pop scare, pop scare, pop scare. They're just looking at everything. They don't know what to do. They're just trying to do stings after stings after stings. Just more generally though, the danger of going to the meth motel that I'm looking at

is not the exhaust for two minutes of the car in the parking lot outside of your room. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, they go through all the chemicals that are there. They don't even get to the chemicals that are present in the cum that's inevitably coating the mattress in that place. They don't even get to the chemicals that are present in the cum that's inevitably coating the mattress in that place. They don't even get to those chemicals. He's like, they go into the bathroom and he's like, oh, you think you can clean the toxins off in this tub? But the tub is toxic. And this toilet paper? Well, that's going to smear

toxins all up in your body. And I'm like, how, where are you putting the toilet paper, man? I mean, how far in does it go? And he says, you know, the toilet has been sanitized for your protection and there is no way the toilet seat in this motel has ever been sanitized for anyone's protection. I love too, because it's like, and then you go to bed. You know better than to use one of those brain cancer causing cell phones, but the landline's still pretty bad. And the alarm clock, the alarm clock is like pumping electronic waves into your head overnight all the time.

Into your dreams and shit. There is no line in this rant that could not be logically followed by a warning that they're coming for our precious bodily fluids. Okay. And the end, the end with like, even this movie is toxic and bad for your health because they're talking about the film, but I just thought, buddy, you've got no idea how true that is. Right. But don't worry, there is a better way.

Most of the toxins can be removed with strict adherence to the Gerson therapy. This is the part where we're going to add organic coffee to the mix, but not from that direction. Right? Did we all think these were peanuts at first? It cuts like a massive vat of peanuts. And I thought, oh, fuck, you're also going to have to eat like a two litre jug of peanuts every day as well. This is a nightmare.

Yeah, they pan over what I was sure was evil peanuts. And then I was like, oh, no, it's that's actually healing organic coffee beans. They just forgot to stop the evil pop scare music from the last scene and like the demonic contrast filter for everything. And then the orchestra, I felt bad again. They had to do this jarring cut. They're doing all this evil shit and then it was like, no, no, no, it's organic coffee. Boop, boop, boop. Yeah, this fucking pan flute cuts in and I'm like, the pan flute music under the coffee up the ass portion of the movie, that's a nice touch. Yeah, it sort of feels like the theme from the original Star Trek, but if it was produced

by Studio Ghibli. That's what the music is under this scene. Okay, and they tell us the reasoning here for a second. They're like, yeah, so 22 pounds of carrots made into juice. That destroys a liver. So, yeah, that's on us. We found the cure to our own thing, which is fixing the liver by shooting coffee up your ass. Yeah. You need to be distracted with an anal espresso or a crapuccino. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you. Okay. So like, wouldn't you just do drinking coffee first at least? Like, it's gonna wind up there anyway. Yeah. Or maybe they did and then he was like, hold on.

What about ass first? Like, what's the brain space when you're coming up with coffee enema? But maybe, maybe he went the other way. Maybe he just went straight to the coffee enema before he thought of drinking it. And therefore, maybe he did that with the juice as well. Maybe originally it was like the 13 juices up the ass. Which explains why you're having so much. Because you're not going to actually absorb much of it anally.

So we just have a constant flood of juice up your ass and maybe some of it will somehow get into your system. Okay. So you know how putting stuff in your mouth makes you expel shit from your butt sometimes? What if we flip the paradigm? Weird. So also, by the way, if you're trying to sell me on squirting coffee up my ass, don't show it to me while it's steaming fucking hot over and over again, right?

Yeah. At least he went mouth to ass. I guess that's good in some sense. Okay. But now they're like, okay So how does one blow coffee up one's ass and I'm like if I had a nickel doc what yeah Ask how does one make a coffee in a mess? Okay. It feels like there's only two steps and one long hose I think that's the right exactly exactly. I was like start with mung beans, right?

And then and you got it you move to the coffee, I think is the key also. Yes. The coffee moved to you, that hurts. Yeah, right. But he says it starts with a quart of distilled water. And I wrote, well, first it starts with looking at what the fuck a quart is. What the fuck is a quart? Use the metric system. It is literally a thousand times better than the imput. Not even like 960. Literally a thousand times better. Yeah, nice and round.

Yeah, so first you bring it, if you want to make an ass coffee enema at home, you can follow along. You bring a quart of water, don't do this. On the stove, you bring it to a boil. You add in three tablespoons of drip ground coffee, only legitimate use of drip ground coffee to be fair. And then you stir. Simmer on low heat for 15 minutes,

and strain. Come on, 15 minute brew time? You're ruining that ass coffee. That's absurd. And also, so then they strain it into this measuring cup and we sit here and we watch this measuring cup cool for an entire violin solo. Yeah, and the shots of this brown liquid already look revolting before it's been in anyone's eyes. It's already looked disgusting. And it's so, it's triggering to me because we see it in the measuring cup. I can see the milliliters just there.

You can show, you're showing me the milliliters and you're just ignoring it. You've gone above the red line. This is horrifying. Learn to read a meniscus. Fuck. So then it's like, oh, by the way, you're going to want to take your ass coffee in a relaxing environment. And I'm like, did you think we were going to do it in traffic?

What did you have in mind? But he takes it. He says you do it in like a candlelit environment because you've got to like romance the coffee into your ass. Okay. And this was the same candle from the beginning. Oh, yes. So in my head, this ass coffee scene and the title cards at the beginning

happened right next to each other in the filming of this documentary. Going at the same time, yes. Yeah. We all noticed there was a guy in the background, right? The whole way of this, of the end of the shot, there's a guy just like writhing uncomfortably in a bed in the background. Unhappy. I was worried about that dude yeah.

This was the original two girls one cup video right here. For sure. So and then they're like oh by the way let it cool to body temperature. Oh boy did we learn that. Best part of waking up. two girls and one cup. Coffee in your ass. Yeah. So and then and then we get to the point where he's like, pour it into the animal bucket. And then they're like, well, now we have to say, stick it up your ass. How do we say that? Fancy it says. And then once rectal insertion is

accomplished and I'm like, oh, nice. Yeah, you want to use the passive voice for that. I think that was smart. Also, there's the best ADR in the movie. So there's a little stopper at the end of the enema tube that, you know, you let you open it up once it's up your ass. In the video, they've got the stopper way too close to the end of the tube. Right. And so they cut in on the ADR and they're like, by the way, you want eight inches of tube there. That part doesn't go up your ass. The stopper,

once you get it up there, there's no way to stop. Okay. Patreon goal for the PJ party is locked. I will have, there's a number for me and it's not that high. It's not that high of a number. No, but it's a high number because we'd also have to combine it with Eli's coffee order and this is it's not going to be any better. Yeah. No matter how he's taking it.

