Goes Without Saying - harsh truths & tough love advice: podmas #14

Episode Date: December 14, 2023

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ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay?

So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts.

Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho. Ho ho ho. What's behind the door today, Wing? Um, God, I can't remember. What is behind the door? It's advice for our

past selves for our past selves god we need it and we really do need it in my advent calendar today actually i opened the door and they have a little so you get a chocolate on my nomo yeah that's a bit yeah sponsored yeah no so not but i wish it was actually what i do really love is the nomo easter eggs those are really good they have bits of biscuit in the chocolates i like the sound of that that's for the dairy free gals out there yeah good for you guys saving the planet and stuff if you thanks for doing that for me when you open up the thing you get not only the chocolate you get a little picture and they've been a lot of them so it'll be like candle present cute cute things that star things like that and then it's also been a lot of dasher dancer things

like that and today the reindeer was called a comet and i thought oh is that my child's name that's so cool you're gonna call it yeah comet comet deacon are you kidding me a boy oh i was seeing a girl but i like it for a boy mid maybe a middle a middle something comet deacon are you kidding me a boy oh i was seeing a girl but i like it for a boy maybe a middle a middle something comet deacon yeah it's a bit is it a bit comic gromit well that's what i thought i did think grom straight away comic comic gromit gromit it really has a ring a ring to it i heard a fun fact about wallace and gromit actually that and i'm gonna completely tell it wrong so i'm sorry that it's actually not a fact this is just like literally a pure lie it's just gossip but the place where they made basically how they make wallace and gromit none of this is true productions yeah they make it with like plasticine or clay or something yeah from this one place called like it's not wensleydale but

it's called something like that wensleydale wallace's favorite cheese yeah it's called something like that i swear but then that factory this is not true but that factory is closing down they've only got enough to make like one more thing with it and then that will be the last thing they ever make of wallace and gromit yeah that's all fact oh my god that's crazy i heard this from somebody um they are in bristol aardman good for them yeah i walked past this big building the other day and it had a huge statue of gromit outside of it and i was like oh my god that's an eyesore no no it was iconic it was so cool it was like on a big balcony this big like thing of gromit and i was like oh my god that must be the aardman house but then

the person i was with my friend said no i think that's where the creator of aardman lives but i think that's speculation this is pure speculation um did the people who made wallace and grommet did they make chicken run yeah and flushed away and flushed away famously was the first one that they did that was um not stop animation that was like done on a that was digital digitally done not wow got all these facts yeah clever girls we are oh my goodness everything out of my when it comes to wallace and grom we know what we're on about no you're the expert but i did like chicken run i hated chicken room i think it was like my vegetarian blood running through me oh okay i found it so

harrowing i'm so sorry to bring up chicken dying i think i've only literally seen it once in my life and it stayed with me so much and then my little sister was watching it that's about two years ago and she had it on and she was liking it as a little meat eater that she is watching that chicken die yeah dominate the space henry the eighth yeah exactly divorce beheaded died she was watching these chickens get beheaded and i watched it again i was i wonder if it's as bad as i remembered because it actually makes my blood run cold to think about that image wow so chickens get beheaded there's a bit where there's a i remember there's an image of an axe and i think you know what's going on oh you can tell you can read between the lines no no i think the chicken i think they quite explicitly say the chicken dies but i think i what i remember is

there's an image of an axe like after it's happened oh my god and it actually is making me feel a bit funny now i'm thinking about it like veggie propaganda i think yeah it was absolutely horrific because they make them into pies don't they in chicken but i remember it going in so so so deep i was probably already a vegetarian by this point yeah but it was freaking me out and then i re-watched and i thought okay it's not as terrible as i thought it was but god it does stay with me that i hate that one jeez i'm sorry for bringing it up but there's a new one coming out that i'm quite excited for yeah i think it is out is it out oh i think so on netflix i'm excited for that though because we're gonna be i think it'll be interesting to see how the meat industry has changed since that like it's definitely not farmers with an axe killing a

chicken i'm definitely gonna be interested to see how they do that it's what is the plot of the original chicken run it's on a farm but i just need to know this it's chickens on a farm right and they are getting killed to be made into meat pies. And they're trying to escape. I'm pretty sure. That's a shame. A shame? Yes. Well, it's a shame they're trying to escape. Or the shame that they're being made into meat pies.

