God Awful Movies - 48: Gam048 Accidental Activist

Episode Date: July 19, 2016

This week, Callie Wright and Ari Stillman of the Gaytheist Manifesto Podcast join Eli, Noah, and Heath for an atheist review of Accidental Activist, a film about a bigot who struggles with the harsh consequences of his bigotry while trying his best to maintain in despite society moving forward without him. It's a movie where we're almost certain that they meant for the bigot to be the good guy, but it's really hard to tell. --- If you'd like to hear more from Callie and Ari, you can check out their podcast, their blog, or you can like their Facebook Page. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page.

The best protest signs ever worst protest slogan. Terrible. Because the signs are fantastic. The like three-year-old hand painted sign. Yeah, that's exactly. Yeah, I paused at one point and I could see four signs and they were clearly written by two separate eight-year-olds. I mean they had decent slogans like they said like, you know, bigot and God hates bigot. But I was really disappointed that the signs didn't say

Christianity is stupid, communism is good. So, God awful, movie, movie, movie. Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be Why not is my good friend Heath and right Heath welcome back. Thank you sir straight lives matter needs to be said more As you've pretty much given the entire movie right there. Yeah and Sitting 989 miles to my right is my bad friend Eli Bosnick Eli. How are you this fine evening sir? All lives matter. So yeah, I went And sitting 668.5 miles to my due North are our special guest massacres, Cali Wright

and Ari Stoeman of the Gatheus Manifesto Podcast. Cali, Ari, welcome to the show. I just want to thank all the little people who helped us get here, the pinnacle of our podcasting careers. Sorry, I'm coming off the tranquilizer that I had to take to get through this fucking thing So that was a gift Cali that was a gift you didn't share Bitch he if you take a tranquilizer you will go out of sync with time And I just want to say before we even get into today's movie

It's all Eli's fault that y'all had to watch this. It was his idea to ask you to suffer through this. So if you're gonna reciprocate with any decapitated horses or anything, his are the bed sheets to target. I'm just gonna fuck that horse head. Morning. You know, they actually sell those at a store near my house. So horses heads? She pets are what I've actually seen. What kind of nightmare universe do you live in? The story's called the story's called Jungle Gems and it's glorious.

Can you get the bottom of the sheep too or is it? Do you just sell the heads? I see for a friend, right? You know, if you really wanted to freak out the protesters at Reason Rally, you would have been a trans woman with two decapitated sheep heads Just thrown down and started to fuck and been like every Tuesday and Thursday mother fuckers. Don't look away, right? God, I feel so hard Only thing scarier than a trans woman is a trans woman with some decapitated animal heads

I'm sure if you had it would have inspired a sequel to this fucking movie. Oh my god, I cannot wait for the trans focus sequel of this movie. Oh, you know it's in the works. So speaking of which, tell us Heath before we spoil it all together, what will we be breaking down today? All right, we watched accidental activists, which is allegedly a homophobic Christian movie about Steve Anderson's T-shirt guy, and also about the gay community and how they're always persecuting Christians into living in a society that that doesn't not let homosexuals do stuff but they managed to deliver that message so god damn badly that i'm still not sure this wasn't a pro

game movie so we might have actually watched accidental gay activist i'm not sure it's it's entirely possible yeah the protagonist was very up in the air so Eli tell us how bad was this movie well if you ever thought damn where is the feel good movie about the KKK side of the story then this is it American History X except for the gays it's movie it's not only is this movie unsure I think they called it the accidental activists because they watched it after they made it and they were like, dude We still look like the bad guys and it was like well was an accident, okay? accidental activists put it in the DVD covers Actually makes way better sense than I think what they were trying to get that

Loing Brian Fisher to sleep. Yeah, right Now of course this movie was produced by the American Family Association So I'm curious. No, Kelly are is this the first time that you've watched a movie that was produced by An S PLC recognized hate group This is a new new territory for you I just fucking hate you all for making me spend money on this piece of shit And I had to a tone from my sins by donating double the amount to the Trevor project and by me donating it, I mean I made Jeremiah donate it. Fair. Oh okay that's fair. See actually the worst part of this

whole thing was that I rented the standard death version instead of the high death version because it was cheaper and I had to watch this fucking movie in standard definition. That's what suffering looks like. You must have been lost in the only action scenes. Yeah that's tough. That's the definition of suffering, my friends. That's what suffering looks like. You must have been lost in the only action scenes. Yeah, that's tough. That's tough. Yeah, it was really tough to follow. I desperately tried to steal this movie. And I generally, if it's on Netflix or YouTube,

I'll try it out, but I desperately tried to steal this movie. I did. I heavily hinted. We got listeners who were like, oh, you want a picture of you next to a shit that's as large as a Bible? Here you go. And I was like, sure hope nobody posts a torrent, and everyone was like, yeah, it'd be great. And I'm like, fuck! I'm like, fuck!

Yeah, no, we all had to actually spend our hard-earned three bucks on this motherfucker. I actually got it for free. If you sign up for Dove channel for a free month trial, you're gonna be in a career. Oh, you son of a bitch. And then you can cancel. I'm already canceled. I am not going to watch any more Dove channel. I disagree.

So is there anything that you guys like to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? I'm going to say best worst hour long demonstration of Poe's Law. That's pretty much exactly what this movie is. Right. Mine was pretty similar to Heast. Mine was the best worst convincing me that the characters actually believe in their own religion.

Yeah. Yeah, there was very little actual religion in this movie. They don't go to church, they don't pray. There's actually one part where the main character clearly expresses skepticism about if prayer works or not. Yeah, exactly. Can I go with best worst gay face? Two straight actors, two doing a mean impersonation of trap, limon behind his back.

I feel like this is Travis high school experience, just like look at me Thaithy Thaitha Fras. Like do those guys bolster down watch the same Paul Ind movie and then fuck a fleshlight that they were sure was a vagina to make up for it. It was the game face in this movie is next level offensive and amazing. Like it's equal parts every time you're like oh this is pretty offensive it gets more amazing and each time it gets amazing it gets more offensive yeah I tried to come up with something but like I mean it's the best at being the worst I think editing is one of them with the parts where where that's relevant will be will be later in the review. So I'm just going to leave it there.

Right on right on. I was going to say after watching movies like Leap and what was to what was the overnight magic demon porn movie after watching stuff like that. The lock. That was pretty close. Well, obviously, if we want to keep ahead of the brimstone We're gonna need to get the breakdown done in our hurry So we'll take a quick break and when we come back we'll break down all the unjustified but hurt that is accidental activist Look at me. I love penises From the makers of the accidental activists comes the story of a man What power what power who stood up for what he believed in dude stop despised all the odds

He told me to stop shatting wet power and that chick-fil-a park and not but should I his faith remains strong Are you gonna because if you're gonna, you have to leave, sir. This summer. Why? Power. Okay, leave, leave right now. Okay, okay, Cupid. Coming, October. And we're back for the breakdown and basically the opening message of this flick is brought to you by the people that gave you Brian Fisher and then it's downhill from there. Right. We're off to you by the people that gave you Brian Fisher and then it's downhill from there. Right. We're all to you by a hate group and inspired by actual events and I disagree already.

I already disagree with this movie. Well, we're inspired to write it any hand. Jeremiah was actually able to find the news article that this whole movie was based on and it was a church in Alberta, Canada that had their anti gay sign spray painted on. So that's pretty much the same thing as a small business owner in America getting their business randomized, right? Right? Right. Falling pencil first onto a petition, which is the story of this movie. Oh, what did I sign? Okay, I guess that's cool. Yeah, I knew this movie was gonna be great when the music started playing

And it's like the obligatory like contemporary Christian style sounding music Right, and I was really bummed that there was no singing because I really wanted to hear the guy that sings with ours and every syllable Well, I think my first thought when this movie started was hey this movie has wet kids in it I know why Eli picked this one I just watched the first 30 seconds and I was like would doing it would do it My first note it says the AFA presents and I was like and I'm watching porn on my phone and then we get a little girl eating a banana Okay, I'm turning off the point on my phone and then we get a little girl eating a banana. Okay, I'm turning off the port on my phone and definitely I guess.

It's just like everything in this movie is set up to be like, look, we're every town, USA, look at us, normal white people, and then there's like, oh, but there's a black person in the background too, we're not totally big, it's. Right. Well, you see, it's a very subtle imagery there because the banana is the atheist nightmare and a little girl is Andy Wilson's nightmare so the two combined

Petaflil that's rumor I'm starting on the show now I'm just gonna start a bunch of hateful rumors about Andy Wilson. That's what I've decided to do with this platform I would be waiting until November if I were you but you know So basically what we're gonna say, we're gonna start off meeting this family here and they are just, you know, every any old street, any old town, USA, classic white family with 2.3 kids or whatever it is.

And we start with a lot of phallic foods, we get bananas, we get hot dogs, but we land on ice cream, the whole family having ice cream together. Right, and we meet dad who looks like Bill Pullman gave up. He's just got this look on his face like the roof and all is just don't affect him anymore. It looks like Ted Striker from Airplane joined the Mile High Club with Greg Keneer. That's how I...

I had budget Jason Bateman with a Mr. Burns nose. Oh, okay. I like it. Really paints a picture. And then mom has a look like mom is kind of hot, but she has this look that I can only describe as vertical, right? She's a kind of taffy-pold. Mom is cult fucked. You ever see those people they get released from the compound and the right right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right Yeah. I was like, the LPA got fucked by Vassar College. Yeah. I had her as a Michelle Dugger soul trapped inside anachendrix body. Oh man, that's a good one.

That is really spot on. Blast me. Anachendrix gorgeous. You have painted the perfect picture on both of those. All right, I think you're nailing this. All right, so basically the family's getting ice cream and they have to go over to Miss Dorothy's house. But before they do, they walk out of the ice cream shop.