This is a good point. And then they're like, once it's drained, it is once you get passive voice, it is retained in the colon for 12 to 15 minutes. And I'm like, I feel like that's trickier than you're making it sound, man. Hold. That's the last 15 steps. So then, okay, so we cut over to Charlotte so that we can deify her some more. And I noticed we cut here, we don't get a what happens after you've held a liter of

coffee in your ass for a quarter of an hour in the tutorial in this movie. We move straight on at that point. No, no, and this was the best best segue because they had to be like, no, don't, not, we're done with that information. We do other stuff also with Gerson therapy. And speaking of blowing shit out of your ass. Here's Charlotte Gerson Absolutely Yeah, so and they're like, you know hundreds of physicians around the world have been trained by Charlotte and I'm like, okay

Look, even if this shit was real Would physicians really need this lady's advice on how to juice apples and squirt wheat coffee up people's asses? Right. Like I feel like they'd be able to figure that shit out. You got to know the tonnage. I guess that's one detail, but that's just like a text. Yeah. Yeah. It's one, by the way. Yeah. Right. It's one.

It's shocking that it's exactly one unit in. Right. Yeah. The imperial system. Weird. Americans never get to feel that. So yeah. And then the narrator's like, you know, it's illegal Exactly one unit in the imperial system. Weird. Americans never get to feel that. So yeah, and then the narrator's like, you know, it's illegal in the US to treat people with this stuff. Can you believe that?

And I'm like, I honestly can't, but from the different direction than the one you're thinking of. Yeah, unbelievable. It's illegal to inflate cancer patients like big coffee filled balloons. What do they think those regulate? But then they talk about her hospital quote unquote in Mexico. And he says, again, and I quote, most patients who have inoperable cancer leave the hospital to continue the therapy at home.

And I'm like, well, all of them leave the hospital. Yeah. You're just arguing that she isn't kidnapping people. That's all you're denying. And it feels like that needed denying. I also like the fact that she commutes to Mexico. It's like, yeah, because the US border is more porous than a cancerous colon. So therefore, Charlotte just commutes to Mexico.

The rectal exams for her when she crosses that border, no problem. They stop doing that. They learn their lesson after the one. You keep saying hold, hold. And on the thing about like the patients leaving after four weeks to do the therapy at home, bear in mind that Gerson clinics typically tell you you're not allowed to get cancer scans because they think the scans make cancer worse. So you go there and they say, okay, now stop checking to see if you've got cancer or not. Now you can leave, but don't check. All right. Definitely don't check.

So that's why people leave after that point. Yeah. Wow. So, yeah. So, so then we go with her to her Tijuana Hospital, you know, whatever the fuck they're allowed to call it or whatever. And we talked to a couple of patients they've cured of cancer too, to be specific, right? Of this entire fucking hospital they could find two people that are like, yeah, I feel good and think this is working. Yeah. Right.

The first one's holding a coffee. And I was like, that's a weird moment whenever they serve coffee at a girls' clinic, right? Like, everybody's like, all right. Is that for your, no, for your mouth. OK. All right. And I love the Alaskan lady she's talking to, you know, that she's like,

you know, well, you know, they told me I had cancer and so they said I should have chemotherapy and Charlotte Gerson's like, and you didn't have chemotherapy. And she's like, no, no, I did have the chemotherapy. And then I did this bullshit. And hey, what do you know? I'm feeling way better. And the thing is talking to cancer patients about the cancer that they've still got isn't good proof that they're cured of cancer.

Because this is while they're still getting the treatment. So this isn't like the treatments work and I'm cancer free. It's like, I'm here, I currently have cancer. What do you think you're proving right now, Charlotte? Absolutely nothing. Well, Marsh, this lady from Alaska, she lost eight centimeters of cancer in the first day. Yeah. I don't think doctors typically measure how well your

cancer is doing by using a tape measure. I don't think that's the instrument that they would normally do to tell you how much cancer you've got. Yeah, I don't think it would be one dimensional if they did either. I don't know. Well, and even Charlotte's like, maybe tie it back a little bit. Right the way she goes, wow, that's unrealistic. And then she's like, and then it was only two centimeters

of cancer from that point not much better much better So and but then they assure us they're like and by the way there were a lot of other people in Mexico that were getting Better you don't know them there. They're from Mexico, right? Like there was a weird fucking moment where they're like, you know, they didn't have they were they had shit going on Didn't want to talk to us about it, but they were yeah, they had shit going on. They certainly want to talk to us about it, but they were fine. Oh yeah, they had shit going on. They certainly had shit going on. It's such an awkward moment being like, nobody else except two people, even though we're curing them all of cancer, wanted to be in our documentary.

They're just constantly shitting and the film crew was like, we can't use this. And this is where the voiceover says, and despite the success and statistics, it's like, yeah, neither of those things are these testimonials. Nope. These two stories are not successes and they're not statistics. But yeah, despite these things. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, exactly.

Well, and then it's like, all right, so maybe those anecdotes didn't convince you. How about these anecdotes? Right? So we carry on to a new, So this is where we meet Debbie. This is where we meet a dog. This is where we meet a dog. Oh, we do meet a dog. Debbie has a dog on her lap to distract us from how horrifying her fucking story is. But yes.

I was so mad. I was like, don't use a dog to trick me right now. I'm very happy and I don't like this. I don't like that I'm happy watching your piece of shit liar movie. That dog is getting the massage of its life and it is loving every second of it. Yeah, absolutely. He's screeches. Yeah. And while she's screeching the dog, she's like, yeah, you know, my dog or my dog. Yeah.

See, it's doing it to me right there. My doctor told me that I needed chemo and I said no. So this movie is directly saying to us, don't follow your doctor's advice if they recommend chemo, but don't worry, there's a cute dog while they do it. Yeah, absolutely. And the thing is that what they're pointing out here is that like, oh, lots of former patients are still in touch with Charlotte. Okay, that already sounds fairly ethically dubious that she like keeps in touch and becomes close friends with them.

But the point is that the former patients who survive, yeah, they tend to like Charlotte. The dead ones don't so much. She's not in touch with the dead ones. So of course the only people we could talk to are the ones who are still alive. Yeah, exactly. And this is where they claim that like chemo just kills you, kills all your cells. Gerstin therapy makes all your cells extra strong so they can eat the cancer. And then at this point I was like, hold on though, wouldn't the cancer cells be all like yoked up on Captain America carrot serum too? They ate their spinach too. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, there's also this point

in Debbie's story where she's like, you know, I kept going to my doctor and they just never seen something so miraculous. And the way she tells the story, it's very obvious that the doctor was just, was just a good doctor, right? He's like, you know, she was like, I would come in and he would always comment on how upbeat I was and how well he just couldn't even believe that I was one of his cancer patients. And I'm like, that just sounds like a doctor being nice. And she's like, so obviously he was so impressed with my ass coffee that I was unlike any other patients. Yes. Yeah. Oh, and there's a bit in her story where they've had to do like a cut.

