Goes Without Saying - #1 DEEP & JUICY Q&A: it's called trauma look it up

Episode Date: March 9, 2020

this time… it’s personal. in this episode of Goes Without Saying we’re indulging in a good, old fashioned DMC. so get ready to join us (sephy & wing) as we ask each other some deep, heavy, triggering questions. from our first sexual experiences, to childhood trauma, we're not holding back in this raw and honest conversation.  speak your mind on our instagram! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Wendy's has a new breakfast deal. Mix and match two items of your choice for only $4. Breakfast wrap, biscuit or English muffin sandwiches, small seasoned potatoes or small hot coffee. Choose two for $4 at Wendy's. Available for a limited time at participating Wendy's in Canada. Taxes extra. Hello and welcome back to Hire Priestess.

My name is Erin. And I'm Persephone. And we are delivering you all the home truths you never knew you needed. We're not afraid. There's no judgment. This is Smart Girl Internet. Restructuring self-perceptions. Higher Priestess. We're bringing you High Priestess energy at all points. Only the highest. I can't wait. Today's episode is going to get very deep, I think. Deep and personal. I'm actually a bit nervous now. We haven't prepped usually we prep and we just know we've got some questions in our heads that we're gonna ask each other that are

very deep and very triggering and very personal deep like kind of your 60 minutes interview i'm kind of thinking this is kind of oprah time yeah get ready for tears oh get ready for some tears and and think along with us answer the questions with us and these are quite good questions hopefully to ask some people and ask yourselves yeah in context though warn people before you drop these bombshells on them happy birthday do you wish you were dead love it okay well i'm ready i'm so ready and also bear with us if our answers are a little bit confused because we're in the midst of a terrible terrible mercury retrograde which like the time of our lives the time of our lives the planets are definitely trying to kill us it's fine but our communication might be a little bit fucked but you know we're working through okay my first question for you is is there somebody that has

impacted your life in a way that they may not be aware of. Oh my God. Off the top of my head. Yeah, you came up with this. I came up with that. Wow, okay, let me think. Could be good or bad, positive or negative. Something, maybe someone said, or just their influence on you

that they really wouldn't know about. The first person that's coming to my mind is a few of my teachers. There are a few of them. Oh, I quite love that because i've i'm quite um strictly anti-teachers i'm really not but i've had some terrible teachers in my time i went to quite a not bad school but in the scheme of life quite a bad school yeah um and i kind of think a lot of the teachers were quite awful not up to scratch they were just they weren't they

they didn't know what they were doing yeah but there are some that i just think especially at my primary school that i just think god you were great i think also in my secondary school some of my english teachers maybe you won two drama teachers well here's the thing you went on to do i went on to do english and i think this is the thing the fact that people the the teachers that i liked were my english and drama teachers says so much and then you went and got a degree and then I went and got a degree in English and film but it didn't have a film teacher the curriculum wasn't that broad but I think probably teachers and can you give me an example well there's one that comes to mind there's one of my primary school teachers Mrs well her name was Mrs Hearn changed it to Mrs

Whitney she got married congrats congrats that was when i was in year four congrats and i this came to mind because me and my sister were talking about this the other day and my mum and my brother but they weren't in the club basically we used to do a club called folk singing and on a friday afternoon like lunchtime like all the kids would be out playing kind of 20 girls girls would all get together with Miss Whitney and sing folk songs. And she'd be on the guitar singing. And we'd all sing like, but they weren't, but then when we talked about it,

they weren't really folk songs. They were songs that just like Mrs. Whitney liked. They were just songs, but she's on a guitar. Yeah, it was kind of, what was one of them? It was like, in an octopus's garden by the sand. I don't know that song. Yes, you do know Octopus's Garden. I've never heard it.

I think it's The Beatles. Never heard of that. Octopus's Garden. How have we spoken about The Beatles like four times today? I know. Okay, okay, okay. Oh, yeah, I kind of wasn't getting it from your... Got it, yeah. I mean, this has Miss Whitney written all over it. I don't know who she is, but...

