God Awful Movies - 57: GAM057 The Unexpected Bar Mitzvah

Episode Date: September 20, 2016

This week, Eli, Noah, and Heath join up with a mysterious friend for an atheist review of The Unexpected Bar Mitzvah, a movie about a young Christian boy in South Dakota and his relentless efforts to cure his Jewish neighbors of their Judaism. Seriously. That's what it's about. --- If you’d like to make a per episode donation, please check us out on Patreon Our theme music is written and performed by Ryan Slotnick of Evil Giraffes on Mars. If you’d like to hear more, check out their Facebook Page.

And then he is this amazing moment where he's like we're not trying to take anything away from him. Yeah, right. We're just trying to cure. No, not you call sure away and we're not trying to take anything away from you. We're just trying to take the Jews away from us. Different like I want to say purge Exterment no movie Welcome back to the gamcast where each week we sample another selection from Christian cinema because somehow we must Stook that for a good idea. I'm your host Noah Luzon's and sitting to my immediate left is my good friend Heath and right Heath Welcome back glad to be here Zee Kyle Zee Kyle's all right Heath and right Heath welcome back glad to be here Zee Kyle Zee Kyle's all right It's just gonna go down to a movie I found it slightly offensive little bit and of course sitting 81 miles to my right is my bad friend Eli Bosnig Eli How are you this fine afternoon sir?

Sorry, sorry I'm just getting into character. I also watch this movie Pretty accurate. Yeah, yeah told And also sitting approximately 81 miles to my right is another friend who shall remain nameless well actually He shan't remain nameless are good friend Moishi Steinstein is also joining us today. Moishi. How are you? How much gold am I being paid for this show? I'm sorry. I'm sorry. this movie turned me into a racist character, Turvajew.

You and everyone else in it. Yeah, no shit, if any movie could do it. All right, so enough with the tease and tell us, Heath, what will we be breaking down today? All right, we watched the unexpected Bar Mitzvah. It's the story of how Noah and I, and even you other people, can all find a path to heaven if we all join the right sect of Judaism, which is called Christianity. Yeah, that's so wise.

It's like an anti-Semitic version of the white man's burden. It's the Aryan man's burden. We watched the Aryan man's burden. It's the Aryan man's burden. The Aryan man's burden. Oh my god. We took it out. It was so bad. Oh, shit, and Eli, moishi. How bad was this movie? Well, if you loved the elders of Zion, but it wasn't quite so panashi, and there wasn't enough shitting on Harry Potter. You will love this movie This is a first draft that Hitler and Liny Reffenstall turned down He was like rots instead right rots instead. This is too far

Oh, okay, so before we even start you're gonna hear a lot of unbelievable shit today It's gonna be you know phrased in the form of and then blank happens and you're gonna be like bullshit I have to assure you guys this movie truly really exists the shit work about to say happens in this movie Really truly happens in this movie. I mean I have never written in my notes so often in a film I mean I have never written in my notes so often in a film actual line in all caps Oh, yeah very early on in this film. I was like oh all my notes are just gonna be the words in this movie I Rewound this movie more times than I've ever read about anything not cuz like I wanted to like catch back on something But because I was convinced I couldn't have heard the things I heard

I was like I'm gonna feel bad if I make a joke about this detail that didn't really happen. And every time I watched it, I was like, oh, that's so much fucking worse than the thing I thought. That's worse the second time. Holy shit. Now, is there anything you guys want to nominate? This one for being the best at being the worst at? Yeah, I'm gonna say best worst Jewish accent I have ever heard. One of the main characters tries to sound Jewish, maybe like three times, for half a sentence. Yeah.

It is masterful, we'll get there. I'm gonna nominate this film for most groups offended, because it somehow manages to fucking clear the Jews, the Native Americans, Filipinos, the entire state of South Dakota in the first six minutes. Yes. Yeah, they were going for the all square, yeah.

Can I go with most casual miracle healer? I mean, spoiler alert, there is a miracle healer at the end of this movie movie and nobody gives any fucks Like no, no, but here's the best part you ready. He's fucking into Jesus now, huh? Here's someone's MS, but he's into Jesus now He's here Jesus also I want to go with least understanding of the Jews from people who obviously claim to be Jews or ex-Jews of whatever kind. Absolutely. Hitler would have watched this movie and been like, come on, that's not true. Even I'm not sure.

It's also, there's a lot of moments and we'll point them out as we go and moishy. Maybe you can back me up on this. There's a lot of moments where they obviously have the Jewish props, but they don't know how to go. Oh, I don't want to give that away because it's the last scene of the movie. They don't have a fucking clue what anything is. And in my notes, throughout this movie, I'm just like the sentence I typed the most in my notes is, oh look, another thing they don't know what is. And that's a repeated theme.

And that's what's so great, because it'd be like walking and having a movie where all the Christians but that crucifixes are pointed to the right. Like you just constantly, or you've got Muslims but she's wearing like no bottoms and a burka on the top like they just don't understand. Right. Oh, it's like they took all of the Jewish paraphernalia to the seagull from little mermaid They're like, okay, how do you use this is this one your butt? I don't get it. That's a Jew moon jigger Juicy what's the Jew flux capacitor

That gets in there, too well obviously the audience has been waiting about 2,000 years for this showdown So we'll keep the break brief and when we come back we'll break down the bottomless pit of crazy that is the unexpected bar mitzvah Hey folks quick interlude here Eli's quite excited For those who you wondering what Eli's so excited about and or who don't listen to our other show the skating atheist We're in the process of doing a charity drive right now with the guys over at cognitive dissonance called vulgarity for charity Dude, are those jumping jacks? I don't know. I don't think that counts as anyway The charity we've chosen this year is called modest needs now

They're a fantastic group. They basically are like a goal fund me for people who need help from everything from paying their kids funeral expenses to medical expenses to just get by on the bills and unlike other fundraising sites they vet the people and make sure that the money goes straight to the debtors so your cousin Becky can't go on there and ask for new speakers and we can single-handedly clear that entire website of all its debt if every listener to our show chipped in. I think maybe it's karate or he's choking. It's a combination. I really don't want to know. So here's how you can play along.

If you make a donation to modest needs of $20 or more, we'll insult any person of your choosing from your sister to Stephen Baldwin on air in one of our upcoming episodes. Donate $50 or more and you're entering to win an insult from a special guest roaster. We've got podcasting atheism and comedy friends we're gonna play along and if you want to do some good while being bad this is the best way to do it you'll find all the details at scathingatias.com or look for the modest need link on the show notes for this episode and now assuming that Eli can

handle it back to the show okay I'm 12% sure it's the worm now. I'm just... He's dancing back at Kirk Cameron. Okay, the unexpected bar mitzvah. Take one. And action. But son, we've always been Jewish cut cut. Sorry Rich can you do it?

Can you do it Jewie here? I'm sorry. How do you mean Jew here? Oh? You know like like Jew weird Jew like that Look doers Weird Jew like that Look look news Well, well, hmm Jew ear though Vata about these huh almost there. That's pretty good a Perfect, okay, let's go to Jews don't like to hear the truth part three part three Hey folks, sorry one last quick announcement patreon now has an rss feed

Which means if you're already a Patreon, you should have gotten the link to the feed, which will allow you to play the early commercial free version of our show on any podcast player. And to show you how easy it is, we're going to do this live with Heath on the air. Heath, are you ready to go? I am all set, I guess. Okay, what app are you using? The podcast one.

Mm-hmm, can you describe it? I use it to listen to podcasts on my phone. Is it purple, like the little man having a spider sense moment? Yes. Okay, all right, all right. So now we just need you to copy the RSS link in the email. Nobody sent me any mail. No e mail. You sent me mail? No, this was a bad way to show people this. It's here. No, okay, I got it. Okay, all right. Now, now click

the plus sign to add a new podcast via the RSS feed. Okay, got it. Cool. And just paste it in and it'll update just like the show has been, but you get it sometimes extra long, early and commercial free. It's not working. Really? It was so easy for me. Let me see that. Is this a block of wood with a flute drawn on it? Yes it is. Why? Why a flute? So I can tweet. And we're back for the breakdown. And before we even get started, I want to say we've got like 130 collective pages

of notes here. There has never been more crazy in a two hour fucking movie. I want to just throw out the distinct possibility that this turns into a two part episode. Yep, I'm okay with it. Holy shit. I have two episodes on the opening credits. I'm gonna be talking about this for the rest of my life. Yeah, I know.

Yeah, so the opening credits in question are basically Windows Movie Maker credits featuring two tinkerbells locked in an erotic mating ritual of some sort. The same mating ritual over and over and over again. And if you're wondering, Hey, does that get annoying after the third time you see it? It sure does. Do we see it 874 more times? We sure fucking do. I'm told that's pleasant, whatever.

Do we miss it before this movie's over? You bet your ass wait though And and then we cut to we abruptly cut to this living room set and I've never managed to hate a movie earlier Then I managed to hate this one. Oh, yeah first line Tim Tebow has done it again This movie I almost quit I almost called you guys up. I'm not doing this. You're gonna have to thief in the night,

and this one guys, you're gonna have to move in the night, this one. I'll catch up on what a puzzle in a thunderstorm means later. We hear the announcer saying that's five wins in a row for Tibo and the Broncos. So it's literally December 4th, 2011. It literally has to be December 4th, 2011. It has to be December 4th, 2011. One of the two times his entire NFL career, he threw from more than 200 yards

yet 202 that day. That's, Jury's had that in three passes last week. All in the fourth quarter too. Yeah, it's amazing. And you have him. Well, first, can we talk about how these people look? Because Christian dad looks like Chuckie found Jesus and settled down. He has a crazy, smooth little boy face. He looks like he requires a very elaborate cowboy play. And Christian's son, he looks like his barber let Jesus take the wheel. He looks like Harry Potter and the Invisalign Law. So they're sitting there and the dad turns to his son and he's like, like I said son, I'm not sure I'm comfortable saying God endorses a football team.

And it's not because that's fucking insane. It's because, you know, a great people praying on both sides And I just pictured like a Kamehameha battle from Dragon Ball scene and just like pushing the light beams against each other God only helps believers. That's why he God never helps Sandy Kofax. That was all him He's the only player in the history who did it all on his own Yeah, yeah, well him and in Aryan foster that's a Ryan Braun But he had the steroids Cheaters

Actual quote from this movie and I'm gonna say that a lot so get ready. Oh, yeah I do believe that God has anointed Tim Tibo to bring his name into the national spotlight and quote Tim Tibo. It's also it's also worth pointing out that the thing that starts this entire scene is the kid turning to his dad and totally earnestly asking him, dad, do you think Tim Tibo has real magic powers? Yes, that's the thing that starts the conversation. He's like, where'd you hear about that faggot magic? No. No.

And here's the problem. If you believe in real magic, that's a tricky question. For us, that's just like nope, but for him, he's like, okay, now when you say magic powers, there's four types of swords, one is in all real and I'm mad at three of them. And this is also where we learn that the son, the kid's name is Paul. ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha The Philippines! It's like ministering Judaism in in like Jerusalem. Oh, in Williamsburg, yeah, exactly. Take your pick. Crown Heights. I just want to spread the word of Judaism in Crown Heights. We're the less Jewish than we are. Yeah, I know.

