Goes Without Saying - growing out of the male gaze: would've, could've, should've...

Episode Date: October 3, 2024

podmothers sephy & wing enter the chat: spiralling on the normalisation of desire for youth, dating app etiquette, and the sexualisation of young girls. ✷see more ✷ www.youtube.com/@sephyandwing ✷ www.instagram.com/sephyandwing ✷ www.tiktok.com/@sephyandwingshop ✷ www.sephyandwing.co.uk Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Goes without saying you're listening to goes without saying with sephi and wing. I'm sephi and I'm wing and this is an episode about Aging we're talking about your kind of dilemmas and Just we're feeding off what you've said. We talked about Leonardo DiCaprio age gap relationships pedophilic culture we've got a lot of stuff in here the pre frontal cortex Or slash low, but I don't know what it's called we talk about a lot of things so enjoy hey back again honestly back for more feels good to be back it does feel good to be back actually anything to get over dressed or not sure no oh No, well I'm having my writing workshop today, so I've

started my masters now guys, we'll do a full whatever debrief at a later point. But today I have the workshop where like my stuff is getting sort of like ripped to shreds maybe. It won't be touching. So I'm kind of nervous but also, yeah I'm touching wood. I'm also excited, like it will be good but also terrifying. It's so fun, we were just saying like I am really, except for it's like I'm glad someone's getting a kick out of it because I am really living vicariously through the thrill of the master's energy, it's just so fun. It is the most, I really don't think I was prepared for the intensity that it's been and I'm doing it part time so I don't know how people are surviving that are doing

it full time and not even necessarily the course has been intense. Just a culture shock I think. Although I said the words culture shock to my sister the other day on the phone I was like it's a culture shock. She was like you've moved to Norwich. Well it's obviously hilarious to say. She was like you're still in the south of England, like you've just moved from like south. Yes, but the culture of your life is... Exactly. Couldn't it be more different for those first few days? It really...

I feel like I've met a hundred people a day and like I'm hearing people's names and I'm having to be like I'm sorry I know you've told me like five times but what's your name? But who are you? Who are you? Like what's going on? And who are you? Who are you? Like, what's going on? And who am I? I am, there was two days, like my induction day, which was like last Monday and then the following Tuesday, like it was just like back to back meeting people, like social in a pub, sort of like, oh my god, I...

Constant. I was at, I was absolutely at my limits, to be honest. Oh my god, it was so good though. But now I've kind of like, I really like the city, really like the uni, all of that. Definitely I'm gonna, no I'll leave. There are some question marks about the house I'm kind of whispering. Okay. So yeah I'm not that like, I'm kind of in a bit of chaos but also. Yes, it's to be expected. But also, God, it's also different, exciting, scary, quite overwhelming.

And that's kind of where it happened. We've caught you on a good day as well. I feel like you're coming in with a light energy about it. I feel like you're just feeling like... I feel like I've had a light energy for three days now. I feel like, or like, what I mean by a light energy is I feel like I've been back to myself for the last three days.

Yeah, no, you have been like, what I mean is a lightness in being able to talk about certain things. I really, really did struggle. The first probably like four days here. Well, because also I had said to Sefi, I basically was really, what's the word, kind of attacking you all the time. Like I was like begging for updates. But I also felt like I couldn't shut up about it. But then everyone kept saying to me, you're not saying anything. No, I mean, you were filling me in, but every word I was receiving,

like I was hanging on your every word. Yeah, it was just almost like the weirdest things kept happening, so it was like every time I would be like, just got some little updates, and it would be like the weirdest thing of all time. You literally, you sent like a 10 minute voice note, and then you were like, but that's about it really, not really many updates.

That was literally the craziest 10 minutes of my life. I do feel like I'm living in a sitcom right now. It's chaos. And I was saying, when I was asking for your updates and you were like, everything was just, it was chaos, it was intense, all the stuff. And I was like, just don't even think about what is happening. Don't try and find clarity in it. Don't start analysing.

Don't think about it. Just do it. Just experience it. Because in the first few days, it's just going to be too chaotic to even make sense of. Which genuinely was quite like, I was sort of clinging to those words quite a lot. Because I feel like the instinct is to be like, thing happened like this isn't right or like that thing happened this amazing or whatever and then it's actually like you get to it it's like or like you've really just got to experience it like you cannot be making forming opinions why do you think you're in a point to be like coming up with like your thoughts yeah no and that's what I mean by you've been like the whole time.

