Goes Without Saying - anxiety: if you're overthinking say hell yeah

Episode Date: November 22, 2021

if you're self-sabotaging and overthinking lemme hear you say "hell yeah"! in this episode of Goes Without Saying, sephy & wing reveal some of their most powerful methods to curb the spiralling and flip their negative perspectives. (you'll be okay, promise !!!)<3join the conversation every monday.speak your mind on the @sephyandwing instagram!you’re invited to our discord group chat: https://discord.gg/DwxFc6CVkz Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay?

So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts.

Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Goes Without Saying. You're listening to Goes Without Saying with Sefi and Wing. I'm Sefi and this is Wing. I'm Wing. I'm Sephi and this is Wing. I'm Wing. This is the episode for you if you're feeling a bit anxious and overthinking and caught in just that like fucking spiral of just feeling a little bit stressed. We talk about, funnily enough, we talk about anxiety and overthinking and we give some really good insights into how to maybe get out of those things. I really enjoyed this episode,

it was really good to record. I think we're both feeling quite good. Good. Coming out the other end of it. So enjoy. Take. Okay, what's new with you? Oh. Oh, take one, sorry.

Take one. Okay, what's new with you? I've literally moved house. I've moved myself to another house and I could not be happier. Stunning. I think in the last episode that okay i'm moving i can't remember what i said but i don't think we'd even confirm the house really like we had

put in like a holding deposit but it's like now it's now i'm in i'm in that means nish nothing nothing they can rip that out from under you nothing is confirmed until you're sat in that house oh now i'm in i'm in i'm in it was the most hectic fucking experience of my life i'm still absolutely knackered like i'm sitting in an empty room it's probably so echoey but the vibes somehow are still immaculate they really are just like you know when you have prepared yourself for shit yeah you've prepared yourself for shit we do i knew i had to leave my house which i really loved my last house and i knew i had to leave it because the tenancy was ending they'd upped the

rent i was like oh fuck this i'm leaving so we were like okay new house and i went to so many viewings of just like it was a struggle for a long time i went into i was like walking around like this area that i was i want to live in i went into an estate agent and i was like hey like i don't even think i've told you this no i haven't heard this i went in and there was this woman in there and i was like hey like i want to rent in this area here's my budget here's how many rooms blah blah blah what's your budget and i'm joking can you tell everyone pennies um and she would literally laughed in my face and was like you are never gonna get anything in london for that oh my god can we go and find her she's literally said you will never get anything in london the last thing

we got we had went for five thousand pounds a month what a fucking and i was like you are a liar well yeah you're a liar so i viewed so many that were like had like outdoor toilets and like weird carpets with huge stains in the middle like there'd been a dead body there and things like that that's kind of your dream starting the podcast murder podcast murder in my own house yeah only murders in the building not bad yeah not bad i can i can 100 see you doing it monetizable i think unlike probably far more monetizable than this shitty little thing yeah go on but yeah no i just viewed so many and we were kind of getting to the like end of our tethered tether end of our tether thinking right we're gonna have to accept one of the shitties yeah and this was one of the last

ones that i was like oh god like this better be good this better be good i bet there's gonna be a fucking pile of dog shit in the corner or something and oh my god i think that someone must have been killed in here for how cheap it is for what it is it's my friend like came around to look at it the other day and he was literally like it is a mansion yeah it's a mansion i need to see it with my own eyes you have to come around i need to see it it's looking stunning it's like newly refurbished like it's all it's fresh i was gonna say clean as chips but it's not clean as chips but it's clean and fresh and nice cleaner than chips yeah far cleaner salty how but yeah it's just so it's kind of in my perfect location i just i don't know how it happened it's stunning head to

toe it happened because you deserve it it happened because why would this not happen for you we're all listening thinking i know why it happened it happened because of course it would happen it's exactly what you need exactly what you deserve i'm still kind of waiting for the moment where it gets ripped from under me and it goes oh my god you thought you were gonna live in that no not you not you back to the shed you go well that's why i thought we should do this episode because you've had a real time of overthinking now you're in the house but in the lead up as you've said chaos you were absolutely convinced like there was nothing i could say that would convince you otherwise that you were gonna you were convinced you weren't getting in there and blah blah blah yeah yeah and i just feel like everyone's anxious and then when we put it on the story on the instagram story

it was confirmed it was resounding that this is a real anxious bunch we're talking to so overthinkers yeah yeah a bunch of us yeah overthinking is such a horrible yeah it's such a horrible place to be when you're i'm in a phase where i'm overthinking i'm frantic i don't know but it's almost um you're ruining your own life it's the bias against yourself that classic bias that classic i was okay so also you were saying about the house and then another thing that made me think, let's do an episode on anxiety is because it's going to be a great title, I'm sure. But also because I was having a conversation with my boyfriend and I said this thing,

which I know I've said to you, Sefi, but I must not have said it to him before. It's kind of this little, I don't know, like a little thing that I do, like if I'm really anxious about something or if I'm really stressed about something or I'm really overthinking something it's a little trick that I have to flip the perspective is this the thing that I know yes this blew my mind I always do this

now yeah it does work yeah it's brilliant so I used to do this in school and I when I was saying it to my boyfriend the other day and he was his mind was blown his life was changed forever and I thought have I never said that to you but he's just not very anxious um anyway men don't have feelings anyway um um so i know you're awaiting on the edge of your seat spill the beans the little trick is so let me bring the story back to the beginning i would find myself every day if i made it to school which was not often I would for example a situation would happen where I'd be walking around school and I think oh my god say it's like oh we're in I was gonna say first period but would I have called it first period yeah

