God Awful Movies - 54: GAM054 God's Not Dead

Episode Date: August 30, 2016

It's been a year, so we figured Eli had finally earned an episode off.  So we invited Tom and Cecil to join us for an atheist review of God Not Dead; the review that, in a round about way, got this show started. Incidentally, if you'd like to hear Eli's thoughts on God's Not Dead, check out Episode 59 of The Scathing Atheist. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page.

Yeah, because the answer the answer to why does he get a good life is because sometimes the devil gives people a really good life and Fancy We're gonna cut it It's just like how we're gonna cut it and so they have a good life. Yeah me just like okay Sign me and his like, Okay. Yeah. Sign me up, devil. Like, wait. I'll take one.

Yes, but a very good life to have. Yes, yes. That's a very good life to have. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes, yes. That's a very good life to have. Yes, yes, yes. That's a very good life to have.

Yes, yes, yes. That's a very good life to have. Yes, yes, yes. That's a very good life to have. Yes, yes. That's a very good life to have. Yes, yes. Yes, yes. Yes, yes. Yes, yes. Yes, yes. Yes, yes. Yes, yes. Yes, yes. Yes, yes. Yes, yes. Who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be who will be He then right heath welcome back. Thank you. Uh, this was fun. This was fun. Melissa John Hart's backstory makes so much more Building all the gags

And sending 4,942 miles to my right is my bad friend the lie Bosnick put unfortunately He's not gonna be joining us today because apparently fucking his new wife in Greece is more fun than making dick jokes with us Which way he brought did he bring the grease with him? That's awesome. Every time I fucks you, fucking grease. It's... Oh. Oh.

And, as I'm sure you've already picked up, we were able to find a couple of stand-ins for Eli. Each one half is talented as he is. So... And joining us from the city. Look, you may not know that, but that's a fat joke about Thomas Jesus. So anyway, as I was saying, joining us from the city

that auto completes when you Google number of annual murders. Yeah, and there are good friends, Thomas Jesus. That's true, by the way, go ahead and test me on that. Oh, no, he's trying to just kill three people on the way here. That's a practice killing. That's all that is. Those statistics are not to make them sell.

It's not a boss. Everybody's got to do their part. I get it. I get it. Just in case, duck. Now, of course, as I'm sure our listeners know, Eli got married a couple of days before we recorded this and we obviously want to start them off on the right foot. So, Tom, any

uh, any marital advice you'd like to offer what we've got you here? So much. So much. Eli, from the bottom of my heart, start squirreling away your money now. Start squirreling away your money now. That's a- HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA advice. What I really mean is don't impregnator. That's what I really mean. Jesus Christ. We're very pro-choice on this show. So it's, it'll be all right. So tell us, he's without further ado,

what will we be breaking down today? All right, we watched God's not dead. We did. One. It's a movie that I understand. It was stolen from Kelly Colbert and her screenplay called Rise, which means it's about a Christian student at Harvard being lynched by atheists. Now, I watched it twice.

I watched it twice and I did not catch that part, but Odds are always mid climax and I Actually guys can fill in the blanks when we get there very distracted out. I jerk off to the news boys, too You literally have to in this movie Because if you don't the news boys will jerk you off for you you have for you. They are the jerking off of pop music absolutely. And Tom Cecil, how bad was this movie? It's about as bad as pretending that Kevin Sorbo is an actual professor. I think it's not bad. It's that bad. No, no amount of acting can break down that. Yeah, I believe, I believe in God before I believe Kevin. Kevin's horrible.

I'm such a... You give me a PhD written all over him in this thing. Nothing but Gravy Toss. Tell you what. This movie is only half as smug though, as Kevin Sorbo, the professor, who walks around, smug as fuck, the entire movie. The movie attempts to reach that same level of smugness,

yet containing that smugness still falls short. That was also a disappointing lack of rape in this movie. Thanks very much. Oh my God. Jesus. I was drinking here. I was hoping that you would have given us another rape movie or some plucky little kid.

You guys are a little bit of a type. You guys are a little bit able to type. Sticks. You guys should have a tight. And then swazed the kid at the guy while he's visiting him in prison. But instead, we get to fucking watch PowerPoints. So thanks for that guy. See, appreciate it.

In the elevator scene, I thought we were about to get that. That's the one that is fair. That is fair. Kevin Sorbo and the kid from Blink 182 are in the elevated. And it may actually, I don't know, somebody may fist somebody in the behinds. It's kind of, you don't know. It's implied, it's implied.

They're peaceful about it. I did think he was gonna bounce them off those walls. I don't really, I was like, he's gonna show them what for them. If he was, I was just gonna start shartin her colleagues someone was going down one way the other that's the important thing yeah yeah either he was gonna get fucked or jenade one or the other I would have been happy but oh god

unfortunately no we get well we'll get there now is there anything you guys want to nominate this movie for being the best at being the worst at? Oh, I'm gonna say best worst African character. This guy is so, every director's out for this character is just never stop smiling. Do not, doesn't, we will learn. This character is gonna watch someone die Right in front of him and he's still beaming like an idiot

It's not about budget forest Whitaker The most offensive African character since Vultures of a horror too. That's not that long ago, but yeah, he was Pretty bad. I was gonna say, best, worst, formulating an argument other than, nah, you are, that's what you do, that's what you sound like. Someone was gonna call someone a duty head.

It was gonna happen, it was bound to happen. Right there. I have one here, so like, I would nominate it for Reverend with the whitest hands. I don't know if you saw this while they were carrying out the fucking stuff to the car. If you stop there, it looks like he pulled his gloves off that had like latex powder or whatever on them.

His fucking hands, his hands look like... I, yes, seriously bleached. And the rest of his body's all-tanned. It's super weird. It's super weird. It's almost as weird as his crazy fucking haircut. That guy, the fucking Reverend's haircut, like his fucking blind mom cut it or something.

Like with a pair of dull scissors, it's unbelievably. Nobody would do that to themselves on purpose. It's so funny. Eli pointed this out a while back. Every time we see David A.R. White, his hair is like 12 to 15 years back in time but got one percent. We've watched it even even back in the 80s he had 70s cuts it's incredible. I would nominate this for a best worst depiction of a college experience that no one has ever had.

Ever. No shit. None of these people went to college. None of these people. This is college has a magic by people who can't spell college Well, right and there's such a clear anti-college message that never gets walked back at all in this film It's incredible. They there's such an anti-education message that underlies this whole thing Absolutely. Yeah, and and also it clearly has it clearly shows that the people who run college are liberal elites because everybody in the movie is ultra rich. They are essentially monsters. Every person in the movie is a fucking monster.

And then they show these giant offices held by professors like this huge fucking rich mahogany filled the office here's like yeah, dude Fucking most professors work in a cubicle. They fucking they hope that they can get an office eventually Yeah, every word that actually closes all these professors have anchor man's house I know it's like yeah, it's like rich mahogany Like leather bound to books and they stand like douchebags next to the roaring fire place Brandy like what the fucking most professors are like, I got a 93 toyota, to yourself.

I just reheated this camera suit in the microwave. I care so much. I stopped drinking, got a cup, I have to drink out of this tub of water bowl. Right? You're like, you're glassware, or like old sourcrout jars. Right, yeah, this guy was bringing in the big philosophy dollars.

Oh, yeah. Exactly. Yeah. And I didn't hear once, Kevin Sarbo said you want fries with that. And I was surprised. I was surprised. Not a single time. Yeah, I'm sure they edited a lot of that.

I've been post. You never yelled any stage directions in this one either, but kind of a signature thing. All right, well, I've been waiting to break this one down for a couple of years. So I don't know if I can wait much longer. That means we're going to take a very quick break when we come back. We'll dig into all the who's on first basapologetics that are. God's not dead. This summer, watch as a plucky young Christian takes on the whole of established epistemology with nothing but the power of his faith.

Well, yes, Professor. Compt makes a convincing argument, but as a counterpoint, I would like to submit, nuh-uh. Watch as dozens of unnecessary side characters are introduced and then discarded. I have to park your losses of the clitoris. Do you know what this means, Doctor? Uh, nothing, because now we're finished with you as a character. Marvel and ethnic portrayals that would have seemed culturally insensitive in the 40s. I-I don't understand why all of my characters' lines are listed as English snarling.

Oh, you're a Muslim. I see. You're a Muslim. I see. You're a Muslim. Witness D-list cameos who look like people who argue with the cashier at Walmart. Hey look, it's the Menard Spooksman and the guy from Swamploggers. Perhaps they can help. Look lady, I have a fucking coupon. I then told you that Cuban is expired.

All that and more. This summer in David A.R. Whites an argument I'm pretty sure I won on Facebook the movie And we're back for the breakdown so this flick is gonna start us off following Skippy the was first day of college Skippy and the characters name is Josh. I have miss Skippy throughout my fucking notes I can think of him as nothing but It's like Trent Rezner's fucking son He is somebody you just like you look at his hair. You just want to beat him up. He's so smooth He's so smooth. He's like like he's got to pay the Italian kid down the road for the fucking hair

That's in his drain so he can like fucking leave it It's just so smooth again with the hair the hell, he always comes every Wednesday. Where's that deleted scene? Like right away I write down the very first note, music note. We are literally one chord into the music before I hate it. So wait, you don't love the news boys? Did you notice that all this music was the news boys? Is anybody else like the news boys?

The news boys are in this movie news News boys well Well speaking of which he's wearing a news boys sure he is that also has the movie name and logo So in this universe the main character has already seen this movie about himself So amazing that's fucking inception level right? Right, yeah right? God damn, it's like a series of mirrors all pointing together. This movie fucking had an apologetics researcher too.

I don't know if you saw that in the fucking. I'm like fucking you red one book, you're not a researcher dude. And one book on your shelf. It's fuck. And also like right away, okay, so we're seeing Skippy walk to his first day of college, but we're also getting the other 82 characters in the movie. None of a whom matter. Like just throwing little snippets. They don't matter at all. They a matter so non-aggressive. I think it is aggressive. Oh, they don't matter. They don't matter. You

couldn't matter fucking nothing matters less than the other characters in this movie. Nothing at all. Not even the apologetics researcher. I'm gonna say this, like the fucking, you know, we'll get into all the different characters I'm sure we'll cover each one. But the most useless one in my opinion was fucking Muslim girl.

Like she doesn't do anything for herself except for get beat up and like shoved around and told what to do But I will say this I will say this Caliante That's the hottest chicken the movie right there was that muslim for hot that you just tell you yeah No, I didn't say caliphate I said Caliante Well speaking of Caliante too, we also meet as as Skippy's walk into school. His his hot little blonde girlfriend.

Yeah, crazy hot. Oh, yeah. She's. Episodes on the crazy. Right. Right. This is the this is the least likable character in any movie. And I mean that in any movie. I'm counting Holocaust films.