I haven't though. But you feel more like, you feel, yeah, like you're coming in to chat like more comfortably today. I really enjoyed the weekend, like it was sort of social and nice and like I went to the cinema, like I'm back in my routines, you know. Back in your old culture a little bit. I think genuinely everything felt so unfamiliar. Well it is, it's like you've gone into a new house, new place, new city, new people, new unit. Not a single thing continued. Nothing was familiar. But then I did use the word culture shock to Lizzie and she was like get a fucking grip. No it is a culture shock.

I was like oh god I'm mortified. No culture shock is not just explicitly culture shock. No I know but it's almost like the culture is literally the exact same. Norwich. The culture of Norwich is so shocking. I'm honestly it's so different from Oxford. Oh and also I'm gagging to go so maybe next week there'll be a Norwich trip for me. I honestly need you here. I need to be there. I honestly need backup. I'm so excited for you to be here. Also because I now know the cool places to go. I really want to go. It's a really nice city. I think also I'm particularly liking it in the like master-y vibe because it has like a cosy kind of like coffee shop literary, autumn-y vibe. It's not your undergrad vibe. It's not. It's definitely not. It's giving

writers a retreat almost. Oh wow. Which is, whoa. Which is quite nice, like that's what it gives, but then I am also. You're really selling it, it's like, am I gonna turn up next week with my bags? I really want you to. I would love that so much. But then I feel like I'm also really craving a week of normality, like this tomorrow.

Yeah. I'm going to London, I'm seeing Wing, I'm going to Bryson for a few days, which I feel like I'm just really craving like to'm seeing Wing, I'm going to Bryson for a few days, which I feel like I'm just really craving like to... Some of the old stuff. You know, be in the office and go to a ridiculous event and get some free food. Yeah, yeah.

That would be great. That does sound quite good. Sounds amazing. Okay, so change of pace now. Yeah. We're speaking about old men. Ew. And why they're so grim. Yeah. We're speaking about old men. Ew. And why they're so grim.

Yeah. I guess. Okay, so we obviously had a really interesting conversation in the last ep on Monday. Obviously it was really interesting, goes without saying. And today hopefully we can follow it up with another really interesting conversation. Yeah.

But we asked on the story for your thoughts on age gap relationships and Leonardo DiCaprio and the like and I just saw this message this response and I was like I'm not gonna tell you yet Sefi I want to deliver it on the pod yeah I'm dying to hear this all right it's just it's something we've spoken about a lot and it's just fucked up. Okay so, this person said Well it's just like, ooo I hate. Okay, this person said hinge and age gaps. I'm uncomfortable when the man intentionally sets the age low. This is fascinating I think because it's not just, it's not unspoken, it's not under the radar. You've intentionally, actively

scrolled through the, yeah, you've set an age specifically. You did that on purpose. You didn't just accidentally fall in love with a 21 year old. Exactly, I think that's also it. Like the whole age gap relationship. You have to hold your hands up. It's not, I feel like so much of it is

under the guise of like, oh, we didn't mean for this to happen. They're cowardly about it. It's pretty- And you have to really say it with your chest on a dating app if you're looking for younger girls. In a way, it's like, at least it's fucking owning it. It's like, I'm a perv and I'm fucking owning it rather than under this thing of like,

I didn't mean to fall in love with a 21 year old as a 50 year old. But the fact that you could, it says enough. Yeah, which is more insidious, yeah. It says it all. The fact that both of them are normalised. Is really worrying isn't it? It is, yeah. It's intriguing. I saw, I guess it must have been a real, I dread to think it probably was actually a YouTube short. Yeah I bet it was. But you hang out on the dregs of the internet. I bet it was. But it was two people, it was like a shot of a sort of old man's face

