Goes Without Saying - living with regrets: no thoughts, just rAgReTs

Episode Date: March 1, 2021

what are you waiting for? this episode of Goes Without Saying sees sephy and wing share their controversial opinions on privilege, the paranormal, and painful life-altering events. tackling your juiciest personal questions (including sexual stories and the ever-elusive chronicles of childhood trauma), nothing gets left unsaid in this episode... although tbh it probably should have. oops.join the conversation every monday.speak your mind on our instagram! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Nature. I've got a gay rooster named Francois. Is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay?

So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer and we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple. Or wherever you get your podcasts.

Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Hello, hello, hello. Welcome back to another episode of Goes Without Saying with Sefi and Wing. I'm Sefi. I'm Wing. and today we asked for your questions we asked about loads of stuff and you really really came through we talk about how to live without regrets or do we live with regrets living a life with structure whether which one of us is chaotic and messy which you guys you've got no fucking clue no clue not a scooby we talk about aliens about how we were

abducted by aliens wings experience with demons we go in in in oh god um it's a bit of an amalgamation of weird topics but i think it's really fun which we're privileged as well it's an interesting episode and i hope you love it i hope you absolutely love it i've got a good feeling about this episode i've got a bit of a bizarre feeling that you've been sent this episode by a friend to listen to oh you should listen to go to i was saying and this is the episode that you've stumbled upon if so you're in for a real ride but you're gonna get to know us pretty quickly i'd say enjoy okay i thought this was really interesting this person said if you had okay i already fucked it up okay this person said if someone told you that you had 60 seconds left to live would you have any

regrets oh my god i'm gonna shoot them in the fucking face someone told me that i had 60 seconds to live it's like what have you got planned but i think that's interesting do you have any regrets and like regrets as a whole blah blah blah i mean i'd be flipping out first of all 60 seconds i don't even think i'd be thinking about regrets i would be flipping tables dancing getting my skates on i just need to quickly do some shit i think i'd be getting into position you know what i think i'd be making sure my corpse was looking quite good it's like all of a sudden, I'm changing outfits. It's like, quickly, let me get some lip gloss on. Now. It's like, let me just quickly curl my eyelashes.

It's kind of like, please don't kill me. I think I'd be trying to talk them out of it. Like, why 60 seconds? Why me? It's kind of, who gave you this information and let me record it and spread the word that they will be visited you you need to go to jail right now but i guess this wasn't really the question of what would you do to the man that tells you you've got 60 seconds and it's about what regrets you'd have would you have regrets well you had a near-death experience quite recently didn't you do you remember sorry that i'm bringing it back up no i don't remember at all when the fuck did i nearly die you You were in a plane. Yeah, yeah.

Oh my Christ. You literally said when you got out, I will never lose this feeling of being grateful for my life that wore off pretty quick. I will never take my life for granted again. Basically, I was in a plane and it was fucking crazy. Like it had been a weird flight. And I remember about 15 minutes before we landed, I was i remember about 15 minutes before we land landed i was like about 15 minutes before we got the announcement like we're gonna land i was like we're not gonna fucking land this plane like this is not gonna land it was so windy i was on my own terrifying hadn't seen my family in quite a long time like i was quite like desperate to get like to touch the ground and i just thought that we're not going to fucking land this. And we were going down. We were like waving all over the fucking place. And we were going down is not a good sign.

To land. We were going down brackets to land the plane. But it was honestly, we were going down. We were nose diving. It was horrific. And the back, it must have been that the back wheels of the plane touched the ground. And then it was like ding dong ding ding ding ding ding and then the plane just went up again and the fucking woman through the speaker

was like uh the pilot has aborted the landing we're gonna circle around i was like okay this is my death this is my death now and i was just sitting there like everyone with the babies crying people were screaming i really did think it was your death. Remember the, on that day, I had said to my boyfriend, I've got a really bad feeling about Sefi's flight. Oh, God, that just sends shivers down my spine. And I remember looking at our messages, I pulled our messages up, and I thought, do I message her?

Like, I had been thinking all day, because I remember you were at the airport daydreaming about james acaster and i wasn't daydreaming and sometimes i get in this mood where i can't stop thinking about someone but i was i remember saying like you were like what are you daydreaming about and i was like just like us buying coffee together and you're like wait did you buy two coffees did you buy a coffee one for you one for fictional james acaster and it's kind of like i wouldn't put it past me in that state well if you died that night it would be like god i spent my last hours like wishing my life away like wishing my life for somebody else yeah but i remember thinking like oh i'm not gonna i'm not gonna bring it up obviously because i don't want to tempt fate freak her yeah well i

don't want to call it into the universe well Well, honestly, me and James Acaster nearly died that night. We were sitting there, both on our little plane seats. Were you holding hands? We were holding hands as we went down. I really wasn't thinking about him. God, I'd be scared if you were. But I remember when we were in the sky kind of circling round to land again. And honestly, it was like thunder in the sky like lightning thunder like

raining like plane was like not like honestly the plane was going also when it was going up again it was like we're gonna die like this is this is it um and i did land blah blah but i remember thinking when i was in the sky and i am dead reporting to you now as a ghost and i am this is coming to you from beyond the grave but i remember thinking that i as soon as i am on the ground i will never ever think any of the shit about myself like fuck my own fucking body dysmorphia fuck social anxiety fuck any insecurity fuck anything that i don't think i can do um that wore off after about two days but i remember that saying how long is this gonna last but it was nice i remember phoning you the next morning about seven in the

morning being like yeah well i'll never be sad again and then i'm thinking well i'll never be cheerful again honestly i'll never be cheerful again and that lasted about two days and look what happened but i remember when i got in the car my mom was like i had a fucking bad feeling about that and so did you yeah because your mom came and picked you up which she would never do she would never do that i kept having this thought of you in a plane like panicking and like looking out the window and things like that i remember things kind of flapping around that's the vibe i'm very like very jaggedy like left and right kind of vibe the man next to me was praying yeah the man next to me honest james acaster was praying was praying it's like the baby's crying people screaming like it was not good it was really not good and you applauded