Mom goes off with a daughter, dad goes off and corn fed Christina Ricci is out there with a petition that she wants dad to sign. Yeah, I said, Callie wants them to sign a petition. Oh, that's mean. Petition lady looks like she's gonna be playing crystal in leap three I thought. Very likely. I just I love how the kids are talking. It's like, shucks, my dad, the whole lot older than 18. Don't kids say the darnedest thing? Look how cute and wholesome our family is. do you think we're cute and wholesome yet do you do you do you do you so first 15 minutes

of this movie yeah it's almost the entire movie he literally blames his children for making him old I don't understand this they're like ha, you're old and he's like, it's your fault you fuckers. But anyways, Monica Lewinsky having an allergic reaction to shellfish is like, hey, you guys want to come over and sign a petition to be a bigot? And he's like, and here's the thing, like this whole movie is going to revolve around this decision. So you'd think there would be a moment of like, hmm, should I? Shouldn't I? But he goes, what's marriage, like, retraditional marriage? And she's like, you know, when dudes and ladies fucked and he's like, I feel like I've heard of that,

but I'm not sure I've heard of that. Are you on a first date? Like, we have so much in common. I've heard of your favorite band. I knew all the words in that whole sentence. It's so crazy. So he takes the, he takes the petition from Goth Rebel Wilson who just got off the treadmill and then signed it.

Yeah. Also, if you notice, when she says, hey, do you want to sign a petition, he goes, sure, what's it about? What is it? Yes, yes, yes. He agrees before he knows what it is. Right, I am just excited to write.

He's in it. Yeah, exactly. I know those words, those are my name. I've been looking for a chance to practice my signature Pulls out at fountain pitch. They said after the stroke. I'd never write again Yeah, not the brightest bulb. Okay, so then all that the family all goes over to old magic black ladies house to help with her Shores, there's a magic black lady magic black ladies house to help with her sure the magic black lady i think it's like a political cartoon with a label that says old black lady

stereotype that's happening and now but hear me out on this does she have gold teeth or am i racist or both i think i'm sure that you it it's both it's both she also has an enormous shirt dress pink hair curlers and yes like 45 gold teeth

Yeah, okay, she looks like Don King at a women's hair salon wearing a goddamn moon move yes, yeah Can you wear something black or more like black old lady and they never explain what the relationship is between this lady and the family He's just such a good fella that he goes over and does this old black lady's chores while the kids play with the dog or whatever and look wholesome. Well, her job, as we'll learn, is to hold slavery in one hand and assholeery in the other and let you decide if she's holding the same thing.

No, I saw it coming from a mile away because the minute there's a black person on screen and an American Family Association movie, like there's more to this right you know this isn't a regular character right? Because there's no way in hell. Yeah. But she's there to show him her collection of random black man pictures. And let the kids play with the dog. Right. And she shows him the picture of her son who's a minister, whose head is shaped like a light bulb, as we'll learn. And is moving there to be a minister.

And then her father, who got kidnapped by white people and disappeared. And the main character handles this incredibly delicately by going like, oh, you mean he left you because like, I hear your people do that. Well, he was murdered. Now when you say murdered,, you mean he left you because like, I hear your people do that. No, he was murdered. Now when you say murder, do you mean like Chicago, Shy Rack murder?

Or do you know like hands up don't shoot murder? And she's like, no, I mean, he was killed by racist white people. Okay, but like, was he going for the gun? Like, I just, I want to process. I'm just saying. Who lives matter? Which is like, leave. I also noticed the little things like when he comes in from mowing the grass,

she goes to hand him a glass of tea and the glass of tea is like a quarter full. Like, I'm super grateful you mowed my lawn, but you only get a little bit of tea because I don't like white people. Here's a thimble of tea. Here's my spinner on my gold teeth. Pretty awesome. But then of course, now that the Black Lady has talked about the civil war and slavery, she's done her part in this movie for the next 48 minutes.

So the kids come in and they're like, hey dad, can you go home and spray us with the hose? And I'm like, damn, Eli's going to need a snack before this movie's over. Holy shit. Oh yeah. I wrote exactly the same thing. Eli loves this movie. You're four in TK to raid bottles and one full one. Oh, excuses. Yeah, the line that I was hoping would follow that would be, was, shh.

Don't talk about that in front of Miss Dorothy. We don't talk about that in front of other adults. They wouldn't. I want to miss Dorothy to have like a seizure be like not the hose and just dive under the table. We sprayed them with hoses in the 60s to keep them. Yes, yes, we did. The joke gets funnier when you explain it. Thanks. I appreciate that. Yes, I thought. explain it thanks I appreciate that. So the kids, so the kids hug her goodbye and the little

girl goes up and hugs her and says, buy Miss Dorothy and I was watching this with my partner's act and he said, buy little white sweet. And then the little boy actually hugs her too and he very clearly motorboats Miss mister very clearly by dark chocolate delightful scene yet another reason for me to rewatch this so now it's a month later and we have to meet tens gay friend head is the dad and he's at a copy of coffee shop rather where his gay friend works yet they're literally establishing that dad has lots of gay friends.

Yeah, yeah. Early on. And I love the establishing conversation. It's like, what's up? Temperature, Texas, blood pressure, normal everyday white guy stuff. Because we're everyday normal white guys living, everyday normal white guy town doing, everyday normal white guy stuff. Like, everyday normal white guys.

Because we're normal everyday white guys right? I don't think either of these people physically qualify for a normal person. I like human being wise Ron looks like one of the robloes that just has cable. I had Rob Lowe in my in my description. I called him a Paul Red Cross with Rob Lowe with inexplicable eye shadow. The eyeliner is insane. It is London Fashion Week exaggerated. I expected him to have a happy hat eye in the next scene.

It's amazing. Because at some point they had to write down a bunch of people at the AFA sat down and were like hey how do we communicate to our audience that this character was gay and I would give all the money in the world to have been in the room while they were like so Ron what's new? Dix in my butt no fucking combative dance but what they land on is Ted orders his coffee and he's like man your coffee's boring and not gay. I am gay That was the subtlest thing that this hate group could come up with he calls him a boring straight guy Yeah coffee black coffee straight perfect got it straight Yeah, coffee black coffee straight perfect got it straight He really is boring though because he gets he gets a just a black coffee and a plain bagel Off a clean bagel a plate. Hey, I would like that terrible pain in your chest from when you eat too much bread and you desperately need to drink water

Sludges its way down your chest cavity. Can you give me that experience? Sure? Would you like a round? That's true. But the plain bagel is awful. It's a plain bagel pre-packed in a plastic to go container. Like, you know, that is the worst bagel service I've ever seen. I didn't think this was going to meet your high bagel standards.

I've had like seven bagels a day since I've got back to New York and it's amazing. I love that the further definition of boring straight guys like well you picked a John Wayne movie in black and white After your mom after your wife made dinner as whole you Straight guy. Yeah, you don't like John Wayne. What are you a communist? That's the actual line. That's the guys actual line. You don't like John Wayne. You must be a communist and you look like a very confusing dream I had but never mind. And is this just me like his mouth went so far across his head if it went any further He would have been a South Park Canadian, I think. I kept waiting for Ron to ask us where he got these scars

Was it a big black dick? It was a big black dick spoiler. That's like the D all of the above of Eli's questions. So then we had back over to Ted's house, whereas son is answering the phone. Clearly this is this actor's first experience with a land line. Absolutely. And this is the precursor to the gay mob coming after them, because the first thing that we do when we find out someone

is signed a petition is we call them at their home with obscene phone calls, especially when a child answers. Yeah. That's right. By the way, what do gay activists, what do you think they say scene phone calls especially when a child answers. Yeah. Right. By the way, what do gay activists, what do you think they say when they make a scene phone calls? Just like heavy breathing, heavy breathing. I'm in the same sex relationship, heavy breathing.

Like what calls this? Apparently he said bad words. Yeah. Yeah, the kid freaks out. Very, very confused by that. Well, and then dad gets on the phone with him. He's like, oh, kick your ass dude, calling you and he's pushing it, Mike.

And I'm just like, yeah, wait a show the kids a good parental example here, you know. Now, yeah, he's threatening violence to them in front of his family, like a real man would do. Oh, well, yeah, I guess so. And I love when the wife comes in, her life is, and it's so, I mean, obviously the acting's bad because it is, which is, is that another obscene phone call?

And her head pops to the side a little bit. Like, and this is actually the first time that I really noticed, like the way that the wife looks and it's like, she's so obviously put together, is like, her outfit's really nice. She's like, I'm a real woman, I'm fancy, but her hairdo is like, well, I'm just gonna put this up because I can look messy and I'm like, look at me, look normal, how's wife I am?

Fun fact, hers is the first ever acting performance done entirely under hypnosis. Not a lot of people know that. Special features in the IMDB page. And the old black lady is the second, yeah. So I guess he's so scared of the game off yet now that he has to take his kids to work with him now because they're making these obscene phone calls. They don't know that it's the gaze yet

that are targeting them. They just know somebody's making obscene phone calls to him. So he takes the kids into help him like fold T shirts because that's his job. He's got like a T-shirt company, Ted's T's. Very, very creative there. And this is the part where I realized that this movie was extremely unrealistic. Well, it was realistic in the sense that they were using children for labor,

but it was pretty unrealistic because they weren't Chinese. That's so un-American to use American labor. Right? To be fair, if they had been Chinese, I would have come myself to death watching this movie. So like, it's the yellow lives matter. That's mean. Best for Eli, for that, not to be the case. Well, I know now what I'm going to do with my crazy billionaire, man.

Yeah, right. So, so dad wanders across the street to go get a coffee from his gay friend. And when he gets there Ron is quite upset and wants to meet him at camera 3 He's got it up in a nice little homo TV. He's a majorly gay angry Come over here, right and he goes look at this and he goes what's that and he goes? It's one of the city's gay newspapers one of the city's Gators how much money do they think we can have?