You know the Philippines that part of the world where they take the book seriously and we had to send other people by to be like, I'm just kidding here. We're gonna take that. We had to send other people by to be like, we're just kidding here, we're gonna take that. Don't burn wishes, don't do it. I know, we came with fire and also told you that book was true, I would be confused too. Yeah, Philippine doesn't hurt a Christianity, that's a great plan.

Maybe bring some unmarked aspirin pills, see how that goes. That's good luck. Oh, for fuck's sake, yeah, it's literally one of the most Christian nations in the world, by the way. way yeah i googled the exact statistics it's eighty six percent Roman Catholic six percent belong to various nationalized Christian cults and another two percent this i didn't say that that's

literally from the fucking first result on school and another two percent belong to well over one hundred Protestant denominations it's the fourth largest Christian country on the planet. You have to try to name a place more Christian. Right. And by the way, I was thinking about this Tibo thing. And I was thinking to myself, why would God make Tibo left-handed since that's a sign of Satan, right?

But then I remember he made Tibo right-handed and just nobody told Tibo. So it's fine. This is why he's been shot putting the ball at the ground for the last 10 years. Now, now he knows, though, because I know he does listen to this show. Now that's just a low pitch. That's cool. You can swing a strike out of this. And now it's a slide.

It was just got testing him. Oh, clearly, as we'll learn. So, yeah, so then dad wants to get dad is not convinced by this whole missionary thing to the Philippines. So dad gives the kid a book about the about mission work in Asia. This will be the first of about 406 times that a dad gives a kid a book in this movie. All of them I want to read. I want to read all the books. All the books. Essentially what happens throughout this book is that fathers give their sons, spells and counter spells. Yes, people who like this book also read had a writing credit

in this fucking script. So meanwhile, we cut to a Jewish family that's also celebrating the amazing T-bow come back Well, the kid is anyway the dad is angry because he will only be angry in this film until the end of the third act And and this is where we see for the first time what these people think Jews Sound like oh god, okay, so first all, we need to talk about dad, who is Jewish John Malkovich, right? He's John Moil Kovetch. We learn that what this actor's portrayal of a Jew is going to be is to speak very, very clearly and carefully

when he is not shouting at his son. And also his beard is amazing. Oh God. It's not connected to the rest of his face, which is just a weird thing, but it's so over the top, I don't understand. Like he might as well have pay his dreadlocks like Jewish predator.

Like, and start speaking in Jewish clicks every few scenes. Like, really? Oh, God. So the sun is celebrating that Tim Tibo has also scored a touchdown. And he doesn't understand that Tim Tibo is praying. So he turns to his dad and he's like, what's he doing down on one knee, Dad? Have you ever heard of that? And Dad's like, we do not talk about him. I find that very

Offensive and that's what I realized for the first time in this movie that they think Jews think the word Jesus is Offensive. Yes, it is it is the Voldemort of the Jewish household according to this movie and then The the the worst part is then the kid goes, but doesn't Tim Tivo worship the same God as us? And the dad goes, no! And it's the moment I realized, oh it's not just the Philippines, they don't know what Jews are either. That's the central conceita of the film is we don't know what the Philippines are and we're pretty shoe the Jews worship the Sun But he basically turns to him and he's like one more word about Tim Tebow and I'll cut off your dick again Yeah, and of course this is where dad this dad also gives his son a book

But instead of it being a Christian book. It's a Holocaust book because he's Jewish We are we are two minutes into meeting this Jewish family before they're like how many minutes do they go before before Before Holocaust talk to two four Jews have a bird's in the bees Esk talk. Yeah, they're children about the Holocaust is like son. You're old enough now This is what happens when we let people tell us which train to go on these esk talk in their children about the Holocaust. It's like, son, you're old enough now. This is what happens when we let people tell us which train to go on. You're gonna be in Berlin.

It happens at 12, because you never learn about it before. Then the dad sits here and he's like, it's time I told you about a man named Adolf. So, all of the pronunciation of this Jewish dad, and of all the Jewish characters in the movie, is like the Jewish equivalent of the douche who calls it Mutsarel. Oh yeah, it's just fucking unbearable. The guy who pronounces Nietzsche correctly.

Yeah, yeah, and I want to point out and I will have so many fucking notes on this and I apologize in advance for this, but the sound mixing in this movie is about as offensive as the anti-Semitism. I found those two things equally offensive throughout this fucking film. Like the mom character, right? The this character whispers every time she's on screen and in this movie, whoever's closer to the camera is louder. Yes. My mom is constantly on mute throughout this movie as we will. Yeah. Yeah. And mom looks like an Irish cop going undercover in Williamsburg.

It is. She is not. She looks like Sam Kinnison dressed up as Molly Shannon dressed up as a Jewish lady in Williamsburg. It's not a woman. Oh hot. I wrote my notes. She looks like the beginning of an infomercial.

She's like always about to fail to open milk. She's got better way. Oh shit. infomercial she's like always about to fail to open milk And so now we go back to the good Christian family where apparently Paul just finished his book about ministering to people in Asia and The line here is just literally he comes and he's like yeah dad I learned I shouldn't go minister in Asia I should just give money to gospel for Asia. And he might as well point to a phone number at the bottom of the screen. Yeah, just an annotation in the corner.

It'll get there. This is ended up on YouTube eventually. Take care. He's like, yeah, I learned that brown people don't like it when we take up the white man's burden directly. They're less embarrassed when we outsource the missionary work to other brown people. That's what he learned in this book. We syndicate the white man's person so instead of going to the Philippines the kid decides he's gonna witness

This is a direct quote. I'm gonna witness to the Jewish community. Yes, that's his new plan to which his mom Who looks like a bad wig mannequin? Well, honey, we don't have any looks around and goes Says well, honey, we don't have any looks around and goes That's the performance the performances don't say the name too loud or they'll appear behind I'm sorry. Can I adjust the air conditioning? This is South Dakota. They would shatter there are not just here and then and then they offered to find him a Jew. They're like, I mean, maybe we could drive a few, you know what? You can only have a semi if you promise to clean up after a move on every day.

I'll take super good care of it. I'll give him an air conditioner and his cage. I'll give him something to be offended about every morning. I'll get a subscription of the New York Times, all in my own. Okay, all in my own. Okay, sweetie, but remember remember they don't like baths. No way it showers showers We said like we'll if we can't find you a Jew how about a native American Mormons think they're Jews they're like Jews But they literally they're like well, what about the Native Americans? They don't know about Jesus and would and the kids like no no we no, we killed all of them. Remember take you to Redskins game if you want

And at first I was super offended by that whole Native I thought was like Why are they even bringing up the Native Americans? And then I remembered the movies track record up until this point with like knowing what things are And I realized for all we fucking know they think Native Americans are like dear He convinces him at the end he goes well hey, I got you this book called They thought for themselves and we're all seeing it. You're not it's on Amazon. It's a penny. I want We're all seeing it. You're not it's on Amazon. It's a penny. I want that Yeah, it's by Sid Roth and spoiler the ten Jews were amazing because they stopped being Yeah, that's the best thing a Jew can do

Yeah, so dad's like yeah, I got a book about juice smartening up and coming to Jesus. So here you go. That's how scenes and anyway. So now we cut to back to the Jewish family where the Jew kid Abraham has been up all night, gobbling up his holocaust book when dad wakes up in the morning. Right. And by the way, it's the walk lock says 230. It does. Dad wakes up at 2.30 in the morning and uh... aives like yeah I pretty much done uh... done reading and uh... I think I'd say that an objective observer would say that holocaust could never happen again and us choose a being way too sensitive at this point it's time to forget them right

i'm a jew thanks for himself ever forget their they're tricky enough with their language that at this point in my notes, I wrote and so did Moishi. Please let this be a Holocaust denial movie. Please let this be a Holocaust denial movie. Yeah, we had the exact same dream. You and I have the same dream for this film. It was like, why did they hate us

and I wanted one of these characters so badly to be like, because we did 9-11. Yeah. And to be clear, later on in the movie, they do flirt with that. Like the Jew fluttered on themselves, and that's the movie where I fucking punched a hole through my television set, but they do flirt with that later on. Yeah, no, we got there. We don't get quite to, like the claims in this movie are more insane than the juice did 9-11. That is like that is would not be the

most insane claim in this film if it was in this film. It's more insane than like traditional Holocaust denial. Because traditional Holocaust now is at least just like I don't I just don't think that history happened and yeah you're fucking wrong. But this movie is like, I think it happened only because God wasn't on our side enough. Yes, right, because you guys didn't listen about Jesus. Yeah, that is this. We'll get there, but yes, that's where this fucking movie goes. It should be called researching for Bobby Fisher.

And I love too, because like the kids go in like, well, I don't think something like this could happen any any more There's not that kind of anti-Semitism in the world today is there and the dad's like well, we're making this I mean we're trying and Like we're doing our best the same kind of audience at this point if you finish the fucking scene He's still to edit it and of course that this is also where also where we first really meet the mom where she has to get on to him for yelling at the game. At least I assume that's what she was whispering. Oh, and her name is Hava.

Yup, Hava. I am 100% certain. The writers started just naming Jewish words and somebody said Hava Nagila. And nobody else said anything. That's the first hand last. That's it. We got first hand last. No. All right, we're just going. We got first hand last. No.

All right, we're just gonna go with Havana though. That's fine. Shit. Can we name the main character, Tevye? No. No. We got just one of the other characters from the only Jewish thing any of us have ever seen.

Yeah. Because you can see them imitating Fiddler at various points through this movie. The three times dad tries a Jewish accent, it's him doing a zero mustel impression oh yeah not like he might as well just going like that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that But before we get there, I want to talk about this weird establishing shot. Because it's such a minor thing, but just between going from the Jewish guy to the phone call, between these two scenes, they just show what appears to be Mount Fuji for a second.

Just like, as though to say, we know what establishing shots are. We're not going to use them anymore, but we just want to let you know. We do know. There are very few crazy billionaire money changes I would make to this movie, but one that I would is I would over I would dub over that scene and just when the mountain appears I would have someone go mountain I would make this movie perfect for me. It's not already not perfect That would help.

This is where people started after the flood. We do believe it. That's right. And okay, so what's going on here is that the Christian dad is hiring the Jewish dad to be a professor at his college that he owns, I guess I don't know whatever the fact they don't know how colleges work in these movies. Also, Moishi, be with me here.

They're talking for about 30 seconds before Christian dad says to Jewish dad, I suspect that you're Jewish. In never ends well. That conversation, I suspect that you're Jewish. That's the moment where general Akbar Locson is just like, it's a trap. I cannot imagine we might not want no Jews around these parts. Is a legal question and a job interview, is it? You're a Jew boy, right?

Just explaining that there are no Jews at Crystal Lane. Yes. And he explains, and Micah, who is totally, the Jew dad, who is totally unfazed by that question is just like, yes, we are Jewish, conservative Jewish, you know, with the hat and the stuff. Occasionally with the accents, was something kind of close to that.

And then he says, I need an answer by 2 p.m. Well, there's a ton of like superfluous detail in this conversation as well. This movie does this for like constantly, but we hear them negotiating the rent on the house that he's going to get when they get there. Yeah. Yeah, well that's only that's only to show how thrilled the Jewish dad is about how cheap the rent is. Oh, I see.