i never applaud because i fucking hate that i think that's american shit it's also not american it's like um it's really yeah but yeah i'm completely joking no no i love americans yeah but i never applaud because i'm never usually that person that's like you did a good job usually quite mean but i did applaud it's like a white man in the thing you're like don't praise him it's like it's yeah he's done nothing you got this job through nepotism his dad probably was a pilot before him it's fine guys but this time i didn't even i was like oh fuck it i'll clap i'm happy to be alive whatever oh well i'll give them a clap so happy they delivered you back to us safely yeah

so that was my near-death experience what about you did you have any regrets i know you said i'm not i'm gonna live without fear and stuff oh this is what it was about yeah but regrets do you think it pulled any regrets in fact just the regret of not living fully i guess i had no regrets yeah i think i just was like i love life like i was like i just don't want to die in a plane but i think that was more from the perspective of like i don't want my mum to be getting that phone call of like a plane's gone down she's like driving and she's like fuck is no like which plane which plane like i didn't know any of that stuff god we're all getting that this wasn't what we came here for but i remember looking i was looking through at flights and stuff because i remember there was a headline about a plane and i thought oh oh my god it's

it wasn't oh christ it's horrific it was just really horrendous but i think what i was nervous for it wasn't so much regrets it was more i want to protect my family from that unfortunate news that my plane has gone down, my body's lost in the Gatwick airport terminal too. But I don't know. Yeah. What about you? Do you think you would have regrets or do you think you'd be quite happy with the way that you've like chosen to live? Well, I've been happy about the way that I've been chosen to live, but there's still lots that I'm looking forward to, I think, which I would feel a bit gutted that things kind of opportunities have been taken from me. Yeah. Just time. But also I have this thing with getting older. looking forward to i think which i would feel a bit gutted that things kind of opportunities have

been taken from me yeah just time but also i have this thing with getting older remember go on this is kind of my thing that i love to preach about people that like when they're like oh i don't feel i don't feel 22 i feel like i'm still just like 17 yeah that bugs me because i just think it just comes from a place of insecurity one that you've been taught that like women are only valuable in their youth and two i think the main thing is that obviously you associate with childhood because or your childhood self you identify with her or them because you have got this weird misconception about adulthood quote unquote which is a construct anyway um but that suddenly means that you know what you're doing and i just think it's really a reflection of the fact that everyone is just

pretending that they know what they're doing but actually no one really knows what they're doing but you can be confident or insecure or blah blah but i just it always makes me feel a bit sad for people when they're not they don't identify with the own experience of the life that they've lived it's like what do you mean you don't identify with being 24 because you've got 24 years behind you and isn't that so lucky yeah like what a blessing to have all of that life and you've only got hopefully more experience coming is that yeah if you knew you were going to die in 60 seconds i'm sure all of a sudden you would be like yeah i do want to get to 25 i do want to be 26 one day i do want to be 79 one day literally i would hope you do

yeah we were having this conversation the other day and i think something you said which really resonated with me you were saying that um you're 25 say 28 whatever age you want to call yourself whoever you're listening right now you're the age you are now and you still play sims you still play pokemon you still like roller skating or whatever you liked those when you're a kid it doesn't mean that you still feel six you don't still feel 12 you just like those things but you thought you had this weird idea that you grow out of computer games and you grow out of certain behaviors but you don't grow out of them and let's hope you don't because why on earth should you be 18 or playing pokemon why on earth who gave you those rules yeah i think the

problem is when people associate ages with like behaviors it's like no why don't you just live freely keep learning keep growing and see what sticks around like there's there's no pressure and it's fine it's all just fun it's an amazing thing to get older it's like god my 30s like i remember saying in an episode even i'm sure i said this in an episode it's like if this is us now can you imagine like add 10 years onto it's like fuck oh my god i always say i'm gonna peak in my 50s and even that seems early exactly i'm like yeah you should fucking see me in my 50s fuck i don't even want to oh it's like you better wait but yeah i even think that it's like yeah see me when i'm 80 and I think people get trapped in kind of nostalgia I think it's a mental health issue where people put on their rose-tinted glasses and they

can only feel happy or feel anything when they go back to a time from their youth or even from their infancy but I just think you're doing yourself a massive disservice because you've got so much ahead of you and there are also so many amazing experiences that you've had and you're not so distant past that you could also feel something i'm sure you could muster up a little bit of feeling about them um you don't have to kind of regress to access emotion like don't be loyal to your eight-year-old self just be loyal to who you're going to be tomorrow if you make it hopefully and who you are right now yeah i completely agree god she's like i didn't ask he's like i just wanted a nice little like oh i'd regret like not making a movie it's like i didn't ask like i nearly died on a plane honestly fairy godmother

i didn't ask we didn't ask for this. Only a teardrop away. So I always want to talk about this topic at every opportunity. So let's go in. Somebody asked, do you believe in aliens? I knew it was that one from your phrasing. I knew. I only want to talk about aliens, ghosts. Okay.

Well, they didn't ask about ghosts, so you can't talk about ghosts. You can't talk about ghosts? Because of your fear? because you're of your fear i said no no i said god i said you can't i just said you can't i made a joke i was like you can't talk about jokes because they the ghosts they didn't ask you about ghosts no well i actually kind of do want to talk about ghosts now that they're now that you brought them to the table um we did make a halloween episode years and years ago but that is not available anymore well we went in and in on wings experiences with ghosts and demons um and i wish you could all hear it but you can't so maybe you could just give a little like two sentence teaser of what happened to you um i was i was deeply haunted like i literally and i love it i was just so haunted but um

well i was so haunted i think i said this in the episode where like in essays and stuff i couldn't say like if i was handwriting something i couldn't be like so when blah blah does that this demonstrates how the blah blah with the word demonstrates i would write demo straights and then i would go back and put the n in because i didn't want to write the word demon more or less i didn't want to write the word demons plural i was attracting them i couldn't even write the word demonstrates so she was haunted by demons big time i really was though and i remember like being up always up at like 3 a.m like kind of going through like messaging all my friends like is anyone up just to talk to somebody because it was like i need kind of a reminder that

reality exists yeah yeah and just kind of like oh fuck like god. Like, God, I was really, I was so scared. I was so scared. So weird. I'm so jealous out of my fucking asshole. I literally want to see a ghost so badly. I've got all of these things that is, I remember thinking, oh, well, that's, I remember you saying, oh, I'm so into like lucid dreaming. I've never been able to do it. And I thought, oh, great.

