Goes Without Saying - how to start a new chapter: omw to my "???" era

Episode Date: August 28, 2022

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The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com It goes without saying you're listening to Goes Without Saying with Sefi and Wing. This is Wing. Oh, hi. And Ozzy's here too.

Ozzy's here as well. You don't get anything out of him. Yeah, it'd be good if he woofed then, but... That would be good. Should I make him growl're good if he worked then but that would be good it would be great but get him to growl give us a growl ozzy she's putting her hand in his mouth you know you want to give us a growl ozzy he won't ozzy's here too he's too happy he's just listened to an hour of amazing content about fresh starts and how to start new in your life this is great if you're going through a bit of a change in your life for example you're starting

a new job you're starting a new year in school you're going through a breakup any kind of change that you're going through in life I feel like this would make you feel quite peaceful and like it's all okay it's on your timeline it's all good because that's kind of how I feel right now and I feel like that's how Ozzy feels right now yeah it's the vibe I'm getting um so enjoy well how are you I'm all right how are you I'm good I feel quite um rough I'm a bit hung over but I've set up quite the like pillow land that I'm in so I'm feeling all right marshmallow land oh couldn't sound better that sounds really good

weird vibes today yeah yeah I think we I do feel like we're in sync though like I feel like we're both in a similar we're both in the weird vibe mindset but it's definitely a strange place. Does that make it better or worse? I don't know there's no one to save us if we start sinking. Yeah um okay let's just get straight in I feel like at some point I'm sure I will catch everyone up with my life but I will say for right now I'm definitely in a time of big life changes yeah yeah all good things but also just crazy like overwhelming quite knackering I'm so tired kind of things yeah um and actually I did say this to you already Sefi but I think it has a place on the pod that i keep having these recurring dreams yeah yeah yeah which i'm not really one for recurring dreams really are you no all my dreams are just me like trying to seduce like john snow or something yeah

just the man changes but i've always got the same mission oh who was I oh god you'll never guess who was in my dream the other week who it's someone you hate it's someone you despise what the hell you're gonna hate it I hate it for me in what way were they in your dream they were just a feature they were just a feature but I just didn't love them being there who do I hate okay let me get it you have recently said you hate them on the podcast yeah you said i think you might have said i hate him you definitely use the hate word it's like donald trump boris johnson who do i hate worse i'm joking i'm joking i'm joking i'm sure he's i'm sure he's absolutely fine but you didn't like him i have no fucking idea i wonder if anyone's guessing

huh i wonder if anyone can guess guess someone that i would in what context are they like i'm guessing they're famous well they've recently have risen to stardom yeah you could say that they got famous are they like um from a film well they had a very famous summer fling you could say summer fling with someone that i absolutely adore all of a sudden and i have said that i adore her who the fuck is having some like why would i know this everyone on the edge of their seat well you're gonna have to tell it's a riddle it's a tom riddle well maybe could you give me a cluedle it's a tom riddle well maybe could you give me a clue they've had a summer fling recently

the most famous types of summer flings you can have a holiday where do you where do you go for a summer fling and fame i don't know paris where do you go to find love and fame, Sefi? Oh, we go to Hollywood. No! I don't know. Why would you go there? Love and fame? Love and fame.

Think about it. Think about it. If we're the CEOs of Shitty Little Thing. And I wanted love and fame. Yeah. We'd go together. Well, I'd probably go to like New York. What the fuck is this riddle you're gonna kick yourself everyone must know at this point is it in england is it in england or i'm thinking america it's not in america is in where the fuck is it then? Somewhere in Europe, I think. Paris? No.

Venice? No. Rome? No. You're not quite on the right track there. I'm trying to go to cities of love. All right, let me give you another clue. Let me give you another clue. You're trying to get famous.

You go to Venice. You've gone totally to the wrong place. Right, let me give you a clue. Let me think. All right. someone i hate that is trying to get love and fame what is the you might as well be saying it's literally the tagline i feel like um you're gonna have to give me more you bring your water bottle your personalized water bottle you get your clothes off is andrew and tasha from love island i love that personalized water bottle got me oh my god yeah andrew is in my

dream love and fame love and fame classic we're CEOs classic love and a pretty little thing deal yeah god deary me what about them andrew was in my dream that was all andrew was in your dream what was he doing i don't know no he wasn't thank god he wasn't no he was definitely up to no good but i don't know i don't care to investigate but anyway that's not the recurring dream that i have fucking hell what an intro sorry about that beginning it's great it's great um recurring dream i'm gonna take it really boring now my recurring dream is that and i first had it when we first did the merch actually which i know everyone's gonna be like you're a fucking loser like a group it's not a big deal but in my i was really i was in turmoil i was in turmoil tossing and turning

and the dream was that and they're kind of following the general gist of i'm either at the airport or i need to go to the airport i've got a flight i'm gonna miss my flight i'm packing up my things there's not enough room in my luggage i've lost my luggage i can't find who i'm with you're feeling unprepared for something in your life i'm unprepared for a big move into a new i'm taking flight you're going on a journey you're going on a journey yeah and you're feeling stressed the fuck out about packing your bag you're late you've forgotten things you're not ready oh god it's not great basically your subconscious being like sort your shit out you need to be prepared for this thing 100 i had that dream last night um which you're gone i know

