Goes Without Saying - an Anxious Girl Survival Guide: hey so you're insane! hope this helps

Episode Date: October 13, 2024

podmothers sephy & wing enter the chat: spiralling on learning to stand up for yourself and deal with confrontation, growing up, surviving seminars and strangers, shyness, overthinking, and liam payne. ✷see more ✷ www.youtube.com/@sephyandwing ✷ www.instagram.com/sephyandwing ✷ www.tiktok.com/@sephyandwingshop ✷ www.sephyandwing.co.uk Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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up for yourself, learning that the way that you feel is probably worth speaking about and you're allowed to actually speak and that's okay and we want to hear from you and you you know stop shutting up and start vocalizing how you feel. Don't ask don't get. And Liam Payne? Liam Payne comes up like maybe too much so enjoy. Okay okay hello okay all good and also up, guys, we're turning the volume up. So are we turning the- how the fuck should we turn the volume up? Because it's not us. It's the mics, but I'm turning it up so much. No, but also, I don't think that even works because then when you export it, it goes back down. You can't- as soon as it's going over

that bed, it normalises it. I'm making it all the way up. Yeah but that's probably then gonna bring it all the way down. No because then when I put it on, right this is immediately not interesting, then when I put it on a cast and I click to put the ad slot in the middle which by the way we have no control over what card goes in the middle guys it's so boring, You know when you can hear it play back and you can play and you can see it in the bars. Yeah. It's very big now. Okay, as long as you, I have no idea

because every time I've tried to make things louder, well when you export it, it goes back down again. Everything you turn up on GarageBand, then it normalizes it afterwards and then it brings it back down again. Well I'm turning you all up on mine on Audacity. And then there is a big difference between what is showing on ACAST.

Hopefully we'll add a few guys. I think we need new mics. Any mic company? Cause also I want new mics, they're just so expensive. I know, but this mic used to be good. This one never did. I kind of think what happened to yours has happened to mine already.

Well, maybe let's get new mics. It's just the thing is a good mic is hundreds of pounds. She's disconnected her mic. This is why we need new mics. I've never done that in my life! Jesus Christ! I just moved my leg and it yanked the cord out. It was literally like I was slagging the mic off and it was like yeah, you think you're funny do ya? on well maybe we should get new mics it's just I don't really know how we're gonna have I'd love to get new mics moneybags well anyway we are aware of the issue you are on the tube you cannot hear us you are out living your life you cannot hear us we hear you we're listening loud and clear we are screaming we're turning the fuck up. But I yeah, okay. Well, I hope it works. I sort of just don't think it's gonna work. Also, I hate that. No, no, it has been working, Sefi. Why don't you believe me? You need to trust my expertise.

Well, I also think the quality goes down. Why don't you? Put yourself, make yourself useful. Go on Acos right now. Well, no, here's what I actually think. And look at the difference between the sound waves. This is what I think, that the quality will go down the louder we go. The quality does go down. Yeah, that's what I don't like. All the way down the drain. But the quality of our apps are already down the drain anyway, so what's the big deal?

Well, I would like us to have normal quality, normal volume podcasts. I'd love us to have great audio and just like bad content. Yeah, that sounds good. I'd be up for that. Well sorry, I can't believe I just yanked the fucking cable out. Yeah what the hell. Like I know you guys don't care but I've never done that before just to be clear. Don't know why that's that. I've never done that I swear. Do you know what I mean? You know what else just really quickly off the top I'm obsessed with at the moment. Have you been seeing any Liam Payne content recently?

Oh my god I saw him literally David Brenting out so bad doing Summer Lovin'. Oh no it wasn't Summer Lovin'. What's he doing? Oh my god it wasn't Summer Lovin' he did Grease Aladdin. Grease Aladdin! Oh my god I haven't seen that. Oh my god it's crazy. I'm obsessed with him right now.

It's so bad, isn't it? I mean, genuinely speaking, in all seriousness, I hope he's okay mentally. He's definitely like what I would say not. It does look- If you're asking me. Breakdown territory, doesn't it? It's not good, but yeah, the David Brink comparison is

up so high these days. I need you to see the thing, because that's kind of what I thought you were talking about. What else is there? I haven't seen that. Oh my god. There's so much. There's one where he goes You can love yourself like I do you sing and then he oh god the audience is quiet Amazing. Oh my god, it's then there's obviously the you can remove your hands. Yeah. Yeah, you'll never move them I'll never use a good there's the bit with Will Smith where he's like, I think, you know, he did what he felt like he had to do and... Is this the one where he's like, I think he did what he had to do?