Well, she's going to love me because I've been lucid dreaming for so long. It's like all of these things that you're really interested in. It's really annoying that I have had all these experiences. But i think that's kind of why i love you so much also for all the other reasons but you do have experience with the supernatural that i am obsessed with is that all i am to you you are as mad as me in a lot of ways and i'm like stalking you like please tell me more but have you ever had an experience with aliens everyone like tunes out that we thought you were smart well i think my boyfriend is an alien oh so do i yeah i agree because i remember quizzing him on it and him getting quite shifted oh he gets he if he could hear me now he would i might

get a text in a minute saying don't speak about it he's like shut your fucking mortal mouth i don't think he he is an alien i think he was probed by an alien like they could say they did yeah he was abducted probed him and sent him back down sure yeah i've never seen anything like it frankly yeah like yeah and he does have some marks on his body that he doesn't know where they've come from and stuff like that and if you see something in the sky honestly it's that we'll be hearing about for the for the rest of the night he'll literally run to the window like a kid on christmas they're coming to take me there are so many times i've been waiting in bed like tapping my foot waiting for him just like watching him stood at the window yeah so

and he talks about like things i'm like how would you know that like there's little things that he's like there's like a jaw and it's got like a limb and it's like the long claws and stuff like that i'm like how would you know that unless you've been there you 100 were abducted i remember like i think we were walking back somewhere and i was sort of saying like so this whole alien thing like what do you think that's from and he was getting quite angry at me like i told you i don't want to talk about aliens literally yeah literally that so yeah i definitely believe they exist though what i do just in the sense that i'm like what you think this is kind of we're so minuscule yeah it's like put yourself in perspective and i bet you kind of think that um your job is the most important thing that we all have to think about on the planet as well i bet you think the boss is your god i bet you

kind of think that your neighbor is the most important observer of your life like yeah it's like you say you don't believe in god but then look at you worshiping these scrappy dudes yeah exactly it's like take your problems and realize that they're minuscule so easy today hope that helps also drink more water wings dating an alien and she gets haunted by ghosts it's like we thought you guys were like feminists so like feminist clever people what's going on we are also completely mad yeah i know um but i just think how can you not believe in aliens in the sense that if you watch one of those videos where it's like this is how big the earth is and it's like a little pea and then it

spans out and out and out and out and out it's like really you think you're that special mate yeah no you're not but also like you look at the sky and you see all those stars that are all suns and they all have planets they all have solar systems you know i really never saw the stars until i was like well never like now so like now where i live my boyfriend i can see the stars but growing up in london i never once looked out into the night sky and saw stars like i kind of like i didn't know that that was a thing stories like books that you see all the stars in the sky it's like oh god people in the countryside like you see the stars like shit like i'm definitely getting cancer by the time i'm 40 and dying for sure of like all the pollution like it's too late for me and would

you have any regrets yeah i remember literally i don't remember in brighton even like i would literally pull you guys and be like look oh my god the stars like that's crazy i'm quite into um like constellations and stuff i always have been quite into like there's orion's belt like there's yeah well you have the luxury of being able to see them yeah exactly but they are just quite stunning like i do like in portugal when i look and like that's the craziest i've ever seen it because there's no like relative brightness or blah blah blah it's just purely like you're in the dark and it's like mad and that's like shooting star sort of mayhem and i fucking love that kind of animal crossing vibes yeah it's like your blathers is kind of talking your ear off in the corner what's her name um celeste so do you want this diy recipe of a fucking ornate libra mug

it's like yeah it's like i will take it sorry my pockets are full i can't right so what's your thing with aliens then i don't really have i don't have a thing i'm gonna get shifted like your boy i don't i literally don't have any thoughts on aliens what the hell why are you talking about aliens so much um i don't really have a thing about them i'm just absolutely fucking obsessed with them i'm obsessed with anything yeah but like why are you obsessed because they're fucking cool um yeah i just i was obsessed with i had this weird dvd that was like my dad had borrowed it off his friend and I found it and it was called,

if you know this, I will be so impressed because it's my first thing. God, that's new. It was called. If you know this, this is a sign that we've really blown up and gone viral because statistically. The chances are zero.

I can't see it happening. If you are under the age of 50 and know this, I'm shocked. It was called Arthur C. Clarke's's mysterious world god you will not know it and why would you know it but there were loads of them there was one that was on ufos there's one on like bigfoot one that was on like crystal skulls like they were crazy each one was like an hour long episode about like weird phenomenons like ghosts and things like that but um the alien one was so crazy it would all be it would be these people talking about like their experiences seeing UFOs.

And like one of them was like, she, they landed on our house and they looked like sort of, they had like blue hair. It's like, was it by any chance December 25th? Did he have a long beard? Was he putting presents on your chimney? But, but yeah,

I think I've just been obsessed with the idea of like um other life like visiting us and blah blah even though i think like why on earth would they visit us like why would that even happen i just fucking live for it i definitely think this is why we're good friends go on well it was just one of our first like bonding um like kind of tools we definitely bonded over spooky stuff because it's almost like i'm in like all you've got to do is tell me with a straight face and i'm fucking in like i don't believe you i don't have any problems believing unforeseeable information oh my god not at all i believe it all the time i live by it all the time i think people should be a bit like when people

like i'm just skeptical it's like oh look at the things you believe in fucking capitalism mate you believe in a load of shite. You literally believe in the patriarchy. You're here, out there, living by that. She needs to sort out her priorities. Yet you're so unwilling to believe in a tiny little bit of ghosting. A bit of fun. The thought of your grandma visiting you after she's died.

