Goes Without Saying - navigating uncertain futures: omw to chaos do u need anything?

Episode Date: April 25, 2022

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Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com and I'm Sefi you look bored out of your nut already do I? I was just thinking what a lovely smooth voice that was oh thank you so much this is a great episode I'll put my hands up and say it sue me I think this is a great episode this is a good episode if you are feeling like

you don't know what is coming up next for you and there's maybe a little bit there's the whispers of pressure creeping in to try and figure shit out. And your parents have got a stern look on their face. And all of your friends are running off doing God knows what. And everyone is doing amazing, apparently. And you're stressing the fuck out. So I honestly think this episode, personally, would make me feel a fraction better.

And just before we get into it i do hope you feel okay in life i'm sure you do um enjoy welcome back guys hi i've kind of forced sephie onto the podcast because she said she had some news about twilight and i'm like she was like i want to save it for the podcast i'm like well we need to start recording now then because i can't wait well i asked you what have you been watching anything and then i was like i haven't really been watching anything and then i was like i fucking have what a complete lie tell me the news tell me the news the breaking news from 2010 so over the last over the last four days i have watched with my mom twilight new moon and eclipse i have not watched breaking dawn part one or breaking part two

breaking door part two yeah i have done quite a major pivot in my stance on twilight oh my god and the whole way through like basically i feel like it won't even sound that major because i've been slagging off edward cullen since the day we put microphones in front of us oh i'm i'm already i'm already shaken to my core honestly i have always been despite the psychopathic nature of edward cullen i have been team edward a little bit team jasper goes without saying all the problematic stuff aside guys famously i'm team edward in my mind i have pivoted strongly to team jacob this is really big for you this is really big news i don't know how and i couldn't believe it i couldn't believe it like the whole way through me and my mum were

watching it like we love jacob wow we love jacob and we were literally like i like i'm a bit in love with taylor lautner 15 years too late i'm loving taylor i know i've never liked him before i've never liked jake i'm to be honest i'm speechless there were so many moments when like we've spoken honestly time and time again you're bored of it too many times of it about how edward is a psychopath uh-huh jacob's a psychopath as well he definitely is the imprinting great. And the non-consensual kiss, not great. To be honest, yeah, the fact that he was written by Stephenie Meyer just ultimately means the whole thing is not great. However.

However. If Bella was to make the choice between two of them, and believe me, I'm not the biggest Bella fan. And if you're Bella. If I'm Bella, let's add in some personality to my portrayal of Bella Swan. Yeah. If I have those two options. The most pizzazz Bella's ever had. bella let's add in some personality to my perception my portrayal of bella swan yeah if i have those two options pizzazz bella's ever had there are so many moments where it's like edward actually it's not even funny oh my god he's a psychopath he's so jealous it's like no

you're actually like a murderer like watching this it's like i wouldn't be surprised if there's like alternate ending haha i've tricked you you're eternally a vampire now and i'm gonna fucking like you're trapped here with me you're in my prisoner now like there are so many moments there's one that stood out to me that i was like this is such a real life situation jacob gives bella like a bracelet because he realizes she's going to turn into a vampire soon i'm going to give her this bracelet um and it's like a it has like a little wooden pendant that he's made of a wolf pretty ugly that's really thoughtful it's really cute yeah from his tribe you know he's like sat there carving this little wooden pendant and he's made it on a bracelet

sentimental value it's like a graduation present for bella and he's like i've made this for you if you could use that wood to like you you know how vampires like die with like. A wooden stake through the heart. You're supposed to. Yeah, stake. Yes. Not in Twilight. You need to be like, have your head snapped off and burnt.

Right. Crazy. Yeah. But do you know what I mean? Anyway. He's there like carving this thing. This is news to me. I can't remember this bracelet at all.

He gives it to Bella. I didn't remember this at all. And then there's a bit later when Edward sees it on Bella. He comes back a bit later and says i think it's only fair i think it's only fair if i am also represented on the bracelet and gives her like a little charm like a little diamond charm he's gone to pandora literally literally he's gone down to tiffany's he's been in the queue for pandora what the fuck and it is so real life manipulation abuser like well you can't have something that doesn't i have to be represented also on the bracelets like that's a that's a nice moment between jacob and bella and he's between to be honest between two

like 18 year olds and you 100 year old man can't understand freak and there are so many moments i'm watching it where he's putting you off it's an ickable offense it's not even like oh they've coded jealousy as romantic it's not even any of the shit that i've been saying on here about edward it is so much more real than that it's like no he's actually like a walking it's actually red flag like it Like for Bella to make the decision to be with Edward, she has to give up her entire friendship group. When he's with her,

she does not speak to her friends. You look so good. The concern on your face. Just so the listener understands what's happening here. I've never seen this level of concern on Seve's face. For a fictional character

that would happen like fucking 15 years ago. You're properly shaken up. I'm shaken to my core by my love this is urgent news the whole time i was watching this i can't believe i was like i have been glorifying this psychopath in my mind you know what you're giving me right now the taylor swift song back to december if you don't know it's about her having this relationship with taylor lautner and she kind of um the song back to december is her like taking responsibility and being like shit you're actually a good guy like i didn't give you the credit that you deserve and that's kind of your energy right now you're like i miss your tan skin your sweet smell i do miss his so good to me so right that's

the energy i'm getting from you right now. And I couldn't agree more. I think I've really overlooked Jacob and Taylor as a whole. He's the best of the bad bunch then. Is that the vibe? By miles. By miles. Still flawed. Completely flawed.