i i have a similar one but mine's about like i always have been like stage yeah i'm always going on stage i forget my lines yeah always which i feel like is just like a variation it's just almost like i'm on stage being like i don't know what i'm supposed to say and i feel like that always shows up again in that like it's a signal to me if i have that dream and there's like this one director that i used to have when i did like a lot of acting she's always there and she was super scared me and she's always there very disappointed in me um because there was one point where i bought my script on stage and she sh super scared me and she's always there very disappointed in me um because there was one point where i bought my script on stage and she shouts at me oh yeah you did say that in a rehearsal not on the final performance bloody hell no of course not i mean imagine you turn up

with your scripts and the final performance but i yeah it just honestly haunts me but i feel like it's a similar thing of like you you don't feel like you're prepared for this new thing. Like your big day and you're not ready. You wake up and your stomach is turning. That's how I woke up this morning. So if anyone wants to drop any new hate messages, it's a great time to kick me while I'm down. I feel like it kind of made me think about everyone's going through the changes, ATM. You're starting uni, you're leaving uni and trying to find a job changes atm you're starting uni you're leaving

uni and trying to find a job and you're pivoting a career change and you've just broken up with your boyfriend and you're doing this and you're doing that i just feel like it's a good combo i think it's a great combo and it's universal like i remember like when wing messaged me this morning saying, do you want to do an episode on new starts, like fresh starts, blah, blah, blah. Yeah. And I replied being like, I can't wait for everyone to say, how do you know what's going on in my life?

I've just started school. It's like, because it's September. Everyone is doing it now. And the messages have come through in absolute hordes. How did you know i'm starting school because everyone is starting school this is why it's a great topic to do in september because i feel like every single person is going through the changing birthday in september i know i i just to me you're an october girl i can't believe your birthday's in september yeah that's nice i just

see you as october somehow okay well i also just feel like do you i really feel like i work from the academic calendar still as well from september what i was thinking with like because we've even got messages from people saying like i'm starting a new job or i feel the need to start something new and i almost feel like we've all got this ingrained thing as well september's coming up i need to like up all my life and start a new thing because we've almost i mean how many years are you in school for fucking oh your whole life i don't fucking know your whole childhood yeah you've used this like calendar and i feel like it's almost inbuilt now that it's like you can feel it like okay i need to buy my pencil case. Yeah. Get a new bullet journal. Oh God. Love it.

New perfume. Maybe that's a nice one. Oh, wow. That's great. That feels like a nice one though, doesn't it? Well, I'm thinking I might get a new perfume for my birthday. You know, the one that I was thinking of getting was the Prada Paradox one. Did you see Emma Watson directed?

She's the face of the campaigns. Literally, no one cares. She's the face of the campaign and the whole thing they've framed it as i asked them to let me direct it and and they said yes and they said yes yeah it's really good it's really really cute yeah good for her it's she looks beautiful and it obviously goes without saying and i just thought the bottle looks nice i actually haven't even smelled it but i thought maybe it will be something that I consider my birthday. What's it called? Prada Paradox.

Paradox. I really like that. And the whole thing is her, yeah, it's her being like, I'm a paradox of a woman. Like I'm all of these things. I'm not tied to one thing. Yeah, it's beautiful.

So, yeah. New perfume. New pencil case, new perfume, new rucksack for your school surprise. Oh, I remember I had a Harry Potter, it was when Prisoner of Azkaban had come out. Oh boy prisoner of azkaban pencil case with the pencil i'm actually sat here with my head wig or water bottle so it's actually like so embarrassing it's like so embarrassing oh it's i do you know what i hate like i was in the in the Harry Potter shop yesterday and I thought this would be the worst moment ever, ever.

For someone just I know in my life to be like, well, they'd call me Poppy because that's what people from school call me. They go, Poppy, you're in the Harry Potter shop. And you're just browsing. It would just be really embarrassing to be there kind of holding up the Slytherin jumper that says like brave.

No, not brave. What is it? It's like cunning and ambitious against your chest seeing if it would fit you this child's thing would be an embarrassing moment like for an old teacher to find you well what you're up to now that's true yeah it's like oh i'm just i'm right where you left me i'm just trying on my slipper and i was saying the other day though i do feel like i'm coming maybe at the age where I feel like I'm really going back to the stuff that I liked as a kid like in a quote-unquote in a child sense gross but also stunning um and I

almost feel a bit more like before I feel like I would be unapologetic about it in the sense that it's like it's ironic like I have a Harry Potter jump, it's this, it's whatever. And I would try and keep it a bit more cool or a bit more like, yeah, I don't know, like just look a bit more cool. Whereas now, I don't know what's gotten into me. Apart from, do you want to see my mental health issues and all of it, like there are a few things that have gotten into me,

but I feel like I'm just at this point where I was in Claire's the other day and i saw this animal crossing water bottle and like a pencil case and like little plushies and i was like why am i not buying stuff that i like and i i didn't actually like the water ball but i went back to go and get it and i was like oh it's actually uglier than i remember like it was tin and i wanted it to be see-through but i was gonna buy it yeah yeah does that make sense like the fact that it has tom nook all over it didn't put me off but the fact that it's tin was like there's so much of it like that you can make cool for example i got for my birthday my 25th birthday last year my dad gave me a little timmy and tommy no Animal Crossing. Which is so cool. And I have them both on my windowsill, like kind of guarding my window.