Well, not only that, but when he shows it to him, it's so clearly, so clearly, a normal paper with white printer paper across the top that's like faggot times. Like that's just a matter of time. It's not more clearly just being a normal paper that they just stapled other paper. They might as well scroll

the T-A-Y across the red crann. Right, right. And Ted's response to this is he goes, what's a gain? What makes a newspaper gay? Does it have a crush on the Tribune? That was his exact line. How does he know if the Tribune and this other paper are a boy or a girl? What the fuck is he talking about? So but what we're learning here is apparently this petition that he signed all of those names were made public and now the gay paper has put his name and Home address and business address in their gay paper as a guy to go get right and then the craziest thing in this but because look a

get right and then the craziest thing in this but because look a lot of the movies we watch let the good let the atheists have good arguments and then just jingle keys but ron is basically like i can't believe you do this this is so hurtful to me why would you try and deny me the right to marry this means so much to me i'm your friend how could you do this to me and Ted basically looks at him and goes? You're being a real fag about this. Why? There's not even an attempt to jingle keys. He's just like cut it out No, and what they do because they have no legitimate answer is that every time he says something that have the gay guy cut him off Like he'll get to where well It's not about and then the gay guy cuts him off so that they never have to put an entire answer and they never do they never do because if he finished the sentence it'd be because it's not about other people it's

about what makes me feel tickled thumbs oh fuck cut you know we need to rewrite that line so he interrupts me yeah I would legitimately surprise given that the American Family Association put this thing together like Ron's rant is actually like I'm like yeah, like that's I mean that's that's it right? That's that's that's the thing Valid throughout 100% yes, right you have it screamed in your face enough through your protest lines you start to learn I forget what did that lady say to us last time do you remember? What would Ron storms off? I thought man This would be great if the movie just ended right there. It could be a just a nice little short

Yeah, he's just like okay, so I'm the protagonist now and you're the bad guy you get it right? You know how you're the bad guy now cool. We just watch the camera. He's slowly make the decision to start following Ron instead of a dead My movie you see it shake its head to start following Ron instead of Ted. Ted's like, no, no, my movie. You see it shake its head. No, no, this is about to happen. No. So then of course, Ted has to go back to the shop to break the news to his increasingly hot wife.

And before you make any judgments on this wife, I want you to look this actress up on IMDB. Her IMDB profile is all cleavage, give her a chance. Anyway, so he comes back and he's like, well, this explains the phone calls, our names in the gay paper. Right. No, and it's obviously a gay paper, because he sets it down and she's like, what's this? And he's like, obviously, this is the gay paper. I didn't know what I saw, but you should. No, he's totally did. Right. And when he explains that Ron is mad about the whole, you're not a person and don't deserve to love things.

She goes, well, did you explain that it wasn't personal? It was just about his personhood? And he's like, I did, I told him that exactly. And he was, he was a total fag about it. Don't say that word, it's not our word to use. What about the N word, still not our word to use? Remember last week's protest? My translation of, did you explain to him? It wasn't personal was did you try out all the apologetics? We've been trained to say yeah right

I just I just hate your kind in general not specifically you just like you Do you do not see the difference? I'm who I hate who V.O. U.S. It's French So and I love to because he's like, he's like, oh, but we're gonna lose customers because this is, because we're in this paper and mom's like, oh, we don't sell t-shirts to homos anyway. How many gay people are buying our stuff? She is so dismissive.

She goes, how many gay customers do you think we have? Like apparently she doesn't think gay people exist or that they buy clothes from like regular non-faggy stores. Excuse me. We make shirts not matched. I'm sorry, I forget if it's the husband or the wife, but they're like, we've got one gay customer. And because they touch each other in store, that's how we know the gay, because that's when gay people do. I always know a real toupee. Gay people don't wear clothing on their upper body.

What are you talking about? That's actually literal. And I also love he goes like he's like I can't even go into a shop anymore because I'm afraid that his gay employees are going to spit in my coffee. Like it won't be spit Ted. That's pastor manning. He'll tell you all about it. Yes. You will need an exorcist though. just see an exorcist. Yes. So. So the next day they're heading to work and they're worrying about their financial problems. Of course, it's a Christian movie, so we have to have their financial problems show

up in Act One. Right. And this movie does absolutely everything it can to distract you from the ideas of its protagonist. Like, I kept expecting one of the kids to get hit by a train And be like, oh no the kid got hit by a train. Yeah, none of this has anything to do with the thing you did that you're not sorry for And now little Susie got turned inside out by a werewolf Well, and they're like and we're like three months behind on our rent

I'm like you are three where you fucking kidding me how we're responsible could you possibly be and they have this huge We'll see it later. They have this huge fucking house You're like you have that big a fucking house and you're behind on your rent I have no sympathy for you people Yeah They blame all their problems on on the protest That's about to happen to them But apparently they were in short a little for that because because the protest lasted for about three days and yet they

lost everything. Right. Yeah, right. But that's right, because someone has spray painted bigot on his business and his family reacts like it's a hung pastor, like someone linch to pastor on the front of the business. It's, oh honey, don't look. Don't look. Someone crucified Brian Fisher on the front door of our t-shirt shop. You shouldn't have to see. You shouldn't have to see.

These characters have the exact same performance as the ending of glory. It's fucking insane. It's just like that. And it just says bigot there. And I love to like the 15 year old girls. Like, mom, what's a big it? Yeah, she's not so smart. No.

Well sweetheart, here's a picture of your dad. Yeah, right. Someone who judges people for being different, it's like us, if we hated black people instead of gay people, you get it, right? Yeah, we do like black people. Remember, Miss Dorothy from before? She literally explains it to this girl

like she's five years old. Well, I love too, because they put this actress in the position where her character has to explain what the word bigot means in such a way that doesn't indict the intended audience. Good luck with that. She's like, why did they call daddy a bigot?

And I wanted her to say because they found out your dad was a bigot and they had spray paint. Right. But that's when Ron shows up and Ron shows up again reacting like the store got burned to the fucking ground. Oh, I'm so sorry. I heard there was a disturbance. You guys okay? Last time I saw you you were telling me about what a not person I was and how my love was just mental illness, but I just wanted to make sure you guys were all right. And they're like, yeah. And then the mom tries to like this is where the mom plays peacemaker and she's like hey Ron look

He didn't mean your gross. He meant your butt stuff, you know Give it to me give it to me Who are you glory home Oh, who are you? Glory home. That's the gross part, but like you're fine as long as you serve on the bagel with your, you know, keep that shit at home and don't ask us to know it exists. Yeah, and there's a point when they're done talking and he's like, by Lynn, the camera like pans over to him and he's got this look on his face. And literally at this point in the movie movie I'm thinking like he went guerrilla gay and he's the one painted this. And the camera lingers on his face for a second and I'm just waiting for lightning bolts to shoot through his eyes and for like some like deep maniacal belly laugh. Yeah, that would go really well with his pastel pink lipstick that he's wearing. Oh my God.

Hey, that was a gift for getting his ears pierced at Claire's Ron flies in just chops his head off. Yeah, right I would have been way too clever a twist I guess for the American Family Association So now we're gonna go home with the with the kids. They're all playing monopoly and being a wholesome again Because you so wholesome. Oh this part is fucking amazing because this is literally the only time that anyone in this family mentions Jesus. And it's the little girl saying that Jesus is helping her win Monopoly. Yeah, right. Right.

And the camera pans over to Donald Trump and he winks and then it pans back again. So this is also where we're vaguely introduced because dad's on the internet reading the gay news or whatever. And this is where we're vaguely introduced because dad's on the internet reading the gay news or whatever and this is where We're vaguely introduced to a character named Vincent de Raymo, who is like the bossed villain of the gays apparently Yeah, he's basically John like wasima doing a mean impersonation of a gay guy right like oh, Joana He's Hank is area doing the first reading in the bird cage, start casting for you like, oh, yeah?

How about I do the whole thing like this? Would you want me to do the whole thing like this? Oh, I love Dix. Dix are so delicious. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no this character. Oh, well, here's the thing. I went on his IMDb page and aside from it being a miracle of bit parts, he has only played straight Spanish gangbangers and give yourself a treat. Go on IMDb and look at this guy's real because it is the saddest short story you will read this week. The cemetery where Tom Collins is buried has nothing on this guy's reel.

It's just him walking to a variety of CSI's being like, yo, someone killed my home. And we've got it. We've got to focus it on this line a little bit too, because like dad's reading the news to the mom, right? And in it, this Vincentincente raymos guy he says uh... bigotry should never be tolerated and that says what is that is that a threat i'm like are you an insane person how is that a fucking threat

yeah it's a threat it's a threat i wrote my notes yeah it's a threat you can and then and then in response to this mom's she's reading it to she says well i get that signing the petition is bigotry, but what does this mean that it should never be tolerated? It probably means the bigotry should never be tolerated fucking mode is fucking obvious What are you talking about? I wanted the 15 to wander in and be like what's bigotry and they'd be like fuck This whole family talks about bigotry like fish talk about water.

They have no idea what's happening. Yeah. I'm just thinking throughout this entire scene, like so the guy says, yeah, we're not going to tolerate bigotry, but yeah, we're not going to condone vandalism. Who do you think you are? So now, as if it's not bad enough for these poor white people, the gays have organized a protest. Now this protest is an amazing thing because everyone here is clearly so upset that they

have to play a person who thinks that gay is okay. They're like so reluctantly chanting. I mean, gay is okay. It's not good, it's just okay. This protest is what Thunderfoot thinks reason rally was. Because it's more people marching around. Find a gay. I guess it's fine, all right.