She's a step above garbles. But she's just awesome. She has the least likable part would she breaks up It's like fucking great. Yeah amazing I'm only lamenting when she breaks up with him. I'm like man. He didn't get to fuck that Way into the most of girl lay and I when I say fuck. I mean premature ejaculate Well the first thing we see you're doing is wearing a backpack and carrying books. So yeah right away I wasn't like I don't know if you're gonna get there but I just kind of want to interject here when they're doing this first scene is they're walking up. Fucking who the fuck registers for classes has someone else do that for them anymore number one.

Number two who registers for classes outside Like that's where this movie starts. Well, and of course the whole reason we have to get this registration thing That means nothing is so that like we can get this whole your wandring into the lion's den scene. Yeah, yeah Oh, terrible. You can't be looking up online reviews. He's got to go see a real person to warn him away from this. Yeah Yeah, what the fuck? Well, again, this is a movie about college written by people who've never attended a college. Never been.

Never. They've never even been a fucking student orientation. So how do they register? Oh, yeah, with laptops outside. That's how they register. Yeah, that's how it works. Yeah, that's how it works. Yeah, that's how it works.

Like what they do. And what if it rains? I don't know. And all the laptops are ruined and nobody goes to school anymore. Never rains in Louisiana, that's fine. No. So, this character by the way we learn his name is Josh Wheaton. I know how hard is it to not have it sound like a famous person?

Like, Josh Wheaton, everybody else, what were the other choices? Like, what about KJ Abrams? No, that's not true. How about Barack Obama? No. That's just girl. That's close to some crossbeat. Yeah, right. Yeah, they say it real fast though.

Completely different name now. And so what we're getting in this scene, of course, is that he shows up and he's like, for some reason reason the only question This person has is what is your humanity selective? This is the only pertinent information that needs to be exchanged here They just have this guy set up to check and make sure you've got a humanity selective and he says it's philosophy with Professor Radisson looks up sees there's a cross hanging around his neck and he's like, you sure about that Jesus boy? This is a college again in Louisiana. So we're saying this to everybody. Yeah, nobody gets warned to not take that class. And of course from here we cut over to Red

Headed Check who also doesn't matter to anything that happens in this fucking movie. We got in the habit of calling her Rocky Dennis. She had the lumpiest face I think I've seen anyone have. And the very worst part of her is that she's a vegan, guys. Oh, yeah. Fucking vegan. I mean, if you're already unattractive enough and now you're a vegan Well, she's a vegan and a humanist. That's true. That is true But the humanism literally doesn't come into it at all She's essentially and a militant vegan throughout most of the movie. Yeah, yeah

She's got the bumper sicker says meat is murder. Yeah American humanist also I heart evolution Like I break for fossils Also, I heart evolution. What? What? What? Like, I break for fossils. What are you guys doing? What? What? What? So, and like all the atheist characters we're gonna meet,

the red-headed chick is, you know, she just doesn't have her shit to gather at all. She's waking up late for work. So true. So true. Had a real rough morning. Yeah, you know how it is when you're in Atheus, you can't wake up early in the morning. I like that because she's late because her clock is out because like Jesus turned off her

like I said, well also because she has no absolute morality. Well that's true. That's also why her GPS was stolen out of her car that morning, I guess. And, and that, of course, is just so that we can have her calling her shitty atheist evil boyfriend. Right now. On an asshole, that guy is. Yeah, he's just, she goes on the interaction. Somebody stole my Tom Tom, my phone's not working. She says this, and then they show the phone, and it's off. And it's off.

Her phone's just don't show us us that the problem is that it's off Kean canes like all right. Well, I want but sex if I'm gonna use I like that the phone is off, but she's on the phone She's talking to him. Yes, she's on the phone She said while calling him on the phone And so she's like well, okay, no but sex. But how about this? If you tell me where to go, I'm gonna ambush. This is the actual line. I'm gonna ambush the duck commander. And I wrote nobody ambushes the duck commander. But apparently that's her thing. She's a reporter and she ambushes Christians and asks

them how dare they love Jesus for 11. If she is a reporter, she is the worst reporter, she just yells at people stridently and thrust her iPhone down with the microphone pointing towards her by the end. And they're not even like, it's not even that she's asking good questions. Cause she, okay, so first off, she runs up to this church, right? So she pulls up to this church and out pops, and this is funny,

cause nobody in the room recognized them, right? So we're watching this thing and they get to the door and we don't know who the fuck this guy is. He's some jag-off with fucking long hair and a beard with a very sort of milfy wife. And he walks up and he's got like this bint danna on with like a fucking American flag on it. And he walks up to the door and she starts an ambushing him.

And he immediately sort of identifies himself as a Robertson. So all three of us thought is he playing Phil Robertson? And we didn't realize he's an actual Robertson. Yeah. I didn't know until right now. We had no idea he was an actual Robertson. I looked on IMDB. I look, know until right now. We had no idea he was an actual Roberts and I looked on IMTBL and he said that's a Roberts. I literally just learning this right now.

Are you kidding? No, it's a real guy. That's one of the Roberts. That's one of the guys who tries to run the quads and stuff on the show of it at least. I don't know, I never seen it. I didn't know. And I loved that this movie couldn't get one of the top flight Robertsons and had to go with like the Billy Baldwin of Duff Dynasties.

And it gets hubby Roberts. Yeah. Which one's going to die of a coronary first? Look at that one. It's life's bad as well. And then our question is just like, so you kill ducks then, huh? Really? That's what you're asking for.

Sim, like you ambushed a guy who shoots ducks for a living to ask him if he actually shoots the ducks. That was bizarre. She's like, so you're gonna just double down in this. You like shooting ducks. She's like, yeah, kind of ducks are my thing. Yeah, that's it. That's it.

It's literally the worst question you could ask somebody who is the duck commander. Maybe like going up to the click command, oh, I'm saying like, so, like Clint. somebody who is the duck commander. We'll be like going up to the click command zone. So like Clint. Yeah, it's my thing. I mean, I can never find that. I like it.

I've been looking. She's I love that she thinks she's gonna like I'm gonna ambush him and she ambushes him in the sense that she surprises him, but she doesn't have ambush him in the sense that she has literally anything of value to bring to the argument at all. And look at how dumb down her fucking questions have to be to make this guy look bright. You know, right? Well, and then of course, we have to move from there.

We got to meet the dementia lady. Oh, yeah. Oh, God. We started calling her, you can use that if you want, but I didn't know how to spell it from I know it's that's what I was thinking. I had to write something down. So now we meet her and she's very clearly all-zymerzy and she has a daughter who was like,

I'm her Z. She's like, she was like hot before the heroin thing and now she's gonna try and. Oh, yeah, sloppy face. Yeah, yeah, sloppy face. Yeah. Yeah, like she looks like a hot chick whose face melted. She's just like this melted candle thing around the cheekbone you'll region.

She's just all face. She's like a reverse centaur. Like, she looks all face. It's just all, she looks like Kurt Cameron's wife was in Bojack Horseman and they threw it off. And the mom, her dementia mom could not be less her mom They're not even the same species Rail looks like Thomas Jefferson let himself go

Why is your daughter so much taller and a different race than you? Why did you call it daughter worm lips? different race than you. What did you call the daughter worm lips? She had giant fucking leech lips. You know what I mean? They're just like these pulsating weird things that are in a mind of her own. I don't know mom at a face like a foot.

I enjoyed the leech lips. I thought that was a good touch. There's some use to that out there. We're all in there. Exactly. There is some use to leech lips. I'm not totally down to the leech lips. You know what I mean?

So you get rid of AIDS. Oh my god. So now of course it's time to meet Hercules. Hercules! Yes, so we meet Kevin Sorbo who looks like men's warehouse hired a 90s porn star. Horrible. Now guys, did he have patches on his elbows? Absolutely

I just wanted to check just wanted to check he did they did not miss a single fucking cliche and he come to have a pipe at any point Oh wow You need this one maybe one and I know if David A.R. White's listening. He's like fuck pipe pipe Yeah, no top at no monical they fuck this all up so so he's the philosophy professor He don't take no shit off no engines He don't take no shit off no engines and he has like day one the first thing they throw up there He's got a list on his whiteboard of famous atheists. That's how he opens up philosophy 101 And he goes like okay, what all of these brilliant people like I and Rand all have in common and of course the black kid goes They're all dead and I only bring this kid up because his name is

G dog Yeah, I was hoping to have a human being name no They go out of their way to be like he says so what's your name? Oh, it's fucking G dog bro Just like wait what? Does that fucking college just like this is a movie about college from people who've never been to college That is a black kid written by people who've never met black people. Yeah, right? I feel like this is what black people would say. Let's say gee dog bro Throwing dollar bills at the podium

Give a grill it'll look more authentic Again, this is the only function that this kid will ever serve It's not like we're introducing a character's not like G dog has some functions The only reason he's there is to stand up and say my name is G dogDog because he David A.R. White is a horrible, horrible racist. Speaking of which, let's move to the next scene where we meet David A.R. White and his black friends. And David A.R. White in all the movies with he is never dry. He looks like wet muttly in every single movie his trailer is just a rain forest I don't know how he does

He always has this power to him like his liver is failing Look at him. He was you immediately want to call an ambulance for him like he needs a transfusion But yes, and this is this is the most useless of the side plots in this movie is Yes, and this is this is the most useless of the side plots in this movie is We're just saying something by the way. Oh, yeah The most drugs in the Olympics. Yeah But we'll get to them later. They're the comic relief apparently including when a character horror dies horribly for no fucking Oh my god, this is like they when they come out come out, it's lethal weapon like 34 and a half. We just like, all right, no one cares. The African guy is definitely too old for this.