So cute. Yeah, really cute. And I'm literally sitting above an Animal Crossing book right now. But it's almost like, this is so weird. It's the official companion guide to New Horizons. You kept that secret? Where'd you get that from? I just got it.

I think my dad gave it to me as well, actually. I think it was with the Timmy and Tommy. That's so cool. So weird. where'd you get that from i just got it i think my dad gave it to me as well actually for my i think it was with the timmy and tommy so weird but i almost think like i have to be i absolutely have to be open about the things i like as in like oh i have to have them around my room i can't have like when there's not a totoro in sight for anyone that loves my neighbor totoro is like if i don't have a totoro in my room i'm gonna feel off it's like I'm gonna need some form of him somewhere yeah I just I think I was like I'm gonna need a Slytherin scarf somewhere my sims jumper do you remember do I remember yeah I just feel like I'm being much more like it's cool because I like it which I know I've

always thought but I feel like I'm really feeling it at the moment i love that do you know what i mean like i've always had the i've always had stuff but i just feel like now i'm like you want it on you yeah i just don't fucking care anymore like i just actually don't fucking care also it's cool catch me next week like it's not like for example you're walking around with the animal with the cloak with the slytherin thing yeah with luna's wand with luna's butt like you're not walking around like a fucking nutter no you're wearing a normal outfit her maybe i would want to and i wouldn't stop you yeah i've always wanted her wardrobe luna yeah you give luna energy the best

energy to have the like tiered dress that she wears it's like a yellow quite tiered dress i when i saw that i just thought oh my god that's the dress for me so you could get that made like you could even make it you could get that you could find that but i don't want it but like i do really like her style. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. In the early 1980s, gay men started to get sick from AIDS. Years before ACT UP, before HIV was discovered, before the history you know,

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ACAST.com Right, shall we then? New start, sorry about this. Yeah, because what the fuck is going on? Well, the new start basically is just, like, fuck it. My new start is just fuck it. I'm in my fuck it chapter.

Love. Do you know what I mean? What fun is that? I'm just fucking bored of being not fucking it. Honestly, honestly. Like, that was me not fucking it for the first 25 years.

Now I'm just like, you know what? Fuck it. years now i'm just like you know what fuck it well i'm obsessed and i completely okay can i tell you actually about a time that i was most not fucking it and when i say fucking it i mean like i was most not like that was the most you were giving a shit i was big time giving a shit yeah and i think it's quite a common time to give a shit if i've been reading our messages rightly yeah um and i'm not surprised that everyone is stressed about when you leave uni i saw someone say they called it getting a big boy job and all of these things and it's just like god there's nothing quite like that it's the weight of the world on your shoulders and you have got a ticking clock above your head of come on well everyone else has got

a job here dear god you can't even get student discount anymore it's terrifying it's rough horrible times but it doesn't have to be i think this is one of the big lessons that when i now see like the younger people in my life are doing that i'm like don't do what i did don't okay what did you do what did you do how how just in every. What did you do? What did you do? How? Just in every way. Just absolutely was. I think, I just know there was a thing that we both quite liked

that someone we knew did. And she changed her Instagram bio when she left uni to gap year. On my gap year. And I, and we were kind of like, God,

that's like almost quite a clever move. It's a clever move because it gets everyone off your back and i almost just wish that when i left i had been like oh no i'm having a year to sort my shit out i'm not trying to be thrown into a thing because i wasn't thrown into a thing and i was absolutely stressed out to fuck whereas if i had just relaxed into this is my year of sorting

something out like yeah i'm just gonna have fun if something falls into your lap which thank fuck it did it was a podcast love it god yeah thank god i would recommend 10 out of 10 would recommend i'm sure honestly guys i'm sure you would do a better job than me i feel like brave of heart guys you have to be but i just think like thank god something did but if i had not stressed how much more pleasant would that have been i agree with you you know what it is it's giving yourself the permission permission because at that time all i wanted god more than anything more than anything it could actually bring a tear to my eye all i wanted was someone to come up to me and give me the permission all i wanted was someone to come up to me and give me the permission all i wanted was someone to come up to and give me a perfect job and it spoiler alert it wasn't happening and kind of um

your hair's done you're in a pretty pretty like you've got a mansion oh god it's it's just it's for me personally it was a reality shock and i don't want to scare anyone because it shouldn't shock and i don't want to scare anyone because it shouldn't it shouldn't be too scary if you know that you have everything you need really i think just take the shame away yeah there's so much shame and there's so much fear and i just feel like as well it's one of those things where someone actually sent a really good message i'm gonna read to read it out. I'm going to butcher it. I already know I'm going to butcher it. But they said, it's a slightly different context, but this is the same thing. I've just moved to Edinburgh from Sheffield with my fiance. Congratulations.