But you didn't get it from my singing. I didn't get it from your rendition, but I completely understand that that is the song that was happening just now. Oh, my God, that's really hilarious. We also used to do Puff the Magic Dragon. Love it. And she'd be on her guitar.

She'd be on the guitar, and we'd all be singing. That's sweet. And it was really lovely, and I just kind of think... And there was one of my friends who actually listens. her guitar and we'd all be singing and it was really lovely and i just kind of think and there was one of my friends who actually listens she went in one day with her mum in year five this must have been and said i want to quit folk singing and then my friend started crying and her mum started crying and then mrs whitney started crying why did she want to quit because because she was just i just want my lunch my friday lunch time's back but the fact that you

were all crying like the sweetest god why did everyone cry because it was just like, I just want my Friday lunch times back. Oh. But the fact that you were all crying, like, the sweetest. God, why did everyone cry? Because it was just like saying goodbye to folk singing, end of an era. Oh, no. But we loved folk singing. Aww. But what about you? Why didn't you get in contact with her?

Once, this is actually quite bad, I wrote her... Oh, God. My whole heart just dropped. I was in year three. I was in year three, so it's not bad but i drew a big picture of the whole class every single person in the class and i drew myself next to mrs whitney in the picture as you would kind of very like long leg beautiful model girl that i drew myself as a year three um and i gave it to her the beginning of year three and i said i've given

this to you and at the end of year three she said you might want this back and gave it back to me. And I was heartbroken. I thought she would want to keep it. What sweet that she kept it all year. Yeah, it's really sweet. She probably kept it in a drawer in her desk. Ready to get rid of it. Post-it note, give this back.

With everyone else's drawings that they'd given her. Well, why don't you contact her now? Why would I? And say like, I just, you know, you really impacted my life. I went on to do English. No, she lives in my town. My mum sees her all the time.

Oh, well, why don't you bump into her? I don't really mind. She said, she did ask after me the other day. And my mum said, oh yeah, she did English and film. And she said, oh yeah, I knew she would. Aww. What about you? Oh, it does kind of make me cry.

Well, I don't know. Do you have a question for me? Yeah, I've got quite a few. Yeah. Sorry, just going back. I feel like that's really sweet as well, because definitely has done that like out of her own that's just she's just done that using her own initiative and done this little folk singing thing and now you're remembering it at 23 yeah i actually want to talk to my friends that did that club with me

because we all used to sit there on the carpet singing puff the magic dragon so wholesome at lunch we were giving up our lunch break for this that's how much because also it's just we just wanted to hang out with her yeah honestly they get nothing to do with singing honestly those teacher relationships are the best when you just idolize them yeah because it's kind of like mom it's like she's the type of teacher that you'd accidentally call mom and be like oh my god sorry 100 have you ever called a male teacher dad no that's bad i've done that it's so bad but i don't call my dad dad, I call him daddy. No, you didn't say daddy. Yeah, so I said daddy.

It was in like year eight. Oh my God. I know, but it's because I'm like a child and I call my dad daddy and my mum mummy. Oh my goodness. So I was like daddy and I was like, it was like my tutor teacher as well. So that's embarrassing. God, you sound so privileged right now. I call my mum mummy, my dad daddy.

And that wasn't my teacher. It was my tutor. No, not personal tutor. Like my form tutor. Oh my God. That was my violin tutor. My mummy and daddy are my personal tutor. That was my polo tutor.

No, my form tutor. Right, okay. V3, Vail 3, boy. I love it. Okay, hit me up. What is the nicest thing that someone's ever said to you difficult question because we only focus on the negative in life guys oh my god i actually don't know this is the sort of comment that i feel makes people cry though because i was literally just

about to say i could cry here yeah because it's kind of like you never allow yourself to indulge in that shit all right but go on i can't um all right let's think slowly and carefully i feel like i don't have a standout one. Me neither. Is anything jumping to mind because there'll be a few things playing in your head. Yeah go on. Immediately. The tears start coming and they don't stop coming. The tears start coming and they don't stop coming. Okay um honestly about to hit the ground running. Okay a few things come to mind. Well obviously people say nice things all the time but the nicest thing anyone's ever said to you it's quite difficult i think to pin down yeah because i think all of the compliments like in

competition with one another and maybe it depends on like what i'm insecure about that day that would be the nicest thing yes okay so immediately i think of what Jack said to me just in life. Yeah, like, I'm gonna cry for sure. Just, like, that sincere stuff. Like, when he's being nice to me. On a small occasion. This is my boyfriend, by the way, if you're new here. Definitely something he said because it's kind of...