Exactly. Exactly. There's quite a few. And obviously, you know, One Direction was built around me, I'm the star, Simon made a promise to me that within two years I can make this work for you. And also that he had the best-selling single of anyone else in the band. Of anyone. And you know Harry's music, you know, good for him. It's not obviously for me, it's not the kind of music I would listen to but you know I'm sure he's happy making

it. Oh god it's so sad, it's actually so sad. I think sending love to him. Definitely. Do I, maybe I actually don't want to know, don't answer this maybe I'm just this hypothesis and no one's gonna answer yeah maybe I have a little bit of Liam Payne energy and we're just gonna leave that and move on just leave that and next wait wait could you explain what the hell you mean? I think that might be you're gonna pin me against the wall and say if I use those hands again someone else threw him against the wall which by the way someone apparently came out and

said that was Zayn really? which pot? well I'm obviously team Zayn on this oh I'm always team Zayn yeah wait why do you think you've got Liam Payne energy that's so random because it's just a bit like oh shut up

or like oh cringe have you seen what he's been doing? that is so rude to yourself no I know I know that is like public humiliation that he's doing but then it is so rude to yourself. No I know. That is like public humiliation. But then it's like does it make me even more Liam Payne that I'm like I think I'm Liam Payne? Am I? Am I guys? It's a Greece labyrinth. Am I the star of one direction? Like oh god it's bad. He's horrific so no I'm not getting that from

you. I think there's a tragic, it's you know when someone's insides are spilling out that's what I read it as, that's what makes me feel like it's me. It's like you've got so much in you, so much insecurity that everything you do is just like, it's just brazen right there. It's so obvious that you're so insecure. Do you know what he is? And that's how I think I might come off sometimes. No you don't in any way. you know what he is? And that's how I think I might come off sometimes. No, you don't in any way. But this is what I think the David Bren comparison with him at the moment. So there was a thing that Ricky Gervais said about David Bren, which I think is so true. And I've always like recognized this in other people and Liam Payne has it so much. So I think this is exactly what people are seeing in that comparison. He always says that, well,

he said about David Bren and like other characters that he's done, whatever, that the funniest people are people that their perception of themselves and the perception that the world has of them are completely different. And that is so David Brenn or like Michael Scott vibes of like you think you're coming off as like this kind of Casanova but you're coming off as like absolute freak and that is exactly Liam Payne. He thinks he's coming off like the the guy that was like the face of One Direction and now he's like going and singing Greased Lightning to a load of girls at a Niall Horan show I believe. I was just about to say have you seen him at

Niall's show? This is where he sings that song. Oh, right. Okay. Or maybe it was an edit that I saw, but no, no, it's not. He's definitely doing Greased Lightning. He's definitely singing that. But then it's like he thinks he's coming off really cool, but he's coming off so bad. So bad.

And that I think is where people are getting the David Brant thing. It's like the, who he thinks he is. And do we think we're getting an Erin Emerali thing there? Maybe. No. I don't know. I'm so shocked by that. Really?

I literally don't know where you've got that from. It's really bad to see someone publicly humiliating themselves and think, I think that's like me. And not even I think that, I also think, have you guys ever thought that? Let me know. Let us know in the comments. God, I don't even know how you could look at that and think of yourself. I think just because it looks like someone who's looking for a compliment and he's obviously

not feeling very secure in himself and he's doubting himself a lot. So he's overcompensating by like trying, like putting on this act. But a lack is like very transparent. And I think sometimes like, is my insecurity really transparent when I do, do you know what I mean? Do I come off as tragic? Probably. No, God. I mean, it's only tragic because he's trying to hide it so much I feel like we talk about our insecurities so much on here like we very openly say when we're struggling or whatever I feel like the thing that's bad about Liam's thing now is that he is well, I don't even think he's aware No, I think he's really pushing the thing of like Yeah, if you ever use those hands again or whatever. He said I like it. You're never using them again Yeah, he thinks he's he's trying to push the thing.

And you can remove those hands from me. Oh, God. Oh, God, it's so hard. It's so sad. I outsold everyone on One Direction. He believes that. He genuinely believes that in his head. Obviously, everyone else knows that's not true.

They're down for me, baby. What's that? That was the song. And there's a clip of him at the Capitol Jingle Bell Ball, I believe. Or maybe it's at Capitol Summertime Ball, I'm not sure. He's doing an event and it's him and he's kind of like, he's kind of like slut dropping. Oh my god, I know it, I know the exact clip. Strip that down for me. That's what he thinks, I believe

that's what he thinks was the biggest post One Direction solo. I don't know. Anyway, I hope you're right. It's so sad. I think the thing that speaks volumes on that, it reminds me of the Prince Andrew interview, the Pizza Express interview, we all know it, in the way that it's like he believes that whatever he says people will just believe. It's like you can say that you, it's not you in that photo even though everyone can see it is you in that photo and you're sort of so used to everyone just believing you that you can't even read public perception anymore. That is what Liam Gibbs, when he's saying I outsold everyone from One Direction. Everyone knows the name Harry Styles. Everyone fucking knows it. If I said to my mum, Liam Payne, she'd say, who's that?

Excuse me? Was that, I would have to explain it. He's the guy. Do you remember the guy from One Direction who we all thought would be the star when he was in, when he auditioned, but he wasn't the star. Harry was the star.