Yeah, it's okay, really. Who said, we are somewhat tolerable. We are like, what do we want? Occasional dignity. We want it. Sometimes. And putting down the teacher's catwalk. The only thing I put in my notes about this protest and all capital letters, best protest

signs ever, worst protest slogan. Terrible. Terrible. Because the signs are fantastic. They hate like the like three-year-old hand painted. Yeah, that's exactly. Yeah, I paused at one point and I could see four signs and they were clearly written by two separate eight-year-olds. I mean they had decent slogans like they said like you know big it and God hates bigots but I was really disappointed that the signs didn't say Christianity is stupid communism is good I

Think they missed a perfect opportunity there. I also think it's fantastic that they chose a t-shirt shop Is the center of protest because that's like I mean that's like the community center right as the local t-shirt shop Yeah, obviously I just want to point out we've seen this shop several times leading up to this We've never seen any customers in it. So it's not like this fucking matters They're already three months behind that under goddamn rent and then they establish it again It's their movie they don't have to then they established that this protest actually has legal permission from his landlord to be there Right, so they're actually even following the rules when it comes to protest. And the movie can't lie about it, so they have this weird moment of like, I mean, they're not allowed to just stand outside a public area and be angry, right?

That's illegal, right? And they're like, I don't know, something about the Jews coming in and someone gave someone else a bag of gold. I don't know, he's just scary. I was told that free speech was for our side of things. Not the other side of things. I know that fucking policeman said we have to allow this. Right. And the cop, like, I don't even, I don't know if that actor was only hired as a day player

and didn't give a shit about this movie, but the cop does a pitch perfect performance of like walking out there and you see Ted being like, why these bags bags on my property? Get him off my property. And the cops like, no. And then just wander out of the movies. We never seem again. It's beautiful. This is illegal, right? Their first amendment rights are taking away our God-given first amendment rights. This is bullshit. Yeah. That's the argument of this movie. And then you then you see a van pulling up and they're like, oh, it's the reporters and the little girls like, oh, what's that? And the dad's like, it's a TV station van.

You stupid bitch. The 15-year-olds like, what's a TV? You're right. Come from Amish land or something, yeah. So now we're back at home where their employees are on the phone quitting, I guess, because I guess, because in their I guess they got a couple of teenage girls that help them at the shop and in their words their parents are afraid for their

Safety because there's all the gays around their shop. Yeah, all those super dangerous queers there with their poorly made signs their lackluster chance So dangerous after pulse. I think we all agree that the danger posed is from gaze to the community Am I right? Oh yeah for sure Well, it's like the dad goes well. I guess I can't blame them. I'm like that's because you're a big it That's what it said on your store window. Do you didn't you didn't put this together? I? Mean I don't I don't necessarily blame them. I, I generally when I see like seven people dressed in business casual Quietly talking protest slogans like I mean Mike Pence for VP

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Everything is wrestling. Now, and now of course we're gonna catch the news story that they did about his store. Like he's all excited, he comes to the TV and he's like, now finally we've put on my side of the story, but no, Damit, if they didn't edit his ass to make him look like a person who doesn't want gay people to be shit, never mind. It's the goddamn liberal media. Yeah, and this is so clearly beef-ish being like, yeah, because one time they interviewed me and they played what I said.

So like, he's gonna be like, no! And he later in the movie comes back to this and is like, you didn't even let me say any of my homophobic arguments. Why would I do that? That's not what that story was about. And he's like, fair. Fair. I see why you did that now, but in this scene He's a very upset by it. We also cut to the lesbians in this scene, which is amazing best actresses in the movie Yeah, they found the heaviest set woman they could find on the thing who wasn't originally gonna have them sign the petition And they were like hey cut your hair a little short and come in and and talk like a dog barks and she was like Cut your hair a little short and come in and talk like a dog barks and she was like

Talks like a fucking wrestling promo. No, if he's gonna come on down to his t-shirt store at Ristlemania this Friday I'm gonna show Ted that he can't sell t-shirts in my town anymore But I love to that the lesbian couples actual like statement here is you know How are we hurting anyone by being in love? And the movie's answer is just to look at dad being all wounded and squirmy. Well, well, shocks, this makes me look like I'm an asshole. Uh, pass. Didn't even let me say my argument. Didn't even let me say my argument.

He complains that he gave a 20 minute interview to this newscaster and she didn't play the entire 20 minute interview where he supposedlycaster and she didn't play the entire twenty minute interview where he supposedly gave all his reasons for why he supports traditional marriage and you'd be like okay well they cut it out of this part i'm sure that they're gonna get to it later in the movie he never gives any fucking reasons why and what would have been saying for twenty minutes that wouldn't have made

him look way worse in the interview i don't understand what he god god god god god god god god god yeah twenty minutes god god god wouldn't have made him look way worse in this interview. I don't understand what he got got got got got got got got got 20 minutes. Got got got got. Yeah. Right. Right. Right. I didn't have time to indict my entire religion along with me. But also did he expect them to put a 20-minute interview with him on the local fucking news? Are you insane? Have you seen the news before? Yes. What? Because if you don't, it is it is a violation of his freedom of speech,

Janet. Well, this guy thinks that t-shirts are a promising business, so he's not super caught up in the mountain. But here's what's fucking amazing. This is when gay John Lagozima comes out and he's like, look, if he apala, unless he apologizes, we're gonna keep protesting which means that everything that happens in this movie could be solved by the Protagonist going sorry yeah and it never no one even considers the option of an apology It is physically impossible. He's like the fucking fun. Yeah, I'm just gonna throw in leg wasamo save us a few emails. Go ahead Sorry was on the save us a few emails go ahead sorry this this been sent to you guys is is is perfect he's like my favorite because he's like the perfect stereotypy superlisbee and feminine appears to have one earing only yet and speaks

strictly and really bad activist platitudes right it's just there's just no way he could have been more perfect yeah Brian Fisher's view of the gaze I just want to point out before we move on that this newscaster is fucking amazing. Because you would expect like a local newscaster to be like, here are the facts of the story that I'm gonna tell in my super nasal voice and it said she's like, Ted is the worst person in this town.

You're not supposed to be run out of words. You're not supposed to be. Excellent coverage. This is Maria Locomandos and I just want to say fucking, fucking right in his face. ABC 12 signing out. But I also think we should focus on this too, because like, this is how little sense this whole fucking movie makes, because throughout it all, he's going like, I didn't mean to hurt anybody.

I wasn't personal blah, blah, blah. But even after he finds out that he hurt people and could just go out and apologize He still doesn't Again, this is their movie. They could have made whatever they wanted happen But even in their spiral of doom they can't make themselves not the asshole because if I'm writing this movie I have him be like I'm sorry and then George Lopez is like, no, it's not about apologies. It's about punishment.

And then you're like, I get it. I mean, aside from that, and I would have a lot more hosting down of the kids. Those are the two changes that I mentioned. A lot more hosting down on the kids. Which reminds me, are a your Skype video is off. And I need you. Turn it. It's fine. Moving on. Well, according to you, I look like a school shooter. your Skype video is off and I need you. And turn it.

It's fine. Moving on. Well, according to you, I look like a school shooter. So what does that say about you, Eli? You look like an 11 year old boy school shooter. I'm talking about it. And it's hot. I guess I'll have to accept that.

See, go ahead, turn on the video. I'm just going to say, two out of five. You're up voted. You say only if you and Eli turn yours off. Angle it a little down too. Angle it a little down. Perfect. He said thank you.

Hey Eli, you want to see what testosterone does to the clitoris? I would absolutely love to unabashedly not target yes. All right. Some email address, like I got some pictures for you. There's a visual component to today's audio show. So now we got dad work. He's got this headache, this poor fella. And apparently these damn gay people just don't know how much he's suffering.

You know, he's had to take two exedrants today. I just I love because when the scene first starts you still you can see the protesters outside and I'm just thinking to myself what do we want better protest lilyons when do we want them after we figure out a talk louder. Okay, I really like the games. not really which I am one of He reads the paper to his wife and he's like this paper said that we're a symbol of bigotry They call me a fungus and it's like really the newspaper the newspaper was like fuck this asshole And also our fun guy anti gay is this is slower against mushrooms or him got it hope not I

Love it. He's like pariah. I don't even know what that word means That one of those Pokemans that we don't let our kids catch I also noticed in this scene that if you look at the signs on the wall in the store They're the exact same signs as the protest signs, like made by the same two separate eight year olds from earlier with a really bad finger-pane job. Yeah, oh, I love that his printing shop has these hand drawn signs all over it.

Yeah, that says a lot about your quality. How amazing would it be if there was a deleted scene where the gaze bought their protest signs from testers? I- Irony. And of course this is also where we learn that they've lost all the big orders for the t-shirts because the schools don't want to be associated with homophobes and I'm thinking good for the schools I guess.

Yeah great job schools like I applaud you. Good job. My favorite line is we lost the church Lynn, and she's basically like, yeah, but it was an episcopal church and fuck a Piscopalians. Yeah. At least we picked up a new account with that with Westboro Baptist, right? So we dialed the time.

It's a gold mine. Nice, proper, fag-hating church. Not like it was a Piscopalians. Right. And the general theme of this entire scene is like, these tolerance people aren't being tolerant of our intolerance like black people standing their ground Like They stand there. That's not how it's supposed to work. Wait, no, it's it's open carry for white people when you carry It's a chance to shoot you. It's hard to explain

It's based on being afraid of you, so it's hard to say. She tries to comfort him. She's basically like, look, we got the conservative church now. Come in the back, me and the kids are gonna share you like a Sunday. She drags them into the back by his hand and it's like, oh, sensual. I'm like, yes, we're finally gonna get some action in this movie. Oh, I would give this movie five stars on Amazon and every other rating platform if it just cut to a scene of him fucking his wife and kids. Yes, no kids. I've never had my hand grabbed and walked anywhere

where I didn't get a happy ending soon after. It was, this was ridiculous, yeah. Well, right, yeah, they sell it so much like she's gonna take him back there and blow him or whatever, but then he gets there and it's just the kids have made him a world's best dad shirt and he's like oh wow. His own product they've wasted his own product on him. Right and it's a three color print which is super expensive.