You don't want to believe that. Give me a break. You believe in maths? I don't want to believe that give me a break you believe in maths i don't don't recommend that but i fucking believe you believe in pythagoras theorem but you don't want to believe that when your grandparents die they're going to come and say oh my sweet angel they're going to tuck you in and give you a little kiss on your forehead that's that's too pleasant for you is it you can't handle a bit of love in your life that's a shame save it all for me more for us tiktok's been telling you this romanticize

your fucking life i just think what a bleak existence it is when you're like no proof though can we talk about that romanticizing your life yeah let's do it and like main character stuff and like blah blah blah i love it me too okay well i'm glad we spoke about that cool um so why do you love it go on acas powers the world's best podcasts here's a show that we recommend nature i've got a gay rooster named francois is so gay. These rams are gay. I'm studying gay animals. Does that mean I'm gay?

So why don't more people know this? I'm Owen Ever. I'm Lane Kaplan-Levinson. And this is a field guide to gay animals. A podcast about queerness in the natural world. The animal kingdom is queer. And we are a part. Find a field guide to gay animals on Spotify, Apple,

or wherever you get your podcasts. ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com Well, it gives you quite an opportunity to indulge in the smallness of yourself and and kind of create yeah well i'm ruled by venus so i love all the romantic beautiful things and i just think that's what i just think okay well you could yeah you could live in bleakness or you could live in bleakness but put your rosy trousers on and live in a rosy bleakness it's like yeah we'll sometimes dip into the rosy bleakness then that's fine it's kind of you could

either just be sitting on a train or you could be sitting on a train pretending it's a music video okay okay i'll do that i'll put my hand along the on the window and let a little tear go down i can do that for you you don't want to know the music video repertoire i have in my mind stunning but this is also a thing like with us doing this is that like you listening will often message us and which is like god i mean we can't even tell you how much we love you like i think we do tell them quite a lot but it still doesn't sum it up at all yeah it's such a thing of everyone being like oh you're so basically just get loads of compliments all the time. But people, like, give loads of compliments. But we've said this before.

You might think, oh, okay, I like surfing women because they're funny. Or, like, I like surfing women because they're smart. Or I like surfing women because they're empowered. But it's, you don't. You don't really like us at all. This really isn't about us at all. It's about, you see, like, two people on the internet or whatever and all the things that you might think okay i like stephanie wing because they're empowered you only like that

because that's a part of yourself and you are connecting with it because we're reflecting it back at you all of the amazing qualities that we apparently have possessed through your um perspective is only the way that you feel about yourself yeah you just need to allow you to see yourself the way that you view people on the internet or other people that you admire or idolize etc but it's like i find it sad when you see like a 14 year old girl have like ariana grande is her profile picture and she's got this whole like fan account dedicated to ariana grande which is stunning that's really nice but it's like you've dedicated all of this time and like thought to compliment someone you could be doing that to yourself and it's like yeah you only like ariana grande because she was like a bit sweet in interviews and you

know and you connected to her you related to her and why is that because you're sweet too like you you're only relating to people because you possess those same qualities or whatever you think that you see in them you have that in yourself and you see their strength and you think yeah i want that strength but you don't know that you already have that strength you already have it and most likely the person that you're looking at thinking oh they seem so strong there they seem so great they sound so funny probably isn't thinking about themselves they probably got other people it might be the worst day of their life oh we've had messages where i have been this is the bit that's so crazy to me that there have been days obviously there are days in all of our lives we just feel like absolute

fucking shit and there have been days where i've just been like fuck i just want to go to bed and i hate everything and i just literally want to lie down and fuck life like i'm just done i'm literally done get me back on that plane i'll reverse this shit um but i was i'm just done i'm literally done get me back on that plane i'll reverse this shit um but i was i'm just like i want to go to bed and we get a message that's like you how do you do this how are you guys so empowered it's like you're what like this is crazy like you if you knew or like people that send messages that trigger me and then i think god like if you knew like if you knew like if you knew the power you hold in our lives you're so sweet but i'm triggered from it because of imposter

syndrome and bullshit um but it's like yeah you're so confident like yeah we are so confident but we're also human and it's like it people almost you forget the humanity of things when you see things not even through a screen through our little headphones we're even more fragmented to you but it's also like it's so frustrating to hear like people be like oh i just like want to start my own podcast or blah blah if you need i have a feeling that you need to hear this right now someone sitting you down please take a seat and and i'm gonna say to you this is your sign to get started on that thing that you want to do and you're a bit scared and you keep putting it off because the timing's not right or you don't know how you're gonna make it

work or everyone's gonna judge you no because in 60 i'm telling you you've got 60 seconds to live and there's nothing you can do about it let's get started okay that was a joke you don't have 60 seconds to live but everyone's like looking around them now like how is this gonna get me yeah but you should get started on that thing because living authentically it can't come soon enough no living without fear it cannot come soon enough and live just um living not wanting to brand yourself not going well that makes sense if i do this bit and that makes sense if i just slot that little bit in there and then i'll give off this perception no no no we're not doing that what do you actually want to do please do it please do it and it's hard what are the things that you would be thinking about if you'd be if you were reminded of your mortality yeah how would you get started where would you begin also it might fail well as

long as you learn something it never fails like this is the thing i was listening to a song actually it was a song i heard on tiktok because i did redownload to redownload tiktok and it's going but i was listening um i was listening to this song and one of the lyrics was like i um i made um fucking six albums they all flopped but i'm still here and it's like yeah what a privilege to have make six albums and they all flop what a privilege because you've actually learned so much from that and that is actually quite desirable obviously it's great to have album number one reach fucking number one but it's also amazing to still be doing it and still be striving and learning but also i know 100 if your album number one hits number one you're not

feeling happy you're feeling terrified as fuck that you're never going to be able to come back again nothing you ever do will ever compare in your personal life and in the music that you go into after this you're going to be a one-hit wonder it was just a fluke the imposter syndrome jumps out yeah and you don't allow yourself to be happy it's so true it's just such a blessing to be able to try things and even if it doesn't work i mean what we're doing right now it could fucking flop like this could be flop number one we don't know if we're trying and that's that's the blessing of it all but anything that you get enjoyment out of and anything that you feel in some way has served you as a person in that moment whether that lasts