And so they cut to like a close up of the dog, but it just makes it seem like it's a dog telling their cancer story as well. And one point they had to take away the dog because like it was like too cute and too happy for like a cancer speech and they cut now the dogs not with her and Then we get some other lady telling the cancer story, but the camera guys just like playing with the dog Yeah, and won't shoot the other lady is the best Yeah, but now but Debbie knew three other ladies that had the same cancer as hers at the same time They didn't get the therapy and they all died So there's that then we we hear from Debbie's daughter who sure is glad her mom didn't get the therapy and they all died. So there's that. Then we hear from Debbie's

daughter who sure is glad her mom didn't get that stupid chemo. Will Barron And that is the kind of cancer expert that we do need for a balanced film here. A daughter who was 12 when her mom got cancer. That's the kind of expertise that we should be really relying on to tell people to follow up. Yeah. Jared Sarkissian Or how about we hear from Deb's husband who married her after all this shit happened. Yeah, exactly. He said, I met her a few years ago and we immediately get cut off. And that might be because as we see him, a phone rings in the background and we hear the fucking

conversation happening. Yes! We can hear someone talking. It didn't even go, we're filming, I'll call you back. They're having a fucking conversation. So yeah, yeah, no, we've got the film crew in. Yeah, about the ass coffee stuff. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's piled up everywhere. It's ridiculous. But wait, there's another anecdote out of Colorado, and this is the hardest this movie is ever going to be. Right. Mm hmm.

This is where we meet 12 year old Stephanie. Now Stephanie, and now the movie is going to tell us that we shouldn't get chemo for our children who have cancer. Right. Just to let you know where we're at. So they're sure telling us Stephanie's story. She had cancer of the everything. She had a 10 and a half hour surgery and then 15 other surgeries and chemo. The kid had really been through some serious shit, right? She had like five, six kilometers of tumor and the doctors just had to like rip organs out with spoons. They actually say she was a bald skeleton. Like the exact words. Yeah. Terrifying.

Yeah. Fuck you. This movie. That exact words. A bald skeleton. Yeah. Terrifying. Yeah. Fuck you, this movie. That's it. It's genuinely horrific to hear that. And that's not even the worst thing that they say. It's like, Christ, this kid has been through so much. Don't make her be a testimonial as well as this. Because like, she's been through all that, and now she's in a Gerson therapy documentary.

So the answer isn't, and then she was perfectly fine and healthy for the rest of her life. Yeah. Right. Also, was anybody picturing a hairy skeleton? That was just a weird thing to say. Right. Skeletons typically are both. So, but then we hear from the little girl herself and she's like, so my mom, she heard about this alternative stuff. And so they took that family's money, right? They charged this family. They gave them false hope. They made them pay for a pointless trip to Tijuana on top of whatever they charged them

for fucking apple juice and coffee enemas. Okay. Question. Do you think kids get ass cocoa instead of ass coffee? At least decaf? I don't know. Yeah, no, congratulations. This is a hard one to make jokes for.

Well done. Oh yeah. Especially when we get what is, this is my best worst, the most evil line ever included in a GAM film, at the end of this kid's testimonial the voice over says, for now, this obviously is not a report of a totally cured patient. It's like, yeah, you're saying the kid still got fucking cancer. She's only been doing gersin therapy for like a year or something like that. Like this is still a very sick kid that you're just exploiting for this fucking documentary.

And yeah, she's feeling she might have a bit more energy. She said, I feel I've got more energy now. So yeah, you've got more energy than you had when you were getting chemotherapy or recovering from 16 surgeries. You're going to have a bit more energy than that, but don't use this poor kid as your fucking testimonial. And maybe don't end the segment like a fucking beer commercial with this little kid being like, here's my 13th pint of carrot smush in a frosted glass.

Yeah. Fuck you. One of the hardest things I've ever had to watch, and I watched the fucking Glob Glob Gab Galab for you motherfuckers. There's even a part in here where they were like, and the whole family felt better. Even the dog was happy again. And I'm like, motherfucker, leave the dog out of this shit. Right?

The dog can't say no. There was no evidence the dog was ever unhappy. We didn't interview the dog about how it was, we interviewed a different dog. We didn't interview this dog about how it was feeling. Now, and in case this movie has made you think that you know all you need to know, right? Because you're, well, I know how to juice carrots and shove coffee up my ass. They explained to you that you still need to go to the Gerson Clinic because there's also supplements that are very important in terms of the ass coffee and carrot juice diet. They try to make it all seem very scientific.

They say it's all the therapy is adjusted precisely. It's like, look, it's not adjusted precisely. The therapy is smooshed carrots. They don't like very how smooth the carrots get. You're not like, oh, we need you 80% smoosh. You're only an 85% smooshed carrots kind of guy. You take a carrot and you smoosh it. It's not that accurate or precise.

Well, maybe the adjustment precisely is depending on butthole situations. I don't know. Something like that. How far in? Yeah. You're going to really need nine inches, actually. How ductile? What?

Yeah. So, but they explained that Dr. Gerson came up with a very important supplement. Apparently, it's like 11 herbs and spices kind of thing. They can't tell us what's in it. But he came up with it after nearly 300 experiments. I guess it undoes all the table salt and toothpaste that's been killing you. Oh, yeah. This is where they say, actually, table salt is poison.

I think those exact words in this movie. Yep. Yes, they do say that. And I wrote, look, I'm from the northeast of England. Table salt is one of the four main food groups. You take that back. Table salt is all we fucking got. Although, a medium carrot, I looked this up, has 42 milligrams of sodium. So, sure hope the body doesn't have any chloride anywhere coursing through it constantly. Your entire bloodstream, idiots. Yeah. This is also where we hear from their flaxseed oil guy in Oregon.

And for some reason they've chosen to interview him outside of this noisy ass fucking industrial park where their plant is. It's so weird. It's basically, and now we go live to a word from our sponsor, Robert Gaffney of Amiga Flax Oil Production. And he's just outside of his building, like watching we go live to a word from our sponsor, Robert Gaffney of Amiga Flax Oil Production. And he's just outside of his building, watching trucks go by and commenting, oh, that truck's going into my building. Oh, this one's coming out of the building.

Do you want to see some flax? I guess. I guess that's what you're here for. At one point he even talked about how they built the building, like the construction of the building. It's like, yeah, but I mean, I guess that the building, like the construction of the building. It's like, yeah, but I mean, I guess that's preferable to like the kids with cancer bit. So like, yeah, tell me more about the structure of the building, Robert. Just let anything so I don't have to watch a 12 year old explain how ill they are.

Seriously, I was waiting for the theme song from the BBC office to come on because it looks like slough. It was just like, all right, go in the building or whatever. So, yeah, he tells us that this is actually the quote most sophisticated oil facility in North America. And I'm like, I don't think that it is, man. But we watch him press, they have touchscreens for their flexing oil pressing. That's pretty sophisticated. I feel like the flax seeds are not getting a ton of pressure when they get the oil out.

