God Awful Movies - 49: GAM049 Will A Man Rob God?

Episode Date: July 26, 2016

This week, Ishmael Brown joins us to talk about Would A Man Rob God? ... It's a slightly musical stage play about prosperity churches, performed for a very unimpressed live studio audience, and made into a movie that all takes place in the same room.  And no Brie Larson. --- If you'd like to hear more from Ishmael, you can check out his podcast, or his Facebook page. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page. --- This podcast is a production of Puzzle in a Thunderstorm, LLC

My Netflix just for no reason pops up in her center like are you sure you want to continue yes? No at this point We're about to get really racist on your ass Netflix just comes up and just goes are you still going holy shit, bro? You want to take a break? You want to jack off to summer some? Instead of yes, no, it's like do you support Trump or don't you? Holy shit bro, you want to take a break? You want to jack off to Somersum? Instead of yes-know, it's like do you support Trump or don't you? I'll be support Trump or I'll be a deep-doller. God awful!

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Jew's Wait, Jews are white right? We got separated. Yeah, yeah, yeah I'm not right. I'm gonna say the end word. I'm gonna say the end word He's gonna take shit for all the Jewish stuff and the white stuff. No, at word a warning I'm gonna be calling you mr. Brown until you say call me ish mail. I'm gonna I'm just gonna have to do that. Maybe feel like a mil-villionaire here. Come on, come on. Now we'll do it off. Just say it. Call me Ishmael. Oh, there's massive.

Now do a flip. I need to clean up a little bit here. So while I'm doing that, he'd tell us what will we be breaking down today? All right. We watched Will a Man Rob God? It's a question movie. It's a question movie and as far as I can tell right now, the answer is pass. Maybe we'll hash out the answers we go, kind of a thinker. Anyway, it's the story of a family and they're extremely well-trafficked living room and how they keep giving away their money to a prosperity church and can't

understand why they're like cut-co-knife royalties haven't arrived in the mail yet. So, a lot of fun. And Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if some black people saw birth of a nation and thought this isn't harmful enough Let's try it ourselves and you will love this movie This is a movie that's about giving your money to God when you don't have any money to give and how that is a good idea That is the thesis of this movie put it all on black I mean we've we've we have watched so many of these fucking movies where i know i'm sitting there

the whole time thinking i can't believe this is the good guy i can't believe this is the first time where it like surprised me when the good guy turned out to be the good guy like i really didn't even think of christian movie would go this fucking far yet it definitely i i because early on in the movie, there are characters that are like, why would you give your money away? This is all a con. This is all a huge fucking con. And then the movie's like, no, it's not though. But it's not. Yeah, all the way through,

I thought it was actually, it was making these great points about why prosperity gospel is crap. The guy drives a Bentley, you know, it's so weird that, and then it just, oh no, but God doesn't help us out in the end kind of thing. Yeah, right, in the end, they do return the fucking chain letter, and they do get the good luck. It's insane. They might as well have an African prince show up at the end and be like, I have that $20 million in gold. You wanna know what it reminds me of. It reminds me of American History X. Now, everyone likes this movie,

but I'm like fuck this movie because the movie makes when Ed Norton's character's racist, he makes these points that if somebody was on offense, they say, yeah, fuck black people. And he just ends up not being racist because he got raped by Aryan. He didn't take anything back. He didn't count any of those points that sound kind of balanced about black people.

No, he, no, because he's not racist anymore because Denzel Washington is nice to him after he gets raped by the area. Exactly. He's a, he's a jog talking black guy. Yeah. So is there anything that you guys would like to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst at? Oh, oh best worst character who didn't learn their fucking lines The Pastor Sam's is no

Ticulous less. I know more of his lines than he was in every scene like he's in the actor's nightmares Like yeah, I'm here to then I will. God damn it. Like he might as well call for line in this fucking movie. Is he is someone's cousin. I don't know who's, but he's someone's cousin. At a certain point, he owed it to us to just call for a line, you know? You stammer that long. Just have someone tell you. I didn't get why like First of all, there's hardly a crowd in the theater So why not just not do it with a crowd so then you can be takes

The crowd was a horrible idea the crowd was Terrible no then people you couldn't find an African American under 800 pounds for your moving Well, and also you couldn't find like a shot that you a tight shot of the crowd where you couldn't see six empty seats Like it was always it was like two people and then empty seats all around Everyone in the crowd that they keep flashing to looks like a close-up of a wopper I wouldn't show these people, I would show these people a moot and like a propaganda hate film. And you know they pay them with food. Like, they don't pay to go there. They, they, that had to be what to draw was. Yeah, no, it was

right at the end of the buffet or something. Yeah. For, for best worst, I'm going to say best worst understanding of what computers are and do. They're just throwing around vague computer words the whole time that make no sense. Just bandwidth, modem, Y2K, glitch route, no idea. They have no idea what's that my my best worse was um the aging of characters. Oh Did they just like put baby powder on the air facial hair and I guess and then just called it a day They did they're like oh man. We ran out of budget all I've got is this jar of baby powder and then the three famous black people They got for this movie were just like black Don't crack and they were like yeah black don't crack powder powder powder Like why why even why even great?

Why just what Especially when it didn't really like none of these characters seemed to like no one You never understood the relation of anyone to anyone so nobody had to be old exactly right there There are black actors in their 60s and 70s right like those exist. I'm pretty sure No, it was actually the one old woman who was in it that they had to make everyone close to her age I guess. Oh, I think she's the reason why everybody was old. She was like 35. Yeah, she was much And yet for a room they couldn't find an actual old black woman. I was honestly going to go with best worst overall message. And do

we get there? Is this most damaging? Is it still give your rapist a second chance? Or is it this? Like, do you like give your rapist the second chance is worse in the short term? But in the long term, but in the long term. You know, because it's give your rapist the second chance, not give your rapist the second chance and money you can't afford to give it. You know what I say? It's forever.

Up in the year. Depends on the rapist. Brock Lives Matter. Context. Oh my gosh. Dude. Yeah, right, right. I know it's only a matter of time before Eli starts asking Ishmael if his people really eat pig feet or something

So we're gonna take a quick break to let him get that out of his system And when we come back, we'll delve into all the apparently legal to say bullshit that is Will a man rob God? Okay guys, me and Heath are still getting set up here So give me one second if you don't mind Okay, so um ishmael I have a question Don't do it. No, no, you hear me out. Just you know no. Thank you Like like you and I are friends. This is

The very first time we're speaking sorry, right, but we tweet so like I was thinking not a friendship Okay, so like I was thinking when we introduce you I could be like Ishmael, my karate chop you right where your head meets your mother fucking body, please Thank you fucking terrible mistake man So as our patreon supporters already know, last month we got an offer to put advertising on the show. And while this wasn't the first such offer, it was by far the best. So we asked our financial supporters and our Facebook fans how they'd feel about putting

ads on the show, and we got a 100% positive response. That being said, we did get a lot of requests for more details, so we thought we'd tackle a few of those questions today. For example, I'll fuck your mouth with a razor scooter. Oh, do it, do it. I'm gonna fill my mouth with caviar first. Wait a second. Wait a second. I fucking will, seriously. Guys, guys. What? What? I will. All of it. This is exactly what people are worried about. Look, we're taking on these ads for our listeners. The ad revenue is gonna pay for us to do the game live tour next year, to go to more conventions, produce more books, more videos, and more overall content for

the fans. Not to buy fur coats in July. Where the hell did you even get that? I made it out of mink. Yeah, I just took my shirt off because it was hot. Yeah, he's not a coat. I'm doing the heartfelt. We're not going to change thing here guys. Just just give me a minute Hmm, yeah, you're speaking of minute. You know what saves me a minute? Casper mattresses Sleep so sweet you'll probably die living water's church services Sunday at 3 and 8 p.m. No, no, no This is what I'm talking about obviously. We're not gonna advertise for anything We don't stand for and we're not gonna allow the endorsements to change the content of the show Come on guys brought to you by the KKK

No, it's yeah a group so loyal you'll probably die. Oh, that's good. I want double I hate both of you and finally a reminder that the content of the show isn't gonna change the show is still us and none of our advertisers are gonna have a say on what we do and don't say about puppy sawdemy. And of course, if you can't handle the idea of listening to and or fast forwarding through the ads on the show, you always get an ad free edition of every episode by becoming a per episode donor at patreon.com slash god awful. I'm jealous. Heats is thicker than mine. My skin is always wet though.

That's... Are those fish in your shoes? Yeah. Fish shoes. You can tell by the way I got fish and my shoes that I have Maybe I never does is now ever does it KKK living waters Just gonna send that to issue That of this is what they were saying when you laugh, bro.

Glue clocks, Clay. Nice, I... And we're back for the breakdown and we're gonna start this movie off with the strangest motley crew of Discordant logos you can imagine and then it's on to the Windows Movie Maker 94 opening credit sequence. Right. crew of Discordant logos you can imagine and then it's on to the Windows Movie Maker 94 opening credit sequence. Right. So this is Phase 4 films and I'm assuming Phase 1 was Jim Crow.

I don't know what the other Phase 2 is redlining. Phase 3 is broken windows policing and Phase 4 is this movie. Right. You're trying to... No, no, this is funny. No, no, no. No, no. I'm funny. No, no, no. I'm regretting coming on here.

You're only starting to regret coming on here, bro. Only getting it started. Now, my music note, unfortunately, here was... Yeah, this is really good music, actually, for the start. Yeah, very much. My music note was, yeah. Black people are better at music than us. It's true. It's true.

My music note was, I wish Ishmael could see me dancing to this opening music like it would make and feel better about this movie ishmael I should get points mine was the only one that wasn't even subtly racist I was I was exactly I was very really pro what an anti white I don't have a message white lives don't matter. I get it. Only black lives matter, only the black ones. I'm whatever, I'm getting more black friend points than any of you guys. Are we doing a tally at the end of the show?

Yes, oh, absolutely. I'm not. Oh, you can award it to one of us, like Andy does on his show. He's a murderer. He's a murderer rapist. Oh. He's talking about Andy Wilson, not you, Ishmaville. Oh, I know, I know. Andy Wilson, the chow murderer or something, right? I hear a lot of rumors. I've heard that

from multiple sources. So that's what he does in between episodes. Serial killing string. So I take so long, I guess. Now, I do want to say the one good thing about these credits I would fuck this entire cast except the guy in the glasses. Yeah, Latanya pots who cast this movie killed it There are some good-looking people including I'm fuck uncle E. I don't know about that See I I think what's going on here is cuz I wouldn't fuck anybody in here. Maybe Robin Givens back in his But I think what you guys what's going on is so you'd say you'd fuck everyone and I think that has so much about the least amount of people that you have exposure to Because I used to hang out at like the hello house at my college and like all of my Jewish friend work Confused when I was like oh, I fucked that white big nose Jewish chick

what I was like oh I fucked that white pig nose juice chick in her in her in my boy boy Moe she would be like what why would you she's is she's terrible in her family has only funded one of our locks and bagels Sunday brunch and I'm like fuck you mooshy I'm just picturing ishmail just rolling up in her being like hands up hands up oh god take it I don't know man I'm trying to talk to these girls, they keep throwing their purse at me and running away. Why did everyone buy that pink mace that doesn't work? Yeah, that's why I never fucked a Jewish chick. That's what I'm saying.

