Goes Without Saying - communication 101: it's the boundaries for me

Episode Date: August 24, 2020

miscommunication? never heard of her. let’s normalise healthy communication. in this episode of Goes Without Saying, we (sephy & wing) are setting boundaries, communicating clearly, and discussing how all relationships can be improved by just… talking! doesn’t sound so scary, right? this week we’re learning that silence breeds resentment, so we’re cancelling fake shower arguments, and breaking up with vague boundaries. class is in session. speak your mind on our instagram! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay?

So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts.

Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Hey guys, and welcome back to Higher Priestess. This is a fun, fun podcast where we talk about Scooby scooby-doo twilight and also um fucking like marx and engel's fucking theories so i am persephone my name's erin there's nowhere else i'd rather be and my name is persephone and there's nowhere else i'd rather be other than thought i would love to be in the fucking cinema thought park you know there are actually quite a lot of places i'd rather be hot spots but right, we're so happy to be here. We're talking about communication. That was really like game show host that I just went into.

It's hard not to be. It's hard fucking not to be. It's like I forget who I am in the intro. Yeah. It's like suddenly I'm auditioning to be kind of Stephen Mulhern. Stephen Mulhern. No one's said his name since 2004. From The Extra Factor. Stephen Mulhern. no one said his name since 2004 from the extra factor steven mo that's a very uk very niche

reference i'm sorry to everyone listening across the globe please stick around i promise we are much more bearable as soon as you get into the pod trust me we do have our fingers on the pulse we're not referencing the extra factor the whole way through. So we're talking about communication, boundaries, all of these things. Stephen fucking Moulin. Well, enjoy the show, guys. Enjoy the show. Enjoy the show. Don't go anywhere.

Press the big red button. Fucking hell, get me out of here. Sponsored by TalkTalk. Okay, the first kind of thing that i wanted to talk about was someone's message in in a response to the question box that i did on the poll on the stories and i just read it and like kind of fell in love with this person so they said just i mean it's just hard relate you'll hear they said when people set a boundary with me it feels personal which is my problem but because i feel that way i automatically

think others will take it personally too and not address within themselves and remind themselves that it's not personal i just thought how stunning is that because it's so fucking true when people set a boundary with me it would feel personal yeah which is why it explains why you don't want to set a boundary with anybody else because we take everything fucking personal because it feels rude almost it feels um self-indulgent it's like who do you think you are to say that you are not coming to this event because you're tired like you've just got to do it like life isn't always fun it's like you know what it is though yeah yeah it is though well i almost think it's more like like kind of i would just take it personal i would be upset well it's upsetting to know that you have overstepped someone's boundaries almost

like oh shit i read it wrong i read the room wrong completely that have you ever experienced that has someone ever like have i ever said anything to you and you're like oh shit i read it i overstepped with her i don't think so not with us but I don't think so not in that way where it's like almost what I fear sometimes is that I if you know me I quite love I love a good story like I love um to get some like goss from someone like if someone comes back from like a date I'm like tell me every fucking literal detail gory detail I want to hear it all and sometimes I've encountered people that do not like sharing and that's they're right like they don't have to they don't have to come in and be like oh my god his dick is this big for example yeah exactly they don't they don't need to do that and sometimes i

go in a bit strong i'd say oh my god oh my god tell me everything how was it was he nice what does this spit taste like does he have a bed frame like everything and they've been a bit like oh it's just it's fine you know and then i go okay take a step back take a breath it's not your story it's not your story it's fine right because you're quite a sharer i love it and i love to hear it as well i want i want the give and take of all stories but kind of you can't imagine what it would be like to not want to spread the goss just oh it was fine it was fine it's like wait you're gonna internalize the night write it in your diary never to be spoken of again nothing of note what do you mean you're not gonna talk about this on a podcast what do you mean yeah

literally i don't i don't understand about it for an hour every week for the foreseeable future it's like but i want to know everything what did he order you know no one ever said to you like you're stepping on my boundary here like you're pushing me no no never but i sometimes um feel the vibe i sometimes think okay this person does not want to share and i'll stop i'll have to leave it there then what about you what if someone set a boundary with me have you ever experienced that i think i'm um not present enough for people to set about like i'm kind of already nowhere near anyone's business for them do you know what i mean like yeah there's no boundary i've already set the boundary by like not making an effort with you for the past six months

like i'm not around enough i think do you know what i mean i'm not in not that you're up in people's business but i'm like the opposite oh i am you really are because there's no point where you have ever i don't know i couldn't imagine a scenario where you were pushing like too much for someone yeah yeah like i think i could easily be just be described as like a bit much like kind of not in the mood for that today well it's because i um i just don't have my own personality i just reflect back whatever people have of themselves and give that back to them so that they like me like I'm real master manipulator like I just assess who you are and then become you and then you like me and the people are pleased and

then we're done do you know what that is that's the Taylor Swift song Mirable Mirable yes it's like I'll show you every version of yourself or something oh it's just like yeah folklore her new album is yeah let's take him in an elite piece of work and i think only the elite of us as in only me and you and everyone listening will and anyone whoever you are understand this work to be a move away from insecure white feminist into empowered enlightened woman i just love that album it's a feminist fucking anthem the lot of it it's so good but yes i am a mirror ball i'll reflect every version of yourself tonight it's literally the libra lifestyle it kind of is yeah with the kind of also my moon is in piety, so I'm just like... A fluid little gal. If you did dig into me,

you would just find loads of tears. Just leave the facade up. Don't dig any deeper. Loads of tears. It looks like water, but I think it's a load of tears. So within us, we're good at saying, well, we're good at setting boundaries, aren't we?

We're good at communicating. We say it all the time. We say this say this about ourselves well we had quite an interesting combo the other day i thought we're off the record off the pod yeah off the record we do speak actually outside of this kind of that we do together constantly as well not even like oh we do speak we do catch up every now and then it's like no no it's it's 24 7 combo it's like a 24 7 reel like kind of how they used to have big brother big brother just streaming for 24 hours a day it's it's 24 7 combo it's like a 24 7 real like kind of how they used to have big brother big brother just streaming for 24 hours a day it's just we have one joint life where we're just running parallel alongside one another it's quite scary at times but and we always have said to each other oh it's fine we're just great communicators but then the other day we were like wait are we actually oh my microphone just dropped wait a sec drop the mic drop the mic are we actually, oh, my microphone just dropped. Wait a sec. Drop the mic. Drop the mic.

