God Awful Movies - 50: GAM050 Day When the Sun Rises in the West

Episode Date: August 2, 2016

In this week's episode, Heath, Noah, and Eli team up for an atheist review of Day When Sun Rises in West: Film that Shock the World. In this tale of inevitable destruction, four Muslim friends wonder if the end times will disturb their exciting life of chicken eating, rubble visiting, and cartoon sound effects. Combining poorly translated air conditioner instructions style subtitles, visual effects that wouldn't have made it passed the Vultures of Horror directors, and the typical Muslim tendency to take all the crazy up to eleven, Day When Sun Rises in West earns a place towards the very top of the "worst nonsense we've ever sat through" rankings. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page. --- This podcast is a production of Puzzle in a Thunderstorm, LLC. Copyright 2016, all rights reserved.

Un chapuzón, con el hábito, tu serie favorita y en medio de tu siesta. ¡Ey! ¿Has visto esta? No sabes la de planazos que hay este verano en Guésville Parque Sur, con ciertas obsesiones con DJs, clases de yoga, talleres con marcas y actividades con niños, te apuntas. Un sueño de verano, bailués sin parque sur. I watch that over and over again, you know, and I think maybe the audience will relate to this more than he, or Eli, will, but you know how sometimes you're jacking off to a porn and it's just you can tell it's about to get too fucking weird, but you're almost there, so you just keep going back. I do not know what that is.

That's, I didn't figure you one. I very much to when you get surprised poop. I'm just like no. Sorry I was having fun but I don't want to exactly. I just played through. MOVIE! MOVIE! Welcome back to the Gamcast where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema because moving wasn't quite enough to satiate my massacistic tendencies. I'm your host no illusions and sitting to my immediate left once more as my good friend he then right he's welcome back dan you've had that means thank you i speak in the now all that from the really good subtitles i i got you and sitting on mere eighty one miles to my right is my bad friend elie bosnick elie however you this fine afternoon sir god started wearing metal plates in my shirt nobody i'm just saying

just saying, just saying. I wonder if that'll have anything to do with the answer to this next question. So tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today? Okay, we watched the day when the sun rises in the west film that shock the world. Yes, that's it. It's the story of a group of Muslim friends who constantly meet up with each other at places from Call of Duty. They talk about whether or not the end times are happening. And then the end times either happen or don't happen. It's not clear. That's what you're talking about. That's all. And Eli, how bad was this movie? Well, if you ever thought to yourself, I wonder what the kids of the people who made international

guerrillas are up to these days. We found out it's this movie. 50% eighth graders using their mom and dad's camcorder and 50% FOTWAH! I love it! If ever a movie could be described as FOTWAH bait, it's this film. Yeah, it's taken us 50 episodes to get around to finally doing a Muslim movie, but we're brave enough now apparently. We're gonna follow up the international gorillas one. You guys are, I was against against this everybody who's listening so uh this may be a long list here but anything you guys want to nominate this one for being the best at being the worst out. Oh uh I am I already started to mention I'm saying subtitles this was the best worst well really just worst subtitles like possibly ever to exist they're almost unreadable it's yeah it's like and you guys, not everyone's going

to get this joke, of course, only the three of us, but it's like reading Eli's fucking notes. I'm trying to figure out what the hell is going to fucking subtitles brought to you by Eli's notes. It was amazing. For me, it was like reading my notes after I do spell check. So it's even worse. Find a song as I don't spell check it those assholes turn it into English. This was the least discipleable movie. Yeah, we have watched I Rewound I was desperate for this movie to end. It is relatively short. It's like an hour and 15 minutes something like that But this was one of those super duper hard ones to get through because I kept having to go back Every it was subtitled so I couldn't look at my notes so every time I looked down to

write something I would miss it and have to go back and it was crazy and there was so many notes to make on everything they said and there was also like a ton of stuff that was super cash but like since we're reading the Quran I was like oh I get that like that's way worse than people think that that is. Yeah, no, that was the real bad one for me, right? Look, like you said, every time you wanted to write something on your notes, you had to look away from the screen, and then you'd look up and you've only missed one subtitle, but the thing the next guy is saying makes you no fucking sense. And you're like, okay, do I go back and find out if it makes any more sense in context, waste that time again? Or do I just assume that the last thing

he said had something to do with being there in the flash of eyes? Oh my god, I was like diagramming sentences on my screen in the chalk. I could not figure this out. Speaking of things that don't make sense, can I nominate this for best worst comedy shenanigans? I mean, we had a movie last week where one character challenged another to a banana plant And had I know we were gonna watch this week I would have been nominating those guys for positions at the yuck shaft The comedy scene accompanied with cartoon sound effects in this movie is so baffling that I actually thought the sound was coming from somewhere else in my

I was I turned to Anna. I was like, did you change your cell phone ring? And she was like, no, they're doing, this is how they tell us it's comedy. I just spring got flicked. I guess. Yeah, I was going to go with best worst foliar in general. That scene really, really does stand out, obviously, as the worst it ever gets. But there's so much just insane shit like, why would that be mic'd? Why would you add sound effects for that? And who's fucking universe does that make sense? That particular sound at this moment? Yeah, a lot of fun stuff going on there too. One more, one more. Best worst looking actors.

Because there's a thing. In Christian movies, we've found the actors are, shall we say, not the best looking bunch. No. But you get that they look like people. Everyone here looks like a some form of chocolate that was dropped on the ground. They look like an old, basically if you told me a witch turned a baby a Ruth bar into this entire cast, I get it. I get it. I get it. They're like this. The cast of this is the same as the raisinette raisins from the old stalker of the movie's jingle.

Still gonna eat it though. Yes, we are for some fucking raisin. Alright, well we've been neglecting the rampant insanity of Muslim cinema for 49 episodes in Counten. So we'll keep this break brief and when we come back we'll marvel at the no-budget insanity that is, day when sun rises in the West. Film that shock the world. Hey Todd, thanks for coming in. Have a seat.

Thanks. Now, the reason I asked you to come in today is that I just got done looking over the subtitles. You did for day when sun rises in the west film that shocked the world. And, uh, gotta say they weren't great. They weren't great. I see. I mean, even the title there, you're missing two definite articles. The tense is wrong on shock. and that's probably the best you did on any of the subtitles. I see.

Now, I've looked back over your resume here, and I see that you're plenty qualified to do the job, so I'm wondering why we wound up with such a syntactically dubious finished product. Yes. So, what happened? With the translating? Yes, with the translating. I furthered the words. You what? There were many words in the language for then I put them in other words good. You just want to make sure I heard you correctly there. You just said you put them in other words good. That I sure did parentheses laughing parentheses with all of those words I did put.

Okay, well, what the fuck is wrong with you? Are you serious? A stroke. Oh, gotcha. Just cutting into the episode for a quick announcement. If you were a bum that you didn't act fast enough to get a ticket to our live show in New York this month, we're pleased to announce that we were able to add a couple of seats to the venue. enough to get a ticket to our live show in New York this month, we're pleased to announce that we were able to add a couple of seats to the venue. So if you're going to be in or around New York City on Friday, August 12th and you'd like to be in the audience for our first ever live record, look for the link on the show notes for this episode and act fast. And if you're a patron, keep an

eye on the Patreon feed, we're going to be having a patrons only VIP get together before the show and you'll be receiving details about that shortly. And now back to the show. And we're back for the break down and I'm just going to say out front that the logo was probably at least 50% of the movie's budget never got that good again. Yeah, my notes say, ah, someone paid for a fancy logo on Fiverr. Yeah, fun fact, they paid the exact same person that vultures of horror paid for their shiny slow-moving logo because it is the ad on the front page of Fiverr. When you go to the graphic effects, the guy who makes your logo shiny in 3D, he's like the top rated guy

so they obviously went graphics, top rated, chose that guy, never thought about it again. It was the best decision they made in this fucking movie. Yeah, I also have a note here, all great films start with someone asking you to subscribe to their YouTube channel. And then we get to credits. And the credits eat a lot of ways could have been from a normal low budget movie or whatever if the music slash beeping sounds thing was different. Yeah, my first notice is that a polygraph,

a seismograph, vital signs, what I think the movie's having a seizure. The movie is actually having a seizure. I think that's what's happening. My first notice, oh, this is music, I see. I also notice that they do a bunch of like flashes of war and destruction and explosions and people writing and it occurred to me It's probably a lot easier to convince people living in the Middle East that they're living in the end times

It's hard in America and it's like I don't know man. All this stuff really don't seem to be going down I was I was at first. I was thinking to myself. Oh, okay. This is like post-apocalyptic footage And then I'm like, oh no, this is probably just out the east window or whatever. This is just Libya. And the music here is pretty crazy. I have a couple of notes on that. First I wrote subway announcers just about to have a machete fight. That's what's about to break out. They're about to do the crown of maniac segment. That's pretty much what it sounds like. And my other note was Radiohead release party getting attacked by terrorists. It sounded like that. Yeah.