It didn't look like they had precisely like as they had touchscreens. So yeah, but they explain that flax seed oil should be consumed raw and cold. Yeah. For maximum discomfort. Yeah. Yeah. Right. In case this wasn't unpleasant enough, the coffee up the ass and the fucking 19 gallons of juice today also drink raw cold flaxseed oil.

God. Yeah. Also, when you're digesting flaxseed oil, I feel like it's going to get up into the like the high 90s, most likely Fahrenheit, right? Yeah. Right. With digestion. But the narrator says at one point, he's like, there are many holistic approaches to healing. And I'm like, oh, what you're saying there is nobody's bullshit has to match. So what if somebody else told you to do the warm flaxseed oil? It's all different, the same.

Yeah. And then it says like Gerson therapy utilizes some of them. So why wouldn't it use all of them? If you think they're all valid, why is it going to, oh no, those things are great, but we don't do them. We don't want to make it too easy on us things are great, but we don't do them. We don't want to make it too easy on us. We want to give the cancer a fighting chance.

Give the cancer a knife and throw them out in the woods. Then you hunt it for a little bit. It's fun. Yeah, yeah. So he also claims that over half of the medical visits in the US and Canada are to alternative therapists. There is no way that's true. Yeah, I was just saying, citation needed, but also holy shit, what a terrifying aspiration.

Right? Yeah. While they're making up numbers, might as well do another, right? They say, our understanding of holistic medicine here in the United States is 75 years behind the rest of the world. I think that's the exact words. Yep. Yeah, it is. We cannot allow a bullshit gap to it. Yeah, we're also like 600 years behind on our understanding of geocentrism.

I guess that's just a crazy way to say things though. All right. Well, I didn't realize our national pride was at stake here. So I guess I'm going to need a minute to reassess. But first, let me give Act Three the hard sell. Will this movie accidentally say a true thing? Will they take it back? How much bad shit could I legally hope will happen to them out loud?

Bind out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the homicidal conclusion of The Gerson Miracle. Okay, the boss wants a cancer cure right now and I feel like we're going in with nothing. This is our last chance. Walk and talk, come up with something. Okay, no, wait, wait, wait.

I thought we were doing the carrots. You mean just, fuck it, just people eat carrots? Yes. That's, dude, that's nothing. Oh, no, hold on, let me finish. What about carrots, but the juice of carrots? Right, but people already eat carrots and drink carrot juice. There's still cancer. Okay, hold on a second. How hard are they smushing the carrots in a juicer? Do you know? Like, how much pressure?

I don't I don't know. OK, because I was thinking a literal ton. Nobody's doing that. There's no way anybody's doing that. A ton? You want to tell the boss that we're going to cure cancer with a fucking one ton carrot, one ton carrot smasher. Exactly. Dude, we can't tell him that we got to go in.

I'll tell you what, I'll ask him for more time. Alright. Hey boss, it's been a little- Oh my god, what the fuck is that? Are you putting coffee in your butt with a hose? What? No, no. Okay, yes, but this, this is to kill the cancer. Oh.

Ah. Cool. Great idea the cancer. Oh. Ah. Cool. Great idea, boss. Yeah, yeah. So I'm super happy for the cancer people. So yeah, is that a coffee for me? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I got this one for you. Thanks, thanks.

Non-pasteurized raw milk, right? Well, just regular milk. Are you crazy? I'm going to get osteoporosis. Right. Uh, non-pasteurized raw milk, right? Well, just regular milk. Are you crazy? I'm gonna get osteoporosis! Right. I'm sorry. Fucking stupid. Like, osteoporosis. Sorry, what? Nothing. Nothing.

Right. Nothing. Right. Watch the hose! And we're back for more of this shit. We're going to rejoin the action by summarizing what we've learned so far. Veggies down, coffee up. Right? That's pretty much the whole thing. Then he tries to sell us on buying organic.

Right? God. Yeah. This is where he says the foundation of the Gerson therapy is salad. It's not even me saying that as a joke. He says it's salad. It is salad. Yeah's not even me saying that as a joke. He says it's salad. It is salad.

Yeah, it really is. And at that point I was like, do I need to put salad in my butt now? I was just kind of like joking to myself. And literally the movie then immediately cuts to a long shot of a cucumber. And I was like, wow. Okay. Message received. I'm on board now. I'm listening again. He also says that plants, like the human body, need more nutrients than they get. And I really wanted him to start pitching us on how to give a coffee enema to a carrot. Like just to really start turning it on itself.

And this is where we meet Wes Yamato. He's the foreman of an organic farm. And this man is so nervous to be on camera that I was nervous for him. It was one of those things. He talks entirely in buzzwords throughout this entire interview, but at the speed of somebody whose native language isn't buzzword. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. He sounds like he's cornered you at a party to tell you about the organic vineyard his parents have bought.

Yes. Is his aim just to talk so long that it leaves no time for the dangerous cancer claims? He's like, I've cornered you at a party to tell you about the organic vineyard his parents have bought. And I thought, is his aim just to talk so long that it leaves no time for the dangerous cancer claims? He's like, if I filibuster, they can stop killing people for at least 10 minutes. Seriously, I was like, well, fuck. I will have sex with you. Just stop talking about the vineyard. Nobody cares.

Biodynamic is nonsense. That's nothing. The narrator comes in and then he's like, oh, you know, you can even buy from a farmers market. Right. So now they're trying to sell us out of farmers market. So we pan for like, I don't know, most of my life over these fucking vegetables poured out of baskets. Do they not know how baskets work? Every one of these baskets is like upended on the side and just spilled out. That's going to be a nightmare to tidy up after.

Just leave them in the baskets. Why are you like tipping them out of the baskets? There's a basket tipper at this market. That's like the job. Yeah. It's like setting up still life. And a basket on tipper. A basket de-tipper.

Yeah, absolutely. Exactly. And then also there's a moment where we ride around a produce section from a shopping cart as though we're getting like a fucking yamseye view of things. Yeah. Yes. And I wrote, finally this movie is behind bars. Oh shit, no, it's just a shopping cart.

How disappointing. Yeah. And we get a bunch of Charlotte Gerson close-ups here. So the movie's like, all right, well, if you have any doubt about Gerson therapy, look at Charlotte Gerson's fuckable skin. Just look at that. And I was like, what are you talking about? It's a 90 year old woman.

Definitely. There was a, but she's pretty fuckable for 83 moment there. Yeah. Holy shit. 100%. She has the quality. Her skin has the quality and texture of someone much younger. Texture. Quality. Like, hey, guys, come and feel the quality of my skin. The camera. You can hear the camera guy being like, huh?

She said he says she never does. She doesn't need reading glasses and she never gets sick. And I'm like, show me her reading something. First of all, I don't believe you on the less outrageous claim there. Yeah. Right. And she says on this diet, you never need to worry again about dieting to lose or gain weight.