But like compared to this buffoon. But nowhere fucking near compared to the awfulness of Edward. Right. I was just shocked. I like, usually i'm like oh he's disgusting he's toxic but oh my god give me that i will love you for a thousand years montage that is so funny i'm so sure my whole life you've been quite viciously team edward the whole time i've known you it's really it's hard actually the pivot how are you gonna cope with this

identity shift what does this mean for us and our brand like i wasn't enjoying any scene with edward on every every minute he'd walk on i used to get like heart flutters now i'm like oh fuck off leave her alone no i really can tell i can tell the whole of new moon the whole plot is that he you've all seen it he goes away he leaves bella and she's just about and the gorgeous scene where the camera's revolving around her flooding through the seasons it's so good in that i said the only thing i would change about that is i don't think it needs the month written on the screen just silly bit much because it just speaks for itself beautiful scene speaks for itself yeah yeah

just don't spell it out so much yeah fair enough he leaves bella and he goes and he bella is just picking up the pieces of her life she's just trying to build some motorbikes with jacob all to see edward but she's i just had a thought i'm so sorry to interrupt just speaking about the artistic choice of putting the chapters on i think do you think am i making this up am i giving her too much credit or like am i making up something that didn't exist in the book of new moon does is there a chapter like november and it's just blank and then it's like the next chapter do you know i don't know i've never read i never read new moon i've only ever read twilight i don't know why my memory is telling me that's real but maybe i that

was just my idea maybe just now but maybe that because it kind of gives that book just had the page ripped out yeah but like the title November or whatever and it's just blank maybe I might be making that up is Stephanie a genius I don't think so either way whether or not i've made that up i think either way no but also love her um yeah maybe explaining to the like horny 13 year olds that it the month is changing that they might not have been able to keep up but there's literally halloween followed like it's just it couldn't be more yeah i guess i mean there's a lot of confusing but the whole thing is quite confusing I guess I'm sure they would have got the gist of the yeah that's the one thing I change about Twilight I'm barking up the wrong tree well I'm shook same I'm happy for you though he's just he's

actually too abusive for me to love yeah fair enough fair enough that's what it's taken the bracelet no the whole way through I was just like i can't even fucking deal with this twat wow like if she was with jacob she wouldn't have to change anything also like i had this weird revelation when i was watching it and i was like edward's skin is cold edward's penis is cold is cold cold to the touch my mom even said imagine him she said the word penetrating you with a cold penis you've had an intense couple days it's because the whole thing is building towards oh my god they're gonna have sex and it's like wait let's remember his penis is cold his dick. Oh, I don't think so.

Sorry, that was the doctor. Which sounds doctor who? It sounds really gross. It sounds like some sort of code. Sorry, that was the doctor calling. That was the doctor. Anyway, this episode. Are we done with that chat?

Yeah, we're way done with that chat. Okay. Thoughts on this ep then? My thoughts are I'm excited for this app i don't have any coherent thoughts right now i feel like no neither never um i feel like everyone i feel like it's kind of the time of year when everyone's like oh you're graduating what you're doing blah blah but i also feel like just for anyone like wherever you are in life everyone always just feels like they don't know what they're doing they don't know where they're going yeah confusion pressure all of that shit

so sorry to bring it up if you are graduating soon i'm sure you're really annoying to hear me say that yeah congrats i just feel like it's kind of i don't know i'm just always down to hear people acknowledge that there's pressure i'm always down to hear people say they don't know I'm just always down to hear people acknowledge that there's pressure I'm always down to hear people say they don't know what they're doing as well I think that's one of the things that I love so true I think as as you grow up there's this weird revelation of like oh I was my parents age when they had me I'm the age now of my teachers I'm the age now of my old babysitter blah blah blah blah people that you thought had their shit together and the older you get and you're going to be having this revelation at 40 at 50 at 70 at 90 um that it's like wait no one ever knew what they were doing and i think it is one of the best revelations you

can have that it's just like oh the pressure's off then if the people that were teaching me if the people that were raising me had no fucking clue what they're doing, pressure's fucking off then. It's quite simple, really. Yeah. This whole thing is kind of just down for you to just see what you can make of it. Really. To have some fun. Yeah.