Making that up. There's a moment where the fucking Christian dad goes, the house next to me is available for only $500. And the Jewish dad goes a week, and the Christian dad goes, no, a month. And the Jewish dad fucking pops a boner and the table moves. You know, the house next door to me is only available

for 50,000 pennies One two three It's a deal Like to get so bad so then I got a bargain 499 Now the real conversation begins crack So then we get like he's got to go tell us wife that yes, he's got a job But it's all the way in South Dakota and I will admit like the movie does get that right

No one wants to be in South fucking Dakota except people in North Dakota. Yeah, except this scene is supposed to be comedy and it is so upsetting. It is Nazi community community. They keep using Jew words and this is the first time they do Jew voice where they go like, oh, go boys. So I'm my goi-bo-do-goi-bo. And it is painful. There's at one point the mom stumbles the word, maschuguna out of her mouth, which comes out, maschugur, maschugur. And she's supposed to be surprised by like everything

he's saying. He's like, oh, it's so cold and she goes cold. And he goes, but you know, I'm sure we can get a rabbi over the internet internet she's just shocked by every fucking word that comes out of his mouth. Yeah she took performance notes from Scooby Doo. Roar! A thigh bus in a gorg. Yeah her Yiddish sounds like me trying to use ebonyx. It's not good. I'd be tripping constant. This snow is gonna be all up in my grill piece. It's not.

That's true. So now we head back to South Dakota with a good Christian family so that the dad can come in and basically say to them, I remember how we said the other day that we don't have no Jews. Well, I got us one. I found us one.

We're discussing the town getting this first Jew like it was an Arby's franchise, you know? Yeah, he's like, hey, you know how we don't have any Jews here and she's like how do you know we're getting Jews? He's like, oh, there's this app on the scroll that's been named in brackets. It's pretty cool. And that mom starts getting frustrated. She's worried. She's like, yeah, but Paul are son. He's gonna be Unjewing the Jew all afternoon. No, no the Jew all afternoon. That's a concern for her. And then this this plumber guy walks in out of the bathroom or whatever. Now I was convinced given the quality of the movie that we had up to this point that that guy didn't know they were doing a

movie and was just gonna kind of walk off screen and never be acknowledged. But, oh fuck, you guys making the movie today? Well, toilet's still back in the fuck up, so... So, don't get the whole crew in there and a shit in there. It's clean. It's clean now, I sucked it out, but it's not. So, don't flush. He just turns to her. It don't flush. I think he's a real handyman who did not know it was a movie. And he overheard this and he thought they were actually

Bringing a judo town and he was kind of pissed. Oh, is that so he goes outside and he clearly calls the clan Yeah, without steel dial. Yeah, yeah, right. Yeah, right. Just Siri call clan. So So now we get some Holocaust stuff Yeah, look like a Ken Burns Holocaust montage in the middle of this thing as though this movie we're saying hey you got a great anti-Semitism on a scale what we're doing here is not that bad yeah and we we can tell because we have a little Jewish girl voice over and we know she's Jewish because her visa and W's are yes the only way that I survived was because the bodies fell on me and kept me warm.

I mean, not warm, but like I'm still a little chilly. I couldn't even do a three more bodies. That's all I'm saying. Did Stetl have to fall that far away from the rest of the pit? That's all I'm saying. I don't think he did it on purpose. I'm saying how I feel. So apparently, and the reason we're getting this, I guess, is that the sun is reading this

Jew book about all the Jews that smartened up and came to Christ, and now he has to ask his mother about the problem of evil. Why would God let the Holocaust happen? Great question. Yes, so good. And her answer is, will you see God gave everyone free will, and the Nazis use their free will to do bad things, to which the little boy replies, well, why didn't God protect them? At which point she says, ask him yourself, jingly fucking

what a great question. Here are these keys. Those are yours. Just shake them back and forth for as long as you like. Literally, she leaves the room going, you tell me when you figure it out. Yeah, I'm a good mama, did a good job. I'm a good mama, did a good job. Her exact response, I think, is that's a question I've wondered about my entire life.

And my note on that is I don't believe you So now we get the Jews arriving in South Dakota. Yeah, they're really blown away by the majesty of this One room house in South Dakota and the Jews they come in the house and they close the door and there's like a crucifix there And they all react like fucking vampires All of them. They're all like That immediately pulls it down and we see that it's connected with Velcro. I was so happy I left for a good minute when I saw this well And also like this his landlord is the dad that hired him and said, you sound Jewish.

I mean, like his dad knew that a Jewish family was gonna live there and put that or left that crucifix there anyway. Yeah, it's furnished, not Jewish furniture. At least it wasn't burned. Yeah, exactly. Oh, well, exactly count your blessings also. He immediately starts to adjust the heat. Most real is the hardest part.

So, and so the the the sun, Abraham, turns to his dad and says, well, there's not a lot of Jews around here. Should I start spreading the word of Judas to all of these poor Christians? To which the mom's like, nah, it's not tell a lot of people were Jews. And I wrote, that's probably a good plan, honestly. Yeah, don't hiss. It's right down.

Make sure you don't hiss. Yeah, man. I was I was raised with that That's a very real thing by the way I was raised with the like don't tell when you're in certain situations like don't don't mention your Jewish Don't say anything about being Jewish and realizing the reason why is cuz a fucking movies like this one Cuz you fucking go to college and you're like yeah, I'm the Jew and people just start putting clothes of garlic on their neck now Because you fucking go to college and you're like yeah, I'm a Jew and people just start putting clothes of garlic on their neck now I said I was sorry, okay, you surprised me with it. Can you flout?

Do backflip no, that's not I was the way it wrong black so yeah, other one. Yeah, definitely not the Jews that you're thinking of So now we've got a brand new me meet Sarah who is the love interest for Abraham and you know because they just meet in the street and she says hi I'm the love interest for you and he goes oh that makes me the love interest for you. And he says you talking to me and I wrote runs Sarah he's gonna pull a gun out of his sleeve I've seen that movie. Yeah but that was a good movie and this is a different kind of movie. And this is an intro to an underage porn, right? Like it's shot like an underage porn.

It's scripted like an underage porn. There's just no Serbian man making these children fuck each other on camera. Like I'm sure it happened. Yeah, it's my head. It was just an intro. Yeah. Oh god. these children fucking shother on camera like I'm sure it happened yeah it's my head of my head was just an intro yeah I wrote my notes go go with her Abraham Sarah can show you something that Jews don't know about blowjob she looks like the first girl at your high school to get pregnant and be proud I'm

gonna name her angel because she came from an angel. No, she came from your 21 year old boyfriend, right? Who wears a monster hat to church. Oh my God, did we go to the same high school? I'm starting to think we all went to the same high school, yeah. And so now we get to Abraham and Sarah walking through the woods when a long come the Nazi twins Oh, and their first line is one of the greatest Real this is real is this the little Jew boy

followed by Never seen a real Jew before That's another that's seen the wax ones in the museum, but not live. They actually don't get Comedy Central in South Dakota. In the whole, this is good. I just don't get it, so. And to be fair, this is on Abraham. Jews know not to let people lead them into the woods.

That this wouldn't be a thing. You just got a book on the whole of Abraham. This is on you. And of course Sarah has to go all after school special on guys bullying isn't cool I expected a fucking The giant puppet to come out and start singing with her at that point A giant anti-Semitic puppet It's me doidoidl the drazel It's me do it all the draze

A burn you with my laser eyes. All right. This is this is number one on the crazy billionaire money list now It's moving all the way up to the top But they're they make it very clear that they're gonna rape them And I want it so badly just a flash cut to an Israeli helicopter bombing these kids all Shouldn't have shoved the kid we get a little extreme now We're a little sensitive to this kind of stuff So they're about to like fight the the Paul and the girlfriend and this is another actual quote one of the twins I don't know what the first one's name is he says to the other one. Hey Larry Why don't you go ahead and take him.

I'll occupy the mouth for a little while. And then if you need some help, I'll join in. Are you fucking kidding? They got this script from a rejected gang bang video script and forgot to change. Are you serious? He also says this will be a message to the Jew boy. And I just wrote in my notes,

a message to the Jew boy is the name of my are you there God, it's me Margaret one man show So but luckily for Abraham that right before they're about to beat him up the Christian kid Paul shows up to save the day and Does so by pushing both of them lightly Towards the people they're beating up as he It's a power ranger's fight without the low budget like fight Right, right is the start of a power ranger's fight. Yes, we just needed those bullies to go Also those bullies could have killed all three of them like Paul's a full head shorter than both of the bullies and they're like oh

I don't do this anymore man like Well, they're reason there's a reason I'm sorry. Yeah, there is a reason they did make this make sense You are right. Well, I don't know about that but they made a reason anyway You see Paul's dad works at the college and so if they beat him up right his dad We'll call the cops on them as opposed to the Jewish kid who will just be buried in the backyard like a hamster My mom called the cops for me watching this Oh god, I you know, I knew that there were things happening I knew I should have been writing notes about them

But the whole time I'm just writing they didn't even put a goddamn windscreen on the microphone. This is disgusting I wanted the bullies to go beat up the sound guy So spent all that budget on the oversized Deamacus I wouldn't be surprised if somebody was walking around with a goddamn windscreen on the back of his head going This is what they're right. It's fluffy. This is a flood. This is a Russian one. I think so yeah, so I'm ready to guard the Queen You know all the Queen's guards for Jewish That's why they don't laugh

They give their laughter to all the other ones like Woody Allen and the other ones So yeah, so now the kid wants to know who outed him as a Jew. I guess that's when we're supposed to connect it to the plumber scene from earlier. Yeah, he says, how do they know I was Jewish and Pals like, uh, I don't know, maybe your face, your Jew face. Sorry, sorry, your Jewish person face. Yeah, do they, no, do they do anything with calipers before? Yeah, that's a dead giveaway

if you this notch in the back of your skull and then and that ball drops his book he's reading out of the bag and and uh... aboram's like oh hey you dropped your book on we did that say building a fourth rike okay nearby not exactly but close yet so now we get we we go back to that uh... the uh... jewish mom and dad who

would and again the dad is angry because he's on camera so he's angry this time because mom has been accepted an invitation to go have dinner with the christian couple because these are the only four people that live in this universe. Again, this really speaks to the like not understanding that how Jews work because he goes, well, do they have kosha food? They know we need kosha food and she's like, well, she said she would be very careful about our dietary needs.

And I was like, really, they have a kosher kitchen? You know what? You have two sets of plates, separate milk and meat. Yeah, I can't have bitter herbs and salt water represent tears, I'm not going. It's just not happening. They didn't know what the entire nation of the Philippines is.

What fucking part of you? What part of you Eli believed that they were gonna get anything close to what the word to coach me. So now we cut to the dinner where we're going to start off by saying grace in Jesus's name. Yeah. God in heaven thanks for this delicious bacon wrapped lobster. It was just was killed by the Romans like they listen to my die a tribe last week or so uh... and then it basically paul's like dead can i bring

Abraham to my room so we can touch each other in the place where most tickles you like okay and micah's like kaki pa kaki pa of course this comes after a like literally a 90 second musical montage of just those people eating and silence. Yeah, to the music you you hear when you get into a sandals. Right.

To be fair, there's a lot more exciting than like 15 minutes of reading we've already seen. Yeah, we get multiple reading in the movie. We will end up missing that We will miss the slow jams of this Jamaican tune. Yeah, eventually a montage of any activity in which every moment of the activity looks exactly the same as a stupid No, like like there's a point where we have a montage of the kid reading and we just hover over the book for a really long time for like nine seconds. It's just different angles of the book. It's a scene, not a montage.