first period yeah or are we thinking about high school musical no I think I would have said that you're in first oh god I don't I mean what have you got first yeah yeah I've got I've got that in second period no I don't know if we would have said that it's a bit weird what have you got first yeah yeah i've got i've got that in second period no i don't know if we would have said that it's a bit weird what have you got second no what have you got god showing my age this is bad i think i'd be like what have you what have you got today and then be like oh the first period i've got no maybe would you say like what have you got fifth lesson what have you got fifth like what have you got fourth lesson like what have you got yeah what have you got fifth fucking hell i don't know oh basically don't take me back it sounds fucking horrific five things in a day yeah five things in a day there are five periods in that day no no i need one activity per day what in uni when we would have like one lecture i would

honestly if i had like two lectures in a day i would go to the first one come back have a nap then maybe make it to the second one probably not and i was wearing nine grand a year for that jesus christ anyway she's got to sort out her priorities honestly right so the little trickster is i know you were waiting i would get to uni i didn't want uni oh yeah it would happen at just any time that I would be really nervous about something. So for example, you're wandering around school, you've just made it out of the house,

you've just got on the bus, you've just got on the tube and you think, fuck, I've left my fucking straighteners on, for example. Classic sitchie. Classic. If you're over the age of 30, fuck, I've left the oven on, for example. I've left the iron on.

Yeah, for example example over the age of 80s fuck i left my dentures in the cleaning solution whatever i don't know i left my walking stick by the bed yeah oh god i hope we make it i'm touching wood yeah um you're thinking fuck fuck fuck i've done this i've done this or fuck fuck fuck i'm not gonna get that house i'm not gonna get that house even though they've confirmed everything it's gonna fall through oh i'm probably not gonna get this job even though they call me back for a second interview i'm probably not gonna get it blah blah blah oh this thing is probably gonna go wrong even though everything is telling me that it's going reasonably well i'm convinced

it's gonna go wrong for example so whatever is going on you've got a catastrophe looming in your mind for some reason and you're stressing about it so i used to think when i'd got to school and thought oh if i left the straighteners on i'd be thinking oh my god the house is going to burn down oh my god i'm going to set the room on fucking fire oh fuck like shit it's going to have dropped onto this and this is going to have happened the whole thing is going to be up in flames i then used to think to myself this is where the little tricks come in i would then think if fucking a genie came down if the universe came down and reached his big arms out and said hey god is a woman sorry yeah yeah if ariana grande came down out of the skies and said if you set your house on fire today then i will give you whatever you

want i'll give you a million pounds as long as your house is on fire right now you get a million pounds i would immediately be like fuck i probably didn't even leave the straighteners on yeah or if i did it's not going to be enough to set the house on fire for god's sake shit i should have turned the gas on i should have i should have set the house on fire properly before i left it suddenly becomes so obvious that there's no way in fucking hell that the house is on fire and you've left your straighteners on. If someone said,

oh, I'll give you X, Y, and Z, whatever you want, as long as you don't get that job, you're thinking, shit, well, I've just gone for two interviews and they were laughing at all the jokes that I made and they thought that my answers were perfect. And suddenly it becomes so clear that things are working out

and you're not gonna have this big disaster because if you were looking for a disaster you'd be convinced that it wasn't gonna happen and it reveals that the actual reality is you just have the bias against yourself rather than this looming catastrophe that's going on in your mind so i hope that helps you this has helped everyone that you've ever told your mind so i hope that helps you this has helped everyone that you've ever told it to somehow i always forget it yeah it was convenient isn't it that little bias yeah just forget that doesn't work with our anxious plans but that's the thing it whenever because i would always say like oh but i just know i just know that i'm gonna um miss the

bus or whatever and you're like but you've left the house on time if you if you had to miss the fucking bus if you needed to miss that bus to guarantee that you were gonna bump into kieran colkin and he was gonna propose and you were gonna have a beautiful child together and blah blah blah he's already got two i'm gutted if you needed to miss the bus you would have done all of these things to guarantee that you would but you haven't you've you're fine you're not gonna miss the fucking bus are you you're not gonna meet kieran you're not gonna have those all of these things to guarantee that you would, but you haven't. You're fine. You're not going to miss the fucking bus, are you? You're not going to meet Kieran. You're not going to have those kids of your dreams.

Yeah, and unfortunately, yeah, this, not this time. Yeah. I do think this is one of the most, it's such a useful trick. It is. Trick of the mind. Just in my voice. Your memories. So many.

So, where did that go but it is so it shows you that what you think is unlikely is actually likely yeah which is such a weird perspective like shift so when i thought it was unlikely for me to get that job actually no fuck it's likely that i get the job it's like that god okay the probability has just done a massive fucking 180 yeah now i can relax chill chill honestly chill just try and chill jesus chill the fuck out mate try and chill chill so there's a little trick to start off the app because i think it's honest it does when you're in it when you're in the pure panic and you just have to think look if if i wanted things to be do you know it just silence the mind i always call that the straighteners thing i'm always like you know that straighteners thing

if you wanted to leave your straightness on i can't i kind of can never quite remember it but it's like i just know the straighteners thing is there and it's like wing tell me the straightness thing again because it is good it does work oh it's great it's fucking great because the mind tricky place hey oh god tricky place to be spending literally all your time exhausting place to be absolutely exhausting sorry we just had a quick break except for talking about how much she loves final destination three final destination three is the best i feel like you need to hear this final destination movie because of one of the tanning bed scene horrifying awful can you just yeah can you