Me too. And then we got a... I kind of was hoping that the African guy was going to pair up with a Chinese kid and they would do a rush hour take off and do the muzzle check. And if you think about it, that would have been a way to make this movie take a less racist turn all the way. Wow. So now we got to get back to Sorbo, Trashing God. And then he says, hey, you know, in philosophy, we have to talk about God and stuff. Unless, of course, everybody's willing to write out a piece of paper

God is dead and sign their name to it and pass it to the side of the thing So angry it's so maddening okay. I'm a philosophy major right there wasn't a fucking there was barely any classes We talked about God unless he was in the fucking syllabus You know, I mean like you don't talk about it unless the fucking the the philosopher himself talks about it There's a fucking fal- first off, a philosophy degree is a parrot degree. It's not even a real degree. It's a degree where you read fucking something someone else wrote and you write a fucking book report on it. You don't get a thing as a philosopher. Don't pretend you get to think. You get

to write a bunch of goddamn book reports. That's what you get to do. It's even hockey. So fucking don't pretend that there's some fucking vigorous debate in philosophy classes because there are it's fucking it's just a guy who's yelling at you to fucking read more that's it pretty much it yeah well and but now here's the thing though is that what we're a first of all this would never fucking happen no god damn philosophy professor would do this and and keep his fucking job but the other thing is we're supposed to be thinking of ourselves like oh my god What kind of school would force students to sign some kind of declaration of their beliefs in order to be a part of the Like this is again is you do this no, oh, it's not us. It's you that's that this into movies entire fucking argument

But of course skip you just can't make himself do it right he really can't I know he's got that he's got the strength of the moral Convictions of his jellowy jellowy So this the pen is blue moment where he tries to Make the letter When his hole and any any frames it in this way is like well, you know We're gonna do this so we can get this out of the way and move on to bigger better subjects It's like you control the subject matter you're the professor that'd be like if you got in my car and I'm like look I need you to sign this piece of paper since we're not

taking the freeway I'll tell you what fucking roads I'm taking I'm driving I don't need you to sign off on my fucking route and that's's the thing, this professor, he wants to skip the entire discussion of whether God exists. And then his very first assignment is David Hume and Descartes and Discourse on Method by Descartes, which concludes that God exists and is not subject to ecstasyism. What's exactly? I mean so funny because Descartes is fucking totally fucking in God's camp. Yeah, it's awesome It is super awesome. So but okay, so but the turn here is that he can't sign the paper

Which means that everyone has to do the hard part of the class that everybody hates and and and sorbos gonna Not 30% off of his final grade if he can't convince the class That God exists over the next three classes, right? That's the plot of this movie. This is like the you think you can ski better than me of this movie. He only gives him like he's like, I'll be giving you like a tiny bit at the end of the next three classes, which is bullshit. Josh should get 92% of each class, as far as I know, Dave actually more because Louisiana. Yeah. Yeah. Totally. That's ridiculous. That's what David Barton told me. And so like after class, of course, he runs into a super hot

girlfriend who also doesn't want him to debate this professor and no, hold on now, hold on now. She does something way more egregious than that. Tom, what do you do? This set me off. I'm still mad. I was yelling in the car on the way to the studio about this by myself. She commits a sin so grievous that had he shot her right in the face. It would have only touched the pain that she should. She took cake right off his track. Did you guys see that? What is that? They're standing in line with the calf material.

What kind of monster does that? He reaches out and put the beautiful slice of chocolate cake under his trace. She looks right at him and put it right back. I would fucking curb stop that bitch I would rather hug a Nazi that is skin the Jews That is that is the only offense a woman can commit you take my cake You take my cake right you can skin my children You take my cake for me

Unbelievable anyway, and that's the same scene where she says I have planned out our next 50 years Yes, the next 50 years and it doesn't evolve cake I got five decades with you you fucking shrew and I don't get cake Tom did you get your cake in the divorce did you get to keep that? I don't get Kay. Tom, did you get your cake in the divorce? Did you get to keep that? I hope I was part of this element. So I'll give you the kids, but I'm decent. The cake is mine.

But then we get to, we have to, in this girl, we have to tell we already mentioned her, of course, is the most useless character, but this is where we meet the Muslim girl. Yeah, yeah. And okay, so this is how little they decided to know about this shit. This character will be first meet her. Her dad is making her put on a hijab right the face covering. She's wearing a like a t-shirt that clings to her tits and has short sleeves. But dad is worried about. Yeah, right, right. It's high jeans. Yeah, right, right. Keep talking. I'm almost there. I'm going to call this up now. I just got all right. I'm

gonna need a minute. Not two just one. And her dad steroids David tell his pitch. She talks to what he thinks is a lesbian at one point. Yeah. It doesn't have to scarfund for a second, but he's fine with the translucent t-shirt. Yeah. Yeah, right. I love to that they cast like the most intimidating angry looking man make it fun it's like angry Ben Kingsley we need a muslim who could possibly look real terroristic what do we have can we actually get somebody from guantanamo bay here can we cast somebody right from the bay you might as well have been holding dynamite plungers when we saw it

me i know those they were going for that and her name is aisha which is wonderful she's named after my mom it's nine-year-old fuck-bite yes yes my music note for the scene was Christianity is good Islam is stupid there not at all the same thing is the now refresh my memories this is seen where the random person just walks up to her and says, you don't have to wear that thing around here? Yes, you're beautiful. Yeah.

That's one of those things that you're like, everything is sacred. All your religion as a Christian is super sacred, but these other people have this different culture and you don't have to pay attention to that at all. You don't have to give that any credence whatsoever. You can just walk up to them and say, hey, you know that really holy thing you do? Who gives a fuck? You're a real pretty person. The fuck? It'd be like walking up to a Christian, like a woman wearing a cross, you know, hanging between her tips and being like, your tits would look way better without that cross.

Wait, you're saying that like that's bad. It's so offensive. Like, when you shave your pubic hair in the shape of a cross, I can barely eat your pussy. But if I flip you upside down, you have to 69 and make this a thing. It's like atheist dinner. Christian devil! Christian devil! Why does it say 9 9 9 on your not? But I I love to again this is I always love watching in these movies where they have to have non-Christian say what's wrong with Christians

Or what they don't like about Christians because they have no fucking clue so they're like right? I know the Christians seem happy and holy and better than us Anyway, you want some ice cream? God. He's got no, he's got no calories as I know they all seem happy, but they're not worshiping God the way they should be worshiping God. Yeah, only we worship God the way we worship God. Right, which is apparently a bad thing to think according to this movie. Right. And unless it's there in any way, yeah. Yeah. I think one of the things that they're trying to say I think in this scene and in many other scenes is that the Christian God wants you to worship him but the Muslim God demands you to worship him and I think that they're trying to

draw a distinction between Christian and Muslim faiths in that way. Well, I like that. That makes sense because the the Christian God asks real nice in that way. Well, I like that. That makes sense because the Christian God asks real nice, but then also says you'll go to hell if you don't like it. Yeah, it's like, say like, admittedly there's some fine. Hey, look, look, if you don't clean your room, please clean your room, or clean your room. Either way, if that room isn't clean, I'm going to light you on the fire. The room gets cleaned yes yes but christian goddess clearly the more polite one about lighting people on fire and and and so this is also where our hero meets david a r white that the

the the blonde surferie guy now it so so just that the character that uh... that got challenged to the debate wonders into the church to pray about it and David A.R. White pastor Dave sees him there and I'm sure he was called pastor Dave because this guy's such an idiot that when they call his character a different name we've seen him in a bunch of different fucking movies and his name is always like his last name is white or his first name is David and almost all of them so he wanders up to this college kid with this totally you want to try some butt stuff kind of an attitude about a Departure like you why you want to continue

A master's class You don't need a register for this So this so of course he tells pastor Dave all about the challenge that he's gonna have to defend God in front of all his classmates or whatever and then Pastor Dave offers up some super objective advice about how it'd be great if he brought more people into Pastor Dave's Empty-ass church and he says that You need to do this because

Students Louisiana might never hear about Jesus That's the part of the whole thing without it. He says like how many people in the class like 80 and he's like how many of them are gonna go to church like none? Except me. I'm the only one to say good around here Those fucking dirty filthy fucking heathens in Louisiana. Yeah, right So even the alligators down there are Christian. Well, they're thanking God right now. Anyway, it's been a tasty time to be an alligator in Louisiana. And of course, now he's got to go back to his dorm room because all the advice that Pastor Dave can give him is some Bible versus to read. So he goes back to his dorm room to read the Bible

is some Bible verses to read. So he goes back to his dorm room to read the Bible out loud to us. Bingo, check. I love he doesn't just Google that shit. Like everybody else would do. Like I read Luke fucking whatever, whatever, or I'm Google I shit right now. Now you don't even have to leave. I'll do that right now.

I'm like, we can get out of here. Yeah, he's probably got a Bible app on his phone. You would think you would have a Bible in the church he's sitting. He's got to go home as I come. I'm at church. Read this Bible verse. Where will I get a Bible? I know. In the church. Well, and it would make so much more sense if he just read it out loud right then, because then we wouldn't have to have this really super awkward homoerotic moment where he texts past Dave at one nineteen. Okay. And super weird, bro. When did he get Reverend Dave's phone number? Is that normal? Yeah, right.

They didn't exchange, like, at the real Reverend Dave. Let's do this. Game on. And it seemed like they were strangers, right? Am I getting that? Yeah, because they seem like they were strangers. And then the next moment, he's texting. Yeah.

And I thought he can't be texting the guy the night. He's got to be texting his pastor at home who, because yeah, seem like they were strangers and then the next moment he's texting Yeah, I thought he can't be texting that's the guy the night. He's got to be texting his pastor at home who you know Raped him when he was nine Also small thing when you when you see the phone to get the tech the phone says it's November like November second So this college starts the year in November Whatever's fine. Yeah, well, I also love the advice that pastor Dave gives him. It just says don't try to be clever. It's like, yeah, don't worry about it. Oh, God. Advice takers.

So now we've got to go back to Redhead Cancer girl. Oh, I spoiled it. Yeah, we already have from the face. It was made of foul and all that. You know, I will say Cecil and I were surprised that she ended up with cancer. We thought she was going to end up with an abortion. Yeah, we seriously thought she was going to be pregnant and you need an abortion. Oh, she was going to have an abortion. Okay. We were pretty sure that that was the case because it would be a nice, it would be a, I think they missed an opportunity to dovetail that with the meat as murder. Absolutely. No, and again, if David A.R. White's listen, he's like fuck Kick it himself again put it in the third one guys put it in the third one

The atheist gets pregnant. They'll never work when Kevin Sarbel comes back as a ghost I love the exchange here too where we learn that she has cancer the doctor is trying to tell her Mm-hmm. He's like all right, so yeah, I have a seed. Um, you we learn that she has cancer. The doctor is trying to tell her. He's like, all right, so yeah, have a seat. You have cancer. Hold on, hold on. She stops him, like right in the middle of the word cancer. Hold on, angry birds, just one second.

Take care of her. If you're saying you have cancer. And then her response is like, yeah, this week isn't good for me. That's not it. Well, that's cool because that was their boy friend. Just once later. I like to that the doctor tells her it doesn't tell her where the cancer is. Where his spread to it's cancer of the body. Yeah, he's like you've got cancer and it's immutable and it's spread to your lymph nodes and it's metastasizing. Yeah. Okay.

Well, what's its point of origin like where's the private man? I know it started in her atheism. Oh It's moving in atheism you've cancer of the spirit. Yeah Cancer of the soul and and so the doctor might as well say God is punishing you. Yeah for eating too many vegetables And and and fucking with the duck commander God has That'll teach you to ambush the duck commander Nobody asks the hard-hitting questions like, do you kill ducks, duck, and? So then of course, we gotta go back to Josh and his bitchy girlfriend.

And I guess this is where we learned that he got her news boys tickets for their anniversary. This is gonna be a little news boys were in this movie. There's a news boys. I don't know about you. News boys, huge fan. Love the news boys. There's like an Australian one.

I didn't know that. That's weird. Strange. I was just impressed. They didn't call it the big concert. Yeah, because in the truth, there's no, it's the big concert. It's the college university.