To live a life, maybe. Who knows? Ooh! God. Here we go. I'm already feeling quite inspired. When do you think you felt the most pressure to like have a plan of what's coming next for you in life nothing hits me like academic pressure

i was actually speaking the other day about gcses like that gcse time which if you're doing your gcses now i feel so sorry for you they are that was the most stress i'm sure they're doing amazing oh my god totally yeah but i genuinely think that was the most stressed i've ever been in my life which is saying something for the for the um the qualifications that mean the least in your life i was the most stressed like the amount of pressure that was put on context anyone who's not in the uk gtses you do like when you're around 16 years old and it's like your first like your school leaving kind of certificates and then you would do like your a levels then they get you into uni if you're doing the traditional shit but they're like the first kind of exams that you're told mean anything which i think is a lie

to be honest i don't know i mean i I really remember doing I remember doing my sats when I was probably 11 years old yeah that's what you do when you leave like baby school like primary school but those were a bit of fun the sats oh totally but I was really stressed about them honestly really yeah I was really like I have to they obviously went amazingly but I was like it has to be perfect like real twat about I'd already decided that i was gonna be an arsehole to myself aged 11 and i remember my dad being like um he was like don't worry about these it's your gtsc's you gotta worry about oh and it really i'm obviously i held on to that until i got to my gtsc's and i was like i remember you saying because i would sit down with my dad

and be like i'm fucking stressed about my gcse blah blah blah and he'd be like no it's fine but i'm like well you told me yeah when i was fucking 11 that these are the ones i had to worry about and i remember that but it's all it's all a load of shit anyway i just find it so awful the amount that is put on children with gcses like there are kids like killing themselves over the results of these exams which is insane it's insane the state of the world we've created and not even the results just the pressure of doing them yeah of just feeling like a failure at 15 yeah that is a disgusting world that is disgusting it's absolutely like you have to have things figured out at 15

you're taking them you're that's a joke you're making decisions at 15 you're making decisions of are you a science person are you an english person are you a drama person where are you going to be in the next 40 years where are you going it's so unfair it's really a levels is like you're already you've already cornered yourself off into a specific thing then at uni it becomes this thing that it feels impossible to change your mind and then almost this idea that well you've left uni you're set now you're this kind of person and you will be that for the next 70 years get a grip i don't fucking think so well i have friends who i was having this conversation the other day with a friend who did their GCSEs, just went into whatever they could get into, ended up doing essentially like an apprenticeship somewhere.

And now it's their life career. It's their career path. Yeah. And it's like you're 25 years old working in a career that you essentially chose when you were 15, 16. That's so common. And you are two different people now yes completely completely it's to be honest the um capitalism's favorite thing is that it's the life plan it's like you decide you go into it's not to you you're a scaffolder and you'll you'll be a scaffolder then your son will be a scaffolder then you're his son will be a scaffolder it's like it's this strange rate them young it's no wonder

troy bolton didn't want to be a basketball player and wanted to sing in musicals no do not stick with the status quo you want to work this out do what you want so gcses were the most pressure you've ever felt and you felt more pressure to know what you were doing at gcses than you did when you left uni yeah because i well i don't know if i felt so the stressful phone calls i've had off of you in the past like three years were were less than what you were going through at 15 different kind of stress because i feel like there's less identity pressure on the gcses like i feel like when you leave uni there's this identity pressure of like who will you be who are you in the real world this this moment is the culmination of your entire education like who will you be who are you in the real world this is this moment is the

culmination of your entire education and who will you choose sort of it's scary and this is what we chose is that you chose wrong work in progress should have been the scaffolder but i think the gcse pressure i was so young i was so ill-equipped for that and also it was things that i was obviously bad at that i was having to like force myself to be good at like physics chemistry math i don't believe that you're bad at those things but i was i was terrible like i would be crying into like past papers at my table like a fucking 15 year old girl crying thinking i was like the world's dumbest mathematician and i probably am i probably am right so true yeah fair enough and i don't want to be and having to just do all this shit and it's like it's really trying to fit uh was it the square peg in the

round hole like i'm never ever going to be able to do that and just feeling like why can everyone do a fucking long division and i just can't get my head around it why can i not uh was it balance an equation any of that shit it's just like i should never really have had to cry about it like if i got a i forgot a bad grade i got a fucking bad grade in it but for some reason it's like no you have to get a good grade it's's like, why? Why? It's hard, isn't it? I know. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. In the early 1980s, gay men started to get sick from AIDS. Years before ACT UP, before HIV was discovered, before the history you know, there were people on the front lines of the fight against AIDS.

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their podcasts everywhere a cast.com what was the most stress you've been leaving uni um that came out so posh leaving uni leaving uni uh what like stressed about the future like i just felt like you were gonna say the the most stress you had been is after uni the most stressed i've been about oh my god i don't know what i'm doing next yeah it's uni for sure like leaving uni because i didn't know what i was doing next and even while you're still at uni before well for me before i'd even graduated i had people being like what you're doing after uni yeah i'd be like uh probably crying about leaving uni like

probably just gonna mope about for a bit and i did um and i feel like i definitely i feel like i had not everyone has well people have different markers don't they but for me i i held on to uni as like um like a goal post of i'm working my way to uni i'm working my way to uni that was the only i never even as a kid people be like what do you want to be when you grow up and i'll be like i don't know like i never knew i thought oh the job that i am supposed it doesn't exist like i don't know that there's not it doesn't exist for me that's that i think i don't it's just not gonna happen like me as an adult living i'm doing a job but i don't see it it's just it's not i'm this is giving me bad vibes um and i could just never make a decision because i was a real Libra kid, but I'm working on it, Libra in progress.