Congrats. And it has been absolutely fine. However, everyone else has been pushing their concerns on me. Like, oh my God, I'd be so scared. How do your parents feel? And I found that quite odd like keep your anxieties to yourself i didn't ask i don't want them posi vibes please but i just think so fucking true big congrats big posi vibes from us always um who's that saying but it really is at

the time for me personally when i finished uni and I didn't know where the fuck I was going every interaction I had with anyone strangers friends family saying oh so what's going on with you at the moment felt like an attack and that was totally my own projection and that's not to say that these people aren't attacking you or that's not to say that this is your projection but it's their projection of when someone's doing something cool or for themselves or just different to what you're doing it's really easy to project onto them oh well i'd be really scared i could never do that i could never be vegan because i love cheese too much i don't care i don't i don't care do you i don't care i just want you to be happy like and i think for me that sort of sensation that sort of experience was very very it's the most it's ever been for me when I just left uni and

I didn't know where I was going it was so jarring wasn't it because almost someone could say to you um what have you been what have you been up to today and it's like god I've been working really hard get my back okay get my hard because you know you've been watching tv all day just remind yourself guys that getting like five rejections through from jobs that you really wanted some of them you didn't fucking want you just applied for them because you felt like you should have is not a reflection of you it's just not that you're not good enough it's just the experience and that is a very very hard experience and it's one of those things that's hashtag normalized yeah that oh this is just what we do we just send off applications all day every day and we just get loads of rejections

ha ha ha that is very hard on your mental health and your self-esteem and it's not a reflection of you even like not getting the rejection you just get nothing you just get nothing awful awful it's just painful i almost think like that's one of the most evil elements of the whole experience of like you're throwing stuff out and you're just getting nothing back it's like well did it did it send you're going back did i send it to the right awful absolutely fucking awful and this is horrible kids having to do it's just always like yeah why are we why do we think this is normal we we charge these people 30 000 pounds for a degree minimum 18 take out a big loan now come to the thing now you're out of that now just send out some things into the ether maybe something will

come back oh you're gonna change your job loads in your time not even struggling to get the big boy job i was struggling to get a fucking part-time or even a full-time like job that i didn't care about as a career so for example working in a shop for example wasn't something i necessarily wanted to do long term but just so i was working even that was a struggle even sitting down to send out applications is a fucking exhausting test of your yeah patience and your i remember literally walking around london i'd moved to london without a job i would not recommend that as an experience it was a mental decision i remember i was working at a pub and then i was like to them oh i'm leaving i'm going to london and they were like have you got a job I was like no and they're like okay see you in a few months

then and it was like oh god oh god oh god because I did not have the funds essentially to move and then have to move back oh my goodness um and I couldn't live at home anymore for loads of reasons and it was just like I need to I need I had no option but to leave um and it was one of those things where it's like I remember walking around Clapham where I'd moved to with a bunch of CVs that I had to like pay to print out walking around all these shops and every single one that I handed a CV into literally looked at me like I'd spat in their face every single one was almost like we don't do cvs anymore yeah yeah or like uh no we're not hiring and i was going into like shops shops on the street just on the street shops i wasn't going into kind of the ritz and saying can i get a job as your number one whatever they do

still be paid minimum wage and i was walking in just to normal places um and i did get one at a pub thank fuck um which i hated as well but whatever um scraping scraps we used to call it i was scraping scraps but then it was that weird dual life that we had for a bit of like i remember there was one day that literally just one day i don't know why we call it a dual life it was like 99.9% of the time we were scraping scraps. And then one time we got to go to Soho House. Yeah, but to me, that's dual life.

I would never be sitting in Soho House. Absolutely not. Dual life. It was almost the best of both worlds, but one is very much better than the other world. One life you're in Soho House, the next, in the evening, I had to just go

and obviously just scrape people's food into a bin, as you do as a waitress um but there's something like if i could just have romanticized that and had a bit of fun with it and not be so miserable in like almost feeling the pressure of my friends that i had moved with had jobs job jobs office jobs which I knew graduate jobs graduate jobs yeah graduate jobs which I knew wasn't for me but I still felt the pressure to do that because that was almost what everyone else should do yeah what you're supposed to do but then to work in a pub or something like that and do the podcast when it was making when i say no money minus it was making we're in a deficit yeah we were not making money and everyone was kind of being a bit confused of why are you doing this like almost it didn't really make sense like really hard actually you both got degrees what the

fuck are you doing you should do one of these things and i think to have your own back and be like no i want i want to live here so i'm going to work in a shitty old pub and i'm going to do this weird little podcast because i think it's fucking fun and good i'm so glad we just stuck with that yeah i'm very so i would say don't listen to people like my big advice in that period trust your gut don't listen to people if you ever ever ever have a chance in your life to do something fun that you believe in it's that point i do think that's a specific point where you have a chance to launch into it fully can we say something crazy as well you might want to put this you might not want to

because we're going to name and shame maybe i won't name and shame but there was a certain influencer who we absolutely loved and you were in well we were both when I say the like I don't think we've ever been so confused so much pressure just really like actually a testing time and I was like why don't you message her and say like look what would you do yeah this was a huge moment like it was yeah should I say who it is I think so it's nice it's a nice interaction oh my god it was I mean literally love her so basically I was in a thing where it was like I just feel like no one I just felt very very very unsupported in my life I was like no everyone is telling me to

basically quit this thing very confused i felt really unsupported in it by like key people and i was like i don't know what to fucking do because i'm feeling like i need to make a decision between these and i've just got this one weirdo on my side being like no do it with me and it just felt like i'm not equipped for that so i messaged flex from boba and flex flex mammy queen love her literally love her and i messaged her i was like i'm just starting this thing and i and i just need someone's advice that is like has done it and has clearly stuck to what they fucking believe in they've stuck to it um and i remember her speaking about like um just almost that feeling of wanting to prove everyone wrong but then also i want those