Because they worked in current event. And just in case you needed a way to know exactly how bad this was going to be during the credits, among the background music credits is YouTube music library. So I don't need to throw that out there. So the best in the final. Exactly. So now we cut to the science room where they monitor the science. And we learned that the earth is made for earthquakes and volcanoes.

Stuff. Yeah, exactly. It's, yeah, pretty weak science going on here. It's like the Quran. Yeah. And the the NASA scientists seem to be talking about the end times in front of the most green screen green screen I have. I didn't imagine that something could look less realistic than just actually sitting in front of a green piece of paper. They did it. They managed it. I feel like they green screened the actors on separate green screens and then cut them all together

but left the splicing in. It's fucking crazy. I think actually, I think at one point they did. I paused on an early scene in this portion where it shows the guy from the side. And I think that's what they did because they didn't have enough room between the camera and the green screen

to show row of guys. I think they might what they did because they didn't have enough room between the camera and the green screen to show like row of guys Think they might have ran out of green they had one in blue and it kind of didn't work Go with it Yeah, so there's a bunch of earthquakes and volcanoes and stuff So then we cut to our four main characters hanging out on the first of many bombed walls on which they will hang out. Yeah, just hanging out in Batman's Dream High five of your buddies. I get it. Right. Yeah. So, character one is laughing about women with character two,

character three, character four. Yes. Yeah. And character four wants to stop joking around and become proper Muslims or else you know, consequences. Yeah. It's so character for it. So character for. And let's talk for a second. So they're basically these characters only are defined by their different like sins. Yeah. So one of them we learn in this scene is a ladies man and he's supposed to be doing bro talk, but because of the people made this movie don't know what bro talk sounds like he's basically like and then she was like I can't live without you I will kill myself and I was like doing kill yourself and they're all like no you didn't do you dig it it out yeah this movie is going to give it to you a piecemeal but I'll

let you know right away you've got that that's what seem as the is the ladies man and then you got a Mirror is the guy who fights with his parents in disrespects him. That's his sin and Fizzal drinks alcohol And then Waheed is the good Muslim who keeps telling him to fuck off Who I absolutely hate my music. No, by the way for this scene is you can give your avatar any of these different eyes shapes Waheed is the only one who stuck out to me and he looks like he should be explaining the wage gap is a myth while cutting out someone's flavor. He is Muslim Fedora in my house. Yeah.

Uh, there's a gay Muslim A-blinken. A-blinken. Yeah, there you go. So, I love to, and this is probably one of the places where they should have green screened and didn't because at one point Wasim says, oh, it's evening guys. I have to go and it's like the sun is clearly directly overhead at that point I'm like couldn't you change the line at least? Yeah, the sun's practically a fucking under five in this scene He's like, well night time And okay, so then we got a we we have to just

have to mention this line that we get from from Amir to Wasim he says something along the lines of look at this guy but this is the actual I just physically like the leg of an e-gret nothing in the pocket but girls around you that's the actual subtitles. I got it. Okay, Eli's translations for this movie. You have chicken legs, right? Because that Google Translate took whatever squiggles that was and didn't turn it into chicken. They turned it into e-grain.

So yeah, and then they forgot the L. So it's egg, right? So it's physically you have chicken legs and empty pocket. So it doesn't have any money. So you got chicken legs and no money. And yet the girl still like you I solve the puzzle solve a puzzle you know I honestly this is one of the easier lines to for me to decipher because I just I googled Leg of an e-grat and this guy does kind of does kind of look like the leg of an e-grat pretty much nailed it It does look like a homeless e-grat

Guaranteed to hilarious That's why they are all high-fiving, I guess. And then we get the voiceover that starts and basically says, like, these damn kids today and their damn music. Yeah, that's essentially, I wrote my notes, kids these days, the Muslim edition. Can't write. Wanted Paul in to come out there with like a Fattwa beard on. And by the way, this is I already started writing problems with the subtitles. I mean, they might as well be picked graphs.

It's the person. The person in charge of subtitles is fluent in I'm pretty sure none of the languages being used. No, indeed not Erdo not English. Might as well just show the Rosetta stone at the bottom and be like, figured out. You'll get it. No, you won't.

So, yeah, so the VO is telling us that the signs of the era of the Kiyama are getting visible now. It's the actual fucking line. And basically, you say, but the kids don't understand and don't recognize them. Now, these signs we will learn once again is there are earthquakes and economic disparity. Yeah and therefore the end times must be coming because unlike

the other times in history, again Muslims always take it to 10 Christians are like oh look at the signs Obama and the Muslims are like, look at the signs, water. Yeah. We always take crazy to the next level. They've always, whatever the crit anything you can do, Muslims can do better. And we get this weird VO all about it. It's basically saying like, oh, this movie

is about moderate Muslims being the problem with the world. Yeah. And go. We're starting the movie now. I'm the narrator. We made a movie about this. So while the voiceover is telling us all about the end times, we get a mirror going home so that he can fight with his dad. Now, I'm just going to throw it out here. I have a feeling like maybe someone has a physical appearance note on that. a physical appearance note on that. Dad looks like the only Muslim leprechaun.

He is a bright, he is the craziest looking human. He looks like a surprise troll doll hanging upside down in a mental hospital. It looks kind of like a bear dressed up as a Vegas magician to like an evil theme the bear cartoon Vegas magician. I don't know. So so this bizarre looking humanoid is telling a mere that he needs to get a job so that he'll be so that he'll be safe from satanic whisperings. Not because he needs money or to contribute to society. It's because he needs money or to contribute to society, it's because otherwise Satan will whisper to him.

Yeah, and he turns to his dad and he goes, oh, you mean I follow Satan? And I want to dad so badly, be like, hey, I haven't tell you the story of Moses. Fuckin' crazy. So, yeah, Morgan, basically Morgan Freeman dressed as Moon Knight is just following his son around the apartment bothering him uh-huh and explains that not having a job is the reason that he doesn't have a focused mind

Yeah, and that if he had a job he'd have a focused mind and and let me say as someone who said a series of day jobs Many of them did not know my mind quite the opposite and I've had plenty of day jobs too and I got lots of satanic whispering. Who on there you got to. So, pay attention. Also, like in the middle of this scene, mom appears like she was summoned from a lamp. That was one of the creepiest jump scares I've ever fucking seen. Mom is in the kitchen in this hijab and all of a sudden she's on screen also bitching at at a mirror yeah I call mom in my notes I'll settle for Jeannie and my music note here of course is oh de joy no really that's the

music that you're playing yeah oh de did you join? In the middle of the fight with the parents. Couldn't be less a pro. No, my exact notice. Oh, did you join is super inappropriate, but we already paid for it. So that's the reason. I guess so. And this is where we learned that he's supposed to be a teenager and not a solid 35 year old who's balding.

He looks like a middle-aged potato and he's supposed to be roaming around with his fucking parents and going like he's the same age as the fucking bearded guy yeah so this 36-year-old teenager goes into his room and lays down on his fucking bed and and in his phone rings like a fucking pay phone on the wall of a 1930s diner yeah that's right not usually what cell phones sound like. I was waiting for like Pullstart the thing before he said I'm bringing in hello Operator

But he doesn't answer it so there was no reason for it to fucking ring so then we cut to Fizzal who does answer his phone, right? And this is okay. So already the subtitles had been pretty bizarre, but I have a feeling we've all copied this entire conversation. Yes, we have into our notes. Oh, yes, very exactly. Oh, yeah, no, yeah, you have the whole thing, Heath, if you don't mind.

All right, so this is the actual phone conversation that we get to hear. He picks up. He says, Yes, Muna, tell me you reached already. Today, it is dance and dance only three exclamation marks. Sonny reached or not. I am ready have taken bath just now. I will be there in a flash of eyes A flash of eyes!

Oh that makes no sense well within no time I will be there Which gave me this real moment of pause because part of what we've been doing is we've been reading the Quran on scathing atheists is being like This doesn't make any fucking sense like why can't I get a good translation? Why can't I get a good translation? And this is where I had a moment where I was like, what if this is just how Muslims talk? It's a name never, what if grammar's just not a thing? You just throw the words out there,

you figure out the content. I compare it with, yeah, so please understand as we're trying to puzzle out with the fucks going on, that's what we have to work with. Our starting basis is I will be there in a flash of eyes within no time I will be there. Yeah, the people who do subtitles for Hentai would look at this and be like, come on guys,

some effort, some efforts. And then we had to the strobe club and I don't believe words can begin to do this scene justice, but we'll try. We'll try. Everything is green screen. Each of these people were set on a different green screen, doing a different version of terrible dance,

to different rhythms, to different music, different rhythms, but I- Yeah, there's only one woman in the entire club. Yeah, I could watch these guys dance forever. Oh, it was amazing. They're basic. I can't. Oh, I've got not a visual medium, but it is everything I've ever wanted. If that were a gif, I would just, if that were a gif, I would just watch that over and over and over. We could do an entire show just about me watching that gif because it is the most beautiful thing I will ever see.