We're gonna change that, you and me, reason rally 2020. All I'm gonna say Eli is so far, I haven't made any big nose jokes. I'm winning when it comes to june friend points today so and so we open this god damn monstrosity of a film with like you think our shows racist of the opening line is a black man looking at his tv saying yeah you tell them obama by now i thought you'd have barbeque on the front lawn and dominoes in the back

I'm sorry ish milk and I quote that is that okay for a white man to quote yeah, yeah, I know my notes That's like trump got to write one line of his movies I'm confused though. Can you not? Barbecue on the front yard and play Domino's in the back right now in the United States? Is that a prop or was that like a sex is that like a sex thing I haven't heard of, maybe? Yeah. No, I was just amazed at that. They opened it just making fun of black people.

Like I didn't get it. I'm like, wait, you guys do know you're supposed to like give a fuck about your characters and show them in a good light. I guess they think that's comedy. Let me do some Minstroom show type of thing and then people will find that shit funny. I was amazed that that's how it opened Yeah, yeah, and it's all downhill from here. I've heard minstrel shows aren't racist I heard Eli doing appearance. He's based somebody apparently. They're not I don't know is that true good job Minstrel shows the curls from Dumb O

Racist at all. OK. Good. Good to know. Yeah. So and I immediately wanted to start taking back all the nice stuff I had to say about the music here because OK, so we got this guy and he's smoking and he's smoking cigarettes and he's

eating tacos and he's watching TV. And then the old lady comes and he hides the cigarette and she starts fighting with him about whether he was smoking and the music behind this scene now is a cartoon mouse sneaking theme. That comes back a lot. Pretty much every time Uncle E and Mama Jean talk, it becomes Bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, bling, We spend a lot of time on this show talking about the things that white people name their black characters and Christian movies But if you're gonna do it to yourselves, it's hard to say on the back end You know when you get to name the characters and you name someone pookie It's very hard for me to get on side later on when the when the guys who make fireproof also name you easy E or motor face a teed oil or tea bone

Yeah, I'm they just hurt my heart with that. I'm like what are you doing? What are you doing? I can plain about that I stopped watching to walk in dead because a black guy was like tea bone or tea dog I was like fuck this show sitting through this and then here they go with fucking pookie I'm black and I never fucking I don't have anyone named pookie my god No, at least it had more than one letter. It wasn't just like pee Yeah, we did have uncle E though So yeah, so the old lady and uncle E are talking and four people walking pookie Stacey Natalie and stacey's ass And this is the first time that we have to stop here and say to ourselves like

Whose home is this who lives here? Who doesn't who are these people to one another this question will be omnipresent in this movie? Yeah, these questions get answered slowly like the people who were satisfied with lost like I Know what happened in this movie, but I'm not sure Yeah, now we should mention at this point by the way of course that this is a a play that's being shot live I mean obviously we've given that away with the audience it will all take place on the same set This one set of this living room is where the entire thing is gonna take place even when that makes no Fucking sense with it with a deeply underused kitchen like thing is gonna take place even when that makes no fucking sets.

With a deeply underused kitchen, like the scene, they have one set and they use half of it. They could have had a sofa, they could have done Arthur Miller's original death of a salesman where it's just a head with the one chair in the center and they pretty much used the same amount of fucking furniture for this film. It's crazy. Yeah. But what we learn in this scene, that's important because everyone's going to repeat it throughout the movie until about 30 seconds before the end is that Mama Jean and her husband,

Charlie, go to a different temple. And... A pop-up Baptist church, huh? Right. And the younger people whose names I will not ever learn. But one of them is Cory. Cory, they eat Natalie and Stacy. You're racist. Cory, those are normal names. This is the first time we've ever had black people with normal names and you can't remember them. Three out of four of them are normal names. They're still still spooky. Yeah. Still spooky. that brings the average down to point three and right they have begun to go to a prosperity

ministry and Mama Jean does not approve no also the other very important thing we learn here is that uncle E has a bowel problem of some sort and has to run off to take a shit constantly which is high larious what happens in the writers room where the guys like, okay, guys, we need a little bit of comedy. What if Uncle E has terrible, terrible Crohn's disease

and just continually shit his pants? And they were like, I love it. Give one of our characters undiagnosed colon cancer, just in case this prosperity ministry movie gets too heavy. Right. And that is how Uncle E will be used. By the way, they will come in be like, you know, you really should be giving all the money you can't afford to give to your preacher.

And then Uncle E comes in and he's like, hey everybody, I'll just jerked off into this chicken and I'm still going to eat it. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, yeah, I didn't get the usage of him and the husband who we haven't met yet No, I'm like, why couldn't that be one character? Yeah, right going on. There's no fucking retina I don't know so now we're gonna meet Corey. This is Darius McCrary And he comes into an fucking any character on a Fox show level round of applause So we can talk more about this faith temple prosperity gospel thing.

Yeah. Woo! Any Winslow family matters. Yeah. Oh. Thank you. He said, Derrius McQuerry, as if that would have been enough for people to know. It's Eddie from Family.

It's Eddie Vigilas. It's Eddie Vigilas. See, I'm going to race this one because I thought for a second it was Malcolm G. Ball Warner. was see i'm i'm the racist one because i i thought for a second was Malcolm jibbal water all the people from the eighties look the same uh... so basically what we're getting here is the old the the older uh... people in the room arguing with the younger people in the room about whether the

prosperity gospel thing is good now here's the thing but the the old lady mom and jean in the movie keep saying you kids need to come back to such and such Southern Baptist Church and everybody's like no mom we're going to this prosperity gospel where the pastor drives a Bentley I was Absolutely certain through this entire fucking movie that he was that the pastor was the guy robbing God Because he had the fucking Bentley and then in the end they were all gonna go back to the Southern Baptist Church I was sure that that's the movie we were watching spoilers. It's the opposite. It's pro creflo dollar This is pro creflo dollar sit around for like five minutes at a time and just shit on the whole prosperity

Yeah, they just tear it the pieces. Yeah, uncle makes valid points about him being a pimp in everything Right, let's talk about the uncle's quote-unquote points because the uncle does He comes out and he's like he's a pimp. He's a P. I. M. P All preachers of pamps and the audience did not like that by the way when he said all preachers or pamps The audience was like yeah, they were start to flap up till then and then no Right, I wanted somebody to yell out not my pastor And then what happens is he explains that all pastors or pimps and then and I'm not making this up He does a little dance

When he's done making his point he he does a little jig, a little jig for us. He's a menstrual show character. I think I had a feel in him in the cousin or the guy with the high pants or whatever. I think those two are comedians and they're doing like their crappy bits on stage. It just comes off like a bad comedy bit. No, I think you're exactly right. I think that's exactly it. And at that moment, I wanted so bad to find out that a white man wrote this movie.

I'm too. A white man wrote it. I like this. Take of my rage. Oh my God. I also, it's such a tiny thing in the sea of a shit show of this movie But this is where mama jeans counter argument to the prosperity minstrel

Yeah Her counterpoint is that if God wants people to be saved he'll see that they're saved He doesn't need money and that also means that if God doesn't want people to be saved, he's just like, fuck that guy. He's going to burn and help forever, even though I could totally help. And I won't. Yeah. We call that allowing in another thing that struck me the second time I watched this was, but I wanted someone to say, but wait, what's the difference between your church except for your preacher doesn't drive a Bentley? Yeah, what? Isn't that the only difference? Your preacher wants a Bentley.

They both tied. Yeah, well, exactly. Exactly. And that's what fucked me up about this whole thing. It's like, yes, Mama Jean is right. Your church is bullshit, but that's just by default. You know, you can fill in the blank on the church. It's like a mad lib.

And then also this is where we get like tangentially introduced to the character of D money. Again, your movie. You didn't mean to name D money. He didn't wait to be named. Who would be named D money again? I am a rapper. Yeah, D money was the rapper. So they see him on TV. They're like, Hey, that's D money on TV. That's right. Yeah, and they're like, and I guess he got famous by acting like a heathen. So even though he's a gazillionaire They don't really talk much to him. Well, they want us to say like oh he's running the dope game

That's that gets brought up a couple of times So we're supposed to believe that he's a multi platinum selling rapper and drug dealer. Yes So I'm sorry. Yeah, I call the number and he's like I'm sorry. Are you are you a multi platinum? That's like if Jay-Z showed up and was like look you want this a ball or not and it's like How's Beyonce I don't have time for this man. All right fine Get that at all. I was like I even said when when they reveal I'm thinking wait Can't you just say his music is up the devil and leave it at that? You don't need to make him a friggin drug deal So you can say you glorify stuff. We don't believe in what yeah, like you said. It's my movie. It's our movie

What are we doing? Right now he's he's triple platinum and he's still selling drugs. Hey, he's a method man He's all I see and what we learn here is what Stacey brings up is Stacey says, how come you still live on this sound stage if your son's a famous rapper? To which Mama Jean responds. Knock knock. He do this with me. Knock knock. Who's there? I don't know. Go home and find out. And the audience in this theater reacts like you showed them all a magic trick. They're just like, I have no... Oh my gosh.

If you showed that to an audience of white people, there would have just been a hands raised. Like everyone was like, excuse me, it's so sorry. What is that? Who's standing? Oh, I got to make it about race. Can it be about Christians or something? I'm saying it's make it about race can't be about Christian to So I'm saying it's atheist

Say it audience is you asshole and if that wasn't enough to kill this fucking audience Oh Glees got a poop again Like act when we get twice him storming out was supposed to laugh at his fucking bowel issues Yeah, lots of people shit twice in 10 minutes without colon cancer, right? Mostly yeah all the time all the time getting ready for the live show So and but this is also where we learn okay, so that that that mama gene Like the rapper D money who is a gazillionaire wants to give her more money and move her into a nicer house but she won't take it because it's the devil's money.

She chooses to be poor. That's why black people are very often poor because they choose not to take the devil's money. Yeah, and the thing is that set's not a bad set. They kept saying a house was so bad. First of all, it has floors in it. I grew up poor in a tiny friggin' apartment and slept on a couch while my sister and mother

slept in the next room. This isn't even a bad house. Like get a worse look and set, you idiot. Yeah. Some odd couple was done with their set and they were like, real quick. Yeah. You done with that set?

I mean, yeah, we're done with it. We're gonna break it down. Don't need to break it down. No Don't need to use it for a show. Just put some Afghan blankets on the back. And it's perfect for every single scene we wrote, actually. That's great. Even the scenes that should definitely be happening at work. Yeah.

And then, Natalie and Mama Gina are fighting about the, fighting about the prosperity menstrual. I'm gonna say it over and over and over. Prosperity thing, they keep fighting over it and then Natalie calls Mama Gina Fool. Mm-hmm. And there is a moment here where you are what I was 100% certain in my heart. Mama Jean was gonna beat the shit out of Natalie live on stage. Certainly how they played it. Yeah. Yeah.

When I saw that I'm like, okay, so they want us to know the mother used to be very Natalie live on stage. Certainly how they played it. Yeah. Yeah. When I saw that, I'm like, okay, so they want us to know the mother used to be very fucking abusive. Yeah, yeah. That type of shit lets you know her mother has beat her fucking ass. Well, her reaction, yeah, she just like falls limp and just like starts to shake and shit. And her eyes are fluttering like she's trying not to pass out.