explain it if people haven't seen well i highly recommend it but i highly highly highly recommend the classic final destination three based on the roller coaster death and it's basically that they have like a vision on the roller coaster that they're gonna die so they get off the roller coaster then they all die it's like they've cheated death so they all die in the order that they would have died sitting on the roller coaster but all in quite brutal ways the most brutal and there's this amazing added like element of people taking photos and they all die oh you're really selling it in the photo kind of gives them a clue of how they're gonna die there's amazing added element people taking photos and then you see how you're gonna die in the photo yeah i mean it's it's fucking awful there's just one scene that if

you have seen final destination or even to be honest heard it through the grapevine it's kind of thing that you'd hear in like science class there's this scene like where they're in these tanning beds and they get trapped in them again showing our age like 10 years ago when it came out maybe i don't think anyone's in science now talking about it final destination three but they just get trapped in these tanning beds i don't know why we're talking about this it's just so like why were we talking about this why did we start talking i don't know you probably just brought it up but i did say it's the classic thing that if you thought to yourself oh i'll get everything i want everything's all i need is for this little plank of wood to knock

onto this and that thing to drip into that and that's going to set on fire and then it's going to knock into that thing and that's going to knock into that and then i'm gonna die somehow we get trapped in the tanning beds and burn alive it's like yeah pretty unlikely yeah it's pretty fucking unlikely isn't it only gonna happen in a find a destination movie awful there's also just one thing that always freaks me out about find a destination obviously i watch these movies too young or something because they just haunt me there's just a song that always sings and it's like when they know they're gonna die like someone goes onto the tube they're on like i guess they're on the subway in new york yeah and they hear the song and someone starts busking and it's like there is someone walking behind you i hate this this went from a really safe pocket and now i've got chills

so i'm listening to this now feeling really scared so they were feeling so relaxed and now they're really on edge now they think they're gonna die you're fine you're fine yeah the next line is like there's someone like walking your footstep no if you're on your late night walk sorry that this is coming out in winter you're on your late night walk you're gonna really freak them out sorry yeah why don't you give them a sincere apology now apology video i'm sorry i'm guys i'm so sorry for bringing up fallen earth nations 3 that's our first scandal guys are 15 we're all over the age of 15 no we're not we're definitely not we're probably not all over the age of 15 so ask your your parents permission to listen to this it's a 12a podcast i mean i told us it's just like don't is it all eight is unsuitable across all ages it's like hardly fun for all the family it's the opposite of universal misery for all the family yeah i've

got one okay got one message i quite like is this just to me no no no no i've got some i've got something to say go on absolutely yeah take it away you don't have to ask permission um no no no no i've got some i've got something to say go on absolutely yeah take it away you don't have to ask permission um no no it's just something that someone wrote in yeah we asked on the story what is going on i feel like i'm just not god knows right so someone asked we asked not someone asked the instagram that you follow asked on the story something we asked something about overthinking and anxiety i didn't put that on the story did you put that on the story something we asked something about overthinking and anxiety i didn't put that on the story did you put that on the story i didn't put that on the story there is someone walking behind us don't someone wrote anxiety doesn't impact what happens but tints

how i view what's happening love it it's kind of a classic saying when someone says oh i'm overthinking i'm feeling anxious it's like there's no point in overthinking because it changes nothing and i used to always do this because i used to experience such horrific anxiety at uni the night before like seminars and things like that it was the worst anxiety i've ever ever experienced and i would always think when i was lying in bed the night before like there's literally nothing I can do right now there's nothing I can do that will help I'm this this thought this thing I'm on right now where I'm tossing and turning and my like stomach is in fucking knots is changing no outcome it's just making this harder yeah and it didn't really help it helps you like rationalize okay yeah yeah there's nothing I can do but it's like but then why can't i stop yeah why does that not help me i do think it's important to like know it though yeah okay so

what i'm doing right now is not helping if anything it's making it worse well some things that it can that can be enough to shut down the if it's something repeating like every time before you knew whatever you're anxious but if it's a small thing it just randomly caught random train of thought stressing about blah blah blah blah and you're just in a stress mood yeah little moment like it literally is not changing anything all it's doing now is making your current experience more unpleasant and then if you end up having that unpleasant thing you've just done it twice now that's the crucial thing but it's not even you've done it twice. You've ended up, you've done it probably about 112 times. It's like, Jesus Christ.

Stressing about your driving test. My driving test, my driving test. I think every night going to bed, thinking about my driving test, driving test, driving test. Every waking hour, you're thinking about your driving test. You're only going to do the test once, hopefully. If you've asked, touch wood. I'm touching wood that you're all going to pass the test first time. You're only going to do the test a limited number of times.