He's not complimenting me, like, to compliment me. And he's not, like, like to compliment me and he's not like trying to get a win out of it yeah it's just purely he may think something of me um then i also think about things it's actually really interesting to think about so that goes through my mind then i think about kind of i try and think about deep things that like maybe my nan said i was really great or something then i think about stuff that teachers have like complimented my work then i think about podcast honestly it's now by be a teacher.com and then i also think about um like physical compliments as in like compliments about my physical appearance okay nice which one means more a physical well i think physical doesn't

mean really anything does it but do you? I think it can mean something to you if that's what you're insecure about in that moment. I think it means... It's always nice for someone to say something nice. Would you rather someone said, you are so beautiful or you are so intelligent? Um... I feel like everyone's immediate answer is intelligence,

but kind of, I don't need that confirmed to me. Yeah, that's the problem. It's like, duh. That's the problem. Yeah, I think any compliment i'm i'm really i'm willing to receive the nicest compliment my therapist said to me once that i was like really great or whatever that i was really great or whatever word for word she said like i was very well actually something that i've been told a lot is you're very um like wise beyond your like kind

of the emotional intelligence but that's honestly because of the trauma well i remember saying that you remind me of an owl yeah a lot because you are quite a wise owl you just have a hedwig presence that's nice you did not am what was his name errol errol delivered by a bird named errol honestly i feel like i can't put the compliments against each other because what am i weighing it on my projection of what that compliment means or the intentions of who said it or yeah it means the same thing could be said by two different people and it means so much more based on how much you respect the person or kind of something could mean more because it came from a stranger. Absolutely. Because they've got nothing to gain. Yeah. They've got nothing. Yeah. So it's really,

really difficult. Fully. Oh, I love it. But I love them all. Anyone who's ever complimented me, thanks so much. You know what I liked? Sorry, just to jump in. When we went to the cinema, me, you and our friend Alice and we watched Book book smart and we did superlatives for one another this was it yeah that might be the nicest compliment i ever it was from alice yeah so we basically sat in the cinema and we all just sat there and said you are the most before the film came it was before the trailer yeah we were like half an hour early to the cinema because i make sure we get there with good time because i want to watch the trailers i want to watch the ad but i want to get into the mindset i want to go to the toilet three or four times before minimum minimum before it starts

agree so yeah alice said to me you are the most loving in a weird way yeah and i really took that as like yeah like it makes sense it does make sense because it's like i don't show i'm not very affectionate but people know when i love them yeah because it will come out in a bit of a it will come at a right angle yeah i really took that as like yeah actually you do get you get my how i'm showing you get my love language because it's like yeah you get that it's not yeah it's obscure but i think yeah those might be some of the best compliments i've ever given as well we had a real compliment fest. It was really nice actually.

And it made us love the film even more. We were wide open to receive that film. Stunning. If you haven't seen Booksmart, God. Yeah, have some compliments before. Have some compliments. Just take them like a shot. Take them.

Another question for you. Describe your first sexual encounter. Oh my God. I love it. it okay well this is getting thrown back straight to you as well after okay all right now i mean you can go first no no no no no okay so have a little think i'll let you ease into it guys let's do you have a condom i wasn't ready i wasn't expecting this um i would say in one word average okay completely average is this the first time you had sex your first sexual encounter oh my first sexual encounter because that's kind of trickier so my first sexual encounter was having sex i