The black and wool. I'm more impressed. There's an important black man in this movie Wow semi-important anyway So three three fifths is important as the other characters is the white characters, but So and then we get this great movie trope right where she like she yanks him and the apologetic books fall out of his backpack She yanks him and the apologetic books fall out of his backpack Yeah, right, right and she reacts like it's all like gay amputee porn or something Really does it's like it's so guilty looking. It's like a bag of dildos. Yeah, I just like split across There's still fucking Loubie caught him browsing like fucking space-dixers

across. There's still fucking Loubie. Caught him browsing like fucking space Dixers. And I gotta say as bitchy is the girlfriend is though, she is correct in the degree to which this doesn't fucking matter. I mean like she keeps telling you like, oh yeah, you're pissing away your time. You're supposed to be like studying for other classes. This is your antagonizing your professor. This is not a good idea. And she is right. She's just saying

it bitchy. That's how they make her wrong is just by making her say this in a bitchy way. Because I think you guys are being a little hard on her. She's got a lot of investment. They've been dating since they've been 12 parents. Guys, they're pretty invested in this relationship at this point. She is all in until she is all out. We've been together since we're 12. I've planned out the next 50 years piece. I got a call. Yeah, oh wait, you argued with an atheist professor, I think. How can you imagine what she would do if he ate cake?

Jesus. She'd fucking shake that fucking kid. Be like, a girl with a dragon tattoo or something. She'd fucking honor kill him. The fuck. So now we've got to get our comic relief. This is where we finally learned that Sultan Peppar are gonna head to Disney World. And it's-

And they're awesome amazing shirts. Yeah. And this is so insulting to like the African guy all he wants to do is go to Disney World. And he's just amazed by everything. He's like, oh, the toilet flushes is like crocodile Well your women aren't raped on the street You must have a lot of versions to fuck

And so but of course they're about to go to Disney World But damn the car won't start and just to give you an idea How bad they are at doing movies? Like very clearly the starter and battery are operating just fine in the car But that's the first thing he fucking says is might be the battery no because then it wouldn't do stuff Absolutely not, but keep trying over and over Try to turn over right? It's like, Vulge, vulge, vulge, vulge, vulge, vulge, vulge.

Do you think it's a flat tire? Do you think a flat tire is the problem with the starter? No. But they don't even try to jumpstart it. They think it's the battery, and nobody's like got AAA or jumper cables. I don't know, get a new car. I guess. Frankly, it's like, can your license plate expire? I got this one. I got a triple a batteries that helpful So yeah, so now but he says I guess we'll have to rent a car and and and the guys at the African guys like But how will we get to the rental places like oh they'll bring it to us and he's like the toilets flush and you can bring

On the in America Yeah In America Not soldiers, that's amazing How many baby hearts will this cost me You can cheer cancer and you don't have to eat enough by no kid That's amazing. Oh my god. Well, then where did you get those hands? you get those hands. And at this point, I really wanted it to turn into like an interracial romcom about these two characters.

All in the same world together. Do not happen. Maybe in part three, we'll see. That's what we're hoping for. Yeah. So now it's time to go back to store most class. This is the second time. And this is going to be, we're going to skip the class all together so we can get straight

to round one of the big philosophy debate that has no philosophy in it. Yeah, this is painful. This is painful to watch and this argument, this argument here is essentially someone wrote it down in a book and it might have been kind of sciencey back then and therefore God exists. Well, but he's got this like complicated PowerPoint presentation with full animations and shit. Yeah, the promised the blue is budget on graphics. And the other part of his argument is that the big bang theory is genesis one.

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's what you would expect. If a God were to say let there be light, you'd expect exactly what happened in the big bang. That's the you would expect if if a God were to say let there be light you'd expect exactly what happened in the big bang That's the entire argument and look I know this is kind of minor, but it It was like 400,000 years between the big bang and they're being visible light They were not like free atoms for the light to move Let there be light eventually yeah, God is an end a lot of people don't know that Oh, it's my way never knew it uses this dick correctly, so But that's that's the the opening salvo is of his argument

But because they realized this is too boring to sit there and listen to we have to cut back this is too boring to sit there and listen to we have to cut back to the fact that the very advanced power point and this is the whole point of the movie but even that they're like no but this is pretty I mean I know this is what this movie is about but it's pretty fucking boring so they cut to the I guess more interesting part where uh pastor Dave and and the the African guy are like getting all pissed off because they can't go to Disney World That's essentially but they're just arguing back and forth about it. I'm not even arguing

They're just like one guy's like hey, it's amazing in America people aren't dying Man, I wish we could get the Disney World. Hey, isn't it great that we didn't see a dead body Could be in Chicago guys come on And then we get back to Skippy's apologetics cartoon or whatever And I love to like okay, so like he's he's making his argument and then one of the one of his classmates raises her hand And she says like but in his book the God delusion biologist Richard Dawkins says this book I have memorized You know like people do. All right, especially like freshman do.

Yeah, right, right. Like, oh, I'm a freshman sitting at a fucking big lecture hall, like where my only goal is to fall asleep and not have anyone notice. Like all I'm here to do is sign the intake sheet. That's the only reason I attended this thing. Well, he says something like, well, if Dockins asked that question of who created God, then I can turn it back on him and saying, well, if the universe created you,

who created the universe? And I'm thinking, why is it gotta be a who? Well, right, that is true to your premise. Yeah. I didn't even understand that question. I like, who created the, I didn't even understand the question because it doesn't need to be answered exactly that That's the part of this that makes me crazy is like he keeps be keeps his his counter arguments keep being questions that don't require answers

Yeah, he just he's he constantly is like well if it's not this thing then it must necessarily be the other thing It's like that's not how this works. No, it's constantly an either or fallacy Yeah not how this works. No, it's constantly an either or fallacy. Yeah. Yeah. Atheists don't have to explain how things start. We're just saying it's not the God of the Bible. It's literally any other exploit. We get all the other. We all do the explanation of, I don't know, we haven't figured it out yet. Oh, right. Right. I'm not sure. That's a great question. I hope someday we figured out. Probably wasn't space magic. Yeah. almost certainly and and like his redirect is basically all of I know you destroyed my argument in a single sentence there with a reference but you

quote-quay do so I believe science and Jesus are tied now and and and then of course so Sorbo is getting a little pissed about all of this now that some of the students seem to be ah-ha And along so he throws down some Steve and Hawking on a house as philosophy professors are want to do I love that scene too because he's like wait a minute wait a minute Let me just invoke this argument from authority one of the simplest fallacies that any philosophy professor should be careful to guard against. And then he's got like, he's got like a fucking, it just so happens to have this particular quote written down in his book, like his book, like he fucking, he already knew exactly where this kid was gonna go, like fucking Batman style, new exactly what the Joker was gonna

do. And then he fucking, he's like, okay, I've already fucking planned for this contingency. I've written a quote from Stephen Hawking down in my binder. And then he drops the mic like Stephen Hawking would because Stephen Hawking can't actually do. Sort of just falls out of his hand. The bench. And this is where we learn that Stephen Hawking is apparently the world's most famous scientist.

What? And I love the greatest scientific mind in all of history. Where are these ranking boards that these They know the greatest Ridiculous blank thing in every one of these. I don't know how they do it Well, and as if this like philosophical smack down here isn't ridiculous enough now We get like Sorbo catching them up in the hallway to rough him up a bit I know like fucking exist see yourself out of a job

The moment you put your hands on a kid. No shit. Jesus Christ. He is so mad The kid is doing exactly what he told him to do right kid is like he's like I bet you won't do this thing Bertu challenge time and he's like all right I'll go and do that thing. How dare you do that thing? All right, I'll go and do that thing. How dare you do that thing? I will, I'll teach you. You're a mixed message machine, bro. I don't know what you want from me.

It does hurt you, Lee's out on him, though. Right. That's as they just go back to his roots. Yeah, I guess. This is also where we learn about the, he complains about the pre law thing. He's like, oh, what's your major pre law? I looked it up.

They don't award deployment. Yes, they do. They absolutely do. Pretty much all the majors can be pre law That's ridiculous go to one college and find out doesn't matter. Yeah, well, I love it He's like you you're you you majoring in you're saying you're majoring in pre law. We don't do that Then how would he write it like what did I feel in the blank major? Like I'm majoring in scuba diving. I don't even care I can fucking write down whatever I will

I don't even care if you love her, but I can fucking write down whatever I will Come down class. You're like a fucking any class with a fucking snorkeling But I got a breeze through this thing I don't even know what the pre-rex would be to get to the major that I've selected that you don't offer In order to achieve but what I fucking what well, and this is of course all to build up the sorbos saying like and if you make me look foolish in that class I will make it my personal mission to destroy your future like 10 so atheist of minute Yeah, philosophy 101 masters can torpedo your entire law career they can with one First semester that's how that works the He's the power of the whole walker. Go to law school. Not a career.

You're a lawyer walker here. And then as if that's not bad enough, his girlfriend dumps him because he did the debate too. Oh, God. You know, that's, that is amazing. Like they've been together since they're 12. And she's like, you're talking in a class. I'm out of here.

What? Yeah, that is love. You fucking nailed that shit, honey. You're talking in a class! I'm out of here! What? Fuckin' That is love! You fucking nailed that shit, honey! The same we never... You never get the premature ejaculate weather. Oh, you know, she's fucking at least over the jeans, come on! Come on! They've been together since they were 12!

I was imagining at least that, yeah. It's supposed to happen at the newsboys content anyway. What a ripoff man only we made it to news boys pretending to like this band for years so now it's back to the Muslim girl getting home where we learn that she secretly listens to Franklin Graham doing commentary on Karen you know like Muslims do they load up Franklin Graham doing commentary on Karen you know like Muslims do

They load up Franklin Graham's commentary on Corinthians on their iPod lay in their bed close their eyes like they're masturbating to sting She's acting like she's turning on like fog hat slow ride Every atheist dream though I was getting a little hot and heavy. She's like laying there She's got a little perky breast there. She's listening to Bible quotes. You know she's gonna flip her butt into You know it's gonna happen. Well, I looved up for nothing because it just I wouldn't call it nothing. I don't say it's just unfortunate. She has the only iPod which which remains on That's a that's a fucking real bummer as it turns out Yeah, so anyway, so right when I thought you was masturbating I started and unfortunately that means I finished on the little boy sneaking and that was

So her like any good Muslim The little boy sneaks in and evidently knows what first Corinthians would even mean like how does he know that's not a band I right right like if I like if I if I when I was a little boy if I snuck in and saw the name of some holy text I would be like I literally don't have any idea of that. Especially a holy text from a different religion, right? Like, is this kids getting comparative religion classes at the age eight? He's like Franklin Graham, fucking Joel Osteen, come on. Can't stop getting a reasonable commentary, you bitch. A moderate, come on at least.

So, now we get my favorite scene in the whole fucking movie This is it's time for dinner with Superman and cancer girl. Oh, oh, this is great. I've seen that is the best scene in the entire No of any movie. Yeah, it's just it's just perfect. We seriously in this scene I'm not gonna bluff and to let you do all the explaining but there was a scene where we had to stop because both time and I Recrying we were laughing so hard and had to rewind it is an amazing scene So okay, so again this movie goes to insane lengths to make the bad guys bad This is probably the greatest example of that they sit down for dinner. She's she's got cancer and then went home and really dolled up To go on the restaurant. I still look let's not scare

Face skin So he sits down and he's like I've got news and she's like so do I he's like I just made partner She says I have cancer and his next This couldn't wait until tomorrow And he breaks up with her vermitasticizing And then he breaks up with her vermitage desizing. No, no, no, no, no, no. He breaks, he breaks that we time this. Their relationship ends in under a minute.