Yeah. But for some reason, you've done that test like 500 times in your mind there was no need for what reason there was no need there was no need and often i would always experience that like my anxiety nightmare of what the seminar was going to be and that i was going to fucking shit myself in the middle of the class everyone would look at me i'd have to drop out of uni and then somehow the boy i fancy is looking right at me yeah that didn't happen realistically i answered all the questions perfectly i must say maybe with a bit of like a red cheek bit nervous bit nervous might have stuttered once but no i didn't kind of trip over when i walked in looking around seminars i used

to think everyone looked so nervous because everyone was so well i don't know if you were in a seminar with me i apologize for my behavior i probably didn't speak to anyone i looked at the ground and just thought oh my god oh my god oh my god get me out and you did it and i did it well i did as many as i could possibly go to so odd we are a real anxious bunch though right like as a as a species as a species as a little community here just as a yeah as a community right i don't necessarily necessarily know if we are more of an anxious community i just think we're more honest about it do you think and slash we just ask them quite openly rather than we say what were your thoughts on um kim kardashian and pete davidson dating

and every just comes out we actually say what are your thoughts on anxiety and overthinking 100 100 but more so just like I think everyone's getting more and more anxious as a society I mean do you think they're getting more and more anxious I think people have always been anxious and whatever and blah blah blah but I definitely think mental health is declining massively I do because I almost think I like to think I don is declining massively. I do. Because I almost think, I like to think, I don't know if I even do think, it's like, oh, there's more of an awareness of it now. That's the growing in numbers and blah, blah, blah, blah. I think there is.

But also the society is doomed. That it's like, okay, well, we've kind of tailor-made a society that is going to produce the most anxious and depressed people. It's kind of the straightness thing. If you didn't want to create a load of anxious people yeah right you wouldn't have created this society right yeah okay that kind of kids born in the 70s didn't have the same didn't necessarily have the understanding of this earth is doomed whereas a kid born today is born into a world where they know that this planet is has a pending expiry date which does something to you famously has fucking 12 more years it's probably less than that now probably heard that about six years ago about 12 years ago yeah probably about fucking two more

years till the effects of global warming weather climate change are irreversible oh it's happening now like that's the thing you hear when you're yeah you just hear that growing or maybe i did just because i'm from some fucking vegan household but i very much had an awareness of like you may not be able to have children in the future because the world will not be the same it's like that's not a normal thing to hear i definitely think people are getting more anxious yeah and i don't blame them i don't blame them i mean that's horrendous yeah it's not good is it it's not nice does part of you oh god yeah go on does part of you want the apocalypse god say that's not what i thought you were gonna say but like does part of you want go on tell me

why you want the apocalypse i don't know no i don't think i want it but i definitely think a part of me desires i think it's the tabula rasa the blank slate the wiping of all the shit kind of i want noah's ark to happen you're a bit of a thanos you're a bit of a hitler yeah no i kind of want the world to be flooded and i'll start again no but like no one no death i don't mean the death i mean i want like society i don't know how you're gonna get around it without death no no no what i mean is i just want like the systems to be erased i wouldn't mind if like the internet just dropped now no more podcast why though so you're craving something there you crave you crave an escape you you want to leave this earth basically i think i crave like a return to like nature i i mean i

couldn't agree more but we were just saying before we started recording that like people have really i think we kind of said humanity has really lost their way they've gone astray as if we are like yeah we're like these like omniscient beings that just speak over and like run this commentary on humanity but humanity has like lost its connection to like the fact that we're just animals roaming around like kind of give me some nuts and now i'm wearing my beans i don't know like kind of create it's like yeah yeah we should be kind of running around suddenly we're eating bacon it's like we're sorry even that though i don't mind i would love to have some bacon but like no no i don't mean that it's me i don't mean that it's me but we're eating like um i'll take it away from

fucking food because i've got my own fucking shit of fucking born a vegan we're sat on iphones for example yeah we're wearing clothes um that were made by a 12 year old in India whilst I wear a top that says fuck the patriarchy. With also with the sole purpose of like it's not about making you camouflage to hunt better or like keeping you warm in the winter. It's literally just there to mark you as someone who looks a certain way. Yeah, it's insane. By the way, I'm not wearing a t-shirt that says fuck the patriarchy. Yeah, no, you're not. not hang on what does your top say your top says it says peg the patriarchy did you i literally cannot get over how much i think that is the worst yeah i think i've ever seen peg the patriarchy at the met gala i think it's cool but i also think

oh yeah but i think you would think it's embarrassing because you think girl boss is embarrassing i think peg the patriarchy and there's that interview which say you'll know what it means and it's like oh no i think she's cool i don't hate don't know this person i don't love that top you're you're allowed to not love the top totally what just whatever whatever peg the patriarchy didn't speak to me as a motto but yeah it didn't connect with you it didn't connect it didn't hit but whatever she can do what she wants i saw her once at a festival cara delevingne and i ran up to her and went oh my god hi because i thought i knew her i was like oh my god hi and now you're

slagging her off on your fucking podcast no hate hate to Cara. You are the biggest Cara Delevingne hater I've ever met in my life. I've got no thoughts on her. She does not show up. I've got no thoughts on this girl. About how much she hates Cara Delevingne. What? I've got no thoughts on her other than I didn't love Peg the Patriarchy. And I once saw her at a festival and went, oh my god, hey.

And she went, hi. Looked confused. And I walked off. Oh, what festival? the patriarchy and i once saw her at a festival and went oh my god hey and she went hi look confused and i walked off oh what festival at wilderness when i was like probably about 14 it's random i had bright pink hair at the time and you thought you knew her and i was like oh my god hi like i kind of couldn't place her like kind of is that someone that i like know vaguely oh my god hi and she was wearing a onesie and she's like hi probably just like yeah 10 millionth person say hi to me hi roll up hi roll hi again and i was like who was that and then afterwards i realized it was fucking peg the patriarchy cara delevingne anyway shrug nothing to say sorry okay anxiety please okay i like this actually i think it's a really interesting point

this person said i don't experience anxiety but when i'm burnt out i just wanted to flex on everyone literally everyone came in i'm so anxious this person's like yeah i can't relate i don't experience anxiety but when i'm burnt out i overthink about how i'm coming across to people recently i noticed how much happier i am when i'm not overthinking so if i'm super busy but being super busy makes me burn out so my happiness isn't sustainable and i just thought that last point was very interesting about like if you're constantly trying to find the balance in life of like keeping yourself at a good point or like at an okay point of contentment are you just constant you're just constantly running against it's like if i'm constantly trying to make myself feel okay and i'm trying so hard to have to

make myself feel okay i'm never gonna feel okay because i'm constantly trying like i'm working against my human nature like maybe it's just not meant for me to be happy like you know like to sustain happiness over a long period. How realistic is that? ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay.