can't believe other than being like sexually harassed on the street i mean that was because that was constant from age yeah 10 yeah yeah so much younger but my first sexual encounter the consensual sexual encounter was having sex that's crazy I guess I'm sure yeah but yeah it was incredibly average it was incredibly normal I think normal in what way it was just completely just like heteronormative in the sense that it's like it was nothing for me it wasn't particularly painful it was just who came that was the end did you know was it planned it wasn't planned like days in advance yeah but it was like you know i was heading over knowing what's happening and how did you feel like how did you feel going into it versus how did you feel coming

out of it well you almost feel like you've ticked a box yeah do you did you feel like that like the society prep i know some of our friends have definitely felt that as well as in like there's a pressure from society and you've just ticked it you almost have like a sense of a relief that you're now in a new club yeah but it's kind of the worst club ever well it's kind of is it no folk singing with miss whitney oh you're not singing octopus's garden way, nowhere near. Also, shouldn't it be Octopi Garden? Like, the plural of octopus is octopi. So an octopus's garden.

Oh no, because it's one octopus. It's one octopus that just belongs to him. I definitely feel there's a societal pressure and you feel like, okay, now that's done. But also, it definitely didn't feel like some big intimate experience. Did you tell everyone as soon as it happened? No, definitely didn't provide some big intimate experience did you tell everyone as soon as it happened no i didn't tell anyone i wonder why i really didn't tell anyone why though because we've established before you are the person who like tells

i someone everything so don't you think that's interesting from you yeah that's really crazy yeah i i didn't really like yeah i didn't tell anyone really i wasn't like like right now oh my god you guys know whatever happens to me i ring i ring you 24 7 to tell you just like i've had a couple just keep me in the loop just keep everyone in the loop so yeah that's quite weird and i wonder why that is i don't know because it almost feels too real to share but also too nothing it definitely wasn't like a big life-changing event definitely not no way have your feelings changed towards it well now i've had better sex yeah so that losing your virginity in that act it's almost like quote marks oh yeah we'd like what have you lost yeah yeah still seems like

it's here apart from just your time apart from like 20 minutes yeah 20 god but it's kind of i've had better sex now so now it feels like yes okay so i've had more intimate experiences where it feels like there's been more of a it's a two-part role you are young so you're kind of being hand over the keys yeah it's like there is an there is an essence of being used that's just inherent in that but i mean it was fine it was it was honestly the word is fine average non non meaningfulmeaningful. I can't imagine going into having sex for the first time. Like what, had you ever seen a penis in real life?

I'd never seen one on the internet. I'd never seen one anywhere because I remember me and my friend tried to Google, this is me and my old best friend back in the day. And we were like, look, we don't know anything. We were like 13, we're like, we've got to see a penis. We've got to see a vagina. Like we don't know what they look like. You couldn't just've got to see a penis we've got to see a vagina like we don't like we don't know what they look like you couldn't just like look down no terrifying terrifying you were told never we were told never to look at our vaginas by who

well it would just be like because there'd be rumors of like girls that like finger themselves like oh my god like join me there'd be rumors going around so you'd never seen a penis and then all of a sudden and it was like we need to well we needed to see them this is back in the day so we went on her family computer you know we had to turn on the big computer and we typed in porn.com oh my god www.porn.com and this website came up and it was like you know you can judge it yeah and we screamed and turned the computer off we like we couldn't even find the plug hopefully we were like no this isn't for us i can never come back on we were like never ever do we want to see a penis again and so yeah i'd never seen a penis before really what was your surely there was some sort of reaction there i was like you're gonna have that's gonna go inside you in a minute like um i don't really know i think i don't think i was

that just kind of autopilot i think biologically you know what to do it's not like it's not porn no it's not it's not but it's like kissing it's like you've never kissed before and then when you kiss you know what to do yeah it's like your your system kicks in yeah what about you throw back um i don't i think now i think growing up and having those like formative sexual experiences i would have thought um that i was very empowered and like very educated and you would have thought that at the time i would have thought actually i was very empowered and very educated. You would have thought that at the time? I would have thought that at the time. Actually, I probably thought that at the time.