No, he's in the sense. It's a minute and 30 seconds from I have cancer too. I'm breaking up with you. No shit, I cannot believe that. That's amazing. It's so funny too. What he says that he says that word, we were shocked, we started left because we thought we did, we realized there's like no way

in your brain that you're like, he said that. There's no way. So you're trying to think of something else he could have said. That's how we're so instead. Yeah. But you rewind it and you find out, no, we really did say can this wait until tomorrow?

And then he says, to justify it, he's like, you broke our deal. Yeah. You broke our deal. She's just like This is not how you human this is not This leads to a fun game too. I thought cancer break up lines So like it's not you it's your cancer Listen, I love spending time with your cancer, but I think we should see other people with the same amount of cancer.

Well, me with a zero cancer person and you with a cancer, you're a super cancer person. Wow. And then of course, we haven't chuckled in long enough, so it's time to go back to David A.R. White in the African guy So I'll be kept in their rental car and Wouldn't you know what the rental car won't start either? It's like hold on the rental car is delivered by a man who clearly looks like a serial killer. Oh, yes Not have found an uglier more misshapen human being a kind of guy who just sawed someone's face off and is wearing it.

Right, the little car is full of parts. Not automotive parts. Not automotive parts. Yeah. This guy is fucking misshapen in a fucking quasi-motor away. If he showed up with a car, he'd be like, you can have the car. I'll take an Uber man.

You're a man of options. You are terrifying. But of course, the African guy doesn't mind waiting as long as David A.R. White promises to do the God is good all the time thing with him again. Yeah, that's their thing. That's their like buddy line. God is always good and always God is super bestie good or whatever they're fucking go back and forth.

They're like, they're even their fucking phalacio of God is circular logic. Like, rise it. Right. And then we cut to Dimension Lady's horse daughter, calling Superman. Dimension Lady's horse daughter. She's Dean Cain's sister, yeah. Yeah, that's where we learn that.

And she's trying to convince evil Superman, Dean Cain, that just broke up with his cancer girlfriend to come visit his dying mom, but he won't because atheists only visit their dying moms if they meet minimum arithmetic skills. But at least he says it walking around like a douchebag in a fucking clearly like what's some kind of board meeting. Yeah, no kidding, right? He's like standing like right behind people

with the phone his ears like I don't give a fuck about my mom you want to give a fuck about mom right in the middle of a meeting a parent take a derivative or I'm not coming so and apparently this character dementia daughter is is we learn right after this is Kevin Sorbo's girlfriend or wife or Granddaughter. No, I, I, I think I would add it's a stupid bitch girlfriend who left the fucking wine in the car. Oh my god.

It's so atheist of you to point that out and make her feel bad. No, but seriously, like he walks into this room. And then he essentially is thanking her for getting this dinner party ready with his fucking brotherhood of evil mutants or whatever. Later. And they're essentially like, but then she forgets the wine and the carnies and he could tell he's quietly suppressing the raid. He's like, he like takes a deep breath and he's like, I know you're really fucking stupid. I'm sorry. Yeah. Yeah.

They have the most bizarre exchange at that point. They have an exchange where he basically praises her for being bright. And he says, I wasn't going to fuck you unless you got an AMI class. And she's so angry and she's mad. Yeah, she's like, fuck you. You're a fendant by that really as if to say like I'm more than just the content of my character I'm also a fuckable pussy Women hate it when you appreciate them for their inner legs

I look like Tony Robbins with lipstick, but my bottom I look like Tony Robbins with lipstick, but my bottom half is legit. I have a vagina, human vagina. Well, it doesn't even say, says something too. He says something like, you know, there's only room in this relationship for two people and not for your 2000 year old angry jealous God or whatever. It's like, he's not joining you in the bedroom. I'm not asking. It's not like, it's like, all right, I'm almost finished. Come on, Jesus, polish me off. I was gonna say if he was there, he'd just film

it. It would be very helpful. I just feel feels where he rubs my back during, you know? Come on, man. That's what I can do it. I don't like, I wasn't doubting that but uh Seems to mean well, so now we get to to sorbos dinner party where we get every goddamn cliche except for the fucking monicle No shit no shit. I'm sorry tower Elite or what I want to warmest leather chairs snifters of Christian blood Stupid they are yeah, well and again these are philosophy professors all of them in real life I'm not sure if you're watching this. I'm not sure if you're watching this. I'm not sure if you're watching this. I'm not sure if you're watching this. I'm not sure if you're watching this. I'm not sure if you're watching this.

I'm not sure if you're watching this. I'm not sure if you're watching this. I'm not sure if you're watching this. I'm not sure if you're watching this. I'm not sure if you're watching this. I'm not sure if you're watching this. I'm not sure if you're watching this. I'm not sure if you're watching this. I'm not sure if you're watching this. I'm not sure if you're watching this. I'm not sure if you're watching this.

I'm not sure if you're watching this. I'm not sure if you're watching this. I'm not sure if you're watching this. I'm not sure if you're watching this. I'm not sure if you're watching this. I'm not sure if you're watching this. I'm not sure if you're watching this. I'm not sure if you're watching this. I'm not sure if you're watching this. Exactly. Also, we cut away from this to get this scene where Martin the Chinese kid is talking to his dad on the phone. And this, this is ridiculous. I didn't recognize this because I don't speak Chinese, but he's speaking Cantonese. Yes, yes. And the dad is speaking back in Mandarin. They're from the same country, but they're completely different language. It might as well be like Esperanto on one side and sign language well maybe the call was routed through Hong Kong first and then it had to all of it translated with those crazy Chinese phones yeah but like I said I just I just that that I read that little nugget on IMDb or whatever and I had to bring it up for that so then we go back to the dinner party where everyone's discovering now that she messed

up the wine and left in the car because you dumb bitch. The fuck is wrong with you? Well, she's horse top. It's really hard to pick up wine in the car with the throes. And then you try to use your feet and jump it. It's really fast. She can't really open the bottle of wine, but she could certainly stomp on the ground how many you have.

That's amazing too, because they're at this dinner party. And the way you discover that the wine has been left in the car is no longer good. It's all of the fucking everybody to dinner party behaves like a petulant child. This tastes like a foot. Like, somebody's in my house and I served them anything. I don't care what I served them.

They're like, this is fucking vile and disgusting. And you're like, fucking, here's a baseball bat in your head or you're leaving. Those are the choices. What do the back of the day says, talk about grapes of rap. Oh God. Seeing everybody goes, God. What a smart people know talk about grapes of rap? Oh God. Seeing everybody goes, God. What a shit.

So, who are people know grapes of rap? More like original sin fendel. Boo yeah. I'm like, this is just unrealistic. Condescending atheist wine puns are usually much better than that. I found that offensive. And then what's the line right before? Because the last thing he says to him,

I'm trying to remember what it is, the last thing he says to us, so mean like she's a work in progress or something like that. Yeah, no thyself, you know your limitations. Right, the meanest fucking thing. You're a really bad house theist. I know you've been served as a slave

as a peppers the whole time, but it's not working out. So yeah, but she has enough of this shit and wanders off. And then we get part two of Skippy's presentation where he gets to revisit the Stephen Hawking quote and, and refute it by invoking Professor John Lennox. Okay. I was very confused by this part. Do I have this correct?

He was saying Stephen Hawking is wrong because you can't prove that spam is the best food That's spam isn't the best food that that's what happened. Yeah, you are a little off I think it's you can't prove spam created the universe So yeah, so and then of course he he really throws one out here where like little skippy shows the slide where he's like, but Stephen Hawking also said that philosophy is dead. So I go ahead and quote mine. Enough. I'll be sure.

Hawking had like other words on either side of that sentence. No, he just said that and that was it. I thought there was some context. That philosophy maybe had ignored science. Would he stupid and dead? Can we talk about Hawking's quote here just for a second? Just because it's like, I don't even get it. Like, I don't even get what he's trying to say.

Hawking is essentially saying, and maybe I'll call myself out as an idiot here, but I read this quote a couple of times and it's essentially saying because gravity exists, the universe created itself Yeah, I mean again, there's a book on either side of that That quote I'm right there with you Cecil that quote stand alone doesn't do anything for me No, I have no assume that there's context within that or around that that I'm I'm not privy to when all I have to work with is that quote that quote is that Quote didn't do shit for me. Yeah. Oh, I was like, well, all right. I fucking just ignored it. Oh, I'm like, I'm Just recognized that it's an out of context. I'm just like, I'm fucking pass that off. I'm not gonna listen to it. Yeah. Yeah, well

And then but but basically what Stephen Hawking is saying in that quote if you take the whole fucking argument that he's making is that there are self organizing principles within the universe that can explain all the organization. You know, that's all he was saying is that when you start with things like gravity and the weak force in the strong, you end up with what we have now. Sure. Right. And philosophy and physics actually converge and the philosophers that don't acknowledge that are kind of stupid. Right. Right. Exactly right exactly exactly that was his

whole point so but of course you know so skippy is it moves on from that to uh... to evolution and again this is like the argument from i started talking about one thing in swedged uh... that argument well you know what yeah it works very well for x-wives as i understand it ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha take your money. Bank notes, those are the notes that matter. But basically he argues that evolution can't explain a biogenesis, which it doesn't try to, which is kind of. No, yeah, right, that's like,

it doesn't explain how to unlock Dungeon 7 and Zelda, yeah. Not what it's doing. Yeah, we, we, they try to do that all the time. Like that's a different area of science that has to deal with the creation of Fucking you know life. It does that doesn't have anything to do with nothing to do with evolution It never has evolution doesn't even attempt to address it in a meaningful way But still it's part of the either or fallacy like there's like all of it's not evolution and you don't have a better explanation Then it must have been Jesus's bookers or whatever the conversation starter is.

And see, that's the most insane thing about this is that like, scientists do have explanations and they're all better than it was Jesus's bookers. It's just that scientists are willing to say, you know what, we don't have enough evidence to definitively answer this so we're not going to carelessly answer it and then Christians are like, we will. I know, right? So we win. If anyone's here to definitively answer this so we're not going to carelessly answer it and then Christians are like we will

I know right so we win if anyone's here to carelessly answer raise my hand right I've been carelessly answering for two thousand years but zero of these scientists are saying that Darwin started the universe that's not that's not what he is saying when he said let there be evolution well but of course we can dismiss I think we and started the universe that's not what he is saying. When he said let there be evolution, well, but of course, we can dismiss, I think we can dismiss Darwin and everything he has to say based on the least robo quote that the kid throws out here during his argument from the Cambrian explosion.