These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay? So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson, and this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom

is queer, and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com. I've always thought it was weird. I think we've always thought it was weird. And we've always thought it was weird and we've I think we've said this on the podcast loads but there's something about the idea of I can only be happy when I'm busy that is like alarm bells ringing to me but you can only be happy when you're

distracted from yourself but then I am seeing more I think also lockdown kind of gave me this idea that like why do you need to distract yourself from yourself but I think now like as the world is blah blah blah reopening fucking nightmare close it down again please a flood she's asking for a flood the place and i shall be the one to build the ark if we're going two by two god help me let me be the duo it's just me you kieran colkin and sebastian stan no i don't want i can't even put it but it has you don't want sebastian stan no who would you want i don't want anyone i just i just want to be just me you and kieran okay i'm not sharing him i don't yeah no i don't want to be with you guys i don't want this to be a romantic this isn't a romantic sexual thing for me okay

well it's just me and kieran then on that arc yeah why don't you can go on your own i'll be in the flood i actually love to drown but anyway sorry for another day um go on i love to drown um what was i gonna say um before i started talking about the animals going two by two. Aha. Hurrah. Hurrah. Anxiety. If you have to distract yourself from happiness.

Yeah. And now as the world is reopening. Cancel the flood. Put the flood on hold. The world's reopening. Yeah. I am kind of seeing the value in busyness which yeah it does sound like maybe I should just go get a life and do some things but I do now suddenly see okay in my I do see the value in

like being busy not so jaded anymore no because I used to be like I don't need to do anything I don't need anyone I quite like just being in my own company doing what I want doing what doing what I want whenever i want maybe now it is nice to have some kind of structure and routines of like okay on tuesday you do this on thursday i'm seeing the value against my will of these things so i don't necessarily think that those things hinder getting to know yourself and i actually think those structure structure can be a way to know yourself in a way yeah so i do get that but i've always kind of had a bit of a thing of like why do you need to be busy yeah why do you need to be busy like if your

happiness is dependent on being absolutely worked out of your mind distracted maybe there's an issue here but maybe not maybe i'm the weirdo well no i think everyone i think if you know that i mean what are we if not distracted by all of us knowing that we've got 12 years or however long we were saying and we're not talking about it? Do you know what I mean? Like, yeah. In what form, in what ways is the distraction a problem? And in what ways is it literally just another survival mechanism? And kind of what's wrong with that?

Like, if that's when you're happy, then that's when you're happy. Yeah. But I was thinking the other day about having safe activities or like safe ways to pass the time i'm not the most anxious person but you know that i am i'm always i'm chronically stressed and also just deeply miserable and whatever blah blah blah but when when i was in my rut and and my i mean it wasn't literally wasn't a rut but when i was feeling really really bad um i was talking to my friend about like I'm finding sometimes the ways like people will be like journal or meditate or x y and z if if the ways that are supposed to if ways to pass the time are supposed to make you

feel better so for example a way to help pass the time it's something that I love to do if I was illustrating and making this beautiful thing I'm not at that point anymore a new logo i'm not at that point anymore because i mean so like at the beginning of this year i was pouring in all my hours into like working as an illustrator for people and it became wrapped up in my self-esteem so that is not a safe activity for me anymore because if i sit down to draw something and i'm not happy with it i've ruined my fucking afternoon and i'm pissed off and i'm a disaster and i'm the worst whatever blah blah blah and it sets off a spiral of i've tried to do something a bit nice forgetting that it's not just a simple activity anymore it's like

illustrating writing these things are wrapped up in my identity they're wrapped up in my self-esteem yeah they're not safe things so now i'm playing piano are you and it's going really well well i can play all too well 10 minute version which is the easiest song ever wow but wow i i'm in no way a pianist i'm actually terrible at playing the piano but i found a safe easy thing that i can do for today next few weeks do you know what it is it's that you've got no history of like identification with piano with pianist i've just always wanted to play the piano no one's ever said you're great at playing the piano so it's fine i think this is such a crucial thing finding safe activities and it's and it's things that you don't have this

identity because i agree it's like writer writer so it's like writing it's like fuck if i'm shit at that i'm shit as a human i have nothing left yeah yeah it's insane it's like that's supposed to be my only thing yeah so if i fuck that then i'm fucked but then if i suddenly want to make a dress with a sewing machine i've got no identity other than the then if i suddenly want to make a dress with a sewing machine i've got no identity other than the fact i used to want to be a fashion designer when i was like 16 for like a really intense year yeah even that's a bit close for comfort yeah but it's that's what i think it's hard to find it is hard to find purely safe activities because we've lived our whole lives judging ourselves and ranking ourselves and marking our own success as a human being on how well we perform in certain activities which is why it's really hard