10 minutes or 10 years that was right for you then and that yeah that's a success that's that could never be a flop nothing can be a flop in you unless you allow it to be a flop i guess god we're on fire today you're on fire don't you think we're on fire today yeah i think we're on fire you're on fire um you're on fire it's like we're not really getting the rhythm of it right so are they getting that it's a sort of quirrel to Snape? You're on fire. Yeah, that's it. And then Snape, what happens there?

He falls backwards. He falls back because Hermione does her little thing because she thinks, he's jinxing the broom. Jinxing the broom. Nice, nice, nice, nice. And he's like really, they're like, I haven't seen that one in years. I had it on the other day.

Is that one where his hand goes all floppy? No, that's chamber of secrets that's gilroy lockhart yeah crap chasing the bro anyway let's go i don't have an answer for this one but i want to throw it to you because it's so interesting i'm ready to catch it i'm open you're open i'm open i'm open i'm gonna do a little we don't know enough football jokes to keep i'll just say lads that's football right lads boys oh right like team i'm kind of get your head in the game vibes oh i was like um such a fake right then break something outside j what is an outside j no idea why am i feeling so wrong i love that my head's in the game i think but my heart's in the song sorry i had to finish i love the sports songs in high school musical you like hey bad about it which

i kind of like for making pancakes hey batter batter hey hey but i'm not into the kind of glorified rounders vibe with a hint of queer baiting i love a hint of queer baiting i love chad and ryan hint of queer baiting that's what i'm into you're kind of picturing them with the peach you're taking them to a kind of spanish resort you know i am well it's kind of little 10 year old me watching that scene did not know what was going on but she was like oh my god oh my god something's going on you did know what was going on right or no i did i definitely don't think i saw ryan as gay like i saw like him what yeah i don't think i knew i think i fancied ryan for a bit just because he's like the nice guy because he was like with kelsey obviously ridiculous how bizarre i don't think i had words for it like we had like gay family friends but i

didn't i didn't know that camp you'd heard of gay people you knew they existed somewhere no i don't think they'd be in your movie yeah but not within disney not within the disney universe like i knew gay people in my life i didn't know gay people on tv because i'd like never seen that before really and he wasn't and he was like with a girl yeah but like but that scene was the one where i was like i know what's going on here right you had a hint and you liked it you wanted to see more well i loved chad anyway i was always more of a chad girl than a troy girl but i assume you're a troyer because you're just gabriella in every way i'm gonna take that as an insult only because i know that you don't like gabriella but also no

i do like gabriella but i know that you don't lie i just i just associate with sharpay yeah because you're a slitherin yeah but i associate you with gabriella but more just looks wise only because i was i was the main character only because exactly yeah and i was the evil bitch yeah which is fine that's okay we can go with that that's why we're friends that's fine for me but you can't say you're gabriella knowing we've had like i literally used gabriella as a reference for you last week to say you're not a gabriella you're a sharpay like to try and empower you sharpay that's what you like to hear and then you try and flip it back on me but it doesn't work it's like me saying oh last

week i spent a lot of time saying i don't like potato chips and then today i'm like you know what you remind me of potato chips an american potato chips yeah you remind me of i don't know like a potato chip anyway well it's more looks wise you remind me of gabriella oh well i'm all over it it's i'm getting paid more than everyone else it's fine i'm leaking my nudes left right and center vanessa ann hudgens over here vanessa ann hudgens with a hint of selena with a hint of selena yeah i said bye what's her name oh that's really rude of me to say what's her name marlin marlin marlin from love island said that i look like selena gomez you know i messaged her the other day she didn't reply so she's gone off of us a fun story marlin used to really quite like us but now she doesn't i don't know what happened so yeah and i thought i'm gonna message her and kind of spice things back up but she wasn't it was tumbleweeds so that's fine but

she does think you look like selena gomez and you'll always have that under your belt so a compliment lasts forever exactly oh well this that could be the answer because someone said what has been the most pivotal moment of your life to date or that you can think of i knew it was gonna be there and it could be marlin saying you look like selena i know what one you're gonna say oh go on um you know no i know i knew you were gonna ask that question you know the ones i like i know yeah i know and i know how you would set them up as well which is really funny um we finish each other's sandwiches i would say i know the most pivotal moment of my life immediately which really lowers the tone of the podcast but if you didn't know i was homeless when i was like 16 17 so true which was pretty pivotal to me yeah well because i'm so far from that now yeah um but yeah

if you didn't know i left home when i was like i don't know like 16 17 which was crazy it wasn't easy it wasn't easy it was crazy say it again it was crazy it wasn't easy and now i'm you know i literally had nowhere to go just like a bag bag of fucking kind of Topshop Joanie jeans. Oh my God. I remember those. And a lot of tears. And just, you know, now here we are. Big pivotal moment. Big pivotal moment. Yeah. I mean that, to be honest. You asked. You did ask. And you shall receive. She's like, I didn't ask. I'm like, you did ask. No, receive she's like i didn't ask i'm like you did ask no but i think yeah that is a pivotal moment big pivotal moment oh and also we got an assumption well we had a few people be like you're posh you're posh