people on my team as well i want them on my side from listening to bobo and flex the best podcast ever made hands fucking down best podcast ever made and flex bobo and people sometimes say what are you talking about bo bo and flex did you see someone when we were talking about m&s they spelt it like one word yeah like e m m what's i n e s s marks and which makes perfect sense it's just funny with our voices yeah no message flex and i was like i just need someone that understand like that has done it like trust that i admire yeah that i admire literally someone that i admire so i admire literally someone that i admire so much what did you do and i remember her saying i remember the literal the quote of it

was like i'm very like unbothered by people that don't see my vision my vision i remember that i was gonna say that's the one line i remember yeah i don't entertain the opinions of those that don't understand my vision it's so life-changing yeah i'm so grateful that she replied because yeah it's one of those things like she really didn't have to reply i'm one of the people that was like people are asking her advice the whole time and now like i even see people asking us for advice it's like god i can't get back to you all. So I'm just so grateful that I'm one of the people that slipped through the net for her DMs that she could reply to.

Well, you really needed that, I think. I know, but how many other people needed it? Like, it was so nice of her. I know, but almost like, if you didn't get that, I wonder if we'd be recording this, honestly. Oh God, well, thank you, Flex. Thank you, Flex. Thank you, Flex. You're great. you but also i know i think thank you to you as well because there were some real moment there were some real points of there were some precarious

points definitely sure it's really hard to trust your vision when the people that know you best in the world are seeing are seeing some insanity in your vision they're seeing what the fuck are you doing look like this doesn't make sense who the fuck am i then yeah and now all of those people that i have i mean we have worked so hard to fix so much like and all is literally all is forgiven all is well all is well all is forgiven biggest supporters ever um and it's almost like we would have those conversations now where it's like i'm so glad you didn't listen to me like i'm so glad that i ignored them and know when to trust yourself know when to trust the people that know you and sometimes the version of yourself that you're becoming doesn't align with the version that other

people want you to be but that's also okay like you can have those conversations with the people that really matter agreed and i also think it's down to you to trust yourself to trust your vision obviously to live your own life but then to also to me i would just always rather make my own mistakes as well even if it wasn't for me and the people were giving me like advice that I should have heeded or like even if I was wrong to do what I was doing I'd rather do what I wanted to do and be wrong and learn the lesson and make the mistake and take it for what it is than let myself be shamed into a different path that others perceive to be less risky for me yeah to fit their vision of me like exactly not everything you want for yourself will work out

not everything you choose to do will be right for you like this still could have been a massive disaster it still could it could go down at any moment whether it is exactly yeah it is but that doesn't mean that you're wrong for backing yourself and for pushing yourself into a new thing i think and i think i feel like there's no shame in looking back and saying yeah look like maybe people you know predicted right but i still had to do what i needed to do yeah and also i feel like that's the conversation for example where i can't remember edinburgh from sheffield maybe yeah oh yeah edinburgh sheffield yeah no that's the thing it's like you're moving with your fiance you need to know okay this could be on your own anything could be a fucking disaster anything could be a disaster touch with anything

could be amazing anything could be amazing it's up to you to decide also when i feel like when you have those conversations with the people that matter i feel like that you know the difference between someone saying a shitty comment that does not know what the fuck they're on about and you can just literally the water for ducks back doesn't matter but i feel like when it's someone that you give a shit about and they it matters it matters and you pretty much need them on your team i feel like when you actually have the conversation about like what are you not liking about this or like i feel like this isn't blah blah blah i find that upsetting blah blah basically it all just comes from a feeling of a combination of love and fear it's like i love you and i fear you're not doing a good thing you're not doing the right thing yeah

and i love you and i fear that you're not supposed to be like it all comes from just like this strange combination of i love you and i fear this and i feel like that's all you need to get down to is the crux and it's fucking fine like you don't need to see eye to eye to all live in loving harmony and just hug away like it's just you don't need it to be I agree with you that this is a good idea you just need to agree that we want the best for both of us and also just sometimes we say things I don't know like it is the projection of well that would make me really scared so seeing you do it is confusing to me and I'm also in a sensitive spot where I don't necessarily feel like I'm doing the right thing so it's easier for me to look at you and talk about what you're

doing than think about my own life and all of these like everyone's just feeling the pressure yeah I feel like there are a few points in life where those things come up I do feel like school it's every fucking day and then that period of like sorry we were literally saying was it yesterday we were saying like in school you literally go to school like i was saying basically that kids come out of school like i used to do i used to come out of school and be like mom or my nan or whoever would be like what do you do today i'd be like can't remember what you have for lunch can't remember like i would never know what i did and i have the same thing with kids now that i

know i'd like talk to them and they're like i don't know i'm not sure whatever blah blah blah but then i was saying to seffy it's like no wonder like they've just had like however long it is like six hours with literally everyone they've ever met like their whole social circle just in one place buzzing around learn about this do this play with this that person doesn't like me anymore blah blah it's so much about like the ancient greeks i've only ever met 60 people in my entire and you didn't do as well on your test as you thought oh fucking hell next week's non-school uniform day what's a uniform why do we need to conform like what's going on you're learning about this no way you can't remember what you had for lunch or you're too honest you're just processing