and a shot of like a young girl's face and it was like she was like I don't know he had like graying hair I'll put it that way and she was like a beautiful young girl. And it was like it said sorry I keep coughing I don't know why I don't even have a cough. I keep sneezing and I don't have a sneeze. Do you keep sneezing? Yeah I haven't sneezed in the episode though just today I've just been sneezing a lot and I thought oh no I'm gonna get ill. I keep thinking oh god I'm getting ill. Yeah. Not a good feeling. It's not good we'll see you tomorrow. I don't feel good I keep getting to about 5pm and being like oh my god I think I'm getting ill and getting into bed and being like I feel fine now. I keep having a thing

where I wake up in the night and I'm gulping and I'm like oh my throat is sore. Oh god. But I don't, my throat is bad. Anyway sorry. I'm like terrified my knees are shaking oh I don't know what it is maybe I just need some water I don't know yeah maybe you're there I'm gulping like fish I'm really going and then I'm like horrible. And then I'm like, oh, my throat is sore. I don't know. That's absolutely horrible. Yeah. Anyway, this old man and this young woman,

the TikTok said, it was just like shots of their faces and it was like, I don't know word for word, but it was like, when you are soulmates but were accidentally born in wrong universal timelines. Oh, fuck off. And I was like, okay. Looked at the comments immediately and they were all just being like, okay, you're getting creative now guys.

Okay, so you're really getting creative about how you're going to justify this weird situation. Soulmates born on wrong timelines. Okay. If it's the wrong timeline, then just walk away. You have to accept. If it's the wrong timeline and you can see that it's the wrong timeline Then you have to admit that it's the wrong timeline and that's even the language even the language. We're in wrong time I like it. Oh, I know what I I just get this feeling me and sort of James Dean wrong wrong time

I know that's a guy that fucking died like Me and Marilyn Monroe we were just gonna be best friends. If only people could see that we were just on the wrong timeline. Shut up. That's just someone you're obsessed with from fucking years ago mate. It's Marilyn Monroe. It's like yeah that's just a 19 year old. Yeah exactly you're just an old pervy man and that's just a 19 year old girl. you're not in fucking- it's a very common timeline in fact. yeah you're not uh age of adeline. it's not back to the future! you're not in the film! no. you're just a pervy old man. it's tragic. it's tragic. it's so tragic. wait what do you think is worse? okay so i think what a lot of people and just generally I guess through all topics would say and how they feel

For example men saying that age low on dating apps. Yeah, is they literally haven't thought about it They've never had like a conscious thought about it. Yeah, and they kind of just skim the surface and they think oh, yeah I just kind of like girls who are about 25 or whatever when they're like 40 or maybe even I guess old Really quite angering isn't it already? But I think the thing that's interesting is the the lack of like you've never actually thought about it You know, I've never you've never questioned it. Yeah, it's like people do it all the time with so many different things Oh, I just like for example, I've always just shaved my legs. I just like the way it feels and it's like yes and yes and patriarchy. literally. like yes I'm sure you do think 25 year old girls are hot and because of all these reasons. yes like it's not that simple.

I think that is one of my biggest frustrations in life and there's so many ways we all do that all the time but I think I'm glad that you brought up the shaving thing because that's something that like it's something that just really goes without saying. You think I'm gonna be this person if I lived in a void? No obviously not. Obviously not you wouldn't be shaving hair off your legs it's mental. I'm not going to be shaving my legs. Obviously you wouldn't be finding like I think maybe they justify it in the way that I was almost like I could feel my brain doing it as well, of like, oh but of course they're sort of programmed to find like fertile young women attractive. But also then it kind of goes both ways of like, yes and women are

attracted to fertile young men but that's not the pattern. Exactly. The pattern is young women going out with old men. I also just find that any conversation about fertility just really wigs me out because I just think it's such a dangerous path to go down the X-Grid. The whole biological clock, it even got mentioned in the last week's episode. We know that it's like, it's not a myth at all, it's real. But the fact that men's biological clock is not discussed in the same way. Nobody cares.

It's not seen as a matter of urgency to them. And it's also having a child is not seen as a matter of their worth. So it is just completely separate. Like you can't really talk about women's fertility without talking about men's desire. Totally, whoa, what a great, wow. God, gearing up for my workshop.