I feel like I'm good at making decisions now, but back in the day, absolutely not. So even as a young kid, I never knew what I wanted to do, but, and this is because I'd always been told it, you're going to go to uni, you're going to go to uni. Partly, yeah, I'd just always been told it, so I believed it. But I always held on to going to uni as like a goal

post like an end goal of life like I just I'll make it to university I'll blah blah I'll just get through this and I'll get to uni or like blah blah blah and I'll go to uni and I didn't really think about after I thought I'll just be at uni like forever probably I didn't know I was gonna have a life after uni what what do you mean the earth just continues to spin and everyone keeps asking things of you and you just carry on what huh i don't understand i thought the world would end when i was like 16 with my eyeliner and my hair extensions i thought i thought the world would end in my prime i was listening to a podcast the other day and they were talking about i think it's kind

of what you're talking about i was listening to diary of a ceo have you heard of that with steven steven bartlett are you taking the piss out of me are you actually taking the piss i know you have but you looked really shocked when i said it i can't believe you said have you heard of this are you joking no no before that you look shocked so i was like you do know it right okay i was a big confusion there we've had so many combos about yeah yeah and that podcast okay steven bartlett i knew you'd hurt i knew you did but it was more just like your face made me double guess myself yeah yeah okay who just also earlier we had the thing where i thought you yeah go on anyway anyway no no no no go on earlier we had the thing where you thought i

earlier we had the thing where what was i gonna say even earlier you said oh i thought you'd said something to me that you hadn't said oh i thought you'd said the thing about the kardashians i don't know god we've got ourselves this is getting so confusing i mean i don't know what's going on yeah go on who was the guest um jack mate was the guest god interesting choice from you okay so fascinating well i used to love jack mate back in the day of course yeah i can see that fascinating story from him i used to um dm jack mate on like twitter we used to be like little mate you told me this before yeah he had a friend called jason interesting he said once i looked like cheryl cole which was a great moment yeah i remember this that's a really good moment really great

moment when you're 14 yeah and they probably are 14 as well but anyway i was listening to the jack mate one with um steven steven bartlett the host yeah right there he's obviously there fucking hell and they were talking about a thing called arrival fallacy yes and it sounds a little bit about like what you had yeah because i'd never heard of arrival fallacy before yeah where you get somewhere and you thought that was the end you for example they were talking about you buy your house and you think i bought my house that's the end oh my god like i i reached my goal and it's like yeah but fuck now i've got to like live in the house i've got to like watch tv in the house i've got to cook in the house i've got to pay for this mortgage now yeah i hope this is what i wanted yeah and

it's like if you've been working your whole life you're going to uni you're going to uni doing the gccs you're doing the a levels you get there you apply you do your personal statement you get there you're at uni and it's like oh now i'm at uni like what and then that ends it's like wait what the fuck like i met the goal post what do you mean i've got to do another one well what do you mean what does this even mean to me anymore yeah what the fuck am i gonna come up with now yeah it sounds like arrival policy i just had never heard that i thought that's absolutely a great term yeah it's completely it yeah it is it is i definitely think i had that that's the that's the most pressure i've ever had to i think in your like at this time as well i would even say like

from the ages of like 13 to fucking 40 so basically your whole fucking life because i don't want to wipe anyone out but like i do think like early 20s even let's say no i don't want to cut off any 30 year olds out there because i think it's totally when you're 30 as well and i don't want to cut off the 15 year olds listening as well because i know you're listening but i just think these are the times when you're really it's really easy to be really hyper aware of yourself super self-conscious especially now with social media you're constantly you can't help but look around at everyone else and see what everyone else is apparently doing and for some reason there's this assumption that you put on yourself that is well you're not doing enough or as much and you're not as far as them i

actually screenshotted someone's message we asked on the story about what you guys think and somebody said that they mainly get the pressure of like having a plan for the future or whatever from friends and they said they always seem to get to life checkpoints before me and it's weird to watch and i was thinking about the concept of life checkpoints and like milestones and stuff. Wow. Because the idea of checkpoints is kind of like a game. Yeah, bingo. But say, for example, I'm playing Spider-Man on PS4 and you're playing... Stardew Valley on the Switch. Stardew Valley on the Switch.

Couldn't be more different. Couldn't be. There's no point you looking at my checkpoints and thinking, oh, fucking hell, she's just conquered the enemy of Manhattan. Not one thing. Swinging around fucking New York. I haven't done that yet. It's like, well, listen,

you're not doing that in your game. You've got a chicken coop to build. Yeah, exactly. I'm not Mr. Spider-Man looking at your fucking relationship with Shane thinking, shit, I need to work on my farm or whatever that is the nichest reference it could possibly be but you get what i mean completely you're living and even if you are having the checkpoints you will be having them at different times that's