Like that's how frightened you Yeah, it's comedy it's supposed to be we as an audience are supposed to be like oh Honestly, you might as well play yackety sacks during the rape scene in true west like that Fucking crazy This black cat like the black Christians. I'm sure they like you better not talk back She brought you in as well. She could take you out right audience was right on board with that Yeah, it was more ironic the more people accused Bill Cosby of rape. I like that sense The more people

Cosby that blind bastard So there's your head Bill Cosby's blind now? Yo, yeah, yeah, yeah, even though he's just doing the mobster style tactic, you know, when the old mobster gets caught and they're bringing them to court. So he has all these ailments to stop him. Right. I'm just having a meeting with a lawyer somewhere and he was like, look, if I'm lying, make God strike me blind.

Not funny, guys. I think you just masturbated on a passed out woman too many times, isn't that how those people turned out? So you go blind. I heard that's how you go blind. Check his mom. Check his Harry Poms.

Yeah. If you're not picturing Bill Cosby with afros on his palms, you're not going to be in love. So now daddy gets home, which is the first time we really have to dig in and ask ourselves, who the fuck are all these people? I thought Uncle E was the patriarch in this situation, but no, daddy is. Yeah. And he's pretty born. And dad looks like he forgot to become Shug Knight. He's like the Bruce Wayne to chug night, yeah, exactly. So apparently dads in trouble,

because he's been out gambling again. So Mama Jean clears the room so that they can have a discussion about this. Well, she cleared the room before she knew he was gambling. She just told, oh, the father walks in, everybody leave. I was like, wait, why is everyone leaving? I don't get what she said. She sits down and it's like, have you been gambling again? And that's all she says. And he breaks down from that. Yeah,

you got me. Like, you say no. At least try. No. See how that works. And she says, why couldn't you just like invest this money instead of gambling it? And well, that's because that's a false dichotomy. It gets gambling. I don't know. Yeah, shouldn't be why couldn't you use the money to pay our bills? Yeah.

The gambling would have made money so much more sense. What's crazy about that is that it equates gambling and investment, like gambling is just a worse kind of investment. Yeah, right, right, exactly. It's just like, I don't know, should we go with these mutual bonds or the crap stable? I'm sure. A lot of tickets.

Let's get a lot of tickets. Let's diversify. Yeah, and I wonder about that because a lot of churches, most churches I've ever been to, if not all, black churches are in other churches too but are against gambling and in there against Lato playing and I started one that shouldn't they be against investment as well because isn't that a form of gambling? Very much exactly a form of gambling. Yeah. So I guess now that scenes over or, but we couldn't tell if they didn't black the screen out and bring it back because the entire movie takes place in the same fucking

set. So now we cut to the same place we already were where the humans think there and the gay guy are playing chess incorrectly as hell. That board could not be less set up for chess. No, the chess is brutal. Yeah, like, well, first of all, the queen starts on its own color. They already have that wrong. board could not be less set up for chest no the the chest is brutal you know like well first of all the queen starts on its own color they already have that wrong and uh...

also apparently uncle e lost his king earlier that's exactly what i guess pookie castled his bishop and night at some point now he has two black bishops it's fine i i honestly think this was written by someone who's an atheist, but they want to sell it to Christian people. So they're just the guy who wrote it is making fun of these. Because what about them shows they would even play chess. And does no one know how to say, wouldn't any stage guy say, well, let's at least set up the chess board

because we're going to put the camera on it. Let's make it look real. And just one guy who knows chess put the pieces out. It's not like we got to watch them play I really think someone who hates prosperity gospels And hate just religion and general wrote this I was like I'm gonna make fun of these motherfuckers for the whole shit Give them a little win and then I'm gonna make some dough This if you told me this entire movie was made sarcastically by a racist atheist I'd be like make sense Make sense if like you gave me eight shots of Jameson and I was like, I got a fucking movie for the furlums, I got a movie they can do.

Oh, it'll love this. And then Uncle Lee shits his pants and pookies like, oh no, man, that's a weird stick. No fucking word. Write it down. Hey, Eli, did I notice you say for them and then was about the say so a mouse and didn't want to finish Again, did you double up on for them that seemed kind of weird?

What do you mean them people For them nice black Neighbors I was gonna say neighbors. So yes, so during the Triple jump on the chessboard or whatever Um these two men see Beyonce on TV and since they're black men that means everything must stop I'm sorry since they're men that means everything must stop well and while they're doing this the excellent fucking Chaplin S comedy they cut to an audience member not laughing stop. Well, and while they're doing this, the excellent fucking chaplainess comedy, they cut to an audience member not laughing. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

looking upset. Yeah, I don't want to be here. Yeah, so it looks like the situation just told a joke at a roast. Why show that? Don't show her there. So bad. Why would you use that? That's what I mean. Right. There's no way somebody who put this together is is for this movie. Right. And then the guy does which is obviously a bad comedy routine. That's what these two guys do. He does the walking around and it's like that. I didn't look him up, but I will not be surprised if he's some field comedian. Oh, yeah, I think you absolutely nailed that. So yeah, he does his routine about how hot Beyonce is and how if only he could, he had

more money she would fuck him. Right, but now we have a new goal on Patreon. He also throws in a Donald Trump joke, which is lovely. And my note here was, but black people make fun of Donald Trump like this and it was a terrible joke. In the audience loved it. They loved it. Oh, it loved it. His head does look like a chinchilla. And the thing about the Donald Trump joke, you want those funny? This movie's from Motherfucking 2013. He's not even running for president. He's not even topical. Right. Where did Donald Trump show come from?

Why Donald Trump? Jesus. But he cheats at chess and pookie notices. And so he pulls a banana out of his pocket. Oh my gosh. And this is one of the things that I didn't understand at all. Like I was just confused. This is great.

He pulls a banana out of his pocket and challenges Uncle E to a banana fight outside. That's... Ishmael, what is a banana fight? No, it's not. He's acting like everything in his day of movie relates to black people. It could just be a bad writing, a bastard. How about we watch Matrix 3 and I start saying, what's wrong with you?

White people. Why would that mean? You can... In Matrix is a sci-fi movie. I start saying what's wrong with you white people Matrix is a sci-fi movie people are not supposed to what this is a realist play It's not surreal nobody walks up a wall in this movie and Denzel Washington was in the matrix three Yo, that was the worst fuck he banana. It wasn't just banana fight He pretended to banana was a gun. Yes, and he was like oh my banana clip something in the audience loved it Fucking god. Yeah, I thought he was threatening to anally penetrate him and I'm like, okay I mean if we're if we got to watch this movie let's watch this dude fucking with a banana

And those two are fucking pills. You know that yeah I'm back so I was always hanging out together and I just want to emphasize to the audience here that yes, in this movie, a character suddenly for no reason pulls a banana out of his pocket to threat. This banana had not been introduced to the movie. This banana will never come back. A man just is supposed to, we're just supposed to believe that he had a banana in his pocket threatens to shoot someone with it. And then we're just supposed to laugh and move on. That guy only does his skits. You notice like the first one we didn't even talk about the,

oh, this is my church capri pants. First of all, that makes no sense. It's dumb. All you did was pull your pants up. He is clearly just doing stuff. He is the funniest guy they know. Like he might be naturally funny. I don't believe it, but.

So they're like, oh, we gotta get him in this play. We don't even need to write no lines, fam. You just let him create. He's gonna create on stage. Yeah. I think you might be right. So, yeah. So Uncle E says, yeah, let's go outside and have a banana fight or whatever. But as soon as Puke gets out the door, he closes it. And since we don't know if Puke lives here or not, we don't really know how to react to that. But at any rate, and so there's knocking on the door. And I guess they thought they were going for that classic. Oh the person who I just locked out I think that I assume that's him knocking so I'm reacting to that when it's actually somebody different

But they fucked it up and the uncle is just like oh, I thought you were someone else, but clearly you're not yeah I didn't get and where pookie go did he fall through some black hole Why's it got to be some black hole? He's still walking with the banana? Why's it got to be a black hole, Ishmael? All holes matter. Because it's larger than an average hole. Oh, tons, sir. So yeah, but this is where we meet Pastor Sims.

Now, we haven't talked about how bad the acting is in this movie yet, and that's not because the acting hasn't been bad. We were saving it For when pastor Sims shows up. Yeah, I mean the acting has at least been shall we say lively But pastor Sims looks like he was handed his script backstage and they were like you got it right and he was like This is an awful lot of lines. They're like go go go go Yeah, and he's like he's clearly getting physical cues from his stage mom in the wings and he's just not getting it he's trying

I honestly think he's not an actor. He's an actual pastor He didn't belong on that stage and they didn't belong either, but he really didn't belong on it. Oh terrible There were like four different times where he ends a sentence and the other actors clearly like whispering under their breath Like I'm not talking yet because you still have another sentence There's still another sentence this go right now That's what's going on in this scene though We have to meet pastor simp so that uncle E can have a conversation with him where he's basically like man What is this bullshit you say god god Jesus Jesus and then you drive around and eventually now because ultimately this character will turn out to be

The good guy they don't dig all that deeply into it But they don't shy away from it much either, enough so that at this point I still thought that guy was gonna turn out to be the bad guy. Yeah, I had no idea who to root for. This was like watching a whole, a couple of homeless guys fight because they were both black. Oh, I want to distance myself from you, I already knew. And a cop just comes and shoots them both. And they were clearly a danger to somebody.

And at a point. And of course my music note here is maybe if all the fleas work together they can save Jerry. But this is also where mom comes in so that the pastor can now be the second worst actor on the stage, I think. She's pretty brutal. Yeah. Now, the pastor says to him, like, hey, if you guys need financial help,

all you have to do is ask, you know, and, you know, one day, and perhaps that day will never come, I may have to mask a favor of you. Ha, ha, ha, ha, you. Right, and she's like, I don't wanna ask money from you, we don't need your money, you look at you with your fine clothes,

and this character is dressed head to toe from like the bargain section of H&M. He is not wearing a vest, do they mean vest? Yeah, I think that's why she had to say it. like we're pretending he's wearing fine clothes y'all for the for the movie You got to pretend it's that great rule of cinema tell don't show me exactly And and I got to say she's offended when he says when she tells him like oh my kids I assume are her kids who may be dating or maybe brother and sister are poor and he's like Oh, I can probably help them have them come down

Assigned papers and she's so offended right as if like yeah, first of all, okay fuck tithing But if the place you tied to says no, we'll give you money go get that fucking money That's great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just write your name on the paper and get them wise Disapprob. Yeah, you can't just give money out without Accounting for it like yes, I know fucking papers that I gave it to you. Well the subtitle of this entire film could be, man do I need money? No, no, no, not that money. Yeah. Because this movie is a series of people just like, oh, I need to hide this leprechaun go do you want some of it? Mmm leprechauns are Irish and I'm not into the It's made on the Irish ray

I'm feeling like whiskey so Obviously offended by that This is a racist racist show you guys are doing you're the Mike Kaplan of this podcast Whatever you make It's mick-kaw it's mick-k. You can't say that. Would it eight, right? You got to say it with an age. You got it. All right, so let's move on, please. So the the the pastor here, of course, and this again, again, this if this movie was saying this could have been a great and poignant moment where they're like, man, how do you sleep at night knowing that none of the people you minister to

are as wealthy as you none of the people who are giving you money can afford to do it and he's like i sleep really well because all bullshit is equally bullshit i guess that's essentially his argument yeah listen into his argument he's he's saying oh i didn't believe in this either, but look how much money I got. Yeah, from the people you were saying will get rich. Well, why? Like, how do people not see that connection? He's getting rich because they see the pastor as an example of how you can make money, but he's making money from you giving him fucking money.