Yeah. And just to be fair though I mean these kids are working off of sample size of ones. That's true. This would be like if I was feeling blue and Noah made a recording being like, you're alright. Yeah. So they make him this t-shirt that says, world's greatest dad and like the 15 year old girl says to the little girl, oh she wanted it to say world's greatest bigot because apparently because when you have bigot spray painted on your business, you're being protested daily,

you have news pieces on you and massive stress for your parents, this little girl still doesn't realize that being a bigot is a bad thing. Right, right. 15-year-olds, like what's a bigot? Yeah, but clearly Steve Anderson went releases trademark on the world's greatest bigot thing. So they're all hiding in the back. And then the, I guess, gay friend brings them some food since they can't get in and out without being harassed

and potentially injured by the gay people with the signs, I guess. No, he says he came in the side door because they forgot to lock it. They are afraid for their lives and they forgot to lock the side door where their kids are. I like since when you come in the side door, what I was really hoping as you say, since you're kind of a wife locked the front door and I couldn't get in, asshole. I'm right.

Do I have like, well no, to be fair, Ron has never been allowed to use the front door. Ron's calling you the helps entrance. I really love though I respect the research that the American Family Association did because they realized that that's how Gays make pieces bringing offerings of coffee and smoothies. Like I appreciate the accuracy in there. Yeah, Mr. Ron Brunner's treat. He's the only gay guy. Again Ron is definitely the good guy in this movie. He shows up with free stovies like hey three, two, one, two, three, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, three, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one,

two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, one, two, well, I guess there's just no easy way out of this conflict and I want him to go like I mean

Unless you stop being an asshole and we both know that's not going to happen Well, I want to point out there are five people in our notes and all five of us have some variation of yes There is stop being Mine is apologize you fucker fuck I am sorry find the petition He didn't know what he was signing, but now apparently he cares about it because, you know, people are coming after him and he's got to stay in the freeze rights. Yeah, mine was, I mean, yeah, right, like, I'm gay and I didn't choose that.

You're a big piece of shit and you didn't choose that. So like, what can I do here? Oh wait, I let you get married, didn't I? So, so now we get, we get to spend a little time with Vincente, the evil gay. He's coming to see Mr. Goodman, the landlord. And the entire movie is worth it to watch this guy's performance, shirt,

and the way in which he sits down. I wish this was a visual. I mean, he's wearing a lavender shirt and when he sits down he twists his legs into a pretzel so that his balls are peeking out from the front. I have no idea how he does it. It's the gayest leg twist I've ever seen. He basically turns himself into like a twizzler at the bottom half of his body and he's like, so, they did how my people fit down. I am not crushing my penis in any way, shape of form. You know that when they called cut that actor was like, oh, it's bleeding bad guys. It's bleeding bad. I'm just gonna glaze over the fact that I own that shirt. That's a great show. The whole time he's talking, I'm just thinking because somebody said earlier they thought he

was a self-loathing gay. And I know that's not true because his tie is fucking hideous. Oh that's true. I do have another note about his attire later in the movie. We'll get to that. Oh yeah, I think I know which one we're talking about. Yeah, so basically he's there because he wants Ted evicted so that they can put the gay headquarters right where his building used to be What's amazing is they're trying to make what is so obviously a better decision business-wise and morally Seem super insidious, but it's just like this just chubby white guy and then the Latin guys like so we were thinking we would pay our rent and white guy and then the Latin guys like so we were thinking we would pay our rent and not be total assholes and reach out to people who need help and the guys like well what's in it for me and he's like do get to be a better person and make more money and he's like that's I wanted to share

a Filipino boy he literally ends the scene by doing an evil greedy gay smirk That's the only way to get right in $1 million more. Yeah, that's the sinister plot twist the gay pride organization wants to rent a building That's why they're evil and actually and actually pay their rent now Callie and all right There's a reason why we brought you on the show and it's when gay people make an evil deal like this one Who sucks who's dick to sort of clinging you're assuming that everyone has a dick in the equation? But those characters did we're pretty sure you don't know that I picked you to 69

69 thank you Thank you problem solver not problem Thank you, thank you problem solver not problem I made a whole YouTube video taking down Callie it's Guys can check it out when she challenges me to a debate. I'll pretend I didn't So I guess now that we know the true extent of the game off is evil intentions we can Take a well earned reprieve from this shit so we're gonna take a break, but before we finish up, let me give Act 3 the hard sell here. Will Ron and Ted just cut the tension and fuck already? Will the Black Lady from before ever matter?

Will Jamie find me tit picks of the mom? Find out the answers to some of these questions and more when we return for the melodramatic conclusion of accidental activist. more when we return for the melodramatic conclusion of accidental activist. Knock, knock y'all, I hear by call this first meeting of the gay newspaper to order. Who's got old business? I do. I just want to let everyone know that our recruitment drive at the Boy Scouts is going really great.

These kids will be touching their dicks together in no time. Oh, right. Well done. Hmm, great. My name is Bethany and I'm a lesbian. I drive around my motorcycle and I have a big scary dog and a gene vest. Oh, that girl. Of course you do.

Wonderful. Make sure that you take men's wives and make them leave them. Of course. Can do. Although we're working on our headline for tomorrow, quote, I'm offended. End quote. I like it, but even better. Why don't you just make it say

whaaah my god that's amazing snap instead of claps like it like it fantastic well meeting a journey let's go rub our butts together or something I'm a lady and we're back for more big a tree when we last saw our heroes they were wallowing in self-pity over the world's inability to allow their religious beliefs to dictate the law and when we last saw our heroes they were wallowing in self-pity over the world's inability to allow their religious beliefs to dictate the law and when we pick up the action they're still doing that this time in their kitchen and we learned that the ladies from Sunday school brought them things you know like when someone died yes yeah well cuz the gays are trying to starve them out we also learned that the pastor is praying for them and this is the one weird moment

I mean not the one weird moment, but one of the many weird moments of the movie where the husband goes Where is God in all this? Do we have a secret sin? And I wanted so badly to just flash cut to the mom fucking herself with a broom hand All just being like, yeah, no, yeah, you did change your mind, didn't you? This is absolutely bizarre. He talks about how everyone is praying and he says oh they're giving us prayers and blah blah blah I'm like he really said you a Christian do not believe in the shit right yeah this movie didn't believe in itself I Was ready when do we have some secret sin in the house Lynn and I was just waiting for are you fucking the kids Lynn

Not there yeah, right. Guy, I might want in on this. And he also goes, even though no one has called him a hero in this movie, he goes, I'm not a hero. I'm not a hero. You're right, man. You're not a hero. No one called you a hero.

Yeah, no, they wrote Big It, honey. Big It. That's like the no-home of being a hero. Ha-ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha-ha. Doesn't count the balls or tucky. I mean, that's the fucked up thing though is that in their own nightmare spiral of doom It's just like that people choose not to support his store because he's a big it like capitalism is their nightmare spiral of doom here right

If only there were a way that people could be forced to use my business I don't know Free market. Anyway, I'm gonna lose this star. I wrote my notes. Oh look at this. It's the world's smallest violin I found it right here in my dickhole The music is trying so hard to make this a dramatic moment to the you know They end on the it'll all be okay, okay, hug and I'm like no, it's not going to be because you guys are idiots and just won't say I'm sorry to save your children. This, this is the only protagonist I have cared about less than Twilight. Yeah, that is harsh. That is a low bar to go under my friend.

No, shit. I was like, a bell and an Edward gonna be okay. On the end of the video, at the end of the last movie, part two of the seventh movie, you guys know what I'm talking about, right? Oh, yeah. It's the one that's after the movie where there's the giant thing that turns out to be a dream. So it's right after that, then they have this moment where it's sort of a flash forward because they've been alive for a thousand more years.

And it's just them in a field really getting to know each other all over again, so you as a person who's watched all seven movies multiple times really know that they make it you know I was gonna watch those. I was gonna review those eventually on a we gotta do those as pageant bonuses. Yeah I kind of figured we might know what happens whatever. So now we're back at the store and he's bitching about that news reporter from the TV. She's there again He's like look at her all there and newsy and shit. I'm gonna give her a piece of my mind Right. Yeah, and this is a little thing, but it really bothered me mom says at this point

She says what's the old expression the power of the press belongs to those that have one. Yeah Well, first of all owning a printing press isn't exactly the power source it is at this point. But more importantly, that's not even the right quote. The exact quote is about freedom of the press. And it was said by AJ Liebling of the New Yorker who definitely wasn't saying that Christian people are persecuted by the gay media conspiracy. Whatever. Fucking message he's trying to get this here. He was a part of the gay Jewish media conspiracy. And I love that this reporter is just camped out in front of the store.

Like, there's no other news happening in the town. No, this is the part that really I don't understand. And it is a mystery of this movie that will forever remain unsolved. So they are out there protesting him because he put his name on the petition. What happened to all the other people who signed the petition? Oh, he was the only one that signed it. I have a theory. I have a deep theory that he was the only one that signed it. And back girl who had Monica Lewinsky shot herself in the face after he got his signature. That is really the only way that this could work. Because how is the news media covering him and they're not covering anyone else who's being you know

Harassed by the game off. Yeah, or whatever well the rest of them didn't have businesses and were homeless apparently everyone else Apologized maybe Everybody else said the one word sorry the easy way out maybe I don't know and I love to because when he's like bitching at the news reporter He's going like well you knew that was gonna make me look bad You have the head of the Claremont pride out here. You have two lesbian say it less me in saying I heard him and I'm like that's It's it's your own fucking movie dude. No, those people were there on their own even in your own She didn't bring gay people with her to pretend to be upset or anything Right and so that he gets into a screaming match with a Vincentet the evil gay guy.

And this is the part I was afraid to earlier with his clothes. There is no way that a self-respecting gay guy would wear his t-shirt tucked into his jeans like he is wearing. And furthermore, furthermore, referring back to where I said he couldn't possibly be gay because of how hideous his tie is, his pants are nowhere near tight enough I was thinking the same thing for entirely different reasons, but this is actually a quote from the movie All that matters is that the homosexual community got its feelings hurt and I'm automatically the bad guy end quote

And I wrote my notes. Yeah, man Yeah, well, yes, that's what that means and then he says I'm sorry. I thought this was America Randy Marsh and the good guy And that's that's the second best quote in the scene the first first one is when the guy's going on and on, but my kids and my wife, Vincent, points at his face and goes, I don't give a flip about your litter. Ha ha ha. Breeder.