kind of just the fun of being a different human being to everyone else yeah i know that's obvious but no it's not though it's completely not because i think it's good to remember i think if you i mean if you've lived in this world and i'm sure we all have unless there's any aliens hey hey i think then you hey guys take me with you please i think we all know very clearly what the perfect life it looks like if we're told we've all we've all watched movies we've all listened to songs we know what the checkpoints are we know what they fucking are for example we just said one you buy a house yeah you get your gcses you go to uni you get married you have your kids you have your career we know like uni isn't one of them as much i mean like

really it's not but like it for example anything that's glorified as a checkpoint yeah as a um as a thing you should do for example yeah in a life yeah we all know very clearly exactly have a baby by a dog they're all in there we know we all know that we can go on and on and on nice car we know them and it's very very clear what we should all be hitting we all know them even if there's some variation of like oh well i'm not going to um go i'm not going to buy a house but i'm going to buy like an amazing car we all know that there is a variation of like points that we should be hitting so then when it's like oh well you're not living the same like my my version of success it's very different to your version of success but we're all still comparing it to this like blueprint of success that's been given to us from a very early age

so it's really difficult to be like my life just looks different to that i'm on a different path to that because it's like but why does my path the thing that makes me happy look so different to what should make me happy or made all of the people that i love in films so happy or all the people in the songs what that i listen to made them happy like why does mine look like um going for a walk every day like that's not one of the checkpoints but that's a checkpoint for me it's so true i also think like happiness and success or like ideas of success are different things like in films we might be shown ideas of success fine that relate to real life but it's kind of the arrival fallacy thing of you might have all of the markers of success or you might have i'm sure you've achieved things in your life i'm sure of it but they don't always bring

you happiness i think it's like the achievements don't feel necessarily the way that you thought that they might feel when you get them turns out as time i know we say that all the time but maybe you do have the house and the degree in the car and the whatever you maybe you maybe you have another list of things that you're that you were really looking forward to and i'm sure when you got them you were really happy about it and I'm sure when you're in the right zone you're really happy about it still but I think having a base level of contentment is not something that we see in films and that is more realistic than like feeling this overwhelming quite like an adrenaline buzz from having something amazing is that you I'm sure you have an amazing thing in your life

and it's not even that you take it for granted you just you're just living a life and experiencing a range of emotions you're not always going to be fucking buzzing your nut off every day do you know what i mean yeah completely i just think we don't see real representations of emotions that much because i think a big part of life is just finding peace and contentment and that sometimes takes really exciting fun euphoric forms and sometimes that's really mundane and simple and calm and just reflective and nice love that both are valid don't you think yeah completely completely because i think you're told that you want or not even told like who's fucking telling me this shit but you pick it up

along the way you'll see it we're all seeing these blueprint they do exist yeah constructs yeah in everywhere you look literally everywhere you look there's there's what you should be doing versus what you are doing in your failure of a life and that is pretty much the design of instagram is to make it so your life feels pretty shit compared to what you're looking at yeah but yeah i think that's everything the idea that the the small it's not even like celebrate the small things but it's like actually like take some of the weight off of the big things i think there is so much like credit you should feel like this when you walk along that graduation fucking stage when you fucking buy your dog whatever you

want to do you should be filled filled with this emotion but i actually think it's like the lessons i've learned is that you don't necessarily because it could hit you five years like it could actually hit you three days later the feeling or it could hit you randomly you're on the toilet and you think oh my god i've bought a fucking house yeah it doesn't need to be the moment you open your front door no but it's true it could hit you at a moment you don't want it to maybe it is the moment that you get in the front door and then two weeks later you're stressed fucking stripping the tiles in the kitchen thinking why did i sign myself up for this huge product i haven't got that money in my account anymore did i make a mistake blah blah but every emotion valid but

temporary every way that you feel fine completely valid but also temporary but it's not it won't last yeah that is so good like yes you might get the adrenaline in the bus love that you're gonna be in a mood one day like i would put all my money on it it's like 2p trust me i'll put all my money on it don't quit your day job okay i wanted to ask you a question because because we're on a podcast that's what we do um but i wanted to ask you if you have kind of something that you remind yourself that makes you feel a bit better when you feel like you don't have a plan coming up. Because something that I say all the time, I've definitely said it to you.

I don't know if I've said it on the podcast, probably. Just constantly repeating myself, making dull points, somehow more dull than the previous. But something I say all the time whenever like my friend is like freaking out about something or like i am in my own head about something i always reference that like the foundations of our pop culture is like friends and sex in the city love this and you know all of these shows where you're seeing people even yeah sex in the city is so good because it's older women yeah or just a group that aren't necessarily super represented in media in general but it's like you're watching kind of 30 year old like you're 18 thinking shit

what am i doing but the pinnacle of like hollywood and like the pinnacle of entertainment is a 30 year old rachel green crying because she feels like she doesn't know what she's doing but she's having kind of the time of her life running around with her friends in new york being lost and not you know she doesn't have a clue what where is she next week she can't pay her rent blah blah blah and you're lost right now it's like maybe that's what life is about maybe that's actually the fun of it maybe that is kind of the point right maybe that's desirable do you know what that is called it's called life that literally that is life not just life a desirable life to be young and confused and lost and stressed and in your head