Right, the president of Amway is fucking loaded. Right. It worked out really well for Bernie Madoff. Yeah. He's definitely not as well-be-called, Bernie Madoff and you. And I love this bit too, because, okay, first of all, I have to point out that the pastor literally upstages himself in this scene. He steps so far forward that he has to keep turning around to address the

actors that he's stuck into. I thought he was going to lie on his back or do a bridge at one point so he could talk to the other character. But then he like gives this whole like prosperity, gospel thing or whatever. And Uncle E decided to fuck with him. He's like, man, that was so good. I'm going to give you money and he goes to regionist pocket and it's just a joke, but he's not going, but I'm not going you money and it goes to regionist pocket and it's just a joke But he's not going but I'm not going to But they actually have the pastor walk over and hold his hands out for the Time you think this character isn't about to take money from somebody tries to take money from

Fucking insane I'm going back to my theory that he's not an actor. He's a pastor. And that's instinctive. They probably wrote his error. That's better. And he wasn't supposed to walk the money. And he wasn't supposed to defend it better, but he forgot the lines.

And that's what's going on right now. Yeah, right. He's just an autopilot. It's like ringing a bell, man. I start to salivate. So and then because Uncle E just mob the floor with this wicked ass preacher who's supposed to be the good guy I guess to reinforce that he's the bad guy we have to see him going off to the strip club to see big booty bonita

yes big booty bonita is doing a fundraiser yes yeah what and you want to know what else was weird the mother totally co-signed it she was laughing What? And you want to know what else was weird? The mother totally co-signed it. She was laughing and like, Oh, you're going to see big booty bonita. Like, I don't know. She would have been like, That's not Christ like that's not. I don't swear. They forget how they're supposed to act. And they just start doing normal shit. You don't see big booty bonita. Get your shit off. Yeah. She's like, Oh, say hi to Bonita for me. And she's like, I will, I will. You'll see your church on Sunday, but I'll say hi.

Exactly. Tell her to be late for my shift tomorrow. It's cool. Yeah, I always like that, that the pastor, I mean, not the pastor, the uncles, like, oh, I'm going to give you some money. This dude is like a homeless guy living on a couch. Like, the pastor should have been like, I'm looking for him from you. He ain't talking about me, you got it on a couch like Should have been like look from you

He should have been He very much should have been and again will come back to that So now we have to introduce another undercurrent probably the most bizarre and stupid undercurrent of this movie So this is where Natalie shows up Natalie is So this is where Natalie shows up Natalie is Crazy fucking hot I had to pause the movie for a few minutes every time she shows up But she's nervous because her boss is coming to her her house And she's not ready. She was supposed to fix the glitch in the computer bug data router and

So let's let's break this down because we do eventually find out what this is. We are supposed to believe that this character who is impoverished and lives in a family with her mother, her father, her brother, Pookie, who she may be related to, and her uncle, and has constant bill problems, works for a company that redesigned systems for Microsoft. That's what she does. Not only is that not a one person project, but that is not a project you do from home on your 1997 Dell computer, which is what you'll use for it.

No matter what I'm at, nobody they had a decent looking computer. Right. And the exact words, she's trying to figure out that computer glitch. Yep. That's his detail. It's like to figure out that computer glitch. Yep. That's his detail. It's like the punch cards are jammed. The abacus is stuck. You know, like, what?

Vacuum tubes are full. Yeah, so yeah, and this is going to be, this is a very fundamental part of this movie. It's going to come back over and over again, and it never gets described as anything more specific than the glitch in the computer program. Yeah, that's it. Right.

The system, she's supposed to fix the glitch in the system. That's what you're gonna do. Right, yeah. But they figure out what the problem is right here in this scene so they don't need our help. Apparently the problem is that mom's not tithing. Mom's a god robber, you guys. That's the fucking term they use. They go, oh mom. Mom's a God robber. That's the fucking term they use.

They go, oh mom, you're a God robber. But mom is very offended to be called a God robber. And especially because Natalie points out that the fact that she's a God robber is probably why the family is cursed. And if you're thinking to yourself, hey, that's going to get disproven, because that's a crazy thing to say, A, to your mother, B, in the universe that exists. No, the family is actually cursed. She is actually a God. The actual fucking line is when you rob God, you are cursed with a curse. That's an actual line from the movie. Amazing.

Curse, cursor, cursor, cursor, cursor. Like, and should it be like, then bitch get out my house. What are you talking about? If I'm cursed, get the fuck out of here. You're cursed with bad computer program and skills, motherfucker. Why?

I'm gonna buy face. Like, oh, and doesn't the daughter say something? Like, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm gonna fuck a, I'm to a fucking charity. I immediately was like, then why give it to the pastor with the Bentley if you're not really giving it to him? Give it to some fucking charity then. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. The daughter says, we don't tithe to the pastor,

we tithe to the Lord. He just chairs a bank account with the pastor. Yes, whoo! Just amazing. He's excited to them. Easy pastor, pray power. So, so apparently now Uncle E is back from his eight second lap dance, he's excited to that easy pastor prep out so so apparently now uncle e is back from his eight second lap dance because they're

not even paying attention he just left and now he's coming back uh... i guess that happens more the older you get but uh... but he's there to tell her uh... tell everybody that uh... natalie's bosses outside of this is where we get to meet robin given robin bosses outside of this is where we get to meet Robin Givens Robin get our own now coming to the stage small booty bonitos I gotta say by the way she held the fuck up I mean she is smoking crazy looks fan time my type of fucked at all I don't mind saying he's probably regretting

that shit now too soon too soon now the most important thing that we have to learn about Robin Givens character here is that she is black Cruella de Vil I wrote I that's exactly where I said Miss Alexis is a See I'm not creative. I just called the Rebitch I love she's like i noticed that you didn't clean up your house and look around on like at what's what is not clean about this set it's that there's nothing out of place it's a set and then not only moves to pillows

from a chair to the couch that was called i think i've got it all we know now i think i think we have to emphasize the fact that okay so apparently this is her boss. They are having a meeting about her doing her job in her mother's living room. Why is she out there? This feels like a text message type of situation

or at the place where your business is, your place of business, we also did play. It's crazy, but yeah, she basically says, you, the single person who I've told to fix the glitch in this computer system, which you, a single human, are designing. If you don't finish it by next week, which honestly, she might as well be like, build that building by next week. Like that's the task she might get here. I need to fix that, McGuffin. Well, what if we redesign them, McGuffin? No, no, that's the task she might get it and he's gonna fix that McGuffin Well, what if we redesign them a guffin. No, no, that's not gonna make sense in intellect three

Fixed the mug up, but if she doesn't do it she's fine. Yeah, yeah, because bosses who want you to do your job Our assholes, so but that's the thing is that what she's saying to this person is okay Look your job is to fix this part now the computer the fucking movie has no idea what the hell is going on with computers but but just removing that and taking it into the abstract she say your job is to fix x we have given you months to fix x you have failed to fix x and now you're telling me we just need to redesign the entire system which is like building a whole new fucking car around the paint scratch or something. If you can't do this, you obviously are not capable of doing the job that we hired you to do, you're fired. That is an eminently reasonable, like if Eli shows up and he's like, dude, I just don't like to talk anymore, so I'm not going to be talking anymore. Never, never away.

Never away. Yeah, I know, I know, Anna was in there going, huh? Oh, well, wait, what? How was this work? Yeah. But, but like, again, like you can't, if you can't do the job, you get fired. That's not, I'm a bad guy, shit.

That's a, I'm a not out of business employer thing. Right, and she's supposed to be super evil because of this. I have not had so hard a time deciding who to root for since the Boston Bob God no idea what that no one was torn on that yeah it was Boston yeah yeah I mean in movies are like that then just lazy they don't realize look it would

probably be more powerful if your boss didn't want to fire you and she was like sympathetic and said you know I I want to keep you but since this isn't working out I'm going to have to let you go that's better than banging on a door asking for crushed ice in a house that's what the fuck has crushed ice right who has that? Hey, you guys are poor. I don't even want to sit down. But she asked for a can of soda and crushed ice. What are you gonna do? Just throw it down the little hole. Who would have the crushed ice in the hole? What the fuck?

Give me something in the can. And bitters. I want bitters too. Like she makes the craziest fucking order. Two lives, two lines, salt the glass. Oh, perfect. And I got to say I think Noah's example of Eli not talk was very unrealistic it should be more like if Eli gets a conscious and stops being racist then I can see why you

would kick in the fuck off the show second most likely thing not to happen yeah that probably is not gonna happen either right I'm happy about the world and I'm gonna be nice to people from now on okay your fine and you need to stop giving Eli shit last week's jokes I mean you're not you're not on my best friendless either you know you you find one at black people last week so I say a lot of things what did I say a lot of things. What did I say? I mean, I'm gonna be like, man, fuck him. I was laughing. That's how most people react to our show.

They go, fuck that guy. It's not racist if you were laughing. That's the way. Yeah, I hope so. That's kind of the business model. Yeah, exactly. So, but now here's the great comedy turn in this, but we're almost missed a great comedy here, guys.

So, after Robin Givens comes in and is all bitch going like, hey, you know, you, if I'm not going to pay you to do your job, if you don't do your job, and it's like, what a bitch. Uncle E. Tricks her with a shook- shook up soda so she gets sprayed you got up stage because robin givings is like i am not using two fucking outfits for this fuck you guys

uh... he gives her something in the can and it explodes in her face ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha question that when Robin Given signed on for this they were like, yes, so it's a two day shooting. She was like, mm, they were like, it's a one day shooting. She was like, mm, they were like, it's a three and a half hour shoot. She was like, fine. Anybody fucks up their lines, keep going. Just keep going. And I just know when she knew she had to make that sound of her open in a shake and can and pretending it splashed on her, she was like, I'm firing my fucking agent. What is going on here? What is going on here? Like, I feel like someone went to church

with Robin Givens and she was like, you know, my church is putting on a plane. Robin Givens was like, oh my gosh, I should totally be a part of it. And then they came in the next week and they were like, here's your script, it's next week and she was like, oh, no. No. You can't rob Jesus bitch.

So bring your ass. So now of course this is where like the family comes in and they're like, oh, you know how to things go You know mama jeans. I'll worry about her because you know gods cursed her computer system or whatever I think I wrote my notes at this point. Did god curse her computer system? I feel like that's where we're going and that's where we're going folks. Yeah, that is where we're going and she also tells everyone that her boss put her on Probeation and like no she didn't use that word no no mention of probate. We all just watch the scene. You can't trick us Audience we were just watching to do my job. She's unfair

Probeation doesn't just mean in trouble It depends on your race. It really does depend Yeah, if I'm put on probation. It's like we're gonna fire you but we don't want to get sued for some racist shit We're gonna take our time and fire. This is just a heads up. Start looking for a motherfucking girl. Yeah. So, and then of course this is where Dad asked shows back up.