It's a shame that it's so gruesome. I don't know. Look, I actually have really not got a reliable memory on this, but I remember an image of an axe and absolutely my stomach turning. I trust you. So, advice, anyway advice anyway yeah don't watch chicken run what are we talking about here advice for our younger selves how the hell did we get on chicken run well it's a comic grommet comic grommet jesus christ bloody hell never know what's gonna

happen hijinks ensues hijinks ensues well do you have any advice for your past self i don't know do you wouldn't mind you kicking us off while i just kick back and relax yeah let me think how young are we going i don't know because we're going back to chicken run age i mean that's pretty far that's pretty bad i've got no chance yeah why don't we do for the last like should we do for the year oh wow so quite recent selves whoa that changes things yeah it does massively go on because then you're not speaking to a child that's quite abstract it's like okay i'm talking to myself a year ago that was me like five minutes ago bloody hell all right let's do that well i realized i was looking through my calendar i don't know whether i've said this yet or not on the podcast but i was looking through

my calendar um to kind of run through the year because I was I was trying to think like what has happened this year what have I done like let me actually think of like this yeah what like how did I get here yeah um and I was like going through and I was like oh my god this time last year I don't know whether it's still true because it's about a week ago yeah this time last year I was living in London still that's crazy and that feels mental because that feels so long ago like that really feels like a different life yeah that is so crazy to me that a year ago i was there like i was probably packing my bags at this time but i was still there so i think paddington huh you were a little paddington i was such a little part in your bag yeah and then my van cancelled on me do you remember oh i really do it was horrific i'd booked a van that it had been booked for a month probably two

months for this specific day and i was waiting and waiting and waiting for it to arrive all my stuff packed up and the girl that was moving into my room was downstairs ready to move up texting me from downstairs being like when can i move in it's like oh god I need to get this van to arrive I phoned the van people they I was on hold for about two hours then they were like yeah no no uh let me check yeah no it's not coming and it's like what do you mean oh my god it was horrendous and then the guy on the phone said to me this is a bit that sent me over the edge he was like also crucial context I was actually hung over on this day so I wasn't feeling great so doing all of this and then he after being on hold for so long he was like yeah it's not coming and i'm really sorry but i know that is stressful but please just try just try and have a good day

and it's like what are you talking about he does not know who he's talking you ruined my day are you kidding me you ruined everything what are you joking are you actually joking oh good i mean that was a stress it was awful so that was me a year ago but i would yeah i would say um what would i say i think my advice is really boring because it's always the same advice for myself and i think it's the same advice i would give actually to my childhood self just relax calm down enjoy look around like i think i'm always so worried about the future and i take everything so deep and i'm like what does that mean like everything has a meaning of like what does that that's is that a threat is that something like i'm always anxious going

through my life and it's like actually just relax and i know it's easy to say in hindsight when i know that everything's fine and blah blah blah but it's like actually so many fun things happen this year where i've also just been completely in my head during those fun things yeah it's like actually just fucking relax like you don't need to be perfect you don't need everything to work out how you want it to work out like spoiler it won't everything will be different to how you thought it would and that is the best thing because kind of life is actually better than you your imagination like you can't plan things and that's a good thing but try and relax into it and it will just be more fun what helps you relax into it i think zooming out is my favorite

activity on earth on this planet is remembering that i am on a planet and that is a crazy thing pinch the screen then zoom out yeah yeah that's kind of what i do zoom zoom zoom out remember where i am and also remember kind of when i am like on the timeline of like i have however many fucking million ancestors and all of this stuff like i'm and there will be people in the future along my line of sort of family or whatever the comets and the grommets there'll be the comets and the grommets and there'll be all of the people in there and it's crazy to think of this tiny blip that we're in now where it's like oh god it's i have somehow met you and we're doing this thing. And like, I have a bedroom that I'm in with all the things that I have accumulated during my life.

Like, yeah. And one day that will all be gone. And it's like all of this stuff will either be in a tip somewhere or passed along to different people. Like, I find this so comforting. It's like all of this this stuff is temporary and that is so freeing and actually stunning yeah it's so comforting i agree with you that zooming out is the best thing but thinking of all of your stuff in a tip well it all belongs to different people passed on that it depends what because you're not here alive anymore that brings it depends what my people do with it like are they going to take it to charity shop are they going to burn it can i have some if i'm still here nothing to do with it. Like, are they going to take it to charity shop? Are they going to burn it? Can I have some if I'm still here? Nothing to do with me. I'll take some things.

ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. He's so gay. These rams are gay. I'm got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay?

So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts.

ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts. Everywhere. ACAST.com. There's nothing to do with me. It's just like, yeah, let it... What about Dogger? Dogger will be in a museum one day. He's right here. Oh, so good. Can I own the museum?