when you're feeling bad to do some nice things for yourself just take care of why don't you just take some time to sit and you know create something it's like do you understand what creativity means to me i don't because you obviously can't because it's gonna destroy me like yeah it's not safe for me to do that but if i can play piano for 10 minutes and it sounds terrible that's i don't really care i've got no ego attachment to it yeah it's fine to play the piano really badly for two hours it's fine because it's not your quote-unquote thing it's not you've got no attachment to identity because i know i'm bad at it i'm not gonna be disappointed i already know i'm bad but it's like you identify as bad at piano so okay well then i'm living up to my idea of myself exactly anything then that i do is a bonus rather than like having spent all this time doing something it's like if that goes badly

it's just not it's not a safe thing this is why i think it's really important to get the balance between like creation and consumption in check like i always used to have a bit of a fear of consumption like you shouldn't really be consuming too much you should be creating more than you consume blah blah blah but i actually think in terms of anxiety and overthinking consuming is so fucking important because that is how a lot of people recharge i definitely think that's why things like animal crossing the sims fucking succession kieran colkin my god hallelujah to you um that's why they exist because it's like you need to actually just consume if i felt responsible for creating the code behind animal crossing yeah i first of all i'd be a fucking genius but i don't know how

i'd survive yeah you do need some things that you are on the receiving end of yeah you don't need to be giving giving giving you do sometimes just need to be like i'm gonna sit back and i'm not gonna analyze the script of succession i'm purely going to think about fill the cup back up kieran yeah i just need to be in that when i was in my bad time i had like a it was like a weekend and i spent like the whole sunday i like watched malcolm and marie in the morning what else did i watch i watched like three films i've never heard of that malcolm marie i think you'd like it it's kind of like a podcast oh lovely it's it's zendaya oh of course it's really nice i know it i know the poster i mean it's actually not nice it's not enjoyable but it's quite an intense piece is it black and white yeah yeah i know it it's really stunning i think if you

like film you'll like it it's not like the most watchable thing but it's i would recommend it i think it's a bit like a podcast because it's kind of one person gives like an amazing monologue you're really bought in really sold on their point of view then the next person comes you're like oh hang on that was a really great point and then they kind of it's a bit podcasty but anyway i watched like three new things on like one day which i never do and it was so productive it made me feel so good yeah rather than doing anything else or rather than i know i said this in the other episode but like putting something that i've already seen on in the background it's like if i'm i'm setting out my intention to to watch something new and enjoy it to consume intentionally yeah and it really made me feel good we were talking about

like sort of going back to like nostalgic old shows in the last episode but i do think this is so crucial that it's like the difference behind putting the office in the office on which is like i fucking know that show inside out i pretty much fucking work at dunder mifflin at this point yeah or i could sit down and i could be like i'm going to watch what's called malcolm and mar Yeah. Could sit down and watch that. And it's like, okay, I'm actually having an experience here. And I also think that's the difference between, like a similar distinction between watching TV and reading. I actually find reading, I don't do it fucking half as much as I should.

But every time I do, I just think, fucking hell, this is what I've been missing. That's the thing, that's a safe activity for you. Yeah, this is the whole, this is what i've been missing that's the thing that's a safe activity for you yeah this is the whole this is what you've been trying to fill with fucking dunder mifflin fucking dwight shrewd talking in my ear all day no all you needed was actually to come home to like a book yeah it's nice because also i was gonna say like it is the difference between mindlessly like the feeling that you got when you discovered this podcast and you liked it for the first time the first time you heard goes out saying you listened to like two episodes in one day and you were really hooked in you're like god this is a great podcast you're never gonna get

that feeling back now because you kind of know us in a different way than you did before and it's not this you can't recreate that feeling by mindlessly listening back to the old episodes that you know inside out now that's interesting you know i mean like you the new that thrill of an experience you need to experience something new that's really interesting because i never really think of us as something external which i obviously do but it's like it's funny to think of like the feeling that you could have around um oh i had this amazing day where i watched malcolm and marie and blah blah blah someone had that as in oh i had a great day i listened to blah um sephie and wing blah blah right but someone also kind of puts us on in the background they're probably on the background

right now and maybe this is the fourth time that you're listening to this episode because you use it to go to sleep and it's doing a different thing than it would be doing if you're discovering a podcast for the first time for example i think but i think finding safe quote unquote activities is so hard it has to be something that you pretty much have never thought of i genuinely think it has to be something that it's almost like plucked from the obscurity of like oh that could be fun and i've just kind of thought that it's not something that you've always kind of had a bit of a um a hooker on i think it's just you have to be okay at being bad at it i get that but i even think like which is really hard because i can't be okay with being bad at really anything i mean yeah what what is there that you're like there

aren't many things in life i would be okay to be bad at i'm okay with being bad at piano really because i got over that as a kid i really wanted to like play piano wherever as a kid blah blah i didn't and i whatever but i oh god where am i can you see me i can see you oh it's blurry on my thing um but i think in that kind of gifted and talented kid way of like if you've been if you slip into anything and you're really good at it the minute you find something that you're not immediately good at it's gonna crush you you can't live like that i think that's the struggle though that's the struggle of wanting absolutely wanting to be instantly perfect at everything at everything you're gonna kill yourself actually do you know what the one i did kind of have this experience when i i built my bed from from scratch i was gonna say from a flat pack from a packet of furniture yeah yeah and that is something

i've always i've never i've never done one of those on my own ever i i'm quite dyspraxic i really struggle with like with logic to be honest with instructions and like mechanisms and all of it i just it's the opposite of my fucking brain and i sat down it probably took me it would have taken a normal person probably about 40 minutes it It took me three hours on my own. And you did it. And I did it screw by fucking screw, having to undo it because I did it wrong and go back fucking four steps at a time.