I probably thought this is super empowering. But looking back on it now, you can see that it's not. Only looking back on it now, I think I was definitely educated. And I definitely was making decisions for myself and the right decisions. I don't think anything, I don't have negative thoughts towards it. But I know now obviously in hindsight and as you say having more sexual experiences you understand what that sexual experience was in the realm of sexual experiences if that makes sense oh i love it yeah

wendy's has a new breakfast deal mix and match two items of your choice for only four dollars breakfast wrap biscuit or English muffin sandwiches, small seasoned potatoes or small hot coffee. Choose two for $4 at Wendy's. Available for a limited time at participating Wendy's in Canada. Taxes extra. As in when it's just something you've experienced, experienced, experienced, how many times have I experienced with somebody or whatever, something's happening.

I can just place that in the realm of my life and kind of think, okay, that I've done that, that happened blah blah blah but when i've had sex for example or just when you know how those situations go with other people at a different time in a different place etc when you feel different you see that differently do you get what i mean sort of just if you had sex once you would die thinking that is all sex yeah no but definitely that's it you have sex once and you kind of think that's it that's done it that's what i mean by box ticking there's a million different sex oh wait yeah now the sex that happened that is completely different to like yeah it's all completely different yeah totally different the only thing

i think now looking back is i feel almost like slightly annoyed by or just like frustrated by honestly the audacity of teenage boys same looking at it it's kind of god the audacity you had to touch me oh well i didn't i was very um clear with my boundaries as a child i don't know how i got that though but like everyone else would be kind of having sex with quite gross guys and i for some reason had this huge like absolutely not i wonder how we got that i had had it drilled into me from a young age to respect myself a lot and to think that people had to do a lot to be my company definitely because i never fancied anyone at school really and i was i remember being like that i'd fancy some boys but like i definitely wasn't that person that's like oh yeah i had something i don't have any sexual regrets no really i definitely i really don't and i think

that's quite i think it's rare yeah because when i've heard people have sexual regrets it's like oh god that's a very intense or like even the feeling of it i've definitely had like it of like boys i've kissed and i'm like oh what the fuck was i thinking but boys i've had sex with i kind of think okay i'm happy that that's fine that's fine yeah yeah i don't have any super like physical feelings of gross repulsion yeah which definitely i think is common i think it's so common and i even remember being like 14 and my best friend at the time saying yeah i just had sex with him and i was like what you've had sex with him like i remember thinking you absolute buffoon like i just i knew like but at the time it's like but that's empowering but is

it performing well she was 100 performing empowerment and you know when you just you're just like listen he doesn't he doesn't even like you that's awful anyway but i do think looking back like god you lot were lucky you lot this one guy i'm like god you were lucky as in for you yeah yeah as in to him i'm like you like you're doing well yeah come on just like i said come on like let's be real like you were you were a lucky guy so i've got a question for you would you rather definitely pin it back on you yeah of course would you rather be called vain or insecure maybe not even would you rather be called but would you rather be known as vain or insecure i think i would rather be known as vain same because you don't get to tell me that

i'm insecure no i think that's a pride thing but i do if i'm vain deal with it if i'm insecure it's like where you don't like me because i like myself or you don't like me because i don't like myself i'll take the like myself yeah it's like oh we all don't like me either way either way you're trying to bring me down i'd rather start from the top than the bottom yeah yeah either way just you don't like me or everyone doesn't like me including myself it's bad yeah yeah and i don't mind being called vain i think there's definitely a change happening in society of like self-love like for my grandma for example for her to say yeah i love myself would be alien that would be crazy for

someone over the age of like 70 yeah to be like god i really like myself i'm so proud of myself i think that would be crazy yeah and i think slowly we're all starting to be a bit like okay yeah maybe we are allowed to not hate ourselves it's funny how hating yourself is the default yeah and it's a meme it's so like relevant relevant life like kind of self-deprecating humor i'm so self-deprecating it's like so are you proud of that are you proud that you it's like no one here is vouching for you not even you imagine it's like fucking pull yourself together like if you it's that thing of if you don't respect yourself what you think everyone else does no why would they we've been waiting to hear all the good stuff about you and

you haven't told us so we're just gonna assume It's all shit. I'll just do your insecure. Yeah, and I'll assume you're insecure for a reason. Mm-hmm Like oh, yes clearly shit wrong with you. Shit's wrong Was really unlikable factors if even you her in your brain don't like you love it. It's not great No, where's that? Oh god Aaron is so vain. She loves us. I was Something right something love believe even she loves us. Oh, that's clearly lovable stuff. It's like, it must be doing something right. It's clearly something lovable if even she loves herself. Yeah. Love that. Logic.