Are we actually great communicators? Or is that just something, it's very easy to tell yourself because actually a hard convo, not a hard convo at all, a convo that came up, we were like, okay, we need to actually go into that. Let's dig in this, yeah. Not like, we're great communicators, we'll scratch the surface. It's so great, we've addressed it. It's like, no, no, but let's just go in even further.'s like open the map even further let's go in in in yeah and it's always

fabulous like it's always stunning yeah because sometimes you think you've aired something out enough but it's like you you can revisit things and like tear into them in a whole new way in the way that the way that you feel about something in march, you came to a conclusion there and then. And here we are in August and you haven't picked back up on it. You might just want to revise that and think, okay, am I still happy with that? Has anything changed?

Yeah, exactly. You know, have we slipped away from the boundaries moved? Have my, you know, have the kind of pillars of this relationship been shaken in any way? Like, is there any way that we can improve on what we said previously? It's so true. And it doesn't even have to be a a big thing like that almost sounds like we had a fallout and

we needed to discuss oh absolutely not no never never better it will be like you said that your favorite song was mirrorball and i say my favorite song is cardigan let's go literally i would actually have words if your favorite song was cardigan because i don't think it's the strongest i think my favorite one is the one really i really i think comes on to a strong start that song it does yeah i have more than one favorite but i think seven is the most beautiful melody i've ever heard in my life seven is kind of um florida kilos by lana del rey so stunning it's really i mean london racing about like cocaine and like drug dealing up her vagina which is very different to what taylor swift is thinking about but the melody is so beautiful so gorgeous anyway um

anyway that's the taylor swift segment of the show yeah we won't touch on that anymore. I think why we're so good at communicating is, I actually haven't said this to you, Sefi, so you're going to hear this the first time. Nice. With everyone else. I love some news. I love a bombshell. So I was basically another white girl

that I'm obsessed with, Miley Cyrus, kind of my queen, my icon, my everything. Released her new song, Midnight Sky. You should go listen to it, because she really needs me to advertise it but she was on this podcast not only am i advertising my new stars i'm also advertising another podcast for you to stop listening to us and go listen to them instead but it's called call her daddy have you heard of it no it's pretty fucking massive to be honest and so it's this girl i think her name is Alex. I really hope I haven't fucked that up,

but I think her name's Alex. And she sat to talk with Miley Cyrus and it's kind of her whole, she has different guests on. And I think sometimes it's just her, but it's kind of about sex and like dating and just like, I don't know, just chat. She had this episode with Miley Cyrus that's actually really interesting.

And I think Miley Cyrus comes across really well in it. Miley, sorry, just a quick tangent. Miley made a really interesting note. She's very much a Capricorn about things. I think she actually might be a Cap tangent. Miley made a really interesting note. She's very much a Capricorn about things. I think she actually might be a Capricorn, but you and her would be quite similar. Capricorn live. Yeah. She says that when she's kind of not sure about someone or she's thinking that whether someone's right for her, she writes down, this is going to sound basic at first, she writes down a list of pros and cons. But what's different is within the pros. So for example,

she might say, okay, a pro of that person is they're very caring. And then a con of pros and cons but what's different is within the pros so for example she might say okay a pro of that person is they're very caring and then a con of that person is they're very busy for example nice so on and so on and she gives for example each characteristic a rating out of 10 oh wow right it becomes quite mathematical oh and she does some addition she gives everything an individual score and then she adds them all up yeah and then finds the kind of average or whatever and then decides whether she thinks that they're fucking worth it or whatever wow uh she said it's kind of a calculation to um see whether someone is giving more to her or they're taking more away from her yeah i'm gonna start doing this it's like are they adding or are they subtracting from my life? I'm gonna need a calculator.

Isn't that great? I'm gonna go down and buy a calculator from the shops. Literally, we're like two plus two. Is seven and a half, 7.2 recurring? Yeah. Yeah, that's genius. Isn't it? Anyway, so this thing about call her daddy.

So I'm gonna go on here. But I just thought that was great. Too good not to mention, especially on a thing where we're trying to give um tips about communicating because i just thought that was great and kind of you could do that in your day-to-day life score people out on whether they're subtracting if they're taking if they're draining you or if they're fulfilling you i think it's so interesting to work out whether someone's a fucking like net drain on you completely do they drain the life out of you it's like afterwards do you feel energized or do you feel drained it's like oh no i feel drained who have you been like have you had experiences in

your life where you've been drained well actually my first thought was every time we record the podcast afterwards we are drained you guys we're just two drains hanging out living our draining lives it's because i'm sucking all of the energy out of you so that i can reflect it back to you and i'm like god it's too much there's something about you that's too much but it's just me reflected back at myself yeah no i think yeah loads of people are drains so much almost when you feel yourself becoming a therapist for people i think we've had this a lot i can't wait to hear the mighty cyrus thing but i also think this i'll get back to it later on that we've we get this a lot where we'll have a conversation with someone and then they'll say afterwards oh my god we always just get in such deep conversations like oh my god and it's like

wait that was deep that was deep I don't understand so I think that a lot of people are like oh I just always like oh god I don't know why I'm telling you this sorry I'm oversharing it's like no no you're not oversharing you're sharing the perfect amount I've set you up to share no don't you worry everything is falling right into place like candy from a baby yeah literally so what do you do in that search because I know for a fact you've been drained by people yeah big time and what do you do what happens I just let myself become drained a lot of the time which is awful you know when you feel someone that somebody is struggling in their life or in a conversation and you just give everything like almost you start praising them so much you start being like yeah but you're such a great

this you're so great at this you you but you have this amazing thing and you just want them to be happy essentially and then afterwards you realize god i just was a therapist for two hours for free for free unpaid i was just an unpaid therapist for big fat nothing but yeah i don't know what i do i think i need to be a lot clearer with my boundaries because it's so fucking hard when someone is to be honest pouring their fucking soul out to be like sorry i have a boundary i need to now go and play animal crossing for an hour because you have drained me it's like that person then goes away and fucking kills themselves like what do you do yeah what do you do because actually isn't that such a thing everyone's kind of boyfriend has a mental health struggle like there's a lot of yeah i hate to make

it gendered but it is in a lot of ways a boy girl thing it is gendered it's women having to do emotional labor and to be honest labor for men yeah constantly for free yeah yeah we we did a post once i put up a post saying like kind of you're not uh like your job isn't to be his unpaid therapist or whatever like you're his girlfriend not his unpaid therapist and there were people commenting like uh this happens both ways uh actually my friends have done this it's like all right yeah i get it not all men whatevs like off my case but also i don't care about those stories because literally i do care about the stories but i don't care about what that's saying systemically it's like we're not talking about oh but my sister's cousin her boyfriend was really nice and he would

pick up the pieces for her because she has blah blah blah is it no no we're not talking about that we're talking about globally there is an issue of women having to do a lot more than men and every single woman essentially um has stories where they have had to sort of clean up after the men in their in her life yeah completely and men have that too the other way around but not to the same extent it's not a global problem yeah it's not it's not uh we're not giving you a commentary on your individual life we're giving you a commentary on kind of a macro scale of what is expected within gender roles. It's not about you and your characteristics

and your traits and your good and your bad. That's, it's not a binary. God, it's not about you. Every time I bloody pose, everyone's like taking it as a personal dig. It is funny that even just on this level of our Instagram, I do notice it's so funny to see who feels entitled to speak and i want all of the girls to speak more more more more more more as

much as you can tell us every detail because it's so funny the percentage that we have of feedback essentially like male to female it's like the amount of men that follow us and the amount that they speak is so disproportionate like Like we didn't ask for your voice here. It's great to hear from you. But it's so funny how entitled you feel to speak in a space that is obviously not for you. Not designed for you. And the women are still hushing themselves and going, oh, but they wouldn't care about that. It's like, no, we do care from you.