What is that? Oh, yeah, that's right. He's like fucking like yeah, so So there's like lots of fucking different stuff that just pops right into existence and is the same thing always throughout history Right that's yeah, yeah, because life diverged quite a bit in a short period of time relatively speaking That must mean that that was the fifth day of oh yeah, oh god that fucking thing Yeah, that's where that little twat was going with that then why are there still black people I don't know least trouble and but the most amazing thing about this stupid fucking

argument he's making is that even if he was nailing it and he's not it would be the god of the gaps argument right like like he's trying for that and failing it's like if's trying for that and failing It's like if I don't know and you don't know that I know and I'm right quid pro whatever Where's that PhD guys I win? So I guess while you wrestle with your commitment to atheism in the way of that Marvel is nugget of brain thinking We'll pause for a quick break but before we do let me give act three the hard sell Will professor radison succeed and his nefarious plan to skull rape Jesus?

He will be treated more down home duck wisdom. Will Tom and Cecil ever speak to me again after this shit? Find out the answers to these questions and more when we return for the amateurish conclusion of God's not dead. And now it's time for another edition of Philosophy Discussions as envisioned by an uneducated Christian Hick. Boy that Aristotle sure was smart huh? Yep, yep, real smart. So smart. Yeah. I hate Jesus. Professor Radisson, come on in, have a seat.

Thanks, um, there's no such thing as God Dean. I... I see. Now, I have to talk to you about a serious matter, Professor. Nothing happens when you die. Right. Now, I've gotten a number of complaints from the ACLU, the number being actually one for every student in your philosophy, 151 class again. Huh, there is no God.

Well, religious coercion mostly, but there's also a kid who says you roughed him up in the hallway. Well, Josh Wheaton is a filthy fucking liar. That's what that's about. Okay, so now I didn't tell you which student lodged that. The Bible is a fairy tale. Yes, it is, but that's not really germane to this discussion, isn't it? Hogwash, horse feathers, hola-balloon, that's what God is.

Oh, okay, yeah, but that's profoundly off subject. I feel like it gets to the heart of the problem we're having here. Only wimpy little pussies love Jesus. Okay, yes, I feel like I get a lot fewer complaints if you were able to make it through a conversation without sounding like PZ Myers coming down off a ecstasy. God's the worst at Kanasta, the worst.

That is a very odd complaint. I hate Jesus. And now it's time for yet another edition of Philosophy Discussions as envisioned by an uneducated Christian Hick. Christianity is stupid. Communism is good. We hate Jesus And we're back from more of this shit when we last saw our hero He was thwarting all the experts with his scrappy defense of Jesus magic Before we can get to the aftermath of his intellectual throwdown

We have to remind you that the red dead chick still has cancer of the life and Gonna die Also she might have just been raped by a doctor The creepiest scene he walks in that room and just shuts the door and it's like don't ask me about my business It's like the end of godfather for Christ You have no idea what's happening behind the door, but it's nothing Yeah, right bog bugs from Shawshank close to that door. Jesus.

Yeah, and the guys are like, are you sure you don't have anybody you'd want with you for this? Like maybe to somebody to film it. Like maybe a midget. It's a puzzle, a thunderstorm, nothing. But then we go back. So listen, I'm gonna go ahead and make this tape.

The producers are gonna need My recommendation means a lot in this industry So and then we cut from her back to sorbos class where we were just like the kids are filing out from his second argument or whatever And once they do sorbos gives him the sarcastic slow clap of evil or whatever. Please, please. This character exactly like a buck Rogers villain in this movie. God, that guy is, this guy hams his way through this acting. It's like nobody told him he's not wasn't still on the Hercules show. I guess.

I think he fully expects somebody to throw him a club or a sword and fight a fucking two-headed dog at any moment like if if the screen shifted he'd be like yeah all right I'm game for that I don't know what any of this means I just say the words in the order they write a minute see but I think that's how they tricked him into being in this movie right is they told him it was an episode of Hercules returns but he was playing the evil version. That's why he has to go T. You know, like the starlight of Hercules. Make perfect sense then. And then of course this is what we also have to learn why Sorbo truly is an atheist and it's because Jesus killed his mom. But at that bot, now this is where Tom said, and I agree, he's not technically an atheist.

I think he still believes in God. Doesn't he say like hates him here? Yeah, right. Right. This is the part where they, this is the part where they so misunderstand the atheist position that they think it comes from a place of acknowledgement and dislike or hatred rather than, yeah, it's just not real. Well, right, never going to say, I hate God and get a fucking boo hoo. You're about it because I don't think they're the God I don't hate god he dumbo either like I'm not

real it's not real I fucking hate dumbo fuck that guy I mean then of course he throws out his Shakespeare quote shit talk for Jesus or whatever oh that is so maddening when he's just like that's all sound and theory signifying nothing and he gets so fucking you mad bro about it. You're like, what is going on? You are so easy to bait. You know the easiest dude that's ever been baited? Holy shit.

This guy right over to the code red on God. I'm right again. Oh, wait. It's like he's just like, he's like mad that somebody's been cat fishing him online for six weeks. It's like he's just like he's like mad that somebody's been catfishing him online for six weeks Like oh my god, it's ridiculous Yeah, yeah, it's easy to batas those people Eli fucks with on Twitter And then we've got to go to back to another not all you do moment

So this is where we get the Muslim girl getting the fuck beat out of her for Jesus sake. Oh my god And the brother who ratted on her standing there crying So this is where we get the Muslim girl getting the fuck beat out of her for Jesus. Oh my God. And the brother who ratted on her standing there crying, I didn't think this was going to happen. You didn't think you had a volatile incendiary father. Like that. You miss that part growing up. Like nobody goes from snuggles and hugs to you. I'll drag you by your hair and throw you out of the house.

And then cry conflicted about it. Right. And and collapse in a fucking puddle of man on the yeah right and again this is so bizarre from the religion that does this shit all the time like if this girl had been a lesbian and the father had been a Christian the Christians that watching this movie would have been like well as tough love. It's like Donald Trump bragging about how he's like more qualified than Sarah Pail.

Which he is not, which is even more terrifying. Wow. Yeah. No shit. He's equally qualified with Phil Robertson. So of course, and then we get, we get another shot of, of, um, Martin and his dad speaking mutually unintelligible languages to each other again. And according to the subtitles, which they must be reading, Martin's really coming around to this god shit. And the dad is basically like, you know, they don't really smile on that back home, right?

Yeah, right. So you know how our Chinese government pursuits Christians, right? And the dad's like, yeah, so well, I just wanted to mention that Again, seeing in my character's arc I want to throw that out there and of course again because we've got 90 people to keep track of we have to then cut to cancer lady doing it with her little Oscar clip where she's trying to write her blog about Commander I with her little Oscar clip where she's trying to write her blog about duck commander. I love that she's sitting by herself writing to herself for herself out loud out loud out loud at the same because we all think and write at the same time. I am right to backspatting this to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to Prezeke it's prezeke So then we have to get the

Centaur lady coming in to break up with Kevin Sorbo and she breaks up with him and he's like Vito He's just like no, I don't accept that. It's not gonna happen. I will not allow you No, this is not I own my women my women I own my women. My women have to own your channel. For me, again. My turn. No, oh you, again, are they telling us

that atheists are the one that treat women like property? The guys who venerate a book that has a rape price? That's terrible. Unbelievable. So now we get the probably most useless scene because they have, not only do they have nothing to say on the scene But it really just brings up all kind of shit that's wrong with them and they they have no discourse or no recourse for it, Mother

So this is where the Muslim girl goes to past her day to tell them that she's been kicked out of her house Do they give her a place to stay? No, they get travel tissues They give her a place to stay. Mm. They give her travel tissues. Yeah, look at it! That's the only thing. Oh, they give her like the fucking fat ladies

like in the first box of tissues. You don't like, see that? Bring it like a tiny little thing of fucking airline travel. Yeah. Have these tiny little tissues and you can cry into this thimble. Right, yes.

When you fill it with tears, just drink it and that tastes like Jesus. It's okay. There's a violin at the very bottom of this tiny bag of fucking, yeah, can't even give her a full box of Kleenex for fuck's sake. Well she's kind of being a bitch about it. And he's like, and God wanted her to get beat up by this. This is a woman who got kicked out of her house.

She didn't even grab her purse. She didn't have a fucking wallet. She's got nothing. She's hanging out of, and before that even, past her Dave and fucking Jumbalire, whatever that fucking black Who's Morgan Freeman I think So yeah, Nigerian smile pants or whatever is like they're standing in the doorway like three feet away from her talking directly about her Because people love it when you do that

So yeah, and like basically here's here's pastor Dave's words of wisdom to this chick basically like quit your bitch and He has some issues that's super reassuring bastard day. Right also. Where am I sleeping? He goes you're not alone I you shouldn't she's like oh will you stay with me? I just don't know I met Jesus. I'm gonna imaginary people What I say you're not alone. I mean it like figuratively I'm In fact you're gonna need to leave the church close to the box. And now we get what we assume is the cut scene of Sorbo raping Skippy in the elevator. So yeah, yeah, yeah.

So yeah, so like, but instead of the rape that this scene is clearly promising, Skippy gets in the elevator and like Sorbo stands stands right behind him like thrusting his fucking pelvis End to his rack of my every any goes like oh well, you know You're doing well on the debate, but now I'm going to change things up a bit will he ever explain what that means? No, no he doesn't and nothing what chain I actually was waiting like what are they gonna like? Are they gonna have a gladitorial like? What's gonna happen? Then nothing happened that was different except for that he challenged him more aggressively Well, I think that what we were supposed to get is that that Sorbo was gonna be directly debating him this time

But since he interjected approximately the same as he did when he was in the audience I think it was just like I'm gonna be standing at the podium and you'll have a smaller podium. That's what's what'll be different. And all the giants cigar and you'll have a little secret with the kids. Cute. Next time on podium wars. And okay, so and I think this is again super telling of where the Christians think that

they are. They never ever ever ever make a positive case for God's existence right the argument that they're making throughout this movie isn't that God exists It's that it's not ridiculously stupid to believe that God exists They fail to make that argument. Yep. Yep, and it's not what he says That's one of the major major points of his argument is it's not an intellectual suicide to be a creationist, he says at some point. Yeah, exactly. And now this is gonna be like,

this is the third round of the big debate series or whatever, and in this one, they're gonna discuss the problem of evil. Now, this whole movie has had an undercurrent of problem of evil, right? Like the girl gets cancer, why would God do that? Why would God give dementia to the lady that loves Jesus and stuff like that? So would God give dementia to the lady that loves Jesus

and stuff like that? So there's been sort of this half-ass effort to attack or to tackle the problem of evil throughout the movie. And when they actually have the opportunity for the guy to actually just talk about it directly, they still have absolutely nothing. Well, it turns out there is no problem of evil. It's fine because God's gonna get rid of evil

when he goes to camp next summer. You don't know her. Yeah. Yeah. They're counter to the problem of evil, which is like the big problem, right? And the even and the best part is I actually think they elucidate the problem quite clearly because like at one point he says like, you know, he identifies the problem of evil and he says, you know, if God isn't, you know, all powerful, all loving God, you know, what about suffering and yad-yad-yad-yad? And it's like, all right, you elucidate the problem well. And so I was actually kind of excited. I'm like, oh, he's going to, like, there's going to be a good, here we go. It's going to get spirited. He's just like, well, free will. Yeah, that's all he's got. And I'm like, I'm writing in my nose. Oh, that explains why Deer's and I'm like I'm writing in my nose

Oh, that explains why deer slowly die of third-degree burns suffered in forest fires free will that explains why babies get cancer free will That explains starving children free will that explains AIDS and and and as I'm writing that in my notes Kevin Sorbo's character says that I does these he mentioned tsun tsunamis he mentions right non-human cause suffering right and I was like what the fuck and what is my free will with a fucking enormous wave crashes down around me I have fucking all the free will to try to swim real hard well I think that's because of gay marriage as I always stand it yeah I guess but but and but that's it but then like sorbos like oh well that doesn't explain natural disasters.