What is will be like dancing diaper man from local access? That's always so. It's crazy. Okay, so what we've got here is we have people just overlaid to dimensionally one on top of the other dancing so it looks like a crowded club, but they haven't paid attention to like the people behind people being smaller than them or anything like there's just random Sizes of people throughout they might as well have people sideways like fucking clip art Yeah, right this movie was made in the Spider-Man movie maker

Fucking insane So all the men are dancing together very head resectually and one of them if it's all gets tired It's fizz all sunny and moona at this point and they're like oh well I know something that'll make sure you never get tired alcohol But he doesn't want to drink Because it's Yeah, what's they gonna go do acid? That's what it really. It's really interesting.

I like, maybe they'll see the Muslim apocalypse. Great. Well, I was just saying that would explain why we were seeing this club the way we were too. Yeah, everybody was there. If I was on acid when I saw the chest-lined elephant-eared monkey face, a big, eyed, antichrist, I think I'd be the coolest with it in all possible situations. I just be like, I'm a pet it. Go off me, he's, I'm a pig, I'm an antichrist. I think I'd be the coolest with it in all possible situations. I just be like, I'm a pet, get off me, he's, I'm a pet.

I'm a kick-out. You gotta go with your hand open because it's got the eyes of the chicken. Shit. So yeah, so is, but the religious body won't drink. Okay, yes he will. And this is one of those great moments where we see how much the Muslims understand drinking first of all the guy literally holds his nose As he drinks and before he has finished the drink he has completely shit faced

Yeah, he instantly turns into Dudley Moore from Arthur. Yeah Hick up drunk Instantaneous with his regals, but first of all they order they get they get all the bar Arthur. Yeah. Hick up drunk in St. Tainey's. It's ridiculous. But further all they order they get they get the bar. They order three beers on the rocks. They said three beers on the rock. And then they they like they're trying the whole

thing is that they're convincing this one guy who's like oh I'm Muslim I can't have alcohol. They're convincing him that beer is not having alcohol in it or something. It's not lick or shit. It's not lick. Yeah. It not like yeah, and it makes no sense and he asked the bartender He's like, oh are those beers I ordered made of alcohol or whiskey exact words. Yeah alcohol or whiskey And the bartender's answer is just

Smile blank stare which is old Password for the only line to move it makes sense. Yeah, sure If you told me that that bartender was on a green screen like in Harambe's cage, his performance would have made sense. But other than that, he literally, the character's talk to him, the camera cuts to him and he's just like, I was, is it done? Mine. Mine.

It's a live-barred. It's a live-barred. It's a live-barred. Yeah, so anyway, so the one Muslim guy who didn't want to drink gets drunk and he's bad and evil and then we cut to this 28 minute scene Oh, of these guys leaving the bar this must be 12 and a half percent of the movie is these three drunk guys leaving the bar So basically the bit is this Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, how you doing? I'll be fine guys leaving the bar. So basically the bit is this. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

How you doing? I'll be fine. Okay. I'll find that one. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Eight fucking times. Yes. You know, row.

Oh my god. It is unbearable. Well, and even once all of that's over and they finally the one guy drives off, the Fizzal drives off, and the other two guys, then they carry the scene on with the remaining two guys talking about what just happened as they walk off for another couple of minutes. At the end, yeah. As they walk off past, I guess, an extremely loud dog kennel where they were keeping all the audio equipment for this shot. I had no idea Maybe that was added in post

So then we cut to the next day, I guess and two of the buddies are are hanging out on some a pile of rocks Which is where these guys tend to meet it is at various piles of rocks Yep, and this is Fizzol and Amir and apparently fizzol is all hung over from last night. Right. And they're basically having the, you know how Mormons argue about like whether or not you're allowed to have root beer, they're doing that among Muslims. Because I googled it and I guess this is a thing like some Muslims think beer is okay because it's not hard liquor and some don't.

So they're basically, they're hashing that... muslim fedora is very upset with them yeah very this is the but sex doesn't count of his and why he the the fedora guy here is he's he's he's super irate he's the hard core muslim that's going to have been in this movie is the like worst human um... that we have to deal with and he actually says says this again, these are the exact titles. Every good human agrees drinking is the worst. It's true, every good human. Oh, the good. On the planet.

He also, he points out that like God hates beer. Massacres. Yeah, very firmly against that. And so in like Fizzol, of course course he's all over his like yeah maybe i shouldn't be drinking because i feel like shit now so you agree to it like here why he'd out and during this little tyrate he wants him to commit to never even look

at alcohol that's very literally what he's asking him to do to which fuzzle to his credits as fuck off to and what's crazy is one of the guys in the scene actually goes well yeah haven't Muslims changed their mind about a bunch of rules like shouldn't we change our mind and he's just he literally doesn't even acknowledge the point he just keeps talking he just says alcohol his answer is alcohol is the mother of all evils yeah this is answer to haven't ever changed our mind before. Yeah.

Yes. So I guess they get as sick of Waheed as I am and all pick him up and carry him to the car. Right. But it's supposed to be like comedy hijinks. I think they're having this very super serious conversation apparently where Waheed is telling them, you know, like he found out they're cutting it in after school special and then it instantly transfers to like something tells me I'm in good and they carry him he's like no seriously guys but if they threw all the other rocks it would

have made sense but they don't, so it's crazy. So, and in continuing with that bizarre comedy theme, we are now going to arrive at one of those fancy cartoon sound effects restaurants they have in the Middle East. For one of the most bizarre fucking scenes I have ever experienced in my life. I have no idea what happened in this thing. None. I watched it three times and then I made a decision. I was like, you know what? Fuck it.

I wrote notes and I don't know what happened and I watched it three times. I forgive myself and I moved on. I'll never forgive myself for watching this scene. So they're all ordering some Tim Tim chicken. They have to fuck with the poor waiter a little bit but they're getting some Tim Tim chicken, which by the way looks delicious. I've ordering some Tim Tim chicken they have to fuck with the poor way to a little bit but they're getting some Tim Tim chicken which by the way looks delicious I've never had Tim Tim chicken but that looked pretty good goddamn good but for whatever reason every third line in this scene will be followed by a random acme sound effect

yeah just out of nowhere I mean here's the thing guys I think we've been really messing this up we've been really messing this up We've been watching these movies taking extensive notes writing sketches for the interstitials engaging with fans creating content Did you know all we needed was wacky sound effects? Take us up into the next level Oh my god, it sounded like a morning show having an orgasm It was so fucking weird and they're just randomly inserted like somebody Just say a line and they're all suddenly like yeah

Is that a good star string just broke right next to us for no reason? Yep. Yeah, that's what happened in the movie Yeah, basically the waiter comes over and says what do you want they say? and says, what do you want? They say, surprise us, and he says, do you want some alligator? Buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh, buh,, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick, I'm sick were like what is he supposed to be looking at at least let us see that we've earned it. Well, and how does he know there's obscene pictures over there if he's a good Muslim? How would he even really protect your eyes? You protect your eyes. Yeah, right. How do you know I have porn?

Yeah, exactly. If you saw me at the gay club last night, we're both indicted. And then they are instantly brought there food. They ordered three seconds ago and the guy just walks over and he's like, yep, here's your food. Yeah, here's your dim, dim chicken. It Might be a little underdone, guys. Might be a little anyway. So, and then we watch him eat in fast motion to cartoon sound effects. Oh, maybe they cooked it in fast forward too. Oh, that's really how it happened.

It just follows that chicken around the fast forward does. Yeah, so we get some hilarious stuff about how one of them eats chicken really fast. Uh, yeah, yeah, he gets congratulated for finishing in five minutes. And then the next line is, but eight equals eight persons, eight ATE equals the number eight persons. What? You can't have homophone jokes in the subtitles in a different language. Also, that's not a joke.