That's a good one. If I'm listening to this podcast, I'm so answering the questions alongside. Yeah, we'll have to do a Q&A like on the story. Okay, this question's deep, I think. Okay, I'm so ready. I think I kind of briefed you on it earlier. I gave you a little teaser. It's about death or something.

It's about, well, the question goes. I'm like, fingers gave you a little teaser. It's about death or something. It's about, well, the question goes. I'm like, fingers crossed it's about death. It's about death or something. I'm not like, I just, like, death. No, nothing like that. It's about childhood trauma. Just childhood memories. You know we're there.

Yeah. The question is, what's one childhood memory? What's one childhood memory that will never leave you? For whatever reason, good or bad. Oh my God, I love it. Like one memory that will never leave you for whatever reason oh my god i love it like one memory that haunt will haunt you haunt haunt as in good or bad you say good or bad then you use the word i'm looking for the dark star well as in haunt if i'm feeling if i'm looking to be haunted well one that i was gonna say was not so haunting but me and my sister for some reason

came up on christmas day running around with maracas and a triangle that we got for christmas day maracaring around the kitchen that just popped into my head but if you're looking for something haunting something that wouldn't why would that never leave you well that just would never leave me because it's just burnt in and it's just quite a cute moment and that's running around with maracas and then we did burnt into the mind yeah and then we did a christmas show which was the christmas show and the crazy frog show merged i've heard about this it was a big thing we were rehearsing for months for this show and it was christmas and crazy frog joined my two favorite things you can't fault that combo yeah an amazing show the natural they complement each other so naturally and it was a little bit of like it was was kind of, Santa Claus coming to town.

And it was like, ding, ding, ding, ding. That whole song played with me, my sister lying like a corpse in the middle of the room. Oh my God. And me jumping over her body and running to the other side and then me jumping over,

just constantly for the whole. The whole version of Santa Claus is coming to town. With all my family talking and me saying, listen, you're not listening. You're not watching um and then it would go into and she would jump up and we'd go into a routine amazing so that was good that's a nice one but if you want something haunting i mean i can go for like my parents telling us they were splitting up

do you think it is that well if i'm going for something that i will never forget i that the seating positions in that room at that time the words spoken everything i will never forget chills me to the bone honestly i will never forget that in the living room and this is the thing so we'd had a really nice lunch they'd obviously been like they sent us to our grandparents like for like three days before and we were like my sister knew something so my sister's younger than me and i was like lovely holiday i was like there's nothing you practiced in the costume lizzie i was like this is so great they just want some couple time amazing they just want to spend some time together i think we're getting a baby brother that's what i said i fucking said that so funny um so they told us they were like you're going to grandparents we spent a few days there came back we had a lunch and we had like hummus it was like bread sort of like like

waitrose like tortilla chips it was all like a classic thing with like cucumber it was like had that then me and my sister were like we're going upstairs to our loft beds and we're gonna go up and we're going to like take pictures of our teddy bears and make a story out of them it was one of these things that we just did and they were like no no don't go upstairs just yet can you see where this is going they're like no no just hold on we need to talk to you both and i said you're pregnant idiot they sat us down into the room um into the living room the room the telling room the trauma room the living room um and they said this is what's happening we're splitting up blah blah blah who told you do you remember i think it was my dad maybe said it because my brother who was

he was a bait he was four at the time that's young through he was holding the keys don't know who gave him the keys through them in the air. That's what I remember. Wow. And then they said, he understood. Well, I think we were all just crying

and he was like, ah, what's going on? And then my mum was like, right, okay, Lizzie and Persephone, go upstairs,