Liam Payne saying, I outsold everyone on one direction is obviously so embarrassing. but he does believe it. like, there's no doubt in my mind that he thinks i did. yeah i agree with you. i think he does believe that. you know what the thing is as well and it's something we speak about often is the idea of like being surrounded by yes men is actually like the most dangerous thing that could ever happen to you. Like guys you would be so fucked, like we are all at risk. We would be in big trouble. You need people around you who are going to be like, stop that or like eek not sure on that one or you know like give you some perspective. Because it does breed madness actually, like not even, I think there's an idea that it's

like oh it breeds bad people and all of that. I think it actually breeds madness actually, like not even, I think there's an idea that it's like, oh it breeds bad people and all of that. I think it actually breeds madness. Like it drives people insane, like they lose all a grasp of reality. I think it dumbes you down as well. Like you lose your intelligence because you're no longer able to like properly assess situations or properly like navigate

your experiences and your choices and the way that you'll be received and all of this stuff. Yeah, I just finished reading Julia Fox's memoir, her masterpiece. You finished it. You liked it. And I really, really loved it. And there's only a small portion of the book, like he actually doesn't feature that much, but she does talk about Kanye.

Yeah. And it kind of reminds me of this conversation or this conversation reminded me of that of like he has this entourage around him of just everyone that's using him basically and he is clearly unable to see what's really going on there just everyone sort of agreeing with him and yeah I mean you can look at Kanye and just think that is a really really ill person actually. Also like even on a smaller scale the stories we've heard about people for example influencers in the UK yeah who have like driven themselves to a point where the

only people that are allowed close to them are the people that are going to... It's kind of shocking. What's the word? Like, not allow, but like... They're going to... Sort of like validate them, but not that. Validate, and they're going to enable you. Yeah, yeah. Is that the word or what?

It kind of is. There's another word, but we're both missing it. It's kind of like they're going to... Encourage almost, but it's not that. Yeah. Oh, God, guys, do you know it? Somebody out there, Harry? Oh, fuck. It's like they're just going to...

Like reinforce. Yeah, yes. But there's one better. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, it's another word. It's like... It's all of these words, but it's a synonym to all of these words. Yeah. They're just going to...

Oh, fuck a room. I just had... Eesh, tip of my tongue. Should I google it? Do you... Facilitate, I think, was a room. I just have a tiff of my tongue. Facilitate I think. Oh no that's not what I'm going for. Did I already say facilitate? I don't think so that's not the word I mean. Oh no? No. I mean like they're gonna facilitate your bad behavior but what's the word? I'm not going for facilitate, but it doesn't matter Like encourage allow sorry, I will cut yeah, I'm synonym reinforce because that's kind of

It's like enable to me That's the one I'm looking for which I think is facilitate was the one I was going for of like to your detriment You want people around you who will enable your bad behavior? To your detriment you want people around you who will enable your bad behavior And you don't have the foresight to understand how that ultimately will lead to your untimely demise Yeah, yeah, we've said this before on the podcast and I say it Yeah, it's just one of my biggest lessons so far of the small amount of money and fame that people like almost it's shocking how minute that level is for people to become completely out of touch it's like

with just the smallest amount of like feeling oh you're important people immediately shit on the people below them it's so shocking how quick it happens you'd almost think that would be reserved to people like Kanye like people right right right at the top. Okay yeah so once you've reached these limits, these heights you then become a twat and all of this stuff. There's kind of two ways to look at it, whether people were already twats and then they become just even more twat-ish. But I don't think, I don't know, it's like it's shocking to me that people are so quick

to use their power when they've literally had it for like two months 100% it's how quickly you become entitled it's Stanford Prison it's the Stanford Prison experiment how in the way that it's like okay so we're gonna place you as the guard now you You're a normal person. And then you give it all up. And immediately it's like, right, strip naked. Yes it is. Get in the fucking thing. Totally, yeah. I think people are so much more comfortable

in being entitled than they think. Yeah, it's really shocking. And having loads of people around you who allow that or reinforce that or enable that or facilitate that or whatever the other word was. They do all of the things, all of the synonyms. All of those things and more. It's honestly the worst thing that could ever happen to you. Genuinely and I remember this was one of our first ever times meeting Freya we were like we really really really want you to tell us when we're doing things wrong.

Be mean to us. Because it's like you only have to take one look at some of those people. And I'm not talking like behind the scenes, it's like literally go scroll through your Instagram. It's like I scroll through all of this stuff and I think I don't want to make these mistakes. I don't want to be like these people, like a lot of them. Yeah, hmm.

Okay, so we should probably follow on this kind of note. Yeah, we're gonna do something completely different. But I think we'll save that, we'll spare you for now. Yeah, yeah, but we've accidentally spoken for this long about this so we might as well continue. And what, how would we call this? Looking for synonyms for like half an hour. I don't really know what this is. What are we talking about? Abuse of power? Yeah, becoming an arsehole. It does kind of also remind me of the thing that I didn't shut up about a few weeks ago about like people who expect so much of you, but then if you expect a teeny thing from them, do you know what I mean? Like almost I know and love people in my life who have that kind of like low-level

entitlement. They just move through the world kind of like, you know, expecting a certain standard and they feel comfortable to confront people when it isn't being met. In a way that I feel like that is, we had this conversation at, you know, a couple of weeks ago when I was having this dilemma with somebody at the time.