No, not in a sense. Exactly. And this is where we get the blind guy, right? So what seem needs to leave for whatever reason? And as he's leaving, he runs into this blind guy where first of all, he is the most ridiculous douche bag of an asshole to this blind guy that you can possibly imagine and then secondly the blind guy is so

irritating that he ultimately deserves it and I don't feel bad anymore. Well he bumps into him right this guy's classic he's so clearly blind he's wearing the dark glasses he's got the stick he's practically got a sign that says like I'm blind on his chest but he bumps into him and he's like hey man why are you wearing those dumb glasses you're gonna bump into people and he's like oh, I'm very clearly blind Blind right yeah, I guess and then the blind guy replies to that by saying that's the only thing wrong with my body Clearly trying to pick what seem up at this point. I would think this is like oh sorry to bump into you Go to watch where you're going. Oh, I'm blind my dick works

Really well just saying Well, and then and then was seems bizarre reaction to this is what are you complaining about being blind for some people don't even have limbs to put their boot straps on being blind for some people don't even have limbs to put their bootstraps on. The fuck are you talking about, man? He's like an unimaginable asshole to this blind guy and then he goes like, well if you were blind, what would you see or what would you look at or whatever, it's like, tits, dude, I would look at tits. Yeah, and the blind guy's answer is everything that God created. So the answer is the things you can see with your eyes.

And this is supposed to be this very poetic moving moment where he's like, oh, I would look at the sky and those naturally occurring boats that God created, and those are all around the dollar. But instead, what he is saying is, I would look at things. Yeah, right, right, yeah, exactly. And I would probably dig it. Yeah. At which point, the other character reacts like he's just running to Morgan Friedman for the first time inside Shawshank, like it's this great nugget of wisdom. So much so that it causes him to have a flashback to when he was sitting at the table doing nothing. Yeah, well, he was supposed to be looking at the porn or whatever. Yeah, exactly. And by the way, the blind guy actually says he's glad

that God blinded him because he can see no evil. Right, yeah, for some reason. Only problem is though, now you can hear evil super well because you're all honed. So I don't think it's as safe as he thinks. All right, all right, yeah, you might hear this show, for example. So, all right, so right Yeah, you might hear this show for example So all right, so and then yeah, and then he leaves after running into the blind guy after having this big moment or whatever and it comes back to the other three friends talking about whether or not

Why he does gonna go to the to the birthday party? To what seems birthday party or whatever and they're like oh why he never goes to birthday parties because he's too Muslim or whatever party or whatever and they're like, yeah, while he never goes to birthday parties because he's too Muslim or whatever, right to which why he does like, no, my friend will be one year closer to dead. Of course, I'll go. Right. What? Yeah. And then Fred Flintstone slips on a banana peel right next to you. It inevitably your revocable is his answer is basically, we're all gonna die. So I'll come to your birthday. Yeah. Well, now they put it like that party on. So yeah, so now, okay. And then we cut to dad. And this scene will eventually be given meaning,

but not yet. So what we're gonna see is we're gonna see the dad with the red beard, the leprechaun dad, out shopping and he pulls open the thing and he sees two women just standing there looking at cards and he's clearly either furious or masturbating under his clothes At this and the music note here is old guy's gonna shop left So it's like a serial killer playing a piano for his victim. Yeah, he kills kills and stuff like that. And then, and then the scene ends. That's all we get.

Like I said, eventually this comes back, but I'm like, is dad stalking something? She was supposed to be happening, but no, they're at a hallmark. Yeah, and looking at cards. I didn't realize that was forbidden, but he's gonna have to honor kill the shit as hell. That's what we're gonna learn later, yeah.

And now we get, was it was it was it was seem coming home. Yeah, it's character one in case you're Oh, yes, okay. Yeah, so character one comes home. Where is dad is? Sweat shopping. Yeah, um, he's part of a mom and pop sweatshop. Oh, okay, he needs a hundred bucks Yeah, exactly for a book for college, right And his dad's answer is no get a job Well, his dad's answer is bitch at him for a half an hour and then give him the hundred bucks But yeah, and that's that's how my dad worked too. Yeah, I feel like this movie is about what the guys at my deli are shouting at each other I'm gonna say oh Has that sandwich coming guys you sure seem upset at each other?

Crazy no beer is not liquor though. That's in case that helps that sandwich coming guys you sure seem upset at each other. All the time. Crazy. No beer is not liquor though that's in case that helps. And then dad asks him so he finally gives him the money, bitches and then he finally gives him the money goes have you prayed today and his response is yeah I'm regular. He's expecting him to pull out Muslim mussel and be like I'm regular thanks to Muslim mussel and be like I'm ready for this, the Muslim mussel. Yeah. dissolve instantly in water.

Pray for a dry shit. It worked. It's so perfect. Yeah, this is by the way where they finally clue us in that this character's name has been washim this this whole time. I think that was the last of them, you know, as we're digging through. This was a big moment.

So then, okay, so now we cut back to that girl that dad was stalking. This is Robya and And we see that she has been riding around without her face veil because she's sneakily putting it on as she gets home Right so that she can get bitch dad by dad for not wearing her head job And was this was like a scene from a horror movie for me, but I feel like it wasn't supposed to be This was supposed for most people this was like after school special Corey comes home from to Pangas late But for me I was like, you know, this usually doesn't end super well for Robbie. I am nervous Because he answers he he sits or down and he goes look since your childhood I have been not only your father,

but your friend. And I was like, and your lover. And you're like, and Rob is also in the movie, a weird thumping noise when he starts talking to her. Did you guys, yeah, like every time dad makes a point, somebody's just dribbling a basketball, one single time, really loudly.

Right next to them. What? With Fred Flintstone. Yeah, as he explains to her that her head job is like an oyster shell that protects the pearl inside. And then he references a chapter we read. So I wrote my notes. Ah, I get that. He read that chapter.

Yeah. And also not how that works. The shell protects the oyster, pretty sure. It's how that works, okay. That'll be good. That's what it's there for, yeah. Yeah, and so he's like, but he's bitching at her for not wearing her head job

and like inviting all that molestation that comes with people seeing your nose. Right. And keep in mind when we saw her now, it's important to point out that she was actually keeping her head covered and everything. It was just her face. It was just not wearing the face veil that he was so furious about. Yeah. Right. That we're having this after school special talking to her. Yeah. Right. And he actually tells her to read

surah four in the Quran, the women, which we know about now. and that doesn't tell you about wearing hijabs anywhere you know it does tell you that dudes are allowed to fuck slaves and orphans and it is to their multiple wives and you can put your wife in a cage under house arrest if you get four men to claim she's cheating on you but no nothing about the uh... face fail no that definitely seems like a threat like you said just want to reach out to

four about how i can be the fuck out of the unlock in your room. Terrifying. Yeah. This is like if there had been an episode of different strokes where he was like, here, read the lovely bones and then get back to me. Also, and this wasn't apparently her only sin because he goes, I noticed that you were also looking at greeting cards. If you're buying one for a female friend, that's okay. But otherwise, you're going to burn in hell and I'm going to throw acid at you.

Yeah, he said, you do. If you were buying that for a, if you're buying a greeting card for a man, you do great dishonor to this family. Yes. Right. Yeah. You can only go to Hallalmark and believe me. And like, what does he think is happening? Like, she's giving him to do is like, get well soon. And I want you

to shove bacon inside me. Yeah. And of course, twice in a row, her, her subtitle is yes, deity, D-A-D-Y, drove me fucking nuts. So then he, and then at the very end, before she leaves, he very clearly threatens to be to fuck out of her, because he says, if this happens again, I will come to you not as a friend, but as a father, and I'm like, okay, what the hell else could that possibly mean? Right. I was expecting the next kid to walk in, and for him to yell at the other kid for not killing Jews, he was like, all right, I want you to be pretty much all the other sort of. I'm sure it's one through three and then you find out a moanshi.

But the sear sword that looks clean, that looks very clean. We're gonna have to talk about this. And as if we hadn't really emphasized this point enough, the voiceover comes back on at this point to say, you know, basically just, yeah, poor dad, he sure seems to be having a rough go of it, doesn't he? Yeah. That's it. The voiceover just comes on and says, yeah, it's tough to raise kids these days, isn't it?

Yeah. And then we get the next fucking scene, which is the friend's meeting on different rubble elsewhere. Right. Just time to hang out in the fucking Sahara again. Yeah, hey guys want to sit on some rubble again today For some awesome rubble out past them all Perf and this is where what he'd has his sarcastic rant because they're like man parents are the worst Aren't they and why he's like oh, yeah? Why don't we just kick our parents out? Why don't we kill them?