This is the guy who was calling their house to say obscene things to his kids, but he can't even say crap. He's like, he's like, well, he's like, I've adopted that as my new my new go to I don't give a flip about your Litter You know given that the wife is Michelle Bachman it makes sense her job is not going well right now Excuse me my cables out. I don't give a flip about your cable next

Tiny headset the uh... mad with power and i love the effort that they have to go to in this movie to make this gay guy like wrong and unreasonable in the debate they like literally have to have them just yelling stuff like i don't care about your logic and reasons and stuff like that we were it wouldn't even make sense

they cannot make this guy into a bad guy so they just have to make him into a like a shouty-powdy guy. Exactly. He says it's hate because we say it's hate. He's literally saying because we said so. Yeah, right. It's unreasonable homos. And they can't make dad out to be the good guy either because his response is, well, what determines this is hatred and intolerance? Well, maybe the definition of those words you literally make it maybe 15 year old wanders in what's a big at uh... bleeding at a both nostrils

yes it's like an all american it's very similar and then we also see in this in this is where we first get the black minister the son of the old lady i guess he's standing at the outskirts of the protest looking very disappointed and dour. And we need to talk about this guy. This guy's head is unrealistic CGI alien bad. Oh my he's he's black Squidward. Yeah, exactly. And if you listen to him talk he talks just like a shit. I had him as some mad scientist

tried to make a clone hybrid of Hermann Kane and Michael Jordan, but they got an air bubble trapped in his skull. Excuse me. Yes. Do we, do we pop it? No. It looks like Colonel Kurtz in the like all black musical

remake of Apocalypse Now, like the way it is. He's just like all forehead, all, he's like a black musical remake of Apocalypse Now like the way it is. He's just like all forehead all he's like a black cling on. He looks like they cast a black guy as the hot air balloon in the Wiz. And he's quite attractive fella. So yeah now I guess so he saw him at the protest and now then the next scene we're gonna get the the strange scary looking black man showing up at the white guys house on an End the fucking best scene in the movie right and I wrote ah black guy stand your ground Expecting yeah, I was just I was immediately like okay mysterious black guy at the door. He's he's not getting out of the scene alive

But uh Kelly no say it ain't so. But, but Titus Burgess and AIDS fundraisers is really just there to tell them that we've got a little hate speech going on later. Would you like to give a hate speech at our hate speech? I love this scene so fucking much, you know, because he's like, he's going like, you know, I hate, you know, my business is going to go under because of this in the black guy's like, no, no, it's good that you sign that petition because now everyone's talking about this and bringing this subject up. Have you ever tried to go straight into gay bashing cold?

It's tricky. You need someone else to bring that conversation up. Right. And this is where he's like, me and my wife had dreams for our life. And I wanted so badly for him to be like, yeah, it's hard when you and your partner want a thing and stuff. That's what it's about. It's rough, right? That's tough.

I look like an upside down tar drop experiment. So instead he says, look, Ted, I'm black. So I can say that you're not a bigot without it seeming quite as offensive that's why this movie contains blacks so let me sit here and explain this to you oh my god okay this is my fucking favorite line in the whole movie so he says like he says black people know what it's like to experience bigotry and I'm like oh okay so he's he's gonna acknowledge that it sucks they're being bigots against gay people but they have to because of their sincerely held religious beliefs and then it takes a fucking hard

right turn and that we are tired of Christians being called bigots. That is not where I thought that was going. And I want to point out that in that exact moment, completely randomly, a cat walks through the shot behind him as no one saying I'm through with this asshole. Yeah, I think that cat quit. And that cat quit this set. He was there was supposed to be a seam where the little girl later like thanks for the new kitty and the cat was like no fuck this you all are pieces of shit. All right, don't have like slavery and not getting to say that fat god hates fags at the same thing.

Yeah, I'm out of here. I'm out of here. Give me my fancy feast. I'm on a day plate. Give me my fucking fancy feast. And I love when he's really turning on the victim. He goes, it was just an impulse on a sunny day. Yeah, right.

I was. Like, I have all kinds of impulses on the sunny day. I mean, if you were jerking off in the car or something like that, I get it. But yeah. Yeah. Sometimes he has fantasies about Mr. Run. I also love Pastor Squidward at one point goes, you need to go on the offensive and I want him to go, you mean like drag one behind my truck, because they get really pissed about

that. They start a whole project and then they make us give the same amount of money for this movie. It gets very sad. I want to do this. So basically this pastor is there to convince him to speak in his shitty rally and therefore basically forfeit his business. Mm-hmm.

Sounds like a great plan, guys. Yeah, well, I love how he's like, he's like, I just want to forget about this thing and never talk about it again. And pastor Squidward looks at him and goes, I think that would be a mistake, and I'm like, oh shit, it's about to get serious. Right? He just jumps out of a bathtub and a white dress. I won't be ignored, Ted.

Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha. Well, I love Ted's line here too, as he goes, I don't public speak. Like, yeah, the formulation of that sentence pretty much proves your point, doesn't it? I guess it makes sense that his 15-year-old daughter doesn't know what a big it is if that's right.

Oh shit so yeah so he leaves like it's uncommon all you know he doesn't know whether he wants to go to the hate speech to hate speaker not. So and then we go to like him hanging out with Ron late one night. I guess the the landlords on his way to try to collect them three months late. He is with rent, etc. Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa, before we start, I have to point out that Callie and I were the only people who noticed this. His pants, Ron's pants are so unbelievably tight. Oh, you are not the only one who noticed it. Like, basically hanging out of his pants and he's walking like with his legs laid like

his balls are being pinched. And the whole scene, I could not stop looking at it and I barely even like peanuts. Yeah, it is. You can count the skin cells on his cock. It is intense. I wrote, we now know for sure that Gabriel used to escape because his pants are the right kind of tight and might be Jewish and he's walking side to side like he's got a butt plug in yeah okay

not that I know how that worked it's the John Wayne walk it's the John Wayne walk from here it's the John Wayne walk that's it got it you got it Callie's hedging her bet. She didn't want to offend anybody on this show I just don't go but plugs were too far. I Also love this because because they're like Ron and Tatter still argue about it and Ron is the like the patients of a fucking saint here He's like like man I put up with a lot of big a tree for me, etc. etc But you know, let's face it you're a Bible thumper and he's

like no I'm not let me thump this Bible at you to prove otherwise this is exactly what I don't do he's got a point though he's not a Bible thumper he doesn't fucking go to church he just opposes gay marriage because reasons yeah no reasons are ever given because I never pushed my views on anyone and it's like you mean like lobbying the government to stop me from having the rights that I want Pushing the past the legal next scene and then he goes the Christian view of marriage was here first And I'm like you mean the thing with slaves So which one yep, he seriously tries to use we called dibs as an oh, yeah

Exactly exactly we were opposing your rights way before you were fighting for Shotgun bigotry shotgun bigotry too long like 200 years ago. So it's not Yeah, after we killed all those worthless natives people we were first after that so so we get to make the rules But we're pretty sure those native people hate fags too. I went to a casino the other day and I was sure if he was Mexican or you know, Woolo or like dot dot, anyone's I asked him. I was like, how do you feel about gays? And I don't know. He let me win when we wrestled. So I've been the landlord shows up. So Ron has to wander off and Ron again, great friend. He's like, Hey, you know, landlord guy, won't you go wander off and Ron again, great friend, he's like,

hey, you know, landlord guy, why don't you go easy on him, man, you know, I'm gay and I like him, so, you know, maybe customers will come back and he's like, mmm, you know, I, when you don't pay your rent for three months, you get evicted, that's just the way it works, bro. Right, and the landlord's like, yeah, go fuck yourself, Ron, enjoy a coffee shop yeah Put Naseem and in delantes once you try renting some VHS movies You may be do a little better than You pay the fucking rent I also want to want to point out that it is clearly about 830 at night and this guy is coming to collect a rent Yeah, like what? Well bizarre so yeah, so Mr. Goodman tells him to go fuck himself and he's like he's like you know

He actually even says here. He's like usually I wait when you get this far behind until the school orders come through so apparently They're regularly three months behind on their rent. No, no no hush. It's the gays fault Well also he goes he goes you know if you would have kicked those protesters out It would have been great and he's like know, if you hadn't been a dickhole, wouldn't have been any protesters. So, you know, let's go all the way back, right? Let's not just start it, Mr. Goodman, right? Me and that lovely Spanish young lady played ride the baloney pony, but you don't hear me talking about that, right?

Let's start it at priority. Get down to brass tax here. talking about that right let's start it over at priori get down to brass tax here so apparently he's getting evicted and it's because of course it's because the gaze have been protesting the last four days which caused him to fall three months behind on rent so he goes home and moms interp j's which is good because i needed that i at least needed that

yet we all have a variation of time to dick down his weird looking wife. We're all, we all grudgingly accepted a sex scene at this point. We're all fine, as long as it's not more, but I was here first. As long as there's a little bit of vomiting I'm on board. Cool. Yeah, Jesus. All in the penis. And of course penis and of course

And of course mom's got this whole like I just doesn't seem fair that we should have to pay our rent honey kind of an attitude about the whole thing Well, no she looks at this so the scene is literally Ted's like the money's due and he wants his money now and she's like that's the one fair and she's like, that's the one fair. Is it what? Is it really what? Is not what rent me? She pretty much blames the landlord for the whole situation. She's basically like, well, he let the protesters stay on the property, and then he's holding us accountable when the protesters shut down our business.