I've been missing Stacey. And she's basically here to just remind everybody that if everybody was just going to church all the time, they wouldn't be fucking up and their computer glitches would be just fine and stuff. And this is also where everyone keeps talking about the natural realm. Yeah, what? And I'm like, what is the natural, everyone here is a weird kind of wizard.

Everyone's like, oh, the natural realm is one. I'm like, is this pathfinder? What system are they using? How's the dice? It's so fucking bizarre. So yeah, but this is the first of many conversations where the good people in this movie are telling another character No, you need to stop working so hard and taking responsibility for the problems in your life and trust God to just magically fix them They're gonna happen soon. I guess and my note here was it's Tuesday. I want my goddamn hamburger. Let's go

Also God damn hamburger. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Also, so Stacey leaves and everyone turns to Cory and Cory likes Stacey. Cory has a crush on Stacey and the answer and this was, he goes, they're like, oh, you like Stacey. He's like, no. And then Uncle Egos, I've never seen a nose that wide question is a wide nose a sign of Fuck was he talking about when you say question were you asking me? Oh, yeah, so first I Fuck you for thinking

And fuck this movie because this is actually a black thing You were saying it and fuck you for being right Yeah, saying you got you. I yo, I you know this wide open Just I don't know the origins what it just means like you're all about a girl You're all I don't know where that comes from I even look for it. I look for it lip when we go to fill around the roof You can ask is many I'm a big sign. Look, when we go to Fiddler on the roof, you can ask as many questions. Well, I'm a big sign fell fan, so I got a whole bunch of shit to go to the end of it.

What does your penis look like? But, yeah, I, like, so when I saw you note, the funny thing is, I said, wait, that's a black saying, I thought that was a saying for everybody. And I guess it wasn't, so I googled it. Like, oh wait, that's not, that's a black saying. I thought that was a saying for everybody. And I guess it wasn't. So I googled it like, oh wait, where's it? And no one can give me an answer where it's from. But there's just something that,

and it just means like you're really into a girl. I don't know the origins. It seems like a weird one, you know this wide open. I immediately sort of Coke and like you being like totally, but that doesn't mean that weird. But yeah, I'm trying to do that. It just means you were sprung and you probably don't even know what sprung me I give you oh come on If you give if you give it to us and mix a lot words of course, we know it

Yeah, so that's why people actually do a lot of mouth breathing so the nose thing doesn't apply I like that because that's my favorite phrase fucking mouth breathe It's true we do that a lot So and then of course once everybody agrees that Cory's in love with Stacy But just can't seem to tell her dad comes in dying to death and he's got chocolate syrup all over his face guys Just all up and down and he's got a bandage on his arm already like all up and down and he's got a bandage on his arm already like it's not your like just broke his wrist. It's like a cast immediately appears.

Well I assume the loan sharks gave it to him. They were like, all right, no, we need some money by Friday. By the way, he didn't want to get that infected. Yeah, so he was beat up by loan sharks because he took out money to pay the bills when he was sick and thought he was dying last year. And they are pretending that we are in 1960 because there are other people who rip you up called payday loans and shit.

And he has that whole break your legs. Vonesharks. He's like speaking. The fuck is still going to loan sharks? What are you doing? We have legal loan sharks who will fuck you, who will fuck you over and take your house maybe, but then I'm gonna beat you up. I don't know. Honestly, given a choice between payday loans and the old school loan sharks who just beat you to death and drowned you, that's true. Because you can leave the state and they're not gonna go to the bank.

Yeah, and they don't try to get you to refine, and since it, yeah, exactly. You can leave the natural well we learn that daddy's credit is fucked and at this point the whole goddamn thing seems like a long credit report dot com commercial but as if it wasn't bad enough and I should point out to the the dad also contracted whisper disease from these loan, but as if this is it bad enough all of a sudden They start to sing it's a musical you know a lot of people think 35 minutes is too long to start the first No, not will a man rob God. I couldn't believe what I was watching and you know how when you usually watch bad stuff You almost feel bad for the people you have like an embarrassed feeling. I hated this movie so much. I was like good, this is terrible.

I'm starting singing. Fuck you, you are rootin' none of your friends like you now, the embarrassed for you. Whenever they look at you, they think of this scene. Fuck this movie, what the fuck do you start singing now? And the song that they're singing, okay, you know why this song works? It's because thank you Lord, rhymes with thank you Lord, and you've been so good rhymes with you've been so good. Those are the only lyrics and they sing that for like two and a half minutes between the two of them.

To no music. Somewhere backstage someone rolls around back and forth on a piano, but it's just like, thank you, Lord. That's it. Over and over and over again. And she's like nudging him like, come on, get into it. Come on, this is the big dance number before I act too. But he's confused because he's trying to stay in character and be hurt while still sick.

I wanted the set to fly away and for there to be like chorus girls Just trying to dance to chorus girls in cat suits to come out really bad cats Now port boiling oil into the iron maiden and we have to listen to these fuckers sing and this is where we of course cut to where we've been the whole time and now it's time for some more comedy with Puke and Ogalee because Puke is gonna try to win the lottery. Oh yeah, okay, so just question here. He's naming all the stuff he's got ready to win the lottery. He's got his tickets. Just question here. He's naming all the stuff he's got ready to win the lottery. He's got his tickets.

He's drinking Hennessy out of a plastic lotion Maybe a urine sample It was one of the other. I feel like I've heard of this in rap songs before is that a normal black person thing? Is that why I'm here for you to keep asking you what the fuck you? You better do a Jew movie with you as in every fucking second about banking and fucking hiding gold during the Holocaust No, this is this movie they couldn't literally turn it audience been like hey, can we use a bottle of Hennessey and like 50 hands with a one out? I can't believe they did that. What are you doing?

You know the past the character had a bottle on them. Fuck yo. And I love to, because there's just a stupid little comedy moment that they're trying for, where Uncle E is making fun of how gullible Puke is and he convinces that if he walks like a chicken, then his prayers will come true or whatever and I'm like Okay, this comedy relies on the idea like the innate the the precept of this joke is that Walking like a chicken is inherently stupider than rubbing a lucky lap rabbit's foot or praying to Jesus I don't know that I'm buying that

Yeah, their comedy is I I'm a buffoon. Like it's really buffoonery. That's like a thing you, like they try to make, usually like we objected to it because black people would be buffoons in movies and buffoons on stage. And they're like embracing it. He's a buffoon.

So he's like, I got my, well, I forget what he says, God, Lotto and this Lotto and bless this or whatever the fuck he's talking about. And I'm like, why are you doing this to yourself? You are willingly being a buffoon right now. You are making a joke out of yourself. And then the other guy is like, I'm gonna make him even more joke and make him like, like, clock like a chicken. Like, what's going on? Why is anyone thinking that's good in 2013? This I imagine being black and watching this movie is how Jews felt watching each other plan 9 or 11. That's what I'm saying.

I mean, it's just like, guys, we don't have to do this. We don't have to. Imagine if at the end of Shinler's list, Oscar Shinler, like Hitler comes in and asks, I say if these ones for you special for those really bad Tortures, that's how this movie works though. That's what we're watching Anyway, so then as if this movie wasn't racist enough now the one financially successful black person shows up So and of course he's not an athlete so he must be a rapper

Yeah, and an a drug dealer you So he must be a rapper. Yeah, and an a drug dealer you Drugs too because he needs to be both for some reason I want to point out this is I'm sure this is just a weird random glitch or whatever But my Netflix just for no reason pops up in her center like are you sure you want to continue? Yes, no at this point Where about to get really racist on your ass? We're about to get really racist on your ass. Yes. Let's just go up something that goes,

are you still going holy shit bro? You want to take a break? You want to jack off to some or something? Instead of yes, no, it's like, do you support Trump or don't you? If you support Trump, you're going to get this girl. Right. And it's just, he comes in and immediately,

so first of all, they're very excited to see him and then because this is a musical now they insist that they tell they tell us that he used to sing on the corner for change the rapid drug dealer yeah and they insist that he sing a song for them so they do a fucking He sing a song for them. So they do a fucking ocapella number. Best part of the day, my man. And he just sings. He's clearly a singer with a decent body, because he comes in with a tank top.

And he doesn't rap, he sings. I was like, what am I watching? Yeah, and by the way, yeah, Jamie, if you're gonna send me any tit picks, like his would be fine this, this week. Yeah, he made me tickle him, my tummy. You made me want to fight him. I got Because the red socks hat right? Oh

Red socks hat and then when I make a Boston bombing you get all Wait, you did have a red socks hat? He had a red socks hat unbelievable I must have blocked that out because I've never met a black dude with a red socks hat? He had a red socks hat. Unbelievable. I must have blocked that out because I've never met a black dude with a red socks hat. Red socks. He walked through red socks. Thank you. Thanks.

This is what I said. And then everyone was like, oh no. He's just this horribly, horribly stereotypical racist character. He might as well have a clock around his neck that says bling, spelled out in diamonds. But the red socks have bothered me more than anything. Oh, I'm a fucking red.

Any black guy with a red socks or in the England Patriots like, my fuck you are, you are the clearance Thomas of sports. Oh, you're a huge. Oh, I'm a hot guy. Uncle Tom Brady. Oh, I'm a dumpster. And of course, this is where we have to reiterate the whole like this millionaire rapper guy keeps trying to give Mama Jean

money, but she won't take it because he's a heathen or whatever. But this is also where the rapper dude offers Corey a job. He offers a hundred and fifty thousand dollars for six weeks or that's one point three million a year type salary. And let me tell you why I love my fiance the moment he set that Anna and I simultaneously went I'll do it I don't know what that is but I'll do it yeah but she wasn't talking about the money she was talking about a black guy's body I would watch either of those I'm okay with all this. Go, D money. Yeah. I'll do them. I mean it. So of course, but his but Corey's reaction is to sit there and think hmm, but would Jesus Jesus Jesus?