I was kind of saying like, I would like a little bit more of that in my life, even though it's pissing me off that, for example, someone is creating this whole thing, because essentially being, can I say a spoiled brat? An immature spoiled brat? No, I can't say that.

But, you know, someone is really comfortable with like speaking up about what they think. And I would like to tap into that a bit because there's I think you do Do you do that? I do but it doesn't come naturally to me. No, because it's uncomfortable. I've had to force it and I've had to learn it I agree like I don't think Confrontation is really horrific. Like it's a thing that I don't know. It feels like something I want to avoid in my life I really don't enjoy arguing and bringing up a thing but I think it's creating that like we're just finding that balance within yourself of being like

actually it's only gonna brew if you don't bring it up yeah but you also don't want to be the person that brings up shit fucking constantly. Yeah, you don't want to be a dick basically, you don't want to be out of line. I saw a thing relatively recently and I thought it was quite interesting when we talk about almost like what you would predict Sefi and Wing to act like, which by the way this voice that you're hearing now is this is the voice of Wing, what you guys know as Wing, just to be clear. And this is the voice of Sefi. You know what? I'm happy to be called sephi

I'm happy to be called a lot of thing you call me Liam Payne if you like But just in case you're not in a toy don't call me that if you're still learning who's who and what am I listening to? And where am I by the way? This is wing I saw a thing recently that was like talking about how it's almost like a bit of a phenomenon They were like what is this phenomenon of like young women or like getting into adulthood and noticing that when they were teenagers they were like you know they'd be like fuck off mom or whatever like have a go at the teacher or be like oh whatever duh duh duh duh duh and then now as young women and adults they're

like anxious to tell the hairdresser that they've cut their hair too short sort of thing and what is that switch because then loads of comments were saying like I wouldn't speak when I was younger and now I speak more or now I'm like hey that like hey can we we're gonna be here actually hey we booked this room sorry yeah thing and I was thinking I really resonate with like I would never in my life have I would have actually been thrown into next week if I raised my voice at a parent but now I do think I am comfortable in situations where like for example if we are in like a working situation and someone says something to us I will be like, excuse me,

actually like, or hi, where do we or just whatever like I feel. And I also think doing something with you makes or almost just doing something with a team with anybody. I, unless it's my boyfriend, anybody else, any of my friends, whatever, I will be the one to be like we need this or no don't do that or like don't whatever blah blah blah like I really like I'm like justice needs to be served here and I'll be the one to serve it sort of thing yeah I get that which is weird no I think it's just growing up like I have noticed so much I think I just have the real parallels at the moment of being in a uni environment and then when I was last at uni when I was like a child at uni sort of 18 to whatever 20 something 22 23 um which was like four years ago or five years ago how long

ago was uni graduated in 2019 yeah yeah I if you don't know, if you've listened for a long time, I had the worst social anxiety at uni, like so fucking bad, could not speak in seminars, like I was so, like I had to have meetings about like, you're not, your attendance is so bad, but it's like, okay, because you physically can't show up. It was horrific and now I am in workshops. They are different because they're way more intense because you're having your writing critiqued by a group. It's way more intense and yeah I'm able to do it and I'm able to speak in these things and I still get nervous like I was really nervous having my stuff workshopped but I also did it and it was great and it's really fun almost like I'm really enjoying it. So I really have the

parallel at the moment of like how far I've come in terms of social anxiety like I used to be so fucking nervous to like walk through the library and things like that or like oh my god I'm going into uni like it felt like a huge deal and now I'm able just to like that feels so nothing to just walk through a library it's literally obviously nothing and talk to people and go for a drink with people and blah blah blah like after the fit like all of that stuff just feels so easy to me now and there was a point that that was like a cryable freaking out like can't sleep throwing up in the morning that was horrific like like paying for therapy sort of thing because I and my therapist that I had at

the time I remember apparently I sat down for the first time she met me and she was like so what's the problem and I was like I cannot speak in sermon I was like I actually cannot speak like I don't know what to do. Like I'm gonna have to drop out or something. Like I can't do this. And yeah, I feel completely different now. And I do think these things are a symptom of growing up that you genuinely do just sort of,

you're the more experience you have in all of these things. You're slowly, slowly, slowly learning to speak up for yourself or whatever through life. Like not even just in a social anxiety way, like you're slowly setting these like boundaries, you're slowly just learning where you can push yourself and all of this stuff that by the time five years has rolled around, your behaviors are unrecognizable, like they have completely changed, like I feel I did, I've made no, in the last four years since being in a

workshop I have really other than doing creative writing course and shit but these not all of these things none of them were active moves to challenge social anxiety not a single one of them but during that time yeah I've done a creative writing course that lasted for like ten weeks and in that setting me and you have been speaking at universities I mean there's doing this podcast I mean doing just doing this podcast. I mean, doing like, you know, just you're living a life. By the time five years rolls around,

loads of these behaviors are gone. Like they're all, they don't feel them. Monopoly Double Play is back in McDonald's and it's easy to get into the win. First, you peel on pack. This is me winning a universal theme park vacation. Then again in app. And me in a new Chevrolet Equinox RS.