So yeah, mostly because you'll be shitting twice an hour and like most of your focus will be on your tortured anus. You have no space for anything else. Yeah. Your entire day is shitting at the same time as eating every waking hour. That's all you're doing. Yeah. They actually say, Gerson therapy makes you live life to the fullest.

And I was like, well, I mean, I guess if you have some very specific kinks, maybe, but mostly no. Also, I have to highlight this one bizarre fucking line. The narrator says, and I quote, it has been said that grocery stores are like mausoleums where dead food lies in state. Okay, but the guy who was saying that was shouting it in a subway, man. What the fuck are you talking about? Do you want live food in cages walking around?

Like as the display? I don't understand. Well, yeah, he explains that pasteurization is bad, but coffee of your butthole will give you sexy bones. And then he says that Gerson therapy also grants you a higher vibration. What would that mean? Cut or spiritual consciousness then cut. Yeah, right.

But to be clear, this counts for all religions. Whatever your religion is, you'll be more that too. And then I guess really they're just going to round the movie off now by giving us either medium good advice or good advice so that later they can say, what are you talking about? The movie was dangerous. We told people to get a good eight hours of sleep and drink plenty of water, right? Like that kind of shit. Well,

they just said that Gerson therapy people are like just clacking around, vibrating like a windup toy, like the chattering teeth. So like, Yeah. Well, they just said that Gerson therapy people are like just clacking around vibrating like a windup toy, like the chattering teeth. So like, got to ease it back here a little bit. Right, right. So he tells us the power of positive thinking, apparently coffee in your ass clears your mind. And I see how that works, right? Whatever you were thinking about before. Sure. Yeah. about before. Oh, he tells us that coffee up your ass will also cure drug addiction, crime, and mental illness. Now crime, I feel like, you know, like if I can catch the criminal

fast enough, yes. But like, yeah, it says, cocaine and heroin addicts destroy their cravings within 72 hours on the Gerson therapy. And I thought, okay, that feels like a scientific hypothesis. This podcast was perfectly designed to test. I reckon one of you guys would be quite easy to put that to the test if you wanted to. I will get addicted to heroin. That's it.

There's also this moment where they're like doing some ominous pill crushing because they're trying to do drug addiction, but it's obviously a fucking Flintstone vitamin that they're crushing It's a Flintstone vitamin and like a Myconyke And they're moving it around with like a giant drug sword that you know all of us do It's got a slit down the side. They're using a hunting knife to like crush that vitamin Yes, it's got like a blood tunnel in it and shit It's like what are you doing man? You're gonna crack open that Mycony got like a blood tunnel in it and shit. And it's like, what are you doing, man? You're going to crack open that Mike and Ike

like a garlic clove with the side of your sword? All right. All right. But yeah, but he tells us about the latent power of the human mind. And I'm like, oh, are you going to tell us how to use the other 90%? We don't quite get there, but man,

holy shit, do we get close. Yeah. He says the human brain is capable of storing information and recalling it at any second like books in the library. And I thought, who does he think he's saying this for? Who does he think needs to know this? Like needs to be told that the human brain is capable of storing information. Well, the target audience of this piece of shit movie maybe? Because apparently they have a visual aid for this moment.

So a bunch of people in their test audience were like, what the fuck is a book? And then they show us books for a while. Yes. Yeah, the movie walks around the library like it's a first person shooter. At one point I was shouting, turn back, you missed a power up. If you pull on that book, there's a power up behind you. So yeah, it explains that the body is miraculous in its design. And while it's saying that, we see like a naked dude do it yoga.

And I'm like, well, his body is miraculous in design, I guess. Not all of them. I've seen the other kind too. Oh, and this is where we get the anti-fluoride moment in the movie, right? Yeah. It says about the big fluoride, they want to try and get rid of fluoride, big fluoride did. So they persuaded the government to learn to dispose of fluoride by adding it to the drinking water. And it goes on to say, there are other semi-hidden dangers of ingesting

deadly poisons. It's like semi-hidden. Is one of those dangers death? Because it feels like that's the main danger to worry about of a deadly poison. Also, it's so fucking stupid. They're like, well, you know, fluoride is really hard to get rid of. It's this toxic chemical. It's a byproduct of creating aluminum. It's really hard to get rid of. And I'm like, if the end result is we're just going to drink it, then it's not hard to get rid of. You can just throw it away. What else are you worried is going result is we're just going to drink it, then it's not hard to get rid of. You can just throw it away.

Right? Like what else are you worried is going to happen if we're going to drink it any fucking way? But yeah, but then they also explain that tooth fillings are dangerous. This is where I was like, oh, are we just doing like a gam best of episode now? Yeah. It's a retrospective. Absolutely.

Play the hits, Charlotte. Yeah, right. But apparently dental fillings give you seizures and mental problems. They say at this point, you know, like selling drugs to kids is bad if they're cracking cocaine, but it's just as bad as if it's Ritalin. And I'm like, okay, so you're saying that the more kids need crack, right? But also it says if you give your kid Ritalin, they could, like the army won't take kids who've ever had Ritalin. So they're saying, yeah, give your kid Ritalin, they could like the army won't take kids who've ever had Ritalin

So they're saying yeah, give your kid Ritalin and they may never get enlisted in the military cool This is somehow an argument against Ritalin. Yeah, right a pro-Ritalin argument really dodged a boat there by taking Literally, yeah, right. That's not true It's I think in the last two years if you've been treated for ADHD the military won't take you. I, that's not true. It's, I think in the last two years, if you've been treated for ADHD, the military won't take you. I think that's correct. It's also a bad fucking policy, but it's exaggerated. It's wildly misleading. It's untrue and it's referring to a bad policy.

So, yes. Also, we get a quote from the famous philosopher, Plato here to put a little exclamation point on their segment. The quote is, no attempt should be made to cure the body without curing the soul. And I was like, okay, yeah, Plato said that,

but Plato also wanted to ban all music in a minor key. So like maybe he's not the guy for everything. Modern medicine maybe would be a field he doesn't know too much about, like music. But then the narrator also explains that sleeping is good. That's a must, Gotta do that. And we're all like, yeah, did you have like, you had to like say at least two true things before it was over or something? You guys are prescribing sleeping? That's in your prescription for medicine? Okay, relax. Yeah, he's describing what's and explaining what

sleep is and what it does. Who does he think is watching this? Who doesn't know what sleep is or what it does? You need a weighted blanket of one ton of pressure or else the sleeping doesn't work. And then so we learned that the kids these days are getting a lot of the toxins and they're little so the toxins are bigger like proportionally for them. And is this why they say the line, the developing brain of a child at this point in human history must clear a number of hurdles in a bid for genetic normalcy?

Yeah. Which like is a weird line, but also don't talk about genetic normalcy in your documentary that opened with my guy was a victim of the Nazis who really loved his medicine. That'd be great. Let's not go into genetic normalcy. Right. But yeah, but they start talking about kids eating paint chips from lead paint and how that fucks kids up. And it's like, well, you know, but there's a way to get those heavy metals out of kids. And I'm like, oh my God, are we doing chelation therapy now?