And we do care from the men. But when you're DMing us saying not all men, I mean, take it to your menimist page. I'm sure you can find some. Completely that. Yeah, if you've listened to this podcast for a few times and you've never said anything, please give us a show of hands in the DMs. Please reveal yourself, make yourself known.

And for reference, I mean, our demographic is at the moment, I think, what, 96% female? Yeah, 96. On Instagram, at least. And I would say, which leaves four percent males and i would say our dms are probably like 30 from boys yeah totally so i mean you do the math make of that what you yeah yeah exactly you do the math because we can't we're not smart enough you do the math because i haven't bought my calculator yet and i do know i have one on my phone don't don't dm saying you've got one on your phone it's just a joke it's just a little joke oh my god boundaries then boundaries call her daddy

yes the podcast i started doing a bit of stalking because i quite enjoyed the episode and i thought why have i never heard of this thing that's huge it's american why have i never it's never been you know no one ever thanks guys no one ever, thanks guys, no one ever showed it to me. No one ever recommended it to me. This whole thing was going on and they had Miley Cyrus as a guest. Oh, could you imagine? So I went on the Instagram and they'd made like a post like, oh, we're interviewing Miley Cyrus, blah, blah, blah. It must've been like a clip or something from the podcast, from the episode. And kind of the first half of the comments on that post, because Sefi knows I always check the comments. Don't go anywhere without looking at the comments not once have i seen a youtube video

without checking the comments first all about the context have you ever left a comment now actually now more than ever now that we do this i leave comments quite a lot nice i'm kind of make a point never a bad comment obviously but if i've ever consumed something by kind of a female influencer that i love and have consumed many many hours upon hours for free over the years since i was like 10 absolutely i'm leaving a comment and saying like at least thank you or like that bit was really appreciated loved it when you did this because otherwise you get no feedback for your work you just think i hope they like that i'll never hear otherwise i guess or you don't think that you think everybody hates me yeah I'm doing something pointless literally I should just give up now yeah so now I leave reviews on all the podcasts

I listen to oh amazing segue leave us a review you knew that was coming all along you should do it too you know go to your maybe the podcast you're listening to right now your two fave gals that do speak for an hour a week on amazing topics you should leave them a review maybe i don't know yeah maybe call her daddy all went basically on this on this post i will get to the crux of the story i promise honestly not a good podcast like i'm not a good podcaster i'm like not good at doing stories we just describe other podcasts yeah exactly there was a post with miley cyrus and it was like yeah let's do a new episode with miley cyrus blah blah all of the comments were like sophia's looking at this like, fuck. Or like, oh my God, Sophia's like watching this crying right now.

And I was like, Sophia? Who's Sophia? What? Scrolled back, did some research. There used to be two hosts of Call Her Daddy. Yes. Oh my God. I know, shivers.

Shivers down my spine. Alex, I think her name's Alex, and Sophia, right? So Sophia is no more. And I was like, right, hang on a minute. Now I i was like right hang on now i'm digging now i'm hooked now i see myself in this story i need to understand what the fuck happened and essentially you guys should go and look because it's it's quite the drama you'd love it sophie but it was almost a bit too dark and too deep for me to it's a bit too real for two people to have a podcast both going so one of them mysteriously died one of them abandoned she left shit basically what had happened was

they stopped communicating alex made this whole video explaining it's like half an hour of her saying essentially she lost her business partner and her best friend all because their communication ran dry and they weren't well she didn't really say that but that was what i inferred as the therapist that i you know self-proclaimed gave myself that title but don't worry alex i'll figure out all your problems just found out who you are half an hour ago but i've got it sorted and so that is why even though you don't know you have that's the first time you've heard this story i think that is a big part of why you and i are such good communicators because we just know what happens when you don't communicate. Seen it happen and I don't like what I see.

Yeah. Are you crying? No, no. Imagine. Sneezes. Just so torn up about Alex and Sophia. Yeah, we've seen it happen when people stop communicating. And I mean, you may not even notice that it's happening.

You may just think it's like, oh, we're just doing different things at the moment or we are communicating, it's all fine. But when people stop communicating in the intense way that you're used to or in any way that you're used to maybe just all my communications are quite intense then it falls apart so easily one tiny thing can go unsaid and you're fucked it builds yeah completely because i think communication is like communication and boundaries are very much built i think in layers like a building like foundations and etc etc on top of on top of each other the more you communicate with someone the deeper it gets and the better you understand one another and the more respect you have for each

other because you know that you're a team in that way but then in the same way if that one little thing goes unsaid that will build into foundations and layers and layers of resentment in the same way and so it's just whatever you have to make a choice what you're going to spend your energy on building your resentment or building your communication with that person i think resentment builds so quick it builds so quickly you won't even notice it's there before you're lashing yeah it's such a strong feeling and it can come from so many tiny things that have just you didn't even notice happening almost like if you quoted things back to people it wouldn't mean anything it would be like what no it's nothing nothing happened but tiny little things that trigger you and whatever resentment builds so quick so you've

got to be checking yourself but i always think with that so when any kind of resentment is building for anything and i could have it could be like about a teacher or a fucking parent or a friend or a boyfriend or just fucking an acquaintance but whenever it's sort of building and you're realizing that like an irrational perhaps dislike is building you know when you get it when you kind of are faking an argument in your head oh yeah do you ever get that when you're like and you just fucking blah blah and it's like a bit of a mic you've got things to say yeah it's like a mic drop moment in your head i always do this thing to myself i'm just like just drop it yeah just drop it and it's like don't even try and like rationalize it or backtrack the argument but i didn't mean any of that in your head i always do this thing to myself i'm just like just drop it yeah just drop it and it's like don't even try and like rationalize it or backtrack the argument but i didn't mean any of that in your head just literally just drop it like it was a point that it's like