i think sephie's posh but i'm not posh you know how i know sephie's posh is because she you're gonna hate this is because her and her sister will be like oh did you speak to mummy about mummy and daddy the mummy and daddy the mummy and daddy gets you i know yeah well i don't think and then she says oh did you speak to my lunch they ride off in their horse and carriage but also i'm not posh because i was fucking living on the streets bro and i mean i'm really not no matter how much you try and gentrify northeast london it doesn't work for me but i i've really assimilated to like being as posh as possible to get as much as possible to make your life as easy as possible yeah absolutely and i've had privilege in different ways to get that i think i'm quite a weird mix like my mum's side is very middle class my dad's side really isn't you grew up in a village so you would always be more

or like a small town so you would always be more like in my mind posh is posh to like come from no not at all not at all i mean i get that but i get it completely because you would think that like more urban is more is less posh but not at all like my my village was very much not a middle class but well it's it's just completely mixed like every area i think i'm just a weird combo of things but i'll take posh i think i very much got my mum's voice being working class in a city is different to being working class in the countryside yeah completely completely because the concepts the behaviors the patterns it's all different but then also oh well we're both um state school kids if that clears up any

oh for sure any cues neither of us went to private school and i would no die i mean you can imagine who'd we'd be if we went to private school it wouldn't be little old sephian wing on a podcast it would be be sephian wing territory get out your passport welcome to our nation literally it would be we both kind of sign in here in the cabinet here's your uniform welcome to our world yeah we're still limited by our limited education you know what when we got off well my boyfriend was saying to me the other day he was like yeah because he always has these dodgy impressions of me um and he said to me when you get off the phone with sephie you sound like this. I sound like kind of Princess Margaret. I kind of sound like a real royalist.

Yeah. I've always had throughout my life. I've got a posh voice, though, because I think at my school it stood out as well because my mum has a very posh voice. So therefore me and my sister and my brother have a really posh have posh voices, too. And you say mummy. And we say mummy. It is actually really sweet. Yeah, I say mummy. But I don't know why. It's almost like we couldn't really grow out of it. is too um and you say mommy and we say it's actually really sweet yeah i say mommy um but

i don't know why it's almost like we couldn't really grow out of it like i i think i because i'm the oldest i set the tone of i'm never gonna stop saying it so then but we have said to my brother you have to stop now because of the patriarchy you can't say mommy yeah um but yeah i've always had i've had a posh voice which i don't really know what to do i tried i think i've said this on the podcast before no no keep it well i tried my hardest to get a posh voice because i knew i had a real like in it um nang i said on the podcast before like i had that that was my vocabulary it was not this beautiful kind of um vocal fry that you're hearing now kind of um vocal fry that you're hearing now i really had to work out of my accent in order to not draw attention to myself which is a shame so is this is this your not is this your like natural speaking voice now i'm not putting on a voice now yeah consciously but if i was speaking

to you versus like somebody out like another friend my voice would sound different but this is also my mirror ball moment where i just reflect back like if i was doing a podcast with one of my which i would never happen but if i was doing a podcast with somebody else like a different friend my voice would sound probably more like theirs so interesting but also i think my my kind of northeast london accent comes out if i'm drunk or if i'm angry or maybe if i'm like a bit um you know what it came out in my driving test which i think says something about me you know how i know that yeah go on this is really weird but the guy was like to me we were driving we'd literally been driving for like well i'd been driving for like 90 seconds and he was like oh

did you come from far today to take your test i was like no no like kind of 10 minutes down the road or whatever and he was like but your voice like you're not from here like where are you from and i was like oh he was like you really sound like you're from walthamstow which if you know london i'm from like walthamstow way like that he knew immediately so my voice must come in and out but it's fine i'm all right it's okay no i think that's i mean it's pretty normal to we're fine with all perceptions around here well that's the thing i can't get in your brain and kind of figure things out for you to make sure that you know um kind of accurately who we are because it doesn't matter no it doesn't matter at all all that matters is you're enjoying this podcast now i was the only thing i have to live for the only thing that matters it's fine because also like i'm

not i'm not um majorly like upset by the idea of people thinking i'm really posh because it's just it's kind of like um um yes and no it's literally kind of yes and no it loads of ways privilege and loads of ways not it's just completely yes and no yeah well it's the nuance of it as well because it's like yeah well my mum was privately educated but i still grew up on free school meals so it's kind of like yeah we're nuanced here so funny also loads of people said um can we talk about this one that we said we were gonna talk about which is everyone thinks that sephie's like really organized oh yeah yeah yeah when she's actually like the most chaotic person you'll ever meet like i think you are probably one of the most chaotic like not even disorganized but yeah disorganized chaotic people in life i've ever ever met i'm manic i'm i'm not

organized i think i've been super um kind of misleading with my idea of spreadsheets that we've been talking about i am honestly the last person to know what's going on on the spreadsheet i am chaos in a bucket well put it this way i've made about five spreadsheets for sephian wing that she's never even opened one well you said just now like i put that on our shared calendar and i was like what calendar like i'm really like quite virgo about things but if you say you've been doing a spreadsheet by contrast it's it's just what we do with not even just women just with people you want to put them in boxes and we do it without even realizing it's just so funny it is funny i think it's specifically funny because they said

someone said and you put this one on the story i think that you i leave everything to the last minute which is hilarious it's so inaccurate has everything done it's like look i can't even tell you flip that flip it like that is completely opposite it's almost like you must have got our names the wrong way around because wing is organized like you're like bullet journal times and I'm kind of like a mess oh yeah I've been bullet journaling for like five years which does mean that I'm superior to everybody else yeah I think it's fair to say that I've been doing a bullet journal for that long to be honest and I'm just pure chaos like I literally I don't plan anything I'll get there late to everything you don't know where you're going you haven't printed the right thing off oh i leave myself time to get lost because i'm so dyspraxic that it kind of if i go down one i know that i'm