Yeah, that was quite impressive. You can't really talk about, without talking about men's desire. So true though. Honestly, God, she's kind of smart. So true, she's onto something. No, it is so freaking true. And I saw a thing recently that was like a graph of men's fertility

And like the biological clock of a man in Reproduction and it was like something over all men over the age of 30 the rate of like all of these things just goes up Yeah, possibly. It's not that the biological clock isn't real it's just the way that we talk about and the way that we've presented a biological truth as a tool to like, oppress women and scare women and scare little girls to be honest. Yeah. Is really fucked up. I'm a little girl, I'm scared.

I really actually am in my core. Genuinely. What's I find? I don't know. Okay, let's find some more. Yeah. Okay, I actually saw something recently and I haven't looked into it. So it feels like the perfect thing to talk about on a podcast. Somebody said they're gross if any of the participants are under 25. Sorry, say it again.

Age gap. Oh shit. Oh age gaps are gross. Okay. Yeah. I thought they just meant like, sex in general. It's gross. Older person, I guess. They're like older person. It's gross if any of the participants is under 25. And I just wanted to talk about the concept of 25. Because I saw- Oh yeah, I'd love to. Yeah, which we have been talking about, I guess. Maybe too much. But I saw something, and I haven't looked into it literally at all but I've been thinking

about it and I've thought to myself I want to look into that but I haven't yet but I thought I'd share it with you guys first so we can all think about it together. The idea of like the frontal lobe. Totally, yeah. Developing it. I was trying to sort of say that in the last episode but I couldn't remember that it was called the frontal lobe so I just called it the brain. And well to be honest the brain and the prefrontal cortex but I think a lot of this is a again like talking about how truths and like biological truths and scientific truths are

represented and spoken about like how the narratives can turn things or manipulate things to be it just misrepresents things but something about about the brain and being 25 and this idea that, especially now, like we, it's like the... it's such a bit at the moment, it's such a bit to be like, my brain has developed now, I'm over 25. Or like, I'm just, you know, my brain hasn't developed because I'm 21 therefore I can do whatever. Like it's such a... it's like a pop culture moment that everyone's talking about. it's a thing at the moment in a way that it wasn't before. but apparently the research they only studied participants up to the age of 25. oh wow. but that doesn't necessarily say that the brain

would get more developed would continue to develop as you get older, for example. It doesn't speak about the finality, it didn't say like, okay, and at 25 years old the brain has concluded its growth. I think they were researching them up to the age of 25 and saw the development change, but didn't continue the research to older participants. I'm probably butchering that, but it's something of that. Something of that ilk is like, the research doesn't necessarily say, apparently this is, I hate doing this, I really, really hate doing this, but I'm just passing on the message of like, through the grapevine apparently, there could be more

to that story. And I do think that is interesting in the way that we all talk about like, what's expected of us at 25 and it almost, I don't know, like when I think about the idea that it might be scientifically true that at 50 years old a woman's brain is still developing. it makes so much sense obviously. totally. why would it not be? why would it not be? are you only studying it up to 25? I'm so confused. like just this sort of thing right? like just the idea that this probably isn't true but almost in my mind,

the way that I view humans is like, yeah, your brain is super malleable and like squishy as a kid and you can take in, you sponge in all of this stuff and whatever. But I also think old people are nuts and we don't know what we're doing here and we're changed every day. Every day we're changed by the things that we experience and like you are always learning and maybe not positively but you're always changing

i think even if it feels like you're staying the same for years and years or you meet someone you think oh they're the same they always have been they maybe are getting more and more miserable or they're like changing for the worse every day and you're just not seeing it. I just think it makes a lot of sense to think of like older people as dumb fluid baby brains. yeah I like that. me too. yeah. me too. what were they talking about in regards to like an old age gap relationship? well they said they're gross if any of them. a huge gap relationship. Even that term. Yeah. Age gap relationship. Yeah. It's just almost like, shall we call it what it is? Go on then. Oh, I dunno. UGH. I think that like, there's so much nuance here of like,

there can be so many relationships with an age gap, whatever, that are functioning healthy and all of these things. I'm not against that in any way. What I do have massive critique for, is the continuous pattern of old men dating young women and the paedophilic culture that we live in. Especially when it comes to if a woman was to date someone literally three years younger than her it would be questioned and like what the fuck, there'd be eyebrows raised. Because women are seen as inferior cute little