leading no but nowhere at all this is before you've had any actual communication with that person you're just going on in your head yeah yeah absolutely this is just a made up stuff i just think it's like just literally drop the topic and i actually pretend to like physically drop something that's cool yeah yeah i love that yeah i'm like just drop and then and then raise it with them or see what happens it will depends what it is usually if it's like an about of fucking someone that um sort of cut in line in a queue do you know what i mean it's like yeah yeah i imagine myself you fucking entitled white man you think you've always had everything set out for you haven't you you went to private school you little cat when actually it's not about them it's about you right it's like no you're on your period you're hungry just drop the subject like

you've actually you're annoyed because you still gotta edit the podcast this week and you know that's coming up like just just drop it yeah like it's not about this man but if it's about your friend yeah absolutely you have to bring up oh yeah i was having an imaginary argument with you this morning about blah blah blah do you think that's your like tell like when something's kind of starting to go off in your mind of like or resentment is building is that you start having the con like you're kind of in the shower like and then i'm gonna say to her you're so blah blah blah like and you find yourself like i don't even know you're kind of indulging in kind of the anger yeah it's so strange and always winning but it's like life doesn't work like that like what also i think i question that in myself and in other people of like a desire to like win and punish

yeah like you know when it's like a desire to be like and ha ha ha haven't you been proven wrong by me once again yeah yeah yeah it's like a really odd desire and i think it's something really worth questioning if you find yourself like replaying arguments that never happened and also never will happen because you don't have the bollocks to actually bring it up yeah yeah desire for your ego to win interesting i don't think you thought i would ever bring this up or that this would ever come up on a podcast or at least not this episode but you just reminded me of i think it's relevant to back in uni you and i did like a bdsm test yeah yeah i think we were both like a million percent switch or something but one of your highest ones was um you're like the derogateur like you um want to like punish people or like humiliate

people which is so funny because i actually don't see that in my own sort of sexual experiences at all well i was absolutely i was shocked i didn't see it for you just in life anyway but i get it it's funny actually that you bring this up but my like group chat with my housemates is like you know when you all have like a stupid fucking name mine is sexual humiliator because we I made them all do the BDSM test and I think it came up as like you want to humiliate people which I really don't like that sounds horrific but do you but can you get it in the way like can is there any like can you place that I like to win I wish you could all see the look on her face right now you are and you're a Slytherin I like to win. I wish you could all see the look on her face right now.

You are and you're a Slytherin. I like to win things. I think like I'm a Capricorn with a fucking Leo moon. Like I'm gonna like to win. I do question that within myself as well because I don't like to see other people lose. I think that stresses me out but I still want it to be as very established

that like don't worry like i've got this guy acas powers the world's best podcasts here's a show that we recommend nature i've got a gay rooster named francois is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay? So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals.

A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer. And we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on spotify apple or wherever you get your podcasts a cast helps creators launch grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere a cast.com i'll handle it i'll handle it guys i've got it covered leave it to me yeah i don't know what were yours on the bdsm test we were very vanilla i remember it was yeah it was just like vanilla

switch switch yeah i was heavy switch switch was the main one i think we were why is it we we have the same no but i remember being so shocked at how vanilla we were we were like 98 vanilla because also but the options are like um do you like to punch someone in the face i was like no yeah like the options are things that no one's ever gonna click on great test you should all go do that test so i wanted to ask you tactics like do you have anything that you do when you realize that a boundary is not being set or you're not communicating or something's off like what do you practically do I think my first my biggest thing and I think probably one of the reasons why it's so hard is

because we forget this like key thing or we get lost in it so easily which is to constantly like not constantly but whenever this is kind of happening if i'm in conversation or about to approach the conversation or thinking that i need to have the conversation or kind of in the middle of an argument i will think to myself are you going in with the intention to communicate yeah or are you going in with the intention just to argue get something off your chest to win to kind of shame them a little bit to be like uh actually you fucked up yeah yeah to punish yeah exactly i think to make sure because i think it's really easy as well to dress it up and be and confront someone if you're annoyed and you've let resentment build for example and you're just outright having an argument like with your friend or like a boyfriend

girlfriend whatever it's really easy to be like i'm just communicating i'm establishing my boundaries blah blah but actually you're not you're just being a dick yeah or maybe you were at first and then they didn't follow the script that you had set out previously when you were in the shower going over this conversation constantly yeah and now you and now suddenly it's an argument and now you're not going in to communicate anymore you're not going in to resolve anything you're not willing to hear them out you're you're just you don't want to solve it anymore yeah you're just bad vibes yeah it's not about a resolution it's about um punishing it's about winning and punishing which is not a healthy way to begin anything let alone a conversation with your friend

or partner or someone in your life but i think we all do that but how often do you find yourself questioning the intention of a conversation i think i think with you um it's kind of unconscious because we talk so much about communication and because kind of i don't ever really want to shame you like i don't i'm not trying to win against you no desire so with you it's very much just like i mean the one that we had the other day the one makes it sound like it was an argument it really wasn't it was kind of the opposite of an argument the initiated communication that we had the other day was very much like rooted in oh my god i'm crying kind of just rooted in pure love like just like i don't want this to be bad vibes at all not just with that just with anything yeah and not that there really were but it's just staying on top of it whereas i think for example

jack my boyfriend i would way easier get lost in like just kind of like getting annoyed with him and just being angry and wanting to win be like yeah but when you did this thing i'm wanting to win and just like kind of i think when you're i mean i've been with jack for like eight years when you are with someone for that amount of time and like the connection is so deep that it's like not even human it's like kind of it's so kind of like so primitive it's so like innate that really in the way that I reflect everyone Jack's probably the only person in the world at the moment that I don't reflect in that way and even though I do it's much more Jack by far gets the rawest version of me like you get me raw you guys get me raw on the podcast but i'm like purely yourself myself but how could

i not be and so that includes the bad parts like where i'm with kind of other people i would catch myself because i don't want them to think i'm an arsehole like yeah totally i'm not gonna really say if i think like oh blah blah's being a dick I'm not I'm not gonna fucking say it because I want you to like me whereas with Jack like almost and I think also it comes from kind of the bad parts and the stereotypical parts of being in a relationship for so long where you take things for granted and you lose the fear of losing them you you start to be a dick sometimes not that I'm a dick all the time I'm actually really nice but there's a healthy amount of being a dick like that is also natural human stuff exactly yeah and so I just think checking honestly check yourself before you record check yourself before you record your relationship yeah honestly before you absolutely wreak havoc on everyone else's lives just because you were on

your period and you were hungry oh my god did we speak about the amazing thing this has changed my life I remember saying it to you. And I saw this on a TikTok and it's changed the way I live my life. Take it away. In a micro way, but still has changed my life. So it said, it's so simple. It's so simple, but so great. Let me get it right.