it's kind of a vibe honestly it's like kind of an aesthetic in itself not to be gross but it's I remember when I remember saying like you were like I'm just not out you you're like I'm so confused I'm so lost I'm so lost like I don't know what I'm doing sounds like me and I was like is that not the point of being 24 like is that not the fun of it this is back when we were 24 good times that dates it was last year but is that not the point when the foundations of what we understand to be cool and exciting and fashionable and desirable is like 30 40 year old women running around scrapping for their rent harry bradshaw exactly and just like living out with their friends and feeling like shit half the time and like having a panic attack while they get dressed like

is that not the point love love love love love it's just quite humbling honestly it's a humbling moment to be like shit maybe i'm just living maybe i'm living it yeah as i should be i'm literally winging it okay love it maybe it's you're on track exactly it's like maybe that's you on track to have exactly right you're not behind you're not a mess and the hindsight is so 2020 like when you look back for example when i look back at that little girl who was 11 years old and she was like shit oh my god i don't know what i'm doing my gt or not even my stats blah blah i'm like first of all you're a child genius so shut the fuck up and second of all you're so cute like what are these worries like this poor girl but i

just see it's so plain as day to me when i'm detached from the situation i'm like oh look at this little kid like stressing and taking on all this responsibility like that's so sweet and it just becomes so clear that I was fine and I think that as much as possible you can detach yourself from where you are right now and just zoom out and get a bit of perspective and get out of your box be honest get a grip what I always say if you can just zoom out and like see yourself from a third party perspective very hard yeah but the the sooner we can work on that the easier your everyday life becomes because all these all the stupid shit just fucking melts away i was like what even is that why am i even stressed i'm sure i'll figure it out that's why i think i love zooming out so far that it's like i'm zooming out to the perspective the

third party is the aliens of the universe i zoom out and i become god for a second i'm zooming out and i'm not stopping i zoom and i zoom and i zoom back back back back back until earth is a tiny speck and i'll never come back and then suddenly gcse's i'm sorry i am sorry exactly you're joking yeah so i love that i love the zoom so i that's what i was gonna ask you is what's your little reminder that you give yourself the zooming out what what's a little little life hack well i can zoom and zoom rub your brain in beeswax it's waterproof and all of the worries melt away what's your little life hack of like something that always hits me whenever i do a meditation and it's a phrase i wouldn't necessarily say this in my life but i think it's weird how much it hits me every time i hear it but you're gonna say on the podcast yeah

it's not something that i would be like it's hardly a mantra i would use but every time it's said to me i'm like oh that really did soothe me like it's a nice thing yeah it kind of could be and whenever i'm in a meditation the phrase that gets thrown around is you are exactly where you need to be oh and for some reason that just takes it all because it's like it makes it seem like there's some plan to this right there's some plan and where you are this is the part where yeah i stress out you're exactly where you need to be where you are right now in your meltdown in your car or having a bit of a shit day but wherever you are lying in your bed you haven't left in four hours you're just exactly where you need to be yeah and for some reason that just it just cradles you up it's like oh well then what am i worried about then yeah and

then i follow that with a major zoom we're doing because your entire life is a speck is a speck in this universe it's not not even a speck it's amoebas on fleas on rats it's nothing it's nothing that's so good um i was trying to think what's a speck on a speck spec on the spec is amoebas on fleas on rats it is and i just i love feeling small and insignificant yeah it's not a big deal there's a quote i have a quote it's an eckhart tolle quote as i always do and it sums this up i'm gonna have to search the words in my notes app it's a chris evans tattoo it could be don't ask me how i know that what is his tattoo i don't know but it's something i can't tell he's got he's got a few

let's not get into it it really is i read about the trail and thought that i could handle it it's like no you can't handle it you thought you were the only person on earth who didn't find him attractive no think again i probably said this before because it's underneath my my quote about like whatever you want from the world whatever you think the world is withholding from you is what you're withholding from the world great quote still hits me to this day i wrote this note in may 2021 it's like god this is wow it's nearly a year old this hits me and just that feeling of zooming out and being insignificant we haven't moved we still need the exact same quote literally so shit we're still in the same place yeah yeah go on we're still as unstable as we were oh my god and i need this

reminded to me every day it says if you are content with being nobody in particular content not to stand out you align yourself with the power of the universe and as woohoo wishy-washy as that is there is something so amazing in being just i'm i'm completely fine to be just like nothing not stand out i'm not here trying to make a mark i'm not here to leave an impression i'm just here just to be myself live my life the second you do that the pressure is off and your life becomes yours again oh it is your life to live now you're aligned with the power of the universe whatever he says you're just here you're another you might as well be a fucking butterfly fucking tree you're just here you're not here to be like oh i've got i've got a lot to prove it's like you don't you're just here and there's just so much power in just being

like if you take it out to the alien's perspective you might as well be a fucking ant yeah they don't you're just here and there's just so much power in just being like if you take it out to the alien's perspective you might as well be a fucking ant yeah they don't want to hear from you so be a happy ant then you can be a little happy little ant that is perfection not just a striving human fuck that that's really nice i was gonna say you saying that made me want to ask you something i hope you don't mind you said it makes you feel like remembering that you said remembering that makes you feel like your life is yours again yeah and i would like to ask you when is a moment when you felt like your life wasn't yours every single moment i use instagram oh oh wow every single moment that i have an experience