So he's not a hundred percent sure is it better to stay poor and stupid? Yes To which D money's incredibly casual responses. All right, man Kirsten got and die and then just like like that's a greeting I mean look if you don't want the money Kirsten die From LA to whatever the fuck they And in or Hollywood rather not even just LA Hollywood and just to be like oh you know my money Curd first of all he comes with no money Uncle's like yo, can I have two cents and he's like oh all I got a couple bucks

Well, forgive you came to give your mother money. Where's the money? And I don't even know is he the son or I guess it is because she said I didn't raise him to be that way I don't know who's related in his fun, but he said but he says later that she says mom I'm gonna. Yeah, right. I'm gonna. Yeah, right. He raised him. We have no fucking idea who like apparently all black people are So this movie this movie can't be if this movie is by a black person they didn't grow up in Around black people because this sounds so much like a white racist movie, where it's like, well, I be black person. There's a big mama and it, first of all,

I have no big mama in my fucking family. But they, and I actually thought that I early on, listen, you don't need motherfuckers with fake grays, make her big mama. That's what black American and movies do for some reason. There's a big mama and then there's a trickle down of just a bunch of young people who call her mama. Yeah, that's where a different breed

and we don't have a daddy and a mommy and we have kids and have a loving family. Like just do that then and they didn't. And so I don't know who this guy is, Ther. Yeah, I thought you guys butted off of big mama. Thought it was like what you did. And then you all butt, yeah. So, well, it's only if we eat after midnight and then

it's all over. Oh, it's so. So apparently he turns down the job, you know, whatever, because the movie thinks that they're making good decisions. But before he leaves, we have to tell him that, you know, hey, I'm coming to your pool party, rapper millionaire guy, Uncle E has to like make sure he's still invited to the pool party and make some jokes about, you know, hey, I'm coming to your pool party Rapper millionaire guy uncle E has to like make sure he's still invited to the pool party and make some jokes about You know how he's gonna wear his thong because he wouldn't look good in a thong. That's fucking comedy y'all

That's so funny. Yeah, and so he leaves and they immediately like the second he's out the door They're like, yeah, he's a real mother fucker any everyone in this movie who leaves the room One second after out they're out the room the other people are talking shit about them loudly That happens over and over literally like have a nice day and then when he showed the door I'll slit that motherfucker throw for two months He's not he can't possibly be off the front step when they go man that money's changed him He's a real dick now, isn't it? Yeah, it's a good thing no one ever forgets their keys and the wall back in that ass man oh um yeah they're right there it's all the way

on the other side of the room I'm just gonna cross the stage cross back so they're sitting there going like I can't believe he said curves God and he's like well he also told you to die that seemed like the but but I feel like 150 grand for six weeks of work I should what we should be focused on here guys So now of course this is where Natalie comes in looking sad like nobody's been finger in her asshole While they try to see how many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll Center over a glitter anything Oh, I love me some Natalie

I like me some you guys finger assholes You're gonna deal with the asshole you gotta get pleasure. what are you doing we do all kind of stuff with the asshole man basic we have very small fingers a lot more comfortable than I like to yell it so you guys usually thumb the asshole then right we do whatever we go at the best yeah it depends you do no you were right. You do whatever you do, especially when you ain't what you just have your way in Whatever let them deal with the consequences of that is our foreign policy. Yes, sir So yes, I'm really cool. He's racist. Yeah, so take that off my bucket I'm having sex with a black lady here. How am I racist?

This is sex. I'm very clearly. I like her. I obviously. It's not my racial. That makes you more racist. Stay away from my women. Does it?

I'm taking a strong anti-race mixing stance here on God. We're not real big fun on miscegenation. No, it's okay, but it's it should be black men fucking white women Just it goes one way whatever you're fucking Jewish girls at college They didn't allow me to have sex with their that's what usually happen to me, but I tried yeah exactly exactly like me having sex with black women. Yeah, so But white American I love we're we're just sh with black women. Yeah, so uh... But, way to America. I love work. We're just shitting on women.

We are terrible in America. Oh, bunch of guys. Talk about, oh, I fuck black women. I fuck Jewish women. I fuck. Jesus. I thought we were talking about trying to fuck the women and failing, but at any rate, I just want to point out

during this conversation that comes up next in the movie where like Cory and Natalie are talking about, oh, I just don't understand why a guy would let the wicked wicked prosper whatever. At one point in this, Corey goes to sit down on the couch, he's up on the arm of the couch, he goes to sit down in it. The camera man's following him and sneezes and that stays in the goddamn movie. It's fun, amazing. So then he gets a phone call that, so first of all we need to talk about, the phone rings, he answers it by saying God bless you Yes, which by the way if anyone ever answers the phone when I call them with God bless you

I'm hanging up isn't that because the camera man is because the camera man sneezed exactly Isn't this the scene where where the camera man is seen? Wrote oh my god, I said I just saw a fucking I said see because I can't write a fucking camera man at 30 minutes and 43 seconds left in the movie and I saw him yeah, I brought it back And I'm like why did I see him why did someone allow that to happen that is the easiest Guy ever did not give a That is the easiest guy ever did not give Jesus fuck if they didn't cut out that board as fat 15 year old girl at the beginning this a cut to in the audience They weren't cut out of god damn thing. I actually think she was this more slimmer one

I'm not saying she's slim, but she was so Totally and may have something to do with that like everyone else's biggest fuck and she's To bring her here. She's like wait. I came here just for food. I'm not that hungry like fuck all these fat motherfuckers But yo when I saw the camera man, I brought it back and I'm just like no No, I didn't just see a camera man, and it was some handheld bullshit. Oh, yeah It's like like everyone if we weren't doing a podcast. I would have shut it off Even if I was Christian and then in this movie Adam and like fuck

Just in the shit out of me you can't cut that motherfucker out So no man so but now they get the other phone call and and Corey says God bless you to whoever he's saying that to and The news on the other line, it's Pookie, and he has to tell him that Mama Jean has collapsed. Okay, but he was just there like 30 seconds ago. Yeah. So apparently he walked outside

and just found mom collapsed right there and then called on the phone for the front stews. I can't tell them. Yes. So in a classic act two, ain't overtill the old lady drops black drama fashion, we're gonna pause for a quick break, but first let me give act 3 the hard sell. Will the broke unemployed utilities get shut off sister still give her money to the pastor?

And if she does, will he take it? And if he does, will he turn out to be the bad guy in this movie? And if he isn't, how the fuck would that possibly be? Find out the answer to these first three questions when we return for the jaw-flooring conclusion of, will a man rob God? Please God, send me money. I need it so very, very badly for things and stuff. Amen. Send him what he needs. Hey man, it's me, you're a rapper cousin. Do you want a job helping me with my music for $150,000? Sorry man, rap music is bad for some reason or something.

God is gonna provide. Okay, Chris Godden die. Okay, please God, send money. I know you are a good God. I need it so very much. Amen. Why hello there, I'm your rich uncle Albert. Would you like a hundred and fifty million dollars? I would like to give it to you. A hundred and fifty million dollars. I would love that. Thank you so much Uncle Albert. All right, one of Ago get my husband and we can sign the check Husband Sorry Uncle Albert no can do

Seriously, yeah, okay, well Chris got and I all right Chris got and I oh dear God I super need the money if there's any way Hey, it's me Jesus of Nazareth. He with a million dollars in unmarked bills just take it right now take it here. Oh Jesus, you're you're Jewish, right? And we're back for more breakdown and we'll start in the only set this movie has where Natalie clearly needs me to fantasize about determining what doesn't doesn't fit some more when all of a sudden pastor Sims comes unknocking. Yes, and pastor Sims is here to check on her mom for I would say anywhere between five and seven seconds before he starts to talk about money.

Yeah. And uh, Pastor Sims definitely likes the way he looks. I would say. He's quite happy. And I actually think, I actually think the past that was written as, even though with subtext, he actually didn't go to the hospital and didn't give a shit about the mom and just came to talk about money.

Because he just talked about it and was like, anyway, I sure think so much. He makes it about three sentences in. He's like, anyway, it's enough of your dying mom. So like, how you doing money? Are you robbing God? Are you a God-Rober? Instead of curiosity? I'm wondering. Well, check you robbing God? Are you God-Romers? Steadic curiosity?

So wondering. Well, check if you decided to be a God-Romber all of a sudden. And of course, this is where we learned that, you know, Natalie lost her job because she couldn't fix the computer glitch and she's down and like all of the bills are past due and everything. And again, the pastor's just like, oh, well, you know, if you guys want to come in and sign that form,

I was telling you about weeks ago before you had this problem, you can still do that. But he didn't even say you guys. He said you, and I immediately was like, there's going to be a scene with him fucking her. But because it's this movie, it's going to somehow be in the house. I don't know how. That's what they use the kitchen for, I guess. Because he told me it was like, come down tomorrow

and I'll give you that money, baby girl. Don't worry about that. I got you. Yeah, we make all of our donations rain down on top of our parishioners. Yeah, no, it's just a thing normal. That's how it goes. Now, and of course, this is where you start

to really get the first hint in this movie that this movie that This movie is pro prosperity gospel because this is where pastor Sims is you know because the the girls like I just don't understand why people don't like our church and everything and he's like well We face extra persecution because of the prosperity gospel. It looks so much like complete bullshit to people that I'm just Empowering and enriching myself. That's why they persecute us so much. Right. And then the pastor says, yeah, well prosperity is the most confusing part of the Bible. And the hero, is it really?

Is it? Everything else in that book makes more into a sense than the prosperity part. Have you read it? No, they have not. He also says that prosperity is just as important as salvation. Yep. Yeah.

I forget the part where Jesus was gonna check your 401Ks and if they weren't in the right position, he was gonna throw you into a lake of fire. But I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I totally felt like he should have said prosperity is the most confusing thing. Now that we live in a capitalist society, it makes no fucking sense. Oh, all right. You just be giving your money to people it's god damn insane and like it's so bad like because when they start talking about what

Prosperity is written all over the Bible from Genesis to revelation. I'm like Are we supposed to be booing right now right the audience is supposed to throw tomatoes like if I get Rocky or a picture show because he's been a bad guy Yes, yeah, because then she takes money out of her purse. She is just told that he's just visited her mother in the hospital. She's just told him she's lost her job. She has unpaid bills. She's in a huge financial bad situation. She takes money out of his purse and gives it to him and know what do you want to tell us what happens because you've written in about 800 font here. Yes, I have a fucking 64 point type for this. So she says, I know I don't have much money, but but here's my tithe. Now 10% that's supposed to be 10% of

your earnings. If you're not earning anything, you don't tie it. But in any rate, here's my tithe and he fucking takes it. They don't have him saying the movie. No, I can't take this from you You need this more than God does since I drive a Bentley. He fucking takes he says I know this is hard for you to give to me and it's hard for me to take but you need me to multiply this fucking money She says well, I believe that you're doing what's right with my seed to which I wrote definitely not the Eli Bosnick story which I wrote definitely not the Eli Bosnick story. And he puts her goddamn money in his pocket and says, you need me to multiply this for you.

And he just a moment ago said he's gonna give her money the next day, she's handing him cash so he can give it back tomorrow. But no, he's gonna multiply it for, he says like a compound interest prayer 900% compounded daily Well, first of all what they should have done if you want to not make the pastor look like a piece of shit Have her give it to him with him not knowing she lost her job and other things Right, then maybe he can say something about well this money you gave me means even more now because God knows you don't. There's so many ways to not make a mistake.

I'm just not giving money to do. Why don't you help me just leave that part out? I'm not having her hand in money. How about have him just give her money? Just give her my, I can't get groceries today. Here is fucking. I think you guys are missing out on a big opportunity here. I can't get groceries today. Here is fucking I think you guys are missing out on a big opportunity here. We need to start a blow job prosperity

If you give me a blow job if God is gonna give you 900 blow jobs down the road We're just not we haven't we haven't set up the we haven't a corporate fight it. Yeah exactly. So yeah and so then pastor Sims leaves because he's got our money now that's the other thing is that he takes her money and runs it's like oh I got your money now well hope everything's okay with mom I'm out. And then Corey shows up to tell him that mom's doing good now I also want to just go back to this for a second like mom collapsed at the end of act two because something dramatic needed to happen in act two. There is never a way in which this advances the story. We never get told what was

wrong with her. She's fine later. Nothing happened. No one has an epiphany because she's collapsed. They just needed a dramatic ending for act two. Yes, why do black moms always collapse in movies? Oh, I don't get it. What are the big mom is about? That was my question for you. So now nobody knows. But shit, I'm curious. I can't see you have a confession.

I'm not even black American. My family's West Indian. So I didn't grow up with, as you asked before, chicken, what was it, pig feet or some stupid chicken? I'm West Indian. I didn't ask up with as you asked before chicken. What was it? Pig feet or some stupid shit? Yeah, I'm not stupid. I asked about the pig feet. So I actually came in undercover as a black American. I thought you were getting a genuine black American.