It's a terrible time hasn't passed. Right. So now the two kids go back to Paul's room where they bond over a Tim Tebow poster. And again, this is the other establishing shot they have in the movie they show the moon so we established it its night and when they cut to that shot you actually have the outdoor microphone sound of the no-win screen for the second to the moon is on screen widely for fuck's sake people have some decency just mute it just mute that fucking little clip oh the

moon is out where Noah drew the line in this movie This is a lot about you not This film is as offensive to filmmakers as it is to Jews I Believe so or anyone who records audio for a living. Yeah, no shit. So yeah, so they see like they're like Oh, he's just like oh you got a Tim Tibo poster. That's awesome Who's this fellow with the long hair and beard standing amongst these sheep? Is it the single most famous character in all of history and fiction and nonfiction? And he's literally just like, I don't know, some guy.

See a character from Harry Potter, I miss. Yeah. Well, as a Jew, I can confirm I neither recognize Jesus's picture nor am I allowed to say his name That's actually why they cut off your foreskin. Oh You get it back if you can make it to 40 without saying the jail Man it you guys now made me read the Bible said it too much. I'm almost gonna get it back So and then of course this this is where the burning question on the lips of every Jew comes out.

He turns to the Christian kid and he goes, why does Tim Tebow risk everyone hating him to talk about Jesus? And I wanted the kids so bad, I just go, he's an asshole. Total asshole. But he's like, yeah, no, it's tough for Christians here. You people don't know very much about persecutions,

but it's really tough. For Christians here in America and the Philippines. see he has survived an assassination attempt when he was minus eight months old After that Yeah, by the way, we're not we're not exaggerating even a little when we say that the great like Battle of this film is not between good and evil and it's not between Judaism and Christianity The like actual battle within this movie is genuinely between Harry Potter and Tim Teibah That is the existential Six to resolve

Not in one moment in many Over and over again. Oh, great. Would it be if Tim Teebo was in Slytherin and they had a fight? I would be wild to watch that. Do you think Tim Teebo knows that he's the opposite of Harry Potter? Yes, I do. Yes, I do.

Oh, I want to go to the universe where Harry Potter is real and Tim Teebo is a boy. This is also when he asks, they're talking about his, he's like, hey, can I borrow your book about Jews? It became Christian and he's like, yeah, there's this one story about this lady who gets holocausted. But then Jesus made her not care anymore. Did you die in the holocaust? At which point the Jewish kid goes, it's hard to be Jewish and not have like 80

members of your family having died in the Holocaust all of us died in the Holocaust which is especially weird considering that 10 minutes ago in the movie we've established that the kid had never fucking heard about the Holocaust until he got that yeah exactly and I love to at this point because like that the jewish kid goes like yeah my dad told me the people who did all of that stuff the nazis they were christians

and christian kids goes oh but they don't count the kid jewish kid goes oh good point good point i didn't think about it like that conversations are absurd paul says so like we think about the true scotsman fallacy these are kids and it is like yeah i agree that means the nazis't Christian cool yeah we're 12 yeah exactly as Christians don't murder people and my only notice bullshit wrapped nonsense

burrito and the movie and the movie spends a lot of time unpacking that fucking burrito let me tell you yeah exactly and as though they have no idea how circular their argument just became. Well, it's the point at which we realize they also don't know what Christians are. You just get to add it to the list of the things. So now, dinners over, we go back home with the Jewish family, and this is where dad, once again, randomly remembers his Jewie accent. How does he choose which times to do that? It just happens, it happens for these short little bursts and then it goes away. I think he had one of those, you ever seen

that ad for that dildo that's on like someone else's iPhone so they can activate it? I think every time the director activated the dildo that was inside of me was like, why are we home school you now He literally turns into one of the three stuages he goes sweeten Lee Yes, it's like a little tip of the hat a little dance Trying to poke his eyes. Yeah, exactly Also Abraham's like can I go to school today and they're like no, no, we told you, we're gonna homeschool you. And then they just fucking leave. We're gonna say it.

We'll go learn some shit. The people who made this movie watched Fiddler on the Roof, and their only note was Jews are suspicious. God, just the word suspicious, underlined over and over again. Spell with all S's, yeah. So, and then we cut to Paul, praying to unjew his neighbors. And then the camera pans up to his Jesus poster.

And I wanted so bad for the Jesus poster to just wink. I got this. I got this. Like the shifty eyes from Scooby Doo when somebody's watching. All right. Bam. Bam.

Bam. Bam. Bam. Bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam. So now we're going to go into one of the most bizarre series of scenes I've ever seen. This is going to happen three times in a row. We're going to watch the Jewish kid wake up from a bad dream and then go tell Paul and Sarah about that dream. And Abraham's first dream is that Harry Potter and Jesus get into a wizard fight, but Harry Potter is no match for Jesus. And this is actually what happened.

Anna, who is as much a Harry Potter fan as I am, turns to me and goes, how dare you bring this trash into our house and let the room. And my notes are like, I think my wife's actually mad. I think my wife is actually mad that Harry Potter lost the fight in this movie. We don't say Tibo in this house. Also while the kid's dreaming, he makes the same noises the South Park kids make when they dream. Like when carman's dreaming.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, him in the exact same place telling the exact same two kids about this dream. Yeah. And this time Abraham almost got stabbed by his dad. You guys read the book wrong. It's in the Christian one too. You have it reversed. Well, and okay, so this, but then he's dreaming of the Abraham and Isaac story, but just before his dad brought the knife down, he turned into Jesus and his dad stabbed Jesus.

So the Jewish kid literally dreamed that his Jew dad was murdering Jesus. Also, he can't remember the name of the story. He can't like remember like how to refer to it. He's like, you know, I had a dream. You know, what the one from the Bible, where the sun kills the, you know, the one where they buy all the lottery tickets and Monica spills them off the roof. And the one also, it's a good one. We do not celebrate. Well, I shouldn't say any more, but we do not celebrate during Rocha Shun of the story of Abraham almost stabbing Isaac right? You can't you can't see my

eyes but if you could I'd ask you to look right into them I'm not fucking know I but I never I am right it was apple I don't know maybe apples and I knew here Rocha Sh Russia is the Jewish New Year No one was ever like and then one time a guy was like I'm crazy. No, I'm not Ever my entire childhood no, and I grew up around superjuice. I went to Jewish private school for nine years and I that's not in my head. I'm hesitant to say like no because I'll feel can stupid later But I'm fairly sure that story is not like Super relevant to that holiday, but if that could have been like apples and honey

We would have been we would have been in I'm glad we got that all cleared up so so then The three Jewish listeners who were loving that Yeah, the three Jewish listeners are loving that shit. Oh, no, they're sending me emails go and like no actually they're on the Russia China holiday we do celebrate because but anyway, so that's where you got the voice from no isn't No, it's a fact that this guy like coach who were starting to run low man the list was starting to get a little thin Couldn't just do a christiano brothers movie every week so i needed this so there's the movie we should make it's about christian movie reviewers who

run out of christian movies and it's not making them in secret god awful movies the movie and then we get a third a waking up from a bad dream scene opening in a row and i just wrote okay is the rest of this movie gonna be him dreaming and waking up to tell his friends? Right! I just wanted these dreams to get wackier and wackier and wackier until like, Bozo the clown has a fucking dick fight with like, Moses on the mountain. It's just a flash cut and it's just like, and Scarlett Johson had like four mouths and he's like that one's not in the Bible Oh, but the other seven were and to be fair the other kids are sick of his shit two dreams ago

Yeah, who seems to go the girl he's like telling the girl and he's like I know it sounds crazy and she's like yeah, that's fucking nuts Yeah, fucking nuts tell it you get less cute every time you tell me about this Yeah Tell you get less cute every time you tell me about this Yeah, so and and so the the third dream though the that he has is about the Nativity scene Which he is never seen apparently has to describe it and I'm like oh, he's never been a courthouse after October Yeah, so so Paul invites him. He's like hey, man You've never seen a Nativity scene before and he's like no, and he's like well I've got some pictures at my house and and chocolate cake and they're like, hey man, you've never seen an activity scene before? And he's like, no, and he's like, well, I've got some pictures at my house and chocolate cake.

And they're like, cool cake. Yeah, I didn't know Christianity came with cake. Yeah, maybe this movie's a lesson for all Jews. Chocolate cake is how they get you. That's not a good show. My only note on this scene is the cake is a lie. Well, it is, it is though, because we follow him, and he never makes with the goddamn cake. They make such a big deal of saying, like,

no, I have cake, and then they don't have fucking cake. Instead, he goes into his kitchen, and he's like, where is that? It's like he's looking for cake, and he pulls out a goddamn nativity photo. Okay, he had this family keeps a large photo of the nativity scene in their kitchen drawer for quick access.

Yeah, once. If you need to open a can or something. Right. He basically turns to the Jew and he's like, look man, humor me. You're going to hell. Pants. That's what he says. It gets so fucking intense. This is the first scene in the movie that seriously

stressed me out because he delivers this scene, like a scene from the day after tomorrow. He's like, he's like, you know what? know what you know what Abe what if you're wrong? What if you're wrong? What if this is the end Like it's this kid acts his little fucking heart out God bless him and this is the first time but not the last that Abe worries that if he Finds Jesus his dad will kick him out of the house. Now look, I'm not saying it doesn't happen.

I'm not saying it doesn't happen. I'm saying I Googled Jews kicked kids out of house and Jews kicked kids. A post date Jews found zero results. I Googled gays kicked out of house i found a documentary from the eighties about how to sit at jews who were then later accepted by their parents who had a five-minute fight with their parents the people kicking their kids out of the house are not the jews just to be clear i also looked up those search terms but i checked in porn hub and I also did not find it. So this is where we get the

googling slash reading montage that literally goes on for two minutes while we watch these two kids read literally Paul's googling the Jews I'm assuming. Top of the list, top of the list, the Jewish Superstore. The Jewel, what do they sell there? What? Have you guys ever, I have no idea. And he also found a site. Where I buy everything.

Oh, okay, okay. The prices are amazing. And also found a site called Holocaust Best Pictures. And it's not about Chandler's List. It is Holocaust like the coolest Yeah, what? And it's not about Chandler's list. It is all cost like the coolest photos, really? Also, the sequence of events in this scene, this is the moment where I genuinely lost, this is the moment where I almost punched a hole

through my TV, because the montage plays, and it's a picture of a Holocaust victim, followed by a passage of text in the book, book saying I thought it I was a good person. I never killed or robbed But God yada yada yada God punishes those who don't love Jesus you can read it in the text if you read if you pause it and I just look because this that's the fucking thing that's where the movie just stopped being like stereotypes and started But that's where the movie just stopped being like stereotypes and started actually flirting with the notion that the Jews brought it upon themselves through their self-exclusion and their rejection of Jesus. But that's where it really starts swimming in the pool of go fuck yourself.

Well, yes, yeah. Yeah, exactly. And I realized at this exact same point that they were literally like showing in this like undercurrent of, yeah, but the Jews kind of deserved this. Yep, yep. And meanwhile Abe is reading the 10 Amazing Apostate Jews book, and he's seven chapters in.