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of entries in each draw see rules in app same no I think it's also been a bit maybe shocking for you to like read adjust like almost your identity of like oh shit I can do that like yeah that's intriguing that's that's good to hear like that is nice yeah great update from me of like, oh shit, I can go to these things each week and I'm not worrying about like how do I get out of it, sort of thing. Yeah, and I'm just like a normal level of scared. And also what I love most about it, specifically for you and Harry, for you listening or just whatever, going through your

life, when you're able to like really participate in your life you can get so much out of your experiences and now it's like you're actually able to get so much out of these workshops that before you wouldn't have been able to through no fault of your own which is just why these things are really really devastating and so difficult to do. It takes so much from you. The desire or the want isn't there. Yeah, it's that, that's not where you are right now. And I also think like, yeah, I agree with you.

It's growing up and it's experienced, but I also think it's phases. And that's not to say like you go up and now, oh, hands up everybody, you're going down. But I think things come and go and there'll be times or different experiences that will be challenging in different ways and if you were at uni in 2019 or whatever struggling to go to seminars it's comforting too to remember then that like you had this future ahead of you and you didn't know that there were other phases that you would be in in terms of like social anxiety speaking

to strangers or whatever. Like your life and who you are, your experiences, your feelings, everything you're going through and who you think you are right now is so much more fluid than you maybe recognize. I think like it's kind of the, I'm just a morning person. I'm not a morning person. I don't like ketchup.

When was the last time you challenged that? And how much of your narrative that you're telling yourself is like I'm just really shy or like oh god I'm terrible at blah blah blah we were kind of having this conversation the other day about I mentioned this all the time and I feel like this person probably thinks fucking hell leave me alone like get over it. Wait who's this? The way you know who is the way that it has stuck in my mind? No, not Lucy me This is one of the Lucy our friend Lauren who said I feel I've done that I've ever named her and attributed her When she says I'm just not creative person. I can't actually it's actually maybe a bit embarrassing

It's maybe a bit much of me to like really have held this on but it really sticks with me, like I don't know why it's like such a big thing in my mind because it's like, Lauren you can't, don't say that, shh, don't say these things, it's a big injustice to my life that for whatever it looks, she might feel that that's valid, whatever, Lauren this isn't about you, but just Harry directly you, whoever, whatever you've been telling yourself about yourself, I just can't do that or I'm just not the kind of person who I'm not the kind of person who goes to a seminar And then goes for a drink with someone after I'm not that kind of person. I've never been able to do that Maybe we could just try I'm like we'll be here. So everyone will be here. We're right there with you The worst thing that's gonna happen is you'll try and think not this time. I'll try again next time

Yeah, and you're allowed to do that and you're allowed to struggle do you know what I mean like you're allowed to find these things hard and also you kind of got no choice in it like it's not even whether you allow yourself to or not you're going to like there are going to be things that you struggle with in life oh totally like yeah and I think it's the acknowledgement of the fluidity and that it won't always be that that makes it so much easier. But you really, it is let go or be dragged. You have no option. Like I really think me, if I think back to that time like I felt so much like shame and pressure and all of the stuff to like, oh my god, I am the only one that seems to be feeling like this, all my friends can just do this thing seamlessly, everyone in these

groups look like they can just do it perfectly and all of this stuff. Rather than thinking about any of that stuff, this is what I am experiencing. This was unprecedented by me, like I had never felt like that before and I was shocked by the intensity of it. Fucking get comfortable there. Like there's not, I never found a cure for the whole time I was there. I found no cure for it. I found no anything really. It was just hard the whole way through. And there is something kind of relaxing about that. And now in the way that it's like, now it isn't. I didn't, don't know what changed now it is not and I think me relaxing into it would have made it so much less unpleasant really just being like this

is hard and that's what it is. You can do all of the things that help like I tried therapy I tried pushing myself I tried not pushing myself I tried talking to people I tried you know doing literally going for a walk before meditating for all of the stuff it was hard from the beginning to the end and Yeah, relaxing into that would have made that whole thing so much less difficult Pressure is so suffocating like the pressure that we put on ourselves It's so so much in life as I was so much of mind over matter, as in like your brain is so powerful. Oh my god, I think I said this on the podcast, but once again I have something to share probably

that I saw from a TikTok and I said this to you and Freya and Molly. Maybe when we're sharing our spooky stories, maybe. Great times. Also, speed tacky LeBronza coming up soon. Yeah, who's excited for that? Me. Me? Who wants to go to the whatever. There was a thing that I saw and it was this I'm really gonna fuck this up. It was something along the lines of I think okay so somebody had a stroke

yeah and they were like maybe in hospital or whatever they were sat down and their friends are looking at them talking to them and they're saying for example how many fingers am I holding up and in their head they're thinking say five it say five it say hi but they couldn't get the words out and they were talking about how they noticed at that moment the separation between their mind and their brain and their physical body and the way that they felt so distant from like who you are is not totally what you are thinking. It's kind of the sunken place. It's totally the sunken place and you do know how many thoughts you have a day guys?