it and what happened at school today it's like i don't know i'm still working on it i'm still making sense of it now and is that okay or just like what happened everything everything about everything everything you can ever imagine today has formed the basis of my personality for the next 40 years to come yeah sorry yeah go on um i don't know i think i was saying i know oh my god it's cool it's the time where there's so much i almost feel like there are a few points and i think that point of like you're going to uni whatever and then the point after that and then i also feel like approaching your 30s not that we are approaching our 30s let's we are but we're also approaching our 50s and stuff

i guess just at a slow rate yeah let's keep it slow though let's keep that at a snail's pace i feel like just for us personally you 30 year olds out there you're killing it oh absolutely it's just so scary realizing oh my god i'm not 14 and a half anymore yeah i just feel like i've been having conversations with people that are at just like different stages in our lives so sweet undeniably are and like the conversation of like children the conversations of marriage and things like that and i do notice anxieties different anxieties in like friendship groups about the friendship groups i've had for a long long time there there are different anxieties like we used to have anxieties about um oh my god her handbag she copied my handbag things like that now we have

things of are you thinking of freezing your eggs like crazy shit yeah oh my god like he proposed to her and blah blah blah like these were not our issues these were not our issues and we're also gonna have issues later on the line of fucking hell my kids such a brat they ran off with their fucking boyfriend like kids are gonna be 21 like it's mental and just seeing like the shifting of anxieties is so interesting and how always always always for some fucking reason the root of all shit in like i do specifically think i don't i don't know about like boys circles but in like the female friendships i've been in with other women comparison is at the heart of any conflict i think it's comparison jealousy fear is always in there is like those are those are the root of all of these anxieties of oh they've had a kid and i

haven't had a kid they've got engaged and i'm on my second husband whatever the fucking shit is it's always you comparing yourself to someone else which just gets you nowhere it doesn't why didn't we learn when we were looking at each other's handbags back in year nine why didn't we look when we were learning about ancient rome why didn't we also learn about yeah oh boy gutting are you comparing yourself to anyone or any like in what how are you feeling about where you are in life right now um i think i was actually having this conversation with my friends the other day like my old school friends i feel like your 20s is a weird fucking point because it's completely

normal all of these things are normal and i can know someone from every one of these situations yeah it would not be normal to be trying for your second baby yeah i would know so it would be completely normal to be working in a shop it would be completely normal to be at uni it would be completely normal to be a high-flying lawyer what the fuck it'd be completely normal to be traveling in thailand huh i do feel like in life it um evens out a bit like later it kind of levels out that everyone kind of you find your circle i guess yeah yeah you just enter into a world where everyone's doing kind of similar stuff and even though i think people are obviously always doing different things i feel like your 20s where people think they should be depends so much on like what they've consumed what their family did the circles they're in all of this stuff like there's no it's completely

normal to have a kid at 21 it's also completely normal to be fucking i don't know a pilot do you know what i mean like anything is completely normal yeah and you're also at that point where you still especially now with social media it makes me sound really old saying that but like back in my day but this is my day so it's not even back in but like where we are now in society is and you still would have had this that in your 20s you still can kind of have those ties to that past life where you were 15 in school getting fingered in the park whatever you were up to and you have the ties of oh i was in maths with that boy and now he's a pilot oh i used to sit next to that girl and now she's trying for her second baby those

sorts of things like you still are kind of attached to that pool still because you're obviously so young yeah and then as you get older like i said like you find your circle and you just move i don't know you might still be in the same circle from the day you were born to the day you die but i feel like because you're so young you're still in you know i mean you're just surrounded still by all those things from your youth or it's the connection is still stronger than it will be later down the line maybe yeah it's so weird though are you comparing are you comparing to anyone am i comparing don't have to share um what i'm just thinking i don't think i am really am i comparing i actually think i feel pretty happy with where I am in life I don't think I'm comparing to anyone in like a life way I think I am endlessly fighting like body comparison stuff like that yeah that's always

my mission is to not be doing that um but I definitely think in like a life way yeah I don't feel any comparison in a way that like when I look at something I want it I think where I am right now even though there's a whole journey of like everything I want to do in my life how the fuck am I gonna squeeze it all into um 89 years I don't fucking know how i'm gonna do that but i also feel like i'm really happy to just be in this point right now in time and like enjoy this moment now i'm not in any rush as i say keep it at snail's pace slow as you can go that would be great put it in reverse if we go back a bit would be good what about you do you feel like you're is that though because we're at quite an exciting time good what about you do you feel like you're is that though because

we're at quite an exciting time at the moment definitely do you know what i mean like it's like yeah like if things are going like a bit well it's easy well exactly like oh god look at me go i'm not comparing myself well like i'll sit here for a bit i'll sit exactly yeah let me sit back also a bit of that comes from fear though of like i'm quite comfortable where i am now and it's almost like yeah keep it at snail's pace because fuck next year it's different the next year is different like bloody hell i'm very um content in this version of myself in this version of my life it's like yeah but i don't know what's next and that that scares me and i don't know if i'm cut out no definitely not but i definitely feel like yeah of course it's because it's going well well quote unquote now it's