in my real life and my primary concern is documenting that moment to share with other people my life is not mine so is it sharing for me it's i think we've said this before but it's not the sharing that fucks me it's the it's being on the receiving end it's the it's the consuming that gets me it's not for me but it's the sharing it's watering down my life into a condensed version of my experience i can't stand it really fascinating because i think there's i think people will have different opinions like i've always felt like the worst bit about social media is the consumption i could i could give a fuck about what

i'm sharing who fucking cares yeah it's yeah it's fuck me i've spent like four hours looking at some girl i'm never gonna meet yeah like and now all of a sudden i want her life that's embarrassing like yeah that's the bit for me but i completely get what you've just said and i completely get what you've said i just think it's really yeah it's really interesting though isn't it there's that's why um it's just not one fit social media it's just a double-ended sword it's not a brandy melville vibe yeah it's on one side there's the over awareness of your self-presentation of like your who you want to show yourself as what you want to show your life as to this imagined audience to quote my own mother yeah imagined audience and then also on the other side there's this side

you're the audience so you're the performer and the audience and then you're it's a one-woman goddamn show but it's also like the whole world all the world's a stage at the same time it's like you can't move it's awful and then you're just stuck in this loop of fucking reading up like seeing other people's shit i just that but that bit doesn't fuck me up so much for some reason wow what fucks me up is i'm out with my friends and there's this weird little urge in the back of my mind saying document like that looks cute let's take a photo it's like no let's just fucking not take a photo of it yeah fair enough fucking hell what about me either way it's not good no it's a nightmare it's a living hell it is a nightmare what about me what i don't actually know what the exact question when is my life yeah when is your life not your own um i don't want to take us to the pits i don't know

take us to the pits i have felt like my life wasn't my own let's get in our little pink car and go to the pits no i'm i'm doing a quick i'm doing a three-point turn i'm doing a ue out of it emergency stop oh i don't know i don't know i hate that question who but who would choose such a life who would come up with such a dodgy question I don't know I think going back to like I had uni at such a such a goal post because there was such a time when I was a kid or like even like up to like 18 or whatever when I really my life really wasn't mine so being able to go to university was like a real oh like this could be a real um way out for me like i could really get out of a situation that i don't like and give myself some autonomy i think as a teenager

i think life is so fucking hard and i just think if you're a teenager right now and you feel like your life is not your own good for you for getting through it every fucking day and, like, showing up again tomorrow and just powering through and, like, good for you for getting this far through it. Yeah. I just think there's so much pressure on, like, literally everyone. And I would really like us to all step back, yeah,

and just, like, make a fucking cup of tea and just put your feet up, like, get some cake. Honestly, that couldn't sound better. If you could have one cake in life, what cake? Like, if you could have a cake right now, what cake would you have? Like, what flavour? Chocolate, straight away. Wow.

I just love a chocolate cake. Chocolate cake. What would you choose? It would be some kind of berry situation. Not necessarily, but I've had chocolate cake last night the ox one the one that you love one that's really ox is really good i think what do you think of it yeah they are good i think i don't know if you can only get them if you're in the uk but if you're in the uk you should try these ox i the um i want them to sponsor us the two cupcake situation so do i ogs if you're listening the sandwich yeah ogs please no no it's

like a pack of two cupcakes okay so you're going for the cupcake and it's like two chocolate fudge cupcake vibes i like those but i kind of feel like the ratio is icing heavy it's a lot of icing but i like the icing i quite like the little sandwich ones that are they're like a bit of sponge cake with a thin layer of sugar oh nice a real little um nice yeah little really really what an old woman would choose lemon cakes my favorite what is that it's santa it's santa stargaz my queen so be teller yeah anyway um just thought i talked to you about cake lift the vibes what's your worst cake like if i if i baked something with like a load of nuts in it i'd be really gutted if you were on nutty really okay i don't like too much

nuts vibe i don't like super seedy oh i do oh i like it to be grained i don't like super seedy oh i do i like it to be grained i don't like it i don't have a very sophisticated palate for that i'd rather oh i had hot dogs the other night oh so good so good what were they which hot dogs were they i don't know i don't know. Throw another brand name in. I don't know. Let's get another sponsor on the go. I don't know. But they were really fucking good. And, oh, I didn't tell you about this. I had an epiphany. I love to hear it. I don't know why no one told me that mustard was good. But mustard is good.

It's so good. If you didn't know. It's so good. Mustard on ketchup. Amoebas are fleece like that. please mustard and ketchup on hot dogs so good what mustard are you going for like a yellow squeezy mustard an american yeah really not sweet squeezy i've never had that yeah it's good but i had dijon mustard the other day nice i was like this is nice yeah it kind of gives me a wasabi vibe i think it's because we're getting old yeah

it's kind of wasabi yeah it's kind of if my grandmother wasabi vibe. I think it's because we're getting old. It's kind of wasabi. Yeah, it's kind of if my grandmother had wheels, she would be a bike saying it's wasabi. But I do get the vibe. Because I've only got into wasabi quite recently. Like I would usually be a sushi and soy sauce girl. Right. Now I'm going for a wasabi vibe as well.