So many. So freaking many. Too many. We don't have to listen to each one. Like some of these thoughts, these things I be thinking, it is crazy. Do not listen to me. I would not recommend. And this is what I have to say to myself. This, no, she's talking shit. I do not trust her underline, underline. She is a fugly slut. Do not trust her underline, underline. That is my mantra. She's Liam Payne. Don't listen to this girl. Sometimes, and I also love that thing that's like kind of greyhound racing and it's like you just have to beat your thoughts you have to go you have to jump yeah ahead make sure you act before the brain kicks in

and tells you that you can't do that. Oh yeah, I remember my therapist telling me about that. Yeah and also yeah that's fine I'll leave that there actually. Yeah yeah you okay? I know I was just thinking about that Greyhound thing I couldn't remember the end of it. Like I remember that was a thing. What is it? Look, so say there's a finish line or whatever. Yeah There's say there's two little Greyhounds running off. One of them is your thoughts and one of them is your actions You need to make the action Win the race before the thought kicks in so you need to make the action win the race before the thought kicks in. So you need to do before you start thinking.

So if I'm like, right, I need to go to this seminar, the minute I start thinking, oh, don't go to the seminar because they're all gonna laugh at you, nobody likes you in your seminar, or you're so stupid. Yeah, put your shoes on. Whatever.

Put the shoes on. Put your shoes on and go. Just make the move. Get to uni, and then once you're on campus, we can do this again. We can make a next move. But just start doing to beat the thoughts. And I would even do this in terms of feeling so shit

and so low and can't live my life. And then it's like, just get out of bed before you start thinking, oh maybe I should kill myself. Just get out of bed. That might be a better start. That might be a better recommendation. Like out of it. That might be a better recommendation. Like maybe just move, maybe just do something

before the thoughts kick in because it's almost like this is the worst thing I think that could ever exist to me as a human. Like a timer running at the bottom of my screen of like something's about to time out. Do you know what I mean? Like almost my microwave is about to start beeping of like I have got not a lot of time

before the anxious thoughts kick in or the depressive thoughts kick in or the overthinking kicks in. So you may as well get a head start on like what you wanna do and where you wanna go. Yeah. Before you start convincing yourself that you shouldn't. Totally.

Because you don't have to listen to all of those thoughts by the way. It's not like your intuition or like your gut is speaking to you. God knows. I feel like we could really do with like a big old sort of lesson everyone in like how to recognise like a gut feeling or intuition versus intrusive thoughts. Like I feel like that could be a really really good masterclass from like God if you wanted to sort of give that a second point.

God if you want to make yourself known at any point. It would be really great to just like take a teacher from the difference. Forget about like you know disease or. Oh my god I would love to know what my intuition really feels like. Climate change don't worry about that, more famine, don't worry about that God, come down. You know and also what you were just saying re-reminds me of what my, it's kind of one of my dad's mottos. He always says this to me. I think, I haven't really heard him say it to anyone else so I feel like it's his specific

message to me that he, so I must sort of frustrate him in some way. In this specific way. But he always says to me act your way, act your way into a new way of thinking, don't think your way into a new way of acting. Okay. Yeah, okay, that's thinking. Delivered. Act your way into a new way of thinking, don't think your way into a new way of acting. And what does he, Mr. D, can think? What he's saying is kind of the same thing as you but it's kind of and he would Million words into it and put the Deacon spin on to it And make it so uncatchy

Well, it's better than some weirdo and you're going devil snare devil snare. Did we say that recently devil snare devil snare? it's just like you know what he's saying is that recently devils now devils now it's just like you know what he's saying is kind of the Greyhound thing of like right okay so you feel shit right now like okay so this is you're not feeling good rather than being like okay so I can do this I'm a confident person I can go to this thing I'm a confident person I can just go and speak I can just do it I can problem-solve I can analyze this I can find a way out I can just have positive thoughts I'm a good person like forget it.