accessories for men. Like they just still really are and that the whole thing just proves it, that like the idea of a woman being older, i.e. dominant in some way, makes people so so so fucking uncomfortable. I completely agree with you. I also think it's the thing of like, yeah I'm not saying that these functional healthy relationships in people of different ages can't exist, but I would propose that it's more of an anomaly than what the current culture presents. Yeah, I think it's more rare than what has been normalized. I think at the moment we see tons and tons of really unhealthy, scary, dangerous dynamics. And some of them, some relationships can be healthy, yes, but there's so much room and I would argue the majority of the time it just isn't like that. And I think the willingness to plead naive to the

amount of exploitative, dangerous dynamics that are happening in age gap relationships is really sad and silly, annoying. I think it almost seems so obvious. When you really, almost like if an alien was to see it, a newborn baby or a child or whatever, they'd be like, that's weird. But almost we have become really immune to it

because I think we've seen the like sexualization of young women and like that sort of predatory behaviour from men is just really normalized as well that you kind of end up i think we're all a bit confused and lost within it but like it actually when you boil it down it is pretty simple. it should be quite simple i think the thing that also i'm gonna okay so i'm gonna present a hypothetical which is a real living situation that a lot of people Live in and maybe even yeah, you harry listening have experienced something of like this. I would love to know more about it because I God, I okay. Yeah, so I can't imagine being in this situation

Okay, but it happens where people's parents date someone the same age or even younger as their child. That's insane. I, that to me is the kind of thing of like you're on hinge and you've set your age at 21 even though you're a 45 year old man. But it's really like, you don't see your child as human almost. Well this is the thing that I think it surely raises questions. Like we're gonna get in the car together and I'm gonna be 25 and you're gonna be 55 and I'm gonna know that you're fucking a 25 year old and that raises questions. Like

it's really difficult. I think it's surely like it's all fun and games until you're confronted with your child surely. I don't think they think like that. I don't... I don't think they're thinking that. Like, I... Yeah, no, I think... First of all, I know some people that that's happened to. And I just think my heart goes out to anyone who's like... parent is going out with someone that's assimilating them.

That is so difficult and like... really scary if they're not willing to like discuss that and stuff like that's really sad and just like a shame. And just difficult and like you're so in your rights to feel weird about that. Oh my god. And also my like advice, not that I really have any, but like when it's someone like say it's your dad or someone like that. Yeah I would say really really really try and like humanise them and like get them to humanise you like have a conversation would do but like I think the only thing that would get me through that is like rather than seeing it as like a pattern seeing it as like why they have chosen to do that as an

individual yeah because it is a weird move like it definitely speaks to like larger issues I think oh my god totally it totally does it's just it such... it's anything with parents obviously really difficult because I just think it hits the hardest but yeah I find that more confronting because I don't know why it almost feels like there's an expectation of like almost how... yeah I guess it's just how are you sleeping at night because I guess you just... how are you walking around anyway? I'm happy to see women. But yeah it's like this... how are you... what are you gonna do when you're chatting with your

kid and then the person you're dating walks in and they're peers? But I think it also has the added thing of you've clearly had that kid with someone, how old are they now? Did you ditch them for the young one? Of course they did, yeah, of course they did. Oh god, I mean, it's so so shit like that is so so um kind of predictable no it's so it's literally the narrative it's like oh okay so you did this once upon a time she you were told to do yeah the mother probably feared you doing yeah and we all kind of thought that would happen or we all thought that would never happen and then oh yeah you did the exact thing.

You did it yeah and that's the thing with Leonardo DiCaprio that was kind of saying in the last step of like oh my god even if it's not a pattern you just accidentally oops I fell in love with this with this young 19 year old that looks like the 19 year old that I was with before until she got too old and now I'm gonna be with a new 19 year old. Even if it's the most. it's just such a coincidence. Yeah even if it's the most conveniently the most wholesome healthy thing in the world you would still have to reckon with the reality that you are contributing to a narrative that is really... the implications of it are really grim. But also like narrative aside, the implications for that woman are really grim, I think.

Yeah. Like whether she's got agency in that situation or not, I don't know, I would not be surprised if, or you have no fucking clue how she's going to grow up and feel about that thing because you did that, you made these joint decisions with this, under this guise of like we're equals, we're both adults getting into this relationship you're fucking coming from

completely different places one is a 19 year old like aspiring model or actress whatever you are a very established like Oscar winning actor in his 50s you're coming from different fucking places mate yeah yeah and you're running the risk of you're running a risk on her. Feeling weird. Life. Yeah you really are. Her whole life. You really are.