You need to go to like a meditative state to remember it. It's like, I don't want to do that thing. We're like, am I Tess enough? Hell yes, I'm Tess enough. Like an Ed Miliband moment. Like I want to get it right's like i don't want to do that thing we're like am i test enough oh yes i'm testing like an ed milliband moment like i want to get it right so it hits um if you hate other people eat something if you hate yourself go to sleep so stunning how good is that it's like yeah that's so fucking true it's like that is how you that's exactly what you should do if you have those yeah things if you're like getting annoyed at everyone else if like for it's like oh just everyone can you just fuck off it's like yeah you're hungry it's like if you're thinking oh i've just done nothing

well today yeah you go to sleep you're tired yeah it's that simple sometimes sometimes no but i and i think it is and it goes back to um what that first person said at the beginning about taking it personally when it's like actually nothing really everything we say and do is really just all about ourselves and our own ego literally every single thing this ego fucks so much you know when you meet someone it's like yeah you are being literally ruled by your ego your lower self your thing that's obsessed with like worldly success and connections not human connected but like networking almost and like status and fashion and all of these things that don't matter basically how you are perceived by other people and it's like yeah you are being ruled by your ego this stuff is meaningless and

if you actually kind of it's like so fucking like woohoo literally meditated for 10 minutes or like went to sleep for 10 minutes or did something that kind of had a bath something like that this wouldn't matter. Like you literally just need like a human connection. Like literally put your feet in some fucking soil, like anything, feel some water, like anything, smell a fucking bit of lavender. Did that yesterday and it changed my world.

Oh, stunning. Reroot. Literally just do something that's fucking primal. Like you just said, it's like literally a primal thing. Centering. Yeah, it's fine. Like none of that matters it doesn't matter that your boss is on your case yeah he's always gonna be gendered gendered yeah

exactly but he is he says she the ceo is gonna be let's be real gender pay gap is a he yeah um is always gonna be on your fucking case smell a bit of lavender i completely completely completely agree i think a lot of the a lot of the sentiment of the messages that you guys were sending in on the stories was very much like i don't know how i don't even know like where to begin to communicate or to set boundaries i don't even know necessarily what my boundaries are until they've been crossed and i think sephia you just hit the nail on the head by being like you need to go meditate for example because i was gonna say i think the like again one of my overarching things with

boundaries and communication is establishing the boundaries on your own first before you've even met this person the more you get to know yourself and know who you are and what's important to you i.e like miley cyrus will write down i'm just giving you all the spoilers of the call her daddy podcast i'm just i've gone through the transcription i'm picking out the highlights yeah just to make sure that you don't listen to theirs you only listen to ours we don't have miley cyrus but we can summarize what she said really in a bad way miley cyrus said that she obviously loves her mom or whatever has a really good relationship with her mom and loves obviously a lot of the characteristics that her mom has and that's really important to her and she knows that

her mom is mortal and won't be around forever and so in case or just in life what really important to her and she knows that her mum is mortal and won't be around forever. And so in case, or just in life, what's important to her, she'll write down, for example, her mum is really thoughtful and have like a conscious note of the things and the characteristics that she holds close to herself that are important to her. So she knows what to look for.

She knows what to avoid. Because if you don't, if you haven't got to know what's important to you, of course you're going to be running into all the wrong scrappy dappy do's left right and center exactly that and basically anyone that shows you a literal scrap of decency will seem like a god because you'll be like wow wow wow i don't have any boundaries i haven't even thought about wait does this person have kind of any traits that i look for i always think this with dating as well one of so funny this is on a communication podcast i didn't even actually think about that my number one thing is communication yeah are they

good communicator if someone is leaving me on red for i would say eight hours and upwards yeah i no longer i'm interested like that is obviously in the early stages it's fine ish yeah when it's really casual yeah as in when there's an thing, you're dating and almost like without the acknowledgement of there has been a passing in time, like that it will be like a day later and they're like, ha ha ha, yeah, thought the same. And it's like, no, no, you need to come back with, oh my God, I'm really sorry.

I was really busy. Let me, how was your day? I got mugged. I didn't have my phone. Yeah. It needs to be a big drama to excuse. Yeah, it needs to be a thing. to excuse yeah it needs to be a thing i think that was my one one of my number one things it's like you actually need to be not like

a texter or any of these things but you need to be an honest communicator and not a weird thing where it's like playing a game oh i just uh like i just don't look at my phone yeah you do don't lie just say i look at my phone but i can't be bothered to text every yeah i don't look at my phone i don't look at my phone so how come every time i'm with you you're sat on your phone yeah we met on tinder how come we met on hinge you're on your fucking phone it's like please shakes head so that's one of my main things is communication and i think it's like yeah if you write down the things that you value in someone like i couldn't be friends with you for example our friendship would not be the same if our communication was not as good especially as yeah we do such an intense thing together like we run a business together we're

besties went to uni together we used to live together i mean we have a very we haven't seen each other also in four or five months months which is insane because of coronavirus we don't just we don't just choose to never see each other just if you're listening to that if we manage to survive this and you're listening to this in the future, that is not promised. It's very intense. It's like, it needs to be, there needs to be a level of communication, which is almost abnormal.

But I also think I do hold all of my relationships to a standard where it's like, yeah, it does need to be kind of abnormal because the normal standard of communication is fucked. It's absolutely fucked. Like there's no way i'm happy with you know almost like you see old married couples like oh the wife wants me to come home oh the wife blah blah it's like no no no why does the wife why does she want you to come home because you've been like have you spoken have you spoken have you spoken in the past two months i just don't understand it apart from what's for dinner yeah okay i don't want that make me something else okay

it's like no the standard level of communication is shit it's dog shit it's not good enough no it's not good enough at all and that's why all sort of relationships that are celebrated are quite surface level are just happy happy happy and it's like no no you've got to it's not like oh arguments are healthy but deep convos that are that are fucking hard and you both struggle through are healthy well you have to be vulnerable because i would say you and i don't argue but we're very there's no room to not be vulnerable everything's out on the table it's incredibly honest because there's no room not to be i think that's something that everyone should try try and do what we do but i do think it's like even if your relationships are not as

intense as this they will be in more intense than you think if you but i do think it's like even if your relationships are not as intense as this they will be in more intense than you think if you actually break it down it's like people that you live with that's fucking intense you see them every minute of the day your boyfriend yeah there'll be a dynamic there'll be something that he did eight months ago that you kind of didn't address at the time or you did address at the time but now it's kind of bothering you again because you can see similar patterns a friend that once said something and it's just bothering you and it's just like sitting below the surface somewhere it's like yeah this stuff is intense like it is worth speaking about definitely or before you know it you're going to find yourself

in the shower covered in the comforter from lush going oh wait fuck you you little fucking bitch when you say i'm glad i'm not on the other side of an argument with you I'm not on the other side of an argument with you. There were arguments that would never happen. You're a pirate. Oh my hearty. You're kind of Oliver Twist. I turned into a nutter.