That doesn't explain things like the Holocaust. Obviously, we don't need that level of suffering in order to keep free will going or whatever. You could have just killed Hitler with some lightning bolts or whatever. And I'm like, oh, yeah, what do you got for that? And he changes the subject. He goes, okay, now let's talk about absolute morality.

Is it, you're not even gonna answer? Why did you bring it up then? It's you are in your own movie. In your own movie where you control the conversation, you control both sides of the conversation. And you still painted yourself into an intellectual corner. That's amazing.

It's like nobody proofread the script. Yeah, right. Right, Dr. Rice Brooks, they're apologetics researcher researcher did a shit job. I'm just saying. I think I think they like they like the apologetics researcher was like, okay, on the left side is the list of problems and the right side is our answers to it and the fucking left side was clearly longer, but they just included all of it. This included all of it. Like I don't know, just keep writing it down. Eventually we'll make a point accidentally, maybe. Well, and then, Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha So Skippy says like, you know, basically if there's no God, why shouldn't I rape your head?

Actually, what he says at one point is like, well, why shouldn't I cheat on the fucking on that's test or whatever and I'm thinking Well, cuz every syllabus that's ever written is a full page on why you shouldn't fucking cheat and how you'll get fucking bounce if you do That's why well you again, okay, so there's so much wrong with this first of all You don't need moral absolutes in order for cheating to be wrong in this particular Situation that is subjective, you know like But the other thing is is that you don't need God to believe in moral absolutes, right? I mean that's that's that's insane like the one does not preclude the other so we're like Second generation either or fallacy at this point. Yeah, but that's the best thing That's literally the best that these guys have and you realize that you're like

Well, why am I only an hour into this movie? There was a point where we watching this movie and Sarah's like we have a half an hour left and I looked at I said fuck you That is my best friend's wife, but I'm staring right at her saying fuck you And okay, so like he goes, you know, well, but Atheist don't have a moral code, but Christians do and I'm like, can we talk about that moral code? Yeah, kidding. That's that we're gonna have for you guys. Oh, guys, do we do we put that part in the Bible about slavery?

Oh, we forgot it. What about beating children? No, we skipped that part. We actually recommend that. We're gonna ignore that But anyway, keep the Sabbath holy guys Mixing fabrics we don't have we have we can put in rape or the fabric mixing guys which one? good yeah okay guys slavery or agricultural rules should women be allowed indoors when they're menstruating I don't know let's write this down you know don't ignore it let's

just make rules so that we know how to do it yeah exactly make sure we do it properly here so it's not cool otherwise we're gonna be beating up for like 72 hours hours that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that this movie is I don't feel special without God. But that's the main argument of Christianity. Well, right. Like, so it's a good thing that that's their fallback because that's their fall forward. That's it. That's it. That's the whole thing. It's like it totes makes me feel better. Like, okay. Actually, that song is better than any new song I've ever heard. You should be a newsboy. Yeah. They all do look like divorced dads.

So they don't look that lonely. Well, maybe the drummer. But yeah, so the dude seems to be really wise. So I love this, like the big cultivating argument right from Skippy. He's like, you know, I just want everyone in this class to be able to make up their own minds because I'm a Christian and we're all about letting

everyone make up their own minds. Yeah. Religion is all about being pro choice, wait. Right. It's not, damn. You guys, I'm not like your mean professor who's just saying, you know, you have to do it or you're going to bad grade. What I'm saying is you have to do it or you will spend all eternity, eternity, terrible torment and suffering.

So I mean, choose which one of us is the nice guy. And also, of course, then this is the, then get the like you know who ordered the code red moment here Where he's going like but who are you looking for the failing professor me or Jesus And of course and then and then it breaks down it It actually steals from two different robin Williams movies It sounded, it actually steals from two different Robin Williams movies. There's a dead poet society, I've captured my captain moment. And there's also a goodwill hunting, it's not your fault. Yes, yes.

It's like somebody was like, hey, that shit was powerful. That's just so ridiculous, because everybody's like, go ahead and stand up. If you believe in Jesus, then like a bunch of people stand up. And I read somewhere that like, one kid doesn't stand up because he's stuck in his dad's room. It's just too bad to get up. You know you're filming it, right? Yeah, it's like, the fact is like, I believe, I believe it, just, I don't have a girlfriend to keep the cake off my tray. I get so much cafeteria cake. He's actually during the class fucking a piece of cake under his desk.

He's actually the ghost of Skippy's future. He doesn't have a girlfriend anymore. Take the cake away. Gotta take that away, keep you screwing up your best. You can keep fighting him. And I love to, okay, Sorbo, when he's bested in this argument, his response is to just walk out on his own classroom in humiliation. What?

Are you fucking kidding me? And he got tricked by like when did you stop physically abusing God Really wait no, I didn't Yeah philosophy presses professors are pretty easy to trick with shit like that and of course Okay, so and then this is an amazing scene as well It's a competitor for best scene in the movie because now we get Salt and Pepper going back out to the car to go to Disney World But now they've decided that they're gonna pray for the car to start now. I want you to keep in mind that so far in this movie We have seen Pastor Dave interact with a young girl that just got beaten and thrown out of her home and has nowhere to go

We've seen him interact with a young woman whose mother has dimension Just broke up with her boyfriend and is questioning her worth and they're gonna pray to get to Disney world We're not cancer lady the ex-Muscle abuse victim. No, no, not this Volvo to start We're just shenanigans Volvo's start every time that's ridiculous. Yeah you shenanigans follow start every time that's ridiculous hellsia so yeah so it and then of course wouldn't you know what after they pray the car starts right away and pat uh... david airwights character goes unbelievable the black i goes no it is faith and i'm like no unbelievable

uh... subjected to double-blind policy both testing have a bunch of christians pray for a fucking car that that's definition of unbelievable. But of course now we've got to go back to to evil Superman and dementia mom. Oh Jesus, this is a fucking meanest scene ever. What a no. That woman pushed you out of her vagina. You fucking god damn hell. What the fuck, man? Well apparently she got a graph in calculator now, she could do integration. Oh okay, so she's worth visiting once more. And so yeah, so basically he's sitting there with his Alzheimer's mom going like, oh fucks up with you and your stupid god.

And then she has this amazing moment of clarity and yet doesn't look at him. She goes on. She has this fucking like 45 minutes soliloquy that she goes through. Directed at the guy who just asked the question and does it all staring straight forward. Yeah, but then you can't get the you can't get the focus with the primal lens if you don't do it. Oh, I always we have to return it now. We have to bring it back to the But isn't it amazing how much religion is conditioned us to where like this woman is what we're supposed to believe is she's having this divine moment of lucidity where all of a sudden she's explaining things in a very clear manner

and she is talking about an evil magical sater who's trying to steal Dean Cain's soul. Right. That's her moment of lucidity. She's like, the devil's after you. He's gonna slam that door when you die. That's lucidity to these people. Right.

Yeah. Because the answer to why does he get a good life is because sometimes the devil gives people a really good life. And that's what we was going to cut before I was going to say that. I was just like, oh, we're going to cut in so of a good life. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

Sign me up, devil. Like, where are you at? I'll take one of the very good lives you have. It's better than the staring straight forward shitting myself life. And of course, okay, so then we go back to Pastor Dave and the African guy. What did you call him? Chumbo Wamba. Anyway. Chumbo Live.

That was his name, yeah. So they are they appear to be driving from lewisiana to orlando florida uh... via the staples center so and then okay so now we've got to get everybody to gather at the news

concert and first we see that cancer girl is there because apparently she's gonna surprise the news boys with one of these some more of our hard-eating anger journalism just spews forth fucking random vitriol strangers at the russer iphone in their general direction yeah so at this point she demands that they explain why God gave her cancer basics. Oh God. Yeah I got to interrupt because every time every time that that she interacts with one of these super Christians whether it's the Phil Roberts and stand in You know chubby chubs Roberts and whatever it is and like the news people and like I mean, I don't want to generally

I don't know their generous. Yeah, it's the news the news people's They're all like they they're all like, kind and accommodating and loving. They're just like, yeah, that's a great question. Let me, let me take the time out of my day to calmly and loosely answer your anger question. And answer your really, really dumb question too, because some shit, she's just like,

don't you just believe in like a big stupid book? Like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, and they're just like, welcome. Welcome, we will call her, don't you just believe in like a big stupid book? Like a book. That's it. And they're just like, welcome. Welcome. We will call her. I love you with our loving calmness and calmly love with calm lovingness.

And it's like, nobody would do that. If you fucking ambush somebody with anger, people like, I'm also angry now. That's how people work. But no, but Christians are better than us because we're atheists. So, and of course, like like she's demanding that they explain God which is insane I mean, but but their explanation is even more insane because they're like well that's where we get our hope is from God

And they're like well that doesn't that's not how you verify that things Well, then they ask her like where do you get your hope from she's like I have cancer Well, then they ask her like where do you get your hope from? She's like I have cancer Dare you right in my home origin And of course this is where the drummer starts channeling God and he's like I think what you really want to know is why how you can love Jesus to and she's like you're right That's exactly what I Then she blows him but we don't see that And at this point I would have settled for that honestly

Face chick settled for that and drop my pants and fucking glory. I would have been so happy I'm like finally something I can masturbate to in this movie I didn't even care that one of them's deformed Jesus I drew it up three times and saving private Ryan I couldn't even get a heart once in this movie twice in Shindler's list I don't want it. Qui-Gon is pretty sexy though, you know, it's pretty easy. So and then of course through crowd chats we also learned that skipy martin sorbos ex and hijab girl

are also all at this concert why because she can't afford to be anywhere yeah boy's concert well let's see what should I spend my limited read here zero resources on news boys tickets well right and how are we supposed to believe that did did did pastor Dave have a ticket to give her because she was thrown out of her house without anything but the close she was wearing exactly he didn't even give her her her job you won't see this

it out and somehow they all have tickets in the main character section of Rodgers. That was convenient. So now we get this amazing again beat off worthy scene where we get Kevin Sorbo sifting through his goddess dead papers as though he normally masturbates to those, but today he just can't, can't, he can't bring himself also it's either that or he's filing them away so he can sell their souls on eBay well yeah he's definitely definitely about to have a weepie jerk with his god is

dead son Jack I prefer a hateful year book but you know teaches on and and then he switches over to a dying letter from mom which I think is even better that That was good. You're gonna weepy jerk it. Yeah, dying letter. The letter was written on Civil War paper, by the way. You're like, you hold that thing up. And it's like, that's like fucking like my dearest son.