Well, fuck, I grew up in Detroit. I think I'm blacker than Ishmael. Exactly. Guys, I gotta scratch how many black friends we have off the whiteboard. That is zero. Yeah. Guys I gotta scratch how many black friends we have off the whiteboard You have no black friends As you say you kind of had to assume after we made it ish male watch this movie it was going back

Yeah, exactly. I'm not talking to you guys again. I'm a bitch. I'm a shit talking on my mother fuck especially with podcasts. So I'm gonna give it to you guys Especially he cuz cuz he's not saying things that I think he would be saying if I wasn't He's editing this week's show so he's just gonna supplement and you'll be like he did not call me that when I was on the skype call He did not Affirmative action show in his notes He's also affirmed the faction show in his notes. He's like, okay, I'm gonna give this guy a pass. And he'll be funnier than me today and, you know, whatever. And go back to normal tomorrow. So now, meanwhile, back in the film we're reviewing,

Corey has decided to take that job with D money, that $150,000 for six weeks. There is nothing I would not do for six weeks for 150 grand and I do mean that. But he's decided to take this job now, but he's all conflicted about it because of the heathenest drug nature of it. Everybody tweet us with ideas for no to do stuff for six weeks. He makes us seem like he has to go murder someone like yeah, right? He's just so I'm selling my soul to say in I'm like yeah, I'm gonna go suck Cox at the glory hole for money guys. Sorry

I'm gonna go join Big Booty Brenda And she is Horrified that he is going to be a music promoter. She might as well call him a thug and explain that he, you know, he should have raised his hands quicker or whatever it is. She hates him for this. And he says to her, he's like, I have to, mom's sick, I have to, I can't afford not to do this. And it's like he's going, honestly, I thought this movie was going to end up with like him killing someone for money or him robbing a church or something. You know, something super terrible that we would be like, oh, that's why a man would rob God.

But no, it's just taking a job in this secular world is the worst thing a character does in this movie. Yep. The way he made it seem was as if his brother or whatever the fuck the gangsta. Yeah. Actually, isn't a famous rapper and he's being paid to go to the hospital and murder his mother. Like that's how we made it. That's the performance. And then they're going to get the life insurance. higher woody heros and to do it or something. So then he leaves and Natalie drops to her knees. Justly she I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy.

I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy.

I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy.

I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. I'm so happy. for this prayer by the way is the piano bar guy is trying to get that last chick there depressed enough to fuck him. My music note where's an orphan is hacking out tiny little cause. Right, yeah. And my music note is, and this goes with all this, oh wow all the singing, the one song that made us think we were gonna see a musical, but like, did you guys not like do Like put it over the movie in post no, we really listen it to you guys on stage singing what is going on? Oh, yes I just wrote somebody get Billy Joel another scotch or he's gonna hang himself on stage And just as she's begging Machina to do the X the do's X Makina shows up

It's Robin Givens at the door. Yeah, because she's found the glitch in the system and repaired it Even though she was fired and in at the same time they fired her and clearly didn't hire anyone else Barrett Fixed the McGuff in its act three. You said it would make sense. I did it. And I just want to point out that what we have here is we have a gorgeous and fragile young woman and a still smoking hot middle-aged robin givens. And one of them needs her job back really, really bad. So I'm loobing up. I'm like, okay, it was worth the hour,

worth a set up so far, but no. Also, by the way, Robin Givens, her front teeth got gapier throughout history. What the hell? I don't know how that happened, but I like it. I like it. I think she got back with Mike Tyson. Oh.

Maybe a little Michael Strayhand in there too, yeah. Yeah, maybe. It's a good look. I think she got back with Mike Tyson. Maybe a little Michael stray hand in there too. Yeah. Yeah, man. It's a good look. So, so yeah. So Natalie has now redesigned the system in her spare time. And I love the moment where, and this really speaks to Heath's best words, where Robin Givens is checking the computer to make sure that the glitch is gone. By pounding repeatedly on the same key. where Robin Givens is checking the computer to make sure that the glitch is gone. That's amazing. By pounding repeatedly on the same key. I wanted so bad to see what this screen actually says there.

Like, just glitchless computer program. Perfect. Well, excellent. Here's what's amazing. They turn and there's a reverse shot and you can very clearly see. It's just the entry screen to a window. Yes, it is. It's the Windows login screen. Yes. They don't even have the login information

for that computer clearly. No, right. So apparently, Natalie's gonna hand over the Windows 95 for pair CD to fix the glitch. Yeah, that's the plot here. That's because computer words, computer words, data, RAM, microchip USB, you see. So yeah, so she, but now she's fixed the computer program,

but she doesn't just want her job back. She wants the big money. That's actually the words she says. She wants in on the big money. She should have said white people money. Could I laugh at that? Yeah, you just can't repeat it. You can't believe.

You have to let me do this part of the podcast. Yeah, exactly. When you edit it, you have to bring in a black man to do that portion of the edit piece. You're not edit that. No one. I have to edit that one. See, this is the thing. She learns that they were going to sell the system to Microsoft for $30 million. And she wants this employee who is just part of the... This is like a random coder we can assume, who's fixing a glitch in the system,

would like $15 million yeah, which to be fair Robin Givens reacts to realistically She's like you don't just get to have half of a company Yeah, so apparently she's just gonna go fucking sell it to Bill Gates girl scout style She's just gonna cold call Bill Gates. Yeah, I Have this thing called windows 11 you want to check it out? I'm just gonna cold call Bill Gates. Yeah, I have this thing called windows 11. You want to check it out I'm just gonna come by the office cool. This seems set up so much of Robin Gibbons murdering her It's like oh And all I need to do is leave the house with this computer. You're dead. There's no one else here

I am murdering you and it will cost me less to get off I've got worse than this just for a Dalmatian jacket bitch Right and that they're acting like the the fix the key to fixing Microsoft Windows is Physically located inside this Commodore laptop. She has and nowhere else exactly No, she actually fixed it already so shit and Robbie give us be like bitch you already fixed it I went on GitHub and I have it now You you get nothing And and I just have to say because we talked about this earlier. She says

I called this meeting. Yes, they're at her house at her living room You're probably wondering why I asked you here today She's robbing him. It should have been like to eat my pussy to get you job back Why else would I be in your hole? Yes, she definitely showed us that you call me to your house start licking That's why I asked my uncle eat us sit in actually so I mean next time I smoke a bowl with my wife, I'm gonna be like, you might be wondering why I called this meeting here.

And she's like, I'm like, fuck is she talking about? So anyway, so Robin given me, Uncle Ed comes in, by the way, his bowels seem to be doing much better since that opening scene. He comes in, or comes out from the back or wherever it was jerking off,

just as she's leaving. And this is where, Natalie, the flat broke unemployed daughter calls her lawyer. Her lawyer. Yes. Now look, I'm no legal expert. So once this episode comes back, I'll run it past Andrew Torres, but I'm pretty sure your lawyer doesn't give you a connection to Microsoft and also make sure that there's nothing illegal about

Taking a program that was at your old job creating it for yourself and selling up from under them. I mean, I'm not sure I'm gonna do a segment on ideas to just speaking. How does she have a lawyer? The power bill, but you got to pay your lawyer. she's got her priorities and how does the lawyer already know what happened with the glitch fixing how to see you call some and he's like oh yeah I already talked to Microsoft they want it yeah what did we get to like 30 million what yeah he's one of those lawyers that sets up meetings with Microsoft for your compete what the how did they they the he might she might as well just say well they got to call my shaman

She should have said her priests it would it it would have fit with the Right if you call it in set it all up. Yeah exactly So and then so she's all excited because she's going off to meet Microsoft about her program She's gonna meet micro that's a guy Ted Microsoft. He's the one who owns it And then uncle E orders some porn with a number that he has memorized So we're gonna watch him jerk off until the black. I was like we are gonna watch uncle E jerk off I'm porn resorted by phone. Yeah, what? What year is this is 2013 orders pay-per-view porn on the phone?

Even that 1997 delshe was running Koto showed porn. Yeah, and even if you do that Why would you order fat girls who like walks on the beach part two? Crazy choice. Yeah, it's a totally derivative. It's not even close The sequel was terrible. One even good sequel was all the three people from the original movie and I don't want to get into it I don't want to get into it. This shows political enough as is, but I'm just saying. I still want it back from you. So so now we cut it we cut to the next scene where this is this is more comedy from Uncle Ian Pookie. They're going to the pool party. Now I again I have to point this out just because the writer and me won't let me run by this. Okay. So we've set up this pool party

They talked earlier about going to the pool party at D money's D money showed up and they talk about the pool party that now We see them getting ready to go to the pool party the pool party will have nothing to do with anything in this movie Nope, it won't take place during the timeline of this movie. Yeah, that's it is because it's their comedy skits timeline of this movie not even happened. Yeah, that's it. It is because it's their comedy skits. Yeah. Yeah, so that Puke can walk out in a duck inner tube and a fucking snorkel on his way to the pool party. Yeah. And by the way, here's what Uncle E is setting up to go to the party. Oh, yes, yes. By all means extra towels, extra towels, sunblock, and Viagra, which is exactly what I would use to watch porn with my nephew, maybe not to, I mean. And at one point, okay, so Puke comes out and he's getting where and floaties on his

arm and three inner tubes and everything, because he's afraid of the water and it's hilarious. And just so you know how deep into the barrel they have gone for their comedy, Puke makes a Howard the Duck joke. You guys remember Howard the Duck? A fucking course you don't! Why would anyone remember Howard the Duck as a nation, as a species we've tried to exercise that fucking memory? Why would you make a joke about it?

Anyway. Um, can I say something? Um, and this is one at a moment, so you probably should ask me black people remember how it did You also remember teen witch teen witch is another plastic that I watch yearly not get today to And how we're deduct is our version of game. It's watching what he did in the back, apparently in shitty movies and it's entertaining as fuck. She fucks a duck or she's about to fuck the fuck. She gets really close to fucking a duck.

She goes, I remember that. Yeah, I do remember that. I do remember that. Yeah. But I just want to point out the reason why we have this scene where he's all covered in floaties and stuff is because we have hit Every racist trope about black people except for they can't swim It is to get that in there at the end whatever this bad this guy made with a Hollywood screenwriter He just smirked something off this script and he was like I can make every offensive thing about black people in a single script and

No one will call it racist and he was like you a deal, man, do a line off my dick. This right in listen, I'm going to be honest, I live in LA. I've worked in Hollywood for a while. I've actually done some rewrites on some decent, like the guy who wrote point break and varsity blues, whatever. He's a terrible writer, but he gets good rewrites. So anyway, he's writing this movie for Samuel Jackson. And it's about a LeBron James type of basketball player.

And he asked me to his manager asked me to do to read it and to like give them feedback and Everything he basically wants me to change slang and he wants me to make it seem like it's written by black person black It is the most racist and sulting thing and I have to say gently to him You don't seem to like your characters. you have fried chicken jokes in this you have jokes you don't want me to like your main characters and it's funny because he introduced me to Sam Jackson and he's like hey I got him going over that script for you so obviously Sam Jackson ready Sam Jackson looks at me and he goes.