But it's so true. No, I agree with you. I also think something that I learned at uni, kind of a hard truth, was kind of the majority of people don't have real relationships isn't this a shocking revelation they kind of have one or two real relationships and that's it and the majority of their quote-unquote friends are people that 60% of the time they're saying bad things about 100% of their quote-unquote secrets have been shared with other people they would throw

under the bus at any given opportunity they have no loyalty to and people just are happy to have essentially fake friends like people are happy to have a big old crowd full of people that they hate people that despise them and that hate them we've done it so much we've been in situations i mean i wish we could literally name names but could be listening can i even say that yeah you can say that well i don't know what you're gonna say so we were in i'm we just had a little mini discussion and i think i think i can say this very carefully we were in a group of people once one of the girls in the group said oh my god let me take a photo of you guys took a photo of us i'm wincing i think this already might be too much i'm gonna do it really right. Basically, if you're listening to this thinking it's about you, it's not. Yeah.

Also, we get so many messages saying, was that bit about me? And honestly, always, no. Yeah, most of the time it isn't. Yeah. And the person that it was was like, love the app. Yeah. If you're listening to this podcast and we talk about you and you hear us talk about you, no, you didn't.

Genuinely. If you think it's you, trust me, it's was like if you're thinking it's not you probably is um and we're in this group she took a photo of a group of girls and to her supposed best friend in the photo she said actually let me take another one you look fucking ugly in that one and it was like oh okay to all of us she announced it was kind of like imagine i'm taking a picture of you and all your friends and i take it and then i say oh let me take another one um stephanie because you look fucking horrific in that thank me later and then keep snapping snap snap snapping away while everyone is big i'm

smiling the face cheese but our minds were thinking fucking hell this is dangerous they're like oh god we're all smiling through our teeth fuck fuck fuck that's weird but also she was like said it as if it's like i'm doing you a big favor i'm a fucking great friend thank me later you looked fucking ugly and i'm gonna take another one you're not gonna like it also it's something quite specific we're saying fucking ugly but say for example your thing about yourself is that you hate your ears and i'm snap snaps having a way to take taking pictures i go oh my god stephanie your ears look fucked in that one let me take another one hang on what was that about stephanie's ears like now we are all in stephanie's insecure little mind it's horrid i'm not loving because stephanie does sound quite

similar to persephone just to clear up for any people that are confused i'm not talking about you was not me it was just a crazy moment like it was one of those things where you you just think oh my god that's your best friend just did that because the people that i the people that do that in my life they're known as my enemies that's not my best friend yeah and they're not in our lives anymore because kind of that was ended in like year nine and i remember we once we had this sort of experience with this photo like well that was fucking horrible that was weird watching this girl kind of oh by the way your wrists looked fucking huge in that photo in the picture definitely in the photograph that was taken you can definitely see mine and sephie's eyes and looking at each other like what the fuck

is going on like why do we know these people it was just a moment of like oh god like people need to have converse there are conversations that need to be had, but that would never be brought up ever. That would never be brought up. They're not ready. They're just literally not ready. So what do you think are the kind of main tips for communication and boundaries? I know we've said, like, I mean, I think a really good tip right now is do what Miley Cyrus does and like physically write things down on paper about what characteristics are important to you,

what boundaries are important to you what boundaries are important to you what are your non-negotiables and your red flags etc and adding numbers in the mix it's a bit much for me but i love the idea i bet loads of you will be keen on that you could even like color code it oh i mean you could do it like be so stunning that makes me excited yeah what are your kind of tips my biggest tip and i think something that i've had to learn myself in my friendships and all my relationships is embarrass yourself you've got to be willing to embarrass yourself you cannot be expecting to maintain like this status of like she's so cool she's so fucking cool like she never gets upset like she or you don't want to be scared a bit like seeming

insecure it's like no you've got to be fucking mortified to be communicating in that way it's got to be a bit embarrassing vulnerable it's that classic thing of um if you're not vulnerable there's a lot less pain but a lot less love it's so true and it's like yeah okay if you're not gonna lay all of your cards out on the table and be really honest about who you are and what's important to you and how you feel etc um yeah you'll you'll be saved from a lot of experiences but a lot of those experiences will be really important to you and really amazing they'll make you who you are i think one of the main reasons people don't communicate is because it seems so embarrassing it's like wait when you looked at me in that moment were you looking at my fucking huge teeth like what like whatever you're whatever is triggering to you were you looking at them like when you said that thing

then were you implying that i was really fucking stupid like whatever the thing is it sounds embarrassing and it's so it sounds so insecure and so strange i think it's like a thing to work on privately and a thing to work on with people if you can just bring things up like honestly bring things up it will change your life yeah because then i think that's what i mean by like that is built on foundations and foundations and layers and layers is the more honest and like almost ridiculous you get with someone the more there's there's there's no room for fear there's no room for resentment and it doesn't have to be done in like a whining way absolutely not it doesn't it doesn't have to be like wait can we have a chat and then like a whole convo it can be like wait i've sorry like can we just backtrack

when you said that thing just then what did you mean did i misread that yeah like yeah literally that i think it can be so casual and it needs to become casual i think it's like you really should be normalizing weird conversations yeah um something that makes it easier as well i think for people in in my life and in my experience especially if people aren't necessarily as good of a communicator as you or even just like aren't in this world of conversation they don't operate within this realm of knowing that people can be empowered and enlightened in all these different ways people who aren't really very self-aware as well you a good way to get someone on the same page as you or if you think you're a good communicator but they're not matching your energy i think is to kind of level the playing field and make sure that they know it's not an attack it's actually an opportunity for your relationship to grow rather

than you shutting them down and saying you don't want them in your life anymore for example i think a lot of people hear a boundary as we've said time and time again on this episode and take it personally and i in many ways you would wouldn't you but there have been lots of times where i've had to say to people like i'm saying it sounds like i'm a mum but i'm saying this because i love you because i care about you like i want to get to the bottom of this because it's important to me because you're important to me and it doesn't have to be that deep even but I think a lot of people need to hear that it's not an attack on them it's so true it's honestly so true and do you remember we said something ages ago about like if you're trying to breach like a complicated subject with