But it's one of those things, I have no attachment to this. It's one of those things that it's like, I identify as bad at it. No, you're not about to be a carpenter now. I never want to be. And it's something that, yeah, I've just never, never done really. I've always've always always always fallen at the first hurdle and be like fucking hell

someone come and help me i want in brighton when we move to brighton i paid like a young boy off the internet 25 pounds to come and build my bed i just post on like a facebook group does anyone want to come and build my bed i'll pay you and this like little boy showed up and built my bed for me do you offer him a drink you gave him a bit of water or something you i kept on saying do you oh my god it was so bad i like was like do you want some water do you want like a tea or anything because like yeah do you need anything you're just in my room building this bed that i had like cried over already like twice and done it all wrong he had to like undo what i'd done and he i was like do you want some water he kept saying no no no no then i gave him some in the end and he downed it so fast oh my god he was absolutely gasping for a drink he was parched absolutely

parched he's begging for the flood absolutely you log into nintendogs and it says parched he was parched oh my god yeah so i so that he i actually think i've done this one really well there's a few screws kind of still missing shaking it but it's the best but it's the best i could do and i was just i probably sent a photo to yeah honestly i did like a send to all in my contacts i built this exclamation mark exclamation all on my own exclamation mark i made this on my own yeah i'm happy for you and everyone just replied well done it's like yeah what do i say to that i don't care but it's so good but i know the thrill of being like i made something that's and it's not creative to me like what it's not

creative it's a flat pack yeah someone else designed it doesn't matter if it comes out shit it's following instructions and patience yeah it's lego which i always fucking hated it's lego fucking building build the fucking hogwarts great hall out of lego yeah fuck off don't tell me what to make you arsehole so i really like this response that someone said they said it makes my life feel so fucking small and limited like i'm not living my life fully sad face and I just feel like that is from anxiety and overthinking that feeling is one of the worst feelings you can feel that your life is small and that you're wasting it yeah that's horrible I feel like whenever I felt that way that's been like my it's the pits basically that's when you feel like god that's a hopeless feeling

of i'm wasting it it's small and i'm doing it all wrong you know why i don't like it as well is because there's a there's an added layer there of the implication that there's a way to live your life fully that you aren't doing there's an alternative route yeah and i do feel like that alternative route first of all it doesn't exist because it's not what you're doing and is it potentially as damaging to compare yourself to this fake imaginary version of yourself as it is to compare yourself to other people but i feel like the added layer of that being comparison of you're seeing what you think is all of these other lives that are being lived fully and then comparing yourself to

that which probably all of it is imaginary and 100 there will be things that like choices you can make and like things that you can do to add new things into your life and like expand your life if you're not satisfied with where you are right now but i also think like your life isn't bad just because it doesn't look like other people's lives what you imagine other people's lives or what you imagine for yourself like you might just be exactly where you are meant to be most likely you're just doing great i think it's the it's the word small that really gets me because i think that is introduced from like celebrity culture like the idea of social media and celebrities and all of this i think there's this idea that there's this big thing happening that you're watching from the

peripheries that you're watching in the met gala whatever peg the patriarchy yeah you're watching that's funny you're looking in at all of these parties that you'll never be at and you'll be um your life is small because you're a nurse no no no no, no, no, no. And I think that is the idea. It's a capitalist idea. It's a fucking, it's fame, basically. Yeah. Anything that you do that is invisible is small. That is so weird.

That's a lie. We've all bought into a fucking lie that doing something real is small. That is so weird that you brought this up because I was literally thinking just yesterday, just yesterday when i sat down i was eating beans on toast my favorite these days stunning i really i'm obsessed with beans on toast at the moment it's such a good warming winter i know everyone who's not from the uk is gonna

think that's a fucking joke and we're like taking the piss and we're like really being like caricatures of ourselves but it's great what do you have on yours do you just have bread beans i don't like cheese i don't like the cheese or like brown sauce none of that yes butter i have butter and i have and i have cheese vegan obvi yeah that's a really common cheesy kind of bean vibe is super common but i do get it because i've only recently become a cheesy bean person cheesy girl yeah i'm not the cheesiest person to be honest no you're not you would get a pizza without cheese no problem i would do yeah no worries it's what people love to say when they know that i'm vegan at the moment

people are like oh i would love to be vegan but i just can't get rid of the cheese i'm like i don't care it's fine keep eat the cheese you're eating my share of what i would have been eating cheese anyway like whatever you want yeah it doesn't matter do whatever you fucking want the cheese that i'm not eating i'll happily give to you you can eat my cheese then anyway climate is dying though but anyway i need to pick my cheese my kinds but anyway i was thinking just yesterday with my beans i was literally thinking i'm going to try and just make my life a bit smaller for a bit like i just want to have a really small life for a bit okay go on because i'm just trying to be nice to myself and i'm not trying to be horrible to myself sounds nice when i have been to be honest i know it's a scary word suicidal everyone

nobody moved nobody's shocked but like whatever when i'm trying to like i think me feeling bad is can be spurred on by being too having too much going on and i was having such a great time for like the few months like take away the month that just happened where i was feeling shit before that i was having the busiest time i was having a great time had loads going on i was here and here and it was great and blah blah blah but then i also think it made me too it was too much and it was i needed to like step away and just have a bit of time burnout yeah and now that i'm easing back in and like feeling okay i just want to keep things small for a bit because if I'm I'm happiest if I'm playing piano or like eating my beans it's like these are tiny things and it's just keeping me in a safe place because