But I think it's all, there's always this idea that's like, oh we're both adults making a decision. It's like, that is so fucking simplified. And like actually not even fucking true. Goodness me. Oh. What? Oh no, I don't want to talk about it. Oh god. Well someone's just said something specifically about their, it's just almost like yeah we're not getting into

that mess. Oh god. Sorry. Sending you love. No no they're not coming with love. Well no no they're not they're not not coming with love but they're oh god I've got myself in a mess. No they're just saying, they're kind of being like, well, I thought this was fine, sort of thing. And it's like, okay, let's just not get into it. Yeah, I don't know. It might be, it might be. Yeah, it might be.

It might be. Oh, but this is sweet. Someone else is saying something nice. Okay, let's do the nice one. We're not gonna have much to say really, but I just, I think it's important to highlight those anomalies that we were talking about and I don't think we should talk about this too much. Yeah. Because it's it kind of just is what it

is. Oh no I did aahhh I don't think we can I don't think we can I don't know I just don't want to like oh sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry. Is someone going down a happy age gap relationship? Well not them but anyway let's just not even go there I'm so sorry guys I'm really ruining this oh sorry sorry sorry but their dad no no we can't because I just don't want to talk about it because okay look what yeah okay fine what we'll say and that little thing that I've just done, tie that up nicely. I personally am quite intrigued what's going on. Yeah, I think it's really, really nice

when those anomalies or those instances where two people find each other and they're happy and healthy, whenever that happens, I'm happy about it. The end. Yeah. The end. Okay. Oh, but now I've made it sound worse than it is. can everyone just pretend I'm not here, right? okay. next point. okay this is a great point to end on. if leonardo de caprio was a woman she would get

destroyed by the internet and also by her peers, I think. who would? leonardo de caprio if she was a woman. oh yeah. if leonardo de caprio was a woman already switching the pronouns, she would get rinsed by the internet and also I think kind of everybody. Yeah, more than just the internet. I actually think it's like, yeah, they wouldn't be working. All of the industry wouldn't be working with them. Yeah. Need I say this kind of has an added element?

Yeah, go on. Woody Allen? Do I need to bring that name into the fucking arena? I hope not. I thought you were going gonna say Aaron Taylor Johnson. So true. And that pretty much, oh I mean they have literally kids so it's like a whole fucking mess there. You need to watch the film May December.

You tell me this every day and I know. I know, I'm sorry. It's not even like THAT good. Like suddenly I become like the fighting soldier for May December. It was better than I thought I was into it It's a good film and it's just really It just handles it. Yeah, it handles an intriguing Topic really interesting way, which I love. Yeah, I love for it to be explored Okay, well, I will I think it's I started watching I got 10 minutes in, I thought I'm not in the right like headspace for it, like I'm almost, I'm not, I wasn't like fully committed in that moment to watching a movie, which look, it's on me, I should

never spit down to watch a movie in that mindset. It happens. But so I thought I'll come back to this when I can fully engage, and then I didn't. I guess, can I be frank with you guys? Yeah. I guess what I'm feeling here, what I'm currently experiencing is a lot of discomfort in speaking.

Okay. I have to be honest. I just, I don't wanna make anyone feel like, I don't wanna annoy you guys, I don't wanna say the wrong thing, like it's everything over all at once, like yes, sometimes it's fine. Like maybe I'm not talking to you or like sometimes it is fucked up. Like, ah, I don't know. Like it's, it's, it's kind of what you're saying is it is difficult because a topic that should be so simple, which is

like people should be decently intentioned and not specifically seek out vulnerable people to exploit when they're coming for a position of power. People that they have like inherent power over. Yeah. That should be simple but this ugly world- It's a minefield. Is really complex and yeah it is a minefield so I just, I don't know, I feel like I've just done nothing but like spew out a load of shit and I started talking about the fucking science stuff about the brain and