He just tell me he's blackening up my script and this is where that's what happened in this fucking bottle. Yeah. up my script and it's a miracle what happened in this fucking battle. This was written by some racist white guy and then some black guy came in and kind of because these are all tropes black people aren't clearly insulted by. I would hope so. I would certainly fucking hope so. Yeah. I don't know. The audience seemed to be enjoying it guys.

I think you're happy that it's the most. That bothers me most and I'm not surprised because there are certain people within the community who will find this funny and you want to tell them, Motherfucker, you should be insulted by that. What are you laughing for? But we need to wrap up the romance element of this movie guys. Oh my god. Hey, how's it going? I clearly like you. That one. the element that doesn't exist yet that they're gonna wrap up now. Yeah, yeah exactly So yeah, so Stacy shows up and of course like Corey last time we saw was all conflicted about the job that he took Where he's making fucking 1.3 million a year or at least that pace and so apparently he's quit that job now so that he can be broke and

Work 90 hours a week for cocaine money or whatever. And Stacey is very proud of him. She wants him to know that she's real happy about that. And that Jesus is still Lord. Right. This is the quote. Jesus is still... He's house church. He goes, well, you know, Jesus is still Lord. You know that still, right? And he's like, oh, chapter of Christ, Jesus is that... Sure, yeah. Bob quiz. you know that still right and he's like oh chapter of course the Jesus sure yeah pop quiz so yeah yeah so and then this is where he like tells her you know like hey I've never told you

this but the reason I joined that church in the first place is because you were at that church so I've kind of been stalking the shit out of you for years Stacy I hope you find that romantic it's so creepy the way he says it is like I'm trying to say is I'm gonna rape you wait wait, I don't know that came out wrong. I'm stored over. I'm I'm gonna rape you fuck He basically says I've got everything I want my life my lord my woman And it's like you just told her you liked her you are are dating at her. She is, yeah, right. She is not responsible. She yours.

Yeah, she yours. It's biblical. She doesn't get to say. And I gotta say, we didn't talk about it, but the way they hinted that they liked each other, at least he liked her, he'd go, by Stacey and then they'd be like, and we'd be down and I know it's wide open bullshit.

But I don't get, like, who wrote, like that guy Eddie went, well, he did act in family matters and that's how Erkho acted. So maybe that does, cause I, when he read it, I'm like, aren't you adults, don't you know if you like someone, you don't need to go, like, who does that?

I stay see. Like what? That seems like you're going to rape and murder her later. Yeah, that's how the sound did. Stacey's putting lotion in the basket later. Yeah, well, apparently Eddie Winslow already put 50 shuckles down on her. So at this point, it's just bound to happen. And now of course, Mama Jean and daddy come in

Where my notes are just like who's fucking houses this who doesn't does not live here Cuz cuz cuz they said they were going to help Mama Jean with her groceries when they found her collapsed like where the fight anyway Yeah, so and also as if to just prove Ishmael's earlier point about how they didn't actually write lines for Puke, they just expected him to be funny. At this point, he's like, they're like, oh, you're dressed very nice. He's like, yeah, I thought I would get a job because everybody had been getting a job in this movie.

And then like, yeah, okay. And then they just carry, like, what the fuck was the point of that? Was that his turn to talk He's like I was promised a third of every same But this is also where we learn that like somebody Natalie calls to tell everybody to just hang out there She's got a big announcement to make why do do they need that? They don't need that. She's gonna walk in in 30 seconds. Right?

She's calling from the fucking driveway. Excuse me. Excuse me. What? Who? Why? The question that that writer answered was, why doesn't everyone leave the room?

Just keep them in the room, stop them. And don't walk it. It's baffling. Everything about this script is... Yeah, no, the only thing that happens between her That the one announcing that she's going to show up and her showing up as pastor sim showing up So pastor sim showing up could have been the reason they were in the room Pastor sims walks in without asking and they go why what are you doing here?

He goes that's what happens when you leave your door open and I wrote the Eli Bosnick story what happens when you leave your door open and I wrote the Eli Bosnick story. You just wanders in without permission. That's how you roll. And the chest. Yeah, sted your fucking ground. You should have picked the wrong house and it was some white person's house. And I'm picking it in for a fucking prosperity gospel past. Right.

And then Nancy comes in gospel past. Right. And then Nancy comes in or Stacy, Nancy, Nancy comes in. No, Nancy is the unblackest name of the black Nancy. Nancy is nobody in this movie. Nancy, is there Nancy? Is it Nancy? Natalie. Natalie.

Yeah. Natalie comes in. It's fucking impossible. It's fucking impossible. Natalie comes in Who knows at what time or what character she is at this point? All of those things could have changed But she comes in and she's like hey, you remember that thing that was very clearly established and revealed in three scenes ago? That thing and everyone's like 30 million dollars. Yeah, that's what right. So she's like 30 million dollars. That's what right. So she's gotten 30 million dollars. This woman alone has gotten 30 million dollars from Microsoft for her computer system.

Well, now she fixed the program. Well, right, but this happens to prosperity, gospel congregants constantly. They are constantly coming into 30 million dollars from their computer data. So yeah, right. And she's gonna give the church three million she said she turns white she said the first 10% goes to the this this is when I said oh this is actually process this is this movie for

prosperity yeah that's where you might all the way in this I know I'm with I'm with all the way to this moment I was certain that this was gonna turn around and I was gonna turn out that the old black church, the Southern Baptist church or whatever was the good church, but no, this is where we learn that, yes, he sent off the fucking goddamn chain letter or whatever so he didn't get driven over by the cement truck.

That's actually how they end the goddamn movie because she gave money to the fucking church when she could not afford to She got 30 million dollars. That's the message of this movie. You want to know what scary is that the people who were helping her stay afloat Which was her mom who was at the other church bad shit happened to her happened to her husband It's almost like see now you look back at it and you're like, oh shit, because they weren't prosperity. Gospel God was like killing them. Basically Mama fell down and the other dude got beat up. Curse Jesus. Curse. Exactly. There. The problem was the pastor. Like in a whole kind of so say kind of twist. The person that the father owed money to should have been the pastor. This whole movie, everything starts to go bad in this movie like ham.

You just watch it and just everything turns absurd. It's like a fucking dolly film where people are cutting their eyes open. If Natalie had opened her mouth wide and her jaw just dropped to the floor and then Robin Givens had walked out as a baby and been like, give me back my crushed eyes. I would have been like, sure, I get it. Oh, yeah. Not. Mixed as much sense as everything else in this movie. And then the pastor takes credit for all of it, of course, because that's what pastors do. And just when we thought the credits were gonna come up and leave the only

Respectable likable character in this movie not Christian Uncle Lee decides that he's ready to be saved because otherwise he won't be in the will of his suddenly rich niece or daughter Whoever the fuck she is to him Freeze frame literal freeze yep. Yep. Oh my I he is the least likely to ever convert like if they did one good thing in this film He definitely does not seem like he's Christian at all or will ever be Christian and then they made him Christian Well, but I I still feel like we can just buy our way out of that by saying he's faked it to get in good with Natalie now that she's a gazillion That's true. That's true. That's what I'm going with, because I want to like Uncle E. I would do that as well.

Yeah, right, right. I wouldn't blame you even a little bit. So I feel like this is a stupid question having made it all the way through the movie, but will a man rob God? I feel like they're saying yes, no, no. No, yes. I think yes, until he no, no, yes.

I think yes, until he puts your mama and your daddy in the house. Oh, right. So the answer to that question is yes, and God will fuck you up. Exactly. I still pass. No idea.

Whatever he if no one's buying it, we know who you really are. Now obviously, I'm not going to ask you how many stars you would give this movie whatever he if no one's buying it we know who you really are that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that financially underprivileged and educationally underserved minority that would still be less damaging than the message of this movie. I got this, I got this. White people are your friend. Oh, mine was close to that. Vote for Jill Stein. I was going to say, check out Florida, it's really nice there. Right, sunny. You have to wait for another shooting. Has Eli taught you nothing?

No, no, it's good because there's a, because remember the guy with the, he had all the things he raised his uncle wanted him to do and then they still shot him because they were aiming for the other guy who they should have been shooting at. It's okay now, it's okay. Oh, I see.

Well, ishmael, congratulations. The suffering Christ has nothing on you now. You made it all the way through, but of course our listeners might not be done with you yet. So they'd like to hear more from you. It's more anger, more rants, more blackness. Where should they go? They should go to Angry Black Rant, basically across the board, Facebook, Angry Black Rant, Twitter, Angry Black Rant, and you can find the podcasts where you find podcasts

under Angry Black Rant. All right, well, I appreciate you keeping it simple for the white folks. And of course, we'll have that linked on the show notes for this episode. Ishmael, thanks again for hanging out. Thank you for having me. It's been a friggin blast. I loved it. And absolutely loved it.

And by the way, who won in the Black friend competition? Oh, um, see, he's a big phony. I think he is like, he wants to lynch me, because he was going out his way to not say shit. And they scare me to mose. They scare me. He's like, he's cool until I show interest in like his sister or some other girl in any like, how dare you.

You big blacks. Anyway, um, but also Eli has shown himself so you you won I knew I'm from Detroit. I had an unfair. I won depending on how you look Depending on if you send some cops to my house and Yeah, depending on what he edits your words to sound like by the end of it Well, that does it for our review of Will a Man Rob God. That's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to make you want to shout for next week's show. So Eli, tell us what's on deck. Day when

sun rises in the west film that will shock the world. I's a Muslim apocalypse movie about that camel elephant thing with Bollywood special effects and subtitles that can best be described as occasional. It's on YouTube, but it looks pretty fucking great. Oh my god. It was there a preview. I couldn't find a preview I just love preview. I have no idea. I just flipped around through the movie. It looks ridiculous five seconds at a time Holy shit. Yeah, like I watch like three clips of it or whatever every time People were in front of a green screen when they really shouldn't have been you know in the background is just like tree people were in front of a green screen when they really shouldn't have been, you know, with the background, it's just like tree.

Yeah, or something. So green screened a lot of rooms for this. Exactly, exactly. You can see them, I'm sure they're at one point they were green screening over what was it behind them in the room, you know. They moved the green screen. I gotta get this for the green screen, anyway.

So with that to look forward to, we'll bring episode 49 to a merciful close. Once again, a huge thanks to Ishmael of the Angry Black Rant podcast for suffering alongside us today and perhaps even a huge thanks to all the Patreon donors that helped make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com-slashgotoffal and thereby earn early access to every episode. You can also help us out a ton by leaving us a 5 star review on iTunes and by sharing the

show in all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoy the show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the Skating Atheist, and the Skeptocrat available on iTunes, Stitcher, and wherever else podcasts live. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email GodawfulMoviesatgmail.com. All the music used in this episode was written and performed by Ryan Slotnik of Evil Drafts on Mars, and was used with permission. If you like what you hear, hear more by following the link on the show notes for this episode. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week. For Heathen, right, Neelye Buznik, I'm No Illusions Promise, and to work hard to earn another chunk another chunk next week until then we'll leave you with the breakfast club close.

We love the God, thank you God, thank you God, thank you God, thank you God, thank you God. Natalie unplugged the router for 10 seconds and saved the Microsoft Corporation. Uncle E. Shit in the pool. If Pookie had just followed instructions, he would still be alive today. That's an all-thing headline. I'm just reading right off the level of how all things are on me. Thank you, D'Ada. Thank you, these joys gonna kill themselves. I do not trust white people who are nice to me.