Why don't we cut their heads off and make and I was like I'm not sure if this is serious or not but they got and then I was like oh okay I get it I get it he's doing a sarcasm thing because you never know with Muslim movies I mean the second half of this could have been them just murdering their parents and it's a sorrow we haven't gotten to yet and I want to point out what a dick why he'd as be in here too because this is a mirror that he's bitchin is it's a mirrors birthday he shows up being here too because this is a mirror that he's bitchin It's a mirrors birthday He shows up a little late to all the buddies meeting on the rubble. He's late to the rubble So and and then when they ask him why he says like

Well, my parents were giving me a bunch of shit. Oh, they drive me nuts And then why he jumps into his yeah, why don't you just rape him in the fucking neck hole then? It's all they wouldn't a mere blocks up, the noises he's making are cre... Like is he wearing stilettos? I'm thinking like, this app shoes, what's going on? Why would you add audio for footsteps if that's not really there? You're outdoors on like sand. I have a feeling though that at this point, the producers were just like, you know what,

it's not a boring. It's, you're doing great, man. You're doing good. That works. No, those are footsteps and he's walking. Yes. Yes. That's exactly You having a good vacation Brian Um, this is also just a tiny moment, but he says oh like when your mother risked her life in giving birth to you And I was like in some parts of the world that's not as big a risk She also don't have to worry about dad stabbing the obstetricians. You know tip for tat And we learn here that disrespecting your parents is a major sign of the Quran Emaniacs Of the Quim and, the Keesh, the Quirat

Om. Kehz, the apocalypse. The end times, yeah, exactly, exactly. And then we get another fun driving montage. Yeah, music note here, Donkey Kong Country. I had it as Boston Oven Nintendo porn. So like Donkey Kong fucking diddy basically. Yeah, well there you go. Yeah, and this is obscenely long.

And the only thing that we actually learn is that while they're like driving around hanging out in town or whatever, they have to periodically stop so why he can go into prey at prey times. Yeah. And that was it. That was everything. We spent five fucking minutes on this scene.

They hung out the fucking car. They bifiled an awful lot and then everybody gets dropped off and we end up in a parking lot where they're parking. Now question, guys, were you waiting for some sweet, sweet sweet mother fucking special effects in this movie I was I was I was I was ready we get okay we get it I want to point this out the okay so we get a big earthquake at this point and and one of the characters is in a in a a parking garage when it happens and there's like debris falling around to him CGI debris I checked this is the exact same graphic that they used at the end of the of the first

Vultures of horror where he burns the house down and the chick keeps falling off thousands. Yeah, it's the exact same graphic as Vultures of horror. We're gonna know the after-effects numbers for this ship before long. Except this time they added a cartoon welder just off screen attacking him. Yeah, well that's... He does get attacked by some wild sparks. I assumed that was a Pokemon that somehow... Oh, that might have been a perk.

That makes more sense. No, that's your message. They are satanic. Yeah. And this is also where we haven't't mentioned this yet which is crazy but i always like it when the movie i'm watching has the stamp of the production in the shot that's where i noticed it for the first time that they just have

motive tech now or whatever this people made this mission and it's not gonna move for the whole movie it's just right there yeah i'm still burned into your retina that you could get it wrong I still see that everywhere. I look yeah, and it's on their twice It's in the upper right hand corner and in the middle of the goddamn screen this watermark and sometimes there's something at the bottom that Goes over half the sub-title that I already can't read and now I can't read it's ridiculous Yeah, no the whole thing was like filled up like the MSNBC, you know like the stock photo or whatever And shit like that you got 16 screens of shit going on that you're trying to work your way around

Just a green strip on the bottom just the green screen. They just green screen the bottom Yeah, it's like getty images is trying to keep you to from stealing their picture of a businessman Except they're doing it with their whole shitty movie and I don't know, it's mystifying to me. Yeah, just like a giant puddle of water. That's the watermark. You can't see anything. Exactly. So, yeah, so they have a big earthquake.

And we cut to several of the different characters getting freaked out by the big earthquake or whatever. And then we cut to the next morning where Captain Red Beard has learned all about it on the news the next day. And this news footage sequence is amazing. First thing I got to point out, the guy who's doing the news is thinner than the tie he's wearing. He really is a small gentleman. And he says several people were affected by the earthquake last night. That's right. That's right.

That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right.

That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right.

That's right. That's right. That's right. That's right. That's in leap one and two. Yeah, right. It's all one universe. That's what I'm saying. And another line, liney as of this newscast is according to sources, the earthquake has caused damage and loss of property

in some non-specific amount, but it totally sucked. It was really bad. Again, several people affected. Several people were affected because the multiple cities they got destroyed. And then he goes and before we continue with this news report first some more news of this report am I done yet?

am I done? so I could have some of that left over chicken Tim Tim. the sound effects chicken everybody really said it was good and everything just Elijah said was like one word in the subtitles Because they're using way too many syllables at this point to match the subtitles It's impossible that I'm getting enough information to hear what they're actually saying. Yeah, it's like the lost in translation Translation yeah, I would be learning. Yeah, so okay So then we cut to the next day and now the pals are chilling for the first time They're on a non-destroyed wall that they're hanging out on for which they needed to green screen.

Yeah, well they couldn't, couldn't find a fucking non-destroied wall. What are they fancy prince princess here? That's because Americans are thorough. Yeah, thorough. And again, they're trying to do bro Talk, but every time they do Bro Talk, they're always talking about something horrible. Like, expect them to be describing the Nuremberg trials in the next one because he's like,

oh, my neighbor was afraid all night long. He was so terrified, he cried out for God. And they're all just like, ah, that's amazing. High five. Hi five. All of these characters do is laugh, high five, and sit around rubble. That's pretty much it.

My music note for this one, by the way, is if we all work together, we can clean it up in no time. So, yeah, they're all laughing about how scared they were and weren't of the earthquake. And that's when Waheed has to go off on his little rant about he says about how there's more earthquakes he says the in the last three years earthquakes have increased 75 times yeah 75 hundred percent earthquake well yeah either either no or you just mean the line went up 75 times and only down 74 I don't know what the fuck that even means,

but I'm pretty sure you're wrong. Right. And he basically says, earthquakes are because of all of the evil in the world. Yes, yes, and everybody just kind of nods long. Yeah, that's true. I mean, that's fair. We are destroying mountains in the names of technology

that's something we do. He actually brings that up too. He says, well, according to the Cron, I'll put the mountains there to keep back the earthquakes and we're taking away the mountains in the name of technology. So yeah, they're sticking with that shit. Yeah. He also points out that according to science,

the planets are losing their balance. See, what? I don't know what that means. I know little enough about science that I should know what that means. And even I don't know what that i know little enough about science that i should know what that means and even i don't know what that means yes i'd agree is about the doomsday thing i got an email just yesterday from scientists at science dot com uh... that all the things come to an end um...

including the days so well that's what's happening well that's okay that's what he says that's basically where he's going with these is like you know even every every Muslim and even some non-Muslims believe in Muslim End times theology. No, only the Muslims and not all of them, but so no no no But then he goes on about this whole rant about how the end times is gonna come He's like an even science agrees that all things will come to an end So yeah science agrees that eventually the earth will no longer exist. Nothing about the earthquakes coming from the mountain mining and shit. None of that shit.

All science agrees with us that yes, eventually there won't be an earth. Did you miss the part of cosmos where Kisega explains that the sun will rise in the opposite direction without the planet stopping and spinning in the opposite direction without the plan and stopping and spinning in the opposite direction I Must have been in the new one the decrystallized. Yeah, you know it was it was he spent a lot of time on the ostrich Legged by an breasted tiger colored I want to talk about some of the signs of the apocalypse. Oh by oh by all means Yes, he lists them very specifically. Yeah, so we've got a disobeyance of parents, alcoholism, adultery, condoms, and hori clothing.

Yep, women will wear tight clothes and not cover their heads. The dead will not know for what crime he has killed and the killer will not know why he is killing. Yeah, so think about that one for a second. Murder victims, dead people, the victims aren't gonna understand as dead people what they got killed. That's a sign. Wow. I just started happening over these last several points. This notes. I wrote people will breathe in and out Right, right. Yeah, no, they'll come and they'll go

It's all one universe. There will be less men than women. Yep. Mm-hmm That's a good reason to go to a college The rich will get richer and the poor will get poorer. Yeah, that will be, yeah. Indicent music. Yeah. That's a big one. Also, people won't just give you money for free.

There's going to be something called interest rates. And that's one big problem. Fucking crazy. Also, monsters. There'll be a lot of monsters. And by the way, we're getting all of this in a montage right so we we while he had a first is telling everybody at the non-rubble wall What's going on? But then we cut to this montage as we're carrying it out of just him talking to a bunch of old clerics and nodding along

Solomely as they explain this crazy shit about how the sun will this is a literal fucking thing The guy says the sun will get closer and closer to the earth until it boils men's brains. Yeah Like that's gonna be like that would be the first thing that would go if the sun got too close to the earth Your brain would boil. Yeah, well, you know, you'd be fine otherwise Yes, the brains really the most sensitive organ in the body right and if there's any problem Superman can just reverse the spin again Oh, go back time you'll be fight you fix your brain This fucking religion has as much scientific accuracy as the Richard Donner Superman from 1978 yeah, and the cleric

Also explains that there will be women's dresses that are like they're wearing nothing at all. Yeah. And I was into that. I was okay with that. But then I realized that he just meant dresses that aren't bags. Well, right, right, yeah, because then he clarifies that by that he means that you'll be able to tell there are breasts and where they are. I was just picturing the hijab Spanx and I was like, I'm afraid. Also, the distance between the signs of the end time and the end time will be a real shocker. Yeah. Ah!