that was probably all wrong. What the fuck is going on? I just I just hate being like I hate spreading misinformation. I couldn't help but tell that interesting thing. I think the crux like comes down to the fact like of course we don't want to upset anyone we don't want anyone to be looking at their relationships being like oh my god I'm really happy but now I feel really shit about it since listening to that podcast. I think the thing that this comes down to is we're two girls with opinions talking. They don't have to be your opinions, you can disagree with them, you don't have to take any advice we say, we're literally just talking about our own thoughts on something and I

just think it's a podcast. It's a podcast, right, get over it. Everybody get over it, everybody moved on. But I also love, I get a lot of my advice and my thoughts and things get me thinking. Yeah, these people on the internet that sort of get, they give me little breadcrumbs and I go down these little avenues.

I love it. I love for us to be that, but. Well, I just don't wanna Hansel and Gretel anyone into like the wrong, like oh now you will think that the frontal lobe thing was all a big myth and that wasn't what I was saying. So? The weight of my responsibility. It is and it isn't. Like I, yeah I think if you're interested in the frontal lo line go look it up And if you are thinking about your relationship in a weird way Journal about it. I don't know. Okay. Yeah, no, no, you're like we're sending love. That's all we can do always to be to our detriment

Maybe and also I do completely like I never want anyone to feel shit about anything but I know if you're feeling uncomfortable, there might be a reason and I Think that's what I mean and I think that's worth having that conversation. It's got nothing to do with me. But kind of it's not. No no I know. I genuinely think if I, god I've been uncomfortable in situations before and or like there's been

some things that are pointed out oh yeah like maybe that's a bit weird and then I've thought about it and been like oh yeah blah blah blah. In no way is it the person that's delivered the information or got me thinking about it. Right well it's kind of like what we're gonna do fight about it you come down have a scrap no the conversation like I don't know your life I don't know anything yeah I barely know myself yeah sorry my brain's not developed or maybe it is I don't't know. It's just, I'm supposed to be normal about this. A microphone and people listening and I'm supposed to be normal. That's what you're saying. Bizarre. Okay, um, should we do one more age thing? Or are we done? Okay, maybe it's weird to go back into another, like maybe we just came to a nice end.

Was that nice? I don't know. I feel like i did have something to say but probably not. i have a question for you this is nothing to do with age. okay. but it's something that's happened to me twice recently and i think am i weird for finding this weird? okay go on. twice recently i've been- in norwich where the culture is happening? no once in my hometown and once in Norwich yesterday that it the second time happened I thought okay that's the second time. That's twice now. I felt weird about it still. Okay. It's just a tiny thing so I was in this is the first thing that happened. Yeah. This is my hometown I was in Costa where I would often go and I was like

oh yeah I can't connect to the Wi-Fi like I wanted to get my free drink you know there are points. I wanted to get my free drink and I was like I can't connect to the wifi. Like I wanted to get my free drink. You know, there are points. Wanted to get my free drink. And I was like, I can't connect to the wifi. I was actually being such a cheapskate. I was like, embarrassing. Can you print off the receipt for me? And then I can come back later.

This isn't what I thought it was going to be. Jesus, Stephanie, okay. And like show my points so that I can get my points. And the guy working on the counter took my phone out of my hands and just like connected to the wifi on my phone, like for me. Bear in mind, I obviously could do that. Okay, well that's raising a bit of a question for me, like, it seems like you couldn't.

No, I couldn't! I don't mean to be rude, but it kind of seems like you were struggling to connect to the wifi. I was like, if I just come back later and do it, like, it's not reconnecting right now, can I just get the receipt, print it off, and then I'll come back? Can I basically turn something really simple into something really convoluted for the sake of one Costa point?

Yeah, fair enough. One bean, I believe they call it. And, and kind of thought like, God, I didn't like someone being on my phone, because he was really going through like my phone, like he didn't just like quickly connect. Well yeah, he's finding the settings and stuff. It was almost like, yeah, you're going to settings, which I don't have the app he's going he's finding the settings and stuff it was almost like um yeah you're going to settings which i don't have the

app so you're like typing you're pulling down s e t t and then you're seeing all my like it was just like oh god i just don't really like someone being on my phone there are texts coming through it took about three minutes it's like this is a bit much i think you're on you're very much on my phone oh god yeah it was just a bit like okay i would like my phone back i don't know it just made me think about like how I feel about my phone and then I yesterday I had to connect to this word's gonna bring you back eduroam. eduroam! yeah the wi-fi. Stephie you're really setting off a spark in me that I cannot uh I cannot out I cannot extinguish like It's actually driving me a bit mad like eduroam.