definitely not going well in this moment right now it kind of feels fine catch me in two hours it doesn't feel so fine exactly yeah but like there have been so many points where it's like oh my god you're looking at your fucking neighbor you're looking at people online you're looking at like every fucking people anyone you can find is evidence that you're failing because it's it's not about the other people it's about the projection it's nothing to do with anyone else it's nothing to do with that you could come across it doesn't matter who you're going to come across if you feel like you don't like your job today you'll find anyone to put that projection onto do you know i mean it's not because oh i saw sally and it reminded me that she's a pilot and i'm her trainers yeah she left her

trainer job and now she's somewhere else um trainers are better than my trainers but it's like you could see sally and be like oh she's a pilot blah blah that really triggered me when i saw sally and i saw her post about being a pilot made me feel like blah blah but it's also like maybe but also maybe you just felt shit and then you went on social media i would also say definitely it's because you felt shit it's because of you yeah it's not sally's fault oh it might be sally might be a cunt she's oh no she sally is a cunt yeah um it's the classic i hate that i keep sally going i love should we kill her off i think let's kill her also do you know what's really weird that we've done this like i don't know when we chose sally sally's my granny's name it's like i don't know when we chose sally it's

like it must have just come to me like my granny's called sally um but also this is the so let's maybe not kill her on it i'm not yeah let's definitely not go she's immortal now oh god now i'm stuck with her but it's the classic quote that we have said so many times on here but i don't think we've said it in a while i actually said it at dinner with em from emma and lauren the other day and i feel like it really changed her life saying this because she sent me a voice note the next day being like i've been thinking about this just you will find the evidence for what you choose to believe there's nothing about sally's trainers it's not you felt bad that you you believe you chose to believe that your trainers

were shit of course then you see someone with better trainers in your mind and you feel shit about your trainers choose it's so good it's actually like ridiculous life changing it is yeah you'll find the evidence for what you choose to believe bear in mind most of the time both sephia and i are choosing to believe shit by the way i don't want this to come off like oh no oh my goodness this is from people who constantly choose to believe to be honest it's the worst it's for people it's from two people that need to like say that saying a lot to remind themselves to choose good things oh god i've okay i've got something i want to ask you something if that's okay yeah definitely no pressure i love asking you things i love that we do this i know it's it's so weird. It's so weird.

I love it. I'm sat on my laptop. I'm FaceTiming you. I've got my little microphone ticking over. And we're going to put this out. I don't even know when that started. What the hell? What the fuck?

Yeah, really odd. Apparently people listen. That's the weirdest part. I know. Or like that it's normal. Like I just went upstairs. I was like, so I'm going to record now. It's like that's... Yeah, no, it's so normal. And everyone's like, oh, I need to get back and record. Yeah that it's normal like i just went upstairs i was like so i'm gonna record now it's like you know it's so normal and everyone's like oh i need to get back and record yeah it's weird why is no one asking what when did people stop saying waving their hands saying no what

are you doing record get out of your ass oh cool i'm recording what you're up to just recording yeah i just recorded earlier i always think it when i say it in public i think people must think i'm like a musician i'm going down the studio yeah i'll be recording in the studio god that's cool like when we're recording later it's weird what a life we've created oh don't get me started so i was gonna ask you yeah is there anything okay if we're moving into this new chapter which i personally i personally feel like i'm moving into a new chapter next month for me is a fresh start i don't know if you want to come with me or not oh i'm there i'm sure i'm there jump on board for this new start that we're taking taking on headfirst what is one thing you

want to invite or bring with you or make an effort for over the next kind of chapter however long it will be what's something you want this chapter to be not a prediction of what you think it will be yeah what do you want but you could also give the prediction if you want because that might be quite fun no i mean it's the only thing that is coming to my mind and i i feel like it's the most boring thing for me to talk about because i feel like i always sprinkle things in and then i'm like i can't talk about it too much but i do think it's classic body image shit but like i i feel like i'm at a point in my kind of therapy with body dysmorphia that i feel like i've approached a point now where i can admit that my problem is in my mind that is i've reached the point where i accept that like that is i mean

so that must mean that bye bye to fucking planning diets planning exercise can't wear certain clothes can't do this can't go to that thing it must mean that all of the rules you have to check yourself in the mirror this many times you have to adjust your posture all of the shit if the problem is in my mind the problem all of the things i've created are bullocks that means you can wear what you want you don't have to wear this strict thing you can have your hair you want your makeup where you want blah blah blah blah it just means that i'm not hiding anymore and i can actually be what i am rather than try and hide that to try and convince everyone else that i'm not a thing that i'm not even anyway so i think i'm the thing that i have to bring in in like this new bit i'm excited for the clothes personally oh my god personally i'm excited for

the clothes because i've had a bit of a breakthrough that like i think the way i use i've been using clothes recently or like the last recently the last 10 years to completely hide myself in like the most strange way and when i was younger i used to i mean i when i wanted to be a fashion designer back in year nine i was into textiles and stuff i used to I mean I when I wanted to be a fashion designer back in year nine I was into textiles and stuff I used to wear the most outrageous shit like I used to just wear like I used to just ransack charity shops and just wear all of it together mental and I had so much fun I had literally had so much fun and I'm really and I don't think I had any real issues around my body back then and I'm really excited for the fucking clothes so that's my fresh stuff as well