Yeah, yeah. It is between the distance of two fingers. Yeah. What? Well three. Three. Well three fingers. I don't know.

That's a terrible metaphor. And everyone nods along like that makes sense. But does he mean they'll be right next to each other? Or you can put your fingers out or it could be two different people's fingers? Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. I think the beginning of Willow. I don't get it.

Nonsense. Just total nonsense. Also, a day will pass as a month of the year. What? What does that mean? And the hours of, well days of, I, I, I, no fucking clue. And that's when I started thinking like, this is why the goddamn translation is so bizarre. It's because at certain points the guy was like, why am I even fucking trying? There is no way any of this will ever make fucking sense.

I'm just Google translating the whole fucking thing fucking thing and put in extra periods in there. Right. Fuckin' bizarre. So finally, I guess the buddies have had enough of this bullshit too, so we get paroled from this montage, while his friends tell him to fuck off. They're like, yeah man, you know, it's Mere's birthday and we were like, all gonna hang out, and now you scared the fuck out of us with the earthquake shit, so... That sucks. And one of them is wearing a monster energy hat in this scene. I

Did not notice I can't believe I missed that. It's pretty great So now that we've loaded up on a sufficient reserve of Waheed agreeing ominously I suppose we can pause for a quick break, but before we do let me give act three the hard sell will fazal bring drinking with his friends more will amir his mother and dad continue to not agree often will us seem dance with dancing all for the nights find out how these questions are answered with answers and more when we are come back with extra more of day when sunrise is in the west film that shock the world in a flash of eyes

back in a flash of eyes Eli uh what are you doing dude? I'm packing why are you packing? what can I say? movie convinced me man, rich getting richer, poor staying poor people are super busy, only have one chance and

That is I gotta go to the North Pole Okay, I don't even want to ask but I'm going to why do you have to go to the North Pole? Okay, so the way I figure it son can't rise in the West if I'm always on the North right so boom take that Muslim God No, dude, that's not that's not how earth works. In order for the sun to rise in the west, the earth would have to like reverse it, spin. And when that happened, everything on it would die regardless of. So you're saying I need to like spin backwards. No, that is not what you don't do that, dude. That's not helping Get in dizzy take that Muslim God I don't know which visual humor you bring to the show And we're back for more of this abject nonsense and I want to say as boring as this motherfucker has been up to this point I promise it was worth it to make it to act three It's gonna be straight insanity from here on out and we learned that with a very first

line. So this next scene takes place in a diner and again, we're listening to the news. This is the actual subtitle for the news. I'm complete with misspellings and double periods. Breaking news, a giant person claims to possess power to grant life and death. So Tony Robbins? I was thinking ultra man, I was guessing ultra man, but yes, according to the news,

a giant person is claiming to have the power to grant life and death but muslims are claiming that he is a mere sorcerer and only god has those powers. And these characters could not be more non-plussed and bored by a giant sorcerer who claims to have life and death power. They're just like, no, man, tell, I'm not going to stop eating because you know, it's just going to be another one of those magicians. This is Chris Angel season 17. And I'm not, I'm not calling for that again.

Fox News L. Jazeera says a lot of things. It's fine. Well, also, but now the one guy who is concerned is concerned for the most random stupid reason, right? Not because he's a giant source for wield wielding magical powers but he goes he turns to why he'd and he goes I don't know man people are calling him with different names that's uh pretty creepy right and so why he leaves his bag and he's like I have to go home to pray I have to go home to pray at which point he stumbles down to the street and gets hit by a car it's's amazing. My notes here is, today is a good day. So, the graphic when he gets hit by the car,

he just moves sideways with the car. It just comes into the screen. He doesn't move or he doesn't change it all. He just moves sideways along with it for a little bit. That's six inches recessed off the car. It's so good. I watched that over and over again. You know, and I think maybe the audience will relate to this more than he, or Eli, will.

But you know how sometimes you're jacking off to a porn and it's just you can tell it's about to get too fucking weird but you're almost there. So you just keep going back. I do not know what that is. That's, I didn't figure you one One I very much to when you get surprised poop Anyway, that was me watching this scene. It was quite amazing. I had my day in my hand and everything and also not only was the Graphics so fucking good, but through this movie, I kept thinking to myself,

oh God, I hope why he gets hit by a car. Oh God, I hope any of these does, they give it to us. It pays off. Yeah, and this is where a lot, besides hitting them with a car, because he prayed for it, I guess. Yes, it puts a bullhorn filter on all his friend voices. What the hell was going on?

It sounds like a subway announcer from the beginning. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. When you get angry enough you clip Constantly so so they put them on a Rick shot to the hospital. We put them on like a public bus version of a Rick shot It's like a long one from like a Miyazaki film. It's like it's probably the best way to get our dying friend to the hospital You're taking an our dying friend to the hospital. You're taking an Uber pool to the hospital. No, I don't want to pay full price. No, you just wait on another guy. By the way, another small thing here, the actor who played Amir got visibly excited about riding in the rickshaw for the scene.

He's got a giant smile on his face right away in the hospital with his friends corpse lying in his arms and he's like For God and at this point the music kicks in and it sounds like jaws is about to show up at the rave So was he in a mirror in the rickshaw with with with what he and why he'd rather and they call Fizz all to tell him you know hey come to the hospital he's dying but Fizz all is convinced it's just want to Eli's prank wars again so they have to tell him like 11 times no no no we're serious he got hit by a car over and over again yeah like I'm used to this scene amongst a group of friends but it just it's like six minutes long and I wrote my notes It's a good thing. They're having this conversation so that we know what happened So I love that when they cut back to them in the rigs y'all they're like hold his eyes open so we can't die

What? Uh music note for this scene music of the M night Shyamalan 50% phantom 50 50% science, it was very weird. Also, why don't they show us any of those phone calls that these prank calls about dead friends in earlier. That's great character stuff that we could have had. It would have been fun. Yeah, there you go, there you go.

So, and then we cut to Fizzol. He's coming, I guess to his dad's work, but he show it up late and and he's like yeah One of my friends got hit by a car and they're like yeah fuck off man You're always late as always somebody get hit by something isn't it and then there's a nonsense scene where the rich dad Turns to his assistant and he's like send the money to the poor and he's like why sir? We can and he's like I am a rich businessman and I can do whatever I want Send the money to the poor. It's so weird. So apparently dad is the the the business man Yeah, he's a professional business sending money to all the poor people in all of India

Via check and so they can deposit it into the bank accounts they all have. Yeah. And by, see if Bernie had been elected, he was gonna make post out of it. I don't want to go. It's fine. No, TTP. No, TTP.

Sorry, is I. No, it's just getting ready. Yeah, now, but one thing that we have to know about this is it's not just that he's sending the money to the poor because he's a good person. He wants to make sure that the press sees how much money that they sent and how generous they are. So we have to establish that his dad is generous, but for the wrong reason and therefore he burns in hell despite the fact that he like dedicated his life to helping poor people.

Right. And this is where I was confused because no one gets raptured before the Muslim apocalypse. So but they're apparently not going to be there to like suffer and be upset by it. So are we gonna are we supposed to assume that like God will kill all good Muslims in free That's what I'm assuming now. Oh, where's that final destination movie? Final destination 12, all the Muslims. Trump would support it. Yeah, no, I was gonna say that was sell in America. That might not God's not dead off of that favorite Trump voter list. So yeah. So then we get Fizzle heading. He's driving away from his dad's office or whatever. And he calls his friends

and they're like, no, don't meet us at the hospital meet us at a rooftop somewhere I religious movie spent a lot of time on rooftop so they can tell him that why he does that well you can find the sniper rifle at that spot all right that's the the terrace body armor there might be a body armor in the corner yeah right uh they basically say yeah our friends. Do you want to go to his wake funeral? We're all wearing our nicest and hearty t-shirts. Then we see some stock footage of Seattle. That was weird. Yeah. Do you have a red bull hat? Could you change the last time he was inappropriate? Yeah. So they say, yes, let's go to his house. Did they brought the body? And then they leave leave this scene and we cut immediately to a few years later There's no reason

No, no, they have the few years late and they didn't even have the indefinite article there They just had a few years later written on a title card and wanted to use it. Why say few you can say three Just you decide you're writing this. Are you hedging your bets in your own fiction? Exactly because the first line here is if you look at the last three to four years. Yeah, again, just pick a number and go this several or say you but no, just say three or four. It's your moving. It's your moving. You can do whatever you want. So apparently three or four years later,

Fizzala is watching natural disaster stuff on his computer. And I guess we're supposed to see that the world's really turning to shit and that's what he's looking at, all the earthquakes and whatever. But during their scene of natural disasters, they show the northern lights. Yeah. And with the caption, Northern Lights, Solar Storm Finland. Yeah, I mean, I guess you could see,

like I guess there could be a really damaging solar storm that would cause a lot of auroras and everything, but like, why not say that you're seeing those from like, you know, India or something like that, like it's a really bad fucking, anyway, yeah. It's very clearly, I mean, we made this movie, saw the Northern Lights and we're like,

look at that shit. Tell me that's not the sign of the apocalypse. You see what happens? Huh? I guess so. And he's looking up all this stuff on the computer and we actually get to see his screen for a second. And it's very clearly just a geys visualization

with natural disaster words just at the bottom. I think you're right. Again, like a word file that they pulled up a little bit. Yeah, and he's just like, just look at the increase in earthquakes, tsunamis and volcanoes. Oh my God, increase in volcanoes. You can't just hold on then. Yeah.