wherever i'm going i leave myself 15 minutes to get lost and i'll still be late because i'll just be in an area crying going where am i it's a laissez-faire way of living which feeds into every avenue it's not good i'm funny no it is good it's hilarious it's one of the things i love about you on the long list of many um okay i was gonna pin it back on you what what do you think is the most pivotal moment of your life quite a big question i don't fucking know i was thinking about this it's a collection of of um i think the most pivotal this isn't nice as well it's deep and dark and horrid as well well that's the thing yeah they're never gonna be nice are they this person wanted us to cry

i think this is the thing with pivotal moments they're never gonna be the moment that everyone said that i was the best person on earth like it was just the moment i committed to myself it's like yeah i fucking wish i reckon the most pivotal moment of my life was my parents splitting up which we got some questions about that by my life was my parents splitting up which we got some questions about that by the way not your parents playing up so why did they break up they were so good together but we got like questions about like dealing with like divorce and just like trial childhood stuff by the way which we always say we're gonna we've been like tempting broken fucking record we've definitely both been kind of, kind of tempting you for the idea,

with this idea of this like divorce episode. We're dangling divorce in front of your face, but you just can't grab it. We just can't bring ourselves to talk about it because it is quite heavy, but also it's not because I think, I mean, both of us were the same age. Well, there's just always something more fun to talk about.

And both of us were the same age. We're both really young and it's kind of like yeah i don't particularly have a big hook on it now like it's fine but i think that was a moment in my life where my life was either going to go one way or the other and it went one way and changed forever but not even in a bad way but just kind of well it was bad at the time but kind of it was actually if you don't know the story she was swinging off of like banisters and stuff swinging off of her bed frame going ah kind of like a sim on fire just like waving their hands i went mental i went completely mad because i thought incantatum inflamare yeah yeah it was it was what is that girl doing me and my sister were

like climbing up and down our loft beds just like screaming which is the most bizarre thing to be doing funny um it is kind of the most you thing i've ever heard it's very it's kind of yeah it's kind of the way that my family would react to anything is just it's kind of if i broke up with you tomorrow you're you're screaming hanging off the bed i'm gonna have to i need to be on ice i need to be ice skating get my body moving as fast as my head is sort of thing yeah it's gonna get you on stealth get me on stealth at all points get me on stealth but yeah i think that's probably the most pivotal moment but i wish it was something really fucking nice and like the moment i fell in love with my life but no i think that's a collection

of like small moments over time exactly that doesn't happen that's not an overnight vibe and also it's like you fall in and out of love quite a lot like it's just like endless breakups and endless like kind of makeup vibes i think pivotal moments are always kind of around the corner as well like i've already had a few pivotal moments and i'll continue to have a few hopefully if i continue to live i don't plan on dying so if i die it wasn't me no matter what they tell you um i think that's the thing it's like i've had pivotal moments this today i've had pivotal moments this week like yeah many this year and in my life there's so many it's every night go to bed and say goodbye to the self that you have today because tomorrow is a whole new bitch okay i've got one i've got

a few go on should we do a quick fire oh i don't have any quick fire all right no go okay well no no let's do slow fire let's do a slow burning fire let's go okay well someone said i don't know if this is quite what about the one that says how do you structure your days at first my lack of routine felt like freedom now it's prison which i just thought write me a poem why don't know if this is quite what about the one that says how do you structure your days at first my lack of routine felt like freedom now it's prison which i just thought write me a poem why don't you wow um isn't that nice well you're quite the queen of structure yeah i am despite what they may say yeah well i'm kind of wake up early when gets up at like 6 a.m earlier probably wake up early when gets up at like 6 a.m earlier probably well like sometimes i wake up earlier yeah i just naturally wake up early but i also naturally go to bed really late i just get no sleep it's kind of margaret thatcher reincarnate um yeah i mean i like a fair bit of structure but

only because i have the privilege to structure my life around things that i enjoy um because i like what i'm doing day to day and um i kind of like my environment right now and those sorts of things so worst case scenario so let's say worst so i was thinking a lot as well like especially at the beginning of the pandemic now i just don't give a fuck about anyone i've had to completely withdraw all care from society because it's just honestly not good for my mental health i'm just not watching the news i'm just like not hearing about anyone else's problems it's all about me not joking um but i do think i need a bit of that every now and then because i'm not naturally like that like i naturally take in a lot of other people's shit

anyway um at the beginning of the pandemic especially i was really thinking a lot and it calls back to what i said earlier of like thank god or whoever that is but thank the universe thank fuck that i'm not kind of quarantining um in kind of that situation that i had to leave like thank god i'm not quarantining as a teenager when things like weren't ideal and blah blah blah yeah um so i mean i think in the worst environment possible without obviously my safety being compromised i would say i would structure my day around trying to find at least one pleasant thing that i know and i would maybe save it towards the end of the day one pleasant thing that i know i've got to look forward to and it could literally just be

i'm gonna spend 20 minutes cooking a dinner that i really really like that i haven't had in a while and i'm gonna really get excited about it remember when oh so also a lot of you didn't know that we used to live together but when stephanie and i used to live together we would have like and i know like we still do it now it would be like oh should we get like kind of oven pizza it'd be like pizza night it's like oh new veggie burgers oh vegan burger night it was really it's just you're eating dinner but it would be like no look it's pasta night like it would be like we're gonna well we'd watch about millionaire we'd probably watch about seven episodes of game of thrones and we had like a tiny kind of patch of concrete outside of our house and we acted like it was the fucking bahamas and we would go and sit on this tiny patch of concrete on the front garden by the way on the on the street

yeah while everyone's walking past thinking what on earth are they doing and we would make like a real kind it was like real alfresco god it was great i think if you can find one thing to look forward to throughout your day you don't have to so like i do a full structured situation just naturally though where i wake up and i like do this and i do this and it's like very um it's kind of pinterest morning vibes but it doesn't have to be that that's not my advice it's just the point i'm at now and that's not necessarily permanent my advice would be find one thing one little thing where you can use it to kind of be a bit nice to yourself and it could just be making sure that you have something more than a bowl of cereal today yeah i used to have a rule that i had to laugh every single day like that's a good one even