huh the inner child stuff as well I think that's it it's like I think the fresh start for me it's had to come from an acceptance of like you have ruined your entire life with this stuff and you can't go forward with it anymore because even like you don't this is like my revelation of of all time being the most beautiful person in the world imagine you're the most beautiful person in the world like all of this stuff they're not happy like if you actually put it down the most beautiful people the most like attractive people they're not fucking happy so okay i'll just be how i look and i'll wear some fucking sick clothes and i'll feel great in them how fun so i'm really excited for the clothes from me amazing that's that's what i'm bringing stunning i'm bringing some looks bringing the looks no hiding pure outfits can't wait i'm so excited what about you what are you

bringing um i don't know i've been stressing about what i'm bringing i can't this is what i'm saying i can't pack my luggage fast enough or i get to the airport and i'm like oh fuck was my bag i forgot my challenge my bag's too big and honestly i was getting on a flight with a fucking plastic bag that i asked someone at a till in an airport to give me this was in the dream yeah it's just so i don't know what i'm bringing i don't want to talk about it but i'm happy to hear yours that's stunning you're not you're not bringing you're not what's going in your plastic bag all right let me think just like you've got a plastic bag from the boots in the airport what's going in a meal deal and a what okay at the moment i'm really feeling like i'm gonna be soppy now

oh god i might even shed a tear no I won't but I was crying the other day someone sent a nice message and it did make me cry and I didn't tell them that it made me cry because I thought that's a step too far you can't tell someone that it makes it it's too weird no no it's really nice it wasn't horrible but it yeah it made me yeah exactly it made too much um I think I'm at a point where I'm really processing, God, so many things. I'm actually exhausted. But coming off the back of this conversation where we've just said, like,

just talking about the birth of this podcast as a thing. Like, it goes without saying, but also it needs to be said, this is a very fucking cool thing to get to do and it wasn't just like given to us and it wasn't the obvious thing to do and i think this podcast has established was met with some resistance i would say it was met with a lot of resistance but even beyond that i think i'm just really at a point where i'm trying to like I just feel very very lucky that I get to experience something like this and something that feels very fulfilling like all I want in life is to make and

this is not to cut anyone out but to make young women and anyone else who feels marginalized to feel seen and safe and loved and happy and when i worked at a shop that sells body butter that i'm not gonna name because i was doing illegal things every week i would fucking sneak body butter into little not little girls but like girls my age like teenage girls bags and send them off because i loved the idea of them walking home or getting on the bus and opening their bag and looking at the stuff they bought and then seeing extra things in there oh boy i was giving people stolen stuff i don't know if i can get in trouble for that but like it's really hard for me to to kind of respond or it's really hard for me to hear like when people say oh they just tear women down or like oh they do this like blah blah blah oh look i love women so much that i had to talk about it for hours

every week on a podcast with this girl like hey i i can't tell you enough how much i feel like this is my life's purpose just to chat with whoever's willing to hear it and just make hopefully make someone just feel seen for 20 minutes or if they're having a shit day they just get to because i've been on the other end of that a disgusting amount of times i've been on the other end of feeling shit and just turning to whoever i can find on my phone whatever is available on social media and forming these bonds with these girls that i really ended up looking up to and feeling so connected to the thought that literally just one fucking person in the world could feel that oh no it's too much

it's too much it's too much and I feel like I want to give myself that time to let that sink in be happy about that be proud of that it won't be for everyone it's fine like I just feel so happy that we have this I just want to take on in the next chapter in the next year whatever i just want to give myself more room to just sit back and be really happy with us and the fact that we did it and happy for those two fucking kids who kept doing it and looked at each other with a spark in their eye and we're chasing each other around the library saying let's do a post on this let's do a post on that the fact that they did this for us and now we get to enjoy it that's what i want oh whoa yeah that's what i'm bringing so no wonder it won't all fit in my plastic bag

yeah literally how can you carry it all i can't i can't carry it all but anyway in our um tote bag deep enough to hold your emotional baggage available now sephianwing.com all right my mom the other day but she was like i want to buy the mugs so i want to buy the mugs oh she keeps being like when are you when are you sending me the free mugs i was like they're not even free for us no we have to pay for them they're not free mugs i don't know free and then i was like you should just buy them and then she was like okay i'll buy them i'll buy them where do i get them from and i was like sephianwing.com how do you not know i owe you for money that do i owe you money for that i think for what for you did you not buy sephianwing.com oh or did you take it out of something i don't have joy i look we i

don't even think i still pay for the discord for something exactly 10 pounds a month i think maybe more anyway do not worry yeah um but my mom was like i'm gonna order them where do i get them from i was like sephianwing.com like bit rude that you don't know that to be honest i've said it and then she was like she was typing in but she was like spelling it all wrong it's like seffyandwing.com oh my god in the end she googled seffyandwing.com shop it's like what are you doing it's so beautiful and she was scrolling through the things being like oh that one's just your instagram like i don't think the website is there and it's like you know how to use the internet right like oh you know that and she's like oh that's like a discord and then they wouldn't check out she's like bad she was like it's bad user experience it was our wi-fi in our house though that was

but she was like this is a bad user experience oh dear the whole podcast is a bad user experience oh absolutely absolutely okay well let's leave it there then i think cool okay well i hope you feel great oh god oh sorry yeah just if you just everyone hope you feel good yeah yeah and if you don't hear from us assume the worst