Almost, it's kind of like a god who creates imperfect humans and then punishes them for being a perfect, and it makes perfect sense. So they're going to lose their mansion poor little bitch Bigger than so hard guys. He goes did I miss a mistake signing that petition? And she's like no Absolutely not and all of us again wrote you did you I mean because let's face it like again even in the universe of this movie He made a mistake because like was gay marriage not you know did the overfeld decision not come through in his world because he signed

to this petition yeah okay then fuck off of course you made a mistake you damn fool Scalia just pulls out a wet piece of paper one more thing and Ginsburg's just like I changed my mind I got you a hooker go check her out go check her out it'll be fine you're fine a young lady who look like a pig in a black wig brought this to me and then she'd hung herself in my office probably because of what Clarence Thomas showed her remember that remember our Shared his assistant his penis and now makes judgments on other people The three people who listen to the nonprofits are gonna be actually part of that So now we finally get the scene we've all been waiting for

Bad gay versus good gay Vince goes to the coffee shop So now we finally get the scene we've all been waiting for. Bad gay versus good gay, Vince goes to the coffee shop. Who will emerge victorious? And man, this is the fight between two gay people that wasn't Lesbyns that I've been looking forward to the most. You gotta tell ya. Aside from people covered in Jello that are in my internet history, this was pretty great.

And let's just talk about the intro to the scene. This goes, I'll have a cinnamon scone, and a cinnamon latte, and a penis, and a bun plug, and a gay, whatever it is, us people, orders. And that was, I'm now convinced that he is actually gay because of his coffee shop order Like I can I can forgive the clothes mistakes because his coffee shop order is the gayest so like I believe I believe that character now

I love cinnamon am I gay is that how that works? Yes, yes, I would love to just like swim around in a scrooge McDuck thing a cinnamon was some gay. Oh, that would be amazing You just got a grin and bear it once or twice. I have a whole theory It's on my YouTube channel. Don't worry. She just came out here on God awful movies guys. That's that's Stop trying to turn us into your show We just laugh and have fun here Go back on your show and talk about sad things in real shit cinnamon is okay Cinnamon is okay. I want you to know that if you're lost, you're hurting, you're scared.

We will make fun of you on this show and you can go to college and you'll feel better about it. So, yeah, so Vince lays it down to him and says, hey, if you don't support our protest, I'm going to revoke your Sodomite card. How you like that? And then, and Ron says, that's fine. He doesn't care. He knows he's the big rabble rouser in town. Yes, that's what he actually says. I know you're the big right. Is that how they think humans talk? And then he goes, well listen, we're about to put a gay center in near here. It'd probably be a good idea for

you to show some solidarity. And you would expect the other character in the Christian bigot movie to go never but instead he's just like Yeah, I should probably get on board and that is the end of that character Basically is convinced by Vince Vince is like I mean this is gonna be a hopping gay area and you're a gay business owner This is gonna be amazing for you and Ron's like yeah, fuck dad I guess. Yeah, fuck dad. But I love he's like Claremont Pride, W. Han sign. What the fuck does that mean? Yeah, what?

Yeah, I would do. Heathen, I had the exact same note about that. Like he's imagining the Claremont Pride sign over the building and he makes like this weird W sign and we're, and Heath and I are both like, oh, it's a gang sign because he's his band. He's a lot of season a gang. Yeah, exactly. They speak mostly in gang signs there.

Wigglypuff motherfucker. They evolved version. And I love the last line. It's like, you better remember where that hot-eth bread of yours gets buttered in the ass because we're gay. The ass, right? Yes, right. Yes, right.

Yes, that's fun. That's where you put? Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. That's where you put the butter. Actually, it's the anus. And now I guess it's time to go back to magic black lady for some advice. She is back. Oh man, the only thing I could hear in my head as soon as I saw her was Eli's voice saying, it's the magic black lady again. I had a nickel for every time a black character in a movie we watched said, tell me what's

on your mind, we wouldn't need patrons, we will. And this is the fucking crazy scene. And I just have to say before we describe the scene, I noticed they sit down and she's got cups of tea that are less than a quarter full again. What the fuck is this? She makes it in like a titration machine like she's doing hydrochloric acid by truck. And this is where the character goes and this is a real quote, I just really want to know how black people

endured slavery. White guy who people are mad at. But not bigot in this movie said that fucking line. Yeah, exactly. How did you people suffer? Yeah, and the answer is, yeah, we did a lot of the same things these gay people are doing right now. Come on, stop being a bitch or be put it out, read the script. Speaking of her reading the script,

she has the fucking craziest delivery. Oh my God, it's like they were given it to her one word at a time or whatever, and then stitching them back in a different order because they couldn't find a black person who would say these words. That's absolutely exactly what I think happened. I think that halfway through this scene, she was like, I'm not saying that shit. You motherfuckers can fuck yourself. And so someone pointed a gun at her because she sounds out the rest of her lines at gun

point. And so someone pointed a gun at her because she sounds out the rest of her lines at gunpoint Yeah, like be in a slave is just like not getting to hate faggot man. Oh, man I'm blinking twice because I'm not safe Yeah, I can see a yellow building and a white car out front from where I am Tap in the top thing. What? She goes hatred and bigotry are terrible From where I am tapping the top line, tap in it, tap in it, tap in it. She goes, hatred and bigotry are terrible. Terrible. Terrible.

That line should have got tookin' out. Hey, once the scene's tookin', what are you gonna do? And then she says, she goes, Look, I'm sure gay people have suffered. But I get tired of hearing how gay is the new black. Right. Yeah. It's clearly orange. I was looking for the white cat to walk off again. Like, no, fuck this. I'm no longer your grip. You said it wasn't gonna be like this anymore.

I don't think we've fully captured the gravity of the scene so far by what we've described so far. He is comparing the situation that he is in two slavers. Yes, yes. And so is the black woman in the scene. Yes. I love her line is basically, I'm tired of being called a bigot because of what I believe about marriage said the white guy in 1967 about black people and white people marrying. It's caught.

It's caught. She's reading the lines off the Carter will shoot the big egg at a guy. the white guy in 1967 about black people and white people marrying. Cut, cut. She's freed the lines off the car or will shoot the big egg-headed guy. We could find another black actress. No, you can't. Right. Damn it. She called her bluff. No, the side guard. Totally called us on this. And then she turns to him and goes, what are you going to do about it?

And I wrote, cut to Matthew Shepherd, dragged behind a car or cut to the front of Pulse. Well, they skirted that so many times in this movie. What do you mean go on the offensive people? What is that meant in the past? Holy shit. See, this is the thing I don't understand about this movie. you have these these moments in these movies that you guys review all the time where you're like it's your movie you don't have to bring this argument up you do not have to bring up the parallels between racial prejudice and prejudice against sexual minorities it's your movie but they're doing it anyway and then to close off the scene and to make sure we really get it she goes she, she basically says, you are just like my enslaved and then murdered father after the Civil War. Yes. Let me give you a picture of him.

This couldn't be weirder if she had wrapped that picture in human skin. Let me give you a picture of my dad whom you are just like and just as persecuted as so that you can find the strength to carry through and get through this homo seizure whatever. I want to her to color on her dad's face with a white crann and be like, there, I fixed it.

The last line I was just be holding up a title card with her lines written. Yeah. Yeah. And we forgot. She said, they called me all sorts of things. They called me. Well, you know said they called me all sorts of things. They called me Well, you know what they called me and I wanted him so badly to say the N word No, but Eli you didn't do it justice because she pauses for a good five seconds before she says well, you know what they called

You expect this is just giving him time to put the hands over the kids ears or something But yeah, then she just stops and like I'm not gonna say it. It says it in the script though You know those mother fuckers. They also wrote I'm a little Short and stout Not doing that You mother fuckers can shoot So now we get the obligatory what would Jesus do scene where he's literally throwing rocks in the water as he weighs his decision. I swear to Christ as soon as I saw the lake, I knew he was going to pick up a rock and toss it in. Like I knew it was going to happen. I

about fucking pissed myself when it actually happened. Music note for this scene i'll just slap this piano around like it likes rough sex play mind was when i punched the buttons harder the piano sound sad huh yeah wow i had oh cool there's a piano in this broken elevator perfect and of course while he's trying to figure out what to do, this is so bizarre, he looks over and wouldn't you know it.

There's a heterosexual couple playing in the park with their children, and that's what he's fighting for. Guys, straight people, one P and one V. It's amazing. We got in 10. This reminded me of that scene in Terminator 2 where Sarah Conner's looking at the kids playing on playground Oh, how good would a flash through them like like a white out squipes through and then they're all in rainbow shirts Just like sucking each other's

Billionaire money nuclear explosion and then they're all gay all of a sudden. Yeah. Oh, a gay bomb. Nice. Nice. But wait, then he gets into his car, right? He gets into his car, and he's going to meditate on how much like that slave he is. But when he gets into his car, I wrote, please be a car bomb.

Please be a car bomb. Because the best ending of this movie would be his car explodes, and then we cut to the Latin gay guy being like what take that that would actually be more closure than we get in the end of the video yeah great just sprinkles down from the explosion and so but no instead he's decided now that he's gonna speak at the big straight pride rally or whatever So we cut there and I love again in their own movie They've got like 11 people standing in front of a church. That's the rally that they've got going here They've got a woman in the audience with the I need to speak to a manager haircut You know that bitch has never had an ingredient that wasn't on the side like fuck you that's a sense

You're talking about an empty plate with 19 ramekins. What what would that mean? You're the worst Yeah, everyone in this crowd has an unused calorie counting app on their phone And so then we get his fucking speech which like, you know, the founding fathers put their dicks in vagina, I'm pretty sure. All of them were straight, right? When did it, and all of this, I'm just writing down the things he said, when did it become reprehensible to stand up for what you believe?

What a bullshit state. Like that has always depended on what you believe that you ridiculous ass words. Kind of matters, yeah. when what you believed in started being reprehensible yeah right they weren't upset by integrity yeah that's not being like firmly held believe yeah like you're going like man those 9-11 hijackers man if they weren't so god damn motivated I hate motivation you know this is the part in the movie where I feel like he would, like, you know, give his reasons for why he's the boy's ex-marriage.