I mean it's still it's funny that being safe with myself is still out of my comfort zone as in like my comfort zone is to just be a fucking cunt to myself and shove myself into all these situations and blah blah blah and just go with the flow and treat myself like a piece of shit and then feel like shit and get into the cycle of just like life apparently it's just that cycle which i just can't do but i just think i have to keep it small for a bit and just keep it like very honest i just find it so funny that that scene is small though because it's like i because i agree that that you're told that you should be living this big life did you know that fucking kylie jenner's only fucking 21 fucking emma chamberlain's got a coffee company she's 21

or like the olymp the girl that just won the tennis thing is 16 or something it's like jesus these huge lives at such early ages that it's like you should be achieving this insane level but actually it's like is not the kind of biggest thing you could do is fuck the fucking artificial shit it's literally shit not to say that accomplishments are shit because they're not but the the public like how different is winning that tennis match i don't really know what happened a young girl won a tennis match youngest person the public appearance of what that is and the magazines and the fame and the money and the glory is so far from her glory in her tennis match thing actually playing and waking up in the morning and being like okay the love is is stripped back from it it's actually something

that's raw and on it's being turned small turned into something fake by like the fucking media circus around it i actually think it's way more honest for emma chamberlain to be sitting there with her cup of coffee that she loves than actually the thing that's seen as the success the bigness of the the huge thing around it that she's got this amazing whatever and actually is the most honest thing you can do just sit down with your coffee and drink what you love I think you need different things at different times I think it's just about knowing where you are like when I was at my most successful at being an illustrator and working like full-time like I was really actually working at something and it was going really well and I was happy but that's not where I happy. But that's not where I am right now. That's not what I want right now.

Because I don't want to commit to anything right now. I just want some beans on toast. Do you know what I mean? Like you, I think just know where you are. Yeah. Don't force, you're forcing like ideas. Just live at where you are. And just like allow yourself to be, you've got all the time in the world.

You really do. You really do. i think it's when you start feeling the rush the right and i think that's the thing of i'm living small i'm not living my life fully you're feeling a rush what's the rush what's the hurry here where's the fire where's the flood where's the flood but the truth is it's like it's i don't know whether this brings peace or fucking panic to you but the reality of things is we all end up in the same place we all end up in the ground or fucking burnt see you there we all end up either in ashes or in decay yeah that's the fucking truth i don't

know whether that makes you feel good or bad uh-huh but it's happening we're two people that makes us feel good so it makes me feel great yeah it's nice great because the truth then it means everything all the pressure is gone it's void nothing matters yeah what you're supposed to do is irrelevant yeah you end up in the same place as the queen of england as kieran colkin as kieran colkin you'll be eyeing up that skeleton all the people that are doing it right and all the people that are doing it wrong all the people that have big lives when people have small lives i'm doing quote fingers you end up in the same place but also how often do you look at someone i think god they've got a small life never ever never personally go around judging people's the size of people's lives i just hope you're happy i just

hope you're feeling good with where you are right now yeah because they also nothing's permanent like you could be somewhere in june and somewhere totally different by august and somewhere totally different in november this is one of my favorite things my mum said this to me once but she was like when things change they change fast and i think it is so fucking true that when things start to change, it's not like, some things are slow burners, but when things change, they change fucking fast and you've just got to be ready for it. You can feel shit at 9am and feel fucking ecstatic, amazing at 10am. Yeah. Things change so quickly. Yeah. It doesn't matter. Like it really doesn't matter. You could be fired from your job

today think your life is over and have a new job on the friday and walk into the best thing yeah tomorrow yeah it's fine you are fine yeah things change fast and just also know that whatever's going on in your mind whatever's going on in your life right now is being made like let me give you a round of statistics probably like 60% worse in your mind so your life looks probably like 90% worse to you and that is going to make you feel a bit better if you can just kind of rank out the numbers and think okay well I've probably got like really it's probably like 60% better than what I think it is do you know what I mean like I'm making this a whole lot worse if I know you and I think I do know you I know that you'll be making this a lot worse in your head I think we leave it there, I know that you'll be making this a lot worse in your head. I think we leave it there.

Stunning. Because that's the truth. I'm saying assume the worst. Okay. Someone sent us a nice message saying that it's funny and I thought, you know what? It is fucking funny. Well, let's say it. Fuck it.

I don't even give a fuck. Bring on the fucking flood, bitch. See you there, Kieran. How are you feeling about this episode i thought it was really nice i think it's been nice it's been quite um i almost feel like it's been quite loud oh okay turn the volume down a loud episode i don't know what that means but i like it i definitely like it maybe it's just because i'm in my echoey house um my echoey mansion i'm calling it i'm calling it now i said yesterday i'm now calling

it a four-story mansion mansion living in the mansion yeah to be honest as she should well i am scared it's gonna get i'm gonna get a call to say sorry uh no well just then you know what you won't be there forever exactly nothing's permanent i've got an amazing thing i'm ruining it in my head what the fuck am i doing people Well. I hope everyone's feeling okay. I feel like if you clicked on this episode, you're probably feeling anxious. So I hope you're okay. And it's not going to be as bad as you think it is. It never is.

You've done it before. You'll do it again. You'll be fine. Comes in close. It's all good. If you don't hear from us, assume the worst. Evil laugh.