Right now, he's on the chapter about Dr. Michael Brown. Yes. Dr. Michael Brown is the, he's like Michael Savage, but also Superantisemitic he started a society that trying to get the entire country of Israel to apologize for doing that and repent Yes for murdering Jesus. Yes Yes, that's who's in this fucking book. Oh, I can't wait to read it

book. Oh, I can't wait to read it. Sorry. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall when like Netanyahu got that letter from him. So, you know, so Abe still has some questions though, and he's starting to really come around to this whole Jesus thing. So he goes home to pray to God. It's so crazy. He's like, hey God, first time long time. Sorry, what should I do about that? And God literally starts talking to him. He talks about that. Oh, yeah, he does. Yeah, he fucking does.

And by the way, the God voices, it's clearly the Christian kids dad. It's clearly that. Who would not more clearly be the God? He should honestly I expected the camera to point over and for him to be in like a sheet with two holes cut in it I expected everyone in this movie to be at a sheet with two holes cut in it actually at some point or fucking through a sheet like that The second hole is for your birthday. Oh shit so yeah so dad starts talking back and by the way okay so I'm gonna do I'm gonna

do all this and post you guys won't hear it, but here's a better God voice this right here That was more than they did to make this voice sound like I was like a vague kind of an echoey sound Yeah, it's just him going oh Yeah, you might as well be eating a sandwich. He's like chewing Chips and what's crazy is like like, every other movie I've ever seen with God, God always kind of talks in grandiose, matter of who, it kind of wants you to solve it for himself, you know, gives you some direction.

He is so fucking explicit in this movie about like what he wants from this kid. He basically comes down and is just like, hi, I'm God, I hate Harry Potter, but I fucking loved him, team. So that's, He's so clear. You're gonna get Tom Tom of God. Yeah, get a new library card stop being Jewish.

That's pretty much what I got to do. There's our his instructions. So, so after he speaks with Paul, we go back to him and meet with Paul and Sarah, who are as sick of here and about his dream bullshit as we are. And he's like, no, no, no, I didn't have a dream this time. This time it was a psychotic break. Yeah, I went into a trance and instead of his friends being like oh the nurse We take you to the nurse

And he's like well God says rebellion is witchcraft that's what he told me in my message And he's like but I'm not rebellious and the other case like are you a witch he goes well? I'm a Jew And I honestly thought that that's where they were going I honestly thought they were about to say well Judaism is witchcraft, but no it was because he It's because he has air in It's not less of insane. It's just less offensive God, it's definitely more insane. Yes, it's definitely more It's definitely it's definitely more insane. Yes, it's definitely more... Not more of a thing.

It's definitely more insane. We could be witches. We could be witches more likely than someone who doesn't exist. Yes. We are infinitely more likely to be witches. Oh, that needs to be Jews New Catchphrase. infinitely more likely to be Witches than Harry Potter.

My favorite part of this is at the end, A-Basks Fall. Maybe we can pray a bit on it tonight, but like, it's already late. Like, I think he's just spending the night there, and there's only the one bed. And my only note is Abe is working way harder to fuck Paul than he needs to. Abe's been down to fuck since chocolate kid And I have to say watching these kids pray that's like the scariest thing that I see in these movies is when they show kids praying Oh, yeah, and their prayer. It's fucking terrifying. They're like God. I love you I surrender my life to you. I'll cut my head off with a fucking piano wine. Oh you are nine Yanowine. Oh, you are nine. It's like they're fighting for who can say the most self-deprecating thing to God

It's like God I would totally give up all my comic books for you. I give up all my comic books and send my dick in a door for you I already did that. I'm Jewish. I'm just so grateful. We didn't get a montage of it And then as they're praying at the very end, Abraham just adds some weird words. It turns out he was speaking in tongues. And I was like, or, or parcel tongues. In my opinion, in my opinion, at this point in the film, they have offered more evidence for Harry Potter than Jesus. Oh my god, how great would it be if you just cut to like a snake entering the room like, hey, I don't know. Nope, you were just, you were just talking to God.

That's fine. Hey, maybe choose the different language next time. I came all the way from Texas. Not a short trip. I took a flight here and I flew United and those seats were tiny. Even if you're a snake, it's like nobody's got it. I got a flight here and I flew United in those seats. Even if you're snake. I got a red eye back. Are you venomous? I want to pick you up and test something. And what's fucking phenomenal about this is Paul Freaks out. Not even Abe starts speaking

in tongues, but Paul Freaks out and what you realize in this moment about the movie is This is like one of those horror movies where some asshole kids like pretend there's a monster to scare the other kids But then it turns out the monster is real. Yeah, cuz Paul's reaction is like what the fuck was that dude? I just wanted to touch Dix more so that Speaking toks You close your eyes and when you open your eyes, I'm kissing you. What the fuck is this dead language? Shit! It becomes very clear that Paul was just fucking with ape!

Also, you guys were pretending earlier you weren't picturing the child porn and now you're clearly talking. I'm just saying. Also, sure, there's one point where the kids like, the message I I got it's Deuteronomy 1810 and no I know this was your favorite part of the movie so they go and check the Bible and the Bible is like which is are bad y'all and so we watch the kids figure out like the fucking goonies that what they need to do the solution in this movie is to burn books. That's land? The kids? It's not where we land. It's the stare that we start trying to the end of the crazy that we never land. To be fair to this film though. I did not see it coming. You can say anything you want about this movie, you cannot accuse it of being

particular. No, but it's true. It is true. Yeah. They decide that they're gonna burn their Harry Potter books and they talk about it so erotically. I just like no wonder people fuck kids. I was a towel rack at this point. They're just like, oh yeah, we're gonna burn that book in the fire show keep us warm. Yes, brother. The fire show keep us warm He's got his hands running down his chest I'm just saying I'm into it. I'll get like what two days in jail three days in jail. No Unfortunately, well you could become a Catholic and then you just get a you get a nice little retirement plan. No, have you guys seen me swim? How are you with sandwiches? Can

you make this sandwich? So we cut now to Abe cleaning out all that satanic Harry Potter stuff in his room when dad shows up. And dad's like, what do you do when he's like, Larry, cleaning out the Harry Potter stuff? I don't like it anymore. I like God more. And at first dad is pretty stoked about that. Yeah, but then he gets a little suspicious. He's like, wait, are you in Paul doing gay stuff? And he's like, no, no, he's like, thank God. Good, good, good. He has a big moment where he's like, are you gay?

And it's like, oh yeah, Jews, super homophobic. That's why there's all those homeless kids wandering around Crown Heights. Nope, that's Utah. That's Utah. It was important they balanced out the Jude Ed character. He's not all bad, you know. Nope, that's Utah. That's Utah. It was important. They balance out the Jude Ed character. He's not all bad, you know. He's homophobic. He hates case correctly. Maybe that's it. We can all agree on that. We can all agree on that. Then he says, no, dad, Jesus Christ

is my Messiah. And he's like, ah, good one. You got me. And he's like, no, really, he's my Messiah. At which point, his father tears open his shirt and screams, burukatato no yolo. No! Okay, I expected the angrily light candles after. I'm confused at this part. He finds out that his son is a Christian now,

and he yelled a blessing. I mean, the translation is, blessed are you, Lord our God, King of the universe, who brings forth bread. Is that a reasonable thing to be yelling there? Isn't that like, it's like a Christian dad in a movie yelling, we wish you a Merry Christmas, we wish you a Merry Christmas!

I'm telling you, what the fuck? Well, a lot of people don't know this, but Faruja taught her, Christmas Well a lot of people don't notice but Baruch a Todd and I when yelled at that pitch actually translates to you're Tadding me a pot Lisa And then they I guess they decide that they're gonna have to send them to New York to be rejuified by a Jewish Deep programmer. Oh, yeah, I've heard of those. I've heard of those. You have it to New York to be rejuified by a Jewish deep programmer? Oh yeah, I've heard of those. I've heard of those. I've heard of those.

You haven't. Yeah, it was my backup career. I've heard of the deep program. Oh. And man, do they hit that New York thing over and again? Oh yeah, they're like, oh, when you get to New York, which has lots of Jews, you will, when you get around New York, huh?

The Cuomo fellow might be, that's all I'm saying. The man's got a black wife. What, I'm not, I didn't say, there's nothing wrong with it. I'm just pointing it out. I don't know about you, Eli. But when I left home, my mom was like, you're going to be a lawyer? You're going to be a doctor? Or you're going to be a deprogrammer?

Those are the things that I was the lead. So it's as I was offered. Oh yeah. Get my son a good Jewish deprogrammer. Yeah. It's important. So then they ship him off to Giulia or whatever, because dad doesn't want to have a traitor in his house. So has the audience desperately catches their breath

while incorrectly assuring themselves that this has to be the craziest this movie gets? We'll pause for a quick break, but before we do, let me give Ack 3 the hard sound. Can Paul fix the Jews? Will this movie flat out call Judaism a tool of the devil? Which of these characters will wind up with literal magic powers before this thing is over? Find out the answer to these questions and more when we return for the somehow even less sane conclusion of the unexpected bar mitzvah And that's when I prayed and the Holy Spirit cured her MS Son that's fantastic. Yeah God is good. I don't give a fuck about God get your coat come on

What what where where we going to the hospital? So look I don't care if your healing powers came from Vishnu or Satan or fucking Santa Claus You and I are going to the hospital where you will cure people all day every day for the rest of your life What look maybe the Holy Spirit is blah blah blue Maybe you got bit by a radioactive spider none of that matters all that matters is that each moment You spend for the rest of your life until you die not not healing people who need it, is evil at the highest level. From now until you either run out of magic or die, you will be healing people whether I have the shock die, healing out of your testicles to do it. Oh, you know what I just remembered

that there's a joke. You see, because I'm,, yeah, I'm just gonna go to my room and read Some Harry Potter Because oh just oh it was a joke. Okay. I use your yep. Yep. Yep. Very sure You had a car battery ready didn't you? Oh, yeah better safe than sorry gotta be prepared Do you have nipple clamps Do you have nipple clamps? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha We cannot do Chebat anymore where we light candle. Man do these people not know what Shabbat is. They know it takes place near the fireplace. They're just sort of generally waving their hand.

They got a menorah and like a ham with a big ghost buster symbol on top of that thing. The only thing they're pretty sure about Shabbat is that it's a thing that we take away from our kids That we withhold Shabbat Oh, man, I remember the first time I got in trouble bad enough to get Shabbat taken away I don't want to talk. Oh, it's the war you go to your room. You leave all the lights on Yeah, well and then but then the kids starts arguing with him about the savior and everything in the Messiah And he almost unjews his dad, but only almost Yeah, mom's like you can't argue with his logic. Yeah, he lands that great zinger remember

He gets that great joke in on his dad. Oh, right Can I tell it? He goes, he goes, Dad, you know as well as I that if you put 50 Jews in a room, you're gonna get 50 different opinions. 51. 51. Oh, I fucked it up! I fucked it up! God damn it!

You can't tell the next joke. I'm sorry, man. You had your one and didn't pass the press. To be fair, I thought when he was like, if you put 50 Jews in one room, I was like if you put fifty juzin one room i was like you get the holocaust that's what i thought to i was like old man i remember how this and tell them it's a shower and guarantee that took a few takes is like if you put fifty juzin room that's uh...

a good start with fifty one of and mom she almost starts laughing at the really funny joke she has a lot of issues like crisp early dav, David Spade almost cracking with the mad Foley thing. Oh, so good. And she's fantastic. She goes, stop it right now. You don't want to provoke your father on Shabbat. Like when it's Shabbat, that's when you're, you won't like him when he's angry on Shabbat.