someone where they you know for a fact they are going to feel on the sort of they're going to come in on the defense and this is kind of a controversial tip and i don't always agree with it but i think sometimes there's something to be said for like losing immediately going in this is almost like if they are going to be a competitive person with you immediately going in and just like losing the argument drop the weapons go in and just be like oh my god my hair's so fucking greasy today like it's kind of you're instantly not cool you instantly have rewired the hierarchy and it's obviously we are not fans of self-deprecating comments humor anything like that is everything we stand against but say you're going

in with some with a convo with someone where they're going to be like they're not going to be open to it if you go in and say like i've been really struggling i've been this blah blah blah and i really need to set a boundary here if you go in with your bit first rather than you're too much you're fucking in my face all the time just go in and lose it just lose it immediately there's no battle to be won yeah yeah completely i think even if you don't have to say like oh my hair's so greasy just the absence of that in the absence of that comment just make sure you're removing don't instead like it's not so much by saying oh my hair's so greasy you just don't have to say oh my god do you like my new bag oh

my god do you does my hair look good today i look like it's you don't have to necessarily put yourself down just don't try and overcompensate and dominate the space exactly that again check your intention like if you're going in to dominate the space right so you're going with an argument then so stop listening to the episode essentially you're not here to communicate but yeah if you're going in to dominate the space right so you're going in with an argument then so stop listening to the episode essentially you're not here to communicate but yeah if you're going in to communicate make that very clear there should be an element of two people feeding back and i also think there's a thing of you're going in to set a boundary be prepared for them to come back with they're setting a boundary don't go in you are too much i've done nothing i'm setting my own boundary yeah okay well how are you going to respond when they set their boundary? Are you gonna freak out?

Do you feel entitled to their space in any way? Do you feel entitled to their time in any way? I'm sure you do. There is actually so much about it. It's like, sorry, my boundary is that I don't, for example, I will take a week to reply to a text because I'm not in the space where I can be replying to texts right now.

That's my boundary right now. But when I text someone, am I fucking crying that they don't reply to me instantly do you do you feel entitled to people's time in a certain way i'm sure you do and also sometimes your boundaries will not like cooperate with one another like they might be the opposite like my boundary with you could be i want to speak to you kind of before 3 p.m every day for example and you might say to me well my boundary is that i want to speak after 3 p.m every day so what now we're not friends anymore for example and then i think also it becomes like a generational thing in the way that i do think our generation and the younger generations etc are so used to like

quick gratification of things that we very quickly throw things away and so that's why it's important to know that you can work on things together if your energy is being matched and it's a 50 50 give and take equal teamwork to make your to negotiate and compromise and work together that's a good thing it's not a bad thing to compromise and communicate with people and on top of that it also comes back to Miley Cyrus's method of having your non-negotiables set out very clear so that if I just you know I may have said to you okay my boundary is 3 p.. But if I can check my list and think, actually, let me revise that and think, was that a non negotiable? And if it was, yeah, we're gonna, we're gonna, you know, that's important to me. But if not, then it's something that you can work on together. I think it's important to know in yourself what you're

willing to sacrifice as well. Yeah, you can afford to lose. That's's so true so one of the things that i really liked that i saw that someone said they said getting to no yep i have found the right one getting to breaking point and becoming angry all the time at people i wasn't communicating having a child helped me communicate better in my in my relationship family and work life and i loved that because it's when you hear so much of i've learned more from my child they're teaching i'm teaching them they're teaching me you know yeah stunning happy ending but i love that it's like yeah i'm sure a child you would learn how to communicate because it's so honest and so raw god it's siren city around here it really is siren city and so kind of so

it becomes so simple because it's like well i'm not gonna start faffing about with all this vocab that you're not gonna understand because you're a child yeah and you learn really how to communicate in kind of its purest form so there's no airs and graces and like it's not even like i'm setting a boundary it's just like no i'm tired i have to go now and lie down it's not i have a boundary that when i am tired it's just like it's simple and it's just exactly how essentially humans should um connect and communicate just with honesty without embarrassment without like the fear of like overstepping social norms and all of that stuff it's like yeah let's just let's just fucking be like sorry i'm hungry and i want to eat my

fucking spaghetti hoops and that's what i'm doing right now oh erin's gone that sounds so good she's gone she nearly fainted that sounds amazing i tried to think what do children eat spaghetti spaghetti hoops they do sound really good i can like doesn't that sound good i know exactly the texture of them do you know what i mean wow they're like very um flimsy it's very much not spaghetti it's a lot of slop yeah it's big slopsville it's slops mcgee yeah yeah but and yeah i've never wanted anything more suddenly slop is sounding really good i love that that's very wholesome i love that also one other thing actually let's just speak about that i saw on the polls just before before we go because this is something that i saw so erin did the polls this week and i hate that we call them the polls yeah we call them the stories i really do the polls

it's like the polls are in it's like what's the exit poll saying oh my god they all hate us so polls is a bit triggering after the exit poll um so you said is this my cunning trick that i did yep it is i find this so interesting because i have a bit of a story that goes with it as well okay so i saw it's important to me that i am taken seriously and respected and to me that's obvious you want to be respected yeah and taken seriously and 93 confirmed this yes and i saw a weird fucking seven percent saying no and i went on it and i'm not joking i feel like i know fucking every person on this it's all my friends and i'm not joking i feel like i know fucking every person on this it's all my friends and i was like really i wasn't sure like there's honestly about seven

people that are like very much in my life oh no way who have voted no that's not what i thought you were gonna say i was so confused and i spoke to one of them i was like why the hell did you vote no that you don't want to be respected and taken seriously because they're friends with you and you're the master humiliator you're degrading them all the time it's not no wonder you seek out people that don't want to be respected i was like what the fuck like are you being fucking serious right now that just you see that in a poll you go nope don't really want to be respected thanks i was so shocked i thought who are these nutters turns out that all my friends i was like what who am i hanging out with what did they say so they explained themselves well there's

one person explained themselves was it sophie no it's jack so i don't i feel he features in all of them hi hi again sophie but it's jack but i don't if he's constantly in this but it was funny because he was there and his ex-girlfriend who's also my good good friend if she's listening hey hey they were both on that i was like that's funny they were in a relationship neither of them want respect they're like get the respect out of this relationship um so we were kind of laughing they're both on there but um yeah he was saying that um what did he say he was like yeah but i thought taken seriously so i don't really want to be seen as a serious person it's like that's not what it means like that is not the point of the question yeah i did

kind of set people up for that i could well because but respected to me is so obvious like yes yeah my my my setup my manipulation was we actually haven't touched on it at all but i thought it could be interesting so i did that question that question came after so i asked a few questions i said like in the past have you struggled with boundaries everyone said yes is your desire to keep the peace overridden by your need to communicate? Everyone said yes. And then, so I said,

it's important to me that I am liked. I loved this. And 83% of people said yes. And then later we go on, like setting boundaries makes me uncomfortable. Yeah, I'm better at setting boundaries in romance, blah, blah, blah. And then I said,

it's important to me that I am respected. And 93% said yes. But I just thought that would be an interesting comparison the difference between who feels that it's important to be liked versus who feels it's liked versus respected exactly yeah it's so interesting I thought the liked one was so interesting as well because liked and respect have different meanings to me but I would say that respect is so much more important. Respect feels much more closed. And, like, I have respect for a very few and, like, finite amount of people. Like, I respect people that are close to me, but I don't respect everyone that I like. Whereas liked feels more vapid and, like, sort of wrapped up with ideas about, like, popularity.