But yeah, the hits just keep on coming. Yeah. It's another one of those moments where they're just like, also fucking lead bad. We did we did fluoride right check check check lead lead is awesome They're just naming things that float at this point just being like Lead yeah, right witches So yeah But then they explained to us that even the body itself can be toxic in case we weren't scared of everything around us quite enough.

This is where we learned that adrenaline is toxic. Right, but they demonstrate that by showing you in a stressful situation. The stressful situation they show is the crashing of a plane. It's like, oh God, it's a pain when your body produces substance so unhealthy that it really fucks up the otherwise healthy experience of crashing in a bike lane. And being chased by a polar bear. Okay, so what happened here is they met this guy who's a filmmaker that said, hey, you can use some of my awesome footage in your movie if you interview me about your therapy.

So now all of a sudden we've got plane crashes and people being chased by polar bears And shit Steve the stunt guy and all of his footage is like an extreme version of America's home videos Yes fucking a lady inside an iceberg submarine at one point. It was like a Segment yeah, exactly so so we see all of that and they explain that this guy like films Exactly. So, so we see all of that and they explain that this guy like films polar bears and avalanches for a living. And then we started interviewing him about Gerson therapy, but he's petting a lynx the whole time. He wanted to one up the dog lady. Oh God. Yeah. And it is a great lynx. Like what an excellent lynx. It's got massive paws. It's incredibly cute. It's brilliant. Yeah.

Absolutely. Best character in the movie because the Lynx almost attacks him like It was a big tease that it didn't go full-out attack, but this Lynx fucking hates this guy. Mm-hmm Oh, yeah. Yeah, look cats are not like fucking dogs. That dog was just like, oh you're petting me I'm in the movie now. I guess that Lynx was like, where's my fucking agent? Give me give me to my fucking agent He doesn't want cuddles. also first this guy for some reason Refused to let the camera crew Inside of his snow fort during the very intense snowball fight that he thought he was happening with the world So he's all the way back away from the camera behind a wall of snow

And you just see like part of his body in the top of the links. It's so strange. He just gives us a short, short lecture on links is says Gerson therapy is good and then leaves his heart. Okay. Steve out. Well, and he didn't even have any cancer or anything. He's just there like, you know, he's using it to prevent tiger attacks. And so far, I mean, links has fucked him up, but the tigers is, he's doing great. So, but no, he's immune to colds and headaches and all of that shit. And then we learn about speaking of cats, the cat experiment, right? They're like, Hey,

you know, there was a cat experiment. Don't worry. It was very humane. All the cats live. So and I don't want to present this as though this is a thing that even fucking happened. But the experiment they told us about a bunch of cats were given cooked meats and a bunch of cats were given raw meats. And the cooked meat cats were fucking all fucked up and stupid and shitty. The raw meat cats were rocking. And this probably did, the experiment would have happened. I don't trust the results, but like this is the whole raw pet feeding thing and it's such bullshit. It is so bad for cats.

It's even worse for dogs because often with dogs they leave like chunks of bone in with the raw food and so that can get like lodged in the throat. Just don't ever feed your animals on a raw diet. It's incredibly bad, incredibly bad. Sure. Also, I feel like humans are different than cats and dogs. No? And then I said that to myself and the movie right away was like, humans are different.

I'm not sure why we had that segment just now. Well, so when they bring that up, the point that they're trying to make is that we shouldn't eat meat at all. Right? Yes. They're like, the human digestive tract is not designed to eat meat. And I'm like, okay, Eli snuck this part in himself or something, right? That's why there's all this weird ADR and shit in it.

Well, they've got one more line on the, on the cats and dogs. You say carnivores such as these were designed to hunt and kill. It's like, okay, one, they weren't designed. They were not designed for anything. But also two, that's very different, like to my cat Mildred, because Mildred was only designed to hunt mashed potato that I'm currently in the middle of eating and is on my plate. That she can sort of like scooch her hand underneath, scooch her paw underneath my hand and like grab a fist full of mashed potatoes. That's the only thing she's ever hunted.

She sounds delightful. It's great. Yeah. So, but yeah, but we learned that when you eat meat, it putrefies in your guts and kills you with toxins. And I'm like, well, yeah, but come on, everything kills you with toxins. But they say that the meat lives in your colon for days, months, or even years. It's like, no, it doesn't.

Why would it take years for meat to rot, like putrefy and rot away? If you just left meat on like the side of the road and watch it, it wouldn't take years to disappear. Why would that be different in your guts? Yeah. Like they don't just hang around the digestive tract. They digest in there. There's acids and stuff going on. Like watch an inner space or something. Learn about the acids in the stomach. Fuck yeah. So then we learned that eating meat will just fuck your pancreas sideways, right? The thing is is that the the pancreas has a really important job

But meat will show up and start like trying to talk to it about movies and TV shows. Yeah It's all distracted Yeah, they set it up as the pancreas gets distracted by meat and can't do its other good thing and I was like, okay Maybe I don't know shoot some Ritalin in there with a fire hose right in the pancreas? Get it going, paying attention. There you go. And this is where they say, if we eliminated animal products from our diets, the chance

of getting cancer, diabetes or heart disease would almost vanish. And I thought, yeah, like, if only there were decades of data around people who don't eat meat on a regular basis on which we could draw on to see if that was true. Oh wait, a fuckload of research has been done on that and vegans have at most a 14% lower chance of cancer. So if something is lowered by like one in seven, that hasn't disappeared. It's still six in seven at that point. Yeah, exactly.

They also, they show us a hot dog with American cheese on it. And I'm just like, way to make unhealthy food look gross, though. Right. Like it's that's generally a bit of a challenge, but that looked pretty fucking awful. Yeah. Also, they clearly boiled that hot dog in the same pot from the ass coffee. For sure. I'm quite sure. I was like, come on, guys, get it. Let's get another pot. Get a dedicated pot. I know it's not coming back from the ass, but still have a dedicated pot.

Shit, or get off the pot. But then Charlotte shows back up to tell us that she can also prevent osteoporosis. Apparently osteoporosis is caused by drinking milk. Oh, this is so stupid. Yeah, that's why we don't have the crappuccino. Yeah. So, eating meat and drinking milk fucks up your bones. There's this blowing. And if you've been around woo people, you've probably heard this argument about how calcium, it can't get the calcium out of the milk. So it starts taking it out of your bones instead. This is just fucking nonsense. Right. And by the way, the music in the background of this whole part, it sounds like Conan the

Barbarian is coming for your bone health. Right. Just trying to make it sound ominous and scary. Yeah. They also claim that milk won't give you any calcium because almost all of it's pasteurized and homogenized now or whatever. So, you know, they did a quick little raw milk nod to get, you know, the check on their list.