You won't like me when I'm holy. There's also one really good line at the end of the scene where he turns to or any goes, you better get used to not having a son just in case. Like, you're gonna fucking take him out back and shoot him. I wanted him to go just like God didn't remember. He's got the Jesus rabies. I wanted so badly for him to have a like a glass box in the corner with a big long Isaac shaped knife

Breaking case of a pop the scene So meanwhile of course Sarah and Paul have been trying to research what happened to Abraham when he went into his Trans or whatever and but now so so they they they go into this church and the preacher here the priest They go to talk to a pastor whatever looks like Billy Bob Thornton fucked Gallagher He really does. I have this Billy Bob Billy Bob Joe Bob Thornton Yes, the most linear of family trees and they need some help with the Jew and to be honest This looks like the kind of guy you'd go to when you need help with a Jew It's true. Yeah, and they basically say so can we borrow some books on going crazy for just a smidgen?

And he goes well, I can arrange that but I must warn you And I wanted him so badly to be like nobody whoever goes up there ever comes back I'm so badly to be like nobody whoever goes up there ever comes back We tell them you better not be using those books to get a spiritual high He thinks that they're just gonna fucking go in this room and like just get off on Jesus Off or something yeah, I'm also very proud of the fact that he's like okay Well if you're not gonna use Jesus for your honky tongue and your rock and roll He's like, okay, well, if you're not going to use Jesus for your honky tongue and your rock and roll All of us have some version of raped

Right, yeah, dude everyone in this movie tries to fuck Paul So then we get them leaving and we have this prolonged Conversation between the two of them trying to figure out which We have this prolonged conversation between the two of them trying to figure out which denomination of Christianity is correct at 12 years old. Oh, but the girl accidentally stumbles on the true thing for a second time. Yes, she is like, I mean, they can't both be right. They could both be wrong and I wanted the movie to just explode in my GVD plan and start to leak out in the front. What's crazy is every fucking Christian movie and every single movie you guys do all have moments like that

Like moments of perfect crystallized lucidity and then some characters like King And Paul I just I have to point this out Paul says at the end like he's like man This is so rough now. I know what it's like to be a persecuted Jew like Abe. Like that's what it's fucking like. Are you? I wanted two kids in the line for a gas chamber to turn to like a flashback to two kids in the line. The last chamber to be like, yeah, but can you imagine what it'll be like to be a Pentecostal having to explain to a a Baptist? I think a Baptist. Losing the cell cake to gay people. This isn't bad.

Look, we get these cool tattoos. Oh, mine's got a nine in it. That's good. Come on, they got to eat those stale wafers. I'd rather eat nothing than a stale wafer. In fact, that's what I eat right now. That's what we eat. We hate nothing.

So then we get Sarah and Paul. They just happen to walk by as dad shipping a bof to Jew camp. Yeah, and Sarah's like, it's okay. He's probably just going to a farm upstate where he can run and play with the other Jews. It's just air conditioners on every wall, he can just adjust and adjust. She's at our exact line as I'm sure he's going on a trip somewhere. Yeah.

Equals a thing Germans literally said about their Jewish neighbors. Circa 1939. Oh man, they are putting them on a train too, aren't they? Holy shit. This gets really bad. Oh no, no, they're all gonna be together. It's gonna be this. Yes. I'm gonna get a nice shower. I, no, they're all gonna be together. It's gonna be I'm gonna get a nice shower. I like to live amongst themselves. What's funny is we're all doing an impression of the Germans But we're all doing the Jewish accent

I don't have a good German accent. I don't have a good Jewish accent either But for this movie by this movie standard. I pretty much got it now. Oh, you you're one of those fucking Jews, bro You want us fucking Jews, bro? It's like being in Berlin So now we get what I believe May just be the most insane Scene in this entire movie. This is this is where Abe's heading off to be rejuved and he meets a burly old strained, a burly old touchy, feely stranger.

Jouf was around him. Yeah, the scene opens with this man's arm around a child. Yeah, this man that this child in this movie doesn't know. It's so jarring, you actually do like pause it for a second and go wait We met this guy earlier And you have to remember that it didn't because this is just the shit that happens in this world Yeah, the first thing he says is he first thing that this is the order of actions He puts his arm around this strange child and goes hey, I'm sorry to bother you

But God wants you to listen to this song God wants you to listen to this song. Yeah, what? God wants you to listen to my demo tape. My note here is I feel like God wants me to gently caress your sweet milky bucks. It's so uncomfortable. Put in these headphones and smell this rag. Pull this trail of iPods and candy to my van. And it turns out he's a Christian Jewish Christian. He's a Jew for Jesus. There's also this phenomenal moment where he's talking to Abraham about like how difficult it was to come out to his friends and family as a Jew who believes in Jesus.

And Abraham asks them, he's like, was it hard to come out to your family about this? And I sort of got like, you can almost hear the echo inside the guy's head like, oh no, it was way worse when I came out for being a pedophile. That was a much, there's a much, much more difficult conversation. Oh, the New Testament was nothing compared to the Nambla membership card I do get to introduce them to Donald Trump though So now of course we're an hour and 15 minutes into this movie great time to meet new characters So we're gonna now meet a whole new family of

Jews this is Abe's cousins in New York that they went to that they sent him to meet. Yeah. And here's so there's a little girl she's in a wheelchair and this is how they broached this subject. I remember my cousin. I just don't remember her being in a wheelchair. He's such a dick about it. Abraham's like, oh hey cousin Rebecca, where? Hold on, weren't you taller? Last time? Yeah, inchair now, that's why. Jesus might have crippled me, we're not sure. Something like that.

Well, and also the kid goes, like Abraham goes like, oh yeah, they're like, yeah, no, she has like a terrible disease and she's dying from it. Don't you know about that? We told you down, he's like, oh, you know, I've been busy, I wouldn't remember that. I don't like that, you know. You guys wanna hear a dead language?

Fun in the mugga, gimda, gimda, gimda, gimda, gim. Yeah wouldn't remember shit like that. You guys wanna hear a dead language? Fun and then my dad can do it, my dad can do it. Yeah, an important shit going on. Don't bother me with this multiple sclerosis nonsense. The only note I have on this scene is when he first comes in and the mom is like, why don't you come into the kitchen, Paul? My only notice, why is everyone in this movie still trying to fuck Paul?

I'm not. But again, proof that these people know nothing about Jews. Jews do not feed people peanut butter and jelly. Okay, that's something we invented for the poor to feed each other. The worst nut and grapes we don't want anymore. There you go. Whatever, that's like my dinner two and dinner three right there. So now we've got to go back to Micah and Hava, the couple that just kicked her get out. And dad is looking for a new job so he doesn't have to live around Christians. I'm like, where the fuck are you going to go to a Muslim country?

Where the fuck are you going to find a job with no Christians? This is also where me and Moisha both have fantastic notes about the quote on quote Jewish decor. Oh my God. The obvious they went to the cracker barrel at Christmas. It's that corner that's reserved for every religion that isn't Christianity. And we're like, look at this, a star, huh? Yeah, they don't know what anything is.

They've got a menorah upside down or like facing out from the wall. They're like, oh, it's a co-rack for eight tiny mouse coats. I told you they had mice working for them. Pay up. Pay up. You said they couldn't control mice. There's like a mizzaz on the fridge. There is literally in this living room just a star of David hanging off the fucking

wall and then they set guy wet. There we go. The set is jude. This is post hobby lobbying. They shot in Tennessee. And Micah basically explains the smooth face, dad. You made my son a kick. You made my son a kick. Like he's trying to say the pen is blue. I really felt bad for Micah in the scene because he's so he's genuinely like you know, man

It really bums me out that like your son kind of like kept harping on my kid and now my kids a fucking Christian Like that's a big fucking deal to me and he's talking to fucking Chuckie dad And he's like you know there are some Christians who don't prostitutize to Jews to fucking Chuckie dad and he's like, you know, there are some Christians who don't prostilatize to Jews, which is like his way of like really trying to get this guy to apologize and Chuckie dad is just not fucking hearing it. Oh no. Oh, Chuckie dad responses, I'm not your enemy, Satan. Yes, yes.

He's literally like, yeah, there are some Christians who don't have the balls to do it. I am the one who knocks. You bring some stomach fucking hammer. I want you to take this wager. It's a Pascal's wager if you will. Well, he's going, he's like, well, just walk with me for a second here. What if your religion is bullshit, right? They just just just hear me out.

If your religion is bullshit, then if I let you be a Jew, I would be evil. And they compare it to the fucking holocaust Yeah, yeah, compare it to the fucking holocaust and wait so because he goes oh and by the way I don't believe in your devil and I wanted so badly for a cut to the corner where the devil's like oh But he goes I don't believe in your devil and he goes yeah Well some people don't believe in the Holocaust. Look at these charts. Look at the low levels of sign on these bricks.

What a weird thing to say. I want you to bring that up. I want to just like walk, walk you through the transitive property of this scene because literally the exchange is, you know, some people don't believe in Satan, Chuckie dad, and Chuckie dad's response is, some people don't believe in Satan Chuckie dad and Chuckie dad's responses some people don't believe in the Holocaust now Not believing in Satan is what Judaism essentially is when you include Christ

But it's a part of Judaism not believing in Satan right what the essential theme of this moment is is Judaism is like Holocaust denial That's the fucking argument That's the fucking argument. That's what they're saying. Being a Jew is like saying the Holocaust didn't happen. Point Thurbs. And that is exactly where they're going to go. Why the fuck else would you bring it?

There's evidence of the Holocaust, y'all. Yeah, there's no museum where you can look over a wall if you want to and see a bunch of videos of the devil like telling people to touch their dangle. Believe me if there was Eli would know about it. True. I wrote, I literally can't tell anymore if this movie is arguing that Satan is real or that the holocaust isn't. Or what would be more offensive at this point?

I honestly. Can it be both What if the devil's main job is to keep you Jewish that's what he says he says that he's like what but what if the yes Yeah, yeah, I mean I think you're you're just barely paraphrasing that And at one point in this conversation the dad says he turns to the Jewish dad and he goes you know Sometimes you Jewish people act like, and I stop the movie there, there is no good end to that sense. I rack my brain for 15 fucking minutes,

there's no good way to end that. But he says, sometimes you Jewish people act like it's more important to be Jewish than to find God, which translates to, sometimes you Jewish people act like we Christians aren't right. Fuck off. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God, the the crusades the movie.

And then he is this amazing moment where he's like we're not trying to take anything away from me. We're just trying to cure, you know, not culture away. We're not trying to take anything away from you. We're just trying to take the Jews away from us. It's totally different, Mike. I want to say purge.

Exterment, no. It's a solution. It's the last solution we're going to have. That's on me. I should have the word solution, Rungabel, and I thought it was a positive one, but it is not And so now we we cut back to juiorck where we meet it back up with Abraham and apparently they've brought out a Rhabi to like talk him out of his Christianity By the way the brother looks nothing fucking like the death like Micah Oh, we gotta talk about that. They look nothing fucking alike the dad like my car oh man talk about that they look nothing fucking alike

oh well they gave what they gave a half-hearted try to make one character in this movie look Jewish and no one else looks well not even a little no not even a little the rabbi they got was like the guy who plays Santa in their community you like that you talk about that beard how do you feel about playing a rabbi and he was like another gig I'm in! But to be fair, even when Hollywood has like millions and millions of dollars to spend to find like an attractive jufer movie, they still go fuck it get Eric Banna.