though it's like i i'm quite a i find a lot of things funny i find the i do find the humor in things that maybe aren't even that funny um but i used to be friends yeah i make jokes you laugh but i had to laugh every single day and i had a youtube like compilation thing that i would if i hadn't like if i couldn't think of a big belly laugh i had that day but something that was hysterically funny i would go to this like um playlist and watch them until i was like hysterically laughing and i still do things like that if i'm um at all like feeling a bit stagnant or just like numb to life i will just watch something that is hilarious that will make me like really laugh and i think that's a great way to i know it's not structure it's not like you're not going to get anything

done by that but trust me you'll just feel so much better no it is a bit of structure it's like what do you structure kind of the ones it's like kind of yeah the top of your to-do list every day is kind of like watch ricky gervais make a joke about trans people but it's like yeah but you need to find one thing a day one little thing top of your to-do list is belly laugh i think that's really nice i think it's also i'm not the most structured person contrary to what you all think i can't it's honestly hilarious i can't emphasize enough how chaotic she is that's why i think it's a healthy reminder that as much as you can all perceive us there is just so much that will not be conveyed although i just you're all entitled just to make your own like crazy assessments because i really have no structure to most things and i like things to be

pretty free in general and pretty spontaneous i would like to be invited out now and i'd probably well if i could go i'd go sort of thing i wouldn't really like on tuesday every tuesday you're going to do that that sort of gives me sort of yeah um nervous tummy vibes um yeah I'm not the most structured but I definitely think there are a few things that I really like to keep to like I just small things like I do my eyeliner every day just like I if I'm not really wearing my eyeliner because I don't really wear any other makeup rather than just eyeliner and mascara and if I haven't got that on I'll feel a bit yeah you're not in character it's funny just because it's like I've been doing that same look literally the same look since I was like 13 and it's just part of my routine to to feel like myself just tiny things like that or

like if I now I mean yoga is a big part of my routine these days if i haven't done that i will feel unbalanced and i like to watch something in the evening i love to watch some fucking tv in the evening oh yeah we're doing a cool thing here as well in this in a similar vein to burger night and stuff we're doing quite nights like um last um weekend like last saturday it was lebanese night and then we do like italian night and french night spanish night japanese night we've gone through all the nights you do need that though well i do i think it's just like yeah give me a bit of pizzazz yeah and especially if it's food oh i'm really excited i have a drink like smoke some weed it's fine so true um i like this one this person said has a man ever put your pleasure above his own constantly let me just quickly grab my dog sorry

classic man putting his his pleasure above your own i was just about to say that come on then little weasel head oh my god thank you okay sorry it's really not not knocking on the door um okay yeah has a man ever put pleasure yeah constantly that's the norm isn't it well yeah kind of every night of my life i'm in a long-term relationship but i wouldn't have any other way i kind of presume in everything we do my pleasure is above his own um no i mean we're balanced no it's his pleasure is above yours no your pleasure is above his own has a man ever put your pleasure above his oh you're saying no i'm saying no oh you've got the wrong end of the stick there i'm completely joking but i think it's like um i demand that but it is constantly met with like

a jarred expression of like what yeah i think it's always um kind of with boys our age that have kind of been slamming their fingers into like a really dry vagina like they they don't really understand calling that finger yeah yeah i think has a man ever put your pleasure above his own above his own i think it's a mix because i they're almost getting something out of it like they're almost getting either equal or more out of most kind of casual sex situations or even just like um yeah a friendly sex situation so it's kind of they're getting more or equal i can't think of a situation where i've been like put my pleasure above my above your own yeah yeah so impressed like yeah you really really got nothing out of that and i got loads out of that

like you just got such a minimal amount of that out of that like that was so great for me like no never really never i think it's rare it's only the fact that i've been in a relationship for a long time where it's just it's just completely different i think it's really really rare for like look at the way we're raised like of course men wouldn't put your pleasure they don't have to they don't have to they can get everything they want well they think they the problem is they think that they are yeah yeah literally the problem is they think it's equal they don't know that you're you're any like that what's happening right now is literally sexual assault i wish i could go into detail about this but i can't really go on um but i was in a situation quite recently breach your privacy where um breach my privacy and the privacy of others for our entertainment so you can really hit my dog i think there was a guy that

was quite shocked by even your own priority prioritization prioritization privatization of your own desire um i think it's sometimes quite shocking to a man that isn't accustomed to that and they don't know how to act almost like when you know what you want it can be quite intimidating i think which i love i love being a bit intimidating but but it's i think it's sometimes met with a bit of shock of like oh i think it makes them second guess every other sexual encounter they've ever had because they know if this is more likened to what they should have been doing granted like everyone likes different things but if by paying attention to

you was something that he should have been doing more of then it causes him to look back and think shit like was everyone faking it with me yeah probably yeah or like um oh i can't go into too much detail but it's just sort of crazy that's all i'll say thanks for that that was really um it's a good thing i'm a podcast it's just kind of crazy well should we leave it there yeah let's leave that's all crazy yeah well we'll see you um next week yeah for sure unless you've all got 60 seconds to live 60 seconds oh god wouldn't that be horrifying we all have 60 seconds what i don't like is if someone no everyone's gonna turn off the podcast i was gonna say what happens if someone dies while listening to our podcast and then we get sued

i guess we'll never know but i wouldn't like to hear that if i was listening to a podcast and they said what happens if you died while listening to this it's like oh now you've tempted fate a little bit like you've got you're watching your clock exactly yeah oh i don't like this i think we're i don't like it i don't like it i don't want you to think that we're doing that to you cool right we'll see you next week then guys and enjoy your week i hope they enjoy