And I guess like fucking Ken Burns. You drive slow-can over that thing. The paper's like- Oh, your heart's minty and like, cracked at the edges and shit. Hello, Grandpa Kevin Sorbo. Your mother's dead. The paper's like a parchmente and like cracked at the edges and shit Hello, Grandpa Kevin Sorbo your mother She wants you to be a Christian So and then of course we got to go backstage with the with the news boys who are now praying

To God to first of all to get rid of this jigs cancer, but more importantly to make her a Christian and show her Jesus's love. Yeah, no, it's a chemotherapy prayer. I've heard of that. Oh my gosh, I got you. It's a radiation. They do. They do. Yeah, standard. I don't know, but again, I saw those four dudes

standing around waste level and she's the one bowed down. I was like, I have seen this movie. I know how this is. It ends four times. I've not. It ends four times with a champagne glass. And then we get some of that great music that Christian bands are known for. Yeah. My music video is The Oncology Song.

Cool. When was the last time you guys went to a concert where they fucking put the words on PowerPoint on the fucking screen behind the fucking people singing them? Yeah, if you're good, people just know those words. Yeah Okay, sing along. No nobody gives a shit. All right Can we get a can we karaoke this somehow you guys hold me closer? I need dance Okay, all right

And of course during this song we're also getting sorboh out to find Mina where it starts raining on him like like Jim Carey and Truman show Well, it's raining to his right, but if you're fine They only had three buckets of water. They're just like Job's gonna make it don't worry. Job's gonna make it And then he crosses the street and he gets hit by a car like Charlie Brown missing the football. Oh, this goes on amazing. So high. And they show his face like, oh my god. It was like he got lifted by a battle bot. His body might as well burst into flames and explode at this

Ridiculous it's For primed and Right and now we get like the most like at this point I didn't think this movie could still boggle my fucking mind But the pastors get out. The African guy who was unaware of the existence of car rentals six fucking days ago, looks at the guy and says, yeah, his lungs are filling with blood. He's definitely gonna die.

That's his medical prognosis. We're just gonna talk to him while his lungs are filling. I know, I know, let's have a little convo. What's going on, buddy? I know this hurts a lot. And that would be excruciating. Anyway, who got the big game? Yeah, don't worry, I won't spoil it.

Yes. So, and again, all right, what they're doing here now is saving his soul. There's 300 people who have gathered around to watch this man die. No one makes any effort to apply any kind of first aid or help him in any way. Instead, they leave him alone so this pastor can annoy him until his last breath. Everyone in the universe would agree that this is a dick move, right? It's almost like his press in his chest like does this hurt? So funny too, and then the fucking guy the pastor says something like oh, well, it's good that you're fucking like really really really really

Hacks for double special hurt and not dead instantly I know it's like what? Yeah, imagine if you had died without terrible agony. That would have sucked right? You know, like in your sleep with a smile on your face, and you think you'd be bad? Well, that would have been terrible.

Yeah, this is excellent. You see how that pastor over there is smiling the African guy? This is good. This is definitely good. All you gotta do now is accept Jesus into your life. Do you? And he's like, I just wanted him to be like,

well, you have to say out the whole sentence you just said it except Jesus has my and then he dies and then I lost another one damn you Satan it didn't count and then he dies and I just wrote that lucky bastard gets to leave this movie early and he's not gonna be called back for part two so he's right well to be called back for part two. So he, all right. Well, he might have to, I'll Obi-Wan

Kenobi in the third one. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, Cammy O. Blatter we are not only have they settled for a Supporting duck dynasty character, but for the second cameo they couldn't even get him to show up He had he literally phone in his cameo in this goddamn movie wearing the same outfit as before Clearly just did all this the same afternoon. He's like like, I got from three to four thirty. That's what you got. Work it out. Work it out. I don't care about blocking. I don't care about anything.

I'll just stand in front of a green screen if I have to. I don't give a fuck. I'm a duchess to shoot. I'm a very important Batman. We got a tweet from Uncle Psi. We're going to put up on the board here. It's inspirational. What?

And of course, Duck Commander is there to praise skippy's efforts He's like I hear there's doing an emperor of festers with his thought brain thinking Chad tells some boys that God was dead Darn how he wasn't and then he commands everyone in the audience to spam every person that's ever trusted them with their phone number What an incredible dick move. Now did this actually happen to you guys? Did you actually get anybody texting you? God's not dead when this movie came out.

No, no, no. We texted you live. On his wedding night. Oh, no. We figured he had a, we didn't have anything else to do. No, we texted him and Tom didn't know his wedding night and then Tom was like, good. So.

I figured it doesn't matter what time it hits, he's already finished. So it's fine. Shit. And then I'm like, and also look, the Muslim girl does this in the movie. She texts everyone. She knows the Chinese kid. Text everybody in English that got this. It's it.

It was either that or man to knees. Man to knees. But the Chinese guy is the dad's phone. It says enter message in English at the bottom. It has Arabic numerals for the time of the movie. And then we get, okay, so this was at once the most disappointing part of the movie and the greatest part of the movie where the African pastor explains like

you know we all learn something here today well except that dead guy I love the dead there really is a more you know the moment the end isn't there well that little boy grew up to be so yeah and the guys going like you like, you know, the African pastor like everything happened today was good because paying sure for a minute, but confirmation bias. So squares these, he basically they have them standing over a man who has just died painfully

in the street at a young age and their lines are but think of the joy in heaven how creepy does that make christian scene we were we were just fucking flummoxed over that last scene too not only do they have to kill the guy but that at one point that like inside the fucking whole uh... thing you had mentioned that that that that uh... chubby duck guy is saying, oh well we hear there's a pastor who's a student who's really showing it to the professor and you're just like, that guy is outside dying.

Yeah, right. That guy's done. Like fucking God won twice. Not only God not only won in the room, but he fucked that guy's chicken. He's still in the room. Christian's still mourn their dead like this guy is like laying in the street and it's like well bully for him I think I'll get hit by a car and enjoy some joy It's 30 minutes 30 minutes before they're praying over someone's cancer not high-fiving or you know

All you're gonna meet Jesus. You're so lucky you have cancer. I wish I had cancer We're just the news boys though they are cancer Yeah, no in this movie news boys They were actually yeah Now of course the last time we had you guys on as Cecil mentioned we did loving the bad man And I know that Cecil was really pissed that we forced him to watch a rape-free movie this time around So I was thinking at the very least we could close things off tonight with a raped-themed rating system.

Oh, Jesus. Oh, good. Okay. For season. Fuck. So, rather than asking where this movie makes you want to stick your thumb, we're going to wrap up with a three-part question. In order for this movie to be good, who would have had to get raped by who and what would they have had to rape them with?

Oh Jesus! That's a good one. Okay, I'm gonna say the girl with the dragon tattoo rapes Brock Turner. It's completely unrelated to the movie. I just kind of want that in general. Can that be my answer? Sure, why not? OK. I'm going to go with Colonel Mustard rapes the Muslim chick with a cross. And Cecil, rape? I think this movie, if the crazy, if crazy spice,

blonde girl, got raped by the Muslim with a discourse on method. I would also settle for any CS Lewis too. It's good, you don't want to be overly specific on that one. You don't want to make too many demands. She's got to be in red. She's got to be in red though. She will be when it's over. Oh god. Jesus. I don't. Tom just offended himself. She's gotta be in red she's gotta be in red though. She will be when it's over

I don't time just offended himself It happens so much to him just like that's not something I say I say that so much. Yeah, keep telling yourself that so Congratulations, you have now made it through two of these shows. So hell should be pretty easy on you in comparison But of course of our listeners feel like they're not like done with you quite yet. Where can they go to hear more from you? Go to dissonancepod.com you can find literally all of the stuff about us awesome Awesome, well, thanks again and can't wait to see you guys in Manchester, England at the QED conference October 14th through the 16th on a total show and well while that does it for our review of God's Not Dead, that's not gonna do it for the episode just yet,

because we still need to tantalize you for Mr. and a Bosnix triumphant return. So heath, tell us what's on deck? The masked saint. Oh, it's on Netflix and everything. Everybody can watch along. Yep, yep, yep. Pierce to be the story of a vigilante pastor slash

Lucha Libre Mexican professional wrestler. Uh-huh. Yeah named Fraser Ramon. I'm assuming and the movie seems to think this sport the Mexican professional wrestling is just as real as Christian magic Well, which is true. Yeah, so as it turns out that should be fun Finally, we get back to a full movie of Christian movie sportsing So excited. I asked Eli, I'm like, dude, we can do it. It's it's it's your day, man. What do you want to do? Most of all, he's like wrestling. So so with all that to look forward to,

we're gonna bring episode 54 to a merciful clothes. Once again, a huge thanks to Tom and Cecil for helping us out tonight and an equally huge thanks to all the Patreon donors that help make the show go. If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks, you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash godawful and thereby earn early access to every episode. You can also help us a ton by leaving us a 5 star review on iTunes and by sharing the show on all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoyed this show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the scathing atheist

and the skeptic rat available on iTunes Stitcher and Wherever else podcasts live. If you have questions, comments or cinematic suggestions, you can email Godoffalmovies at gmail.com. All the music used in this episode was written and performed by Ryan Slotnik of Evil Drafts on Mars and was used with permission. If you like what you hear, hear more by following the links on the show notes for this episode. Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week

for Heathen, right, Neely, Bosnick, I'm no illusions promise and to work hard to earn another chunk next week. Until then, we'll leave you with a breakfast club close. Dr. Gowd, no, daddy, surely love. Never alive. Newsboys. They were in this movie.

Where they? Newsboys. Kevin Sorbo went on to play the voice of retro Hercules in the video game called Smite, a gay pirate fight club motor in Revelation Road, the Black Rider, and Mayor Berman in piranha sharks. Revelation road the black rider and mayor bourbon in piranhas sharks Where his career went this one Anna was mortified when she learned why Eli insisted that their honeymoon have a stopoff in Greece God

Oh, Sorry about that twice collectively like Twice and you watched it at not at all He's on do you I hear God's dad is everybody on board with me. Yes. Yes. Wait not scrolled it in there I have a very persuasive PowerPoint. I will present later on. Back home, right? So he knows super pissed.

Sorry, go on, he's no, I'm not going. The preceding podcast was a production of puzzle and a thunderstorm LLC. Copyright 2016. All rights reserved. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC, Cabiray 2016, all rights reserved.