Nice, yeah. And I think then I was like, right, I'm going to have mustard on. We had Beyond Burgers. Yum. Another brand, isn't it? Yum. And I put Dijon mustard on it. I was like, this is like this is great yeah so i agree maybe we should have a mustard party love it i just honestly i've never i've always turned my nose up i've always judged a bit by its cover i always thought that's not for

me and then you know what i gave it a go and i thought you're a fucking idiot you've been missing out on that yeah i think we can go now what thought, you're a fucking idiot. You've been missing out on that. Yeah. I think we can go now. What? You think we're done? You think the episode is done? 48 minutes.

All right, fine. Let's go. Maybe it's not. I almost feel like, are we going to talk about mustard for 10 minutes and just put that on the end of the app? No, I thought we were going to change the subject and pull back in, but I'm happy.

Okay, let's change the subject and pull back in. All right. Just a quick one. Just a quick one one then can i ask you a question yeah you can sorry i'm just i feel like i'm not asking you any questions i just really don't have anything in in this little brain of mine i'm not asking you any questions i just really don't want to talk to you i just really don't want to talk to you um i i think a big part of this concept hear me out is comparison so much which is potentially the crux of every concept that we talk about on here is comparison but it really is look when they say the thief of joy

they're not joking they're not fucking around they are not if a quote has ever hit no quote is harder than that it's so true i would even go so far as to up the crime the murderer of joy it's the ultimate destroyer of joy not just joy of all things good in the world you know that famous quote comparison is the ultimate destroyer of all things good in the world it is though it is why is it so bad i think because it's internal personally if i'm comparing myself half the time i don't even realize i'm doing it let alone sit down and ring someone up and say i've been comparing myself for 45 minutes do you know i mean it's so internal i think we don't even catch ourselves doing it completely completely agree and it's

so shameful it's very deep in that yeah totally it's so shameful it's not just like oh i felt um sad or anxious which yeah obviously have shit tons of shame attached to them as well offended or whatever because it's almost like it's about someone else though it's you looked at someone else they didn't ask for this mess it's not a great feeling it's so horrid but thing is it's so it's really bad absurd that we've attached that level of shame around it because i really think it's one of the most universal feelings it's so human yeah in this world that as i say is so demanding tell me you're not cut out for this world without actually telling me you're not cut out for this world this world is so demanding and everyone's got so much pressure

on them but i really believe it is demand after demand is demand after demand i don't have the time for this i don't have the mental capacity. Anyway. No. In a world that is making so many demands of you, sorry that I'm also looking around comparing myself. What did we expect? It's completely by design. It's not coincidence that you find yourself sitting scrolling and looking at these other people thinking, shit, they've got it so good.

Or like, fuck, I'm a fucking failure in comparison. It's completely by design that you're doing that. It doesn't make you weird. It doesn't make you wrong. It wrong makes the world fucking wrong i don't know what we're gonna do about that but i just wanted to put it out there well there's we've spoken about her in an episode before the world's first comparison comparison Lucy Sheridan her name is on instagram yeah Lucy Sheridan i haven't looked at what she's doing for ages but no i haven't actually but good for her i'm sure she's i'm sure she's doing amazing lucy sheridan two minutes guys go straight to the source you can end this podcast here it's all downhill from

here i'm sure uh yeah the comparison coach doesn't say the world's first anymore though someone pipped her to the post Maybe she's been pulled up on that. Yeah. Her bio says, here to help you live your life. So... Wow. Basically, what this episode was trying to do, you're probably going to get from her Instagram account, Lucy Sheridan.

Check her out. I think also she has a book. Oh, wow. I think she has a book. God. Promo. Are we... Are we promoting someone else's book are we allowed to do that just what um i haven't read it i don't know what it's like but i always

think if i suddenly got into like a comparisony spiral i would want to be reading about comparison i do feel like it's one of those things that you need to tackle quite head-on because as you said it's something you're not aware of it really does live beneath the surface it runs away with you there and you almost live your life just feeling slightly shit so it's something that i think comparison it's like i want to be tackling that i want to be on that and i think she's got all styles of comparison it's just fascinating yeah i want to tackle it but i also want to be accepting and forgiving of myself in the ways that i feel on any given day do you know what i mean yes like work in progress yeah working on things but also like who i am is good enjoying my life with all my issues so true with all my issues me and my demons enjoying this life yeah just hanging out

with my demons. Okay, well, I'm more than ready to go now. I think everyone's had absolutely enough of us. Or enough of me, speak for myself. Weird little bit on the end about comparison. Hope that fed someone. Weird little thing about mustard. Yeah.

Okay. Oh, well, if you don't hear from us. If you don't hear from us, seem the worst. Seem the worst. Weirdly said. We keep splitting that up. I don't like from us. If you don't hear from us, seem the worst. Seem the worst. Weirdly said. We keep splitting that up. I don't like it. Me neither.