And immediately I was like, OK, it's about to be alkaline water next. And then the Fed is the Ponzi scheme next. That's definitely what's about to happen. You had a few out of fifty fifty shots that we're going to get to the Fed there. Yeah.

But green juices, that's where they real calcium's at. Then Charlotte explains that she canceled her health insurance when she was 34 years old and presumably we can too. Right yeah because you need to divert all of your income to the greengrocer bills for how many fucking carrots you're buying. Yeah right. I feel like she was mad the prescription coverage part didn't include 18 Wheeler of carrots every week. She's like this doesn't make any

sense because that's all I need it to cover. Yeah but she explains that she didn't get rid of her health insurance because she was so healthy. It's because she was so stupid. Right. She's like, you know, they were going to give us, give me toxic drugs and chemicals. And I'm just like, everything is chemicals. God damn it. Right. Your carrots have chemicals in them. The fuck are you talking about? But she assures us that she's never been ill or felt bad at any point for any amount of time. And the movie demonstrates, you know, how we too could be living our life to the fullest by showing us her pruning bushes. Right.

Yeah, she also says I saved like $90,000 over 45 years because I didn't have health insurance and I didn't need it. That's not how that works. Like carrots and ass coffee don't prevent fucking car accidents. You just happen to not get into a car accident. Yes, right. Right, exactly. And then she explains that she's never had a mammogram and therefore she's never had breast cancer. Mm-hmm. Right? Can't have cancer if they don't tell you about it. Jason Vale And the thing is like she lived to 90. So if you want any proof that there is no God.

Charlotte Gerson lived to 90 and never experienced a particularly damaging disease. That is proof there's no God. Paul Matz Yeah, no kidding. But we learn of course that big cancer is trying to keep Charlotte down. The movie is surprisingly sparse on the accusations of why it is that we don't just all know about this cure that's been around for nearly a hundred years, right? But they just kind of occasionally will nod to, but you know, they never want you to know about these kinds of things, right? They're like, you know, it's literally illegal for American doctors to even recommend the Gerson therapy.

Why would that be if it didn't work? I'm like, wait, what? Did you mean did? So yeah, but so after explaining to us that the Gerson therapy is unequivocally, quote, unequivocally the holy grail of curing cancer. Yes. It's the bamboo rayon of cancer. The thing is Gerson therapy is the holy grail in that it's not real, but many people have

died believing in it. So it really is the holy grail. Right, right. Yeah, exactly. But we meet Charlotte's son, who writes for some very prestigious newsletters that they publish. Her daughter also helps promote their bullshit from a different country. So there's a guy called Giuliano, who wrote a fictional story about Max Gerson.

Don't know how related he is, but we find out that he's written a novel about Max Gerson. Yeah, uh-huh. Okay, I about Max Gerson. So, you know. Yeah, uh-huh. Okay, I believe the Gerson family is parasitic and immortal. I'll believe that. Right? Yeah, there's a weird, like, her granddaughter is so good at having coffee squirted up her

ass she can play violin kind of a moment in there at one point. Yeah, but she plays violin at Gerson events by the sounds of things. Like, she plays violin at Gerson conferences. So sounds of things. She plays violin at Gerson conferences. So I don't know how good she actually is. I mean, that violin's getting drowned out by shit noise the whole time. So we don't really know. Or just the noise of the press. We can't hear the violin.

Just the juicer going. But now it's time to talk about the deadliest cancer of all. And no, we're not talking about Gerson therapy here. We're talking about, I guess, pancreatic cancer. Yes. So this is where we meet Pat from Canada. She's from Canada. You don't know her, but she cured her cancer with butt coffee. We meet her by the way, she's playing with this little coin bank where you set the coin down and the hand reaches up and grabs it. And we watch her play with that for like a minute and a half.

Really long segment. Yeah. I was really excited. I had that exact same money box when I was 11. So I was like, oh my God, that is great. Is that where you put the coins when you were also being a postal worker as an aspirational thing that you always wanted to do? Yes.

You had a little, the counter and and the window, the slidey window. It was a great, the post office was a great toy. I don't know why America didn't have it. It's a fun toy. You get to stamp things. Bum, bum. Stamp. No, that's pretty good.

That is pretty good. You could do passports. Give people little passports. There you go. Driver's license. Pet license. Brilliant. But yeah, but apparently Pat had pancreatic cancer, but she was cured by ass coffee.

Those stupid doctors told her she only had three months to live. That was nine years ago. But she explains to us that, you know, she was doing all of the stuff that the doctors told her and that just made her puke blood. But then 10 days into her juice and ass coffee diet, her cancer was completely cured. Right. She didn't have a dog to pet. So they, she should, they have her with her bird, I guess. Yes. The bird was pretty good. The bird was pretty good. Yeah. Bird was great.

The bird was actively refusing to look at her cause she keeps trying to like, be like and the bird keeps like craning around sideways further and further just to not look at her. I'm not talking to you. It's the best. And there's a point where she said, the doctor said to me, we don't want to know what you're doing, just keep doing it. It's like there is no way your doctor said, well, you appear to be completely cancer free.

We don't want to know why. We have no interest in knowing how you magically cured cancer that is not interesting to us. We also learned that the dude from Little House on the Prairie, the guy who died from prostate cancer or whatever cancer he had, pancreatic cancer, I guess, he called her at one point. He called Pat from Canada to talk, but can pancreatic cancer with her. Yeah. But it's a story that, like, he died of cancer, therefore Gerson works because he wasn't taking Gerson therapy. Is that the best that we're going to get here?

Yes! I think so, yeah. Well, she claims that he called her and said, ah, if only I had tried the ass coffee and then died right away, right? That was his assessment. Oh, you know what it might have been? Little House on the Prairie guy, not Hungarian ancestry. Oh, yeah.

Could have had a lot to do with it. I don't know why. Right, because we learned that about Pat. Yeah, they're like, Pat. Why? Why do we find that out? Is Hungarian. End of thought.

I was like, that's fucking weird, guys. What are you doing? Why do we even have Pat's story at all at this point? Because we've already, like, we feel like we just, we heard what happened to all of the girls and family. We basically, they gave us a breakfast club clothes and they went, oh, another thing. We filmed this thing with Pat and her bird. We got to, we got to use that apparently.

She has to be in this as well. I don't know why they put it here. Did they think we were one anecdote away or that we were going like, what we need is a Hungarian anecdote? Hungarians never lie. Right. Yeah. What the fuck was that?

Oh, and they show us the, uh, the bullshit hospital that got put up in the Hungarian one in Hungary. Oh, maybe that's, that was their segue to show the fake hospital in Hungary. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. That's their lazy ass. Like she's of Hungarian ancestry. So she was especially excited about the Gerson Hospital opening

up in Hungary. We were like, was she really though? Inside of a castle? Yeah, opening up where her great-grandfather came from. So like, four generations back, there was some Hungarian in there. Here's a castle. Right. What the fuck?