Yeah. I think it will be the Seffian Wing Museum. Okay, yeah. You don't have a teddy, do you i'll get you one little life for me thank you it's too late now i'm too fucking old it's everything no because it's not really no it is no because think about like for example iconic teddy bear ellie belly molly may's teddy she only got that quite late in life oh really she got that in love i thought ellie belly what i thought ellie billy had been around for you i think tommy got it for molly may no that can't be right i think that's right because that's quite that's iconic teddy bear status i need to know the like she's gonna be in the museum it's really like there's a scene in salt burn this is no

spoilers but there's a moment where um barry keoghan says to jacob elordi he pulls a picture of jacob elordi off the side when he's a kid and he's like oh there's a picture of you it's so cute yeah there aren't any pictures of me when i was younger and i'm like that's actually me i thought of you in that scene actually because that's something you always say that there's no photos and i thought that's such an interesting thing that they put in saltburn such a fucking interesting film you have to see it oh we could go on but it's such an interesting like the class element of there being like childhood photos is so it's very like um perceptive of someone that i don't know um emerald flannell i assume is upper

middle class yeah so for her to put that in it's like very it's very perceptive it's very perceptive yeah i had me written all over it sad face tiny violin etc etc yeah um okay i love the perspective um reminder because i think it is literally like it's an evergreen reminder you always need it it's like every five minutes i'll be like fuck what was i supposed to do again yeah the only problem is i can't remember what i forgot yeah it's like i actually i know always that i need to just zoom out like take a minute it's not that deep like get some perspective but when you're in it it's so fucking hard but that's why you need it exactly because it stops everything it stops you in your tracks to actually remember the reality because it does sound so brutal it's like this is not this is not forever this is temporary you are

a blip it feels it stops you it's like oh god and i'm worried about missing my bus oh excuse you it's almost like let's remember the joy of the moment it's like it doesn't matter if you miss the bus yeah yeah it doesn't matter i promise you and there'll be bigger fish to fry there are along the line more bigger than the bus bigger than we could ever imagine i also think and there'll be bigger fish to fry there are along the line more bigger than the bus bigger than we could ever imagine i also think and it's kind of similar to that but something i do in a way to like give me perspective is almost like i feel like i view other people strangers just like friends other people in life with a certain lens that i like suddenly remove for myself i almost feel like i can see that everyone else is like a human being with like lives and like complex emotions and experiences and like god

that must be so hard for you but then the minute i look at myself i'm like what the fuck is wrong with you you fucking idiot like pull yourself together sort of thing and i feel like looking at myself through almost just like i have a kind of lens for other people like i judge myself in a way that is just like really really bizarre i don't judge anyone else even close to that like it's really interesting yeah like i look at other people most often with almost like an admiration of like why can they do it and i can't sort of thing i feel like that i navigate life looking at other people almost for help i'm like looking i'm like trying to mimic what you guys are like oh this is how you walk this is how you talk like i'm like i'm not supposed to be here um and

sometimes when i zoom out i'm like you're you're actually like you're a girl you're here on this earth like kind of makes sense that you'd be feeling like a little bit rough when you think about yeah you know you got this this and this going on and suddenly it makes more sense but it's tough to zoom out i think it is and also it doesn't come naturally at all when you're stressed the last thing you want to do but i do think it's really necessary i don't mean that you have to zoom out to the um the boundaries of the universe that is obviously quite an incomprehensible weird thing to do in your daily life i actually wouldn't recommend it like and i i couldn't do that but i

do think it's really necessary when the stress is building and building like and you can feel yourself getting worked up over missing the bus or whatever it is yeah like reminding yourself like you've got time and your feelings are valid it's okay like you don't really have to do the thing like sometimes what we always do when we are getting stressed about for example when we we do a thing sometimes where we're like i just need to record i need to record like we just need to do it we need to do it even though it's like most often wing will be like throwing up or something like it will be like she's ill or like or i'm just not in the mindset or whatever it is like there'll be a strong reason where it's like one of us feels like ill to do it like we can't do it yeah and we're and the instinct when you feel like you can't do something it doesn't have to be a podcast or it say it's you're gonna miss your friend's birthday party yeah it could

be something like actually legitimate you're throwing up you feel sick or like you feel anxious whatever the hell it is your friend's birthday is coming up and you think oh i have to go i have to go i just there's no way i can't go to that you zoom out of it it's like you really in a very real way can miss that party the consequences will be potentially there there'll be minor i'm sure of your friend might be like oh that was a bit shit that you weren't there oh i was ill okay that's fine whatever i'll feel fomo whatever it is really when you zoom out of these things that you're feeling stressed about it's like they are quite small a lot of them anyway and also like you're tough enough to deal with it yeah that's enough you are tough enough to get through it like i think when you're in that moment