go to your loft beds and like go and deal with it. We had these really cool loft beds, not bunk beds, loft beds with desks underneath. Iconic. And this is what is burnt into my mind. I've told you this before. Me and Lizzie went up to our room and we didn't really know what to do with ourselves. So we just started

climbing up and down the ladders. Crying. Crying of our loft beds. Climbing up and down going, oh my God. Oh my God. my god oh my god up the ladders down the ladders oh my god oh my god like screaming what do we do clinging onto the ladders going and i don't know what that is burning my mind because it's just the absolute panic and honestly not much has changed with how you deal with trauma climb up and down a ladder screaming. Honestly, on a ladder. Oh my God. Oh my God.

Back down we go. Oh my God. No one knew what to do. Why? It's hysterical. Just go up to your room and deal with this life altering news. Yeah. Yeah. So we didn't know what to do.

So we're just going up and down our loft bed screeching and going, oh my God. Oh my God. And how old were you? Just for context. I was in year five so she's like 10 years old i'm 10 um and i was just screeching around and i guess that might be haunting if that's what you wanted was gonna go with the christmas crazy frog show but if you want me screaming on a loft bed ladder i mean i can provide i love it what about about you? Turn it back around. So just quickly going back. How

often do you think about that? Never. I never think about that until me and you spoke about that in Brighton. And I thought, God, I hadn't thought about that loft bed situation. In like 10 years. What was that? Why did we react like that? It's funny that like you saw Lizzie do that and Lizzie saw you do that and now you're adults so what happened in that room you've got that but that's still my sister's bedroom like that still is her room and it's like god that happened in there we were like i wonder if she remembers that in the same way as well i will i will speak to that's hilarious that's hilarious but i'm sorry to hear that okay my next question i love it already what would you say is the greatest lesson you learned from your last relationship relationship in quaymark oh my

god your last like yeah thing what's the most important thing maybe like what's the lesson that you learned from that that you hadn't learned from anything else because i feel like you learned similar everyone learned similar lessons from relationships etc i feel like i learned so much it was at a formative time as well yeah it was a really formative time i feel like i i kind of learned two things can you give us a bit of context so the last relationship in quotes is was with this guy erin knew him too yeah um erin kind of was there along the way yeah yeah i saw the whole thing erin saw from beginning to end it was me from the inception yeah it was erin we were just going through a breakup a tough breakup erin saw from the inception to the death yeah the whole thing um and as did i and it was it was just a very learning. It was a learning curve.

It was, yeah, an ultimate learning experience. So I would say at the beginning, what I learned, I learned very much different lessons at the beginning and the end. Love that. The beginning, allowing myself to like go with it. I think I did learn that there is no like weakness in liking someone or like there is no weakness

in being in a relationship i definitely was hesitant to even start something because i was like it will make me weak it's not feminist it's almost like i thought it wasn't feminist to have a boyfriend yeah i was like no no i'm a fuck boy yeah it took you a lot to like understand that to understand what was going on and to understand that you even thought that yeah because you just thought i think you were naturally born with this you just had this disposition that was like i'm not interested yeah i was like when someone is amazing then yeah maybe i'll be in a relationship with them but then i found out this person in my mind was amazing and i was like fuck okay i haven't been prepared for this amazing person this compromises everything that i believed in later

found out it wasn't so amazing but at the time i was like fuck okay i now need to reevaluate because it's like i'm at the moment i wonder if you would have got to that conclusion without that relationship like when would you have eventually have realized that you were hanging on to this weird like defiance of romance i don't know it's interesting right the next one yeah and the second lesson I learned I think I really not lost myself I think I put a lot of my self-esteem in the success of that relationship I think I put like a lot of emphasis on like this needs to succeed I need to almost like conquer this I need to kind of conquer him to prove that I'm like worth it do you know what I mean yeah fully it was like once I've won this yeah once I've won him it. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. Fully was like, once I've won this.

Yeah. Once I've won him, it's all good. Because you went from, I don't need this, I don't want this, blah, blah, blah, to like, okay, well, if I'm admitting that I want it. I have to have it fully. It needs to work. Yeah.