And also, if mountains stop earthquakes, I wouldn't expect more earthquakes and more volcanoes. Oh yeah, right. Right. Good point. Very in lockstep. That's crazy. So he calls his friend and he's like, hey, you remember why he, he was in this movie,

like three seconds ago. Three seconds ago, yes. And he's like, yeah, and he goes, no, no, no. I was just thinking about some of the stuff he said. And then he instantly goes, no, his soul hasn't gotten into me. And I immediately Google do Muslims think they transfer bodies when they die.

But they don't. Don't worry. Just bend some titles. Okay, good, good. I thought we were dealing with a ghost whoopie Goldberg situation. No, I was, and I would, could have made an interesting, yeah. So okay, so now we're gonna get to another partying montage in the car again, but before that we have to cut back to the science room where a skinny guy has meeting with a dude who has the bends to tell him that something is strange and the computer a glitch and will a man rob God is specific in comparison to the

strange thing that they're freaking out about. Yeah, we never find out. If you're watching this, we never find, he just goes, it's true. Are you sure it's true? Check the facts. I have checked the facts It is true. Is it for sure to be true true true And that's all the specificity we're ever gonna get so then we cut to another one of those great green screen Partying in the car scenes apparently three or four years later that's still what they do with their time Yeah, my music known here is night at the a rock sparing well done sir

i just want to point out that okay because like and you would think that most actors have driven but for some reason whenever you put an actor in front of a green screen a bad actor especially in front of a green screen and a steering wheel they start like acting like they're playing rainbow road even though the cars going straight We have an amazing example of them here coming about on the tiller. What are you doing? They all drive like I do in real life

So we got a montage of fun stuff on the beach the beach again, of course is green screen screened. And then, what's he mask, who's everybody's fucking and the scene is over? Yep, that's it. That's what we got. We needed another fun driving montage. No, nothing gets established or changed or anything. I think it's because they shot two science scenes in a row and they were like, no, we can't have it twice in a row.

That's silly, because now they're gonna have the exact same Science scene exactly again. Yes. Do you see it is everywhere check again? What and I wrote my notes what what are you looking at? What are you looking at? Well, and eventually they show us the the screens that they're looking at like we're finally gonna get the big reveal But it's just a map of the world with red circles on it. So we still don't know what the fuck it is.

He goes up to his boss. He's like, hey, sorry about you. Probably just hit the wrong button on our apocalypseometer machine. See how the entire world map is covered in bright orange squigglys? Like a cartoonish? I do see that. I do. I do. But let's double check before we all die with no way

of preventing anything. It's moving as a state, but double check. What place were they anyway? Is that like an apocalypse call center that they just have in Muslim nations where they just monitor? I, you know what, they probably do, and that's not fucking funny.

So then we, we, the screen blacks out and we cut to a city where the sunset is very clearly being played in reverse. Now this is supposed to be the sun rising in the west, but we don't know which way we're facing so they could have just filmed the sunrise but instead they filmed the sunset and played it in reverse. You can feel it when you're facing east. I can't. Yes.

And let's just, I, let's take a moment to really deal with the idea of the sun rise. None of that is how the sun works. None of that is how the planet, it's like when Christians say the stars will fall out of the sky. Yeah. It makes no fucking sense. And so they can't visualize it. Because what would have had to have happened is the earth would have had to stop spinning,

which would have destroyed everything on it. Yep. And then span the other direction. Right. But not like he slept through the part where the earth held still. Well, right. Okay, so like just think about this for a second. First of all, the momentum that we've got going if we're gonna do this in a single night

Now keep in mind it has to be night Everywhere at this point or the Just reverses. Well, let's say they're just talking about the Muslim world or whatever So what would have to happen is in the course of one night the earth's momentum would have to stop spinning What is it 90,000 miles an hour or whatever, and then stop cold and reverse. So not only would everything be thrown at 80,000 miles of fucking hour in the other direction, but also the fucking world would no longer be oblate. So the fucking oceans would rise on either like the south of the North Pole and a giant super continent would rise up through the middle

of the fucking earth and then sink back down as it started spinning at the same speed automatically the other way without making a single rotation. Yeah, kind of hard to see how that works from a physics perspective. Yeah, that doesn't happen and then the earthquakes that people don't sleep through. Yes. Yeah, right, a couple of earthquakes was enough to freak them out. The entire world changing its continental configuration twice in a night wasn't

okay So yeah, so now the Sun rises in the West and also of course is an amorphous blob of lens flare for some fucking reason right and then he calls his friend to like see if he was just crazy and he says did you see what happened and the guy's like what it's it's the sun. How did this guy know what they're talking about? He didn't notice the planet started spinning the other direction and the sun what? That's just his standard. He goes with the biggest thing he's aware of. You're talking about the sun, it's normal. What? And his friends like don't be a downer. Let's go meet in the rubble. it's normal. What? And it's friends like don't be a downer. Let's go meet in the rubble. Apparently, yeah, Wasim is surprisingly non-plussed by the sunrise seeing the west shit. And of

course, according to the news, the sun rising in the west has caused much hustle in the world. Would have been plenty stupid enough if they hadn't spelled hustle at H-U-S-S-L-E, but it was. hadn't spelled hustle at h us s le but it was and they did it to me. That's also the news says that sun worship has risen. I'm sorry is there an index you check for that with it on the apocalypse ometer. Of course it's very hard to do a pure report from eight in the morning till 10 and a half. It's really you got to admire those people. Yeah, especially with the earth entirely destroyed. Yeah.

And of course, now the scientists also don't seem to be too surprised by this because according to the news, scientists are claiming that now onwards sunrise will take from west. That's what the subtitle said. So, I'll give it. And then, it meets with his friends and his friends are all freaked out But before he gets all worked up about this he goes to see how his dad's business is doing Really yeah, if his all his dad is just crying at his desk totally losing his shit, right? Nash-ing teeth. Yeah, gnashing of teeth. Yeah exactly and his response of this is to steal his dad's computer and leave to go

Meet his friends out on the plane very clearly. Yeah, he like, you know, it'd be great at the rubble. Oh, laptop. So he meets his buddies at the good rubble, and they Google, like, well, first of all, we have to watch him walk up to the rubble from like 11 miles away for some reason. And then they Google signs of the apocalypse. Right. And then the internet, they Google signs the apocalypse and it's like a flash montage of like, yeah, totally the apocalypse, totally the apocalypse. Right. And then the internet made Google signs of the apocalypse and it's like a flash montage of like, yeah, totally the apocalypse, totally the apocalypse. And then the internet goes out and I wrote, oh, maybe the internet is rising in the West. Have you tried facing the

make as much fucking unplugging the sun and then plugging it back in? Yeah, but the important thing to note is that what seems as being a total policy about this end of the world stuff And so's a mere really when you come right down to it and then the nothing from never ending story rolls in on the horizon Yes What the fuck is going anyway? So so meanwhile in the science room shit is hitting the fan Right, we learned that the distance from the sun to the earth is decreasing the earth is falling into the backwards and this has never happened before they can see in that

what they say except for half of every year but otherwise the sun is the time to get close to the sun yeah it's fine sure repeat you know what they meant you know what they meant well but that's it but even if you accept what they're. You know what they meant. Well, but that's it. But even if you accept what they're actually meaning here, like as though that was indeed a clear thing, you remember that big counterclockwise earth spins, sun, dive of 74? It's not as apparent to that one. The fuckery, why would you have to say this anyway? Yeah.