Yeah it was a real like- Something about this is really sending me to another universe. Well I feel like I'm on the other universe genuinely. Oh god it's killing me. It's weird. I think it's just- I think it's autumn as well. It's autumn, it's edgy Rome, it's hitting me. It's exactly the point of the year. It's golden leaves and the rain. Come summer I'll be like, ha ha, so glad that you're the one doing that thing. I'm not involved.

It's honestly, it's nicer in concept than it is in practice, I'll say. Like most things actually, genuinely. Or it's still really nice but it's like just really intense and difficult and hard work at the same time. But yeah so then yesterday when I was going in to connect with Edgeroam I was like hey can I connect to Edgeroam please? And the guy just was like put his hand out as in like give me your phone. So I gave him my phone and he was scrolling around there. He was like, I have like a hinge right at the back, like a little, like almost like

in on its own page. I don't really know why. Like I'm some sort of- Yeah, it's just left there. Yeah. Just that's where it goes. Like I'm sort of some shamed girl. And he was like scrolling around there and I was like, get off my fucking phone.

Going through, like he opened like accidentally clicked on a text like that came through oh sorry about that blah blah blah i don't know both have been men don't know if that's relevant but i do find there's something a little bit like you've got your hands on my dirty knickers like get off my phone like almost he was like do you mind about open safari open safari oh god all my meditations that i do great meditations in the morning which are all like jesus fucking guys they're all like you are i do definitely mind if you open my safari yes i mind it was like god knows what's in there it was like overwhelmed burnout uh meditation no no no no fucking underwear drawer like okay so the thing is that is probably like look he sees a lot of these

No, no, he's like a student guy. Yeah, but he's constantly he's constantly connecting people to edge your own, right? He doesn't care and it's kind of the thing of like going for your smear test And it's like look they see a lot of vulvas like they don't really care But the guy in Costa you're still getting your volvo out and will know he's not trained in that He doesn't know what he's doing. It was just like, give me your phone. I don't know. I just thought it's happened twice now in about two weeks and that's not a thing that ever happens. It's a rare occurrence isn't it? And also there's nothing really on there but it's just almost like, oh god what all my weird notes and like my weird... We have to do an episode on this. Do we? You

guys might think this doesn't have legs but I'm seeing it, I'm seeing the 45 minutes spread out right before my very eyes. I didn't even think it was worth mentioning at the end. It is, I'm- It was just one of those things, I was shocked at my own discomfort with it and I was shocked at the level of personal info he was going through just in like 30 seconds of being on my phone. It was like oh my god you're seeing like so much right now. My insides. The podcast I'm listening to is still at the top. Like it's confronting. Like was I supposed to prepare my phone for this moment? I'm being made aware of how much of my insides I have poured into this tiny little cube of... And that would take me... I couldn't sort of clear it out. Like it's almost like I need all these notes

with all my sort of all my fucking embarrassing like gratitude list in my fucking notes. Where did you see that? God's have me what were they doing in there? It was just like up there's like a fucking preview at the top it's just like oh my god like get out of my brain. Yeah it's get out of my brain. It's like because all that it was was just like you need to scan a QR code That was it and then you connect to edge your iPhone. I think that's the thing is almost why don't you see if I can why don't you let me try first? Literally. And then if I can't fine take it off my hands, but I'm a 28 year old woman

I'm sure I can handle it. 28. Just get out of literally my dating apps. Like that is actually a bit much. Like do not. It's dangerous territory the phone. Yeah, it's a lot. Oh god, it's horrific. Okay. Cool. Well, sorry about that. Can I just quickly say like, sometimes I just, I couldn't get my words out and like, I guess I'm just in a mood that I didn't really realise I was in so... Oh, that's absolutely fine. Thanks. Okay. Absolutely fine. That's fine. Yeah,

we can, yeah. I mean, it happens to the best of us. It does, for example. Okay, all right, let's go. Cool, what if you don't hear from us? Assume the worst. you