It's like, why don't you just shut the fuck up for a second and move? Get it. Move. You cannot think yourself... It's Dudley on the thing. Move. Make you move. You cannot think yourself into a new way of acting. If the goal is to... I don't know what the fucking goal is, but you will have no luck in that thing of being like, I can do this thing, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That is going to be so much less productive than act your way into a new way of thinking. It's kind of act as if, just fucking do it, do exactly the thing. Your beliefs will follow your actions, basically. If you put on the outfit that you like, if you go and get the coffee, blah, blah, blah, before you know it, you're actually thinking,

oh, I'm actually having a good day I'm a good lab. They will follow rather than thinking this shit what you fucking doing like it's not gonna get you there it's also so the thing that we would say of like you need to Introduce yourself to the world you need to yeah and to yourself who you are. Yeah, like I was so Like I was literally the shyest child like would not speak to family would hide behind my mom like would not speak would not open my mouth it would maybe take me like two hours to warm back up to my cousin do you know what I mean yeah I would not open my freaking mouth yeah and also the more

you show that to people or not even show that people but and show it to yourself as well like teach yourself that lesson every time, it's like I'm the person that can't speak for two hours and things like that. Exactly, yeah. The more you tie yourself to this narrative or this story about who you are, the more you'll uphold it and the more you uphold it in front of people, the more they will reflect it back to you. Totally. And treat you as if...

Watch out, they'll start speaking about you, they'll go, oh Erin, you know, oh she's so sweet and shy, then they're start speaking about you, they'll go, oh Erin, you know, she's so sweet and shy, then they're giving you that word and they'll just give you... She's just really quiet, she's just really harmless, she would never say anything. Yeah, they'll just start reflecting. She would never stand up for herself, etc. Yeah. Which is also, it's fine to be shy.

It's actually great to be shy and it's not a problem. But just in terms of like having the confidence to speak up for yourself, you deserve to. It's not a problem to be shy at all, but I think it also does, you know, it's not necessarily a problem to be quiet maybe, but I do feel like maybe being shy does point to some insecurities. Like being someone that doesn't feel like they can speak in social settings, it doesn't feel good. Like that's not, that doesn't feel good. There's questions to be raised, but just more so in the sense that like shyness is so critiqued in a way that loudness really isn't and oftentimes I think shyness is

accompanied by like a lot of intelligence or like thoughtfulness and like maybe humor and like lots of values that are really important and like admirable and special that aren't recognized. And also loudness is often not attributed with the things that actually cause it which are often I don't know when I've seen some people being the loudest in the room and then spoke and had kind of made like had misconceptions about them of being like oh god if I can show off god they just love themselves when I've actually spoken to them and sort of made, like had misconceptions about them of being like, oh God, if I can show off God, they just love themselves. When I've actually spoken to them and sort of found out about them, it's driven by the exact same things as shyness is, just like insecurity,

self-doubt, like the whole, the whole shebang. Yeah. And I think also like a lot of people are quiet in their essence and that isn't something that they need to, you don't need to change who you are to like fit into, to be honest also you don't need to always show a willingness to make other people more comfortable like you not saying anything. Sorry is that making you uncomfortable? Is that making all these other people uncomfortable? I don't give a fuck, your loudness is actually really grating on me so why don't you lot shut the fuck up for a second. Sorry that I have nothing to say to you folk. Yeah I mean yeah I'm just busy watching you out like a fucking twat I have nothing to say to you folk. Do you know what I mean? Sorry I'm just busy

watching you at like a fucking twat. I have nothing to say. God. Yeah. That might be what the shy person is thinking maybe. Well it probably is. Like yeah I just think there's people's behaviour. I mean Just be who you are guys. Yeah it really does all come down to similar things. I don't actually see shyness and loudness as that different. I think it's like if there's, if you're either sort of side of the spectrum, I mean you probably feel kind of similar to each other to be honest. The only important thing is that you are feeling good in yourself, you're feeling alright, you're feeling like safe in the people you're surrounded by and you've got good things coming guys. Definitely. You might

even have some good things now. You might even have some good things now. You might even have a spooktacular bonanza extravaganza. Oh my god. The other day we I sort of looked at the day and I was like fuck. Yeah I was waiting for you to say something. Yeah I sort of I knew it was October but honestly guys I can't even tell you how overwhelmed I've been recently. Yeah, just there's so much go like Turned upside down. I'm gonna put it this I well actually I feel like I'm not so much now But I have been the phrase I've been using is at my limits Like I feel like I have been at my freaking limits. You know the thing at the moment

Side down that's so you. We should do a video where I pick you up and spin you around. That's so fucking great. It's what everyone's doing is, I'm seeing a lot of boyfriends and girlfriends doing it, but it kind of would be me picking you up and spinning you around.

I don't really know, how would we describe that guys? It's just someone getting picked up and spun around. And what is it, a trend? I wanna turn this whole thing upside down, and that's what I'm gonna do to you. Spin you around. And what, they're doing it in life or they're filming it? Like what's going on? No they're just filming it so they're just putting the camera up.

I'll show you next time I see you. So on Tuesday when we go to Tull... Oh! I shouldn't say the day. When we go to Tullies Farm. I don't know why I was so funny about the day. Yeah, beep that day. When we go to Tullies Farm I will spin you around and we'll do the trend and what in what way is it?

It's a full 360 spin I think I am but I might hurt you I'd really rather not be dropped on my head at Tully's for all rows such a clatter I almost think I might in the way that I would maybe grab you, I'm trying to kind of get your lower stomach hips and I might squeeze you a bit. So it might be a bit uncomfortable. Oh god, I'm gonna be sick. Sorry.