That's true. To be fair to this film. So yeah, so now Abe comes out to meet the rabbi. Won't shake his hand like a dick. I mean like, is the message of this movie don't touch Jews? Anyway, so. Well, he didn't want to cure him.

He's not. Right. He didn't want to just like scream term for free. Right. Rabbi starts to tell the kid about being brainwashed to which Abe responds, am I being detained? Right. You have to tell me if you're a cop.

Yes. Well, his actual answer is basically church the rabbi is like, have you ever gotten down on your knees and begged your religion to be wrong? And the rabbi is like, no, and he's like, checkmate bitch. Also, the rabbi spot on the rabbi gives this great speech. Oh, yeah. Sometimes when you're vulnerable and you're in a bad place and you're feeling lonely, people are going to try to take advantage of that. And you're going to think that they're telling you true things, but in actuality, you're just emotionally vulnerable and looking for that connection.

And he really gives a good description of how all fucking good things are. You're right. Again, it's that moment of like intellectual sobriety on the part of the writer where he just immediately moves past and then goes back to crazy He basically says you haven't gotten on your knees and said what if I'm wrong pretty please let me be wrong And so the rabbis like well can't argue with that. He's Mr. Sugar

That you could go down the list of all the Pokemon names and Noah could recite you more accurate pronunciations than any of the Jews do if you had a shinnest move. Oiviii! Peacatchu. Slotka. So now we get, I guess the D-programmer that we talked about before, the rabbi can't do it so they bring in the wolf, they call fucking Harvey Kaitel. Yeah, and they bring in the deprogrammer to deprogramm and he's apparently from the south of Judea on a can he got this hair accent. Hi there. My name's more should you do this? Like what? So the Southern Baptist Funky D programmer sits down and he's like and he instantly

This movie turns from whatever it was into the exercise From the perspective of the exercise Yeah, he's like you need prayer also your mother sucks cocks and hell I was just like Oh, it's gonna I was just like any moment but then he ends up okay so the kid turns to the deep programmer guy and he says I just had a vision of you getting in a car accident God wants me to pray in the name of Jesus to heal your leg so he does and and his leg heals it works and here's the fucking way that this guy plays he goes damn it now there's a burn in it it's just went through my leg wait it's better now hold on a second that is that is moment for moment at speed the

performance my goodness gracious I'm all better, but by this jump something does a hundred yard hurdles really fast. And of course the dad says, hey, you know, we have a girl in a wheelchair for just such an occasion. Let me wheel her out. And holy fuck, he's gonna cure the girl with MS. That's what's about to happen. Right. And I just want to point out that one of our listeners just made like a really, really brave post about how bad her MS has gotten and how she's not ashamed of it and she's willing to come out. This is Leslie and she's really, really brave. She did this thing. She put it out on Facebook. And to watch this movie out literally the day I saw that video where it's like, Booth, you're better. I was like, man, I bet Leslie sure wishes she could be in this movie and just have some nine year old be like, pretty please. And then just walk around. If only she was a Christian. Yeah. Yeah. So this actually

happens. He magically cured the fucking MS and reggae's like, yeah, thanks. But there isn't God couldn't have set this up earlier. Just not what she says. You want to wrestle now. And I wrote my notes. Do you want a fuck now? Because I know some people with MS will fuck this shit out of you to get right I mean for fuck sake the least you could do is blow the getty just cured your MS But yeah, you know the programers like how did you learn to do this and? Fucking a is just like oh you don't learn to heal people silly you just start making shit

name is just like, oh, you don't learn to heal people silly. You just start making shit. That's how it works. No, but that's that's one of those accidentally honest moments of this movie. So and now we get this incredible conversation, right? This is where the cousin in New York, or the uncle in New York, rather calls dad back in South Dakota to tell him about the miracle healings. But you know know Jews are always ignoring medical miracles and healings and stuff if it means they have to admit Jesus is the Messiah. Yeah, this is a strong skeptic right here. Randy's got a thing or two to learn from Micah. I think the first thing they should try doing is not using a deprogrammer who's crippled. That seems like the first control they could apply

But he explains that Micah has magic powers cured everyone and now everyone's a Christian and my favorite line from this is he goes He said explains that he's you know cured everyone and Micah's still mad and upset like even though he's like Yeah, I cured my daughter's MS Micah is like, but is he Jewish, motherfucker? He's Jewish. I just wanted him to tear his shirt open, I guess. Yeah. So, Barul Hadaduna!

It's starting in dreidel for no reason. Manish-tuna-la-la-la-la-za! So, they end this scene by being like, you know, he's like, what I really need is to understand the baptism of the Holy Spirit. I'll go to my Christian neighbors and figure that out. So they do because it's what they ended the last scene talking about. It's what they must start the next scene talking about. Well, what's amazing is Stephen opens the door and Micah goes, I need some answers. And to be fair, I open all of my conversations. I'm going to start. It seems like elegant as direct.

And again, what's so amazing about this crazy movie is that the like other side of this is, look, the baptism of the Holy Spirit isn't real anymore. What? There were people who got filled with godfire and they could talk in dead languages and magically he'll be but sweet there's a time limit the okay is what we believe so did the the the the mic of the jewish that comes and he goes he turns to the christian daddy goes what is the baptism in the

name of the holy spirit and the christian decals that's an odd question coming from a Jew. I'm like, no, that's just an odd question. That's an odd question, no matter what. There's no circumstance, no person from whom you can be like, I was expecting that question. Also, this is where Micah, so we learned that Paul has been secretly baptizing himself in the Holy Spirit, which may be my second name for jerking off after mastering the gift. They're just saying, might be my second name. But yeah, he's been baptizing himself in the Holy Spirit and him and his dad

start to argue to which Micah goes, I hate to break up the love fest here, but I need to figure out how this Christianity thing works to fix my kid. I also love this line as the, because,... okay so the dad and the son are arguing because now the son is believing in the wrong type of Christianity or whatever. And the Jew turns to the Christian dad and he goes, huh, I didn't think you Christians filtered truth for your kids. I thought you were all free thinkers. Said nobody ever. Yeah, it turns to him and he's like really asked my kid about dinosaurs. They're a lie planted by Satan. See? Plenty of filtering. By the way, at the end, he turns to the Sun and he goes, remember Paul, fathers no best. And I

just want to say, fathers no best is my gay dad's 2016 remake of leave it to be Leave leave it to cock. Oh So he gets home and he tells his wife because they got two books right so he's got one book about the new He always one book is the New Testament and the other book is this book about Whatever this weird offshoot of assembly of God, Christianity, or whatever. So he has to split that up with his wife. He's like, okay, I'm reading the fucking Testament sequel. You figure out the antidote to baptismal telltale teamness, and they read.

We get more reading. Another reading montage. Yeah. But anyway, he read the whole New Testament. She goes, what do you think of it? And he said, it's impossibly stupid and boring. Like anyone who read the whole New Testament. She goes, what do you think of it? And he said, it's impossibly stupid and boring. Like anyone who read the whole New Testament a night would say, but it except not

because it's just stupid fucking movie. No, he's got notes. He's got little sticky notes all throughout the. Well, he's memorized. As we will learn, he has memorized the Bible. Because moments later, he's gonna, gonna just give people chapter in verse. Oh, yeah-huh. Yeah, so the wife is all expectant and hopeful. She goes,

wait a minute, are you telling me you think that Jesus is God's son and the husband goes, no, I know he is. Again, actual lines. And I wanted him so badly to jump in the air and for the screen to freeze and then they fucking direct quote God's not dead they literally just re-enact the scene where he's like who's side of you on and she's like I'm on God's side I wanted the news boys to appear in this movie more badly than I ever wanted anything you might god damn life So yeah, so the mom admits that she was secretly Christian the whole time and you have to really want to know that or turn your volume way up To figure that out, but that's what she's saying and at this point like I was writing to my nose like this is not even funny This is just disgusting

I mean if we wanted to we can make fun of the people's physical appearances and triumph of the wills But at a certain point it's just disgusting You just got a back off for a second realize what you're looking at you're looking at a movie that somebody made about Fixing a Jew. Yeah, this is this is for people who watched merchant of Venice and didn't like the whole sympathetic part of it I don't understand how come he gets that speech about whether or not they bleed? I never seen no Jews bleed until none of them died in 9-11. To be fair, they acknowledge that Jews are funny. That's the only positive comment this movie has

about the Jews is that they're funny. And they beat that horse till it is well and dead. Yeah, but mom is probably she might as well just like walk out of the wall like Anne Frank and like high five and Nazi like yeah I'm on board now I'm cool. The rest are in there. So now they go over to the Christian's house to let them know that they're all Jesus stop. Yeah, and honestly this might as well be the ending of fucking Christmas Carol He might as well be like boy boy what day is it? Oh, yes, is it possible the Holy Spirit did it all in one night? Oh my god. Yeah, no it because like every time we've seen this character up into this point He's been angry. He's been yelling. He's been screaming and this is the first time where he has shown any kind of happiness And it's just like fucking joy as a bullion to joy. A Jewish apostasy joy.

Yeah, exactly that kind of joy. And so the dad is like, oh, or the Christian dad's like, oh, that's great, Micah, have you reconciled with A? Because yes, and with Jesus. Yeah. And this is the great moment where we learn how great, how like, oh, yeah, you get inducted to a call. You get inducted hard, because he's like, where can we get water baptized? I read in the book, we, you get inducted to a call you get inducted hard because he's like

Where can we get water baptized? I read in the book We need to get dunked in water and he's like oh you don't need to do that. There's been religious moderation over the years And he's like hey, I don't give a fuck what you think I just jumped on the crazy train And I want this thing at full fucking speed. You hear me? You hear me Andy Dooly? Well, I love it too because because like, yeah, right? He's been a Christian for an hour and a half, and he's like, no, your, your version of Christianity is wrong, and I'm like, man, he's nailing it. He's catapetizing down pants. Right, and this is where Micah says, it took my 12 year old to teach me the truth.

Said nobody who says something reasonable ever. Ever. I have a 12 year old sister. She tells me that Bratz dolls are cool and that she likes texting and Snapchat. That is what I have learned from 12 year old. And then smooth face to dad's wife refers to the fucking crazy snake talking

prostilatory faith healers as the charismatic. Which is the kindest word for bullshit artist faith healers as the charismatic. Tom that a knife so which is the kindest word for bullshit artists. I think anyone has ever received me and Moishu were once in a like one of those public halls when we got approached by a cult member. And when we asked her if she was an occult, she said cult is just short for culture. That's the second creepiest phrase we've heard next to charismatic. Well, why this conversation is amazing too. that's the second creepiest phrase we've heard next to carismanics well

what this conversation is amazing to because the dad's like you know those uh... crazy people who talk in tongues and shit they're just so uh... arrogant pride for when he goes well and the mom's like well what if they're not arrogant pride for what if they're really just that awesome uh... that they would have a good way to the WBC? Is that close? Can we get... Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha should go to the assembly of God's church and get full immersed baptized, but he apparently he can't pray if you watch. So he has to go off and do it on his own. And yes, that has now become the central conflict in this movie as whether or not full immersion baptism or sprinkling counts. Yeah. Sure, you're Christian, but are you the right kind of Christian?