of like fuck i'm gonna miss my bus etc etc the stress is so real because you're like fuck that's gonna be difficult to cope with and it probably even even if it is difficult to cope with you will still cope yeah like you will still do it how many missed buses have you coped with in the past exactly like the worst that's gonna happen is it's gonna be really fucking shit and then like the days and weeks will pass yeah and you'll slowly stop thinking about it and you'll move on to new stresses that's the good thing about life guys there's always something worse always yeah don't get caught up in this yeah you've got there's more on the way do you the other day i had i was coming back from wings house and this was an insane journey everything went wrong and I was unfortunate series it was such an unfortunate series of events like I it was to the thing where

it was like this I can't see outside of it like I'm frustrated I'm kind of uncomfortable everything so I left wings house at about six and I didn't get home till about half eleven. It was actually insane. It was so bad. Like, no, it wasn't nothing to do with you. It was the trains. Like I was going all over the place. I got to my station and every single train back from London was cancelled. It was insane.

It was like, oh my God, I'm going to have to get a coach. It was the craziest journey I've had. I went all over Londonondon sort of thing trying to get home it was not nice but i did manage it and i had to go pick up my car from the station at the end of it like from a different station like it was just so so much not good not fucking really not good and when you're in that sort of panic and stress it's like everything feels like i'm gonna cry i'm so angry like oh my god everyone is in my way I'm so frustrated I'm hungry I need a wee like everything is bad but I got home I slept I had a good night's sleep yeah and to be honest haven't thought about it again and that's what I sometimes feel like

with all these stressful kind of life things life kind of admin being stressful like the printer's not working in the office I'm gonna fucking kill someone this printer oh my god then it prints you don't think about it again it's like there's so much stuff that we get worked up about like so fucking worked up about and it's like actually as soon as it's fine you never think about it again so wouldn't it be nice just to keep that perspective throughout and not get worked up about it because you know at some point it's gonna be okay it is gonna be okay and i think so much of that feeling is so biological interestingly it's almost like um kind of like if an actor needs to like cry or have a bit of an emotional scene they'll manipulate their breath and kind of go like yeah doing really shallow breaths to like

encourage their kind of fight or flight like encourage their physical being encourage their body to start crying to like push you into that state of like okay we need some adrenaline like something's going wrong yeah and manipulating your breathing pushes you to that state that it's almost like if you're in that stressful moment and you can take some nice deep breaths yeah which maybe we should do one now okay a little holding hand moment let's breathe in in and out so nice very nice sometimes you forget it's like oh i should breathe i have lungs i'm a human i need to breathe i'm a sort of machine i was born to do it oiled the machine yeah just look up and i think in the way that it's like if that can be so useful for an actor who's trying to cry is to start mimicking that kind of shallow breath of like that panicky feeling

that that can physically bring on tears yeah in that moment when you're sat trying to find the right train and everything's cancelled or everything's going wrong and the printer's not working manipulating your breathing in like a positive way i think we almost think it's kind of what we were saying before about like only when the consequences are negative do we take them seriously like it's almost like i only believe in the spiral if it's a negative spiral like i don't believe that do you know what i mean it's kind of the thing um that i was saying that neuroscientist said the other day that was like um what's the best outcome that could happen here yeah and it's like yeah that is

totally is a different spiral that sets you on a different thought trajectory totally because it's like if i can identify negative spirals if i can identify that that one shitty habit led to the next bad decision and then i before i knew it i was in the circle of depression yeah it's terrible i'm spiraling i'm spiraling why is it so hard for me to believe that i could also stack up a few positive habits that could then lead me into a yeah positive spiral why is that so because we're such a ridiculous thought we're programmed to see the yeah for the negative bias it's so interesting yeah humans are not we didn't evolve by seeing the positive we we evolved from seeing threat and what if we just tried

what if we just tried guys like just just us as a team what if uh like we can leave like let everyone everyone else can keep doing their thing yeah but just like between us over here should we make an effort i think we should i think we should stunning that's so stunning happy podcast you're really getting a uh you're getting a bizarre side of me at the moment not like i'm oh my god i'm being so random and crazy here i don't think we are like no but not like that almost like i i'm definitely giving off sleepiness so i'm not getting sleepy i mean you just dropped some um hits in that really am i breaking ground yeah shifting it shifting it anyway. Okay. Okay, good. Cool, well if you don't hear from us,

assume we slayed too hard. Assume we slayed too hard. That's so embarrassing. Yeah, it is. Also, I really, I'm not happy with it, but we've stuck with it now.