Yeah. So it's not that important to me to be liked, but it's way more important to me to be respected but maybe that's the capricorn no i agree with you i thought it would be interesting because i thought that well here's the thing everyone on the on the stories said yes it's more important to be respected they all said yes yes yes important to be respected and a few people could give or take being liked when actually i think the reality of that is yes in theory of course it's more important that you would be respected and you you obviously i don't care about being liked i don't care about being liked and yet in practice none of us can communicate none of us can set boundaries everyone is a people pleaser and it's not adding up like

that doesn't you know so i think in theory well i'm happy that that number was high on the i want to be liked thing because it's like yeah let's not lie to ourselves yeah let's not lie i think in theory well i'm happy that that number was high on the i want to be liked thing because it's like yeah let's not lie to ourselves yeah let's not lie i think how could you not want to be liked we all want to be liked otherwise why are you doing half the shit you do and also um the main thing i think is kind of but you were raised in a world that told you it was very important to be liked so how do you think you've escaped that in the same way that you were okay you were raised in a patriarchal white supremacist world how could you not um live by those rules of course you do go there we go it's so fucking true let's leave it there i've said all i need to say let's end

it there let's end it on a white supremacist capitalist patriarchal shit show of a world that we know we live in the commiserations galore that is this podcast but we're still eating ice cream every day it's commiserations lifestyle but we eat ice cream every day it's everyday ice cream shop we stroke dogs every day we smell flowers every day stunning it's um everyday spaghetti hoops spaghetti hoops for dinner i'm gonna have to get some it's all good it's all great talk to your friends talk to your family talk to your boyfriend and girlfriend chat away talk to apple when you leave us a review most importantly talk to us talk to apple but don't fire the review section on apple and we're not taking the piss only good things though we are not taking the piss the amount of emails that we had was so stunning well this is

why i'm leaving um comments on youtube videos now because it's like listen that probably took you fucking hours and i haven't paid a penny for it anyway i'm not guilting you into leaving you didn't pay a penny and we spoke for free and how does that make you feel kept that purse tight shut didn't you anyway when we release merch you better fucking buy it you better fucking be buying it for all your mates because you owe us some money let's get out of here you don't it's the capricorn i'm a high capricorn today no i fucking owe you lot for um humoring us for so long and being so lovely anything we should pay yeah we should pay you honestly i would bribe you into loving us

it wouldn't be the most desperate thing i'vebe you into loving us it wouldn't be the most desperate thing i've done let's say that it wouldn't be a sad day i'm ashamed to say it thank you guys as ever for listening we will see you see you around no promises we will be back next i would love to see you around i would love well i would love to see you haven't seen you in five months oh i'd love to see you around but i would love to see them around imagine me too but i'm not going anywhere so it's not gonna happen yeah i know you kind of see me it's like where am i going through my window oh my god i actually have a terrifying story oh tell it maybe this is okay well okay

yeah that's fine and extra points to you if you've stuck around for this this is fucking insane if you're here you that maybe the music started and it's cut that would be quite good if i do that yeah this story is just for you yeah dramatic cut yeah you should do that if that if this okay this is new in from last night so housemate was walking down the street saw a photo of the house opposite sorry he didn't see if i'm sorry starting a house again walking down the street he sees on the house opposite us a sign say with a piece of paper blue tack to the inside of the window facing outwards and it said my ex-boyfriend has set up a series of cameras that are being watched by him and multiple others they are they are facing on

the house opposite which is my house into our flat um and he is watching me and it said underneath this is a testament to his abusive and controlling vile behavior you should call the police defund the police but also you should call the police well the story escalates i was like we have to call the police we have to call the police but i was weirded out by the line that said this is a testament to his vibe it's like you the woman should call the police like i don't understand yeah but you might not be safe to exactly but also don't love the thoughts that there are cameras outside my house in my house but then we were i'm like oh my god i was in that flat in january yeah literally yeah scary story escalates

we are looking at the photo we're analyzing the photo you can imagine i love the drama um we notice in the photo that there is a camera in her window facing outwards at our flat so it's like what like the photo is saying there are cameras facing in but there's very clearly a camera in the photo facing us which was weird so i was like guys we have to call the police anyway we'd cooked a curry we ate a fucking doll we we forgot all about it stunning stunning we see we look out of our fucking little door we see the police at her door and she she's getting shitty though but like it looks like it's kicking off um and she keeps turning her like hallway light on and off and the police are like

um they're for fucking ages and i don't know really what's happened i mean it's been sirens galore today but so oh my god you have to keep us updated i will but how crazy is that that's bizarre yeah i got a bit spooked just because you know i said i watched that horror movie called the landlord where i said it on the podcast where there were cameras inside the house the landlord had set up i was like what if there's a camera in my room yeah you literally said that recently and now lo and behold and your room listen i'm not giving away your location but your room is at the front of the house i don't know if you thought about that it is it's very much big old windows right into you sleeping soundly on your bed it's why i picked the room i thought this will be amazing with the light but

gorgeous light in here can't record a podcast in there i have to use a different room you have to use my housemate's room and um or one of my housemates rooms and it could get murdered anytime there are potentially hidden cameras in there what the fuck so i know so that's fucking crazy the note was the note was crazy as well the note like the way that's it was printed off like it was a very insane looking note it's kind of uh we'll have to see it had the story on photos i hope she's okay yeah same i hope she's okay but i what i didn't love was him and multiple others are also watching the footage but now they've got footage of my housemate going up to the sign, taking a photo, walking into our house it's a bit like, ah, we didn't think this through

oh my god what the hell? I know, I'll keep you updated god, really leaving us on a cliffhanger, amazing I know, we'll see how it unfolds next week good for marketing, thank you right, well, on that note right, okay, we'll see you guys all later

yeah hopefully we'll make it to next week i know i hope so bye