It needs to be a marriage. Yeah. Yeah. Like as soon as it's like, fuck, okay, don't want, don't want, shit, I want it. So I must have it entirely. So what will you now take from that into new? There is no point in that, like, obsession with the outcome.

I was obsessed with the outcome, which actually stopped my progression during. I could have totally dealt with that in a different way, enjoying each experience for what it is, rather than, okay, so during this experience, during this time I met him, I ticked these certain boxes brilliant which that moves me on to phase two of my plan which is i very much had a strategy from beginning to end yeah that strategy changed but i had a strategy remember we said it's like you've driven from like brighton to scotland or something and you were driving all

the way through like central london but you had your head down in the map and you just didn't look up because i had everything that i wanted to miss all the landmarks yeah i had everything but i just wasn't enjoying it because i was so obsessed with getting to the next stage the next stage the next stage and it's such a weird thing that i never envisioned myself being because i've always been so like no no no no no definitely not so honestly definitely boyfriend definitely not definitely not but all of a, definitely not. Boyfriend, definitely not. Definitely not. But all of a sudden I was like, oh, okay. Something's intriguing me there.

So it's like, well, I must, he must be my husband then. Yeah. There's no way, there's no way. Not even your husband. No. We're joking, but. Yeah, you'll know if you listen to the relationship one, there's no chance of them getting married. But it's a really interesting thing

when you have always been like, God, it would take someone so amazing for me to be in a relationship with them. For me to give up my single life, they would need to be amazing. And then someone comes along that you're like, fuck, okay, that might be them. Or it just wouldn't feel like you're giving up a single life anymore. Yeah. So you could be enhancing. That was, I think.

Yeah. It didn't feel like I was giving up. And suddenly I was like, oh shit, okay. Now what you want has changed. I'm invested. Tricky times, guys. Big lessons learned. big lessons learned big lessons learned yeah what about you well my last relationship was like eight years ago and i'm 23 yeah so i've learned a lot since then anyway i hope so yeah i'm just the same state no lessons learned change an inch i do remember first like when

jack and i were beginning our relationship and when we were like seeing each other or whatever and then when we became a couple together cute i remember feeling really um like secure because i feel like i'd already i kind of knew i knew how i wanted to handle things remember i said to you like i was very i text before jack and i were together and we had he'd literally just started we were just texting and I had texted him saying we're still texting by the way like we'd been texting for like which is just like an ultimate quote imagine this you're in how what year are you in year eight no we're in like year 10 you're in year 10 and you're texting a boy and he's still texting you you're still texting him and then you message saying wait we're still texting what does this mean i literally text him saying

we're still texting question mark ha ha ha like for me it was a bit of a joke i think that was what it was i felt like i had the freedom because i'd come out of essentially a serious relationship yeah um and into i just felt so free to just do whatever and just see i just felt like there was nothing to lose i was a lot there were no losses if i had texted him saying we're still texting question mark and he didn't reply i kind of maybe i would have been like oh that's weird but i would have just got on with my life i would have maybe said to him on monday at school like you ignored me or whatever but it would have been left there there was no like fear yeah i think i had the luxury of coming into

a relationship like in my youth feeling really secure in myself already that is quite rare really rare to be to have the have self-awareness aged however old you are yeah i think that's rare yeah i think it's rare i love that yeah it was fun so what lesson did you learn well from my past i just learned i just learned what i want like i think in order to close that i know it sounds silly but it was that he took up all my time like we were a serious relationship like yeah hey guys it's persephone so i think we're gonna end this episode here and do the rest of the questions in part two which is coming next week so we get very very intense i hope you've

enjoyed kind of hearing about kind of what have we spoken about weird sexual experiences and weird shit like that mrs whitney made an appearance who knew someone tag her someone let her know that she's been brought up in a podcast um so please leave a rating and a review if you're on apple because i mean because apple they go mad for reviews um honestly i make apple sound so desperate we're so desperate for Apple validation big time so tune in to episode two of our deep and personal question time um Prime Minister's question time and uh see you later bye