Shut up. But it's obviously me lifting you, like you're not gonna be spinning me anywhere. No, I'm the weakest person alive, like I don't, but I just don't think we should be lifting each other to be honest. Maybe we should get Joe Suck and Casper Leighters going to spin us around. Definitely. That'll definitely happen. That could happen. Alright. That'll be fun. That'll be so fun. Okay stay tuned to that. But you know I've just been really thinking like we've got the speech angular balanza so I think we're gonna do

is this what you said a week before? yeah. um I think we should start it. sorry just a bit of admin. because. yeah go on fill me in on your personal. well I know that we're busy on the 24th this is my problem. Safie what are you doing?

we can have this conversation at a later date. but we're quite busy like we've got like five different plans in that day. I know, I know, but hang on, hang on. Um... I wanna... We've got like a Nintendo thing, a Dr. Jart thing, and we're seeing Becky Hill. What is that Nintendo thing I wonder? Becky Hill was on the Friday, isn't it? Or is it on Thursday? That's on the 24th on my calendar. Sefi, we have to... right, I'm ending this now. Wait, are we going to Becky Hill on the same day or not?

Probably yeah, yeah, must be 24th. Yeah 24th. Okay, yeah Look, we'll find some time. Okay Cool. Let's even put on the... Oh fucking hell, what am I doing? I'm gonna put on the story or something being like Concepts because we're gonna do seven days. That's a week So I don't want them to be like seven big hitters. A 45 minute at least bangers each. Yeah like a real in-depth ep that could be spooky or spooky adjacent. Yeah and I think we should really um basically what do you want for this year's Spooktacular Bonanza because yeah you tell me guys. Yeah and I really want to make it amazing like I want to do a sort of spooky intro

and like really just get it amazing almost like what I want Brainstorming then of some names. Yeah, maybe could people send us some like really fun cool clever things Yeah, yeah, we actually had a really see how this happens now. I just yeah now you're in the admin meeting. I'm sorry guys Convert the other day about doing some sort of event, which if this happens guys it would be so iconic. We were talking about having like almost like renaming a drinks list so almost like a cocktails list. God this is so crazy. And making it like so we had. So for example, should we work on this together? Yeah yeah. So far we've got. I think we're just making a group project. Okay so the two on the list. I think we did have a

third one but I don't think we liked it as much. Well let's start with the two main hitters that we've got. Okay so the two big hitters are... This is the menu. The cocktail menu. Yeah. The cocktail menu of our event. Number one on the menu, the pit spritz. I'm so good. Do you like that guys? Yeah. And then second one, higher fire spicy marg. That one's the one that we literally were going nuts about. The higher fire. Spicy Marg. Don't mind if I do. Then what else had we got? So then we also had, this is when they start to dwindle, the priestess prosecco or something of the sort. Then we had the crux campari. But then we were like, but they probably won't have Campari on the menu. And then I was also, I thought the other day in the shower, bonanza. We didn't utilise that word.

And then we were also talking about the Harry, like almost the Hugo sort of thing. Yeah, I like that a lot. We also had a really fun one that we were thinking if we had sort of a brat-versed van and it was called Assume the Verst. So we're obviously really good at this so we probably don't really need your help but it was just so funny to think of it going from the name backwards, working from the name backwards so that our event has all these stunning drinks and then randomly in the corner a bratwurst van. We were saying it would be so good if we did like a festival themed event and we had food vans like if we had like a hot dog stand and it said assume the verse and a pizzas van, priestess pizza. So good.

So good. Yeah but that's just causing, that's a little bit more money. It's a little bit out of our budgets Yeah, anyway, so if you think I mean like amazing Drink names or food names that work within our universe Compliments really would be nice as well. Yeah, that would be really but if this event happens, which I mean with yeah Absolutely couldn't be more than eight years Don't anyone if you're seeing somebody cut that off because you should probably keep the 14th of February free.

Well, yeah, you should but we haven't got anything booked so like, don't keep it that free. So maybe keep them on the burner. Like don't break up with your boyfriend for this because we don't really have anything set in stone. Keep, you know, let it linger, let them, keep the door open the door open yeah yeah definitely keep it like quite open I would say prepare to ditch them for us on the 14th of February which would be so cool because also so amazing we didn't really think it was that possible and then Freya I'm not gonna say where she said but she said how would you feel about hosting it in a blank I'm gonna leave that word because I think we need a proper announcement of what she said. Oh my god, yes. But it was probably the word,

it chilled me to the bone. It's the scariest word I've ever heard in my life. It is chilling. It's the most iconic thing ever. And it made it seem like that would be so cool. Talk about high-fired spicy Mark. It's almost like how would you feel about doing this in a haunted mansion? Like it really was perfect. So good. So iconic. It was a perfect first anyway. Yeah as all the weird things are. Yeah. Okay farewell. And if you don't hear from us assume the verse. What? We should end all of our spooktaculars with assume the verse. Assume the verse? But it's sausage themed.

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