He doesn't, but then again, I might have missed it because I was so distracted by the child who plays his son, fidgeting desperately in the background. He did not take his riddle in that room. And I love how, like, through the speech, you see the reporter. She's like, they're looking super skeptical at first. And then, like, through the course of the reporter. She's like they're looking super skeptical at first And then like through the course of the speech She's like starting nodding and it's like oh shit's getting serious now And she's like furiously writing in her notebook and then like at the end of the speech

She's smiling and she's clapping and oh she got conflated Right and then he says people died so I could be this kind of a dick not an exaggeration he actually says that yep yep and then of course he says again the people shouting about tolerance or the least likely to extend it to someone else like really are you sure about that is that is that why all the minorities keep lining up on the conservative side of the political aisle dude like that such ridiculous bullshit like oh yeah yeah yeah no they're tolerant of everybody except for the people who don't like intolerance it must be that they're intolerant it's like the third stupidest argument behind

the wire they're still monkeys and wherever argument my wife uses to explain why it's perfectly okay to tell you she just wants something fruity to drink instead of just giving me a goddamn brand and another tip probably don't want to keep bringing up the first amendment because that basically says gay people are allowed to do all the things they do in this movie. So stop. No, no, they don't like that part of the first amendment. Only the religion part of the first amendment. That's a good part.

Yeah, they don't like the freedom of press or assembly. No, not at all. Then he cries at his own speech, which is always a good part. Yeah, they don't like the freedom of press or assembly. No, no, no Then he cries at his own speech Which is always a great sign the care what I call pulling a gillard His own speech he won he wanders off while three people give him the lamest round of applause Let me tell you I was once on a subway trying to suck my own dick and when I finally succeeded I got a more hearty round of applause from the four nuns and one homeless guy that were present Then he gets for his little anti gay speech. It was it was like if if the protesters from before could somehow translate their protest into clapping

That is the love of the game speech is okay I just want to go back really quick Eli. Did you hang from the bar? What'd you do? I'm thinking. Speech is okay. Speech is okay. I just want to go back really quick. Eli, did you hang from the bar? What'd you do? Plow position? Plow position. Plow.

Got it. Plow position. 30 minutes a day. And eventually your ribs just collapse. It just into your lungs. That's always nice. Now, I want to point this out too, because this was probably the weirdest fucking thing in the movie to me anyway at one point during his speech They do a flashback to the like the big it painted on his store

Except for its painted in a different color on a different part of his story It's like you how I cannot imagine a scenario where this happens right like you literally could have just used the shot that you already used That's how flashbacks are generally done did you lose that footage no it wasn't it wasn't a flashback because it had the Claremont pride sign on there they took over the building after they got a victim okay and then they painted bigot on their own bill that's the only explanation we're a different kind of bigot. We're bigot it again, bigot.

His speech moved us. Right, but okay, so that's the important thing to take away from this is that his business did go under, but he's still a bigot and apparently that's what matters the most. Yeah, it matters that he took a hit for this petition that he signed completely on a lark, not understanding anything about

it. Yeah, exactly. And then we cut, so he's homeless and he's walking away with his kids and his business is gone and they're all going to starve to death. And they pass by a pro life petition. And the little girl turns to him and goes, daddy, did you learn anything? And he goes nope? Just looks up all Adam like come on daddy don't let us down I love the camera zoom set on his face and I swear to God I was really just hoping you would think it's more of a time Or it pans out and he's sure off and he's just jerking off. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Flaaming bags of fetus on your porch, bad news. You're gonna sign that. Oh, flaming bags of fetus is the name of my rush cover. Oh, fuck.

We're on SoundCloud. We got a really interesting sound. We're like, part ska, part new rock, part baby chat. See, my theory here is it's okay to sign all the petitions you want now that you're homeless. They have nowhere to call, so. And they just walk off into the sunset, holding hands and skipping. I'm assuming back to their tent city that they now live in.

Yeah, and that's all the closure we get. The guy lost his business. He now has no job. His kids have no where to go. Yeah, okay. And there's the obligatory pan up into this guy with the lens flare. And it's like Jesus was watching you the whole time. I didn't help out at all but I wanted Jesus to appear in the sun like the Teletubbies baby and do a good job Ted. Good job. Alright so now obviously this was only about two thirds of a movie and I feel like there was still a way to save it from there. So I'd like to wrap up the review on a crazy billionaire money question here your hand at this movie and unlimited funds

what happens in act three to save the movie i'm going to say we find out that the murphy family was dead the whole time who i like it uh... i was going to go with we find out that the gays are actually lizard people and he's got a fight his way to save the president of the white house I like it. I watched that so I was I was gonna say that he Gets really angry and retroactively Aborts the daughter that keeps asking what big it means

actively aborts the daughter that keeps asking what big it means. Climb back in that fair sign and kill you. I would actually go way back into the movie. You remember when the wife was leading him away into the back and it seemed like she was going to give him a blowjob. Well, in my version, she takes him back into the back and there's Mr. Ron waiting and they just stare at each other lovingly and Ted Hyde's traces defied by SEMS, imagining the sweat dripping down his chest as they just passionately cocks throtting with anticipation. And then the wife basically does a reverse cuckold and she watches him and Mr. Ron have kind of

aggressive but also loving and tender sex on top of a pile of plain bagels. And that would be a lot more satisfying than the end of this movie. Yes, it was. Yes. Just stay on the line after we're done. By the way, we can have sex on the floor. I'm very bored. Could you tell that I wrote a lot of fan fiction as a teenager? I'd only use the bagels. I feel like they would use the bagels in fun. Yeah, they stack them. They see how many they can stack on each other's Penises. Yeah, you play like ring toss and that kind of thing. Yeah, absolutely. I would I would assume they would use them as a guessing game

Just be like what are you in now? Is it a bagel? No You should see a doctor Should not feel like a bagel the Eli Bosnitz All right, well, all right Kelly. I cannot apologize enough for this but congratulations. You made it all right Not everyone does I'm fist pumping like the kids did when they found out they were gonna get to play with the dog This pumping like the kids did when they found out they were going to get to play with the dog. That was amazing. We didn't talk about that, but they were like robots. They're like, yay! In you, it is an imperfect you, it was awesome.

So of course, if our audience wanted to hear more from you, where should they go? So Ari and I co-host a podcast called The Gatheus Manifesto. You can find us on iTunes, you can find us on Speaker on stichr generally wherever find podcasts are found Where it Facebook dot com slash the gathie us manifesto and our blog is pathos dot com slash blogs slash the gathie us Manifesto just a warning. It's not anything like the shot. It is not like this. Shooo Don't go to their show listening for this You like do you want to tell the story of what happened when you were in Seattle and you tried to listen to our show? Oh, I was

Inconsolably high in Seattle and so I was like you know what because Anna is upset and a love is gay Theist she loves it and she's like you got a list and we love Anna back Yeah, and I was like I should listen to some gay theist But I was inconsolably high at the time and so I was walking around the woods by myself But I was inconsolably high at the time and so I was walking around the woods by myself Just hearing these tragic heartbreaking stories and just apologizing to a tree for white privilege just being like I really feel like we're all part of this together I felt like Tony Robbins was gonna walk out of the woods and be like come with me and then eat me with his giant fucking teeth I will never

Never listen to your show anything but sober against. But yeah, their show is depression food. Don't go there after this. It's not chocolate. Yeah, that's how we usually do it. We have guests on that we warn people about their shows right afterwards. Well done Eli, that's really getting a knack for this business here. And of course, if you don't want to listen to it, make sure that you don't follow the show notes we'll have on the links we'll have on the show notes

for this episode. That is. So one more time, Kelly. I already thanks so much for hanging out. Yes, thank you so much. Thank you. And I am very much looking forward to the reimbursement of my $4. Do you take Bitcoin? And well, that does it for our review of accidental activists That's not gonna do it for the episode yet because we still need to really aback in for next week So Eli tell us what's on deck? Will a man rob God? It's on Netflix and it's a video recording of a stage play About a young couples

of a stage play about a young couples insistence on going to a prosperity ministry despite the objections of their atheist father and it's so racist our show might get listed by the SPLC. I don't know how easy it's gonna be to find us. And it's got Eddie Winslow from Family Matter. Yeah, I'm very Darius McCray I've been waiting my whole life for this movie Very exciting Robin Givens is still looking pretty good Absolutely yeah, all you really need to see is how flat the lighting is to know what we're in for here This is gonna be the eye movie Fucking preview it had this going to be a goddamn nightmare.

Yeah. Would you like to generate a preview for your professional film and IDVD? I would like to generate a preview for my profession. That's gonna be so bad. So with that to look forward to, we'll bring Episode 48 to a merciful close. Once again, huge thanks to Callie and Ari of the Gatheus Manifesto podcast for suffering alongside us today. And obviously again, huge thanks to Kallien Ari of the Gatheus Manifesto podcast for suffering alongside us today and obviously an equally huge thanks to all the Patreon donors that help make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com-slashgotawful and thereby earn early access to every episode.

You can also help us a ton by leaving us a 5 star review on iTunes and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the Skating Atheist and the Skeptocror craft available on iTunes Stitcher and wherever else podcasts live. If you have questions comments or cinematic suggestions you can email God off a movie is a Gmail.com all the music used in this episode was written and performed by Ryan Slotnik of evil giraffes on Mars and was used with permission. If you like what you hear here

more by following the links on the show notes for this episode. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week for Heathen right knee-live Bosnick. I'm Noah Illusion's promise in the War Hard to earn another chunk next week. Until then, we'll leave you with a breakfast club close. And Squat in the World, and I'll break the whole world. Yeah. Oh.

Ted Murphy got offered a million dollars and a mansion for a butt-sexy t-shirt. His family remains broken homeless. Yeah, yeah. Brian Fisher wished he had used more lotion. Ron died in the pulse shooting. Oh God, dude. What, we're mad about other stuff now. There's the whole...there's the other shootings now. I get to see this.

That's the whole. Rocker, rocker! What go? I'm not gonna do it.