And all the mountain ranges apparently are crumbling, thus all the earthquakes, which apparently on the computer looks like red circles all over the world yeah again they they monitor the extent to which all the mountains crumbly or not crumbly yeah they're crumbly all of them every single one crumbly from their sensors f**k is going on

anyway so meanwhile back to a mere begging forgiveness as he runs downhill with a shaky camera. Yeah, directors note, shake the camera, shake the camera. It's the only special effect we can afford. Also, I love that apparently the town therein has a pop lip sirens. They're very clearly going off now. Also very realistic explosions to go along with it. Yeah, yeah, they're getting attacked by some large pixels here. It's pretty scary stuff. Running through town, repenting. I have to point this out through great little effects moment. At one point, there's an explosion, and the camera is following Fizzol through the town as everything's going to shit. And the

camera's moving forward, but the debris isn't. So it's like staying in place as they go. Like it's following them. That's how much attention they were paying on this one. Also crazy moment, he gets, he's been running through this exploding town with the after effects dinosaur chasing him or whatever the fuck's going on. And he runs to his apartment where his parents live.

And he pushes the elevator button because he's a fat piece of shit. He tries to take the elevator instead of the fucking stairs Honestly, they might as well have had a CGI bunny bounce across the screen in the Yeah, and so and and then also you're running upstairs in a giant fucking earthquake world But that's stupid you deserve to get apocalypse dude upstairs in a giant fucking earthquake world, but that's stupid. You deserve to get apocalypse, dude. Anyway, so he gets to the apartment and dad is dead in the apartment and he doesn't have the sense to say, well, I shouldn't be in this big tall building then should I and run the fuck back out?

So he promises, he turns to God now and promises never to disobey his parents again. He's just come into the apartment and found them dead. What a hollow fucking promise. Exactly. Fucking bullshit. And then there's a huge explosion and we get the graphic that makes it all worthwhile. Oh, it's so good. It's just been a black screen with dripping water in the background. It would have been worth it for this fucking scene. So the apartment explodes, right? Explodes. And he is hanging out of it on the very edge. And as he's hanging out of it like a goddamn Monty Python cartoon, the building next to his turns sideways and explodes. Well, but as this building falls,

it stays completely together, right? The whole building just turns 90 degrees in the screen. Also, can we discuss the logistics of how he's hanging out of this building? He's hanging from nothing. And outward. I realize facing outward hanging on nothing and also did it Either you guys noticed the cars below his feet as

As we're seeing the like him like looking down shit you Why not realistic? Oh my god watch that scene again. They're going sideways and spinning out It looks like a fucking it's like a level of spy hunter or something going on below him It's amazing Yeah, so he's hanging out screaming clipping to God about how he will never Disobeys parents or do bad deeds again, but then he realizes that oh no It's too late because the sun is already risen from the west. He should have done this shit yesterday And then as if this wasn't apocalyptic enough he's looking straight out in front and a giant

fucking 8000 story tall tidal wave come at that hand. It's crazy looking. They might as well just like walk across the screen holding hookah-sized great wave paint. Big wave. Titting you, hitting you, hitting you, hit him, hit him in the face with it. Yes. I wanted them to squirt him with a squirt gun. Just like, a nine million foot tall title wave that dwarfs the goddamn skyscrapers and whatnot around him is coming right at him and just as it hits him, we find out it was all a dream. Yeah, it's all a dream. Christian movie bingo. Bingo, yeah, exactly.

The Muslim movie bingo, but yeah, exactly he wakes up Sitting straight up, but still bothers me even with all the fucking inaccuracies in this movie because this was all a bad dream How much of it was a dream? Okay, but was it all a dream? I was about to ask we they do not answer this first No, no and and and we start the not answering by the fact that we don't have a specific time that he went to sleep that we can now cling to or whatever you know usually up the the it was all a dream movie has that moment where like oh he hit his head at the beginning and that's where he's gonna wake up but no we don't know if why he really got hit by the car we don't know if the fucking giant with the sorcery powers really happened or anything but at some point it was all it dream. Just going back into bed. Not to unconscious along the way. No, let's stick to the explosion that put him outside and he hangs from nothing.

I mean, why wouldn't the wait be able to push you back into that apartment? One of the cars just drives up the side of the building. The giant magician gets out, brings him back to life. Yeah, so he immediately checks to see if the him being bald was part of the dream too, but no it wasn't. I've been there. I've been there. And then he's having flashbacks to part of the dream that he wasn't present for.

Yeah, right. And then he walks to the window and he's like, oh, look, there's no new information outside credits. Basically. Well, he gets a phone call first. And he's like, oh, yeah, I overslept. He's like, what time is it noon? And he's like, no, the sun didn't rise today. What? That's what his friend says. And then, so he looks out the window and there's sort of an ominous thing.

And apparently, he lives in metropolis or whatever. But we're supposed to know something at this point that we didn't know before he looked out the window and it was dark and cloudy. Like the fact I have no fucking idea. No questions answered. No, no idea what the hell was going on. I guess we are now done watching this movie because it's who thought we would miss a distant it's the cohesiveness and the fine acting and special effects of a distant only they killed a heart yeah right

how god this was so fucking bizarre and i wanted to know one thing on the credits uh... it goes straight from cast a special thanks there is no crew listed in this movie so at least they were being honest there up so all right and then of course we get a big caron quote and ridiculous amounts of echo to close the whole thing out call the next ten minutes and you won't go to hell while splice was the caron right muslims now i turned it off just in case it shocked me with lightning

i i i you can't do I you never know. Yeah, never know. All right, so can it ever be this good again? I mean, I hate to just throw it out there like life is just gonna be downhill from this point on But it's just cultures of horror too That's true exactly what was in my head and there's also more movies by moral vision dot TV guys So yeah, right now we're gonna get to the point where when fucking David A.R. White comes out with a new movie we're gonna be like, oh thank god. Oh man, the great cinema. Special thanks, it'll be awesome.

No, it's good as on-terrage blind you, but it's great. Who will turtle try to fuck this in? No, I'd love to rate this on some kind of numeric scale, but who the fuck knows what kind of numerals Arabic people use so instead we're gonna assess this film with a quick question what is the worst thing that you could have wasted the eleven dollar budget of this movie on that still would have been better than this movie I'd buy everyone around of beer liquor whiskey, Seltzer, juice, dose, Seltzer, juice, dose, I like mine on the rocks. Death drink, on rocks.

Yeah. I'm gonna go with a family dishonoring greeting card for Kevin Sorbo. He knows what it is. He knows what it is. Put some bacon inside me. Everyone tweet to Kevin Sorbo, put some bacon inside me.

And while that does it for our review of day when Sun rises in the West film that shock the world, that's not going to do it for the episode just yet because we still need to reset the trap for next week. So Eli, tell us what's on deck? What the bleep do we know? Oh my god, we've been saving this one. We've been saving this one. We've been looking forward to this one if you ever wondered What would come out if I slammed Deepak show for his head against the school desk for 37 minutes and then

Made a wish that whatever came out would turn into a movie that's what the bleep do we know it is all the and his thing we do That's what the bleep do we know it is all the and here's the we do religious movies And there's not that much religion in it Because no it's so full of bullshit that if they had added God They would have needed to create an entire other movie. It's just old-fashioned not understanding how things work And I can't wait to see it. Yeah, well, I gotta say I actually have seen this movie before I was Yeah, well, I gotta say I actually have seen this movie before I was living with a bunch of hippies when this came out And one of the fucking hippies brought it in and I had to like I shot there meticulously with him for weeks trying to break this down and Explain to him why none of the no water doesn't get mad when you yell it. Okay, I'm spoiling shit I'll have to save all this stuff

Like I said, I wanted to do this one so bad because it's technically it's not religious but this is a goddamn religion. This quantum woo bull shit, depock Chopra nonsense. That is a fucking religion and we're gonna lampoon that one. It's overdue. You can't just say quantum and not be wrong because you said quantum. It doesn't change. His movie would beg to value of the things you said. You said you were into quantum anal It's my new try quantum anal your quantum anal t-shirts So with that to look forward to will bring episode 50 to a merciful close once again Huge thanks to all our patreon donors that help make the show go if you'd like to count yourself among their ranks You can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash god awful and thereby earn early access to every episode. You can also help us out a ton by leaving

us a five star review on iTunes and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our siblings shows, the skating atheist and the skeptic crowd available on iTunes, Stitcher, and wherever else podcasts live. If you have questions, comments, or cinematic suggestions, you can email god awful movies at gmail.com. All the music used in this episode was written and performed by Ryan Slotnik of evil Giraffes on Mars and was used with permission if you like what you hear more by following the link on the show notes to this episode Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week for Heathen right in the line Bosnick

I'm no illusions promising to work hard to earn another chunk next week until then we'll leave you with a breakfast club close Fizzles flashbacks eventually helped him win a million dollars on a trivia game show Be very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very B, B, B, B, B, B. Oh, the bellicain, the bellicain! Stand clear of the closing doors, please. Bing, bong! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, Oh One guy Or all the guys How many basketballs are in my mouth The hardest part of Eli's job is that we have to ask him for 15 seconds or so to be silent. Okay, that sounded like 15 seconds. Oh, God. Blah.

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