They were very excited that their fake hospital was inside of a castle. And I was like, that's not good for a hospital. Just nothing about castles makes me feel medically safe. I don't think that's a good idea. Right, yeah. Yeah, generally speaking, hospitals don't go into really old buildings. Yeah. You can get your pills from a Falcon. Like, no, I don't want that. What are you talking about? And it's very unlikely that cancer is gonna try and like siege you out that you want to, you don't need to mow to protect you from the cancer. Well, yeah, the stairs are set up so that the cancer would have to be right handed against

the wall. So then we get this pompous ass wrap up about, I don't know what the fuck that like the narrator was told he was going to get six minutes to just say what was on his mind. Damn it. Right? Because this is where he starts talking about how, first of all, he claims that the fall of Rome was from drinking water from leaded pipes. No, no, it wasn't. I was so annoyed by all of this. We just start seeing visuals. His

message is basically life is shit and terrible, but sometimes it isn't. All right, great summary. But then I just wrote, these mountains I'm seeing have nothing to do with girls in therapy. That helicopter has nothing to do with girls in therapy. This ice has nothing to do with girls in therapy. This lion and this mammoth have nothing to do with girls in therapy. None of that was relevant.

There was a mammoth. What the fuck was a mammoth doing there? I don't know. The movie's just vamping now to get to 90 minutes, I think. And then the movie has a breakdown. The VO guy's like, so that mammoth was nice, but we're all going to die and nothing matters. Everyone is going to die and nothing means anything. He says at one point, he's like, with every meal, we're digging our own graves with our

silverware. And I wrote my notes. This is so hilariously grandiose after he said that. As I'm writing that, he says these exact fucking words, the pivotal moment for human civilization is here. In this documentary. And it's like he was nagging us about our entire lives. You are meaningless and worthless and nothing about you is relevant.

So, you know, drink some carrot juice is basically the message here. Yeah. God, I'm just backing away. I'm like trying to introduce him to the wine guy who was talking about his shitty vineyard. How about you two talk to each other? Yeah.

He's like, what will ultimately matter when you die? And I'm like, do you think the answer is whether you did ask coffee? What are you talking about? I mean, in the case of Max and Charlotte Gerson, what will matter is that they've been responsible for the painful deaths of thousands of people. Yeah. We'll continue to be responsible deaths long after they themselves have died. So, yeah, that is what is going to be the lasting legacy of the Gerson family.

Yeah. I looked up Gerson therapy for just a second here because I got bored with the movie having a weird breakdown VO. And like really fast, it was like causes rectal bleeding and I was like, Jesus, that was like so quick. And Eli might secretly be doing Gerson Therapy based on everything we've talked about today. Really? I would explain a fucking lot, wouldn't it? So yeah,

so he gives us that his fucking weird unweave for five minutes to close this thing down. It zooms in on a picture of Max Gerson and then we think we're out of it, but no, we have more of those title card candles from the beginning. And I just thought this was going to be a quick like, and then everybody lived happily ever after kind of wrap up. But no, this is a conspiracy theory that Max Gerson was murdered by big cancer to explain a way why the guy who figured out the key to immortality eventually got sick and died.

Yes. Like it literally basically says after publishing is his How to Avoid All Ill Health by Ignoring Medicine Completely book, Gerson felt inexplicably ill. I feel like I can explain it. I feel that is explicable. And then they actually say his manuscript was stolen by a, quote, rogue physician, end quote. Oh quote and yet his secretary his secretary like palmed it off to a rogue physician I feel like we do without his office drama bullshit about him that's my new character for D&D minus is that rogue

physician fuck yeah that's trying to hide Max Gerson's secret cure all right well Marsh thank you so much for lending us your expertise on this one. And hey, I hear a rumor that dates are set for QED this year. Yeah, absolutely. It's going to be the 19th and 20th of October at the McHale Piccadilly Hotel in Manchester. We're going to have the 18th of October is also going to be the free skeptic camp day. So stick that weekend in your diaries. and I think we'll put the tickets out. It's going to be a couple of months before we fully, a couple of weeks before we announce all the details about the tickets, but it's all moving pretty quickly. Definitely happening October 18th to 20th. Yeah. Awesome. Awesome. And of course, we'll keep you updated,

listener, once there's more information on that. All right. Well, that's going to do it for our review of the Gerson miracle, but that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to bang our heads against the same wall next week. So Heath tell us what's on deck We've got church people. It's about People in church. It's a so-called comedy That's all I'm gonna say about it, but It's produced by Mike motherfucking Lindell. So that is what we're going to be looking forward to as we bring episode 449 to a merciful close.

Once again, a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors that help make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation to patreon.com slash god awful and thereby earn early access to an ad free version of every episode. You can also help attend by leaving a five star review and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, The Skating Atheist, The Citation Ateist, DMD Minus, and The Scaprakratt, available wherever podcasts live.

If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email godolphinmovies.gmail.com. Tim Robertson takes care of our social media. Our theme song was written and performed by Ryan Salatni of the Vulture House on Mars. All the other music was written and performed by our audio engineer, Morgan Clark, and was used with permission. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week. For Heath Enright, Neal Iboznik, I Spermichna to work harder to earn another chunk next week. Until then, we'll leave you with a Breakfast Club close. The Gerson family continued being shills for the juice conspiracy known as Big Apple.

Charlotte Gerson and her son Howard both died in 2019. That's not a joke, it's just nice to end on some good news sometimes. Nice. The squirmy, out-of-focus person in the background of the coffee enema scene eventually did get to take that shit. Why would you show a man writhing around in the background of your movie about how this is medicine? All I can think is they're all writhing at all times. And that's the best. That's why it was out of shot. It's like a focus.

It's like, okay, we can't show the writhing. We can't show the writhing. They're never going to stick it up their arse if they see the writhing. Yeah. It's the higher vibrations. You just got to take the writhing. That's why they vibrate so much. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and the Thunderstorm LLC, copyright

2024, all rights reserved. Changing a light bulb should be simple. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Uh-oh, that's not supposed to happen. Quickly submitting and tracking a claim on the Bellair Direct app actually is simple. Bellair Direct, insurance simplified. You're getting closer.

You can feel it in your whole body. The fear. Calculating every detail. Heart racing as you move to the front of the line and tap to pay. We understand. When you're in debt, everything looks different. Like the fear of the cost of buying anything. At Farber Debt Solutions, we can help you see things the way you did before you were in debt. Farber Debt Solutions, licensed insolvency trustees. Get the truth about debt. Whoa, what are you listening to this for? Wait, who's talking?

You know you're driving a 2024 Ford Escape with available Alexa built in, so you can change the music. Oh yeah, Alexa, change station to 99.2. See? Purchase a 2024 Escape ST Line all-wheel drive with TechPak at 3.49% APR for 72 months with down payment. That's just $267 bi-weekly, cash value of $40,294. Plus, eligible Ford owners get a $1,000 bonus. For details, visit your local Ford store or Ford.ca.