Exactly. Exactly. We've got to whittle that down with the rest of this film. So now everybody's hanging out waiting for a bit to show up apparently the new york juzer going to drive him to south Dakota abes back in south Dakota not by the way at hospitals curing people now case anyone's wondering what apes doing he's not a hospital curing people so just reminder everything that a does from this moment on is evil. Is not you're being in a hospital,

curing people right? So they decide, and luckily, nearby, there's a Jews for Jesus church. So everyone's Jewish when you think about it, and this was the weirdest leap, because they were like, well, you know, Christians are just Jews who don't not anymore. I want a bar mitzvah and the movie's like, great, we've explained it.

Yeah, why not? Also, there's like a solid 20 minutes of 12-year-olds flirting with each other. From this point on. Yeah But 20 of the last 28 minutes of this movie. Yeah The parents are like literally just pushing these kids together It's the most uncomfortable thing you've ever seen Why don't you go run at Sarah penis first? Yeah, The dad's like, oh, you think you like Sarah? And he might, the way he says it, he might as well like put two fingers up and like do the kind of lingus thing through it. It's so...

No, no, no, no, no, no, it's so fucking weird. If the last 30 minutes of this movie were just Chuckie Dad being like, MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM B-B-B-B-B-B Yeah, it's bad. Bad news. Crazy billionaire ending right there. So now we cut to the church waiting for the big baptism. I just love that the opening line here is Paul going, well this will be interesting. I just wrote my nose.

Bet you million fucking dollars. Million dollars against. Anyway, so yes, and this is also I guess where we we have to establish because apparently we're gonna get all throughout this entire movie without no one who Paul was gonna Fuck later. So apparently he gets to fuck the MS cousin Oh, and when we find out why she's in South Dakota Micah Jew dad tells his wife. Oh, Uncle Dave now, you know now that they're all converted. Oh Uncle Dave wasn't going to leave her in New York Oh, Uncle Dave, now that they're all converted, oh Uncle Dave wasn't going to leave her in New York,

as in with all the Jews. Yeah, because God knows, you can't be a Christian in New York. We will fucking get ya. We'll come after you, if you're a Christian in New York. And the fact that they want to move from New York to South Dakota is one of the more offensive things in this movie. Yeah, yeah, it's very well, and one of the harder to believe including the

magic fight between jesus and harry potter and yeah uh... so we're here for the bar mitzvahs and both of these kids apparently are having bar mitzvahs the the the paul and and abraham now because who the hell gives a shit now everyone can play bar mitzvah because the actual quote is bar and bot mitzvahs aren't just for jew Jewish kids it's for everybody no no it's just a Jewish and how it works and the priest the rabbit whenever the hell this guy is that's that the guy who looks like the blob fish disguised as

herman monster who leads this whole ceremony is one of the most odd looking human beings that has ever been captured on film. I wrote this rabbi looks like someone kissed a frog and it turned into a rabbi but got stuck halfway through the transformation. His eyes are looking at at least three directions at all times. So now it's the actual like Bar Mitzvah service itself, which okay, there's two things that we need to talk about at this Bar Mitzvah service itself, which, okay, there's two things that we need to talk about at this Bar Mitzvah service. The first is that the Bar Mitzvah service itself consists of three people going up and making nice speeches about the Bar Mitzvah people. They do not read from the Torah. Nope, they don't look at the Torah. They don't talk about the Torah. They just say, Paul's a great guy. So is Abe. He's got magic powers. Don't worry about it. We'll talk about that later. Oh, and then also there's a girl person for some reason. But the second

thing and actually more important than how crazy the service is is the positioning and display of the Torah that these Christians got their hands on. They have laid it out wide open on an altar facing the audience of this congregation. They might as well use it as a carpet. There's nothing less realistic than their presentation of the Torah in this movie. It looks like a model home Torah. It falls on the back. It looks like they like spent way more money to make like a resin model of a Torah. Yeah. Right. And so the movie continues to not be over for about 20 minutes as we go one after the other.

Well, actually, I'm sorry. It's not even one after the other that because the dad, the the the the Jewish dad, gives two monologues in a row he comes up gives a monologue goes back since that and then they say speaking now is the same guy who just spoke and he gets up and he talks again that's just bad stagecraft people that's just bad stagecraft well and i love he opens his thing up he's like you know in an almost bizarre set of circumstances i stopped being just like almost

bizarre bizarre set of circumstances. I stop being just like almost bizarre. This included miracle healing and MS patient and a fucking vision of Jesus winning at Quidditch. How fucked up does it have to get before you're going full bizarre, dude? Yeah, this is where he turns and he says Paul is a man now. He is the heart of a lion and the gentleness of a dove. Those are actual lions! He says, a man after God's own heart, to which I wrote a hilarious, neuromantic comedy by Adam Sandler. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha explained that she was magically healed in her image. I've been to a lot of bar and botmets, and usually they're like,

Michelle who loves gymnastics and is a great friend to all those around her. That's how they do the Michelle who was cured of M.S. the other day and is a great friend to all of them. And everyone in Congress is like, oh cool. She must have been the one. And this is where we get the great news that her dad gets to be the college and everyone in the congregation is like, oh cool. Yeah, no, she must have been the one. Yeah. Oh, and this is where we get the great news that her dad gets to be the college's janitor, so she can stay

in South Dakota. Hey, King Janitor. Not just here, King Janitor. I just wrote, lulllulll, she was our janitors. Yeah. Get the fuck out of here. And now a character that we've essentially never met, this is the MS Mom. The multiple Scrooze of Scrooze's mom comes up to introduce Abraham.

And I'm like, first of all, I'm like, why are we hearing from her? And then it's just, the rest of my notes are just pop filter and increasingly large font. It's true. But yeah, her basic thing is this is Abe. He has healing powers, no big deal. But the important thing, the important thing is that he was a Christian Jew Christian before it was cool. And so then they bring up a guy for a blessing of some sort again, a character we've never met. Right, who sings the Kali Ma song from Indiana. And I kept, I'm sorry to keep bringing up the audio, but while he's singing,

the background music does not shut up or match or tone down at all. So for like a solid 40 seconds, we have this guy singing in a different key than the background music. It's amazing. Yeah, well, to be fair though, they do save the background music, it's amazing. Yeah. Well, to be fair though, they do save the music right here at the end, I thought, when they went to the show-far fanfare. Yeah, everyone blows celebratory show-fars, which is not a thing at all. And then everyone waves weird flags, which, and be real with me on this much, have you ever seen those flags anywhere? Fuck no

It's they're blowing showbars. There's a flag with a menorah all I fucking know is they don't know what a fucking barma The Philippines South Dakota math the Holocaust Jesus 10kbos career bar mitzvah shit this movie Jesus, Tito's career, Bar Mitzlers. Shit, this movie doesn't know what is. It's all shit, this movie just fucking made the pop. If there was just a guy with a swastika flag in the back, just like, this is part of it, right? Ha-ha, no, no, no. I saw a bunch of these in old photos with Jews.

Ha-ha, no, no, no. They just start cheering around chairs with nobody in them. Ha-ha, no. It's all decorated like an ironic Jewish-themed party from like Oklahoma state or something like that. This movie is like blood diamond. All the actors had been white and in blackface, but the only source material they used

was cannibal holocaust. This movie is the holocaust of holocausts. Not just the movies. Well, see now, originally I was thinking about trying ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I figured I could try to capture the horror of this film by asking you this. What is the worst thing that a person could ask a Jew that would still be better than, hey, you want to watch the unexpected bar mitzvah with me? I'll give the only question I've ever been asked, which is, so like, can you see your nose? Oh, come on. Yes, I can. I can see my nose.

Can everybody see their nose? Yeah, I can see it. Okay, so let me repeat this. Can you not see your nose? Oh, what? So what's the answer for me as a no? I'm going to say, do you know how smart Bobby Fisher was? He was never wrong about anything, was he?

He was with the chest and- He still saw so many moves ahead, all the way to 9-11. I'm gonna go with, where'd you get your tattoo? You don't see a lot of old people with tattoos. Pretty cool. You ride a motorcycle? You were number 88, that's so weird.

Oh. Like Capronack. You were number 88 that's so weird Like cappernac Yes, he's tapering 88 okay Google it I'll see what I can do well that's that we made it through the entire fucking thing It's like getting liberated from a concentration camp. I'm sure I know exactly what those Jews felt like now having watched this movie So mojie can't thank you enough for for still being friends with us after asking you to do this It's a wild ride, but here we are

Yeah, it's awfully presumptive for me to assume that we're still friends after that But I certainly hope so. Oh, good, certainly. Oh, good. Thanks for having me. It was a blast. Awesome. And while that doesn't for our review of the unexpected bar mitzvah, and thus the high point of my life, that's not going to do it for the episode just yet,

because we still need to give you a reason to soldier on to next week. So Eli, tell us what's on deck time changer. I was so worried. I thought like no matter what we do after this week It's gonna be such a disappointment and then you sent me this preview and I was so fucking happy Oh, yes, it's the touching tale of a man about to publish a book about how you don't need Jesus to be good So his colleague who disagrees sends him forward in time to show him what happens in a world without God. Brought to us by the Christian brother.

The makers of my all-time favorite film. They both kept them stooping. Yes, yes they did. Well, it's it was because when I watched the beginning of this preview it actually looks like super high quality and everything and there's actress that I kind of recognize and stuff like that. I'm like, gee, lie, are you sure? And then the whole plot sort of unfolds in the preview. And I'm like, oh, he's sure. Oh, he's very, very sure. They use a time machine to show him gay people. That's the premise of this movie. Amazing.

They just shoot him into the village. Yeah, right. This movie amazing They just shoot them into the village So with that to look forward to will bring episode 57 to a merciful close once again Huge thanks to Moishi for hanging out with us today and an equally huge thanks to all the patreon donors that help make the show go If you'd like to count yourself among their ranks you can make a per episode donation at patreon.com slash god awful And thereby earn early access to an ad free version of every episode Which you can download on their new audio RSS feed which makes it super easy. So it's just like in your thing already and you don't have to go through a special app or anything to get it.

You can also help us a ton by leaving us a five star review on iTunes and by sharing the show and all your various social media platforms. And if you enjoy the show, be sure to check out our sibling shows, the scathing atheists and the skeptic rat available on iTunes, Stitcher and wherever else podcasts live. If you have questions, comments or cinematic suggestions, you can email Godoffalmoviesatgemail.com. All the music used in this episode was written and performed by Ryan Slotnik, a Vivald draft on Mars, and was used with permission. If you like what you hear here and more by following links on the show notes for this episode.

Thanks again for giving us a chunk of your life this week. For Heathen, right, Neely, Bosnick, I'm No Illusions, promising to work hard, darn, and on the chunk next week. Until then, we'll leave you with a breakfast club close. Died of multiple sclerlerosis because they never bothered to confirm that shit with a doctor it was self-reporting people come on Micah finally told Abraham how we did 9-11 Die I'm a man

I'm a man Pick up a chair and put a Jew in the chair I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo chay, I'm a hippo ch Please make I'm a hip no rapist by trade our outing. The preceding podcast was a production of Puzzle and a Thunderstorm LLC copyright 2016 all rights reserved.